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The Corvallis
ADVOCATE
4
An Occurrence
At Owl Creek
6
Casey
Goodwin:
Paranormal
Investigator
4
Post-Party
Free Rides
8
Fitness
Training for
the Zombie
Apocalypse
9
Daring
Demons
and Snubbing
Superstition
HALLOWEEN HAPPENINGS P.7
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What’s Inside This Week?
4 Drink Undrive; Bike Bridge Occurrence;
Police Reports and Media Unreports
5 As the State Turns; Beav-Sci
6 Casey Goodwin: An Actual Paranormal
Investigator
7 Halloween About Town
8 Workouts for Zombie Apocalypse
Preparedness
9 Crossing Black Cats, Stevie’s Day
Tempting the Demons
10 Calendar
12 8 Days
14 Entertainmental
Editor/Publisher
Steven J. Schultz
Assoc. Editor
Johnny Beaver
Entertainment
Editor
Ygal Kaufman
Words
Johnny Beaver
Rachel Henevoy
John M. Burton
Sidney Reilly
Stevie Beisswanger
Kiki Genoa
Nathan Hermanson
Hannah Darling
Ygal Kaufman
Design
Adam Payson
Calendar
Nathan Hermanson
Contact us: Box 2700, Corvallis, OR 97339
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Corvallis Advocate | 3

By Johnny Beaver
Linn-Benton
Backwash
Fun with Local Media
Copy, and Misogyny
Plans for a Five Guys burger joint
and a Sports Clips hair salon for
men near 9th Street and Buchanan
in Corvallis have been scrapped.
Sorry, folks, no overpriced greaseburgers
or dorky a*s haircuts by
women in referee outfits while
you watch “the game.” Mmmm,
misogyny! Maybe this is punishment
for being a douche.
Some sort of car chase involving
the coppers ended on OSU territory
on Oct. 23. A video was captured
from a dorm window showing the
police instructing the driver to lift
his shirt up, walk backwards, touch
his toes, turn his head and cough,
etc. I went to find more details, but
daily media seems to be lacking
any sort of reporting. C’est la vie,
comrades. And we both know I’m
too lazy to check in later. Here’s
the video for your viewing pleasure:
https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=J3W1XYYMWzk.
A woman driving near Southeast
Kiger Island Drive in Corvallis had
a bullet tear through her window.
Deputies found two men who were
admittedly shooting behind their
house, and despite using a backstop
a bullet had ricocheted out into the
street. What kind of idiots shoot at
a backstop that’s anywhere near a
road, let alone concrete? The same
kind of idiots that the deputies let
go without a citation, instead telling
them to find a better location to
shoot. This wasn’t mentioned in the
4 | Corvallis Advocate
local media either, so I guess that’s a
thing now.
Some dude that was dressed like he
was from the southern water tribe in
Avatar rolled up to the Albany Fred
Meyer store... and then rolled back
out with a $9,575 ring—just about
$400 or so short of making it a Class
B felony, which can get you 10 years
in the clink. Klink? No, clink. Clink is
right. Dammit.
The main news slider on the
Democrat-Herald’s website was
kind enough to deliver this hardhitting
story earlier this week: “Cooler
weather mean it’s time to clean your
home’s chimney.”
The Lebanon Log: And we’re back!
On Oct. 17 a man in a pink wig was
walking around Oak Street acting
“weird.” When police stopped him,
he had a machete strapped to
his back. Half an hour later he had
shown up at Merlin’s Bar and was
“making customers nervous,” so
officers eyeballed him until he left.
Fast forward a few hours... the dude
is running down the middle of Main
Street, still in his wig and whatnot, so
police thought to themselves, “Hmm,
maybe we should take him to the
hospital for a hold.” Later that night
people were once again reported
stealing items from the Goodwill
trailer outside of Mega Foods (you
know, where that dude was caught
whacking off a number of months
ago).
By Rachel Henevoy
Halloween Drink Undrive
Some Free Rides and Cheap Taxis
alloween in Corvallis brings the
Hjoy of trick or treating, costume
parties, and massive amounts of
alcohol for some. Lieutenant
Cord Wood of the Corvallis
Police Department says
that between the numerous
cab companies in Corvallis
and the SafeRide program
for OSU students, there is
no reason that someone would
have to drive intoxicated or walk
home alone. Wood cautions partiers
to be safe, and on that note, there
are services for students and nonstudents.
For OSU students, the Associated
Students of Oregon University
(ASOSU) has a free SafeRide service
taking students home or to the OSU
campus. The program operates
throughout Corvallis and Philomath.
Their app may be your best option
for using the program because the
program has policies, boundaries,
and hours of operation which may
conflict with your weekend plans.
Low on data this month? Go low
tech and call to book a pickup. The
SafeRide program operates from
6 p.m. to 2:30 a.m.
Non-students looking for a free ride
home can make use of the City of
Corvallis Fareless Night Owl Bus,
for those who live along the offered
routes. The Night Owl Bus routes
are up and running as of Oct. 1.
Service runs every Thursday, Friday,
and Saturday from 8:45 p.m. until
2:45 a.m. through June 5, with the
exception of Thanksgiving and
OSU’s winter break. A bonus
of the Night Owl Bus is that
each bus has a bike rack in
case your bike is drunk, too.
When your Halloween
partying takes you far into
the night or you are SOL for
the freebie rides, a quick Internet
search yields a fair number of taxi
listings in Corvallis. You may want
to cut out this list and keep it with
you just in case:
Ali’s Taxi: 541-829-1103
Auto-Taxi: 541-714-3015
Hub Cab: 541-738-9000
Beaver Cab: 541-738-8294
Going Green Taxi: 541-738-9000
Roadrunner Taxi: 541-766-8294
Corvallis Pedicab: 541-609-8949
1 Cab Inc.: 541-223-6007
Orange Taxi: 541-979-6622
The ASOSU SafeRide Program can
be contacted at 541-737-5000, or
request a ride through their app, from
Google Play at https://play.google.
com/store/apps/details?id=com.
totuit.tapride.oregonstate&hl=en
or from iTunes at https://itunes.
apple.com/us/app/saferide-osu/
id930134879?mt=8.
Night Owl City Bus route
information is available at http://
www.corvallisoregon.gov/index.
aspx?page=180.
By John M. Burt
An Occurrence of an Owl
Creek BridgeCorvallis’ Inadvertently
Spooky Reference
There’s a new bicycle bridge
going in over Owl Creek, part
of the bike path running parallel
to Highway 34, right next to the
highway bridge that’s been there
for years. It’s made of steel and
actually looks a lot cooler than
the highway bridge.
I don’t see how there’s a story
in that, though it’s topical for
Halloween. You know, because it’s
Owl Creek Bridge, as in one of the
creepiest stories Ambrose Bierce ever
wrote, and one of the coolest episodes
of The Twilight Zone, ever.
I don’t know—does anyone
even remember that story? Does
anyone even remember Ambrose
Bierce?
Well, a couple of years ago,
someone put a stand-up sign
next to the highway bridge
over Owl Creek that just said,
“An Occurrence,” so I’d say the
story is still pretty well known.
Plus, I can always work in a
reference to the fact that Bierce
wrote The Damned Thing, which
was the inspiration for the Predator
movies.

By Johnny Beaver
As the State TurnsOPB Pulls a CNN, Gun Nut Likes Pot,
Senioritis, State Goes Bureaucratic on Weed
OREGON PUBLIC BROADCASTING
FINDS NEW WAY TO DISCUSS
EARTHQUAKES
I thought all of you might like to
know that OPB has now graduated
from “Megaquake Preparedness
Tips” and “Oh Sh*t, Earthquake!”
articles, now moving on to polling
Oregonians to see if they think
they’re prepared. Aaaaand...
::drum roll::
...they don’t. We don’t. 37% of us,
anyway.
And really that’s about all there is
to that.
Move along now.
RURAL OREGON CRANKY ‘BOUT
THEIR FREEDOM
Aww, rural Oregon. Voters in
Coos County are going to vote next
month on a ballot measure that will
effectively stop the enforcement of
a number of gun laws. Specifically
targeting state decisions from early
in the year, they seek to undermine
the requirement for background
checks during private gun sales.
The first a*shole to speak up is the
man behind the ballot measure,
one self-described “freedom nut”
Rob Taylor. And what did he have
to say? You guessed it, a bunch of
stuff about the Second Amendment.
He also mentioned tyranny and
liberty and stuff like that. I have to
say... reading his mighty quotes...
I found myself suffering a bit from
the vapors. Dare I say, I might have
squeezed off a bit of a blush! My
word, what a man!
He’s not your garden variety
mountain folk, though. He has also
fought to make sure his locale was
able to access and take advantage
of the new recreational marijuana
legality for the purpose of reinforcing
the community. Well, good for him
in that respect... though for all I can
tell, part of his way of protesting
was to try to pass a measure that
forces everyone against allowing
recreational marijuana sales to
shoot themselves in the face.
Anyway, their aim is to cut off
the use of county funds for the
enforcement of these gun laws,
including any new restrictions that
may be put into place in the future.
Yes, that is as stupid a plan as it
sounds. Let’s all skip the court
system and just vote in bandaid
measures to try and
gum up the works! Sounds
like the plan of a bunch of
damned geniuses!
I should also mention
that Coos County is right
around the corner from
Roseburg, where a bunch of
armed lunatics showed up to
protest President Obama’s visit
after the recent shooting.
In addition to the legal experts and
random passerby that are calling
this “dumb,” many are questioning
whether or not it’s even enforceable
if it passes. And it’s likely not.
I guess let’s just sit back and enjoy
the show.
WHERE ALL THEM SENIORS AT?
They’re at home, asleep. That’s
where I was when I missed about a
third of my senior year, anyway.
According to some numbers released
by the Oregon Department of
Education last week, about a third
of high school seniors in the state
are “chronically absent,” missing
about 1 in every 10 days. A number
of schools were named, but this
reporter feels it was unfair to
include Sweet Home High School—
if those kids aren’t tending to the
goats, who the hell is gonna do it?
Not me, I can tell you that much. I
seriously hate goats.
Anyway, numbers numbers
numbers, no solutions, let alone
any real in-depth analysis of the
different causes. Public schools in
this country all but completely fail
at engaging kids in personal topics
of interest to explore, instead opting
for memorization routines. Maybe
that has something to do with it.
Or the fact that classes start
obscenely early. Or Playstation 4.
GRESHAM GETS ITS OWN
BASEBALL TEAM
Yup! They’re going to be called the
Gresham
Sucks and
Is Full of Meth
Heads and Hookers
(and Not Even the Good
Kind). Also, if you visit
Gresham, lock your doors and don’t
drink the water.
NEW POT RULES COME DOWN
THE CHUTE
...and they’re 77 pages long. Also,
they won’t become permanent until
next June. Also, you’re going to be
unable to read them unless you’re
standing on one foot and being
chased by the pink wig machete man
from this week’s installment of the
Linn-Benton Backwash... as he tries
to squirt honey on your heels from
one of those plastic bears and then
lick it off.
Because I love you, my Corvallisites,
I tried to read the rules so I could
pull out some important stuff for
you. Unfortunately I made it about a
half a page in before I got to “845-
025-1015 Definitions” and was just
like $%#@! this noise, nobody said
anything about numbers.
I did spot something that promises
better weed than we’re getting
from the cartels... basically if it
has foreign stuff in it, has rotted or
become putrid, etc. it can’t be sold.
Considering that description details
most black market pot, yes, one up.
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By Sidney Reilly
Vitamin Deez
Nuts a Great Source
Vitamins get their first bit of
good news in seemingly ages,
as a new OSU study just released
suggests that vitamin D and
xanthohumol may fight obesity.
In particular they may help fight
imbalances in gut microbiota that
lead to the metabolic disorders
and obesity that afflict nearly a
third of Americans.
Vitamins have been on a bit of
a roller coaster ride of emotions
for the last couple years. At
least, if vitamins could feel, they
would be. The reason is that the
standard wisdom on the value
of vitamins, that there is value,
has been taking a beating. New
studies have been coming out left
and right purporting that vitamins
do less good than we thought,
and in some cases are even
harmful.
This new round of studies at OSU,
which just got them a new fiveyear
NIH grant of $2.64 million
to study the results, shows that
Vitamin D, commonly found in
milk, almonds and sunshine, helps
to burn fat faster, and showed
startling results in lab rats.
“The benefits of xanthohumol
and vitamin D have been clearly
shown in laboratory studies to
reduce weight gain and improve
gut barrier defenses,” said Adrian
Gombar in a press release.
Dr. Gombar is an associate
professor of biochemistry and
biophysics at OSU. He continued,
“These compounds appear
to activate nuclear receptors
and pathways that may affect
microbe composition, and in the
process reduce the damage from
metabolic syndrome.”
Did I mention xanthohumol is
naturally occurring in hops? So
you’re getting a good dose every
time you hit the bar? I figured
that would get your attention.
Now go tie one on to fight obesity,
and have a side of nuts with it to
get your vitamin D on.
Corvallis Advocate | 5

Casey Goodwin: Paranormal Investigator
Once Skeptical, He Leads Oregon Researchers
According to most recent polls, just
under half of Americans believe
in ghosts. Nearly 20% lay claim to
ghostly encounters. Given these
statistics, it is no wonder we have a
plethora of people and organizations
receptive and ready to lend a hand in
light of such encounters.
We’re all familiar with the
lore surrounding paranormal
investigators, but how often do we
get to hear what the trade is like,
a life lived deliberately “haunted.”
Casey Goodwin, director of Oregon
Paranormal, a non-profit organization
based in Clackamas and funded by
annual membership dues, debunks
some of the common misconceptions
that, thanks to Hollywood and
popular television, surround and
shroud the business of paranormal
investigation.
As a southern-born Californian,
Goodwin accredits his initial interest
in the paranormal to programs
such as Unsolved Mysteries with
Robert Stack. Though he had never
encountered anything paranormal
himself, Goodwin was curious enough
to pair up with friend and co-founder
Scott Reidel in 2009 to create Oregon
Paranormal, offering their completely
free-of-charge investigative
service to homeowners experiencing
6 | Corvallis Advocate
By Stevie Beisswanger
strange phenomena.
His own validation came
during the team’s most
active investigation, a
100-and-something-yearold
Victorian house the
occupants believed they
might be sharing with
the presence of both a
male and young girl. The
team was won over when
they captured EVPs of two voices,
one manly, one girlish. There were
unexplainable sounds and movement
throughout the house, an experience
Goodwin describes as “some kind
of perfect storm,” given the great
number of rookies on board.
Take it from Goodwin, they are no
“ghostbusters.” They can provide
references but won’t attempt any
cleansing rituals themselves.
However, they do act as a kind of
mop-up crew in cases where previous
teams attempted to rid of spirits but
instead agitated the activity.
OP’s first initiative is to make
their clients feel safe, especially
within their own homes. Their goal
is to provide a “safety net,” hard
conclusive evidence and answers to
the problem. Goodwin’s team doesn’t
seek some spirit-induced high during
their time spent on-site. There is no
By Kiki Genoa
Halloween Horror for Shut-ins
Let’s be realistic. If you’re reading
this, you probably have no plans
for Halloween. And neither do I.
This year, instead of slutting it up in
a revealing costume and doing keg
stands, I plan to watch movies and
hand out candy. I do miss my college
days, but I think the experience
of staying home and avoiding a
hangover will be rewarding. To
make the transition from cool kid to
loser easier for all of us in our early
30s, I’ve compiled a list of five of my
favorite scary movies, guaranteed to
take your mind off of the loneliness of
not going to a party. The best part is
that they’re all available for instant
viewing on Netflix, so there’s no need
to do illegal stuff on the Internet.
Watch them in the following order:
1. ZomBeavers (2014)
In this campy spoof (seemingly tailormade
for Corvallisites) a gang of
horny, idiot coeds take a weekend in
the backwoods of Indiana. Sarcastic
violence ensues when local rodents,
mutated by way of radioactive waste,
invade the students’ cabin and
attack. Not scary, but very funny,
and there’s toplessness.
2. The Nightmare (2015)
This documentary—which feels
more like a psychological thriller—
explores the mysterious phenomenon
of sleep paralysis. Real-life victims
of this strange condition describe
the monsters they encounter in their
dreams, and it’s absolutely chilling.
3. Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
Polanski’s creepy classic follows a
pregnant and paranoid Mia Farrow
as she attempts to solve the mystery
behind a satanic cult while they
threaten to steal her unborn child.
Farrow’s tour-de-force performance
going bump in the night,
another misconception
Goodwin cleared up,
the trend of showing
investigators around
in the dark. Because
believe or not, “humans
are terrible observers
when they can’t see with
their eyes.” What tube
viewers rarely see are
the distressed homeowners. We often
“don’t realize these people are at wit’s
end… They just want to know they’re
not crazy.” Goodwin prides himself
on his team’s initiative to provide
support and calm the nerves.
Nine out of ten times the source of
the problem under investigation
by OP is natural phenomena, manmade
anomalies picked up by the
crew’s high-tech equipment. And
these technologies aren’t toys. OP
uses equipment such as EMF, MEL,
and Tri-field meters to measure
electromagnetic fields. Goodwin notes
the dependability of such devices
in more legitimized industries,
commonly utilized by contractors
and electricians. The devices provide
measurements and analysis of what
goes unseen by the naked eye and can
thus faster track down a culprit, such
as a cold spot caused “not by Aunt
Martha, but by faulty insulation.”
The only times Goodwin has felt
threatened on the job were due to
the poor conditions of the facilities
under investigation, by leaky pipes
and the like, not by any otherworldly,
hellbent being, another staple
in paranormal pop culture. The
industry just loves “to sensationalize
the demonic stuff.” Conversely,
an average day on the job seems
much more about facts than frights.
Goodwin seems more concerned with
the contentment of his clients than
any ghostly agenda.
Anyone can request an investigation
on OP’s website. If deemed in need of
further investigation, the team may
take up to three months collecting
data, conducting extensive historical
research, or even reaching out to
local law enforcement. Sometimes
a site may require more than one
visit. Goodwin takes pleasure in his
continued clientele relations, keeping
current with their comfort and status.
Whether or not any ghouls or
goosebumps rise up, OP is sure
to provide a source of assistance.
They’re just one of many
organizations, just a touch away,
willing to settle the minds of those
experiencing suspicious activity.
To contact Oregon Paranormal, visit
www.oregonparanormal.com.
Night of Netflix for Post-Party Adulthood
is matched by that of the late John
Cassavetes, who is hilarious as her
self-absorbed, actor husband. If you
only have time for one of the films in
this list, watch this one.
4. The Taking of Deborah Logan
(2014)
An elderly woman suffering from
Alzheimer’s lies at the center of
this ominous story, filmed in foundfootage
style. Spoiler alert: It’s not
Alzheimer’s, but something far more
sinister. Be prepared for exorcisms,
screaming, and falling off of your
couch.
5. V/H/S (2012)
Determined to steal a mysterious
videotape, a gang of Canadian
criminals accidentally stumbles
upon a deceased homeless man
who apparently died of fright after
watching a series of videos. Another
found-footage gorefest, this startling
and disturbing movie goes above and
beyond the genre to feature several
short films in one, in the vein of 80’s
“collections” like Creepshow.
Happy watching!

By Nathan Hermanson
Corvallis Halloween Event Roundup
The What’s What of What’s Happening for ‘Ween Night and Weekend
Aww, spooky skeletons, scary
ghosts, and horrible amounts of
cultural appropriation! Halloween
has finally reached our doorsteps
and while scary may not be one
of the words you’d use to describe
Corvallis,there are still a great many
Halloween events that we creepy
Corvallisites can enjoy.
We’ve broken down a great chunk
of the events in Corvallis, but
couldn’t possibly cover every single
shindig in town, so save your
complaint-writing hand for candy
gathering or booze drinking this
Halloween weekend.
Let’s start with a roundup of all the
family-friendly Halloween events.
First up in town comes a quartet
of events from our two downtown
theaters. At the Whiteside Theatre,
we’ve got Frightside at the Whiteside
and their historical Ghost Tour.
Frightside at the Whiteside is the
theater’s annual Halloween concert,
this year featuring performances
from the Brutal Bridges Band,
All the Apparatus, and Symbiotic
Quintet. This incredible night of
music starts on Thursday, Oct. 29 at
7 p.m. Tickets cost $7 per person or
$20 for groups of up to five members
if tickets are purchased in advance,
and $10 per person or $25 for groups
at the door.
If it’s spooks you’re looking for,
the Whiteside has its historical
Ghosts of the Whiteside tour with
a newly added Ghost Hunt. This
tour is described as a “walk through
history and current unexplained
phenomenon” through the supposedly
haunted Whiteside Theatre. The tour
will start at 6 p.m., with the Ghost
Hunt (featuring a portable EMF
reader) an hour later at
7 p.m. Tickets are $10 if purchased
in advance or $12 at the door. The
show features mature themes and is
recommended for those aged 16 and
older.
Just a short walk away at the
Majestic Theatre is a duo of spinechilling
events worth your time.
First on the slate comes “3D zombie
horror theater” in the form of Wait
for the Blackout, a zombie play
that promises guts, gore, and glory.
Wait for the Blackout is a unique
show in that it involves the entire
theater, from the lobby to backstage
and everything in between. This
immersive zombie experience will
have two shows on Friday, Oct. 30
and Saturday, Oct. 31 at 8 p.m. Each
show runs $12 for adults and $10 for
members, students, and seniors. The
show is recommended for those aged
13 and up.
And, not to be outdone by their
theatrical neighbors, the Majestic
will also feature a tour of their
haunted building with the Haunting
of the Majestic. Designed for children
aged 3 to 10, The Haunting of the
Majestic features a full haunted
house experience with tons of
extra goodies for kids to enjoy. The
haunting will be running from 1 to
5 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 31. Tickets
are $3 per child or $10 for groups of
up to five children. Accompanying
adults are free; entry includes digital
photos, balloons, and a few free
treats.
Continuing on in the area, the
Downtown Corvallis Association
will be shaking things up a bit with
the 2015 Downtown Corvallis Trick
or Treat falling on Friday, Oct. 30
instead of on Halloween proper,
promising kids two days of candy
hauls. On top of that, the Arts Center
will feature a special free Day of the
Dead-inspired art exhibit through
Halloween from 12 to 5 p.m. in the
Corrine Woodman Gallery.
Venturing out of the downtown area,
Interzone will be hosting Oregonian
bands Dogbreth, Adieu Caribou, and
Dumb Luck for a pre-Halloween show
of tunes on Thursday, Oct. 29 at
7 p.m. Costumes are encouraged and
tickets will cost you between $3 and
$5.
On NW Elder Street, a home
transforms into a graveyard for
the OSU Beaver and all its Pac-12
enemies with City of the Dammed.
This free light show experience
runs from dusk to 9 p.m. and can be
enjoyed every day in the lead-up to
Halloween night.
And finally, on campus at the
LaSells Stewart Center, the Rainbow
Continuum is throwing its Fall Drag
Show on Halloween night. While
the show isn’t distinctly Halloween
themed, drag at its core is essentially
a form of costume and they
encourage all audience members
to attend in costumes of their own.
Beyond that, the folks putting on
these shows know how to entertain
a crowd and they do so with style.
The show starts at 7 p.m. Tickets
are free for anyone with an OSU
ID, or $5 for non-students.
Now, if you’re over the age of 21
and you’ve been rolling your eyes
at the events I’ve listed so far, don’t
worry. Corvallis has a veritable bevy
of events for you to drink the night
away at. Most of them follow the
same general formula. Booze plus
costume contest plus booze plus live
music equals the adult Halloween
experience. It basically comes down
to which venue’s talent sounds best
to you.
Cloud & Kelly’s will be hosting
its annual costumed street party
Halloweird on Halloween night
where people can expect a full night
of dancing to the tunes of DJs C4
Logic, Tooie, Drifter, and Modesik.
Sky High Brewing has an all-80’s,
all-vinyl dance party. Jack Okole’s
Bar & Grill has all the country
music you can handle. Impulse
Bar & Grill will be wrapping up a
full week of Halloween events with
DJ Gino Valenziano. And finally,
Squirrel’s Tavern will have local
band Big Outside performing. Most
of these venues will host some sort
of costume contest with the promise
of prizes and every one of them is on
Halloween night. The only 21-and-up
show not on Halloween night is local
band Vandfald’s CD release show
at Bombs Away Café on Thursday,
Oct. 29. All these shows are fairly
affordable as well, ranging between
$5 and $10 for entry.
So no matter your age, no matter
your interests, and no matter what
ridiculous costume you decide to
wear, Corvallis has you covered.
For further details on most of the
events listed above, head to
www.corvalliscalendar.org.
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Corvallis Advocate | 7

By Nathan Hermanson
Training for the Zombie Apocalypse
Pop culture tells us that the zombie
apocalypse is coming any day
now, but are you prepared for it?
While gamers and Walking Dead
fanatics both think they could handle
the impending zombie hordes with
ease, let me be the first to tell you it
won’t be easy.
Zombies are historically depicted as
shambling
mindless
brutes with
an innate
ability to tear
humans limb
from limb, all
in an effort
to get to the
incredible
delicacy that
is the human
brain. They are known to travel in
packs and they often use that to their
advantage. Power in numbers and
all that. They might be brainless,
but they have an intense focus that
isn’t to be messed with. And if you
doubt that this apocalyptic landscape
is in our future, take a look at the
presidential candidates or let your
religious aunt tell you how we’re all
headed for the dark times and then
you’ll understand what the future
holds.
With all that said, people are just
not ready for what
awaits them in
the dark future.
We’re here to give
you a few fitness
tips to keep your
body ready for the
coming apocalypse.
Cardio is your
friend.
Running is key
in the zombie
apocalypse. As mentioned before,
zombies are usually pretty slow. It
shouldn’t be that hard to put distance
between yourself and the growling
walkers. But their defining trait
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is persistence.
Zombies don’t
grow tired and it’s
hard to lose their
attention once
you’ve got it. And
if you’re facing a
horde, it’s even
tougher. Running
for both speed and
distance will bring
you a long way
(both literally and
conceptually). A
few hours a day
on a treadmill
or on your preferred trail will help
build stamina, but don’t be afraid
to get some speed training in there
by running up some inclines, which
will build both strength and speed.
If you’re looking for a practical way
to start training yourself today,
pick up the Zombies, Run! app for
your smartphone to get a simulated
zombie apocalypse in your ears for
your daily runs.
Build the right muscles.
General strength training will help
you through the inevitable tussles
you’ll have with the brain-hungry
fiends. Exercises like chest presses,
bench dips, and burpees will help
build up the muscular strength and
endurance you’ll need to really push
through decayed zombie skulls. Most
of these exercises can be done with
limited equipment, so living in the
destroyed world won’t stop you from
getting those gains.
Train your damn brain, too.
When it comes down to it, the
fall in love with print.
strongest guy in the world could fall
to a zombie if he fails to get his mind
ready for this world. The first thing
to do is to cut all emotional ties to the
dead. If you happen to see a zombified
Benny the Beaver, you’ll have to push
past your love for the guy and stab
him through the head or you’ll be
joining him in the afterlife. Secondly,
you’ll have to hone your senses
through a variety of mental exercises.
Being able to hear a surprise zombie
behind you is just as valuable as
being able to take it down with one
swing. Train the mind just as much
as you’d train your body and you’ll be
golden.
Whatever you decide to do, make
sure you do it soon. The Internet tells
me the Illuminati is about to release
the zombie virus with Obama as
the scapegoat, opening the door for
Trump to take control of the country
where he’ll reign supreme as Zombie
King. If that’s not a world you want
to live in, then train. Remember, no
pain, no gain.
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OPEN AUDITIONS
NOV. 2 & 3 • 7:30PM
THE MAJESTIC THEATRE • 115 SW 2ND ST. CORVALLIS
BUY ONLINE: www.majestic.org • BOX OFFICE: 541-738-7469
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Magazines . Newspapers
Mailing Services . Graphic Design
541.926.3000
www.oregonwebpress.com
8 | Corvallis Advocate

y Stevie Beisswanger
Calling All Demons!
is the season to let slip our
‘Tmore superstitious selves, to
let irrational fears creep out of the
creaky woodwork. However, statistics
show that only a scant number of
Americans are sincerely wary of cat
crossings, salt tossings, and such.
A mere 20% of people surveyed
across the U.S. by Statista in 2014
believed walking under a ladder was
indeed a bringer of bad luck. And the
percentages just dwindle from there,
with other common superstitions
gaining credibility in the low doubledigit
percentiles.
To put these superstitions to the test,
I took it upon myself to embark on
a full day of investigative foul play,
goading the fates of misfortune, small
and large.
My first apology goes out to anyone
who might’ve passed by a girl superstomping
in vigorous concentration
on every downtown crack of sidewalk.
That was me. The second apology is
awarded to my moms. Watch your
back, moms.
You may have
also heard me
whispering
the little jinx
I whipped up
special for
this day of
incurred doom,
something
along the lines
of “I jinx myself
on this day, a
tempt of fate’s
foulest play…”
This seeming
psychosis was
only agitated
more while I
loitered outside
Robnette’s Hardware, vexed by
the wire-strapped ladders, trying
to squeeze under the small angle
of space during lulls in pedestrian
traffic.
I am not a person who looks like
she might be interested in a casual
browse of hardware, so paranoia of
arousing suspicion quickly set in.
My Day Tempting Every Superstitious Fate
Especially when standing under the
sliding ladder inside, stepping out
and under again just to make sure I’d
extracted enough juju juice.
The meddling ran rampant at home
where I broke a mirror, spilled some
salt, freed some umbrellas, spewed a
slew of Bloody Marys at my dizzied,
candle-lit reflection and for extra
measure, took turns writing 666 a
total of 13 times with my partner in
crime, a.k.a. my boyfriend—he’s a
double agent—on each other’s left
arm. Only conclusive finding so far:
candlelight and spins do wonders
for distortion. Still, I wouldn’t have
called me Mary.
To spice up the intensity, we took a
nighttime stroll to the cemetery to
step on some graves. And here, my
sincerest apology. I am so sorry to
those offended. There was already a
sense of unholiness in the title. You
can’t be too surprised.
We crept in, tread lightly on a few
tombs, and low and behold standing
www.woodstocks.com
541-752-5151
We Deliver (to most of Corvallis)
still and serene just a few yards away
was a buck. Some divine symbol,
guardian of the deceased? It sure
seemed so.
As we made our way back a black
cat crossed our paths, I sh*t you
not. How lucky our bad luck f*ckery
had become! I was incredulous and
admittedly shook, nerves on the rise
given our final incitation: a full-on
Ouija seance.
My weariness sits more with spiritual
contact than with the Ouija’s mystical
powers. Let’s just say I saw some
sh*t as a young’un that I would not
dismiss as imagined but at the time
felt terrifyingly real. And in regards
to this, a psychic once said I should
never mess with a Ouija board.
Ask anyone and chances are
they have had or know of some
horrible Ouija mishap. In fact 65%
of Americans believe the game is
dangerous. Science and psychology
now attribute the planchette’s
migratory powers to the ideomotor
effect, our unconscious motor skills.
Despite these facts, I was still
trembling when we laid our blankets
out on the park at midnight. We lit
the candles, drew a few breaths, put
fingertips to planchette, summoned
all malevolent entities in earshot,
and…
Nothing. And again, nothing. Back
at home, nothing. We even left the
planchette idle on the board all night,
a huge Ouija no-no, and woke to it
the same. I would have even burnt
the thing if not for the promise of
a refund at Target. Side note: You
cannot imagine my disappointment
when I opened the box of my new
Ouija board. Anyone born before
the millennium will understand my
outrage at Hasbro’s new design, a
crap piece of cardboard and cheap
hunk of plastic that lights up,
batteries not included. What sh*t.
Since my doomsday, our greatest
misfortune was Kyle stepping on
a tack. Perhaps all I’d really done
was cause this most tragically
anticlimactic ending, and for that,
dear reader, I bestow upon you my
last apology. Who knows, though, a
lot can go wrong in seven years. At
least I’ll have a mirror to blame.
Corvallis Advocate | 9

CALENDAR
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 29
Mamalates (Postpartum Pilates).
Live Well Studio, 971 Spruce Ave. 2:30 – 3:45
p.m. Cost: $18 for drop-in, free for members.
For info, visit www.livewellstudio.com.
Community Movie Night with
Ygal Kaufman Halloween
Special. Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St.
7 p.m. Free. It’s the second annual Halloween
double feature special hosted by CMNYK
MC Ygal Kaufman. This year the features are
The Tingler (1959) starring Vincent Price at 7
p.m. and then The Sadist (1963) starring Arch
Hall, Jr. at 9 p.m. For info, visit www.cmnyk.
wordpress.com or www.facebook.com/
freemovienightcorvallis.
Frightside at the Whiteside.
Whiteside Theatre, 361 SW Madison
Ave. 6 p.m. Cost: $7 per person, $20 per
family (up to five members). At the door,
$10 per person, $25 per family. Costumes
encouraged at this fun night of music with
a Halloween twist. Live music by The Brutal
Bridges Band, All the Apparatus, Sandbox,
and Symbiotic Quintet. Adult beverages
sold upstairs only – Nectar Creek, 2 Towns
Ciderhouse, and Block 15 Brewing Company.
For info, visit www.whitesidetheatre.org.
David Baker Author Talk. Grass
Roots Books & Music, 227 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m.
Free. Local author David Baker will read from
his debut novel VINTAGE. In the spirit of
the beloved film Sideways, VINTAGE follows
a failed food columnist as he treks across
Europe in search of a wine lost during World
War II, which may hold his only chance for
redemption. David is the director of the
acclaimed documentary American Wine
Story and makes passable pinot noir in his
garage. In an interview, he can bring his food
writer’s palate and passion for good wine
to a discussion of his fictional food memoir/
travelogue, as well as of the real food
histories that inspired the novel. For info,
visit www.grassrootsbookstore.com.
‘Talking About Dying’: A
Community Discussion. Corvallis-
Benton County Public Library, 645 NW
Monroe Ave. 7 p.m. Free. Death is part
of the human experience; all of us have
experienced loss, and all of us will die
one day. Yet conversations about death
and dying are difficult and often avoided
even with our closest family members and
friends. “Talking about Dying” is a one-time,
90-minute community discussion that
provides Oregonians with an opportunity to
reflect on what stories and influences shape
their thinking about death and dying and to
hear different perspectives and ideas from
fellow community members. For info, visit
www.cbcpubliclibrary.net.
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20110350_0323_2x3_MonMad_db.indd 1
The Lion in Winter. Albany Civic
Theatre, 111 SW First Ave. 7:30 p.m. Runs
two consecutive weekends. Sibling rivalry,
adultery, and dungeons – Lion in Winter, by
James Goldman, is a modern day classic.
Comedic in tone, dramatic in action, the
play tells the story of the Plantagenet
family, locked in a free-for-all of competing
ambitions to inherit a kingdom. For info or
tickets, visit www.albanycivic.org.
LBCC Theater Halloween Show,
Theater of Terror Presents The
Brothers Grimm. LBCC Russell Tripp
Performance Center, SW Ellingson Rd.,
Albany. 7:30 p.m. Cost: $10 ($7 for students
and seniors, free to LBCC students with ID).
Join us for an evening of ghastly bloodcurdling
horrors, as we travel with a troupe
of Victorian oddballs as they settle in for the
night, sharing their favorite Brothers Grimm
fairy tales, in the original macabre detail.
Grimm’s fairy tales to be performed include:
“The Almond Tree,” “The Shroud,” and
“The Robber Bridegroom,” stories of love,
loss, revenge, and redemption with a scary
and gruesome twist. Not recommended
for children under the age of 13. For info
or tickets, visit www.linnbenton.edu/
russelltripptheater or call 541-917-4531.
Wild Hog in the Woods. Calapooia
Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St., Albany.
7:30 p.m. No cover. For info, visit www.
calapooiabrewing.com.
Vandfald and Yo-Yoer JT Nickel
and Nectar Creek Meadery
Tasting. Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW
Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Cost: $5. Vandfald is
a four-piece indie rock band based out of
Oregon formed by brothers Matthew and
Joshua Lucas. They are most known for
their soothing delicate rock sound, with
both modern and throw back implements.
As an Oregon native, JT Nickel is of course
a perfect fit for the OneDrop brand. JT’s
yo-yoing has come a long way since he
picked up his first yo-yo in the late stages
of 2010. Since then, he has blossomed
into a spectacular yo-yoer, showcasing his
skills up and down the West Coast with
his very distinct style. For info, visit www.
bombsawaycafe.com.
Lowdown. Cloud & Kelly’s Public House,
126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Fridays. No cover. A
festive dance party showcasing local DJs.
For info, visit http://cloudandkellys.com/
music_and_nightlife.
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30
Ghosts of the Whiteside Tour and
Optional Ghost Hunt. Whiteside
Theatre, 361 SW Madison Ave. 6 p.m. Tickets:
$10
3/22/2011 11:18:43 AM
in advance, $15 at the door. Experience an
actual haunted building and meet our ghosts
through true and troubled tales. This tour
involves a walk through history and current
unexplained phenomenon. This is not a
haunted house and no actors will reach out
and grab you. Duration is approximately one
hour. This tour contains 52 stairs (up and
down) on the walking route. Each tour group
is limited to a small group. Cameras and
any other recording devices are not allowed.
Recommended for those 16 and older.
The Ghost Hunt add-on is new this year
and will involve the use of a portable EMF
reader, recording and playback, and other
explorations of the paranormal. For info, visit
www.whitesidetheatre.org.
Albany Golf and Event Center
Presents Monster Bash. Albany
Golf and Event Center, 155 NW Country
Club Ln., Albany. 7 – 10 p.m. Cost: $15 ($10
for club members). Largest adult costume
cocktail party in the Willamette Valley. Free
appetizers. Door prizes. Beer vendor tastings.
Rocking blues guitarist Kevin Selfe will be
performing. For info, visit www.albany-golf.
com.
Best Cellar Music Series. First
United Methodist Church, 1165 NW Monroe
Ave. 7 p.m. Cost: $2 to $10. The Best Cellar
Coffee House is a monthly music series
(usually on fourth Fridays) featuring area and
regional performers. Features local rising star
Wilhelmina Franzerda. She plays in support
of her first CD, “FLIGHT.” She will be joined
by Tristan Claridge of the band Crooked
Still, and Simon Chrisman of The Bee Eaters.
Revl’n will play before as well. For info, visit
www.corvallisfolklore.org.
Wait for the Blackout. Majestic
Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 8 p.m. Cost: $12
($10 for members, students, seniors). Second
showing on Halloween. Got zombies? A play
about putting on a play is underway when
the performance is interrupted by a girl
bursting into the theater who claims to have
been bitten by a zombie. As the cast and
crew struggle to manage with the situation,
things go from bad to worse as they must
deal with injuries, waylaid first responders,
a fire in the alley, dying lights, dying people,
and what seems to be a growing number of
zombies trying to get into the theater. Some
may even already be in the theater in this
immersive, intense horror show. For info, visit
www.majestic.org.
Peculiar Pretzelmen. Calapooia
Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St. 9 p.m. No
cover. For info, visit www.calapooiabrewing.
com.
30 lb. Test and Radion. Bombs Away
Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 9 p.m. Cost:
6600 SW Philomath Blvd
541-929-3524
www.shonnards.com
$5. Cymbal crashing, chord strumming, bass
muff ’n’, obscenity shouting alternativelofi
music. Halloween party and costume
contest. For info, visit www.bombsawaycafe.
com.
Fright for Your Right to Party. Sky
High Brewing Pub, 160 NW Jackson Ave.
9:30 p.m. Cover: $5. DJ John The Revelator
returns to haunt Sky High Brewing with
a Halloween dance party not for the faint
of heart. Drawing inspiration from the
best decade of horror, we will turn our
restaurant level into a giant dance floor
with spooky surprises in every corner. This
is a 21 and older event. For info, visit www.
skyhighbrewing.com.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31
The Haunting of the Majestic.
Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 1 p.m.
Cost: $3 per child or $10 for groups of up to
five. Adults are free. The Majestic Theatre will
be transformed into a kid-friendly haunted
house experience featuring a guided tour of
the 102-year-old haunted theater, a games
room with activities and puzzles, a balloon
artist, and free photos of the kiddos with
some of their favorite cartoon, movie, and
fantasy characters like Elsa from Frozen. Free
healthy treats for the tots and coffee for the
grownups. For info, visit www.majestic.org.
OSU Fall Drag Show. LaSells Stewart
Center, 875 SW 26th St. 6 p.m. Cost: $5 (free
with OSU ID). Rainbow Continuum proudly
presents the OSU fall drag show. Tickets
can be picked up at the Student Experience
Center information desk. For info, visit www.
facebook.com/events/1505722913078657/.
Parish Gap at the Peacock.
Peacock Bar & Grill, 125 SW 2nd St. 7
p.m. Free. Oregon’s longest continually
performing band will be playing after every
OSU home game this fall. Come celebrate an
OSU victory or cry in your beer. Either way,
there will be great high-energy rock from
the 50s til today played the way it should be
played. For info, visit www.parishgap.com.
Big Outside Costume Party.
Squirrel’s Tavern, 100 SW 2nd St. 9 p.m.
Cover: $5. Live music, fun costumes, happy
times. For info, visit www.facebook.com/
Big-Outside-178100478883990/.
That Coyote’s Temple of Horror.
Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave.
9 p.m. Cost: $5. A Halloween tradition, this
year subtitled “Melted faces dripping from
the walls of the writhing abyss,” That Coyote
and The Shy Seasons send Rocktober out
with a double-barrel blast. For info, visit
www.bombsawaycafe.com.
Arcweld and Frenemies. Calapooia
Everything You Need
For The
Perfect Fall Garden
• Organic Vegetable Starts
• Raised Bed Kits
• Premium soils &
fertilizers
• Drip Irrigation Experts
10/29-11/5
Brewing Company, 140 NE Hill St. 8 p.m. No
cover. For info, visit www.calapooiabrewing.
com.
Halloweird. Cloud & Kelly’s Public
House, 126 SW 1st St. 10 p.m. Cost: $5 with
costume, $7 without. Halloweird is back and
they’re closing off the street and having one
giant tent party. First 20 people in get free
PBR prize packages. Featuring DJs C4 Logic,
Tooie, and Modesik. Costume contest hosted
by Rainbow in the Clouds. For info, visit
www.cloudandkellys.com.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1
Yoga for Recovery. Live Well Studio,
971 Spruce Ave. 12:30 p.m. By donation.
For recovery from substance abuse, eating
disorders, codependency. For info, visit www.
livewellstudio.com.
Samhain/All Hallows Gathering.
UUFC Sanctuary, 2945 NW Circle Blvd. 7 p.m.
Free. Please join us to honor the beginning
of the three months of greatest darkness.
At this time when the veil is thin between
worlds, we will draw upon the gifts of our
ancestors to inspire us in our lives. Please
bring photos of ancestors for the altar and
finger food to share after the event. For info,
email Cliff Pereira at peartree15@comcast.
net.
Hoolyeh Folkdancers. First
Congregational UCC, 4515 SW West
Hills Rd. 7 – 9 p.m. Cost: $3 ($2 for CFS
members). There has been international
dancing in Corvallis for many years. In the
60s the group started to call themselves the
Hoolyehs. The Hoolyehs sponsor three types
of folk dance activities: regular Sunday night
dances, an annual reunion dance in the
spring, and occasional dances with visiting
live bands. The Hoolyehs now meet the first
and third Sundays of every month at the First
Congregational Church. The first Sunday of
every month has a Balkan dance emphasis
and the third has an Israeli dance emphasis.
Early in the evening some simple dances are
taught. The rest of the evening is open to a
wide variety of dances from couple dances
to line and circle dances. For info, visit www.
hoolyeh.com.
MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2
ESL Conversation Class. Corvallis-
Benton County Public Library, 645 NW
Monroe Ave. 10 a.m. Free. A weekly ESL
conversation class open to anyone of any
skill level will meet at the library every
Monday at 10 a.m. in Conference Room
C (second floor) beginning Nov. 2. These
free classes do not require registration
and anyone may attend as many or as few
classes as they like. The classes will help
people improve pronunciation, grammar, and
UniveRsiTy CUTs
Located in the M.U. on campus
BesT CUTs in
CORvaLLis!
Fades, Line-ups,
ROTC Cuts & More!
10 | Corvallis Advocate
20110350_0323_2x3_MonMad_db.indd 1
3/22/2011 11:18:43 AM

Ongoing October Events...
Albany Farmers’ Market. SW
Ellsworth St. and SW 4th Ave. 9 a.m. – 1
p.m. Runs through Nov. 21. Features
fresh, locally grown, locally produced
dairy, meat, and farm goods. For info,
visit http://locallygrown.org/home.
Corvallis Farmers’ Market. NW
Jackson Ave. and NW 1st St. 9 a.m. – 1 p.m.
Saturdays and Wednesdays. Runs through
Nov. 25. Features fresh, locally grown, locally
produced dairy, meat, and farm goods. For
info, visit http://locallygrown.org/home.
Western Star Grange Flea Market & Bake
Sale. Western Star Grange, 30423 Tangent
Dr. 9 a.m. – 3 p.m. Second Saturdays. Runs
through Nov. 28. The market offers old coins,
household items, CDs, DVDs, books, quilting,
vintage items, jewelry, used sporting and
hunting supplies, clothes, raffles, breakfast,
lunch, and homemade baked goods.
Fun-with-the-Animals Work
Party. Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary, 36831
Richardson Gap Rd., Scio. Wednesdays: 10
a.m. – 12 p.m.; Saturdays: 10 a.m. – 1 p.m.
Free. For all ages and abilities. Work parties
provide the sanctuary’s abused, abandoned,
or neglected farm animals with clean water,
bedding, and living conditions. No RSVP
required; just show up wearing farm apparel
and boots. For info, contact 503-394-4486 or
volunteer@lighthousefarmsanctuary.org.
Albany Historic Carousel and
Museum. 503 W 1st Ave. 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.
Monday through Saturday. In the lobby, view
finished animals and watch the painters work
on a number of animals and other handcrafted
projects. In the carving studio, see and
touch over two dozen carvings in progress.
For info, visit www.albanycarousel.com.
Exhibit: The Nuclear Age: 70
Years of Peril and Hope. OSU’s
Valley Library, fifth-floor exhibit gallery, OSU
main campus. The exhibit runs through March.
This year marks the 70th anniversary of the
atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
during World War II. The Special Collections
and Archives Research Center at OSU Libraries
is honoring this anniversary with an exhibit
featuring a wide-ranging selection of primary
source materials from their rich collections
documenting nuclear history. Original
materials include comics, Geiger counters,
newspapers, photographs, manuscripts, and
letters from famous antinuclear activists
Linus Pauling and Albert Einstein. For info,
visit http://scarc.library.oregonstate.edu.
Exhibit: Daily Objects at The
Arts Center. The Arts Center, 700 SW
Madison Ave. Tuesday through Saturday, 12
– 5 p.m. Runs through Nov. 21. Three young
artists bring attention to objects we encounter
daily. Painter Sarah Fagan, photographer
Susan Rochester, and conceptual artist Sandee
McGee deal with common items in uncommon
ways. They lift items out of context and infuse
them with foreign elements to create an
estrangement or distraction to the original
meaning of each object. This may make one to
examine what “daily objects” mean, or even
what a “daily reality” means. We define our
existence through concrete elements, but when
these concrete elements are questioned, we
can perceive our reality with new insights. The
three artists work in very different styles and
media. For info, visit www.theartscenter.net.
Exhibit: Diverse Dimensions
at Fairbanks Gallery. Fairbanks
Gallery, 220 SW 26th St. 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.
Runs through Nov. 3. In a dimension where
an art practice is similar to the scientific
method lies the work of contemporary
sculptor Ben Butler. With an educational
background in both art and neuroscience,
Butler’s time spent studying molecular and
cellular structures of the nervous system
seems clearly relatable to his highly complex
drawings and sculptures. For info, visit
www.oregonstate.edu/fairbanksgallery.
Exhibit: Soap Creek Artisans.
Benton County Historical Museum, 1101
Main St., Philomath. 10 a.m. – 4:30 p.m.
Runs through Nov. 21. The Soap Creek
Artisans participating in this exhibition are
Joe Crockett (photography), Dale Draeger
(painting), Samuel Hoffman (wood-fired
pottery), Vicki Idema (fabric-surface design),
Ann Lahr (ceramics), Judy Moon (watercolors,
ink, and in-between), Kelly Nutter (fused
glass), and Deanna Peters (fused glass). The
Soap Creek Artisans are a group of talented
artists based in Oregon’s Soap Creek Valley.
Known for its unique country setting and
historical past—it is home to the Soap Creek
one-room schoolhouse—Soap Creek Valley
is located 10 miles northwest of Corvallis. For
info, visit www.bentoncountymuseum.org.
Calling All Artists – Footwise.
Footwise, 301 SW Madison Ave. All day
event. Runs through Oct. 31. Footwise in
downtown Corvallis is happy to offer its 3rd
Street display window to local artists for
exhibiting their work in 2016. Displays are
approximately one month in duration and
each artist will be responsible for design,
set-up, and removal of their work. There
is about 100 square feet of display space
to fill. Applications are being accepted
through the month of October. For info, call
the Corvallis location at 541-757-0875.
Chintimini Movies. Chintimini Senior
and Community Center, 2601 NW Tyler Ave.
1:30 p.m. Cost: $2. Please join us for a movie
at the Center. Concessions will be available
to purchase. Closed captioning available
on request. For info, call 541-766-6959.
Open Call for Submissions –
Pitch & Stark Photography in
Black and White. The Majestic Theatre,
115 SW 2nd Ave. All day. Runs through Oct.
30. The Majestic Theatre is currently holding
an open call to local photographers for
Pitch & Stark: Photography in Black & White
through Oct. 30. In November, the Majestic
Theatre welcomes artists and art lovers
to rediscover the beauty of mono images
in its second community art show of the
season. Black and white remains a cherished
medium for how its subtlety of tones can
strip down an image to its raw composition
in a society of modern technology that
flashes a million colors a minute. The format
complements all types of photography and
light, from movement to landscapes, urban
landscapes, portrait, architecture, or macro
snapshots and creates images bold and
powerful or soft and hazy. All interpretations,
capture types, and processes within the
parameters of the theme are accepted. For
info, visit www.majestic.org/pitchstark.
The Majestic Reader’s Theater.
The Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd Ave. 3 – 5
p.m. and 7 – 9 p.m. Cost: $10 ($8 for students
and seniors). Last Sundays. The company will
offer a production in the “reader’s theater”
style: trained actors, with scripts in hand, make
the play come alive through vocal talent, facial
expressions, and minimal staging. Reader’s
theater plays are a fun, accessible way to
experience contemporary works by famous
modern playwrights that might not otherwise
be performed here. For info or tickets, visit
https://majesticreaderstheater.wordpress.com.
Teen Makers. Corvallis-Benton County
Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 4 – 5:30
pm. Tuesdays. Teens aged 12 and older
learn basic programming with Arduino and
Raspberry Pi, plus explore 3-D printing and
other technologies. Teen Makers meets on the
second and fourth Tuesdays of each month at
4 p.m. For info, visit www.chcpublclibrary.net.
Teen Writers. Corvallis-Benton County
Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 4 – 5:30
pm. Thursdays. Teens aged 12 and older
are invited to this writers group focused on
creating new work and learning about the
process of writing together with other teens.
Meets every second and fourth Thursday.
Led by Ellie Douglass, MFA student, OSU.
For info, visit www.chcpubliclibrary.net.
Hula Classes. First Baptist Church, 125
NW 10th St. 5:30 – 7:15 p.m. Mondays. Come
experience a bit of Island Aloha by learning
Hula. The first class, from 5:30 to 6 p.m., is
for those who have never danced Hula. It’s
a chance to learn the basic steps and hand
movements. From 6 to 7:15 p.m., the class is
for all students where we learn new dances
and review the ones we have already learned.
For info, contact bslandau@gmail.com.
Corvallis Community Choir Fall
Term. Unitarian Universalist Fellowship,
2945 NW Circle Blvd. Rehearsals: Tuesdays,
7 – 9 p.m. Runs through Dec. 8. Fall Term
is the perfect time to see if singing in a
choir is a fit for you. The director is James
Moursund, a recent graduate from Oregon
State University. James brings a youthful
exuberance to his directing as well as an
inspirational musicality and expertise. The
choir has grown tremendously under his
tutelage. CCC is relaxed, fun, and accepting.
Music experience, though helpful, is not
required. For info, call 541-740-6068.
Corvallis Community Drum
Circle. 101 NW 23rd St. 7 – 8 p.m. First
Saturdays. All ages and skill levels welcome.
Instruments provided or bring your own.
Hosted by Michelle Lovrich of the Drum
Circle Connection. For info, contact Michelle
at drumcircleconnection@gmail.com.
Ukulele Cabaret. First Alternative
South Store, 1007 SE 3rd St. 7 – 9 p.m.
First Fridays. Free. This is an open mic and
sing-along for ukulele players of all ages
and skill levels. Songbooks and instruction
are provided. Bring snacks to share. Hosted
by Suz Doyle and Jeanne Holmes of the
Wallop Sisters. For info, call 541-753-8530.
Reiki Healing Circle. 8285
NW Wynoochee Dr. 7 – 9 p.m. First
Thursdays. Donation: $5 to $10. All
students and interested parties welcome.
For info, call Margo at 541-754-3595.
vocabulary in a welcoming environment. For
info, visit www.cbcpubliclibrary.net.
Traditional West African Dance
Classes. Odd Fellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd
St. 7:15 p.m. Cost: $10 to $12 per class,
sliding scale. Every first and third Monday.
Traditional West African dance classes hosted
by Maria Soumah from Guinea, West Africa.
Accompanied by live drumming from Fefafe.
For info, visit www.corvallisoddfellows.org.
Dicemasters. Matt’s Cavalcade of
Comics, NW Buchanan Ave. 7:30 – 9:30 p.m.
Free. Every Monday at Matt’s Cavalcade of
Comics! DiceMasters is an all-new crossbrand
offering utilizing WizKids Games’
proprietary Dice Building Game platform
where players collect and assemble their
“team” of character dice and battle in headto-head
game play. The initial set, Avengers
vs. X-Men feature Marvel’s greatest heroes
and villains. The starter set and booster
packs are sold out everywhere, but we will
continue to meet and play friendly matches,
and teach new players how to play. For info,
visit www.ilovespidey.com.
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3
Art Tours at the Library. Corvallis-
Benton County Public Library, 645 NW
Monroe Ave. 10 a.m. Free. Join Library
Foundation board member Freda Vars
every first Tuesday of the month for a
tour of the hidden and not-so-hidden art
in the Corvallis-Benton County Public
Library. Why does the library have so many
gargoyle statues? Is there really a time
capsule? These questions and more will be
answered. Discover hidden gems and get a
glimpse of the library’s rich history during
this fascinating look into one of the many
reasons our library space is such a treasure.
For info, call the library at 541-766-6793.
Chair Yoga. Live Well Studio, 971 Spruce
Ave. 3 – 4 p.m. By donation. For info, visit
www.livewellstudio.com.
Graphic Novel Book Club
Meeting. New Morning Bakery, 219 SW
2nd St. 6:30 p.m. Free. The group will discuss
Here by Richard McGuire. New members are
always welcome. Check out a copy of this
month’s reading selection from the secondfloor
reference desk of the library. For info,
visit www.cbcpubliclibrary.net.
Drink n’ Draw. Cloud & Kelly’s Public
House, 126 SW 1st St. 7 p.m. Free. Cloud and
Kelly’s Public House hosts Drink n’ Draw on
the first Tuesday of every month. Show up
and create art with your friends. Art supplies
are provided. For info, call 541-753-9900.
November Meeting of the
Corvallis Guitar Society.
Gracewinds Music, 137 SW 3rd St. 7 p.m.
Free. Instead of a guest performer, for this
meeting we have expanded the popular
open stage and ensemble sessions. The event
is free, but donations are accepted. Bring
your guitar to join in and play. For info, visit
www.corvallisguitarsociety.org.
Community Movie Night. Darkside
Cinema, 215 SW 4th St. 7 p.m. Free. Every
Tuesday at the Darkside Cinema, Ygal
Kaufman, noted local film historian and
Darkside enthusiast, hosts Community Movie
Night, a free weekly screening of lost, classic,
and cult films. The feature film of the week
is always preceded by newsreels, cartoons
from the year of the feature’s release, and
an introduction with interesting facts about
the production from Kaufman. Donations
are graciously accepted and benefit the
renovation of the Darkside Cinema, Corvallis’
only independent movie house. For info,
visit www.cmnyk.wordpress.com or www.
facebook.com/freemovienightcorvallis.
Celtic Jam. Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW
Philomath Blvd. 7:30 – 9 p.m. Every Tuesday.
Free. For info, visit www.imaginecoffee.net.
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 4
Free Teen Yoga. Live Well Studio, 971
Spruce Ave. 4 – 5 p.m. Free. For info, visit
www.livewellstudio.com.
Book Launch: Wild in the
Willamette. Corvallis-Benton County
Public Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 6 p.m.
Free. Everyone is invited to a celebration
of the launch of Wild in the Willamette:
Exploring the Mid-Valley’s Parks, Trails,
and Natural Areas. Help us honor the
people, places, and writings of Wild in the
Willamette. Features author readings, guest
speakers, and book signings and sales. For
info, visit www.cbcpubliclibrary.net.
yOya in Concert. The Arts Center, 700
SW Madison Ave. 7:30 p.m. Cost: $12 in
advance, $14 at the door. Corvallis Folklore
Society presents folktronic Los Angeles
band with native sons Alex Pfender and
Noah Dietterich, joined by percussionist Ian
Meltzer. Acoustic concert in an intimate
setting, highlighting compelling songwriting
and tight vocal harmonies. For info, visit
www.corvallisfolklore.org/home/concerts or
call 541-760-3559.
David Whitaker. Bombs Away Café,
2527 NW Monroe Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free.
Bringing 30-plus years of songwriting and
guitar playing skills to the stage, David
Whitaker will be performing a major slice
of his musical repertoire for one night.
Local singer/songwriter Steve Sever will
open the festivities. For info, visit www.
bombsawaycafe.com.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5
Free Range Open Mic and
Deluxe Brewing Tasting. Bombs
Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave. 6 p.m.
Free. Tasting runs from 6 to 8 p.m. Music
starts at 8:30 p.m. In the spirit of fostering
camaraderie in the Corvallis music scene
and creation of new bands/projects, we
give you Freerange Open Mic Night. This
rotating event will move between Bombs
Away Cafe and Cloud & Kelly’s Public House
on alternating dates so that it occurs twice
per month. This event will fill the three most
sacred purposes of open mic nights: Giving
new artists encouragement to keep playing
and learn how to play in front of others.
Getting area musicians to drink together,
play together, and thus form new bands.
Creating a scene of musicians who care
about other musicians by giving them a
reason and place to socialize.
Steve Hunter will be signing people up
starting at 7 p.m. For info, visit www.
bombsawaycafe.com.
Marys River Grange Movie
Night. Marys River Grange Hall, 24707
Grange Hall Rd., Philomath. 7 p.m. Free
classic movies with newsreels and cartoons,
hosted by Ygal Kaufman, every other
Thursday at the Marys River Grange Hall.
This screening is The Stranger (1946),
starring Orson Welles, Edward G. Robinson
and Loretta Young, directed by Orson Welles.
Donations accepted, popcorn and drinks
on sale. For info, visit www.facebook.com/
mrgmovienight.
Michelle Hazelton. Peacock Bar &
Grill, 125 SW 2nd St. 7 – 8 p.m. No cover.
Come enjoy a late dinner or a few drinks
with friends while you listen to Hazelton’s
acoustic styles. Minors welcome until 8 p.m.
For info, visit www.facebook.com/pages/The-
Peacock-Bar-Grill/64517167600.
No Direction Home. Majestic
Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St. 7 p.m. Cost: $12
($10 for members, seniors, students). Runs
two consecutive weekends. When a small
town is confronted with the murder of their
pastor, the community’s faith is challenged
as its members attempt to keep their
secrets hidden. This is 5 to 1 Theatre’s third
production and is an original drama from
their company. For info, visit www.majestic.
org.
Rusty Hinges. Calapooia Brewing
Company, 140 NE Hill St. 7:30 p.m. No cover.
For info, visit www.calapooiabrewing.com.
Corvallis Advocate | 11

8 DAYS A WEEK...
Advocate picks...
By Ygal Kaufman
Thursday, October 29
VANDFALD AND JT NICKEL
Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe
Ave. 9 p.m. Free
Vandfald is a band. I think. I don’t know, I don’t really
care. Here’s the real scoop; JT Nickel is a f*cking
yoyoer or yoyoist. Or whatever they’re called. Jesus,
I don’t even know what to call professional yoyo
performers, but this guy is one of those. He’s sponsored
by Eugene’s One Drop Yo-Yos, purveyors of pro-level
Oregon-made yo-yos. Are you goddamn kidding
me, kids-these-days? This yo-yo website looks like a
skateboard company site. Is this really a thing? They
sell enough high-priced, hand-built yo-yos to justify a
whole industry with sponsored stars and everything? I
thought video games killed you, yo-yos, what are you
doing here? And how is this a live show? Obviously if
you’re not at the CMNYK Halloween double feature,
you have to go to this show. Where it should again be
noted something called Vandfald will also be. http://
onedropyoyos.com/team/jt-nickel; http://vandfaldmusic.
com/
COMMUNITY MOVIE NIGHT
WITH YGAL KAUFMAN
HALLOWEEN SPECIAL
Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St.
7 p.m. Free
Oh hi there, CMNYK Halloween double feature. If you
didn’t get your fill of classic movies and other junk on
the big screen, then you’re in luck. For the second year
in a row, there’s a CMNYK double feature of spooky/
silly classic horror at the spooky/silly Darkside Cinema.
At 7 p.m. it’s Vincent Price in The Tingler (1959) and
then at 9 p.m. Arch Hall Jr. stars in the cult classic The
Sadist (1963). For free. Happy Halloween.
Friday, October 30
30 LB. TEST AND RADION
Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe
Ave. 9 p.m. $5
Just when I wasn’t sure if Corvallis was even
passingly familiar with hard rock, two of our favorite
frequenters stop by for some face meltage. Radion
rocks hard as fudge, and they play here a lot, so don’t
be the one person at your bridge club saying, “Who
are these whippersnappers I’ve been hearing so much
about? Radio or something? They sound like a bunch
of tight pant-wearing criminals! Gin.” You say “gin”
when you win at bridge, right? I’m not ashamed to
admit I haven’t got the first f*cking clue how bridge
is played or what the object of the game is, or if
it’s even really a game and not a big practical joke
senior citizens have been playing on the rest of the
world for years, so we’d leave them alone to their sex
and cocaine parties. What? Only my grandparents,
huh? Anyway. 30 lb. Test and Radion: better than
gin, and twice as rummy. https://www.facebook.
com/30poundtest/; https://radionsucks.bandcamp.
com/releases
WAIT FOR THE BLACKOUT
Majestic Theatre, 115 SW 2nd St.
8 p.m. $12 ($10 for members,
seniors, students)
I have no idea what to expect from this horror play,
so I’m advising everyone to go. What is a horror play?
Is there even a mild possibility of being scared by
a play? Seems unlikely. Unlike comedy, horror lives
in the close-up, not the long-shot, so that makes it
particularly hard to be scary on stage. Now being
scared on stage, that’s something I know a thing or
two about. I once worked as a dancer at an exotic
club that featured out-of-shape men dressed in sexy
pheasant costumes and dancing for people dressed
as Victorian English hunters, who would “tip” the
dancers by shooting airsoft rifles at us. And that place
was only half as horrifying and full of surprises as this
play, which deals with zombies and horror film tropes,
promises to be. With an endorsement like that how
could you possibly not go? I mean to the play, not
Prince George’s Sexy Shooting Gallery… or, I don’t
know, screw it. I meant both.
Saturday, October 31
THAT COYOTE’S TEMPLE
OF HORROR (WITH THE SHY
SEASONS),
Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe
Ave. 9 p.m. Free
What could notoriously not-scary guys That Coyote
have up their sleeves? What is going to make this
particular synagogue so horrifying? I mean, the temple
I was Bar Mitzvah’d in was pretty terrifying, but that
had mostly to do with the 137-year-old rabbi who
kept looking at me disapprovingly. I guess he’d never
seen someone replace their haftarah portion with the
lyrics from Cherry Pie by Warrant. So again I ask, what
is going to make this temple so scary? I have no idea.
But That Coyote is fantastic and the Shy Seasons are
nothing to sneeze at either. Free Halloween music
babies. This is all treat and no trick.
https://www.facebook.com/ThatCoyote
https://www.facebook.com/TheShySeasons
FALL DRAG SHOW 2015
La Sells Stewart Center, 875 SW 26th
St. 7 p.m. $5 (free with OSU ID)
Speaking of trick-free treats, it’s the OSU Fall Drag
Show, basically the best thing you can possibly do
on Halloween. Besides raising a demonic spirit in
the woods that destroys your tiny mountain town, of
course. This show promises an all-star lineup of Benton
County’s best drag queens, and a rowdy audience full
of fun-loving beavers. At $5, this is easily going to be
the hottest time, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, that can
be had in Corvallis.
Sunday, November 1
BLUES JAM!
Calapooia Brewing Company, 140 NE
Hill St., Albany. 4 to 6 p.m. Free
A blues jam is street slang for when a person
propositions an undercover cop thinking they’re a
hooker. But then before the cop can arrest them,
the prospective john offers so much money the cop
decides doing the deed is a better deal and takes the
money. I’m not saying this has anything to do with
the free music that will be available at the Pooia
on Sunday. I’m just telling you something I know
from experience—er, I mean, from a book I read.
Not from experience. Unless you call reading a book
an experience, which readers of my entertainment
column are aware, I don’t.
HOOLYEH INTERNATIONAL
FOLK DANCING
First Congregational United Church,
4515 SW West Hills Rd. 7 p.m. $3 ($2
for CFS members)
This kick*ss twice monthly folk dancing jam offered
for free by the Corvallis Folk Society comes in
two flavors: Israeli and Balkan. This is the Balkan
version of the dance gathering which means there
will be significantly fewer of my Israeli relatives in
attendance, and probably a slightly higher chance of
an appearance by my Romanian relatives. Fortunately
for everyone involved they won’t both be there,
because they hate each other, and we’re all loud
obnoxious brutes unafraid to make a public spectacle.
So I guess what I’m saying is enjoy this awesome folkdancing
event, and please RSVP for my family reunion
ASAP as tickets are going fast…
Submit: Do you know of an upcoming event?
Email us and we’ll add it to the web calendar calendar@corvallisadvocate.com
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11/4 House Concert with “Todelo Shakers”, 7-9pm
11/5 Darrell McElmurry, (guitar) 7:30-9pm
11/6 Chuka Boa (Colleen Dick), 7-9pm
11/13 Revelin (Evelyn), 7:30-9pm
Every Monday:
Every Tuesday:
Every Saturday:
Bryson Skaar, piano, 7:30-9pm
Celtic Jam, 7-9pm
Story Time, 10 am
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Just West of 53rd, Between Corvallis & Philomath
Corvallis
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12 | Corvallis Advocate

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9
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SIT
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Tuesday, November 3
COMMUNITY MOVIE NIGHT
WITH YGAL KAUFMAN
Monday, November 2
Darkside Cinema, 215 SW 4th St.
BRYSON SKAAR
7 p.m. Free
Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath It’s been a minute since we’ve gone this far back, but
Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
the time just felt right. This week at CMNYK we’ve got
Leslie Howard, Merle Oberon, and Raymond Massey
Bryson Skaar is a trooper. Not in the “starship” variety
in the timeless classic The Scarlet Pimpernel (1934).
that blows up giant mutant insectoid aliens, but more You may not have seen this majestic early version of
in the sense that he comes out every Monday and the well-known tale, but surely you’ve seen one of the
puts in work to keep Corvallis happy. In that sense he’s many cartoon adaptations of it, notably The Scarlet
not unlike the sanitation workers, fire department, or Pumpernickel with Daffy Duck. Come get a taste
our robust drug dealer community; this town would of adventure, romance, and popcorn with me and
probably dry up and blow away without him. Bryson the rest of the CMNYK regulars, who are awesome
Skaar, ladies and gentleman; he’s the meth cook/ and superior to all regulars of all other events and
firefighter/garbage man of free jazz. Stop looking at establishments in town. https://cmnyk.wordpress.com;
your friend in disbelief, you know exactly what I meant https://www.facebook.com/freemovienightcorvallis
by that.
CELTIC JAM
TRADITIONAL WEST AFRICAN
DANCE CLASSES
Imagine Coffee, 5460 SW Philomath
Blvd. 7 p.m. Free
Oddfellows Hall, 223 SW 2nd St.
In every Irish movie I’ve ever seen, the jams were
7:15 p.m. $10 to $12
significantly less impressive than what you hear on
Traditional West African dance > literally anything else even a humdrum installment of Celtic Jam at the
you have planned for a Monday night. I don’t know ‘Gine. Now I know what you’re thinking, “So?” In
you personally or anything, so I guess it’s possible fairness, how many Irish movies do you think I’ve
you have some mind-blowing kale salad that you’re even seen? And how fairly could I compare the Celtic
working on that you’re going to post pictures of on jamming in those films to this live Corvallis version?
Facebook so everyone thinks that’s what you normally Those questions are better left to the PhDs in the think
eat for dinner instead of Doritos with Easy Cheese. And NEW
tanks, okay? I’m just here to push free
NEW
Celtic music on
granted, Gyros that’s clearly or a Falafel
much better thing to Mediterranean do (on you. If you Subs* were looking
Mediterranean
for a whole documentary
Wrap
on
any given night) than anything else. But seriously, stop music appreciation, better get Netflix. Or have lunch
Combo
embarrassing me. It’s West African dancing and they’re with my 17-year-old nephew, Gary. You get a kid one
going to teach you how to do it. Now stop being a Zeppelin CD for Rosh Hashana, next thing you know
rube… and pass the Doritos.
he’s REG.$5.99 Kurt Loder, am I right?
REG.$5.99
*ANY TOPPING
REG.$4.99
SAVE $3
SAVE $3
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Gyros - Falafel - Shawerma - Kabobs - Baklava - Pita & More!
Go
OSU!!
453 SW Madison Ave. Corvallis
541-908-2667 (TEXT ONLY)
(541) 908-2667
corvallismediterranean.com
453 SW Madison & 5th St. I Downtown Corvallis
Wednesday, November 4
DAVID WHITAKER, BOMBS
Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe Ave.
8:30 p.m. Free
David Whitaker’s got an acoustic guitar, and he thinks
you should hear the noises it makes. Do I have that
right, Mr. Whitaker? I think I do, but then again, I have
a high opinion of myself. Mr. W. is a guitar virtuoso, or
I don’t know—what’s the soft acoustic rock version
of a virtuoso? This guys is one of those. He’s like a
James Taylor we get all to ourselves, right here in the
Valley. We don’t have to share him with Carly Simon
(which if you think about it is a great metaphor for
Albany—they’re so vain…) or anything. Also you can
see him for free at Bombs, which you definitely can’t
do with James Taylor. Shoot, you can’t even shake
hands with his younger son’s manager at Panera for
free these days.
http://www.neonbuffalomusic.com
INTERNATIONAL GAMES DAY
Corvallis-Benton County Public
Library, 645 NW Monroe Ave. 6 p.m.
Free
Are we naming things “international” without
checking with other countries first? I got on the phone
with my distant cousins from Finland, and I was all,
“International Games Day, b*tches! Let’s do this!”
All I heard on the other end was a bunch of hysterical
gibberish in a language that sounded like Russian,
Swedish, and Japanese thrown into a blender. But
it turns out they were just messing with me and
speaking in gibberish. See you just went and assumed
I was making an insensitive joke at the expense of the
Fins. I guess you’re the real racist here, huh? Anyway,
once we got past all that nonsense, they had no idea
what I was talking about with International Games
Day, so maybe Regional Games Day would be more
appropriate?
Text
Only
Thursday, November 5
FREE RANGE OPEN MIC NIGHT
Bombs Away Café, 2527 NW Monroe
Ave. 8:30 p.m. Free
Open mic nights are just my favorite thing ever, and
that list of things open mics top includes your mom’s
tuna casserole. So don’t even ask. Just show up. For
free. And bring rotten cabbage, because I can tell you
from firsthand experience they don’t hand it out at the
door. They weirdly expect you to be respectful and not
throw things at this open mic. Laaaaaaame…
INFINITE IMPROV
Cloud & Kelly’s Public House, 126 SW
1st St. 9 p.m. Free
Local improv is way better than televised improv. I
don’t know why, but I just don’t get into that Whose
Line Is It, Anyway? stuff. I like my improv raw and
local, like I like my sugar cane and my stray cats. One
thing I think they don’t do enough of at this particular
event is that, “Somebody name an adjective and a
noun…” prompting stuff that’s so popular in middle
school drama classes. Call me a fool for the classics,
but I just like it when I shout out “feckless,” I need to
hear someone else in the room shout “penis,” so we
can then watch the performers pause and look at each
other panicked while they attempt to characterize a
feckless penis.
Open fOr BreakfaSt, LunCh & DInner
Food
Beaver Mediterranean
Corvallis Advocate | 13

Our Films Suck Less.
Every night.
Darkside Cinema Films for 10/30-11/5/2015
Please call or log on for show times
TRUTH —R The film chronicles Mary Mapes (Cate Blanchett)
and Dan Rather (Robert Redford) who broke the Abu-Ghraib prison
abuse scandal and revealed that a sitting US president may have been
AWOL from the National Guard for over a year during the Vietnam
War. When the story blew up in their face, the ensuing scandal ruined
Rather’s career, nearly changed a US Presidential election, and almost
took down all of CBS News in the process.
SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE —R
Three scouts and lifelong friends join
KNIT!
forces with one badass cocktail
waitress to become the world’s most unlikely team of heroes. When
their peaceful town is ravaged by a zombie invasion, they’ll fight for
the badge of a lifetime and put their scouting skills to the test to save
mankind from the undead. Hey, it’s Halloween.
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY: THE GHOST DIMENSION —R
this sixth and supposedly final installment of the Paranormal Activity
horror films, the Fleege family finds a set of video tapes featuring
young Kristi and her sister, Katie, being inducted to the demonic coven
of their grandmother. The filmmakers promise that this time you will
see the paranormal activity occur. Scary!
DARKSIDE Cinema
4th & Madison • Corvallis
darksidecinema.com
(541) 752-4161
find the home of your dreams for over 50 yrs.
ffice
r Ave
81
Helping you find the home of your
dreams for over 60 years.
14 | Corvallis Advocate
By Ygal Kaufman
Entertainmental
I
realize now that headline might
be confusing; I’m not here to
advocate fisticuffs with morons.
I’m actually writing about the
hot November TV premieres
that will have you sitting out the
monsoon season in comfort and
entertainment. Without further ado,
here’s what’s coming in November.
November 6
Master of None, Netflix – It’s almost
hard to believe
we’re only a
week away
from the
premiere of this
insanely undermarketed
new
In
series. One of
the best standup
comics in
the 110 game, SW 3rd Street Aziz
Ansari, Downtown leads Corvallis
this incredibly promising www.stashlocal.com
new sitcom
that he was working on with the late
Harris Wittels. Stars Aziz Ansari.
November 8
Flesh and Bone, Starz – I’ll be honest,
a drama about the “high-stakes
world of ballet” doesn’t normally
rev my engine. But Starz is actually
doing some mighty impressive
original TV-making right now, so I
wouldn’t count this one out without
giving it a try. Stars Sarah Hay, Ben
Daniels, and Damon Herriman.
Agent 110 SW X, TNT 3rd Street – This show looks
almost Downtown inconceivably Corvallis stupid. The
premise, www.stashlocal.com that there’s a secret
organization, even more secret
than the CIA and Secret Service
combined, which has only one
agent, who’s so incredibly powerful
he can’t be stopped by anyone,
Fall and answers only to the vice
Fall
is here!
AND IT’S BACK 2 SCHOOL
president, is (played here! by Sharon
Town AND & Stone), Country IT’S Realty BACK 2 SCHOOL
is so prima facie absurd it
supports kids’ 110 efforts SW 3rd in Street
their quest Town sounds Downtown & be Country like their an Corvallis SNL Realty skit. I have to
best in supports watch the www.stashlocal.com
new school an kids’ episode efforts just in to see if it’s
year. Good Luck!
their as bad quest as to it sounds… be their Stars Sharon
best Stone in the and new Jeff school Hephner.
year. Good Luck!
Albany Office
Helping you find the home of your dreams for over 50 yrs.
Helping you find the home of your dreams for over 50 yrs.
Fall is here!
Helping families find their first home, as well as
their next home since 1951.
AND IT’S BACK 2 SCHOOL
Helping families find their first home, as well as
their next home since 1951.
Albany Office
1117 Pacific Blvd SE
541-924-5616
ww.tncrealty.com
Corvallis
Corvallis
Office
455 NW Tyler Ave
Office
541-757-1781 455 NW Tyler Ave
541-757-1781
Town & Country Realty
supports kids’ efforts in
their quest to be their
best in the new school
year. Good Luck!
Springis in the air
www.tncrealty.com
Springis in the air
Corvallis Office
455 Corvallis NW www.tncrealty.com
Office
NW Tyler Ave
Office Albany Albany Office
1117 Pacific Blvd SE
541-757-1781
455 NW Tyler Ave
541-924-5616
www.tncrealty.com
541-757-1781 541-924-5616
www.tncrealty.com
We like to party
and by party we mean
110 SW 3rd Street
Downtown Corvallis
www.stashlocal.com
Albany Office
1117 Pacific Blvd SE
541-924-56161117 Pacific Blvd SE
541-924-5616
www.tncrealty.com
321 1st Ave E, Suite 3-C
Albany Office
1117 Pacific Blvd SE
110 SW 3rd Street
541-924-5616
Downtown Corvallis
www.stashlocal.com
www.tncrealty.com
Be Free.
Take Risks.
Knit Happy.
November Idiot Boxing
November 13
W/ Bob & David, Netflix – As I’ve
said before,
I’m not sure
how I feel
about all this
resurrecting
of shows
that’s going
on. On one
hand you
get amazing
ideas like
bringing
back the
X-Files. Then
again on the other hand, they’re
reviving Full House and Gilmore
Girls, too. But one idea I’m sure I’m
on board with is resurrecting Mr.
Show, arguably the best sketch
comedy show ever produced.
110 SW 3rd Street
Thank you, Netflix. Stars
Downtown
Bob
Corvallis
Odenkirk and David Cross. www.stashlocal.com
November 15
Into the Badlands, AMC – All right,
AMC. I admit, I’m intrigued. This
looks like a transition piece between
AMC’s The Walking Dead and their
forthcoming Hap & Leonard. An
action thriller in a post-apocalyptic
feudal wasteland, which looks to be
sporting a healthy serving of nods to
Lone Wolf and Cub and Japanese
cinema altogether. I’m interested.
Be Free.
Take Risks.
Stars Daniel Wu, Martin Csokas, and
Orla Brady.
November 19
The Art Knit of More, Crackle Happy.
– Sonyowned
Crackle is a bit of an
enigma. A streaming service that
hopes to compete with Netflix,
Amazon, and Hulu that utterly fails
to in every measurable way, and
yet… here’s a heck of an interesting
A Yarn
Shop with
looking series with big production
values and big name stars. How
do they justify that? Do you know
anyone who uses Crackle? This one
is about the a “high-stakes Soul world…”
(can they ever come up with a
We like to party
and by party we mean
KNIT!
different description than that?) of
art collecting. Stars Dennis Quaid
and Kate Bosworth.
November 20
Jessica Jones, Netflix – Marvel
Studios’ first foray into original
TV programming gave us the
abomination that is Marvel’s Agents
of S.H.I.E.L.D., a show so bad even
shameless comic book fanboys like
me, who normally rubber stamp
anything Marvel, laugh derisively
at. Then they partnered with
Netflix and gave us the incredibly
overrated but decent Daredevil.
Now finally comes their first
genuinely interesting looking new
A Yarn
Shop with
a Soul
TV property. Jessica Jones is the
wife of legendary Marvel character
Luke Cage, and a bit of a legend
in her own right. In this dark-looking
new series she’ll hope to kick a*s
and save the day as a private
investigator in New York City. Stars
Kristen Ritter, Mike Colter, and David
Tennant.
The Man in the High Castle, Amazon
– Based on the novel by the great
Phillip K. Dick, and created by one
of the sharpest minds behind The
X-Files, Frank Spotnitz, this is perhaps
Amazon’s most ambitious original
programming foray yet. Imagine a
world where the Allies lost and the
Nazis are walking around like they
own the place. Trust me, it sounded
way less played out and film school
reject-y when it came out in 1962.
Stars Rupert Evans, Alexa Davalos,
and DJ Qualls.

Vote YES on 2-91
for a jail that works
Keep dangerous criminals behind bars where
they belong. Protect the safety of Sheriff’s
Deputies and jail staff. End revolving door
justice with job training, addiction treatment,
and mental health services.
ENDORSED BY
The Corvallis Advocate
The Corvallis Gazette-Times
League of Women Voters of Corvallis
Center Against Rape and Domestic Violence
(CARDV)
Benton County Democrats
Benton County Deputy Sheriffs’ Association
Corvallis Chamber of Commerce
Albany City Council
Corvallis City Council
State Senator Brian J. Boquist
State Senator Sara Gelser
State Representative Dan Rayfield
Benton County Sheriff Scott Jackson
Retired Benton County Sheriff Dave Cook
Retired Benton County Sheriff Stan Robson
Retired Benton County Sheriff
Diana Simpson
Retired Benton County Sheriff
Jim Swinyard
Benton County Commissioner Jay Dixon
Benton County Commissioner
Annabelle Jaramillo
Benton County Commissioner
Anne Schuster
Benton County District Attorney
John Haroldson
Honorable Judge David B. Connell
Honorable Judge Matthew J. Donohue
Honorable Judge Locke A. Williams
Albany Mayor Sharon Konopa
Corvallis Mayor Biff Traber
Corvallis City Councilor Mike Beilstein
Monroe Mayor Frank Thayer
Philomath Mayor Rocky Sloan
Philomath City Councilor Angie Baca
SUPPORTED BY
Donn Alexander
Gail Anderson
Mike Avery
Karen Madsen-Barton
Keith Barton
Michael Beilstein
Pete Bober
Elizabeth Carle
Mike & Judy Corwin
Cindy Dahl
Christopher Dale
Rick DeBellis
Harry and Merry Demarest
Bob Devine
Pat Dixon
Ed Durrenberger
Vaughn Emmons
Jan Evans
Dianne Farrell
Thomas Gallagher, Jr.
Bret Godfrey
Robert Heald
Edward and Kathleen Heath
Richard and Karen Hein
Loyd Henion
Debra Higbee-Sudyka
Viki Dimick Jackson
Randy Jones
Will and Donna Keim
Janice Knapp
Lee and Suzanne Lazaro
Claire Meints Lee
Anne Marie Levis
Min-Hein Lin
Pat Malone
Julie Manning
Susan Mclaren
Stacy Mellem
Barbara Mullins
Rick Osborn
David Peterson
Rachel Pross
Diana Rabago
Steve Redman
William Root
Skip Rung
Anne & Bill Smart
Candy Smith
B. Bond Starker
Lee Strandberg
Janet Swinyard
Cliff & Joanne Trow
Stewart Wershow
Curtis & Jo Ann Wright
Penny York
Authorized and paid for by Citizens For A Safe Benton County
922 NW Circle Blvd., Suite 160 #299, Corvallis, OR 97330
Thursday, October 29th
7PM to 11PM
Fr i g h t s i de @ the Whiteside
F a m i l y F r i e n d l y L i v e M u s i c b y :
All the Apparatus * Symbiotic Quintet
The Brutal Bridges Band * Sandbox
C o s t u m e s , f a c e - p a i n t i n g , p r i z e s , g i v e - a - w a y s & m o r e
Advance tickets $7/person or $20/family at
Troubadour Music Center, 521 SW 2nd St, Corvallis
and www.brownpapertickets.org
At the door $10/person or $25/family
Whiteside Theatre * 361 SW Madison Ave * Corvallis
Corvallis Advocate | 15

FINAL WEEKEND
13TH ANNUAL
Philomath Open Studios
October 28 th - November 3 rd
LOCAL
Carving Pumpkins
Caday Farm
Corvallis, Oregon
19 ¢ /lb
Over 35 local artists showcase their work
and open their studios for you. See art at its source!
Get a map and artist info at:
www.PhilomathOpenStudios.com
LOCAL OrgANiC
Butternut Squash
Gathering Together Farm
Philomath, Oregon
reg. $ 1 .39 /lb
99 ¢ /lb
OrgANiC
Sweet Onions
reg. $ 1 .49 /lb
99 ¢ /lb
Dansko Trunk Show
Saturday, Oct. 31 10 am - 4 pm
Y new ARRIVALS
Fall/Winter 2015
Y SneAk peek of Spring/
Summer 2016 designs
OrgANiC
Fuji
Apples
reg. $ 1 .99 /lb
99 ¢ /lb
OrgANiC
Hachiya
Persimmons
reg. $ 1 .59 /ea
4/ $ 5
Y FRee gIFt with every
Dansko purchase
Y RegISteR to wIn a
pair of Dansko shoes
Y ReFReShmentS
OrgANiC
Starkrimson
Pear
reg. $ 1 .99 /lb
$
1 .79 /lb
First Alternative
NATURAL FOODS CO-OP
OrgANiC
Comice
Pears
reg. $ 2 .59 /lb
$
1 .79 /lb
301 SW Madison • Corvallis • 541.757.0875
Facebook.com/footwisecorvallis
Mon-Sat 10-6 & Sun 11-5
North Corvallis
29 th & Grant Ave.
Open Daily 7am-10pm
www.firstalt.coop
South Corvallis
1007 SE 3 rd St.