BGB Master Completed

Brain Go BOOM!
Author/Survivor: John Cooper
Chapter 17: My New Dwelling
M
iss Backup Singer and Mr. Mustache rolled me into my new dwelling. It was like going
from the Ritz Carlton to Motel 6. A strong aroma of bleach lingered in the dimly lit
hallways which were cluttered with wheelchairs and walkers. What the hell did I get myself
into? They pulled me into my new bedroom and positioned my gurney next to the bed. Out of
nowhere, my new my roommate yelled, “I’ve got shit on my balls!” What? He repeated this
loudly, several times, as I was being moved from the gurney onto the bed. Maybe he and I had
some sort of testicular connection? Great, I am in hell! About five or ten minutes later, a nurse’s
aide came in to clean him up.
This was the evening shift, so I understood that there are less people around to help out.
Many times I’d been in that type of understaffed scenario as an RN, but this was not the
welcoming party I expected. Laura and my father were already there because, unlike the Brady
Bunch helicopter, they beat the ambulance driver who had taken her nostalgic tour of
Philadelphia to the rehab. I nearly had a nervous breakdown and did not want to be left alone.
However, within a day, Laura pushed all of the right buttons and I was moved to a new room,
without a roommate.
Day two comprised of rigorous evaluations from the physical, occupational and speech
therapists. They came in one after the other. I was physically, cognitively and emotionally
overwhelmed. I felt like Santiago, in Hemingway’s Old Man and the Sea; out of luck and
struggling to pull that damn marlin onto his boat in one piece.
A therapist arrived to evaluate my cognitive deficits. She asked some basic questions like
the time, day, year, and president of the United States. I aced them because Hospital J asked the
same questions several times a day. Then, she asked more complex questions. “Can you spell
the word world backwards?” I couldn’t do it. “John here is some pennies, nickels, dimes, and
quarters. Can you tell me what each of them is worth?” BOOM! I was only able to get two of
them right. They placed a pile of change in front of me and asked me to add it all up. I couldn’t
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