EDITION!

1.
Freelance hipsters
Screenwriter, graphic designer,
journalist, blogger... the rst
thing they all do when entering a
bar is ask for the WiFi password.
These customers are bad for
business, because they stay for
hours and only order the
occasional Red Bull or coffee
to keep them going.
2.
Compulsive gamblers
Another disaster for bars, they
spend ages on the slot
machines and order next to
nothing as they’re so focused
on those spinning apples and
pears. Having said that, the
gamblers are more welcome
than the freelancers because at
least they’re pouring money into
the machines.
3.
Fusspots
A decaf white coffee, not too
heavy on the coffee, with warm
milk and brown sugar. Oh wait,
it’s too hot. Hang on, the milk
tastes off. Are you sure it’s
decaf? Yes, sometimes it’s easy
to understand why bars reserve
the right to refuse admission.
It’s for clients like these.
4.
The unquenchables
One round, just one more,
denitely the last one... that’s
how time ies as the empty
glasses build up, tongues get
looser and bladders fuller, and
everyone is best friends, and
the next day you swear you’ll be
healthy from now on and won’t
go drinking for at least a month,
and then suddenly a WhatsApp
appears – ‘Fancy a quick one?’
5.
Readers
They come in, do a quick recce,
spot their favourite newspaper
and make a beeline for it. And if
someone’s already reading it?
They mutter and grumble,
Barcelona
Top Ten
Who’s who at
the bar
besiege the hapless person with
the paper, pestering them until
they give it up. Readers would
never dream of buying a paper,
which makes them the worst of
all – ruining not only the bar’s
business, but also the
newspaper vendor’s.
6.
Regulars
These customers have decided
to deal with the loneliness of
city life by turning their local bar
into a kind of parish church.They
usually know everything, and
4
6
5
IVÁN MORENO
MARIA DIAS
what they don’t know, they make
up. Armed with dominoes and
brandy-laden coffee, they’re
worse gossips than concierges,
but as they’re usually men, they
don’t have such a bad rap as the
(often female) concierges.
7.
Tourists
They’re usually quieter than the
locals, and they often eat more,
especially if we’re talking about
tapas. They have an unfortunate
tendency to order sangria and
their friendliness grows in
proportion to the amount of
alcohol consumed – until it
explodes out of them.
8.
Salespeople
In suit and tie, and carrying
cases full of samples, they
spend handsomely using the
company credit card and are
usually on their Blackberrys
doing business while waiting for
a client. They’d chuck it all in to
be at the bar with their mates
and not for work.
9.
Non-working parents
These are the parents who,
once they’ve dropped the
children at school, go together
for breakfast at the nearest bar.
They’re a danger for private and
public institutions because of
their poisonous conversation
about the poor teachers who
they reckon are doing everything
wrong for their little angels.
10.
The self-important
They elbow their way through to
get a place at the bar, not giving
a thought to shouting ‘nena’,
‘jove’,‘jefe’ (‘girl’,‘young man’,
‘boss’) or whatever it takes to
get the attention of whoever’s
serving. They assume they
deserve to have their order
taken rst, and they never tip
because they don’t have time.
By Ada Castells
66 Buy tickets & book restaurants at www.timeout.com/barcelona & bcnshop.com