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December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
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Contents & Letters
News
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
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Letters
Dear Editor
An earnest young woman armed with
a clipboard blocked my path on the Kings
Road this morning and asked me if I
thought that 'we' should be bombing Syria
as of tomorrow. My assumption was that
she was a poll person. I replied as follows:
After due reflection, I cannot and
will not condone our mighty air force
of I believe 8 aircraft joining Western
and Russian and French military might
in decimating Syria still further than
Assad has managed to do thus far. Their
reactions are reactionary and complex for
I suppose understandable reasons, but can
hardly be described as grown up. How
anyone with the slightest grasp of history
can think that dropping bombs on an
enemy alone will force it into submission
Editor:
Art Director & Director
Deputy Editor & Head of
Business Development
Architecture:
Art & Culture Editors:
Astronomy:
Ballet/Dance
Bridge:
Chess:
Contributing Editors:
Classical Music
Crossword:
Dining Out:
Kate Hawthorne
Tim Epps
Dr Emma Trehane
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Emily Eaton, Jonathan Macnabb,
Alan Pink, Derek Wyatt
James Douglas
Wolfe
David Hughes
is beyond me. England was the recipient
of millions of tons of ordinance between
1939 and 1944 and as I understand it from
history books and my parents, was made
more resolute and stronger because it.
If there had been jack boots involved
the story may have been very different.
For the last 15 years we, the West, have
excelled at destroying countries, creating
an existential void, killing civilians
indiscriminately and destroying every
vestige of infrastructure. Unsurprisingly,
this venally motivated destruction has left
in its wake an understandably, from their
perspective, hate-focused generation and a
void which is now being rapidly filled with
the most disgusting, immoral and odorous
group of heathens who make Genghis
Khan look like a scout master. What did
we do to deserve such moronic leadership?
Perhaps the problem is that our dear
leaders are all so called baby boomers who
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Editorial:
Events:
Food & Flowers:
Gentlemen's Fashion
Marketing & Business
Development:
Motoring:
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& Arts Correspondent:
Poetry Editor:
Sub-Editor:
Young Chelsea:
Editors
Sporting Calendar
have never been tested under fire either
literally or existentially and like hamsters
fresh to the wheel seem to have no idea of
the consequence of their actions militarily.
As I understand it, Libya is now
the new party central for Isis. The first
beheadings and four crucifixions were held
in the market place yesterday in Surt. The
fourth estate have as yet to agree even what
to collectively call these despicable excuses
for humans thus dehumanising them yet
further. Instead of indiscriminate bombing,
go after their money, their arms supply,
conduct covert SAS style operations and
assassinations of their leaders, educate and
protect us. I mean, why don't we buck the
trend and send the three ships or so that
comprise that elite force called the Royal
Navy and shell Surt ? It would be loads of
fun and we could really make a difference
and lots of friends.
By the way, any idea of the cost of one
single 1000lb bomb combined with the
price of its delivery? It would take care
of your heating bill all winter and of the
recipients too. By the way, do you know
how many Arab kids have a copy of that
wonderful picture of piled up prisoners
from Abu Grade on their bedroom wall?
The birth of Isis delivered screaming from
a womb of hate by the kind midwifery of
Bush and Blair. Wet the baby's head with
blood and oil and sleep with Angels. Bless.
There's a lot to look forward to.
Do I make myself understood and may
I go now?
I'll put that down as a NO then.
Mark Hilpern
Dear Editor,
Chernobyl Children’s Project UK was
set up to support children, families and
young people in Belarus, the country worst
affected by the 1986 Nuclear Disaster.
They bring children from Belarus to the
UK for recuperative holidays and provide
holidays at a holiday camp in Belarus for
those children who cannot come to the
UK. They support the Children’s Hospice
Movement and purchase urgently needed
medicines. The charity works to focus
on improving the educational and social
opportunities for children and young
people with disabilities and promoting
the integration of children with physical
disabilities into schools. Please visit www.
chernobyl-children.org.uk to find out
more.
Kind Regards,
Jacqueline
May Bulman, Fergus Coltsmann, Jade Parker,
Rosie Quigley, Fahad Redha
Leila Kooros, Jeanne Griffiths, Fahad Redha
Limpet Barron
John Springs
Caroline Daggett, Antoinette Kovatchka
Johan Thomsen
Don Grant, David Hughes,
Fahad Redha
Max Feldman
Emma Trehane MA Ph.D
Leila Kooros
Max Feldman, Emily Eaton
Compiled by Fahad Redha
Contents
Contents & Letters 2
News 3
Statue & Blue Plaque 10
International 12
Opinion & Comment 14
Business & Finance 16
Education 20
Literature 26
Poetry 27
Young Chelsea 28
Astronomy 30
Horology 31
Gentlemen’s Fashion 32
Lifestyle 33
Dining Out 34
Wining Out 37
Food & Flowers 38
Gardening & Lifestyle 39
Events 40
Arts & Culture 52
Travel 67
Health 70
Motoring 74
Sporting Calendar 77
Crossword & Marketplace 78
Chess & Bridge 79
Parliament Squared
by Derek Wyatt
P 2
It's been an extraordinary
couple of months for those in
the Westminster bubble. Four
important developments now look to
have taken hold.
The first is that the Conservative
Party looks unassailable and may
be in power for a decade or more.
As a consequence it will diminish
Parliament. It will be content with less
people being registered and able to
vote.
They will reduce step by step,
starting with the cuts to Short money
for opposition parties and finishing
with an even weaker House of Lords,
the democratic state. The Tories know
how, like no other party, to remain in
power. It’s in their very being.
The second problem is there is no
effective opposition. The Labour Party
has lost momentum. It has already
ceded after less than seven months
since the General Election the right
to be called Her Majesty’s Loyal
Opposition. The Party has become
a laughing stock. Its shadow cabinet
found it difficult to support its leader
which was clearly evident over the
tactics surrounding the vote on Syria.
Worse, Jeremy Corbyn believes that
party members should have more say in
how their MPs vote. If this continues I
expect over fifty Labour MPs to resign
the Whip and then the party. This flies
in the face of representative democracy.
Mayhem is just around the corner.
Corbyn is on thin ice.
Whilst these two developments
unfold the UKIP cause is stuck because
the electoral system is against it. We
may argue that ‘first past the post’ sees
many MPs elected with less than 50%
of the vote but this favours the Tories
and, at this seasonal time, turkeys do
not vote for Christmas. Save for the
noise around the EU referendum in
2017, UKIP is currently stuffed.
Meanwhile, David Cameron has
had another excellent year as Prime
Minister. Obituaries being written
about him last Christmas were
extraordinarily wide of the mark...
Perhaps, there was too much bubble
in the Bubble. He, above all other
politicians, even ‘Boy’ George Osborne,
deserves the accolade: Politician of the
Year.
Whither Boris Johnson? His year
has been disappointing but do not rule
him out as our next Prime Minister.
But if he is to succeed he must trim his
sails. Aside from his love affair with
cycling, what has he achieved as Mayor
for our great city? Precious little.
We are one of the least resilient
cities of the western world. Our
transport system is cracking up
everywhere, our housing for young
people is non existent, and pollution
is worse. BoJo has been pre-occupied
with his writing, his publicity machine,
and his travels. If he is to land the job
of PM he has to build a stronger base
within his own party at Westminster
and give some sustenance to a coherent
manifesto for the next decade.
But 2016 will not be plain
sailing for Cameron. He has to ring
some changes from a bloated and
undemocratic machine in Brussels.
Continental Europe’s Commissioners
and MEPs live in a world which
culturally we find hard to comprehend.
Even with the toughest economic
outlook stretching back and forward
almost a decade, they only want bigger
and bigger budgets. They are fast
becoming the FIFA of Politics. It’s
time they understood that less is more.
The winner
of the 2015
Turner Prize is
Assemble
By Emily Eaton
The result was announced in the
Tramway in Glasgow on Monday 7th
December, the first time Europe’s most
prestigious contemporary art prize had
visited Scotland. Dr Penelope Curtis,
Director at Tate Britain, said of the
location of the awards ceremony, “Given
how many artists from Glasgow have
made up the Turner Prize shortlists over
recent years, it is great to have the Prize
on show in Tramway, which feels like a
natural home.”
The four artists up for the prize this
year included; Assemble (a London
based collective), Bonnie Camplin,
Janice Kerbel and Nicole Wermers, in
what was a very female heavy short list
this year.
The winning artist was the collective
Assemble. The other nominees put
forward strong competition, with
predictions varying in the popular press.
Assemble are a collective working across
the fields of art, architecture and design
to produce transformative community
projects. They were nominated for the
resident-led projects they have seen
out in the run-down Toxteth estate in
Liverpool.
London artist, Bonnie Camplin, a
lecturer in Fine Art at Goldsmiths, was
nominated for her piece The Military
Industrial Complex, South London
Gallery, which took the form of a study
room exploring what ‘consensus’ reality
is and how it is formed, drawing from
physics to philosophy, psychology,
witchcraft, quantum theory, and warfare.
Janice Kerbel’s nomination was
thanks to her operatic work DOUG,
which was commissioned by The
Common Guild at Mitchell Library,
Glasgow. In a promotional video,
Kerbel said “I don’t feel any loyalty
to a particular medium or material…
The piece for the Turner Prize is a
piece I wrote almost exclusively on the
computer because I don’t have the skills
to write in any other way.” DOUG is a
performative piece which takes the form
of nine songs for six voices.
Nicole Wermers produced a work
entitled Infrastruktur. This is a series of
untitled chairs with fur coats attached to
their backs, reminiscent of the moments
when people claim public space, in
restaurants or cafes as their own by
hanging their coats off their chairs. Her
work hints at the appropriation of art
and design in consumer culture and
Wermers works in a variety of mediums
including sculptures, collages, and
installations
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December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
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News News online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Crossrail
and London
Underground
lauded at the NCE
International Tunnelling
Awards
by Fergus Coltsmann
Transport for London (TfL)
experienced great success at
the 2015 New Civil Engineer
(NCE) International Tunnelling and
Underground Space Awards, held at
Grosvenor House Hotel on the 3rd of
December.
Crossrail won the Judge’s Supreme
Award, on which Crossrail Programme
Director Simon Wright commented:
“This award is fantastic recognition for
everyone who works on Crossrail. Over
the last three years, our highly skilled
team have worked tirelessly to build
these major tunnels under one of the
world’s busiest cities.”
London Underground took home
the Global Tunnelling Project of the
Year (under $500 million) Award for the
Bond Street station upgrade, which will
see capacity increase by 30%.
Nick Brown, Managing Director,
London Underground, said: “Over 200
engineers and staff have been working
on site at Bond Street 24-hours-a-day,
for two years. This complex station
upgrade, beneath an extraordinarily
small footprint on Oxford Street, has
been largely constructed out-of-sight,
all while keeping this essential station
open to the public. When the station
King’s snap up
Balls
By Fergus Coltsmann
King’s College London have appointed
Ed Balls, the former Labour Shadow
Chancellor, as a Visiting Professor to
the Policy Institute for this academic
year. Balls will assist in the teaching of
the Institute of Contemporary British
History’s ‘The Treasury and Economic
History since 1945’ postgraduate module
in partnership with HM Treasury.
Upon his appointment in late
October, he commented: “I am
impressed by the drive and vision that
the leadership team at King's have
for the Policy Institute. It is filling an
important gap and I am honoured to
play my part in helping them succeed.”
Dr Jon Davis, Director of
Partnerships and The Strand Group
at the Policy Institute at King's, and
lead academic on ‘The Treasury and
upgrade is complete it will dramatically
increase transport capacity in the heart
of London’s busiest shopping district and
I thank our customers for their patience
while this work continues.”
Both TfL and Crossrail were
successful in multiple other categories
too. London Underground picked up
the Tunnel Operator of the Year award,
and the Rehabilitation Project of the
Year award for the Bond Street to Baker
Street Tunnel Relining Project. Crossrail
picked up the awards for Product/
Equipment Innovation and Technical
Innovation, and was named the Rising
Star of the Year.
Economic History since 1945’ module
added: “Ed Balls is a globally renowned
figure, central for the past quarter of a
century to economic governance in the
UK and beyond. We are delighted that
he has agreed to join us and help build
our burgeoning teaching of government
history”.
Balls was one of the most high
profile politicians to lose their seat in
May’s General Election. The move
into education is seen by some as
confirmation that he will not be rejoining
politics anytime soon.
Ed Balls is also infamous for tweeting
his own name, leading to internet
phenomenon ‘Ed Balls Day’, where
netizens tweet his name.
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Government
plans to charge
non-Eu patients
for NHS primary care
The government are planning to
extend NHS charges for non-EU
patients to some GP services,
including x-rays, prescriptions and blood
tests.
Earlier in the year, the government
indicated that it intended to charge
visitors, ex-residents and migrants for
A&E and ambulance care, but this has
now been extended to some GP services
too.
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt
has said that the added charges would
save taxpayers £500 million a year, and
ensure that such patients made a fair
contribution.
But the plans have come under fire
from doctors' leaders and unions, who
warn that the government’s proposals
could create unintended drawbacks for
the NHS and patients.
Dr Mark Porter, Chair of the British
Medical Association Council, said:
“Not only will this arrangement cause
Rubber Soul is the most important
album bar none and it’s fifty. Respect
to the others; this is the best. In socioartistic
terms it represents The Beatles’
shift from the Beatlemania of their
two underrated, previous best outings
Help and A Hard Day’s Night. Rubber
Soul is free of aunties’ novelty numbers;
it redefines the term ‘musical purity’
in a way that nothing has since. The
50
chorus French on Michelle is a bit dated
© Warner Music
Rubber Soul
50th Birthday Review
Released 3rd December 1965
By James Douglas
confusion amongst patients, it will also
require GPs and hospital doctors to
regulate these charges, which could end
up costing more to run than it collects in
revenue.
"Most importantly, there is a real
risk that some migrants and short term
visitors who desperately need care could
be discouraged from approaching the
NHS if they cannot pay the charges.
“We cannot have a situation where
any patient with a serious health need is
deterred from seeing a doctor, especially
if their condition raises a potential public
health risk.”
The Department of Health have said
the most vulnerable groups, including
refugees and asylum seekers, would
continue to be exempt from charges.
A consultation was launched on 7
December and is expected to run until
March 2016.
but highlights that nothing else is. I’m
writing this late into the evening on
press-night, and (one of Sir George
Martin’s music producers) Editor Kate’s
in tears harmonising with Tim-the-
Inks, and even Edgy Emma’s joining in
on Nowhere Man and Girl, the album’s
pivotal tracks drawing in the various pop,
rock, and psychedelic themes, a prelude
for their greatest track of all In My Life.
The most famous over the years has
become Norwegian Wood and while Ravi
Shankar didn’t actually play the sitar, he
did teach George Harrison. It was the
first time the sitar featured prominently
on a western hit and marks the moment
when the biggest act in the history of
pop shifted up a gear and became the
most important experimental band in the
history of rock.
Operation
Bumblebee
to combat seasonal
burglary spike
By Fergus Coltsmann
The Metropolitan police
have launched operation
Bumblebee, running all
of this quarter, to combat
burglary. Despite overall
burglary rates in London
being the lowest in four
decades, historically burglary
rates increase by 25% during
the autumn and winter
months. The Met correlate
the spike to the increased
time homes spend in darkness, and to
the increased reward associated with
Christmas gifts.
The Met is calling on Londoners to
take simple steps which deter burglars.
Their advice includes not leaving keys
within sight of letter boxes, as they can
London Football
Traffic Watch
December 12
Fulham v Brentford, 15:00-16:45
December 15
Fulham v Ipswich, 19:45-21:30
December 19
Chelsea v Sunderland,
15:00-16:45
December 26
Chelsea v Watford, 15:00-16:45
December 29
Fulham v Rotherham, 19:45-21:30
January 2
Fulham v Sheff Wed, 15:00-16:45
January 13
Chelsea v West Brom, 19:45-21:30
January 16
Chelsea v Everton, 15:00-16:45
January 23
Fulham v Hull, 15:00-16:45
January 24
Arsenal v Chelsea, 16:00-17:45
Games may go to extra time and
take longer than 90 minutes.
be reached by long hooks or magnets,
ensuring that a landlord changes the
locks when a new tenancy begins, and
registering valuable or sentimental items
at immobilise.com.
For more information, please visit
metbumblebee.org.
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December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
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News
News
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
London's French
community
reacts to surge in France's
extreme right following Paris
attacks
By May Bulman
Following the Front National's
biggest victory ever in the first
round of France's regional
elections, London's French community
have expressed their reactions to the
surge in support for the far-right.
The anti-immigration party won
almost 28% of the national vote last
Sunday, compared to only 11% in the
2010 regional elections.
In popular French café Raison
d'Etre, a group of students from Lycée
Charles de Gaulle were expressing their
disappointment at the results. One girl
said: "It's disappointing for us.
"But we aren't actually there. I know
that people in France are afraid."
Emmanuelle, a home goods
distributor in South Kensington, has
seen this coming for a while. She said:
"It's been heading this way for yearsnot
just since the attacks.
"Unfortunately people are losing
their faith in politicians and seeing the
FN as a realistic alternative."
Marc Genet, President of the French
Society at the LSE, comes from Provence-
Alpes-Cote d'Azur, where the Front
National won its biggest majority with
41.9%. He said: "It is scary, but it wasn't
unexpected.
"FN has benefitted from the attacks
in Paris. People aren't thinking straight.
They are scared, so they are turning to
extremes."
Marc is travelling back to France at the
weekend, where he will vote in the second
round of the elections.
“A lot of people didn’t vote in the first
round; many have lost faith in politics
altogether,” he added.
“But I’m hopeful that the result will act
as a red signal, and that people will wake
up to what is happening, and vote.”
Dive the Great
Barrier Reef
in virtual reality with Sir
David Attenborough
By Jade Parker
The Natural History Museum has
collaborated with Atlantic Productions
for David Attenborough’s Great Barrier
Reef Dive, an incredible 360 degree
virtual experience which takes visitors on
a journey through the world’s greatest
coral reef.
Travelling deep beneath the
waves, esteemed broadcaster David
Attenborough guides viewers through
the natural wonderland using a state of
the art submersible. During the unique
experience viewers can expect to come
face to face with deadly reef sharks and
darting shoals of fish.
The exhibition, which is running
from the 11th of December for six
weeks at the Attenborough studio in
the Natural History Museum, coincides
with BBC ONE’s new series David
Attenborough’s Great Barrier Reef which
premieres this winter.
“Virtual reality is a powerful way
of transporting us to some of the
most extraordinary environments on
our planet,” said Sir Michael Dixon,
Director of the Natural History
Museum. “At the Natural History
Museum, we’re always looking for new
was to challenge the way people think
about the natural world- its past, present
and future.”
“This experience provides a rare
insight into the beauty and diversity of
the Great Barrier Reef. It highlights
the knowledge from research that is so
vital for understanding and adapting to
environmental change in one of Earth’s
most important ecosystems.”
The experience which lasts
approximately 15 minutes plays on
Samsung’s latest wearable technology,
the VR Innovator Edition virtual reality
headsets.
Admission costs £6.50 for adults and
£4.50 for members and patrons.
BP Portrait
Award 2016
competition opens for entries
By Jade Parker
The National Portrait Gallery
is inviting entries for its BP
Portrait Award, an international
competition, run to recognise
outstanding and innovative portraiture
work being produced by artists of all
ages.
Now in its 36th year at the National
Portrait Gallery, the Award is the most
prestigious international portrait painting
competition of its kind and has launched
the careers of many
renowned artists.
It has become an
increasingly popular
competition with a huge
international reach, as
shown by the record
breaking 2,748 entries
it received last year.
Of these entries, 55
paintings were chosen to
be exhibited at the gallery
which were seen by
nearly 330,000 people.
First prize is awarded
£30,000, one of the
largest prizes of any
global arts competitions.
The winner also receives a commission
worth £5,000 to paint a portrait for the
National Portrait Gallery’s permanent
collection, to be agreed between the
Gallery and the artist.
Prize winners will be selected by a
judging panel chaired by Dr Nicholas
Cullinan, Director of the National
Portrait Gallery. To enter, artists are
invited to upload a photograph of their
finished painting to the BP Portrait
Award website for consideration in the
first round of the competition.
All exhibitors will also be eligible
to submit a proposal for the BP Travel
Award 2016, which aims to provide the
opportunity for an artist to experience
working on projects related to portraiture
in a different environment. The winner
of this travel award will receive £6,000.
Artists can enter at npg.org.uk/bp up
until Tuesday 2nd of February 2016.
RBKC tops
expensive streets
list
By Fergus Coltsmann
The Royal Borough of Kensington and
Chelsea is home to twelve of the twenty
most expensive streets in England and
Wales, research conducted by Lloyds
Bank has revealed. All of the fifty most
expensive are in the south of England.
Kensington’s Victoria Road topped
the list as the most expensive residential
street. The average house price between
2010 and 2015 was £8,006,000, data
from the Land Registry and Royal Mail
shows. By way of contrast, Wales’ most
expensive street is Druidstone Road in
Cardiff, which has an average price of
£793,000.
Other chart topping Kensington
and Chelsea Streets include Egerton
Crescent, in at number two with an
average house price of £7,550,000; the
third most expensive, Manresa Road
(£7,359,000); and De Vere Gardens,
the fifth most expensive with an average
house price of £6,606,000.
Westminster occupied four of the top
twenty spots, with Eaton Square coming
in as the fourth most expensive street in
the country with an average house price
of £6,727,000.
Andrew Mason, Mortgages Director
at Lloyds Bank, commented:
"The largest concentration of
England's most expensive streets is in
Kensington and Chelsea. This part of
London has always had a glamorous
reputation, attracting overseas buyers as
well as those from the worlds of business
and entertainment. The area clearly has
its attractions with excellent schools,
designer shops, close proximity to the
capital's business district and properties
with the highest specifications. Other
areas in the capital have similar qualities
but property prices in Kensington and
Chelsea tend to outperform the rest of
London”.
Westminster
schools invited
to apply for cultural school
trips fund
By Fergus Coltsmann
Westminster schools are being urged
to benefit from a £100,000 fund that
will assist school trips to the City of
London’s many iconic cultural venues.
The fund has been launched by the
local authority for the historic Square
Mile, the City of London Corporation
and will include trips to Museum of
London, Tower Bridge, Guildhall
School of Music and Drama, and the
Barbican Centre.
The fund is for primary, secondary
schools and special schools across
the capital where at least 30% of
pupils receive the Pupil Premium.
Schools can apply for grants to cover
essential school trip costs including
admission/session fees, transport hire
and supply teachers. The aim of the
fund is to make the City’s cultural
destinations more accessible to schools
in disadvantaged areas, who often find
it challenging to raise funds.
The fund, which will be available
for three years, will be managed by the
Museum of London, and schools can
apply directly via a website. The City of
London Corporation is the fourth largest
funder of the arts in the UK, and every
year, 200,000 pupils benefit from the
City’s cultural offering, either through
school trips or education outreach.
Catherine McGuinness, Chair of the
Education Board at the City of London
Corporation, said: “School trips are an
essential part of pupils’ development;
exposing them to new learning
experiences which can strengthen what
they are taught in the classroom. Many
young people living in London have never
been outside their borough, so visits to
museums, art galleries, open spaces and
arts centres can really help expand their
horizons, boost educational attainment,
as well as a number of soft skills such as
confidence and team building. We hope
the fund will relieve some of the financial
pressures and encourage more schools to
participate in cultural trips.”
To apply for a grant from the City of
London School Visits Fund visit: http://
cityschoolvisitsfund.org.uk/
Save our Sutton
By May Bulman
Andrew Barshall, Ian Henderson and MP Victoria Borwick outside the Sutton Estate
Plans to redevelop the Sutton Estate in
Chelsea have come under fire as multiple
campaign groups rally against the
proposals.
The plans, put forward by Affinity
Sutton, have been hotly contested by
campaign group Save our Sutton and the
Victorian Society, which have garnered
support from celebrities including
comedian Eddie Izzard (as covered by
this paper in October 2014).
Andrew Barshall, who is leading the
Save our Sutton campaign, said: “Affinity
Sutton’s plans would mean a loss of social
housing amounting to 146 homes that
won’t be replaced. This is in clear breach
of the 2012 RBKC Core Strategy.”
A petition titled Stop the demolition of
Sutton Estate, launched by Chair of the
Sutton Estate Residents’ Association Ian
Henderson, has gained almost 11,000
signatures, and an independent survey
“With its
handsome
proportions it is
unsurprising that
many residents
are unhappy at
leaving”
has revealed that over 80% of residents
are against the plans.
Mr Henderson said: “If the plans go
ahead we’ll be living in a building site
for eight years, and we’ll have a large
road running through our community.
“It’ll see the destruction of a socially
mixed community that is over 100 years
old. It feels as though the legacy left by
William Sutton is being stolen from us.”
The Victorian Society, also against
the proposals, have argued that the estate
has too much architectural importance
to be demolished.
James Hughes, Victorian Society
Conservative Advisor, said: “With its
handsome proportions it is unsurprising
that many residents are unhappy at
leaving.”
Public consultation on the
redevelopment plans ends on 11th
December.
Mega-basement
plans still going
ahead in RBKC
despite ban being put in place
By Jade Parker
A series of mega-basements planning
applications are still being put forward
to the Royal Borough of Kensington
and Chelsea (RBKC) despite the council
winning a historic battle last year to
limit the scale of basement development.
The ban was put in place throughout
the Royal Borough after the builds were
considered to be unacceptably disruptive
to residents.
Planning applications which have
recently been submitted to the council
include a proposed mega-basement build
on Queens Gate Mews, near Gloucester
Road, that will include the construction
of a single storey basement and a
proposed mega build from a former
catwalk model, Lady Sophia Hamilton,
and her banker fiancée in a build that
could last up to 16 months. The couple
wish to expand their basement within
their £12 million Kensington townhouse
in order to accommodate a spa,
swimming pool, sauna and gym.
The possibility of yet more mega-
basements has angered tenants
considerably. Ms Kerry Foster, a local
resident who would be severely disrupted
by the proposed mega basement build
on Gloucester Road, wrote in a public
comment: “We have lived through
the horror of basement-building on
either side of us over the last couple of
years that includes the noise of trucks
coming and going, noise of workers,
noise of working, additional litter,
cigarette smoke drifting into the house,
hoardings and general disease. It was
very disruptive and intrusive.” She
went further to say: “I sympathise with
those living close by this proposed
development and also dread the impacts
on our home life for an extended period
of time should it proceed.”
Mega-basements have become a
controversial topic throughout the capital
as builds have become bigger and more
ambitious. Some of the underground
constructions have become so cavernous
that they have been dubbed “iceberg
homes” as only a minuscule fraction of
the house is visible above ground.
Despite the various councils limiting
the size of basement developments and
banning their construction outright in
listed buildings, planning applications
have still been able to slip through the
net. In November, Jon Hunt, founder
of Foxton’s estate agency, defeated court
bids from the French Government to
block the expansion of his basement. The
build in his Grade II listed building in
Kensington Gardens, next to the French
Embassy, will allow him to transform
his basement into a museum for his
collection of vintage cars. The French
government will now have to pay the
majority of council’s costs, estimated to
be roughly £100,000.
Many other boroughs are joining the
Royal Borough by implementing bans
on the size of the builds that can go
ahead, with Westminster and Camden
introducing strict restrictions on the
construction of mega-basements earlier
this year.
Big Ben to stop
Big Ben will be switched off for
four months for repairs. The
clock’s hands, mechanism and
pendulum as well as the tower are
in need of refurbishment to prevent
‘reputational damage’, the BBC
reported.
A report from the Commons
Finance Committee said problems
that had been identified with the
tower include cracks and damage
to the masonry. Upgrades will also
bring the building in line with health
and safety regulations. “No decisions
on works, timescales or costs have
been agreed,” a parliamentary
spokesperson said.
Officials have said that “to
prevent the clock from failing, would
cost £4.9m and full refurbishment,
£29m”. With the addition of a visitor
centre at the bottom, as well as a lift
to the top, this could rise to £40m.
This is the first time in 31 years that
Big Ben has been stopped for repairs.
Last time, the clock was out of action
for 26 days during a 9 month repair
process. If the plans in this new
parliamentary report go into action,
it will be the longest time the clock
has been silent for its 159-year life.
Sunday Times experts have said
that “the clock has chronic problems
with the bearing of the hands and the
pendulum. Either could become acute
at any time, causing the clock to
stop”, so action is necessary. FR

8 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
9
News
News
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Photograph © Fergus Coltsmann
#GrantsNotDebt
demonstration
By Fergus Coltsmann
Gentlemen,
Stop Your
Engines!
By Max Feldman
Photograph © Rod McClancy
Protests and demonstrations are
a big part of Westminster life.
They were particularly notable
in November this year, with NCAFC
demonstration, the Million Mask march
on Bonfire night, multiple Stop the War
demos regarding Syria, and even Junior
Doctors all taking place in the space
of a month. KCW Today attended the
#GrantsNotDebt Demo.
On the 4th of November, the
National Campaign Against Fees and
Cuts (NCAFC), a mainly student
organisation with eponymous goals,
held a demonstration in London
against the Government’s plans to scrap
maintenance grants and replace them
with loans. NCAFC argues the plans
will block off access to higher education
for the poorest, with students from more
disadvantaged backgrounds graduating
with the highest debts.
The march was largely peaceful, until
a small part of the crowd, dressed in
black bloc (all black clothing covering
the face, often boiler suits and balaclavas
which can easily be discarded once the
Catching
a break
My initial attempt at skiing was back
when I was 16 and, as such, knew
everything there was to know about the
world. At the time I was operating with
the kind of hubris that tends to end up
with military commanders deciding that
a winter invasion of Russia should be a
doddle. So, when faced by a double black
diamond run on my third day on the
slopes I decided that there could be no
possible way I wouldn’t be able to handle
it. Applauding my own daring I went
haring down the run (which had a nice
non-threatening name like Widowmaker
if I recall correctly). Predictably I was
soon laid up in hospital with a broken
ankle with plenty of time to reflect that
perhaps my knowledge of the world was
not quite what I had estimated it to be.
A great deal of pain and an even greater
amount of hopping later, and I decided
that my first time skiing would also be
my last.
However after being nagged by
my kids for a skiing holiday seemingly
non-stop for the last three years, even
the prospect of another broken ankle
seems a worthwhile sacrifice for a few
minutes of blessed silence. Unfortunately
several decades of sedentary living and
martinis have left me unlikely to fit into
the ski-gear I owned when I was 16 and
police decide to crack down) attempted
to force their way into the Department
for Business, Innovation, and Skills.
Eggs, paint, and at least one lit flare
were thrown at police officers and they
responded by attempting to kettle the
crowd, who quickly broke out and
splintered. Multiple groups of a hundred
or so ran and continued marching
around Victoria, often with minimal to
no police escort.
The Met denied that any
containment took place, and that only
one direction of travel was blocked off,
but one officer on the ground told a
Guardian journalist, which this reporter
overheard, “I don't think it's going
anywhere for a while” when the corral
was first attempted.
NCAFC’s post event statement
claimed over 10,000 people attended.
The Met put the number at 1000, and
the BBC at between 3-4000. NCAFC
also commented on the trouble:
“The march was met with some of
the most heavy handed policing we have
seen in years. Once protesters reached
the Department for Business… riot
police violently stormed the crowd.
The police forced a large section of the
protest into a kettle, resulting in panic
and confusion… We condemn this
unnecessary and aggressive response…
NCAFC has always advocated nonviolent
direct action”.
The sentiment on the ground
was that ‘heavy-handed policing’ had
provoked the crowd. A sabbatical union
officer from a London uni, who was at
the demo, claimed that no violence had
taken place on the part of the protestors.
When challenged that a lit flare was
thrown at an officer, she responded “I
wouldn’t say a flare is violent”, though
she distanced herself from the earlier
claim.
so I set out on the prowl to get myself customizations that ended up leaving
kitted out with new ski-gear to fend off the boots fitting better than any of my
exposure, indecent or otherwise! I ended regular shoes! Whilst toying with the
up at Altimus: a combination footwear, idea of whether strolling around High
clothing and specialist foot care store, on Street Kensington in ski-boots would
our very own High Street Kensington. be socially acceptable, I watched the
They informed me that there should be Altimus artisans sculpt my chosen boots
a lot more to choosing
your ski equipment than
whether it has flames
up the side (which was
my central concern at
age 16). The handson
staff offered me
a free biomechanical
assessment to help
find the ideal pair of
ski boots for me and,
despite having little idea
of what ‘biomechanical’
meant (but being quite
conversant on the
meaning of ‘free’). Soon
the sales assistant had
decided to ‘blow the
boots’, creating a 3D
model of my foot which
they could compare
to the chosen boots
to help find the ideal
pair. On seeing the
slightly unusual arch
of my feet, they went
on to work out what 138 High Street Kensington,
alterations could be
made to the basic boot
London W8 7RL
model with inserts and Tel: 020 7937 7177
Residents of Knightsbridge’s suffering
at the hands of noisy supercars racing
through the area can finally fight
back with boy racers found guilty of
disturbing the peace being liable for fines
of up to £1000 thanks to a new order.
RBKC council introduced the Public
Spaces Protection Order (PSPO) after
a successful consultation in the summer.
Motorists are now prohibited from
revving their engine, rapidly accelerating,
racing, performing stunts, sounding
horns or causing obstruction and are
also banned from leaving the engine of a
stationary car running.
"I am sure local residents will
welcome the introduction of the PSPO”
Cllr Tim Ahern, cabinet member for
Environment claimed "We know they
have suffered for some time with people
racing around the streets, accelerating
and breaking and congregating on
certain streets to show off their cars.
with a verve that you’d expect to see in an
artist’s workshop rather than a local shoe
shop! As I left the store I was surprised
to find my new purchases had left me
eagerly anticipating my second attempt
at ruling the slopes, I might be sticking
to the green runs this time though!
BRING ADVERT
IN AND GET £40
OFF ANY SKI
PURCHASE
Dragons over Chelsea. An alien has settled on the front of the Chelsea Arts Club, courtesy of artist Tony Common.
It is to announce the theme of the Chelsea Arts Club New Year’s Eve Ball “The Great Ball of China”.
Not the New
Scotland Yard
By Fergus Coltsmann
The new Scotland Yard, soon
to be home of the Met as they
move out of New Scotland
Yard, has been ‘topped out’. The new
Scotland Yard, not New Scotland Yard,
is adjacent to the original Scotland
Yard. New Scotland Yard, that is the old
New Scotland Yard but not the original
Scotland Yard, will be known as 10
Broadway. The new Scotland Yard was
previously the Curtis Green building.
The ‘topping out’ ceremony, where
the final beam is placed at the top of
the building, was conducted by the
Commissioner of the Metropolitan
police Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe and
the Deputy Mayor for Policing and
Crime Stephen Greenhalgh. The Curtis
Green building is located on the Victoria
Embankment and was already owned
by the Mayor’s Office for Policing and
Crime.
The move is a part of the Mayor’s
attempts to “put bobbies before
buildings”, as moving the headquarters
saves an estimated £6 million in running
costs per year. The Met bought the
freehold for New Scotland Yard in
2008 for £123.5 million, and sold it
last December for £370 million to the
Abu Dhabi Financial Group, who plan
on knocking down the building and
constructing luxury flats.
Of the topping out ceremony,
Commissioner Sir Bernard said:
"Selling 10 Broadway and moving our
headquarters to Curtis Green is allowing
us to reinvest in our remaining estate and
in the technology we need to support
our officers as they fight crime and
support victims. It is only with this kind
of intelligent investment that we will be
able to do more with less. The MPS is
focused on providing a more modern,
efficient, secure and cost-effective estate,
ensuring we remain at the forefront of
21st century policing and getting more
officers out on the streets, cutting crime,
cutting costs and providing total care for
Londoners."
Artistic campaign
to tackle a sticky
situation
By Jade Parker
Chewing gum that has been discarded
on the streets of Kensington and
Chelsea is being transformed into mini
works of art, in a campaign to highlight
how many people do not dispose of it
properly.
Ben Wilson AKA the Chewing Gum
Man is known for turning unsightly
gobs of chewing gum into pieces of art
throughout London. His paintings of
chewing gum can take anywhere from
3 hours to a few days to complete, and
his work has made him somewhat of a
mini celebrity in South Korea following
a television appearance there.
In a launch campaign, Ben Wilson
joined forces with recycling companies
Gumdrop and Suez to highlight just
how much chewing gum is disposed
of incorrectly and encourage people to
recycle their sticky treat. David Palmer-
Jones, Chief Executive Officer of SUEZ
Recycling and Recovery UK said: “This
campaign to encourage behavioural
change will help to ensure that discarded
gum doesn't simply stick to the streets
of London but instead becomes a useful
resource and can be used to make new
products.”
A piece of chewing gum can cost
as little as 3p. However just one piece
costs £1.50 to clean up, money which
the council argues could be redirected
towards front-line services.
RBKC Councillor Timothy Ahern
told KCW Today: “Very few people would
dispute the fact that spitting chewing
gum onto the streets is a disgusting habit.
It’s a nuisance for people, who have
to watch where they walk and it looks
unsightly. Not only that, it is expensive
and time consuming for councils to clean
up. Hopefully this campaign will free the
sole and make people think twice about
dropping their chewing gum on our
streets.”
Anyone caught dropping litter or
chewing gum in the Royal Borough
currently risks paying an eighty pound
fine. Cllr Ahern told KCW Today that he
wants chewing gum companies to also
pay up: “We would like manufacturers to
pay a tax on the sale of each gum packet
which would be passed to the Council to
pay for gum removal.”
The campaign which started in late
October will run until early May 2016,
focusing its attention on area hotspots
within the borough where chewing gum
is particularly rife.
Boris reveals new
transport fare
prices
By Jade Parker
The Mayor of London has announced
that there will be real term fare freezes
and that children’s free travel will be
extended to include National Rail
services, in the latest report on public
transport fares for 2016.
Although fares will rise by one
percent in accordance with inflation
rates, the Mayor has assured Londoners
that all single bus fares will remain at
£1.50 and that only two tube fares will
rise in price; the fares which will be
increased will include a 10p increase to
two tube fares and a 20p rise on an allzone
travelcard.
The Mayor’s plans also include the
extension of free travel for children less
than 11 years of age, so it now includes
National Rail services within London.
Other plans include the re-zoning of
several East London stations, including
Stratford, to be changed from zone 3
stations to zone 2/3. The Mayor’s office
says this will help fit in with the ‘shifting
economic map’ which has seen increased
business in East London following the
construction of the Olympic Stadium
and Westfield shopping centre.
The Mayor of London, Boris
Johnson, said: “I’m delighted that we’re
able to yet again freeze overall fares
in real terms for our passengers. It’s
the third year in a row that we’ve been
able to offer this great deal, allowing us
to keep the cost of travel down while
continuing our vital programme to
modernise the network.”
“Hundreds of thousands of families
will also benefit now that we’ve struck
a deal to extend free travel for under
11s across all rail services in London.
By securing this deal on National Rail
services, we are taking away the fares
confusion for so many and opening up
wider travel in the capital for families to
enjoy.”
The updated fare prices, which are
expected to bring in £43 million for
Transport for London, will take effect
from the 2nd of January.

10 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
11
Statue & Blue Plaque
Advertisement
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Photograph © Rod Allway
STATUES
Sir Joshua
Reynolds
By Alfred Drury
Burlington House
Garlanded with flowers
during the Royal
Academy Summer
Show, the statue of Reynolds
stands on a plinth in an almost
balletic pose, brush in one hand,
palette and more brushes in
the other, daubing at an unseen
canvas. He was the founder of
the Royal Academy of Arts, in
front of which he stands, when
it moved from Somerset House
in 1868, a hundred years after
it was founded. In front of the
statue are theme-park style
spouting fountains, installed in
2000, arranged in the planetary
configuration at the time of
Reynolds’ birth. The statue
was made in 1929 by an Royal
Academician Alfred Drury,
who was in a competition with
Derwent Wood held in 1917, but
it took him a further twelve years
to complete the commission. He
attended art school in Oxford,
where he had been a choirboy,
then attended the National
Art Training Schoo in South
Kensington, where he came under
the influence of Jules Dalou,
with whom he trained in Paris
for four years. He then worked
under Sir Joseph Edgar Boehm,
Sculptor in Ordinary
to Queen Victoria, and
who sculpted the statue
of Thomas Carlyle on
Chelsea Embankment.
He was highly regarded
at the time, and four
of his finest, and
largest bronze statues
in London, are hardly
seen, unless one is on
a boat, as there are on
the downstream side of
Vauxhall Bridge; they
represent Education,
Fine Art, Science, and
Local Government,
the others on the
upstream side being
Pottery, Engineering,
Architecture and
Agriculture by F W
Pomeroy. He was part
of the New Sculpture
movement, along with
George Frampton, Alfred Gilbert,
Albert Toft and Pomeroy, and worked
in bronze, marble, terracotta and
plaster, as well as contributing oil
paintings to the RA.
Reynolds was not only the first
President of the RA, a post he held
until his death in 1792, and he was
knighted by George III in 1769,
thereafter holding the office of
Principal Painter in Ordinary to the
king. In the late 1750s, at the height
of the social season, he received five
or six sitters a day, each for exactly
an hour, and he soon became a
fashionable portrait painter, many
of his works being full-length in
theGrand Style, for which he could
command a fee of 80 guineas. He
painted a number of self-portraits, one
of the finest done when he was just
24, Self-portrait with Artist Shading
his Eyes, which has more than a hint
of Rembrandt van Rijn’s astonishing
Self-Portrait as a Young Man, painted
in1628. He was a fiercely intellectual
man, whose circle of friends included
Dr Samuel Johnson, James Boswell,
Oliver Goldsmith, Edmund Burke,
Henry Thrale, David Garrick and his
fellow painters J M W Turner and
John Constable. When he died, Burke
wrote of him “Sir Joshua Reynolds
was on very many accounts one of the
most memorable men of his Time. He
was the first Englishman who added
the praise of the eligant Arts to the
other Glories of his Country. He had
too much merit not to excite some
Jealously; too much innocence to
provoke any Enmity”. He was buried
in St Paul’s Cathedral.
Don Grant
Blue Plaque:
Elizabeth Garrett
Anderson
A Blue Plaque was erected by London
County Council at 20 Upper Berkeley
Street. Westminster. London. W.1
honouring Elizabeth Garrett Anderson,
a Physician and Feminist.
She transformed the lives of many
women in Victorian times and was the
first woman to hold many important
posts. She was co-founder of the first
hospital to be staffed by women and was
the first woman to qualify as a Physician
and Surgeon in Britain. Elizabeth
Garrett Anderson was, also, the first
woman Dean of a British Medical
School and she was the first woman
Doctor of Medicine in France. In
addition to this list of ‘firsts’ she was the
first woman to be elected onto a School
Board and as Mayor of Aldeburgh
she was the first woman Mayor. This
is a remarkable lists of 'firsts'. This
was a remarkable lady who overcame
huge obstacles with perseverance and
diplomacy.
Elizabeth Garrett Anderson was
born in Whitechapel, the second child of
twelve siblings. Her father was Newson
Garrett from Suffolk and her mother
was Louisa (nee Dunnell ), a Londoner.
Newson Garrett was entreprenurial and
worked as Manager in a pawn brokers in
London. He prospered and moved his
family to Suffolk. There he constructed
Snape Maltings, an impressive range of
buildings for malting barley. He built a
mansion, Alde House, and went into
shipping and railways.
After home tutoring, Elizabeth
Garrett Anderson, aged thirteen years,
attended a private boarding school in
Blackheath. She was disappointed at the
lack of teaching in Maths and Science
and on leaving school she continued to
study Latin and Maths and remained a
voracious reader.
Emily Davis, feminist and co-founder
of Girton College, became a life long
friend and mentor who gave Elizabeth
Garrett Anderson advice about a career.
In 1849, Elizabeth Blackwell became
the first woman Doctor in America and
her lectures on medicine as a career were
enthusiastically attended by Elizabeth
Garrett Anderson. She knew then
Medicine was her vocation.
The first step was becoming a
Surgery Nurse at Middlesex Hospital
in 1860 and enrolling at the Hospital
Medical School was forbidden. She
studied with the Apothecary, took
the Society's Examinations and was
granted a licence to practise Medicine
by the London Society of Apothecaries
- the first woman to do so. Holding
a Hospital post was not allowed, so
Elizabeth Garrett Anderson opened her
own practice in Upper Berkeley Street
which flourished. The London Society
of Apothecaries refused further women
applicants! She, also opened St Mary's
Dispensary for Women and Children in
Seymour Place.
Meanwhile she learned French,
attended the Sorbonne in Paris and
qualified. Women were accepted there.
In 1872, the Dispensary became the
New Hospital for Women and Children
and Elizabeth Blackwell was appointed
Professor of Gynaecology. It moved
to Marylebone Street in 1874 and was
renamed Elizabeth Garrett Anderson
Hospital and Obstetrics, eventually
becoming University College Hospital,
Elizabeth Garrett Anderson Wing.
Sophia Jex-Blake and Elizabeth
Garrett Anderson together founded the
London School of Medicine for Women.
It was the only teaching Hospital to offer
courses for women. There Elizabeth
Garrett Anderson spent her career,
becoming the first woman to be a Dean
of a medical College. The name was
changed to the Royal Free Hospital of
Medicine and eventually became the
Medical School of University College,
London.
For nineteen years Elizabeth Garrett
Anderson was the only woman member
of the British Medical Association
because the Board voted against further
female applicants!
As late as 1876 an Act was passed
allowing women to enter the Medical
profession.
This brilliant lady pioneer was
happily married to George Skelton
Anderson, a successful business man who
supported her projects. They had two
daughters and a son. She continued to
practise.
Elizabeth Garrett Anderson
supported suffrage, but left the
movement when it became too militant
for her liking. She was a member of the
Langham Place Circle which supported
employment and votes for women.
Together with Elizabeth Blackwell, she
founded an influential Discussion Group
called the Kensington Society. She even
found time to write on medical subjects.
Elizabeth Garrett Anderson
deserves admiration for her hard won
achievements.
She died in 1917 and is buried in the
Churchyard of St Peter and St Paul's
Church at Aldeburgh.
Marian Maitland.
Help and Advice for
independent living and health
Whether you want help or advice to sort out an issue in your
life, or want to find new things to do, there are plenty of
options available locally. But it’s not always obvious how to
find out what they are. However, there is now a great way to get the
information you need, when you need it.
Nick Marchant, Website Manager at People First said “We aim
to give you the information you need. If that means finding out about
support in your home, tips on weight loss, help with financial advice,
or where to learn French, it’s all on People First. And with January
coming, and perhaps thoughts of a new year’s resolution, we have
plenty of ideas”
The website is colourful and easy-to-use and aimed at adults in
Westminster, Kensington and Chelsea and Hammersmith & Fulham,
as well as their families, friends and carers. The People First website
has three main sections, all of which are jargon-free, and provide easy
to read information about a range of issues and subjects (including
lots of tips on good health), a list of agencies and organisations that
can help, and a comprehensive list of local events and activities for
everybody, whatever their interests.
There’s over 100 things happening every day for adults of all ages,
and all kinds of activities from art groups, through gardening, to
zumba classes. There are also activities for people who are housebound.
A superb feature of the website is that as you look at one subject, other
related topics will be suggested to you – or you can just search for
things that interest you!
Marchant explained “We treat people as experts on their own
lives and what they want to achieve – no-one likes being told what
to do!”.The website is funded by the local councils’ adult social care
department, and you can find out more by visiting
www.peoplefirstinfo.org.uk or contact Nick.Marchant@rbkc.gov.uk
ICR.ac.uk/challenge
adidas Silverstone
Half Marathon
13 March 2016
Cycle London to Paris
20 April 2016
8 June 2016
20 July 2016
Join our team today and help us to defeat cancer.
Contact us to find out more.
0207 153 5307
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A Charity. Not for Profit.
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icr-kensington-&-chelsea-today.indd 1 30/11/2015 16:11

12 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
13
International
International
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Boris goes abroad
By Jade Parker
Boris Johnson’s recent high profile
trip to Israel and the Occupied
Palestinian territories aimed to
strengthen trade ties with the capital.
However, the Mayor of London’s time in
Palestine was cut short after he angered
Palestinian groups by making comments
deemed to be pro-Israeli.
The Mayor’s bumbling way with
words once again landed him in an
awkward situation, after saying that
a trade boycott of Israel would be
“completely crazy” at an event in Tel
Aviv, just days before he was due to visit
the Occupied Palestinian territories.
Describing supporters of the trade
boycott as “snaggle-toothed, corduroywearing
lefty academics” and Israel
as the only democracy in the region,
Boris’s comments were well received in
Israel, but resulted in the cancellation of
several of his scheduled engagements in
Palestine.
The Sharek Youth Forum, who
were due to meet Mr. Johnson,
said in a statement: “Following
Johnson’s inaccurate, misinformed
and disrespectful statement, it is our
conclusion that he consciously denies the
reality of the occupation that continues
to oppress them and all Palestinians.”
They went further to say: "As
Palestinians and supporters of boycott,
divestment and sanctions (BDS),
we cannot in good conscience host
Johnson, as a person who denounces
the international BDS movement
and prioritises the feelings of wearers
of 'corduroy jackets' over an entire
nation under occupation. In Johnson’s
own words, the “only democracy
in the region” is one that oppresses
citizens, confiscates land, demolished
homes, detains children and violates
international humanitarian and human
rights on a daily basis.”
Speaking to local reporters in
Ramallah, Boris said it was a shame that
he could not go ahead with the majority
of scheduled meetings and acknowledged
that his comments had caused offence
to some people but said they had been
“whipped up on social media”.
One of the few meetings that did go
ahead was with the prime minister of
the Palestinian Authority. Speaking to
reporters after the meeting, Boris refused
to retract his comments saying that what
he had said was a: “simple repetition of
what is not only British government
policy but is a policy supported by
the prime minister of the Palestinian
Authority.” He also said: “It is very clear
from the conversation I have just had
with the prime minister that he does not
support a boycott and does think that is
the way forward.”
The Mayor’s official spokesperson
said that the comments had been taken
out of context and citied by organisers
of events as a reason for cancellation. In
recent years, several councils throughout
the UK have boycotted goods from
Israeli settlements. Supporters of the
boycott claim that a boycott exerts
pressure on the Israeli government which
may in turn help hinder the construction
of settlements in occupied Palestinian
territories, which have been condemned
by the UN.
Brazil dam bursts
leading to toxic mud slide
By Jade Parker
On the 5th of November, a wave of
toxic mud released from a burst dam in
southern Brazil resulted in the death
of 17 people and has been dubbed as
Brazil’s worst ever natural disaster.
The collapse of the dam, belonging to
mining companies Vale and BHP Biliton
(Samarco Mining S.A), involved the
leakage of 50 million tons of iron ore
waste into the Atlantic Ocean.
Owners of the mining companies
claim that the sludge is simply a mix
of mud and water. However United
Nations (UN) Human Rights experts on
the environment and toxic waste, John
Knox and Baskut Tuncak, have found
new evidence that shows that the waste
does contain high levels of toxic heavy
metals and other toxic chemicals.
In a statement released by the UN
Human Rights Office of the High
Commissioner, Special Rapporteur
Knox, said: “The scale of the
environmental damage is the equivalent
of 20,000 Olympic swimming pools
of toxic mud waste contaminating the
soil, rivers, and water system of an area
covering over 850 kilometres.”
Mr. Knox went further to warn that
the Doce River, one of Brazil’s greatest
water sheds is “now considered by
scientists to be dead and the toxic sludge
is slowly working its way downstream
towards the Abrolhos National Marine
Park, where it threatens protected forest
and habitat. Sadly the mud has already
entered the sea at Regencia beach, a
sanctuary for endangered turtles and a
rich source of nutrients that the local
fishing community relies upon”.
Experts have said that the saturation
of waterways with the dense orange
sediment will not only wreck the
ecosystem for years but has already
killed thousands of fish and has cut off
drinking water supplies to a quarter of a
million people.
The Brazilian government is fining
the two mining companies with a
preliminary £43.6 million, as Brazilian
President Dilma Rousseff put the blame
for the rupture of the dam on them.
John Knox and Baskut Tuncak spoke
about the lack of action taken in the
midst of the disaster: “The steps taken
by the Brazilian government, Vale, and
BHP Billiton to prevent harm were
clearly insufficient. It is not acceptable
that it has taken three weeks for
information about the toxic risks of the
mining disaster to surface”.
They went further to say: “There
may never be an effective remedy for
victims whose loved ones and livelihoods
may now lie beneath the remains of a
tidal wave of toxic tailing waste, nor
for the environment which has suffered
irreparable harm”.
Indonesia’s
forest fires:
Damaging the planet and the
lungs of its people
By May Bulman
Forest fires in Indonesia have reached
unprecedented levels, causing the country's
CO2 emissions to soar and affecting the
livelihoods of millions of people.
The fires, created annually to clear the
land for palm oil production, have been
exacerbated this year due to the unusually
warm temperatures brought on by the El
Nino effect, causing the country's largest
blazes in nearly 20 years.
This has resulted in a thick blanket
of haze covering many towns and cities,
which has caused respiratory infections
affecting over 500,000 people and led to
nineteen recorded deaths.
Rahmi Carolina, a university student
from Riau, has suffered from the annual
haze since she was a child, and is now
taking action. She said: "Each year I am
affected by the fires - they give me a tight
chest and dizziness. I've had to be rushed
to hospital before.
"A year ago the president promised
us that the smoke would be drastically
reduced in 2015, but it's even worse this
year. We're really angry.
"I've started campaigning for more
action. I'm writing a personal blog and
using social media to spread the word.”
As well as affecting Indonesia's people,
this year’s forest fires pose a severe threat to
global warming, with the country emitting
10 times more CO2 than normal, and the
daily emission rate exceeding that of the
entire U.S economy.
Annisa Rahmawati, forest campaigner
for Greenpeace, said: "As a globe, we
cannot tackle climate change if we don't
tackle deforestation in Indonesia.
“The problem must be solved from the
root. It is happening due to deforestation
and peatland damage.”
With the Climate Change Conference,
which took place in December 2015,
in Paris, Annisa explained that the
Indonesian government and more
developed countries must act together to
solve the issue.
“There needs to be law enforcement
put in place by our government; the
companies illegally burning the forest must
be stopped.
"But developed countries also have a
power- they are consumers of palm oil.
Unless there is a global, industry-wide
rejection of the brands using palm oil, this
problem will be very difficult to solve."
Photograph © UN Photograph © Ardiles Rante. Greenpeace
World’s biggest
animal cloning
centre in China
By Jade Parker
Whilst the rest of the world
makes up its mind on the
ethics of cloning, China
is steaming ahead with its plans to
construct the largest animal cloning
factory. Set to open in 2016, the £20.5
million centre will commercially recreate
dogs, horses, and cattle.
The centre is a joint venture between
Chinese biotechnology firm Boyalife and
Sooam Biotech, a South Korean research
company, and is being constructed in a
bid to meet the country's ever increasing
demand for meat.
Xu Xiaochun, board chairman of
Boyalife, explained: “Chinese farmers are
struggling to produce enough beef cattle
to meet market demand. We will produce
100,000 cattle embryos a year initially,
eventually increasing to 1 million.” By
churning out cloned embryos on such an
epic scale the factory plans to provide 5
percent of the meat eaten in China.
In addition to the thousands of
animals which will be recreated for
consumption, the plant plans to clone
champion racehorses, police sniffer dogs,
and critically endangered species. The
centre, which will be located in the same
area where at least 165 people were killed
in a chemical explosion last year, will also
contain a museum and a gene bank.
The companies backing the factory
are attempting to ease worries about the
safety and quality of meat. However, the
reputation of the Sooam Biotech founder
Hwang Woo-suk precedes him. In 2009
he was convicted of illegally buying
human embryos for his research, which
many considered to be a gross ethical
lapse.
China’s sketchy food safety record
has included fake rice made of plastic
pellets and on a more serious level infant
formula tarnished with melamine, an
industrial chemical which killed six
infants and hospitalised 300,000 others.
If plans go ahead, the plant will be
fully operational by next year.
In the UK, cloned meats and milk
products are classified as ‘novel foods’
and therefore vendors have to obtain a
special permission to be sell them.
#SueMeSaudi
takes off
as SA Justice Ministry says it
will sue Twitter user for ‘ISISlike’
death sentence
By Fergus Coltsmann
The Saudi Arabian (SA) Justice Ministry
will sue an unidentified Twitter user for
comparing the sentencing of a poet to
death as ‘ISIS-like’, the SA government
aligned Al-Riyadh newspaper has
reported.
Palestinian poet and refugee Ashraf
Fayadh, whom The Guardian reported
was born in SA, was sentenced to death
for blasphemy and apostasy on the 17th
November.
This prompted an outcry from senior
cultural figures, including the director
of Tate Modern Chris Dercon, British
poet laureate Carol Ann Duffy, historian
Simon Schama, playwright David Hare,
and Egyptian novelist and commentator
Ahdaf Soueif. The Justice Ministry’s
latest action has seen the twitter hostage
‘Sue Me Saudi’ trend on the social media
platform, as users criticise the Kingdom.
Fayadh denied the charges in court,
and stated that the poetry book in which
some of the alleged comments were
made, Instruction Within, was published
a decade ago and consists of love poems,
as opposed to any political or religious
content. He was originally sentenced
on 26th May 2014 to four years in
prison and 800 lashes. This sentence
was reversed following an appeal by the
prosecutor.
SA’s justice system is based upon
the Wahhabi ultra-conservative
interpretation of Islamic Sharia Law,
which allows for corporal and capital
punishments for certain crimes,
including religious crimes. Many of the
punishments and executions are carried
out in public by the religious police,
known as the Mutaween.
Commenting on the suit, Al-
Riyadh’s justice ministry source said:
“Questioning the fairness of the courts
is to question the justice of the Kingdom
and its judicial system based on Islamic
law, which guarantees rights and ensures
human dignity”, and went on to add that
the ministry would not hesitate to put
on trial “any media that slandered the
religious judiciary of the Kingdom”.
Erdogan gets
Precious
over Gollum comparison
By Max Feldman
Fantasy fiction has turned into a nightmare
for Turkish doctor, Bilgin Ciftci, who lost
his job with the Public Health Institute
of Turkey and might be sent to prison for
allegedly posting pictures illustrating the
uncanny resemblance of Turkish president
Recep Tayyip Erdogan to Gollum, the
emaciated, ring obsessed ghoul who plays
a major part in both The Hobbit and The
Lord Of The Rings. Considering that we
live in a society where jokes about our
illustrious leader’s rumoured dalliances
with pork products are fair game, it’s hard
to see what the fuss is about, but Turkish
law makes it illegal to insult their president,
with sentences of up to four years possible
for those convicted.
Cifci legal team has taken the
unusual tactic of trying to prove in court
that Gollum, played by a computer
generated Andy Serkis in the films, isn’t
an evil character, thus meaning that the
comparison is not necessarily insulting.
In what amounts to the most high stakes
nerdy debate in legal history, the courts
have assembled a “panel of psychologists
and film experts” to once and for all
conclude if one of literature’s most
famous cases of split personality is truly
a bad guy or not. Even Peter Jackson,
director of The Lord Of The Rings trilogy,
has weighed in on the case. In a joint
statement with his co-writers Fran Walsh
and Philippa Boyens, Jackson claimed that
the Turkish Courts have made an error
as the character in Ciftci’s pictures isn’t
Gollum at all, via one of the few positive
cases of obsessive pedantry in history:
“If the images shown are in fact the ones
forming the basis of this Turkish lawsuit,
we can state categorically: None of them
feature the character known as Gollum.
All of them are images of the character
called Smeagol.” Smeagol is the child-like
and friendly original personality which is
twisted by the malign powers of the One
Ring into the malicious Gollum persona,
only to resurface during The Two Towers.
Jackson describes Smeagol as “joyful
and sweet”, which admittedly are rarely
adjectives used to describe Erdogan, and
says he should never be confused as the
same as the vicious Gollum, even if they
share the same body.
Jackson’s argument does actually
seem to have some weight behind it
considering that the pictures Cifci used
show the character smiling, and largeeyed,
which was used in Jackson’s films
to distinguish Smeagol from the darker
Gollum persona. Tolkien also distinguished
the two characters as separate with
significant changes in his speech patterns
and mannerisms when his good self was
in control. It is not known yet whether
Cifci’s legal team intends to use Jackson’s
clarification in court, but considering
the severity of the sentence hanging over
Cifici it seems that they’ll take any help
they can get. Perhaps this is a good way to
settle long standing schisms in fan culture,
perhaps placing a picture of Erdogan next
to pictures of Kirk and Picard could finally
establish which is the defining version of
Star Trek.
Japan continues
lethal whaling
By Emily Eaton
Japan has defended its plans to carry
out lethal whaling research, despite
international opposition which has been
largely spearheaded by the Australian
government. The plans will see up to 330
Minke whales harvested in coming months
to “find out how the marine ecosystem of
the Antarctic Ocean is actually shifting
or changing”, according to Japan’s
representative to the International Whaling
Commission (IWC), Joji Morishita.
Morishita added that the research will not
just examine the whale population but also,
“krill and the oceanographic situation.”
In response the Australian Liberal
government, led by Malcolm Turnbull,
publicly criticised the plans and is now
exploring the possibility of sending
surveillance aircraft to monitor Japan’s
whaling fleet, which set sail in early
December 2015. The New Zealand
government also released a statement,
with the backing of 33 other countries,
including the USA and Australia, saying;
“We consider that there is no scientific
basis for the slaughter of whales and
strongly urge the government of Japan not
to allow it to go ahead.”
It is not the first time the Japanese
and Australian governments have butted
heads over the issue. The International
Court of Justice (ICJ) last year ruled that
Japan’s ‘scientific’ whaling programme was
illegal, after Australia brought the case.
Japan’s government has since attempted
to circumvent the ruling, drawing up new
rationale for the hunting.
Japan also announced in a shock
declaration to Ban Ki Moon, Secretary
General of the United Nations, that it was
removing itself from the jurisdiction of
the ICJ in dispute over “living resources of
the sea”, making further legal challenges
difficult to pursue.
©Bilgin Ciftci

14 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
15
Opinion & Comment
Opinion & Comment
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Illustration©Don Grant
MARIUS BRILL’S
MEMEING OF LIFE
For what
we about to
receive…
She hands me an exquisitely wrapped
box and smiles. “Happy Christmas”.
I open it, racking my brains for
the appropriate response.
“It’s lovely.” “Thank you.” “That’s
so thoughtful.” “How did you know?”
“What an amazing idea.” “Oh that’s
perfect...”
I’m impossible at Christmas (and
birthdays). My phrasebook of gratitude
is painfully thin. What’s more, I’m
convinced that any of my utterances
from it are totally transparent. I’m
only trying to fill the void between my
embarrassment at receiving a gift and my
desperation not to hurt the feelings of
the person who gave it. Because however
lovely the gift, something tells me it’s
not what I’m really grateful for and I’m
in terror that I’ll be called out on my
blatant insincerity:
“Oh, you’re just saying that.”
“No, no I was thinking just the other
day I could really do with a… a um…
nutcracker. And the fact it resembles a
gilded scrotum makes it simply hilarious.
And such a talking point. Thank you so
much.”
My upper-lip-stiffening upbringing
instilled in me an inflated sense of selfworthlessness;
so spend over a tenner on
me and I squirm with embarrassment.
Then again, go for something under that
price point and really, there is nothing I
need, or want, that I haven’t bought for
myself already. It’s Gift 22.
I realise that might seem bonkers but
don’t give me a psychology book about it
or, come December 28th, I’m off down
Waterstones explaining how the book’s
Jung, gifted, and back.
“Actually it’s a sculpture Holly made
of her baby brother.”
“Oh yes! Absolutely.”
“She made it in Play-Doh and we
thought it was so brilliant we took a
mould and a clever Chinese company
on the internet made some lovely gold
plated models.”
“Isn’t it wonderful? There’s an eye
… and the nose poking out below it.” I
fondle and tweak the little baby nose.
“That’s not an eye, that’s the belly
button,” she says, archly.
In the artificial setting of the
Christmas celebration, giving is easy, it’s
gratitude that’s hard. Genuine thanks
seems a sliver of an emotion, something
that can just be glimpsed between the
fear of indebtedness and the pride of
entitlement. In America they try to get
the whole thing out of the way early
by having their Thanksgiving a month
earlier. But then, if Thanks is a gift
in itself, you’re caught in an infinite
paradigm: thanking people for giving
thanks which they will need to thank you
for ad nauseam.
My kids are no better. We love them
and we’ve done our best to protect them
from suffering any deprivation. We do
our best to give them everything they
need when they need it (or the day
after thanks to Amazon Prime). So the
presents under the Christmas tree are
guaranteed to only ever be excess. We
have wrapped the kids up as carefully
as their gifts and protected them from
tragedy. But in doing so we’ve deprived
them of the opportunity to experience
real gratitude. Even so, I’ve tried to teach
them to say “Thank You” and ape the
responses one might imagine being truly
grateful entails. We’ve done all that and
that’s all the thanks we get!
Not knowing how to be grateful is
a true first-world problem. Genuine
gratitude, in all the privilege and safety
that being western and middle class
bestows, is rarer than McTruffles because
it depends on tragedy or misfortune
to precede it; things we’re superb at
avoiding. But a place to hide in the
Holocaust, a solid Greek beach for a
refugee, or a hand pulling you up from
the window ledge of the Bataclan; when
those who have been plucked from
disaster try to describe their gratefulness
it is as an emotional euphoria.
Cicero called gratitude “not only the
greatest of the virtues, but the parent
of all the others”. Adam Smith in his
Theory of Moral Sentiments wrote,
“All the members of human society
stand in need of each other’s assistance,
and are likewise exposed to mutual
injuries. Where the necessary assistance
is reciprocally afforded from love, from
gratitude, from friendship, and esteem,
the society flourishes and is happy.”
According to studies by scientists
gratitude strengthens the immune
system, lowers blood pressure, provides
higher levels of positive emotions,
more joy, optimism, and happiness, and
inspires altruism. It’s the ultimate thing
that money just can’t buy. In this age and
society of abundance, the one gift we
could all do with eludes us.
But in that moment, holding my tiny
golden scrotum, I look at my present
giver and even I, with my pre-prepared
stock phrases of appreciation, catch
a tantalising vestigial sensation of
gratitude: that my friends, and my family,
still regard me as a part of them, still
tolerate me, that they’ve pretty much
forgiven my many, many mistakes, and,
above all, can be counted on to be there
with a bucket when I come down with a
dose of schmaltz.
Happy Christmas (and thanks).
DUDLEY SUTTON’S
I WISH I HAD
WRITTEN THAT
Paul Muldoon
Symposium
You can bring a horse to water but you can't make it hold
its nose to the grindstone and hunt with the hounds.
Every dog has a stitch in time. Two heads? You've been sold
one good turn. One good turn deserves a bird in the hand.
A bird in the hand is better than no bread.
To have your cake is to pay Paul.
Make hay while you can still hit the nail on the head.
For want of a nail the sky might fall.
You read it here
first
By Peter Burden
You may have found recently while
buying your customary daily newspaper
that your newsagent has asked you if
you’d also like a free copy of The Sun.
One’s natural instinct, of course, is to
recoil in horror while politely declining.
The third time this generous offer was
made to me, though, I thought I might
as well take it, it would presumably cost
News UK something, which would be
good, and it would come in useful for
picking up dogs’ doings, wrapping litter,
or starting fires.
I spent several years writing about
criminal activity at the News of the World
(RIP) and The Sun, but I hadn’t looked
at a copy for some time. (Such is my
prejudice against Murdoch controlled
media that I won’t even use Times New
Roman, let alone subscribe to Sky.) I was
naturally intrigued about the motive for
this uncharacteristic munificence on the
part of the upper management of News
UK (CEO: Ms R Brooks). There seemed
to me to be something desperate in their
strategy, and a review of the sales figures
for The Sun and The Sun on Sunday
People in glass houses can't see the wood
for the new broom. Rome wasn't built between two stools.
Empty vessels wait for no man.
A hair of the dog is a friend indeed.
There's no fool like the fool
who's shot his bolt. There's no smoke after the horse is gone.
(which replaced the defunct News of
the World) shows how drastic their sales
decline has been. In 1990, the NoW was
selling more than six million copies each
week; the current figure for the SoS is
nearer 1.5 million. This could in part be
due to their choice of columnists: on The
Sun Rod Liddle, former anti-toff Today
programme leftist, now tubthumping
Alf-Garnett-clone, ranting on in his
column about Jezza Corbyn like a
neo-Faragist; and on the Sun on Sunday
Louise Mensch (Louise Bagshawe of
the Chick literati), a supposedly bright
woman who thinks a lot (of herself,
mostly) and has pushed home an
advantage gained perhaps by inserting
her well-groomed head into the nether
regions of the Murdochs during her five
minutes of fame, grandstanding with
astonishing grovelliness while sitting
on the Commons’ Culture Media Sport
Committee when they were supposed
to be giving Rupert Rumplechops and
Sonny Jim a good grilling over criminal
activity in the UK branch.
While earlier this year The Sun
bowed to pressure to remove pictures of
bare-breasted women on the third page
of their print version, these continue to
appear in the online version, whose paywall
has recently been deemed a failure
and has been allowed to drop like a Page
Three Girl’s negligée. This hasn’t by any
means, though, precluded a string of
nudge-nudge, spotty youth excitement
over snapping and printing shots of
those errant nipples that minor female
celebrities find it necessary to air from
time to time to remind The Sun-reading
public that they still exist.
Having got that off my breast, I’ve
been reviewing my output in your
favourite local organ over the past year or
so, I am pleased to be able to draw your
attention to a couple of polemics that
have turned out to be a little ahead of the
zeitgeist.
In April 2014 I advocated the
introduction of a Fat Tax and again,
in November 2014, I put forward the
pressing case for a straightforward
tax of £2 per kilo on raw sugar or its
processed equivalent, which would raise
an estimated £2.5 billion in revenue
– money which would go a small
way to covering the costs of treating
the epidemic of diabetes that sugar
overconsumption is causing, while the
price hike would discourage some of
those irresponsible parents who feed
sugar-loaded food and drink to their
offspring, because they’re too idle, too
undisciplined, or too nervous to say no to
their pestering issue.
Those who advise telly chef Jamie
Oliver in what he should say to keep his
name in the headlines and his lacklustre
cookery books flying off the shelves at
WHSmith perhaps saw my pieces, and in
June this year launched him into another
of his highly visible campaigns to have a
sugar tax applied, although only to fizzy
drinks (ducking the issue of an overall
anti-sugar strategy, so as to avoid denting
his own popularity among his chubbier,
sugar guzzling fans.) This led to a
Channel 4 documentary, Jamie’s Sugar
Rush in August, his October appearance
in front of the House of Commons
Health Committee, and the government
being pressed for a response. It remains
to be seen whether or not Master Oliver
has the gravitas to push his agenda
through to a serious conclusion, but
at least he’s had some good exposure
just ahead of the Christmas book sales
bonanza.
In another piece, published over
two years ago, I suggested that the
BBC was edging towards an ultimate
monopoly in online news in Britain. All
their journalistic input is paid for from
the licence fee, while their competitors,
primarily the print media, are paying
for their journalism with a dwindling
income from sales and advertising.
The national papers, other than certain
niche publications, have found it very
hard to apply a paywall successfully, as
long as the public can get their news
from BBC Online without charge. This
is not fair; the incline on the playing
field is simply too great, and in any
case there is a question over whether
or not the propagation of news via the
internet comes within the BBC’s remit.
I proposed, in view of this and the
worrying corollary that a potentially
dangerous news monopoly could emerge
that the BBC be made to charge for
entry to its news site (which might also,
incidentally, relieve its dependence on
the licence fee without compromising its
much envied standards.)
At last, at the end of November, for
the first time the BBC’s principal media
commentator Steve Hewlett, raised this
precise issue on the Today Programme,
even to the point of suggesting that the
BBC charge for its online news. I believe
that ultimately this is inevitable. And you
read it here first, in June 2014.
www.peterburden.net
The Snoopers’
Charter is a
terrible idea
By Fergus Coltsmann
There are lots of reasons why
the Investigatory Powers Bill
is terrible. There is debate over
how effective it will be in combating
terrorism, and the old ‘Freedom versus
Security’ one, which is always dumbed
down (you can’t have one without the
other. Freedom to be robbed isn’t really
freedom, and security has to be the
security of something worth keeping
secure). And of course there is security
from different things. Assuming, and it’s
a massive assumption, that the Bill did
improve counter-terrorism security, it
would still make us vulnerable in a host
of other ways. We’re going to focus on
one such vulnerability.
One of the things the Bill will do is
oblige communications companies to
hold connection records for a year after
the fact. So, for example, a mobile phone
provider will have to keep a record of
the webpages you’ve visited on your 4G.
In an attempt to make this Bill more
acceptable, Teresa May has added in lots
of restrictions and processes to prevent
the police or spooks from misusing
the data – safeguards for “sensitive
professions” (journalists, for example)
would be written into law, the PM
would have to be consulted regarding
intercepting MPs communications,
law enforcement agencies wouldn’t be
allowed to request a warrant to see if
someone had visited a medical website,
and judge blah blah this, “double lock”
oversight blah blah that.
Assuming that these measures have
no ulterior motives and that these
safeguards are enough to prevent any
inappropriate use of these powers, again:
MASSIVE assumptions, the Bill is still a
terrible idea.
Remember that mobile phone
company that we mentioned earlier? The
Bill would also extend that obligation
to any telecom and/or broadband
provider. So, a company like recently and
repeatedly hacked TalkTalk. In the most
recent TalkTalk hack (there have been
three within a year), financial data from
their customers was reported to be for
sale on Black Market internet forums
within 72 hours, and that the potentially
compromised data included names,
addresses, dates of birth, and email
addresses on top of bank and credit card
details.
There was also the recent Ashley
Maddison hack, which saw the details
of people signed up to the extramartial
affair website released onto the web.
Aside from the no doubt great distress
this caused, France24 reported 1,200
Saudi Arabian .sa email address were
leaked. Adultery can be punishable by
death in Saudi Arabia. And then last
year there was the celebrity photo hack,
which saw hundreds of private (often
nude) photos of (mostly female) celebs
leaked online, following a suspected hack
of Apple’s iCloud.
My point is that private companies
don’t have a good record of keeping
our data very safe, and that this virtual
data can have some very real world
implications. Even if I wasn’t worried
about the Government snooping on my
online activity, I sure am about someone
else. Think of every web page you’ve
accessed in the last year. Bank details
and medical information; if you’re a
lawyer/doctor communications between
you and your clients, communications
between journalists and their sources,
public/private sector whistle blowers,
everything.
Even if the mantra of “if you’ve got
nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to
fear” were true, which it’s not, you’d
still have everything to fear. The Home
Secretary placed all those safeguards
to prevent herself and successors, and
her/their agents, from accessing certain
information, tacitly admitting that said
information is rightly private. But by
mandating that this information is stored
for a year, it exposes it to far greater
risk of being compromised, making it,
and therefore all of us, far less safe from
cyber-crime.
Postscript: Lauri Love is currently
fighting extradition to USA where he is
accused of hacking multiple government
agencies (including NASA and the
FBI), following the Crown Prosecution
Service not pressing charges due to lack
of evidence. He interests me for two
reasons: a) the US government seeking
extradition is a tacit admission that their
agencies can be hacked, so no safety for
our data in the hands of the government,
and b) because he spoke very well on the
matter we have been discussing today on
Channel 4 News on the 4th November.
I recommend finding the video on
YouTube.
Photograph © Kangrex

16 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
17
Business & Finance
Business & Finance
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Tax “Avoidance”
Exploding the
Myths
By Alan Pink FCA ATII
Tax avoidance keeps hitting the
headlines, with the Chancellor
announcing yet another “crack
down” on this nefarious activity in his
Autumn Statement on 25 November.
Most people have a vague idea that tax
avoidance is nasty, even if not illegal:
but the problem is that no-one, not the
politicians, the press, or even the Revenue,
have ever actually arrived at a reasonable
definition of what it is.
One perfectly reasonable definition
that I’ve heard includes giving up smoking:
after all, it’s a deliberate act you take,
as a result of which you pay less to the
Treasury and keep more in your purse. But
not many people would regard giving up
smoking as morally reprehensible on that
account.
So shall we shift the definition a bit,
and define tax avoidance (which always has
overtones of public odium in it these days)
as actions taken by people to reduce their
tax which the Government doesn’t want
them to take? This leaves out giving up
smoking, because the high taxes on things
like tobacco and alcohol are obviously
designed by the “nanny state” to influence
people’s behaviour, and make them do
what’s good for them.
But I’ve got two problems, myself, with
this revised definition:
Why have we got a moral duty to do
whatever the Government wants us to
do? Or, putting it the other way round,
why should it be treated as immoral
to do something that the Government
doesn’t want us to do? How have the
Government’s wishes become suddenly not
just a legal duty, but a moral duty as well?
It’s very often not at all clear, in real life
situations, what the Government’s wishes
actually are.
To take an example of the second
problem, let’s assume there are two old
ladies living next door to each other. Each
inherited a modest share portfolio from
her late husband, who died many years
ago. Each wants to give away these shares
to her grandchildren, who really need the
income more at this time in their lives than
they ever will again.
Mrs A gives the shares to her
grandchildren: one third of the portfolio
each. Mrs B, on the other hand, for
reasons that have nothing to do with tax,
decides to give her shares to a trust for her
grandchildren.
Mrs A wakes up one morning to find
a letter from her accountant telling her
she’s got a whopping great tax bill. Mrs B’s
accountant, on the other hand, says that
she can avoid paying any tax on this gift by
“holding over” the completely imaginary
“gain” that she is treated as having realised
on disposing of the shares.
Mrs B is certainly avoiding tax by
making a transfer to the trust rather than
direct to her grandchildren: but why do the
Government apparently want her to set
up a trust for them rather than making an
absolute gift? It beats me.
One problem with the picture of tax
avoidance that is assiduously promoted
by the politicians and the Revenue is that
it is based on an unspoken assumption
which is actually completely absurd. This
assumption is that, if only wicked “tax
avoiders” would leave the UK tax system
alone, it would produce a fair result:
everyone would pay their “fair share of tax”.
The example of the two old ladies is just
one of very many that I could put forward
to show that our tax system produces
anything but “fair” results, if left to itself.
Why on earth is it fair for Mrs A to pay a
large amount of tax on an imaginary gain
that she hasn’t made?
You could go further, and get deeply
political: why is it “fair” for wealthy people
to contribute not just more money to the
Exchequer, but a higher proportion of their
total income, because of higher tax rates
applying to high incomes etc? Whatever
politicians and political theorists think,
few of the wealthy themselves think it’s at
all fair and personally I can’t find it in my
heart to blame them.
Alan Pink FCA ATII is a specialist tax
consultant who operates a bespoke tax
practice, Alan Pink Tax, from offices
situated in Tunbridge Wells. Alan advises
on a wide range of tax issues and regularly
writes for the professional press. Alan has
experience in both major international
plcs and small local businesses and is
recognised for his proactive approach to
taxation and solving tax problems. Alan
can be contacted on (01892) 539000 or
email: alan.pink@alanpinktax.com. His
book, The Entrepreneur’s Tax Guide, is on
sale from Head of Zeus for £20, or from all
good book shops.
Entrepreneurial
tips for success
By Emily Eaton
Missourian Julia Langkraehr is a
businesswoman who came to the capital
to pursue her entrepreneurial dreams.
Langkraehr has made her mark finding
perfectly tailored, small businesses to fill
commercial spaces.
Along the way, Langkraehr
experienced redundancy, startup, and
failure, but it is a city success story.
Recently, Langkraehr exited the business
and reinvented herself; now looking
to consulting for other businesses and
guiding them down the path to success.
Once a model, Langkraehr
considered fashion, but unwilling to sit
behind a computer designing all day, she
pursued other avenues. Langkraehr was
recruited into the ‘greying industry’ of
shopping centre retail, leading her across
the Atlantic.
“In 2001 there wasn’t really a buzz
about entrepreneurs. It was a real man’s
world.” After being made redundant,
Langkraehr started up her own business,
“I thought, ‘Oh my gosh there is a niche
here and I can do it for myself instead of
a big landlord!’”
Langkraehr stresses the importance
of forward planning and balancing the
books.
It pays off, with a lot of hard work
and help from unlikely corners of her
extensive network. This became a
teaching mantra: “You need to build your
network before you need it.”
Langkraehr is remarkable in her
ability to form productive partnerships,
even with competitors. She built a
fortuitous working relationship with an
American expat in Russia, that saw the
expansion of Retail Profile into Europe.
“For me, if you are going to go into
another country you either have to be
boots on the ground and run it yourself
or you have to find a local partner
you match in terms of goals, values,
outcomes, and timelines.”
Having built success, Langkraehr is
keen to replicate this in other midsize
businesses and has completed hours of
training as a business coach. “I want to
build a lifestyle business to help other
founders and entrepreneurs and CEOs
who have matched values with me. I
want to work with companies who are
open, honest, and want to learn and
grow.”
Langkraehr, a mix of Mid-West
charmer and city sophisticate, stresses
the importance of building relationships
all around you. Human capital, she says,
now more than ever is of importance
to the business world in the age of the
instant connection.
Langkraehr’s 3 Quick Tips to Success
Hire a coach: the best athletes in the
world do, so why wouldn’t you pay
somebody to help you be your best?
Find a peer group: ideally people that
you aspire to be like. Find a peer group,
because you can learn and share and
grow with each other. Don’t just hang
out with corporate people, if you’re
an entrepreneur, hang out with other
entrepreneurs.
Convince a mentor: Find somebody
you respect, who excites you. Get
their wisdom for ‘free’ - buy a coffee
for them, or go to where they are to
make it convenient in their schedule,
or treat them to a beautiful breakfast at
theWolseley.
Caltrics, a guide
By Emily Eaton
Getting the right balance in life for any
busy London professional is like walking
a tight-rope. Despite recent advances
in technology, which make managing
conflicting roles easier, with so many
hats to wear, keeping a conscious track
of everything can feel like trying to herd
house flies. Or at least, so you might think.
Newly launched company Caltrics
(caltrics.com) is set to revolutionise the
way we manage our electronic calendars.
The company, which launched earlier in
2015, allows the end user to curate their
own calendars in a few simple moves,
synchronising information across each of
your devices. And all for exactly no cost!
The Caltrics site motto is “find it,
add it, live it”, and it really is as simple as
that. Once the user has registered for an
account with their email address, they can
then browse the hundreds of calendars on
offer, a lot of which are London-specific
and broken down into subsections like
‘art galleries’, ‘education’ or ‘politics’.
Once these are added to an account, they
will then be automatically added to any
devices associated with that email address;
this is across iCal, Outlook, and Google
Calendars. In many of these applications
the various calendars are often colour
co-ordinated so you can tell them apart.
Caltrics functions in conjunction with the
main electronic calendar suppliers either
by the click of a button or importing from
HTML links to your unique calendar. The
site is highly intuitive and user friendly
with clear step-by-step instructions as how
to create and edit a calendar tailored to
your exact needs. For example, you may be
a Fulham resident with children in school,
living in the shadow of Stamford Bridge.
Well, with Caltrics, your calendar could
feature London events, Fulham term dates,
and Chelsea at home games all at once;
making the city, homework, and football
traffic easily navigable at the click of a
button.
Caltrics is also useful to businesses and
organisations who are trying to spread the
word about the work they are doing. For
a small fee, you can create a ‘publisher's’
account and help keep your target audience
up to date with your schedule. You can
import your calendars via .csv or any other
workable format, there are also options to
customise your account, calendar or event
with images and blurb. Any publisher can
also gather vital information on who is
following their calendar.
Caltrics is getting behind women’s
sport at a perfect time when public interest
is piqued. Now, with the help of the
Caltrics online calendars, loyal fans can
keep up to date plans in the diaries for key
matches and games.
It truly is an ingenious tool that saves
time for end users who might have been
surfing multiple websites for key dates. It
also cuts back on the effort for businesses
and organisations, allowing them to get to
know their engaged client base. With ease
of use and functionality prioritised, finally
someone is taking the hard graft out of
organisation.
Not for love
nor money
We marry – or choose not to
marry – for a whole raft of
different motives. So when a
person in a long-term relationship says
“We’re happy as we are; as far as I’m
concerned, marriage is just a piece of
paper”, it may, perversely, be a sign that
they’re keenly aware that marriage is,
indeed, so very much more than just a
piece of paper.
Marriage brings valuable tax
benefits. My guess is that as many
deathbed marriages, particularly between
older parties,take place to secure the
Inheritance Tax spouse exemption as
seize the last minute chance to express
a spiritual commitment to a long-term
partner.
Despite the financial plus points,
many people have an emotional aversion
to marriage. Even more avoid marriage
through fear of having to share assets if
the marriage ends in divorce. I can’t deny
the legal reality of that fear though a
prenuptial agreement may go some way
to assuage such concerns.
Although the obligation to
maintain children from a relationship is
YOU WON’T FIND US
PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK
Kinnaird House, 1 Pall Mall East, London, SW1Y 5AU
Tel: 0207 766 5600 www.thrings.com
independent of marital status, the fact
remains that while the divorce courts
have a pretty free rein in dividing assets
on divorce, the rules are completely
different for unmarried couples.
A division of assets when cohabiting
couples split up depends not on need but
on prior agreement between the parties
(express or implied) or on quantifiable
financial contribution. So while the
recent split between lecturer Rupert
Ashmore and his former student Kim
Woodward after 25 years made the
headlines (sample: “She was just a lodger
I loved no more than the dog”) her court
award of £275,000 was based on Miss
Woodward’s financial contribution to
the couple’s home and business rather
than any moral right, personal need or as
a consequence Dr Ashmore’s behaviour
(described by the judge as “callous”
and “selfish”).
All, however, might change if the
Cohabitation Rights Bill 2015
becomes law.
The bill, which is currently going
through Parliament, reflects the current
disparity between the division of assets
on divorce and on the breakdown of a
long-term relationship akin to marriage.
Under the bill, agreements between
co-habitees as to the division of assets
would only be binding if they followed
a process similar to that recognised as
essential for a pre-nuptial agreement
to be persuasive; the court would have
power to divide assets based not only on
financial contribution, but also on the
needs of the parties, their conduct, and
any non-financial contributions to
the relationship.
The bill neither seeks to detract
from the sanctity of marriage, nor give
cohabiting couples all the tax and other
legal benefits of marriage. But it does go
some way towards properly reflecting the
changing nature of relationships within
our modern society.
Jim Sawer,
Private Client Partner,
Thrings
THRINGS
SOLICITORS
Photograph © Ewan Roberts

18 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
19
Business & Finance
Business & Finance
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
The EU
Referendum:
A huge gamble
Gina Miller: businesswomen,
philanthropist & mother
Mr. Cameron has promised to
hold a referendum vote on
the EU by the end of 2017.
But there is already an air of fantasy and
irresponsibility surrounding the debate.
The referendum vote is so important
that we must not play political games on
the exit. Commentators and media must
focus on facts not fairy tales as a ‘happy
ever after’ is far from certain.
By way of background, the EU was
born of the will for a political union
to ensure we would not be threatened
by fascism again in the aftermath of
WWII, when nationalism was seen as
bad ‘ism’. But even before this there was
a union where 10% of Britain’s exports
went to the six countries that formed the
European Coal and Steel Community
(ECSC).
Throughout history countries have
conducted the majority of their trade
with their neighbours and relied on them
to help rebel invaders. For us that is
Europe.
In terms of a cheque book, the EU
takes over 51% of British exports of
goods and close to 45% when services are
added in. Those who say it is the same
for the other member states who export
to us are incorrect as the figures are vastly
different, with the other EU countries
exporting only 6.6% of their goods to the
UK. (IMF Direction of Trade Statistics).
Under an optimistic scenario, in
which the UK leaves but continues to
have a free trade agreement (FTA) with
the EU, losses would be 2.2% of GDP.
I would argue our economy cannot
accommodate this hit and that the
highly probably net result is that the UK
economy will suffer permanent losses on
the back of weaker trade and investment;
a highly risky gamble.
The London think-tank, Centre
for European Reform, has carried out
a modelling exercise which concluded
that Britain’s trade with the rest of the
EU was 55% greater than it would have
been if outside. Those from the Out
campaign that argue we can replicate
the same levels of trade with emerging
market countries and Commonwealth
countries have obviously not done much
business in these economies. In any case
there is no reason why this is a mutually
exclusive choice; we can still be part of
the EU and build up trade with these
global markets; for example, Germany’s
second largest market for exports is
China.
The full economic impact of Brexit is
impossible to quantify but the concerns
and anxiety that would result would
create uncertainty in financial markets,
which is never desirable. London would
not instantly disintegrate as a financial
centre but like a rug, once some part of
the financial services tapestry gets pulled
just a little bit, then over time the entire
fabric could weaken.
But putting these financial facts
aside, if Article 50, a so-far untested
mechanism whereby countries can leave
the EU, is triggered there is no going
back; no room for ‘buyer’s regret’.
If we were to vote to leave, departure
would come two years after formal
notification, irrespective of what we
have in place. Over these two years of
limbo for the UK, we would lose our
representation on the European Council
of leaders of member states. We would
also be unable to vote on any deal it
negotiated. This is pure madness.
There are also real political reasons why
a favourable exit package is unlikely to
emerge from the remaining 27 member
states:
a) It would encourage the far right
in many other member states to demand
a referendum/renegotiations for exit –
France, Germany, Spain.
b) An out vote could lead to each
of the devolved areas under the new
devolution Act to hold their own vote
c) An out vote could push the
unification of Ireland agenda even
further
The irony is that the EU membership
we have today has resulted from many
years of successful change. We should be
proud of what Britain’s influence on the
EU has achieved for 500 million people.
The grey haired, veteran Eurosceptics
are right that the EU we joined in 1973
was flawed, with expensive ridiculous
farm and fisheries policies, a budget
designed to cost Britain more than any
other country, no single market and only
nine members. But thanks in no small
part to British political clout, the EU
now has less wasteful policies, a far more
reasonable budget to which Britain is a
middling net contributor, a liberal single
market, and a commitment to freer trade.
Most collaborations are a constant
work in progress. But to flirt with exiting
or conscious uncoupling is insanity,
as the future of the EU should not be
about a cheque book or trade alone.
There are issues such as climate change,
environmental threats, terrorism, and
fascism that have no respect for borders,
global ‘isms’
marching
across the
world; virtually,
physically, and
virally. This
has to be a
sophisticated
multilayered
debate, not
an overtly
emotional one.
Find it, add it,
live it
By Emily Eaton
Getting the right balance in life for any
busy London professional is like walking
a tight-rope. Despite recent advances
in technology, which make managing
conflicting roles easier, with so many
hats to wear, keeping a conscious track
of everything can feel like trying to herd
house flies. Or at least, so you might
think.
Newly launched company Caltrics
(caltrics.com) is set to revolutionise the
way we manage our electronic calendars.
The company, which launched earlier in
2015, allows the end user to curate their
own calendars in a few simple moves,
synchronising information across each of
your devices. And all for exactly no cost!
The Caltrics site motto is “find it,
add it, live it”, and it really is as simple
as that. Once the user has registered
for an account with their email address,
they can then browse the hundreds of
calendars on offer, a lot of which are
London-specific and broken down into
subsections like ‘art galleries’, ‘education’
or ‘politics’. Once these are added to an
account, they will then be automatically
added to any devices associated with
that email address - this is across iCal,
Outlook, and Google Calendars. In
many of these applications the various
calendars are often colour co-ordinated
so you can tell them apart. Caltrics
functions in conjunction with the main
electronic calendar suppliers either
by the click of a button or importing
from HTML links to your unique
calendar. The site is highly intuitive and
user friendly with clear step-by-step
instructions as how to create and edit a
calendar tailored to your exact needs. For
example, you may be a Fulham resident
with children in school, living in the
shadow of Stamford Bridge. Well, with
Caltrics, your calendar could feature
London events, Fulham term dates,
and Chelsea at home games all at once;
making the city, homework, and football
traffic easily navigable at the click of a
button.
Caltrics is also useful to businesses
and organisations who are trying to
spread the word about the work they are
doing. For a small fee, you can create a
‘publisher's’ account and help keep your
target audience up to date with your
schedule. You can import your calendars
via .csv or any other workable format,
there are also options to customise your
account, calendar or event with images
and blurb. Any publisher can also gather
vital information on who is following
their calendar.
Caltrics is getting behind women’s
sport at a perfect time when public
interest is piqued. Now, with the help of
the Caltrics online calendars - loyal fans
can keep up to date plans in the diaries
for key matches and games.
It truly is an ingenious tool that saves
time for end users who might have been
surfing multiple websites for key dates. It
also cuts back on the effort for businesses
and organisations, allowing them to get
to know their engaged client base. With
ease of use and functionality prioritised,
finally someone is taking the hard graft
out of organisation.
Pitch to Rich
winner
Winners of Sir Richard Branson’s
‘Pitch to Rich’ 2015, Fourex, who beat
over 2,700 other companies based on
their potential to disrupt the industry,
have now launched into Blackfriars
underground station.
Fourex idea, “currency exchange
on steroids”, is simple yet genius. A
complete world first, Fourex kiosks are
able to accept unsorted coins and notes
(that are both in and out of circulation)
from over 150 currencies, at the same
time, and convert their value into
either GBP British Pounds, Euros, or
American Dollars.
Unlike its competitors, Fourex
is able to accept even the smallest
denominations, and there are no hidden
fees or commissions. This fills the huge
gap in the market for the leftover coins
and notes found in wallets and purses
after holidays that no big company is
willing to take.
Fourex secured a contract with TfL
and now have plans to launch into
Blackfriars, Kings Cross and Canary
Wharf underground stations from
November 2015, before rolling out
nationwide. They have also signed a
contract with Westfield London and will
be launching in to Westfield Stratford
shopping centre at the end of 2015.
Fourex has made incredible use of
crowdfunding initiatives, receiving over
£671,450 worth of investments (with an
overfund of 244% in under two weeks).
To find out more about the machines
and how they work, please visit: www.
fourex.co.uk/
Photograph © Fourex
TODAY'S ENTREPRENEURS
Pobble takes
on literacy
By Emily Eaton
Shocking statistics reveal that
5.2 million adults in Britain are
functionally illiterate, with reading
and writing abilities below what would
be expected of the average 11 year old.
Now Pobble, an exciting new company
is on a mission to inspire and tackle
illiteracy in the next generation.
Emerging from a slew of industry
recognition, acclaim and even an
award here or there, Pobble, formerly
LendMeYourLiteracy, is being used
by schools to provide a platform for
young writers to build an audience and a
portfolio.
First cultivated by a small and
dedicated group of teachers from
Yorkshire, LendMeYourLiteracy started
as an online site where primary school
children could share their stories ‘beyond
the classroom wall’. The intention was
that once they experienced the joy of
writing for a wide digital audience, who
were leaving feedback they could read,
they would be inspired to engage more
and more in reading and writing. It
would also help parents connect with
their child’s learning journey and create
an archive for their work.
Now, what began as a humble
WordPress blog, has grown to become
a useful tool for parents and teachers
alike, and the newly re-branded Pobble
is being used in schools by teachers in
over 100 countries worldwide. A lot of
this was down to the hard-work of the
founders who went into schools and
ran workshops to encourage children
and teachers first hand. The scholastic
hallmarks of this initiative, crafted by
teachers, are central to its ethos.
‘Pobble’ means people in Celtic,
and as co-founder
and CEO Jon Smith
asserts ‘people’ are
“what Pobble’s all
about… Sharing of
best practice and
collaboration produces
better outcomes for
everybody.”
Anyone can go
through the Pobble
archive of handwritten
work, either by
searching for what you want, or just to
browse what has been shared. There
is plenty to read amongst the 35,000
entries, from recent responses to the John
Lewis Christmas ad Man on the Moon, to
beautiful illustrated ‘shape’ poems, by 6-7
year olds.
Smith recalls one proud moment
when a reluctant dyslexic boy, Fred
Potts, 6, was eventually persuaded by
an astute teacher to share some of his
work. Pobble unlocked an audience for
Fred and his work ended up winning
Pobble’s winter writing competition.
“After we deciphered his handwriting,
some of the stuff Fred wrote was
astounding! He talked about ice looking
like ‘silk on the road’...” Smith cherishes
the transformation in Fred’s attitude
to reading and writing saying, “It is
such a great example of how Pobble is
transforming the learning experience.”
Pobble is really ahead of the game
in terms of digital engagement. Schools
who have worked with Pobble are
reporting a significant impact on the
level of literacy attainment overall. UK
classrooms in particular have been slow
to the digital uptake, but Pobble and
initiatives like it are driving a tech-led
approach. Smith sees this as the future
of the education sector “Children and
teachers using Pobble feel very much a
part of something… We want to work
with as many schools as possible.”
Schools can access a variety of
Pobble resources for free and purchase a
subscription to start sharing their pupils’
work.
Visit: http://blog.pobble.com/
subscriptions/ to find out more.
Photograph © Pobble

20 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
21
Education
Education
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Woldingham
School
Nestled in 700 acres of the English
countryside and within the
M25, Woldingham School is
a Catholic boarding and day school
for girls aged 11 to 18 and which
welcomes girls of all faiths. The school
was founded in 1842 and has been on
the Woldingham site for 70 years. It is
a member of the international network
of Sacred Heart schools, with over 140
schools in 41 countries.
The perfect choice for busy London
families, Woldingham pupils benefit
from a direct commute from London
Victoria (35 mins) or Clapham Junction
(27 mins), to be met by the School’s
courtesy minibuses at its very own
Woldingham train station, on-site.
The school has a “longstanding
reputation for creative excellence now
matched by burgeoning academics”
(Good Schools Guide)
In 2012, the Independent Schools
Inspectorate awarded the School
‘excellent’, the top mark, in every
category. In 2015, 76% (including
WJEC Latin) of GCSE grades were A*
or A and 41.68% of grades at A*. At A
level, almost 59% of grades were A* and
A, representing a 3% improvement
on 2014.
Woldingham is a happy and
successful school developing confident
and compassionate young women.
Alumnae include: Vivien Leigh, Lady
Vanessa Musgrave, Caroline Wyatt,
Louise Mensch and Carey Mulligan.
Saturday Open Mornings in 2016 are
7 May and 11 June and 1 October, all by
appointment only. To reserve your place,
please contact the Registrar, Mrs Linda
Underwood on 01883 654206 or email
registrar@woldinghamschool.co.uk.
For further information, please visit
www.woldinghamschool.co.uk.
WESTMINSTER SCHOOL
www.westminster.org.uk
16+ GIRLS AND BOYS ENTRY
Online registration for entry in 2017 will open in June.
13+ BOYS ENTRY
Register now for entry in 2019.
To request a prospectus or find out about Open Days, please
call 020 7963 1003 or email registrar@westminster.org.uk
For information about entry to Westminster Under School
at 7+, 8+ or 11+ please call 020 7821 5788.
Westminster School is a charity (No. 312728) established to provide education.
CREATIVE WRITING
COURSES WITH
CHARACTER
Booking
now for
2016
TAP2962_KCW_TodayAd_126mmWx154mmH_V1.indd 1 25/11/2015 14:06
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with Julia Blackburn
WRITING A NOVEL
with Esther Freud & Richard Skinner
GETTING STARTED
with Keith Ridgway
VISIT FABERACADEMY.CO.UK
OR CALL US ON 0207 927 3827

22 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
23
Education
Education
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Morgan captains
behaviour
initiatives
By Fergus Coltsmann
Nicky Morgan, Education
Secretary, assumed office last
July. She faced a somewhat
tumultuous start, with The Independent
on Sunday reporting that former EdSec
Michael Gove was still receiving copies
of Department of Education (DfE)
papers, trying to ensure that Morgan
wasn’t watering down any of his more
controversial reforms. Morgan dismissed
this, obviously; but did quickly reach out
to teachers that she wasn’t about to “wage
ideological war”, which was seen a clear
criticism of Gove’s approach in office. So
a year and a half in, what has Morgan
accomplished? One of her focuses has
been on behaviour in the classroom, with
a number of initiatives focusing on the
issue.
One was the appointment of a
‘behaviour tsar’ who is tasked with
preventing ‘low-level’ disruption
in the classroom. Former teacher,
former nightclub owner, and author of
multiple books focusing on behaviour,
Tom Bennett, who asked on his blog
not to be called a tsar, has the job of
preventing behaviours such as passing
notes, swinging on chairs, and making
silly comments. At the announcement
of his role, Morgan argued that minor
misdemeanours cost pupils around 38
days of learning a year. Tsar Bennett will
train teachers to deal effectively with
chair-swinging and other such activities
in an effort to clamp down on them.
Another tactic of Morgan is sending
in military veterans into schools to
provide “educational and personal
development activities for children”, to
bring a ‘military ethos’ to schools. The
DfE has been funding Commando
Joes since 2010, but in December last
year Morgan announced a £4.8 million
in funding for projects such as Joes,
with the aim to ‘instil character in
pupils’. Commando Joes hires mainly
male vets to run a variety of classes,
clubs, and programs that “give a young
person confidence, ambition and selfworth”.
To achieve this, they focus upon
five key areas: Resilience, Teamwork,
Character, Communication, and Health
& Wellbeing. Over the last three years
they’ve been working with Swansea
University to monitor their impact in
the schools they work in, and report
increases in attendance and academic
achievement, and a fall in problem
behaviour and tardiness.
The argument for tackling chairswinging
and instilling character are
similar, that it will promote good
study – minor misbehaviours consume
classroom time, and a ‘military ethos’
presumably includes discipline, focus,
and so on, which Swansea Uni seem
to back as effective. However, not
everyone is a fan. Christine Blower,
general secretary of the National Union
of Teachers, told The Guardian that “A
military ethos is certainly not the only
way to achieve [the development of
character and resilience]”, and even the
Quakers wrote a letter to Morgan, in
which they condemned the militarisation
of education and said:
“Quakers believe that a military
ethos is not what young people need.
While it claims to engender altruism,
aspiration and teamwork, these are not
the exclusive preserve of the military.
A military culture is one of blind
obedience, not the critical thinking
learners need, and is founded on the
normalisation of violence”.
Some have also criticised the
appointment of a Tsar to deal with “low
level misbehaviour”, highlighting the
difficulty faced by teachers over serious
misbehaviour, as reported in KCW Today
in October, over 30,000 alleged crimes
linked with schools were reported in
2014, including 9319 alleged violent
crimes.
Photograph © Policy Exchange
“London’s schools
continue to be
the envy of the
nation”
By Fergus Coltsmann
On the 1st of December, Ofsted
launched its annual report for
2014/15. The report paints a
national picture of the performance of
schools, colleges, and further education and
skill providing institutes.
London has performed particularly
well, with improvement in the proportion
of children attaining a good level of
development in their early years across
London. Schools in the capital are
some of the strongest in the country,
with Kingston-upon-Thames, Camden,
Lewisham, and Westminster among
the top ten Local Authorities for the
percentage of students in primary schools
rated Good or Outstanding.
London is the best performing region
for pupil attainment and progress in
reading, writing, and mathematics at the
end of primary schooling. Kensington and
Chelsea is the highest performing LA for
attainment and progress in England.
The capital is the strongest region
in England for attainment in secondary
schools, with Kingston-upon-Thames,
Sutton, Barnet, Bromley, and Westminster
in the top ten LAs for GCSE results.
Pupils eligible for free school meal in
London are as likely to go to university as
their peers. Pupils eligible for free school
meals in London also outperform those
eligible outside the capital in both primary
and secondary schooling.
Commenting on London’s education
performance, Mike Sheridan, London
Regional Director said:
“London’s schools continue to be the
envy of the nation. Children in London,
including the most disadvantaged,
generally make better progress and reach
higher levels of attainment than those in
the rest of the country. Many of London’s
schools stand out and that fact should fill
the teachers, school leaders and governors
of these institutions with pride. Such
success does not happen by accident.
Dedicated teachers and leaders are working
incredibly hard in schools and academies
across the capital to ensure young people
are given the life chances they deserve.”
However, over 16 learners performed
less well, with significant variation
in quality between LAs. Noting this,
Sheridan said:
“There are some grey clouds on the
horizon though; London cannot become
complacent. We are seeing some weak
performance in individual schools and
across local authorities. In some local
authorities, pupils and learners from
disadvantaged backgrounds don’t do well
enough. Too often, London’s young people
are let down at 16 by mediocre colleges
who don’t adequately prepare them for the
world of work.”
St James provides for the intellectual, emotional and
spiritual development of every pupil.
Open Events 2016
School in Action
Tuesday 26th January 9.00am – 10.45am
Thursday 5th May 9.00am – 10.45am
To book: 020 7348 1748
admissions@sjsg.org.uk
www.stjamesgirls.co.uk
Earsby Street | London W14 8SH
Registered Charity No. 270156
ST JAMES
Senior Girls’ School
Open Mornings
7 May & 11 June 2016
By appointment only,
please call the Registrar
Catholic boarding
and day school
All girls, ages 11-18
700 acres in Surrey
35 minutes from
Central London
100% ‘excellent’ in
every category
ISI Inspection Report 2012
T: 01883 654206
woldinghamschool.co.uk
THE IVER ACADEMY
DO YOU WANT TO BE A
MAKEUP ARTIST ?
THE IVER ACADEMY
SCHOOL OF MAKE-UP AND HAIR ARTISTRY
BASED AT PINEWOOD STUDIOS
01753 659213
WWW.IVERACADEMY.CO.UK

24 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
25
Education
Education
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
An exceptional
educational
experience
for your daughter in the heart
of the countryside close to
London
Weekly boarding numbers
at Thornton College have
grown significantly over
the past decade as increasing numbers
of London parents are looking for an
excellent school in idyllic surroundings.
As competition for places in the top
London day schools is at an all time
high, parents have been looking further
afield for a first-class education at the
top rural independent schools.
Weekly boarders are collected from
Milton Keynes Central train station
on a Sunday evening and returned on a
Friday after school. This set up is perfect
for working families where time is at a
premium. Their daughters get the best
of both worlds - a full and active week of
study and a wide variety of after school
activities ranging from Japanese lessons
to pool parties, and weekends are spent
back at home with their families.
Thornton College is situated within
25 acres of Buckinghamshire parkland,
just outside Milton Keynes. It has Prep,
Senior and Sixth Form departments and
educates just under 400 children aged 2
½ to 18.
The school is well-known for its
exceptional pastoral care, outstanding
academic achievement and high
expectations of all its pupils. Pupils
respect one another, value the
community spirit, have fun learning
and accomplish great things. They are
extremely well educated both inside and
outside of the classroom and grow up
with confidence and a strong sense of
humility.
“Thornton is a dynamic, vibrant
environment where we value academic
success and co-curricular achievement
equally. Students are encouraged to
embrace the unexpected and to become
resilient, self-reliant young people
determined to excel in whatever they
do and destined to make a positive
contribution to the society in which they
live.” Head of Thornton College, Mrs Jo
Storey.
Thornton is a Catholic school,
founded by the Sisters of Jesus and Mary
in 1917, but students of all faiths and of
no faith are welcome.
The school’s next open afternoon
is on Sunday February 7th at 2pm, but
families are welcome to visit on any
normal working day.
To arrange an appointment, please
contact Mrs Claire Ballantyne, Registrar
on 01280 812610.
Photograph © Thornton College
INDEPENDENT CATHOLIC DAY & BOARDING SCHOOL FOR GIRLS
BETWEEN BUCKINGHAM & MILTON KEYNES
Logic wiLL get you from A to B
ImagInatIon wIll take you everywhere
Albert Einstein
OPEN AFTERNOON
SUNDAY FEBRUARY 7TH - 2PM
Considering weekly boarding schools?
The Headmaster of Shiplake College invites you to a presentation about
‘A Boarding Education’, with the opportunity to learn more about boarding
at this popular HMC school near Henley-on-Thames, Oxfordshire.
Join us on our open afternoon to find out more about the
wonderful educational experience offered at Thornton.
Welcome by Mrs Storey - Head of Thornton College at 2 pm
Tours of the school commence at 2.30 pm
GSA Girls’ Boarding and Day School 11-18
*Open Morning 6 February 10.00 - 1.00pm*
Weekly boarding bus return from London
01483 810551
priorsfieldschool.com
Registered Charity No. 312038
Thursday 11 February 2016, 6.00pm - 8.00pm
London Rowing Club (Embankment, Putney, London, SW15 1LB)
For Year 7, Year 9 and Year 12 entry in September 2017 and beyond
Shiplake, rated ‘Excellent’ across the board in its 2015 full ISI inspection,
provides flexi, weekly and full boarding for boys aged 11-18 and girls aged
16-18, within an inspirational setting by the River Thames. Weekly bus
route from West London available.
For more details and to book a place, please go to
www.shiplake.org.uk/london
ONE OF THE UK’S TOP PERFORMING
NON-SELECTIVE SCHOOLS
LONDON EUSTON TO MILTON KEYNES IN 32 MINUTES
We promise you a warm welcome.
THORNTON COLLEGE, CONVENT OF JESUS & MARY,
THORNTON, NR. BUCKINGHAM, MILTON KEYNES,
BUCKINGHAMSHIRE, MK17 0HJ
WWW.THORNTONCOLLEGE.COM

26 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
27
Literature
Poetry
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Blood Meridian
By Max Feldman
Great works of literature frequently
reveal the deepest workings of
human consciousness. Writers
like Dostoyevsky or Austen take us
into the very soul of their characters
and let us perceive their world filtered
through their carefully author-curated
perceptions. Cormac McCarthy however,
doesn’t go in for any of that shit. His
characters are dropped into the narrative
like impassive stone idols, their innerlives
and thoughts locked far away from
the savage world that McCarthy conjures
into being.
Having spent his career up to
Meridian toiling in wilful Southern
Gothic obscurity, in 1985 McCarthy
set his sights on writing a Western. The
Western that emerged had as much
in common with Dante’s Inferno as it
did with True Grit. Based in part on
the memoirs of soldier/bandit Samuel
Chamberlain, the novel concerns itself
broadly with the fortunes of a not
particularly pleasant (on the first page
our initial introduction limits itself to
the fact that “He can neither read nor
write and in him broods already a taste
for mindless violence”) fourteen year
old runaway as he falls in with a gang of
scalp hunters on the Mexican-American
border. However great swathes of the
novel pass without word or thought
from our ostensible lead and instead deal
exclusively in the Miltonic fury of the
narration, wherein the passage of the
scalp hunters through the desert seems
to have been transplanted directly from
the Book of Revelation.
Befitting such a brutal profession, the
novel roils in a red tide of unconstrained
brutality that moves beyond shocking
into almost psychedelic territory.
Violence is not the defining quality of
the novel, violence is the novel. This
can’t be stressed enough; the blood
is not cathartic or even necessarily
representative of greater themes, instead
it is numbing, senseless and brutal, much
like real violence. Rather than a reductive
presentation of any race as particularly
victimised, Blood Meridian draws its
distinctions along more Darwinian lines
between predator or prey instead of black
or white. It’s in this stark and brutal
landscape that McCarthy introduces a
character who is as indelible a literary
figure as Moby Dick’s White Whale;
Judge Holden. The Judge is a leviathan
of a man, entirely hairless and prone to
expounding on bizarre philosophy that
set him apart even in the company of
the murderers he rides with. Presented
as something not quite human and
possibly immortal the Judge preaches
war as the platonic ideal that mankind
should strive for, declaring “war is god”.
Even in landscape as unreal and hellish
as Blood Meridian the Judge stands out
as something unknowably ghastly yet
intensely captivating.
So far, so unrelentingly brutal,
wherein lies the issue of the novel; it’s a
non-stop death march through all the
worst parts of the bible. This can make
it hard to recommend, or indeed, even
enjoy but within the novel lies some of
the most starkly beautiful writing of
the 20th century. For full disclosure I
should admit I am not a particular fan of
McCarthy but with Blood Meridian he
achieves a kind of literary transcendence
that most authors would kill to even
dream of. With the novel he unleashed a
bestial howl that Leonard Pierce called
“the ultimate Western” as in the final
completion of the form.
Quake before its majesty.
Literary criticism
By Max Feldman
“Much literary criticism comes from
people for whom extreme specialization
is a cover for either grave cerebral
inadequacy or terminal laziness, the
latter being a much cherished aspect
of academic freedom.” -John Kenneth
Galbraith
When Freud admitted that
sometimes a cigar can just be a cigar;
rather than a cloaked metaphor for
repressed homosexuality, American
imperialism and the month of January
he was unintentionally slamming a
stake through the heart of traditionalist
literary criticism (which would, with its
dying breath, hiss out something about
how a stake through the heart was not
only a figurative sexual penetration,
but also emblematic of the collective
unconscious response to 9/11). In the
relatively cloistered world of academia,
nothing is allowed to be what it seems.
Novels are interpreted via Marxist/
Feminist/Nilhilst/Classist/Astrologist
filters at the drop of the proverbial hat
and suddenly Harry Potter has always
been a metaphor for gender roles in
times of warfare.
Of course a quick look up the page
at my Blood Meridian retrospective (and
a longer look back to my Literature
degree) will prove that rather than
being immune to these tendencies, I am
instead biting the hand that feeds with
cheerful hypocrisy. Still even someone
as pretentious as myself can occasionally
baulk at the more sesquipedalian
loquaciousness of some of the more
hysterical interpretations (and I’m
pretentious enough to use the phrase
“sesquipedalian loquaciousness”). At
their higher levels the institutions of
higher education can become something
of an echo chamber of the terminally
solipsistic, friends who have reached
PhD level have sometimes complained
to me that their perception has grown
so sharp that they find themselves
using queer theory to analyse take-out
menus when they were just looking
for a large macaroni and cheese. To
(badly) paraphrase Alan Ginsberg: “I
Happiness
New poetry by Jack Underwood
saw the greatest minds in my generation
destroyed by academia”.
There is definitely a happy
medium to be found between blithely
taking art at face value and surrendering
to total academicisation (wherein one’s
opinions and beliefs become opaque
and impenetrable to those who aren’t
equally far along the intellectual garden
path). Whilst such depth of study verges
on necessary for such light reading as
Gravity’s Rainbow or Infinite Jest, when
applied to the wider world of literature
it threatens to reduce a piece of art to
a twitching pile of severed constituent
influences. Criticism can always stand
a critique and it can feel wrong to
surrender too totally to the head for such
a timeless substance as literature; give the
heart something to work with.
Bright and beguiling, daring and funny, an accomplished and memorable debut
from a distinct new voice.
Jack Underwood was born in Norwich in 1984. He graduated from Norwich
School of Art and Design in 2005 before completing an MA and PhD in Creative
Writing at Goldsmiths College, where he now teaches English Literature and
Creative Writing. He won an Eric Gregory Award in 2007 and Faber published
his debut pamphlet in 2009 as part of the Faber New Poet series. He also teaches
at the Poetry School, co-edits the anthology series Stop Sharpening Your Knives, and
reviews for Poetry London and Poetry Review. Happiness was published by Faber in
2015. ISBN-13: 978-0571313617.
Photograph © Faber & Faber
THE ATTACKS ON CHARLIE HEBDO LAST JANUARY and the recent shootings in Paris have brought about a wave of uncertainty as
to what to expect from 2016. These unacceptable attacks on freedom of expression, unfortunately, are not unique to our times. Many writers
have been struck down in their prime as a consequence of extremism. Frederica Garcia Lorca (1898-1936) Osip Mandelstam (1891-1938) and
Pablo Neruda (1904–1973) are just a few who held extremism to account using the pen rather than sword and who tragically paid with their lives. The
fate of these doomed writers is captured here in this month’s poetry page in two poems by Anna Akhmatova (1889–1966). Veronezh is a chilling portrait
of Stalin’s communist Russia and For Osip Mandelstam, a memorial to Akhmatova’s close friend and one of Russia’s most significant poets who did not
survive the Stalinist great purge of 1935 -1940.
In contrast poets have also employed language as a means of exploring the individual and international wounds brought about by war and revenge.
Arguably, some of the greatest lines of modern times that examine these age-old themes can be found in The Cure at Troy by Seamus Heaney (1939–
2013). Heaney’s own experiences of the political divide in Northern Ireland during the 1980s and the troubles that ensued gave him a unique position
from which to consider the tension between individual needs, a loyalty to a cause and the possibility for growth and transformation.
So with these humble offerings from Akhmatova and Heaney we look forward to 2016 with intelligence and sensitivity and wish you all
a ‘Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année’.
Portrait of Seamus Heaney by Peter Edwards. National Portrait Gallery
The Cure at Troy
(1990)
Seamus Heaney
Human beings suffer,
They torture one another,
They get hurt and get hard.
No poem or play or song
Can fully right a wrong
Inflicted and endured.
The innocent in gaols [jails]
Beat on their bars together.
A hunger-striker’s father
Stands in the graveyard dumb.
The police widow in veils
Faints at the funeral home.
History says, don’t hope
On this side of the grave.
But then, once in a lifetime
The longed-for tidal wave
Of justice can rise up,
And hope and history rhyme.
So hope for a great sea-change
On the far side of revenge.
Believe that a further shore
Is reachable from here.
Believe in miracles
And cures and healing wells.
Call the miracle self-healing:
The utter, self-revealing
Double-take of feeling.
If there’s fire on the mountain
Or lightning and storm
And a god speaks from the sky
That means someone is hearing
The outcry and the birth-cry
Of new life at its term.
Literature & Poetry edited by
Emma Trehane MA Ph.d
Voronezh
For Osip
Mandelstam
Anna Akhmatova
And the town is frozen solid in a vice,
Trees, walls, snow, beneath a glass.
Over crystal, on slippery tracks of ice,
the painted sleighs and I, together, pass.
And over St Peter’s there are poplars, crows
there’s a pale green dome there that glows,
dim in the sun-shrouded dust.
The field of heroes lingers in my thought,
Kulikovo’s barbarian battleground.
The frozen poplars, like glasses for a toast,
clash now, more noisily, overhead.
As though it was our wedding, and the crowd
were drinking to our health and happiness.
But Fear and the Muse take turns to guard
the room where the exiled poet is banished,
and the night, marching at full pace,
of the coming dawn, has no knowledge.
For Osip
Mandelstam
Anna Akhmatova
I bow to them as if over a cup,
Those innumerable precious lines –
This is the black, tender news
Of our youth stained with blood.
The air is the air I breathed
That night above the abyss,
That night of iron emptiness,
When all calls and cries were vain.
How rich the scent of carnations,
That came to me once in dream –
There where Eurydice circles,
The bull bears Europa through the foam.
Here the shades go flowing by,
Over the Neva, the Neva, the Neva,
The Neva that splashes on the stairs –
And here’s your pass to immortality.
Here are the keys to that place,
About which there’s never a word…
Here’s the sound of the mysterious lyre,
Guest in the meadow beyond this world.
Cover extract taken from The Cure at Troy © Estate of Seamus Heaney and reprinted by permission of Faber and Faber Ltd

28 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
29
Young Chelsea
Young Chelsea
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Illustration © Rebecca Eaton
Chelsea Nanny
American Mom is sobbing in
front of the John Lewis advert
again. The Small One has been
on a blue-Smartie level high since
the underwhelming switching on of
the Christmas lights in Duke of York
square back at the start of November.
The festive season lasts a confusingly
long time in Chelsea. The Eldest is
laminating his present list for the seventh
time before sticking it back on the centre
of the fridge door - prime list real estate.
The Middle One is drafting a letter
to Santa Claus on her iPad. When she
asks what his number is so that she can
send it as an iMessage I nearly drop the
crystal angel destined for the top of the
ten foot tree in the hallway.
It’s only four days into the school
holidays and we have already exhausted
all the activity options. American Mom
vetoed Winter Wonderland this year
after the Small One almost slipped
out of one of the rides last year and
the Eldest got into a heated stand
off with an elf called Elderfield. The
Eldest claimed it was because the elf
was grumpy. The Middle One told me
afterwards that the Eldest had tried to
pull Father Christmas’ beard off when he
said he didn’t have any Star Wars robots
left. As neither story could be verified I
ignored both and turned my attention to
making sure the Small One didn't choke
on a candy stick.
There are three whole days still to fill
before the family jet off to Verbier. The
tree is groaning under over-decoration.
The cat has tinsel permanently tied to
its tail. American Mom has been out to
“stock up on Sherry for Santa” at least
twice a day since school broke up. I
have run out of places to hide the gifts.
I pulled a pair of misplaced Chelsea FC
socks intended for the Eldest out of my
handbag in the pub two nights ago and
now my boyfriend thinks I’m cheating
on him.
I have an all-too-brief week of respite
while the Brats are skiing. They arrive
back in Chelsea with goggle tans and,
miraculously, no broken bones. I also
receive a late token of festive cheer from
American Mom, an ugly mohair scarf
that she had received from her cousin.
The tag was still on, wishing her a
‘healthful and spiritual 2016.’ A priceless
sentiment. The scarf, however, did have
a price, a hundred and twenty five quid
on eBay, to be precise. A handsome
contribution to my New Year’s Eve
fund. The other thing I take with me on
my NYE night out is the Small One’s
questionable version of Once in Royal
David’s City, which is stuck in my head.
Even Auld Lang Syne can’t shift it.
New year, same brats.
Young Chelsea is using small things
to build something great this month.
Fergus Coltsmann investigates
how £15 loans can help businesses
throughout the developing world
find their feet with Lendwithcare
and Jade Parker places her order in
a new way of helping the homeless
at Black Sheep Coffee. Meanwhile
Chelsea Nanny’s Brats get to grips
with the spirit of Christmas and Max
Feldman gives a guide to giving up as
his New Year’s resolutions amount
to nothing. Remember, if you want to
write for Young Chelsea, contract us
@KCWToday on Twitter or email news@
kcwtoday.co.uk
Lending with
care
By Fergus Coltsmann
Despite our well documented
overindulgence in life’s vices, we at Young
Chelsea are a compassionate lot. As that
time of year rolls around, we felt we
should partake in the season of giving
and had a look around to see what we
could find.
Lendwithcare caught our eye as
something a little different. The premise
is pretty simple: someone in a developing
country has an idea for a business. This
entrepreneur approaches a Lendwithcare
partner in their country and asks for a
loan, and if they think it has legs they
upload a profile to Lendwithcare’s
website. People from other, better off
parts of the world can view the profile,
which contains details about the business
plan, how much money is needed, and
what the repayment schedule is. If they
like it, they can put some money forward
to the total loan. When fully funded,
the loan is released to the entrepreneur
and they can develop their business. If
all goes well, the loaner then receive
payments of their money back, and
can either loan it to someone else or
withdraw it.
The amounts of money we’re talking
about aren’t large, a few hundred pounds
to maybe a grand or so for the total
loan, with individuals loaning fifteen or
twenty quid. What might pay for a night
out in London (HA! Maybe the first
round) can make a real difference in, say,
Ecuador.
We decided to pitch in £15 and
lent the money to Javaid Younas from
Lahore, Pakistan. Javaid makes colourful,
decorative wreaths, and has done for two
years. He asked for £176 to bulk buy
materials, increase his product range, and
sell at a higher profit. Along with ten
other people, we funded Javaid, whose
loan was quickly filled. As he builds his
business, we’ll receive our repayments,
and definitely reinvest the money in
another entrepreneur.
Photograph © CARE/Peter Caton
Photograph © Black Sheep Coffee
Hot cup of
goodwill:
Donate a cup of coffee for
London's homeless
By Jade Parker
A
café has set up a kind-hearted
initiative whereby customers
are able to buy a discounted cup
of coffee and donate it to a homeless
person. Black Sheep Coffee, which has
branches in Fitzrovia and Aldgate, has
set up the scheme to help local homeless
people who cannot afford to buy a hot
drink themselves.
The coffee shop allows customers
to kick start their morning with some
caffeinated kindness by operating a
‘pay forward’ system. Using this system,
customers have the option of pre-paying
for a coffee, placing a Post-it note on the
free coffee board that a rough sleeper can
then pick up and exchange for a free cup
of coffee.
Gabriel Shohet, co-founder of Black
Sheep Coffee, believes local homeless
people get a lot more out of the exchange
than just a free coffee. He told Young
Chelsea: “Many homeless people suffer
not just from poverty but also from
severe isolation and social exclusion.
Sometimes, they can spend several days
without exchanging a word or even
making eye contact with another human
being”.
He went further to say: “The act
of walking into a shop, chatting with
a barista who knows you by your first
name, and ordering coffee goes a long
way. For a brief moment you are at
eye level with everyone else in society
because coffee is a simple treat that can
be enjoyed by anyone regardless of class
and social status. We think that our
customers and our staff gain as much
from the exchange as the homeless
people. Sometimes giving something to
someone in need can be as rewarding as
a receiving a free cup of warm coffee on
a cold day”.
Despite its intuitive appeal, Gabriel
told Young Chelsea that the scheme didn’t
start off smoothly: “We were advised not
to go ahead with the scheme. People told
us that it would deter other customers
from coming in because homeless people
would smell bad, be drunk, rude, and
use our toilets to do drugs and clean
themselves up, leaving a mess every
time. Of course none of those things
happened. The homeless are usually a
little embarrassed and extremely polite
and apologetic. They try to come when
the shop isn't too busy and all of our
customers understand what the initiative
is about and are very supportive. It's
brought people together”.
The idea of buying a suspended cup
started off in Naples, and has quickly
spread across the globe. With the
Black Sheep Coffee shop showing how
easy the process is, it is hoped that the
goodwill scheme will take off across
coffee shops around London.
Irresolute
Resolutions
By Max Feldman
New Year’s Resolutions are, in general,
masochistic exercises that mainly serve to
illustrate just how weak one’s willpower
actually is, rather than anything that
might help make great strides towards
self-improvement. Only 8% of people
stick to their principles throughout
the year while the rest fall before the
brutal realities of life without cigarettes
around January 3rd; so presented for
your reading pleasure is a list of the most
common New Year’s resolutions and the
exact moment you’ll break them:
1 Stop (or at least cut down) drinking.
Initially the easiest to make, considering
that the day after New Year’s Eve
tends to be an occasion where the mere
thought of alcohol is enough to cause
fevered shaking. The breakage tends to
occur at the exact moment said hangover
ends.
2 Lose weight. The central problem
here is that in the bleak darkness of
the British mid-winter, food is one of
the few pleasures that one has to stave
off The Shining-style freakouts, and
crowding into a gym in the evening dark
is liable to cause similar psychological
wobbles. Whilst a gym membership may
be purchased, by late February it will be
consigned to gather dust, alongside your
hopes and dreams of a better tomorrow.
3 Find a Significant Other/Break up
with a Significant Other: Realise there
was a definite reason that you were single
in the first place. One way or another by
February 1st any residual self-confidence
will have melted away (unlike the snow).
4 Make amends with those whom
you’ve wronged: The moment you
remember that none of them will answer
your calls.
5 Be a better person: Haha. No. Won’t
even last past the first flowerings of
hangover on New Year’s Day. You know
what you’ve done.
App that allows
Londoners
to become a jack of all trades
By Jade Parker
Learning a new skill in London can be
costly, whether it be musical, linguistic,
or sporty. For most people the allure
of being able to nonchalantly flaunt
an unusual talent is superseded by the
associated costs and hassle of actually
learning it.
The Meetup App has removed both
of these issues, allowing Londoners
to meet groups of people with similar
interests to them at little to no cost.
From groups that provide free fitness
classes to those which help people learn
a new language, there is a Meetup group
for almost everyone.
Haymen Shams is member of one
of London’s biggest Meetup groups,
London’s Arab Circle, and told Young
Chelsea: “The Meetup App has become
so popular because people want to be
connected, and with this app they can
be instantaneously notified about events
relating to what they're interested in.
The Meetup app is simple and easy
to use connecting people through events
and to make new friends. It provides a
safer way of communicating as it does
not show personal details.”

30 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
31
Astronomy Horology online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
08450 944 911
The materials we relate to and find
familiar range from the thinnest
mountain air to the high density
of iron, as in trying to budge the anchor
of your boat or indeed someone else’s
boat. Rarely do we venture outside this
envelope and encounter Earth’s highest
density elements which are twice iron’s
weight. How many of us have ever lifted
a bucket of lead or handled a bar of gold?
The standard for assessing density
is water, the most common compound
in the universe. A cubic meter of water
weighs 1000kgs, and 1 cubic centimetre
weighs 1gram.
Stars like our Sun have the same
overall density as water or perhaps a little
more. However when a star collapses
in its old age, its material, its stuff
increasingly compresses and the result is
a brilliant white sphere of breath-taking
density.
Any star that weighs between 0.5 and
1.4 solar masses i.e. the vast majority
of stars in the universe, ultimately use
up their nuclear fuel and collapse in a
predictable way.
When a sun exhausts its supply of
nuclear fuel and splutters to a stop,
gravity collapses it. The sun stops
imploding because quantum mechanics
says that each sub atomic particle needs
a bit of elbow room. This so called
“electron degeneracy pressure” halts the
shrinkage but not before the star has
become very small and very strange.
This is where we come to the ‘Pup’.
In 1844 German astronomer Friedrich
Bessel had noticed a slight wobble in
the motion of the ‘Dog Star’ Sirius and
concluded that it was being affected by
an unseen companion. Nearly 20years
later the highly respected telescope
maker Alvan Clark, whilst testing his
latest 18.5inch refractor, spotted a faint
8.5 magnitude dot next to the dazzle of
Sirius in the position predicted by Bessel.
It was named Sirius B, but soon became
known as ‘The Pup’ due to its association
with the Dog.
Thanks to their binary system
memberships, scientists have precisely
determined the weights of both Sirius
and the Pup. In fact it is relatively heavy
for a white dwarf at between 98 and
100% of the Sun’s mass condensed into
a sphere almost exactly the same as the
Earth, about 12,070 kilometres, which
is only 640km smaller than our planet.
Packing all that mass into an earth-sized
ball means the matter in Sirius B is some
100,000 times denser than iron. Sirius
B has such fierce gravity that it actually
bends light.
So Sirius B matches our Sun’s weight
and Earth’s size and it’s also the closest
white dwarf to us. Also their angular
2.5 arcseconds separation in 1993
(impossible to see with the naked eye)
is increasing from a roughly Sun-Saturn
separation to a Sun-Neptune separation
of 11 arcseconds in 2022, so good news
for backyard astronomers.
So soon we’ll be able to see it, but
fortunately not eat it, as a teaspoonful
The Pup
A five ton teaspoonful!
By Scott Beadle FRAS
would bore a hole straight through your
nether regions.
And the next stages in the evolution
of dying stars are the fate of larger
stars than our Sun. They collapse to
16km spheres or less and a not-to-betried
teaspoonful would weigh in at a
staggering 10 billion tons. Not only
The Sun Now
will this come flying out your nether
regions with a vengeance but also won’t
stop until it is at rest in the centre of the
Earth’s core (this is only a fun thought
experiment, don’t take it too seriously)!!
Our own Sun will finally end its life
as a white dwarf in about 5/6 billion
years in the future.
The Sun as a white dwarf
(6 billion years from now)
Sirius A (Top picture, optical image) is the brightest
star in the sky. Sirius B is ten thousand times
dimmer but in the Chandra X-ray image (Bottom
left) the 'Pup' appears brighter than the Dog Star.
The diagram shows the ultimate fate of our own sun
far in the future when its mass is condensed into an
earth sized object called a white dwarf like Sirius B.
Photographs ©NASA
Fool’s Gold
By Jonathan Macnabb
The name Pinchbeck is well
known amongst dealers and
collectors of jewellery as a term to
describe items made from a golden metal
composition. This was a closely guarded
secret which fulfilled the Alchemists’
dream of creating pure gold. It was an
alloy of three parts zinc to four parts
copper and became a term to describe
cheaper imitation jewellery.
This alloy owes its invention to a
pioneering clockmaker and engineer
called Christopher Pinchbeck who was
born in 1670 and by 1716 was living in
Clerkenwell at 33 St John’s Lane.
Unlike his three sons, Christopher
senior may have had some schooling
on the continent where the fashion
for musical automata was developing.
There exists in an American collection
a triumph of automata in a clock which
combines a mechanical organ playing
opera and jigs with the extra provision of
a small flock of singing birds.
After a move to Fleet street in
1721, at The Sign of the Astronomico
Clock that was the centre of high-end
retail for horological items, his eldest
son Christopher junior was successful
enough to be noticed by the King,
and there exists in the Music Room
in Buckingham Palace a magnificent
Astronomical clock in a 4-sided case
designed by Sir Richard Chambers
which is kept in working order.
Remaining a family secret until the
end of the century, “Similar in Colour,
Smell and Ductability to Pure Gold”, the
alloy was useful for making inexpensive
watch-cases as it was easy to engrave
and was able to take fire-gilding. It was
also successful in providing imitations
of expensive pieces which could be worn
in stagecoaches or parts of town where
robbery was possible or likely.
Young Christopher’s talents were
notable as an inventor. Promoting
himself as a “Toymaker and Automata
Maker” he designed a curious device, a
type of programmable self-extinguishing
candle stick called the “Nocturnal
Rememberancer”, but more popular
was a type of safety brake which could
be applied to an industrial crane for
which he was recognised with a Gold
Medal. He was President of the Society
of Engineers and a member of the
Committee of Mechanics. The mainstay
of the business was the production
of Longcase clocks with musical
and astronomical complications and
pocket watches with ‘Improvements
to the Timekeeping’. This refers to
the development of temperature
compensation which was at the
pioneering stage of using a bi-metallic
strip to act upon the balance spring. He
was made an Honorary Freeman of the
Worshipful Company of Clockmakers.
The success of the alloy in its manufacture of costume
pieces led to pieces being deliberately passed off as the
real thing. Whilst this had never been the case within the
family, it led to the coining of the name to denote an item of
indefinite worth
The final address of the business was in Cockspur
Street after which the family pursued different careers. The
complication of the clocks was such that the more rarefied
ones seem to have been lost due to difficulties in maintenance
however examples of the more standard 18th century styles
of clock can still be found.
Christopher senior is remembered by a plaque at 33 St
John’s Lane, Clerkenwell, London, bearing his dates.
Jonathan Macnabb has been restoring clocks for over 30
years
J. Macnabb Clock Repairs
T: 020 8296 0106
Photograph © Chronokeep

32 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
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33
Gentlemen’s Fashion
Lifestyle
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
White tie
and flying
escutcheons
By John Springs
Dandy
About
Town
There was that discernible, rasping
dry cackle from the Sartorial
Gods, otherwise known as the
popular press, when Opposition Leader
Jeremy Corbyn generously presented
himself at a gala dinner for the Chinese
President all togged out in white tie.
Under this gaze he self consciously
succumbed to the heat of the crimson
razor of humiliation. A not-quitestiff
enough and undulating fronted
dickey shirt, tail coat, bat wing tie do
not indulge a socialist’s credentials to
the proper extent. But JC was by then
deep in a hole of compromise which
naturally resulted in him losing on both
sides. It’s black or white, you can’t have
it both ways. No wonder he looked as
though he just emerged from being
jostled by Scottish football supporters
on a crowded Piccadilly Line, his rubber
soled, traffic warden’s boots propelling
him up the escalator. A dead giveaway
is when the wearer absentmindedly sits
on his tails rather than gives them a
quick wafting flick before he goes down;
you used to be given this piece of useful
instruction by the man who rents them
out; creased tails are right out. It’s called
a ‘dickey’ from the Cockney rhyming
slang, ‘Dickey Dirt: shirt’ and it’s where
your ‘dickey bow’ tie gets its title. Had I
been consulted by Labour HQ , I would
have suggested a tail dress suit with
cuffs, collar, and shirtfront made from
bio-degradable recyclable paper, widely
used by scriveners and office lackeys of
the 19th century. It’s no coincidence that
the demise of formal white tie and the
increase in alarming levels of climate
change occur at almost exactly the same
date. In 1849, Richard Mullins Moody,
tie manufacturer, began a range of cutprice
collars, shirts etc. made from paper.
The Beardsley-esque clerk in Alphonse
Daudet’s pot boiler The Nabob spends
his evenings carefully cutting out his
cuffs and collars from paper to look “the
business”. Sometimes a Dandy has to cut
corners and the challenge can be half the
fun of it; it’s not all about throwing large
wads around Savile Row. The admired
aesthete Cecil Beaton bought his suits
from Hong Kong or Gillingham in
Dorset, his shirts well worn and frayed
still cut a dash; “It’s all how you wear it!”.
White tie with cutaway tailcoat,
fine linen starched shirtfront stiff as a
cuirass with ivory waistcoat has a direct
genetic link from the sober Regency
rebellion that rose against all that
powdery silk puffery and ruffles that
preceded it. Nowadays I’m witness to
so many parallels in and around some
areas of London to the days of the early
1930s and the Great Depression, the
polarisation between wealthy ostentation
and the very poor. What fascinates is the
renewed interest, mostly by a younger
generation, in white tie with these dressy
affairs happening in private houses. No
telly period drama is complete without
some toff discharging blood all over
his pristine shirt front, it’s a satisfying
juxtaposition for a non-too subtle drama
but it probably awakens an awareness
that something of value that once held
sway has been lost.
Retailers are selling and stocking far
more in the way of grand formal evening
wear these days than ever, which means
somebody must be throwing grand
parties and others are dressing up to go
to them.
The tailcoats of the twenties were
heavy affairs, all 20 ounce wool, and
must have been stiflingly hot; the
backless waistcoat was an attempt at
some sort of cooling system, but what
an embellishment! The whole thing
smacked of flying escutcheons and the
webbed toes of highborn inbreeding at
play. By the thirties advances in cloth
manufacturing enabled evening wear to
be practically mass produced. The Prince
of Wales became the executant of the
trend of wearing his tails and trousers
in a Midnight Blue colour instead
of the accepted black. In the chrome
and mirror-balled nightclubs the blue
glowered an eye-catching ‘blacker than
black’.
As ever, Hollywood imparted a big
influence on style at the time. The great
hoofer Fred Astaire frequented much
of Savile Row and Jermyn Street while
living and performing in London in the
1920s and continued to have his suits
made at Anderson and Shepherd for
many years. His tail coat and trousers
were specially cut to allow more freedom
for his thrashing limbs during dance
routines; the armscye where the sleeve
meets the body was made larger, more
free, the trousers cut looser but not
noticeably. The whole ensemble was just
less than a half size too large, which he
preferred. He was at his most elegant
best in the 1936 movie production
Swing Time, alas not shown on telly
much these days probably due to one
unfortunate dance sequence where Fred
performs his routine in black face. Still,
one affectation that he continued all his
life that he picked up while living in
England was using a wool tie as a belt.
By the late 1930s the Golden Age of
White Tie was a dwindling light and a
group of young very wealthy men from
a small hamlet in Upstate New York
wanted a less formal evening wear that
was more practical when they came into
Grand Central Station for an evening
of delights and to chase the ladies. The
town, of course, was Tuxedo Park; black
tie, dress shirt and short tail-less coat,
double or singled breasted, the lapels
peaked or shawled in silk satin. After a
game of racquets at the club, nip into
black tie, a cocktail or three, then off
with no need for a manservant to help
pin and plug you together.
The British crooner Jack Buchanan
claimed to have introduced the doublebreasted
dinner jacket to the UK
shortly afterwards. But don’t forget
the cummerbund, a silk sash wound
around the waist in place of a waistcoat,
and covering up the dreaded top of
the trousers demarcation. These came
about from military dress gear and,
as the name suggests, were sported
around the officers mess in Asia and
the sultry far East. Sir Thomas Picton
became renowned as the highest ranking
officer to fall at Waterloo, cummerbund
resplendent. You can see him wearing
it in his portrait by Thomas Lawrence.
The pleats were useful to store coins in
to hand out for tips. Picton was famously
shot dead through his top hat by cannon
fire on the charge, although rumours
suggest that being such an unpleasant
and sadistic man, hated by most, it was
an opportunity to be dispatched by one
of his own cavalrymen.
In the late 1930s the white mess
jacket, more or less a tailcoat docked of
its tails and popular with British Naval
officers briefly became the evening
wear of the American yacht owning
playboys and the Hollywood set. In light
gabardine or duck, it had its limitations;
the high cut and exposure at the rear
failed to flatter the fuller figure, however,
the drape of tails covered a multitude of
indulgence.
So now, with party season in full flow,
is the time to invest, in this case longterm,
in a set of tails and an array of silk
ties, black and white. But I guarantee
it will be worthwhile. The Men’s Dress
Reform Party (1929-1937), called
out for the abolition of tight, starched
restricting clothing which lacerated the
jugular rendering the wearer dazed and
half-cocked. Celluloid collars were the
equivalent of a magnesium chassis on a
racing car; a tremendous fire risk true,
but elegance comes at a price.
And if you’re searching for a truly
unique gift idea, look no further than
than the Golden Closet website (www.
thegoldencloset.com). A superb (used)
vintage Sulka butterfly black silk bow tie
as worn on stage by one Frank Sinatra. A
mere $1,250.00.
Illustration © John Springs
A lot of Beauty
Creams do not do
what they say on
the tin
By Eva Lewis
A
report, called
Deception in Cosmetics
Advertising, has analysed
cosmetics advertising claims and
found the majority of them to be
either false or unsubstantiated.
Many consumers are completely
unaware the extent to which they
are being deceived.
The report examined advertising claims
made in fashion magazine advertising.
They studied up to 300 full page adverts
in publications such as Vogue and
Glamour, looking at make-up, skincare,
body products and others.
Research judges sorted the claims
into the following categories; ‘outright
lie’, ‘omission’, ‘vague’ and ‘acceptable’.
Whilst an outright lie had no shred of
truth whatsoever, an omission meant
the claim fails to include important
History’s weirdest
diets
By Jade Parker
Weight loss has become a massive
global industry, with its value expected
to reach £220 billion by 2017. But it
seems the fad of losing weight isn’t a new
craze, looking back into history many
horrifying regimes were followed in the
quest to lose those extra pounds.
Lord Byron’s vinegar diet:
During the 1820s famed poet Lord
Byron adopted a very odd diet to keep
his figure trim, drinking vinegar daily
and soaking anything else he ate in the
stuff. His fame and influence permeated
young society, kick starting the cultural
obsession with dieting.
Cigarette diet: Today, we all have it
drummed into our heads that cigarettes
are bad so it may come as a surprise, that
in the first half of the 20th Century, it
was normal for cigarette manufacturers
to advertise them as a weight loss aid.
“Light a Lucky and you’ll never miss
sweets that make you fat”, proclaimed
one advert in 1929.
Tapeworm diet: Not for the
faint-hearted, the craze of swallowing
tapeworm cysts became popular in the
1950s. However, with parasites growing
information needed to evaluate its
truthfulness. Vague meant containing a
phrase too broad to have a clear meaning.
A shocking 621 of the 757 claims were
deemed to be either a lie, omission or
vague and only 136 were acceptable
to the judges. Repetitive claims that
were highlighted by the judges as being
deceptive were: ‘dermatologically tested’,
‘natural’, ‘beautifies’ and ‘soothes the
senses’.
Concern was given to cosmeceutical
products that say they have aesthetic
and medicinal properties. Even if
consumers look carefully at their
purchases the claims that are made often
go unregulated and there are a lot of grey
areas.
Claims like ‘backed by science’ and
‘clinically proven’ are now debateable.
The authors of the report said, “There is
usually no substantiation of these claims,
and those who back the claims with
scientific evidence and consumer testing
often use questionable methodologies for
their substantiation.”
The research concludes that it is
in the advertiser’s best interest to give
consumers clarity and evidence to
support a product’s claims. When it
comes to scientific claims “the concrete
evidence of ingredients, the scientific
research processes used and lab
results should be provided in laymen’s
terminology”, advised the authors.
Aesthetic Medicine is keeping a keen eye
on the progress. www.aestheticmed.co.uk
up to 9 metres in length it was a perilous
weight loss strategy.
Sleeping beauty diet: Rumoured
to be favoured by Elvis Presley,
the sleeping beauty diet picked up
momentum in the 1970s. Instead of
eating sensibly or exercising, followers
of the regime were sedated for days at a
time. After all you can’t eat cake when
you’re asleep.
Hallelujah diet: If you want to
lose weight in a holy way the Hallelujah
diet could be the one. Formulated in
the 1990s the diet is based on only
consuming what Adam and Eve ate in
the Garden of Eden. The view on eating
apples is still undecided.
Male Grooming is Becoming Big
Business
These days, so many men are spending
money looking after themselves, the
male grooming market in the UK has
been valued at well over £1.5bn. Salons
and spas are feeling the urge to change
their ways and start to market for men
by using the kind of language and
branding that would attract them. A
few salons have been ahead of the game
and stocking products for men for years.
My salons have always welcomed men.
However, I know that while men do
visit salons nationwide and enjoy the
experience, often they can be put off by
the environment and jargon, which is
still very female-orientated.
Salon and spa owners are now asking
vital questions about how to get into the
mind of the male. In my experience, men
do not want to waste their time and they
don’t need fanciness. They want products
and treatments which do what they say
on the tin. New slogans are coming out
like ‘recharge in 60 minutes’ and research
reports that men respond better to words
like ‘formula’ and ‘complex’
Most treatment brochures prove
indecipherable to the male population,
with unfamiliar terms that are likely
to have him running out of the door.
The new buzzwords for the grooming
industry are ‘comfort’ and ‘satisfaction’,
rather than ‘pampering’ or ‘luxury’.
Salons and spas employing this kind
Taking beauty to
the wild side
By May Bulman
Bull semen, sheep placenta, bird
excrement… It may sound like a list of
minerals in a biology lab, but this could
be your next beauty treatment wish list.
Yes, it’s a new year and time to
take a more daring approach to beauty.
Celebrities have started smearing
excrement on their faces, and it’s time for
us to follow suite. Here are three animalsourced
beauty must-haves for 2016.
First up, a favorite of Victoria
Beckham, sheep placenta is the
new product for de-aging skin and
rejuvenating it to a more youthful
appearance.
Countless reviews tell that the
treatment provides excellent results, and
with it all ethically harvested from sheep
post birth, you can admire your sheepsoft
skin rest; assured that no harm is
caused to the animals.
Next is another celeb favorite, but
this time in the form of nightingale
‘droppings’, or more plainly put, bird
crap.
Tom Cruise is a keen advocate for
having bird excrement pasted on his
face, so why aren’t you? Also known as
of language have found the financial
benefits as men are encouraged to spend
their money.
Salon staff should be encouraged not
to let men feel embarrassed by keeping
them waiting and hanging around
aimlessly at reception. A lot of men do
not like to sit in the windows. Decor can
also be a significant factor in drawing in
customers with more male-friendly plain
colours. Strong colours and simple words
with force make a big difference. Look
to television to see how advertising is
targeting men.
Men, like everyone else, do like to
feel and look good about themselves.
Unfortunately, up until now, many salons
have been considered a no-go area.
But the times – they are a changing!
Eva Lewis
www.monochromeskincare.com
a ‘geisha facial’, it has apparently been
used as a cleanser for centuries, so get
with the program and get bird poop on
your cheeks.
Finally, a local delicacy imported to
Knightsbridge from the rural lands of
somewhere like Gloucestershire, bull
semen conditioner could be your answer
to achieving soft locks.
Used in the ‘deluxe blow dry’ at
Hari’s hairdresser, it turns out the
reproductive fluid of a bull is a real
hair-softener. And there are no fears of
it running out, with owner Hari Salem
assuring us that “it will be an ongoing
treatment as long as the bulls perform”.
There we have it: three ways to
enhance your image in the new year
with entirely naturally-sourced beauty
products. Go wild.

34 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
35
Dining Out
Dining Out
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Bank
Westminster
45 Buckingham Gate,
London SW1E 6BS
020 7630 6644
By David Hughes
Hello! - this isn’t some plea for
you to change the location
of your personal finances,
it’s the Bank group’s restaurant at 45
Buckingham Gate. I did ask if there had
ever been a bank on this site though, and
the answer was a firm “no”
Coming in from the street, you enter
a corridor with a glass wall that reveals
the Zander bar, which we didn’t visit on
this occasion. It’s a bit like a hotel transit
area, but once out of the corridor, things
open out onto a spacious semicircle
of a restaurant with a lovely outdoor
courtyard and fountain. This outdoor
area would obviously be the prime spot
to go for in the summer, but in the cool
of November…well, we chickened out.
We did get a good table by the
glass wall that separates the two spaces
though, and some very attentive
service. Before I launch into what we
had, let me put in a big hand for our
Italian manager and his largely eastern
European team. Any reputation that the
Balkans, Czechoslovakia, and some of
the ex-USSR states have for dourness
was totally dispelled.
I started with the Scallop Thermidor,
which employed a little bit of license in
the definition, being served on the half
shell with a little spinach and lemon.
Did I care? No, they were perfectly
cooked, well coloured in the pan, and
four scallops in three shells made for a
good plate. Madame went for the King
Prawn Tempura with chilli and lime jam,
and we happily traded a taster of each.
Keeping the sharing thing going, we
went on to the charcoal grilled Steak
& Lobster for two at £27.50 ph, with
some House Slaw and Creamed Spinach
as sides to go with the hand cut chips.
The rump steak is advertised as being 28
day aged, and had a rich, hearty flavour
that meant I had to be scrupulous in my
divvying up, or there would have been
serious complaints! The price of lobster
at market these days means that you are
only going to get one around 900-1200g
to share, but small can be beautiful, and
it was. The 2009 Rioja Reserva kept
things flowing nicely, and earned an
approving eye from our stylish manager.
Desserts were a happy blur, and
along with coffee and Madame’s grappa,
rounded off a delightfully relaxed
evening. Well done the restaurant team.
It’s at this point I have an unusual
footnote to add: the gents is a Piet
Mondrian-like selection of blocky, bold
colours, which is just fine; but the place
where one goes for a pee is like a 10 ft
long mirror, which makes for a line of
chaps desperate not to catch anyone’s eye
(or worse), all whistling aimlessly. Which
bonkers architect thought this one up?
Bank Westminster reservations on
020 7630 6644
Brasserie Joel,
Park Plaza Hotel, Westminster
Bridge Rd, SE1
By David Hughes
Even the most ardent North London
cabbie could not complain about going
“Souf of the water” to get to Brasserie
Joel, situated on the roundabout on the
south side of Westminster Bridge. This
was once the Island Block, the annex
to County Hall, and seat of the Greater
London Council. Mercifully, it’s hard to
see its dreary open plan, hessian divided
history now.
There’s good and bad about having
your restaurant located within a big hotel
chain. On the plus side, there’s usually a
constant supply of guests who can afford
to eat with you, and plenty of symbiotic
marketing; on the bad side, you have
usually to toe the hotel line on style and
suppliers. Park Plaza must have felt they
had done all the hard work luring people
onto the premises, because the budget
for the room needs a tweak.
Getting to a venue early is never good
for atmosphere, so forgive me for being
a little picky, but one little succulent in
a tiny pot by way of table flowers for a
restaurant of this calibre? Plain tables,
no linen or charger plates, and so many
dark colours make this a tough canvas
for executive head chef Walter Ishizuka
to paint beautifully.
There’s no coat check, and we pick a
table near the middle of the room. The
service is relaxed, but we are soon sorted
out with water and good breads, and
choose the recommended Tuna Tartare
and the octopus. First up, an amuse
bouche of scallop, chorizo, Pak Choi,
and Lobster Bisque. It’s at this point
the whole experience improves radically.
It’s a salty mix, but with real substance
and punchy flavours that speaks of good
things to come.
And so it was. The tuna with
Japanese dressing and red amaranth is
absolutely delicious, the sweet, fruity
vinegar chasing the flavour of the tuna
and avocado round in your mouth in the
most entrancing way. The octopus dish,
with its gelatinous flesh being offset by
the piquancy of balsamic seems merely
competent rather than show-stopping,
but I enjoyed it all.
On to the mains, a Truffle Salsa
Tagliatelle with Lotus Root crisps, cubes
of squash, and a scattering of Datterini
tomatoes for Madame; and the Roasted
Wood Pigeon with spiced butternut
squash puree and toasted hazelnuts for
me. There’s a brief entry in my notes
THE RESTAURANT &
WHISKY LOUNGE BAR
European, Middle Eastern and Chinese Cuisine
Open from 7pm until 2:30am
Enjoy a complimentary glass
of Champagne when dining
at The Restaurant.
Quote KCWDec.
A Christmas Carol
11TH December 2015
Join us at Maxims, the residence frequented
by Charles Dickens himself, for Festive Cheer,
Victorian Cocktails, and Christmas Carols!
Maxims Casino Club
Palace Gate House, London W8 5LS
Tel: 020 7581 0337
Non Members Welcome
New Year’s Eve Party
31ST December 2015
Tonight, celebrate the New Year in style. Enjoy
live music from the fabulous Belle Erskine Trio,
Champagne and Canapés from 8pm.
For event reservations or further information contact Oriane at
Oriane.Teysseire@gentingcasinos.co.uk
here, a pause to
approve of the Cote
du Rhone Ogier`s
suitability, a “pigeon
is perfect” and
“Mmmm!” for the
Tagliatelle. I think I
even started to forgive
the aural wallpaper
that passes for music
at this point.
A new waitress
comes over to
offer desserts, and
I, at least, think
there’s space. It’s a
funny thing how
‘deconstructed’ has
come to be accepted.
Do we really think
someone has built
something, then
decided “hey, let’s
un-build it!“ has a
marketing edge? For
£8.50 you can get
a Tart Tatin in kit
form, which won’t
please the purists, but
did please me.
Food of this quality is not cheap, but
its ability to transcend its setting speaks
volumes.
Books via Book A Table
or 020 7620 7272
Photographs © Brasserie Joel
Kurobuta at
Harvey Nichols
By Caroline Daggett & Kiwi
Harvey Nichols has made a canny
‘food-heaven’ move by inviting
Scott Hallsworth, owner of
Kurobuta (Kings Rd and Marble Arch),
to take over the former Fifth Floor
restaurant space. The ex-Nobu, rock ‘n
roll man has transformed it.
Kurobuta (‘Black Pig’) is an
atmospheric, great fun and informal
Japanese Izakaya; a drinking
establishment serving, in this case,
knock-your-socks-off (Anata-nokutsushita-o-nokku!)
cocktails, Sake
(a must), wine and Kirin Japanese
lager, topped with frozen foam no less,
alongside sublime, unforgettable new
creations of flavoursome succulent
delights borne from brilliantly
synthesized ‘two continent’ ingredients.
The result is distinct, delicious,
memorable ‘tapas’.
Any dark jaded thoughts about yet
another ‘fusion’ food establishment, too
many Sokkusujusu, or jus de chaussette
(sock juice) sushi experiences, were
dispelled by the passionate and
knowledgeable restaurant manager,
Sam Moore. Kiwi, my guest, and I
A legend at
lunchtime
By Tim Epps
Throw away that sandwich curling
like a rubber sole. Jettison that
pot of soup. Eject that bag
of salad. Chuck out the crackers and
Philadelphia. Save the apples until later.
Forget crisps and peanuts. Instil some joy
into your lunchtime break.
The alternative is at hand; healthy,
delicious and fizzing with flavour and
freshness. Forget other Asian food
experiences. This is different and
delightful.
Vietnamese food is here on
Kensington Church Street. Your lunch
questions are answered by the freshly
prepared, healthy and tasty lunch menu
that delivers flavourful and beautifully
presented food.
KCW Today went prepared with
recommendations from Vietnamese food
aficionados. Although we went in the
evening, the Summer rolls and Pho soup
were on both menus, so we got to taste
the signature dishes.
Lucky for us, we tasted the evening
menu, too. Van, the proprietor, scurried
around greeting regulars and locals, new
arrivals and making sure all was going
immediately threw caution, waistlines
and any misgivings to the wind as Chef
produced one blissful dish after another,
each bearing an outstanding balance of
flavours and textures with consistent
success. Each further enhanced by a
superb repertoire of hand-selected Sake,
an often misunderstood, ancient drink
that is produced ‘like a beer but tastes
like wine’. Kurobuta prides itself on
sourcing hand-selected Sakes from small,
family run breweries.
Our Hoshi (star) dishes: Crunchy
Kale Salad; Tuna Sashimi Pizza; BBQ
Pork Belly Buns (made from rare breed
black pig, hence name); Wagyu Beef
Sliders; King Crab Tempura; Nasu
Dengkaku (sticky grilled aubergine with
candied walnuts; it works!); the most
luscious Kombu roast Chilean Seabass.
smoothly.
He served a
Vietnamese
beer (as I
am a beer
drinker, I
needed to
check; a
choice of
two, and
excellent!)
and a
Chardonnay
at £22. He even made time to guide us
through the menu. Duck curry provided
a spicy rich taste with a fresh, sharp
contrast of papaya salad with mint and
coriander. Madame K ordered the beef
stew hotpot. A warming brew, (cold
night) served in a clay pot. A shared food
experience; (naturally we tasted each
other’s).
We rounded off the evening with a
powerfully aromatic Vietnamese coffee
from Trung Nguyen.
We happily emerged into a cold
Kensington night thinking we’d had a
unique food experience, and talked it
about for some days afterwards.
Change your lunch (or evening) food
experience. Go East. Go Vietnam.
Tem Tep, 135 Kensington Church
Street, London, W8 7LP
For reservations & takeaways:
020 7792 7816 lunch menu available
from 11.30 to 15.00 only.
Puddings: Honey & Pistachio and
Lavender Apple Pie.
Cocktails: Sake Caipirinha and The
Green Bastard.
Sakes: Autumn Leaves; Misty
Mountain and Gozenshu Plum.
Pearl, their sparkling sake is popular;
but try all 13 of them! The food was
some of the best we have had.
Also of note was the relaxed seating
choice out of 90+ covers, from tables
for two, the booths (6-8 people), to
the central High Tops communal table
seating 16, which we loved and where I
would head if doing a quick stop on my
own without feeling awkward. There is
also a private dining room for 10.
Typically, 3 dishes per person; dinner
& drinks cost around £40/45 for lunch
and £50/55 for dinner. Open from 12
noon to 10.30 p.m. and perfect for all
ages!
Kurobuta, Fifth Floor, 109-125
Knightsbridge, London SW1X 7RJ
T. 020 7920 6444
kurobuta-london.com
NEW VIETNAMESE
LUNCH MENU
THE EXCITING WAY
TO LUNCH!
135 Kensington Church Street, London,
W8 7LP for reservations & takeaways: 020
7792 7816 Available from 11.30 to 15.00
only
LUNCH MENU
1) Tofu Summer Rolls with Mango Salad -
£9.50
2) Beef Stew with Rice - £8.90
3) Vietnamese Style Slow-Cooked Pork
with Rice - £8.90
4) Wok-Fried Noodles with Chicken -
£8.90
5) Traditional Vietnamese Pho Soup -
£9.00
6) Chicken Curry with Rice - £8.90
7) Authentic Vietnamese Dry Vermicelli
Noodles with Crispy Vegetable Spring
Rolls - £8.50
And delicious Vietnamese filtered coffee
from ‘Trung Nguyen’
Christmas and New Year opening times;
Closed: 24 Dec - 26 Dec, 2015
Open: 27 Dec - 31 Dec, 2015
Closed: 1 Jan - 2 Jan, 2016
Photographs © Kurobuta
Photographs © Tam Tep

36 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
37
Dining Out
Wining Out
Photograph © The Hour Glass
Photograph © Loch Fyne
The Hour Glass
279-283 Brompton Rd
SW3 2DY, 020 7581 2497
By Max Feldman
Whilst the word ‘Gastropub’
may sound like the name
of a robot in a bad sci-fi
novel, in the shadow of Weatherspoon’s
domination gastropubs have emerged as
a necessary counterbalance to keep the
phrase ‘pub food’ from evolving into a
contradiction in terms. The Hour Glass
in South Kensington is a typical example
of the kind of local that finds the line
between pub food and traditional
restaurants and does not so much try to
erase as carpet bomb it out of existence.
Nailing there colours to the wall with a
menu which forsakes the full English for
a sleek selection of rabbit, wood pigeon
and sea bream, the upstairs dining room
offers a pleasant if slightly cramped
dining experience at non-bank breaking
(for Chelsea of course) prices, most
starters circling the £7 mark with the
mains averaging out at a cool £15.
My companion (ex-KCWToday
Dining Out stalwart Finbar Foley) and
I managed (barely) to restrain ourselves
from overindulging to enthusiastically
in the pleasantly outfitted (if not exactly
rock n’ roll) downstairs bar area before
sitting down to a well presented starter
of Wood pigeon served with pickled
quince and black pudding with Finbar
opting for the Potted rabbit & bacon
butter, toast & gherkins. Whilst my
companion guarded his food jealously,
I was able to snatch a taste in an
unguarded moment and can report that
the rabbit was indeed worth guarding.
The pigeon itself was obligingly
succulent (and drew envious stares from
Finbar) and was swiftly wolfed down
with the only complaint being that there
was not more of it. The black pudding
was a slight black mark against the meal
but overall things were off to a flying
start. When I came to the mains I was
unable to resist the Breast of lamb with
green sauce & potch which whilst quite
simple was soft and flavourful. Finbar
went for the Flat iron steak, dripping
chips, bone marrow gravy & watercress
which I was able to snatch even less of
than the rabbit, but the little I was able
to seize filled the steak lover in me with
savage delight, tempted as I was for
another bite at his meal, I realised that
it was best to leave it, friendships have
broken down over less.
Finishing up the meal we repaired
our rapport with a shared Chocolate
& porter cake served with cornflake
ice cream and honey comb that was a
pleasantly unhealthy (and delicious)
end to the meal. For affordable, high
quality food to be consumed on the go,
you could do worse than give The Hour
Glass your time.
Loch Fyne
2-4 Catherine St, London
WC2B 5YJ
020 7240 4999
By Fergus Coltsmann
The heavens opened as we made our way
to Loch Fyne, Covent Garden, fitting
for a seafood and grill chain, though the
‘grill’ element is a bit misleading; only
the briefest of lip services is paid to turf.
The restaurant has an upmarket fish ’n
chippy vibe to it, metal table tops, white
tiles, marble bar counter, although from
some angles this means it looks a little
like a bathroom.
Fortunately, my companion and I
were whisked off to the back, where
softer furnishings prevailed. After rich,
dense bread; we shared some tempura
oysters, served hot and battered with
chili jam and lime. The actual oysters
were tender, a hair’s breadth away from
dissolving, but the tempura was over
sweat and under crispy (bordering
on undercooked), and even soggy in
parts; though this did help bring out
the flavour of the oysters. It was easy
enough to kill it all with fire, as the chilli
jam packed a real punch, with a more
balanced taste on offer with a squeeze of
lime.
My companion carried on the theme,
starting with chilli tempura prawns,
while I went for scallops and haggis. The
prawns were almost overpoweringly hot
(fine if you’re into that sort of thing),
and didn’t seemed textured quite right.
All prawns crunch, but when you’re
on the fourth chew and your mouthful
has stopped seeping flavour, any food
becomes tiresome. My dish was better,
somewhat. The scallops were bland but
the haggis made up for it, with an earthy,
meaty taste and bitty texture.
At this point I decided to double
down and went with the ‘Seafood Grill’,
containing more scallops and prawns,
and also mussels, salmon, and bream,
with sautéed potatoes and spinach.
Literally the name of the place, I figured
this must worth it. Unfortunately, it was
distinctly less than the sum of its parts.
As a dish it lacked a defining flavour
with no complimenting feature to wrap
it all together, bringing out the worse
of each part; disappointing as all the
components are ones usually enjoyed.
My companion went with one of the
day’s specials, the turbot. A heavy, meaty
fish (a joy for his pescetarian self ), the
top meat is good, but served pretty
much whole the innards aren’t for the
squeamish.
My companion proved his better
eye again at desert, going for a
chocolate and raspberry delice, while
I tried the mulled wine poached pear.
The pear was redeemed only by the
sugary blackberries, otherwise being
remarkably unremarkable; but the
delice let the raspberry creep up on you,
complementing the initially powerful
chocolate.
Overall, it’s a chain (forty one
locations) and a chain at every stop on
the journey.
Sharp’s beer and
food pairing
box at the British Street Food
Festival
By Fergus Coltsmann
Deciding to hold a street food festival
in December is a brave move, to put it
politely. I was told that it was originally
supposed to be in September, but that
“unforeseen events” had forced it back.
Arriving at 11:30, I discovered that “at
the O2” meant “outside the O2”, which
was a ‘oh…oh’ moment, but at least it
wasn’t raining.
Among the handful of indie food
trucks sitting on tarmac surrounded by
thrown-up wooden walls overlooking
the City; I closed my eyes: Doom Bar,
bracing wind, and sat asking myself “why
here and why now?”; I could have been
in Cornwall.
Sharp’s Brewery had invited us along
to their ‘VIP beer and food pairing
session’. I’ve holidayed in Polzeath, just
round the corner from the brewery’s
base in Rock, spitting distance from the
eponymous sandbank, and home of the
Doom Bar pub (where I did more than
a fair share of underage drinking). The
only thing that was missing was the
squeak of seagulls.
The actual beer and food pairing
session was very good, however I can’t
say much more. Three pints down on an
empty stomach at midday, I was ushered
into a wooden box, and told “if you write
about it, don’t give the game away”. Well,
alright then.
Afterward, I asked what I could say,
“it’s about challenging the way you drink
beer, like a wine tasting session, served in
all different glasses”. Sharp’s don’t want
to be a one trick pony, merely selling as
much Doom Bar as possible. After their
little experience, they hope people will
think about beer, about serving this like
a port, that with so-and-so. About how
beer can be better.
Well, without giving the game away,
credit to ‘em, I’m convinced.
Concept of
renting out
dining space
proves popular
Jade Parker
Operating at the very edge of legality,
pop-up restaurants in private homes have
become a popular foodie fad. The idea
of going to a stranger’s house and paying
for a meal may seem unusual, however
the Recession has seen these secret
underground eateries become a popular
and cheaper alternative to restaurants.
Not only are pop-up restaurants cheaper,
but they also provide a more intimate
eating experience, as the typical barrier
between chef and diner is broken. In this
more informal setting, guests have the
opportunity to chat with the chef and
maybe even the chance to have a poke
around their host’s house, much akin to
Come Dine with Me.
Despite the appeal of having a home
cooked, three course meal; there are
many legal issues associated with selling
food without a licence. Restaurant
owners, who have gone through all the
hassle of obtaining numerous health
certificates, are becoming increasingly
infuriated at diners favouring pop up
restaurants.
Airbnb, who have a reputation for
precariously tiptoeing their way across
red tape minefields, tried to jump on the
bandwagon. Having already triumphed
in making thousands ditch hotels,
Airbnb attempted to persuade diners to
abandon restaurants as well. However,
after a trial run in San Francisco it
seems Airbnb has been dissuaded
from pursuing the venture following a
backlash of criticism.
Following the takeover and expansion
of chain restaurants, the concept of
pop-up restaurants has revitalised and
reopened the hospitality market to the
general public. Some of the leading popup
restaurants include the Savoy Truffle
Supper Club and Ms. Marmite Lovers
Underground Restaurant.
Photograph © Mimosa
AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY DRINKS
Mimosa, Chelsea
Mimosa Restaurant & Lounge
86 Fulham Road,
London,
SW3 6HR
T: 020 7052 0052
enquiries@mimosalondon.
co.uk
By Fergus Coltsmann
Our evening attending the
launch of Mimosa’s new
basement club started, not in
Mimosa, but in a pub round
the corner. The Crown is an
odd, little establishment, sandwiched
between the Brompton and the Marsden.
Reasonably priced ales on tap, attached
Thai restaurant, yuppie crowd hung
around outside so the serious drinkers
could get down to business inside.
Overall, worth checking out. The reason
I’m telling you is because it meant when
we went round the corner to Mimosa
on Fulham Road, we were already
quite drunk with bellies full of beer. So
slamming threateningly bright cocktails
was an interesting addition to the mix.
Writing this piece, I keep
subconsciously typing ‘Miasma’ instead
of Mimosa, both pretty fitting.
Served up upon entering was the
appropriately named Mimosa Spritz,
alongside a Coriander Martini. The
former comprises aperol, bourbon, and
maple syrup; the latter vodka, lychee,
and pressed coriander. We sampled each,
repeatedly, and for just under 9 quid a
pop they ain’t badly priced (for Chelsea).
The Martini has a fresh ring to it and
naturally goes down quick, while I found
myself savouring the Spritz a little
more; though both are, regrettably for
my current state, very drinkable. After
a couple (or more) of each, we sampled
the Pornstar Martini: more vodka,
with champagne and passion fruit. The
common theme identifying the drinks
is, while certainly sweet, that none suffer
from over sugaring; no added sugar than
that naturally found in the ingredients,
preventing them from turning into some
cheap swill.
It was the bourbon that really did me
in, I’ve concluded. I’m not naturally a
whisky man, but sneak it into a cocktail
and it makes itself felt the next day. But
that more mimosa’s fault than Mimosa’s.
Can’t say I was a fan of the music,
as it was little more than generic club
electronic; perhaps more suited to the
last place on a crawl than the first, once
one has really obliterated standards
from the mind. But then the cocktails
would be wasted on one, no? Space wise,
the basement disguises its small size
with some choicely placed mirror walls,
obscured by a weird Venetian pattern,
almost like a screen. Tables and seating
round the sides, leaving the (when
we were there, unused) dance floor in
the centre. My chief complaint would
have to be the offensive long climb up
multiple flights of stairs to get to the
gents, which became an Everestian task
after the fourth drink, fraught with as
much danger.
The crowd, I have to say, was an
eclectic bunch. Not so much the yuppies
from round the corner, nor the serious
pint downers. I hate to say a ‘seen to
be seen’ crowd, but there was a hipster
vide to a lot of them, aside from the
occasional out of place snow top. A
Chelsea launch party crowd, then.
Overall, not a bad place to do your
drinking, but definitely a social venue
rather than for when you really want to
get down to some serious drinking.
Crobar
17 Manette Street, W1D 4AS
open Monday to Saturday
By Max Feldman
Soho’s history and heritage is steeped in
a lake of booze deeper than the Mariana
trench, from the Groucho to the sticky
teenage ‘meat market’ of Cheapskates,
Jeffery Bernard’s spiritual home has
long experience in quenching thirsts
and annihilating livers. Increasingly
however, gentrification has viciously
tightened its neatly manicured grip on
the area, causing prices to spike and
man-bun haircuts to sprout throughout
the area like a particularly virulent
clutch of toadstools. In general the pubs
themselves have been transitioning
into an array of tasteful yet ultimately
replaceable wine bars. The Crobar off
Tottenham Court Road seems to have
missed this particular memo however.
A late night hole-in-the-wall, as soon
as you stride under the enormous
fanged skull in pride of place over the
legend “BEER ‘N WHISKEY, ROCK
N’ROLL” into a shadowy skid-row
backroom coated in band posters, pages
torn from Judge Dredd comics and
framed in cracked glass it seems pretty
clear that we’re not in Soho anymore
Toto.
It was in these decidedly
insalubrious surroundings that I’ve
found myself propping up the bar in a
haze of skull popping doom metal and
ill-advised (is there any other kind?)
Long Island Iced Teas more times than
I can count (which could be another
possible side effect of the Long Island
Iced Teas come to think about it). The
reason behind these repeat visits to the
kind of bar that looks like the kind of
place where you would recruit a bounty
hunter in bad (for bad read: all) Steven
Seagal movies lies in the fact that it’s
menu is not so much competitive priced
as actively dangerous. From bourbon
and coke going at £2.50 a glass to huge
jugs of cocktails that have as much in
common with sulphuric acid as with
cosmopolitans for £12, this is a place
you can do serious damage to yourself
rather than your credit rating. As a result
of these uncommonly (and potentially
lethally) low prices and a 3am closing
time, the clientele tends to be far more
mixed than what you might expect, with
yuppies squeezed in next to wild-eyed
leather-clad Viking types with nary a
sideways glance.
Very rarely are there incidents
involving fights breaking out, but now
and again the off-piste decadence will
get a little out of hand in unexpected
ways. This can range from the “dance
floor” (read: the regular floor) suddenly
erupting into a seemingly spontaneous
Irish line dance to that great Gaelic
classic: Raining Blood by Slayer, or most
unsettling of all when three strangers
at our table went slightly above the
standard public displays of affection by
slithering on top of the table and to our
horror began to follow the biological
imperative right then and there, trapping
us behind a terrifyingly enthusiastic
forest of wiggling legs....
As can probably be gleaned the
Crobar is a rather unusual place, best
used for non-metal true believers as a
stop-off between destinations so one
can take full advantage of the cheap
drinks without being subjected to the
best (and worst) of Iron Maiden. The
grungy overlay might put some off, but
as central London watering holes go
it’s fairly unique (both in ambiance and
pricing); anyone who has a particular
love of metal will find plenty to love,
but even for those who don’t, it’s worth
checking out. Just be a bit careful if the
couple next to you seems to be slightly
too infatuated with each other...
Photograph © Gary Knight

38 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
39
Food & Flowers
Gardening
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
This
month’s
festive
recipe
By Limpet
Barron
On the plate
Its official:
temperatures held up
OK in November, but
sunlight was scarce,
and some confused
plants kept flowering.
The first nip of frost
largely put paid to
that, but as many a
farmer will tell you, a
nip of frost sweetens
up the root vegetables
that go so well in
stews at this time of
year.
Fruit & Veg
Apples & Pears
Jerusalem Artichokes
Leeks
Parsnips and Swedes
Brussel Sprouts
Cavalo Nero
Savoy Cabbage
Chestnuts
Fish
Lobster, Mussels &
Oysters
Meat & Game
Pheasant, Partridge,
Goose, Suckling Pig
&, of course, Turkey
In the vase
Holly & Ivy
Mistletoe
Decorative Ilex
Poinsettia
Amaryllis
Mince
Pies
TO MAKE THE MINCEMEAT: mix together 450g finely diced Bramley apples, 150g shredded suet, 350g raisins, 225g each of
candied peel, sultanas and currants, 350g light muscovado sugar, the juice and zest of 1 orange and 2 lemons, and 4tsp of mixed spice.
Stir in 7tbsp of brandy and cover. Leave to marinate overnight then pack into sterilised jars. This mix will keep for many months in a
cool dark cupboard, needing only a light refresh with a tablespoon or two of brandy stirred through it.
FOR THE PASTRY: 400g plain flour (plus extra for rolling out) 50g unrefined icing sugar, 200g softened unsalted butter, 1 tablespoon
orange zest, 1 large egg yolk.
Mix the dry ingredients, then add in the softened butter and egg yolk, and combine with 4-5 tablespoons of cold water in a mixer bowl.
Combine to form a firm dough, then chill in the fridge for an hour. Roll out to 2-3 mm. thick and cut out the cases to fit your baking tray. Add
the mincemeat.
FOR THE CRUMBLE TOPPING: 25g each ground almonds, flaked almonds & light brown muscovado sugar, 1/2 tsp. ground mixed
spice. Mix all of the ingredients throughly together and add a generous teaspoonful to the top of each mince pie.
Cook at 170c (fan oven) for approx 25 mins, or until golden brown and toasted on top. Allow to cool, then carefully turn out and serve with
cream or brandy butter. Then make sure you meet under the mistletoe!
Photograph © David Hughes
Colour and life
in the garden
By Nick Bailey
As the winter chill descends on
the capital and we all cosy up
indoors, it’s easy to assume that
life in our gardens will retreat too. But
life outdoors abounds. True, it doesn’t
have the abundance of summer, but
if you know where to look tentative
stems, leaves, roots, and flowers are
there, battling the cold in their dogged
determination to persist.
Tulips which were planted out in
November are now in full growth. The
cooling soil is their chequered flag to
begin producing roots. We may not be
able to see this underground activity
in full fettle but come spring we’ll
be thankful of these winter efforts as
the bulbs bring riotous colour to the
garden. Above ground, plants which
may have been overlooked in autumn
come into their own. The enchanting
Vinca difformis, which has already been
in flower for several months, positively
glows out of the winter murk. Unlike
its brethren, this Vinca, often known as
periwinkle, is not rampant and intent
on world domination. It’s a relatively
diminutive, dark green, ground covering
Galanthophiles
take over
The Chelsea
Physic Garden
30 Jan-7 Feb. 10am-4pm
Snowdrops take centre stage at the
Chelsea Physic Garden in a stunning
display showing their intricate beauty at
their first event of the year. These stars
of winter will be unveiled in a fresh take
on the traditional Snowdrop Theatre,
staging snowdrops as you’ve never seen
them before.
Step into spring up to six weeks
ahead of the rest of the country in
the shelter of the Garden’s high walls,
where you can delight in the swathes of
elegant dark grasses interspersed with
the radiant first flowers of the year. See
over 70 different and unusual cultivars,
many wild collected species, and 10,000
Galanthus Nivalis growing in drifts
throughout the woodland accompanied
by a unique display of other spring
flowers.
A selection of snowdrops and other
winter flowering plants will be on sale in
the plant marquee. The Growing Friends
volunteers will be on hand to guide you.
plant, festooned with the palest of pale
lilac-blue flowers which will continue to
bloom come rain, hail, or snow.
Joining it in this valiant effort are a
broad range of other winter daredevils.
The wordily titled Coronilla valentina
subsp. glauca 'Citrina' is a low mounding
shrub of Mediterranean origin. Its pale
grey foliage sets of the white, cream, and
yellow flowers a treat and on a sunny
day the mere sight of it can whisk you
back to heady memories of summer. It
will often bloom all the way through
winter. The New Zealand shrub Correa
is another winter stalwart in London.
There are a few different cultivars and
forms but for real wow! Correa ‘Dusky
Bells’ is the one to opt for. Unlike many
other winter bloomers which often max
out on scent but have little in the way of
colour this shrub musters pendulous red,
yes red, flowers throughout winter.
If I still can’t tempt you outdoors
why not bring some life in. Paperwhite
Narcissus could not be easier to grow
and are available now. Plant them in
terracotta pots with their noses above the
compost and the bulbs all but touching.
Kept damp and grown in a coldish room
they’ll transform from dry bulbs to longstemmed
headily scented white flowers
in 4-6 weeks.
We may be avoiding the cold at all
costs but there are plenty of plants that
can, will, and do bring colour and life to
the garden in spite of the winter chill…
The Book & Gift Shop will be selling
themed gifts and the Tangerine Dream
Café will be providing warming lunches
and drinks.
Hidden in the heart of London,
Chelsea Physic Garden is both a
peaceful oasis in the city and a centre
for learning. It was founded by the
Worshipful Society of Apothecaries of
London in 1673 for apprentices to study
the medicinal qualities of plants and by
the 18th century the Garden was one
of the most important centres of botany
and plant exchange in the world.
Today the Garden’s features include
Europe’s oldest pond rockery, the Cool
Fernery, the Garden of Edible & Useful
Christmas
Gift Membership
Treat someone special to London’s Secret
Garden throughout the year for only £39*
Full details available on the website or call 020 7349 6471
Festive Shopping Days: 1-4 & 6–11 Dec free entry
www.chelseaphysicgarden.co.uk
Plants, the Garden of Medicinal Plants,
and the World Woodland Garden. Its
education and outreach programme
reaches over 5,000 children a year
from across London in addition to the
programme of Family Activity Days and
Walks, Talks & Workshops.
The Garden’s microclimate means
that many tender plants can flourish,
including a number of rare and
endangered species. It has the largest
outdoor fruiting olive tree in Britain
and the world’s most northerly outdoor
*Offer valid until 18 Dec 2015
k&c ad dec 2015.indd 1 24/11/2015 11:46:03
Tangerine Dream Café
Time Out-Love London
Awards Winner 2015
Best coffee shop/ cafe
YES, YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY AN
ENTRANCE FEE TO THE CHELSEA PHYSIC
GARDEN to enjoy the café, but the garden
itself was also a winner in the Local
Culture category, so it's 2 winners for the
grapefruit tree. From pomegranates
to gingkoes, mulberries to eucalyptus,
there are over 100 different types of
tree in the Garden, many of which are
rare in Britain. The glasshouses hold
a collection of tropical and subtropical
species.
The Garden has evolved throughout
its history but today, as in 1673, it
remains a place which cultivates plants
and ideas.
CPG, 66 Royal Hospital Road,
Chelsea, SW3 4HS. T: 020 7352 5646
price of one admission here!
A wander in the garden is a delightful
prelude to some al fresco dining on the
terrace, and Tangerine Dream pride
themselves on simple presentation and
the freshness of their produce.
A typical mains selection would be
their delicious signature Goats Cheese,
Gruyère and sun dried Tomato tart,
Salmon en Croute, pan fried scallops on
Umbrian lentils, lamb cutlets & rainbow
chard, and a high quality range of crunchy
salads. There is a terrific selection of cakes
too, from lavender scones to Orange and
Polenta cake, or seasonal favourites such
as the Fig Thyme and Almond, all baked
daily on the premises. The café is licensed
and has a proper wine list (including fizz)
but the homemade Amalfi lemonade
is surely the tipple of choice as you sit
looking out across the parterres.
For opening times to the garden and
café go to www.chelseaphysicgarden.co.uk

40 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
41
Events
The Newspaper for the Royal Borough
Kensington &
020 7738 2348
December 2014 / January 2015
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today 33
Chelsea Today
BROMPTON, CHELSEA, EARLS COURT, HOLLAND PARK, Selling, NORTH & letting, SOUTH KENSINGTON, management, KNIGHTSBRIDGE, refurbishment, NOTTING HILL surveying and valuation
Events
E V
E N
T S
December 2015 / January 2016
Season’s greetings from all the team at
Kensington Chelsea & Westminster Today
At this seasonal time of the year our events
are brimful of activities for all age groups to
take us through the holidays and into 2016.
Film from the Royal Opera House, Shakespeare
at the Globe, concerts and lectures at Westminster
Abbey, Rachmaninoff, Mozart, Beethoven and
Mendelssohn concertos and symphonies, Disney,
Christmas markets, carols, fairs, auctions, lectures,
theatre, ballet, Leonardo Da Vinci, tours in the
Houses of Parliament, right through to Secret
tunnels, Santa and Sinatra.
The team at Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster
Today would like to take this opportunity to thank
all our readers, stockists, and advertisers for their
support throughout the year and to wish you all a
Happy New Year.
020 3553 7147 waellis.com
ICE RINKS
Alexandra Palace Ice Rink N22 7AY
Biggest and open all year round
020 8365 4386
Broadgate Exchange Square
EC2A 2BQ Closes February 25 2016
Canary Wharf, Montgomery Street
E14 5AB. Closes February 27 2016
Hampton Court
East Molesey Surrey KT 8 9AU
Closes January 4 2016
020 3166 6000
Lee Valley Ice Centre
Lee Bridge Road E10 7QL. All year
020 8533 3154
London Eyeskate Ice Rink
Closes January 10, 2016
Natural History Museum
Cromwell Road SW7 5BD
Closes January 3, 2016 020 7942 5000
Queens London Ice Skating and Bowling.
17 Queensway W2 4QP
All year. 020 7229 0172
Sobell Leisure Centre
Hornsey Road Islington N7 7NY
All year. 020 7609 2166
Somerset House
The Strand WC2R 1LA
Closes January 10, 2016
020 7845 4600
Tower of London
Tower Hill EC3N 4AB
Closes January 3 2016, 0844 482 7777
Westfield London Ice Rink
Ariel Way W12 7GF. Closes January 3
Winterville Victoria Park
Bow, E9 7DD Closes December 23 2015.
0844 824 4824
SANTA’S GROTTOS
Ends December 20
Santa’s Grotto
Duke of York Square, Kings Road
SW3 4LY
020 7823 5577
December 23
Victorian Santa’s Grotto
Museum of London Docklands
Canary Wharf E14 4AL
020 7001 9844
December 23
Santa and his Elves
LEGOLAND Winkfield Road Windsor
SL4 4AY
0871 222 2001
Ends December 24
Christmas Grotto
Harrods Knightsbridge
87-135 Brompton Road SW1X 7PQ
020 7730 1234
Ends December 24
Santa’s Grotto, Bluewater,
Greenhithe, Kent DA9 9ST
01322 475475
Ends December 24
Santa’s Grotto at
The Enchanted Christmas House
2-18 Britannia Row N1 8PA
020 3227 3200
December 24
Father Christmas at
the Royal Albert Hall
Kensington Gore SW7 2AP
020 7589 8212
December 24
Santa and his Elves Lapland U.K.
Bracknell Forest Ascot SL5 8BD
0871 620 7063
December 24
Santa’s Grotto The Rainforest Café
20 Shaftesbury Avenue W1D 7EU
therainforestcafe.co.uk/contact/keep-intouch
Ends January 3
Santa’s Grottos, Hyde Park
Winter Wonderland W2 2UH
07961 683685
Ends December 24
Adventure to Santa’s Grotto
Westfield, Ariel Way, Shepherd’s Bush
W12 7GF
020 3371 2300
CHRISTMAS MARKETS
Ends December 18
Every Thursday evening: Shoreditch
Design Triangle with a ‘late night crawl’
through the cafes, galleries, bars, stores and
one-off events around the High Street and
Old Street
with music mulled wine and mince pies for
energy. triangle@scp.co.uk
020 7749 7384
Ends December 20
Shoreditch Christmas Craft Market
An alternative Christmas market has stalls
selling art, crafts from local artisans such
as knitted clothes, accessories, stationery,
cakes, food stalls, bags, jewellery and cards.
The Red Market 288-299 Old Street
EC1V 9LA
Ends December 21
Barbican Christmas Market
Ten days of shopping with 35 independent
designers, artisans and craftsmen with
vintage and designer clothes, jewellry,
books and toys. Mulled wine and mince
pies.
Silk Street EC2Y 8DS
Ends December 21
More London Christmas Market
Riverside
London Bridge
Homemade gifts and wonderful food
sold from German style chalets. Pottery,
toys and pashminas, cheeses, chocolates
and chutneys. Local entertainers and the
Southwark Cathedral Bellringers.
London Riverside SE1 2DB
Ends December 23
Christmas Market
Tate Modern
Chalets between the Tate Modern and the
river bank sell handmade wooden toys,
unique jewellry, intricate decorations and
Giant biscuits all to music and a carousel.
Bratwurst, crêpes, roasted nuts and Gluwein.
Bankside SE1 9TG
Ends December 24
Greenwich Christmas Market
A covered market with over 100 stalls
selling jewellry, fashion, antiques, paintings
as well as festive street food and drinks,
presided over by Father Christmas and
elves.
Greenwich High Street SE10 9HZ
Events
Prime London service, global reach, outstanding property
WESTMINSTER ABBEY
ASSOCIATION
BE PART OF
OUR FUTURE
For the first time in 1000 years,
Westminster Abbey is proud to
offer membership of its Association
Membership starts from £50 and is available to buy at the Association desk in the Abbey
Gift membership is also available
For more information please email association@westminster-abbey.org
or visit www.westminster-abbey.org/association

42 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
43
Events
020 3553 7147 waellis.com
Events
Prime London service, global reach, outstanding property
Ends December 24
Winter Market
Southbank Centre
A German style market with mince pies
and mulled wine while you wander among
affordable gifts, craftworks. Music and
events.
Belvedere Road SE1 8XX
Ends January 3
Hyde Park Winter Wonderland
‘massive tribute to festive fun’ with ice rink,
two circuses; one Christmas and the Cirque
Beserk and the Magical Ice Kingdom with
real snow, Giant Observation Wheel, rides
around Santa Land including his grotto and
Toy Factory which he runs with the help of
his elves. Roller coaster and Giant Wheel.
Santaland is free to enter but tokens can be
bought from the many token booths for the
various rides. Wise to Book ahead. More
info.hydeparkwinterwonderland.com/faq
Ends January 10
Skate at Somerset House with Fortnum
and Mason
One of the best in seasonal shopping
including the West Wing’s shopping popup
Christmas arcade, the Apres-Skate
restaurant and beer. DJs from the best
international festivals.
Strand WC2R 1LA
020 7845 4600
Ends January 17
Winter at the SouthBank Centre
Award winning entertainment for all ages,
riverside markets offering food, drink
and gift ideas, a retro-roller disco, free
dancing and gigs, buskers and outdoor
performances.
More info. outhbankcentre.o.uk/what’son
December 23
Little Feast Street Food
Goldhawk Road
In a Scandinavian forest setting of wooden
huts, seasonal street food and warming
drinks. 12pm-11pm
W12 8HA
CHRISTMAS SHOWS and
PANTOMIMES
December 16 - January 3
Slava’s Snow Show
Royal Festival Hall
A hit in over 80 cities around the globe,
a show for the whole family, comedy
enveloped in a blizzard of snow.
Southbank Belvedere Road SE1 8XX
0844 847 9910
Ends December 19
Cinderella
Bernie Grant Art Centre
Town Hall Approach
Tottenham N15 4RX
020 8365 5450
Ends December 19
The Night Before Christmas
Different Breed Theatre
A dark christmas comedy
Gary’s Warehouse
128 Druid Street SE1 2HH
Ends December 26
The Ballad of Robin Hood
Southwark Playhouse
77-85 Newington Causeway SE1 6BD
December 22-January 3
Disney on Ice
The 02 Arena
Famous characters from Disney’s world
take to the ice with spectacular stunts and
special effects.
Peninsula Square SE10 0DX
020 84 663 2000
Ends December 30
The Wizard of Oz
The Shaw Theatre
100-110 Euston Road NW1 2AJ
020 7666 9037
Ends January 2
Elf The Musical
Dominion Theatre
Based on the film, this show stars Ben
Forster, Kimberley Walsh, Joe McGann
and Jessica Martin.
Tottenham Court Road W11T 7AQ
020 9827 0945
Ends January 3
Jack and the Beanstalk
Hackney Empire
291 Mare street E8 1EJ
020 895 2424
Ends January 3
Ben Hur
Tricycle Theatre
269 Kilburn High Street NW6 7JR
020 7372 6611
Ends January 3
Cinderella
Lyric theatre
King Street W6 0QL
08444 124 661
Ends January 3
Wonder.Land
Olivier Theatre
National Theatre, South Bank,
Belvedere Road SE1 9PX
Ends January 3
The Snowman
The Peacock Theatre
Portugal Street WC2A 2HT
020 7863 8222
January 16 - March 6
Cirque du Soleil: Amaluna
Royal Albert Hall
This production has never been seen before
in the UK. Written and directed by Tony
Award-winning director Diane Paulus, the
production is a celebration of love with
exciting circus acts and beautiful visuals.
Kensington Gore SW7 2AP
020 7589 8212
CAROL SERVICES
December 13
Christmas Meditation:
Benjamin Britten
Westminster Abbey
A ceremony of carols.
December 13
Third Sound of Advent
St Margaret’s Church
Service of lessons and carols.
December 14- 18
Temple Winter Festival
A concert series some with with organ
recitals of masterpieces from Nordic
Europe by Greg Morris, and a concert
with the Temple Church Choir with
Temple Brass and another with The Choir,
broadcast on BBC Radio 3. The church is
late 12th century in the City of London
built by the Knights Templar and worth a
visit in itself.
Temple EC4Y 7BB
020 7353 8559
Ends December 14 - 24
A series of Carol programmes
Royal Albert Hall
Kensington Gore SW7 2AP
020 7589 8212
December 14-29
Christmas Carols and services, some
candlelit.
St Martin-in-the-Fields
Trafalgar Square WC2N 4JJ
020 7766 1100
December 14- 23
Christmas Tree and Carols
Trafalgar Square
The annual Norwegian gift of the great
Christmas tree, in appreciation of Britain’s
aid in WWII, where different choirs sing
carols for an hour everyday to raise money
for various charities.
Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN
020 7983 4000
December 15 - 23
Christmas Services, Carols and Musical
Events
St John’s Square SW1P 3HA
For more info visit 30th christmas Festival
St John’s Smith Square
020 7222 1061
December 15
Christmas Carols
Kensington Palace
A tour of the Palace with stories of the
past and a soundtrack of a brass ensemble
ending with a carol service under the giant
Christmas tree, mince pies and mulled
wine in the price of the ticket.
Kensington Gardens W8 4PX
0844 482 7777
December 16
Andy Williams Christmas Spectacular
Indig02
Andy is joined by the Osmonds; sing along
to the Christmas classics Silent Night,
Merry Christmas Everybody and other
perennial favourites,
Peninsula Square Greenwich SE10 0DX
020 8463 2000
December 16
Canine Partners Carol Service: 25th
Anniversary
Guards Chapel
Hosted by Angela Hamlin, founder
of Draycott Nursing & Care, hopes to
raise a substantial amount to reach the
Charity’s anniversary target of creating
80 new partnerships. Readings by special
guests, Jodie Kidd, Nicholas Parsons,
Fiona Fullerton, David Robb, Colonel
John Blashford-Snell OBE, Jo Hill
accompanied by her dog Derby and
appearances of CPA dogs. 6.45pm
Wellington Barracks, Birdcage Walk
SW1E 6HQ
book online caninepartners.org.uk/
carolservice
020 7351 7171
December 17, 19, 20, 23 24
St Paul’s Cathedral
Traditional Christmas services and carols
throughout December and the Midnight
Mass on Christmas Eve (which can be
seen on the big screen in Paternoster
Square).
St Paul’s Churchyard EC4M 8AD
December 17, 23, 24, 25
Westminster Abbey
A number of carols and lessons services in
magnificent surroundings.
Check westminster-abbey.org for details
and tickets.
20 Dean’s Yard SW1P 3PA
020 7222 5152
December 18, 20, 22, 24,
Southwark Cathedral
A number of Christmas services open
to the public with the singing of the
Cathedral Choir with the congregation
joining in. Readings from the bible are
interspersed with the music.
Bridge Bankside SE1 9DA
020 7367 6700
December 24
Christmas Eve at Westminster Abbey
Crib stories at noon. Carol services at
4pm. First Eucharist of Christmas at 11:30
(ticketed).
December 24
Christmas Eve at St Margaret’s Church
First Eucharist of Christmas at 6pm.
Ticketed.
December 25
Christmas at Westminster Abbey
Holy communion at 8am. Sung Eucharist
at 10:30. Evensong at 3:00pm.
December 25
Christmas at St Margaret’s Church
Matins at 11am. Ticketed.
December 27
First Sunday of Christmas
Westminster Abbey
Holy Communion at 8am. Matins said
with hymns at 10am. Sung Eucharist at
11:15am. Evensong at 3pm.
DANCE
Ends December 19
To London with Love
Bloomsbury Ballroom
Fridays and Saturdays from 7.00pm; dress
code is Glamorous.
Victoria House Bloomsbury Square
WC1B 4DA
thelondoncabaretclub.com
020 7242 0002

44 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
45
Events
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Events
Prime London service, global reach, outstanding property
Ends January 3
The Snowman
Peacock Theatre
A perennial family favourite, the tale of the
friendship between a boy and a snowman
and their adventures in the North Pole
where they meet dancing penguins,
reindeers and Father Christmas captivates
audiences. A mixture of dance, story
telling, music, spectacle and magic.
Portugal street Holborn WC2 2HT
020 7863 8222
Ends January 3
The Little Match Girl
Lilian Baylis Theatre
A sell out last year, the ballet directed and
choreographed by Arthur Pita returns.
Based on the story by Hans Christian
Anderson, it is a touching tale told through
dance, song and original music.
Rosebery Avenue EC1R 4TN
020 7863 8000
Ends January 3
Lord of the Dance: Dangerous Games
Playhouse Theatre
Ground-breaking new technology
holographs, special effects, dancing robots,
champion acrobats and a great team of
Irish dancers.
Northumberland Avenue WC2N 5DC
0844 871 7631
Ends January 14
The Nutcracker
Royal Opera house
Peter Wright’s restaging of Lev Ivanov’s
original choreography for Tchaikovsky’s
ever popular ballet.
Bow Street, Covent Garden,
WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000
Ends January 17
Elizabeth
Linbury Studio Theatre
Choreographer Will Tuckett in
collaboration with librettist Alasdair
Middleton and conductor Martin Yates
explore in dance, music and text the
woman and her relations with the men in
her life using her own writings. Martin
Yates composed the score and weaves in
the music of Dowland, Morley, Tallis and
others. Dancers Carlos Acosta, Laura
Caldow. Zenaida Yanowsky.
Covent Garden WC2E DD
020 7304 4000
Ends January 24
Matthew Bourne’s Sleeping Beauty
Sadler’s Wells
Spectacular design by award winning Lez
Brotherston and Paule Constable for this
traditional fairy tale with its good v evil,
but with an unexpected twist. The Observer
wrote “An eye-popping gothic delight.
Unforgettable.”
Rosebery Avenue EC1R
020 7863 8000
December 16 booking until January 2017
Stomp
Ambassadors Theatre
A lot of “bashing, crashing, smashing,
swishing, banging and kicking” goes
on according to the Chicago Tribune. A
comedy with a rock and roll at its centre.
West Street WC2
08448 112 334
December 16 - January 10 2016
Nutcracker: English National Ballet
The Coliseum
An Edwardian setting of glorious sets
in which Clara and her Nutcracker doll
discover a world of magic brought to life
by over 100 dancers and musicians.
St Martin’s Lane Covent Garden WC2N
4ES
020 7845 9300
January 9- January 24
Until the Lions
The Roundhouse
An Indian epic, the Mahabharata is
told through the medium of dance with
choreography by Akram Khan using a
mixture of classical Indian dance with
contemporary dance.
Chalk Farm Road NW1 8EH
0844 482 8008
January 13- 24
Le Corsaire
London Coliseum
Based on an epic poem The Corsair by
Lord Byron, this 19th century Russian
dance- drama is one of the most difficult
and spectacular roles for the male
performer. The music is by Adolphe Adam,
Leo Delibes, and Prince Oldenbourg
and the Hollywood film designer Bob
Ringwood designed the sets and the
costumes.
St Martin's Lane Covent Garden WC2N
4ES
020 78459300
February 16-20
The Last Tango
New Wimbledon Theatre
Strictly Come Dancing stars Vincent
Simone and Flavia Cacace dance in their
final show performing the Argentine
tango for the last time.
93 The Broadway Wimbledon SW19
1QG
020 85457900
DRAMA
December 18 - January 17
Peppa Pig’s Surprise
Duke of York Theatre
Peppa Pig, George and their friends
are back with a brand new stage show.
Peppa is playing outside with her friends
when Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig have
a surprise for her and George. Fun and
games surprises and new songs.
Perfect for pre-school audience.
St Martin’s Lane WC2N 4BG
0844 871 7623
December 18-22, 27-29
A Christmas Carol: Charles Dickens
Charles Dickens Museum
Actor Dominic Gerrard returns to re-live
Dickens classic tale of Scrooge’s life in a
one-man show in the author’s house.
48 Doughty Street WC1N 2LX
020 7405 2127
Ends January 2
I Want My Hat Back
National Theatre
Bear has lost his hat and he wants it back
An adaptation of the book by Jon Klassen
with lyrics by Joel Horwood and music by
Arthur Davill; a treat for the family from
Houses of Parliament
Houses of Parliament
Visit one of the world’s
most iconic buildings
3-100.
South Bank SE1 9PX
020 7452 3000
Visitor Services Advert 126 x 154 Travel GBI 5.indd 1
Ends January 3
The Illusionists
Shaftesbury Theatre
The world’s best-selling magic show
which has been to 71 cities in 17 countries
with seven of the world’s best magicians
including the British magician Jamie
Raven, the escapologist Andrew Basso,
the inventor Colin Cloud, the warrior Ben
Blaque, the manipulator Den Den and the
trickster David Williamson.
210 Shaftesbury Avenue WC2H 8DP
020 7379 5399
Ends January 3
Dressed by Angels
Old Truman Brewery
A new exhibition of over 100 costumes
including some from Game of Thrones, Star
Wars, Lawrence of Arabia and Titanic and
many other iconic costumes.
15 Hanbury Street E1 6QR
0203 773 8995
Ends January 9
Linda
Jerwood Theatre downstairs
An award winning business woman of 55,
dedicated to changing the world and in
her prime starts to feel the cracks below,
but is determined to fight.
Sloane Square SW1W 8AS
020 7565 5000
Ends January 9
Little Eyolf
parliament.uk/visiting
020 7219 4114
8/19/2015 11:13:30 AM
Almeida Theatre
Richard Eyre directs the Ibsen play which
forensically dissects a marriage as it falls
apart.
Almeida Street N1 1TA
020 359 4404
Ends January 17
Around the World in 80 Days
St James Theatre
A cast of eight play over 50 characters in
this high-spirited escape. Fast and furious
fun and perfect for Christmas.
12 Palace Street SW1E 5JA
0844 264 2140
Ends January 23
Hapgood
Hampstead Theatre
Tom Stoppard’s take on espionage in the
Cold War directed by Howard Davies.
Somebody in spymaster network is leaking
secrets; is the double agent actually a triple
one?
Eton Avenue Swiss Cottage NW3 3EU
020 7722 9301
Ends January 23
Macbeth
Young Vic
Carrie Cracknell and Lucy Guerin create a
new version of the Shakespeare classic with
some disturbing choreography weaving
through it.
66 The Cut SE1 8LZ
020 7922 2922
Ends February 13
Les Liaisons Dangereuses
Donmar Theatre
Rachmaninoff
Piano Concerto No. 2
Enescu
Romanian Rhapsody
No. 2
Leslie Howard - piano
Christopher Petrie - conductor
Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra of London
Cadogan Hall | Thursday 17 December 2015, 7.30 pm
Early bird offer until 10 th November
Box Office: 020 7730 4500
www.cadoganhall.com
www.london-orchestra.com
Huma
Symphony ‘Carpatica’
(London premiere)
quote ENESCU for 20% off
photo credits: “Sparkler 2” by kallerna - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons -
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sparkler_2.JPG#/media/File:Sparkler_2.JPG
Choderlos de Laclos’ novel of innocence,
sex and betrayal written in 1782 adapted
by Christopher Hampton for the stage
with Elaine Cassidy, Janet McTeer, and
Dominic West.
41 Earlham Street Seven Dials
WC2H 9LX
020 7845 5822
Ends February 13
The Homecoming
Trafalgar Studios
A new production of one of Harold
Pinter’s finest plays, fifty years after it was
first produced in London. Jamie Lloyd
directs a fine cast with Keith Allen and
Gary Kemp.
14 Whitehall SW1A 2DY
0845 505 8500
January 14 - February 20
The Rolling Stone
Orange Tree Theatre
Dembe and Sam have been seeing each
other for a while; they are gay and this is
Uganda.
1 Clarence Street Richmond TW9 2SA
020 8940 3633
January 21 - February 13
Pink Mist
The Bush Theatre
Owen Sheer’s powerful play about three
young men returning from Afghanistan to
the women who must share their physical
and psychological aftershock. Brilliantly
directed by John Retallack and George
Mann.
7 Uxbridge Road W12 8LJ
0208 743 5050
January 2 - 23
Dinosaur Park
St James’ Theatre
An amusing award-winning parody based
on Spielberg’s classic; a show-stopping epic
adventure with “spine-tingling theatrics
and megalithic mayhem.”
12 Palace Street SW1E 5JA
0844 264 2149
January 5-30
P’yongyang: In-Sook Chappell
Finborough Theatre
“We have to be careful, we can’st trust
anyone. but, in the dark, your thought your
own.”
A world premiere about life in North
Korea which crosses class and border
divides to tell a love story which pits hope
against hunger.
118 Finborough Road SW10 9ED
020 7244 7439
January 21- March 12
Escaped Alone: Caryl Churchill
Jerwood Theatre
Three friends meet for tea in a garden on
a summer afternoon. “tea and catastrophe”
directed by James Macdonald.
Royal Court Theatre Sloane Street SW1W
8AS
020 7565 5000
January 22 - February 13
Yen
Jerwood Upstairs
Hench is 16, Bobbie 13 who are left
alone to watch the world go by until one
day Jenny turns up: Anne Jordan’s award
winning play transfers from Manchester.
Royal Court Sloane Square SW1W 8AS
020 7565 5000
January 23 - March 16
The Master Builder
Old Vic
Ibsen’s exploration of power and control
involving life and death in a brilliant new
adaptation by David Hare with Ralph
Fiennes in the leading role .
The Cut SE1 8LZ
0844 871 7628
January 23 - February 27
The Meeting
Hampstead Theatre Downstairs
Andrew Payne’s biting new comedy of the
battle of the sexes in the boardroom.
Eton Avenue Swiss Cottage NW3 3EU
020 7722 9301
February 2-27
Weald
Finborough Theatre Downstairs
In a remote livery yard in rural England,
a man returns home after eight years
needing work. He tried it once before,
without success. Will he succeed this time?
A dissection of male emotions: fathers and
sons, honour legacy. A new play by Daniel
Foxsmith.
118 Finborough Road Kensington SW10
9ED
0844 847 1652
Ends March 5
Funny Girl
Menier Chocolate Factory
Sheridan Smith stars in this classic
musical that shot Streisand to stardom.
Already sold out, could be worth trying for
Returns.
53 Southwark Street SE1 1RU
020 7378 1713
EXHIBITIONS
Ends December 31
Group Exhibition
Contemporary Ceramics Centre
A wide selection of ceramic objects in the
only gallery in London dealing exclusively
in British studio pottery.
63 Great Russell Street WC1B 3BF
020 7242 9644
Ends January 3
The Fallen Woman
Foundling Museum
Paintings, drawings and newspapers
illustrations show the Victorian women
who campaigned for a Foundling Hospital
to take illegitimate children into care:
Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Richard Redgrave
and George Frederic Watts are some of the
artists.
40 Brunswick Square WC1n 1AZ
020 7841 3600
Ends January 8
An Oasis in a World Gone Crazy
Talbot House
In 1915 the army chaplain ‘Tubby’ Clayton
established the Everyman’s Club at Talbot
House in a small town a few miles from
the front line in Ypres. Rank was irrelevant
and orders prohibited; the soldiers were
encouraged to forget about the war for a
short time, This exhibition tracks the story
of this ‘oasis’ for soldiers and includes items
from Talbot House; the memoirs of ‘Tubby’

46 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
47
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and the actual hut in which he wrote them
after fleeing from the Germans.
Guildhall Library Gresham Street EC2P
2EJ
020 7332 1313
Ends January 10
Elvis at the 02
A chronicle charting the rise of the
icon Elvis Presley from his origins in
Mississippi to the King of Rock and Roll
with a range of his stage costumes, guitars,
vehicles as well as audio and video clips.
Peninsula Square North Greenwich SE10
DX
020 8463 2000
Ends January 10
Radical Disco: Architecture and Nightlife
in Italy 1965-1975
ICA
A presentation exploring the relationship
between architecture and nightlife in the
1960s and 70s.
A number of discos opened in Italy
designed by architects of Radical Design,
a political socially oriented group who
viewed discos as a new type of space for
‘multidisciplinary experimentation and
creative liberation’, which seems rather
frivolous of them.
The Mall SW1Y 5AH
020 7930 3647
Ends January 10
The Fabric of India
V&A
Spectacular objects, drawn from a single
private collection, explore the broad
themes of tradition and modernity in
Indian jewellery. Highlights include
Mughal jades, a rare jewelled gold finial
from the throne of Tipu Sultan, and pieces
that reveal the dramatic changes that took
place in Indian jewellery design during
the early 20th century. The exhibition
examines the influence that India had on
avant-garde European jewellery made by
Cartier and other leading houses and will
conclude with contemporary pieces made
by JAR and Bhagat, which are a creative
fusion of Mughal motifs and Art Deco
‘Indian’ designs.
Cromwell Rd, London SW7 2RL
020 7942 2000
Ends January 10
Giacometti: Pure Presence
National Portrait Gallery
The first major exhibition to hang the
artist’s portraits drawn from the work
through his entire career which includes
paintings, sculptures and drawings which
concentrate on his principal models.
St Martin’s Place WC2H 0HE
020 7306 0055
Ends January 16
Arboretum: A Journey through Trees
Crane Kalman Gallery
Works by Corot, Hockney, Newcombe,
Nicholson, Nash, Pasmore, Sugito,
Sutherland and Fred Williams.
178 Brompton Road SW3 1HQ
020 7584 7566
Ends January 17
Art, Identity, Migration
Ben Uri Gallery and Museum
Rothenstein’s Relevance
Examining the work of Sir William
Rothenstein and his circle which included
Barnett Freedman, Mark Gertler, Jacob
Kramer, Albert Rutherson and Alfred
Wolmark.
108a Boundary Road NW8 0RH
020 7604 3991
Ends January 30
Peter Blake: Portraits and People
Waddington Custot Galleries
The show which includes 2 portraits of
Helen Mirren, fashion designer Paul Smith
and musician Ian Dury focuses on the
artist’s enduring interest in people and
their personalities;
11 - 12 Cork Street W1S 3LT
020 7851 2200
Ends January 31
Tintin: Hergé’s Masterpiece
Somerset House
An exhibition using the artefacts from the
Hergé Museum in Brussels to explore both
the cartoon character and his creator as
well.
Strand WC2R 1LA
020 7845 4600
Ends January 31
Art is Your Human Right
William Morris Gallery
Patrick Brill, a leading contemporary artist
who usually works under the pseudonym
Bob and Roberta Smith, enraged by the
Government’s downgrading of art in
the schools, decided to fight back; this
exhibition follows his campaigns from his
painting ‘ Letter to Michael Gove’ to his
launch of the Art Party and his efforts to
be elected to parliament in 2015. Sculpture,
banners, placards, a slogan-covered van and
a film ‘Art is your human right: why can’t
politics be more fun?’
Lloyd Park Forest Road E17 4PP
020 8496 4390
Ends January 31
the Battle of Agincourt
HM Tower of London
The 600th Anniversary of the Battle of
Agincourt which defined the outcome
of the Hundred Years War (1337-1453).
The exhibition features some rare historic
objects and one can witness the chaos and
scale of the battle through the diorama of
the battlefield which features 4,000 painted
scale model figures and examples of the
longbow and arrows from the Mary Rose
Trust. A series of talks, demonstrations and
family activities will take place alongside
the exhibition.
Tower Hill EC3N 4AB
0844 482 7777
Ends January 31
Jean-Etienne Liotard
Royal Academy of Arts
A comprehensive exhibition that brings
together 70 works by the Swiss 18th
century artist who painted much of the
royalty of Europe, but who later enjoyed
working in Turkey and took to wearing
turkish clothing.
Burlington House W1J 0BD
020 7300 8000
Ends January 31
Shoes: Pleasure And Pain.
V&A
This exhibition explores the transformative
BEETHOVEN
VIOLIN CONCERTO
MENDELSSOHN
‘ITALIAN’ SYMPHONY
MOZART
OPERA ARIAS
BEETHOVEN
‘EROICA’ SYMPHONY
Tickets £10-35
Booking 020 7730 4500 | cadoganhall.com/lco
(Use code KCW10 for a 10% discount)
BENJAMIN BEILMAN VIOLIN
RICCARDO MINASI CONDUCTOR
WEDNESDAY 2 MARCH 2016 7.30PM
LUCY CROWE SOPRANO
CHRISTOPHER WARREN-GREEN CONDUCTOR
WEDNESDAY 6 APRIL 2016 7.30PM
2015-16
Cadogan Hall
Photographs © Julien Mignot & Marco Borggreve
and the 18th century, but it also celebrates
contemporary designers who enjoy ‘the
excesses and the delights of the vulgar’.
Silk Street EC2Y 8DS
020 7638 8891
Ends February 7
Egypt: Faith after the Pharaohs
British Museum
How Egypt‘s religion was transformed
over 12 centuries from polytheism
by Christianity and Judaism to the
monotheism of Islam.
Great Russell Street WC1B 3DG
020 7323 8299
Ends February 7
Wittgenstein’s Dream: Gavin Turk with
Ben Brown Fine Arts curated by James
Putnam
Freud Museum
The philosopher Wittgenstein thought
Freud’s interpretation of dreams was
wrong; he believed that ‘...we were asleep.
Our life is like a dream.’ Gavin Turk has
installed three works Id, Ego and Super
Ego , and in the dining room a photowork
relating to the Narcissus myth. In
counterpoint to Freud’s own collection, the
artist has arranged his own keepsakes and
talismanic objects. Illusionism, the idea
of what is ‘real’ and issues of authorship,
authenticity and identity are all concerns of
the artist.
20 Maresfield Gardens NW3 5SX
020 7435 2002
The Queen’s Gallery
From the Royal collection come 27
masterpieces which include the work
of Gerrit Dou, Gabriel Metsu, Jan
Steen, Pieter de Hooch and Johannes
Vermeer’s ‘A Lady with the Virginal with a
gentleman’ and ‘the Music Lesson’.
Buckingham palace SW1A 1AA
030 3123 7301
Ends February 14
High Spirits: the Comic Art of Thomas
Rowlandson
The Queen’s Gallery
19th century life examined through the
artist’s cynical eyes with a blistering
depiction of Dandies, dashing officers, fat
squires, corrupt politicians; nor does he
spare ‘the fair sex’.
Buckingham Palace SW1A 1AA
030 3123 7301
Ends February 20
Designing Bodies: Models of Anatomy
from 1945 to Now
Hunterian Museum
For centuries anatomists and surgeons have
used 3-D models of body parts in their
training and today these are exceptionally
imaginative. Brains, lungs and limbs as
well as corrosion casts, orthopaedic models
and neurosurgical training devices. A place
to hide, if the Christmas Festivities are
becoming too much.
35-43 Lincoln’s Inn Fields WC2A 3PE
020 7869 6560
Ends February 14
Masters of the Everyday: Dutch Artists in Ends February 28
the Age of Vermeer
Tibet’s Secret Temple
CIF_Desire_Chelsea_16_154x126_CIF_Desire_Chelsea_15_154x126 11/11/2015 13:30 Page 1
*Use code Pcdmat25 when booking online or by phone.
ELLEN TERRY
WITH EILEEN
ATKINS
11 January – 13 February
Eileen Atkins returns with her witty and
intriguing insight into Shakespeare’s
women as first told by Ellen Terry.
«««««
‘She brings Shakespeare’s
women to spellbinding life’
The Telegraph
£25 best seats
for matinees*
Subject to availability, not in conjunction with other offers, cannot be applied retrospectively. £2.50 transaction fee applies online.
Offer valid for matinee performances of Ellen Terry with Eileen Atkins only.
A season of Shakespeare’s four
late, indoor, classic romances
P e r i c l e s
19 November – 21 April
C y m b e l i n e
2 December – 21 April
T h e
W i n t e r ’ s T a l e
28 January – 22 April
T h e T e m p e s t
17 February – 22 April
power of extreme footwear. The exhibition
presents around 200 pairs of shoes ranging
from a sandal decorated in pure gold leaf
originating from ancient Egypt to the
most elaborate designs by contemporary
makers. The exhibition considers the
cultural significance and transformative
capacity of shoes and examines the latest
developments in footwear technology
creating the possibility of ever higher
heels and dramatic shapes. Examples
from famous shoe wearers and collectors
are shown alongside a dazzling range of
historic shoes, many of which have not
been displayed before.
Cromwell Rd, London SW7 2RL
020 7942 2000
January 15
Grayson Perry In Conversation With
Charles Holland
Patternity is a leading specialist
organisation dedicated solely to pattern.
PATTERNITY’s uniquely curated archive
and award-winning approach are used as
a source of inspiration by design houses
around the world, including Burberry,
Chanel, and Vivienne Westwood, and
they have collaborated with organisations
from Apple and Nike to Selfridges and
the V&A. At this talk, art director Anna
Murray and surface designer Grace
Winteringham, cult pattern pioneers and
founders of the company, will discuss the
inspirational power of pattern as they
teach us to look beyond mundane forms to
uncover the hidden patterns that often pass
us by.
Cromwell Rd, London SW7 2RL
020 7942 2000
January 20-24
London Art Fair
Business Design Centre
Modern British art and photography from
today’s contemporary artists; the 20th
century to today.
52 Upper Street N1 0QH
020 7359 3535
January 23 & 24
The Adventure Travel Show 2016
Olympia
The show specialises in adventure travel
companies with over 100 talks and
lectures about travel photography, writing,
and filming.
Hammersmith Road Kensington W14
8UX
020 8943 5000
Ends February 6
The Art of Bedlam: Richard Dadd
Bethlem Museum
A retrospective of the Victorian artist
(1817-1886) who was detained as a
lunatic in the Bethel Royal Hospital after
stabbing his father to death. This show
brings together works from his early life
including rarely seen paintings from public
and private collections.
Monks Orchard Road, Beckenham
BR3 3BX
0203 228 6000
Ends February 5
The Vulgar
Barbican Art Gallery
What is it that makes something ‘vulgar’?
The exhibition explores the notion of
vulgarity in the fashions of the Renaissance
JEWELLERY &
SILVERSMITHING FAIR
Purchase direct from the UK’s leading designer makers
OLD TOWN HALL
CHELSEA
26-28 February
Fri 10am - 6pm • Sat & Sun 10am - 5pm
Admission £6 • London SW3 5EE
www.desirefair.com

48 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
49
Events
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Wellcome Collection
An exhibition of Tibetan Buddhist yogic
and meditational practice and their
connections with physical and mental
wellbeing. It features over 120 objects
which include scroll paintings, statues,
manuscripts, archival and contemporary
film together with a wide range of
ethnographic and ritual
artefacts.
183 Euston Road NW1 2BE
020 7611 2222
Ends February 28
Blood
Jewish Museum
This is a show dedicated to the life-giving
fluid which is ‘both life and death, sacred
and profane, pure and impure, cleansing
and polluting’,viewed through the ‘lens of
Jewish religion, culture and history.
Raymond Burton House 129-131 Albert
Street NW1 7NB
020 7284 7384
Ends February 28
Big Bang Data
Somerset House
Find out how large quantities of data have
been shaping our culture and the way
we live and how it shapes the future. It
explains how the data is collected and its
use in surveillance.
The Strand WC2R 1LA
020 7845 4600
February 4 - October 16 2016
States of Mind
Wellcome Collection
WINTER
19 - 24 January 2016
Battersea Park, London
An exploration of phenomena such as
somnambulism, mesmerism and disorders
of memory and consciousness which
examines ideas around the nature of
consciousness and what happens when
consciousness if interrupted or damaged.
183 Euston Road NW1 2BE
020 7611 2222
February 10 - September 4
The Mechanics of Genius: Leonardo da
Vinci
Science Museum
This exhibition explores the nature of
Leonardo’s genius with items on display
which include designs and sketches and
39 historical models of self-propelled
carriage, gears, a large scale model of
the Brunelleschi crane, a spinning wheel
with mobile wings, diving apparatus and
weapons. The exhibition is divided into
six sections : Transforming Movement,
Preparing for War, Drawings Inspiration
from Nature, Imagining Flight, Improving
Manufacturing, and Unifying Knowledge.
Book Now
Exhibition Road SW7 2DD
020 7942 4000
February 11-14
Works on Paper Fair
Royal Geographical Society
Pictures drawn by hand, in ink, pencil,
crayon, chalk pastel, gouache, and charcoal.
Includes a special exhibition of rare and
unseen works by Laurie Lee.
1 Kensington Gore London SW7 2AR
01798 215 007
Antiques and 20th century
design for interior decoration
February 11 - May 22
Vogue 100: A Century of Style
National Portrait Gallery
A celebration of the 100th anniversary of
this magazine with over 280 prints taken
by some of the most famous photographers
from the Conde Nast archive (founded in
2016) and international collections.
St Martin’s Place WC2H 0HE
020 7306 0055
February 18 - July 10
Imran Qureshi: where the shadows are so
deep
The Curve Gallery
The Pakistani artist’s exquisite miniature
paintings use the curve as a motif first in
nature then in darker works.
Barbican Centre Silk Street EC1Y 8DS
020 7638 8891
February 20 onwards
Frank Brangwyn: ‘Songs of a Wayfarer’
William Morris Gallery
The artist travelled through South Africa
and southern Europe as a young man
recording the different landscapes which he
then turned into the oil paintings NOW
are on display here.
Lloyd Park Forest Road E17 4PP
020 8496 4390
February 20 - May 29
Social Fabric: African Textiles Today
William Morris House
The exhibition explores how the printed
and factory-woven textiles of eastern and
southern Africa mirror the changing tastes,
social, political, religious, emotional and
sexual concerns of the region. The patterns
and inscriptions can be an unspoken
language expressing feelings that cannot
be voiced. In the show are also works by
artists and photographers inspired by the
textiles.
Lloyd Park Forest Road E17 4PP
020 8496 4390
Ends March 28
Samuel Pepys: Plague, Fire, Revolution
National Maritime Museum
The largest exhibition to ‘delve into the
scandalous world of Stuart London’: the
execution of the king and the glorious
Revolution which is covered by 200
painting and objects from the museums,
galleries and private collections from
Britain and beyond.
Park Row Greenwich SE10 9NF
020 8858 4422
Ends April 10
Artist and Empire
Tate Britain
Over 200 paintings for this major
exhibition of art associated with the British
empire from the 16th century to the
present day. A number of objects including
maps, flags, photographs, paintings,
sculptures and artefacts.
Millbank SW1P 4RG
Ends June 12
On Their Own: Britain’s Child Migrants
Museum of Childhood
The heart-breaking true stories of the
British children who were sent to Canada,
Australia and other Commonwealth
decorativefair.com Tel: 020 7616 9327
KEN
countries between 1869 and 1970. An
estimated 100,000 British children were
sent overseas on various migration schemes
which were run by a partnership of
charities, religious organisations and the
government which claimed to offer boys
and girls the opportunity to have a better
life overseas. Many never saw their homes
and families again.
Cambridge Heath Road E2 9PA
020 8983 5200
Ends June 30
Bicycles Revolution
The Design Museum
A celebration of everything to do with
cycles: bespoke creations to performanceimproving
designs,
dozens of bikes from manufacturers from
all over the world. Items and accessories
belonging to famous cyclists such as
Sir Chris Hoy and Sir Paul Smith, an
exploration of ‘thrill seekers’ and ‘urban
riders’. Also concerned with the future and
considers safety and increasingly complex
technology.
28 Butler’s Wharf Shad Thames
SE1 2 YD
020 7403 6933
MUSIC
December 14, 15, 16, 18.19, 21 - 23, 28-
31 January 1 & 2
The Firework-Maker’s Daughter
Linbury Studio Theatre
An entertaining family show based on a
story by Philip Pullman, “David Bruce’s
opera weaves a colourful sound world
around a perilous quest, incorporating
... exotic sounds in a score that delight
and surprises”. A visually spectacular
production with puppetry by Indefinite
Articles.
Royal Opera House Bow Street
WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000
December 14
La Nuova Musica; Cesti Orontea
Wigmore Hall
David Bates directs “one of the most
exciting consorts in the Early Music field”
in one of the most popular operas of the
17th century.
Wigmore Street
020 7935 2141
December 15,18,21, 29 and January 1
Cavalleria Rusticana/Pagliacci
The Royal Opera House
Director of the Royal Opera, Antonio
Pappano and the award-winning Italian
director Damiano Michieletto join forces
in this new production of these two
operas. Eva-Maria Westbroek, Aleksandrs
Antonenko and Carmen Giannattasio lead
casts that include the Royal Opera Chorus.
Covent Garden WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000 roh.org.uk
December 19
Belshazzar’s Feast
Cecil Sharp House
A Christmas themed show mixing
traditional folk music with a touch of
classical, jazz, and pop and with wry
humour. The audience loves the “eclectic
and eccentric mix of tunes” and the chat
between. 7.30pm
2 Regent’s Park Road NW1 7AY
020 7485 2206
musicglue.com/cecilsharphouse
December 19, 22, 30 January 2,4 and 7
Eugene Onegin
Royal Opera House
Kasper Holten’s production of
Tchaikovsky’s opera based on a story by
Pushkin is a powerful tragedy with Nicole
Car in the role of Tatiana and acclaimed
newcomer Michael Fabiano as Lensky
with Semyon Bychkov conducting.
Covent Garden WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000 roh.org.uk
December 20
Festive Gathering
Cecil Sharp House: Kennedy Hall
A carol concert with a folk twist; a cappella
arrangements of traditional seasonal songs,
carols and wassails from the British Isles.
Folk dancers, singers and musicians with
sword dancing by Thrales Rapper and the
percussive sound of clog dancing.
for tickets musicglue.com/cecilsharphouse
booking advised.
2 Regent's Park Road NW1 7AY
020 7485 2206
December 28
Max Emanuel Cencic countertenor;
Armonia Atenea
Wigmore Hall
A programme of operatic arias and other
works by Johann Hasse (1699-1783) with
George Petrou on the harpsichord and
Theodoros Kitsos on the mandolin.
36 Wigmore Street W1U 2BP
020 7935 2141
January 9, 11,12,15, 18, 21, 25, 29 7
February 5
Tosca
Royal Opera House
Jonathan Kent’s production of Puccini’s
masterpiece is set in Rome in 1800. It has
two fabulous casts; Angela Gheorghiu
and Amanda Echalaz in the title role
with Riccardo Massi interchanging with
Najmiddin Mavlyanov in the role of
Cavaradossi and the bass baritones Samuel
Youn and Roberto Frontali sharing the
role of Scarpia.
Covent Garden WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000 roh.org.uk
January 10
Bela Bartok (1881-1945)
Wigmore Hall
James Ehnes performs the ‘fiendishly
difficult’ Sonata for solo violin BB124
written for Yehudi Menuhin in 1944, and
the Second Rhapsody, and with the pianist
Andrew Armstrong the Sonatina for violin
and piano BB102a.
36 Wigmore Street W1U 2BP
020 7935 2141
January 12
Hamish Dustagheer
Leighton House
One of England’s foremost Catholic
organist and improvisers who plays
regularly in the great churches and
cathedrals of Europe. His programme
includes Liszt, Satie, Poulenc, Scriabin,
Ropartz, Debussy and Franck.
12 Holland Park Road, Kensington
W14 8LZ
020 7602 3316
January 16, 22, 27, 30 February 4, 6
La Traviata
Royal Opera House
Richard Eyre’s sumptuous production
Inspiration l Craftsmanship l Heritage
THE MAYFAIR
ANTIQUES & FINE ART FAIR
THE LONDON MARRIOTT HOTEL
GROSVENOR SQUARE, LONDON W1K 6JP
two for one admission with this kcw advertisement
has been revived for this winter with the
Russian soprano Venera Gimadieva as the
tragic heroine and Luca Salsi sharing the
role of Giorgio with Quinn Kelsey.
Covent Garden WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000 roh.org.uk/traviata
February 1, 3, 6, 15,18,20, 24
L’Etoile
Royal Opera House
Emmanuel Chabrier’s “tune-filled” and
“zany comedy” this operetta for the first
time. Mariame Clement makes her
directorial debut in a production “full of
silly characters, complex situations and
exotic fantasies...perfect for a show that
features a tickling song.” A largely French
cast includes Christophe Mortagne
alongside Kate Lindsey with Mark Elder
conducting.
Covent Garden WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000 roh.org.uk/letoile
January 22 2016
Joshua Bell and Steven Isserlis
Cadogan Hall
Leading cellist Isserlis joins violinist Joshua
Bell in a programme of Brahms’s brilliant
Double Concerto in A minor, Beethoven’s
Symphony No 8 in F major, Op 93, Dvorak’s
Waldesruhe arranged for cello and orchestra
B.182 and Benjamin Britten’s arrangement
of the second movement of Schumann’s
Elegy for Orchestra.
5 Sloane Terrace SW1X 9DQ
020 7730 4500
January 24 2016
Great British Classics
Royal Festival Hall
Vaughan Williams’ overture The Wasps,
IN ASSOCIATION WITH
7 - 10 JANUARY 2016
Thursday 12.00 - 21.00
Friday/Saturday 11.00 - 18.00
Sunday 11.00 - 17.00
T 01797 252030
www.mayfairfair.com
T H E
A N T I Q U E S
D E A L E R S
F A I R
L I M I T E D
A Sea Symphony, and Finzi’s Clarinet
Concerto. John Wilson conducts the
British and Gloucester Choral Societies
with Philharmonia Voices. 3.00pm
Southbank Centre Belvedere Road
SE1 8XX
020 7921 3900
January 28
Santtu-Matias Rouvali conductor with
Hakan Hardenberger on trumpet.
Royal Festival Hall
The programme has Sibelius’
Lemminkainen’s Return, Symphony No 2 and
Martinsson Bridge,Trumpet Concerto No 1
Southbank Centre Belvedere Road
SE1 8XX
Freephone box office 0800 652 6717
February 4
Lahav Shani: Philharmonia Orchestra
Royal Festival Hall
The young Israeli conductor-pianist plays
Mozart’s D minor Piano concerto No 20,
K466 and Mahler’s Symphony No 1.
Southbank centre Belvedere Road
SE1 8XX
Freephone box office 0800 652 6717
February 8
The Mighty Handful
Royal Opera House
An all-Russian programme with a worldclass
orchestra which play the works of the
composers Rimsky-Korsakov, Borodin,
Mussorgsky, Cesar Cut and Mily Balakirev.
Antonio Pappano conducts the Orchestra
of the Royal Opera House.
Covent Garden WC2E 9DD
020 7304 4000
DF_Kensington_160Hx260W.indd 1 17/11/2015 16:57

50 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
51
Events
020 3553 7147 waellis.com
Events
Prime London service, global reach, outstanding property
February 14
St. Valentine’s Day Gala
Royal Festival Hall
An afternoon concert with the
Philharmonia Orchestra with a programme
of Saint-Saens, Mascagni, Bruch,
Mendelssohn, Mahler, J Strauss II, and
Bizet. Michael Collins conducts and Alina
Pogostkina on the violin.
Southbank Centre Belvedere Road
SE1 8XX
Freephone box office 0800 652 6717
PHOTOGRAPHY
Ends December 31
Henry Wessel
Tate Modern
Recently acquired by the museum the
27 photographs by Henry Wessel reflect
his interest in the daily life and social
landscape of the USA.
Bankside SE1 9TG
020 7887 8888
Ends January 10
Sinatra at 100: A Century in the Making
Proud Gallery
To celebrate Sinatra’s 100th birthday, a
collection of rare and unique photographs
from the crooner’s Family Archive.
161 Kings Road Chelsea SW3 5P
020 7349 0822
Ends January 16
Evgenia Arbugaeva: Arctic Stories
Photographers’ Gallery
“Weather Man” is inspired by the life
of a meteorologist whom the Russian
photographer stayed with for two
weeks in a remote part of Russia and
whose surroundings, life and isolation
she photographed. Tiksi shows the
photographer’s Siberian home on the shore
of the Arctic Ocean featuring ethereal
images and the light landscape through the
story of Tanya, a young local girl.
16-18 Ramillies Street W1F 7LW
020 7087 9300
Ends February 28 2016
The Enduring Eye: The Antarctic Legacy
of Sir Ernest Shackleton and Frank
Hurley
Royal Geographical Society
A celebration of the centenary of the
Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition
(1914-17) better known today as The
Endurance expedition.
Never before seen by the public, the fragile
glass plate negatives of the expedition
saved from the ice by the expedition
photographer Frank Hurley and Sir Ernest
Shackleton.
1 Kensington Gore SW7 2AR
020 7591 3000
Ends March 28 2016
Julia Margaret Cameron Influence and
Intimacy
Science Museum
Celebrating the 200th anniversary
of the photographer’s birth, the
exhibition includes family members, and
acquaintances from the arts and literature
like Holman Hunt, Alfred Tennyson and
Thomas Carlyle. Also included are objects;
a camera lens, handwritten notes from
her autobiography, shots of Sri Lanka
taken towards the end of her life, and a
daguerreotype self-portrait,
Exhibition Road SW7 2DD
0870 8704 868
Ends April 10
Wildlife Photographer of the Year 2015
The Natural History Museum
From 42,000 entries, 96 countries the final
shortlisted 100 photographs are exhibited
here. An amazing insight into nature.
Cromwell Road SW7 5BD
020 7942 5000
Ends June 26
Insight Astronomy Photographer of the
Year
Royal Observatory
The annual competition in which
photographers and astronomers submit
their best work of the night skies, planets,
and stars in attempt to catch the most
beautiful night skies.
Greenwich Park, Greenwich SE10 9NF
020 8312 6565
January 22 - March 31
Powerpoint Polemics
Photographers’ Gallery
The 25th anniversary of Microsoft’s
release of PowerPoint, the Media Wall.
In partnership with the Goethe-Institut
are commissioning 15 artists, scientists
and theorists “to playfully consider the
politics and the aesthetics of slideware,
while speculating on the future of image
production.”
16-18 Ramillies Street W1F 7LW
020 7087 9500
January 22 - April 3
Easter Rising 1916: Sean Sexton
Collection
Photographers’ Gallery
Eighty rarely seen photos and ephemera
including souvenir postcards, albums, press
and military photos and stereoscopic views,
which cover the years between 1840s and
the 1930s; portraits of executed leaders,
scrapbooks, collages. This collection covers
documents from the Nationalists and
also images from the British authorities
and Unionists. For those interested in the
Troubles a must.
16- 18 Ramillies Street W1F 7LW 020
7087 9300
January 22 - May 15 2016
Other Worlds: Visions of our Solar System
Natural History Museum
70 composite images created by Michael
Benson curator and writer using data
from the NASA and ESA space missions.
A celebration of six decades of space
exploration.
Cromwell Road SW7 5BD
020 7942 5000
February 11- May 22 2016
Vogue 100: A Century of Style
National Portrait Gallery
300 prints from the Conde Nast magazine
British Vogue with images by Cecil
Beaton, David Bailey, Lee Miller, Irving
Penn, Herb Ritts and Mario Testino and
included are portraits of Dior, Damien
Hirst, Henri Matisse and Alexander
McQueen.
St Martin’s Place WC2H 0HE
020 7306 0055
WALKS
December 23
Charles Dickens’ ‘Christmas Carol’ and
Seasonal Tradition
Meet by the Tower Hill Tram coffee stand.
Dickens’ famous story is the route map
for this walk; Scrooge, Marley and the
Cratchits are all here and life will be spiced
up with Christmas puddings, mince pies
crackers, and mistletoe. The walk ends near
St Paul’s tube.
January 1 and every Friday morning at
10.45 2016
The Secrets of Westminster Abbey
A massive discount for the entry to the
Abbey, and then a three-dimensional walk
through the history of England. Kings
and Queens married, crowned and buried.
Tombs, wall paintings, monumental
sculpture, and memorial tablets. 10.45 Tour
takes about two hours
Meet Tom or Brian outside exit 4 of
Westminster Tube.
SPOKEN WORD
December 29 and 30
Festive Family Tours
House of Parliament
These festive tours start at 11am and
2pm and take about an hour. Kids go
free. Beginning in Prince’s Chamber, the
tours also include the Lords Chamber,
Central Lobby and the Commons
Chamber before finishing in Westminster
Hall which is home to the Parliamentary
Christmas tree. During the tour discover
more about Christmas during the time
of Oliver Cromwell, the influence that
Queen Victoria and Prince Albert had
on the festive season we know today and
how Westminster Hall has been a place of
feasting over the years. After the tour, join
Parliament’s Visitor Assistants for some
festive family activities.
Private Guided Tour
Houses of Parliament
A small number of guided tours of the
House of Commons and House of Lords
will run on New Year’s Eve. These tours
are available to private groups of up to
25 people. Tour highlights include the
Queen’s Robing Room, Royal Gallery,
Lords Chamber, Central Lobby,
Commons Chamber, St Stephen’s Hall and
Westminster Hall. Led by an expert ‘Blue
Badge’ guide, each tour takes 90 minutes.
Starting at 30 minute intervals between
9am and 12pm, the price per group is
£475.
January 7
Medieval Music;
To Chant in a Vale of Tears
St Sepulchre Without Newgate
Tears and music have a long history
together, but a show of tears means
different things at different times.
Professor Christopher Page explores the
nature of a lachrymose response in the
‘EXPECT TO
BE AMAZED’
SUNDAY TELEGRAPH
UNDER
18’S GO
HALF
PRICE! *
THE UNSTOPPABLE SMASH HIT!
medieval experience of music. 1pm Free
Holborn Viaduct EC1A 2DQ
020 7831 0575
StompLondon.com
020 7395 5405 | Ambassadors Theatre
January 12
A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled
Howtoacademy at Conway Hall
Ruby Wax puts her high energy with and
humour to an altogether calmer purpose
for the evening talk, based on her studies of
Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy at
Oxford University, she will share practical
guidance to solve a problem that affects us
all; stress. 6.45
25 Red Lion Square WC1R 4RL
020 7405 1818
January 12
A Very Brief History of Computing, 1948-
2015
Museum of London
The world’s first modern computer was
unveiled in Manchester in 1948, but was
followed by a series of crises of software,
leading to the most recent software crises,
this time of cybersecurity.
Professor Martyn Thomas leads us through
the complexities, Free
150 London Wall EC2Y 5HN
020 7831 0575
January 11
Learn techniques for energy healing and
meditation
Kensington Central Library
Discover the amazing benefits of healing
energy work to balance your physical and
emotional body. Learn effective techniques
for self-healing, relaxation and well-being.
Phillimore Walk, London W8 7RX
*Tickets usually priced at £52.50 available at half-price for all those 18 and under.
For exclusions and valid dates please visit StompLondon.com
January 13
The Parasite Zoo
Gresham College
Professor Mark Viney on these unlikely
fascinating subjects and their lives. 6.00pm
Barnard’s Inn Hall Holborn
EC1N 2HH
020 7831 0575
January 14
Secret Tunnels Author Antony Clayton
Chelsea Library
So-called secret tunnels are a subject of
perennial interest. Could there really be
labyrinths of hidden passageways under
our ancient buildings, towns and cities,
or are these tunnel tales another seam of
England’s rich folklore? Antony Clayton,
author of Secret Tunnels of England: Folklore
and Fact and Subterranean City: Beneath the
Streets of London will attempt to sort fact
from fiction in this illustrated talk.
Chelsea Old Town Hall, King's Rd,
London SW3 5EZ
January 18
Creative Writing Workshop
Brompton Library
Have you considered writing? Have you a
story to tell or a topic of interest? Do you
want to develop your potential to create
your own art and tap into the creative
economy? Then this workshop may be for
you.
This interactive workshop, working with
a combination of experiential exercises,
feedback and readings, is hosted by
Bella Enahoro, director of WriteBounty,
a Fulham based Creative Writing
organisation designed to empower
James Lane on why STOMP
remains one of the West End's
best loved shows
Recently the West-End show STOMP,
totally unique for its combination
of percussion, movement and visual
comedy, celebrated eight years at
London’s Ambassadors Theatre.
To mark the occasion we spoke to
long time cast member, drummer and
actor James Lane, who has been with
STOMP for 14 years.
Lane who is from the West
Midlands, and has been drumming
since his early youth, trained
professionally as an actor at age 18. As
a performer with such a wide range of
talents, STOMP had immediate appeal,
Lane says; “It’s a clean slate in terms
of acting and performance, there’s no
dialogue - only archetypal characters
- so you can really make a role your
own.” This may be part of the reason
for STOMP’s international success, it
is “not bound by language” and the
‘STOMPers’ make an effort to “tailor
each show” to an individual crowd.
In 2001, Lane attended a six week
‘workshop’ for STOMP, which would
ultimately change his life and see him
become a core STOMPer. Although
rehearsals for STOMP take place
everyday, except on Sundays when
individuals through creativity.
Unleash your inner writer!
210 Old Brompton Rd, London SW5 0BS
January 19
V&A the Lydia & Manfred Gorvy
Lecture Theatre
Grayson Perry in conversation with
Charles Holland about the House for
Essex which Perry designed for Living
Architecture, Holidays in Modern Architecture
scheme. This unique house is an artwork
in itself and a space to display a number of
Grayson’s works. 6.30pm
Cromwell Road SW7 2RL
020 7942 2000
January 26
Elisa Sednaoui: Model, Actor and
Philanthropist
V & A
Model and muse to Karl Lagerfeld and
actor Elisa has always brought a sense of
cultural awareness to her fashion work.
Philanthrophy has alway been her true
passion and in 2013 she set up the Elisa
Sednaoui Foundation, a non-profit
organisation aimed at delivering after
school workshops to promote a sense of
community through the arts, teaching child
groups. She discusses her career and future
plans for her Foundation with Davina Catt.
Cromwell Road SW7 2RL
020 7942 2211
January 26
21st Century Health and Fitness
The Lecture Club
Ben Davies, fitness coach, on looking after
your most valuable asset in today’s hectic
world. 6.30pm
the turn around is too quick, the
performers manage to maintain
the primality and ferocity that is
essential to the show and have a huge
input into the development of their
characters. “There is a lot of scope to
work out what kind of STOMPer you
want to be…about 30% of the show
is improvised”
Lane also credits the friendships
that have grown in the cast for
making the show what it is, with
performers responsive not just to
the audience but each other. This is
something Lane would pass on to
anyone thinking of auditioning for
the show “You have to bring yourself
into it. Don’t try and be someone
else.”
Visit www.stomplondon.com/gettickets/
to purchase tickets
9 Ilchester Place W14 8AA
thelectureclub.com
January 25
The Ethics of Physician-Assisted Suicide
The Museum of London
Professor Browne Lewis’s Fulbright
Lecture looks at the legislation of assisted
suicide in the UK, which is as controversial
as the Death with Dignity Act (DWDA)
that led to its decriminalisation in Oregon
in 1994. What can be learned in the UK
from the USA experience.
150 the London Wall EC2Y 5HN
020 7831 0575
February 1
Winter Survival Strategies
Chelsea Physic Garden
A talk by Michael Holland with a tour of
the garden.
66 Royal Hospital Road Chelsea SW3
4HS
020 7352 5646
February 2
Can You Teach an Old Dog New Tricks
the Lecture Club
Daniel Fryer, CBT therapist and and
hypnotherapist on neuroplasticity and how
to retrain your brain.
9 Ilchester Place London W14 8AA
Compiled and edited by Leila Kooros with
assistance by Fahad Redha and Jeanne
Griffiths.

52 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
53
Arts & Culture Arts & Culture online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Michael
Craig-Martin:
Transience
Simon Denny:
Products for
Organising
Serpentine Gallery and
Serpentine Sackler Gallery
Until 14 February 2016
serpentinegalleries.org
The Serpentine has staged two
exhibitions that, at first glance,
could not be more divergent
or diverse. Although, on reflection,
there is a commonality of ‘product’
that overlaps. Craig-Martin is mildly
obsessed with everyday objects, mostly
obsolete technology, all rendered in
intense flat colour with a thin black
outline around each, whether it be a
laptop, games console, watch, computer,
cassette or incandescent light bulb.
When he painted them, the objects were
cutting edge, and he thought they had a
permanence that would last for years, but
the technology was advancing at such a
rate, objects such as VHS and audiotape
cassettes became redundant, along with
the players, so that there was no means
to access the data in them. Even the
humble light bulb would be outlawed by
the EU and replaced with energy-saving
ones.
Craig-Martin has a meticulous way
of working; firstly, he scans an object,
pulls it through Photoshop, and reduces
it to a basic isometric shape, which he
then projects onto the canvas, which, in
many cases, is painted black. So those
thin black lines are not all that they
seem; through masking and painting
the large expanses of vibrant colour
with four-inch rollers to achieve the
flat effect, they are what is left. Two
of the black and white drawings were
‘painted’ directly onto the walls, using
a projected image and electrical tape,
which can be bent to go round corners.
It is the precision of the works that
is so appealing, and the background
colours he uses, not just on the canvas,
but on the walls of the gallery, as he
did so startlingly at the Royal Academy
Summer Show this year. There is
nothing Farrow and Ball about Mr
Craig-Martin’s colour swatch, shocking
pink, an equally shocking turquoise,
viridian green and deep blue, and in
the first two rooms, he had lined the
walls with his own wallpaper, speciallydesigned
for the show, featuring more
outlines of obsolete objects, this time in
grey on a white background. Only two
of his subjects are non-techy; a running
shoe on a pillarbox-red background and
a carton of McDonald’s-style chips, but
painted in toxic green. He has reduced a
credit card to a minimal purple rectangle
with a black strip and a white signature
box, but still recognisable. The star of
the show is Eye of the Storm, a whirling
maelstrom of out-of-scale objects,
including a garden fork, a safety pin, a
cassette, a knife, a bucket, a pair of pliers,
a metronome, and a light bulb. If there
is a hidden meaning, then it passed me
by, but it is the sheer energy and vibrant
colours that assault and excite the senses.
His most recent works feature a
current lap-top, but these, too, will
doubtless become redundant and
superseded by something thinner,
smaller, and smarter, along with all the
other objects he has rendered.
Hack, either as a noun
or a verb, has a number
of meanings - a humble
horse, a literary drudge or
second-rate journalist, a
rack for feeding animals, a
piece of advice, a walk, an
irritating cough, the act of
chopping, or a kick in the
shins.
Since the 1980s, hacking has
taken on a whole new meaning,
that of unauthorized remote
computer break-ins using
communication networks
such as the Internet. These
criminals are often termed
Black Hats, but there are
those that try to debug and
fix security problems, referred
to as White Hats. Simon
Denny: Products for Organising
is a hi-tech exhibition that
traces the history of hacking,
from its origins in a student
organisation formed at MIT
in 1946, to the present-day
commercial tech companies
like Apple, and Government
Communications Headquarters
in Cheltenham (GCHQ), the
British intelligence and security
organisation and the largest
information-gathering and
listening-post in the world.
Most of the language,
jargon, and terms used by the
designer Simon Denny at
the press view, were virtually
impenetrable, flippantly using
words like Holacracy and
Agile, radical management
practices, tension processing,
branded managerial
techniques, business process
re-engineering, computer
bulletin-board systems
(BBSes), and ARPANET.
My head began to hurt, as,
not only did I not understand
what Mr Denny was telling
us, I didn’t really care. There
was no real explanation as to
exactly how a hacker breaks
into a network, or even why?
There were plenty of vitrines
with computers, flashing lights,
scrawled graphics, plush toys,
books, LED strips, T-shirts,
and hardcore graffiti spray
cans, alongside architectural
models of GCHQ, the Apple
Campus, Zappos and Agile/
Holacracy Workspaces,
covered in graphics, which
were mounted on their ends, so
that the visitor had a bird’seye
perspective on the circular
buildings, but they did not
really bring anything new to
the party.
Don Grant
Photographs © Don Grant
Gillray’s Ghost
Cartoon Museum
35 Little Russell Street,
WC1A 2HH
Until 17 July 2016
Admission £7
The Plumb-Pudding in Danger. James Gilroy. 1805
The Baked Bean in Danger. © Steve Bell. 2015
The great political satirist and
caricaturist James Gillray died
exactly 200 years ago, but his
drawings still resonate and rattle down
through the years. Although revered in
Georgian times, his biting humour and
uncompromising views on politics and
the royals did not go down so well with
the Victorian gentility, and he evaporated
into the ether, only to be ‘re-discovered’
by such artists as Ronald Searle, Ralph
Steadman, and ‘Vicky’. The idea behind
this exhibition is to celebrate the
artist’s work by showing it alongside
other cartoonists’ work which has been
inspired by it, and amongst them are
Leslie Illingworth, Nicholas Garland,
Peter Brookes, Steve Bell, Peter Shrank,
Dave Brown, Martin Rowson, Chris
Duggan, and Morten Morland. The only
problem in doing this is that none are as
good as the original, and a parody of a
truly original and innovative comment
from two centuries away will always be
seen as a poor relation.
Fourteen years ago Tate Britain put
on a Gillray show, with over 220 works
on display, mostly on loan from the
British Museum, which showed the
astonishing range of his subject matter,
techniques, and draughtsmanship. This
exhibition can only scratch at the surface
of his brilliant wit and dazzling skills,
with such well-known gems as The
Plumb-Pudding in Danger, which has
been pastiched by half a dozen artists,
including Steve Bell, who portrayed
David Cameron and Nicola Sturgeon
carving up a giant baked bean. It seems
as though Bell’s
depiction of
Cameron has
almost morphed
into Martin
Rowson’s smooth
red saveloy, except
Bell has upped
the smoothness
by pulling a
condom over
his head. Other
proponents
depicted carving
up the ‘political
football’ have
been Blair and
Helmut Kohl
slicing through
John Major’s head
by Richard Cole;
Tony Blair again,
this time with
Jacques Chirac by
Jensen; Nicholas
Garland’s Mrs
Thatcher and
David Steel
carving up
Denis Healey’s
head; and Dave
Brown’s The
Scotch Pudding in
Nae Danger, with
Blair serving up
Gordon Brown
as a haggis to George Dubya. Not one
of these comes even close to Gillray’s
original etching for shear brilliance.
There is a thin, etched line between
homage and rip-off, and Nicholas
Garland’s take on the MPs’ expenses
scandal has merely lifted Gillroy’s
original Fashionable Contrasts, and put
nothing else into the drawing except a
couple of labels, one saying “MP” and
the other,“Taxpayers”, which smacks of
laziness. Another of his great cartoons
is A Voluptuary under the Horrors of
Digestion, depicting a debauched and
bloated Prince of Wales slumped in a
seat picking his teeth with a fork. Even
his coat of arms is parodied as a crossed
knife and fork, and there are a couple
of little jars behind him on a table, one
labelled “Drops for stinking breath”, and
the other “For the Piles”. Chris Duggan
has updated this as A Select Committee
Absentee under the Delights of an Expense
Account, which makes an excellent
lampoon, but what this exhibition does is
underline the notion that nobody really
comes anywhere near the standard of this
father of political cartooning.
Don Grant
High Spirits
The Comic Art
of Thomas Rowlandson
The Queen’s Gallery,
Buckingham Palace
Until 14 February 2016
Admission £10
In conjunction with another exhibition,
Masters of the Everyday: Dutch Artists in
the Age of Vermeer, High Spirits covers
some of the same ground, although, at
first, it is hard to make the connection.
The common thread running through
both is in the observation of everyday
life, with the Dutch paintings of the
Royal Collection. The subject matter
could be what has since been described
as genre painting, such as a merrymaking
in a tavern scene, with people playing
cards and flirting, or a market, an
interior, or simply a portrait. Rowlandson
has the same witty depictions of the
absurdities of fashion, political and
royal intrigue, and love. Most of this
collection of drawings and etchings were
amassed by George III, George IV and,
surprisingly, Queen Victoria and Prince
Albert. Rowlandson is not only known
as a biting satirist, but also as a fine and
prolific erotic artist. When questioned as
to why there was none of this work on
display, Kate Heard, Senior Curator of
Prints and Drawings, said that Victoria
had destroyed all the Rowlandson
pornography that George IV had
previously collected. I pointed out the
thin distinction between eroticism and
pornography - with eroticism one uses
a feather; with pornography, the whole
chicken. Ms Heard said that Rowlandson
certainly used the whole chicken.
Satirical printmaking was an
established tradition in Georgian Britain,
with its long history of freedom of
speech, and the fashionable elite queued
up to collect them as soon as they were
published, from other artists
such as James Gillray, James
Sayers, and the Cruikshank
family. Gillray and Rowlandson
were contemporaries and would
have coffee together whilst
discussing the latest royal
affair or scandal, such as the
resignation of the Commanderin-Chief
of the British Army,
George III’s second son, The
Duke of York, after his mistress
Mary Anne Clarke was accused
of accepting money in return
for obtaining promotions in
the army. Although George
IV was an avid collector, he
also attempted to suppress
those that showed him and
the royal family in a bad light,
particularly when dealing with
his debts or affairs. Debauchery
was another subject in which he
was particularly interested, as
there was plenty of it about at the end of
the nineteenth century, and Rowlandson
himself drank and gambled away his
inheritance from a wealthy aunt, which
initially made it possible for him to study
at the Royal Academy Schools.
He was a fine artist, with a
distinctive flowing style and a healthy
sense of the absurd, who was able to
capture a likeness with an economy
of line rarely bettered. He introduces
us to the lecherous squires; dashing,
young dandies; busty serving wenches;
ruddy-faced politicians; bawdy tarts;
and the dissolute Prince of Wales with
his cronies. It is also a very good way
to learn about British history in the
time of the Regency, with manifold
machinations going on behind the
scenes, particularly with William Pitt
the Younger, Charles James Fox, and
the Duchess of Devonshire, who is
portrayed in one cartoon canvassing
Fox’s candidacy by kissing voters.
Current affairs, particularly the
ongoing war between Britain and
France, was another target for his
sharp eye, as was the theatre, where he
had many friends, and he turned his
attention to the audience, showing their
reaction to the play, whether comedy
or tragedy. In another hand-coloured
etching entitled The Prospect Before Us,
the view is from the back of the stage of
the Pantheon looking out and depicts
two ballet dancers in the foreground, but
it is the orchestra and rows upon rows of
audience that demand attention. Boxes
at the sides contain the fashionably
dressed beau monde of London, who
were as much the focus of attention for
the audience as were the performers,
and there are literally hundreds of
tiny figures, each one differently
drawn. Fashion was another target
for Rowlandson, and he relentlessly
ridiculed it at every level, with some
biting caricatures, like A Little Tighter
and A Little Bigger.
Don Grant
Doctor Convex and Lady Concave

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Egypt: Faith after
the Pharaohs
Until 7th February 2016
The British Museum
Room 35
Bejewelled Treasures:
The Al Thani Collection.
Victoria and Albert Museum.
Until 28th March 2016
The Mughal Emperors' vision
beyond the battlefields of
conquest gave the world a
wondrous legacy of priceless treasures.
The Mongols conquered and ruled many
countries, including most of Northern
India, during the early 16th century until
the late 18th century. Their Emperors
were not only warriors, but aesthetes,
patronising Science and the Arts.
The best known Mughal Emperor
was Shah Jahan, who ruled in India
from 1628 to 1658. During this period,
culture reached supreme heights. The Taj
Mahal is an eternal witness to this great
age. But, perhaps, the real legacy lies in
the personal jewellery and objets d’art of
these extraordinary rulers.
Many treasures of the Mughal
Emperors can be seen in the collection
of HH Sheikh Hamad bin Abdullah Al
Thani, a member of the Qatari ruling
family, which is being exhibited at the
Victoria and Albert Museum. It is
interesting to see how Mughal themes
have influenced jewellery design today, as
seen in Cartier's work.
HH Sheikh Hamad bin Abdullah
Al Thani was fascinated by the jewels
of India from an early age and the
Maharaja Exhibition in 2009 at the V&A
impressed him deeply. It inspired him to
form his amazing collection, which was
exhibited at the Metropolitan Museum
of Art in New York last year. It gives
him pleasure for the world to see his
treasures.
Words fail when describing the
unsurpassed beauty of these art forms.
They transcend the power of language.
The exhibition shows the Shah Jahan
Emerald, inscribed with the Imperial
title Padishah (Master of Kings). He did
not have the right to that title, which
shows his intent to overthrow his father.
Also on view is his dagger, the handle
is carved from a single jade block
surmounted by a boy’s head. This could
have been carved earlier than the blade
by Venetian craftsmen, who gave the
boy a European look. There were also
Persian craftsmen at the Mughal Courts,
as indicated by the pen case and inkwell
on display.
Observe the fine workmanship of a flask
set with gems and admire the tiered ruby
choker made by Jacques Cartier in 1931
for the Maharaja of Patiala. Do not miss
the golden rosewater sprinkler inlaid
with cabochon rubies and emeralds
separated by rows of half pearls. It is an
honour to look upon this treasure.
Left: © V&A London
above: The Al Thani Collection
© Servette Overseas Limited.
Photograph Prudence Cuming
Associates
below: © V&A London
bottom: The Al Thani Collection
© Servette Overseas Limited.
Photograph Prudence Cuming
Associates
Empires and their rulers are transient,
jewellery is eternal and strangely
animate.
Marian Maitland
This inspiring exhibition is curated by
Susan Strong, and sponsored by Wartski.
It forms part of the V&A India Festival.
Advance Booking recommended:
T: 0800 912 6961 www.vam.ac.uk
Victoria and Albert Museum.
Cromwell Road, London SW7 2RL
The ancient Egyptians, creators
of many gods, ceased to rule
their native land after enduring
successive conquests. But the gods of
their Kingdom did not immediately lose
their spiritual power, the conquerors
respected and embellished this
pantheistic worship.
Much research and scholarship
has been devoted to the period of the
Pharaohs in Egypt, but the sweep of
history after 30 BC has been neglected
and the survival story of their gods has
faded.
Egypt: Faith after the Pharaohs is
the first major exhibition to present a
history of Egypt after the Pharaohs,
dating from 30 BC, when Egypt became
a province of the Roman Empire,
following the death of Queen Cleopatra.
The exhibition portrays events up to
1171 AD when the rule of the Fatimid
Dynasty ended.
An amazing amount of archaeological
material has survived due to Egypt’s
arid climate. Two hundred objects are
displayed, all having various uses. Some
were institutional, others were domestic.
There are luxury goods too. A wealth of
texts, scriptures, legal documents, and
letters were discovered in rubbish heaps
in ancient towns. Many are exhibited,
and including letters from the Roman
Emperor, Claudius. A deep insight into
the everyday life of communities of
different faiths, living mostly in harmony,
is revealed through these exhibits.
The exhibition explores in depth the
transition in Egypt from polytheism (the
worship of a pantheon) to monotheism
(the worship of one God, as found in
the Abrahamic religions of Judaism,
Christianity, and Islam). It clearly shows
how these three faiths reinterpreted
the polytheism of the Pharaohs. The
Muslims were fascinated by ancient
Egyptian monuments and recorded
them. The exhibition emphasises
the survival of the ancient Egyptian
gods through the Persian, Greek, and
Roman Conquests. Some even started
wearing Greek drapery and Roman
armour! Some ancient monuments were
destroyed, but others were adapted or
reused. Parts of ancient temples were
incorporated into Christian Churches.
In Judaism, there is one god and
He acts in history; the Jews believe He
granted them freedom from slavery
under the Pharaohs. He is omnipotent
and an intrinsic part of their being.
There were several Jewish communities
in Egypt and they lived almost peacefully
with the Pagans. There were only
sporadic episodes of violence.
Christianity arrived in this scene
of fluid, mingling faiths with strong
monotheistic views. Its followers were
known as Copts. They adapted Jewish
scriptures into Greek translations as
their Old Testament, and later added
Gospels and epistles to form their New
Testament. When the Roman Emperor
Constantine converted to Christianity,
the ancient Egyptian gods did not meet
with his approval. It is significant that
Christianity became the State Religion
which gave its adherents power. This
did not bode well for the old gods. By
395 AD Christianity was the dominant
religion in Egypt, made strong by
learning and scholarship. However,
Christianity became divided over the
definition of Christ, as to whether he
was God and this led to confrontation
Left: bronze head of the
Emperor Augustus. The
Trustees of the British
Museum
above: Codex Sinaiticus ©
British Library
below: Solomon
Schechter at his desk
working on documents
from Cairo.
By kind permission of
Syndics of Cambridge
University Library
with Caesar.
In 639 AD the armies of Islam
invaded Egypt and by the 10th Century
AD Islam became the dominant religion
as Christianity had before. The Muslims
did not accept the Bible and had their
own Holy Scripture, The Qu’ran. The
oldest surviving Life of the Prophet
Mohammed, to whom the Religion was
relayed, was written in Egypt. Egypt
became the centre of Islamic civilisation.
Great mosques of much beauty were
built and the art of calligraphy flourished.
Cairo was founded as the Capital. In 972
A.D. the University of Al-Azhar was
founded.
Three significant treasures are seen
on arrival at the exhibition, firstly the
Hebrew Bible, the earliest surviving
Jewish manuscript of illumination from
the Middle East. Secondly the Christian
New Testament, which is part of the
4th century Codex Sinaiticus, the oldest
surviving Bible and complete copy of
the New Testament. Thirdly, the Qu’ran,
which is copied in an angular script,
known as Kufic. It is from the Middle
East and can be dated between 9th and
10th centuries.
The interaction between Classical
and Christian motifs can be seen in a
pair of door curtains depicting Cupids
and Winged Victory figures. The latter
reveal a jewelled cross. Iconography is
often fused as seen in the statue of the
ancient Egyptian God, Horus adorned
in Roman armour.
The letter from the Roman Emperor
Claudius concerning the cult of the
Divine Emperor and the position of the
Jews in Alexandria must not be missed.
There is good statuary in the
exhibition. The bronze head of the
Emperor Augustus is impressive,
previously a part of a life size figure.
Note the authority in his plaster and
calcite eyes as he surveys the exhibition.
His great nephew, Germanicus, is
portrayed as a heroic youth. He is not
in good condition, but does advertise
the exhibition. Note the incised cross on
his forehead indicating tension as a new
religion was arising.
The jewellery, gemstones, and
amulets are evocative and the carved
ivories show fine detailed workmanship.
I was moved by the exhibit of
a child’s knitted woollen sock with
separate toes like a glove.
This exhibition is supported by the
Blavatnik Family Foundation and is
a collaboration between the Staatliche
Museen Zu in Berlin and the British
Museum.
During this serious, academic, and
well documented exhibition you can see
many exhibits which will appeal to a
wide audience.
Do watch the video which shows
heart-warming scenes of Christians
encircling and protecting Muslims at
Prayer and Muslims guarding Christians
at Prayer. The world hopes for peace.
Marian Maitland
The British Museum
Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DG
T : 020 7323 8181
e-mail britishmuseum.org./egypt

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Masters of the
Everyday:
Dutch Artists
in the Age of
Vermeer
The Queen’s Gallery
Buckingham Palace
Until 14th February 2016.
Divine frivolity and incongruity,
so often apparent in peasant life,
appealed to 17th century Dutch
Artists. They portrayed rumbustious fun
in village taverns and the contrasting
peace of domesticity. The paintings
reveal families relaxing as they played
games and enjoyed music. The subject
matter is, doubtless, unremarkable,
but the rendering is superb with
extraordinary attention to detail. These
painters were masters in the depiction of
space and light. They interwove humour
and messages of morality into their
paintings in a subtle form. Rustic charm
and coarse humour pervaded these
portrayals of peasant life. Later, some of
the advanced humour was over painted
as tastes changed.
During a conservation on Isack van
Ostade’s A Village Fair with a Church
Behind, a squatting figure answering
a call of nature was revealed. He was
later reinvented and painted over as a
shrubbery! Likewise, Jan Steen’s A Village
Revel shows drinking and brawling
outside a village Inn. The Tavern sign
sported a man exposing his buttocks.
This was later over painted as a bull’s
head.
Desmond Shawe-Taylor, Surveyor of
the Queen's Pictures and Curator of the
Exhibition said:
“Dutch Painters often include people
or animals answering the call of nature
partly as a joke and partly to remind the
viewers of that crucial word ‘nature’, the
inspiration for their art. Queen Victoria
thought the Dutch Paintings in her
collection were painted in ‘a low style’;
two years after her death perhaps a royal
advisor felt similarly”.
During the 17th century the Royal
Families of Britain and the Netherlands
were closely connected. In 1613 James
I’s daughter, Elizabeth Stuart, married
Frederick V, Elector Palatine, grandson
of William I of Orange. In 1677, their
son, William III, married James II’s
daughter Mary. These two seized the
British Throne in 1688 during the
Glorious Revolution and established the
Constitutional Monarchy as we know it
today.
British Monarchs were commissioners
and collectors of Dutch art. Charles I
received the first Rembrandt to come to
Hendrick Pot, Charles I, Henrietta Maria and Charles, Prince of Wales, later Charles II, c.1632
Ludolf de Jongh, 'A Formal Garden: Three Ladies Surprised by a Gentleman', c.1676
England and George IV was particularly
fond of the Dutch art of everyday scenes.
The exhibition Masters of the
Everyday: Dutch Artists in the Age of
Vermeer has been created in partnership
with the Royal Picture Gallery
Mauritshuis, The Hague, where it will be
shown in the Autumn of 2016.
Some very fine works of the Dutch
painters are on display. Rembrandt van
Rijn's portrait of an old woman, The
Artist's Mother (1627-1629), was a gift
to Charles I from his Ambassador, Sir
Robert Kerr, at the Court of the exiled
King and Queen of Bohemia. Being the
first of Rembrandt's paintings to arrive
in England, it established the artist's
name.
Music is a recurring theme in Dutch
painting. Johannes Vermeer’s Lady at the
Virginals with a Gentleman, also known
as The Music Lesson, was purchased
by George III. Vermeer's mastery of
perspective draws the eye to the two
figures in the rear of the room. The
young woman's face is only seen in a
reflection in the mirror. It is hard to
say whether the subject is enjoyment of
music or romance, as they so often go
together. Again, these two themes are
represented in Gabriel Metsu’s The Cello
Player, in which a woman makes her
entrance and is greeted by her pet dog
as her suitor tunes his cello. The detail
of her dress is exquisite. There is an
atmosphere of expectation in the scene.
Jan Steen’s A Woman at her Toilet
(1663) shows how messages of morality
found their way into Dutch paintings.
Viewer becomes voyeur observing an
unmade bed and a woman not dressed. A
lute with a broken string and a flameless
candle clearly indicate the perils of
submitting to sensuality.
Several paintings in the exhibition
portray jollity and pleasure. Jan Steen’s
Card Players in a Tavern (1664) clearly
depicts pleasure with the mussels
scattered in the foreground with a
dustpan and brush is particularly
effective. Other works of tavern scenes
by Steen show how the Dutch painters
brought to life music, drinking, dancing,
and jollity in their paintings of the
Golden Age of Dutch art.
The realistic rendering of domestic
scenes is well illustrated in The Young
Mother (1658) by Gerrit Dou. The light
shining forth on a new life and the
Madonna like figure of the mother are
truly inspirational. Further portrayal of
domesticity is beautifully revealed in
Pieter de Hooch’s A Courtyard in Delft
at Evening, a Woman Spinning (1657).
Beneath a bright blue sky a woman spins
in the shadow whilst another figure
comes out of the sunlight into the shade.
The Netherlands were leaders in
commerce, art, and science during the
Golden Age; and the scenes of music,
pleasure, and domesticity in the Dutch
paintings reflects the spirit of that
glorious age.
Marian Maitland
Visitor Information and tickets for the
Queen’s Gallery :
www.royalcollection.org.uk
T: + 44 (0) 303123 7301
Pictures: Royal Collection Trust© HM Queen Elizabeth II. 2015
Artist & Empire
Tate Britain
Until 10 April 2016
Admission £14.50
tate.org.uk
Here we go again - another
‘worthy’ academic exhibition
at Tate Britain, from the same
stable as Edourard Muybridge, Victorious
Sculpture, Salt and Silver, Ruin Lust
and British Folk Art. The curators have
amassed a cornucopia of objects from
all over the globe, and there are some
remarkable works on display, including
George Stubbs’s A Cheetah and a Stag
with two Indian Attendants, but there
are also deeply kitsch and sentimental
paintings, like Millais’s North-West
Passage, Joseph Noel Paton’s In
Memoriam, Eastwood Ho! August, 1857
by Henry Nelson O’Neil, and Benjamin
West’s Death of General Wolfe. One
enormous canvas is entitled Retribution
by Edward Armitage, an allegorical
scene of a ferocious-looking Justice as
Britannia about to plunge a sword into a
Bengal tiger’s breast, symbolising Britain
taking revenge for the Indian mutiny.
There are a few gems, like John Singer
Sargent’s portrait of the caddish Sir
Frank Swettenham, and Augustus John’s
one of T E Lawrence in desert gear, and
UK/RAINE
Saatchi Gallery
Until January 3, 2016
Admission Free
http://www.saatchigallery.com
Presumably some bright spark at
Saatchi came up with the snappy
portmanteau title UK/RAINE,
which was an open competition and
exhibition, showcasing emerging artists
from the UK and Ukraine, aged between
18 and 35, living, working or born in
either country. The private view and
prize-giving was a massive bun-fight
peopled by the many artists, jeunesse
dorée, hangers-on, and liggers being
topped up with copious amounts of
champagne. The Ukrainian Firtash
Foundation funded the initiative, and
provided £75,000 in prize money to
the winners; £20,000 going to Sergiy
Petlyuk for his extraordinary best-inshow
animated hanging installation,
Tolerated Violence, which was draped
across one of the galleries. At the other
end, Mariia Kulikovska, a naked lady in
a pink wig, sunglasses and Rosa Klebb
shoes, emerged from a door and began
attacking her sculpture Homo Bulla,
which comprised three of her own bodycasts
made of soap, with a hammer. This
Johann Zoffany’s Colonel Mordaunt’s
Cock Match, but this show has an ‘oldfashioned’
feel to it, and not just because
it is stuffed with Victoriana, like a
provincial museum.
The British Empire was the largest
the world has ever seen, and yet, as
with all the others, it faded away and
is now a mere shadow of its former
greatness. One of the problems with
staging a show such as this is one of
editing some of the more controversial
topics surrounding Britain’s sometimes
appalling behaviour on the world
stage, with copious incidents of wars,
exploitation, plundering, oppression
and slavery. However, for better or
worse, the British Empire had a massive
impact on the history of the world for
over two centuries. By 1922, more than
450 million people lived in the British
Empire, which was more than one fifth
of the world’s population at that time,
and covered almost a quarter of the
Earth’s total land area, but by the end of
the 20th century, it had diminished to a
few overseas territories. Every schoolboy
knew the maxim that it was “the empire
on which the sun never sets”, as it was
so large that the sun was always shining
somewhere in it, which comprised
dominions, colonies, protectorates,
mandates and other territories.
The maps and charts are a fascinating
diversion, displaying vast tracts of red
across the globe, and were used by the
military, the navy, road and railway
Roman Mikhaylov with his
sculpture Shadows
© Don Grant
apparently echoed the destruction and
looting of the Izolyatsia Centre once
based in Donetsk, but now relocated
to Kiev, forced there by the conflict in
eastern Ukraine.
The Installation Prize of £10,000 was
deservedly won by Roman Mikhaylov,
whose ships made of charcoaled wood,
Shadows, were reminiscent of Anselm
Keifer’s U-boat display at the Royal
Mahadaji Sindhia entertaining
a British naval officer and
military officer with a Nautch,
1815-20, by a Dehli School
artist. The British Library
Board
builders and trading companies, like
the East India Company, which formed
the backbone of the empire. In the
same gallery there are some gloriously
colourful Ghanaian Asafo flag collages
by Fante artists, like union jacks on
acid, and Andrew Gilbert has installed
a tableau of life-size marching British
soldiers in military red coats under a
sun-shade, one with a kitchen knife
sticking out of his face, which is covered
in a straw African mask, others with pith
helmets, carrying cups of tea and wearing
black, high-heeled kinky boots. It is
not clear whether this is his ironic view
of how the Brits were perceived by the
colonised, or just ‘avin’ a laugh. There are
many other examples of how they saw us,
through African and South Sea Island
sculptures, so it not all about plundered
Academy exactly a year ago. There
was a public vote, which was won by a
British artist, Olivia Bax, whose Sink
or Swim structure was made from
handmade paper, pulped sticks, and
yellow sculptured sandwiches, lassoed
together with bungee cord; and the work
is installed differently each time it is put
together. The organisers must be pleased
with their efforts in providing financial
treasures, or overblown paintings of
heroic deeds in fighting, and sometimes
losing, against the indigenous hoards we
were trying to suppress and exploit.
The exhibition comes up-to-date
with a number of works by postimperial
artists from the Caribbean,
the Antipodes, Oceania, Canada,
particularly Aubrey Williams and
Donald Locke from British Guiana,
Ben Enwonwu and Uzo Egonu from
Nigeria, Avinash Chandra and Bairaj
Khanna from India, and Sidney Nolan
from Australia, who, it appears, doesn't
just paint Ned Kelly. It is not the quality
of the works on show, but the manner
in which they have been displayed,
interpreted, captioned and juxtaposed,
that makes this potentially fascinating
story so dull. Don Grant
support for young artists and help in
building a cultural bridge between the
two countries. The exhibition continues
the collaboration between the Firtash
Foundation and Saatchi Gallery as part
of the Days of Ukraine in the UK festival
and follows on from the huge success of
Premonition: Ukrainian Art Now, which
ran at the Saatchi Gallery last year.
Don Grant

58 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
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Arts & Culture
Arts & Culture
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Photograph © Sophie Winham
Bernard Cohen:
About Now
By Ian McKay
Flowers Gallery
ISBN 978-1-906412-71-5
92pp. £30
I
have always been a bit wary of
the word ‘zany’ - it conjures up
amusingly unconventional and
idiosyncratic humour, and derives from
a clownish character in Commedia
dell’arte, Zanni. Cohen states that he
struggles with the titles of his paintings,
and yet has named four Zany at Home,
Zany in Grey, Zany Again and Zany in
the Detail, which, apart from the lack of
humour, are certainly unconventional
and idiosyncratic. Complex swirling
shapes, overlapping colours, geometric
lines, rectangles and circles, squiggles,
all meticulously laid in acrylic or oil
on canvas or linen, using masking tape
to achieve the overlaying effects, some
like a smashed Victorian mosaic tiled
floor, others like those 3D stereogram
images, where one’s eyes have to go ‘lazy’
to see the hidden picture within. David
Hockney said, when trying to paint
swimming pools in California, he was
influenced not only by Dubuffet, but by
Cohen’s ‘Spaghetti Paintings’. In some
later works textures and stencilled and
painted shapes, are enmeshed in layers
of patterns and motifs, like aeroplanes,
to produce a dizzying assault on the
senses. He titled several paintings after
Billy Wilder’s Cold War comedy One,
Two, Three, starring James Cagney as a
Coca Cola executive in West Berlin, but,
for some inexplicable reason, called the
series One, Two, Three, Four, and there
are no clues in the works as to what they
have to do with this funny, rapid-fire
satire.
The academic and critic Ian McKay
has written what amounts to a treatise
on Cohen, and intellectualises on the
meaning behind his work, citing T.S.
Eliot, Samuel Beckett, Jean-Paul Sartre,
Albert Camus and existentialism, Henri
Bergson, Thomas Hardy, even Joseph
Conrad. But are his paintings that
complicated and imbued with deep and
hidden meanings? McKay was minded
to ask Cohen whether he had painted a
self-portrait, but found the question no
longer relevant, as he now reckons that
his paintings are all self-portraits. Well,
call me old-fashioned, but I just don’t
buy that. He is patently obsessed with
his subject, even re-reading those novels
that Cohen has been reading; works by
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Philip Roth, and
Donna Tartt, concluding that what they
all have in common is “secrets that define
the human being”.
Cohen trained at St Martin’s, then
the Slade, in the 1950s, returning in
1988 to become Chair, Professor, and
Director of Slade School of Fine Art, a
post he held for 12 years. His first solo
exhibition was at Gimpel Fils in 1958,
and since then he has had one-man
shows at Kasmin, Waddington, and, of
course, Flowers East, West and Central,
a Retrospective at the Hayward in 1972,
and 48 of the works of this important
British abstract expressionist painter are
held by Tate, but none from the 2000-
2015 period covered in this book.
Don Grant
They All Love
Jack: Busting the
Ripper
By Bruce Robinson
Harper
ISBN-10: 006229637X
They All Love Jack is Bruce Robinson’s
800 page doorstop of an attempt to
figure out what has baffled many: just
who murdered (at least) five women
in 1888? Who was Jack the Ripper?
It started out as a £15 pub bet that
Robinson couldn’t solve the mystery,
made over a decade ago, but it is easy to
see that it developed into an obsession.
Robinson’s writing is personal,
engaging, and scathing; however his
gonzo-esque style means that he has a
tendency to ramble and sometimes the
direction of the dialogue will abruptly
lurch. A chapter focused on discussing a
particular murder will end up containing
a rant about the immorality of the
Victorians and a handful of paragraphs,
seemingly out of place, on Freemason
archaeology.
One really has to jump on Robinson’s
train of thought and hold on, as he
obviously considers all these things
relevant and in their proper place,
which, given that this is an argument
being made in support of a theory
and not fiction, means that it must
make sense to him, at least. And the
immorality of the Victorians and
Freemasonry are the heart Robinson’s
case, the target of his thrusts, joined
on the chopping block with the rest of
Ripperology.
It’s almost a shame that he felt
the need to try to solve the case.
As a criticism of an attack upon
the Victorians, the related culture
of Freemasonry, and self-declared
Ripperologists, the text is powerful and
merciless.
Robinson’s problem is that of many
conspiracy theorists; that just because
your argument makes sense doesn’t
mean it’s right. Robinson constructs
the theoretical framework within which
his argument runs smoothly, however
it comes short of persuading that this
is what actually happened: There is a
difference between what could have
happened and what did, what makes
sense and what is.
Robinson’s attempt to solve
the case is a shame, not because it
is unconvincing, but because it is,
obviously, the point of this behemoth.
Had it simply been a few hundred pages
titled Why I hate the Victorians, and why
you should too, then it would have been
far more tolerable to read; as it stands, it
is a task.
Approach it as a rational argument,
and Robinson’s writing style may quickly
obscure a clean reading; approach it as a
quirky text with a sharp edge, something
a little risqué, and all the Ripper stuff
gets in the way. Which, unfortunately,
leaves it somewhat unapproachable.
Fergus Coltsmann
John Le Carré:
The Biography
By Adam Sisman,
Bloomsbury, £25 hardback,
ISBN 9781408827925
For Anton Chekhov, “Every person lives
his real, most interesting life under the
cover of secrecy”. David Cornwell, spy
turned novelist John Le Carré, is no
exception then, and what a life it is. Now
aged 84, he decided to let Adam Sisman
loose on his authorised biography and
the result is nothing if not thorough.
Or is it? The biography is a brick
of a book, running to more than 600
pages including four pages of a select
bibliography, 16 pages of notes on the
text, and an index of hundreds of entries,
taking up 21 pages. So the first question
one asks is, does Le Carré the novelist
deserve such treatment and attention to
detail? He may be a great writer, but he
is hardly a Dickens or a Tolstoy.
Deception and duplicity are part
of the spy’s stock in trade, they stand
Janus-like with one eye perpetually
looking over their shoulder. Spies need
charm, cunning, and patience, for it is
a waiting game. With a record such as
his, posterity also plays its part and one
wonders whether the reader is given the
full picture or just an excuse for one.
In other words, just how far can this
account be trusted?
Like many others, I have grown up
with all Le Carré’s books starting with
his hugely successful third novel, The
Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1963).
There is only one I attempted three
times but could never get further than
a third of the way through due to its
lack of pace, and that was The Little
Drummer Girl (1983 ). As for the best,
it was undoubtedly A Perfect Spy (1986),
described by Philip Roth as “the best
English novel since the war”.
There is a good reason for this: it is
largely autobiographical, telling the story
of Ronnie Cornwell (1906-75), David’s
father, who was one of the most daring
conmen who ever lived. He beat and
sexually abused his boys, and beat his
women (his wife did a runner when the
younger brother was aged five), lived the
high life but ran away from his bills, and
served two jail terms. No wonder young
David had insecurities which were never
going to go away.
We read of Cornwell’s spying on
friends and tipping off MI5 about
their leftward-leanings; so loyalty to
his country came first, not them. After
studying modern languages at Oxford,
he switched his allegiance to MI6, and
then taught at Eton for a while. Once he
had made his first £20,000, in 1964, he
jacked it all in for full-time writing and
made a number of fortunes through book
sales and film and television rights.
He claims to be a lifelong Labour
voter. He will not allow his publishers to
enter his books for literary competitions,
such as the Man Booker. And he
has turned down gongs, including a
knighthood. Is this because of humility,
or vanity? His first marriage ended in
failure and he had a string of affairs,
including with the wife of a best friend.
He once contemplated suicide. Indeed
he comes across as not a very pleasant
character at all, so one wonders why he
supported this publication, and why now.
If one has a private inroad to certain
characters he encountered in real life,
but for some reason did not make it onto
the page, one can apply a different sort
of test. For example, there is no mention
of Czech President Vaclav Havel, or his
biographer Michael Zantovsky, recently
Czech ambassador to London. There is
no mention of Nick Scarf, also an MI5
and MI6 man who, he claimed, was Le
Carré’s inspiration for Barley Blair in The
Russia House (1989). Never considered,
or edited out?
There are some who argue, of course,
that definitive biographies can only be
written after the death of their subject.
This is hinted at, and one wonders what
new revelations are to come. And he has
promised his own memoir in maybe a
year’s time. Unfinished business?
And Le Carré has his critics as well
as his admirers: Salman Rushdie, the
late Christopher Hitchens, and Clive
James among them. One of James’s
many autobiographical books is entitled
Unreliable Memoirs and one wonders
whether this may apply too to Cornwell/
Le Carré?
So, even after more than 600 pages,
the man remains enigmatic to the end,
and therefore what is embarked upon
as a quest for the truth is ultimately
unsatisfying.
Or maybe he gave the game away
not in this book, but in a quotation
used in Ben Macintyre’s book, A Spy
Among Friends (2014). On page 245,
Le Carré states: The privately educated
Englishman “is the greatest dissembler
on earth… Nobody will charm you so
glibly, disguise his feelings from you
better, cover his tracks more skilfully, or
find it harder to confess to you that he
has been a damn fool…
“He can have a Force Twelve nervous
breakdown while he stands next to you
in the bus queue and you may be his best
friend but you’ll never be the wiser.”
After 600 pages, and £25, wiser is
exactly what you should be.
James Pallas
Fallout 4
By Fergus Coltsman
My first few hours experience of Fallout
4 were not of playing it, but of upgrading
my PC in order to actually run and
download all 24 glorious gigabytes of
it. This is a good thing, both that the
minimum specs for the PC version
recommend an obscene 8 gigs of RAM
and that it took an hour to download, it
illustrates in raw numbers the behemoth
of a game it is.
(Spoiler warning: This article will
contain incredibly minor spoilers for the
first two hours or so of plot.)
Fallout 4 starts you out in prenuclear
apocalypse Boston, 2077, just
as the US/China cold war turns hot
and you’re rushed into the nearest
bomb shelter. Things quickly take a
turn for the sinister and 200 years later
you stumble out, into the irradiated
wasteland Massachusetts has become.
This scene setting doesn’t take very
long, which is a shame. Fallout 3 forced
you spend a couple hours in the sterile,
claustrophobic shelter before thrusting
you wide eyed into the hellish nightmare
of the outside world, inspiring the sort
of joyous fear that only comes with
freedom. In contrast, F4 rushes you,
lacking the emotional punch of 3.
But what it’s rushing you toward is
good. Bethesda, the game’s developers,
have never been Shakespearean writers,
but they have always been fantastically
immersive world builders, and Boston is
no exception. Exploring long abandoned
towns in the morning sun, hunting
mutated wildlife in grey-green fogged
hills, and fighting running battles with
psychotic raiders in tight city streets as
thunder and lightning cracks overhead
all bring the world alive.
Further life is added by the colourful
cast of survivors eking out life in the
wastes. From wandering tradesmen to
almost-thriving towns growing inside
a baseball stadium, the characters are
lively and diverse, (if one can get past
the Boston accent). F4 offers a new
way to interact with them; previously,
aside from the odd grunt or Thu’um,
Bethesda player characters were silent,
F4 has a Mass Effect-esque dialogue
system, where conversing characters
actually have an immersive back and
forth; an actual dialogue. It doesn’t even
suffer too badly from the problem that
plagued ME, where the short prompt in
the options menu would not intuitively
relate to what your character ended up
saying. That said, very occasionally the
characters will fall into the Uncanny
Valley and throw the immersion off.
The overall gameplay is stronger than
previous games, F4 is actually a good
shooter rather than a tolerable one.
Enemies will dynamically duck in and
out of cover, your guns kick and click
satisfactorily, and bad guys stagger in
response to hits, often accompanied by
a visceral spray of blood; and ghouls and
other baddies visibly disintegrate as they
take damage.
The depth of customisation has
reached new heights. Characters can
be customised to ridiculous degrees,
weapons can be molded to the point of
being unrecognisable from their original,
settlements can be built and improved
to protect their occupants. The overall
effect is that not only is your character
and adventure unique, but your Boston
will be unique to you as well.
At time of writing, I’m only twenty
hours in, which is barely a scratch
on the surface, with much left to be
explored. Given the substantial engine
improvements over Skyrim, I don’t even
feel like I’ve figured out the fundamental
P E T A L
PAINTING AND EVERYTHING ELSE
JULIA WHATLEY supports PETAL ‘Painting and Everything Else’, a charity
which encourages creative attitudes and thinking from an early age and
sponsors creativity in children.
The emphasis is on childrens’ development. Julia says “When a child is
traumatised they need love and support to help them go forwards in life,
and creativity can help unlock the trauma”
Everything about Julia is to promote positivity in others, especially
children. She devotes her time to creating works of art. She says,
“Anything I have produced in the last 12 years is for the positive to
outweigh and replace the negative”.
Her work, is like her personality; overwhelmingly sensitive, colourful
and positive. The ideas, themes are poignant and powerful. Her desire is
to enable people to express their true selves in a an unhindered free way
and to create world peace
Anyone wishing to get involved in the charity should contact www.
talismanlondon.com jamesnalty@gmail.com or www.jennyblanc.com
The charity is currently seeking International Trustees.
Julia is working on a book to support The Crane foundation – for
the protection of birds.
PETAL ‘Painting and Everything Else’. Registered charity no. 1120847
workings; the two sided coin of mystery
and discovery, last seen when I first
played Oblivion as a wide eyed youngster,
has returned in force.
© ZeniMax Media
Collage © Julia Whatley

60 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
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online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Architect Adalberto Libiera
BRICKS AND
BRICKBATS
BY ATRIUM
Patronage at
a price worth
paying
The Flint House was a worthy
winner of the RIBA House
of the Year, shown as a Grand
Designs special this year, following its
abandonment of the RIBA Stirling
Prize some years ago. Architecture can,
and does, make good television when
presented in the right way, and noone
surpasses Kevin McCloud for his
knowledge, enthusiasm and laid-back
style.
The architects were a small but
distinguished London practice, Skene
Catling de la Pena, for a patron whose
family have commissioned probably
more houses, they number more than 40
across Europe, than any; the Rothschilds.
Their estate at Waddesdon Manor,
completed in the early 1880s, was
designed by a French architect who
gloried in the name of Hippolyte
Destailleur. For followers of modern
architecture, there’s an interesting
precedent for the form, namely Casa
Malaparte (at left) on the island of
Capri, but of course the Flint House
reflects its setting in the Chilterns,
hence a traditional use of knapped flint.
And the architect’s intention is that
the mosses and lichens found locally
should reclaim the building and the
site, just the sort of rare humility one
welcomes. Such quality does not come
cheap, but who’s counting? Certainly
not Lord Rothschild. He builds for
generations.
Photographs © James Morris
The Planning
Consent
Conundrum
An Architect’s View
By Tom Pike
Why is it that obtaining
Planning Permission to
extend or alter one’s home is
such a painful and frustrating process?
There is a short answer to this question,
but I’m not altogether sure if it is
printable!
The main problem lies in the fact that
since the 1970s successive governments
have instigated one initiative after
another in the attempt to ease the whole
planning process i.e. to make it easier for
homeowners to gain planning consent.
But we all know that when governments
meddle in due process, they are past
masters at complicating matters.
Consequently the issue of gaining
planning consent to build or to alter a
building is now more convoluted and
protracted than it ever has been.
Gone are the days of being able to
ring up one's local authority planning
department to ask for some basic
guidance on a planning issue. Nowadays
Above: Contemporary glazed extensions to a Regency villa
Right: A rear dining room addition to a substantial Victorian house
if you call the planners and ask for
any form of advice or direction, you
are referred to their website (planning
portal) and are directed to their Pre-
Planning Consultative Service. In
principle this is fine until you discover
that in order to take advantage of this
service it requires a formal application,
involving a full set of architects drawings,
a substantial fee to be paid, which is
significantly more than the planning
fee for actually making a planning
application, and worse is to come, the
preplanning consultation process takes
almost as much time as a planning
application. To compound all this, the
advice that one receives back from the
planning department is usually couched
in such negative rhetoric (a case of the
glass being more than half empty!)
that one is left wondering if it’s going
to be worthwhile to make the planning
application at all. Planning Officers are
far more likely to tell you what you can’t
do as opposed to telling you what you
can do.
Since planning authorities launched
their Pre-Planning Consultation Service,
casually referred to as a ‘pre-app.’ in
2008 we as architects have only found
the process to be counterproductive. In
short, we have found it to be a waste of
time, money and effort.
In the last few years we have found
it more effective to by-pass the pre-app.
process, and instead to move swiftly on
to lodging a full planning application
with the local authority.
Having submitted the application we
then monitor it closely and tenaciously
and do all in our powers to shepherd
the scheme through to a formal consent
being granted.
Local authorities themselves are
well disposed towards the pre-app.
process for two understandable reasons.
Firstly it buys them more time in which
to deal with a planning application,
and secondly it provides them with
an additional income stream. So, one
doesn’t have to be overly cynical to see
why the planners encourage applicants
to go down the pre-app. route.
To successfully navigate the vagaries
of the planning system, it is important
to engage a firm of architects and/ or
planning consultants with relevant
experience and with a proven track
record…a firm who can work within or
around the planning policies of the local
authority.
Tom Pike is a partner in Giles
Pike Architects, which is a practice
specialising in residential design projects.
Photographs © Giles Pike Architects
Pied à terre?
That’ll be £88m
Ian Simpson is the most famous
Manchester export, in design terms,
since Norman Foster 60 years ago.
The architect heads up Simpson
Haugh, noted for a string of
distinctive buildings in his home city, but
now active on four residential sites in
London.
His Hilton Tower in Manchester is
the tallest building in the UK outside
London. At its peak, there is a two-storey
penthouse occupied by, you guessed it,
Ian Simpson!
While he is busy on an early phase of
Battersea Power Station, his other major
project on the South Bank is receiving
even more attention: One Blackfriars.
As far as I know it has yet to acquire
a nickname. We already have the
Gherkin, the Shard, the Walkie-Talkie,
the Cheese-grater and several others,
but given its distinctive form, would the
Hunchback be out of place?
The 50-storey tower rises 170m.
Prices from £2.3m. The developer is
St George, part of the phenomenally
successful Berkeley Group.
Your correspondent just happened
to be talking to a Berkeley sales rep the
other day, and asked about the cost of
the three-storey apartment at its apex.
The reply: £88m.
The difference between one-off
houses, such as the Flint House for a
distinguished architectural patron, the
overseas investor, and those who rely on
social housing, has never been greater.
Thank heavens the London market is
predicted to take a tumble.
Soon won’t be soon enough.
Architects Simpson Haugh and Partners
ARCHITECTURE • PLANNING ADVICE • INTERIOR DESIGN • PROJECT MANAGEMENT
Giles Pike Architects specialise in high-end residential projects, including
new build, alterations and extensions to houses and apartments.
www.gilespike.com
020 7924 6257
537 Battersea Park Road
London SW11 3BL

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PRESENTS
Ave Maya
A ballet gala in memory of Maya Plisetskaya
Gala with the participation
of international ballet stars
Artistic Director: Andris Liepa
Rambert Dance
Company
By Andrew Ward
There was a real buzz in the
foyer at the Sadler’s Wells,
packed with people jostling to
get into the auditorium for Rambert
Dance Company’s (RDC) Love, Art &
Rock ‘N’ Roll. RDC is one of the UK’s
top national dance companies, with a
brand of dance and choreography that
stimulates audiences the world over with
dynamic energy, passion, and sometimes
elegance. Tonight the dancers were at
their best!
Didy Veldman’s new work The 3
Dancers opened the evening with great
effect. Inspired by Picasso painting
The Three Dancers, Veldman depicts
the themes from the painting and
Picasso’s life, such as love, passion,
depression, and manipulation, with a
trio of dancers dressed in white and a
trio dressed in black engaging each other
in a mesmerising palette of dynamic
movement. Veldman successfully brings
the work from canvas to stage by teasing
out the emotions of life, starting with
love as the white trio intertwined are
followed by the dark imagery of betrayal,
pain, and suicide coming to the fore with
the black trio. Lighting designer Ben
Ormerod’s square beam of white light
onto a dark stage set the scene for the
light and shade of cubic imagery, making
the piece a true collaboration of artistic
influences. Elena Kats-Chernin’s music
gave a real sense of French drama, with
the accordion playing its part in painting
the picture. Kimie Nakano white and
black costumes providing Veldman with
a blank canvas to complete what was
a visually stimulating piece superbly
danced.
Next up was ART with Kim
Brandstrup’s new work Transfigured
Night. Music: Arnold Schoenberg;
Design: Chloe Lamford; Lighting:
Fabiana Piccioli. Brandstrup takes the
narrative from a Richard Dehemel
poem in which a woman confesses
to her lover that she is pregnant with
another man’s child. The piece is divided
into three sections, each delivering a
different outcome immediately after the
confession of adultery is made. The first
depicts total rejection and the fear of all
that it entails. The second is dream-like,
where all is forgiven and forgotten as if it
had never happened. In the final section,
reality sets in as the lovers take stock,
and despite the anguish experienced and
the uncertainty in the air, they rediscover
their love for each other. Brandstrup’s
choreographic genius was unlocked after
seeing Egon Schiele’s painting, Lovers:
Self-Portrait with Wally, which has such
anguish, vulnerability, and awkward
physicality that it must have painted an
intense picture in his mind, as it inspired
him to create this most moving of pieces.
The first and last scenes were danced
with a gripping intensity by Miguel
Altunaga and Simone Damberg Würz
(both starring in the first ballet in the
white and black trio respectively), with
a large ensemble of dancers in the
background adding energy by numbers.
There are some very poignant moments
where the ensemble are standing still in
silhouette, with their backs to the action.
Dane Hurst and Hannah Rudd danced
the dreamy scene with rapturous serenity,
with some soaring gymnastic moves by
Hurst.
The evening ended with Christopher
Bruce’s Rooster which has been a real
crowd pleaser since 1991. Music from
tracks by The Rolling Stones shows
the dancers in fine form but the staging
looked tired and needing a rest. This
is by no means Bruce’s best work…
Swansong comes to mind. I look forward
to seeing who and where RDC’s current
director, Mark Baldwin, goes to find the
next blockbuster.
www.rambert.org.uk
Left:
© Johan Persson
Above:
© Didy Veldman
Top right:
© Tristram Kenton
Right:
© Johan Persson
Opposite:
© Bill Cooper © Johan
Persson
Professional Russian Ballet Method of Training
Full time Academic A level Tuition
Knowledge
is of
no value,
unless
you put it
into
practice
AUDITIONS 2016
Auditions take place in February and March 2016
For full application and audition details please visit
www.londonrussianballetschool.com
www.londonrussianballetschool.com
London Russian Ballet School
42 Clapham Manor Street London SW4 6DZ
Tel: 00 +44 (0)207 498 0498. email: info@lr-bs.com
Registered charity no: 07102626
Royal Ballet
Ashton Double
Bill
By Andrew Ward
Bringing a ballet back after 30 years
in the archive is always going to
be a risk. It would be easy to say
it looks dated. In the case of The Two
Pigeons, Royal Ballet’s director Kevin
O’Hare deserves praise for taking that
risk. Sir Frederick Ashton created this
ballet in 1961 for The Royal Ballet
Touring Company with Lynn Seymour
and Christopher Gable in the lead roles.
This classic was brilliantly re-staged
by Christopher Carr, bringing it back to
life to captivate today’s audience with the
nuances of this most heartwarming and
romantic of works. As an ex-dancer, he
clearly has insight into the ballet, having
performed it many times and worked
first hand with Ashton.
Set in a Parisian attic, a young painter
tries to get his lover to sit still whilst
painting her. Not wanting to sit still,
the coquettish young girl tries to get her
lover to put his brushes down and dance
with her. Frustrated he gives up any idea
of finishing the portrait. Two pigeons
fly across the window catching the
attention of the couple when suddenly
some passing gypsies stop by. The young
artist’s eyes are suddenly attracted to the
sparkle and compelling looks of a gypsy
girl. Despite trying to imitate the zesty
gypsy’s appeal, the young girl is no match
and is left alone as he leaves with the
travellers.
Act 2 starts in the Gypsy camp.
The young artist is lured into dancing
with the gypsy girl whilst her lover
watches from the side before stepping
in to reclaim her attention, winning
a competition with the artist before
throwing him out of the camp. The final
scene is back in the studio, where the
sorrowful girl is alone before the artist
returns with a pigeon on his shoulder.
He asks for forgiveness and they dance
together, and reunited in their love for
each other the second pigeon joins them
on the artists’ chair as the curtain comes
down.
Messager’s score is romantic and
full of vitality and Dupont’s designs are
charmingly period. Performances to
note: Laura Morera shimmers with an
enticing, playful spirit that brilliantly
showcases the swashbuckling swagger
of Ashton’s gypsy camp divertissement;
Lauren Cuthbertson, dancing the
young girl, shows a soft, playful side to
her acting skills with a mix ’n match
of confectionery sweet and sorrowful
moments, which are endearing,
especially in the final pas de deux; Vadim
Muntagirov gave a polished performance
with his high leaps but his classical
look needs to change in Act 2 to really
get to grips with the gypsy scenes; and
Marcelino Sambé blew the audience
away with his blisteringly fast turns as
the Gypsy Boy.
Starting the evening was Ashton’s
Monotones I and II set to Satie’s Trois
Gnossiennes & Gymnopédies. In both
pieces Ashton sculptured pure classical
line with an earthy feel in the first trio
and a ‘walking on air’ feel to the second
trio. The dancers’ technical execution
could not be faulted as they were, for the
most part, calm and collected despite
the odd wobble. Marianela Nuñez was
exceptional with her searching looks and
épaulement that Ashton so desperately
craved for in his ballets.
Box Office: 020 7304 4000
SUNDAY 6 MARCH 2016
7:00pm
London Coliseum
St Martin’s Lane, London WC2
Tickets: £25-£145
Book online: www.eno.org
Box office: +44 (0)20 7845 9300
Sponsored by:
“A ROARING SUCCESS”
FINANCIAL TIMES
“FABULOUSLY
ENTERTAINING”
THE OBSERVER
Organised by:
Ave Maya KCW advert 126x154.indd 1 01/12/2015 15:14
L E C O R S A I R E
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64 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
65
Arts & Culture
Arts & Culture
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Photograph ©Docurama
MAX
Feldman
REVIEWS
Dont Look Back
“I’m glad I’m not me.” –Bob Dylan
In 1965, a 23 year-old Bob Dylan (née
Zimmerman) was in a hurry. Having
pushed protest Folk music to its limit
and finding himself straightjacketed
by the stylistic constraints of the genre
and surrounding culture, he elected to
trade in his Martin for a Stratocaster
and proceeded to “electrify half his
audience and electrocute the rest”.
Honed to razor sharpness by a diet of
Rimbaud and amphetamines, Dylan
unleashed Bringing It All Back Home, a
half electric/half acoustic record which
announced Dylan’s new so-called
“thin mercury sound” to unprepared
folkies with the force of an atomic
bomb. Soon his infamous ‘Dylan goes
electric’ appearance at the Newport Folk
Festival would demonstrate to an entire
generation that the ostensible messiah
of folk music sure wasn’t playing on
no f**king farm anymore, Maggie’s or
otherwise.
However, all of this was still in the
future for the poet laureate of Rock
N’ Roll. Dont Look Back (he was
clearly moving too fast to bother with
punctuation) takes place two months
before the Newport crossroads, with
D.A. Pennebaker’s landmark fly-onthe-wall
documentary following the
young visionary as he ‘puckishly spars
against’ (read: ‘is a complete arsehole
to’) both fans and the press over the
course of his 1965 tour of England. Over
the course of Dont Look Back, Dylan is
clearly convinced that he’s the smartest
guy in the room and is determined to
prove it via a tortuous series of mind
and word games, intellectually tearing
apart anyone in his sights with the same
glee as a sadistic toddler pulls wings off
flies (musical contemporary Donovan is
subject to a particularly vicious series of
humiliations). This would be intolerable
if he didn’t genuinely come across like
he IS indeed the genius he arrogantly
asserts himself as (barring one exception
when arguing with a reporter from
Time, where he oozes the exact kind of
smug condescension he is accusing the
magazine of ). Helpfully, he manages to
be incredibly funny with his mind games,
whether it’s confusing some teenage
fans furious at his new electric sound by
insinuating that he’s only trying to give
his friends some work (and what kind
of a monster could have a problem with
that, after all?) or eloquently insisting
to an interviewer (with the ghost of a
smirk) that he is every bit as talented a
singer as Enrico Caruso. Throughout the
film it’s clear he’s not taking anything,
even himself, particularly seriously.
It’s this relentless impropriety that
makes the film as entertaining as it is
historically interesting. At one point,
whilst reading aloud an article about
him by a London paper that claims
he smokes eighty cigarettes a day, he
amusedly muses “I’m glad I’m not me”,
as good a tagline for the film as any. The
Dylan that Pennebaker films seems as
much a construction for the cameras as
any of David Bowie’s personas; whilst
he is clearly having fun, it’s hard to feel
like you come away with a particularly
deep understanding of the musician’s
inner life. He is as opaque as the famous
opening “music video” for Subterranean
Homesick Blues, where a glaring Dylan
drops hand-drawn lyric cue cards in a
back alley behind the Savoy. This lack of
deep insight isn’t necessarily a problem,
the film gives you such a strong sense of
time and place, and captures one of the
most important cultural figures of the
20th century in a moment of white hot
creativity and drive which would rarely
be equalled and arguably never topped;
which is more than enough for the casual
(or not so casual) fan.
Just spare a moment of pity for poor
Donovan.
The Criterion Edition of Dont Look Back
was released on November 24th
La Soirée
Since La Soiree’s inception in the form of
La Clique back in 2004, the spiky circus
flavoured Alt Cabaret that it trades
in has steadily grown in popularity to
the point where it has eclipsed regular
Cabaret almost entirely. Taking up
residence in a TARDIS-esque big top
(Bavarian decadence inside, garden
centre outside) on the Southbank for
the sixth year in a row, La Soiree has
had ample time to establish itself as
a London institution. This year the
thematic thrust was far more orientated
towards the circus element as opposed
to straight (or not so straight...) cabaret,
with the practical upshot being that
there was less burlesque than outlandish
acts of bizarre physical prowess. Indeed,
barring some scantily clad femme fatales
swinging from the rafters, the closest
La Soiree came to stripping were the
monstrously muscled Denis Lock and
Hamish McCann, who after a session of
physics defying gymnastics undertaken
whilst reading the Financial Times ripout
of their suits and trilbies to reveal
nothing but the briefest of Union Jack
briefs. It’s this winking subversion of
expectations that helps the show avoid
the trap of adolescent sex obsession
that often ensnares lesser shows of this
nature.
This is not to say the La Soiree
maintains a prudish distance from...
fleshy matters; some of the biggest
laughs of the evening came from the
Sexual Gentleman (Asher Treleaven),
who in between exposing his Diablo
to an unsuspecting audience reduced
your humble columnist to near tears of
laughter with his dramatic reading of
a Mills & Boon sex scene. Altogether
the theme was pleasantly elastic,
swinging from grinning eccentrics like
contortionist Captain Frodo (who used
his double joints to squeeze through two
tennis rackets in a frankly grisly fashion)
to hard to define esoteric performances,
such as Denis Lock’s bubble blowing
act, which on paper might sound almost
unspeakably lame, but in practice is
a crash course in enchantment which
steals the entire show. The audience
seemed receptive and enrapt, which is
truly make or break for performance
art like this, and for veteran performers
such as Mario, Queen of The Circus, the
adulation went as far as enthusiastically
crowd surfing the would-be Freddie
Mercury.
The evening seems catered to be
enjoyed with a flute of something
bracing in hand and there is an onsite
bar with enough variety to slake most
varieties of thirst (though those in the
mood for absinthe cocktails will leave
sadly disappointed). Tickets start at
an eminently reasonable £15 for those
happy standing (for seated tickets the
price spikes up to more typical London
standards, with varied options ranging
from £32.50-£67.50, which seems more
than a tad steep). Whilst the two hour
show can occasionally feel padded, none
of the acts fall particularly flat. La Soiree
is definitely a different kind of Christmas
entertainment, but for those looking for
something a bit subversive and unusual
they should find plenty to enjoy under
the big top of La Soiree’s Spiegeltent.
Photograph © La Soirée
Photograph © La Soirée
Photograph © Gaumont
Narcos
The Netflixisation of television
continues unabated with
Narcos, a new pitch-dark
show centred around the rise and fall of
Pablo Escobar, the Colombian leader
of the Medellin cartel. Escobar was
one of the first to realise that Reagan’s
War on Drugs was one of the greatest
moneymaking opportunities since
Prohibition, and by introducing cocaine
to America went on to establish a
criminal empire whose power was only
matched by its brutality. Raking in
literally billions of dollars, he ended up
giving huge sums to poverty stricken
ghettos (in part to establish political
credentials as a Robin Hood figure, in
potentially larger part because he had so
much cash it was impossible to launder
all or even most of it) and established
himself as a philanthropist who would
have you killed for looking at him wrong.
For such an infamous figure, Escobar
has rarely ended up on the silver screen,
though via movies like Scarface, we’ve
been shown variants of his narrative since
time immemorial.
The show therefore wisely
avoids focusing on him exclusively.
Approximately half the screen time is
given over to the DEA agents working,
on loan, with the Colombian government
to bring him down which, along with
a Goodfellas style narration, paints in
broader historical and social context.
Thanks to the relatively flashy direction,
this gives the show a documentarian
sheen which effectively elevates
proceedings out of a genre ghetto. As a
result of showing the drug deals in their
historical context the show comes closer
to the more holistic approach favoured
by more artistically bold shows such as
The Wire rather than simpler rise/fall
narratives seen the world over.
This is not to say that the bare
bones of the drama is sub-par or
dull, Brazilian actor Wagner Moura
does excellent work as the drug lord.
Managing to portray the man as
compelling but without ever losing sight
of his cold-blooded murderousness; he
comes across as the magnetic villain he
was, rather than the anti-hero that would
be all too easy to portray. The DEA side
of the equation is regrettably, but perhaps
inevitably, less exciting but the sheer
amount of unwise (is there any other
kind?) late 70s/80s fashion on display
is also good for some period thrills; and
Pedro Pascal (who played fan favourite
Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones)
turns in some particularly good work as a
corrupt yet dedicated narcotics agent.
One of the only concerns is that there
might possibly be an overabundance
of narration: sometimes the show bogs
itself down in exposition that, whilst
illuminating, cuts into the flow of what
is otherwise an addictive and relentless
narrative.
There is a certain slickness to the
show that prevents Narcos from reaching
the status of unmitigated classic. Perhaps
it’s the familiar nature of the story
(even if its central component is the
primogenitor for the copycats rather than
the other way around) but compared to
more original work it can’t help but feel
a tad slight. There is a great amount of
entertainment to be found in the series
however and at a lean ten episodes it’s
definitely worth the time investment.
Darker and more unrelenting than
previous Netflix original programming,
Narcos seems to illustrate that, much like
Escobar, Netflix knows how to get you
hooked.
Narcos is available on Netflix
The Magic Band:
Under The Bridge 20/11/15
Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band
were one of popular music’s perennial
outsiders; their music was a berserk
mishmash of Blues and Free Jazz served
up with Dada flair and anchored by
Beefheart’s astounding eight octave
singing/howling voice. His warped muse
blazed trails through weird and hitherto
uncharted regions of music that still
causes seismic reverberations to this
day. That The Magic Band was able to
hack bizarre classics from his oblique
instructions (which often ran to the
effect of “Play it like a bat being dragged
out of oil and it’s trying to survive,
but it’s dying from asphyxiation”), and
despite suffering under his dictatorial
control was forged into one of the most
adventurous and dexterous backing
bands of all time. Whist their influence
is vast, there are precious few individuals
(barring Swordfishtrombones-period
Tom Waits) that even attempt to
approximate Magic Band’s exact style.
Whilst the good Captain (real
name Don Van Vliet) died of multiple
sclerosis in 2010, The Magic Band
have continued to tour without him
since their reformation in 2003, led
by drummer/arranger John “Drumbo”
French. This is not the kind of disaster
that it very easily could be as French is
miraculously able to recreate Beefheart’s
squeals and bellows with such accuracy
that sometimes his style seems closer
to possession than imitation. Due to
the recent departure of slide guitarist
Feelers Rebo (Denny Walley) and the
hospitalisation of Rockette Morton
(Mark Boston) for heart surgery, the
incarnation of the band that took to the
stage at Chelsea FC’s intimate Under
The Bridge venue only had French as an
original member but any fears over the
incongruously young band’s talent were
quickly disabused once they locked into
the creeping industrial menace of When
It Blows Its Stacks. If anything the band
was overly virtuosic, with their blazing
bluesy solos belying the shamanistic
weirdness of peak-period Magic Band.
Whilst songs like the more delicate
Her Eyes Are A Blue Million Miles failed
to reach the heights of their recorded
counterparts, in the second half of
the concert, where the band started to
explore the intimidating (and flat out
insane) masterpiece Trout Mask Replica,
the band gelled into
formidable and bruising
form. The skittering
time-signatures and
gnarled rhythms of
Steal Softly Through
Sunlight, Steal Softly
Through Snow had
the entire audience
undulating (dancing
is too strong a word)
in unison. The Magic
Band’s uncompromising
approach to music
is definitely a fertile
breeding ground for long term
obsessives, but rather than the expected
audience of aging male acid casualties,
there was an unexpectedly mixed
crowd with all ages and genders well
represented. Whilst most in the crowd
(which included, faintly bizarrely,
Will Self ) were clear devotees, there
were a couple (brought by myself for
experimental purposes) who had never
even heard of Beefheart; both were
thoroughly blown away by the time The
Magic Band ripped through the volcanic
finale of Big Eyed Beans From Venus. This
is the second time The Magic Band have
played at Under The Bridge and fans of
music that resists easy characterisation
whilst being capable of rocking the
house down should keep an eye out for
a repeat performance. Repeat after me:
“FAST N’ BULBOUS!”.
Photograph ©Straight/Reprise Records

66 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
67
Arts & Culture
Travel
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Photograph © Amy Randall
Richard Heason
An hour or so in the company
of baroque’s leading impresario
St John’s Smith Square
Winter 2015
Events have conspired to time the
interview with Richard Heason
as a piece that might naturally
evolve into something of a wrap of the
year. Given that the extended KCW
Today manor includes the Royal Opera
House, the Royal College of Music,
and the Wigmore Hall, attempts to
select one pre-eminent are exercises in
local luminary Gerhardie’s first novel
(Futility). Other big guns would concede
2015 has been an amazing year for St
John’s Smith Square (SJSS). KCWT
has been showering praise on SJSS
following triumphs, which have included
the launch of the Southbank residency,
Bampton Opera’s fabulously ambitious
and innovative Trofonio (Salieri), Ken
Woods’ voyage around Mozart’s Requiem
Mass in D Minor K626 with the English
Symphony Orchestra, and Warren
Mailley-Smith’s Complete Chopin Cycle,
to be continued on Friday 15th January
2016. Don’t miss the pre-concert event
at half six; this is the big one: all twentyfour
preludes.
So having spent the year loving his
work and enjoying his hospitality, it was
with some excitement that the Editor
and I went round the back of the Palace
of Westminster to the baroque icon St
John’s Smith Square to meet the dynamo
that is Director Richard Heason. To
interview Richard is to be taken on a
three dimensional, virtual tour along
psychedelic musical corridors examining
400 years of the most intense creativity in
the round. Heason reveals how the whole
era is dominated by Johann Sebastian
Bach, the one towering figure rendering
the modern era a cohesive whole, a living
tableau. We disciples listen engrossed as
the conductor brought pieces and their
authors to life with each adroit twist of
his erudite and engaged musical mind.
What journey brought you to St
John’s Smith Square?
“I’m a conductor by training, starting
out as a brass band musician in Cornwall,
which has a long tradition of brass bands
linked to the tin-mining industry. I
moved on to orchestral music and took
up conducting when I was fifteen, taking
a year out after school sitting at the feet
of great conductors, including Pierre
Boulez. I entered competitions including
the International Hungarian Radio &
Television conductors’ competition,
where I was the youngest participant,
going on via experience in France to
western Hungary for a course, winning
the conducting competition at the end
of that”.
Richard went on to discuss his
experiences reading music at York
University, finding himself engaging with
the local community as he has continued
to do throughout his career organising
and leading workshops. After that, his
career involved spells with the Orchestra
of St John’s (coincidentally the orchestra
has just moved back to SJSS), the BBC,
and venue management in Aylesbury and
Blackheath.
What does the job involve?
“Everything from engaging the artists
to fixing the plumbing in a building
that’s 300 years old. One day we’ll justify
having a chief operating officer. We do
have a box-office manager supervising
ticket sales for over 300 concerts a year”.
It’s clear that Richard is also an
entrepreneurial business leader. Richard
describes SJSS’s place in the market
with energetic clarity, differentiating the
venue from its competition with respect
and understanding. The grand hall
reflects its clerical origins, its uncluttered
core enabling events where the audience
can lose itself in the round.
The Southbank residency packs a
huge punch with an extended repertoire
and audience, a genuinely international
presence, opening in October 2015 with
Ian Bostridge and the Orchestra of the
Age of the Enlightenment.
SJSS’s role in the community is
clearly important to Richard. Perhaps
uniquely St John’s is still consecrated,
there had been a sung Eucharist with a
congregation receiving communion the
day we met in November.
“On 27th December 2015 there will
be a special 10am Sunday service lead by
our own parish vicar the Revd Graham
Buckle of St Stephen’s Rochester Row,
encompassing St John’s Smith Square in
the presence of the Rt Revd and Rt Hon
Richard Charteris Bishop of London,
who was instrumental in the reconvening
of the church when he was the local
parish vicar here in the 1980s”.
Leading with Warren Mailley-
Smith’s Complete Chopin Cycle, Heason
enthuses about what he calls ‘box sets’.
“Within a week of my appointment
Warren approached me, very keen to
make it work. Chopin’s enduring appeal
made it an attractive proposition. We
don’t want to become reliant on complete
cycles but they do have their place. We’ve
performed the complete Beethoven
piano concertos and in 2017 we’ll do
the complete Beethoven symphonies.
For Christmas 2017 we’re doing the
complete JS Bach organ works, throwing
open the doors free of charge”.
Catch them at six o’clock every
evening from Advent (Sunday 3rd
December 2017) until 23rd December
2017, which doesn’t seem to have a
special name other than Saturday the eve
of Christmas Eve.
The Editor and I commented on
the beauty of the organ, a Johannes
Klais, inaugurated in 2011 and recently
used to dramatic effect at the 2015/16
season launch with David Titterington’s
rendition of Carillon de Westminster by
Vierne.
“Bach is, of course, the God of
baroque music, so it is fitting that
we should house such an excellent
instrument. It’s interesting,” Heason
reflects, “that the truly great composers
arrive in pairs: Bach and Handel; Mozart
and Haydn; Beethoven and Schubert;
Brahms and Wagner; and Shostakovich
and Britten. St John’s Smith Square is
the only baroque music venue in the
country dating from the baroque era.
Handel was in London throughout the
time that St John’s was being built and
Bach was about to move to Leipzig when
it was completed in the late 1720s. There
are of course other wonderful composers,
Rameau, Vivaldi, Telemann, Purcell; but
we find ourselves returning to Handel
and Bach”.
Would they have known each other’s
music?
“Probably not. Handel was not only a
great composer; he was also a celebrated
impresario who became extremely
wealthy. In that context it’s all the more
remarkable that Bach, an isolated church
organist in provincial east Germany,
exerted such an important global cultural
influence”.
We spoke about St John’s Smith
Square’s rising profile as a venue.
“The more experimental we want
to be, the greater the need for buffer
finance. Developing the venue is fine
but artistic product militates against the
venue being a major source of revenue.
We have to remember we’re the only
baroque venue in the country and my
aim is to consolidate our position as
the natural home for Handel, Bach,
Telemann, and the rest, while on the
other hand it takes £1,500 a day just to
switch on the lights. Ideally we’d be so
busy offering cutting-edge performances
we wouldn’t have time to develop the
venue, but it’s difficult to run a historic
monument on ticket sales alone. The
challenge is hard at times but it’s
probably a good thing not to have an
unlimited budget”.
Baroque ’n’ Roll in a Queen
Anne church five minutes’ walk from
Westminster tube. What I’ll take away
from meeting Richard is an enduring
affection for a venue that oozes
individuality, provenance and glamour
together with a revitalised appreciation
of JS Bach.
Was the pinnacle of musical
achievement Bach’s St John Passion
BWV 245, or St Matthew Passion
BWV 244?
“That changes by the hour. I have a
vision, one on each of a pair of Desert
Islands and swimming between the two”.
James Douglas & Kate Hawthorne
ST JOHN’S SMITH SQUARE
is delighted to announce that
it has been selected as one of
the 6 shortlisted finalists for
the Dot London Small Business
Awards in the category,
Independent Cultural Venue of
the Year.
Richard Heason, Director of St
John's Smith Square said: “We
are particularly thrilled to be
shortlisted for the Independent
Cultural Venue of the Year category
of the Dot London Small Business
Awards as we are the only solely
classical music venue to have made
the shortlist. St John’s Smith Square
is the UK's only concert hall from the
baroque period and, whilst we are
very proud of our unique heritage
setting, it is really pleasing that
this award recognises our forward
thinking approach to the promotion
of classical music. We are always
looking for ways to develop and
engage new audiences, especially
through emerging technologies,
and success in this award would be
a great endorsement of all that we
have achieved over the past year.”
The finalist with the most votes
from each category by January 2016
will take home the coveted trophy,
along with prizes including £1000
cash and one-to-one mentoring from
Dot London's awards sponsors. The
public voting will close at 5pm on 8th
January 2016 and the winners will be
announced at the Awards ceremony
on 21st January.
Voting is now open via the
website www.awards.london. Please
spread the news of St John's Smith
Square's success and vote for us!
Vote here: http://awards.london/
independent-cultural-venue-of-theyear.php
Madeira
By Derek Wyatt
My Sunday school teacher was
called Miss Penelope Isle. She
used to take her holidays in
Madeira. We thought that very posh.
We did not know where it was but
it sounded exotic. We were rather a
naughty lot and when she returned we
used to come into class with our arms
flapping like a plane whilst making a
noise like a missile. It was a terrible
joke but we repeated it until the penny
dropped.
Fifty five years on, I have finally
made it to this extraordinary archipelago.
If you want a short break in the sun
in November or December where do
you go? The Keys in Florida is too far,
Greece cannot guarantee the weather.
Egypt even before the Russian plane
disaster is a no-no if you also want peace
and quiet. We chose Funchal, the capital
of Madeira. We were not disappointed.
Funchal itself is not overly attractive
and has no beaches. It is volcanic so
there are steep cliffs and black lava
doubles as so-called sand. It has a small,
deep harbour which can easily take those
wretched cruise liners. A million tourists
visit here annually so it must have
something.
The key is to find a hotel which acts
as an oasis. So not the famous Reid’s or
the many new hotels built on the front to
the west which have little to commend
themselves. Up a little from the hurly
burly are a small number of old houses
or quintas with wonderful gardens,
outstanding service, a heated pool and
old fashioned charm.
We were recommended to try
Estalagem Quinta da Casa Branca and
we were not disappointed. The blurb said
its new extension was in honour of Frank
Lloyd Wright but we thought it more
Mies van der Rohe (Barcelona Pavilion
et al) but it matters not for it is work of
sheer beauty.
Tourism has changed Madeira.
Funchal’s boundaries have expanded up
the mountains without, depressingly, any
obvious planning regime. Its 130,000
population is employed in tourism, wine
making (“Another Madeira, m’dear?”)
and agriculture.
It was surprising to see so many
manicured terraces up the mountains,
by the road side and frankly even
where there was the smallest of spaces.
Growing bananas, grapes, potatoes,
mango, sugar cane, bamboo and
tomatoes is de rigeur. Almost anything
can grow in these rich soils and does.
Of course being an island, fishing
provides another living and there is a
vibrant fish market in the old town. The
fish on our menus included scabbard, red
pepper, sardines and halibut,
We took a tour of the Island with a
driver. The last train failed to make it
home but there are buses and you can
hire a car. Madeira has been enriched in
every way by the EU. Dozens of difficult
and cleverly placed tunnels make the
journey easier. We took the old roads and
pottered at our leisure finishing up at a
delightful restaurant in Santana on the
north coast for lunch.
There is only one downside to a
November break in Madeira and that
is the hundreds and hundreds of wild
flowers are sadly not in bloom. I still fell
in love with the Bird of Paradise, X and y
so not all was lost.
We came for a spot of R&R and
were not disappointed. We favored lazy
lunches and smarter evenings out. We
had goodly times at Taberna da Escuina,
Zarco’s, Viverde (Santana), Tokos,
Centre de Design da Nini, Challet
Vincente, Il Gall d’Oro (the only one
star on the island) and Restaurante do
Forto.
The most famous recent Madeiran
has been Christian Ronaldo, now playing
for Real Madrid and the subject of a new
film currently on theatrical release. I first
saw him as a youngster for Manchester
United versus Charlton at the Valley.
That day he was keen on falling over at
every attempted tackle. Ronaldo hails
from a poor family and had to beg and
borrow his soccer kit when he was very
young. He has repaid this in spades
funding projects and creating a Ronaldo
museum . They adore him here.
Finally, Portuguese wines have been
overlooked for too long. Try in the
whites: Curtimenta 2011, Ninfa 2013
and Esporoa Reserva 2102 and in the
reds: Herdade San Miguel Reserva 2011
and for a classy Madeira try Bual 10 anos
(Blandys, of course!). Enjoy.
Photograph © Bjorn Ehrlich
Photograph © sDerek Wyatt

68 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
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69
Travel
Travel
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Photograph © Jo Palmer
Mission creep!
Driving in Albania
Mission Creep. That’s how
Drive Albania founder Ed
Reeves describes the story
behind his innovative boutique travel
company.
A former journalist, Ed first visited
Albania in early 2012 on assignment for
the Sunday Telegraph. During his stay,
he read The Wildest Province, Dr Rod
Bailey’s book on the Special Operations
Executive’s derring-do in the country
during WWII, and decided to research
a trek in the footsteps of one of the
missions featured. The son of an SOE
officer involved got in touch, asked Ed
to arrange a 4x4 tour, and, as Ed puts it,
‘One thing led to another…’
Three years on, Ed’s UK-registered
company Drive Albania, specialising in
(extremely) off-the-beaten track tours
by Land Rover, has just come to the end
of its first full season and is opening an
office in Tirana.
‘It’s been a steep learning curve,’
says Ed. ‘I’ve had to find good Albanian
drivers, learn all about Land Rovers and
find the most spectacular routes across
the mountains of Albania. Sat-Nav,
Google Maps, maps in general, in fact,
are almost useless here. On every tour we
pass some poor sap of a tourist in a hire
car, scraping the sump on what passes for
a road, and have to tell them to turn back
as there’s no way they’re getting through.
People who don’t know the country
are madly unrealistic, without local
knowledge and a 4x4 you’re very limited
in where you can get to.’
Albania’s poor infrastructure, of
course, makes it the ideal destination
for travellers wanting to escape from
mass-market tourism. But there’s no
Photo accreditation: Agence Zoom
Ski & board from just
€218pp per week
inc self-catering
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*Selected dates apply
Ski and board the secret
of the French Alps
question of roughing it. ‘Hotels are of
a good standard now,’ says Ed, ‘and the
food is absolutely excellent, as Rick Stein
discovered on his recent BBC show From
Venice to Istanbul.’
But the big draw, quite apart from
the food, scenery, empty beaches, history,
UNESCO Heritage Cities and ancient
archaeological sites, is the welcome you
get from the Albanian people. ‘They
just love having visitors,’ explains Ed.
‘Tourism is a sign that the country is
re-joining the European mainstream,
not just after 50 years of North Koreastyle
Communist dictatorship, and then
the Balkan conflicts of the 1990s, but
also after 500 years of being a neglected
Ottoman backwater. It’s changing
fast, though, so my advice to anyone
interested in going is to get out there
sooner rather than later.’
Drive Albania will be at
the Destinations Travel Show
(destinationsshow.com) at London
Olympia from 4-7 February 2016. Ed
will be giving a talk on his efforts to
create a trek in the footsteps of a Special
Operations Executive mission at 13.30
on the Saturday. For more information,
visit drivealbania.com, email info@
drivealbania.com or call 020 3292 9989.
British Airways flies direct to Tirana
from London Gatwick, with a flight
time of just under three hours.
It is also possible to travel via Corfu,
which is a short ferry ride from Saranda
in southern Albania.
serre-chevalier.com Tel: +33 (0)4 92 24 98 98
Photographs © Ed Reeves
Advice for Prague
By Cynthia Pickard
May I recommend some
essentials for your trip to
Prague? Start with very
comfortable shoes, forget stilettoes; you’ll
be walking on cobbled streets for most of
the time. Although every type of cuisine
is available, if you go for the Bohemian
specialities, expandable waist bands are
advised to make room for vepřo-knedlozelo,
huge plates of several kinds of meat
with cabbage and dumplings, and my
latest discovery, the Trdelnik or chimney,
a tube of grilled dough covered in sugar
and walnuts with optional fruit or cream
filling, not to mention the attraction of
so many micro breweries, so much great
beer. Pack some very warm clothes for
sitting in baroque churches to listen to
any number of un-missable concerts of
sublime music. And don’t forget the seat
pad to soften those hard pews.
Mug up on architectural styles,
because every one of them is here cheek
by jowl, from Medieval, Baroque and Art
Deco to Frank Gehry’s Dancing House,
all miraculously retained throughout
the last thousand years of wars and
occupations.
Next a map; orient yourself by means
of the 1357 Charles Bridge spanning the
Vlatava river and some hilly landmarks,
try and work out the difference between
the Old Town and the New Town (1347)
or the baroque Lesser Town, the Malá
Strana also known as the Little Quarter,
don’t believe that these names mean what
they say. The Old Town is where you will
find the main square and Astronomical
Town Hall Clock, one of Prague’s most
popular tourist attractions when it strikes
the hour. Josefov is the historic Jewish
Quarter with several synagogues and
the atmospheric Old Jewish Cemetery
(1478). The Pinkas Synagogue has the
names of more than 77,000 Czech Jews
killed in the holocaust inscribed on the
walls in a moving memorial. Several
palaces and churches, including St
Vitus’s Cathedral, form part of Prague
Castle as it dominates the skyline
overlooking the city.
My favourite building in Prague is
the Municipal House, Obecní Dum, one
of the greatest examples of Art Nouveau
architecture, (of which there are many
in Prague). A concert hall, a grand
café, a restaurant, the American bar,
every element, every lamp and piece of
furniture designed by the leading artists
such as Alphonse Mucha and architects
of the day to the highest quality, not to
be missed!
Even in 1998, when I previously
visited Prague, the multinationals, from
MacDonald’s to Mappin and Webb
had already muscled their way into
the consumer vacuum of this former
communist state. At that time there
was a two tier economic system, doctors
were earning £1 an hour and unable to
afford the luxury of fruit and vegetables
while simultaneously tourists were
paying normal European prices for their
hamburgers. There are now even more
tourist shops in the overcrowded centre
of town selling souvenirs, Thai massage
and Bohemian glass. So when you’ve had
your fill of sightseeing here, it’s a good
idea to get out and find what else the
Czech Republic has to offer.
Moravian Contrasts
To us, Bohemia and Moravia are
romantic almost fictional names. The
journey east from Prague to Kromeríž
through a flattish landscape reveals the
modern Czech Republic as an important
centre of logistics, situated as it is in the
heart of Europe, industry is a bigger
earner than tourism here. On the way we
pass Slavkov, the town formerly known
as Austerlitz. Who knew it was more
than the name of Napoleon’s battle and a
Paris station?
The charming town of Kromeríž is
a UNESCO World Heritage Site, the
Archbishop’s Palace or Chateau was
the summer residence of the Olomouc
bishops and archbishops and houses a
wonderful art collection, Cranach and
Breughel, Van Dyke and Veronese, a
historic Library and the Bishop’s Mint.
One door opens into the Hunting
Room, the walls covered with sporting
trophies, crossed swords and guns, the
heads of hundreds of deer plus the odd
parrot and wild boar. This extraordinary
room is the historic location for a game
of billiards played during a meeting
between Tsar Alexander III and Emperor
Franz Joseph in 1885. The sumptuous
early baroque building has been used as
a setting for many films, including Miloš
Forman’s Amadeus.
The renaissance Flower Garden,
promoted as the Czech Versailles, not
only showcases elaborate formal parterres
and a 244 metre long colonnade with
antique statues, but includes an aviary, a
quirky artificial ‘rabbit hill’, hot houses
and alleys of ancient limes.
In total contrast, the town of Zlin was
built in the 1920’s and 30’s completely
in the Functionalist architectural style.
Tomáš Bata, the father of the shoe
empire was such a great admirer of
Manchester that he opened a brick
factory so that the same red bricks could
be used to build his workers houses
and the industrial buildings which were
laid out in the same grid of numbered
streets and avenues as his other love,
Manhattan. There, production methods
were inspired by the principles of Henry
Ford.
Bata’s Modernist office block was
the second highest in Europe when it
was built in the thirties. It was full of
the latest experimental innovations such
as air conditioning and the star exhibit
was its incredible elevator. As the lift
doors slid open one stepped, not into a
windowless box, but into a large office,
complete with desks, picture windows,
telephones and even a wash hand basin,
clients were then transported up to
the top floor. The lift was used as a PR
exercise, a world map covering one wall
displaying the extent of the Bata empire.
Although Tomáš Bat’a was killed
in a crash in the 1930’s, the empire
that had started with his cobbler
grandfather, expanded into making
tyres, animated films, travelogues, air
travel, and his philanthropic philosophy,
providing, subsidised houses, shops and
entertainment for his workers continued.
When the Nazis came to power
most of the Jewish Bat’a family and top
managers were abroad and managed
to escape religious persecution. When
the Communists took over in 1945
they considered the company to be
exploitative and wound it down, not to
recover until liberation.
The beautifully designed Bat’a Shoe
Museum in Zlin holds the largest, most
comprehensive historic and geographic
collection of foot-ware after Toronto,
from hamster skin slippers to avantgarde
winkle-pickers. It also tells the
fascinating story of the Bat’a empire.
If you like your liquor strong, try a
visit to the Rudolf Jelinek Distillery at
Vizovice. Try Czech whiskey or Slivovic,
there’s even a Kosher version.
If spa treatments are more to
your taste, Luhacovice, up in the hills
surrounded by pine forests is one of
many Czech spa towns. Here you not
only immerse yourself in the pool,
jacuzzi or sauna, but you are urged to
drink the slightly strange tasting water
too. For architectural interest, this town
has some great examples of faux Alpine
villas.
The town of Olomouc is
recommended as a good centre for
your exploration of Moravia. If you are
not starting out from Prague, Eastern
Moravia can be reached speedily from
Vienna too.
Cynthia Pickard was a guest of Czech
Tourism.
Photographs © Cynthia Pickard

70 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
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71
Health
Health
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Kensington’s
Bupa Cromwell
opens UK’s most luxurious
hospital suites
Bupa Cromwell Hospital, a
landmark on Cromwell Road for
over 30 years, has a worldwide
reputation for clinical excellence. It
now offers the ultimate healthcare
environment to match this quality of
care as the ultra-luxurious Royal and
Presidential suites are unveiled.
The Royal and Presidential are
amongst the most luxurious hospital
suites in the world. Made up of large
inter-connected rooms, with separate
dining and lounge areas, they have been
furnished to the highest standards and
bring a new level of service quality to
UK private healthcare. Patients have
access to a host of services, including a
VIP Coordinator and round trip airport
transfers.
The Cromwell attracts patients from
across the globe, who come to take
advantage of its high calibre consultants,
clinical reputation and location a stone’s
throw from Knightsbridge. The new
suites are expected to attract high profile
patients, from international royalty to
London residents who demand the very
best.
Philippa Fieldhouse, General
Manager of Bupa Cromwell Hospital,
comments; “Whilst quality of care
will always be our first priority, we
understand that some of our patients
expect the highest level of service and
comfort in every aspect of their life,
and there is no reason why they should
compromise when they need it most.
“The new Royal and Presidential
suites are the centrepiece of our wider
hospital redevelopment, and I have
no doubt that they will be extremely
popular”.
Whilst best known for carrying out
complex surgery such as liver and kidney
transplants, as well as cutting edge
cancer and heart care, Bupa Cromwell
Hospital also offers local residents an
exceptional resource for everyday health
requirements. There are in-house GPs,
a full diagnostics service with same
day appointments, and highly regarded
paediatric outpatient department.
Bupa Cromwell Hospital is a 5
minute walk from Gloucester Road
and Earls Court, or 10 minutes from
Kensington High Street.
www.bupacromwellhospital.com.
Prevention not
Restoration
How a new dental clinic in
Kensington is changing the
way we see dentistry
Ms Vaida Buksnaityte Founder and director, Oral Health Network Ltd
What is Oris Oral Health Centre?
Oris is more than just a dental clinic.
It’s an alternative for people looking for
more from their dental practice.
We provide patients with a complete
and holistic approach to their oral health
that focuses on preventing dental disease
and improving their overall health as a
result.
We provide preventative, restorative
and cosmetic dentistry and a tailor made
service that can prevent oral health
problems before they become a painful
and costly issue for our patients.
What is prevention in dentistry?
We recognise not everyone will be
at the same risk from developing dental
problems. Factors such as lifestyle, diet,
oral hygiene and genetics can play a role
in what happens to your teeth and gums.
With over half the UK suffering
from gum disease, we exist not just to
treat dental problems but to work with
patients to reduce the likelihood of these
problems occurring. We assess each
patient and provide an individual plan to
keep their teeth, gums and body healthy.
How do you approach dentistry
holistically?
We believe the mouth, teeth and
gums are an integrated part of your body
and its system. By promoting a healthy,
natural and toxin free lifestyle, our clinic
helps patients achieve the balance their
body needs to maintain a healthy oral
environment.
What makes Oris unique in
Kensington?
Our passion for prevention extends
beyond the clinic. We stand uniquely
within the Kensington area as a dental
clinic for the local community, providing
preventative dental services and oral
health education.
We work with schools, businesses
and families to improve understanding of
prevention so the people of Kensington
can achieve the best oral health possible
for themselves and their families.
T: 020 7938 2378 e: info@orisohc.
co.uk www.orisohc.co.uk
SPECIAL OFFER FOR
KCW READERS
Get a complimentary oral health consultation,
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*Quote KCW1 when booking
When panic
attacks
Stop panicking,
it will pass
By Lynne McGowan
I was prompted to write this article
after hearing a radio program on which
was described a daughter’s distress after
witnessing her elderly father, about to
retire, in a highly panicked state. Three
days were spent trying to calm and keep
him safe until he could be attended to
professionally, but for all concerned they
would have been a very challenging few
days.
Having experienced a full-blown
panic attack, I can verify it is a pretty
alarming phenomenon but back then
I had absolutely no idea what was
happening or what was causing it. Dizzy
with visceral fear and feeling as though
my mind had shattered into a thousand
fragments, I could only foresee my
future life collapsing domino-like into
blackness. It all sounds highly dramatic
on paper but afterwards with equanimity
fully restored, I made a personal vow
to learn how it came to be and never to
repeat the experience again.
Panic attacks are known to be
....in reality things
nearly always turn out
to be not so bad.
associated with major life losses and
transitions, such as entering the
workplace or beginning retirement,
but severe stress and anxiety is also a
common cause, manifesting as either an
irrational, projected fear of the future or
regressive fear of the past.
For mental health as with physical
health, it is better to be forearmed
and aware that panic attacks often
happen when anxiety related stress is
allowed to rise and continue unchecked.
The sensation of panic is perfectly
natural and is the body’s only way of
communicating ‘Enough!’, forcing you
to ease off. It wants to recalibrate and
return to its natural base line of balance.
Because, although it has been trying
to communicate with you for weeks or
months with little warning signs such as
tension in the neck, low moods, anxious
thoughts, and disrupted sleep, you have
not been listening. In fact, not only have
you been ignoring it but also accelerating
anxiety levels further by seeking solace in
stimulants and indulging in all manner
of unwise ways.
Of course we all like to be in control
of our minds and when the nervous
system decides to take charge to do its
job it can be surprising and traumatic.
The panic state occurs when the
sympathetic nervous system is alerted by
the primitive brain (not distinguishing
between real fear and irrational fear) and
signals for the release of hormones like
adrenaline and cortisol, preparng you to
fight or flee. It is worth noting constant,
prolonged spurts of these hormones
unbalances the immune system, deplete
‘feel good’ neurotransmitters like
serotonin and so fuelling feelings of
anxiety and nervousness further.
It’s helpful to make friends with your
nervous system, in the primeval past it
will have enabled you to escape a sabretoothed
tiger and survive. Take pity on
your poor little adrenal glands, that have
been used and abused and put under so
much pressure. They are only the size
of a grape sitting there on top of each
kidney, multitasking away.
And if by chance you are caught off
balance and swept up in a fearful frenzy
with the rapid breaths, palpitating heart,
sweating, tingling palms, and a mind
swamped with negative data, panic
not, you are not going crazy; accept it
for what it is, only a panic attack and
it will last a few minutes, twenty at the
most, and then it will slowly deflate
and die down. Don’t go to battle and
fight it, go with the flow, float and ride
the waves breathing deeply and slowly
saying to yourself ‘it’s ok, it will pass,
it will pass’, and sure enough it does.
Mindful breathing is key in allowing
you to be centred in the present and not
to anxiously project forward, thinking
the worse when in reality things nearly
always turn out to be not so bad.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety.../
understanding-panic-attacks
Illustration © Lynne McGowan (after Mel Calman)
CALM raises
awareness of male
suicide rates
By Fergus Coltsmann
International Men’s Day, while perhaps
not celebrated or even observed by most,
passed on the 19th of November. But
the Campaign Against Living Miserably
(CALM) marked the day by handing out
Oyster Card holders as a part of their
Mind the Chap campaign.
The campaign aims to raise
awareness of the fact that suicide is the
biggest single killer of men aged under
45 in the UK. In partnership with
TOPMAN and Octopus Investment,
they handed out 23,000 holders across
twelve London stations.
Male suicide rates are historically
higher than in the female population,
with the latest data supporting this trend.
In 2014, 76% of all suicides were by men,
making the male suicide rate three times
higher than the female rate. Over 4500
men kill themselves every year in the UK
around 12 a day.
A YouGov poll conducted on behalf
of CALM revealed that 42% of men
responded that they had considered
suicide, with 41% responding that they
never talked about their issues. Jane
Powell, CEO of CALM, said of the poll:
“The results of this research, together
with the latest mortality statistics,
show that we urgently need to raise
the nation’s awareness of this hugely
important and under-discussed issue.
“This isn’t an issue which affects
‘other people’ or one that can be solely
reasoned to mental health issues,
considering suicide is clearly something
many men will consider should their
life circumstances change. Of those
men polled, the largest proportion of
those who’d thought about suicide never
actually talked to someone about it and
the reasons they didn’t talk reinforce the
norms of what society think it is to ‘be a
man’ – not to talk about their feelings or
make those around them worry.
Dr Kate Alexandra is a
progressive cosmetic
doctor that not only
offers the traditional
botox and fillers but
also newer and more
advanced techniques.
Dr Kate’s current
leading treatment is the
PDO thread lift. A gentle
face lift, which aims to
create a more naturally
refreshed, radiant and
Treatments available:
Anti- wrinkle injections
Dermal fillers
Thread lifts
Skin Peels
The Courtyard,
250 Kings Road,
(entrance on Sydney Street)
Chelsea, SW3 5UE
T. 020 7565 0333
To book a complimentary
consultation please call
0207565333 or visit
www.chelseaprivateclinic.com
healthier look. It provides
gentle lifting, rejuvenating,
pore tightening, wrinkle
reducing most advanced
non-surgical face-lift
available on the market
in the UK. Dr Kate is
committed to safe and
ethical cosmetic medicine.
She believes that it is her
artistic vision along with
a meticulous approach
produces best outcomes.
Offer
If you would like to book a
complimentary consultation
with one of our team or
doctors please contact us
on 020 7565 0333.
Please quote KCW today
E: frontdesk@chelseaprivateclinic.com www.chelseaprivateclinic.com

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The Hidden
Costs of Cancer
By Fahad Redha
Eighty-three percent of people with
cancer are an average of £570
worst off every month as a result
of a cancer diagnosis, new research from
Macmillan Cancer Support has revealed.
The extra costs include regular trips to
medical appointments and hospital bills, as
well as the cost of heating homes, as people
with cancer feel the cold more. In addition,
people may stop working and face a loss
of income as a result, while still having to
cope with the additional costs. The type of
cancer a person has as well as their income
at the time of diagnosis affects how they’re
affected.
Reduced income is a major factor, as
nearly a third (30%) face a loss of £860 a
month, and 33% stopped working either
permanently or temporarily. The most
common additional cost people with
cancer face is getting to and from hospital
or making other health care visits. Costs
related to outpatient appointments hit
almost three quarters (71%) of people
with cancer and over a quarter (28%)
for inpatient appointments. More than
half (54%) of people living with cancer
experience higher day-to-day living costs
which can add an extra £63 a month.
Despite people living with cancer being
eligible for free prescriptions, another
common cost was for over-the-counter or
prescription medicine. Over third (37%)
incurred costs for clothing, specialised
equipment and home medication, on
which people spent an average of £70
a month. Replacement clothing was
the most common here, though home
modifications were particularly expensive
for those who needed them.
“Cancer is the toughest fight most of us
will ever face,” said Ciarán Devane, Chief
Executive Macmillan Cancer Support.
“Its impact lasts long after treatment has
ended. But while everyone anticipates the
cost to health, few understand the financial
impact of cancer. Macmillan’s new research
reveals the sheer scale of the financial
burden faced by people living with cancer.”
The charity is calling on governments
across the UK to make sure people
affected by cancer can claim and receive
vital benefits when they need them the
most and to ensure that welfare support is
protected from budget cuts. They would
also like to see help given to people living
with cancer so that they may return to or
remain in work, help such as providing
vocational rehabilitation.
Macmillan also wants the NHS to
make sure people with cancer can access
support and information on finances and
work as soon as possible, and for hospitals
to abolish car parking charges for people
with cancer, in line with policy and
guidance.
“We want governments across the
UK, the NHS, businesses, and the
voluntary sector to work with us to find
solutions,” Mr Devane said. “Already,
many organisations are doing this. Our
partnerships with Citizens Advice,
local authorities, and others continue to
achieve great results in hard times. And I
must thank the RBS Group for helping
Macmillan pilot our financial guidance
service and for part-funding this valuable
research. Their backing and recognition of
this important issue is much appreciated.
No one should face cancer alone. With the
support of governments across the UK, the
NHS and businesses, we can make sure the
fight against financial hardship is one less
thing”
Women more
likely to take up
tailored diabetes
care
Tailored care that can reduce mortality
in diabetes most cases is more likely
to be taken up by women than men,
new research has shown. A study by
Dr Marlene Krag, from The Research
Unit for General Practice, University
of Copenhagen, was published in
Diabetologia, the journal of the European
Association for the Study of Diabetes
(EASD).
The data showed women who were
given ‘structured personal care’ were 26%
less likely to die of any cause and 30%
less likely to die from diabetes related
causes compared to women given routine
care. Women given the personal care
intervention were 41% less likely to suffer a
stroke and 35% less likely to experience any
diabetes-related endpoint (a combination
of multiple outcomes), EurekaAlert
reports.
None of these differences were seen
in men, though the differences between
genders were only statistically significant
for all-cause mortality and diabetes related
deaths.
“Women accept disease and implement
disease management more easily, which
might affect long-term outcomes,”
the authors said. “Masculinity may be
challenged by diabetes, demanding daily
consideration and lifestyle changes. The
structured approach could conflict with
men's tendency to trust self-directed
learning instead of self-management."
"We propose that the improved
outcomes in women may be explained
by complex social and cultural issues of
gender. There is a need to further explore
the gender-specific effects of major
intervention trials in order to rethink the
way we provide medical care to both men
and women, so that both sexes benefit
from intensified treatment efforts.”
St. Mary’s
Hospital ‘More
Smiles Appeal’
launches to raise funds to treat
critically ill children
A
major fundraising appeal has
been launched to help expand
and improve the facilities at the
paediatric intensive care unit (PICU) at St.
Mary’s Hospital in Paddington.
The fundraising appeal led by the
Imperial Health Charity and COSMIC
charity aims to raise two million pounds
to help create a larger and more inviting
facility which will have more beds,
equipment and ultimately help save more
lives.
Parents of critically ill children
describe the care at the facility provided
as ‘absolutely amazing’ and ‘world class’.
However, a common observation is that
there is a serious lack of space at the
facility.
The lack of space means that over 200
children, who can travel from as far away
as Birmingham, have to be turned away
each year by the ward in St. Mary’s.
The redevelopment of the ward see
the number of beds being increased to
15, allowing an extra 200 children to be
cared for each year. It will also include a
dedicated parents’ room, a private room
where doctors and nurses can provide
emotional support to families, and much
needed new equipment.
The campaign is being supported by
actress and writer Fay Ripley whose niece
was treated in the facility.
To find out more about the St Mary’s
Hospital More Smiles Appeal, visit www.
moresmiles.org.uk or telephone 020 3312
6179.
Volunteers
needed
for Alzheimer’s trial
By Fahad Redha
A trial into a promising treatment for
Alzheimer’s is looking for participants
in London. Liraglutide is already used
to treat diabetes and, in lab tests and a
small preliminary study in people with the
condition, has shown “promising results”
for Alzheimer’s. The trial is funded by
Alzheimer’s Society and Imperial College,
with additional support from other
charities, pharmaceutical companies and
the NHS.
Previous studies have shown a
strong link between type 2 diabetes and
development of Alzheimer’s. Diabetes
occurs when cells in the body cannot
properly process glucose, a type of sugar. It
is thought that in Alzheimer’s, brain cells
cannot use glucose properly, keeping them
from functioning.
Volunteers in the trial will take either
the drug Liraglutide or a placebo for a
year as researchers will use a range of brain
scans and memory tests to see the effects
of the drug on brain function and memory.
The current treatments for Alzheimer’s
alleviate the symptoms for a while but do
not treat the causes of the disease. It has
been over a decade since the last treatment
was approved for use.
Testing an already licensed drug as a
dementia treatment means the drug has
already passed the required safety tests
and if it is shown to benefit people with
dementia, it can be brought to those in
need sooner.
“We are asking people who have mild
Alzheimer’s disease to take part in this trial
to find out whether Liraglutide has any
effect on the condition,” Dr Paul Edison of
Imperial College London who is leading
the trial said.
“Volunteering to take part in trials
is a vital aspect of research and we very
much appreciate the time and effort
that our participants have put into this
study already. The more people that take
part, the quicker we will understand the
potential effects that this drug may have on
Alzheimer’s disease.”
Mr Alan Bayes from North London is
participating in the Liraglutide trial. He
said:
“When I was diagnosed with
Alzheimer’s disease, I was very interested
in participating in a clinical trial as it
offered me the opportunity of helping
myself as well as others with the disease.
I chose this trial because there were
promising early results and it is a licensed
drug, and so, if effective, it could be
available for treatment of Alzheimer’s
disease fairly quickly.”
Dr Doug Brown, Director of Research
at Alzheimer’s Society, said:
“It is estimated that 72,000 people are
living with Alzheimer’s disease in London,
with these numbers expected to rise,” Dr
Doug Brown, Director of Research at
Alzheimer’s Society. “Effective treatments
for Alzheimer’s disease and other forms
of dementia are desperately needed and
trials such as this are the way to find these
treatments.”
If you are interested in taking part in
the above study, please contact the team
at 0208 383 3704 or 0208 383 1969 or
e-mail: memory@imperial.ac.uk.
If you are interested in taking part in
dementia research studies, whether it is just
filling in a questionnaire or participating
in a full scale trial such as this one, you
can sign up to Join Dementia Research.
This service will match you to suitable
studies in your area and you do not need
a diagnosis of dementia to sign up. Find
out more at www.alzheimers.org.uk/
joindementiaresearch
HRH Princess Alexandra meets “unsung
heros” from the Alzheimers Society
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74 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
75
Motoring
Motoring
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
From the Back
Seat - Part 28
By Don Grant
I
have mentioned my dad’s dad’s
driving skills before, insomuch that
neither my brother Gregor nor I
would rush to sit on the bench-style
front seat of his Hillman when he took
us on one of his jaunts. Usually the
front seat was the much-coveted prize
reserved for the eldest son-and-heir, but,
in the case of Grandpa, it was the last
place you wanted to be, even as a callow
six-year-old. He was a truly atrocious
driver, with no regard for other roadusers,
or pedestrians, or even inanimate
objects. Sliding about on wet cobbles
and being deflected by tram lines on
the road from Bearsden to Milngavie,
with Grandpa hunched over the wheel,
was one of the more scary things I have
ever experienced. He managed to write
off two Hillmans, which dad used to
get at a discount through a chum of
his called Pat Prosser, who owned a
garage. He also managed to get through
clutches and gearboxes at an alarming
rate, refusing to get an automatic. The
ear-splitting sound of him trying to
get the column gear-shift into reverse
instead of top gear, whilst hurtling along
the Switchback Road at sixty, could
be heard all over Dunbartonshire. He
rarely stopped at junctions, and traffic
lights were, to him, I imagine colourful
decorations; if anyone had the nerve to
point out that he had just gone through
a red light, he would mutter, “well, it
wasn’t there yesterday”.
Grandpa was a musician by
profession, and a very good one. He
passed the entrance examination to the
Army School of Music in 1914 but,
instead he was sent on active service
to France then East and West Africa,
obtaining a commission in the Argyl
and Sutherland Highlanders and the
Cameronian Scottish Rifles. After
completing his army service in 1922
Gregor James Grant Snr concentrated
on training brass bands, composing,
arranging and teaching. He was on the
staff of the Royal Scottish Academy of
Music as euphonium and tuba teacher,
and was passionate about the benefits of
playing and listening to music especially
for children in the Glasgow slums. He
conducted the Govan Burgh Band
from 1924 and the Bonnybridge Band
from 1925 and coached many bands
for contests. He joined the Scottish
National Orchestra in 1929 with a break
to return to army service with the Royal
Artillery in WW2. Brass bands under his
baton won many national competitions
and on 21 May 1929 at The Peoples
Palace in Glasgow he conducted two
bands to receive 1st and 2nd places.
In 1931 The Daily Record said, “Great
credit must be given to Lieut.Grant,
as not only has he made his band one
of the foremost in the country, but he
has also, by the application of modern
methods of arranging and by adapting
the compositions of composers new to
the brass band world, been essentially
responsible for the increase in popularity
shown by the public to the bands of
Scotland.” In his obituary, the brass band
movement mourned the loss of one of
its greatest personalities, as conductor,
arranger, composer and grand old man
of music. Grandpa died in 1966 and
a beautiful memorial service was held
in Bonnybridge Parish Church. The
Band of the 7th Argyll & Sutherland
Highlanders, of which he was musical
director, played Land of the Leal and
the Grand March from Aida arranged
by (then) Captain Gregor J Grant. I
remember that, after his death, dad
would receive a cheque for £5 5s. 6½d.
or whatever, every year from the BBC
for recording rights to arrangements
he had made, such as the William Tell
Overture, or writing The Flying Scot for
the brilliant cornet player Willie Barr.
His William Tell was used in the closing
sequence of the film Brassed Off.
Grandpa would drive me, my brother
Gregor, sister Simone and our mum,
up to Loch Lomond, where he kept his
little cabin cruiser, which turned out to
be a double-whammy of white-knuckle
experiences. Dad would always have
an excuse not to be on one of these
outings, having an ‘important meeting
in toon’. The Loch was only about thirty
minutes drive from Glasgow, but the
way Grandpa drove, it was more like
twenty. As a child, things appeared to be
always much bigger, but not in the case
of Grandpa’s cabin cruiser, it was not just
smaller, it was tiny. There was a great
deal of prep before we could even go on
board, like fixing the outboard motor
to the transom plate, filling it up with
two-stroke fuel, priming it, coiling ropes
(sorry, painters) cleaning the yellowing
perspex windscreen and generally storing
things away. With a picnic basket on
board, there was hardly any room for
the five of us, and when Grandpa tried
to start the outboard motor by yanking
on the toggled string, we all had to duck
down, otherwise we would be met with
a flaying fist. Finally, after many pulls,
bright red in the face, he would coax the
little engine into life, and, in a cloud of
blue smoke, we were off, putt-putting
our way into the unknown. The whole
area in the Trossachs National Park is
seriously beautiful and only a few miles
from the rather austere City of Glasgow.
I didn’t know then, but I do now, that
Loch Lomond is the largest body of
freshwater in mainland Britain. As soon
as Grandpa donned his nautical hat, he
turned into a cross between Captains
Queeg and Bligh, but no-one dared to
mutiny as he barged his way through
a flotilla of sailing boats or swamped
children in canoes. He would bark orders
at us all. “Fend off on the starboard
side. No, starboard!That’s port. Right!
RIGHT!” “Hold onto that rope! No,
not that one!” “For goodness sake, dinna
all sit on the same side! You’ll have us
over!” Not only would he get very angry
if we didn’t comply immediately, he also
got very agitated with other ‘sailors’ if
they came too close. The weather was
not always that kind to us, and on some
outings, we were all huddled in the
‘cabin’ wearing anoraks and oilskins,
eating our picnic, listening to the rain
hammering on the fibreglass roof.
Hard-boiled eggs, Marmite sandwiches,
Wagon Wheels, a salad with beetroot
bleeding into the lettuce, salad cream
dressing and Thermos flasks of oversugared
khaki tea. So we sat there,
bobbing up and down, moored to a buoy
fifty yards from the shore, eating off
soggy, purple paper plates, watching a
squall building up at the far end of the
loch, “This is the life, eh, Donnie?” “Yes,
Grandpa.”
Another outing involved being
driven south-west across Glasgow from
Bearsden to Largs on the Ayrshire west
coast opposite Bute, where he kept the
smallest caravan in Scotland, if not Great
Britain, amongst the pines and ferns. It
was the size of a Wendy house, and with
any more than two small children inside,
it was full. Somehow Grandpa managed
to manoevre himself about on his own,
like a big bear, without knocking too
many things over, but it was nervewracking
to watch as the caravan
pitched, rolled and yawed, while he lit
the Calorgas stove in a great whoosh!
of blue flame, which did not seem to
surprise nor frighten him, even though
it took his eyebrows off and singed his
moustache. In his kitchen at home, there
were so many plugs fitted into one socket
with adaptors, the last one was resting
on the worktop through the sheer weight
of it. Once, his daughter Rita plugged a
Hoover into this bowed, plastic structure,
and she was thrown across the room with
such force, she banged her head on the
wall opposite and could not stop shaking.
Dad was furious, and got Grandpa to
rationalise his use of plugs and put more
sockets in.
The first time we went to the seaside,
Gregor and I walked down for
a paddle, possibly even a swim, while
lunch was being prepared under the
awning. The biggest problem about
Scotland, and particularly the West
coast, were midges; not just thousands,
but millions. I now understand that two
million of the little buggers weigh just
one kilo and one square metre of land
will contain about half a million of them,
and it is only the female of the species
that bites. In the area of ferns between
our encampment in the pine forest
and the sea, our walk turned into a trot
and then a run, otherwise a great, grey
chimney would form above one’s head,
like a fine-mesh, upside-down witch’s
hat. Simone has become our Clan Grant
archivist, and she has a better handle on
family history, than I, so I have willfully
pillaged her blog about Grandpa,
which is well worth a look -http://
simonemgrant.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/
gregor-james-grant-brass-bandconductor.html
Photographs © Grant Family Archive
Photograph © Teasla
Classic & Sports
Car Show
Alexandra Palace
By David Hughes
Alexandra Palace is possibly one
of the best and most charismatic
show spaces in London, perched
up high with a marvellous view down
over the city. It has history too, of
course, as the site of the world’s first
mass television broadcast, courtesy of
the BBC. This heritage was in part
illustrated by the display in front of the
entrance, which included an early BBC
Outside Broadcast van, a travelling
cinema bus of a style much loved by The
Ministry of Information, and a mockup
of a Spitfire. The early morning mist
was also perfectly evocative of the era.
Cars to look
forward to
By Fahad Redha
Tesla Model X
The Volvo S90. After several years,
Volvo returns to the flagship segment
with a very stylish four-door saloon
(and upcoming estate). Sharing some
styling cues from the XC90 SUV, it
boasts a more coupe like profile than the
S80 with a lower roofline which Volvo
says will "bring something entirely new
to this rather conservative segment."
But this Swede’s beauty is more than
skin deep. The car will boast semiautonomous
capabilities and the next
generation of the company’s safety tech.
The Tesla Model X. The American
company that made electric cars cool
have taken the wraps off an all-wheeldrive,
all electric SUV with a range of
over 300 miles. More impressive than
that, the top of the range P90D model
will accelerate to 60mph in just 3.2
seconds, about the same as a Ferrari
458 Italia. For the family, there are
‘falcon wing’ doors making loading and
It’s not the largest venue, but
it easily holds a medium sized car
show, with a side offering of bikes.
There was some real exotica there,
but perhaps mindful of accusations
levelled at other shows of there
being too many stands selling
the same old budget tools and
ephemera, this had disappointingly
little for the man hoping to offset
his slightly steep £25 entry fee with
a few bargains.
As shows go, this had a decent variety,
with a fine selection of Ferraris from
various eras (including a super rare F50)
to 1920s and 30s English tourers, an old
Grand Prix Lancia, various E Types, and
a couple of proper old-school, looney
unloading as well as getting out in a tight
parking space easier.
The Fiat 124 Spider. The Italian
firm sees a return to the rear-wheel-drive
sports car segment with a retro styled,
Mazda MX-5 based roadster. The 124
Spider will feature the company’s 1.4 litre
four cylinder, turbocharged to produce
138bhp and 177lb-ft, much more than
the Mazda’s naturally aspirated set
up. This could make it faster than its
Japanese twin’s 0-60mph sprint of 7.3
seconds. But it could also cost more than
the MX-5’s £19,500.
C
The Honda FCV Clarity. After
M
real world testing in California, Honda
Y
is finally ready to release its hydrogen
powered car to the public. With a range
of over 400 miles, the FCV (for fuel cell
vehicle) relies to power a battery and
CY
emits only water. Because hydrogen is the
CMY
most abundant element in the universe,
it’s not going to run out any time soon.
The only issues are with storage and
infrastructure. Honda already has a filling
station in Swindon but it will be some
time before you can drive all over the
country.
Honda NSX. After years of
development and many concept cars,
the new Honda NSX is finally here. The
old car’s basic, simplistic approach has
been replaced by a state of the art hybrid
supercar with torque-vectoring all-wheel
drive courtesy of three electric motors.
Only time will tell if it deserves to wear
the NSX badge.
CM
MY
K
Lamborghinis. Quite a lot was for
sale, either via auctioneers or high end
dealers, so in parts it had the feel of a
snazzy dealer’s forecourt.
The bikes were a bit tame, the
proposed new Hesketh being something
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a bit different from the usual roll call of
old British iron, much of which I’m sure
I’ve seen here before. It’s beginning to
get a bit of a crowded market for shows
of this style, but this was something solid
to build on for next year.
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Photographs © David Hughes

76 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
77
Motoring
Private bankers
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
Why electric
cars and hybrids
are better for the
environment
By Fahad Redha
With their big, heavy batteries
and extra hardware, how can
electric cars and hybrids be
better for the environment than their
petrol and diesel powered counterparts?
After all studies have shown that with
all it takes to make a Toyota Prius, it
does more long-term damage than a
Hummer. The reality is that this has
been debunked. And yet, nearly a decade
later, the myth persists.
In April 2006 CNW Marketing
Research published Dust to Dust
which claimed that when production
is taken into account, a hybrid is worse
than a petrol powered car, comparing
both hybrid and non-hybrid versions
of the US market Honda Accord.
Almost immediately, the study was
refuted as many called into question
the methods and assumptions CNW
made. For example, they claimed that
BMW i
The Ultimate
Driving Machine
BMW i3.
THE ELECTRIC CAR
THAT DRIVES LIKE A BMW.
To enquire about our extended test drives † call us on 020 3073 5000 or email mail@bmwparklane.co.uk
BMW i Park Lane
56 Park Lane, London W1K 1QB
020 7514 3593 www.bmwparklane.com
90% of a vehicle’s emissions come from
manufacture when the reality is that up to
90% come from operation (being driven).
Shortly after that, The Daily Mail
published a piece claiming that the plant
that produces the batteries for the Toyota
Prius has turned the area into a “dead
zone” and that “the acid rain around
Sudbury was so bad it destroyed all the
plants and the soil slid down off the
hillside.”
The trouble is, this information was
out of date. The environmental damage
done to the region was cleaned up
decades before the Prius existed. This
was followed by a complaint from Toyota
to the Press Complaints Commission,
after which the article was retracted and
replaced with a letter from Toyota that
points out that the plant has since “won
praise from the Ontario Ministry of
Environment and environmental groups”
The myth should’ve died here. But
in a 2008 episode of Top Gear, Jeremy
COULD IT BE TIME TO INVITE A BMW i3 INTO YOUR LIFESTYLE?
Clarkson once again cited
“a recent study in America”
claiming that the Prius “does
more long term damage than a
Hummer.”
So what impact do hybrids
and electric cars actually have
on the environment and, more
importantly, is it worse than
their exhaustive counterparts?
Studies from both the
Argonne National Laboratory
and UCLA both show that
while hybrids do emit more
in the production stage, their
lower emissions allow them to
make up the difference, and
in fact they do less long term
damage than a comparable
petrol or diesel car.
This is because the
overwhelming majority of a
vehicle’s emissions come from
driving it, making an ecofriendlier
car better even than keeping
your old one going.
When you take charging into
account, it gets a lot more complicated.
The infrastructure obviously needs to
change as an entirely coal powered grid
can make it worse. But electric cars
are fuel agnostic, they don’t care where
the electricity comes from. This really
highlights an issue with where we get
our power. But that’s a different story all
together.
Official fuel economy figures for the BMW i3: mpg N/A, CO 2 emissions 0g/km, nominal power output (electric motor) 75/102 kW/hp at 4,800 rpm; peak power output (electric motor)
125/170 kW/hp, total average energy consumption per 62 miles/100 km (combined cycle) 12.9 kWh. Total range: 118 miles (combined cycle). Customer orientated range: up to 100 miles.
Figures may vary depending on different factors, including but not limited to individual driving style, climatic conditions, route characteristics and preconditioning. *From 1 July 2013, all electric vehicles which emit 75g/km of CO 2 or less and meet the Euro 5 standard for air quality, would qualify for a 100%
discount from the Congestion Charge if they are registered with TfL. Plug-in hybrid electric cars and vans that are on the TfL approved list are currently eligible for the Electric Vehicle Discount and would qualify for the new Ultra Low Emission Discount. **Free parking is Westminster Council area
only and for a duration of up to 4 hours per day. ^Assumes 10% mileage via fuel. BMW i3 cost based on an EDF Energy Economy-7 Overnight Tariff of 6.36 pence per kWh using the BMW i Wallbox or public charging network. All figures correct at time of print and are subject to change. † Test drive
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Photograph © Teasla
SPORTING
CALENDAR
London Football
December 12
Fulham v Brentford, 15:00
December 12
QPR v Burnley, 15:00
December 15
Fulham v Ipswich, 19:45
December 12
QPR v Brighton, 19:45
December 19
Chelsea v Sunderland,
15:00
December 21
Arsenal v Man City, 20:00
December 26
Chelsea v Watford, 15:00
December 28
Arsenal v Bournemouth,
17:30
December 28
QPR v Huddersfield,
15:00
December 29
Fulham v Rotherham,
19:45
January 1
QPR v Hull, 17:15
January 1
Arsenal v Newcastle, 15:00
January 2
Fulham v Sheff Wed,
15:00
January 13
Chelsea v West Brom,
19:45
January 16
Chelsea v Everton, 15:00
January 23
Fulham v Hull, 15:00
January 23
QPR v Wolves, 12:30
January 24
Arsenal v Chelsea,
16:00
EFG Events
March 6-12 2016
BACARDI Miami Sailing
Week
miamisailingweek.com
Motorsport
&Trackdays
December 16, January 13,
27, 31
Drift What Ya Brung,
Public drift day, Santa pod
raceway DWYB.co.uk
January 31
MGJ Engineering
Brands Hatch Winter
Stages, brandshatch.co.uk
Golf
Courtesy of BBC Sport
December 10th-12th
USPGA Tour: Franklin
Templeton Shootout,
Tiburon GC, Naples,
Florida, United States.
December 12th-13th
USPGA Champions
Tour: PNC Father/ Son
Challenge, Ritz-Carlton
Golf Club, Orlando,
Florida, USA.
January 7th-10th
European Tour: SA Open,
Glendower GC, Gauteng,
Johannesburg, South
Africa.
7th-10th
USPGA Tour: Hyundai
Tournament Of
Champions, Plantation
Course at Kapalua,
Kapalua, Maui, Hawaii,
United States.
14th-17th
European Tour:
Joburg Open, Royal
Johannesburg &
Kensington GC,
Johannesburg, South
Africa.
14th-17th
USPGA Tour: Sony Open
in Hawaii, Waialae CC,
Honolulu, Hawaii, United
States.
21st-24th
USPGA Tour:
CareerBuilder Challenge
in partnership with the
Clinton Foundation ,
PGA West Stadium
Course, La Quinta,
California, United States.
21st-23rd
USPGA Champions
Tour: Mitsubishi
Electric Championship
at Hualalai, Hualalai
GC, Ka'upulehu-Kona,
Hawaii, United States of
America.
28th-31st
USPGA Tour: Farmers
Insurance Open, Torrey
Pines GC (South), San
Diego, California, United
States.
Tennis in January
Courtesy of BBC Sport
4th-10th
ATP Brisbane
International presented
by Suncorp, Brisbane,
Australia.
4th-10th
ATP Aircel Chennai
Open, Chennai, India.
4th-10th
ATP Qatar ExxonMobil
Open, Doha, Qatar.
11th-17th
ATP Heineken Open,
Auckland, New Zealand.
11th-17th
ATP Apia International
Sydney, Sydney, Australia.
18th-31st Australian
Open, Melbourne,
Australia.
Horse Racing
Ascot
December 18-10
Christmas Racing
Weekend
January 23
Clarence House Chase
ascot.co.uk
Kempton Park
December 15
Afternoon Flat
December 16
AWT Twilight
December 26-27
William Hill
Winter Festival
January 6, 11, 13, 20, 27
AWT Twilight
January 9
William Hill Lanzarote
Hurdle Day
January 17
Afternoon Flat
January 25
Afternoon Jump
kempton.thejockeyclub
.co.uk
Marathons in the UK
January 16
Endurancelife,
Dover Marathon
Other events’ dates TBA
at time of writing.
marathonrunnersdiary.
com
England Hockey
Until March 13
Men’s Hockey League
Until March 19
Women’s Hockey League
englandhockey.co.uk
Skiing
December 16-19
Val d’Isere, Ladies’,
France
December 16-19
Val Gardena / Groeden,
Men’s Downhill, Italy
December 20
Men’s Giant Slalom
December 20
Men’s Parallel Giant
Slalom
December 20
Slope behind Hotel
Ladinia, the center of La
Villa
December 20
Center of La Villa, snow
stage, next to Hotel
Ladinia
December 20-21
Gran Risa, Italy
January 12-17
Men’s Downhill,
Wengen, Switzerland
fis-ski.com/alpine-skiing
skiworldcup.it
Mountaineering
April 23 2016
Catbells Festival of Light
for Community Action
Nepal
thebmc.co.uk/events
UIAA Ice Climbing
World Cup calendar
December 11-14
Bozeman, U.S.A
January 16-17
UIAA Ice Climbing
World Cup
& Asian Championships
January 22-23
UIAA Ice Climbing
World Cup Switzerland
January 29-31
UIAA Ice Climbing
World Cup Italy
theuiaa.org
Cresta Run, St Moritz
December 18 - March 6
cresta-run.com
Rugby
Premier League
Courtesy BBC Sport
December 26
London Irish v
Northampton,
Madejski Stadium, 14:30
December 26
Exeter v Sale Sharks,
Sandy Park, 15:00
December 26
Leicester v Newcastle,
Welford Road, 15:00
December 27
Wasps v Saracens,
Ricoh Arena, 14:00
December 27
Bath v Worcester,
The Recreation Ground,
14:30
December 27
Harlequins v Gloucester,
Twickenham, 16:30
January 1
Northampton v Exeter,
Franklin’s Gardens, 15:00
January 2
Gloucester v London
Irish,
Kingsholm, 15:00
January 2
Newcastle v Bath,
Kingston Park, 15:00
January 2
Saracens v Leicester,
Allianz Park, 15:15
January 2
Sale Sharks v Wasps,
AJ Bell Stadium, 17:30
January 3
Worcester v Harlequins,
Sixways Stadium, 15:00
January 9
Exeter v Gloucester,
Sandy Park, Sandy Park,
15:00
January 9
Harlequins v Saracens,
Twickenham Stoop, 15:00
January 9
Leicester v Northampton,
Welford Road, 15:00
January 10
Wasps v Worcester,
Ricoh Arena, 14:00
January 10
London Irish v
Newcastle, Madejski
Stadium, 15:00
January 30
Sale Sharks v
London Irish,
AJ Bell Stadium, 14:30
January 30
Gloucester v Leicester,
Kingsholm, 15:00
January 30
Northampton v Wasps,
Franklin’s Gardens, 15:00
January 30
Saracens v Bath,
Allianz Park, 15:00
January 30
Worcester v Exeter,
Sixways Stadium, 15:00
January 31
Newcastle v Harlequins,
Kingston Park, 15:00
National Badminton
League
January 11
Team Derby v
Birmingham Lions
January 11 - MK
Badminton v University
of Nottingham
January 11 -
Surrey Smashers v
Loughborough Sport
nationalbadmintonleague.
co.uk
Compiled by Fahad
Redha
Photograph © Tsutomu Takasu
Photograph © RWS
33591_bs204348_BMW_Park_Lane_i3_160x260_KCW mag.indd 1 26/10/2015 10:09

78 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16 Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today www.KCWToday.co.uk 020 7738 2348
December/January 2015/16
Kensington, Chelsea & Westminster Today
79
Crossword & Marketplace
Chess & Bridge
online: www.KCWToday.co.uk
This is the forty second
Wolfe Cryptic Crossword
I hope you enjoyed the last crossword. Ms
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months winner.Well done!
Please let me have any comments or
suggestions you may have. Remember, even
if you haven’t totally finished the whole
crossword still send in your grids either by
post to Wolfe, at Kensington,Chelsea and
Westminster Today, 80-100 Gwynne Road
London SW11 3UW, or scan it in and send
by email to wolfe@kcwtoday.co.uk. as the
first correct or substantially correct answer
picked at random will win a prize of a bottle
of Champagne kindly donated by:
Lea and Sandeman.
www.leaandsandeman.co.uk/Fine-Wine.
211 Kensington Church St, London W8
7LX. T: 020 7221 1982 contact Sandor.
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N D I N
5 C O 6 M M 7 A N 8
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P A R T 12 E G O M A N I A C
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O S C A N I N I F I G H T
H L N O L I
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17 C E L 18 S A N T A C 19 R U Z
Z H I T E E
21
V E R L A D E 22 23
N T I T A N
D A A I I E O S
25
M P A S T O T H R O U G H
A E S U R E C I
O N N O I S S E U R S H I P
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G
11
O
13
T
16
E
20
O
24
I
26
C
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Across
6 Reindeer sound like a vehicle one
noisily disapproves of. (7)
7 Reportedly tall through excitement.
(5)
9 Short Marxist on the run? (4)
10 Point of discussion I’ve joined is a
matter of opinion. (10)
11 Reported French twice, note this
German ship. (8)
13 Slow on drinking from one of these!
(6)
15 The countryman that gets off free.
(4)
17 Windmill like a threshing tool. (5)
18 Held by paratrooper aiding an
attack. (4)
19 Cleans a cavity or commonly with a
bag describes an idiot. (6)
20 Get bigger for batsman to be safe
here. (8)
23 Call digit that can hold evidence of
intention. (4,6)
26 Missing from this these and those !
(4)
27 Left after presented instrument to
auctioneer. (5)
28 Would one be down in the mouth
eating this sweet? (7)
Down
1 Hermit? I act disturbed helps figure
things out! (10)
2 Confused a heraldic expression with
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8
9 10
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11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22
23 24 25 26
27 28
a victimiser. (6)
3 Small number unable to move. (4)
4 Carver complete sounds happy. (8)
5 Fight contained by wasp attack. (4)
6 Model car follows the Queen. (5)
8 Little turnips in Italian dish. (7)
12 Military colour sounds as if it could
be used to start a vehicle. (5)
14 High flying correspondence. (3,7)
• With your Christmas Gift Shopping
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• Assist with your house move
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16 Doing this to the books might
make them edible! (7)
17 Pliable Ibex fell apart. (8)
21 Some wench Romeo covers with
metal. (6)
22 Sea food I left for naughty boy ! (5)
24 Donated or left out of hammer. (4)
25 Green plum pledged as guarantee
of good faith. (4)
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CHESS
By Barry Martin
Three Books
Any chess player wishing to
improve their game has to
study. Study before a game,
during the game, and postgame. There
are chess books galore that further this
endeavour, and every year the chess
industry worldwide produces hundreds
of new books to this end. I remember
an elderly member of the Chelsea Arts
Club, a good bridge player, asking my
advice several years ago, as he wished to
take up chess. I suggested several books
which he said he would obtain. I saw
him several months later and enquired
how it was going. He looked a little
glum and explained that he had read
the books thoroughly and then sought
to play against opponents. After losing
a number of games back to back he had
given up. Why, I asked? He said that all
the players he had played against played
different moves to any he had read in the
books! Practical play can often be at odds
with theoretical understanding. However,
as Christmas approaches, several chess
related books would make excellent
presents to chess-minded recipients.
The ever resourceful Garry Kasparov,
who fights as aggressively in ink as
he does across the chessboard, is the
author of two of my recommendations.
The third is John Donoghue’s recently
published book, The Death’s Head Chess
Club, which climaxes in the 37th chapter
titled, ‘The Immortal Game’ (confusingly
there are two 37th chapters in the book,
the other ‘Endgame: Four Knights’)
which encapsulates the piety, hope,
fraternity, and goodwill to all men that
are definitive of the festive season.
The first of Kasparov’s books is Garry
Kasparov on Garry Kasparov (Everyman
Chess) which comes in three volumes;
Part I: 1973-1985, Part II: 1985-1993,
and Part III: 1993-2005. They detail
his greatest games, with analytical
commentary by Kasparov that explains
his tactics and goals, and why certain
moves were made rather than others.
This three volume set by the greatest
chess player the world has ever seen is
not for the beginner, encapsulating the
brilliant mind of an inventive, attacking
strategist, and taking away the breath
of any keen chess player! It records
a continuous march over 32 years of
unrelenting and entirely successful chess
encounters, the last 26 at the highest
levels of international play.
Kasparov’s 1979 appearance at a
tournament in Banja Luka is often
seen as divine intervention, speeding
up the world’s recognition of this
young Azerbaijan player, aged just
15. Few people know his attendance
was actually due to a mistake! The
Russian Chess Federation sent him
to this tournament believing it to be a
junior event, and Kasparov didn’t even
have an international rating. It was in
fact a major international event, with
numerous world grandmasters playing
in the contest. Kasparov erupted with
genius and won the tournament two
points clear of the field with 11.5 points
from 15! Kasparov held the world
championship crown from 1985 until
2000, and without doubt has been a
great ambassador for the game. As the
official artist for the 1993 and 2000
World Matches I can vouchsafe the
dignified glamour and aura of specialness
he brought with him to these world
occasions.
My second recommendation is
another Kasparov book. The recently
published Winter is Coming: Why
Vladimir Putin and the Enemies of the
Free World Must be Stopped sees its
author, not competing at international
chess tournaments anymore, play a
very different game on the board of
world events with this book’s subject.
It reaffirms the old adage that chess is
a reflection of life itself, and vice-versa,
and seems particularly pertinent in the
times we live in. The book questions the
West’s acquiescence in allowing Russia
to be dragged back into a dictatorship
under the leadership of the ex-KGB,
Lieutenant-Colonel Vladimir Putin,
who became President in 1999. This was
a move away from democracy, and the
subsequent appeasements offered by the
West have encouraged Putin’s aggression
towards free markets and democracy.
Kasparov likens Putin to ISIS, Al Qaeda,
and Kim Jong-un in his opposition to
the free countries of the world, although
recent events may have overtaken this
contention.
The book singles out Obama
and the American Democratic Party
to be particularly guilty of chronic
appeasement and weakness ‘‘in
empowering the likes of Putin through
negative responses’'. The title Winter is
Coming.... was inspired by the book and
television series Game of Thrones, a catchy
title that reflects the concept. History
cannot end, it is seasonal, and we are
approaching a new season. We’d better
be prepared!
Finally, The Death’s Head Chess
Club (Atlantic Books), by John
Donoghue, is part novel and part fact.
It is a fermenting indictment of human
atrocity, when ‘the season is upon us’,
and democracy and freedom of will are
denied and bludgeoned under foot. The
three central characters carry guilt by the
bucket load through 38 chapters, each
titled with a chess opening, chess term,
or famous match, such as ‘The Immortal
Game’. Donoghue ties the scene around
Auschwitz and the relationships between
Jewish inmates and Nazi SS Officers -
Emil Clement, a French Jewish inmate,
known as ‘The Watchmaker’, and Paul
Meissner and Wilhelm Schweninger,
who are playing for the
other side. Chess is the
central theme, both
in the camp and at
an international chess
tournament in Holland
in the early 1960s,
when all three meet
again unexpectedly.
Remorse has
eaten away at all
three characters, but
through a series of
sacrifices success is
finally achieved, in
both the real chess
match, ‘The Immortal
Game’ played by Adolf
Anderssen and Lionel
Kieseritzky in June,
1851 in London, and
in the story.
Forgiveness, tolerance, and
compassion win against brutality and
inhuman indoctrination. It has a seasonal
message!
The chess puzzle is taken from
another game played between Lionel
Kieseritzky and Adolf Anderssen in
Haringey, London,1851. Black has just
played his Rook to e8, and White’s
response seems correct, 36.Ne6,
attacking Black’s Knight on g5, but also
attacking f8 and giving White’s rook
on f4 covering power, if it decides to go
to f8 and check! Rxf8, Nxf8, attacking
Black’s Queen, which then needs to
move. However, 36. Ne6, Nxe6, and
37..... White’s next move, more or less
concedes a draw.
What was it?
Answer upside down below.
Answer,
37.Rxg4,Nd4.38.Rh2,Re5.39.
Rgh4,Kg7.40.Rxh5,Rxh5.41.
Rxh5,Qg6.42.Kf2,Qf6.43.Ke3,Nc2+.44.
Kd2,Nb4.45.Rh7+,Kg8.46.
Rh4,Qf2+.47.Kc3,Qc2.48.
Kxb4,Qb2+.49.Kc4,Qc2+.50.Kd4,Qd2+
1/2-1/2.
Monthly Bridge Tip for Intermediates
with Andrew Robson
If one opponent plays a critical card in a suit, his partner is almost twice as likely to have
the adjacent card in the same suit. This is the Principle of Restricted Choice (“PRC”) -
a mathematical theory that was found to have relevance at the bridge table by Terence
Reese. He first expounded the theory in his epic book The Expert Game, written in 1958;
an inspirational read for any ambitious player.
South Deals
N-S Vul
♠
♥
♦
♣
♠
♥
♦
♣
♠
♥
♦
♣
♠
♥
♦
♣
♠
♠
♦
♠
1. Regular four-ace Blackwood; how many
aces?
2. One.
3. How many kings? Note that kings should
only be asked for when (a) holding all the aces
and (b) when interested in a grand slam. In my
experience, 5NT is bid far more often than it
should be.
4. Three.
West’s ♥10 lead ran to declarer’s ♥J and declarer cashed ♠K, necessary to preserve
dummy’s ♠A10 as a possible finesse position. East’s ♠J fell and declarer used PRC to
deduce that West was now almost twice as likely to hold the adjacent card - ♠Q. The
reason for this is that, with ♠QJ, East would have a choice whether to play ♠Q or ♠J;
about half the time he would play ♠Q and about half the time he would play ♠J. The
fact that he played ♠J affords the presumption that he had no choice in the matter, hence
why it is called “Restricted Choice”.
When declarer followed by leading ♠4 and West played ♠9, he crossed his fingers
and inserted ♠10. East discarded a ♣ and he breathed a sigh of relief. He now cashed
♠A felling West’s ♠Q, and claimed his grand slam, making a mental note to start
playing Roman Key Card Blackwood, which would enable his partnership to discover
that ♠Q was missing and therefore avoid this risky grand slam venture.
ANDREW’S TIP: When one opponent plays a critical card in a suit, play his
partner to have the adjacent card in the same suit.

80 December/January April/May 2011 2015/16
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