Windsor Independent - March 2016

ASK
SPENNY
Need more answers?
send Spenny your dire
questions about love,
relationships, and life at:
sexwithspenny@gmail.com
Hey Spenny, I’ve sent a suggestive photo or two
(well... more like dozens) to my partner. This
is something I’ve always done with boyfriends
in the past and so far, it hasn’t bit me in the
ass. I just find it sexy knowing that they’re able
to look at them whenever they please. But...
should I be more concerned about doing this?
We’re in a serious relationship, but you never
know what could happen.
Technology, like everything, is both good and
bad. The obvious good is one’s ability to instantly
produce, send and store pictures of one’s
genitals using various portable devices. When
you really think about it, it’s much cooler than
the invention of the wheel.
Not to date myself, but when I was a wee lad,
people had to take naughty pictures with
something called a film camera (Google it), then
take the actual film to a lab for developing, wait
for an entire hour, sometimes two, then have to
go pick up, and PAY, for prints and the original
negative. In retrospect, it was a living Hell. And,
on top of all that, the putz working in at the lab
might see the dirty photos you took of you, or
your lover, who probably, at the time, had pubic
hair. Yikes!
The fundamental upside of technology bolls
down to getting porn for free, and luxury of
taking and sending filthy pics of ourselves. Thank
you, Al Gore! I agree it’s sexy knowing that at any
given moment your horny lover can whack off
to your nude, or partially nude (my preference)
pictures while you’re apart. Again, thanks Al. You
certainly can’t do that with a wheel.
But with every upside, comes a sobering
downside. The truth is, if you send pics of
yourself in your birthday suit, it could feasibly
come back to haunt us…I, mean you. All it takes
is one misstep with a jilted lover, who has access
to the pictures, and it’s possible that he, or she,
could use them against you. Anthony Weiner’s
wiener comes to mind.
Don’t panic. Chances are it won’t happen, but
never underestimate the petty jealousy and
meanness of your fellow humans. If you want
proof, just watch the GOP nomination process
in the current U.S election cycle? Just be
careful out there.
I wouldn’t lose sleep over this. Your dirty
pictures are one of trillions floating around
the online universe. Unless you have a major
abnormality like a clitoris the size of Cleveland, I
don’t think anyone will give a crap.
However, if you want to be a politician, a
teacher, or a cop, it could be problematic. If
you want to be almost anything else, it might
actually help. Think Pam Anderson and Kim
Kardashian. Turned out to be good career
moves. In other words, make sure the pics are
super hot.
My unselfish, solicited advice is to send all
questionable pictures directly to me. I’ll let you
know if they cross the line. Hey, it’s what I do,
and you’re welcome.
I’ve always wanted to go at it in a movie
theatre. Is it worth giving this a try, or
should I find somewhere else that’s maybe
a bit less risky, but still has the thrill factor?
It doesn’t have to be packed or anything...
even if we were the only one’s there. If I
shouldn’t, are there any other risky places
you’d suggest?
You’re asking me if it‘s worth giving sex in a
movie theatre a try? As long as you’re not sitting
near me, knock yourself out. By the way, for the
price of movies these days, the theatre should
supply your partner. And don’t get me going
about the vat of M&M’s I’m forced to buy at the
concession stand. Grrrr.
Personally, I don’t get the sex-in-public thing. I’d
be worried about popcorn getting up her hooha,
although I admit the hot butter might have
some practical applications. I’d also be worried
about getting caught, which I get is part of the
adrenaline rush, but having a minimum-waged,
zitty usher catch me, then 86 me in front of a
theatre full of stunned/laughing people is not
something that puts me in a sexy mood. But,
that’s me. No judging, I swear.
However, you did confuse me when you
suggested that you’d “try it even if you’re the
only one’s there.” Really? An empty movie
theatre? Are you going to see “Mortdecai” with
Johnny Depp? Isn’t an empty theatre missing
the danger part? Or, are uncomfortable dirty,
gum-stuck theatre seats a turn on?
If it’s risk you’re looking for, I suggest boning
under the dinner table at your family’s
Thanksgiving feast, or in front of the information
desk at your local mall. My view, go big, or stay
home.
22 MARCH 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 03