Windsor Independent - January 2016

Windsor
INDEPENDENT
VOL. 4 ISSUE 1 JAN 2016 FREE
shootin’
the s#it with
p.6
council
hijacked
windsorindependent.com
DISCUSSING
THE GROWING
CONCERN OF
COUNCIL MEMBERS
BUYING VOTES.
the windsor
circus
REPEATED AND
RAMPANT FAULTY
DESCISION
MAKING FROM
THE MAYOR AND
COUNCIL.
vacant
buildings
AN EXAMINATION
INTO WINDSOR’S
DERELICT
BUILDINGS AND
EMPTY LOTS.
p.10

2 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
3

your monthly
CHECKLIST
Celebrate Phog’s Birthday
Phog turns 12. Part one is going to open up
the new year on January 1st, with part two of
the celebration on January 2nd.
VOLUME 04 | ISSUE 01
See the Kingsville Fantasy of Lights
The 23rd annual light show in Kingsville is
going on until January 8th so take a nice
winter drive out there while it’s still spring/
fall weather.
Participate in the Save Ojibway Rally
Get together with frustrated Windsorites
at City Hall on January 4th, right before the
council meeting at 6 pm to let your leaders
know how important this rare jewel is to the
Windsor community.
Give that bum a cigarette
Don’t get mad at the person who’s always
asking you for a smoke, you know they would
do the same for you.
Read some poetry
TOAST open mic’s first 2016 poetry reading
will be at Phog Lounge on January 19 and is
always a free event.
Get tickets to The Cure
This might be your only chance to see the
80s emo band - they are certainly not going
to come out of their goth cave again after
this; it’s really a miracle they are touring at
all. Chicago, Toronto or New York, take your
pick.
Let your inner Scorsese out
“You made a film. Great.” is a workshop
being held at Arts Council WIndsor & Region
on January 20th. The workshop will have
a plethora of information for aspiring and
established local filmmakers.
Post your new year’s resolutions
Only to take them off the fridge a few
months later realizing that this year is going
to be just as existential as the last - no fate
but what we make.
Go to a killer show
Scene + Heard (featuring Jamie Greer) will
be hosting What Seas What Shores at Villains
on January 30th. The show will also feature
visual art by Reannon Price and MR, curated
by Christy Litster.
Get to know Detroit
Pure Detroit hosts multiple tours a month
- learn something about the stunning
architecture by checking out the Fisher
building and/or the Guardian building.
ON THE INSIDE
Trailer Park Boys Catching up with the Boys to chat
about their new liquor and the legalization of marijuana. Pg. 6
Vance Joy performing at Caesars Windsor, Joy fills us in on
his tour with every teen boy’s sweetheart, Taylor Swift.
Pg. 7
Walkerville Optical
A unique independent shop has opened
its doors on Ottawa St. Pg. 8
Council Hijacked Discussing
the growing concern of city council
members buying votes. Pg. 10
Windsor Residence for Young Men
The fight for young men at home and abroad. Pg. 11
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF / PUBLISHER
Dean Scott
editor@windsorindependent.com
BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT
Jon Liedtke
jon@jonliedtke.ca
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Rick Santarossa
ricksantarossa@gmail.com
4
JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

Editorial What’s going on with the decision making process
in Windsor lately? Pg. 13
Beer in Grocery Stores
Celebrating a small step in the right direction for
the fate of our beer purchases. Pg. 16
Ask Spenny Sex, life, and
love advice from our in-house expert
Pg. 22
Reviews Pg. 26-27
The Windsor Scene
Keeping up with the local music scene.
Pg. 29
Favourable reads
ONLINE
www.windsorindependent.com
Comment of the
MONTH
The editor is having
some fun garnishing
the comments and likes.
The article does provide
much more credit and
I’ll eat those meatballs
any day!!!
-Veronica Emilie Jean in
response to Crumbs from
Nonna’s table: Vito’s Pizzeria
Thank you to everyone who
voted and for a great 2015.
Stay tuned for the results
to be released next issue.
1. Michael Difazio Reclaim
Artistry: In the heart of Ford City,
one local entrepreneur recently set up
shop in order to realize his dream of
owning and operating a woodworking
business full-time.
2. Welcome to Windsor, we’re
glad to have you: With the
announcement that Windsor will be
preparing to welcome refugees from
the crisis in Syria, social media and
online comment sections lit up with a
disgusting display of hate, racism, and
xenophobia.
3. Inside Downtown Windsor’s
Vietnamese Buddhist Temple: Ever
wondered what’s inside the curious
looking building on the corner of
Goyeau and Tuscarora?
follow us on the interwebs
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@thewindsorind
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possesses both impeccable oral and
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ACTING JERKY
A Windsor man was arrested last month after
MANAGING EDITOR
Andrew Bell
itsandrewbell@gmail.com
WORDS Andrew Bell, Clara Benedek,
Jon Liedtke, Luke Frenette, Amanda
Sinasac, Mike Specht, Derek Harrison,
Jamie Greer, Spencer Rice, Bryan
Holmes, Elizabeth Hofstadt. Alex
Denonville
windsorindependent.com
MULTIMEDIA EDITOR
Ryan Brough
The Windsor Independent is the alternative voice for
Windsor and Essex County. Published at the start of
each month, our focus is on arts, culture, politics,
food and local business. We are a locally owned and
operated newspaper with a goal of celebrating and
covering the valuable businesses, events, artists and
news stories that have an impact on our community.
To contact us with a news tip, article idea, or inquiry:
editor@windsorindependent.com
131 ELLIOT STREET W. WINDSOR, ON N9A 4N4
#windsorindependent
JANUARY 2016
5

GETTING
F**CKY
Chatting dope, liquor, and the
Sunnyvale Trailer Park with the
Trailer Park Boys.
BY DEAN SCOTT
To call the Trailer Park Boys a sensation is to put it lightly.
The mockumentary television series, created in 1998, has
captivated audiences since its inception, with a portrayal of three
rough ex-cons living in the Sunnyvale trailer park.
Drugs and alcohol, stints in jail, and the love/hate relationship
with their community earmark the series and its depiction of ‘the
boys’ and their interaction with residents of the park, notably
ex-officer, Trailer Park Supervisor, Jim Lahey, and his assistant,
Randy.
Heading into the tenth season of the show this year, the boys have
been busy touring, filming, and working on further establishing
their larger-than-life-brand. In the last year they’ve released
podcasts for their uncensored comedy network, Swearnet, released
a live in Austin special for Netflix, and put the final touches on a
new brand of whisky.
We had the opportunity to chat with Ricky and Julian, while they
were in Detroit for a stop on their Christmas tour.
Tell us about the show you just did in Detroit.
Ricky: Basically we were here to meet the real Santa Claus so I
could apologize for sucker punching him, and for Bubbles to spread
the true meaning of Christmas. Julian, of course, is trying to make
money.
Who’s watching after Bubble’s cats while you guys are away?
Julian: Corey and Jacob.
Why the decision to get into the podcast game?
Julian: I’m trying to set up sponsors to end up making a little bit of
money. Hopefully we’ll get more sponsors on board, and you never
know, it might be our retirement.
Do you ever get sick of the cameras always being on?
Julian: The boys tend to get sick of the cameras a little bit more than
I do. I like having the cameras around. You get a lot more perks.
Especially if you go to jail, you get extra desserts, and extra time in
the weight room. But, these guys, it tends to really piss Ricky off. I
think a lot of time the camera guys are trying to piss Ricky off just to
get a rise from him.”
Are you getting worried that the legalization of marijuana
might affect you growing dope?
Ricky: I am, but I mean, if they want to hire me to grow the dope I
guess I’d be open to it. But other than that, it kinda puts me out of a
job, which sucks.
What will you do for a job if you have to stop growing and selling it?
Ricky: I’m not sure, I guess we’d have to go back into stealing stuff
and acquiring things and remarketing them.
Can you tell us any details about the upcoming season?
Julian: We do a bunch of small crimes. We still have some new
business to set up, and Snoop Dogg comes to the park with Tom
Arnold. We also have Jimmy Kimmell stop by for a little bit.
All in all, are things still going alright in the park?
Julian: Kinda
Later this month, the boys will be officially launching Liquormen’s
Ol’ Dirty Canadian Whisky, which will be available on shelves in
Newfoundland and Labrador, before it eventually makes its way
through the rest of Canada
Sheila Roberts, director of publicity and marketing for the
show, is excited for what seems like a natural evolution for the
boys.
“The Trailer Park Boys are known for their hard partying
ways, so what better thing to do than launch their very
own liquor ? Ricky, Julian and Bubbles no longer have
to scheme their way into getting liquor drinks for
gratis,” said Roberts.
“They have made a sassy whiskey that will unite fans
and liquor connoisseurs everywhere. If you have
always wanted to have a drink with the Boys, here is
your chance. Someone get the ice…”
“ If they want to hire me to
grow the dope I guess I'd
be open to it, but other
than that, it kinda puts
me out of a job, which
sucks.
“
6
JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

upcoming
detroit
shows
Muse
Where: Joe Louis
When: Thursday, Jan 14th
Snoop Dogg
Where: Masonic Temple
When: Saturday, Jan 30th
FEELING THE JOY
DOWN UNDER
Grizfolk
Where: St. Andrews Hall
When: Friday, Feb 5th
Reel Big Fish
Where: St. Andrews Hall
When: Thursday, Feb 11th
St. Lucia
Where: Majestic Theatre
When: Saturday, Feb 13th
BY CLARA BENEDEK
Football player and law student James
Keogh just wasn’t feeling it. He began
experimenting with music which led
to catchy songs that became an international
sensation. Since then he found inspiration inside
a book that ended with him reinventing himself
as ‘Vance Joy’, writing hit after hit.
Vance Joy has a lot to be joyous about these
days. The Australian singer-songwriter’s hit song
Riptide was number one on the 2013 Triple J
Hottest 100, and echoed around the world for
over two years while he worked on his debut,
which was released in September 2014. Dream
Your Life Away gave him the opportunity to
win Best New Male Artist at the 2015 ARIA
Music Awards. Since then he’s been busy being
an international superstar and touring with
American darling Taylor Swift.
“The 1989 world tour has been an incredible
experience over 2015; I performed to larger
audiences than I had ever performed to in my
life,” said Joy. “There was a lot of work I had to do
in changing my show to make it work for a larger
audience.”
After taking whatever was left of 2015 off, Joy is
saving his battery for his 2016 North American
tour before heading back to Australia where he
has some dates as well.
“I just take things one day at a time, so it’s been a nice
build over the last three years,” said the 28 year old. “I
have a team around me of friends and family that keep
me grounded.”
When he first started ‘dabbling’ in music, Joy
said each step he took into his musical journey
provided him with something to celebrate.
He admits to have gone from getting
1000 views on soundcloud to people
in large crowds singing his lyrics,
each time finding something new
to be happy about.
“I was never going to play
football professionally,” he
said. “Music was just a natural
progression for me, I just
needed to work on building
up a catalogue of good
songs.”
He said that he will begin
working on his followup
LP after the Fire and
the Flood tour which
starts in Vancouver on
January 12 and ends
down under April
30th, hitting Caesars
Windsor on January
25th with special
guests, Arts & Crafts
alternative rock band
Reuben and the Dark.
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
7

In the Clear
“I’ve found that the
community has
been really helpful
since I opened.
I’ve actually been
very surprised
at the help that
other businesses
are willing to give,
with no incentive
for them really.
BY DEAN SCOTT
A
unique and independent optical store
has recently opened on Ottawa street,
offering friendly one-on-one service
and a selection of frames that tell an uncommon
story.
The shop’s proprietor, Mark Trudell, has been
a licensed optician since 2003. Like many
entrepreneurs, he’s always had the interest in
opening his own shop, but thought it would be
impossible to do it until he took the leap.
Originally having his sights set on Wyandotte,
Trudell began to take notice of the development
and growth of Ottawa street, and its abundance
of retail and shopping.
“We have staples like Freeds, and two clinics
and two pharmacies. We have two boutique
shoe stores, and with what Green Leaf Grocery
is doing, and with what Story Tellers Books is
doing, you can come to Ottawa Street and you
can get a lot done right now,” said Trudell.
Located in the former Gregor Jewellery building,
Trudell seized the opportunity to turn its old
jewellery safe into a formidable and gorgeous
display rack. His glasses are set on handsome
wooden shelves and reclaimed vintage displays
placed throughout the shop. He spent the better
part of a year collecting the furniture to fill his
space.
“A lot of the stuff in the industry, it’s the same
frames and the same displays. Very modern and
streamlined. I wanted something that looked
like it could be here for a while and I wanted
different frames,” said Trudell.
“There are frames that made from records, or
made in the USA, or recycled materials. Each
furniture piece has a story that goes with it.”
Trudell likes to spend upwards of an hour with
each customer, ensuring that he finds the best
complimentary fit and look.
“I pride myself on service and taking time with
people. I think that picking glasses is not just a
matter of what I think look good, it’s a matter of
your personality as well.”
Walkerville Optical is located at 1474 Ottawa
Street.
8
JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

are somehow invalid because they’re made
without access to or participation of the film
“industry”-- whether that’s the or so-called
Indie cinema or Hollywood,” said Rigsby. He
believes people don’t have to be part of ‘the
system’ - they can just make their own DIY,
grassroots films with the medium of their
choice.
Rigsby hopes this workshop will provide
filmmakers with the tools to navigate outside
the local Windsor/Detroit realm, with
information that will save time and money.
However, the social and political landscape
of the area is something many people find
inspiring.
“Where else on earth do you have two cities
on an immediate international border united
and separated by a common language, history,
economy?” he said. He believes people need
to immerse themselves in the unique local
geography that Windsor/Detroit offers and
“valorize it, criticize it, love it, spit on it, do what
you need to.”
“In general, filmmaking is not done in isolation,”
he said. “You need collaborators to make your
films and then deal with the socialized context
of how to get your work seen.”
Rigsby sees film as a completely different
medium, because it doesn’t fall under the
‘practice makes perfect’ context.
‘YOU MADE
A FILM.
GREAT!’
BY CLARA BENEDEK
Local organization hosting
workshop to educate and
inform filmmakers on tips and
tricks within the film industry
Arts Council Windsor & Region is
hosting a workshop aiming to educate
aspiring and current filmmakers on the
often confusing maze that is the film industry.
Jeremy Rigsby of Media City Film Festival
will be speaking to local filmmakers about a
variety of topics including research, resources,
budgeting, submitting work for a festival, and
other insider information. He’s been in the
film industry for 20 years and understands the
difficulties new filmmakers face.
“You can now make films without much money
or access to professional equipment, but there’s
still a pervasive attitude that these things you
can do with consumer cameras and an iMac
Filmmaking
is not very
hard to get
into... but it
is very, very
hard to stay
in.
“It takes so much time and effort to see
the results of your labours. It’s not like a
musical instrument or a paintbrush,” he said.
“Filmmaking is not very hard to get into, but
it is very, very hard to stay in: you have to be
super-dedicated, stubborn, and in it for the long
haul.”
You made a film. Great! will be held at Arts
Council Windsor & Region on Wednesday,
January 20 from 6:30 to 9:30. Tickets are $15 for
non-members. The Arts Council will be offering
more workshops in February as well.
For more information, visit acwr.net.
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
9

SHOPPING
FOR VOTES:
CITY COUNCIL
STYLE
BY JON LIEDTKE
City council has been hijacked.
It was hijacked before this
council was sworn in, and it
appears as if it will remain as such.
It was hijacked by greed, manipulation,
and a lack of concern for the basic tenets of
democracy.
When councillors approved the enhanced
capital budget, it signalled that the ‘Sunny Ways’
Canadians have been observing on the federal
scene will bypass the 401 entirely.
Blatant vote buying is taking place. The
mayor, with support of friendly councillors,
has continued a legacy set before him by his
predecessor of helping councillors geo-target
and ‘purchase’ votes from residents.
A simple look at the Mayor’s initiatives approved
in the enhanced capital budget is enough to turn
your stomach and fill your head with rage.
Of $10 million doled out - whether in sacks
of cash stamped with a money symbol or in
envelopes handed out in a dark alley - $6.1
million went directly to the mayor’s friendly
councillors for ward enrichments meant to
appease their constituents: $1.5 million went
to Hilary Payne (Ward 9), $1.1 million to Ed
Sleiman (Ward 5), $2.1 million to Paul Borrelli
(Ward 10), $600,000 to Fred Francis (Ward 1),
and $800,000 to Jo-Anne Gignac (Ward 6).
It should surprise no one that this group of
councillors received a wonderful Christmas
present: reelection, so long as they continue
to do exactly what has has been set out before
them.
In order to fend off rightful outrage at this
blatant abuse of democracy, and sound and
ethical business practices, the enhanced
capital budget also includes a $2 million arts
endowment, meant to unveil annual art pieces
throughout the city (hey, artists love art,
right? That should appease them), $400,000
to be divided equally among all councillors,
amounting to $40,000 each, and a mysterious
$1.5 million sum reserved for “environmentally
significant lands acquisition”, perhaps something
to appease those pesky environmentalists who
keep hammering on about very legitimate issues
that we just don’t have time for right now.
What we have is a municipal omnibus in this
enhanced capital budget - oppose one part of it,
and you oppose the whole thing.
I can just hear the talking point from the mayor
and friendly councillors: “You don’t think $2
million for artists is a good thing?”, they’ll say
slyly, almost with a Cheshire Cat grin, knowing
we’ve all been duped.
It’s time for something new.
We are past the point where we can allow our
citizens to be misled purposefully. What we
need is a new course. What we need, is a new
voice. What Windsor needs is accountability;
something we’ve been lacking.
This administration, much like the one before
it, is a failure. Not a failure in the sense that they
did not achieve their goals, but because, quite
frankly, they have; above and beyond.
A failure because they’re resorting to these types
of actions.
It’s not that they’re not nice people, and
assuredly, they have the best interests of their
constituents at the forefront of their mind.
But, is this the cost of zero-tax increases?
Having to gut our political morals and accept
that playing in the mud is the only way to get
things done?
Perhaps. For the time being, it appears the
answer is yes.
10 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

THE FIGHT
FOR YOUNG
MEN AT
HOME AND
ABROAD
BY ALEX DENONVILLE
Most Windsorites, like me, will greet
incoming Syrian refugees with a
warm welcome and open arms. We’re
glad to be their place of rest after an
arduous journey. And yet, in the tens
of thousands of faces seeking refuge
in this country, few will be young
men.
Citing security concerns, our newlyelected
federal government has said
no to unaccompanied young men
seeking asylum in Canada. Minister
of Defence Harjit Sajjan stated that
efforts would be focused on the most
vulnerable of refugees; families,
women and children.
What could our country’s refusal
mean for those young men? And
given the seemingly frequent calls on
local social media pages to “help our
own, before helping refugees,” how is
their exclusion reflected in Windsor’s
own “help” for a population of young
men in need?
Locally, I turn to Greg Goulin, the
newly-named Executive Director and
founder of the Windsor Residence for
Young Men. The residence provides
a home for homeless young men,
ages 16-24, while providing life skills
training and social services to help
them build the confidence and ability
to venture out on their own. All at a
measly $80 per resident per day.
“We’re trying to teach them how not
to be homeless, how to be productive
citizens of our community,” explains
Goulin, a long-time local lawyer
who, along with his partner Bonnie
Patrick, started the push for WRYM
in the 90s after recognizing a lack of
services for homeless young males in
the community.
Then there’s Muhammad Robert Heft,
a prominent Canadian expert on deradicalization
and founder of Paradise
Forever, a Toronto-based charitable
group dedicated to providing
social services, programming,
and assistance to newly-converted
Muslims.
Heft played an important role
in bringing down the renowned
Toronto 18 terrorist group in 2006,
helping to notify law enforcement
officials and push a counter-narrative
to what he calls a “gangster version”
of Islam propagated by groups like
al-Qaeda and ISIS.
Heft and Goulin share remarkably
similar stories about the people their
organizations have helped. Tales
of young men seeking meaning,
guidance, and an escape from their
often harsh circumstances of abuse
and marginalization.
There was the young Muslim man
struggling with mental illness and
unable to hold a job for more than
a day, Heft explains. Angry and
unable to deal with his feelings,
he developed a keen interest in
conspiracy theories and the apparent
coming fall of the American empire.
He was ripe for radicalization.
Fortunately, he worked one-on-one
with Paradise Forever’s psychology
and social work professionals (all
with what Heft calls an “Islamic
twist,”) while pulling part-time
janitorial duty at the centre. He’s still
monitored regularly, but now holds a
regular full-time job.
“When you can help get something
going for them, they have a bit of
light at the end of the tunnel... A
lot of these people feel like they’re
dysfunctional... They think they’re
not going to be able to make it in
society anyways, so why not join up
with groups like [ISIS],” Heft says.
Take out the Islamic aspect and
the same could be said of the men
that enter the doors of WRYM.
Instead of radicalization, feelings
of hopelessness and inability to
live independently in Canada’s
unemployment capital make them
ideal for induction into gangs and
crime.
Across Canada, young males are
twice as likely to perpetrate a violent
crime compared to their female
peers. They’re much more likely to
be the victim of aggravated assault
or assault with a weapon and a
whopping 85 per cent of all Canadian
inmates are male.
In WRYM’s first year of operation,
Goulin points out, Windsor saw
a 40 per cent reduction in youth
crime. He’s hesitant to claim a direct
correlation, but he’s unaware of any
other changes within the community
in that time frame.
“We give our guys the ability to walk
away from trouble, to say ‘I don’t
have to participate in anything I’m
not comfortable with’,” Goulin says,
discussing the finer details of the five
point life skills program that WRYM
teaches.
The program isn’t one of handouts
or freebies, it takes work to stay
at WRYM. The men are required
to either be in school, at a job, or
looking for a job to live there. They’re
provided food, but must have a hand
in preparing it. They’ll get help to
access government benefits, like
Ontario Works, but are drilled into
proper budgeting for their future, a
skill necessary for when they leave
the residence and may barely be able
to make ends meet.
The fruits of this approach are
apparent in the many success stories
from WRYM. Young men who’ve
gone on to higher education, steady
work, and much-needed stability.
“It’s not a place where you live
without accomplishing something,”
Goulin says. It takes work.
Much like WRYM assisting with the
transition of boys into adulthood,
Muhammad Robert Heft assists
young men transitioning into a new
religion. It’s not as simple as picking
up arms for the “gangster version” of
Islam.
“Criminality is the easy way, the idea
of picking up a gun and shooting
people or blowing yourself up for
your religion,” he explains. “Having
patience and working in reforming
your character, it’s not easy, it’s not
easy to change habits, it’s not easy to
work on yourself.”
And that’s the rub, none of this
“
We give our guys
the ability to walk
away from trouble,
to say I don't have
to participate in
anything I'm not
comfortable with.
is easy. It’s easier, politically and
economically, for the government
to push a blanket ban on young,
unaccompanied Syrian males, than it
is to put the proper resources in place
to ensure they have what they need to
integrate into our diverse Canadian
community.
Prior to the establishment of WRYM,
there were no services dedicated to
homeless young men in Windsor. At
the time, two facilities were dedicated
to serving women of the same age.
Goulin is quick to point out that it’s
not at all a criticism of the good local
work being done for women.
“It seems to be that our community
somehow has come to place greater
emphasis on either the value of
young women, or their needs or
their vulnerability, and with respect,
I think that’s sexist, whether it’s
intentional or not,” he says.
But those gendered expectations
run deep: the idea that our young
men are tough, able to fend for
themselves, and don’t need that
arm around their shoulder or a
supporting hand to lift them out of a
tough situation.
Sure, they may be the first to go to
war for their country, or even be
drawn into violent extremism, but
the idea they are any less deserving of
the chance to be put on the right path
must end.
That’s worth fighting for.
“
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
11

ROSE CITY POLITICS
WEDNESDAYS LIVE FROM 8PM-9PM ON 99.1 CJAM FM
>>
Kieran McKenzie
Political activist/organizer with a
passion for social justice issues. A
lifelong Windsor-Essex resident, Kieran
McKenzie holds an honours BA in
political science from the University of
Windsor and has been campaigning in
both elections and on issues since he
could walk.
Main takeaway...our budget process
is deplorable.
There are many choices I could
point to that are questionable as
well but I want to focus exclusively
on process and how our process
facilitates participation and
promotes transparency and
accountability.
Or more precisely—how it
undermines these important
elements of any well functioning
and healthy democracy.
Let’s start with the Budget
meeting itself scheduled less than
a week before the holidays
and adjourning a whopping
(nearly) 8 hours after coming
to order. How are citizens
expected to be able to
participate with an agenda that
is so jammed?
I’d like to see Council look
at breaking this up a bit
perhaps—separating the
Capital and Operating Budget
sessions.
But most egregiously is this
disturbing (now common)
practice of the (literally) last
minute tabling of something
called the “Enhanced Capital
Budget”.
Scribbled onto a piece of
paper the ECB listed several
projects/commitments that
Council would prioritize over
the 2016 fiscal year. There
was no report, no analysis, no
notice...just a take it or leave
it $10 M list of some specific,
some vague spending that
Councillors had plopped in
front of them at something past
11 pm.
How in the world is this ok?
With city council having approved the 2016 municipal budget and
enhanced capital budget, we’ve asked Rose City Politics to weigh in
and provide their thoughts
>>
Don Merrifield Jr.
Fourteen years as a Windsor realtor,
musician, father of one son Miles, politicsrun
financially conservative yet socially
liberal. Merrifield Jr. was a candidate in
last municipal election in Ward 3 for city
councillor, a cigar aficionado, motorcycle
enthusiast and lover of travel.
Windsor has come out with another
zero per cent tax increase budget. It’s
hard to complain when, in theory, our
property taxes will not be going up. Is
it a real no tax increase budget? I guess
it depends on the definition you use.
This is the part I believe Windsor
needs to get away from. That being
the politics involved in the budgeting
process.
Every candidate, including the Mayor,
campaigned on more transparency
and consultation with the public,
yet we see again how politics enter
the allocation of taxpayer dollars.
The hospital levy, $10,000,000 in
last minute spending, all thrown at
council at the last minute is completely
contrary to transparency, and give
the public no time to consult with
their councillors. In the end seeing
where the proposed extra $10,000,000
is going to be spent, it’s not hard to
notice if you’re on side with the Mayor,
there’s a little something extra in your
paycheque.
This in the long run helps certain
councillors re election down the road,
and hurts the councillors that don’t
“play ball”.
At some point in time Windsor is
going to have to decide if we’re going
to conduct city business like a real
city would with proper processes for
the use of taxpayers dollars, or if we’re
going to keep running things like a
small town where budget proposals
are done on the back of a napkin.
Operating the city the same as kids
act in a schoolyard is petty and small
minded.
The taxpayers deserve better. Can’t for
once we all be the “cool kids” and do
what’s best for everyone?
It’s not—and frankly it’s pork
barrel politics at its worst.
The ECB is a pure vote
buying exercise that
circumvents process,
disregards planning and worst
of all is fiscally reckless.
Compounding the problem is
its divisiveness—it’s a political
tool. One meant to reward and
punish.
>>
Doug Sartori
Doug Sartori is a technology consultant
in Windsor/Essex, a partner at Parallel
42 Systems and the President of Windsor
Hackforge. He tweets about lots of things
including politics, video games and history
As a slogan, “hold the line on taxes” is
pretty good. It summarizes a complex
set of assumptions and policy ideas
into five words. It’s memorable. Over
the past decade we’ve seen it deployed
at the provincial and municipal level
to identify a candidate or office-holder
as a fiscal hawk whose first loyalty is
to the taxpayer. At their best, slogans
illuminate a political agenda.
When Eddie Francis promised to
hold the line in 2006, Windsor’s tax
rate was seen as uncompetitive. High
city taxes were a barrier to economic
development and job growth.
“Holding the line” was a prescription
for renewal, a path to prosperity.
In 2015, after seven years of holding
the line, the story is different. In all
but one category, Windsor municipal
taxes are below the provincial average
for comparably-sized cities. It’s hard to
argue that high taxes are holding the
city back economically. The situation
has changed, but the slogan stays the
same.
This year, the old Francis-era slogan
was deployed differently. Instead of
illuminating a policy agenda, “hold
the line” served to obscure the cynical
use of the “enhanced capital budget” to
deliver political spoils to supporters,
and to stifle important debate about
the priorities of our community.
With “hold the line” we’ve reached the
point at which a political catchphrase
stops illuminating debate and starts
obscuring it. It’s time for a renewed
discussion about the direction of
our community, and time to retire
the played-out political slogans of
yesterday.
12 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

EDITORIAL
WHAT’S
GOING ON,
WINDSOR?
BY DEAN SCOTT
Last month a representative of FINA, the international
swimming competition, declared that hosting the event in
Windsor would provide an opportunity to showcase the city on
a global stage.
What a wonderful sentiment for a city currently engaged in a
battle to put a big box development next to its largest natural
resource, a city whose council is lauding eight straight years of a
tax freeze while our roads crack and amenities suffer, and a city
hollowed out, yet looking to further its sprawl by placing the
new mega hospital in a location largely inaccessible to most of
its residents.
Does Windsor really need to be showcased on the global stage,
while its unemployment rate teeters back and forth between the
double digits? We applaud the announcement of part-time call
centre jobs coming to the city, while the Windsor Economic
Development Corporation reveals that it’s sitting on nearly
$2-million of unspent funds.
Last month’s city council budget meeting saw the Downtown
Windsor Business Accelerator turned down, yet again, for
funding, ignoring the 500 plus jobs that have been created in the
walls of the organization since they opened their doors in 2011.
The Accelerator has since had to turn to crowdfunding to source
the capital it needs in order to move into a new building to
continue raising the quality of its incubator program. With its
online campaign, #createwindsor, they’ve raised almost $5000
within the first week of launching. With zero support from the
city, they’ve taken it into their own hands to raise the quality of
life in Windsor.
When the Windsor International Film Festival kicks off each
year, you can feel the excitement in the air and watch as filmgoers
head from the Capitol Theatre to visit a neighbouring
establishment, fanning out throughout the downtown core. Yet
WIFF was turned down in its request for $5000 of funding, while
the council added $50,000 to the budget of the Detroit Grand
Prix.
Something about the decision making process in Windsor sure
seems a little bit off.
We have rampant vacancies throughout most of the city, yet we’re
looking to put a big box development next to the precious lands
and eco-diversity of the Ojibway Nature Reserve.
The preservation of the threatened and endangered species, in a
city as polluted as Windsor, with one of the lowest areas of natural
resources, has been left to be fought by Nancy Pancheshan, a
schoolteacher, and her group, the Friends of Ojibway Park.
For eight years, Pancheshan has been pouring over legal
documentation and devoting her time and money for a
frustrating cause that shouldn’t have been hers to fight. A private
citizen should not be protecting the city’s largest natural resource.
Four days before Christmas, in the middle of a 12 hour budget
meeting set to decide the city’s $872-million budget, council held
the debate on an estimated $100-million levy for the city’s new
mega hospital, added to the agenda only three days prior.
The urban wasteland stretches on as our core hollows out and we
boast about temporary construction jobs and prime development.
We had to fight to keep Atkinson Pool. We were turned down
funding for the Downtown Farmer’s Market. We rely on
individual citizens and private groups to combat the faulty
decision making of the Mayor and council.
But hey, at least we’ve got the pools.
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
13

14 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

CULTURAL CRUSADE
with CLARA BENEDEK
DELIVER US
FROM EVIL:
INSIDE DETROIT'S
SATANIC TEMPLE
There are few things in life that are
so inexplicably and intricately linked
together in theory and practice that
it takes a lot of understanding and
research to realize that appearing to
be polar opposites is merely just that;
an appearance. What I’m trying to talk
about is Satanism, Detroit, and all that is
deemed good in the moral and spiritual
world.
It all started with a girl who was once
Christian, attending church every
Sunday while slowly discovering
herself and finding that she was
looking for something more than
just being a “servant of Christ.” She
read the history books and found that
the term “Satanist” has been applied
to individuals who opposed the
church such as feminists, scientists,
philosophers, etc. and overtime felt that
she belonged to this group and not the
Sunday morning worship.
Her name is Jex Blackmore and she
is the National Spokesperson for the
Satanic Temple and the Director of the
Detroit Chapter.
“I realized that I had more in common
with these Satanic characterizations,
which are a reflection of our natural,
freethinking selves,” she said.
A Detroit native, Blackmore thinks
the city is an ideal location. “ I believe
we’ve done well here because Satanism
appeals to the radical, politicallycharged
atmosphere of Detroit,” she
said.
However, since the public and media
found out about the chapter, it’s been
tougher to run the organization.
They currently do not have a location
open to the public. “Managing a
[public location] is incredibly difficult
because of the number of threats we
receive,” said Blackmore. “Most people
understand Satanism through the
lens of horror films and bogus media
hysteria,” said Blackmore, who was
again in the media spotlight recently for
blogging about her abortion.
ask that our voices and rights are
represented alongside other religions,”
she said. “In doing so, we often see
attitudes of exclusion emerge from
within our state legislatures, which
highlights larger issues regarding the
imposition of religious ideology upon
a diversity of citizens who may or may
not subscribe to those beliefs.”
Obviously passionate about social
justice, Blackmore is contributing to
the growing discourse that is slowly
surrounding this religion. On their
website, the Satanic Temple of Detroit
offer seven fundamental tenets: acting
in compassion and empathy, continuing
the search for justice, autonomy over
one’s body, respecting others’ freedom,
recognizing scientific facts as truth,
rectifying mistakes we make towards
others and finally, the last one reads
“Every tenet is a guiding principle
designed to inspire nobility in action
and thought. The spirit of compassion,
wisdom and justice should always
prevail over the written or spoken
word.”
Blackmore believes that in theory
all religions can get along, but it’s
way more difficult to implement that
practice. “ Power lies in the concept that
only one religion is the absolute truth
and that those who reject this concept
are an enemy of the institution,” said
Blackmore.
The organization has unveiled the
statue of Baphomet last summer, which
Blackmore told ABC news in an article
published in July that it represents
“both beast and man with one
hand pointed to the sky and
one to the ground which
symbolizes the dualities of
our nature.”
Many followers of this
religion do not actually
believe in a personal satan,
however the organization
stands behind many social
causes such as gay marriage
and reproductive rights.
“We do not attack or attempt to
dismantle Christian systems, we merely
For more information, visit
thesatanictempledetroit.
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
15

Facebook group highlighting Windsor's vacancies
FOR SALE
FOR LEASE
FOR RENT:
VACANT &
BLIGHTED
BY DEAN SCOTT
A
project has recently been gaining
attention on social media hoping
to create a dialogue about vacant
buildings and empty lots in Windsor.
Showcasing images of properties in
various states, from well-maintained to
blighted, the Facebook group ‘Windsor’s
Vacant Buildings and Lots’ was created
by resident, Kathryn Tisdale, who hopes
to make the community more mindful
of the connection between continued
urban sprawl and the increasing list of city
vacancies.
“I believe that we’re in denial as a
community about how many holes we
have in our city right now,” said Tisdale.
“All of a sudden, we seem to be starting
to talk about more expansion. There’s the
proposed mega hospital, there’s the big
box development on very fragile, very
important land near Ojibway, and I think
we need to look at the consequence of
expanding before we do any more of it.”
The group has a call-out for photos of
as many properties as their volunteers
are able to find. They aren’t asking for
professional photos, just evidence and
information of core and suburban
vacancies, whether they be commercial,
residential, or industrial.
“Our population isn’t growing, and it
hasn’t grown for years, but the boundaries
keep getting pushed out. Even though we
already have too many buildings we’re still
trying to put up more...” states a post on
the group’s Facebook page.
“At the same time, we take on the neverending
costs of all the usual city services
– roads, sewers, water, buses. The vacant
buildings act as dead zones, sucking all the
economic energy and human vitality out
of the street they are on. The longer they
sit empty, the more blighted they become.”
Tisdale believes that we need to be
more aware of the consequences of
expanding, before further growth is
allowed to happen. She’s concerned about
the economic dampening effects of the
holes, mixed with the increased cost of
infrastructure of the sewers, roads and
amenities that are necessary to serve the
new areas.
“I just want to get the discussion going.
To be aware of a problem is the first step
in solving it. We keep talking about the
expansions, if we don’t do something to
change it, it’s going to lead to a city shaped
like a doughnut.”
NOTABLE
derelict buildings
The Kilt and Fiddle
28 Chatham St. East
Closed since 2014, the Kilt and Fiddle was an Irish
haunt following in Mick’s Irish Pub’s footsteps with
flowing taps and frequent live music.
Shawarma Queen
61 University Ave West.
This establishment has been ‘opening soon’ for just
over a year. Passersby may have spotted our 2014
‘Best of Windsor’ issue covering the windows up
until the past few weeks. Hope to see it open soon.
Thunder Food Court
1295 Wyandotte St West.
A graveyard of closed businesses, the Thunder Food
Court is home to Lee’s Herbal and Acupuncture.
Hang in there, Lee, the plaza needs ya.
Stylish Urban Suites
523 Pelissier St
With a little more life, Pelissier could be an exciting
street. The Old Don Cherry’s Bar, we’d love to see
the building follow through with the plan to convert
to stylish urban suites.
16 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

ACCELERATOR SEEKING SUPPORT
BY JON LIEDTKE
At what point do you just pack it
in and give up? It’s remarkable
that after 5 years and 3 separate
requests for funding from the City of
Windsor - all denied - the folks at the
Downtown Windsor Business Accelerator
have anything left in them.
The Accelerator has turned to the
community, launching an IndieGogo
fundraising campaign, seeking to raise
$30,000 to fund their move to a new facility
after being rebuffed yet again by council at
the recent tumultuous budget meeting.
The campaign, #CreateWindsor, to date has
raised over $4,000 in about a week, and its
purpose is to help bridge the gap until the
accelerator moves into its new building.
“I was disappointed most of all in our city,
as a city it is very difficult to attract startups
here, obviously unemployment has been
the highest since 2001,” said Arthur Barbut,
managing director of the accelerator, at the
launch of the campaign. “We’re the only
accelerator in the Windsor area, we really
want to capitalize on the innovation and
the growth of the creative community in
Detroit and we think Windsor is ready for
that growth.”
The Accelerator released their 2014
Economic Impact report, and the in-house
report produced by the accelerator, the
organization reported a total of 583 jobs
created (233 direct jobs; 350 indirect jobs),
housed more than 30 tenants, saw a total of
12 tenants graduate, and contributed $2.56
million in direct economic impact and
$4.84 million total economic impact.
That doesn’t appear to be enough to appease
city council however. In fact, Barbut
explained he doesn’t think councillors who
voted ‘no’ understand what the accelerator
has achieved.
“I don't think they get it at all … we invited
all of the councillors, we sent them our
economic impact report … unfortunately
it seems most of them haven’t read the
information and a lot of them have refused
to come to the accelerator,” said Barbut,
resiliently. “We extend an invitation to all
councillors to come for a tour, also we’re
happy to open the books for them.”
Barbut explained roughly half of the
companies housed in the accelerator are from
out of Windsor, citing the U.K. and India.
“We wanted the $90,000 to really start
promoting the accelerator outside of our
region and bring more innovation and more
bright minds here,” he said, before adding that
his high school entrepreneurship program
which has reached over 3500 was designed
to help combat brain drain to help “plant the
seeds for entrepreneurship ... I think the city,
contrary to what they say in their 20 year
vision plan is kind of going against that.”
“I think it sends a very negative message
and it portrays Windsor as a place that’s
not business friendly, entrepreneurship
friendly,” said Barbut, referencing council’s
no vote. “We have a great opportunity
here being next to Detroit … there’s over
17 accelerators in Detroit supporting
entrepreneurs and startups ... Windsor has
to do the same.”
When asked what he would say to members
of city council who voted no, he responded:
“Simple. Jobs.”
“Since 2001 we’ve been the highest
unemployment city in Canada, which
is unacceptable for a city with our great
location and the great people who live here,”
said Barbut, adding. “We’ve clearly invested
our money in the wrong priorities and
ultimately I don’t think graduates from the
university or college want to work at a call
centre.”
For more information on the campaign
#createwindsor and the DWBA, head to
indiegogo.com/projects/create-windsor
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
17

BORDER CITY BITES
Your resource for local food in Windsor & Detroit.
Find the latest and tastiest restaurant photos and
recommendations at facebook.com/bordercitybites
Green Bean Cafe’s
delicious omelette wrap is stuffed
with cheese, peppers and onions
and is best served with their zesty
BBQ sauce. For only $4.60, this is a
great option for lunch in downtown
Windsor.
The Little White Kitchen
features daily soup such as this
apple squash and pumpkin spice
soup, festive for the cooler weather.
It is even better when eaten along
side a piece of naked birthday cake
and a cup of coffee.
Spago’s Sicilian arancini
(rice balls) are filled with cheese
and served on top of tomato sauce.
They are warm and cheesy and make
the best appetizer for two or three
to share.
Squirrel Cage offers
weekend brunch with fresh quiche
options, as well as homemade
egg, bacon and cheddar breakfast
sandwiches and the classic croquemonsieur,
all served with home fries
and greens.
18 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

FOOD
in South Windsor, comes the quiet and unassuming Budokan,
now open for approximately one month. In some ways this is the
restaurant Chanko was meant to have all along; it’s small, seating
allows for under twenty people, and has a menu designed by him
entirely. And with plenty of reflections and tributes to some of
his past projects, his experience shines through. It’s a few minor
tweaks away from being a great restaurant, and a significant part of
the area’s food scene.
There are five or six tables and another half dozen bar seats, with
little space between. In a part of the city inhabited by restaurant
behemoths, this isn’t the worst thing, and in fact could play in their
favour. It could provide a much more relaxed setting for a quiet
meal. This in itself is different than Chanko’s previous ventures.
The menu unfolds into three sides. The first side has soups and
salads, and there are two gems here: the chicken on a raft soup,
and the Thai mango salad. The former is a very visually intriguing,
enormous bowl of soup with lemongrass chicken perched on top
with flavours to match. The latter is a salad that eschews traditional
salad greens in favour of bean sprouts, and the result is delicious.
The house balsamic is relatively low on acidity, but that works
well in this instance because Thai mango isn’t as sweet as regular
mango, and so there’s no need for strong flavours. The result is a
minor, balanced dish that’s fresh and light.
The middle third of the menu is all appetizers, varying in size, and
it’ll be a pleasant surprise for vegans or vegetarians, as there are a
lot of plant-based options. My favourite was the lemongrass tofu,
grilled perfectly. It doesn’t need the dipping sauce that it comes
with to be great, it has plenty of weight behind it, even for those
who normally dislike tofu for its blandness. Chanko manipulates
it well.
THERE’S A NEW
PAUL’S KITCHEN IN
SOUTH WINDSOR
Budokan delivers upscale Pan- Asian dining
to South Windsor with the return of Paul
Chanko. BY ELIZABETH HOFSTADT
BY ADAM WHITMAN
/5
In a culinary landscape vastly underrated on a national level,
upscale Asian dining has long since eluded Windsor’s grasp.
There are a number of factors that have contributed to this
truism.
Chef Paul Chanko has had an interesting hand in combatting
this identity. Foodies city-wide will no doubt recognize his work,
as it spans decades, and has seen many manifestations. Chanko
gained popularity many years ago as one of the chef-owners of the
original version of Chanoso’s, and his restaurant was a hit in its
original state.
But his pedigree goes far beyond the restaurant that still bears half
of his name. Prior to that, he worked at The Mini, and subsequent
to Chanoso’s, he opened the upscale bistro Junk, which sadly was
only around for a short time. Since then, he worked at Big Tony’s,
set up the menu at Walkerville Tavern, and even worked at the
Verdi Club in Amherstburg.
Most recently, on the heels of a miniature restaurant renaissance
Those familiar with Chanko’s previous restaurants will recognize
the sauce used with the tofu, as it’s essentially his signature sauce
that he’s made famous over the years. Here, it’s called Budokan
sauce. It’s relatively light with a lemongrass, garlic, and chili base.
The final section of the menu is again an homage to some past
projects, and past diners who enjoyed his work will like what
they see. There’s a section of options to build your own stir-fry,
choosing your protein, sauce, starch, and heat level. I recommend
the Budokan sauce for your first time, to get an introduction, and
then the black bean oyster sauce as well. In addition to building
your own stir-fry, there’s a short list of two items called “classics
from Chef Paul,” both of which are nearly identical to some of the
wok creations he composed for the Tavern’s Asian offerings.
It’s my opinion that while the stir-fries are very satisfying, and
spiced boldly, the true gems of the menu are in the appetizer
portion. There’s more variety and creativity to be found there,
and sharing a number of these in a small group will satisfy
everyone. A small handful of changes could also make enormous
improvements for Budokan.
Budokan bills itself as upscale Pan-Asian. To an extent, it is. But
for me what defines any type of upscale dining is high quality
ingredients that don’t need much to be better than they already are.
For example, the gui lan, a Chinese broccoli dish, is coated in far
too much garlic oyster sauce. The sauce is good, but overpowering
and a little unnecessary. And by the same token, I wish there were
less fried items. It’s again unnecessary.
Additionally, I feel as if such a small restaurant gives the kitchen an
opportunity to labour over details. And I wish they did that more.
While the soups, salads, and appetizers are plated handsomely, the
stir-fries could use some colour or garnish to make them pop a
little more. But the flavours are there, as is the skill behind them,
and that’s much more important.
20JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

I
should have known this would
happen. We’ve spent so much time
criticising the curious state of beer
retailing in Ontario that as soon as
something actually goes our way, the
only way people know how to react is
to criticise it.
Yes, beer is available in 19 Loblaw’sowned
stores, 15 Sobey’s, a bunch of
Farm Boys and about 10 more chains
and independents. Good news, right?
Apparently not. I’m hearing complaints
along the lines of “The beer is
unrefrigerated and relegated to two
end-aisles”, though a quick question
to staff reveals that at least 40ft of
brand new refrigeration has already
been ordered for the beer and will be
installed in January. Or, “It’ll all be
big domestics,” while Loblaw’s has
dedicated at least 50% of its shelf space
to independent craft beer (and no, Mill
St. doesn’t count).
Look, I get it. I left Ontario when I
was 22 and didn’t come back until I
was 27. So on December 15th, when
I stood next to a smart-serve certified
cashier and watched an MPP cut a red
ribbon tied awkwardly between the two
end-aisles dedicated to beer, trapping
the civilians innocently shopping in
that aisle and wondering what all the
hubbub was about, buying beer in
grocery stores was nothing new to me.
Having lived in more “modern” alcohol
retail environments, where booze can
be bought in all sorts of establishments
from state-run to independent and
huge grocery chains to little mom-andpops,
I didn’t even have the novelty
of it, let alone excitement, to make it
seem like this was an important event.
It felt less like the awards ceremony in
A New Hope and more like the ending
of Empire, when we’re happy that we
haven’t lost the fight, but we know
there’s a lot more work to be done.
When I spoke about it with a
representative from a certain large
brewery east of Toronto, I couldn’t
resist running down the list of
problems:
- Grocery stores must be at least yea
big
- Products can’t be sold in anything
larger than a six-pack
- Prices have to match those of the
LCBO
- The LCBO acts as a wholesaler (ie.
local stores can’t purchase beer
directly from local breweries)
- The Beer Store receives a cut of the
profits if stores sell above a certain
yearly allotment (I don’t know how
they got away with this one)
Admittedly, these are real problems.
But this is still a step in the right
direction and many of the other
complaints I’ve heard are petty and
ill-informed. It doesn’t help that the
criticisms come far too soon, based
as they have been on only 1 of the 13
grocery stores that received licenses on
December 15th.
Let’s back up for a minute.
In April, the province announced that
“sometime within the next two years”
beer would be sold in grocery stores.
The response to this was “Um, okay
but... (insert any complaint you can
come up with)”. First and foremost,
people took issue with that exceedingly
vague timeline, expecting this, like
most policy in Ontario, to take years
to come into effect. Nobody (except
perhaps Loblaw’s) expected to be
buying beer from grocery stores on
December 15th.
In September, the government allowed
grocers to begin bidding on licenses to
sell beer.
In November, the first 13 of a planned
60 winning bidders was announced
and the government said that beer
could be on grocery store shelves by
Christmas.
By December, people still didn’t seem
to buy it. The general consensus was
“hopefully by the spring”. But then
somebody leaked some information to
Ben Johnson which he published on
his blog on December 11th, claiming
that beer would be hitting the shelves
on the 18th.
Now it’s December 15th and there’s a
big photo-op at a Loblaw’s in Toronto.
Kathleen Wynne is hanging out with
the presidents of brewing companies.
Even as people got progressively less
pessimistic over the course of the year,
it’s still earlier than anyone expected.
At 10AM from Windsor to Thunder
Bay, the shelves are stocked, the staff
is trained, there’s one “express” beer
column and three more where you can
buy your beer and groceries together.
By Christmas Day, at least three other
grocers have also begun stocking beer.
Alcohol retailing in Ontario is a very
strange thing. But at this moment it’s
better than it has ever been. There’s
enough local brewers in this province
that nearly all of us can get our beer
straight from the source. And for the
first time ever we now have a fourth
retail environment.
You can complain that it’s not enough.
The LCBO is still in control of grocery
store sales. The Beer Store is still too
powerful. This is just disguising the
fact that we still essentially have a
duopoly on beer distribution. The
Liberal Party is trying to distract
us from more important things by
appeasing to the popularity of beer at
the moment.
Well, that last one is fair. There are
much more important things we ought
to be complaining about. Instead of
whining about beer in grocery stores,
celebrate a small step in the right
direction and continue to demand
more from your government.
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
2015 11 Accelerator Independent 3.3 x 9.2 R1.indd 1 2015-12-10 12:16 PM
21

ASK
SPENNY
Need more answers?
send Spenny your dire
questions about love,
relationships, and life at:
sexwithspenny@gmail.com
My husband keeps asking me to stimulate
his prostate when we’re making love. I’ve
told him I’m uncomfortable with it, but he
keeps insisting. How do I become more
comfortable with doing this?
Not that it matters, but I don’t know what
exactly the prostate is. However, I do know
two things about it: 1. When massaged in a
sexual context it can lead to an extremely
pleasurable orgasm. And 2. It can get cancer.
The rest are details we need not be
concerned with for this conundrum. (The
cancer aspect will be addressed in my Cancer
with Spenny column, which I’m having trouble
getting published.)
Okay. So, hubby wants his prostate
massaged. I get it. He wants a more
powerful orgasm. Who doesn’t? But, you’re
“uncomfortable”. Off the top, let’s deal with
the brown elephant in the room. My guess
is you feel grossed-out by the geography
that needs to be navigated for this move to
be effective. Understandable, but you’re
married. I would think your marriage vows at
least indirectly covered this, right?
Look, you may otherwise think you’re a stellar
lover, but if you’re attempting monogamy, do
you really think you’re going to get away with
not going to places you’re uncomfortable
with in order to keep an interesting sex life?
Look, poop is gross. Sure there are some
people out there who are turned on by
doody, but they’re a minority, and let’s not
judge them. They have enough shit to deal
with.
Most of us have poop issues. But, thankfully,
there are ways to mitigate the general
poopiness. Rubber gloves and anal douching
come to mind. I get that having to use prep
gear might break the mood, but isn’t he
worth it? I don’t know him, so maybe the
bum isn’t? (Get it?) But if he is worth it, get
the gear, and give your betrothed an orgasm
he can tell his buddies at the pub about
during the next Leaf game.
In short, there’s no way you will get 100%
comfortable with this if you have doody
issues. But, you can be prepared. And
remember, it’s a two way street. Make him
do something he’s uncomfortable with...
like taking you out to dinner, or having a
conversation. It’s only fair. If he refuses, and
you’re upset, simply add some tabasco sauce
to his next prostate massage. Believe me,
he’ll get the message. Don’t ask me another
question EVER AGAIN!
What are your thoughts on the
“friend zone”?
The “Single Bullet Theory” was initially MY
theory, and it had nothing to do with the
assassination of JFK. It had to do with what
modernity has called the “friend zone.”
(BTW, the single bullet theory is not to be
taken literally unless you live in Chicago.) The
theory is an analogy to help you decide if
hitting on your friend is a good idea.
As usual there is a lot at play here:
Attractiveness, potential sexual dexterity,
mutual kink compatibility index (MKCI), genital
hygiene, etc...
For clarity, let’s imagine your friend passes
the above list with flying colours. At that
point, you must decide if the risk of losing the
friendship outweighs the desire to bang your
pal. It brings into question what exactly a
friend is. I can tell you what a friend is to me.
Perhaps it will resonate. A friend is someone
who is loyal, willing to pick you up a the
airport, will help you move, will thoughtfully
listen to your whining, will keep secrets, will
HONESTLY assess your dating/lovemaking
skills, will tell you when you have a booger
in your nose and will NOT lend you money
--counter-intuitive, but important to keep a
friend.
If your friend does all of that for you, DO
NOT TRY FOR SEX. If your friend won’t do
ALL of that, take a chance, knowing that
poor performance and/or giving them an
STD could result in a humiliating end to the
friendship.
But, if you both dig the sex, and start a love
relationship, please remember that marriage
will eventually ruin the friendship. As we have
learned, there are many ways of losing a
friends, so unless it’s the real deal, you might
as well get laid.
22 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
23

Saved by the Bell
with Andrew Bell
Cutting
through the BS
of social media
and our online
interactions
Remember the simple days of social media,
where we’d all spend our time bitching
about people who posted pictures of
everything they ate and updated us every time
they had a bowel movement? Ah, the glory days.
This year, we had to suffer through much worse
– Drake pretending to dance, friends pretending
to support social causes through a filter on
their profile pictures, and desperate Americans
pretending that Donald Trump and Kim Davis
had rational ideas. It was exhausting, but it’s
finally over, right?
Guess again. Over the past decade, we’ve watched
through rose-coloured glasses as most of our
social interaction shuffled into a flurry of 1’s
and 0’s, speeding across the world and back
in the blink of an eye. We have access to more
information than ever before, and a logical
person might conclude that we’ve become a
brighter, more educated and worldly population
across the board. That logical person would be
wrong, but a little dreaming never hurt anyone.
The sad truth is that there’s no aptitude test
required to use social media, so anyone with
an email address can instantly add themselves
to the two billion people who already have
profiles. And, just like real life, when you put a
bunch of people with different opinions into a
single room and hand them all megaphones, it’s
guaranteed to be a fucking disaster. If you have a
spare minute, take a scroll through that brainless
void affectionately known as the Windsor Star
comments section for prime examples.
But, since the Internet can’t be fixed, I’d like to
take a moment to draw attention to a rift that’s
been widening over the past year, and see if
we can’t come to some sort of logical, mature
conclusion on how to move forward.
This divide isn’t specifically based on one hotbutton
issue, but rather, on our responses to any
given issue on any given day. It’s a metaphorical,
inter-generational dick-swinging contest over
free speech on the Internet. On one end of the
spectrum, we find an ‘enlightened’ generation of
so-called ‘social justice warriors’, who are fighting
to rid the Internet of anything they perceive to
perpetuate racism, bigotry, homophobia, ‘shame’
and other forms of marginalization. And then,
on the other end, we find graduates of the School
of Hard Knocks, who are convinced that we’re all
too sensitive and are fed up with being shamed
out of speaking their minds for fear of offending
anyone.
In my mind, both sides have an argument
to make here. We’re in a time of masscustomization,
where people can build their own
social networks and choose what content they
want to see. We’re also a society in the midst of
a social revolution, redefining what it means
to be equal and safe in a free world. And while
the concept of making the Internet a ‘safe space’
sounds appealing in theory, it doesn’t work in
practice – it’s ludicrous to view social media as a
safe haven to avoid viewpoints you disagree with,
or as a judgment-free shelter where you won’t be
called out for the way you treat people who are
different.
To me, the most dangerous part of this Hard
Knocks uprising is that it fails to recognize an
important truth of social interaction: when we
offend someone, we don’t get to decide if their
outrage is wrong or right. Sure, there’s infuriating
examples of people losing their minds en masse
over the smallest, most inconsequential things,
but we don’t get to decide how people feel and
how they react. We roll with the punches, and we
work towards that elusive common goal of unity.
By and large, people who call you out on your
bullshit are attempting to explain that this better
world we’re working to build is tangible, and that
by recognizing the consequences of your words
and actions, you can make small changes to treat
everyone with respect and dignity. It takes almost
no effort to remove words like ‘gay’, ‘retarded’
or ‘slut’ from your lexicon. It takes even less to
stop judging people based on their appearance,
intelligence level or personal tastes. And I’d like
to think that the premise of a world without
cyber-bullying, depression and teen suicide far
outweighs your cosmetic sacrifice.
It’s possible that these people think they’re edgy
by “fighting against Generation Butthurt” but
to me, they look a lot more like a crying child
throwing a temper tantrum because they can’t get
their way. Losing your privilege is hard to cope
with, but the world isn’t about to throw you a pity
party or hand you a hot cookie. Welcome to the
marginalized perspective, we hope you enjoy it
here.
So if you’re worried that what you’re posting is
going to rub people the wrong way, take three
deep breaths and try to wrap your head around
the fact that what you’re posting is probably
offensive. If you can’t justify a reason to post
something beyond getting a reaction, you’re
either a really good troll or a really bad person.
It’s still your choice, of course – it’s still a free
country, and an even freer Internet. Just accept
that people will probably think you’re an asshole,
and they’ll make sure you know that. If you can’t
come to terms with that, well, put a fucking sock
in it.
Hold off on those songs of victory, Social Justice
Warriors – if you think I’m behind you, you’ve
got another thing coming. Do I think that it’s
crucial that we continue to reframe global
thinking on issues of social justice and human
rights? Sure. But the way that so many of you go
about that monumental task makes it easy to see
why people are getting sick of you. It’s another
lesson in applied entitlement, and I hope you’re
paying attention.
When most of us respond to things we see
online, we have a very short reaction time, and
it often leads to hyperbolic black-and-white
declarations that have little to no basis in fact. We
lob judgment bombs at each other safely behind
our keyboards, and assign labels immediately
based on where we stand on any given topic.
Sometimes they’re merited, but it’s rare. Here are
a few examples:
You don’t think Caitlyn Jenner is a hero because
of the opportunities her wealth and privilege
afforded her? You’re a transphobic piece of shit.
You’re not sure we have the resources to support
an influx of refugees right now? You’re a
xenophobic douchebag who doesn’t belong in
this country.
You still laugh
at clips from
The Cosby
Show? You’re
a pro-rape
misogynist
and I hope you
break your
neck.
Are you picking up what I’m throwing down?
We find ourselves poised at all of these critical
junctures to discuss and reframe our thinking
on things like sexual assault, foreign policy
and gender identity, and instead of focusing on
issues and solutions, you’re wasting your time
drawing subjective lines in the sand between
‘good’ and ‘bad’ people. You don’t even have to
substantiate your decisions – just pick your side,
call a spade a spade (even if you don’t know what
a spade is) and spread your new perception like
wildfire. Assuming you never slip up and Tweet
something bigoted, you get to play judge, jury
and executioner in 160 characters or less.
The truth is that most people on social media
are fucking idiots. That’s why we enjoy it so
much, regardless of how we use it – and I’m just
as guilty on all fronts. We all share the same
shitty personality traits: we easily forget that
other peoples’ opinions are valid, we care very
little about substantiated fact, and we prioritize
the sound of our own voices over the value of
intellectual debate. And if we reach a point in
this social experiment where we can no longer
handle a free exchange of opposing ideas without
digging trenches and lobbing bombs until
one side wipes the other out, we’ll be willingly
marching ourselves backwards through history.
Indulge me for a minute, and imagine if the
Internet wasn’t an endless warehouse of invisible
binary data. Picture it as thousands of physical
message boards planted across town, where
every comment had to be written and posted.
Would we risk running into the people whose
character we’re trashing? Would we willingly
kill a thousand trees every day just so we could
all posts rambling paragraphs echoing the
exact same sentiment? Save the environment,
folks, and have the decency to use the passive
aggressive tools (see: the Like button) that social
media have to offer. If all you want is to be seen,
congratulations – you’re ruining the Internet.
We can’t shame each other into building a better
world. All that does is make people frightened
of each other, and fear can quickly manifest into
hate. By continuing to educate ourselves on the
changing world we live in; challenging each
other’s views with respectful disagreement and
verifiable facts; and striving to move the world
forward together – we might just have a chance
to save this floating piece of garbage before it
sinks.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m attempting to
explain to a grown man that advocating vigilante
justice in the form of raping and torturing
someone who taped a dog’s mouth shut makes
them a sociopath. No wonder the aliens haven’t
taken over yet – they’re patiently waiting for us to
destroy ourselves.
24 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

Fridays Live!
January 29, 2016 ∙ 7-10pm
$10 admission; music,
hors d’oeuvres, cash bar
agw.ca
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
25

Record Reviews
BROUGHT
TO YOU BY:
PSALM ONE
PSALM ONE LOVES YOU
BY NOAH SCANGA
/5
Straight out of the Windy City, Psalm
One delivered her third studio album
earlier this fall. Shortly after its release, she
toured through North America; putting
together a compelling performance. Drew
Mantia adds his laid back, undemanding
feel through his production, and The
Rapperchicks collective makes recurring
appearances throughout the album.
The sound of the project is a fluid mix of
soulful harmonies and burnished lyrics.
This creates a powerful album you’ll want
to hear over and over again.
‘Kissy Face’ features a tango infused piano
melody that’s wrapped around the whole
piece. Horns are brought it to exaggerate
the feel, and punctuate some moments.
The rhythm has a similar latin feel, but
with some ‘boom boom bap’ infused into
it. Psalm One rhymes in a creative fashion,
that shifts rhyme schemes from dexterous
to strong and stout.
‘Impatient (Just U and Us)’ is a ballad to
past and present loved ones and lovers.
She describes the longing we feel for the
people in our lives when we can’t be with
them. The style varies verse to verse, but it
always returns to the hook which features
the talented Angelenah.
Not only is this a massive shift from
mainstream hip-hop, it radiates powerful
emotions. Psalm One is an MC who’s
keeping contemporary Chicago hiphop
on the map, and who shouldn’t be
overlooked. Also check out her alter-ego
Hologram Kizzie’s, Free Hugs.
SALT SHAKER
REBIRTH
BY LUKE-JULIUS FRENETTE
/5
As kids, Myskow brothers Billy and Erik
and their sister Suzy made music together
following family meals in their parents’
home. The close-knit trio have been writing
and performing ever since. Adopting the
moniker Salt Shaker, their brand new LP,
Rebirth is both musical and visionary.
The single “God=Love” shimmers with
brilliant melodies and an optimistic belief
in “how much better the world would be”
if people learned to love; and the second
single “Choose Choice” is a call to social
action.
The band definitely set the tone early on.
The lo-fi indie gem “If You Seek, You Will
Find” and the bluesy tune “Hard for a Rich
Man” dig deep to discover timeless truths.
The LP’s religious leanings are obvious
but they aren’t in the least pushy; and the
record thankfully lacks the cliché stylistic
tendencies of the Nashville mainstream
many gospel acts can’t get away from.
The title track “Rebirth” is almost
psychedelic in its hazy feel and soft,
lazy harmonies: the siblings chanting of
“rebirth” lulls one into a stupor as if he or
she were high in the back church pew. If
a sleepiness does prevail, rock jams like
“Sent to Bed…With Nothing But Dessert”
and “Watch Your…” toward the end of
Rebirth will likely startle the body back in
a blissful resurrection. The LP has the sort
of dynamic that builds anticipation to hear
the songs live and generates a curiosity as to
what Salt Shaker will do in the future.
LITTLE SIMZ
AGE 101: DROP X
BY NOAH SCANGA
/5
Formerly Lil Simz, this UK MC has broken
out into the hip hop scene under her own
rules. She mixes thoughtful lyrics with
evolving soundscapes that swirl around her
voice like a natural phenomenon. Drop X is
the 5th installment of her Age 101 releases.
“Sea Level” features a rhythm that captures
the hook “Deep Under Water” as it slowly
submerges you into the depth of darkness.
ALXA and Mick Jenkins joins her for
the plunge as they explore the depth of
depression, and the rise of emerging
through the pains of life.
“Kiki’s Future” is an introspective view at
society; it looks at the people suffering in
our community. The song also looks at
corruption, and how the system has turned
its back on the people who need the most
help. The hook provided by Kent Jamz
gives the piece a more R&B feel, but it also
provides a look at the hope and sacrifice
needed to overcome those realities. The
music provides an ominous background
with an engulfing harmony, and a
minimalist piano melody that contrasts
from Little Simz agile rhymes.
Little Simz brings something to the table
that’s been absent in music. Her rhymes
are fast, but rich, with every word having
thoughtful meaning behind them. If you
find yourself enjoying this body of work,
check her debut release A Curious Tale of
Trails + Persons.
26 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

Film Reviews
GOODNIGHT MOMMY
DIRECTED BY VERONIKA FRANZ, SEVERIN FIALA
BY AMANDA SINASAC
THE SKELETON TWINS
DIRECTED BY CRAIG JOHNSON
BY AMANDA SINASAC
/5 /5
Goodnight Mommy trails twin boys, Lukas and Elias
(Lukas and Elias Schwarz), who spend the long summer
days exploring the lush Austrian countryside that
surrounds their ultra-modern home, and awaiting the
return of their mother from an unexplained cosmetic
surgery.
Upon her arrival, the brothers are understandably
shocked to find her face bruised and bandaged beyond
recognition. Even more alarming is that their once caring
mother has taken on an oddly cold and distant demeanor.
Her increasingly callous behavior brings the boys to
suspect that this woman is an imposter.
This film’s significant creepiness doesn’t stem from
excessive gore or jump scares. What makes Goodnight
Mommy truly frightening is a mounting sense of
discomfort. Relying primarily on visual narrative, the
film’s purposeful quiet lends a cringeworthy quality to
every well-placed step, crackle and crunch.
Disturbing the whole way through, Goodnight Mommy
dissects the bond of mother and child, and tests the
loyalties of its audience. As Lukas and Elias resort to
increasingly violent and illogical measures, we can’t help
but suspect there’s something about them that isn’t quite
right.
I had high expectations for Craig Johnson’s comedydrama,
The Skeleton Twins, which came with enthusiastic
recommendation from a trusted friend. Having previously
enjoyed the comedic stylings of Kristen Wiig, the film
seemed right up my alley. Unfortunately, the reality failed
to live up to the hype.
The Skeleton Twins is essentially a story about a pair
of insufferable siblings whose selfish and destructive
behavior brings misery to everyone around them. When
estranged twins Maggie (Wiig) and Milo (Bill Hader)
each find their suicide attempts coincidentally thwarted
on the same day, they’re prompted to reconcile after not
speaking for nearly a decade. As they work to mend their
troubled relationship, it quickly becomes clear why the
two lost touch in the first place.
Hader and Wiig do manage to inject some life and laughs
into the screenplay, which is otherwise pretty dull. Though
they’re portraying a pair of unpleasant characters, the
relatable awkward brand of humour that has been constant
throughout each of their acting careers is as present as
ever. The resulting onscreen chemistry is magnetic, even
(and perhaps especially) when the two are clashing.
It isn’t a bad film, but it wasn’t engaging enough to hold my
interest. Johnson succeeds in the difficult task of tackling
the theme of depression with both honesty and humour,
and the lead performances are solid. But clocking in at
only 93 minutes, The Skeleton Twins shouldn’t have the
chance to drag, yet somehow it does anyway.
windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
27

GAME REVIEW: ELITE DANGEROUS
BY BRYAN HOLMES
About a year ago, the game Elite Dangerous
(from Frontier Developments) was released. As
an early backer, I had already been playing the
game for a while. It’s a fantastic space simulation,
where you’re allowed to head out into the black
and do whatever it is that you find fun. Fancy
yourself a smuggler, trader, bounty hunter or
political mover and you’ll find something to do.
Explorers even got to have their name put onto
unexplored regions of space. And for a year
the game was quite fun, although I had always
looked longingly at the behemoth that is Star
Citizen, I knew it would be a while before I could
play that game. With the newest expansion to
Elite Dangerous I’m looking more at my screen
and less at Star Citizen these days.
So if you’re unfamiliar with the Space Simulation
genre, the idea is you’re just a tiny insignificant
speck in the universe. You’re not the ‘hero’,
there’s no real storyline to progress. There are
lots (and I do mean LOTS) of factions in space,
each brushing up against each other for space
and influence. Small system level factions work
for galaxy spanning ones and you’re working for
all of them. And all this is in a close simulation
to our galaxy. Frontier even went as far as to
contact NASA to help them with their procedural
generation, to ensure the most accurate galaxy
possible.
This brings us to the expansion: Horizons.
Frontier is a whole ‘season’ of content. That
means buying the expansion gets you a bunch
of content now, but also free content drops
throughout the year. Last year the base game had
four major content patches all free. Of course
people who don’t buy the expansion get some
new content as well, but mostly compatibility
content. Buying the expansion gets you an
exciting feature out the door: landing on certain
planets and moons. Later in the year will be
launchable drones and multi-crew ships.
Right now, most players are spending a good
chunk of their time exploring the new celestial
bodies. Only moons and planets without
atmospheres are accessible now, but they’re
massive and are detailed enough to make driving
around fun on it’s own. Throw into the mix new
planetoid bases, the ability to fly right from outer
space all the way down to the surface and all
sorts of new missions added to the game and
there’s a good amount of content waiting to be
played now.
However, all these new features come at a cost.
Firstly, the requirements for the game have
changed. Because it uses compute shaders (a way
of running non-graphics code on video cards),
directx 11 is required so it takes a slightly beefier
system and means any Mac users cannot play
the new expansion (although they can still play
with their friends in space, even if their friends
buy the Horizons content). Secondly it’s a bit
confusing as to how to buy the game. Anyone
who buys Horizons will get the original game for
free. If you already own the original game, you
get a discount. There are several preorder tiers,
some giving access to physical copies and others
giving access to the Beta going on right now. It’s
a bit of reading to figure out which is the best
option but there are lots of people giving advice
on the internet as to which package would suit
new players vs old.
The price tag is a bit hefty, at £29.99 (which
converts to roughly 60 bucks Canadian), less
with the existing-owner discount and the ‘make
your own fun’ mentality doesn’t suit everyone but
I’ve been having a blast with the game and the
community makes it very easy to fall in love with
the game.
Bryan Holmes, thegeniusinc.com
Seeking to share his exuberance and love for video games,
I bring have partnered with the Windsor Independent to
bring all that gaming knowledge to your eyeballs. Also,
I likes Dinosaurs, Movies and Comic Books and posts
about those things as well.
28 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01

HORRORSCOPES
BY MIKE SPECHT
CAPRICORN DEC 22 – JAN 19
Like everyone, you will look to the new year as a time
to fully blossom. Realistically, you will fall back into
the same old patterns of pettiness and laziness. Rather
than trying to change yourself, make your less desirable
qualities work for you in the form of short cuts that lead
you to where you want to go.
AQUARIUS JAN 21 – FEB 18
Another year gone by, and another time to celebrate not
having a child or contracting a communicable disease!
Congratulations on havin’ fun, but playin’ it safe, stud.
PISCES FEB 19 – MAR 20
Being between existential crises, you are conflicted as to
what to fret over next. Not knowing what to be nervous
about sure does make you nervous. It really could be
anything. You’d best pick one, before one picks you! Be
anxious on your own terms.
ARIES MAR 20 – APR 19
Less thinkin’ more drinkin’! That’s the medicine for you.
Got a problem? Have a pop. Havin’ a good time? Have
a pop! What are you doin’ right now? You got a beer?
Fire some beer in ya, idiot!
TAURUS APR 20 – MAY 20
You really wish your goddamn family would shut the
hell up while you’re trying to be productive. It’s like,
‘Hey asshole, I love you, but I am not responding for
a reason.’ Chances are you’ll just phone in your work
this month.
GEMINI MAY 21 – JUN 20
You will makeout with someone who has a weird mouth
this month. It will leave you conflicted as to whether
or not you want to see them again. Though they are
traditionally attractive in every other category, it’s really
tough to figure out how to tackle that mouth. It’s just
fuckin’ weird.
LEO JUL 22 – AUG 22
You have come to realize that electing to study film in
University has turned you into a somewhat of an ass.
Rather than trying to explain to your friends why the
new Star Wars was just a rehash of A New Hope, throw
on some Wes Anderson and bask in your pretension.
VIRGO AUG 23 – SEP 22
Feeling low? Pick a person you know whom you
are certain will always be doing worse than you and
occasionally glance at their Facebook and Twitter.
Getting a glimpse into the misfortunes of some other
asshole will make you feel good about you.
LIBRA SEP 23 – OCT 22
Spending time with family is wonderful during the
holidays, but it certainly takes a toll on your sex life.
Whether it be giving yourself a rub, or making pop-pop
with your significant other, it becomes increasingly
difficult while under your mom’s roof. Now in the
comfort of your own home, take the month to pop off in
whatever manner you see fit. You deserve it.
SCORPIO OCT 23 – NOV 21
It appears as though the shine has really worn off of
Tinder. Bad luck for all of you single chumps, seems
like in 2016 you’ll have to attract a mate like a regular
person again. For those who may not recall, that mostly
entails consuming copious amounts of alcohol, and
shouting until your intended mate takes notice and
approaches you.
SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 – DEC 21
Among the rash of stupid new year’s resolutions,
someone you know will make a pledge to “be selfish
this year, because they give too much and get walked
on.” As if swapping being a doormat for a dick ever
got anyone anywhere. It’s probably best to phase this
person out so you don’t have to hear them preface all of
their actions with “you know what? I am going to do it.
Because I am being selfish this year.”
CANCER JUN 21 – JUL 22
Stop, drop, shut em down, open up shop. A local
business owner you know will act maliciously towards
another without warrant. Oh, no. That’s not how local
rolls. Be sure to tell them not to be such an asshole all
the time.
CLASSIFIEDS
STEP-DAD SEEKING RESPECT
Good day, my name is David Hornachuk. Or as my
step-kids call me “Dave.” I am an above average bowler,
and I enjoy John Grisham novels. I am seeking some
younger new pals to take under my wing and show
some cool things to, without contempt or sass. I know
I’ll never be your real dad, I just want to be your real
friend. Nothing sexual. Call 519-833-222
HAVE SEX AND CHILL?
Hey all! I am a 18-20-something-year-old looking for a
pal to have sex and chill with. Rather than Netflix and
chilling, where the chill always seems to get lost in the
tension, let’s get the humpin out of the way and then
hang! Contact humpNHang@gmail.com.
UPPITY BITCH SELLING COUCH
Ugh, this is so gross that I am even posting in here.
But I have a white couch that I need dealt with. I have
been suspecting for some time that my fucking $1600
Norwegian Forest Cat is allergic to the fabric and she
recently had a reaction. There is a slight stain on the
side from a glass of a very expensive Bordeaux, which
was spilled while my husband Todd was mingling with
his partners from the firm. The price is $2500 nonnegotiable,
and you must move it yourselves. If you’re
a long hair art type, please remove your shoes upon
entering my residence. Please call 226-577-120 ext. 23
for details.
windsorindependent.com
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windsorindependent.com
JANUARY 2016
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manchester
32 JANUARY 2016 Vol. 04 | Issue 01