Collide Issue 30: The Middle

Film Still from
A Place in
the Middle
11 years old. The stigmas attached
to transgender is something that she
knows, and once believed to be true.
“My mom comes from a Mexican
Catholic family, so it was very shocking
for her, but more shocking than
it should have been. So I modeled
my response after my mom’s. But I
knew something was up because he
started talking hormones even before
he told us. If I hadn’t been as
shocked as I was, I would have probably
been okay with it,” Lomeli said.
Now, Lomeli is willing to help her
father, who now goes by the name
Dee, during this transition. Dee remains
steeped in her Christian faith,
and Lomeli appreciates their Bible
studies together. However, there is
one thing that Lomeli won’t do, and
that is refer to Dee as a she.
“When you’re their kid, you refer
to them as what they were to you.
I don’t call him mom because he
claims that he will always be my father.
It’s not a matter of gender but a
matter of parental role. So I call him
dad out of respect of that fact that
he is my father. He doesn’t want that
added stress of me having to change
pronouns all the time. He knows
that when I call him ‘he’ it’s not out
of disrespect, but out of the fact that
he is my father,” Lomeli said.
But, Lomeli and her mother
weren’t the only ones in the family to
be angered by her father’s decision.
Growing up, Dee’s parents wanted
her to act more masculine. But now
that Dee has fully accepted who she
really is, her family barely even talks
to her anymore.
“We heard countless stories about
how he felt growing up. When he
was three, his parents had to cut his
hair really short and they said that
he was crying for days. And then
during picture days when he would
have to wear a tie and do his hair, he
hated it,” Lomeli said.
Dee entered the army and became
staff sergeant before she left,
which made Dee’s father very proud
of her. She continued on as part of
the California Highway Patrol Officer
and father to Lomeli.
“It was just 40 years of him being
unhappy and trying to please everyone,”
said Lomeli.
After coming to Lomeli, it took
her four years to finally start talking
to her father again and take the time
to learn about who she is.
“I lived with my dad during the
summer when I was 16. We would
go out in public and he would wear
feminine shirts, long hair, makeup. It
was different but it was still my dad.
The only way I could tell it was different
was how everyone was looking
at my dad,” Lomeli said.
Now, Dee is more comfortable
with dressing up and putting on
makeup in public, not paying attention
to the stares that she might get.
However, because she lives with her
elderly mother who still disapproves
of her being transgender, Dee seems
to be living a double life as she has to
wear her long hair in a hat and dress
in baggy clothing.
With her unique experience,
Lomeli at first wondered why she
picked such a school that didn’t nec-
www.theclause.org/collide • 15