Family

Becoming
Assisting our
children in
finding their
own way
yourself
By Carolyn WaterBurytieman
Andre Pater, a renowned
equine artist, conducted
a tour of his work that my
younger son and I attended. During
the tour Pater was asked what
advice he gives young artists on
how to achieve success. He clarified
that there are many ways to define
success. He identified his greatest
success as an artist being the feeling
he gets when he creates something
that deeply touches another person.
He concluded by saying, “Above all,
be yourself. After all, you cannot be
anyone else anyway.”
What simple, straightforward
advice. Be yourself. I mean, it’s
two words. Yet, it presents a formidable
challenge. For to be yourself,
you have to know yourself. And
the self you have to know changes
over time. Recently I shared a related
quote, “Becoming is superior
to being.” This statement suggests
that while “being” denotes a static,
unchanging state, “becoming” recognizes
the active, evolving nature
of the self. Therefore I altered Pater’s
advice to say, “Become yourself!”
“Become yourself” implies that
we possess the power to choose
who we are becoming. Last month
I explored the relevance of this
notion to the lifelong process of
becoming a parent. But what about
the implications of this directive
to “become yourself” for our children?
How do we assist them in
discovering the power to become
themselves and guide them to exercise
it conscientiously? How do
we facilitate the process of our children
becoming themselves?
Visualize them. We are our children’s
original mirrors. They come
to know the earliest versions of
themselves through their interactions
with us. Create a vision of
your child. Not a fixed vision, a
flexible vision. A working vision of
10 Manhattan Family • April 2016