Vermont Labor Day 2016

The Final Brodown
HoDOwn
MoNtgomery VeRmont
LAboR DaY Weekend 2016
Burn it all down

DISCLAIMER
Hi, I’m Mike. I’m your weekend guide, your affable party host, and the cancerous little angel perched on your
shoulder happily shepherding you into making regrettable decisions during what will be the craziest Vermont
party weekend yet. So grab my hand and let’s head deep into the mountains of Vermont together…
You probably already know what this weekend is: a guerilla gay bombing of a small village in the middle-ofnowhere
Vermont. So now I’ll try to explain why this weekend is. It’s to get away from gay city people and to
give you a chance to step outside of the real world for a weekend and into an alternate universe where a tiny
farming/mountain town is suddenly and overwhelmingly… gay.
The weekend is weird, very drunk, and honestly… its not for everybody. It’s definitely not luxurious, it’s
definitely not fabulous, it’s unique. But it’s really, really fun if you’re a laid back, easy-going kind of homo. You’ll
meet a lot of new people, and probably make a lot of new friends.
The purpose of this guide is to help you determine if this weekend is for you. It might not be, and that’s ok. But
if it is, you’re going to have a weekend you won’t forget.

WelCome to Summer gAY cAMp
Aaaaaaaaaaah summer camp… hiking through the woods,
campfires at night, vicious and hateful social cliques that
psychologically destroy your slightly overweight friend, and
that one creepy older councilor that would have you smelltest
ether rags in the back of his Taurus... For many of us,
it was the best time of our lives.
Deep in the woods of Vermont’s Northeast Kingdom is the
strange little town of Montgomery – the unlikeliest spot for
a gay throwdown party weekend. If you blinked, you’d drive
right through it. But if you dig a little deeper, you’d find
a really weird scene – there’s a dark youth hostel style
lodge but also perfectly quaint inns… there’s a little white
steeple church, but that’s where the town buys its drugs.
There’s a lot of farmers and rednecks, but even more hippies
and homos. And everyone seems to get along.
And then at Labor Day, this little town center of about 500
people welcomes 100 city gays. It’s weird, but it’s kind of
perfect.
This is the 9 th and final year I’ll do this, and every year
it seems to get bigger. We had over 100 guys from the US and
Canada there last year. It’s not an organized ‘gay weekend’
and there’s no paid events, or anything other than an open
invite to come and check out Montgomery, Vermont, kick back,
let loose, and experience a scene that is, in many ways, the
opposite of Provincetown, Key West, or big city gay fests.

satUrdAy
Daytime (12pm-5pm)– Third Hole. Boozy river hike and drinking.
This is the day we go on a relatively easy 20-25 minute hike to
a swimming hole that’s a little more remote in the woods.
Bring water, bring sneakers or reasonable shoes (no need for
hiking boots or anything, it’s more of a ‘walk’ than a ‘hike’
but you should avoid flip-flops or barefeet.)
Directions: When you walk out of Grampa Grunts, go straight up Rt. 58 until it bends to the left. You’ll see a little parking area. Follow the
trail into the woods, you will have to walk through some water by the waterfalls (knee-deep) and you’ll hike along the other side of the river
until you find us all. Should be about 15 minutes one you cross the river.

satUrdAy
Note: if you drink too much, it’s dangerous and really, so what?

SAtURdAY NIGHT RIVER DANCE PARTY
Montgomery Vermont Labor Day weekend
CoWbOys VS indIAnS
the big river dance party
As always, it’s Cowboys vs. Indians. America’s finest heroes against our original menace. Dress
the part. For cowboys: flannels, cowboy hats, leather and lassos. For Indians, feathers,
warpaint, casino uniforms and Elizabeth Warren t-shirts.
This is the big dance party down at the river, in the woods at my place. There’s a dancefloor in
the woods, fires on the river, and mischief all around.
If you’ve never seen a nightclub in the woods, this may be your only chance.

HOLD UP KMOSABE!
SATURDAY NIGHT DISCLAIMER
Cowboys vs Indians River Dance Party. The fine print:
• My house will be shut and locked. The party is down on the
land by the river. If you have to pee, pee in the woods. If
you have to shit, ew, go home. Shitting at a party?
Literally nobody likes you. Just walk home.
• Water and (maybe) ice will be provided, bring your own
booze/mixers/stuff.
• PLEASE try to avoid glass bottles – or be careful with them.
We walk around barefoot down there all year.
• It could be dangerous getting through the woods – it could
be wet, slippery, etc. As they say on that HBO show, Girls,
“The night is dark and full of terrors”. YOU are responsible
for YOURSELF –as if you were an adult, or a Republican.
• If you choose to drink alcohol, hurray for you, but you’re
nobody’s responsibility but your own. Die fag.
• Respect our neighbors, they have shitloads of guns, are
scared of city music and hate the very idea of you.

There’s nothing like a cleansing fire to wash away
the demons of a weekend well-spent.
Sunday night will be at Char’s house in Montgomery
Village. The bonfire this year will be bigger.
People will caravan over (it’s a 10 minute drive
from the big city lights of Montgomery Center) and
it’s BYOB.
Unless you went to one of those ultra-rapey
Midwestern state colleges, this will be the
biggest bonfire you’ve ever seen. Thanks to a
massive ice storm Obama sent on Christmas Eve to
please his Muslim overlords, the tree stack is
almost twice as big as last year’s massive fire.
Bonfiring will be between 9pm-11pm
The bonfire will also be on Hill West Road, across
from the pulloff for the swimming hole – at
Charlie’s house.

Frequently axed questions
What does this cost? There are no
costs other than your own lodging,
eating and drinking costs. This
isn’t an ‘event’ is an anti-event.
It’s barely planned. It’s just a
town open house. Come one, come
all. Allahu akbar.
What is the group like? The key
demographic is laid-back/easygoing.
No drama, pussies or
bitches. In a word, bros.
That’s nice, but I’m gay and
shallow, I meant, what are their
stats? Average age is 22-32 -
younger and older too. The crowd
comes 50% from Boston, 25% from
other parts of the US and 25% from
Canada. French Canadians are uncut
and mostly insane. Since we’re
doing outdoors shit, the party
attracts more of an outdoorsy/jock
crowd than your typical gay soiree.
How do I get there? Drive. I can
help find you a ride from Boston,
New York, Burlington VT or
Montreal, so if you can get to one
of those cities, you’re all set.
know what that is. Our friends
aren’t druggies, they’re boozers
and stoners. I’ve never been to a
circuit party but I’d imagine this
is the opposite of something you’d
find in Miami or Provincetown.
Is this a crazy sex party? No.
Definitely no. But it’s a party of
100 drunk guys up in the mountains
for a few days. So yeah, there’s
lots of hooking up going on.
Will I die? I’ve thrown this party
twice a year for 9 years and very,
very few guests have died.
Is it true there are no cell phones
in town? Yep. There is no cell
phone coverage in town. There is
wifi in the lodges and you can
drive a few minutes out of town to
catch a signal, but prepare to
unplug. It feels amazing.
Will I be gay-bashed in a small
mountain/farming town in the middle
of nowhere? Nope. Just be cool.
It’s a great little town, but it’s
definitely not ptown – so behave
and act like a man, man.
Where to stay
Google these places and you
gotta call them.
Grampa Grunts is the youthhostel-style
party central
spot. It’s not luxury.
There are bunk beds.
The Inn – owned by a gay
couple that escaped NYC,
this place is amazing.
There’s an awesome bar and
restaurant too so check it
out at some point.
Phineas Swan – another b&b,
this one is also pretty
nice and is dog-friendly.
They might have rooms
available.
The Coach House – average
rooms, good place to stay.
Snowshoe Lodge – the town
bar. Loud and proud.
Decidedly not fancy.
Is this a circuit party? I don’t

Saturday
The Inn!!
Pretty stuff

A travel note: some GPS systems will take you off Interstate 91 and onto VT-route 58. This is outlined
in blue above. This is the shortest way to get there, but it’s a windy dirt road through a mountain pass
where you’ll have no cell phone coverage and you’re gay.
I recommend it for people with chunky tires, but not performance or low-profile tires. It’s also probably
not the best idea if you’re super anal about your car’s paint job or keeping it clean. The route outlined in
red is how most GPS systems will send you and it’s the best bet. It’ll take you to Jay Peak Resort and
then to Montgomery. .

LABOR DAY WEEKEND 2016 – MONTGOMERY CENTER – VERMONT

You get to be a weirdo for a weekend. Enjoy it.

The world’s most unlikely gay resort.

Say goodbye
After nine years, this is it.