Hairpolitan Magazine Vol 2 Oct-Nov 2016

FEATURE STORY
“
LOSING A BABY
WHO WAS NOT
BORN IS A
LEGITIMATE LOSS.
Wanjiru Kihusa
“
STILL A MUM
By Wambui JL
Images courtesy of Wanjiru Kihusa
“The modern day woman is resilient yet we don’t highlight and celebrate that enough,” says Wanjiru Kihusa when
I ask her how she can best describe today’s African woman outside of what the western media and traditional
African society defines her to be. In Wanjiru’s view, African women have long been subjected to a myriad of
hardships but they manage to get up, go to work, raise families, support communities, build nations and still
stand strong.
As I listen to her talk across the table, with her hand gently place on mine, I wonder if Wanjiru is aware that she’s
actually describing herself. A few minutes into our meeting she was sharing the story of how she lost two of her
pregnancies within 6 months of each other. The first one was well into the gestation at 20weeks (5months) in
November of 2013 due to a Listeria infection, while the second one early on at 7 weeks in March of 2014 for
unknown reasons.
Since her experiences, Wanjiru took a break from baby making, quit her 8-5 IT job, focused on her marriage and
started a fast growing support network for women who suffered pregnancy and infant loss like she had. She called
it Still A Mum, a name that was truly inspired because as a society we don’t have a name for a woman who has
lost a child. “The statement ‘You are still a Mum’ is very powerful and reassuring to the bereaved; and we aim to
acknowledge and celebrate that the woman made and carried life before losing the child.” Wanjiru says.
Still A Mum was launched in October 2015 after months of discussing the topic of child loss on her online
platforms. The space supports those whose lives have been touched by the tragic death of a baby through
pregnancy loss, stillbirth or in the first few months of life up to 3 years. “This is not to say that we won’t support
parents who have lost older children,” Wanjiru reaffirms, “The aim of Still A Mum is to create awareness on
anything regarding child loss and give correct information which in turn helps those around give proper support.”
FACT BOX
Infant Mortality:
The passing of a child
before their first
birthday.
Spontaneous
Abortion:
The official medical
term for miscarriage
defined as the death
of the fetus before
20weeks (5months).
Fetal Demise:
The official medical
term for stillbirth,
defined as when the
baby dies after 20
weeks.
LOSING A CHILD
Pregnancy and childbirth have a huge effect
on women and their families; and when a
child dies it is indeed devastating. It does not
matter how long the child spent in their
mother’s womb, or in their families’ arms as
that baby will have already made an impact
and will always be greatly missed. Parents
will naturally feel grief and guilt thereafter
and they should be given emotional support
by being reassured their actions were not the
cause. “Grief is the price we pay for love.
Losing a baby who was not born is a legitimate
loss. Never rush someone who is
grieving. Grief has no formula and is actually
very complex.” A quote via her Twitter
handle @wanjirukihusa.
Interestingly in the year of running Still A
Mum, Wanjiru has found that there is no real
platform in the country that discusses the
importance of grieving loss in general, let
alone pregnancy and infant loss. She has
frequently found herself discussing general
loss and grieving on discussion panels, only
get to mention child loss as a sub-type.
COUNSELLING
Wanjiru admits, that despite the aversion towards formal
counseling in the country, it is very necessary for it to be
made available. “Death of any kind triggers mental
health issues,” she says. The intended key outcome for
the Still A Mum’s support network is for every parent and
family member to know that someone still cares enough
to remember and recognize their child’s life.
They currently carry out two (2) forms of the much
needed counseling sessions. There are physical groups of
ten (10) that meet for five (5) mandatory sessions under a
trained counselor at Norwich Union in Nairobi’s CBD. A
nominal fee of KES 200/= is charged for the venue but it
is not compulsory. The aim with the small number is to
ensure that everyone gets a chance to talk and share
their story. There are also well-moderated Whatsapp
groups made up of 20 people, where members discuss a
new topic in relation to child loss every three days.
In the pipeline are men only groups and/or activities,
where bereaved fathers can also find an outlet to discuss
their loss. “Let’s not forget the fathers, they need our
love and support too,” she encourages her followers
during a live Twitter chat session.
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