COME SIT WITH ME BY THE RIVER by Avril Meallem

Come Sit with Me by the River
First edition 2015
Copyright © 2015 Avril Meallem
All Rights Reserved
No part of this book, except brief excerpts for
the purpose of reviews, may be reproduced in
any manner without permission of the author.
Lavi Publications, Jerusalem, Israel
E-mail: aemeallem@gmail.com
Web sites: www.avrilm.webs.com
www.tapestrypoetry.webs.com

Dedications
To my cherished husband Ezra and children Michael,
Reyna, Daniel and Ilana without whose encouragement
and love my poetic journey would have never flourished.
To my precious grandchildren who bring me so much joy.
To all my friends and colleagues for their continuous
support and love.
In Loving Memory of my parents Enid and Jack Altman.
Appreciation
My sincere gratitude and appreciation to Gretti Izak for
her constant encouragement to continue on my adventure
in the world of poetry and to her, Ruth Fogelman and
Esther Sutton for their invaluable critique of this collection
of poems.

Contents
Preface
ix
Poet’s Pen
A Book of Time
Come Sit with Me
My River
This Glorious Nature
An Ancient Melody
Gratitude
A Scene of Dreams
Undaunted by the Wind
A Forest Tapestry
Lost in a Dreamy Reverie
In the Depth of the Forest
When all is Still
Song of Silence
Transparent Moonbeams
A Greyscale Painting
A Door in the Wall
Shadow of a Butterfly
Birth of an Inspiration
Little Grasshopper
The Horseradish
A Very Contented Snail
15
16
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36

A Light So Bright
Take this Pen
Dancing on the Pages
Without Thought
Orchestra of Angels
Here is the Key
Cosmic Balance
So Fragile
His Presence
To Drink from His Gifts
My Soul has a Voice
Oasis of Tranquility
At the Kotel
A Moonless Night
Born to Dance
A Particle of Dust
Our Umbilical Cord
To Bask in His Glory
It Can Only Be Good
Love
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59

Can I Let Go?
There in the corner of my life
I feel empty
Snow clouds skim
Here is my pen
My thoughts are entangled
A piece of white parchment
I stir fry my words
Open a window
I’m groping for a stronghold
Corridors of my life
I have misplaced the key
I put the key into the lock
I cannot let go
As a child there was a force
I search the seas
The clouds part
It hits me like a flood
An empty pot sits on the stove
I will not delve into my pain
Where is my song hiding
Am I seeking to return
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83

Kaleidoscope
Soft Grey Clay
Virgin Canvas
And then I Remembered
Eternal Love
Welcome
Do not Feel Sad for Me
I Won’t Give Up
Choices
Patience
India
Overwhelmed
A Magical Moment in Mongolia
Beyond Labels
Stop a Moment
A Surreal Scene
Jerusalem
To the Kotel
Our Eyes Meet
Cry of the Earth
Imagination
My Story
Glossary
87
88
89
90
92
93
94
96
98
99
100
101
102
104
106
107
108
109
110
111
111
115

בס ‏"ד
Preface
My hope in sharing these poems is that they will
bring to you the same feelings of hope, joy and
wonderment that I experienced. The poems in
section three express my struggle with personal
emotions which some of you may also relate to and
have the feeling; oh, so I am not the only one!
I have so much gratitude to HaShem for having
opened His gates of creativity and allowed me to
connect to the source of free-flowing words that
are beyond my thoughts.
Avril Meallem

Come Sit with Me
by the River

Poet’s pen touches paper.
A spring bursts forth
from a source beyond thought.
Words spill into the river of time.

A Book of Time
We’re all just specs of the same stardust
animated by the supernal energy
that flows throughout the universe.
I, you, the rocks, the sea...
no different in intrinsic matter;
differentiated only by the Will of God.
We are all as one,
a unity beyond understanding.
My life ebbs and flows
as all life, as all oceans.
So you see, my book is your book;
a book of time in a timeless universe.
~51~

Come Sit with Me
Come, sit with me
here by the river.
Let your feet dangle
in the sparkling waters.
Feel the coolness
calm your mind,
just be here
in this moment.
Speak to me in silence
and I will hear your soul.
Let our eyes focus
on our broken reflections
Is that you or me?
Can you hear my heart?
It speaks of love,
a bond between us
that can never be broken.
I feel the breeze
Can you?
~51~

I hear the rustle
of overhanging, willow leaves
Can you?
I see the Divine
Can you?
Come closer –Take my hand,
I know the river
Do you?
~51~

My River
I flow over pebbles,
curve around rocky outcrops,
carve my way through deepening valleys.
Sometimes tranquil, gently reflecting
the images of my surroundings,
as paintings deep within my soul.
Other times spewing up spray
like a volcanic eruption,
as I travel over a multitude
of hidden boulders.
Then I fall into an abyss of nothingness.
Hurtling down the cliff wall
I fear catastrophe, the unknown,
but there is no turning back
and only my faith in the Creator sustains me.
I hit the river bed below
and continue on my ever changing journey
to merge with the waters of the open sea,
evaporate heavenwards,
and wait till I become as a raindrop
to fall back to the earth once again.
~51~

This Glorious Nature
The smell of new mown grass,
the intoxicating perfume
of citrus blossom, jasmine and roses,
the sun on my shivering skin,
a gentle breeze in sweltering heat.
The warmth of a rock
heated by the summer sun,
the tickling of dry sand
and the roundness of pebbles on a beach,
the wonder of a world beneath the sea.
The laughter of children happily at play,
the trust of a purring cat,
the joy in the bird's morning song,
the roar of crashing waves.
The crackle of dried, autumn leaves,
the gentleness of falling snowflakes,
the early morning dew that carpets the earth,
the swirling mist rising from a valley below,
the power of a swollen river after a storm.
Oh, let me feel it all deep within my heart!
~51~

An Ancient Melody
Moon drops, like diamonds,
dance to an ancient melody
on the undulating waves
of the darkening sea.
The sun, as it rises,
never witnesses this beauty,
never knows that its enactment
was from its own special light.
The moon,
only able to reflect another’s promise
like a servant at its master’s hand.
Our lives in the Hand of God;
puppets on a string,
acting in His theatre of life.
~02~

Gratitude
Lapping waves
sing the song of creation.
A shimmering sun
battles with the cool breeze.
Almighty God,
how can I express my gratitude
that my legs brought me
to the edge of this ocean,
that my eyes can capture
Your treasures,
that my ears can hear
nature’s sounds,
that my hands can write down
my innermost feelings.
Angels of light
dance on the darkening sea,
now caressed by the setting sun.
My skin chills, but I cannot leave.
~05~

A Scene of Dreams
Songs of seagulls
warm breeze on my skin
dry sand between my toes
sky with streaks of pink and gold
blood red sun on the ocean’s horizon
diamonds on the crests of waves –
a scene of dreams, hopes and desires
a precious moment in the tide of time
~00~

Undaunted by the Wind
How inspiring to gaze at a tree!
Sense its roots reaching deep down
into the rich brown earth,
holding, nourishing,
seeking the truth in the darkness.
Feel its branches,
like arms reaching upwards
to touch the essence of Heaven.
Experience the trunk so strong,
undaunted by the power of the wind,
yet dancing, flowing,
yielding to the tide of life.
Connect to the fruits that it gives
unconditionally to the world,
never knowing their final destiny.
~02~

A Forest Tapestry
Brown and grey boulders,
forest of many shades of green.
A breeze rustles the overhead leaves
creating a ballet of speckled light
on the earth below.
A lizard sunning itself
notices my presence,
darts into the undergrowth.
How much of nature
lies hidden from my eyes?
A black fly with a red head
investigates a possible food source
on the tip of my toe,
wanders along my foot, tickles,
but I let it be.
We enjoy the forest together,
for I, too, am part of this tapestry,
captured in all its beauty.
~02~

Lost in a Dreamy Reverie
Fir trees surround my little hollow
as if guarding me from an unseen foe,
their pine needles tinkling
in the gentle summer breeze.
I am alone with myself,
lost in a dreamy reverie
until, through a gap in the forest,
my eye catches the shape of a towering building
and the roar of traffic assaults my ears;
civilization’s so called progress and pleasures.
But then,
a bird’s melodic call
transports me back
to my place of tranquility
in nature’s enchanting garden.
~01~

In the Depth of the Forest
A warm summer breeze caresses my face −
God, comforting me with His gentle hands,
calming the tangled webs
that swirl around in my mind.
In the tranquility of this moment,
as shafts of sunlight penetrate
the foliage canopy,
I hear His voice
whispering in the rustle of leaves.
Can I be silent?
Allow myself to be filled with His music.
Absorb all the knowing that surrounds me.
Find my bliss in the depth of this forest
and take it back into my world outside.
~01~

When All is Still
It was moonlit night,
one of those magical moments
when all is still
and the world sleeps.
Black granite hills surround the valley
like arms, cradling a resting child.
Seated on a soft, grassy mound
and overcome by the silence,
I fell into a deep meditation.
Sensing a oneness with the universe
my soul soared to connect with the Creator.
I danced to His song as I dissolved
into an ecstatic nothingness.
~01~

Song of Silence
I hear Your song of silence
in the dessert’s stillness
and as the sun begins
to set and the stars
fill the night sky
all becomes
as a single
soul.
~01~

Transparent Moonbeams
Naked rocky mountains
cloak me in their majesty.
A lone, parched acacia tree
strives for survival.
The desert,
so still as an artist’s painting,
cradles me in a thick, sublime silence.
A rounded moon
stealthily rises amongst the stars;
Transparent moonbeams
to illuminate my pathway home.
~01~

A Greyscale Painting
Rugged chalk cliffs
clothed in colourful wild flowers,
wild, grey-green ocean below me,
white foam crested waves,
crimson setting sun,
scattered puffs
of gold tinged clouds,
dark blue sky with streaks
of red and orange.
Night falls
and, as if by the wave
of a magician’s wand,
this once, multi-coloured scene
transforms into an eerie grey-scale painting.
~22~

A Door in the Wall
I have found my very own hiding place
deep within my imagination.
A place far from war and terror,
far from exploding rockets and air raid sirens.
Through a creaking, wooden door,
hidden behind brambles and ivy,
I enter the garden of my dreams.
A dancing waterfall sparkling
in shafts of sunlight.
Emerald green grass, soft and velvety.
The myriad of colours in my garden
soothe my tear-filled eyes.
Birds swoop and circle in the open sky
and I join them in their freedom.
We can all have an imaginary garden,
a haven to escape to in times of despair.
The door in the wall will always be there,
just waiting for us to open it.
~25~

Shadow of a Butterfly
An image flashes in my mind;
an exquisite butterfly
with orange, gossamer wings,
searching for sweet nectar
deep inside a welcoming flower.
I have to capture this vision,
give to it substance,
share its innate beauty.
Create a masterpiece
from that flash of inspiration;
the shadow of a butterfly.
~20~

Birth of an Inspiration
Butterfly lays an egg –
birth of an inspiration.
Egg hatches,
caterpillar greedily munches leaves –
inspiration mulled over in the mind.
Fattened caterpillar weaves its cocoon,
a place of preparation and change –
plans formulated,
inspiration becoming a reality.
Time passes – chrysalis breaks open,
beautiful butterfly unfolds its wings,
takes flight –
our inspiration, a fully fledged creation
ready to take its place in the world.
~22~

Little Grasshopper
What can I learn from you, little grasshopper?
A creature so small, so inconspicuous,
yet at the moment of my confusion
you appear with a message.
You spring into the air
not knowing where you will land.
May be it is your simple faith;
an instinct of knowing.
So unlike me,
I have to be prepared
for every possible scenario
before even taking the first step.
Yes, you were sent to teach me so much.
I have to learn to let go of my fears.
Take a deep breath − give myself over to God.
Accept where He takes me, what He gives me.
Yes, little grasshopper,
now I know why
you came into my space.
~22~

The Horseradish
‘Horseradish’
What a strange name!
OK radish
But horse!
It doesn’t look like a horse,
Sound like one,
Move like one.
It makes no sense.
But so many things in life
Don’t make sense
So why should ‘horse radish’
Well,
I suppose a radish with a sore throat
Could be called ‘hoarse’!
~21~

A Very Contented Snail
Hi, my name is Squirly
and I am a very contented snail.
You ask me why?
Well I will show you.
Come into my world,
see it from my eyes.
No house to pay for −
mine came free at birth.
No need for central heating −
I find a warm compost heap.
No air conditioning needed −
I laze under a shady bush.
No home maintenance,
no plumbing leaks,
power cuts or decorating.
I don’t even need to plant my own food,
go shopping nor earn a living.
Fed up with location!
I just up and go,
no packing cases,
no removal vans.
~21~

I tell you,
it’s one heck of a life
and I enjoy every moment.
Ok, maybe you get mad at me
when I find your cabbages so delicious,
but I am just doing what a snail
was created to do!
But it’s not all peace in my world.
Birds love us for lunch
and you people
never look where you tread,
but all in all
it’s great being a snail
leading the simple life.
~21~

A Light so bright
no eyes could withstand its intensity.
A milliard sparks to form the universe
taken from His candle

Take this Pen
Oh, let my heart open
that Your knowing
can become my thoughts.
Let me see through the illusions
of form, to grasp the gossamer
threads of truth.
Take this pen in my hand
and let it write of Your glory,
tell of Your miracles
in every moment of existence.
But can I, a mortal,
become a partner in Your design?
~14~

Dancing on the Pages
Letters,
like musical notes,
fall earthwards
from heavenly harps.
I feel their energy
stir my soul
and allow my pen
to touch paper.
Ink flows,
forming words
in a poetic dance
to become part
of God’s divine creation.
My mind cannot create
such beauty!
I can only be a conduit
from the Source beyond knowing;
the treasure chest of limitless inspiration.
~14~

Without Thought
The whole world is a mosaic
of sounds and colours
to capture the imagination.
But it is not these that stir my heart to write.
Something far deeper fills me with emotion
that cries to escape and embrace the world.
So, as I put pen to paper,
the words just flow without thought
as if, somewhere beyond my mind,
lies a wellspring of song that I tap into.
Do I know what I am writing?
Do I plan the lines?
No, it has already been written in Heaven
just waiting to be brought down to earth.
~14~

Orchestra of Angels
Seated in the Heavens
they play the magical instruments of joy,
a symphony of the Creator
waiting to be heard by all mankind.
Do we ever listen to this melody,
tune into the orchestra of angels,
allow their music to enter
the vaults of our hearts?
How can such discord exist in our world?
So many musical notes, floating unheard,
waft in the winds of war and destruction.
Can mankind recreate the symphony
of peace and harmony,
sing the Creator’s songs,
dance to the sounds of the falling rain,
the rustle of leaves?
We each have our own unique notes
to unite Heaven and earth
in perfect harmony.
~11~

Here is the Key
Behind an ancient rusty gate,
hidden behind tangled brambles,
lies the garden of my soul.
Here is the key,
I will lead you there –
little steps
gentle pace
no rush.
It is there for eternity;
an oasis of tranquility.
~14~

Cosmic Balance
I float through life,
dancing its twists and turns,
giving − taking,
coalescing into an amazing whole:
the symphony of my soul,
painted in the archives of creation.
My joys and pains, laughter and tears,
my days and nights, successes and failures
all forming one destiny,
veiled in the mysteries of cosmic balance.
~14~

So Fragile
There was a breeze,
so gentle that it almost went unnoticed.
So many have blown across my path,
unseen, unfelt;
lost inspirations and journeys never begun.
Only in silence could my ears
tune into the Divine and capture
those fleeting moments of connection.
So fragile – so illusive,
yet in that flash of knowing
is the knowledge
that, when I am confused and trembling,
love and joy
from the shimmering Light above
are always there around me.
All I need do, is reach out
and pull back the veil.
.
~14~

His Presence
He pulls me through the dark,
unlocks closed doors,
opens curtained windows.
Guides me
past sleeping dogs,
over bridges,
through tunnels,
never speaking – never slowing.
Mesmerized into acceptance,
His presence felt
only through my knowing.
In times of joy,
in times of pain,
He is always there.
~14~

To Drink from His Gifts
Cool fresh water gushes forth,
HaShem’s light to cleanse my soul;
a spring, hidden from view
covered in layers of concealment.
It quenches my thirst,
fires my desires.
I bathe in its purity
unpolluted by man’s thoughts.
I feel its coolness sustaining me
in times of doubt and confusion.
With my vessel open
I can always drink from His gifts
and fill my heart with amazement.
~14~

My Soul Has a Voice
Deep inside me,
silence shines like a light
throughout my being –
beyond dreams,
beyond knowing.
Yet in that quiet
my soul has a voice,
words of wisdom
thoughts of joy.
No pain,
no complaining,
just a pure
infinite source of love.
~45~

Oasis of Tranquility
I hear the noise of traffic
yet my mind is in a deep, profound silence
in the garden of my soul.
I am at the centre of my being,
I encompass the universe.
I am the energy of crashing waves,
of mighty rivers and gentle streams,
as grounded as the base of a mountain,
reaching heavenwards as the highest peak.
The joy of being, of knowing,
swirls like a blue mist around me.
I fade into insignificance.
I burst forth as blossom in spring.
I’m at peace with myself,
with the world.
~44~

At the Kotel
Incessant background chattering.
Scraping sounds as chairs are shifted.
A woman stops next to me,
dials her cell phone,
carries on an excited conversation.
How can I concentrate on my prayers?
I close my eyes.
A breeze cools my over heated body
and I am alone in the ancient Temple,
moving silently into the Holy of Holies.
I stand before the Ark of the Covenant
and for a moment
there is nothing but me,
melted into the oneness of the Creator,
my prayers no longer words,
my love all encompassing.
~44~

A Moonless Night
Time of introspection –
no light to reflect my image,
only a glow emanating
from my soul.
How hard to accept simplicity,
be true to myself.
No acting out another’s dreams,
no pretence of being someone else.
Only me,
in all innocence,
hidden in the misty cloud
of the unknown.
~44~

Born to Dance
Music flows through my limbs
with such intensity, taking
me to places
beyond physical
and emotional pain.
I could fly across oceans,
soar over mountain peaks
as I take off in ecstatic motion.
Bathed in the caressing rhythms
of joyous light, streaming from above,
my dance becomes a prayer of gratitude.
~41~

A Particle of Dust
I am a tiniest speck of being,
no more than a particle of dust,
imperceptible in the vastness
of the universe.
Yet I am unique.
No one else is like me,
never was,
never will be again.
My consciousness encompasses
the moon, the stars,
the oceans and rivers;
all of creation.
My soul is as radiant
as the light from Heaven,
no boundaries,
no beginnings,
no ends,
eternal.
~44~

Our Umbilical Cord
Do we ever stop a moment
to connect to our Source,
sense His presence
as we dance through our dreams?
Hold His hand
as we walk the tight-rope of life,
feel His arms
around us when in pain?
Listen to the echo of His voice
as He soothes our anger,
hear the whispers of our destiny
in our minds?
He is by our side at every moment;
a friend, a shadow, pure love −
our umbilical cord to the river of creation.
~44~

To Bask in His Glory
HaShem,
Speak to us,
Guide us.
Let Your forgiveness emanate from our hearts,
Your wisdom speak through our lips,
Your compassion radiate through our smiles,
Your Light shine in our eyes.
Your creativity seep through our fingertips.
So many parts of the human form
to express Your love,
bring joy and harmony between peoples,
take Your creation to its highest level
and bask in the glory of Your desire.
~44~

It Can Only Be Good
I begin to write.
A bizarre saga of bewilderment,
pain and helplessness
melts into one moment of truth –
knowing that I am not in control
nor have any idea
of what the universe is planning.
All I can do, is to give everything over to HaShem
and believe that all is ‘perfect as is.’
Tears of gratitude gush from deep within
as my love flies across the oceans
to all those involved in helping my son
so far away from home.
It is a story where I have grown so much
and am ready to face whatever will happen
with trust − for when all there is, is love,
and all there is, is God
then it can only be good.
Written during the saga of my son’s traffic
accident on a remote island of Indonesia.
~44~

Love
Let us see the Divine in all human beings,
know there is a spark of purity in every soul.
Open our hearts to give unconditionally,
never expecting anything in return.
Validate another’s feelings,
empathize and never judge.
Express our deepest connection to God,
for how can we love ourselves
if we cannot love God,
and if we cannot love ourselves
then how can we know love for another?
~44~

Can I let go of all the building bricks
that have made me who I am.
Become as nothing.
Re-create myself
from a place
of truth?

There in the corner of my life
sits an old wizened sage
whose face reflects
the spirit of God,
wise, humble
full of grace.
Oh how I wish
I could draw
him into my heart,
absorb his wonder,
radiate his warmth,
adopt all that he stands for
but my ego blocks him out
so there, in the corner of my life,
he patiently awaits my beckoning.
~44~

I feel empty − closed,
Your Divine Light hidden.
Where are those crystals in my heart
that once shone forth to the world?
Their song has been sung.
No more joy emits from their glow.
I was so near
yet just could not hold on.
How can I bring back their vibrations?
Feel the life force surge through my veins.
But helplessness grabs hold of me.
The Yetzer Hara has won the battle.
His horsemen ride in triumph,
my soul trampled under their horse’s hooves.
Oh my Creator!
You are my source of life.
Give me the strength
to fight my inner darkness.
Guide me once more
through the door to Your Palace.
~41~

Snow clouds skim
across the darkening sky,
chased by a howling wind.
Nowhere to hide,
destination unknown.
I shudder as I am caught
in their turmoil.
My heart pounds against my ribs,
echoing the approaching storm.
Yet stillness prevails;
an all encompassing quiet
stirs something deep in my soul.
An awareness that
I, too, am fleeing, urged on
by a voice inside,
afraid to take a moment of solitude.
Can I ignore the storm?
Go a place of tranquility
and discover each unique snowflake
that hides in my heart?
~44~

Here is my pen,
the paper ready to receive.
Emotions and wonders
cry to be expressed,
but where are the words?
I am frozen.
Locked into my own little world
of insecurity and fear.
So much beauty and power
awaits expression;
a symphony of Divine Creation.
But I taunt myself with only glimpses
of Your Light that I fleetingly allow
to penetrate the mist.
~44~

My thoughts are entangled in a spider’s web.
Inspiration clouded by a suffocating fog.
What happened to my connection
with the treasure chest of creativity?
How can I reclaim those sparks of inspiration?
I need let go of trying
to break through the stifling silt,
allow my river to find its own course.
If I put pen to paper,
perhaps only sadness would flow with the ink,
words too heavy with all my dark emotions.
Or, may be words of bliss will bubble forth,
as if I were dancing on a rainbow,
full of joyful celebration.
~76~

A piece of white parchment
aches to be covered with words –
but I have none.
I feel its emptiness, its sadness,
yet how to record my feelings,
open wounds so painstakingly closed off?
I have built prison walls;
no means of re-surfacing
into my conscious awareness.
They are safe there.
I can go on with my life.
Yet in my dreams
the haunting memories replay their pain.
So here, empty parchment,
I will let my pen
write from my heart.
Will you be strong enough to receive
all the traumas of the past?
Can you contain the tears
accompanying each word?
Maybe, between you and me,
a healing will take place.
~76~

I stir fry my words
of anger, sadness and pain.
Add a shake of spices,
a few chopped herbs.
They sizzle and groan,
seem too powerful,
maybe even cruel.
No! I want no part of this.
I need a virgin creation
from a place of divine inspiration.
No fry up of meaningless animations.
I want my words to echo
to the song of the mountain,
vibrate with the waterfall,
rustle in unison with the autumn leaves.
So turn off the flame,
remove the wok,
start again
with fresh ingredients.
~76~

Open a window
I can’t breathe!
The darkness stifles me.
I want to scream
but my yell comes out as a whisper.
My limbs are locked into a spasm of despair.
I am isolated,
imprisoned in my own cell
with myself as the jailer.
Yet there are no walls,
no shutters need to be opened.
Light infuses my whole being
and my body can move
as freely as the leopard,
leaping across the plain.
The key to my freedom
lies within reach
but I cannot, dare not grasp it.
I am just too afraid to be myself.
~67~

I’m groping for a strong foothold
but all I’m doing is slipping and sliding
in the same old mud hole,
churning it up but unable to get out.
A voice screams –
“Get out of your mind.
Open the door to your beautiful self.
Don’t be frightened.
Nothing can harm you
when you listen to your heart.
It is a pure, shining light
and can guide you with great wisdom.
Not the loud pounding words of desire,
but the voice’ that you will hear
when your mind is emptied
of all the nonsense and trivialities
that now fills every corner.
Then you will no longer feel
that you are drowning in the mud.
You will be free to fly on the wind.”
~67~

Corridors of my life –
so many doors to be opened,
yet I freeze at every one.
I panic − heart races − stomach in knots
"No not this one!"
I walk on.
Keep going – no stopping.
I reach a dead end,
nowhere to go.
Feeling helpless
I give up the struggle.
A door appears − opens by itself
displaying the tangled thoughts
of my mind.
A silent scream!
My hands reach out to take hold of my faith.
I walk boldly forwards.
~67~

I have misplaced the key −
no, I have hidden it from my heart.
It is the key to my knowing.
Why do I block my happiness?
If I knew the secret,
my soul would be freed from its prison.
I would soar on the wind,
dance with the swaying trees,
express my love for the Creator
with every fibre of my being.
Every cell would reflect His Light.
Sublime words would flow through my lips.
But I dare not expose myself to this ecstasy.
How could I contain its power?
I have the tools
but am just too afraid to use them.
~67~

I put the key into the lock,
yet dare I open the door?
What will I find beyond this barrier?
But is the door a reality
or just my mind’s own creation,
a protection from knowing myself
locked so many years ago?
Today I am wiser,
have greater courage.
Yet is my trust in the Creator
strong enough to combat my fear?
The door creeks,
a musty smell hangs in the air;
cobwebs and dust of my past.
A light appears in the far corner of the room,
draws me towards itself,
and I see a smiling child – myself so long ago.
I open my arms,
she runs up to me.
We hug, united with unconditional acceptance
after so many years of separation.
~67~

I cannot let go!
I need to hold tight onto my imaginary life-line;
the ‘me’ with whom I am so familiar
with all her fears, pains, failures,
judgments and criticisms.
How would it be
if I just floated down the river of life
without all the handholds
that I have built into the river bank?
I can sense it would be a journey
with a trust so strong,
that I would no longer dread the unknown,
no longer fear a metamorphosed ‘me’
that is now so illusive.
I know she is there in the background,
yearning to emerge from her concealment.
~67~

As a child there was a force
deep within my core,
a fire burning so powerfully,
exploding into myriad stars
of love and joy –
an endless vessel of desires.
But now the embers smolder
in painful recognition
of what they could have become.
They patiently wait for me
to find the courage
to allow shafts of air to rush in
and re-kindle the flames.
So much creative energy
is crying to be released.
My whole being could again
be filled with passion,
and who knows to where I could fly.
~67~

I search the seas
Sail my ship across the oceans
Look into others eyes
Steal their treasures
But I cannot find my truth.
How many years will I spend on my journey?
No peace, no stopping,
on and on I drive myself
searching for something I know is there.
Great treasures already captured
but still I find no peace.
In my mind I see a chest
and slowly open the lid.
Nothing!
But in the stillness of the emptiness
I hear a gentle voice.
“I am your treasure, I am your truth.
You have only to ask and listen.
Capture the gossamer thread of wisdom
that you hear before your mind steps in.”
~66~

The clouds part
and for a moment I see the sun.
Life feels good,
my heart fills with song,
a dance is choreographed within my soul.
I have come back into the world of Light.
But a voice of pain and deep-seated fear
cries out from within.
“Remember me?
Don’t abandon your shadow,
I am the real you.
It is not safe to be so open and free.”
It pulls, coerces.
I fight but in the end I accede
and the blue sky disappears
behind a mountain of blackened thunderclouds.
I crumple into a bundle of grey nothingness,
aware of the joy that I am capable of feeling
but cannot find the courage to hold on to.
~66~

It hits me like a flood –
one fearful thought has managed to escape
the net and explode into the physical.
I try to fight it.
“Relax, think of something pleasurable”
but it is too late, the floodgates have opened;
churning stomach – pounding heart
all the pain of an anxiety attack.
Yet, within the torture I inflict on myself,
I hear a small voice.
“Go with the tide,
take its full force
you cannot hold back the waters”
I silently speak to this unrelenting power.
“Come on, show me how much stronger you can get.
Give me more.
You can do better than that!”
Suddenly something strange happens.
The storm abates instead of overwhelming me.
A state of calm returns.
~66~

An empty pot sits on the stove,
its emptiness a space for hope.
For how can a new adventure begin
if it were still filled with yesterday’s vegetables?
No space for change!
No space for growth!
Now it waits in anticipation.
May be an exotic stew or delicate apple sauce?
So many possibilities present in its nakedness.
If only I could emulate this pot.
Cleanse myself from yesterday’s leftovers.
Create a space for God’s wisdom.
To merge with the pot’s emptiness
could be so simple, yet so hard to do!
~67~

I will not delve into my pain!
I will not let darkness enter my stage!
Now my play will be one of beauty,
no more depression, anger and fear.
Only joy and love will be portrayed.
Excited I will awaken each morning,
a smile etched on my face,
my eyes shining with passion for life.
I will flow graciously down my river,
grateful for wherever it takes me.
What an amazing performance it could be!
And all this is possible −
the key is here in my mind.
My thoughts are really capable
of creating such positive emotions.
So why write a script of sadness and despair
when I hold the power
to bring myself to a different reality?
~67~

Where is my song hiding?
I feel so closed, so cold.
I languish in a quagmire
of tangled thoughts and emotions
trying to become the person
my intellect tells me I should be.
Oh spirit, come out of your closet.
Let me hear your transcendent voice,
understand your words of wisdom.
Let me enter the celestial chambers of my heart.
A silent voice screams from within −
“Just Be!
Life can be so simple.
See the Creator’s hand
in every moment of life.”
I open my eyes,
tune into the sounds of nature,
listen to the unspoken words
of the rustling leaves,
let go of attachments
and the need to be in control.
Now the song of my soul
with its own unique notes
can be free, in all its glory,
to join the orchestra of creation.
~67~

Am I seeking to return
to my place of safety?
No, I am leaving that behind.
Now I want to fly −
spread my wings to encompass the earth
as a pulsating light bursting forth.
I want to capture creation in all its beauty,
share the amazement felt
at every moment of connection,
and never again sink back
into the shadow of my existence.
~67~

The beauty
in an artistic creation
will be lost unless shared with others.
A diamond
kept hidden away in a safe
might just as well be a black stone
if its essence is never revealed.

Soft Grey Clay
Potter’s tools.
A block of soft, grey clay.
Can I transform this lifeless lump
into an object of beauty and spirit?
My fingers begin to knead aimlessly,
sensing the smooth, malleable texture,
wondering what it will become.
My photo, dancing as a child,
comes to mind.
Can I capture my exhilaration
as I took that leap?
Am I capable of creating
such a graceful figure?
My hands connect to a place deep within,
open the gate to HaShem’s creative Light.
Slowly my lump of clay takes on a human form.
Delicate limbs, movement, poise.
Even my ballet dress takes shape!
I am within the folds of clay,
breathing its energy,
till I release my hands
and gaze in amazement!
~44~

Virgin Canvas
Pot of brushes, tubes of paint,
a sheet of blank paper that looks back at me
as I stare at its emptiness −
“Take a chance,” I hear.
“Choose any brush, dip it in any colour.
Just let it dance across the paper
and see where it will take you.”
I squeeze one colour after another onto my palette.
An unseen hand seems to guide my brush
as vibrant colours streak across the canvas.
Oh, the ecstasy of creativity!
~44~

And then I Remembered
Black, star studded sky,
my favorite music playing,
secluded hotel balcony
facing the Dead Sea.
What more could I ask for?
I begin to dance −
leaping, twirling,
filled with ecstasy.
And then I remember my mother,
suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
Her pains, fears and confusion,
her constant need for my reassurance
and here I am, in a state of joy,
whilst her world is crumbling around her.
My heart opens,
tears flow as never before.
My love for her, at this moment
reaches a place beyond time and space.
She is in my arms, sharing my dance.
~44~

Eternal Love
A world washed with tears;
my world in all its sadness,
a mother lost – friend, teacher,
never to be replaced.
Your soul is now united with its Creator,
flying on His wings,
free from suffering and fears.
Do I really want you drawn back
into this illusion of reality
just for my comfort?
Tears flow when I remember the love I felt
as I watched over your frail body.
You lay so still, so helpless,
yet our souls touched in a place of great beauty,
a place beyond pain and despair.
I knew you were not coming back to us,
it was only a matter of time,
but time stood still
as I stroked your shrunken frame.
I felt such a yearning
to embrace you with my whole being,
~45~

to absorb your wisdom
that I had never acknowledged,
and to cherish your life
lived with only your family in mind.
Mum, I have always loved you
but the love that I felt during those last days
went beyond time and space,
beyond words and mortal expression.
An eternal love of two souls.
~44~

Welcome
Welcome little one
into the reality of this world.
Your physical body,
a tiny form for your pure soul to use
on its voyage throughout this lifetime.
No one knows where your journey will take you.
Only your deepest knowing has this truth.
May you always connect to this awareness
that will keep you on the path of righteousness.
May your heart overflow with love
for the Creator.
May His light always shine from your eyes
to bring joy to all around you.
I bless you, little baby,
with an abundance of goodness
to see you on your way.
~44~

Do Not Feel Sad for Me
When I leave this world,
please do not feel sad for me,
for I will be with God, within His Holy Light,
my soul flowing freely across time.
My perilous journey through this lifetime
will have reached its destination,
my body no longer needed.
The pain you feel,
the tears rising up
from deep within your heart
are for the loss of the presence
of my physical form.
You cry because my laughter
no longer fills your heart,
my smile no longer brightens your day.
Exchange your sorrow for thanksgiving.
Thank HaShem for the gift he lent you
for all those years.
Please do not feel sad for me.
Listen to the birds.
Drink in the beauty and fragrances
of all the flowers that carpet the earth.
Enjoy God’s gifts of life
until He will carry you across the river
to be by my side once again.
~44~

I Won’t Give Up
Oh my computer,
you are taking over my life!
I can’t let go.
I could simply turn you off
but I am hooked.
What happened to the masterpiece
I am working on?
It just disappeared.
Press this key − then another and another.
Now black screen No sound
Stomach turns somersaults.
Keep rebooting.
A message – sigh of relief
till I read what it says,
‘Volume not recognized.’
I scour my computer books,
phone the technician,
try everything he suggests.
I won’t give up
but by three o’clock in the morning
sleep overpowers.
~41~

A new day.
I keep trying
but in the end I accede defeat.
The technician arrives.
Says he has to take you away;
“It will take a few days”
You are gone – I am lost,
my fingers yearning to dance
on your keyboard.
You return.
Such happiness – or is it?
Again I am out of control,
hours in front of the screen – your slave.
But how can I let you,
a mere machine, be my master?
Click ‘Turn Off’ and you are nothing.
But oh,
such a hard thing to do!
~44~

Choices
Black shoes?
No, I asked for the brown!
“We don’t have your size in brown,
only in black or beige.”
The saleslady brings both.
“I also have this different style in brown.”
Dilemma – I like them all.
So which ones to buy?
Panic –
My stomach knots,
I feel sick,
must get out of the shop.
Leave the decision for another day.
I don’t really need new shoes,
the old will do −
but they hurt and are shabby.
So buy a new pair.
But which?
Back to the shop.
“Why not take all three?
I can give you a discount.”
~44~

Oh no! that just adds another choice;
brown – black – beige − all three and save money.
But I don’t need three!
So choose one.
Stomach knots again,
I have to get away – no decision.
Yet ‘no decision’ is also a choice.
Now I have five possibilities!
Help!
So make up your mind and stick to it.
Close your eyes.
Ask yourself what you really want.
Catch that quietest first reply
before all other thoughts rush in.
I ask − I listen
“The brown,”
But what about the black, beige or all three!
No, I silently reply.
I buy the brown.
~44~

Patience
Why can’t she make up her mind?
She’s driving me crazy!
How many shoes does she need to try on?
Is she going to be here all day?
Can I see those ones too?
My patience is rapidly ebbing −
“Ok, I will check if we have you size.”
Up the ladder again.
My poor aging knees!
“Here you are my dear.
Yes? You like them?”
I pray silently to not strangle her if she says NO.
I like them all.
I just can’t decide which ones to buy.
She can’t decide − She likes them all!
Why didn’t she just buy the very first pair?
Who is going to put all these boxes away?
Me of course!
May be I will come back tomorrow.
“Yes, good idea − come back tomorrow.”
Three deep breaths.
May I never see her again!
~44~

India
Army of sounds
Tapestry of colours
. Astonishing to the western eye.
Smiles abound
A helping hand ever extended
Beggars pleading for food
Spiritual incantations to stir the heart.
Colourful rickshaws, taxis, cars, buses, bicycles,
motorbikes carrying whole families
hoot their way through the crowded streets,
shared with seemingly oblivious dogs,
cows, donkeys, ox and camel carts
and even the occasional elephant.
Aroma of spices,
curries , chapattis, samosa, dosa...
A multitude of foods
to entice one’s taste buds.
Families living in tents on the streets,
a backdrop of luxury housing.
An un-orchestrated symphony of life.
~44~

Overwhelmed
I stand at the edge of a steep drop.
Far below, through the white sandy desert,
meanders a muddy grey river.
Barren mountains soar high above me,
each with its own personality
of colours and shape,
some with snow capped peaks
glistening under the deep blue sky.
I am rooted to the ground,
filled with a surge of emotion
that penetrates through every fiber of my being.
My hands reach upwards as if seeking God
to embrace Him with love for the gift
of this experience.
Tears of gratitude flow uncontrollably
as I think of all the sick, disabled, poverty stricken
who will never have the opportunity
to witness this view.
I feel so small, so humbled.
On a mountain pass in the Himalayas, India.
~455~

A Magical Moment in Mongolia
The sun has just broken the morning sky,
peering from behind the granite mountains,
sending its warmth across the green valley
to relieve the cold of the Mongolian night.
Wrapped in layers,
I venture out of the Nomad’s ger
to make my way,
in the still silence of the early hours,
to the nearby golden sand dunes.
My shoes, soaked in the glistening dew
that carpets the grass, become caked with sand
as I climb and slide, up to the highest point.
I pray in a state of awe,
sensing only the presence of God
in the three hundred and sixty degree vista
that my eyes are blessed to witness.
Stirred by a force from within,
I take off in joyful dance –
not so easy in the soft sand,
but my body flies, as if a feather,
as I celebrate this moment of connection
to the Divine and His magical Creation.
~454~

Beyond Labels
A beggar hassles me,
pleads for money,
does not leave me alone.
I get aggravated,
anger takes over,
I shoo him away like a dog.
I forget he has a soul like mine,
indeed we could have been in opposite roles.
Maybe we were in previous lifetimes.
Can I ever know how he feels?
The anguish I have caused him,
treating him with disdain.
Do I stop and acknowledge that he, too,
has a history, family, friends, pains and joys?
For me, at this moment, he is just an annoyance.
Oh how I need to work on my emotions,
see far beyond his label as ’beggar,’
beyond my automatic feelings
of contempt and disregard.
Yet showing compassion
can so easily inflate my ego,
make me feel superior!
~454~

He is a human being who ‘begs ‘
just as I am a human being who ‘writes poetry,’
Beyond our labels
we are the same, from the same Source,
just complementing each other
in fulfilling the Divine cycle
of giving and receiving.
~454~

Stop a Moment
Streets full of people yet he is alone,
shunned by society, an outcast,
unable to earn his living.
He sits − silently
with outstretched hand
to feel a coin or two.
He has no one to talk to,
no one stops to inquire,
no one gives a moment’s thought
to acknowledge him
as a fellow human being −
even a dog receives more attention!
Yet he knows so much,
has learnt the wisdoms of truth.
He lives in a world
away from all our hi-tec distractions,
our time based society.
He truly sees the beauty in a tiny flower
and hears the joy in a bird’s morning song.
So many free pleasures in this world
to feel gratitude for.
~451~

He’s awakened by the first rays
of the rising sun,
dancing on his sleeping eyelids,
whilst we are still asleep in our beds.
He may have no shoes
but we have no idea the joy he experiences
walking barefoot on dew-carpeted grass.
So please, next time you pass him by,
stop a moment,
look him in the eye,
exchange a few words
to lighten the isolation he feels.
He may have a gift to share.
~454~

A Surreal Scene
In the last rays of the setting sun,
storm clouds speed across the sky.
Flashes of lightening
illuminate the darkening horizon.
Thunder echoes from the surrounding hills.
Suddenly a deafening squawking emanates
from the forest across the lake.
A black cloud lifts up from the trees,
spreads out like on opening fan.
Bats!
Thousands of them...
A surreal scene,
forever etched in my memory.
Lake Kunanara, NW Australia
~454~

Jerusalem
Screaming − smell of burning
“Oh no, our Holy Temple!”
What’s happening?
What do mother’s words mean?
What’s happening to the Temple?
I feel her comforting arms around me,
her tears cascading onto my face.
“The Romans − we must leave.
Hold onto my hand and don’t let go."
We run − I see panic all around me.
A haze of smoke blankets the once clear blue sky.
Exhausted we find a small cave to shelter in.
Brutally we are dragged from our hiding place,
led into captivity, exiled from our homeland.
Jerusalem is destroyed,
the Jewish people scattered.
*
Yet, beneath all the sorrow and pain
for over two thousand years,
a beacon of hope burned in our hearts;
a yearning to return to our land
and rebuild our holy city.
And indeed, we have at last come home.
~454~

To the Kotel
Tallit blowing in the wind,
he raced towards the Kotel.
Not knowing why,
but aware that a profound yearning
had propelled him out of a deep slumber
before the sun had broken the horizon.
In the eeriness of dawn,
no thoughts entered his mind
as he raced through the narrow lanes
of the Old City of Jerusalem.
His heart pounded against his ribs
like a soldier’s drum urging him onwards.
His eyes did not notice
the alley-cats searching for open dustbins,
nor the bearded men, with prayer shawls
draped over their shoulders,
making their way to morning prayers.
His only awareness –
a need to touch the stones of the Kotel,
the unfulfilled dream of his ancestors.
~454~

Our Eyes Meet
Our eyes meet.
A fear exists between us.
Our egos say
“You are my enemy
I cannot trust you.”
But let’s go beyond these reactions,
look at each other from the heart,
from a place beyond thinking.
Feel each other’s essence.
Know our oneness.
We can hear the same music,
look at the same painting,
feel the same pain,
laugh and smile with the same joy.
Only our minds
dictate our perception of separateness.
You, me, they,
don’t exist beyond thought.
Amman, Jordan
~454~

Cry of the Earth
My tears cascade down waterfalls.
My sobs reverberate in the rumble of thunder.
How long will I have to drink the blood of the slain,
listen to the screams of the persecuted,
be scarred by the ravages of war?
I am such a beautiful planet,
full of colours, sounds and perfumes −
an abundance of gifts to bring joy to mankind.
I have so much to give,
yet am abused − my forests raped,
rivers poisoned, atmosphere polluted,
my resources used for weapons of destruction.
All I can do, is vision a time
when tolerance, respect, love and compassion
will bring the illusive peace
that I have yearned for from time immemorial.
~445~

Imagination
While my body rests,
my imagination can take me
over the horizon
to places beyond my dreams.
Turquoise seas and silver sands.
I swim and dive with dolphins
deep beneath the ocean’s surface.
Or, as music plays, I am ice skating,
choreographing my own dance
as I twirl, leap, speed around the rink.
Such exhilarating experiences
and all this only in my mind!
~444~

My Story
I am from a place of infinite beauty
beyond the realm of knowing.
I entered this world some seven decades ago.
A woman’s screams shattered my reverie.
A pulsating pressure
squeezed me through a narrow, dark tunnel.
A sudden blinding light,
a sharp pain
and I let out my first of many cries.
I was frightened, confused and cold.
Then, swathed in something warm,
I felt a gentle caress
and an energy full of love flowed into me,
as when I was floating
in the cradling liquid of my mother’s womb.
I was at the beginning
of my voyage of discovery and re-remembering,
a story of overcoming challenges,
of love story,
a story of loss,
a travel story of adventures.
~444~

Many threads were woven together
to bring me to the place I am now,
to the person I have become −
a tapestry of colours, textures and designs.
From generation upon generation
as far back as the first moment of creation,
as far forwards to the end of time,
I am an eternal being, as all beings,
in the timeless theatre of the Creator.
~444~

Glossary
HaShem
The Kotel
Tallit
Yetzer Hara
Hebrew name of God implying loving
kindness and often used in my poems
as a more personal relationship.
The section of the Western supporting
wall of the Temple Mount that has
remained intact since the destruction
of the Second Temple by the Romans
in 70 C.E. It became the most sacred
spot in Jewish religious consciousness
by virtue of its proximity to the ‘Holy
of Holies’, the central focus in the
Temple.
Fringed, white shawl worn by Jewish
men at prayer.
Hebrew for one’s evil inclination.
~552~