Feb 2017 The Definition Love Sexy Vol. 2

THE DEFINITION : HUMOR
Life of a dick
A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an
asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually.
password
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The
husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the
screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
Charlie and his friend wife
Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave,
his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.
The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there
wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No
sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and
motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband
is my best friend!" "Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole
wide world could wake hime up now." "I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I
get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he? "Sugar, he certainly won't. If
you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him." Charlie
did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to
the wife's side of the bed and fucked her.
When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him
on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his
old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie
screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's asshole hairs.
The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old
pal, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my ass for a
scoreboard!"
Clocks in heaven
There was this guy named John that went to heaven. He looked around and saw millions
of clocks, some were slow and some were fast. He went to God to ask a question.
''What's the deal with all these clocks?'' John asked. ''Well,'' said God, ''these clocks tell
how much a person masturbates.'' ''Well, where's my clock?'' asked John. ''It's in the
office,'' replied God. ''We use it as a fan.