MIRAGE

MIRAGE 2014 

THANKS, 

Althaf A 

Ashish Kumar 

Krishna Priya 

(Collaborators) 

Dhanith and all other guyz in CSE’11 

batch(M-CET)........ 

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Place Trivandrum, time 8:00pm, I was 

looking for my seat number in the bus. Got it, it was a 

window side. After putting the entire luggage I took my 

position. I was on a journey to Ernakulum for a personal 

matter. I opened the window to get some air. The road 

was totally dark, maybe it was the time for Power cut. 

But I managed to see a couple under bright moonlight. I 

felt like the moonlight was enlightening them. Without 

closing my eyes I ran out of mind. I returned back after 3 

seconds hearing a sweet voice. A young beautiful lady 

took a seat near mine and put the earphone over her 

ears. The engine starts and bus begins to move. After an 

hour of journey she became so nervous, as her cell 

phone’s battery became low. I started to make a chat. I 

said “Easy easy it’s alright, you don’t have to worry. If 

you want to make any important call, use mine”. She 

replied “No that is not the case I Am a mobile phone 

addicted fellow. Without cell phone I will get bored to 

death”. I asked her “Your name please? “She replied 

“Jyothi and yours?” I answered “Adarsh”. 

Adarsh: So your problem is, you’ll get bored. 

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Jyothi: Yes 

Adarsh: OK. Let’s talk. You are studying or something? 

Jyothi: Yes I Am a B.Tech student. 

Adarsh: Oh that’s cool. I am a software engineer. Do you 

like stories? 

Jyothi: Obviously it’s a long time since childhood I never 

heard any story. Can you tell any? 

Adarsh: I'm not a good story teller. But sometimes 

someone’s life or life events will entertain somebody as 

stories. So what can I do is, I will tell you about my 

Engineering life. 

Jyothi: That will be nice. 

Adarsh: Ok. Here we go. 

Adarsh: I completed my B.Tech degree from Mohandas 

College. My entrance rank was not much better. So I was 

allotted to the IT stream at first. I was there only for a 

week even though. I got some good friends there, two or 

three boys. After the second allotment I get admitted to 

the CS stream, which was somewhat a big class. Almost 

seats were filled in that class. Including me four guys 

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were joined to the class on the same day. Three of us 

were from IT; Ajesh and Nithin Ghosh were the other two 

and one from another college that is Althaf. My entire 

story revolves around this class. Even though there were 

60 students in that class, here am focusing somewhat 

about 10, whom played a crucial role in my college life. 

Before I joined to that class I had some company with a 

guy in the same class, Sabeer Sha because we were bus 

mates. For the first week he was my only company. Then 

I started to make friendship with everyone, just by asking 

their name. The college was just like a jail and we were 

treated us jail inmates. But our first year staff advisor 

Manju mam was a good teacher. She always used to 

encourage us and she is the one who opened the door 

for conversations between us. Second day itself the 

director, dictator had come to our class. She explained 

about her laws, which has to be followed inside the 

campus. At that time itself she picked up a guy from the 

class. He was a big guy, not by his appearance. He was 

our senior, year out boy, Milas. He became the prey for 

her on that day. That scene is still on my mind, she was 

checking from top to bottom no bottom to top to verify 

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whether he is OK with the dress code. She signed off. 

After that what I understand is that she only explained 

about the rules that have to be followed with in the 

college and not a single thing about the rights of 

students. As I already described the college is very strict, 

so the director introduced a new law for first years. All 

the students should sit according to their roll number in 

an order. Even-though after a week that was not strictly 

followed, we used to sit in that manner because that rule 

makes us very close to each other. You know if you 

regularly sit near someone you'll always form a bond 

with each other. That bond helps me to find my best 

buddies in the class. Abhijith Krishnan Roll NO: 1, Abid 

Nidal Roll NO: 2, both were my bench-mates. Then the 

second bench guys Afees Sadeek Roll NO: 4, Ajesh GS Roll 

NO: 5 and Althaf Ahmed Roll NO: 6.Even-though Ajesh 

had to sit next to my bench, he hardly sat there because 

he already got a group in the class. Those were the days 

we enjoyed a lot. I said we enjoyed a lot, and then 

normally you’ll have a question. You said the college is 

strict, then how can you enjoy? The answer is simple we 

got some finest teachers. You know first year is the 

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lengthy span during college days. The days were not 

quite so busy. The one who inspired me personally as 

well as academically is Mr. Arun Kumar, our mechanical 

teacher. I am a man who has some enthusiasm towards 

machines, gadgets, vehicles etc. The way he explained 

about mechanical branch fuelled a spark within me to 

that stream. He is a brilliant person. He got selected to 

NIT for M Tech. Fortunately I still used to maintain with 

him. There is also a thing around him. OK we will talk 

about it later. I always tried not to miss his classes. Even 

though I put every teachers and subjects in good light, 

like the two faces of a coin there is one thing which 

everyone used to curse, the Great Workshop. The 

workshop HOD was a very strict man. I belonged to the 

first batch. In regards of some punishment issues the 

girls in my batch raised some complaints. Still now I am 

not clear about all those things. Then that became a 

chaos which leads us to the most infamous workshop 

batch. Series test was pretty good because that is the 

time which helps me to understand people. As time 

moves my friendship among the classmates and outside 

the class grows like a network. Just for fun I used to 

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propose many girls in my class. Even though all those 

were just for fun my mind got locked up with some of 

them. Best buddies means we don’t fight, don’t argue 

with simple stuffs. Please don’t ever think like that. Yes I 

fought with Abid, not physically but I played with 

emotions. I avoided him. I didn’t even cared what he was 

saying. That emotional play finally ended up with a fight 

of words, venue workshop. At last Abhijith, Afees, Althaf 

interfered and solved. I still remember the reason for the 

fight. I am quite sure that you’ll be astonished. There 

were three hostlers among boys in our class, Abid, Afees 

and Nithin Chandran. Since they were living together 

they always used to show their unity, bond and so called 

hostlers spirit within the class. They sometimes tried to 

sit together, which I didn’t like. The reason is quite 

simple I always wanted to sit with the so called best 

buddies. One day Abid asked me to leave the bench to 

accommodate Nithin. That was the reason for our first 

and last fight. 

After two weeks the college days became 

bored. Everything looks like old school, writing, studying, 

teaching etc. I didn’t learn anything only studied except


the mechanical engineering. Since our admission got 

delayed everything was quite tightly scheduled. 

Assignments, graphic sheet submissions, open book tests 

etc got mixed up with the regular timetable. Our college 

followed a timetable which is unique. Periods are not 

designed according to weekdays but by working days. 

That means the college followed a timetable which is not 

good to say for any other college. The only good thing 

what I felt during regular working days are the club 

hours. There were up to six or seven clubs. We gave 

option according to our priority. Everybody was 

interested to be a part in the photographic club as Mr. 

Arun P.V, our graphics teacher was it head. He was a very 

good teacher. I too gave photographic club as my first 

option. Finally the club members list published. Since 

photographic club got a large queue, the result was in 

the pattern LIFO. Only a few got admitted in the 

photographic club, and me I got the club NSS which I had 

never been put as an option. Bony mam was the head of 

the club NSS. She worked as a counselor at our college. 

Everybody really loved her because she was such a 

charming personality. She had introduced herself in 

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every class. But I missed all those due to the shift from IT 

to CS. Even though I attended the first club hour cursing 

me, everything got changed within an hour. I became 

happy that I didn’t get the wrong choice In fact the best 

one anyone can get in the college. Yes the NSS really 

moved me to a next level. It boosted my self-confidence. 

The way we introduced ourselves and the way we 

communicated within the club hour changed my mind 

set. Learning those slogans, prayer of NSS was an 

awesome experience. I got mingled with so many seniors 

because of it. The outdoor activities inside the college 

were really interesting. That gave us, NSS volunteers to 

interact with the college working staffs. I was also quite 

happy that Varsha and Anjali were in the NSS. 

Jyothi: Oh your love, I got that 

Adarsh: Oh I forgot to place them in the story. They were 

not my lovers but my crushes. During those time my 

character was something like, if I get a flower then I can’t 

resist without proposing some girls. The reason is 

nothing called love but to make a social contact. I found 

that way and got it right. You know during school days 

when we propose someone dramatic changes will take


place. May be he/she won’t talk to the proposed one or 

will reply the regular question ‘we are friends, isn’t it?’ In 

some cases both won’t talk again. Sometimes a quick 

response or a slow response will get either yes or no. But 

that was not in the case of college at least to me. They 

didn’t even care about my proposals. My proposals were 

the funniest moments in the class. Everybody believed I 

didn’t know how to propose or I was simply making some 

jokes. That was true; the reason why I didn’t proposed in 

a true sense was I didn’t know my mind. I was afraid that 

if I proposed someone and got that girl, what will I do? 

What I mean is I used to test my mind whether am 

serious or not. The first girl who catches my eyes was 

Varsha Sharma. I was attracted by her voice, looks etc. As 

usual I proposed she rejected. Even when I was attracted 

to Varsha Anjali also got my attention. Sometimes that 

situation got worse. My eyes were attracted to Varsha 

and at the same time my mind locked up with Anjali. I 

really tried so hard to cope up with that. Vidhu and 

Vanditha were the neighbors of Varsha, I mean bench 

mates. Varsha sat on the middle. After some weeks 

Vanditha got replaced by Adithya. Vanditha mixed up 

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with Krishnaveni, Sandhya and Saranya. Anjali too was 

guarded by Reshma P.R and Krishna Priya on both sides. 

Then I got so much social with Krishna Priya. I got that 

freedom to discuss everything with her, especially about 

Anjali. Me with some other guys regularly used to play 

with the girls bangles. Then accidently Varsha’s bangle 

got broken because of me. Got that chance, I called my 

cousin and we went to a shop at Pappanamcode. After a 

long search we found one that I thought will suit her 

hands and my budget. On the very next day I gifted the 

new bangle. The first three hours were workshop. I got 

expelled from the workshop for not bringing the 

workshop coat. That was the first time I got expelled 

from a class. Then I loitered around the campus met a 

senior, he introduced me to a couple of seniors. Then I 

went to the library. Saw my chemistry teacher there. Got 

bored and I went to my class. Many sandals were there 

on the class since only shoes were allowed in the 

workshop. At that time itself Althaf and Afees came to 

the class. Did some stupid things with those sandals and 

then I discussed about my life with them. Althaf said to 

me that I’ll be lucky if I get her cause she is a good girl 

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and tame her before seniors rush. Then I came to know 

that my bangle got broken. Then I asked her about that, 

she said it was not her but Drishya was the reason for 

that. Then I stopped talking to her. During that time the 

students used to make fun at her with my name I was 

quite happy, because during those times adding some 

girl’s name with mine took me to top of the world. Slowly 

I controlled my mind and Varsha got out of the box. Then 

I fully concentrated on Anjali. . I tried to learn about her. 

Krishna Priya helped me in some extent. I proposed her 

again and again. Then I stopped and understand that it’s 

not going to happen. Then I raised some silly issues with 

Anjali, Reshma.P.R and Aswathy Nair to avoid talking. In 

both these cases the whole issue got resolved by the 

interference of me itself because not many in the class 

knew about. Drishya was actually the first girl who talked 

to me in the class. On the first day itself she came to me 

and asked my name. I still remember the first time called 

her mistakenly as Darsana. During that time I got much 

closer to Anjana, our female class representative. We 

started chatting by discussing about final year project. 

Then that extends to journalism, which was my interest. 

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During those chatting I got much more close to Sandhya 

and Ashtami. You know engineering life is a quick paced 

one. That was exam time not for us but our seniors. The 

thing is our college buses got delayed. The buses left the 

campus only after 4:30pm, and 5:00pm during Fridays. 

That means an extra half or full hour interactive section 

with classmates. The highlight was there were no 

teachers. I still remember what our mathematics teacher 

told. She said “I know the boys and girls in the class have 

not got enough time to communicate with each other. So 

utilize this time purposefully.” But the thing is we were 

already got closed with each other. OK now I’ll tell you 

something about Abhijith. He had a lover Parvathy 

Mohan. Both were lovers from the 9th standard itself. 

Even though I Am interested in love and I like lovers, I 

didn't like their attitude in public. Those emotions, 

cuddles, feelings and all those stuffs especially. What I 

learned from college is girls always want to cry in front of 

their boyfriends, boys should always carefully listen to 

them and remember one thing please don't ever forward 

any suggestions. If you did so then it’s like you have dug 

your own hole. Sometime I really felt that John Cray's 

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words are really true on the book 'Men are from Mars, 

Women are from Venus’. I regularly used to watch the 

romantic scenes between Abhijith and Parvathy, Sabeer 

and Sheena. Of course Sabeer and Sheena were lovers, 

I’ll explain about it later. Not up to that extent but even 

though Abid and Sreeshma too shared their own. Later 

one more joined to the same path, Varsha and Milas. The 

reason why I add Varsha before Milas is simple because I 

was much more close to her than him. Vidhu Prathap, 

Adithya and Hima were very friendly to me. They all did 

their schooling at Cottonhill where my cousin did hers. I 

think that made a link to talk with them. Raghavendra, 

first what I thought about him was that he is a book 

worm, because I saw him asking some serious doubts 

especially on mechanics period. Many got their own 

plates as time gone by. Raghavendra, Sajin, Milas, 

Sabeer, Vaishnav, Sheena, Drishya, Gowri and Aswathy 

Mohan came under a single circle and they enjoyed on 

their own ways. Actually Abid, Abhijith, Althaf and Afees 

were the people who actually helped me to stick in 

engineering. At first the classes were felt like nonsense to 

me as I couldn't follow the pace or couldn’t even 

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understand any concepts. It was them who helped me in 

the initial state. I even tried once to quit engineering. 

Vivek Mohan, he was also my bus mate. Whether he was 

present or not but his presence could not be noticed. He 

behaved as a dumb dog. We really tried a lot to change 

him but it didn’t work out well and he left the campus 

after 5 or 6 months. Gowri was also a senior. When I 

think about her the first thing which came on my mind is 

that thing. Anjana once said to me ‘Don’t eat polo’. 

Suddenly I saw Gowri came there taking polo, I repeated 

the same dialogue of Anjana to her. She asked me why 

not? That moment I turned my face towards Anjana and 

asked why? Both of them smiled utterly. Now I know 

why? Now I am going to introduce the yoyo batch Arjun, 

Aswin, Midhun, Bency, Bharath and Ajesh. Most time 

they were seen together. The whole class used to call 

Arjun as Amul boy because of his look. It was always fun 

to talk with him. Arjun and our workshop HOD always 

maintained a bad a relation. The most salient feature of 

Arjun was that he always smile when someone scold him 

even though. One day Midhun, Arjun and Aswin were 

making so much noise in the workshop. They were 

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blowing whistle. The HOD come and asked who did that 

everybody gets silent expect Arjun. He was still smiling. 

For that reason he is sketched and the entire was put on 

him. Another within 3 or 4 months our big boys made a 

fight with the mechanical branch. By big boys what I 

mean is the gang of Sabeer, Milas, Sajin, and 

Raghavendra later Vignesh too joined. The Vignesh’s 

introduction delay is just a technical one, as he came 

from another college very lately. As Milas had that much 

hold over seniors everything favored to us. That ended 

with two or three series stealthy wreak havoc. Gowri and 

Aswathy Mohan corroborated them regularly. During 

that time my family got relocated to Nedumangadu. 

Then I depended on KSRTC. That morning and evening 

walk from college to bus helped me to find some more 

good friends Nithin Ghosh, Sukesh Kannan, Amala, 

Anusha and Hima. Ajesh was also our KSRTC bus mate 

but he was untraceable. Those walking cum talking were 

pretty good. That made me to find my best friends Nithin 

and Sukesh. Sukesh was a busy man. He had some 

relations outside the college. I think all were gone later. 

Nithin once proposed Anusha. Even though she rejected 

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they formed a great bond. Both of them cared each 

other. It was the college fest time. So the screening tests 

were going through. I and Dhanith prepared a paper, not 

together as two groups. Dhanith was our main class 

representative. He prepared well and presented like a 

professional. So he got selected I didn’t do well and failed 

drastically. That day I planned to do something. So on the 

next day itself I formed a group with Nithin Ghosh and 

started preparing for a paper. We slowly and steadily 

prepared for that. During that time itself I visited IIST 

campus along with Dhanith. He had a paper 

presentation. Sabeer was also with me. Wow that was an 

amazing day. It is a very good campus. I never expected 

to see so many beautiful girls but the problem was all 

were north Indians and I didn’t know Hindi well. Along 

with Dhanith and Nithin I visited that campus next day 

for collecting his certificates. Sheena was the first one in 

our class to bring cake on her birthday. That was a real 

big treat. The first piece was neatly taken and someone 

ate that perfectly. But rest of us got no luck to taste that 

delicious cake. Within a minute the whole cream got 

splashed on everybody’s face. That scene was so good 

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that some of them got that cream on their hair. I don’t 

know what they were doing with their head. Sabeer’s 

birthday came on the physics model. His birthday was 

also like the same. But the difference is he got a gift. That 

gift was sponsored by Raghavendra, Abhin of EC, Milas 

and Sajin. When he opened the gift box he sees another 

small box. The wonderful gift was in that packet. When 

he opened that packet he had no words. Might be his 

heart get filled with happiness. It was a packet of 

lingerie’s of different sizes. May the sponsored boys 

never know his suited size? He also got an inner garment. 

Sorry I don’t know the size. We organized another event 

Christmas friend selection. As you know what is it am not 

goanna talk about it. We bought gift after we came to 

know our friend. I bought a good gift. Hima got me as her 

friend. What I got was really comical. It was a small gift 

box. When I opened that it was filled with comic books 

such as ‘Balarama’, ‘Kalikkudukka’ etc. my pet name 

‘Appukuttan’ got a new high. Nithin Chandran and Afees 

suggested Hima to present me this. Then the selection 

process comes for the NSS camp. Discussed with my 

parents and I informed my willingness to join the camp. It 

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was two days before I came to know that I was in. if am 

going to explain all about camp then it’s not going to 

end. So let me explain it briefly. Those were the days we 

enjoyed up to the peak. Seven days camp had gone like 

seven hours. Those were the most beautiful and 

wonderful days in my entire college life. Including me 

Sabeer, Milas, Sheena, Drishya, Gowri were part. Wow 

those were amazing days. I can’t get enough words to 

express my feelings. The most interesting one was the 

survey. Drishya was with my group. That was really a cool 

experience. The carol night, eye camp and the bus 

cleaning all those were amazing. We sprayed water on 

each other on the name of bus cleaning. It was the camp 

days which helped me to find some good friends outside 

the class both seniors as well as my batch mates. I can 

add some name. Anish, Aneesh, Arun Ansone, Jyothi, 

Anjana, Ardra, Shwetha, Sini, Ditha, these were our 

seniors. Abhin, Abhishek, Aswath, Amal, Vimal, Akhil, 

Sreevrinda, Athira, Soumya, Anjali, Sruthi, Dipin, Anand 

etc were my batch mates. That beach volleyball at 

Kovalam, it’s still on my mind. Merin he was the one who 

maintained a very close connection even after the camp 

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days. During those days teachers didn’t behaved as 

teachers but as friends. Praseetha mam, Manoj sir, 

Suresh sir and Afzal sir along with Bony mam they too 

enjoyed a lot. Those were the days we enjoyed college 

ragging. My ragging was not so harsh only to put an 

empty cigarette packet on mouth. Sabeer’s dad was a 

blessing during our camp days because he always used to 

come there and bring some cakes. After the camp what 

we got left was so much happiness with a tiny arm 

fracture to Milas and a not so bad wound on my knee. 

Those days were different life. OK anyway we enjoyed a 

lot. The college Fest also came along with camp days. I 

too participated on a skit during fresher’s day. Varsha 

and Sreedevi also did some characters with me on the 

stage. Seniors were on their usual spirit. So they enjoyed 

a lot but we suffered a lot. I got mingled with the 

remaining classmates Aswathy Vasanthakumar, Aswathy 

KP, Reshma U Murali (commonly called as RUM, I don’t 

know why?), Ansi, Meenu, Surabhi, Ashish, Shruthi 

Mohan, Prayaga and all others. I forgot to mention three 

people; sorry purposefully avoided them because if I talk 

about them then I can’t talk to you about any other 

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things. You know always my crushes will sit on the 

middle but here she used to sit on the side. Simi and 

Sinta were her neighbors. Both of them were social. So I 

maintained a social bond with them from the beginning 

itself. 

Jyothi: You didn’t tell her name 

Adarsh: Oh she is Swathi. Actually that was not a 

crush/affection at the beginning. It was after my trial 

proposal that she begin to talk with me. Later I 

understand that I was one of the few she used to talk. 

Even though I felt like melting in front of her, I controlled 

my mind. I wanted to make sure that it was not a fad. It 

was a slow and steady process. I always used to talk with 

her but she never felt in that way and I never showed on 

that way. During sports day Anusha invited me, Nithin 

and Sukesh to Palode mela. We visited mela and then her 

home. The first thing I said to her dad was that 

everything is well arranged but there is a chocolate cover 

on the showcase. I know for that reason her sister; father 

and mother will never forget me. We got some delicious 

food. It was during the last days of first year I started to 

talk with Aswathy Ravi who always sit near Aswathy Nair.

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Her voice I liked that very much. Her voice because of 

that I respected her. Actually I was afraid of her voice. 

My belief was that a girl with a powerful voice is capable 

of responding to any issues. So I never proposed her, 

because I’m afraid of her reaction. That was sensational 

first year tour to Veegaland. Sang, danced and enjoyed it. 

The director forced Arun Kumar sir to relieve for some 

sectional issues. Then came study leave. Exam got 

delayed and delayed. During that time we bought a gift, a 

fastrack watch and planned to give it to Arun Kumar sir. 

During this time itself he got selected to the GATE 

examination. He invited us all to his home. Some of us 

appeared there. I still remember those people me, 

Reshma U, Althaf, Anjana, Raghavendra, Vignesh, Ashish, 

Ansi, Ashtami, Krishna Priya, Midhun, Arjun and Aswin. 

That was a fabulous day. Gift was presented to him by 

Anjana, since she was our class representative. We didn’t 

smell some rat there. That was just the beginning. 

Suresh’s sir wedding was also during that time. As usual 

we bought a gift and presented him. Then exams come. 

S3 classes started immediately after that. 

S3

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When s3 classes started I become a new man. I totally 

cleared my mind and started to concentrate only on one 

thing, Swathi. She was like oxygen for me. Sometimes I 

might have come to college just only to watch her. She 

totally dissolved into my heart and brain. But those days I 

didn’t proposed her. I was checking myself to verify that 

it was not a fade. I did three or four months of self-test. It 

was during s3 itself I started much more attached to 

Ashish. He was a bookworm. But later we changed him to 

fit with us. Midhun, Aswin, Arjun, Bency, Nithin, Sukesh 

and I, our group studies at Ashish’s home helped us to 

form a great bond with him. Along with that I, Sukesh 

and Nithin used to make group studies both at mine or 

Nithin’s home and sometimes at Sukesh’s home too. 

During group studies Arjun was the funniest character. I 

always used to upload each and every simple photo on 

our group. By that time Sukesh got a new bike. I was with 

him during the entire time, bike booking, registration and 

driving. I showed him how a bike should not be ride. 

FIRST PAPER PRESENTATION 

That day our three months preparation got a result. 

Dhanith was our inspiration. That drastic failure with

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Dhanith was a wakeup call for us. For the presentation 

we had to reach that college at 10:00am. That day was 

really dramatic. We missed their college bus. We 

suffered a lot. After getting through multiple transport 

buses we reached that place. But we still not reached 

that place. We came to know that only bus through that 

area had already passed. If we want to reach the college 

we had to call an Auto rickshaw. But money was limited 

to both of us. That day I wished my money could have 

sex in my wallet and to get multiplied. 

But obviously that didn’t happen. We called up an auto 

and gave 60 bucks. We reached there about 10:30 am. 

That was inauguration time. We got astonished to see 

that there were 22 teams for paper presentation. Some 

of the participants were from SRM College. The judge’s 

questions were like an interrogation. They questioned us 

like we the participants were some spying agents. Next 

call was for us. We presented. Some questions were 

arising from the judges. Somehow we managed to clear 

those. After our presentation there were two or three 

more teams. Then they announced the prize list and the 

first prize goes to ‘Adarsh and Nithin Ghosh from

26 


Mohandas College of Engineering and Technology’. We 

were shocked. But I managed to make a showoff. I 

behaved like we are getting these sorts of prizes 

regularly. Then they called us to say something about the 

events. I said everything were pretty good. I said I liked 

that college and event was awesome. Then applauses 

were all around. The people looked us like we were some 

aliens. That sarcastic approach of people towards us (just 

because they thought we were some genius) is still on 

my mind. 

It was after that paper presentation Swathi started to 

chat with me via Facebook. First chat message was about 

DWANI, a tech fest. Later we chatted frequently. She 

became my first and best virtual friend. We used to make 

many long hour chatting sessions. Later she sent me 

some family photos. Then everything was pretty smooth. 

Then one day she chatted to me that she wanted to tell 

me something. I said OK and asked about that. She asked 

me to wait. But I couldn’t restrict myself. I insisted her 

again and again. She said she’ll tell me when the time 

comes. I sensed in a wrong way because already she is on 

my mind. Then I made foolishness by asking her whether


she was in love with me. She never replied for a while. I 

again committed foolishness by putting a message ‘If you 

are not giving a reply, I’ll treat as yes’. Then she went 

offline. So many sweets got broke in my mind. Then after 

a while she went online and replied No and told me to 

wait. I was like a blown out balloon. Then she sent me a 

picture of her school day crush. Then she chatted to me 

about their affair. She loved him but never was he. Then I 

said sorry and rebounded. She said she was not like me 

and only makes social talks with a few but always care 

those few. We exchanged thousands of chat messages. 

Indeed she became my top chatter even though she was 

a hostel girl. Her Facebook profile name was Akira Kijoyu. 

I thought that it‘ll be some Hindi name. It was after she 

explained about it I came to know that it was an anime 

character and she is a diehard fan of it. Even though I 

was not interested in all those stuffs I tried to know 

about it because she likes it. I never chatted to anyone as 

long as the way I used with Akira. We both were NSS 

members. During s3 we got an opportunity to visit 

Nirmala Shishu Bhavan. That day I understand that she 

don’t like pappadam because she put her pappadam on 

27


my food. That day she put her number on my phone. 

When I tried to save it as Swathi she took my phone and 

renamed that as Akira. Still in my phone contact her 

number is saved as Akira. That was the first time she was 

going home without friends. So I made sure that she 

reached home safely. She considered me as a very good 

friend. I also behaved in that way but inside I was dying 

for her. Then we exchanged so many SMS and made so 

many phone calls. I had given her so many signs to 

understand my love but it never happened. I approached 

her two friends Simi and Sinta never allowed me to make 

it smooth. Actually I was afraid of proposing her. I mean 

the real proposal. During that time some of my friends 

also came to know this. It was Nithin Ghosh and Ashish. 

Since our s3 exams got delayed s4 classes started before 

the completion of s3 exams. During that time Dhanith 

got much friendlier with her. 

THAT DIWALI NIGHT 

One day Ashish invited us to celebrate 

Diwali at his home. I, Midhun, Sukesh, Nithin, Arjun, 

28


Aswin and Bency celebrated that night. We created some 

spectacular moments. That was full of fun. Many 

crackers got exploded in out hand, which was the 

happiest painful moment. That rocket which sparked 

above our heads, I can’t forget anything. It was my 

happiest night with friends. After that late night 

celebration we parted. That night patrolling police 

stopped us. That was the first time ever I got stopped by 

any police. It was Sukesh’s bike and I was riding. Police 

asked me to remove the helmet and blow. I blew and 

they couldn’t get any trace of alcohol. I tried to convince 

them it was a Diwali celebration and nothing more. By 

that time Arjun reached there with his Activa. Seeing his 

baby like innocent face (Amul baby) the police left us and 

told us to go home immediately. 

29 

FIRST SIGN (Thought so) 

One day I said to those three girls Swathi, Simi 

and Sinta that I’ll never talk to them. The reason what I 

said was that am talking to everyone socially and they


are responding to me on that way but these girls are not 

responding to me socially. The next day, that was a series 

test day. She ran to me and said ‘Do you know how much 

I cried yesterday because of what I said”. I was totally 

flattered. That was moment when the left only tiny string 

that restrained my heart from fall for her got broken. 

That was the moment when I completely free zed. For 

the next couple of seconds nothing came to my mind, 

just only her face. That was the first time any intense 

feeling got struck on my heart. That was the first time 

anyone cries because of my silence. I simply fell in love. 

Then I slowly recovered and replied that “Easy it’s alright 

and I’ll always talk to you”. Then everything went out of 

my control. I followed her like the way magnet attracts 

the metal. Then the days were much romantic for me. 

Love is magical. 

30


During the earlier stages of S3 one day 

Ashtami and Anjana called me and said they have 

something to say. After little hesitation Ashtami brought 

me to the back end of our class. Before saying anything 

she asked me to free my mind and relax. I relaxed and 

put enough patience to the matter. She delivered that in 

a quick phase. But after that I sat idle for a minute. She 

said Arun Kumar Sir proposed Anjana. Then Anjana said 

to ask Sir about that. But I was too shy to ask something 

like that. Then I messaged him ‘I heard something is it 

right?’ He replied ‘What?’ I texted ‘you know’ Then I got 

the reply ‘Yes it is’. Actually it was not even a love affair 

their wedding had also been fixed. Slowly everyone came 

to know that. 

31 

WHAT IS TRUE LOVE? 

Love is such an amazing thing that it’ll change you to a 

man with dual personality. Your mind will act as the 

preliminary personality whereas your sense organs will 

be the secondary personality. Even though your love is in


front of you, you’ll act as you are not considering her. 

You’ll never look on her. That way you’ll control your 

secondary personality. I had done this many times during 

my entire course of love life. But remember the primary 

personality, it is uncontrollable. It is always out of your 

hand. Even if you are controlling your sense organs from 

reaching your lover, your mind will always follow her. I 

experienced this many times. It will reappear every day 

with the same impact how a slight variation in the 

measurement of hertz can affect the earthquake. 

Sometimes situation will be not so good to look on your 

girl; either you have to hide it from her or from the 

surroundings. If it is a true love this will happen inside 

your body. 

You’ll always think like how can a person or single 

emotion can have so much hold on me as to wipe away 

the rest of my life. 

s4 

32 

Once I had a delightful experience with


Karthik. I don’t know delightful is the right word to put 

here. One day Karthik fell down with cough, sneeze, 

fever and all other related stuffs. Along with Dhanith I 

came to the HOD’s room. Tomy Sir opened a Tiffin box. I 

expected some sweets. But it was a bunch of medicines. 

‘Take whatever medicines you like’, he said. I didn’t know 

whether he was testing us or neither had he known 

which the appropriate tablet was. If I was there without 

Dhanith I would have took a tablet which had such a 

beautiful blue covering. But he never allowed me to take 

anything. Moreover the HOD delivered a wonderful 

speech about the harm that will cause if we are going to 

self-prescribe medicines. Then we realized the time was 

up to leave that campus with Karthik and to consult a 

Doctor. Dhanith had some other commitments. So that 

mission was assigned to me. A vehicle was allowed. But it 

was HOD’s van. Those days I was training for verbal 

Hindi. Oh nothing else I got screwed. HOD’s started to 

talk with me like they got a fish in the net. They 

exchanged in English. Even though I was confident about 

my spoken English by that time I replied them in Hindi. I 

don’t know what the fack was going on my mind. They 

33


got astonished and looked at me like I was from North 

India. Then they stopped talking with me and they 

started to speak in Malayalam. At the hospital only we (I, 

Gangadharan Sir and Karthik) were left. Rest of them had 

left us with no time. I got much friendlier with our CSE 

HOD. That day I saw something like nebulization for the 

first time in my life. It was really funny to watch as 

Karthik face was covered with a mask and white smoke 

were fuming all around his face. I don’t know who had 

cooked using frying pan to make such a big turbulence of 

smoke. His parents came there and everything as usual 

had done. Finally mission accomplished. 

That phone call 

One evening I reached home after the regular class 

entered in to my brother’s room. He was at home on 

leave. I was playing NFS In his laptop. After multiple 

failures I closed the lap and went to my room. I saw two 

notifications of three missed call and a message on my 

phone. I opened the missed call entry it was Akira. I was 

shocked. Suddenly another call rang. It was again Akira. I 

34


prepared myself. It was like how a soldier prepares 

himself before a war. Then I took the call confidently. 

First thing she asked was whether I ignored the call or 

never seen that. Then she said time is up for me to 

mature myself. What I was doing is wrong. She told me 

to change myself. I was not able to respond because my 

throat gets dried. I don’t know why but it happened at 

that time. I lost my confidence. So I rejected the call. 

Then I checked the message inbox it was her message. 

The content was ‘can’t you talk with me? ’. She called 

again I rejected the call. I was on a warm up time. I was 

preparing and planning steps for each and every of her 

arguments. Then she called again. I took the phone and 

said ‘Hello’. I hanged on that call for about thirty 

minutes. For the first five minutes I was really arrogant. I 

never gave her any chance to speak. I was shouting over 

the phone. I am build up on that way that I can’t keep my 

anger more than five minutes. After that I’ll cool down 

and will be very light to that person. The same thing 

happened over that time. I tried listening to her. I never 

kept away my temper for another five minutes. After 

that I melted. I stopped responding. That was the 

35


transformation from roaring lion to a cat. I listened to her 

carefully. I couldn’t make any arguments because 

everything she said was right and she never gives me any 

loopholes. I only made some feeble sounds just to make 

sure am alive. I understand my mistakes but I didn’t 

agree with that and also never gives up because it is a 

common man attitude. The thing which astonished me 

was that how childish I was and how matured she was. 

She said to me that there was some talking in the class 

and hostel about me and my change in attitude over her. 

She said she can’t tolerate when someone say wrong 

about the people she care. I argued about something like 

how come Simi and Sinta came to know that I blocked 

her on Facebook and asked her then how can I rely on 

her. But she made her statements clearly. I was really 

depressed by my attitude. She said she was also happy 

with that behavior because if I can forget her by that 

then it is good. But ironically it never worked out. So she 

said the time is up for me to change myself at least to 

show the classmates that everything is OK. I was simply 

paralyzed and I couldn’t help with my talking. She said 

she also behaved on the same way how I was behaving 

36


to her ex crush. She also blocked him on Facebook like 

what I did. She also did ignore him. Then she understood 

that she still loved him. But she recovered later. Like that 

she wants me to recover. May be it’ll be much easier for 

girls to leave and to get recovered. But the same is not in 

the case of a guy like me. For us fall in love is simple. A 

small care from a girl like her is just enough for me. But 

recovering is not that simple. It is the most complicated 

part. She asked me didn’t I loving her? I had no answer 

but I managed to give an answer. Yes, may be very feebly 

and politely. I was able to respond because of that manly 

attitude, if you can’t answer to a question by girl then 

that’ll make you less man especially questions like this. 

We are supposed to be much more bold and strong 

hearted people. But the real fact is we can’t be bold 

always. We will melt down simply when the girl you love 

asks something like this and you can’t strongly put a lie 

as you know your girl will never believe that. The call 

begins during dusk and when I ended the sky was dark. 

So I said Good night and ended the call. Again I got a 

notification a missed call from Ashish. I called him back 

and said ‘Hello’. I asked him why he called. He didn’t 

37


answer for a while and then he asked me ‘Did anyone 

called me?’ I said yes and he asked who? I said it was a 

friend. He was silent. Then I said to him she called me. He 

wants to know whether everything was OK. I said may 

be. Then I asked him how he came to know that she 

called me. He said she called and asked him whether he 

knows about the troubles between me and her. He said 

he knows. Then she asked him did he know why? He said 

No as he didn’t know about it. Then she explained about 

everything to him. Ashish said it’s hard to move on but I 

have to. That day I understand mine was an unrequited 

romance. 

The greatest frustration happens 

When 

You are alone..... 

Missing that person like anything 

Cell phone in your hands 

Number on the screen 

38


But.....But 

Still knowing that the green button 

Should not be pressed 

Because you have just lost the rights 

Over that person....... 

Finally that day reached. My group completed the 

digital lab. Four months of hardship came to an end. That 

one, the PISCO sorry PISO halted us for a week to reach 

the finishing line. I, Abhijith, Arjun and Ajesh were really 

thankful to Mr. Dhanith for that sensational moment. 

That day he was our GOD. Without him we couldn't even 

identify the malfunctioned IC7474. Honestly, at the end 

the thing i knew about IC trainer kit was that it has a LED 

which can only glow two colors, either green or red. That 

day was a special day for me. That day I understood the 

pain to ignore someone whom you care a lot. When she 

walked in front my mind said me to look at her but I 

controlled my eyes not to make an accidental look. That 

39


day was a beginning to begin again, our friendship. I 

didn’t look or thought about her too much as I was really 

excited about the output. 

s5 

24/6/13 

S5 classes started today. First day was awesome but 

teachers (some of them) don’t think well. We boys sit at 

the left row of the class. It is somewhat an added 

advantage for us because we won’t be caught 

immediately when someone opens the door. There is a 

small problem with our door. For the smooth opening of 

door an internal pressure is also needed. I am the man 

who gives that internal push. The highlight of the day is 

that roll number of students after 36 changed due to the 

absence of Gowri. Now what? I and Swathi will be in the 

same group (odd batch). But I matured didn’t get excited. 

40


Think like I’m forgetting her slowly. Had some funny 

moments with Simi, Sinta, Dhanith, Ashish, Karthik and 

Swathi. Good day. Happily start. 

25-6-13 

41 

I still love her 

Not a good day. I am goanna change my attitude. 

She is giving me no importance. Think like I became a 

headache for her. Every time I talk to her she is not 

showing any interest. It only becomes a one man talk. 

Now am really fed up with this. She is not concerning 

about me, how it goanna hurt. There are many women 

out there why should I still think about her. She is not 

kind, not sweet, not lovely and nothing at least to me. I 

am so sad. The reason why I feel like this is simple. I still 

love her. Even if you try to forget love will remember. I 

always trust and follow my instincts. Love is such a hard 

feeling that can’t be expressed in words. Sometimes a 

small thing can create the most beautiful moments in 

your life and that small thing is called love. But it’ll


change. 

1-7-13 

42 

IT’S OVER 

Today was my s4 Digital exam. 

External came late. Exam started at 9.30am. External was 

a rude man at least to me. He asked questions in viva 

which I never heard before. I spent about 4 hours and 

got no output even though. 2nd batch and 3rd batch 

students come but I never finished though. At last at 

12.50pm I stopped and left the room. I went to the 

classroom. Althaf, Swathi, Shruthi and Dhanith were 

there. Later Afees, Abid, Nithin Chandran joined. We 

discussed about the tour. I don’t know why but I am not 

happy with her attitude today. She literally ignored me. 

May be I felt like that. Ashish and Althaf too have that 

opinion. Everybody believes Dhanith and Swathi’s

43 


relationship as a suspicious one but I never. Today am 

doubtful. I find out the difference between me and 

Dhanith. I am always concerned and afraid about society 

(my classmates). So I always try to talk with everyone. So 

what? Everybody loves me but I couldn’t show my love to 

anyone. I am caring everyone but I am not able to show it 

to anyone. Dhanith is not like me. He is not afraid about 

others talking. He is the man who shows willingness to 

stand on what he is for. Actually that is a good quality. I 

am respecting them for that. I don’t know about the 

status of their relationship. I can adjust with the situation 

if that is the case. I believe ‘Right people will get together 

at right time’. 

We don’t need to show kindness to 

girls. I mean we don’t have to please them. Maybe they 

don’t need it. We have to be who we are. Sometime we 

behave so blunt. But we care them. It’s them who should 

understand that. We can’t control that rudeness and we 

don’t have to because we are boys. We are built up on 

that way. When a girl you love more than your life is not 

looking at you, it is a fact that you can’t abide that. But 

we can’t plunder it. So we have to analyze it and should


make a conclusion. Now I made a decision. I’ll not 

tamper. Our (boys) woes are non-sharable. We have to 

confront it. I got hindsight. I am moving on. That’s it. IT’S 

OVER 

19-7-13 

44 

THE DAY OF CONFLICT 

It was during the lunch break 

time I entered in the class. What I saw was Sheena crying 

over the shoulder of Sabeer. We don’t care as it is usual. 

But the next moment we shocked. I got frightened. 

Sabeer rose from the seat and slapped Sheena. After that 

he pushed her. Her back neck hit hard on the iron rods of 

the bench. I was seeing this. The whole class turned to 

pin drop silence for a minute. Mila’s suddenly called 

Sabeer but he left the scene. Everyone rushed to the 

spot. I was free zed. In my entire life I never have been 

an eye victim to any such man woman fight. I don’t know 

how the whole class recovered within five minutes. It is 

not uncommon to see troubles in their relation but this is


something brutal. Sometimes I may felt like Sheena is so 

irritating to Sabeer as she always cry, cry and cry. I don’t 

know the reason. Maybe she’ll be so concerned about 

her boy. But in my opinion there should be a limit in 

everything. You have to think about it when you control 

someone’s personal freedom whether it’s your friend or 

boyfriend. Sabeer always used to be so light and acted 

dumb. But today he tempered out. I don’t know whether 

I can support Sabeer because he hit her so hardly. It’ll be 

very difficult for any girls to tolerate such an attack from 

a boy because they are physically much weak. What is 

this anger? It’s a spontaneous expression which arises 

due to the pumping of emotions and feelings. Sometimes 

it only gets sketched on your face. Sometimes it will be 

expressed as scolding and abusive words. Sometimes it 

may leads to physical harm. That’s exactly what 

happened today. No emotions can play permanently in 

our body because we are all human beings. Definitely we 

get cool down. After the conflict they both discussed 

about it and sit together. I think the problem is over. As 

usual my classmates discussed about it. Someone 

consoled her. When the whole fire set off I too tried my 

45


hand. I know it never get worked. The next two periods 

which come after the lunch was lab. At lab me, Abhijith 

and Arjun discussed about that. By that time Varsha 

come to our lab and convinced the teachers that Sheena 

slipped and fell. They managed to get some ice cubes 

from the canteen and then everything was OK. We 

discussed about why this happen. Abhijith said this is a 

part of love. Arjun has a different view. He said she may 

be irritating. May be that’ll be the reason. Anyway I 

recovered. Then we played a CISCO networking game 

there. It was pretty funny. 

28-7-13 

46 

EXHILARATED SUNDAY 

Today we were Anusha’s guest. She behaved as 

a wonderful host because those foods we get was 

sensational. It was a quickly planned trip. She called me


last night and said ‘Can we make a group study. Nithin 

Ghosh and Amala are also coming’. I said OK. I met Nithin 

Ghosh at Anad. Then only I came to know that Hima, 

Shruthi and Nithin Chandran are also with us. Amala 

reached there directly. Rest of us gets there by transport 

bus. Anusha and Amala were there. Walk to her home 

was really a hill climbing experience to us. Finally that 

satisfaction on everybody’s face. Yes destination 

reached: Anusha’s sweet home. Saw her mom and we 

positioned on the first floor. There were some empty 

bottles (Scotch whisky, brandy etc). We did some 

mockery. Food supply had no limit. When that snacks got 

placed on the table we amalgamated and finished it in no 

time. Next was the photo session. Then her sister comes 

home. I and Nithin Ghosh went downstairs and invited 

her to join with us. After some time she too come. We 

chatted together. It was pretty funny. Exhilaration has no 

limit. Then come the most awaited moment. Anusha 

come and said, now its lunch time. When I see that 

chicken piece I hold my hand on a chair around the 

dining table. By that time Nithin Chandran and Shruthi 

restrained me from getting seated and said to wash my 

47


hands first. Then for the next 20 minutes nothing we 

were just eating. By that time her dad comes. He served 

us rice. The lunch started with Appam and ended with 

rice. Between Appam and rice, tapioca too had its own 

position. Anyway every dish was delicious only because 

of the combination with chicken curry and chicken fry. 

For the first ever I said ‘That’s enough’. After the lunch 

we were in a dozy mood. The situation was a languorous 

one. Everybody managed to find some spot on bed. 

Some bed bugs attacked me. I made sure that it’ll be 

unnoticed. Today I find out that Hima just only need 

1/10th portion of a bed. We left at about 3:30pm. Wow 

awesome day. 

48


Afees too had a connection. That girl was from EC. I 

may say that it was his on/off girlfriend because I don’t 

know what exactly going in between them. I had seen 

both of them together many times. Obviously that is not 

a sign to make a judgment. Some arguments between 

them and some light conversations, their eye signs etc 

made me to think so. Anyway the real fact is unknown. 

May I can write about it later. 

3-7-13 

Today was totally a convivial day. We 

had CCNA classes. Manoj sir gave us some assignments 

and left. It was a tricky question. So it took some time to 

solve that. We worked in groups to get the result. When I 

and Swathi worked on that we don’t get the result. I. By 

that time Ashtami and Anjana got the result. I felt so 

irritated because some stupid girls got it and I still don’t 

have that. Then I blamed it as software problem. I also 

challenged them if, they do the same in my system I’ll 

give them my gold chain. Today was college house 

captains Election Day. So during lunch break everyone 

49


was busy. All vice captains election went smoothly. The 

happiest thing is three captains are from our class among 

the four. For the last one the result is still unknown. 

Sheena, Hima and Saranya got elected without any 

accost. The captain election was not that smooth. Our 

director proclaimed a new rule which is utterly asinine. 

That batty decision was nothing but the one who have 

backlogs cannot participate in the election. Actually that 

comic decision leads us to make everything favors to 

Saranya. Only because of that we had left no other 

options but to support the not so lively Saranya as the 

vice-captain must be a women candidate. Captain 

election leads to some dispute which finally ends in a 

clash. I was amused to see that some girls had put their 

hands over their mouth when they saw that small fight. I 

came from a school where the elections were done using 

a ballot paper in the presence of a battalion police. We 

used to wait about 2-3 days for the result. Strikes, 

clashes, disputes, fights, police cases were very common. 

Here the election was conducted on a bit paper and the 

vote papers are collected in a much box. After all that 

again we were back at the CCNA lab. Then everything 

50


happened so dramatically. Ashtami and Anjana took that 

challenge and they showed the output to me. I was 

shocked to see that successfully pinged command. For 

the next half hour I was captive around those girls. I was 

mentally enchanted and tortured by Anjana, Ashtami, 

Dhanya, Meenu etc. They claimed my chain. I never have 

given that. They even claimed for some money at least. I 

was sitting there closing my mouth and tongue. Then 

Anjana managed to get my ID card. Then she said she’ll 

buy many sweets from store using that card. I looked at 

her so desperately. But that never worked out. She 

bought everything. Then later I came to know that Sajin, 

Meenu, Swathi etc too bought their favorites using my 

card. Then Anjana returned my card. I went to the store 

to buy nothing just to check my balance. That elder sister 

there smiled at me and said ‘it is -68’. The only good 

thing was Swathi and Meenu offered me a bit to taste 

chocolates. After that we practiced some hardware 

assignments. I, Abid, Althaf, Vidhu and Adithya we were 

doing that together. We worked well but our network 

never gets connected. Rest of the team’s networks gets 

connected. Then we called Manoj sir. He said to us very 

51


gently that every connection were right. But for making 

this possible we have to switch ON the plug. He passed a 

simple and nice smile. We all got abashed just because of 

abasement. Thanks to Dhanith, Abhijith, Karthik, 

Aswathy Mohan, Sandhya and Parvathy Mohan for 

helping me to get those fried rice packages today. I 

happened to see some boisterous dispute outside the 

campus in regard of that captain’s election. 

25-7-13 TWIST 

Today CCNA class was very funny. It was of making 

network connecting wires using copper consoled cable. 

Only a few got connected successfully. I took a cable of at 

least 60cm in length. But after I made a connection it was 

of 10cm. After that I really got mad at her. I screamed 

out to Ashish that I want her. Later he talked with her. 

About 9:00pm I got a message from her. It says ‘I heard 

that you wanted to ask me something’. After some 

moments of awkwardness I called her and started the 

52


conversation very gently. I said to her that our 

classmates are not considering her relationship with 

Dhanith as a friendship. I wanted to divert her attention. 

She said that’s our problem and they are close friends. 

That’s it. Then she asked what else I want to ask. With a 

slightly shivering voice I replied there is no need to ask 

that and am sorry. She hang up. Am upset. Then I texted 

her that am sorry and I won’t do that again. Also please 

don’t treat me bad because of this. After sometime she 

replied Its OK. Then she texted me she wants to tell me 

something. But I have to assure that I won’t tell anyone. 

First I gave assurance. Then I texted if it is a big secret 

please don’t tell me cause am not sure about myself and 

I may tell it to Ashish. But before that she texted me. In 

my entire life I never get so screwed. This contort is too 

much. I never expected this. She texted me that she likes 

Ashish but she is afraid that it might be the end of their 

friendship if he come to know this. She is also planning to 

tell him after the course. After seeing that message I was 

nowhere in this world. Your crony, whom you always 

share your feelings with. The one who you always talk 

about your love. Now your lover is saying that she likes 

53


your that friend. I don’t know how to describe about that 

situation. Who am I now? I can’t say she as my lover 

because it’s only me who loved her and not she. That is 

what we call the real TWIST. 

8-8-13 

Today I saw my college as a college. I got some 

nostalgic feelings of my higher secondary school. Today it 

was not some random clashes but a real fight. We were 

captivated during the first hour as our staff advisor 

locked the door latch. The whole college was suspended 

after 2nd hour. The whole scene was really thrilling. 

There was about 20-30 policemen in the campus. The 

whole mechanical department was locked from outside. 

Today somehow our college got some ambience of a 

college life. The whole scene went contra when Annie 

mam told Sheena to control and look after Sabeer. Wow 

there relation got a new high. 

54


Ashish that name has a great impact in my life. When she 

said she is in love with him, actually I get cooled down. If 

she had said some other name I might not get recovered. 

I am quite sure about that. Ashish name was a real pain 

killer to me. Since then I couldn’t even think about her as 

my anything. The air between reality and my insomnia tic 

thoughts get cleared off. She deserves him and he too 

deserves her. It was an adherent force that brought me 

to her. Now it’s no more. Most love begins from eyes but 

this one from my heart. My love expired from where it 

began. I am quite happy that I was able to give her some 

love tips. But I am always grateful to her. It was she who 

taught me the feeling of love. She might not even aware 

of that. But it always came from my heart. The day when 

I started to love her, a feeling rose from my heart. I had 

different views about love before this happened. It all 

changed. I got the real feeling when the same happened 

to me. It was really hard. I never thought this could 

happen to me. That feel I never had experienced it 

before and I don’t think I’ll experience it anymore. She 

gave me something unsuspecting. Yes she changed my 

55

56 


life a lot. Ashish and Swathi both are my best friends 

now. I know what to do. I am so happy with the way I 

treated this. Love is pain, beauty, surprise, emotions etc. 

Love is all these beyond that it is tearing definitely and 

sacrifices. Ashish you are really a lucky man. I always 

envy on you. I am very sure I’ll not start another love 

story in my life. I had a slight hope of getting her. But 

now I can’t even dream that. The day I started loving her 

was the happiest moment in my life. No one will believe 

me, the days when I didn’t talk with her I cried overnight. 

That feel of missing her never had buried in my heart. It 

came as tears. Sometimes I wished I could get a hide out 

to scream. Today am having the worst moment in my 

life. You are realizing you’ll miss your girl forever. You 

never expect a single person can create both the 

beautiful and excruciating memories in your life. 

If you love someone and they never loved you back, 

it doesn’t mean there is no love. In the case of this 

unrequited love at some point you’ll realize that you 

have done too much for someone, that the only next 

possible step to do is just stop. 

Leave them alone and walk away. It’s not like you

57 


are giving up and it’s not like you wouldn’t try. It’s just 

that you have to draw a line between determination and 

desperation just like there is a narrow line between 

sanity and insanity. What is truly be yours will eventually 

be yours and what is not yours is no matter how hard 

you try will never be. 

Even if we try to forget love will remember. I always 

trust and follow my instincts. Love is such a hard feel that 

can’t be expressed in words. Sometimes a small thing can 

create the most beautiful moments in your life and that 

small thing is called love. 

Life is full of sorts of people. You just need to know 

which hands to shake which hands to hold and which 

hands to let go. It’s always funny to see that not many 

film makers or authors have come up with a subject 

called one sided love. That means that the world doesn’t 

care about it. One sided love is like a punishment than a 

happy state of being. To love someone who does not 

love you back seems like an exercise in disaster. It is such 

a love when there is some hope of it being returned in 

some measure someday as it happens in movies. Even 

though this is love it can’t be celebrated and the good

58 


thing is no one will ask you for treat. You’ll be celebrating 

yourself inside your heart. This lonely love that finds no 

outer response is bound to feed on itself, resulting in 

frustration and emptiness. If you loved a good person 

that person will help you to recover from this self-dig 

trap. In my case Swathi always helped to recover and to 

find my way. It must surely be a very painful emotion. 

The pain is actually both way. For the one who loves and 

for the one who receives such a love. For the one who 

receives such a love it is often very difficult to let the 

lover know that his/her feelings are not reciprocated. If 

the one loving you is someone close or someone you 

care for, it is not easy to hurt them by declaring your lack 

of love. So more often the receiver allows the things to 

continue, giving lover hope and thus making things 

worse. But in my case this never happened although 

Swathi took about 3 months to realize am not a fake. 

From my personal experience I have to say this. It is 

enough for me if I have found someone worth loving. It 

may result in something at some point or may be nothing 

ever, but the existence of that ideal is enough for me. So 

it is good enough for me that I was able to live with my


kind of love on my own terms without having to pay the 

price for it. I lived a divine life. I feel looking at another 

couple, another time I feel blessed for living with such a 

divine love. Yes it does hold me back from loving 

someone else. It is a very painful emotion to be the only 

one to love but I believe that it does exist because how 

can the chemistry of all you have shared with a loved one 

become nothing? Still I and Ashish are best friends but 

we never discussed about the relation. Of course I don’t 

want to. 

12-9-13 

After that ED cell TV show, Oomanchandy’s Google 

hangout we were babbling in the class. I, Ashish, Aswathy 

Mohan, Varsha, Abhijith, Sinta, Simi, Parvathy, Sabeer 

and Sheena were in the class. I was insisted to talk about 

my dream girl, about the qualities I need. As always our 

couples were busy. They were engaged themselves in 

love making (not that). Nothing more nothing less 

Sheena was crying and the tears and the tears fell like 

from a waterfall. You can never find anyone who can 

59


defeat Sheena, if there is a competition on this. She is a 

chameleon. You see her so happy in the morning. During 

lunch time her eyes will always be filled with water (I 

mean tears) and in the evening she’ll be so energetic like 

never before. Sometimes I think like this when we find 

there is no water to wash hands, why should we call 

aunties. What we need is just a girl like Sheena who can 

fill the entire tank with no time. She has such a great 

lachrymator which acts spontaneously. Since Sabeer got 

no other job and he is her boyfriend he has to sit with 

her and console her. By the way Parvathy was also trying 

her best to bring down tears. But her tear glands are not 

as powerful as Sheena’s. So it’s rare to see her in tears. 

Somehow she always managed to make a fantastic 

crocodile face. Parvathy and Abhijith were also doing the 

same stuffs but that was two or three bench beside. Yes 

lovers always need private space to do ridiculous things. 

These things never distract us because we got used up 

with these. We were shocked to hear Abhijith’s shouting 

at Parvathy, may be for the first time. That really fell like 

a powerful thunder in our class. I even doubted that 

Sabeer and Sheena were also get shocked by this. Maybe 

60


it’s just because for the first time by this couple. Next 

time they can’t scare us. After that Abhijith left the 

classroom by shutting the door as loud as he had lost the 

entire world and Parvathy placed herself in her regular 

spot. Even though I never had a successful love story 

these are the only things which make me happy by that. 

Sheena bought me noodles. I offered her that I’ll make 

her a star in my story. This is the way I made it. 

Reshma C K joined in s3. Along with her Krishna, 

Chandralekha and Dhanya got admitted. They were 

lateral entry students. Reshma C K was a very good friend 

to me from the day she joined. At some point of my life 

she became a great relief to me. 

S5 tour 

Abid and Althaf, our tour coordinators were not 

well accepted before the tour. The reason was they 

placed Shalini mam in the staff slot. But the reason was 

no one other than her was available as lady staff. Finally 

they had to fill the void with her. The main objection was 

from the girls as they argued the tour would get spoiled. 

They said she will tamper in issues. After the tour Abid 

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62 


and Althaf were loudly appreciated by the same group of 

students just because they had brought Shalini mam. She 

was really wow. We had an effervescent tour just 

because we got Midhun sir , Shalini mam two hydrogen 

bombs as our staffs and two wonderful coordinators. 

There is a man who made all this happens Sooraj 

Krishnan, our tour guide(our Sooraj bro) he was juzz 

awsme. 

Before tour I had this thought ‘How am goanna 

spend time in the coach?’ It was really a horrible 

nightmare to me before we kick started the tour. But 

that thought was misplaced. I don’t know how time had 

gone past inside those compartments. It is an obvious 

fact that time would never had gone so fast if I was not 

surrounded by my blabby group of friends. Our first 

destination was Hyderabad. Girls had come with such 

large luggage that sometimes I was afraid whether they 

had put someone inside in it. It was quite late I came to 

know that if they brought two luggage then one will be 

full of snacks. Anyway we were all so happy that our 

stomach had never left free. Our mouth jaws could never 

get any better exercise. Eating, talking our jaw muscles


become so strong. Abid made a royal entry at Kollam 

junction. UNO card game was our time killing game. Had 

forgotten to say that word ‘UNO’ I had missed some 

winning chances. Later I got that hindsight. Whenever I 

had to say UNO, I shouted ‘UNO’ which could be heard 

whole compartment. Train coaches, railway lines and 

railway stations were our shooting areas and all of us 

were models. The best thing was that these models had a 

unique sign. That unique signature is the ‘YO’. Whenever 

we saw a lens we put that ‘YO’. Even after tour many of 

us forget to stay calm in front of the camera and to get 

adapt with society. That photo shoots continued till all 

those can batteries got drained. Sinta joined the trip 

from Shornur and Prayaga from Trissur. From Calicut we 

got Nithin Chandran and Shruthi Mohan in the ride. 

Within that short span Sooraj Krishna made his presence 

and indeed he was so smart. He got an amazing spark 

with in him that can ignite others. We had some thrilling 

moments of chasing when some of us nearly missed the 

train. Only when I saw that reddish sky, I got that feeling 

that the whole day had gone and it was dusk. 

Raghavendra had taken stuffs and fell asleep. He was 

63


awake only by evening. Our Sooraj bro had arranged 

everything for us after dark. Lovers, they really enjoyed 

the trip because they got such a freedom that no one did 

hamper them. Girls were arranged in one side of the 

compartment. Our both staffs were also placed on a 

berth away from boy’s side. Then the real show began. 

We boys were in a single cabin. We perished the serene 

sleep of our co passengers. We embarrassed everyone. 

Our fravelling got a new high when some of our boys 

took stuff. Arjun’s favourite quote was ‘Enikentha high 

aavathe’. Aswin was pretty OK, rather his eyes were so 

reddish. Finally I was the one who put him to berth. But 

Sajin and Sabeer really went off. Raghavendra hesitated 

to take the stuff as he was already got a seduction. Sajin 

became so emotional. He cried a lot. He was so sad that 

he was saying ‘Thalakku pidikkanalia’ all time. The most 

amazing part was he remembered the OOD lab mam 

‘Tamilaziya’. He was saying this all-time ‘please never say 

about that Tamilaziya(Thamizharasi)’. The situation 

became much more vulnerable when Raghavendra 

showed him a video. A video with so much color 

combinations. Sajin and Arjun really went out of the 

64

65 


world when they saw that. Arjun was waving his hands 

on the air. Sajin was so feared. He even tried to escape 

from there. He was saying this ‘Ethil chuvappu mathrame 

ulluvo?’. Then we opened the temple run game and gave 

it to Sajin. He cried while playing that. He cried because 

he couldn’t move his hands over the touch screen. Then 

the epic show was the one by Sabeer. First I thought that 

he was acting. After a little I understood he was 

exhausted. In the case of Sabeer he was just opposite to 

Sajin because he was always happy. He was praising 

Milas all the time. He was thanking us all. He even 

thanked Sooraj bro a lot. But then only we came to know 

that what he really wanted. He wanted to see Sheena. He 

was asking us permission to go there. Oops we really 

fucked up. We didn’t know how to control him. The rest 

of the passengers were all terrified. At last he 

compromised but still he wanted to see a glance of her 

from distance. Finally Sooraj bro handled the situation 

and he took everyone to their respective berths. The 

whole lasted for an hour. First day was really full of 

excitements. 

Because of that sleeplessness and hangover we boys


waked up quite later. Everyone was normal. We enjoyed 

that train journey with the rest. Indian railway cheated 

us. We reached Hyderabad late by 3 hours. Then 

everything was on a rush because we got no time to 

spare. Get into the hotel, get off from the hotel all were 

on a sudden. Somehow we managed to eat as well. Our 

first halt was at the snow world. That was delightful. We 

had a ball at the snow world and 3 hours gone so fast. 

We all looked alike, yup both boys and girls because that 

red overcoat never allowed me to distinguish them. I 

never thought falling off the ground could be so good. 

We slipped, fell and enjoyed that. People showed their 

friendship bond inside that snow room. The more your 

friendship the more they’ll throw snow balls over you. 

People were freezing around me. But the funniest part 

was I didn’t feel such immense cold. So I don’t used that 

shit coat. The volleyball was a good challenge. I played 

volleyball for the first time. That was a good thing to play 

my first volleyball over the ice. Final entertainment in the 

snow world was the music cum snowfall. We danced 

vigorously. We danced so well that we already knew we 

will fall. That night was the best night. Can’t even 

66


remember how many bottles we drained. Raghavendra 

came with two speakers. Everyone was on a good mood. 

Bottles, bottles, bottles everywhere. Stuffs and 

Cigarettes took us high. We were streaming in the room. 

That day I got a name ‘Avathar’. I felt so proud. That day I 

understood what will happen when a guy got boozed. 

Some will cry, some will laugh. Our drunken show lasted 

for 2-3 hours. Vignesh’s booze dance was really mind 

blowing. We were all on a fun mood, Abhijith to Milas 

(Sorted by roll NO). Nithin Chandran said he became high 

for the first time in his life. The problem we had to face 

was on the next morning. Most of our boys were forced 

to put sun glasses because their eyes were so reddish. 

Those funny incidents are all memorable. After got 

exhausted Althaf went to bed and delivered his booze 

talk to Abhijith. At last he understood the fact that he 

was talking to Afees, only after Afees said “Nan 

Afeesanu”. That moment Althaf started laughing. But 

that moment never lasted soon. I don’t know whether it 

was the power of ‘Carlsberg Elephant(Strong)’ but he 

couldn’t stop laughter. But it was all Afees’s trick. He 

switched Abhijith while he went to toilet poor Althaf 

67


couldn’t find that(Dark Room). Bency became a moron. 

One day he was completely lost and said Raghavendra 

that he wanted to go to his room. Raghavendra said OK. 

Bency asked for the key. Raghavendra replied Abid was in 

the room, so no need of key. Bency went. After 

sometime he came to the room again and asked 

Raghavendra ‘Where is the key?’ Raghavendra again said 

‘you only need to ring the bell’. Bency nodded and go 

back. This time Raghavendra also go with him. Bency was 

standing in front of the door. The door was partially 

opened. Sooraj bro, Abid and Sabeer were smoking in the 

room. Bency asked Abid ‘Where is the key’? We spent 

hotel nights by drinks. Among those Mysore was the best 

room with great ambience to drink. That day I drank 

vodka, brandy and 30ml rum. I became a history because 

Sooraj bro and boys said no one in the history of 

mankind never drank mixed drink. After all those I don’t 

exhausted. I got the name ‘Avathar’ from that day 

onwards. I also felt proud to be myself. Ajesh was one 

fine guy. He sips some beer and ROB (Rest on 

Bed).Nithinchandran was the one who prepared those 

marijuana for us.Every night was full of fun until the last 

68


one at Bangalore. Some talk arose and finally it ended on 

a competition. Milas and Aswin were the players. At last 

Aswin lost ground to Milas. Aswin went out of control. 

Then Arjun cried. Arjun was crying all that night for Aswin 

because he was also on a semi state. The outstanding 

dialogue was delivered by Milas to Sajin ‘Nente Tshirtum 

Kannum ore color aayathu kondu njanonnum 

cheyyunnilla’. ‘Raghave nee Milass vaalu vechirikkunnu’, 

famous one by Aswin. Next day Aswin couldn’t show up. 

He missed Bangalore shopping. He lost his purse. In 

whole it was scene contra. In Althaf’s view Nithin Ghosh 

was the villain because whenever he took one or two 

drink his eyes became so red and he sat on the bed 

wearing a lunki just like a Tamil film villain. Truly Silent 

killer. Only nights gave me the happiest moments on the 

tour. After a couple of days I felt uncomfortable with the 

behavior of some girls (may be a single girl). So the 

remaining days except after dark were not so fab for me. 

After that I tried to avoid giving face to her. But after a 

month it became good. My character is not so good. I am 

a selfish guy. In the tour also I wanted to enjoy it my own 

way. I was not even interested to protect girls. Boys were 

69


always an eyesight away from girls for their safety. I was 

not well conceived by this idea. My attitude was 

different. Boys and girls are social beings. They are 

different individuals irrespective of their sex. They should 

have their own passion like that they should learn to look 

after themselves. But I forget one thing, they are raised 

differently in the society. Ironically there arose a 

circumstance for me to lend my hand for them. Amala, 

Krishna Priya, Anusha and Sreedevi were walking on the 

street of Hyderabad with me. They were bargaining with 

a vendor on the street. Then Sreedevi pointed me two 

guys who were playing with their cellphones. Just like a 

hero in the film I raised my voice against them. Then I 

forcefully acquired their mobile phones. There I found no 

pictures of girls. They said they were looking at their 

family photos. May be that was right. I said sorry and 

tried to escape from there with those girls. By that time 

they showed their IDs and ironically they were policemen 

who were deputed in cover for surveillance, yup women 

safety. That was an awkward moment but I resisted my 

awkwardness not to spoil the seriousness of that scene. 

Another incident I want to mention is about transgender. 

70


When our train halted in and around some stations in 

Karnataka they were on board, yeah the shemales. I was 

not like everybody else. I was really excited to see those 

transgender because that was my first turn to see them 

or perhaps to recognize them. In my school days I was 

just a kid, a kid in all ways but this college taught me 

everything, I mean everything. But with no time that 

excitement turned to frustration when one of them tried 

to attack me. It’s really shameful to say that I saved 

myself sitting along with girls. Anjali I won’t forget you. 

She tried to reach her purse many times. We thought she 

was goanna give them some bucks. But she didn’t. She 

just kept looking in and over her purse for nothing at all. 

All these time I was sitting idle. Totally got pissed. I even 

had a doubt whether that thing (transgender) tried to 

grab my modesty. Any how I had a narrow escape. There 

are many more unforgettable experiences and memories 

but unfortunately I forget those. Our Coordinators Althaf 

& Abid did a pretty decent job. We are all thankfull to 

them, Love you guyzz. 

71

72 


I'd like to say my story ends here. All these days I was a 

chump. There is nothing more I can add to it. I believed 

in all fake stories and fake personalities. Everything in 

this especially those characterizations was all wrong but 

the incidents they are real and emotions are really from 

my heart. 

My college life was full of experiences and 

experiments. I know it is little over but I need to give 

you an advice. If you are in a relationship always make 

sure it is an open relationship. Open in the sense at 

least your classmates should know about it. May be you 

are forced to keep that as a secret. But if you agreeing 

on that condition then you are indirectly giving them a 

virtual license to cheat. Because in these relationships 

there is a 99% chance either any of the partner will 

cheat. Because there is nothing to worry because 

nobody knows about your relationship status. Even if 

you get cheated nobody cares, there won’t be anyone 

to confront you. You have to suffer it alone and the 

most interesting thing would be the one who cheated 

you might be treated as a reputed person in the society. 

Nobody knows the hidden monster. So if there is any 

secret relationship going in our class or if you plan to 

start one always make sure it’s an open one. If not it’s 

obvious that in the end you’ll suffer. Will suffer a lot.


Love is a packet which should be transferred safe and 

sound. First choice may not be the best choice. There is 

a good life after that. 

Let me say one thing this is nothing but simply a piece 

of shit. Thank you for finding some valuable time for 

reading this. Am really sorry for ending this half way but 

am helpless. I've learned a lot from here. Once again, 

thanks to you all. 

73

MIRAGE

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