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I can even induce a self-sustaining reaction in others. By associating a particular response with a
sense of satisfaction, I can create a positive reinforcement loop, like biofeedback; the person's body
will strengthen the reaction on its own. I'll use this on corporate presidents to create support for the
industries I'll need.
* * * *
I can no longer dream in any normal sense. I lack anything that would qualify as a subconscious, and I
control all the maintenance functions performed by my brain, so normal REM sleep tasks are
obsolete. There are moments when my grasp on my mind slips, but they cannot be called dreams.
Meta-hallucinations, perhaps. Sheer torture. These are periods during which I'm detached: I
understand how my mind generates the strange visions, but I'm paralyzed and unable to respond. I can
scarcely identify what I see; images of bizarre transfinite self-references and modifications that even I
find nonsensical.
My mind is taxing the resources of my brain. A biological structure of this size and complexity can
just barely sustain a self-knowing psyche. But the self-knowing psyche is also self-regulating, to an
extent. I give my mind full use of what's available, and restrain it from expanding beyond that. But it's
difficult: I'm cramped inside a bamboo cage that doesn't let me sit down or stand up. If I try to relax,
or try to extend myself fully, then agony, madness.
* * * *
I'm hallucinating. I see my mind imagining possible configurations it could assume, and then
collapsing. I witness my own delusions, my visions of what form my mind might take when I grasp the
ultimate gestalts.
Will I achieve ultimate self-awareness? Could I discover the components that make up my own
mental gestalts? Would I penetrate racial memory? Would I find innate knowledge of morality? I might
determine whether mind could be spontaneously generated from matter, and understand what relates
consciousness with the rest of the universe. I might see how to merge subject and object: the zero
experience.
Or perhaps I'd find that the mind gestalt cannot be generated, and some sort of intervention is
required. Perhaps I would see the soul, the ingredient of consciousness that surpasses physicality.
Proof of God? I would behold the meaning, the true character of existence.
I would be enlightened. It must be euphoric to experience...
My mind collapses back into a state of sanity. I must keep a tighter rein over my self. When I'm in
control at the metaprogramming level, my mind is perfectly self-repairing; I could restore myself from
states that resemble delusion or amnesia. But if I drift too far on the metaprogramming level, my mind
might become an unstable structure, and then I would slide into a state beyond mere insanity. I will
program my mind to forbid itself from moving beyond its own reprogramming range.
These hallucinations strengthen my resolve to create an artificial brain. Only with such a structure