Faith On Every Corner_Issue 2_Final_91617

Spring Awakening
by Pam McCormick
She was called sweet. She was called good. She was
a good girl. She was a performer. She earned praise
by being at the right place at the right time and
seeking to please people in all that she did. She had
gone to church all her life. It was what you did on
Sunday. Everybody knows that. She lived the good
life. That’s what Mom and Dad wanted, a good girl,
so she was good, to the best of her ability. She
desired to be liked by others, so much that she
copied others, believing, that if she could be just
like them, she would belong and be accepted. The
people she admired wore the latest fashions, so she
had to get those kinds of clothes too, or her biggest
fear would come true. Her biggest fear was being
different, odd even peculiar; she would then stand
out in a crowd. She would hear others’ laughter
at nasty jokes. Even though her insides wanted to
cringe, she laughed. She cursed, when they cursed.
She made fun of others, because to not do so meant
she would be made fun of, and the horror attached
to that feeling of being disconnected with people
that really mattered, was real. She had to play the
game well, even if it meant she lost her identity. It
was worth it all, just to have friends.
She would buy gifts for people, expensive gifts, just
to earn their friendship. She believed there was
nothing inside her that had value. Her value came
from seeking the attention of others and doing what
they wanted, for in doing what others wanted, she
could belong. Do you know what? She never did fit
in, although she tried. She was like a square peg in
a world of round holes, and no matter how hard she
tried, she was lost and without hope of ever being
accepted for who she was, a person in need of love.
Then one day, the ones she idolized did something
that she did not expect; they went up to the front of
the church and asked a man named Jesus to come
into their heart. She told herself, “If that’s what I
have to do now, to be a part of their group, I’ll do
that too.” So she went up to the front with them. If
she went up and cried and appeared saintly, then
she could influence others to do the same. She
wanted to belong so badly; it didn’t matter what she
had to do.
And that was her life, her whole life:
PERFORMANCE to earn friends, to earn praise,
to earn the good favor of her parents, to be called
sweet and good, to emulate others.
How long could she keep it up?
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