CCChat_1

The Lived Experience
"It's only stalking if he says it is."
B
ut
did he hurt you?” the voice on the phone
asked. After several minutes of trying to
explain I was ready to put the phone down.
It was so painful having to fight to be heard, to educate in order to receive help, to
be told that the police cannot help unless I was physically hurt of threatened.
Coming out of a thirteen year marriage with a man, father of my children, who
repeatedly lied, stole, manipulated, has been the most exhausting, and testing time
of my life. Every charity, every person placed in organisations to protect me,
needing me to also teach them as to why I was scared.
My son was ill a few months back, immediate medics were sent out, hospital visits
followed. Weeks and months of worry. His father did not ask to see him or support
him. Did not call. Instead he concentrated on his needs, his financial status, his
need to cut down his maintenance. Until I noticed another pattern, what appeared
to be a new pattern in February.
Looking through bank statements to clarify financial matters, I found he was in the
shops at the bottom of my road regularly in November, and in December. Then
increasing in January to February, till he was at the carry out takeaway near my
house most nights. He mailed to tell me how important I still was to him, how much
I meant to him. He works long city hours, eats at work, and drinks heavily at the
highest profile places in London. Why come and get chips from the place near me
after a night out?
Walking out of my local library I saw a familiar figure walking away from my road.
As the figure drew closer I saw my ex, look away from me, angry, then look back
smiling, reconciliatory …… “I wasn’t doing anything”. What else can be said to that
with a child present? Someone who always worked long hours, never took time off
to help, was standing in front of me in his suit after not turning up to see the
children the day before. I ran home feeling my chest tightening, and rang my case
worker, in tears.
She failed to understand why I was so upset. “Did he threaten the children?” No.
“Well remember their also his children, and if he is paying maintenance you have no
right to stop him being near you or even in the house. Start earning your own money
or divorce him”.
An audible sigh of irritation on the other side of the phone.
Total erasure of my experiences.
The Lived Experience