Love In A Lighthouse

Doc Intro

PATIENT CASE FILE
NOMATHANDA ‘NOMMY’ DLAMINI (29)
MPHO MOLOI (29)
LOVE IN A LIGHTHOUSE - EXHIBIT A

Table of Contents

Q1
How Did You Two Meet?
Double Session

MARCH 13, 2017
HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
LOST IN TRANSLATION
Corridor dreaming,
between class sneaking and you still haven’t given back the pen you stole
back in ’09.
Our friends take turns to speak ill of our love,
arguing that it’s all but a phase,
that we don’t grow at the same pace and hence won’t end up in the same
place.
That was three years ago when I’d just gotten my platinum blonde
I-can-make-Jada-Pinkett-jealous-haircut,
this morning we ran 45minutes late for your graduation trying to help me
blow-out my kinks.
If love ever decided to have an official language,
it would speak us.
Its tongue would mimic our summer nights, sliding and grinding fluently
through the motions only to lag when the lisp of our collective whispers
approaches. Like wind, It would walk, then float, then fly to and fro.
With no burdens just truth playing the part of air balloon.
We are not in love, we are within us.
- NOMMY

MARCH 13, 2017
HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?
SEASONS CHANGE
Summer rain washes away seasons past,
symbolizing new starts.
Do you remember the summer you first stole my heart?
It was after the spring before our second year in high school came to an end.
You said you didn't believe in love and I said by autumn you would be mine
but we never knew their words would be colder than the winters we would
face together.
After all, who were they to tell us how to feel?
What sun gave them the right to dim the light of our love,
what moon told them they could project their dark thoughts on us and what
wind gave them courage to blow their curses our way?
Our love became like the seasons.
Autumn leaves, our memories fell and lost colour.
Winter breeze, your words cut right through the bone.
Summer rain, our attempts at reconciliation were rendered senseless in the
heat that consumed us.
And our spring is yet to come,
But it is nothing but a new season for love to blossom with another..
- MPHO

Q2
Why Are You Here?
Double Session

MARCH 20, 2017
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
THE BRINK
I spotted a fleet of worry in the ocean you call your eyes
this morning.
The sails grew unfurled as I loaded the last of our luggage
in the truck.
To say the least, you were concerned.
Unsure of whether or not you’d be able to cater and care
for me as my parents once had,
forgetting my parents were taking care of a child,
belonging to them
And before you stands a woman belonging solely to
herself.
A one bedroom apartment with just about enough leg room
to paint my toe nails without spilling on your soccer boots is
about as heaven as a place could be on earth So why let
thoughts pirate your heart when all it knows is a love
without regret?
I love you and you love me, that’s about all the reasoning
we need to do anything.
- NOMMY

MARCH 20, 2017 WHY ARE YOU HERE?
STRENGTH
I recall fading dreams, fire so strong, we got burnt by the flames.
Giving birth to sparks of jealousy and envy, we forgot what we said we would be.
So we tried to navigate using smoke signals,
fanning the flames,
burning down more forests and trees all the while endangering the butterflies that made
this feel real.
Lacking better words to describe us,
I'd call us murderers.
Serial killers.
We took jabs at our love.
Stabbing and resuscitating.
Gluing and tearing at the seams hoping that that time, was the right time.
Hoping to out live our crimes, always forgetting there was a witness.
While we learnt to let go, our memories held on to recall every activity.
They saw everything and they won't let us get away.
We should be smart and get ahead of this.
I don't know where this comes from,
but maybe we can love again.
- MPHO

Q3
What Do You Feel Is
Missing In Your
Relationship?
Double Session

MARCH 27, 2017
WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS MISSING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
COMMUNICATION
If walls could speak,
those belonging to my heart would have nothing to say,
my love, when last did we converse?
Our sneaker attitude has had us creeping behind closed doors,
unanswered calls and a dial up tone that models the blueprint of
our insecurities.
COMMUNICATION.
If I said that word five times before a mirror surrounded by
candlelight would she appear?
What would the punishment be?
A world of depth? Where overbearing is suddenly overflowing?
After all wouldn’t you too want a waterfall after we’ve conquered
the mountains that once tried to stop us? If so I’m ready to be
mutilated.
- NOMMY
COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION
COMMUNICATION

MARCH 27, 2017
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS MISSING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
PLEASURE
Come dance for me.
Dance like you used to,
with dimmed lights,
closed shades and gentle tunes swaying around your movements.
Flow fluid, flow precise and tease me for your candy.
Take it off slowly,
make walls regret they have no hands to touch
and their windows can see nothing but your silhouette as you perform your
reproduction dance,
giving my soldiers a show before the battle of breathes and sweats,
your standing ovation building up in anticipation of the climax.
Bend it.
Roll it.
Turn around and tell me to smack it.
Place your lips on mine before you untie my hands,
place my hand where it's warm when you done.
Actualize my thoughts, yes, make me cum.
- MPHO

Q4
Have You Two Ever
Thought Of Having
Children?
Double Session

APRIL 03, 2017
HAVE YOU TWO EVER THOUGHT OF HAVING CHILDREN?
BREATHLESS LOVE
I heard the drums beat and I felt them silence.
I was there, while your mind was no longer here.
Saw the last breath and lost sight of everything we built.
My thoughts were misplaced when you needed me
but you felt as a man I couldn’t need anyone.
I was tearing and you were breaking up,
so the fabrics of us came down to that moment
and the glass box encasing our love could no longer with stand the weight of
our burdens.
I was hurt.
You were hurt.
We should have listened when they warned that three is a crowd
because you brought someone in without considering my feelings.
Now I decorate texts messages with smileys,
and “thank you” when they say “you would have been a great dad”.
- MPHO

APRIL 03, 2017
HAVE YOU TWO EVER THOUGHT OF HAVING CHILDREN?
ROSE STEMS
I’d describe the day I lost myself, within myself,
as the dawn of a Whitney and Bobby apocalypse.
A love with no principle or remorse.
Something we’d both soon call home.
The blood clots on the bathroom floor made God’s top lip quiver,
so it was of no surprise to me when we,
the world, her world fell apart.
We masked strength as normality,
nit-picking on the weak,
survival of the vicious.
Not a memory or a shimmer of light in sight.
I recall you cleaning out the nursery that very night,
dripping in sorrow with a bottle of grim in hand.
I’d become her, cheated of opportunity,
lifeless,
draped in blood and on the bathroom floor.
‘Baby shoes for sale’ , you drunkenly recited ‘..never been used.’
- NOMMY

Q5
What Is Not Said
Enough Between The
Two Of You?
Individual Session

APRIL 05, 2017
WHAT IS NOT SAID ENOUGH BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU?
TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
Say it slow,
just process every word
Say it in your language,
so my heart doesn’t misinterpret
Say it to my face,
no risk of lost signal
Say it again,
so I know you mean it
Say my name,
so I know it’s meant for me
Say it more when I am too much,
so I feel worth it all
Start with “I” so I know the love comes from you
End with the truth,
I deserve more than lies
You already stole my heart,
how many crimes are you ready to commit?
Confess to me or accept the penalty of losing me.
- MPHO

Q6
How Do You Handle
Squabbles Over Money?
Double Session

APRIL 10, 2017
HOW DO YOU HANDLE SQUABBLES OVER MONEY?
WHO-MAN?
Today marks your fourth job interview this month,
twelfth since May.
Not quite certain how this has affected your ego
but I know how it has dealt with my time.
Endless banter of long post-supper chatter numbs the brain,
none of which is subsequent with resolution.
Our reality has had me vicariously making love to the shower head.
I’ve been ‘tired’ 5 months in a row now.
And You’ve never been one to beg or persist,
so we sit and browse through your said ‘reasoning’ on how ‘this time,
this time it’s different babe.
I can feel it’ after which I sip the last of my wine and rest for what is
seemingly our only source of income.
Routine has a way of wavering the mediocre from the great, which is
shocking considering,
I’ve looked up to you for so long
not realizing I’d just been sitting all along.
- NOMMY

APRIL 20, 2017 HOW DO YOU HANDLE SQUABBLES OVER MONEY?
MONEY MATTERS
I can’t thank you enough.
When they offered me no respect,
you saw me as a man with prospects.
Living in a world of unwanted courtships,
interviews meeting with rejection letters,
promises of better tomorrows loving crying nights.
Eviction notices for decorations,
candles for lights on days other than date night
and never bringing up past vows of future champagne showers
because water would sometimes lose wrestling matches on its way out the
shower.
Despite my lack of cents,
you let me be a man in the greatest sense,
paying bills with your cards and still filling up my car.
You had more than I had but loved me like I had all that you need.
Made it feel like love instead of you practicing lessons on how to pity and do a
good deed. When I had nothing you stuck around, let me give you everything.
- MPHO

Q7
Do You Feel These
Sessions Are Helping
Your Relationship?
Double Session

APRIL 27, 2017
DO YOU FEEL THESE SESSIONS ARE HELPING YOUR
RELATIONSHIP?
CONFUSION
The cracks in our laughter were filled up by silenced tears.
And from the brim we indulge in the sorrows of an unsatisfied heart.
Gulping,
swallowing all but our pride.
I didn’t recognise the devil that stood before me tonight,
yet this is a hell I am much to familiar with- What has become of us?
What has become of love?
What has become of glistening eyes and hollow lungs?
What has become of the sorcery of your touch?
The chills that would protest down my marrow do they not see a reason
to fight?
Have they gone tired like us,
have they gone weak?
- NOMMY

APRIL 27, 2017 DO YOU FEEL THAT THESE SESSIONS ARE HELPING WITH
LOST IN RELIGION
YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Good things come to those who wait,
so let me perch my feet in my resolve and firmly say,
we are going to be okay.
I was told that faith moves mountains,
so we've stubbed our toes on a hill and hold on to pain felt in other parts
but not corroding our hearts.
Raised on stories of temples rebuilt in 3 days,
surely our love is an easy feat for the one who is so great.
We just need more time on our knees using lips to form words instead of
sounds.
We can stop exercising wrong brains for forty days and forty nights and once
we are back to where we need to be,
I can use my staff to part the entrance to your sea.
Yes, we have our doubts but isn't that what songs are there for?
Let us sing the hymn where it says “I am Dangerously In Love with You”
because that’s how I feel about you.
- MPHO

Q8
Have You Ever
Considered Having An
Affair?
Individual Session

MAY 4, 2017 HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED HAVING AN AFFAIR?
REALITY BITES
In an orchard of dreams we serve as a valley,
picking at thoughts to juice and fuel our emptiness.
Senseless looks and rebuttals exchanged all in an aim to play pretend.
Memories lagging onto the hope of rediscovery,
Us, Pandora and love, the box.
Time’s vocabulary leaves no room for redundancy-for everything is
always new,
familiar but new.
It’s been said that insanity is the belief of doing the same thing over and
over yet expecting different results.
Has our love not proven futile?
My love maybe this triangle isn’t too bad,
after all circles have proven to be grounds for disorientation.
- NOMMY

Q9
What Has Improvred In
Your Relationship Since
You Began Counseling?
Double Session

MAY 08, 2017
WHAT HAS IMPROVED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SINCE
YOU BEGAN COUNSELING?
RAPTURE
I’m soaking wet.
After having swam the length of you,
diving deeper into the abyss you so generously call our love.
You’ve had me drowning dear,
like snow to a Khoisan you’ve had me breathing foreign so exotic yet so
unacquainted with my new found self.
Frozen.
Yes I’ve become a spectacle of time. it drips down my tits,
wits and at my hips it grips.
Have I mentioned you taste of a whole eternity?
And if time were to really act a true smith,
could it bind me helplessly to elements of true livelihood, freedom.
Dear Caramel Ambrosia drape me in your favourite flavours,
peruse your dreams of becoming at peace
and souse your thoughts with the taste of me.
- NOMMY

SOUL FOOD
MAY 08, 2017
WHAT HAS IMPROVED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
SINCE YOU BEGAN COUNSELING?
I find pleasure in the little things,
I seek you and your dark places.
I crave you to satisfy my appetite and when you cannot,
I would rather go to bed hungry,
praying and longing for more of you.
You make my heart full.
I partake in our love as an outsider at times,
sitting across the room in a restaurant
and admiring the glee on the on the couple in front of me.
Instead of arguments over what to order,
it’s back and forth comparisons of who loves who more,
instead of who will pay the bill,
it’s who will carry the other through tough times
and when the time for dessert comes,
we lick our lips in anticipation of the tomorrow,
when we will get to taste this sweet love again.
- MPHO

Q10
Have Your Ever Said
Something To The Other
You Regret?
Double Session

HAVE YOU EVER SAID SOMETHING TO THE OTHER THAT
MAY 15, 2017
YOU REGRET?
ENTITLEMENT
Time does weird things to people.
Whatever idiot proclaimed ‘absence makes the
heart grow fonder’ failed to mention one very vital
thing-the absence.
What is required to be absent in order for my heart
to commence fondling?
And with all the things gone missing between us,
would it not be natures course to have you pawing
at my dauntlessness?
It would really make sense if I were the cathedral
you sought refuge within.
It would also make more sense if I were still falling
for you yet here I am levitating,
flying away.
What happened to us?
I guess time really does do weird things to people,
we swiftly went from
‘I love you’ to ‘I love having you’
- NOMMY

MAY 15, 2017
HAVE YOU EVER SAID SOMETHING TO OTHER
THAT YOU REGRET?
WHO SAID IT FIRST
I don't know you.
I never did.
Behind closed doors you become someone else and I struggle to love the
other you.
We were just a moment nothing serious,
so I don’t understand why I’m caught up in the semantics of your theatrics,
you played a role and I bought in,
over stepped the boundaries,
after all this was only ever meant to be friends with benefits.
Maybe I did too much too soon,
you were focused on making plans and I had just got out of a situation.
We quickly developed a habit of cycling through labels, friends, lovers,
fiancés.
Should have never crossed the line and gone out of bounds, believing in
manufactured dreams and labelling it love.
It was probably just an extended crush anyway.
- MPHO

Q11
What Do You Feel Is
Your Partners Greatest
Flaw?
Individual Session

WHAT DO YOU FEEL IS YOUR PARTNERS GREATEST
MAY 17, 2017
FLAW?
DISCREPANCY
Plead the fifth,
seeing as you’re not man enough to stand accountable for your actions.
Turn a blind eye to the dirt you let mount up before us.
Drunk off the fungi I fell at your feet and mistook you for my master.
You sir are no god,
not to me and certainly not her.
You’ve plastered concrete on holy ground, hardened my heart when
your will was undone.
A sore loser.
The swelling from your bruised ego had you feeling larger than life.
An ice cold dementia which I dubbed the winter of my life as though
somehow our madness were intertwined,
pardon my discretion
but I am not her.
I am not the one.
- NOMMY

Q12
How Long Do Fights
Between The Two Of
You Last?
Double Session

MAY 22, 2017
NON-DISCLOSURE
HOW LONG DO FIGHTS BETWEEN THE TWO OF
YOU LAST?
I gave in when I should have learnt to swim,
swim above the emotions that would hurt me.
Now my life feels like the inspiration behind every Sam Smith song.
Learnt to be too good at goodbyes, and learnt to love the way you lie.
You said you were afraid to lose me because you would compare every after
to me and you never wanted another to sponsor your laughter, like a deal
gone bad we lost our signal and our network went out of service.
So before our number is up and we get disconnected,
I confess it hurt a little less when you left because I had seen you do it so
many times,
you threatened enough times in my mind for me to accept that I needed to
love you less in order for this relationship to last.
I thought I was doing enough but you sited excuses I thought were
understood. I didn’t know I never called enough,
you should have said I said the wrong things,
how else was I to know, telling you how I felt was pushing you away?
I would have kept my opinion to myself instead of admitting I didn’t like you
around certain friends,
I would have said the things you wanted to hear instead of the truths my heart
felt they owed you.
Our conversations could have started and ended at “I love you”.
- MPHO

HOW LONG DO FIGHTS BETWEEN THE TWO OF
MAY 22, 2017
YOU LAST?
SPECIAL DELIVERY
Seasons bring about as good a change as pain does.
Watching you merely exist from across the kitchen counter charges up
my heart, I’m walking towards you and before you know it we’re neck
deep into ‘I’m sorrys and I was stupids’
Fighting you is like being at war with myself.
A pointless battle with no true victor.
Speaking of Victor I didn’t give him my numbers
and you should know better than to ever fucking doubt me!
I’m a grace with a bit of a temper
but you already know this
and not the kind to take with you when politicking a new business deal
either yet still,
you call me your angel as though God himself FedExed me to your
front door.
- NOMMY

Q13
When Last Did You Two
Just Talk About Your
Feelings?
Double Session

WHEN LAST DID YOU TWO JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR
MAY 29, 2017
FEELINGS?
SILENT NIGHT
Shit we refuse to say after the tone,
over the phone or amid that Russian miracle tend to pile up,
grips begin to slip and all that you hold on now suddenly sprawls
between our ears keeping us up at night.
Pillow talking
Behind every ellipsis
and ‘nothing’ there’s a message with a chlorophyll gag in it’s mouth
slipping away into our subconscious unaware of it’s existence,
of it’s importance.
When did we become so afraid to live?
Tip toeing around each other’s emotions unable to sway the motions in
our favour.
‘you still awake?’
‘yea’
- NOMMY

MAY 29, 2017
SHUT UP. DRIVE. HITCHHIKER
Let’s embark on this road trip.
Slow and steady till my mind slips.
Till I slip into where you want me.
Vulnerable. Unstable. Unable.
Unable to think for myself.
I know how you like me,
you want me useless.
Reflecting a date rape victim,
paralyzed, half asleep and half conscious.
You hijack on cue, on time, precise every time.
WHEN LAST DID YOU TWO JUST TALK ABOUT
YOUR FEELINGS?
Within first steps you take me back,
post traumatic stress grabs hold of me
and you remind me of past attempts at this journey
and never reaching the finish line.
The half empty promise tank
and hopes barely making it out of reserve relationships.
No need to ask, it’s okay insecurities, take the wheel of my love.
Just shut up and drive.
- MPHO

Q14
Why Do You Think He
Never Proposed?
Individual Session

JUNE 07, 2017
WHY DO YOU THINK HE NEVER PROPOSED?
A COW
Will you marinate the meat’
and possible marinate your meat later on is all you think when you look at
me.
Never a ‘marry me’ always a carry me on your back with my baggage, don’t
grow tired honey you’re a strong woman!
I am not your mother.
I am not made to play maid while you parade your know-hows to the world.
I AM HUMAN
I AM WOMAN
AND I AM TO BE LOVED FULLY!
Yet all you see is a cow to suck dry,
nestling and testing me.
With each dawn I break,
fall spineless into a serpent who services nothing but proud vices of an
entitled masculine.
And I think to myself, If he doesn’t want to get married then he can’t be no
man of mine!
- NOMMY

Q15
Why Did You Never
Propose?
Individual Session

JUNE 08, 2017 WHY DID YOU NEVER PROPOSE?
DAYS WE NEVER HAD
Hypothetically, what if I said I had it all planned and awaited for your
favorite flower to bloom, would you see it as an excuse or a man sticking
his hands in the pits of romance? What if I labeled it a promise ring when in
fact it was meant for our “I do”? You should have never ruined the surprise,
but then again you never chose to get sick and come home early that day.
Let’s say I did things that needed to be done and had plans to get you
another one? What if I sacrificed my rose petals and candlelight
background, to get you the trip you wanted? After all, you said you needed
to get away and you wish is my command, so I traded in your bling so we
could go vacationing. Get aways are fleeting moments and engagements
are building blocks to forever, I guess I over-estimated the length of our
journey.
Maybe I waited too long to ask and that’s why you packed your bags.
Maybe I put too much faith on that “I’m not in a rush”, and maybe if you told
me your “I’ll wait for you” meant the clock is ticking now, I would have
invested in a lucky packet and gave you less reason to relate to that
Beyoncè song, instead you preaching “to the left, to the left” with a note
addressed with the “I love you” you should have served me with your tears
but now I’m on my knees and emotional with different thoughts, maybe the
promise made on that ring should have been that you would stick around
instead of me.
- MPHO

Q16
Are You Still In Love?
Individual Session

JUNE 09, 2017
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE?
MA RAISON DE VIVRE
When God said let there be light,
It was a prophesy of our union because you chase the darkness away.
I breathe your love, so my words smell of you.
Let your hand hold mine, your sweet lips meet mine
Let our hearts collide because smashing into you comes naturally to me
You embody my fears because losing you is the greatest of them.
You encompass my insecurities, surrounding me with new confidence.
Smile bringing, joy giving and unrelenting.
You are infinite in your ways and I am definitely never getting out of yours.
When you lose your path, you may crash into me
and we will pick up the pieces together.
But I will steal some of yours, so the baggage weighs less on you.
My sweet honey dew, let me be the milk that compliments you wealth.
Pour me on your skin, when for my touch.
In a world where all they want is marriage and big weddings
All I ever prayed for was a woman as understanding as you.
I know you deserve better but I am getting better at loving you.
- MPHO

Q17
Do You Feel Your
Definitions of Love
Match?
Double Session

JUNE 12, 2017
DO YOU FEEL YOUR DEFINITIONS OF LOVE MATCH?
COMPLACENT
‘It just dawned on me that the same universe that keeps fucking with
me blessed me with you’,
He says as I adjusted the straps of my bra after yet another soul
wrenching encounter with a mediocre lover.
I am yet to run out of ways to kill time.
He always talk funny after a walk in my garden.
Drunk off the karma that is growth and evolution,
my flower bomb reminds you of the sins your fore-fathers couldn’t
resist.
Is that why you stay? Out of tradition?
Has it dawned that my being here is a mere displacement of time while
I decipher my life’s purpose?
And although I don’t love you anymore I still haven’t found anything
better to do with my time,
so I digress while you undress me and whatever glee we have leftover
from the bottle of wine.
- NOMMY

JUNE 13, 2017
DO YOU FEEL YOUR DEFINITIONS OF LOVE MATCH?
LETTERS
At an early age we learn vowels and consonants,
I grew up and learnt of vows and constants,
you held on to childish things.
It’s fucked up that we can’t walk away with the same things.
I now own half of a broken heart
while you wholly own our good memories,
and since you are walked away,
you got to pack the things you wanted
and I got the tattered aspects of the home we once owned.
I have a roof but no big bad wolf is required to blow it down,
after all you were the foundation that held us together.
You should have just told me you were using me to practice the alphabet,
because L.O.V.E to you
was nothing but your attempt at forming words.
- MPHO

Q18
What Truth Are You
Afraid To Share?
Double Session

JUNE 20, 2017
WHAT TRUTH ARE YOU AFRAID TO SHARE?
VULNERABILITY
You’ve lost yourself a thousand times over, cursed the gods when the
pain caught you sober
- blinking passed realities,
stumbling through the truthyet
tonight I watched you drown in my lavender lagoon, nestling the
embankments encrypted with the eulogy of your world as you enter
mine.
And So it begins,
You pawing at my bewildered mane to deep sea diving into this
universal plain we’ve dubbed temple.
My goddess Esq. was have both birthed and buried plenty kingdoms
before yet here you are steering your way through an ocean I’m
convinced you to have helped the great I AM, map.
You know me so well.
‘Oh so well’
In and out
In and out
In and...’please never leave me out?’
- NOMMY

JUNE 22, 2017 WHAT TRUTH ARE YOU AFRAID TO SHARE?
DESIRE
They say if you want something,
put it out into the universe.
So when I said you were the best I ever had,
that’s all that it was.
Wishful thinking completed our threesomes
and on occasion I would have an affair with my hand
because faking an orgasm
sometimes requires me comforting myself.
Taking turns on a ride bringing me no thrill
and the only highlight was when you’d lick the cream from my cone.
Since the amusement aspect is no more,
maybe we should close down this park.
It is nothing but a reminder of when love was enough
but also a truth we can never admit
because it would mean we lied when we said we wanted an us for the right
reasons.
- MPHO

Q19
What Is Going Through
Your Mind?
Individual Session

JULY 06, 2017
WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND?
UGLY HEARTED
How privileged am I to be loved by you when negligence is all the loving
you do?
The last day of -what was unknowingly- our last vacation marks the
anniversary of the death of this here love. If I recall correctly, the dusk
was setting
It made the sea jello,
The moon was sweating, racing through the dark
And so were we.
It meant nothing to me! Absolutely nothing!
Yet still I stood, waiting to be dripped on.
Sex is the mute button personified.
- NOMMY

Q20
Are You Sure You Want
To Do This
Individual Session

JULY 08, 2017
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS?
DISTASTEFUL
Apologies are a cowards hello. I’m no coward.
So when debating the grand tragedy we call our love be sure to
mention it’s grotesque nature and our front. Recall our slick ways and
the masquerade we had played out for our spectators, how your pride
and my ego were draped in matching fuego as they danced the past
decade away.
Tell them the truth!
Tell them we’ve wasted each other’s time. That our youth now lays
dead at our feet arguing the abyss with the rest of our worries. Tell them
we let each other down, that our kryptonite was dethroning kings, so
watching one melt into the gravel upon which we grow and glow on was
but a cup of tea.
Hurting you became easier with time. After a while of co-existing in awe
one normally then begins to depersonalize their spouse. Seeing them
as less of a human and more of an accessory. It's a pity I got a new
stylist, you were my favourite carry-on.
- NOMMY

Q21
Do You Have Anything
To Say?
Individual Session

JULY 10, 2017 DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY?
GOODBYE
I’m sorry.
I shouldn’t have said all those things.
You were once good to me and despite me,
you were a woman who made love interesting
because never had I found someone who was already good on their own.
I don’t have much to say but I wish you nothing but the best.
I hope your next will be your last,
that he treats you right,
because you are worth it and deserve more than just memories,
you deserve a lifetime of happy.
I know your happy doesn’t lay with me,
just know with you, there was a time I was happy.
- MPHO

Q22
Do You Feel
Responsibile For The
Break Up?
Individual Session

PINK LEMONADE
JULY 14, 2017
Sometimes we did more than was necessary,
so then we got unnecessary.
You said something about some guy and even though it was a lie,
I went off to try drown problems at the bottom of a bottle.
Other days I would mention girls and change facts to stories,
not to hurt you but to see your reaction.
Immature but a great way to get your attention,
I wanted to show you that we were still my choice,
unfortunately I did it by implying I had other options.
Everything built up to our ultimate climax,
big fights led to good make up sex.
Screaming contests we participated in,
just so we had a reason to communicate.
Major plot twists and character shifts, I should have been bigger than this but I wanted to
make sure I played some role in your life, stay long enough and the hero plays the villain
but give up on someone who “loves” you and you are the bad guy anyway.
People measure love based on time.
Our clock face froze on Quarter-to-Love and half-Past-Hate, we chased bad habits and
limited our conversations to Greetings because we wanted to rush past forgiveness. We. I
need to stop saying we and get used to just being me. After all, I was there.
I made my own cup, let me sip on this tea.
- MPHO

Q23
Do You Still Believe In
Love?
Individual Session

JULY 20, 2017 DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN LOVE?
KEEP THE FAITH
Call it blasphemy and turn me to a pillar of salt.
Drown me in sorrow, flood my heart,
after all I have no one to board the arc with.
Keep your riddled prophesies that speak of promised lands for chosen ones
cause the one I chose no longer chooses me.
Give Cupid a sling shot because his arrows never hit the right targets,
even when aiming for giants,
he comes short and leads broken hearts to grinders and rushes to blow away
what remains, so there can be no Lazarus effect of any feelings.
Save on inks reserved for scribes to record revelations of gloomy dooms
awaiting my love story.
Let not my ears hear promises of "it’s okay" and "it works out in the end".
Let not my heart listen to other souls lost in religion.
I'm done with all this. Just do away with it.
You know what
Keep Your Faith.
- MPHO

Q24
Is Everything Okay?
Individual Session

AUGUST 01, 2017
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
HONESTY
Since you’ve been gone I’ve been cloud hopping
in hopes to catch a dream worth chasing.
Nothing I feel is real.
The uncertainty of my existence has escalated with the echo of my
hellos,
no one’s here to greet me back
or noisily drown my thoughts of the day and immerse me into life’s
precious moments.
Now is the worst present I’ve ever received.
I’ve been wrapping and trying to regift our memories,
preferably to an author spencer by the name Thandie or something.
Needless to say I can feel my heart slowly decay as the clock turns
striking yet another reality that life without you is frivolous.
I was wrong. I need you
- NOMMY

Q25
Do You Miss Her?
Individual Session

AUGUST 06, 2017 DO YOU MISS HER?
ACCEPTANCE
If less is more,
then you give me too much of your love
and I never gave you enough.
Was I caught in delusions of what could be but were involuntary?
Loving you was never a choice,
so subconsciously like I fell for you,
I'm drifting from the presence of what we built.
As sinking ships drown,
so do the voices promising picket fences and anniversaries,
all I wish is you'll always remember me as something worth keeping in
memory.
That someday you may smile as you float in your galaxy of dreams and life
without us. In hopes of being anything,
in meaning something to you,
compare me to everything but the cold darkness of the empty space you host
your stars,
the place you find yourself,
where my place in your heart used to be.
If less is more than maybe we loved too much, so if we loved less, we'd have
more of our relationship to hold on to?
- MPHO

Q26
What Are The Words
Your Heart Never Said?
Individual Session

QUESTIONS
AUGUST 16, 2017
WHAT ARE THE WORDS YOUR HEART NEVER
SHARED?
I guess asking you to say sorry when you were wrong was asking too much,
so could you not have loved a little louder?
It's what lacked in our fights,
I always heard you fight with me but never for me.
Your commitment was inconsistent,
why did you take turns calling me different names?
Sometimes I was your soulmate and other times your greatest mistake,
could you not have picked one so I know which role to play?
Agendas and diaries,
filled with dates never meant for me.
Was I really part of your plans?
Were you true when you said you wanted me because now I don't have to
ask if I wasn't enough,
your actions speak volumes so who are you to ask about trust?
You made promises you couldn't keep,
why do you feel you have the right to refer to me as someone you loved?
- MPHO

Q27
How Did You Handle The
News?
Individual Session

OCTOBER 13, 2017 HOW DID YOU HANDLE THE NEWS?
POST-NUPTIALS
It’s been a while since we communicated,
I guess you can call this the update you never asked for
but also who writes anymore,
would have called but by the time I get to the 10th digit,
my finger presses the delete button
and I have to start again,
if only I could remove your number from memory.
Congratulations on the beautiful wedding,
I know I RSVP’d
but I was busy with puzzle pieces and putting my life back together post our
break up.
Always knew you’d find a better man,
he did what I couldn’t and now you’re carrying the life I should have fathered,
I suppose we can call this long distance love,
you’re too far in your husbands arms to care about me.
I wanna ask if you still love me
but I hold myself because I don’t know what I would do with the response,
and if I’d reciprocate the same if you asked me.
Also I know you now only answer to one man,
I just hope you’re not with him while still in love with me but if you are,
remember it’s impossible for true love to love alone.
- MPHO

Outro

Cover Art Words My Heart Never Said

SOMETIMES I PRAY
Sometimes I pray
I pray for personal things,
like the courage to face tomorrow
I pray for little things,
like can God not be the only one who
loves me
Then other times I pray for big things,
like the courage to handle my sorrows
I pray for people mostly
I pray for the forgotten who hold on to
hurt like me
I pray to learn to forgive, not for them but
for me.
Sometimes I pray to see less because
the more I pray, the worse the world gets
As if my wording is wrong or someone
sits and edits before they reach His ears
I pray for less girls to go missing and
more bodies turn up dead
I pray for society to build itself up and
floods rush in to bring down our
structures.
I pray for healing but stories of children’s
dealings with monsters spread like a
disease
and I ask why I learnt to pray if every time
I look down, then up, the world is on fire.
Sometimes I pray for things I don’t
understand
I pray for freedom of mind, so I’m less
afraid to want what I want because I feel
someone deserves it more
I pray to be less naive,
so my heart houses less hate,
I need to grow and learn there is more to
life than pain
I pray for despair to darken less souls, so
young ones are warned less about gun
violence and taught to shoot for their
dreams
and maybe could the media put up
images of hope because Revelations
already spoke of today.
Sometimes I pray
But sometimes I don’t
Because before I knew you, being
ignored hurt a little less

THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE
When I was willing to fight for us,
you were letting go and when you put on the
gloves,
I had already moved on.
So even though none of us was around to
watch the foundation crumble,
we both felt the earth shake as we walked away
from what could have been.
Not what was because our story ended with ink
still in the pen,
we were forced to vacate the home we built
because the flame that sparked our love
became all consuming and even though we
managed to escape before suffocating on
fumes signifying we were all but burnt out,
I can’t help but think back to the things we lost
in the fire.
The mental pictures we took that filled the
album of our love,
served as the fuel that started everything,
like a child with a magnifying glass we focused
on the little things,
petty fights over who is wrong or right and
made it our mission to focus on the ants,
ignoring the butterflies wishing to be fed
rainbows.
Next were the gifts we bought,
because money comes from trees we were
quick to smoke out the value of the memories,
surely this was because happy thoughts do not
have the ability to keep jewelry polished nor can
they repay us for time invested in making them.
We lost ourselves in the board games,
taking turns coming up with strategies to keep
up appearances.
We never let the outside have an opinion on
what went on inside our relationship
but towards the end we cared more about what
they’d stay instead of putting out fires and in the
end,
we have no one else to blame for how we lost
us.

LACE & LINGERIE
Words are not necessary when intentions are clear
So waste no time trying to remember my name
And I won’t bother asking if you came here alone
Don’t consider this a one night stand
This is just strangers exchanging experience
Lessons in locking lips
Testing strength with under the sheets wrestling
And if you want communication,
I can say “I love you” if you’re into that kinda shit
But save the emotions for someone who needs them
When you walk in, leave your baggage at the door
If you've never done this before,
All we need is me, you, lace and lingerie...

HAZEL BROWN
She said I hide behind hazel brown but she
doesn’t mind because my eyes are her favorite
shade
Dark enough to be mysterious,
so she can see there are levels to me
but bright enough not to overshadow the light in
my heart
I said damn you’re deep and she said,
depth is the ocean in your eyes where you
drown your pain hoping no one on the surface
seeks deeper into you
Depth is somewhere between how I feel and
how far you are,
so close yet so far away.
I can almost taste your love
but we aren’t there yet because you’re still
processing that someone can see the perfection
in your flaws.
I am jealous of your skin, chocolate and sweet.
Lord knows I'm ready to be a diabetic for the
high and rush your brand of sugar provides.
And don’t get me started on how I anticipate the
feel of your candy cane inside my field of
dreams.
I want to harvest the wheat you call your
fantasies,
pick them one by one until they all belong to me.
Let me Farm on your body,
ploughing my hands into that skin I want coating
my future kin.
She carried on to compare me to the earth.
Said I'm grounded and can continue moving on
my own
but she wishes to plant her roots in me, so she
can grow in the soils of my being.
So she can provide the air I need to breathe and
bring new life to me.
I blushed and she smiled.
Then she asked,
Sweet Hazel Brown,
say you’ll be mine?

DEAR FUTURE WIFE
I will wait
Even though you haven't met me,
I know you are praying for me
I will no longer date, socialise, or
communicate with carbon copies of you
just to appease boredom
or quench my thirst for short lived
compliments from sorta kinda's
You know when she is sorta kinda right
but sorta kinda wrong
When I picture the future, never once do I
picture it without your smile.
Dear future wife,
maybe we should skip the wedding and
have our great moment and find a chapel
to make our oath
There's no such thing as moving too fast
when what you've been waiting for
presents itself...