CCChat_2

"my energies are being directed
into recovery, not regret ."
L
I
use that ‘transformational language’ deliberately… it would
be so much easier to say I am a ‘victim’, but my energies are
being directed into recovery, not regret. It has been hard
beyond words: frightening, destructive, damaging and
absolutely confusing, and if you’ve been in a relationship with
someone simila, you’ll know what I mean.
Looking back I can’t understand how I got into the relationship but that’s the point.
The warning signs were all there; we were completely incompatible and many
friends alerted me to this. However, one of the first strategies is to ‘lovebomb’, and
lovebomb me he did. I was overwhelmed by such tender, loving, generous displays
of emotion: it was impossible not to become deeply attracted to him, and in time,
dependent on him as the centre of my world. This was exactly what he wanted.
Soon, it was too late. It’s always hard to identify a tipping point; the moment it all
goes wrong; but within a year, the relationship was in tatters and I was in emotional
shreds. This is the typical narcissistic cycle: after ‘lovebombing’ comes ‘devaluing’,
when the narcissist’s attentions turns from building himself (or herself) up in your
eyes, to devaluing you in your own eyes.
I decided to leave at this stage – you'd think the problem would end there, but no, it
did not. One of the confusing things has been just how challenging the aftermath
has been. In my case, it’s been at least as difficult to deal with the fallout from
leaving as it was living with him, though the challenges are different. My self-esteem
started to crumble, my self-worth to fall.
The next phase is to ‘discard’. Yes, it was me who moved out but he wasn’t prepared
to accept that: trying, on multiple occasions,in multiple ways, to draw me back in
(the so called ‘hoovering’ phase). He had a touch of ‘alpha’ about him - an outward
sense of confidence and allure which is not uncommon –very adept at targeting the
next unsuspecting, sensitive & empathic person to sell them this picture perfect ‘too
good to be true’ romance. Infidelity is not uncommon as they prepare a replacement
for the void they are about to create so they can move on seamlessly.
Whilst busy trying to reel me back in, he had been busy building up his new source
of narcissistic supply and then, out of the blue - overnight, by text - he announced
he had a new girlfriend.
narcissist