Island Birth Association - Resource Guide #5

In the 10-­‐week Birth Boot Camp class I teach, we watch a wide variety of birth videos, including
the more artsy “ideal” type, as well as the filmed-­‐on-­‐an-­‐iPhone more real version. And both are
beautiful. And both are important, especially for first time moms. We often show the “perfect”
type of birth to combat the typical media glamorized version that always includes lots of
screaming and makes birth look like a terrifying event. So it makes sense that this “ideal” birth
has been widely accepted as what a natural birth is supposed to look like. That it’s not supposed
to look like the scary, screaming Hollywood version. But in doing that I think we have lost sight
of what is real in favor of what is pretty. I’d argue we’re just as guilty as Hollywood of
glamorizing birth to our own ends, forgetting that polarizing any experience naturally alienates a
huge portion of the population.
Because birth is REAL, and raw, and life
changing – for the “breathers and moaners”
as well as the “yellers and screamers,” and
no one should walk away from such a life
changing experience feeling like they’ve
failed just because their birth wasn’t as they
pictured it. Just because it wasn't like the
videos they’d watched online. The truth of
the matter is that there is no ideal. You may
have had a calm, peaceful labor, and I had a
freight train 3-­‐hour labor, and they looked
and sounded very, very different, but they
were both beautiful.
There’s a recurring theme in motherhood blogs about striving for false perfection, and one of
my very favorite quotes about it is “don’t compare your behind the scenes to other people’s
highlight reel.” We need to stop gauging our idea of perfection on other people’s experiences.
So, while I’m a huge believer in watching birth videos as a way to prepare for birth, I think we
need to remember that none of those videos will be our experience, nor should we try to
control what is ultimately uncontrollable based on what we think the ideal looks like.
So I’m going to own my freight train, screaming, out of control, beautiful, PERFECT births as my
own, and not feel like I did it wrong or failed in any way. My birth videos (if I had them) surely
wouldn’t win any cinematography awards, but I walked away with overwhelming joy and a huge
sense of accomplishment and empowerment. And three beautiful, perfect babies. And three
birth experiences that have shaped who I am today, and which I wouldn’t change a thing about,
even if they weren’t what I pictured a “perfect” birth to be beforehand.
Kim is a mom to three, a Navy wife, and a childbirth educator teaching Birth
Boot Camp classes on Whidbey Island. Her three amazing & empowering births
sparked her desire to help other women experience birth as a transformative
experience rather than a fearful one. She believes there isn't one right way to
birth, but that women should have access to information to make the best
decisions for their own unique experiences.
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