March Digital Sampler

LOVE STORY
WORDS NIKKI DUTTON PHOTOGRAPHY GETTY IMAGES
Try a little
TENDERNESS
Forget sex: now you’ve had a baby, it’s time to rethink what
real romance means and bring more of it into your relationship
Ah, remember those early, heady
days with your partner, when
romance meant a big bunch of
flowers, an expensive meal or
talking until the sun came up?
Since having a baby, it might
feel like that kind of love has packed its bags
and left, sometime in between a nappy change
and a sleepless night. But having a baby
together, with all of the challenges as well as
the magical moments it brings, can lead to a
healthier, happier relationship, and mean you
discover more ways to love your partner than
you ever imagined. So forget trying to recreate
what you used to have, now you’re parents it’s
time to move your relationship on to become
a more genuine romance that’s better than ever.
‘Having a baby is the most wonderful,
stressful and life-changing thing you and your
partner will do together,’ says relationship
specialist Wendy Capewell. ‘And once your
baby arrives and becomes the centre of both
MEET THE
EXPERT
Wendy Capewell
is a relationship
specialist, counsellor
and author of From
Surviving to Thriving
in a Romantic
Relationship
(CreateSpace
Publishing, £7.99);
wendycapewell.co.uk
‘My fiancé Ralph
regularly asks me how
I’m feeling, and gives me the
time to chat through any
worries, which I appreciate as
it’s so easy for everything to
become just about our baby.’
Tanith Batterham, 32, from
Nottingham, is mum to Grace,
four months
of your worlds, it’s only natural that your
relationship will change.
‘But being constantly bombarded with
images on TV and social media of happy,
contented families, where everyone snuggles
in bed together in the morning, and no-one
gets ratty, can lead to us having unrealistic
expectations about what our relationship
should be like after having a baby. The reality
is that babies put a lot of pressure on even the
strongest of partnerships. But finding ways
to support each other through these ups
and downs of parenthood can make your
relationship a whole lot stronger and far more
intimate than it was before your baby arrived.’
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
Let’s get straight to the point and get this bit
sorted from the get-go shall we? If you’re not
having much sex – or any at all, thank you
very much – since your baby came along,
then that’s perfectly normal. In a recent
survey, a quarter of couples revealed they
didn’t have sex for six months or longer after
having a baby. And shelving sex for the time
being won’t harm your relationship a jot – as
long as you and your partner talk about
it. If you’re struggling to start the
conversation, try ‘I know you
want to be close to me,
but I’m too tired and
uncomfortable right
now.’ Or if you’re
worried that sex isn’t
on his agenda, then
‘It’s great that we can
still feel close without
having sex’ is a great
icebreaker. What’s
important is that you air
that elephant in the room,
so you both know the other
isn’t feeling rejected. ‘It’s not how
90 | March 2018 | motherandbaby.co.uk