18 Spring v2

SPRING 18
VOLUME II

A Globe and Mail Territorial Avowal
I had a cup of tea with a friend the other day. The talk shifted to treaty
rights as there had been some news in the paper. She said giving the
land back wasn’t practical, but we should be fair.
I said, “We are not giving anything back – we never had it in the first
place. The common law doctrine of terra nullius, that no one owned
the land, therefore it is ours - never applied in Canada.”
She said she wasn’t sure some old law of England applied and I replied,
“I am not telling you this is a moral claim, I am telling you this is the
unanimous legal decision of the Supreme Court of Canada on June 26 th
2014.”
This is the unceded territory of the Coast and Straits Salish people
XQQ, Cross Queer Quarterly
is published by the XQQ collective.
We are looking for new
members, ask us about joining.
XQQ is printed in three editions:
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each with unique regional
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XQQ is published 8 times a
year and updated online in between.
XQQ welcomes submissions
from community members any
where. Our focus is BC and the
Salish Sea.
XQQ is produced by
Atley Jonas – Editor in Chief
ChrŸs Tei – Production
Issa Mistake – Proofing
CONTRIBUTORS IN THIS ISSUE
Barry Perlman – Horoscope
Elliott Lange—Artwork
3—This Issue
4— Editor's Note
5—Letters
6–9 News Trans Need
10—11 Ramblings
12—13 Pride & Joy
14—15 TransVine
16—17 Social Transition
18—Present as you Intend
20—21 ooT & abooT
23—Families & Friends
24—25 Physical Transition
26—27 Personal Transition
30—33 Rainbow Resources
34—37 Horoscope
38—Pepper & Pearl
SPRING 18
XQQ Mailing Address:
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T’Sou-ke Nation Territories
Phone (888) 241-9992
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Edition Format Deadline Publish
Imbolc Digital Jan 30 Feb 6
Spring Print Mar 13 Mar 21
Beltane Digital May 17 May 21
Summer Print Jun 26 Jul 1
Lammas Digital Jul 25 Aug 1
Autumn Print Sep 4 Sep 21
Samhain Digital Oct 16 Oct 31
Winter Print Dec 4 Dec 21

E d i t o r ’ s
N o t e
It has been a year now, since our last
Pride edition of XQQ, but I still remember
just as vividly my editor's
message. We were all still reeling from
the cold-blooded murder of 49 innocents
at the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando,
Florida, at the hands of a deranged
lunatic and extremist homophobe.
Rest in power, friends, you are
both missed and remembered.
Since then, I've been observing some
interesting developments both within
our community and in the larger context
of society as a whole. There have
been both very positive and very negative
events that seem to have resulted
in a disturbing yin/yang balance where
I never know what might come next.
Will it be a celebration-worthy victory,
such as the ones recently seen
through Canada's long-expected passage
of Bill C-16, or Germany's equally
long-expected legalization of same-sex
marriage? Or will it be another transyouth
beaten to death by right-wing
extremists, emboldened by the hateful
rhetoric and social normalization of
violence against marginalized groups,
thanks to a sense of permissiveness
toward voicing and expressing intolerance,
granted by larger-than-life leaders
like Donald Trump or his BFF, Vladimir
Putin?
There is a lot I could write about, and
for an editor, the words often come
easily. But how best to dedicate those
precious few hundred words judiciously?
Actually, the answer for me
became ludicrously simple. All it took
was a trip to visit family in Fort St.
John, B.C. I knew then, exactly what
would be the right message to convey.
The theme for this issue, and really for
our piece of the rainbow in Pride this
year, is 'Taking Back the "T" in LGBT.'
Of course, the first question many will
ask, is what on earth does that mean?
And even if we understand what it
means, what does it entail? How do
we do that? As much as I wish I could
definitively answer that for everyone,
the least I can do is answer it for myself,
and share that with you for your
own consideration and to help you
devise your own answers to these
questions.
For several years now, there have
been many in the rainbow community
who have been taking a step back
when they consider Pride (both as an
organization and a movement) and
saying, "Wait a minute! That's not
me. That neither represents who I am,
nor what I stand for." There is a prevailing
image of Pride, and whether
it's accurate or not is entirely irrelevant,
(as that is the very nature of public
perception), where Pride is made up
of young, Caucasian, socially privileged
gay men. And as such, very little
room is given to anyone else... (I suppose
the polar opposite might be an
old, Asian, unemployed trans woman?
Yes, that bulge you see is your
editor's tongue placed firmly in their
cheek. Go ahead, chuckle, it's allowed
-- even though we are dealing with
serious subject matter here).
It's this perceived misrepresentation of
what it means to represent us that has
sparked discord not only in Victoria's
Pride community but also on a much
wider scale. This is the reason why
Black Lives Matter protesters have interrupted
and blocked Pride parades
across North America. This is the reason
why there is a "No Justice No
Pride" counter-movement. This is why
Victoria has an "alt-pride" group that
organize their own alt-pride march
and event. This is why UVic's Pride
Collective has withdrawn from Pride in
2017. Because intersectionality matters
and intersectionality in Pride, or
the lack thereof, has finally come to a
head.
* Please look for the companion article
/ continuation of this message,
later on in this issue.
JULY 12TH 7:30-8:30
ONLINE AT TRANSVINE
GO TO XQQ.CA/TRANSVINE TO GET YOUR LEAF

L e t t e r s t o E d i t o r
The letters here are the opinions of the writer and do not reflect any position of this newspaper.
PLEASE UPGRADE MY SUBSCRIPTION
To XQQ
I am a therapist who works on Vancouver
Island and over the past few years I have
seen more and more clients and their families
coming to me about gender related
issues. Often they need other types of help
than the counselling, such as trans informed
medAical care. It has always been
a problem to simply direct them to the
right service. Your adding the Rainbow
Resources pages to the magazine has
been a real help, and I do appreciate seeing
my own listing there. A while back, I
ordered a personal print subscription, but
my copy was not lasting past my next client
session, and I see that I can order a
Service Subscription of 25 copies. Enclosed
please find my cheque. Keep up the good
work!
Mid Island Therapist
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS WITH STRAIGHTS
To the Editor:
It may be very tempting for a trans or cross
dressing person to enter into a sexually
charged social exchange with a cisgendered
and straight individual, but it can
be a very dangerous and morally dubious
matter if it is not clear to the other just
what is the conformation of one's own
body and maybe even the sexual expectations.
It is foolish to think anyone so deceived is
likely to react with anything but humiliation,
horror, and revulsion to the point of
prompting a violent response, no matter
what their brains would at other times tell
them decent civilized behavior would be.
It is likely a lot easier for many of those of
us who have had to deal with the anomalies
of our own gender and sexual situation
to deal with surprises such as those we
might inflict on the hetero-normative. Their
overwhelming majority makes it reasonable
for them to suppose that they are with
another similarly minded person. Even
when they could have noticed upon other
occasions that skin texture, hair distribution,
voice, or chest contour did not quite
match that typical of bodies they expect, in
the heat of a wished for sexual or merely
cuddling experience these warning signs
can be overlooked.
Rightly or wrongly, most humans have
pretty rigid ways of being sexual in the
world, and it is strongly tied to their sense
of dignity and self-worth as much as our
sense of gender often is for those of us
who live in the binary and are not fluid in
either of or both our gender or sexual
identities. Respect them as you would wish
to be yourself.
Before you start back home with somebody,
make sure that they know what to
expect.
You owe it to them as a matter of ethics.
Besides, it might save you a trip to the hospital
- or the morgue.
A Concerned Trans woman

N e w s T r a n s N e e d
Take Back the T
Art becomes l ife
When we made the poster for Take
Back the T, we wanted to call forth
that moment where it’s Pride and all is
good in the world. From the poster:
If all the trans and gender diverse people
in the islands were in one place at
one time,
What would that look like?
And
If you were 12, trans and there and it
made you feel OK to be yourself,
Would everyone's life be better, perhaps
change for good?
Well, not every gender diverse person
in the islands was there, but there was
a great cross section from all parts of
the community, and our families and
allies. There were trans women, trans
men, gender diverse folks, gender
queer, that represented a wide range
of ages and identities. Overall, together,
a really nice bunch of people. What
was maybe the nicest moment was
meeting someone new, including the
BC News
t he t ra n s va n gettin g re ady t o ro ll
young person who had seen the poster
on one of the downtown poles and
showed up in their custom made They,
Their, Them T shirt that had been embroidered
by a family member who
wanted to express their support. It was
like the poster came true, and was
really a special moment.
We want to do a special shout out to
Hope for all her effort in making the
event happen this year. A special
thanks to her Dad, Sean, who piloted
the transvan with a steady hand. We
will have to order additional boas for
him next year.
Another shout out to Aaron Devor and
his unceasingly positive and supportive
assistant Michael. It was great to see
their banner for the UVIC Transgender
chair. It represents the years of hard
work and persistent effort to bring
about what is one of the most culturally
significant trans centres in the world.
Be sure to mark your calendar for next
years symposium, March 22-25. More
information at
http://www.uvic.ca/research/transchair/

N e w s T r a n s N e e d

N e w s T r a n s N e e d
Canadian News
Bill C-16—Yeahh! Finally! and we
didn’t have to wait for Don Plett to
find another line of work! Randall
Garrison released this statement on
the passing of the bill -
“After more than 12 years of the
Trans community and its allies
fighting for equal rights and protections,
I’m pleased to see that the
Parliament of Canada has finally
gotten the job done and put gender
identity and gender expression
into the Canadian Human Rights
Act and the Criminal Code.
The passage of this Bill is a tribute
to the many Trans people who
have bravely come forward in the
face of fear, intimidation and hate
to share stories of their reality as
Trans people and demand their
rights. It is sad that the federal level
is last to arrive at equal rights and
protections, especially given that
two bills had previously passed the
House of Commons in 2011 and
2013 but died in the Senate.
Passing Bill C-16 does not mark
the end of the fight for Trans rights
but the start of a larger project to
make sure that these rights and
protections are reflected in all federal
policies and services. I look forward
to quick action to remove
discrimination against Trans people,
beginning with changes by
Transportation Canada to aviation
security screening regulations and
action by Passport Canada to ensure
Trans people can obtain passports
with appropriate gender
markers.”
A special thanks to Randall for
keeping watch on this important
community issue.
BC News
It is a sign of the times that after
52 days of what must be the slowest
election in history, there is a
new provincial government. Regardless
of anyone’s politics, no
one (except a few) wants to head
back to the polls. It seems that we
elected a PR government by accident.
All will be watching closely,
especially Islanders who now have
a Premier, (John Horgan) the most
likely finance minister, (Carol
James) and three members of the
Green Party amongst those who
call the Island home. Around here
we are super curious about who
will be the new Minister of Health,
most likely Judy Darcy and the effect
it will have (if any) on Trans-
Care BC. One hopes it will have a
positive effect
Texas T o ilet Pa pe rs
Some of our neighbors to the
south continue their efforts to
make it legally difficult to pee in
peace. Texas Republicans, not
wanting to be upstaged by their
counterparts in North Carolina, unveiled
a bill to regulate bathroom
use and keep Texans from using
bathrooms that align with their

N e w s T r a n s N e e d
gender identity. Championed by
the Don Plett of Texas, Lt. Gov.
Dan Patrick’s legislation would
have required transgender people
to use bathrooms in public schools,
government buildings and public
universities based on “biological
sex.” The measure would also preempt
local nondiscrimination ordinances.
(Take that, Austin)
Over the course of the regular session
the bill was revised numerous
times but the regulations related to
bathroom use remained largely unchanged.
The revised bill ultimately
did not pass during the regular legislative
session. But trans Texans
haven’t missed that bullet yet. On
June 6, Gov. Greg Abbott revived
the issue by announcing that bathroom
regulations would be on the
agenda for a special session starting
on July 18. We will watch and
see what happens next. As happened
in North Carolina, the trans
community has found an ally in
business, which generally tired of
this cultural war crap that tends to
impact business as much as the
people discriminated against. More
info and links on line at http://
xqq.ca/news/
Bu tt in Tokyo
If you are heading to Japan for the
2020 Olympics, there you should
be able to pee in peace, at least if
you pick the right sport. The city,
which will host the upcoming 2020
Olympics and Paralympics, will consider
building at least one unisex
toilet in 7 of the 11 venues being
built by the city government. Larger
facilities will see a few of the
transgender-friendly toilets installed.
(Here’s hoping badminton
is one of the venues) More info
and links on line at http://xqq.ca/
news/
1step ahead, 2 back
Trans Canadians are often justifiably
frustrated by the complexity of
accessing trans informed
healthcare. But it is important to
keep perspective on what we have
gained overall and stay vigilant
about protecting our rights. After
decades of lack of care, in the US
the Affordable Care Act, which
most people know as ObamaCare,
heralded a new era in trans
healthcare when it prohibited classifying
gender identity as a preexisting
condition. It went further
and stated that insurance companies
were not allowed to discriminate
based on gender identity,
making it a requirement that insurance
companies apply the same
neutral, nondiscriminatory criteria
that it uses for other conditions
when assessing coverage related to
gender transition.
We are grateful for all the hard
work it took to get C16 passed,
but the US experience highlights
the need to ensure that our core
protections are functional and useful
in resolving the lack of equity in
our own healthcare systems.
Today in BC, trans women are still
subjected to special reviews by non
-medical staff to access some types
of gender surgery. They also don’t
have access to the full range of
bottom surgeries available in other
jurisdictions. This happens because
they are under- represented at all
levels of the healthcare systems
and no one on the inside champions
their issues. More info and
links on line at http://xqq.ca/news/
JULY 26TH 7:30-8:30

N e w s T r a n s N e e d
A t least she g ot out
If you are like us and wonder about the
daily routine of the 2nd most famous
trans person in the world, well, there is
good news and not so good news.
Sounds like trans art to us! The not so
good news is that she was not pardoned
by Obama, her sentence was
commuted which means legally she is
still guilty of the charges. Like any convicted
felon, it will be part of the rest of
her life, and because the sentence included
a dishonourable discharge, she
may lose all of the benefits normal to
vets. She is appealing parts of her sentence
and the final outcome is still not
determined. More info and links on line
at http://xqq.ca/news/
And the world d id n’t e nd
WEDNESDAY
AUGUST 23
7:30—8:30
The good news is that Chelsea Manning
is out of prison and free to once again
indulge her Starbucks addiction. She is
also firing up the New York art scene
with a collaboration with Heather Dewey-Hagborg
that includes a series of
masks of her face that include her DNA.
Her comment at the opening reflected
on her seven years in prison. “Prisons try
very hard to make us inhuman and unreal
by denying our image, and thus our
existence, to the rest of the world. Imagery
has become a kind of proof of
existence. The use of DNA in art provides
a cutting edge and a very postmodern
— almost ‘post-post-modern’
— analysis of thought, identity, and expression.
It combines chemistry, biology,
information, and our ideas of beauty
and identity.”
If you are like me and all thumbs managing
your Google feed, you would
think that even the slightest shift off the
binary should result in either killer tsunami
waves washing us away or some
kind of zombie apocalypse starting tomorrow.
Those same channels have
been a buzz about how many Canadians
will be facing criminal charges as
result of Bill C 16 when they mispronoun
someone. And really, does
Jordan Peterson really have nothing else
to do? Like, teach? Maybe its better if
he doesn’t. And why does Toronto keep
hucking one dysfunctional person after
another into the national consciousness?
Weirdly enough, the doomsday clock
did not advance by several minutes
when the State of Oregon made it possible
for a person to choose a third option,
X for the gender marker on their
drivers license. Even more strange was
the fact that after being liberated from
their previous gender markers, these X
designated drivers did not lose control of
their vehicles due to this change in a
letter on their license. More info and
links on line at http://xqq.ca/news/

N e w s T r a n s N e e d
Your mother should know
As we head down to the store login to
Amazon to pick up our remastered
50th anniversary copy of Sgt. Peppers,
we are reminded again that the Fab
Four still nails the reverb echo of life.
According to a recent survey, your
mother probably does know, and actually
perhaps more than you ever will. If
you are in your twenties it is likely that
your mom has had more sex with more
people than you ever will.
A generation ago, nearly 60 percent of
female teens had gotten it on with
someone, a number that dropped by
14 percent by 2013. The guys aren’t
doing much better with virginity among
male teens increasing by 22 percent
over the same time span.
And it doesn’t seem to be something
you will grow out of. Thirty percent of
people in their twenties are virgins and
even those who figured it out still are
not having much sex. According to a
survey of 33,000 people completed by
Match.com, nearly 50 percent of twenty
somethings hadn’t had sex with another
person for a year. Time to quit
tweaking on your phone, get out, go
somewhere new and meet someone
new. Your generation is counting on
you. :)
More info and links on line at http://
xqq.ca/news/
If that didn’t spoil the mood
A British firm seems to believe that it is
important to continue the work on reducing
the birthrates in 1st World countries.
As well, to make sure there is not
even the smallest crevice of privacy left
in our lives, they are planning to offer a
‘Fitbit Condom’. Actually it is a sensor
ring that one can place on their penis
whether or not one is wearing a condom.
The pre-order page (really? you
want to be the first?) says that the device
will record
What's my thrust velocity?
How fast are my thrusts?
How many calories did that sesh just
burn?
How many times did I just have sex?
What's my girth?
How many different positions did I just
conquer?
We are really looking forward to a new
series of Facebook posts full of even
more intimate life details that no one
really needs to know. More info and
links on line at
http://xqq.ca/news/
Before we sign off
We need to include our regular f*ck
you, to Milos and every other cisgender,
mansplaining dipshit that feels an ongoing
compulsion to use up all the air in
the room with their views on issues
they know little about and are too lazy
to learn anything new. Here is hoping
that an enduring bromance springs up
between Milos and Jordan and they
retire together to some Greek island.
Since Jon Stewart retired, the cohort of
his regular sidekicks have been pursuing
their separate interests with somewhat
uneven results and we miss that regular
moment where someone says what we
are all thinking. Still, they do get in
some good licks, like this one where
Larry Wilmore best explains what Milos
should do with his time. More info and
links on line at http://xqq.ca/news/
Life continues to prove one of nature’s
most enduring Golden Rules, that is,
just because you can invent something
doesn’t mean that you should.

The Intersectionality
of Pride
* This article is a companion piece /
continuation of the Editor's Message,
located at the front of this issue.
The exacerbating factor behind the prevailing,
public image of Pride, is that it is
being fueled by large corporate donations
and branding... (This rainbow has been
brought to you by ACME Corp. When
you think gay widgets, think: ACME).
And getting into bed with uniformed
police officers. Hey! Don't they have a
record of beating the shit out of queers?
And now all they have to do is put on
rainbow pins and march in our parade as
besties?
Now, combine all of that with Kimberlé
Williams Crenshaw and Patricia Hill Collins's
theories surrounding an interlocking
matrix of oppression, and you have one
hell of a storm brewing. Now it's not just
the oppression of a few gay men. Now
Black Lives Matter too. The casual observer
will look at this and think, WTF?! What
does the Black Lives Matter movement
have to do with gays and lesbians marching
through the streets? Are Black people
all gay? Are gay people all Black? And
while that may be the natural reaction
and thought process of many, the answer
is far less obvious. They actually have
more in common than you think. It's not
one group simply co-opting another's
cause. The term in question is: intersectionality.
And a rapidly evolving opinion is
that unless your movement is intersectional,
it's dead in the water.
I do not wish to comment on UVic Pride's
decision, nor on the validity of the counter
movements I mentioned herein. They will
do what they feel they must, for good or
ill. I will however mention two related
thoughts that I have when discussing
these issues. First, is that it's important to
remember that Pride was not conceived
as a celebration. It started as a protest. It
was never about having a parade. It was
about having a march to counter the
public and law enforcement's views that
LGBT people were sexually deviant freaks
and deserving of violence or even death.
After all, that's what the Stonewall Inn
uprising was all about. A marginalized
community that just had enough!
At the same time though, I feel that Pride
also needs to be about peacemaking. It
needs to win the hearts and minds of its
detractors, which is difficult to accomplish
when people don't understand where
you're coming from and then you fuel
that with a sense of rage and indignation
through protests. It's about making people
understand that we are YOUR siblings,
parents, children, and members of
your community. We are your teachers,
students, doctors, and nurses. We are the
people who cut your hair and do your
nails, take away your trash, write your
T h o u g h t s &
websites, take your photos, and sell you
your veggies. We need to make attacks
on our community no less disgusting and
unacceptable than if it were your own
flesh and blood. We need the community
to react with indignant anger when our
rights are violated and taken away. And
the take-home message is that whether
it's a person of colour being beaten senseless
by the police for being who they are,
or homophobes beating up a gay couple
for kissing in public, injustice is injustice.
And we need everyone. Not just other
members of the LGBTQ+ community, but
cis-het soccer moms, Caucasian students
who may never met a Black person....
EVERYONE to be on the same side and
realize that a loss of civil rights in any arena
is tantamount to an attack on them,
personally, and should be treated as such.
That is the spirit of intersectionality that
society needs to start to understand.
That is what I learned this year when I
visited Fort St. John. The North Peace
Pride Society is in its infancy. 2017 saw
the community's SECOND Pride Walk
ever! In fact, the organizers there are still
amazed that Pride even happened. For
those who don't quite understand the
significance of this, you have to realise
that Fort St. John is a DEEPLY conservative
community. People there, consisting primarily
of farmers, oil company workers,
loggers, and so on, are fundamentally
religious, and the very thought of a bunch
of gays invading their traditional, peaceful
lives is very intimidating at best. The
mayor's office fielded a number of complaints
opining that Pride should be disallowed
from gathering and marching
through the city's streets.
I should mention here, that these com-

M u s i n g s
plaints weren't even about anything
practical. I mean, I would (sort of) understand
if someone were upset that the
street was being closed off for a parade
they didn't believe in, or that the park
where they took their kids every Sunday
was booked for a special event... But no.
Both this year and last year's Pride events
were actually WALKS -- that is to say, no
streets were blocked off. Everyone
marched down the sidewalks and no
traffic was inconvenienced for the event.
The park where the festival was held was
only booked for a few hours. Then it was
back to normal. No, the complaints were
about the LGBTQ+ community's very
right to exist. It was about their very presence.
It was people simply saying, "we
don't want your kind here!" Thankfully,
City Hall's response involved erecting a
new flagpole to fly a rainbow flag, and
the mayor speaking a message of support
at the Pride Festival.
When you live in a place where Pride has
become a part of the landscape... Washington
D.C., New York, Vancouver, Victoria...
It's easy to lose sight of the fact
that our situation is very different. While
we complain about privilege (cis-het,
male, Caucasian...) we forget to check
our own! It's nice to be in a place where
we can debate whether or not uniformed
police should be allowed to participate
in Pride. It's nice to have the ability
to yell at large corporations to get out
of our Pride events.
Fact is though, that in Fort St. John, the
very things we yell at in Victoria are their
very lifeblood. If it weren't for big banks
stepping up as major sponsors, Pride in
Fort St. John wouldn't have even happened.
As for the police, I for one was
VERY happy for their presence. Not only
did they make us feel safe and protected
from what could be a hostile community,
it sent a message to that same community
that the police were on our side.
And that was just as important for the
community to understand as it related to
the companies that sponsored the event.
It lent legitimacy to the organization and
its participants. Now it's not just a handful
of sexually deviant freaks anymore.
Now you have dozens of bank employees,
all wearing company T-shirts carrying
a rainbow flag down the street. And the
biggest victory here is the normalisation
of being LGBTQ+. It's about being recognised
and accepted by the community.
It's about changing hearts and minds.
I had a wonderful experience at Fort St.
John Pride. It wasn't a large event, but
there were still a few hundred people
who attended and marched. There were
plenty of allies on hand too. And I felt
very heartened at the positive shows of
support, from smiles and hugs, to the
honks and waves of cars passing by. I
made some new friends and was thrilled
to share the relief and joy of the local
LGBTQ+ community at their newfound
ability to declare that they were there,
queer, and proud -- in spite of everything
and everyone who might tell them otherwise.
The sense I got, was that if they
saw the kinds of things we were debating
about in Victoria, their response
might be, "we should be so lucky to
have THOSE issues."
This is ultimately my wish and desire for
Victoria Pride. That is, in its search for
intersectionality, remembering the importance
of bridge-building and peacemaking
with the community at large,
and the establishment. For starters, I
don't think the answer lies in making
enemies out of corporations and law
enforcement. While me must remain
true to Pride's original intent and history,
we are not well served by villainising
them (even though they make easy targets).
Remember that even global corporations
are ultimately made up of people
and it is those people that we need to
reach. Law enforcement are likewise
made up of people, many of whom are
also members of the LGBTQ+ community
themselves. The way forward should
be positive for everyone. This is where it
also becomes being about having a place
at the table for not only the LGB letters of
the rainbow, but for the "T" too. That's
what taking back the "T" also implies
(among other things). We are better together,
and I would hope that all the
involved and interested parties are able to
sit down in the spirit of peace and find
common ground.

T h o u g h t s &
Take back the T
Putting together the cover for this year’s
pride edition gave me pause to consider
how to summarize the changes in my relationship
with the Victoria Pride society over
the last year in a way that was respectful,
equitable, healthy and healing. Uppity
Queers are not of the ilk of Gandhi et al., so
it has proven to be a challenge.
The story of that change centers on our
Take Back the T event. We are promoting it
for the second year as a trans community
event at the Victoria Pride Parade. Like last
year, people are asking what is this all
about. This year it is a question, not a statement,
and more about that in a minute.
Last year, Take back the T had a related but
different meaning. Like many in the LGBTQ
community, I have concerns about the
commercialization of the Pride season, and
it was a tongue in cheek comment on the
relationship between the Victoria Pride Society
and its major sponsor. It also turned out
to be the rock in the queer sneaker of life,
when a slight annoyance becomes something
that stops the parade until the shoe
comes off and the pebble is shaken out into
the dust. And so, after two and a half years
as a director of the Victoria Pride Society, I
resigned as I find myself amongst those
who cannot accept the way its directors go
about our community’s business.
Don’t get me wrong, a strong relationship
between the LGBTQ community and business
is an important ingredient in a healthy
community. It is also true that larger organizations
like the major sponsors of the Victoria
Pride Society often are leaders in promoting
diversity. Many community members
whose diversity is visible rely on their commitment
to equity in employment. So Take
Back the T was not a comment on them, it
was a comment on the rest of us.
Our community celebration of diversity and
inclusion, the Victoria Pride Parade and Festival,
costs tens of thousands of dollars each
year. One of my bosses had his own take
on the Golden Rule, which was, “those
who have the gold, make the rules”, and
while the dozens of in-kind sponsorships,
such as our own Pride insert are important,
cash is king. Not all can be gifted and for
those things one needs the coin of the
realm.
For the Victoria Pride Society, it comes from
two sources, the beer garden and sponsors
who contribute actual cash.
Some will comment at this point—that’s
the problem in itself—a type of event that
costs thousands. The Alt Pride Festival
shows that there are ways to celebrate the
Pride season that is community based and
costs much less. Ohers have concerns about
relying on revenue from the sale of alcohol.
At the root of these concerns is the question
of what Pride is all about anyway. A celebration?
A protest? My view is that anyone
who is certain of that answer is someone
who is not comfortable with ambiguity, a
constant in the course of human affairs.
What is not ambiguous and observable is
what Islanders do each year.
What they do is show up at the parade,
wander around the festival, and perhaps
have a beer or two. In other words, Pride is
what we collectively decide it is, a decision
that belongs to everyone and to no one in
particular, the very essence of ambiguity.
We who choose to give service to the community
by making Pride events happen
each year, first have the obligation to understand
the common ownership of Pride, and
as such, we are the caretakers of the community
agreement, not the authors of it.
Our responsibility is to discern what the current
agreement is, where it is heading, keep
a record of what it was past, and most of
all, preserve for the future, similar choices
and resources as we ourselves received.
SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 16
10:30– 2:30
ALL GENDERS AND FAMILIES WELCOME
SONGHEES WELLNESS CENTRE
INFO AT XQQ.CA/CALENDAR

M u s i n g s
The Victoria Pride Society has several tiers of
sponsorship. Currently, the top tier, the Presenting
sponsorship is valued at $15,000
and Platinum, the next below it, at
$10,000. A glance at any Victoria Pride advertising
and it is obvious what the presenting
sponsor gets for their $5,000. At the
core of Take Back the T last year was the
proposal that it simply was not a very good
deal for the community to trade control
over its branding for a mere $5,000.
$30,000? Maybe. While the overbranding
irks me as a community member, the poor
deal it represents really bothers me as a business
person .
No one sponsor ‘presents’ any Pride event. It
is the effort of dozens of people and equally,
the participation of all who attend. This
combination of effort and participation creates
a community brand that businesses like
to be associated with, and so they sponsor
the events. And within reasonable limits, it’s
fair they get credit for doing so. The issue is
a matter of degree. Many find commercial
overbranding the epitome of what is
wrong minded about many Pride organizations,
it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s
back in the effort to carry a mess of pottage.
Last year, Take Back the T was a strategy to
eliminate just the “Presenting” level of
sponsorship and make Platinum the top
tier. It required developing a broader base of
sponsorship revenue including advertisement
and community fundraising. The goal
was to reposition Pride branding standards
to be in line with other festivals like JazzFest.
But it created the risk of losing sponsors all
together. Back to my bosses’ Golden Rule,
you can’t say no when you have to say yes.
Last year, this effort to democratize the revenue
base for Pride created opposition from
some board members. Follow the money
they say. Change funding sources and it
changes who benefits. This can feel threatening
to those who benefit from the status
quo.
This year, any hope of a fresh start was extinguished
when those opposed doubled
down, making it clear that such suggestions
and the people making them were not
welcome. In a flurry of words best left in the
past, we parted ways, relieving me of the
obligation of public solidarity with a board I
no longer agreed with.
This left a number of initiatives in the air, but
the remaining board quickly sorted those
out in a baby and bathwater kind of way. Q
Town, cancelled. Community Engagement
Committee, cancelled. Event Program
Guide, cancelled. This left the folks who
wanted to continue the trans and allies section
in the parade uncertain of what to do.
Should we participate or head off to Alt
Pride with everyone else? After a bit of contemplation
and communing with the Goddess,
came the understanding that Take
Back the T is as relevant today as it was last
year. This is not a difference of opinion between
the community and sponsors, it is
difference of opinion between parts of the
community and the current Pride board. It is
a difference of opinion, in our community,
of what Pride is all about.
This year, when we chat about Take Back
the T, what gets mentioned is the scene
from the Sense8, Season 1, set in a SF Bay
area pride festival. The Wachowskis captured
the moment where Pride is time and
place we all feel empowered, not in spite of
our diversity, but because of it.
It is the day when a young trans person
who, by being there, seeing their community,
feels ok to be themselves.
It is when allies and community members
through sharing support for each other, feel
hope that everyone’s lives will work out.
That’s what Take Back the T means. The
question is how do we help these moments
happen? It requires us to make the
community the priority, not the sponsors
nor the money.
Next year? Best left to the tides of fate to
see what washes ashore. Until then there is
plenty of leaning in to do. After two and
half years, I know that it does take a village.
It’s the only thing that works.
Whatever each of us think Pride should be,
today it is a civic event that generates and
spends tens of thousands of dollars. The
Victoria Pride Society announced this year
the investment of $20,000 in a new
$1,000 / year bursary for a post secondary
student., a worthy accomplishment. There
are many other needs in the LGBTQ community,
and our Pride event is the best shot
for supporting them. What are your priorities?
There are always things that need to
change, and people who wish that they
didn’t. People who don’t see the need for a
different way of doing things. People who
don’t want the complexity of building
agreement in a diverse community. People
who don’t see that active LGBTQ participation
is an essential ingredient to keep the
broader community healthy. And there are
those who see a need for a new approach
to keep up with the changes already happening.
One only needs to glance around at the
change in our old but young city and see
the forces that are sweeping us to a place
we don’t yet know. The flood is here, and
our feet are wet.
Take back the T, we need it to
stay afloat.

A Nexus of To p i c s ,
TransVine is a safe, secure online discussion forum for anyone who self
identifies as trans/non-binary, their families and allies.
We are not big on labels – we leave them to others. What we do see is a need for everyone to have some
idea of whom they are talking to – so we are using badges. A badge is a little color button on your Vine
user icon. You pick a badge when you sign up for your leaf. You also pick a region which helps us provide
better information and support. If you live in Kamloops you don’t need info about Nanaimo.
Manners matter. TransVine is a moderated nexus and behaviour that has a negative impact results in intervention.
You will find the group agreement documents on the Vine.
TransVine connects community members within regions and across regions.
TransVine connects people in regions such as people on the MidCoast with other people on the MidCoast.
TransVine connects people who are meeting face to face and those who are not quite ready to take that step.
There are 13 regions that cover BC and the Salish Sea.
TransVine also connects people across regions with topics of interest and concern. Many of us are in a state
of transition related to our gender. Or we are someone who has not begun any changes but wants to understand
the complications of transition. Or we are supporting someone in transition. On TransVine it does not
matter how you identify, whether queer, non-binary, cis, trans, etc. No one transitions by themselves. All of
us need information to be effective.
Pick your leaf and get comfy!
Go to
xqq.ca/transvine to get started!

T h i n king & Te c h
Group Parallel Thinking is also known as the Six Thinking Hats. It is a type of sharing where we each try on
the same Thinking Hat to consider something from the same point of view. Each hat represents a different
way of thinking about something. The Six Thinking Hats was developed by Edward de Bono in the 1970's
and is used around the world by all kinds of groups to think together. We try on the Six Hats online on Trans-
Vine and at face-to-face support meetings. We connect it all up with a column in XQQ magazine
IMAGINATION
OVERVIEW
FEELINGS
FACTS
ANALYSIS
BENEFITS
TransVine is hosted on Discord and Twist. We like Discord because it is free, provides excellent audio quality
in the voice channels and is not Facebook. We like Twist because it allows for slower ongoing conversations
between people who cannot meet at the same time.
If you are new to Discord or Twist you can find out more about them online. If you are already a user, you
will get the server link when you sign up.

P re s ent as Yo u Intend
With this issue we caught up with Blair
who learned hair styling after driving big
rigs for many years.
How did you get into styling?
I grew up in northern Ontario in the
Thunder Bay area. The US border was a
40 minute drive, and Minneapolis was
the biggest city in the area. Winnipeg
was two hours further away. I spent time
around Minneapolis quite a bit when I
was younger. It's just a great city. I used to
hang out at Prince's club, back in the day.
Originally it was called Uncle Sams, but
when he bought it, he changed the
name. It was a multi-dimensional, so
much fun club. Prince was always kind of
androgynous, to say the least.
The original Aveda was in Minneapolis. I
used to walk by it and thought that it
looked like a cool place. It was in an older
building like the Aveda in Victoria and it
inspired me to think that Wouldn't it be
cool to do hair for a living?
What makes styling cool to you?
What I find attractive about doing hair is
that when you do people's hair, it makes
them feel good, which in turn makes you
feel good. And you get paid for it.
How did you get started ?
It took me years, but I did finally get to go
to school at the Aveda in Victoria. The
training lasted for 10 months, five days a
week. It was a challenge. I went from
being a heavy haul oversize truck driver
making over $100,000 a year to making
nothing. It's a change. Even though I
don't work there anymore, it was a good
school.
Where are you working now?
Now I am out at Island Hair Cutters in the
Royal Oak mall. It's a great group of people
I work with out there. Overall it has
been a really positive experience. I am
building clientele out there and some of
my clientele from Aveda are finding me
and coming back to me.
What are the challenges?
Being trans and working in the public like
that I have what I call the blink opportunity
of making people feel comfortable.
Because they can tell. It's about a blink
long where you can show people that
you are comfortable with yourself , and
then they can be comfortable with you. If
you are not comfortable with yourself, it
turns into an awful thing. I am proud to
be a woman and I am also proud to be a
trans woman. It is a great industry to be
out in the public where people see you,
all generations. I have older clients and
younger clients. It's one of those things
where you are what you are. The only
way people will accept you is if you accept
yourself.
How does being trans help you?
It's easier for me to approach people
as a woman than it ever was as a
guy. Since people didn't know anything
about this side of me (before
social transition) I always felt like I was
lying to them, fooling them because I
was acting like a guy. Being out in
the public and doing hair for two
years, I have only had three incidents
where people freaked out. It happens,
it's going to happen, there will
always be those kind of people out
there.
You were always telling me to try the
Aveda product line, what are you
recommending these days?
When we talk about trans women and
their hair, not all of us transition early in
life and our hair shows the impact of decades
of testosterone. Aveda products are
great and have a great natural base, but
they are expensive. At Island Haircutting,
we have a range of products I do recommend,
including minoxidil. This range of
products runs from the high end to ones
that are more affordable, overall they
average about one third the price for Aveda
products. They all work but you have
to use them as directed to get the results.
Any other advice about hair?
Everyone has different hair. Don’t hate
your hair. When people get older they
sometimes expect the hair we had when
we were young, and it just is not going to
be. But there are things you can do.
Come see me and we will figure out
what is best for you
Island Haircutting
4446 W Saanich Rd
Victoria, BC V8Z 3E9
(250) 744-5001
Be sure to ask for Blair

F a m i l i e s & F r i e n d s
Skagit
Skagit PFLAG got out for a Decline
to Sign 1552 rally in Mount Vernon
on June 30. Their description—”We
will be in front of the Court House
on Kincaid Street on both sides of
the street. We will stand single file
and make sure we do not interfere
with traffic or pedestrians entering
businesses. We have lots of signs. If
you bring one, we are family friendly
and non-partisan. It is our hope
that the Initiative will fail to get the
needed signatures. We don't need
hate in our state.
Pictures from Seattle Pride
More Skagit PFLAG info and pic on
their Facebook page @ facebook.com/Skagit-Pflag
articles at the following spots:
http://globalnews.ca/bc/program/
global-news-hour-at-6-bc/
Thanks to those that came to our
last meeting before the summer
break – the cake was a real treat!
PFLAG Victoria meets on the third
Sunday each month from
September to June at
St John Divine on Quadra
Saanich
Exciting news! The drop-in is officially
changing our name to the 2-
Spirit, Queer, & Trans Youth Dropin!
It will still run every Friday night
from 5:30-10pm at the Upside Teen
Centre in Saanich Commonwealth
Place on W̱SÁNEĆ territories, plus
the additional summer dates. :)
PS Allies still welcome.
V icto ria
We have exciting news for our parade
group – we will have some
new signage to reflect the rebranding
that PFLAG Canada has
just embarked on. Stay tuned for
info on where we will be meeting.
In other news, our eldest and
grandchild made the news today in
a big way. You can check out the
Campbell River
PFLAG Canada is a national charitable
organization, founded by parents
who wished to help themselves
and family members understand
and accept their nonheterosexual
children. Through
PFLAG Canada and Contact network,
we actively assist in the
recognition and growth of gay, lesbian,
bisexual, transgender, transsexual,
two-spirit, intersex, queer
and questioning persons and their
families and friends, within their
diverse cultures and societies. The
Campbell River chapter offers support
via email and connection to
other support groups on Vancouver
Island. Contact: Yvonne Buxton
crpflag@hotmail.com
Join us at Commonwealth Pool on
Saturday July 8th for a FREE youth
Pride prom! This prom is all about
being yourself - feel free to wear
whatever you want, come with
whoever you want and celebrate
our amazing community together.
Info @
www.facebook.com/2qtdropin

P h y s i c a l
Recently we hosted
this year’s session
on
Your Body, Surgical Choices and Care, at
the Songhees Wellness Centre. This was
second time around, so it gets easier in
some ways but not so much in other
ways.
It was easier in that the materials from
last year just needed to be updated,
which allowed more time to promote
the session. Promotion today means Facebook
which is not conducive to meaningful
conversation. We got some feedback
when we set out the promotional
postings which included this summary
for Your Body:
SURGERY IS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT STEP IN
PHYSICAL TRANSITION
A ONE WAY ROAD WITH A LOT OF OPTIONS
WHEN WE UNDERSTAND THE OPTIONS
WE MAKE BETTER CHOICES
Some misinterpreted this as a statement
that surgery is the most important aspect
of transition, which is pretty much
the opposite of how it is covered in the
Hans Kai 4 Trans (HK4T).
While most of the misunderstanding
was due to the din of the digital highway,
it did make clear that we need to
communicate the fundamentals that
underlie the HK4T program outside of
the sessions themselves. So here is the
first fundamental. It is called "The Paradigm
of Participation", a way of saying
that first, it is important to get on the
same page in terms of approach, relevancy
and relationship. We use three
points to describe the boundaries of the
paradigm:
Consensual—An anti-oppressive Framework
of Robust Inclusion
Comprehensive—The Hans Kai Body of
Knowledge
Integrated—The Community Services
Accord
Each point represents a core component
in developing equitable, relevant community
programming.
All three are required to describe the paradigm
boundaries. Like the points on a
compass with many degrees between
them, each is independent but also dependent
on each other to be meaningful.
Here we cover one of the three
points, the Hans Kai Body of Knowledge.
(HKBOK)
The HKBOK informs about best practices
in self-care. It is the basis for a number
of wellness programs from seniors to
Zumba dancers. It is the core of Hans Kai
4 Trans, which is just one version in the
overall Hans Kai program. The HBOK is
both a content resource and a framework
to organize what we continue to
learn. It is a dynamic library of information,
process and application interacting
in an ongoing synthesis of adapting
principles to the specific. Rainbow
Health’s focus is transition and gender
wellness, so we group our version of the
HKBOK under three headings:
The Core Series - Physical Transition

T r a n s i t i o n
The Change Series - Personal Transition
The Adjusting Series - Social Transition
These headings do not indicate a greater
or lesser value of one over another. Like a
person's body, the parts are distinct, but
only when the parts are together is a person
complete. Physical topics are not
more or less important than Personal or
Social, they are simply distinct but related
The Core Series creates the base for the
other two series. It is divided into eight
topic areas, and we focus on one of
them each quarter.
Your Hormones
Your Gender
Your Maintenance
Your Healthcare
Your Security
Your Clan
Your Body
Your Balance
You can find the complete HBOK outline
online at XQQ.ca/hanskai.
There are many facets to transition related
to one's gender experience. We distinguish
the parts in order to provide relevant
information. If you are interested in
hormones, you know where to look and
which session to attend.
With all that said, if you stuck with me
this far, we have finally gotten to this
quarter's topic, Your Body, Surgical
Choices and Care.
People managed their trans experience
for tens of thousands of years before
surgery and hormones became the accepted
medical treatments for us. The
history of how that came about was
popularized in the movie, The Danish Girl.
The story begins in the early days of the
20th century.
At that time, the understanding of biochemistry
was limited, but the difference
between male and female animals was
obvious. The early surgeries transplanted
the internal sex organs of one animal into
another, male gonads into females and
vice versa. Once surgeries were successful,
the animals displayed the sexual characteristics
of the transplanted organs,
leading to understanding the role of sex
hormones in biology. It seems far-fetched
now, but it took until the 1940's for endocrinology
to be considered a valid
medical discipline.
Today, we are faced with the intersection
of social forces and the transformational
nature of connectivity. At the swipe of a
fingertip, we access extensive information
about surgery, but there is no common
name for this collection of surgical options.
Gender Reassignment (GRS), Sexual
Reassignment, (SRS) or Gender Affirming
(GAS), to name just three. In a community
whose common denominator is
trauma, most are hesitant to use any of
them and simply use the location specific
Top or Bottom Surgery.
Although they are designated by WPATH
as the appropriate treatment for trans
individuals, these surgeries are classified
by healthcare systems as electives, further
complicating access in medical systems
structured to ration the delivery of all
healthcare.
Our session covers ten types of surgeries,
each with its own set of sub types. In a
three hour session we present on the
elements common in all of them and
discuss the parts that are unique. The
common elements are:
How to
access surgery
Preparing for surgery
Costs related to surgery
Travelling for surgery
Aftercare plans for surgery
Recovering from surgery
Life scheduling for surgery
Such factors are subject to current conditions,
such as the disruption last year
when the Brassard clinic in Montreal was
firebombed. Current information is needed
for anyone to make a useful choice,
which is why we host at least one Your
Body session each year.
The Canadian trans community is privileged
with an exceptional set of resources
compared to other parts of the world,
but each person still needs to sort
through the complexity. Figuring out
what is best for oneself is best accomplished
to talking and listening to others
who made similar decisions. The opportunity
to do so is the important part of
the Your Body sessions.
The surgical process is often a multi-year
effort of overcoming frustrating obstacles.
Both masculinizing and feminizing
bottom surgery can involve multiple surgeries,
each requiring months of recovery.
Once a person's ovaries or testes are
removed, there is no putting them back.
These choices are right for some, but not
everyone. Those who choose surgery, are
choosing a major life change. These factors
are what makes us consider Surgery
the most significant step in physical transition,
a one way road with a lot of options.
When you understand your choices,
you will make better decisions.

Many of the aspects of Physical and Social
Transitions are elements of our lives
that we have little influence over, but are
deeply concerning to us.
An example from the Core Series are
hormones. Hormone therapy will have its
effect on our bodies whether or not we
make a choice about the outcome.
If their genetic markers contain the potential,
a person who exhibits feminine
physical characteristics, such as no facial
hair, and a thick head of hair begins testosterone,
their facial hair will grow thicker
and their hairline will recede. It is a
complex set of interwoven biochemical
and genetic processes that pays no heed
to that bit of consciousness we regard as
our unique self.
In a similar fashion, the Adjusting Series
covers aspects of social transition that are
beyond the boundaries of our personal
selves. Their commonality with Physical
Transition is that regardless of what we
want, there is a limit to what we can do
about how the world works. We have to
adjust to it and our friends and families
have to adjust to our transition as well.
Our healthcare systems mirror this and
tend to manage us as a population with
mental defects rather than just one more
form of human variation necessary to
evolution. Systems of rationed care have
difficulty assigning resources to conditions
not described as an illness. While There is
little either you or I can do individually
about this, the core of the Rainbow
Health Co-operative is that together we
can bring about change.
In between Physical and Social Transition
P e r s o n a l
sits Personal . Our tag is: The biggest
change is the one inside. This may sound
like an ad from elevator music, but the
change that happens inside us can be
both excruciatingly sweet and incredibly
painful. For some, our trans identity is the
most important thing we know about
ourselves while wishing with all our heart
it wasn’t true. We long for the world
where we are valued for what we are, a
yearning we share with many others regardless
of gender.
When we assess the enormity of the
realms of Physical and Social transition,
Personal transition seems dwarfed in
comparison. It seems enclosed in a small
castle besieged by two separate armies.
On one side our own bodies vibrating
with chords of dissonance and on the
other, a world that cannot grasp that
rarity is not the same as deviance. Between
the two, the castle of self does its
best to protect us from the bombardments,
but if built of less than the sturdiest
stones, we become damaged.
And that gets us to this quarter’s topic,
Change Your Options, Build a Selection
of Change. How do we develop choice
when we have little control over the
menu?
Although the source of the issues we
face are unique to our community, the
issues themselves are ones we share with
other people. The solutions can be shared
as well. Everyone faces similar limited resources,
and everyone is affected as
much by their own attitudes as they are
by the environmental constraints. As
such, we can share common solutions to
overcome obstacles.
One approach shared by millions of people
are the 7 Habits of Highly Effective
People developed by Stephen Covey. To
those who are not familiar with the 7
Habits, the name might suggest some
kind of efficiency program, but they are
actually the opposite. They speak to the
fundamental principles that govern life,
with the goal of helping people refocus
on principles, rather than the shallower
parts of ourselves, such as behaviour.

T r a n s i t i o n
Effectiveness is accomplishing the desired
result, and most people in transition are
trying to accomplish something, to bring
about some kind of change. If you are
going to do this, you might as well work
towards the changes you intend as well
as the ones that will happen of their own
accord.
During this quarter, as we consider the
options and processes related to surgery,
there are a several habits that fit. In practice
they are the separate strings on a
single instrument. Habit 2, Begin with the
End in Mind, Habit 3, First Things First, fit
well but instead, we return to Habit 1.
Habit 1, Be Proactive, is taking responsibility
for our lives. It is the awareness that
we are the programmer, not the program.
It is the awareness that the best
way to predict the future is to create it. It
is the awareness, as Covey puts it that
“between what happens to us, stimulus,
and our response to that stimulus is a
space. In that space lies our freedom and
the power to choose our response, and
in those choices lies our growth and happiness”.
One of the most important things we
choose are the words we use, not only
with others but more importantly our
own self talk. What we tell ourselves is a
good indicator of how we value ourselves.
As Blair says elsewhere in the magazine,
if you don’t accept yourself, others
won’t accept you, if you are not comfortable
with yourself, they won’t be either.
Covey visualizes the concept of proactivity
as two concentric circles, the Circle of
Influence, and the Circle of Concern.
There is little we can do to directly affect
the Circle of Concern. We can’t do a lot
about the person who disses us, but we
can choose how we respond. It isn’t as
important what we choose to do as it is
being aware that we have the capacity to
choose. No one chooses to be
transgender but all of us choose what we
do about it.
Taking care of
ourselves requires
more time and
effort than that
required by many cis people. We choose
how much time and effort we put into
taking care of ourselves and how we feel
about having to do so. We can resent it
and feel weak, or embrace it because we
are worth every minute. We can accept
that this makes our priorities different
from other people, or we can resent a life
that seems burdened with too much
time to just maintain ourselves.
Accepting that it is we, who are making
the choices, and being proactive in making
our choices is the keystone on which
we can build the castle walls of self that
sustain us through the challenges of
physical and social transition. We choose
the biggest changes of all, the ones that
happen in ourselves.

S o c i a l
Wednesday
JULY 12
7:30-8:30
ONLINE AT
TRANSVINE
No one transitions alone. We all need
help and support to get through it,
and that is best found in a group of
people facing the same challenges.
But there are lots of reasons why
some of us cannot be in the same
room with others like ourselves.
Some of us live in places that are not
close by. Some of us live in the same
city or town, but for personal reasons
we are not able to join a face to face
group. Sometimes it is simply not having
the time to get out and get to a
meeting. Life can be overwhelming for
pretty much everyone somedays. That
doesn’t mean we don’t have similar
needs, it only means that sometimes it
is more difficult to fulfill those needs.
It’s also difficult to connect with trans
folks across regions in a way that creates
useful dialogue. Facebook has its
role in helping people find each other
and the platform of choice for rants,
but finding useful information and
conversation there tends to be accidental.
As much as it tends to connect
people—it also tends to fragment
them. In the Island region, there are at
least a dozen different Facebook
queer, trans, alternative pages or
groups that have little to do with each
other, except having some members
in common.
Google tried for awhile with Hangouts
and Google+, and while it had some
good tech, these never seemed to fit
what people were looking for.
What we see consistently are trans
people and their families having a
hard time accessing information about
trans-informed care. With your help
we hope to keep adding to the Rainbow
Resources current and reliable
information. But once you find the
services you need, you still have to
decide what to do.
Do you need an endocrinologist to
manage hormone therapy as an
adult? Do you really need someone to
go with you if you travel for surgery?
What are the choices for surgery?
How many people are waiting ahead
of you?
Questions with answers that change
all the time. If you are trying to figure
it out, you really need a place where
you can listen to the stories of others
and pick out the bits that fit for you.
We call it a ‘Venue for Informed
Choice.’
Informed choice is one of the
buzzwords that originates in the
World Professional Association for
Transgender Health (WPATH) Standards
of Care.
Wednesday
JULY 19
7:30-8:30
We like to frame it as being an informed
con-

sumer. Before most people buy a
phone these days, they probably think
about it for a couple of months. Do I
really need to change my old phone?
Should I get a plan or an unlocked
phone? Which brand? It may seem a
superficial comparison to medical
choices, but how much time do people
spend researching the risks of a life
long regime of hormone therapy? We
are more like Neo faced with the Red
Pill or the Blue Pill, we rely on instinct.
Each person chooses what works for
them, and not every gender diverse
person will pursue hormones or surgery.
It may be true that most don’t.
But for the ones that do, these are
choices that need serious consideration.
However, the need for thoughtful
(informed) choice can seem surrounded
by a chorus of screaming
emotions pressing us forward to do
something, anything. We need the
perspectives of others to maintain
perspective on ourselves.
We call these the Adjusting Series because
we don’t think these are aspects
of transition that have a single
answer. These are things we never
really finish, but become part of our
T r a n s i t i o n
lives through transition and continue
to require some time and attention.
The topic for this quarter, surgery,
has three related Social discussions,
Adjusting your junk, Adjusting your
tickets and Adjusting your access.
This topic is a bit different that the
rest in that once its done, its done,
but it is a process that takes several
years for most. We choose how to
make good use of the time we
have.
These are years where we need to
share the ups and downs of going
through the process. We need perspective
on the obstacles to keep
going. We need to pick up the
shortcuts and avoid the pitfalls. We
need help when we run into problems.
If you have made it through them
all, please join us, we need hear
how you did it. If you are just starting—we
need your questions, because
transtion is a process in a constant
state of change and we need
to compare notes to get the answers
right. Join us online on Trans-
Vine.
Wednesday JULY 26 7:30-8:30

Dear P&P: I’m a trans woman. Recently I’ve gotten to know someone who is
male, but enjoys dressing as a woman — but they don’t call themselves trans.
HE says he’s a transvestite. My understanding is that means he cross dresses to
get sexual pleasure or gratification out of it, which kinda creeps me out, considering
that neither of us would necessarily “pass” if seen together, but yet
we are completely different. And it’s not like I can wear a T-shirt that explains
the difference to others. How should I deal with this?
- No T for Tea
Dear Tea,
Your question was deceivingly complex to tackle. Not because
of the question itself, but because there seems to be a
lot going on, in terms of semantics, possible misunderstandings
and misconceptions. But don’t worry — your friends
Pepper and Pearl will get you sorted out!
Rephrasing your question, all what you’re saying (in far fewer
words, and much more simply) is that if your friend is not
trans, what the heck is he? Because we seem to be wired
somehow to require labels and categories that everyone’s
supposed to fit into. (Don’t even get me started). But that’s
where we get hung up with definitions of words that we
may not all be using in the same way.
HE uses the word “transvestite,” and unfortunately neither
one of us can say for certain what that means to him. In the
strictest and most technical sense, historically, transvestism
simply meant to dress, behave, and present as a member of
the opposite sex (if we assume a binary system for gender). It
was originally used as a descriptive, observational term,
coined by German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld. In his observations,
he noted that transvestism could also be correlated
with sexual arousal, so “could” immediately got reinterpreted
as “did” and Bob’s your uncle — transvestism now meant
that if you were a man who put on a dress, you had a sexual
fetish. And hey, would you look at that! It’s even in the DSM
to this day! (Just look up “transvestic fetishism”). So of
course, the term “transvestite” quickly turned into a pejorative
(because obviously) since any kind of sexually-associated
term outside of heterosexual, missionary-position sex between
married people would clearly represent a form of deviancy
and perversion. As a result, the number of people who
actively use the term “transvestite” has dwindled, because of
its reputation as a(n unreclaimed) derogatory term. In that
sense, the term “cross-dresser” is preferred. Although, I don’t
know about you, but for me, even “cross-dresser” kind of
gives me the heebie-jeebies, because it still presents an unbalanced,
patriarchal (read: misogynistic) binary view of the
world. Why misogynistic? Nowadays, only MALES can crossdress,
and the act of doing so is seen by many as problematic.
Females are generally accepted regardless of whether they
pull on a pair of trousers, or into a dress on any given morning.
The same cannot be said for males, who are still expected
never to venture into any territory that might somehow be
considered “feminine.” Hey, I still know people who even
refuse to eat quiche because they think it’s an inappropriate
food choice for a REAL man… But I digress.
In a nutshell, the reasons WHY your friend dresses the way he
does, are, I’m afraid, HIS business — and no one else’s. It’s
not your place, nor anyone else’s to guess, assume, or judge
his motivations. And if it DOES happen to be motivated by a
sexual fetish, then that too, is none of your concern… And
wanting to hang out, or go out (dressed as a couple of fine
ladies) in no way would indicate to me any cause for concern,
even if it WERE motivated by a sexual kink or fetish. Oh, and
while we’re on THAT note, let me just point out, that I think
Western society still hasn’t gotten over their puritanical, Judeo
-Christian roots, perpetuated through Victorian prudishness
and utopian-colonial ideals, to allow people the freedom to
explore themselves as sexual beings. If you could administer a
truth serum to a thousand people on the street, you’d probably
be shocked how many of them have some kind of sexual
kink or fetish. The mind boggles at how many men might
actually be wearing frilly, pink panties underneath their homogenous,
dark drab suits and ties… And speaking of ties…
How many would enjoy being tied up?… Or covered in
strawberry ice cream while being whipped on the ass by a
dominatrix? Hey. Everyone’s got something. And my point is,
that if your friend having a fetish involving women’s clothing
creeps you out… That’s something that YOU will have to
work through for yourself, as it’s got nothing to do with him.
So, my advice? First, don’t assume things that aren’t yours to
assume. Enjoy your friendship for what it is, and go out with
your friend just as you would with any other friend. You clearly
seem to like spending time with him, so who cares what
other people think? There’s no need for a T-shirt to explain
anything. There’s always going to be self-appointed gender
police, regardless of who you are and how you choose to
present. And do you really think they care that
one of you is trans and the other is not? And
as for the creep factor… Until he asks you to
cover him in strawberry ice cream, don’t worry
about it!
Pepper & Pearl

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we thought it was a no-brainer
The heart and soul of XQQ Magazine are the Rainbow
Resources pages. It’s a simple idea, collect info on trans
informed care, sort by region, and publish 8 times a
year, with a bit of content to keep it interesting.
But that is only half of what is needed. Once someone
has the information, they have to decide what to do.
Start hormones? Come out at work? Tell my sister? Tell
my mom?
These are tough things to decide. Talking to people
who had to make similar decision themselves is the
best help. It’s called peer support and it is what the
Rainbow Health Co-operative is all about.
So we decided to sponsor an ad for support groups that is not only free for them, but they also get all
the ad revenue. We thought mixing the two – support groups and a resource magazine was a no
brainer worthy of support – but we thought wrong. TransCare BC told the groups, No Thanks.
So now it is up to you.
If you think it’s reasonable TransCare BC chips in for a cross regional community resource magazine –
let them know it. Ask them to replace this ad with theirs. It isn’t a huge ask from a health care system
that spends billions of our dollars each month. Their email is TransCareBC@phsa.ca.
But we aren’t holding our breath waiting for that call. Too many people need help today.
More likely to work is ordering one of our free ads and ask someone else to sponsor it. It is simple, free
to the group and cheap for the sponsor. It’s a simple fundraiser, and your sponsors get recognized.