Caribbean Compass Yachting Magazine - April 2018

— Continued from previous page
As life tends to be funny, Nai’a wasn’t going to
receive the Sailing Stanley Cup and lifetime Heinies
that I was planning on winning. Instead, I was to be
onstage for a different reason. JonnyGuy, a friend and
local musician, was asked to open for Jamaican artist
Shaggy at the final party. JonnyGuy noticed my
unapologetic dance moves and high embarrassment
tolerance and signed me as one of his backup dancers.
I would don a taco suit for the performance. (Second
note to self: stop drinking rum with JonnyGuy.)
It wasn’t the stage I imagined I’d be on last year, but
it was quite an achievement, right? Finally — my
dance moves would get the recognition they deserved.
“Everything is an opportunity,” I explained to my mom
as she tried to convince me the world wasn’t yet ready
for Taco Chelsea.
The Heineken Regatta consists of four days of worldclass
sailing, but that’s only half of it. Going on its
38th year, the post-race concerts and parties are top
notch. March is one of the greatest months to be on
the island. Over 25 countries and Caribbean nations
registered their boats, supplying a racing fleet of 100.
Surely there was one crew that could use an extra
hand? I needed a boat and I needed a boat bad. I
smooched my way into the hearts of crews with offerings
of free taxi services, local bar knowledge, and
kisses from my island dog. “I would love to give you
guys a ride to the bars,” I bashfully encouraged them.
In the end, my charms worked. I jumped aboard the
Farr 65 Spirit of Juno from Antigua for four days and
joined the Polish crew of the Volvo 70 Green Dragon for
one race. I was attracted to Spirit of Juno simply
because I too am a goddess. Okay, actually Juno was
my least favorite Regina, but I
do appreciate a strong female
role. Green Dragon came with a
superb racing record, and raised
a good chunk of money for the
island. Not only were these two
boats significantly faster than
my 1977 CSY, they’re almost
twice as long and twice as light.
The carbon-fiber Green Dragon
didn’t even have a doorknob for
its head. I tied a little knot
around a band to secure the
door. Then I realized they left
the toilet paper behind as well,
and I sat dumbfounded. (To my
relief, I eventually found it.)
Left: Green Dragon’s crew
waving to the crowd.
Thousands came to support
the regatta, giving St. Maarten
a much-needed boost
Right: Taco Girl gets
into the regatta party spirit
I dreamed I would be sailing with and racing against
Maxis, ocean racers, monohulls and performance multihulls.
I’d be waving to holidaymakers on chartered bareboats
and live-aboard families cruising the Caribbean as
I crossed the finish line with the wind in my hair.
Here’s what really happened: there was no wind.
Truly, the wind was at Caribbean pace — taking its
own vacation. It was an anticlimactic start to my racing
career. But being on a ship that races for the joy of sailing
picked up my enthusiasm. Spirit of Juno had a
motley crew that I immediately took a liking to. Juno
was your ideal Antiguan woman — curvy and resilient.
She was built for rougher conditions, so she sat a bit
heavier than her competition. We set off from Simpson
Bay, immediately hitting nine knots in very little wind.
I was beyond impressed. The crew came from four different
continents. A few of us had never raced before,
so I wasn’t the only newbie. I was pleased to be on a
boat that wasn’t overly intense. The mates immediately
reassured me that I would not be screamed at — they
were there to be a serious competitor, but to also have
fun. Our races together were filled with raunchy Irish
jokes, grapefruit and planning the night’s outing.
The first day of the regatta I was entranced. I stayed
aft near the captain and first mate so I could badger
them with questions, letting out the occasional shriek
as boats came within whisper distance. “They’re going
to wreck us!” I would shout angrily at anyone who
would listen. “Chels, it’s okay. If they hit us, just hold
on tight. Do not abandon ship,” the captain tried to
reason with me. (Though I still remain skeptical.) At
the start, three Maxis were inches from colliding as
they tacked among each other and around the committee
boat. I was gasping for breath as they weaved in
and out, faster than my CSY goes under full sail.
The races started blending together. Getting up at
six, meeting the crew at eight, starting the race at ten,
finishing at one, shenanigans at five, and so on. There
was time for a quick shower and nap between. This
year, I would have the entire regatta experience. We’d
sail hard, clean up and take on the next event.
However, the fact that I couldn’t make it past 9:00PM
shows how carefully I played it. I didn’t want a hangover.
I already didn’t understand how the racecourse
worked; I wasn’t going to make it any harder.
—Continued on next page
APRIL 2018 CARIBBEAN COMPASS PAGE 21
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Located at 12° 31' 2.3124'' N 70° 2' 16.8'' W, Renaissance
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Operating Hours: Mon - Sat, from 8am to 6pm