26052018 - Buhari battles the challenge of CHANGE

28—Vanguard, SATURDAY, MAY 26, 2018
Yetunde Arebi
Twitter: @yetundearebi
yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk
08054700825
Hi!!
Sometimes when I hear the cliche,
women being their own worst enemy,
the more I try to defend that there
are great and exceptional women, the
more I’m forced to step back and reexamine
myself. I have come across some
many women who just wouldn’t turn a new
coat, no matter what. So, I was at a party
hosted by a few weeks back. It was the
burial of Molade’s mother-in-law. The
party had been the talk of the moment
amongst many of our close friends,
promising to be loaded with an A list guest
attendance, A top musical act on the
band stand and choice foods from all
kinds on vendors for the catering.
Mama had been a successful fabric
merchant during her life time and all
her six children, five boys and a girl
have turned out equally successful in
their callings too. Niyi, my friend’s
husband, the youngest son and last
born, was also no doubt his mother’s
favourite. He was determined to give
his mother the best exit party anyone
could, same for his older siblings. So,
it was not the party to miss by Naija
standards if you know what I mean.
And truly, no one was disappointed.
Mama’s children, grandchildren and
great grandchildren came in from all
the corners of the world to pay their
last respect, and they left nothing to
chance to ensure that guests had a
great time. But for a small hitch that
left a very sour taste in my mouth and
one that I have not been able to shake
off ever since, I probably would have
ticked this party off as the best I’ve
attended so far this year.
For those who have not attended a
typical large Owambe party of this
nature, the setting is such that the
tables are marked with the names of
the hosts and placed in a way that all
the guests of a particular host will
eventually be seated together to ensure
that no one misses out on attention and
other goodies for the day. Right behind
the table I shared with my group of
friends, sat a group of very lovely
looking ladies. All of them were
extremely fair complexioned except
one. They also had two gun bearing
Police men in uniform standing right
behind them. Their heavy commercial
makeover and headtie all added to
make them stand out a bit
conspicuously from most of the other
tables around. They did not appear so
young, but they knew by heart, almost
all the lyrics of the Naija hip hop
songs blended with every genre of
Nigeria music that was being dished
out by another young musician in
attendance, gyrating their bodies to the
beats from the instruments. It was
obvious they were regular party
jammers, probably members of a club
or society. They painted the picture of
the typical ‘omo eko’ where I come
from.
I was still trying to place my friend in
their group when it struck me that they
were not Molade’s friends but her
husband’s guests. It wasn’t long
before I identified who was in charge
of the group. She weaved around the
floor of the party like someone on a
mission. Her mission was not really to
ensure the success of the party but to
impress herself upon the guests, to
force some kind of recognition for
herself. I couldn’t help myself
anymore and nudged Tudun beside me
in her direction. I did not need to voice
the question before she answered,
“that’s her, Niyi’s girlfriend”. Niyi’s
girlfriend? At a family function? Where
his wife and children are? What is his
excuse for such a shameful act? It
quickly dawned on me why Molade
had that forlorn, sad look on her face.
She was obviously struggling to
manage her embarrassment from what
was happening which was beyond her
control.
It was obvious the woman came
Between side
chicks and wives
All of them were
extremely fair
complexioned
except one, they
also had two gun
bearing Police men
in uniform standing
right behind them.
prepared, any negative move from
Molade could turn into something
unwholesome, ruining the party for
her family. My heart sank and a large
chunk of the respect I had for Niyi
dropped a few notches. Only a selfish,
uncaring dick of a man would stoop
so low and allow such a woman at that
kind of family gathering. It was bad
enough that he had a long standing
extra marital affair kept not so secret,
but sticking same in his wife’s face and
showcasing his infidelity to the world in
that manner was the height of it for me.
What was so important about her or the
party that she had to show her face there?
Would she die or the party not hold if she
did not attend? Would attending elevate
her to the status of a wife or force his
children and family members to embrace
her with open arms? Exactly what was
the point?
So this woman I learnt is called Shade
and her troop became the main
attraction of the party for me. I had an
eyeful of their shenanigans. I soon realised
that they were all of a kind when another
member of their group whom
I knew from another circle
walked in. At that point,
everything became clear. The
lady happened to be a side
chick of a family friend and
had wittingly positioned
herself permanently in his life
by giving him a child, nearly
wreaking his marriage and
relationship between him and
his already grown up
children. Eventually, he’d
accepted the child and has
been duly responsible for
it, but there was nothing
between them. However,
her friends hailed her as
‘olori’ (queen) of the man’s
name and she took her
pretences to the heights as if
she were truly his wife. I
concluded that the other
‘ayaba’, (queen or princess)
emi ......(the heart of ....) all
the big names they were
calling each other were side
chicks of those men too, and
not necessarily their lawfully
wedded wives. They were
a bunch of women out to
pitch their tent with the
biggest pockets, or is it
muguns.
Later, some funny looking
guys walked in bearing boxes
of party souvenirs on their
hefty shoulders. Shade
quickly got up and began
directing them on how to
share them. For reasons
known to her, she ensured we
got all her expensive gifts,
returning to our table
severally to ask if we were
alright. I started getting
angry at her. It was obvious
that she was aware of our
hostility and wanted to
impress us by all means.
Finally, I couldn’t help but
clap my hands in disgust
when it was time for Niyi and
his wife to take to the dance
floor. As we were dancing
and milling around the
couple, this woman had the
effrontery to join them and
even steal the show right
before our very eyes. She sprayed Niyi
several wads of N1,000 notes and he too
started doing so to her. Then, she turned
to Molade and wanted to do same but she
politely walked off the stage. Then she
turned to the musician and began spraying
him. All her friends were on the dance floor,
gyrating their bums to the music.
Honestly, I felt like puking. What sort of
women would do this to another? Many of
us returned to the table to gather our things
and left the party. Molade was not in sight,
so there was no need to ask her for excuse.
Niyi and his girlfriend were still engaged
in their show of shame as I called it.
Gist on phone with friends about the party
lasted way into the night. I leant that
though no one knew when the relationship
started, Niyi went public with Shade about
five years earlier. She has two children
from a failed relationship and has not been
able to have any for Niyi, unlike her friend
who’d had a child for our family friend.
Niyi is however very much involved in
her children’s education and welfare. I
have no problems with anyone trying to
make a nest for herself anywhere she
deems suitable. But I have a problem with
women who come in to disrupt the peace
and tranquillity of other women’s homes
and relationships. I have a problem
with women who believe they are on a
rescue mission, saving their catch from
the clutches of his ‘unsophisticated’ wife
and unexciting lover. I have a problem
with women who think they are capable
of birthing children better than those
already fathered by their lovers, therefore
manipulating the man and using their
child(ren) to destroy the lives of other
children. I have a problem with women
who fail to empathise with the women
they are hurting by disrupting their
marriages and stealing their lives and
peace away from them.
Some people may argue that polygamy is
allowed in our society and that the women
are not to blame since it was the so called
married men who approached them first.
Yes, but I doubt that this is polygamy,
definitely the same as practised by our
fathers. You will hardly find a junior wife
walking rudely all over her seniors in the
bed hierarchy. Even where they do, it is
usually discreet and not the glaring show
of banality as displayed by those women.
Baffling to mind is the fact that Shade
and some of her friends are coming from
failed relationships, caused either by
themselves, their spouses of some other
reasons. They have been through the roller
coaster emotions attached, they have
witnessed its effects on their children,
they’ve seen how the dissolution has
affected many other relationships in their
lives, yet, they are willing and ready to
inflict same on another human being and
fellow woman.
I’m told all is fair in love and war, but
even at that, I insist that there must be
rules of engagement. Some also say
that since another woman destroyed their
relationship, then, they cannot be blamed
for destroying another woman’s too. But I
say the world would be a jungle if we all
go around with that destructive notion
and attitude. Women must put an
end to this vicious cycle.
Whether we accept it or not, men are
weak when it comes to the opposite
sex. So weak that even the Holy books
acknowledge their challenges. It will
take great discipline and the grace of
God for a man to walk the straight path
in their sexual journey. These women
must know that it is not all the time a
man strays with you that he loves his
wife less, or wants to leave her for you.
Be content that you have his attention
and help him stay rooted and
committed to those who truly love and
need him in their lives, knowing that
they might not have the luxury of
frolicking around like you. Men must
understand that these women are not
the saints they desire them to believe.
If they were, why could they not use
those good virtues and sexy moves to
hold down their previous men?
Do have a wonderful weekend!!
C
M
Y
K