GOLDEN NUGGETS OF WISDOM 3. Mind the spiral The wine farmer doesn’t destroy his entire vineyard because he lost one vine? Instead, he does everything in his power to make sure the vine he lost is the only one he will lose. The same must be said about your derailed plans. Just because you cheated and had a cigarette one afternoon doesn’t mean your whole antismoking campaign must go up in smoke. Your transgression is just one moment in time and that moment shouldn’t affect the next moment, minute, hour, day, week, month or year! This spiral only runs as long as your excuses as to why you can’t get back to the plan. “I haven’t got time”, “I don’t have the expertise”, “I don’t have the money”, “It’s the weekend!”, “I’m too stressed!” Just a few of the excuses that grow a spiral. Let go of your self-loathing and learn to forgive yourself! You need to be your own best friend and not your own worst critic. Be kind to yourself. Your inner voice should be encouraging and supportive and forgiving. Questions to ask yourself: • How did my “mistake” make me feel about myself? • How can I fix the transgression with minimal spiralling? 12 | The Trinitonian 4. Avoid the drains! Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said, “We become like the five people we spend the most time around”. Think about that for a second! If you’re pouring all your energy into helping the helpless, guiding the lost, uplifting the weak, fixing the broken, entertaining the sad and enabling the lazy, very little energy will be left to put into your own dreams and aspirations. And with unfulfilled dreams and aspirations come things like resentment, low self-esteem and demotivation. “My partner and I have run our business together for the past 10 years. The business has grown substantially over the years due to my energy, guidance and energy while my partner has taken much of the credit for himself. I have a dream to start a project that will bring me much fulfilment and will also give back to the business at the same time. My partner claims to be supportive, but allocates little time or effort to the project and instead continues to aggressively push his own agenda – delegating much of his tasks to the staff around him and me! I continuously place my own dreams on hold to assist my partner in achieving his goals and I have become resentful, demotivated and personally uninspired! But I allow it!” – Ben, 36 If the five people around you are draining you, then it’s time to analyse those relationships and put boundaries in place. If you’re having to put many boundaries in place then perhaps it’s time you look to be around new people who uplift and energise you! Questions to ask yourself: • Who are the five closest people around me and how do they impact my life? • How do I allow those people to steal my power? SPAAR The next time to catch yourself sabotaging, use the below SPAAR method to stop the madness: S = Stop Literally, stop what you are doing. Close your eyes for a minute and clear your mind as much as you can. Take 10 concentrated deep breaths. P = Picture Picture your desired outcome. If you want to get that job, picture yourself dressed for the job, doing the job, being happy at that job. Try to feel the satisfaction you will feel when you have achieved that goal. A = Alternative It is human nature to want something when you can’t have it. So instead of trying to say “no” to that chocolate that is about to destroy your health mission, rather offer an acceptable alternative, such as a sugarless soft drink. You won’t be left feeling deprived and resentful, and your goals will remain intact. A = Affirm Always remember to be your own best friend. Affirm how wonderful you are and focus on the strength you have to stop the sabotage. R = Rock on! If, after all of the above, you still fail, pick yourself up, forgive yourself immediately and move forward. Let the minute that follows your transgression be a successful one, and the one after that, and the one after that one too! Soon you will find your self past the finish line. Rock on.
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