The Little Book of... Active Listening

Active
Listening

Contents
This booklet explores active
listening: From different types
of listening, to the benefits
and key verbal and non
verbal signs.
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The Importance of Listening
Three Listening Models
The Science of Listening
Verbal and non verbal signs
Ten steps to Effective Listening

What exactly is Active Listening?
Active listening is a communication technique.
It originated in counselling, training, and conflict
resolution but has fast become one of the key
contributing skills to personal and organisational
success.
Active listening takes the basic skill of hearing someone
and knocks it up a notch. When we’re actively listening,
we’re responding to the other person, acknowledging
that we heard them, and giving verbal and nonverbal
cues that we understand what they’re saying.
How well you listen has a major impact on your job
effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships
with others.

We listen...
for enjoyment
to understand
to obtain information
to learn

Given all this listening we do, you would think we’d be
good at it!
In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that
we remember between 25% and 50% of what we
hear.
That means that when you talk to your boss,
colleagues, customers or a partner for 10 minutes, they
pay attention to less than half of the conversation.
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are
receiving directions or being presented with
information, you aren’t hearing the whole message
either.
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© GroupM University - 2018

Active Listening is Important
To know how important it is, remind yourself when you
were last engaged in a conversation when you thought
the other person wasn’t really listening to what you
were saying.
You wondered if your message was getting across, or
if it was even worthwhile continuing to speak.
You may have even felt a bit embarrassed or your
confidence subsiding as you continued to talk,
knowing they weren’t really listening. But above all,
your feelings about that person probably changed.
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“People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made
them feel.”
- Maya Angelou

There are three
basic listening
models.

Competitive or combative listening
With this type of listening, we mostly are waiting to
jump in and say something or point out flaws in what
the other person is saying.
We pretend that we are listening, when really we are
formulating our own ideas and just waiting for the
person to break so we can blurt them out.
Passive listening
Passive listeners hear what is being said without
necessarily retaining information.
An example of this is when we fade out of a
conversation because we either become distracted
or disinterested in what the other person is saying, or
we are half listening to someone else’s conversation.
Another example of passive listening is listening to the
radio while working or driving
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Active listening
In this model, you actively listen and understand what
the other person is saying. Here, we listen to what
the other person has to say before we try to interject
what we would like to share. In this model, you
restate or share back information with the speaker,
showing that you are paying attention and actively
involved. This is the type of listening we should strive
for.
These reflect upon the various ways that the person
who is doing the listening may be feeling. You may
use all three of these listening models at one point or
another, depending upon whom you are listening to,
what the conversation is about, and even what type
of mood you are in.
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The Science of
Listening

Hearing is very different to listening.
According to research, being listened to is so close
to being loved that sometimes your brain can’t tell
the difference.There is so much about being human
that is associated with being listened to. Empathy,
connection, acceptance - some of the biggest things
that we as humans want - all start with listening.
Listening shows that you care. To truly listen to
someone, refrain from judgement and create a safe
space for sharing is one of the best gifts you can give
another person. So why then, is hearing so easy but
listening is less so?
The root of this problem could be described as a
kind of cognitive conundrum. We employ heuristics
(mental shortcuts), in our everyday lives to help us
navigate the avalanche of information that we need
to process from the world around us.
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In our interactions with others, we also employ a
kind of listening-heuristic - we assume intent or
motivation, we formulate our responses and we
respond with our own perspective, all in the time it
takes someone else to speak.
Many of us aspire to be a great speaker - or at least
to be better at it or less intimidated by it. How often
though, do you hear someone say “I’d love to be a
great listener.”? Not that often. If speaking is the lead
singer of the band, listening is the bass player - less
glamorous and often overlooked, but vital to the
rhythm of the songs they play.
Just like learning to play an instrument, being a
great listener doesn’t happen by accident. It is a
skill that takes developing and practicing. We won’t
always get it right, but every single day presents
opportunities for us to get better.
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Communication
is more important
than ever.

Particularly in today’s high-tech, high-speed, highstress
world, yet we seem to devote less and less time
to really listening to one another. Genuine listening has
become a rare gift—the gift of time.
Active listening helps build relationships, solve
problems, ensure understanding and improve
accuracy and resolve conflicts.
Build relationships
By actively taking in both what they are saying, and
also the emotions behind the message, you’re creating
an atmosphere of trust and mutual understanding.
Solve problems
When you’re actively engaged and listening to your
peers’ concerns or wider business issues, you can
gain a better understanding of the problem and
subsequently formulate the most optimal and accurate
solutions.
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Ensure understanding and improve accuracy
We’ve all been in the situation where our thoughts
have gone off on a tangent while sitting in a meeting.
If you were required to action something in response
to the meeting, you’d find gaps in your knowledge
and you may not be able to offer a solution that best
reflects your professional ability. That’s why Active
listening can help you work efficiently, display a sharp
intellect, and save time and money for your company
in the long run.
Resolve conflicts
Conflict between two parties can make people
defensive, but if a person feels that their concerns are
being listened to and taken seriously, the chances of
landing a resolution is high.
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Verbal signs of Active Listening
Positive Reinforcement
Although a strong signal of attentiveness, caution
should be used when using positive verbal
reinforcement. Although some positive words of
encouragement may be beneficial to the speaker
the listener should use them sparingly so as not to
distract from what is being said or place unnecessary
emphasis on parts of the message.
Casual and frequent use of words and phrases, such
as: ‘very good’, ‘yes’ or ‘indeed’ can become irritating
to the speaker. It is usually better to elaborate and
explain why you are agreeing with a certain point.
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Remembering
The human mind is notoriously bad at remembering
details, especially for any length of time. However,
remembering a few key points, or even the name of the
speaker, can help to reinforce that the messages sent
have been received and understood. Remembering
details, ideas and concepts from previous
conversations proves that attention was kept and is
likely to encourage the speaker to continue.
Questioning
The listener can demonstrate that they have been
paying attention by asking relevant questions and/or
making statements that build or help to clarify what the
speaker has said. By asking relevant questions the
listener also helps to reinforce that they have an interest
in what the speaker has been saying.
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Reflection
Reflecting is closely repeating or paraphrasing
what the speaker has said in order to show
comprehension. Reflection is a powerful skill that
can reinforce the message of the speaker and
demonstrate understanding.
Clarification
Clarifying involves asking questions of the speaker to
ensure that the correct message has been received.
Clarification usually involves the use of open
questions which enables the speaker to expand on
certain points as necessary.
Summarisation
Repeating a summary of what has been said back
to the speaker is a technique used by the listener to
repeat what has been said in their own words.
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Non-verbal signs of active listening
Smile
Small smiles can be used to show that the listener is
paying attention to what is being said or as a way of
agreeing or being happy about the messages being
received. Combined with nods of the head, smiles
can be powerful in affirming that messages are being
listened to and understood.
Eye Contact
It is normal and usually encouraging for the listener
to look at the speaker. Eye contact can however
be intimidating, especially for more shy speakers –
gauge how much eye contact is appropriate for any
given situation. Combine eye contact with smiles
and other non-verbal messages to encourage the
speaker.
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Posture
Posture can tell a lot about the sender and receiver
in interpersonal interactions. The attentive listener
tends to lean slightly forward or sideways whilst
sitting. Other signs may include a slight slant of the
head or resting the head on one hand.
Mirroring
Automatic reflection/mirroring of any facial
expressions used by the speaker can be a sign
of attentive listening. These reflective expressions
can help to show sympathy and empathy in more
emotional situations.
Distraction
The active listener will not be distracted and
therefore will refrain from fidgeting, looking at a clock
or watch, doodling, playing with their hair or picking
their fingernails.
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1. Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.
2. Be attentive, but relaxed.
3. Keep an open mind.
4. Try to picture what the speaker is saying.
5. Don’t interrupt and don’t impose your
“solutions.”
6. Wait for the speaker to pause to ask clarifying
questions.
7. Ask questions only to ensure understanding.
8. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling.
9. Give the speaker regular feedback.
10. Pay attention to what isn’t said—to nonverbal
cues.
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