The Sandbag Times Issue No: 47

THE CHRONICLES OF LITTLE HOPE
Letter of the Month
Dear Hilda
I was wondering if you would take it upon
yourself to manage your Dick?
With most of the men in the village being
away fighting Jerry it is left to us women to
tend our own patches and it’s all well and
good being asked to dig for victory, but I for
one struggle with a dibber. Now I know that
Dick Scratcher helps out with your patch and I
was thinking that a woman of your formidable
talents would be just the person to manage
Dick and arrange for all the ladies on the village
to have him for a bit on a rota? After all
there is a war on and I think that with our
men away it’s only fair that all us ladies get
our fair share of Dick to ease the frustration
of having to manage our own patches.
Thank you in advance dear Mrs Finch .
bean amongst the lettuce, as it were? Heaven
knows, Dick’s a dab hand at it but he can’t be
everywhere.
Might you consider perhaps banding together
with another lady (or two) in the village and going
at it en masse, as it were? They do say that many
hands make light work, and I’m sure that Fanny
Cox and Dotty Fishburn from the WI would jump
at the chance to help out, Lord knows they
spend enough time fiddling about in one another’s
foliage and one imagines that a change of
frondescence might be just the ticket for all three
of you.
In short then, Ethel, you really don’t need a Dick to
keep on top of things in your lonely patch, a
Fanny’s just as good and she’ll bring her own kippers.
Yours,
Hilda Ffinch,
The Bird With All The Answers
Yours expectantly,
Ethel
Dear Ethel,
Managing the Dick in question, my dear, isn’t
as easy as it sounds. For one thing, my
undergrowth is extensive and requires constant
attention if Colonel Ffinch’s rhubarb is to
come up at all this year, and for another Dick
needs to be constantly on hand here to
encourage the Colonel’s gourds to come
good, if they are to come at all. I’ve tried
everything, but clearly I don’t have the special
touch that Dick Scratcher does. The Colonel
swears by him, even going so far as to invite
him round for the occasional stiff one on the
terrace (providing that we don’t have any
house guests of note, obviously) and maintains
that he’s a far better sower of seed than
any he’s come across this side of Kew
Gardens, and to be entirely fair, he’s come
across a few.
I do appreciate that the shortage of men in
Little Hope and the surrounding villages has
led to a surge in the growth rate of ladies’ gardens
and that obviously it’s nigh on impossible
(not to mention terribly tiresome) having
to go at it constantly on one’s own, but perhaps
a raised bed might help your endeavours
and make it easier to find the odd broad
If you’d like Hilda Ffinch, The Bird With All The
Answers to address your own wartime problem,
then pop along to https://www.mrsfoxgoestowar.co.uk/hilda-finch-agony-aunt
to subject your
personal crisis to her (hopefully) sober scrutiny.
Remember to give yourself a suitable wartime
alias! Letters will be answered online and a selection
of them published in next month’s Sandbag
Times.
www.sandbagtimes.co.uk 41 |