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Freedom Flowers
by Pat Craven
Pat Craven created the
Freedom Programme in
1998, after working in
nthe Probation Service
Perpetrator
Programmes.
Since then, Pat has
heard from hundreds of
firsthand accountfrom
women who have
escaped from abusive
relationships because
they have attended the
Freedom programme.
Pat has also written
several books and
manuals including:
Living with the
Dominator, Freedom
Programme Home
Study Course and
Freedom Flowers.
Fredom Flowers has
been reproduced with
kind permission from
Pat Craven.
C
hapter 3 - The
Newborn
Dominators dictate how we give birth. If they are surgeons or consultants they
may insist that we have caesarean sections even though there is no medical
reason for it.
They prevent us from breastfeeding or force us to do so against our will.
They cut or break stitches to force us to have sex.
They lock us out of the room when the baby is crying to be fed or changed.
They say that this teaches the baby discipline.
Daffodil ..I would wake up hearing my son scream and cry, and when I
opened the bedroom door to get to him (we lived in a bungalow), my ex would
suddenly appear from a different room as fast as lightning and not allow me to
get into my son’s room, or he would be in there and at the bedroom door
blocking my way... They use violence if we pick up the baby to play with it or
cuddle it. This means that, to protect the baby, we ignore it. We agreed to
split, but agreed to stay in the same house to look after our disabled child. I
was totally controlled, emotionally, but didn't know it. I felt it but didn't
understand. I kept repeating in my head, he's a good father. I was trying to
make it true because the other option was unthinkable. If I didn't play by his
rules, his punishment to me was to stop me seeing my child.
When we were together, it was not being allowed to say goodnight or put him
to bed.
Even if my son was crying for me, I used to just sit there, as the last time I
tried to get to him, my ex dropped my child on the floor, at no older than six
months, and wouldn't pick him up until I left to sit down in the lounge.
I carried that guilt, and saw him use that threat, time and time again. My son
learnt to be quiet and to crawl into a space that only I could get to him and his
father could not. It is only now that I am putting together some of my child's
behaviours and where they originate from...
This can have a dreadful effect on the rest of this child’s life.If they are never
picked up, cuddled and hear loving words they do not know that they are
lovable or even likeable. They may go through life without even knowing this
is missing, but having no sense of self worth. How can they?
For more details on
Freedom
Programme:
www.freedomprogra
mme.co.uk
Rose remembers, after Freedom ....He controls and keeps the money. I can’t
afford to buy a pram or clothes or nappies. I can’t ask anyone because I don’t
want anyone to think badly of him. My baby will just have to make do with the
little I have. The baby is so fretful and cries all the time. I have to keep him
close to me all the time. He won’t let me attend to the baby when he cries.
When I try to be with him, he says the baby must learn.
The Empower Issue