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Orchid (continued) ..<br />
I then lost custody of the kids, as my eldest, who I was<br />
carrying when I was assaulted in pregnancy, has<br />
extreme behavioural problems. I couldn't obtain help<br />
and she was placed in residential specialist home. I<br />
fought to get the other two back.<br />
I went through all the assessments and he (Orchid’s<br />
husband) decided he wanted custody of the baby. It<br />
had already been decided that she was coming to me<br />
and was only a week away from being home full-time.<br />
He'd also had a child with someone else and they got<br />
back together to try to get my child.<br />
During the court process, he didn't know my address at<br />
all. I had only been in the refuge three months and got<br />
a council house. He had no clue where it was. My<br />
solicitor raised it with the judge for my address to be<br />
withheld and it was agreed but they still included it in a<br />
court bundle, yet denied doing it. My legal team was<br />
furious.<br />
He was awarded three hours per month access,<br />
minimum, and to be at my discretion where and when I<br />
got a residency order as he tried to take her. We got<br />
back together and, after three months, he left again,<br />
just before I had major spinal surgery.<br />
He kept leaving and coming back. Through<br />
counselling, I started to realise I had to stop this, or I<br />
was going to lose the kids. He left me up the pub and<br />
drove off and I had to make my own way home. I then<br />
found him packing, and this time I’d had enough.<br />
We got back together when I was 26 weeks pregnant<br />
as he had been coming down once a month, and had<br />
been putting on the charm, trying to get his feet back<br />
under. I was ill and just went with it. He was OK until<br />
the baby was three days old, then the shouting started.<br />
I was ill and he refused to take me to the hospital.<br />
When she was 10 weeks old, he went again. All these<br />
times he left he never gave much notice.<br />
On one occasion, the kids and I were upstairs and<br />
hadn't known. I thought, at the time, that for a six-yearold<br />
to wake up and find her dad gone is heartbreaking.<br />
Now she says he's mean and asked if she could have<br />
a new dad!...<br />
Dominators also use the legal system and other<br />
agencies to abuse us and damage their children.<br />
Lavender ...When people consider abuse, and its<br />
effect on children, they are probably thinking about kids<br />
between the ages of three and 15. I think babies are<br />
the ‘forgotten victims’ in these situations due to their<br />
perceived lack of understanding.<br />
The Empower Issue
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