The Sandbag Times Issue No: 51

More documents

Info

MRS FOX GOES TO WAR Mrs Fox Goes To War... The Chronicles of Little Hope 1939 - 1945 “Happy New Year!” from Mrs Fox and the villagers of little Hope! Hilda Ffinch: The Bird With All The Answers Letter of the Month | 36 www.sandbagtimes.co.uk
THE CHRONICLES OF LITTLE HOPE There’s a cautionary tale from Hilda Ffinch this festive season! The moral: Better a pig in the bath than a night in Dear Mrs Ffinch The Stoker’s Arms... Honeysuckle Cottage, Hangman’s Lane Little Hope I’m a bit worried about my husband, Albert. He’s been acting very oddly over the last few weeks, ever since he had a letter in a brown envelope from London. Two days after the letter arrived he went off to the Smoke to see a man about a dog and hasn’t been the same since. Last Monday I found him writing a letter with onion juice in the washhouse and my old mother said she found him stuffing a fuse into a mouse in the pantry. Has he lost the plot? What should I do? Yours, Mrs Betty Hall Dear Mrs Hall, You may be surprised to learn that there is quite a lot of this sort of thing going on at the moment and that you are not alone in your curiosity. In times of adversity, such as those in which we find ourselves at present, the Government launches a myriad of little schemes to take people’s minds off the worst case scenario – in our case that is almost certainly the nightmare of Herr Goering munching his way through the last of the madeleines in miss Titty Henderson’s cake shop in the High Street – and my intelligence suggests that one of these marvellously diverting schemes is none other than a recruitment drive by the Boy Scouts! In his (slightly) younger days, my own spouse was wont to pull on a pair of khaki shorts, straighten his woggle and sally forth for a bit of a dib-dib-dib in the scout hut with the pack in his capacity as Scout leader of Little Hope, a position which he initially gained on the back of being a personal friend of the then Prince of Wales and secondly for displaying an excellent bit of wood whilst endeavouring to impress the examining board for the badge of the same name. Other skills which the colonel learned ‘under canvas with the lads’ as it were, included semaphore, a spot of fishing, sonnet composition, giving a decent bunk up and flashing across a distance of twenty five yards with the aid of a hand mirror. Such forays into the world of alternative methods of communication lead me to believe that your husband is engaged in the exact same thing as the colonel’s previous wont, albeit with some new and exciting high jinks which were clearly added after the Colonel fell out with the Prince of Wales over that terribly butch Wallis Simpson character and found himself literally up the creek without a paddle at an up-market jamboree as a result. So fear not, Mrs Hall, your spouse is evidently engaged in the sterling work of egging on the downy cheeked youth of today in the hope that they’ll become the stubble-chinned British warriors of tomorrow! Be proud, Mrs Hall, be proud! God save the King! Yours, Hilda Ffinch The Bird With All The Answers p.s. There is a slight chance that your spouse has not been grabbed by the Scouts at all and that he may have joined the Secret Service. Should this prove to be the case then don’t assume that he’s just pleased to see you when he returns from work, he might actually have a loaded service revolver in his pocket and making inadvertent amorous overtures towards it might startle him and set it off. You might also want to keep an eye out for men in raincoats slipping up your back passage when you’re asleep and take care to avoid batting mice in the pantry with your broom, as they may be primed and a good thwack could easily take out half of the High Street. Just a thought. If you’d like Hilda Ffinch, The Bird With All The Answers to address your own wartime problem, then pop along to https://www.mrsfoxgoestowar.co.uk/hilda-finchagony-aunt to subject your personal crisis to her (hopefully) sober scrutiny. Remember to give yourself a suitable wartime alias! Letters will be answered online and a selection of them published in next month’s Sandbag Times. www.sandbagtimes.co.uk 37 |
Page 1 and 2: Sandbag The Times BREAKPOINT The mo
Page 3 and 4: FIELD SKILLS & SURVIVAL Special For
Page 5 and 6: CONTENTS Jan 2019 w 2018 age 22 SBT
Page 7 and 8: NEWS THE VETERANS’ MAGAZINE SBT N
Page 9 and 10: A World War II hero who worked on t
Page 11 and 12: ASK KERRY Ask Kerry... Let her help
Page 13 and 14: BRAND NEW Patron to The Tommy Atkin
Page 15 and 16: SBT Book Review By Andrew Hope-Hall
Page 17 and 18: TOMMY ATKINS CENTRE The Tommy Atkin
Page 19 and 20: l al ed rigss. pros ent e in - Sund
Page 21 and 22: BREAKPOINT stood and mis-managed me
Page 23 and 24: SBT 2018 REVIEW July 2018 Alerts we
Page 25 and 26: HAVE FAITH Come Unto Me all you who
Page 28 and 29: Veterans Raffle Help us support our
Page 31 and 32: Veterans Breakfast Clubs The VBC We
Page 33 and 34: Veterans Breakfast Clubs Stockport
Page 35: Squaddie Humour Squaddie Humour A b
Page 39 and 40: Poetry Corner The Alcoholic His eye

The Sandbag Times Issue No: 51

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?