SANTA RITA NEWS (Jan_Feb 2019)

HOROSCOPE AND JOKES
HAYIBO!*
Written by: Lucía Acha, Daniel
Cuéllar and Natalia González
Aries: 21/03 - 20/04
In this year, in every
problem you will have; you will
find the solution easily and with
success. You just have to follow
your thoughts. This is going to be
a good year for you.
Taurus: 21/04 - 20/05
Your doubts and
insecurities will burn
down part of your
energy which is needed to face
your professional life.
Gemini: 21/05 - 21/06
You cannot always be kind and
sweet to those people you love,
because sometimes you will have
to seem more serious and strict
with them.
Cancer: 22/06 - 22/07
You are anxious of
doing some
necessary changes,
which will let you progress in
your love relationship.
Leo: 23/07 - 22/08
You have to think of yourself and
look at those little things that
make you feel happy, although
you abandon your routine.
Virgo: 23/08 - 22/09
You'll find relief
when you get enough
strength to face your days at
w o r k i n g w i t h o u t a n y
exhaustion or being sleepy.
Libra: 22/09 - 22/10
You should plan a
trip to have fun and relax for a
few days. If you get more
stressed, you might die.
Scorpio: 23/10 - 22/11
You can't trust
every loan
someone gives
you, if you do it you are going
to lose money; even your life.
Sagittarius: 23/11 - 22/12
You should start
keeping fit by doing
some workouts and cardio
exercises to prevent obesity
and heart problems.
Capricorn: 23/12 - 20/01
You have
to control your
annoyance and bad
words because they will
destroy your love relationship,
and you will be alone.
Aquarius: 21/01 - 20/02
You should give what
you want to receive,
specially love. If not,
you won't have anyone to
spend your life with and
your parents will chase
you out of their house.
Piscis: 20/02 - 21/03
Your good and
bad experiences
in your previous
relationships will be very
i m p o r t a n t f o r y o u r
confidence, trust and
happiness in your life.
JOKES
Mother: ‘How was school
today, Patrick?’
Patrick: ‘It was really
great, mum! Today we
made explosives!’
Mother: ‘Ooh, they do
very fancy stuff with you
these days. And what will
you do at school
tomorrow?’
Patrick: ‘What school?’
What’s black, red, black,
red, black, red? A zebra
with sunburn.
According to my mirror I
am pregnant. The father
is Nutella.
My relationship is like an
iPad. I don't have an
iPad.
- ‘I am a master of fast
calculations.’
- ‘OK, what is 758 times
642, divided by 5?’
- ’22!’
- ‘Ha ha, that’s wrong!’
- ‘Might be, but it was
fast!’
* HAYIBO! - A term derived from the isiZulu language to express something that seems ‘unbelievable’.