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Page 8A THE BEACON September 2019 Slow Fade- An Epidemic By Linda Hutchinson I was shocked when one of my key volunteers called early on a Sunday morning crying, “Linda, we need help. Our marriage is in crisis. I don’t know what to do”. What? I must have heard her wrong. Doug and Lisa appeared to be this strong, Christian couple who had been married for twelve years and have five healthy, happy children. No way! We scheduled an appointment and began to slowly uncover what I see as one of the most silent but deadly killers of marriages today; it’s what I call the SLOW FADE. Unfortunately, Doug and Lisa’s story is not uncommon, especially for young and busy families. Lisa admits she had put kids and activities above her relationship with Doug. Doug, on the other hand, had slowly drifted away from his wife no longer feeling like a priority in his home. While feeling distant from his wife, Doug found someone at work who was willing to listen and give him the time and attention he was desperately craving. Young couples aren’t the only victims of the slow fade. I’ve also seen it destroy “seasoned” couples with twenty to thirty years under their belt. I believe the SLOW FADE is one of the greatest epidemics plaguing marriages today. In the 1960s, Charles Hummel published a little booklet called Tyranny of the Urgent, which quickly became a mustread for many professionals. Mr. Hummel argues that a regular tension exists between things that appear urgent and important things. Far too often, the urgent wins. I see the same tension destroying homes and families today. We have allowed the urgent to slowly push out what’s important for a healthy and strong life, things like faith, family, and personal wellness. You go through the Mc- Donald’s drive-thru day after day, eating in your car on the way to appointments or kids’ events instead of eating healthy meals at home as a family. Couples trade date nights for kids’ soccer tournaments week after week, complaining about how they never have any time together. But then after a while, they stop complaining and give up even trying. That’s the slow fade we’re talking about. Your spouse just walked in the door from work while you’re getting a call or text from a friend. We have allowed the world to have 24-hour access to us through things like texts, calls, notifications- all while the most important people in the room are feeling... well, not that important. Sometimes, what appears to be urgent is happening right in our own home. Let’s face itkids can make anything look like a crisis. For example, your son can’t find his shoes, and he’s screaming YOUR name for the hundredth time while you’re in the bathroom. Or your daughter “needs” to go to the mall TONIGHT because next week she needs a black t-shirt for her concert. The demands are rarely mean or malicious, but over time, there is this slow fade. It’s an unconscious drift that happens when couples don’t prioritize and fight for what’s important. Here are some warning signs that your marriage may be in a slow fade… 1. Physical intimacy is little to non-existent, and it’s not because of a physical condition or ailment. Are you sleeping in separate beds? Are you always too tired or too busy to be sexually intimate with your spouse? What’s going on? Is there a physical issue that needs to be addressed? Is there someone else who has captured the heart of your spouse, so he/she no longer has any desire to be with you physically? Lean in to your spouse and work on a plan to rekindle the physical intimacy between the two of you. 2. Emotional Intimacy is waning. You’re not dreaming together anymore. You don’t feel like you can be authentic or vulnerable with your spouse. He or she won’t sit down and open up about what’s going on inside. Is there someone else outside your marriage with whom you ARE having those kinds of conversations? That’s a slippery slope if it’s someone of the opposite sex. Acknowledge that this is NOT healthy and open up to your partner about your needs. 3. Spiritual Intimacy is non-existent. It’s tough to pull away from your spouse when God is at the center of the relationship. Less than 1% of couples who pray together regularly divorce. Working in the church for twenty years, couples in a slow fade usually fall off the radar and disappear. Kids stop coming to Sunday school. Mom and dad stop going to church or drop out of their small group. It is the start of an ugly downhill slide for their family. Don’t let that happen if you are involved in a church. It’s a red flag of something deeper going on. 4. Misplaced priorities- Put the big rocks in first. God, spouse, children in that order... and the others will fall in place naturally. If you or your partner continuously put other things or people ahead of those big rocks, danger, danger... you’re in a slow fade. 5. Unrealistic expectations or petty arguments- Are you and your spouse continually fighting over silly things like socks on the floor or dishes in the sink? Can I just tell you, it’s not about the dishes. Some deeper issues are looming. Maybe your spouse is hoping you’ll lean in and ask what’s really wrong. Or perhaps you’re afraid to say anything because it will just lead to a blow-up. 6. Shut Down Mode- This is probably one of the most dangerous red flags of the slow fade. You’re getting nothing- no physical intimacy, no emotional intimacy, no spiritual intimacy, not even any arguments. You and your spouse haven’t argued in years because you haven’t had a real conversation in years. GET HELP TODAY! That’s not a marriage- that’s a roommate. You may be thinking your marriage is a nine out of ten because you never fight, but your partner is at a one. He or she has already checked out and maybe even checked in with someone else. If you or your spouse feel like you are in that SLOW FADE we described above, do what Doug and Lisa did. Get some help today. They are celebrating twenty-two years this year because of what God did in that difficult season ten years ago. They are grateful to Him for saving their marriage and have seen God use their story many times to bring others hope. Talk to your priest or pastor. Reach out to a professional/counselor. Contact us at rocksolidfamilies.org. Don’t keep brushing those feelings of emptiness and despair under the rug. Trust me; there is hope! You don’t have to settle for the status quo and think that’s all there is. But the answer is not in another man or woman. The answer is not working more or shutting down. The answer is looking up, leaning in, and getting the help you need to have a healthy, strong marriage, maybe even for the first time. FREE HEARING AID TRIALS ALL THIS WEEK! Schedule your FREE hearing consultation* this week, and during your visit hear the immediate before and after benefits of the latest hearing technology, right in our office. Call for your free appointment today (812) 721-0309 Over 15 Years of Experience Starkey Livio TM Shapes and Styles Micro RIC (Receiver-in-Canal) Get this aid for CIC (Completely-In-Canal) Get this aid for (Behind-The-Ear) Get this aid for $1,850 each mini-BTE (Invisible-in-Canal) Get this aid for $2,300 each $1,850 each IIC BTE (Behind-The-Ear) Get this aid for $1,250 each $1,500 each Muse iQ Rechargeable Get this aid for $2,400 each Call for your consultation this week and your in-office trial is included, FREE of charge! It’s Time to Bring In The Talk, and Screen Out The Noise! Hearing aids don’t just turn up the volume, in fact amplifying all sounds equally will cause listening discomfort and confusion. The technology within Starkey’s newest hearing aids stimulates only the parts of your hearing that have been damaged. This leaves any normal hearing un-amplified, allowing you to hear more clearly without the struggle. Best of all, at Flex Audiology your hearing prescription is set as you watch and listen. You will notice immediate before and after results. Call for your no-cost or obligation appointment today! Hurry, this event ends this Friday! Call today (812) 721-0309 Visit www.FlexAud.com for more info, hearing aid pricing, or to read our patients’ reviews. Erica Person, Au.D., CCC-A Doctor of Audiology 401 W Eads Parkway Ste 410 Lawrenceburg, IN 47025 (812) 721-0309 www.FlexAud.com LIMITED TIME OFFER FREE 2 Week Test Drive on select models Hurry, this limited time offer expires 8/31/2019 *Consultation does not include comprehensive audiometric exam. Most major insurances accepted to cover hearing exam. Offers cannot be combined with other offers or previous purchases. THE BEACON - Bringing our Community and Businesses Together.
September 2019 THE BEACON Page 9A B right The Bright Fire Dept. took some time from the festival events to participate in the annual parade. ParadeDeputy Jacob Bunner, Sgt. Kenny McAllister, Deputy Zach Compton, Deputy T.J. Pendergast, Major Jon Evans and Chief Deputy Max Socks took time to be a part of Bright’s celebration. These E.C. Trojan sixth grade cheer squad members, coached by Brandy Hotze, were all smiles at the parade. Patty Riebsomer was all smiles representing George’s Pharmacy. Susan Carson and Rhonda Trabel were all smiles on the Beacon float in the parade. Bob Sommer enjoyed a few moments of great weather before the parade festivities began. Toni and Riley Minning from Casey’s Outdoor Solutions enjoy a celebratory moment after the parade. The Bright Parade was another great success this year! The BEACON was well represented by several correspondents and veterans. The day was not without surpriseswhen Doris Butt, the writer of The Good Old Days, arrived, two veterans happily shared that she had been their elementary teacher long ago! Small world. Thanks to all who make this event a wonderful tradition. Especially the Littles, the Lutz family, and the Blazdels for their tireless efforts. Laura Keller, a community correspondent, brought her son, Ben, to the event. Doris Butt with Veterans Ray Rodmaker (sixth grade student), Fred Lester, Marty Sizemore (fourth grade student), and George Richards. Ruth Ann Little, Bob Waples, Dave Mazler, Tina Hallas, Norma Branigan, and Ed Hendron rode on the Bright Lions float. Elise Hofer represented the royalty of the event. Linda, Nick, and Merrill Hutchinson of Rock Solid Families. John Hawley, the writer of In the Garden, was joined by his wife Jamie Council member Tim Doll was accompanied by his adorable daughter, Alli. SHOP LOCAL and tell our advertisers you saw their ads in The BEACON!
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