“Confirmationbias occursfrom the directinfluenceof desireon beliefs.When peoplewould like acertain ideaor conceptto be true,they end upbelieving it tobe true. Theyare motivatedby wishfulthinking. Thiserror leads theindividual tostop gatheringinformationwhen theevidencegathered sofar confirmsthe views orprejudicesone would liketo be true.Once we haveformed a view,we embraceinformationthat confirmsthat viewwhile ignoring,or rejecting,informationthat castsdoubt on it.”Source:Psychology Today,psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sciencechoice/201504/what-is-confirmationbiasTwo Ears/One MouthBY AMY PAIGE CONDONTo actually get better atconversation, we have tomaster those ‘soft skills’In Dare to Lead: Brave Work,Tough Conversations, WholeHearts, author Brené Brownwrites, “People are opting outof vital conversations about diversityand inclusivity becausethey fear looking wrong, sayingsomething wrong, or beingwrong. Choosing your owncomfort over hard conversationsis the epitome of privilege, andit corrodes trust and moves usaway from meaningful and lastingchange.”So, how do we get better atthose tough conversations?According to Celeste Headlee,former host of GPB’s On SecondThought and author of We Needto Talk: How to Have ConversationsThat Matter, we need to listenmore and talk less.“Long before the smartphone,human beings were crappy listeners,”she says, pointing outthat people often recall only 50percent of what they hear. “Weare better communicators andcollaborators than the world hasever known, yet we choose notto do it.”Part of the problem, she says,is that we do not lionize goodlisteners. “We tend to admirepeople who stand their ground– and people who stand theirground, they are not listening.”Headlee leans on science forunderstanding this quirk – eventhough we were given two earsto our one mouth. Because verbaland audio functions takeplace in different parts of thebrain, she says, we need to focusmore intentionally on listeningWhen we don’tknow whatto say or feeluncomfortable,‘ask questionsand let the otherperson talk.Don’t rush to fillthe voids.’to have deeper conversations.We can accomplish this feat byboth “listening to hear ratherthan respond” and overcominga propensity for confirmationbias steeped in partisanship andjudgment.“Smarter people are moreprone to be influenced by theirbias than others,” she admits.“You assume you are not. Youassume that you know what theperson is about to say. Whenyou are smart, and you have lotsof interesting things to say, youwant to share what you know.”Having knowledge at our fingertipsin the form of portablecomputers has only exacerbatedour innately poor communicationskills. Search engines createa “knowledge illusion” thatmakes people think they aresmarter than they really are, andpeople who rely on social mediaand quick searches tend to reinforcetheir own opinions ratherthan being open to facts and newinformation. And, texting is notyour friend. “You cannot leadthrough email,” she warns. “Weare not designed as animals toget physiological benefits from atext or Facebook message.”But, says Headlee, we have abiological superpower that canhelp us break through the noise:the ability to forge empatheticbonds. “This is our fail-safeagainst confirmation bias.”Sharing our stories face-toface,with honesty about whatwe don’t know and owning ourmistakes allows peoples’ brainwavesto sync.“We create mind-melds,”Headlee enthuses. “Hearingother people’s voices allow usto recognize their humanity. Inthe end, people are transformedby listening and being heard. Itbecomes self-reinforcing. Yourbody, your brain have better results.”22 BEACON
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