Angelus News | December 20, 2019 | Vol. 4 No. 43

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‘Something we wish we had’ Does renewed nostalgia for a figure like Mr. Rogers reflect our longing for a truly healthier culture? BY KATHRYN JEAN LOPEZ / ANGELUS Fred Rogers visits with children in a scene from the documentary “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” Tom Hanks has brought the beloved Fred Rogers to major motion picture screens this holiday season. What is it about his tenderness we seem to long for? What is it about his model for caring for children and one another that we need to recapture? Erica Komisar is a psychoanalyst in New York City and author of “Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters.” In recent weeks, she’s written powerfully about Fred Rogers, political correctness, and the faith of children as a columnist for the Wall Street Journal. Angelus contributing editor Kathryn Jean Lopez asked her some questions about parenting, nostalgia, and what our renewed interest in Mr. Rogers in 2019 might promise for the future. Erica Komisar © SHARON SCHUSTER Kathryn Jean Lopez: In your op-ed for the Wall Street Journal on Fred Rogers and children, you wrote, “Rogers rejected the old-fashioned idea that children are to be seen and not heard. He believed adults should lead them with love and understanding, not fear and punishment. Children are delicate human beings, emotionally sensitive and neurologically fragile. To develop emotional and mental health, they need respect and tenderness — the freedom to express all their feelings and the security of being acknowledged by the adults who care for them.” How can we ever restore/renew/create (Which is it? All of the above?) a culture where children are considered treasures? Erica Komisar: It would be incorrect 18 • ANGELUS • December 20, 2019
to say that the past is something to idealize in terms of parenting. Many mothers did stay home, fathers and mothers attended their children’s sports events and there was more of a physical presence of family in children’s lives in the past. However, there was also a great deal of emotional insensitivity, repression of emotion, and treating children as if they were to be seen and not heard. Parents did not necessarily value children as separate individuals who had a great deal to offer. Fred Rogers became a model for sensitivity and empathy toward children at a time when parents were still spanking children and not engaging them emotionally or valuing their individual voices. CATHOLIC NEWS SERVICE/JIM JUDKIS, FOCUS FEATURES The new model is one of not just loving our children, but understanding them; not just spending more time with them physically, but showing up emotionally; valuing what they feel and what they say; showing interest in them as people not just for what they achieve. So we are, in fact, creating a new model of parenting. Lopez: What is behind our Mr. Rogers nostalgia? Is it some widespread desire for a time when we had some basic agreement on some fundamentals when it comes to gender, identity, purpose, even common decency? Komisar: Nostalgia over Fred Rogers is really recognition of his incredible contribution to parenting and child development and our understanding of how to raise healthy children. He was really the first public figure to respect children and childhood and to connect the way we treat our children to their mental health and personality development. I think many adults are longing for and wishing they had parents who were as emotionally attuned and sensitive as Mr. Rogers. There is so much pain in adults due to insensitivity and neglect in their own childhood. Nostalgia is not necessarily wishing for something we had, rather something we wish we had and never had. Lopez: How can Mr. Rogers help us, besides teaching us to slow down and be kinder? Is there some kind of transformational shift that is begging to happen? Komisar: Mr. Rogers advocated kindness and empathy toward all human beings. He was a minister as well as a TV personality. His goal was to get adults to recognize that we are all valuable and lovable in the eyes of God. Children do not need to do anything special or achieve great things to be valuable or loved. This is a message that we need desperately today. Lopez: I’m guessing you did not title your other recent Wall Street Journal piece “Don’t Believe in God? Lie to Your Children.” But what is it about faking it that you want to relay as a parental responsibility? Komisar: No, you are correct, I did not give my piece its title. However, I do say in the piece, if you do not believe in God or heaven, you have to come up with a believable story to reassure your children. That is a white lie if you do not believe in God and heaven. But, from a child development perspective, children cannot cope with the finality of death. It is far too frightening to tell your young child that they are dust when they die. They need to have hope and a belief that loss is not final. Without that hope, they may become frightened and anxious about the future and ultimate losses. For believers it is not lying. But for nonbelievers it is a white lie, which protects the fragile psyches of their children and perhaps encourages them to rethink their own beliefs. Lopez: Why is faith so important to children, family life and, we often read, even our health? Komisar: Faith or belief in magical things we cannot see or touch is important to children. From early childhood, imagination and imaginary play is a way that children work through their conflicts and cope with frustration and loss. Fantasy is critical for social emotional development. Faith or belief in a nurturing, loving God or higher power who you can turn to in hard times helps children to cope with adversity and loneliness. Think of it as a nurturing parental support that you can summon up anytime and anywhere you may need it. The ability to reach inside and find that source of strength and security is supportive in hard times, and we all have hard times. Faith also provides children with hope and a path forward in a stressful and sometimes overwhelming and competitive world. Hope is not something we can see or touch. It is not something tangible or concrete. Like the belief in God and heaven it is something that helps us to go on and look forward, to be optimistic about the future. Lopez: Is there something you would like faith communities to appreciate about this more? About how they present themselves as communities and individuals? Komisar: Parents are models for December 20, 2019 • ANGELUS • 19
Page 1 and 2: ANGELUS THE CASE for the CRÈCHE De
Page 3 and 4: ON THE COVER Pope Francis visits th
Page 5 and 6: NEW WORLD OF FAITH BY ARCHBISHOP JO
Page 7 and 8: NATION A bishop’s brave revelatio
Page 9 and 10: LA Catholic Events Items for LA Cat
Page 11 and 12: IN EXILE BY FATHER RONALD ROLHEISER
Page 13 and 14: n of the -century utch artist ontho
Page 15 and 16: People dressed as villagers from an
Page 17 and 18: Archbishop José H. Gomez, Auxiliar
Page 19: ROBERT DUNCAN/CATHOLIC NEWS SERVICE
Page 23 and 24: Increase your Faith Journey Through
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Page 27 and 28: wrenching and historically complex.
Page 29 and 30: And the bigger the numbers, the les
Page 31: Los Angeles. Heather King’s artic

Angelus News | December 20, 2019 | Vol. 4 No. 43

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