NO more relationships with 'girls next door'!; - after TWO in the 'Priory Street Posse'!

NO more relationships
with ‘girls next door’ –
after TWO in the ‘Priory
Street Posse’
‘True Love Reigns’ after another break lasting
many years. With a truly slow, dreamy, so ROMANTIC
love affair with “ma (Menopausal) Grandma Julia
Conyard next door”…
With her equally unmissable and unforgettable
wayward foster daughter Rachel Conyard-Whorewould!
From 7/7/7 – with a whole sixteen month timeout
surrounding all of 2008 - right up to about 9/9/9…
The fifth part of his autobiography, covering
2007 into 2009 with the theme “With Doctors
like these, who needs Enemies?”
FOURFold il Professori Emeritus sed moltissimo
Modestus Mr Simon Richard ‘Pilchard’ Day Lee
BA MA (Cambridge) CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC
Electric Zen Buddha
(as on Face Book)

There is really no such thing as scientific
proof, only proof in maths (amounts) and
logic (qualities).
Rule ONE of both is that NOBODY CAN
PROVE A NEGATIVE E.G. THAT GOD CANNOT
EXIST! THEREFORE GOD DEFINITELY
EXISTS - BY PROOF!
Truth, trust, joy, peace and love follow the
Still Small Voice of Calm as Day Follows
Night!

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted
in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,
photocopy, recording or otherwise, without prior
permission of the copyright owner.
This book is dedicated to my lovely daughter Jeni – and
to its subject Julie my former neighbour and lover, of
course!
As in the rest of this series “With Doctors like these,
who needs Enemies?” many of the names have been
changed – to protect the guilty!!!
First Edition – Spring 2007
Proofread for the first time properly and abridged
December 2010
Final proofreading – Easter 2012
Fourth Edition – Amazon Version – September
2018
Fifth Edition – January 2020 – with ‘Manifesto:
Abolish all Money!’ as introductory ‘piece’…

Copyright © 2007-2020 FOURFold il Professori Emeritus sed
Moltissimo Modestus Mr Simon Richard Lee
BA MA (King’s College Cambridge England)
CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC
Sunday 19 th January 2020. 19/1/20/20 – Second ‘ANTI
9/11 Day’ following ‘1111/9’ i.e. 11 th January 2019
TRAGICALLY SIMON RICHARD LEE HAS NOW FINALLY
PASSED ON A PAUPER…
ISBN 9798600726390
His work is being continued by: -
daddiesforjustice@gmail.com
www.yumpu.com (FREE - IN FULL as a lovely 3D flip
book!)
Available to buy at a very good price at: -
Most Amazon sites: - www.amazon.com
www.amazon.co.uk etc. etc.
Take a long hard look on Face Book at
‘Electric Zen Buddha’
(www.facebook.com/ElectricZenBuddha/ -
‘Si Li’ is Professor Lee’s main reviewer)

Manifesto: -
Abolish All Money
• Make everything in the world all FREE
• The Machine especially now tranSiStorS is
‘The Beast 666’…
• Census all machines especially computers
• License all machines especially computers
FOURFold il Professori
Emeritus Simon Richard Lee
BA, MA (King’s College, Cambridge, England, in
Physics, Maths, Chemistry, Biology and Computer
Science) CEng, MIEE, MIET, MinstMC. Full Kensho
Enlightenment 2014-2020 is The Cream on the Cake!
Long career in computer, instrument and
control system bare-bones design and installation
engineering; now book writing & Website Promotion.
Electric Zen Buddha (as on Face Book)
Allah === JHWH God === ALpha&OmegAH!

There is really no such thing as
scientific proof, only proof in maths
(amounts) and logic (qualities).
Rule ONE of both is that NOBODY
CAN PROVE A NEGATIVE E.G. THAT
GOD CANNOT EXIST! THEREFORE
GOD DEFINITELY EXISTS - BY
PROOF!
Truth, trust, joy, peace and love
follow the Still Small Voice of Calm
as Day Follows Night!

ISBN 9798651552566
Copyright © Mr il Professori Emeritus FOURFold
Simon Richard Lee BA MA (King’s College Cambridge
England)
CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC
Saint George’s Day, Tuesday 23 rd April 2019
It has been exactly forty days and nights since the
26 th Anniversary of Simon Richard Lee’s Baptism of
the Holy Spirit at 8.42pm 16 th March 1994.
TRAGICALLY SIMON RICHARD LEE HAS NOW
FINALLY PASSED ON A PAUPER…
Simon Richard Lee’s work is being continued by
daddiesforjustice@gmail.com
www.yumpu.com (FREE - IN FULL as a lovely
3D flip book!)
Available to buy at a very good price at: -
Most Amazon sites: - www.amazon.com
www.amazon.co.uk etc. etc. …. ….

INTRODUCTION
11 th January 2019
The Momentous Biblical ‘Sign of the Son of Man – the
ARCHANGEL’ 1 st -2 nd January 2019 AD has led exactly 11
days after the Old Moon at the very Witching Hour on
New Year’s Morning, to THE VERY POLAR SPIRITUALLY
OPPOSITE DATE ‘11/1/19’ or ‘1111/9’ ie ‘1111/3x3’ - to
one of the most notorious dates in the whole of (mostly
recent) history – ‘9/11’ or 11 th September 2001!
Especially in terms of utter financial instability, yet more even
worse global violence, aggressive posturing and equally ever
mounting world warfare. Meanwhile a huge and very evil
campaign at vast expense has been underway by very weird
‘people’ to make The Notorious Beast 666 or The Machine
totally dominant and supreme over us ‘mere’ humans!
The interpretation of this incredible date is that it marks the
beginning of the very rapid ‘twinkling of an eye’ imminent END
of the very many abominable years since ‘9/11’ round the world
in most respects, getting steadily ever worse. New Year 2019
was the Start of the Age of Aquarius!
Will an ideal world soon ‘in the twinkling of an eye suddenly
emerge like the Utopia described in my own book ‘Manifesto :
Abolish All Money!’ as at both sites
www.maam.org.uk
www.abolish-all-money.org
Even more astonishing – will we be able to talk freely AND
them talk back, to the ‘elendila’ of this New Heavens and New
Earth as predicted in the very last chapter of the Bible – Angels,
other unseen Spirit Beings, and animals and even plants?
1

The Jehovah’s Witnesses and some other spiritual groups
actually fully anticipate and predict this miraculous Ideal New
Word – like ‘Narnia’!
The odds against an absolutely pristine perfectly formed for just
once ever, Islamic Symbol in The Heavens AT JEWISH and
CHRISTIAN NEW YEAR, as on 2 nd January 2019, as it is
normally irregular even though always visible in the South
Eastern sky apart from cloud cover, are absolutely infinite –
this has NEVER happened ever before!
The strange date that has immediately followed just 11 days
later is equally stupendous as it is MASSIVELY symbolic that
right this day is incredibly powerful spiritually. For it marks the
imminent start of a really quite short sharp Global Spiritual
Crisis – the BATTLE OF ARMAGEDDON.
For thousands of years the world has been spiritually
dominated by a brutally simplistic and misleading such battle of
alleged only ‘Good versus Evil’. However BOTH ‘sides’ in this
are based on the totally misleading notion that their basic
principle is a so called ‘Trinity’ of three HEADS. Most adherents
of Christian style sects and Churches are taught that the very
‘Key Saving Phrase’ of their religion is ‘God the Father, God the
Son and God the Holy Ghost’ even though the word ‘(Holy)
Trinity’ they use to describe this really very weird all-male
three-member ‘Godhead’ IS NOT MENTIONED once IN THEIR
PRE-EMINENT HOLY BOOK, THE BIBLE!
As also discussed at length in my book ‘This is the Dawning of
the Time of the End’, the ‘godhead of the OPPOSING “Evil”
SIDE’ is ALSO a Trinity – called Mephistopheles, with three
daemonic heads called Satan, Lucifer and Be’Elzebub (or
Be’Elzebabl).
Yet the ‘Name of God’ as in the Old Testament of the Bible is
‘JHWH’ or ‘I am (that) I am’; obviously with FOUR not THREE
components – which my extensive research reveals very
conclusively overleaf can be summarised by a DIAGRAM
showing just what the prophet EZEKIEL saw in his incredible
2

Vision of the Nature of God in chapter one of his book in the
Old Testament in The Bible.
This Vision can be seen indeed to show the CHRISTIAN ‘God the
Father (the very Spirit of Good and His and Our Lady
Goodness); God the Son (Jesus Christ – the very Meaning of
Life) and God the Holy Ghost (FATHER TIME, especially THE
PAST but with two other whole vast ‘dimensions’ – ‘THE
PRESENT and THE FUTURE’. COMPLICATED BY AN OVERALL
fourth DIMENSION OF TIME – ITS ‘SHELL OR COSMIC EGG’ ..
!!!)
However, IN ADDITION these three MALE DEITIES (the
Christian Trinity, mysteriously that word ‘Trinity’ is NOT
MENTIONED in ANY BIBLE or THE KORAN or ANY HOLY BOOK
except Freemason ones … … !!!) hide, protect and shield at
their centre…
The EIGHT-FOLD (not TRIUNE AS THE Occult ONLY CLAIM
WRONGLY … !) GODDESS of THE HOLY SPIRIT, the FEMALE
Fourth Member of the Divine QUARTET TEAM!!!
Comprised of the THREE Mary’s who were crucified at the foot
of Jesus Christ’s Cross AFTER Him – the VERY MECHANISM of
HOW ALL THREE ‘ASSUMED’ TO BE ‘Queens of Heaven’ AT
ONCE, NOT JUST MARY JESUS’ MOTHER, TOTALLY UNLIKE THE
ROUTINE RITUALISTIC CATHOLIC MYTH AGAIN ALSO NOT IN
THE BIBLE OR THE KORAN!!!
The EIGHT in the COMPLETE team (as in the book of Revelation
at the very end of the Christian Bible) are: -
The above THREE Mary’s (THE actual TRIUNE GODDESS of the
OCCULT!); next Sophia (or Athena or Wisdom) - The Counsellor
of the SUPREME LORD GOD ‘ALLAH’ OR ‘GOOD’ (the word
‘God’ in Anglo-Saxon ALSO means just ‘good’!) …
WITH ALLAH-SHAH === OUR LADY === HIS LADY
WIFE(s) === GOOD-NESS!
{The Loch ‘-Ness’ Monster(s) gets a nod here!}
3

Along with ‘twins’ Ariel, the Spirit of the Air and the Heavens;
and Gaia the Earth Mother… Operative numerological numbers
222-7 AND 222-2 – identities still hidden at present – to protect
them till the very safe end!!!
Myself, MICHAEL (ALSO given ALL these OTHER
SPIRITUAL NAMES by OUR LADY(ies) === Stephen
Nicholas ‘Pilchard’ ‘Wencheslad’ or SANTA CLAUS!!!) as in
Revelation Chapter 10-14 … … !!!
I was born at 1:06am on 30 th March 1957 …
remember myself – so Mum told me!
I still cannot
Was it GMT or BST? I still don’t know myself, it was all rather
confusing at 30/03/5+7=1+2=3 (3/3/3!!!)
What with rock’n’roll emerging from LOVELY BLACK MUSIC
– JAZZ AND R’n’B … AT THE SAME INSTANT … … !!!!!!!
Typical Aries? Yes, head and brain so huge I fitted an adult 8½
size hat at birth, obviously needing surgery for unfortunate
Mum – a very painful episiotomy!
Head and body size comically equal in earliest portrait photos,
HUGE head - made acceptable by a lovely baby’s smile. I was
exactly three months old, on 30 th June, 1957; when I was
baptized at DURSLEY Tabernacle in Gloucestershire. Yes, JK
Rowling!
MUM (1 st July 1931 – 26 th August 2007) – died from her star
sign of cancer, or so the lies went. No, involuntary euthanasia
is MURDER, especially by SIMPLY JEALOUS CUNNINGSTUNT
DOCTOR-ER’s on the bleak TENTH floor of hideously clinical and
cold Godhelpusall ‘University College Hospital, London’…
With equally EVIL MACMILLAN CANCER NURSES as their
INSTRUMENT IN INJECTING MUM WITH A vast SYRINGE OF
UNDILUTED POISON…
4

Before shooing the grieving, confused family, mostly from a
vigil apart from me, recovering from hospital yet again myself;
out of her death bed room – actually murder scene!
So more weird numerology, JK Rowling, by Planny Plotter here
– or is it REALLY just as comical ‘Life of Simon’???
Or is it as ALL numerology, my and my family’s weird story?
For on the EVE of her 26 th BIRTHDAY ON 1 st July 1957,
PRECISELY 26 weeks from the start AND the end of the year
Mum and the family had me baptized…
As her soon to become eldest son after first my brother Jeremy
arrived to utterly torment me from day #1 (16 th January 1959
– as carefully ‘family planned by Mum’ as a top ward manager,
since my birth specializing in birth control for the entire
Welwyn-Hatfield area – specializing in HELPING ALL THE POOR
CATHOLIC FATHERS ‘BYPASS THE ANCIENT DECREPIT
POPES’!!!; as her final offspring, my sister Libby or Elisabeth.
She was born 22 nd February 1961 – a typical ‘Cusp of Pisces’
type totally disorganized so domineering to compensate type!)
My brother, who I have never really EVER even got to know at
all, kept on ferocious abuse and torment in ‘very naughty a way
indeed’ by systematically destroying all my beautiful creations
in ‘lego’, ‘meccano’ and ‘plasticine’…
I already showed incredible patience and forbearance (I think
my brother actually TRAINED me in these attributes by his
appalling behavior. For I just doggedly rebuilt everything he
kept on smashing up giggling, only striking him in eventual
anger after about the fifth or even eighth act of utter
destruction by Jeremy the wicked vandal of all my endless hard
work rebuilding my wonderful masterpieces over and over
again. So I was up against sheer jealousy from age two or
even younger in my life…!!!)
As a DEFINITE VIRGIN AT THE ALTAR (Dad was her only ever
boyfriend – they met while both school kids at DURSLEY
Grammar school, Gloucestershire (JK Rowling!) and fell in love
just after puberty!
5

How romantic, compared to my own extremely patchy love life,
yet typical of most men by my current age of about 62, of
ABOUT EIGHT REAL LOVE AFFAIRS BEFORE AND AFTER one
absolutely treacherous wife!
Who was in a conspiracy with ALL THE FREEMASONS INVOLVED
(INCLUDING MY OWN SOLICITOR AND HER OWN MASONIC
FAMILY SIMPLY SAID TO HER ‘HE JUST HAS TO GO’ AND SHE
FOLLOWED LIKE A SHEEP!)
TO QUITE ILLEGALLY, DIVORCE ME WITHOUT ALLOWING ME
ANY DEFENCE WHATSOEVER!
ANY PERSON’S FIRST RIGHT UNDER THE LAW WAS TOTALLY
AND UTTERLY DENIED TO ME BY THIS CONSPIRACY OF HER
MASONIC FAMILY AND ALL THE EQUALLY MASONIC LAWYERS –
AND IN MY CASE MASONIC DOCTOR-ERS!
INVOLVED IN UTTERLY STRIPPING ME AND MAKING ME
DESTITUTE OF ALL MY PREVIOUS CONSIDERABLE WEALTH,
JUST SO SHE COULD GET A PARTNERSHIP SO MAKE HER
SINCE INCREDIBLY MASSIVE FORTUNE BY BUYING A
PARTNERSHIP AS A VET … ! ALL WITH MY NOT HER OWN
SAVINGS AS SHE HAD NOTHING ON JUST £6,000 A YEAR AS
JUST A ‘MINION VET’!
SHE EVEN MADE ME TOTALLY HOMELESS IN THIS TOTALLY
ILLEGAL DIVORCE - SHE HATED ME SO MUCH OVER A PACK OF
LIES AS CHARGES … !!!
For at 6’2” I am the world’s gentlest giant, the world’s gentlest
“womens’ and childrens’ man” EVER – for I have never
seriously STRUCK anybody (after Jeremy my brother as a
toddler – then in despair…)
NO SENTIENT CREATURES EITHER only even - just a few
harassing WASPS in my entire life! Despite spending most of
that tormented time constantly being provoked by extremely
violent people, especially of course men – almost always for 26
years now, locked up in British Prison Godhelpusalls!
6

I am as you can tell, a ‘simplistic not a Simple Simon type’…
‘Pere Anglestein’! The Chief MALE Archangel (the ONLY – VERY
alpha – male in the team otherwise of SEVEN as in the BOOK
OF REVELATION!) and above all my ALSO assumed MUM,
the Greatest NURSE EVER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!
Her unbelievably PERFECT MEMORY let her manage THE
ENTIRE UNIVERSITY OF HERTFORDSHIRE MEDICAL CENTRE
with no TYPING OR EVEN notes (SHE COULD NOT TYPE … !!!)
YET SHE KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT A ‘tiny ward’ of about
100,000 staff and students across a large county. AMAZINGLY,
with utter INTEGRITY ALWAYS about their CONFIDENTIALITY!!!
THE MACMILLAN CANCER DOCTORS AND NURSES murdered
my MUM with INVOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA when she just had a
VIRUS … !!!
They KNEW her breast cancer was nearly over, just with tiny
more treatment… THEY KILLED HER OUT OF THAT ANCIENT
ULTIMATE FOE OF US BOTH WITH THESE ‘doctor-ers’ especially
‘CUNNINGSTUNTS’ OR ‘CONSULTANTS’ … … !!!
IN ONE WORD – JEALOUSY!!!
7

This worst MURDER EVER by MACMILLAN DOCTORS AND
NURSES of somebody ABOUT TO RECOVER FROM BREAST
CANCER – merely secured MUM’s ASSUMPTION TO BECOME
THE ARCHANGEL GABRIEL ON HER DEATH ON 24 th August
2007!
The female HERALD or SPOKES-PERSON of this INCREDIBLE
team === GABRIEL, FAIRY GOD - MOTHER OF GOD - as men
cannot give birth!
The True Supreme God(dess)… a WOMAN!
‘Vengeance is a sweet dish, best served up ICY COLD!’ –
SPECIAL FORCES ROUND THE WORLD MOTTO, originally from
the BRITISH SAS AND SBS!
YET ‘VENGEANCE IS MINE, SAITH THE LORD!’ …
… THE CREDIT CRUNCH HAPPENED immediately …
In that SAME AUTUMN – WITHIN A WEEK OF HER MOST
TREACHEROUS EVER AND MOST VICIOUS AND APPALLING
MURDER – BY ‘PROFESSIONAL’ COLLEAGUES – HER OWN PEER
GROUP!!!
8

More weird ‘Numerology’ – 11 th January 2019
So now I am in a position to explain the profoundly deep
symbolism of today’s date 1111/9 i.e. 1111/3x3…
It is the very date of the launch of Armageddon in which I hope
to play a very large part indeed by working on my existing
sixteen websites as listed on the next few pages, over the
coming weekend, and re-launching them with completely
revised titles, subtitle and keywords.
For to my amazement shortly after I struggled manfully with
the vast amount of sheer hard work of putting these sixteen
many identical websites up on the Web, Mr Satan i.e. Big
Brother actually instructed Google, Bing, AOL, and MSN, so all
the major search engines, to DESTROY ALL my very many high
ranking search entries!
So the large amount of painstaking work in the next few pages
of documenting all my many very high ranking (page one often
#1 or #2) search entries is totally out of date as NONE of those
high ranking search entries survive!
I am really hoping that this second time around, I once more
get highly successful search rankings that hopefully persist
much longer this time!
I am also launching EIGHT new websites this weekend each
giving FREE the complete text of one each of my EIGHT
volumes of my autobiography:
9

www.free-book-1-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-2-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-3-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-4-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-5-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-6-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-7-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org
www.free-book-8-by-qt-saunders-have-a-good-stare.org
Finally, this edition of my book ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time
of The End’ features some incredible new writing that,
incredible as it may sound, provide a COMPLETE SCIENTIFIC
PROOF OF JUST WHAT THE SECRET OF LIFE IS AND ALSO HOW
IT RELATES TO THE WOMB. Hence I am also launching this
weekend two final 24 th and 25 th sites:-
www.womb-tardis.org
www.tardis-womb.org
The imminent Battle of ARMAGEDDON as according to
everything you read in the Bible will not involve ‘the Messiah of
this 21 st Century’ NOR INDEED ANY ‘Person of Faith’ LIFTING A
FINGER! It is a Spiritual Battle about to be waged by the ‘four
sticks’ (the ‘1111’ as above) traditionally always used in
Spiritual Warfare to Defeat Pure Evil Forces, i.e. JHWH or ‘God
the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost’ AND NOW AT
LAST Gabriel or GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT (OR THE MOTHER OF
GOD).
10

A short sharp ‘twinkling of the eye’ to overturn the tables
completely and eject cruelty, evil and violence from all the
positions of power and authority it clings tenaciously, and
arrogantly and even totally complacently to right now.
With the aid of all the unseen Spirit Beings on the Side of the
Almighty JHWH, to turn the tables and end all injustice and
above all IMPRISONMENT by the Forces of Evil of most of the
Earth’s population – as at present, at worst under false
evidence, in mental hospital without trial, and above all in so
called ‘care homes’ - cruelty centres for VICTIMS!
To imprison and punish them INSTEAD until they are fully
reformed – under a ‘totally reformed Lucifer in a Heavens and
an Earth and no more HELL as it should HAVE BEEN BEFORE
THE GREAT “FALL” IN THE BIBLE’.
Their main ENEMIES are both FALSE RELIGION OF ANY SORT
WHETHER FALSE EVANGELISM (just for money) AND SIMILAR
FALSE ‘FAITHS’. Plus since the Witchcraft Act 1948 in the UK,
increasing hordes of ‘Wicca’ or the increasing billions of
modern witches have completely gone underground and claim
not to exist!
My own massive experience of the Evil sort of Wicca by
comparison to ‘wicca with a small w’ i.e. ordinary people
especially attractive young ‘lovely wicca’ who have never really
done anything wrong; reveals that my own main enemies
among Evil Wicca so the Main Enemies of JHWH AND Good
Wicca are: -
• Bone cracker wicca
• Bald headed (heavily?) tattooed black AND white ‘Niggerwog’
thugs often in NHS and other less supposedly ‘caring’ (by
such YOBS!) jobs – simply to take horrible revenge for their
own justified rough times!
• Bomb making and weapon wielding and abusive and
aggressive Wicca ABOVE ALL in the police, NHS-HS (National
Horrible Stalin Hitler Service) again, and allegedly disciplined
military
• Hard hearted Wicca
11

• The incredibly selfish, arrogant, and complacent Independent
Wicca…
12

Now is the Dawning of
the Time of the End
THE AGE OF AQUARIUS started on Friday 11 th January 2019 or
‘1111/9’ – the very Polar Opposite of ‘9/11’!
“THE Revolution” Right Round the World along with the Age of
Aquarius… To little me falls the unbelievable privilege from Gabriel, that
is Lady Gabriel the WOMAN GOD, to announce full details of this in all
of three books all launched today at www.lulu.com/spotlight/zenbuddha!
Up on The Web high all over the search engines as September 2018 in a
week?
At 3:33 1/3 am - the ‘Witching Hour’ on New Year’s Morning 2019 (Jesus
Christ seemingly died at precisely 3.33 1/3 pm 31 st March 33 AD) there
was a complete Old Moon ‘somewhere’ on the Earth – almost certainly
obscured by clouds.
Then at 8am GMT on Tuesday 2 nd January 2019 briefly through more
cloud appeared the BIBLICAL SIGN of THE SON OF MAN – THE
ARCHANGEL in the South Eastern morning sky.
For an ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY POSITIONED AND PROPORTIONED
Islamic Crescent Moon and Star (the planet Venus) appeared for the only
time ever in history (usually irregular so far from perfect in its ever
presence in the sky).
The moon’s two horns were absolutely perfectly pointed towards the
absolutely perfectly distanced star (planet) FOR THE ONLY TIME EVER!
With the odds against this INCREDIBLE SIGN IN THE HEAVENS VASTLY
MORE IMPORTANT EVEN THAN THE STAR OF BETHLEHEM starting to be
made manifest on Christian and Jewish New Year’s Night being vastly
higher than any lottery…!
The Archangel Michael, In Person on behalf of The Archangel
Gabriel In Person – The Mother of God Herself or GOD THE
WOMAN!
13

14

“The Pudding is in the PROOF”
Sunday 16 th September 2018
The ‘24½ th Anniversary’ of my Baptism of the Holy Spirit
in Loughborough, Black Country, 8.42pm GMT on 16 th
March 1994.
I am no longer just ‘Number One -#1- on Google’ (and most search engines in the
world!) for ‘top of page one search results’ for years. Searches - abolish all money,
abolish machines, abolish all cash, as over.
As of today, I have gone much further – and may well be ‘World #1 of #1 search entries’
– at least for being the Webmaster with most entries, many #1, for my sixteen web sites
on page #1 of the search results.
This is not only on Google, but also all the other four major search engines, Bing, MSN,
Yahoo and AOL – so search engines of the World.
Overleaf I show how this has suddenly become true!
I list overleaf all sixteen websites I have launched by today; three of these mostly for
Fraulein Doktor Ima Patience Whistle-Blower.
With all the ‘page one, especially #1 on page #1’, search engine results for the ‘Big Five’
search engines in the world, as above, which most lesser engines copy.
Achieving this on a ‘zero budget’ using experience, wisdom, and long hard work,
NOT money, has cost me only well under £300 for my all of sixteen leading websites
for a year!
15

Simon Lee’s Micro Website Search Engine with
Search Results – his 16 Websites
I. My ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money’ Book – GIVEN IN FULL
Abolish All Money/Cash. Census Machines!
Machines NB computers and tranSiStorS are The Beast 666! Census or abolish
them and all their Root of All Evil Money!
www.abolish-all-money.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google abolish all money #7
#1 #2 #6 #8 Adverts on page #1! There is also an advert opposite entry #1 on page
#1 for the book contained in these two websites on this page, by my supposed publisher,
Lulu Inc., who have been selling dozens of book titles of mine for over 10 years with
hardly any royalties paid to me at all, not $1,000’s as should be! I have soon got an
Almighty fraud case against them by actionfraud.police.uk !
abolish machines #5 abolish all machines #2
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
abolish all money #2 #3 #4 - Adverts for the book of these two websites
Manifesto: Abolish All Money/Cash and most machines!
Machines nb computers and tranSiStorS are The Beast 666! Census or simply
abolish them and all their Root of All Evil Money!
www.maam.org.uk
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google abolish all money #4
Advert opposite entry #1 on page #1 for the book contained in these two websites on
this page, by my supposed publisher, Lulu Inc., who have been selling dozens of book
titles of mine for over 10 years with hardly any royalties paid to me at all, not $1,000’s
as should be! I have soon got an Almighty fraud case against them by
actionfraud.police.uk !
abolish machines #1 abolish all machines #1
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
abolish all money #2 #3 #4 - Adverts for the book of these two websites
abolish all machines #1
16

II. My book ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End’ – scientific, and
science and religion, searches all for the same book WHICH IS GIVEN IN
FULL ON ALL THESE WEB SITES: -
Full logical common sense scientific proof God exists!
Space IS 8D NOT 3D... Beast 666=tranSiStorS=ALL MACHINES...
JHWH=ALLAH=ALL(pha-Omeg)AH... Proof God, Real Science, Multi Faith,
Religions!
www.silee.me.uk
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
Submitted as long ago as Wednesday 15 th August 2018 – but STILL not indexed so
appears nowhere in Google search results! Come ON Google!
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
Submitted 15 th August 2018 – but all their search entries soon vanished!
My titles and whole website seem to indeed be TOO SUPERB A COMPLETE
PROOF for Google and Bing – so MSN/Yahoo/AOL - to index - so advertise this
website! This seems to clearly be MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and
CENSORSHIP by Google and Bing – and so MSN, Yahoo, and AOL…!!!
PROOF space EIGHT 8 not three 3 dimensional dimensions!
Holy Spirit=TIME!
TIME=MALE Holy Ghost! Lord/OUR LADY God=MAIN Spirit Beings Good and
Goodness! Holy SPIRIT=8-in-4-in-1 FEMALE Triune Goddess!
www.srlee.me.uk
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
space EIGHT not three dimensions #2 proof space 8 dimensions not 3 #1
space EIGHT dimensions not three #2
proof space 8 not 3 dimensions #1
proof space EIGHT not three dimensions #1
proof space 8 not 3 dimensions #1
proof space EIGHT not three dimensional #1
space EIGHT not three dimensional #10 space 8 not 3 dimensional #5
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
space EIGHT not three dimensions #2 space 8 not 3 dimensions #5
space Eight dimensions not three #3 space 8 dimensions not 3 #8
space EIGHT not three dimensional #1 space 8 not 3 dimensional #1
space Eight dimensional not three #3 space 8 dimensional not 3 #2
Census BEAST 666=THE MACHINE – 1948-2018=tranSiStorS
Space IS 8D NOT 3D... Beast 666=tranSiStorS=ALL MACHINES...
JHWH=ALLAH=ALL(pha-Omeg)AH... Proof God, Real Science, Multi Faith,
Religions!
www.beast-666-the-machine-1948-2018-transistors.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
census beast 666 the machine #1 beast 666 the machine #3
beast 666 transistors #1 #3
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
census beast 666 the machine #1 beast 666 transistors #1
17

Charles Darwin DISPROVED HIS OWN Theory of evolution/
natural selection!
Space IS 8D NOT 3D... Beast 666=tranSiStorS=ALL MACHINES...
JHWH=ALLAH=ALL(pha-Omeg)AH... Proof God, Real Science, Multi Faith,
Religions!
www.charles-darwin-disproved-his-own-theory-evolution.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
NOTHING in search results from Google despite allegedly indexing this site! Come ON
Google!
My titles and whole website seem to indeed be TOO SUPERB A COMPLETE
DISPROOF for Google to index - so advertise this website! This seems to clearly
be MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and CENSORSHIP AGAIN by Google…!!!
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
charles darwin disproved his own theory natural selection #2
charles darwin disproved his own theory evolution #1
charles darwin disproved theory natural selection #2
charles darwin disproved theory evolution #2
Matter is a pure DELUSION - everything is WAVES!
The late Professor Milo Wolff was a principal Founder of the New Physics
Movement after 'impossibly' he COMPLETELY solved Schroedinger's Wave
Equation in 1988 100 years after its invention!
www.matter-pure-delusion-everything-is-waves.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
matter delusion everything waves #1 matter is pure delusion #1
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
matter delusion everything waves #1 matter is pure delusion #1
Matter and wave-particle duality ARE DELUSIONS! Only
WAVE energy exists!
The late Professor Milo Wolff was a principal Founder of the New Physics
Movement after 'impossibly' he COMPLETELY solved Schroedinger's Wave
Equation in 1988 100 years after its invention!
www.matter-wave-particle-duality-delusions-only-wave-energy.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
Wave particle duality delusion #3 matter wave particle duality delusions #2
matter delusion only wave energy #1
wave particle duality delusion only wave energy #1
matter and wave particle duality delusions only wave energy #1
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
Wave particle duality delusion #1 matter wave particle duality delusions #2
matter delusion only wave energy #1
wave particle duality delusion only wave energy #2
matter and wave particle duality delusions only wave energy #1
Jesus Christ, ULTIMATE Meaning of Life, helps rule the Universe
ALL Good Angels sing their 'Dawning of the Age of Aquarius' or Freedom Song:-
18

of Love, Peace, Joy, Truth, Reason, Experience, Enlightenment!
www.proof-jesus-christ-helps-rule-the-universe.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
I am still awaiting indexing by Googlebot of this website. Come ON Google!
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
Not indexed! Come ON Bing!
My titles and whole website seem to indeed be TOO SUPERB A COMPLETE
PROOF for Google and Bing – so MSN/Yahoo/AOL - to index - so advertise this
website! This seems to clearly be MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and
CENSORSHIP by Google and Bing – and so MSN, Yahoo, and AOL…!!!
PROOF of Karma Consciousness=matter a delusion! Hare Krishna!
The late Professor Milo Wolff was a principal Founder of the New Physics
Movement after 'impossibly' he COMPLETELY solved Schroedinger's Wave
Equation in 1988 100 years after its invention!
www.proof-karma-consciousness-matter-delusion-hare-krishna.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
proof karma consciousness #1 proof karma consciousness matter #1
proof karma consciousness matter a delusion #1, #2
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
Not indexed after several submissions! Come ON Bing!
My titles and whole website seem to indeed be TOO SUPERB A COMPLETE
DISPROOF for Bing, so MSN, Yahoo and AOL to index - so advertise this website!
This seems to clearly be MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and CENSORSHIP
AGAIN by them all…!!!
Proof Time=MALE Holy Ghost BUT Holy Spirit is 8-3-1
Triune GodDESS!
Space IS 8D NOT 3D... Beast 666=tranSiStorS=ALL MACHINES...
JHWH=ALLAH=ALL(pha-Omeg)AH... Proof God, Real Science, Multi Faith,
Religions!
www.time-male-holy-ghost-but-holy-spirit-is-female.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
proof male holy ghost #1 proof holy ghost male #1
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
proof male holy ghost #1
III. Related website with VERY different contents to the nine just
above
Avebury, Silbury, Glastonbury, Stonehenge Decoded!
LOGICAL analysis of Avebury, Silbury, Glastonbury, Stonehenge:- Space, Holy
Spirit, Holy Ghost, Godhead STRUCTURES:- Jesus Christ PREDICTED 2,500 years
EARLIER!
www.electriczenbuddha.one
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
avebury silbury glastonbury stonehenge #1 avebury decoded #3
avebury silbury decoded #1 #2! silbury decoded #1
avebury glastonbury decoded #1 #2 #3!
avebury stonehenge decoded #1 #2 #3!
glastonbury stonehenge decoded #1 #3!
silbury glastonbury decoded #1 #2!
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
19

avebury silbury glastonbury stonehenge #2 avebury decoded #3
avebury silbury decoded #1 silbury decoded #1
avebury glastonbury decoded #1
avebury stonehenge decoded #1
glastonbury stonehenge decoded #1
silbury glastonbury decoded #1
20

IV. Websites I have developed for
Fraulein Docktor Ima Patience Whistle-Blower –
with my ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money’ Appended
neo-Nazi 2 nd Holocaust Injection-Switch Conspiracy!
Far Right Wing Medics Medicine Medical fatal poison injection switching Plot
and Conspiracy to End the World!
www.hearinthenameofthelord.one
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
neo nazi 2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 neo nazi injection switch #1#2
2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 injection switch conspiracy #10
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
neo nazi 2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 neo nazi injection switch #1
2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 injection switch conspiracy #1
2nd holocaust conspiracy #2
Tera Giga Mega Kilo Whistle-Blowing on Medicine
The Beast 666 sick sick sick World Conspiracy... The Beast 666 is THE MACHINE
first built in AD 70! NOW Beast 666=tranSiStorS!
www.simonlee.me.uk
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
tera whistle blowing #1-#4! tera whistle blowing medicine #1-#4!
giga whistle blowing medicine #1-#4! Beast 666 sick sick sick #1
mega whistle blowing medicine #1-#5,#7! kilo whistle blowing #3-#7!
kilo whistle blowing medicine #1-#5!
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
tera whistle blowing #2 giga whistle blowing #2
tera whistle blowing medicine #1 giga whistle blowing medicine #1
mega whistle blowing medicine #1 kilo whistle blowing #3
kilo whistle blowing medicine #1
21

BAN lethal money-making EUTHATAL: -
ALL poison drugs and substances
The Beast 666 sick sick sick World Conspiracy... The Beast 666 is THE MACHINE
first built in AD 70! NOW Beast 666=tranSiStorS
www.ban-money-making-euthatal-all-poison-drugs-substances.org
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Google
ban euthatal #1 ban lethal euthatal #2
ban money making euthatal #1 ban all poison drugs #1
Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar
ban euthatal #1 ban lethal euthatal #1
ban money making euthatal #1 ban all poison drugs #1
ban all poison substances #1
V. My spiritual poetry book “A Many Threaded Tapestry”
GIVEN IN FULL - FREE
Spiritual poems, poetry book by Simon Richard Lee
Twenty two deeply spiritual poems in one poetry book spanning many moods -
funny, sad, bittersweet, poignant etc etc, charting his life during the 20 th
Century
www.author.me.uk
Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’
Very popular genre of search INDEED so I found NO page one search entries on
the main five search engines as above…
To contact me visit my Face Book pages or call my mobile -
0044 7747 113 135: -
www.facebook.com/ATrueSonOfJesusChrist
‘Simon Richard Lee’
www.facebook.com/ElectricZenBuddha
‘Electric Zen Buddha’
You can chat with me here at the ‘Electric Zen Buddha’ Face Book Group and ask
any questions you like of Electric Zen Buddha…
NOW taken up for Simon Richard Lee by daddiesforjustice@gmail.com – you
probably have lots!
22

23

Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End
A whole new science with brand new
i.e. ancient scientific principles
behind all world faiths especially Christianity
Has world faith and religion been something that has been at the forefront of
your mind?
Do you find that there are large chunks of information missing from your
knowledge?
This book aims to correct that for you!
It is time to rethink religion and to bring it into line with scientific thinking so that we can
all understand it better. This book, Now Is the Dawning of the Time of the End, has
been described as 'a brand new so very ancient at the same time - philosophy and
science of ALL world faiths not just one in particular' and within its pages you will
uncover ideas that include:
‣ A new science and concepts regarding the Universe
‣ New and surprising commentary on the Book of Revelation
‣ A radical new approach to the Book of Daniel
‣ My Manifesto – Abolish all Money
Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End provides a new science that completely
explains great parts of all the world’s major religions, giving the reader a greater
perspective of them and a far deeper understanding.
It has been written to educate and enlighten and promises each in equal measure.
Get a copy of Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End and open your eyes to a
new examination of the Universe that binds us.
This individually laser printed A4 book with many illustrations is available from retailers
Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Blackwell etc.
The book is available in full as a FREE flip book at the following websites where you can
read and preview this amazing book in full: -
www.srlee.me.uk
www.gender-holy-spirit-female-seven-sisters-holy-ghost-male-is-time.org
www.secret-of-life-full-scientific-proof-complete-science.org
www.scientific-basis-and-proof-of-the-very-secret-of-life.org
www.womb-tardis.org
24

Manifesto: Abolish All Money!
This book tells The World Just Why and How
to Eliminate the Root of All Evil…!?
Do you ever imagine a better world?
Do you think it could be a better place without money?
Are you ready to experience a ground-breaking idea?
There is no doubt about it. Money has been the root of all evil since it was devised and
spawned the greed that we see in today’s society. Now imagine that we could abolish it,
along with the vast majority of computers, and basically start again.
We can and in Manifesto: Abolish all Money, I will explain exactly how we can do it,
with ideas and proposals that show you how:
‣ Computers and money carry most germs
‣ Money and computers underpin society
‣ We can increase happiness without either of these things
‣ The population would have every need catered for
‣ Crime would reduce
‣ We can have fair distribution of wealth
‣ A better quality of life
‣ And much, much more…
Once you read the proposals in this stunning strategy for ridding the world of the evil
that is consuming it, you will never think about money or computers in the same way
again.
Get a copy of Manifesto: Abolish all Money now and help to get the greatest
movement of our time under way today!
This individually laser printed A4 book is available from retailers Amazon, Barnes and
Noble, and Blackwell etc.
The book is available in full FREE as a flip book at the following identical twin websites
where you can read and preview this amazing book freely: -
www.maam.org.uk
www.abolish-all-money.org
www.abolish-all-money-tame-the-beast-666-ie-all-machines.org
25

World Medicine or ‘Pskiviatry’ –
they
“Doctor - No!” me well…
This book is a spirited attack
on medicine and medics!
If you ever thought that the NHS was the kind of organisation you could trust to look
after you when you need it most, think again.
Step inside a world that will make you question all that you have ever been told, as
author Simon Richard Lee describes the internal workings of an institution that continues
to fail the people it is meant to help, while enduring enormous scandals, manifesting a
frightening brand of sadism and developing a complete disregard for mental health
patients.
With striking echoes of Stalin’s USSR, Hitler’s Third Reich and George Orwell’s 1984, this
is a book that exposes one of the most loved of British organisations with a wry and witty
look at what really goes on behind closed doors.
And with a nod to many of the past few decades’ greatest songs, it will leave an
impression like no other as you are finally able to understand who and what really drives
the NHS.
This individually laser printed A4 book is available from retailers Amazon, Barnes and
Noble, and Blackwell’s etc. The book is available in full FREE as a flip book at these
websites where you can read and preview this amazing book freely: -
www.ban-mental-health-law-care-homes-all-fake-evidence-doing-time.org
www.hearinthenameofthelord.one
www.simonlee.me.uk
www.mega-whistleblowing-medicine.org
www.racism-racist-migration-immigration-prejudice-stigma-evil-hate.org
www.the-revolution-and-so-the-age-of-aquarius-started-2nd-jan-2019.org
www.the-revolution-idea-ideal-real-peaceful-non-violent-peacefare.org
www.the-revolution-real-peaceful-peace-non-violent-peacefare.org
26

A Many Threaded Tapestry
A Set of Spiritual Poems from the 20 th Century tracing my
life then – from early days till my awful divorce!
One man’s journey set out against the tests and misfortunes of his adult life within the
20 th century, this collection of 22 poems is both insightful and filled with the seemingly
mundane and everyday occurrences that we all encounter. But they are seen here with a
fresh perspective and intellect that comes from a life well lived and seldom understood.
A Many Threaded Tapestry will make you think about your own life and the
experiences you have had along the way, while still entertaining as only the well written
verse can.
From the hard hitting Social and Security to the heartfelt New Desires, each verse
has its own place and time and each one delivers a message that carries an underlying
meaning and significance that we can all relate to, somewhere in our pasts.
This individually laser printed A4 book is available from retailers Amazon, Barnes and
Noble, and Blackwell etc.
The book is available in full FREE as a flip book at the following website where you can
read and preview this amazing book freely: -
www.author.me.uk
27

The absolutely amazingly high performance
VERY MANY web sites of Simon Richard
‘Pilchard’ DAY LEE, BA, MA (King’s College,
Cambridge); CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC
(FOUR Professor Level Certificates!)
Phase One – 2015 onwards
www.scientific-proof-that-god-exists.com
www.abolish-all-money.org
www.author.me.uk
www.electriczenbuddha.one
www.hearinthenameofthelord.one
www.maam.org.uk
www.silee.me.uk
www.simonlee.me.uk
www.srlee.me.uk
Phase Two - big push 21/Feb/2019
www.abolish-all-money-tame-the-beast-666-ie-all-machines.org
www.beast-666-is-all-machines-from-1947-2019-have-been-transistors.org
www.avebury-silbury-hill-stonehenge-glastonbury.org
www.ban-mental-health-law-care-homes-all-fake-evidence-doing-time.org
www.beast-666-is-all-machines-from-1947-2019-have-been-transistors.org
www.charles-darwin-evolution-natural-selection-all-total-cons.org
www.free-book-1-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
www.free-book-2-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
www.free-book-3-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
www.free-book-4-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
www.free-book-5-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
www.free-book-6-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
28

www.free-book-7-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
www.free-book-8-the-Tender-Years-by-QT-Saunders.org
www.gender-holy-spirit-female-SEVEN-sisters-holy-ghost-male-is-time.org
www.mega-whistleblowing-medicine.org
www.racism-racist-migration-immigration-prejudice-stigma-evil-hate.org
www.scientific-basis-and-proof-of-the-very-secret-of-life.org
www.secret-of-life-full-scientific-proof-complete-science.org
www.tardis-womb.org
www.the-revolution-and-so-the-age-of-aquarius-started-2nd-jan-2019.org
www.the-revolution-idea-ideal-real-peaceful-non-violent-peacefare.org
www.the-revolution-real-peaceful-peace-non-violent-peacefare.org
www.womb-tardis.org
29

FULL LIST OF
WEBSITES
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’
www.scientific-proof-that-god-exists.com
Full complete scientific PROOF God exists - & the SECRET OF LIFE!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Manifesto : - Abolish All Money === SATAN’
www.abolish-all-money.org
Abolish All Money Cash Credit. TAME all MACHINES ie the Beast 666!
ENTIRE FREE SPIRITUAL POETRY BOOK
‘A Many Threaded Tapestry’
www.author.me.uk
Spiritual poems, poetry book by Simon Richard Lee
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, Stonehenge – Decoded’
www.electriczenbuddha.one
30

Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, Stonehenge Decoded!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on 2 nd January
2019’
www.hearinthenameofthelord.one
mental health acts and '''care'''' homes are a free ticket to LIFE IN PRISON UNDER
TORTURE!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money === SATAN’
www.maam.org.uk
Abolish All Money Cash Credit - TAME the Beast 666 ie ALL Machines!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’
www.silee.me.uk
Full complete scientific PROOF of the SECRET OF LIFE ie ORGANIC
GROWTH!

content="secret of life,growth,entropy,organic,organic growth,secret,life,secret
life,God,God woman,God female,God feminine,Gabriel God,
Gabriel,womb,tardis,time,space,8 EIGHT not 3 three dimensions space,4 four dimension
time,4 dimension space,inner space,outer space,
big brother,beast 666,beast 666 machine,beast 666 transistors,abolish money,abolish
cash,abolish machines,census machines,utopia,paradise,world peace"/>
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on 2 nd January
2019’
www.simonlee.me.uk
THE Revolution AND The Age of AQUARIUS started on Monday New Year’s Day
2019
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’
www.srlee.me.uk
Full complete scientific PROOF God exists - & the SECRET OF LIFE!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Manifesto : Abolish All Money === SATAN’
www.abolish-all-money-tame-the-beast-666-ie-all-machines.org
Abolish all Money TAME THE BEAST 666 ie ALL MACHINES!
32

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, Stonehenge - Decoded!’
www.avebury-silbury-hill-stonehenge-glastonbury.org
Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, Stonehenge Decoded!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on 2 nd January
2019’
www.ban-mental-health-law-care-homes-all-fake-evidence-doing-time.org
BAN most drugs as they are ALL POISONOUS ESPECIALLY psychiatric
narcotics!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’
www.charles-darwin-evolution-natural-selection-all-total-cons.org
Charles Darwin, evolution and natural selection are all huge cons!
33

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Which Witch Doctor?’
www.free-book-1-of-8-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
FREE book 1 'Which Witch Doctor?' of 7 in Series "With Doctor-ers like these who
needs ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Disabled – by Doctors’
www.free-book-2-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
FREE book 2 'Disabled - by Doctors!' of 7 in Series "With Doctor-ers like these
who needs ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘The Fourth Helen of the Apocalypse!’
www.free-book-3-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
FREE book 3 'The Fourth Helen of the Apocalypse!' of 7 in Series "With Doctor-ers
like these who needs ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Doctor Police!’
www.free-book-4-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
FREE book 4 'Doctor Police!' of 7 in Series "With Doctor-ers like these who needs
ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Love thy Neighbour, Julie next door!’
www.free-book-5-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
34

FREE book 5 'Love thy neighbour, Julie next door!' of 7 in Series "With Doctor-ers
like these who needs ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Always Rise above the Black Art of PSEXISTRICKERY!’
www.free-book-6-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
FREE book 6 'Always rise above the Black Art of PSEXISTRICKERY!' of 7 in Series
"With Doctor-ers like these who needs ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘TEN YEARS HELL- Halfway, Huge Heavenly Help!’
www.free-book-7-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needs-enemies.org
FREE book 7 ‘TEN Years' Hell - Halfway Huge Heavenly Help' of 7 in Series "With
Doctors like these who needs ENEMIES?"
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘The Tender Years’
www.free-book-8-by-qt-saunders-have-a-good-stare.org
35

FREE Bonus Book 8 of 7 – by qt saunders – have a good stare!!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’
www.gender-holy-spirit-female-EIGHT-sisters-holy-ghost-male-is-time.org
Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End
Full complete scientific PROOF of the SECRET OF LIFE ie ORGANIC
GROWTH!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on Monday 2nd
January 2019’
www.mega-whistleblowing-medicine.org
Mega Whistleblowing:-Medicine!-Tera Giga Mega Kilo Whistleblowing
Medicine!

psychiatric,ban,doctor,BNF,fatal,death,lethal,side effect,
medic,medical,medicine,global medicine,
world medicine,psychiatrist,psychiatry,consultant"/>
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on Monday 2nd
January 2019’
www.racism-racist-migration-immigration-prejudice-stigma-evil-hate.org
Racism, racist view, provoked by migration and immigration, all prejudice, stigma,
evil hate hatred crime
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’
www.scientific-basis-and-proof-of-the-very-secret-of-life.org
The very SECRET OF LIFE, the scientific PROOF and origin of ALL ORGANIC
GROWTH!
census machines,utopia,paradise,world peace"/>
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’
www.secret-of-life-full-scientific-proof-complete-science.org
Full complete scientific PROOF God exists - & the SECRET OF LIFE!

8 EIGHT not 3 three dimensions space,4 four dimension time,4 dimension space,inner
space,outer space,
big brother,beast 666,beast 666 machine,beast 666 transistors,abolish money,abolish
cash,abolish machines,census machines,utopia,paradise,world peace"/>
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’
www.tardis-womb.org
Full complete scientific PROOF God exists - & the SECRET OF LIFE!
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on 2nd January
2019’
www.the-revolution-and-so-the-age-of-aquarius-started-2nd-jan-2019.org
Our Queen and Margaret Thatcher alone NOT The Lords signed Mental Health Acts
- licenses to freely imprison billions
ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius started on 2nd January
2019’
www.the-revolution-idea-ideal-real-peaceful-non-violent-peacefare.org
THE Revolution: - GOD's idea for an ideal real peaceful world, with non-violent
peacefare

content="Revolution,The Revolution,God idea,idea,ideal, real, peaceful, real
peaceful,world,earth,non violent,peacefare,
mental health acts,conspiracy,666,beast 666,beast 666 sick,666 sick,beast 666 sick sick
sick,666 sick sick sick,
beast 666 machine,666 machine,beast 666 machine sick,beast 666 machine sick sick
sick,
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39

Part One
An incredible, entirely new approach to many key
‘scientific’, as well as ‘spiritual’, aspects of the Universe.
How, on passing right through the fabric or ‘curtains’ of
Space, the extremely different, far greater ‘Kingdom of
the Heavens’ is revealed and reached!
1. The ‘void’ or space is not three-dimensional, as generally
thought! Simple proof given here, which is so elegant
that it is totally convincing, that space in our Universe
is in fact EIGHT-dimensional!
2. The vital importance of space in many faiths, especially in
the Far East, especially Buddhism and Zen, as an object
of both meditation and veneration. The crucial word ‘mu’
in Zen Buddhism, and the closely related meditation, and
reverence for, space or ‘the void’ in the East and Far East.
3. The principal scientific view of how the Universe first came
about, the ‘Big Bang’ theory.
4. What is time? Where does it come from and where does
it go to?
5. Science is very different in its approach to gaining
knowledge, to the faiths and religions of the world. It is
wrong to believe that scientists ‘seek the truth’, which is
instead the aim of every single faith in the world.
Scientists aim to ‘prove scientific facts’ about the world,
starting with ‘observations’ of Nature, or experiments.
These usually strike the general public as being extremely
cold and indeed ‘clinical’, with little emotion involved.
Science is very different to world faiths in at least two
other ways. Firstly, whereas all world faiths are
concerned with receiving and also giving out ‘messages’,
astonishingly science nearly totally ignores languages in
Nature. Secondly, scientists deliberately cultivate often
very many ‘theories’ about aspects of science, to try to
accurately predict all future observations in the same
situation. Instead, all world faiths follow their own unique
‘Way’ (to God?), usually established by a spiritual
40

leader. ‘To find the Truth, about life, and usually God’,
in order to lead an increasingly ‘better life’. The most
famous man ever, Jesus Christ, is so because so much of
the world believes that he stood for the above ideals,
shown in bold, far better than anyone else ever has.
6. The quite astonishing way, in which the Hebrew ‘Name of
God’, the four letters JHWH, is actually a totally accurate
diagram of the Godhead in Heaven, showing precisely
how interaction happens with our Physical Universe.
7. A fuller picture is given, by adding to the JHWH diagram
the Tree of Life, made of the two trees of the Holy Ghost
(actions) and the Holy Spirit (words and feelings).
8. How God created light on the first Day of Creation –
which science tells us, starts with +/- charge, then
electric and magnetic fields result, then finally these make
light by combining together in a complex way.
9. Proof that there is no such thing as ‘matter’! All particles
have in fact been proven to be made of concentric nested
spheres, of standing waves made of space, with their
charge spread all around the surface of each particle. In
this Section, we look at particles, atoms, molecules,
macromolecules, and briefly, crystals.
10. The “Seven Days of God’s Creation”, however long
they actually lasted, witnessed very much Creation of
stars, planets, then ‘biological life’ in several stages, as in
the Book of Genesis in the Bible. We discuss all these
phases in this Section. At the end of all this discussion,
we will find that a whole radically new ‘Spiritual Science’
has emerged in the process!
41

The LOGICAL BASIS of
THE VERY SECRET OF LIFE
Sensational Supernatural
Stunningly New
‘Spiritual Sciences’!
With NO Equations in them at all! They
are in fact as old as the hills...
What follows in the next several dozen
pages will definitely cause resounding
changes to all of our views, especially
scientific views, of space and time.
Even more so, we prove that all ‘material’
objects are made solely of a Filigree Lattice
of Space and Time – surrounded by
electrical charge. There is no such thing as
‘matter’ – ‘matter’ is a pure delusion.
So we PROVE TOTALLY ‘karma’
consciousness in the first Part One of this
book!
42

43

Section 1
The True Nature of ‘Space’
Space is actually an invisible ‘Filigree Lattice’, normally
seen as ‘three-dimensional’ – but complete proof is given
below, from first principles, that space is really ‘eight
dimensional’!
Conventional mathematical, scientific and engineering
views of space – as ‘three dimensional’
We usually start to learn about space (for instance at school) as
‘containing three right angles at ninety degrees to each other’,
in three ‘axes’, ‘directions’ or ‘dimensions’.
To start considering objects within these invisible three
dimensions, we are first taught to draw a picture of the three
axes or directions as below, called in mathematics ‘Cartesian
co-ordinates’: -
44

For hundreds, indeed thousands of years, until about 100 years
ago, science considered space to be an infinite ‘grid’ extending
uniformly out from a base as above, in all three directions.
At the start of the 20 th Century, as we saw earlier, Albert
Einstein, in particular, totally challenged all the ancient notions
of space as above, when he revolutionised ideas in science of
time itself – in his two theories of Special Relativity and General
Relativity. General Relativity theory even proposes that space
can ‘curve’ – especially near very large, heavy bodies like stars.
More recently, later scientists have tried to develop theories of
the Universe that claim that space has more than three
dimensions. Trying to see what space actually looks like if it is
indeed ‘multi-dimensional’, even with powerful computer
graphical methods, has, not surprisingly, proven impossible!
Space has EIGHT dimensions – not three!
Simple and complete proof!
Firstly, the big problem with the above starting point,
drawing three axes or ‘dimensions’ through an ‘area of empty
space’ – is that according to every single science as well as
every single world faith or religion – space is never ever empty.
Space is always full of objects, even if so tiny they are invisible
to the naked eye – fundamental particles, atoms, etc. Also –
EVERYTHING is CURVED!
An ‘object’ is obviously very easy indeed to defin e as
“something with a volume of space containing an inside as well
as an outside”.
The outside of objects contained inside a relatively large
volume of free space or empty space can readily indeed be
seen to be three dimensional just as above. However, maths
and science seem to have mostly totally overlooked a very
curious fact about the inside of all objects – also known
about in geometry for thousands of years. For the inside of
all objects contains four not three axes at right angles
i.e. is four dimensional not three dimensional!
The very simplest, clearest example of this is a cube –
often a very mystical object in many faiths and religions –
almost certainly for the above or similar reasons: -
45

1. So, a large volume of free space or empty space – space
outside objects – has three axes – or is ‘three
dimensional’. So Outer Space is Three Dimensional.
2. As in the simplest example of the cube, space inside
objects – has four axes – is ‘four dimensional’. So Inner
Space is Four Dimensional.
3. The simplest TWO dimensional view of four dimensional
inner space is as given by the (UNBELIEVABLY
tongue-in-cheek by whoever owns that website!)
hyperlink below: -
4. https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%
2Fthumbs.gfycat.com%2FMadeupNiceKawalasize_restricted.gif&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgfycat.co
m%2Fmadeupnicekawala&docid=IWHi3TUZqM5faM&tbnid
=ARw1nc_WD-
D1tM%3A&vet=1&w=256&h=256&bih=783&biw=1600&v
ed=2ahUKEwj78ZemsdLfAhUGhxoKHaSwCGUQxiAoAXoEC
AEQEg&iact=c&ictx=1
5. Incredibly, the above hyperlink’s view of four dimensional
INNER SPACE portrays the very SECRET OF (ORGANIC)
LIFE ITSELF – the three dimensions of OUTER space are
naturally slightly more stable in ENERGY terms so FOUR
DIMENSIONAL INNER SPACE forms an infinite Cosmic
Dance of points of four dimensional space slowly
46

organically growing as LIFE ITSELF and its continual
ORGANIC GROWTH outward bound - forever progressing
from INNER space to OUTER space. It is JUST THIS rate
of organic growth alone that COMPLETELY DETERMINES
THE VERY RATE THAT TIME PASSES THROUGH AND SO
SPEAKS TO US – generally GOD speaks to all people very
slowly and with massive patience and loving-kindness at
the rate of just one word or syllable a second!
6. The normal or usual situation, throughout the entire
Universe, is that Middle Space – Inner Space
containing further objects within that space – is
BOTH 3D AND 4D (3D to inner objects and 4D to the
outer object).
7. SO MOST SPACE CAN BE READILY SEEN TO BE
EIGHT-DIMENSIONAL – in ‘octaves’!
8. Likewise, the ‘thing’ which separates ‘inside’ of all objects
from their ‘outside’ must simply be a likewise EXTRA
‘SHELL’ OR FINAL EIGHTH DIMENSION OF SPACE.
THE ACTUAL 8D SURFACE MEMBRANE OF ALL
OBJECTS!
‘TREE STRUCTURE’ OF 8-DIMENSIONAL SPACE
47

So every single point in the entire vast Universe is in fact a
TARDIS as in Doctor Witch or fake Time Lords or scientists –
TIME itself is LORD GOD so is the ONLY REAL TIME LORD in the
entire Universe made up solely of Lord God Time and Lady God
Space! Being a Tardis, every single point in the entire vast
Universe is BIGGER ON THE INSIDE THAN ITS OUTSIDE!
This simple yet INCREDIBLE fact is the full explanation of the
Origins of the famous Second Law of Thermodynamics – that
everything in the Universe is gradually getting more COMPLEX
NOT MORE RANDOM as it GROWS – so ‘its entropy constantly
TENDS to increase’ as that Law says.
The above discussion of the interior four dimensions of all space
being the very LONG SOUGHT AFTER SECRET OF LIFE ITSELF
SO all ORGANIC GROWTH immediately yields all the bases of all
the long term mysteries of just how the WOMB of all mammals
contains babies BIGGER THAN THE WOMB ITSELF SO
PROTECTED BY THE WOMB IN A TOTALLY MAGICAL EVER
DYNAMIC WAY WHICH I HAVE JUST UNRAVELLED!
Increasing numbers of us scientists have recognised in the last
few years, especially, that if space is proven to be 8D (in 8D
octaves of solid light, sound and music, with moving or nonstanding
forms of these waves also flowing EVERYWHERE IN
THE UNIVERSE all the time!) - not just ‘3D’… - an amazing
thing will happen!
Science and all its mathematics will be completed! Science will
come to a final end, especially physics!
The PAST keeps flowing steadily OUTWARDS from EVERY single
point in space into space (the Kingdom of the Heavens)… The
FUTURE keeps flowing steadily INWARDS from EVERY single
point in space into space (the Kingdom of the Heavens)… This
PRINCIPLE is called in ASTRONOMY – Mach’s Principle…
Well, just my above four pages do exactly prove that space is
indeed 8D – eightfold octaves not ‘3D’!
QED
48

TIME IS 3D (4D within a ‘shell’ or ‘cosmic egg’!)
SO THE UNIVERSE OVERALL IS 8D+4D=12D !!!
As my two diagrams overleaf show quite clearly, just as
space is really EIGHT dimensional (NOT JUST ‘3D’!) solid music
or light or sound, TIME is three dimensional (with a FOURTH
dimension or ‘shell’ or ‘cosmic egg’).
As far better understood already – its FOUR aspects are all
equally important as well known in astronomy from the above
Mach’s principle: -
1. TIME, THE PAST, radiates outwards EVERYWHERE in TIME
WAVES with the famous DE BROGLIE WAVELENGTH. At
the speed of light as Albert Einstein was the first to
investigate in his famous two Theories of Relativity.
However, he thought space was 3D NOT 8D as I just
elegantly proved on just 4 pages!
2. LIKEWISE the FUTURE radiates into every point in the
Universe from EVERY OTHER POINT IN THE UNIVERSE in
TIME WAVES – with the very same de Broglie wavelength!
3. The ENTIRE ENCAPSULATED MOST VITAL UNIVERSE OF
ALL THE only THREE ‘real’ Universes is BY FAR THE MOST
DESIRABLE … !
4. Above all it is by far the most physically and even
spiritually HEALTHY UNIVERSE of all three above ‘real
Universes’ …! Of common-sense or ZEN REALITY of ‘no
mind’/’do not care – no TIME to!’ or ‘suchness’ – the
PRESENT MOMENT or ‘MU / Tao / Dao / li / chi / Zen /
Spiritual Energy everyday common-sense REALITY’ … … !
Overall then the UNIVERSE is 8D in SPACE and 4D in TIME
– so overall the ‘Ultimate Answer’ is it is ‘12D’ overall – Douglas
Adams! – just like any clock face!
A nod to Richard Dawkins’ watchmaker is in order!
However - God IS the watch!
49

333333333
‘GOD’ (Anglo-Saxon ‘good’) IS THE WHOLE UNIVERSE –
THE ‘LIGHT’ NOT ‘SHADY’ PARTS AT LEAST!
50

51

The above amazingly just four pages form a logical proof
from first principles that: -
As the inside of objects is four dimensional, and only the
outside the traditional three dimensions, overall space is eight
dimensional – ‘8D’ in octaves!
As we will be seeing, this is a dream come true for most leading
modern day scientists, engineers and mathematicians, who
have long sought such a proof as mine above, that space is
eight dimensional - 8D.
For scientists have already absolutely proven that if space is
really 8D not 3D as assumed for millennia hitherto, all the
complex mathematics of science and engineering will suddenly
start to ‘work properly’ within such a 8D foundation for space.
They will become 100% entirely accurate not just as now a set
of approximations.
My introductory pages above were deliberately ‘slam dunk’,
direct, bold, brief and terse. A similar proof of anything
desirable in maths or science on one sheet of paper is normally
an ‘ideal triumph’ and my above proof that space is 8D not 3D
is a classic example!
However, we now need to give more background of the history
of mathematical science to show that!
A potted history of the philosophy of space
For millennia, all civilisations have observed that in the
everyday size of the world, space indeed contains three right
angles or ‘dimensions’ – so assumed that the whole of space in
the Universe was a grid of such everyday space.
So buildings and vehicles were made of grids of building blocks
of such everyday space, especially the very familiar bricks as
used in buildings.
Around the start of the 17 th Century in the Western Middle
Ages, quite a few philosophers and mathematicians worked out
52

drawings and ‘coordinate systems’ for 2D planes and 3D
objects.
A paper published by the French philosopher Rene Descartes in
1637 stole the show. So his notation for describing the two
‘axes’ at right angles of 2D planes, and the three axes at right
angles of 3D objects has ever since been termed the ‘Cartesian
coordinate system’.
In 1687, fifty years after that paper by Descartes, the book by
fellow of the British Royal Society, Sir Isaac Newton, called
‘Principles of Natural Philosophy’ took those ideas to a dramatic
logical conclusion – so starting 200+ years of The Golden Age
of Classical Physics.
For in his book Newton single-handedly invented differential
and integral calculus based on the Cartesian system.
It was not until the start of the 20 th Century, that new
discoveries in scientific observations, made ‘classical physics’ as
started by Newton in 1687, need drastic revision.
Notably ‘the ultraviolet catastrophe’ and the two Theories of
Special and General Relativity of Albert Einstein.
As a result the new science of quantum mechanics appeared
about one hundred years ago. However, scientists have been
trying to ‘get around’ the essential contradiction or duality at its
heart ever since, the famous ‘wave particle duality’.
The complete solution in 1988 of the famous Schroedinger
Wave Equation by the late Professor Doctor Milo Wolff,
discussed in Section 9 below, shows that in fact there is no
‘wave particle duality’ – everything in the universe is made of
waves of space.
My own proof that space is 8D not 3D, as above, coupled to
and derived from Milo Wolff’s proofs, in addition to those,
should enable science to be completed! In a new
finalised ‘semi-classical approach’…
53

For scientists have recast the many equations of science, only
ever approximately true up to now in 3D space, into a ‘8D
space model’ on computers. They found that all the equations
are then 100% accurate not just partly so!
Perhaps relying far too much on similar powerful computers,
they had hopes that were seemingly not fulfilled, that the
massively huge and expensive Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at
CERN in Switzerland, would somehow prove space is 8D not
3D…
My own logical proof from first principles on just two sides of
paper above in fact does the job perfectly instead!
The Music of 8D Space
The fact that I just proved that space is 8D not 3D from first
principles, and music has seven notes or tones (doh, ray, mi,
fa, so, la, ti) leads me to a perhaps astonishing claim: -
Space is made of SOLID music!
A simple diagram illustrates this: -
54

Deeper notes (doh, ray, mi) correspond to the three dimensions
of Outer Space, while the four higher notes, more compressed
so higher frequency, correspond to the four axes of Inner
Space.
As in Far Eastern mysticism, space contains ‘towers within
towers’ making symphonies out of the ‘tower objects’. Finally,
the surfaces of objects are 8D, separating Outer 3D from Inner
4D Space. It is surfaces that contain ‘towers within towers’
that is objects within objects. So surfaces complete all the
octaves of the spatial music.
55

CONTENTS
1. Introduction. Imagine a world with ‘Money as a thing of
the past’. With the clock wound back all of 70 years so there
are only a few computers again.
2. Money and computers are filthy – they carry most germs.
“Filthy leukah”. “Filthy rich versus filthy poor”?
3. Money and computers are just filthy dirty middle-men.
Money and computers underpin our ‘modern 21 st Century
World’ – but it is unbearably awkward, clunky and inhuman.
The oil of human relations would run rich in a world freed of
both.
4. Resources and possessions. No more force of economics.
No more “haves and have not’s” – everybody happy.
5. Food, clothing, land, housing and furnishings, comfortable
environment (decent lighting, temperatures, air, water and
sanitation) – all our essential basic needs would become free
for all – even in the undeveloped world – the very least that
this proposal offers after the abolition of money
6. Work, agriculture, shops and industry
7. Walking, road, rail, sea, air and space transport
8. No more need for banks, taxes, gambling, casinos or Stock
Markets – or charities or state benefits on the other hand…
9. The Law – very little crime; so punishment; left
possible.
10. Local, national and international Governments
11. Multinational cultural and language differences and
Travel
56

12. Trade; the fair distribution of wealth once money
were abolished; the end of the Great International Rich-Poor
Divide
13. Children and families
14. Poverty and debt obsolete – personal and national
15. Teaching and Education
16. Science and Technology, especially regarding
information
17. The Arts
18. Entertainment and communications: - post offices
and services, radio, TV, (mobile) telephones, papers,
magazines, books; information and computer technology,
and the Internet
19. Sport, Recreation Activities and Holidays
20. Health, Beauty, Hygiene, Safety, Medicine, Hospitals,
Legal and Illegal Drugs, Social Services, Welfare, and The
Elderly
21. The Environment; Natural Resources; Environmental
Health. Global Warming, ‘carbon footprints’, pollution,
climate change all made too a ‘thing of the past’
22. Nature and Wildlife
23. Politics replaced by true leadership
24. World Peace and Security replacing Permanent War
25. Sexism, sexuality, homophobia, ageism, racism, etc,
etc
57

26. Stresses and Strains, the Pace of Life and Mental
Health
27. Human or spiritual values and freedom of choice.
Religion – is it affected at all?
28. Any counter arguments to zero money are few and
weak.
29. Overall - a very simple and high Quality of Life for all.
58

59

1. Introduction. Imagine a world with ‘Money as a thing
of the past’. With the clock wound back all of 70 years
so there are only a few computers again.
The current worldwide recession (I share the increasing views
of many commentators that it is a Second Great Depression
that may last years if unchecked by a world government
initiative) started life as the tritely and glibly misnamed ‘credit
crunch’ back in September 2007. Banks stopped giving out
vast amounts of cheap credit – around that time the long term
bubble in massive and escalating property prices on both sides
of the Atlantic, also burst.
Since then world stock markets have collapsed in a series of
drastic falls, notably in September 2008, a year after the start
of this ‘credit crunch’ cum Second Great Depression. Now the
world and its leaders are both apportioning blame as ever,
often quite wildly, and grasping onto straws to find ways to get
the apple cart of the world economy upright and working again.
Was it all greedy bankers’ fault – or was it greedy
homeowners? They ask.
60

KEY EQUIVALENCES
Conservative Party of Great Britain = NEO-NAZI PARTEI OF
GREATER GERMANY IE UK BRITISH GOVERNMENT I.E.
‘CONSERVATIVE (NEO-NAZI) PARTEI’
Labour Party of Great Britain = plain NAZI PARTEI OF
GREATER GERMANY IE UK BRITISH GOVERNMENT I.E.
‘LABOUR (NAZI) PARTEI’
NATIONAL HORRIBLE STALIN HITLER SYSTEM (NHS-HS)
EXISTS globally IN BRITISH EX-EMPIRE REGIONS OR
COUNTRIES ESPECIALLY.
SPECIFICALLY TO CONTINUE AS A “SECOND (USUALLY
COLOURED OR BLACK NOW) HOLOCAUST” THE NEO-
NAZI DEATH CAMPS OR PRISON STIR PORRIDGE
GODHELPUSALLS (“HOSPITALS”) … …
… … OF ADOLF’S AND JOSEF’S ATROCIOUS SECOND
WORLD WAR THAT NEVER ENDED – ANLAGEN
ARCHIPELAGOS AND GULAG ARCHIPELAGOS!!!
“OPERATIVE WORTER” ABOVE ALL “KONTROL – NACHT
UND NEBEL” THE POLAR OPPOSITES OF LOVE, JOY,
PEACE, TRUTH, HONESTY, DECENCY FOR INMATES.
ABOVE ALL – freedom … … !!!
Adolf’s body was never found in that bunker in Berlin in
1945 and he / it persists as ‘Robo Adolf’ = BIG BROTHER
– CONTROLLING THE WORLD THROUGH ALL HIS (NEO-)
NAZI LEGACY OF NASTY NAZI LAWS IN BRITAIN,
EUROPE, RUSSIA AND AMERICA!!!
61

“Our Freedom Song”
As composed by Our Lady The Holy Spirit with Her Elendila,
with the tune and words inspired by the title of Simon Richard
Lee’s main book: -
‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius,
Now is The Dawning of The Time of the End.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Enlightenment,
Now is The Dawning of The End of Time.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Reason,
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Truth.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Peace,
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Love.
FREEdom, FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we want…
FREEdom, FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we need…
Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Free-ee-dom So-oo-ong.
62

Now is The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius,
Now is The Dawning of The Time of the End.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Experience,
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Merriment.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Laughter,
Now is The Dawning of the Age of All Things New.
Now is The Dawning of the Age of Joy,
Now is The Dawning of the Age of LOVE.
FREEdom, FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we want…
FREEdom, FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we need…
Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Free-ee-dom So-oo-ong.
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom Song,
Our Freedom So-o-o-ong!
63

My own answers are extremely radical and totally mindblowingly
far-reaching: -
o A lot of the problem is the vast over-proliferation of a
population of nearly totally uncontrolled, unregulated,
computers, especially in this 21 st Century, way beyond in
Size and Complexity, the ability of their designers to actually
control their design. Above all the Internet. As a computer
systems designer who first worked on them using paper tape
and cards back in 1971, I find the current generation of
systems (a) far too complex and BIG for anybody alive to
understand let alone manage (b) since ‘9/11’ and the
ensuing war on terrorism, involved in a global system of
control and alleged so-called ‘security’ that serves no human
being any more – only the ‘Great God of MONEY’.
o I propose here a ‘CCCCCC’ or ‘C6’ – a ‘cool, calm, collected
complete computer census’. Computers were invented
between 1937 and 1939 as weapons – the first digital
electronic computer was based at Bletchley in England
throughout the Second World War. This ‘Colossus Machine’
enabled Britain and so the Allies to break the ‘Enigma Code’
of every single German military radio signal during the war –
and had Prime Minister Winston Churchill taken this work
much more seriously, it has been said that the result could
have been a far quicker ending of that terrible conflict. The
man who published the original design was one Alan Turing,
a predecessor of mine at King’s College, Cambridge. He got
into a lot of trouble with the homophobia of the then
Government about his very precocious early blatancy about
his homosexuality – and the resulting persecution eventually
drove him to suicide. I am very glad even in this day and
age, that I do not suffer from either his homosexual or
suicidal tendencies…
o I claim in a future world where we ‘put the genie of these
computers’ back in the bottle the only computers we would
need are these limited forms: -
o (a) Calculation, measurement and control devices – but
ONLY where humans cannot match the performance,
accuracy, complexity or need for health and safety of these
(b) Word processing and graphics (c) Music (d)
CONTROLLED communications (e) MORE (much) control
over stored information (data)
64

o The KEY to causing such a counter-revolution would seem
Luddite and backward were it not for the radical, totally
idealistic, crazy to some, nature of my own solution to the
ever-worsening Second Great Depression of our 21 st Century,
totally out of control and unregulated, ‘computer-money
complex’. That is: -
o Problem – (the love of) Money is the Root of All Evil
65

o Only Logical Answer – ABOLISH ALL MONEY.
o The next two sections, (2) and (3), describe the main
problems of this ‘computer-money complex’ as I see them.
The first of these should be blindingly obvious from the very
description of money by the slang phrase ‘filthy leukah’ - but
may well shock and even scare some people. In remaining
sections, firstly in most I describe the ‘Ideal money free
world’ in all its aspects – and secondly confine my attentions
to religion and even a biblical basis for all of this – to just a
few sections at the very end.
o To summarise: - the ‘Root of all Evil’ was planted by The
Devil right at the very start of things. Satan invented
money. For the last 70 years, computer automation has
rocketed in importance and fallen correspondingly massively
in price to the point of the current Second Great Depression
having been caused by a ‘computer-money complex’ that
no longer serves people – only the Great Gods. The Original
Great God of Money – Satan’s Offspring, the Root of All Evil,
remember – and The New Second Upstart Great God of IT -
Machines or Technology.
o It is time that humanity took this Second Great Depression
as a golden opportunity to make a massive step in growing
up - into a wonderful New World. As we see in this
Manifesto, if we Abolish All Money, that is the only catalyst
we need to provide, to create a world free of poverty and
greed, yet full of opportunity for all on a truly equal basis.
o This Booklet is termed a Manifesto on the cover even though
it transcends all political views, which are largely moneybased.
It is a Manifesto that seeks to Marshal a whole
Movement of a Majority of Like-Minded Minds. (an
MMMMMM??..) To do the following. To dig up the ancient,
hoary, cobwebbed, part rotting, part fossilized, it is so old,
Root of All Evil, Money Itself, dripping with oceans of the
blood, sweat and tears of generations of the povertystricken,
ironically most of them alive today. Do not burn it
but completely destroy it in a very modern way indeed –
recycle all the metal and paper of the coins and notes, and
re-cycle the plastic of all debit and credit cards. Then
computers could easily be re-bottled like the genies or Evil
Spirits that they are – only to be let out again under
extremely controlled circumstances. The ones that were
66

scrapped would also provide a wealth of recycled materials –
especially gold and other precious minerals and metals.
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2. Money and computers are filthy – they carry most
germs. “Filthy leukah”. “Filthy rich versus filthy
poor”?
In the next two sections (2) and (3) I give my two principal,
both devastating objections to the worlds of ‘cash’ and ‘the
computer-money complex’. The first, in this section, will
probably strike you as common sense, but nevertheless
something you will almost certainly never have thought of –
because society makes money so sacred a Sacred Cow – that is
actually very shocking. Consider: -
• Whenever you give and take money in a shop, those notes
and coins will have been handled by dozens and hundreds
of people in their time, many with infectious diseases. The
dirt on those notes and coins, built up increasingly with
age, carries toxic, infectious, microbes, bacteria,
viruses and other microscopic germs...
• Money is filthy. Your average wallet, purse, or
pocket of money is absolutely riddled with disease
and germs.
• Especially these days, with ‘chip and PIN’ keyboards
replacing signatures, the same is only slightly less true of
debit and credit cards – 20 people an hour touch the same
keyboard to enter their PIN, passing on infectious germs
and so diseases.
• So what about the cash till operators? They typically do a
two hour shift, handling not only the toxic infected money
– but all of the goods being sold... Then their shift
changes because operating a cash till is only allowed for a
certain amount of time because it is intensive i.e. very
stressful. Another cash till operator uses the very same
cash till keyboard – spreading even more germs and
disease.
• The same is true of computer keyboards worldwide, for
the vast majority of these are shared between company
employees and members of families and their friends at
home.
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I am a quite ‘heavy’ smoker so am well aware of the current
fierce coercion in my own country England, to initially ban all
smoking in public places that started two years ago, obviously
with the long term agenda being to outlaw smoking altogether.
However I feel that the Government led health warnings on
tobacco could be used even more urgently on money – notes,
coins and cards. This would take place in a ‘grass roots way’,
with at first families, then towns and villages, declaring
themselves to be ‘money free / cash free / credit free zones’
which would be vastly more effective than such communities in
the past rather ‘pissing in the wind’ by declaring themselves
rather pointlessly to be ‘nuclear free zones’. Finally whole
states and counties, then whole countries, would become ‘cash
free zones’, in this New World.
Bank notes, debit and credit cards, and keyboards would
initially be marked with the chemical skull and crossbones
symbol for ‘poison’, and be inscribed with the warning,
“Contains toxic, poisonous dirt, microbes, bacteria and viruses”
Coins are too small for such a warning message – but the ‘tails’
side could have stamped on it in yellow and black the same
‘poison’ skull and crossbones warning…
My own approach to dealing with the problems of money being
dirty and unhygienic – it gets worse, see the next section – is
the human, humane approach compared to the above ‘Beast
666’ one…
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So – we would like to see this sort of desperately over-needed
measure introduced first in my own country, the UK. So I
address Her Majesty The Queen in Person : -
“Ma’am. Message from MAAM. Read on for the rest gets better
and better after this. Then get your current government of
whatever slant to read this too – and all of you abolish all
money starting here in the UK.”
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3. Money and computers are just filthy dirty middle-men.
Money and computers underpin our ‘Modern 21 st
Century World’ – but it is unbearably awkward, clunky
and inhuman. The oil of human relations would run
rich in a world freed of both.
We have just seen one frighteningly real problem with both
money and computers as they co-exist in their 21 st Century
‘computer-money complex’. We now turn to look at how these
two middle men, the terrible twins in this conspiratorial
takeover of the world of the last 70 years, increasingly in the
last ten years, seem to have brought it nearly to a diabolically
awful conclusion since 11 th September 2001 – ‘9/11’ and
George Bush Junior’s ensuing immediate launch the very next
day of the infamous ‘war on terrorism’. So let us compare the
world now with ten years or so ago, and see how in the Name
of Progress a ruinous state of affairs has nearly finished
emerging.
Please do not think I am some kind of ‘Victor Meldrew’
character when you read the long list of severe gripes below
with the ‘system’ as it has now emerged and seems likely to
produce only even more of the same dire sort of world. It is
just that I have long since lost any of my initial enthusiasm for
computers, but it is they not I that are turncoats, for far from
their initial, mostly for noble, purposes 70 years ago – now
they only mostly serve the ‘computer-money complex’. My list
of severe gripes is as follows: -
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• Using the telephone to talk to representatives of more and
more organizations, especially commercial ones, has
become, and is becoming, increasingly fraught. You
usually now get a ludicrously positive, beaming, robot
humanoid voice, terribly terribly well-spoken, not a real
person. You are asked to push a series of buttons
supposed to home you in on the option you want to
address when you deal with them. Then all too often one
of two things happens: - (a) you discover to your horror
that this phone call is being answered in a completely
inhuman automated way – there is no possibility of
actually talking to a human being not a robot humanoid
voice interpretation machine that often mishears you or
hangs up unexpectedly. (b) You wait ten or twenty
minutes listening to that company’s taste in piped muzak
‘on hold’ – most irritating when they play the same
(depressing?) muzak track over and over again. Then
when you finally get through to a human voice, and ask a
slightly difficult question not on their computer screen,
they say ‘do you mind if I put you on hold for a moment?’
which turns into a further ten or twenty minutes, far from
‘a moment’. They are really saying, were they honest
about it ‘I do not mind putting you on hold for ten minutes
when I say ‘a moment’. You are footing the phone bill and
we ensure it is a premium rate number so we get a large
payment from the phone company from your bill – for
keeping you on hold.’
• Another form of ‘computer-money complex’ phone abuse,
also just keeps getting more and more common and
intrusive. Increasingly when my phone rings, it is no
friend, not even a real person on the far end. It is a
recording of another robot humanoid, pleasantly inviting
you to buy their service or pay for everything apart from
the actual fare of the Mediterranean Cruise it claims you
have won. Nobody likes con artist robots ringing you up
like that.
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• My third and final example of what I regard as phone
abuse is the familiar phrase once you actually get through
to customer services and real people. How often have you
heard this, “Sorry please ring back in a few hours. Our
system is down.” Whereas the first two problems above
are really just symptoms of a now fully emerged “Culture
of the computer-money complex” – the “system down.”
problem speaks to me, as a Chartered Computer Systems
Engineer with a long history of actually designing fully
100% working computer systems years ago, of a much
deeper problem, as follows: -
• Probably even now, still the worst offender in this is the
very market leader, whom I will ironically name by my
affectionate term for them in this discussion: ‘Megabollox’.
The above company will have been sold their computer
system, either to replace a previous paper based system,
or more likely these days, with the march of time and such
‘Progress’ – an upgrade from another earlier version of
such a system. Megabollox have caused an entire sales
culture of selling new computer systems by appealing to
the buyer with the sheer quantity of ‘bells, whistles,
gadgets and gizmos’ that come with it – generally termed
‘features’. The trouble is testing all of these vast quantity
of such ‘features’ on just one system so they all always
work together or in unison, not just in isolation from each
other. Again Megabollox have started another major
notorious trend with their software – they release it to a
naïve gullible Joe Bloggs public, barely tested beyond the
pre-production ‘beta’ testing phase – and let that public,
already hard sold yet another ‘jazzy, exciting Megabollox
product’ do most of the testing for Megabollox instead.
Yet for Megabollox, have they already done everything
technically feasible years ago in 2002 with their ‘Windows
XP’ product?
• They were immediately assailed by a dodgy army of
hackers, and had to spend the next five years introducing
literally thousands of security features to stop Windows XP
attracting viciously hostile ‘malware’ - viruses, Trojan
horses, spyware, worms, and other assaults. That was
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five years that stopped Megabollox introducing Windows
Vista as a ‘replacement’ for Windows XP – but it backfired.
• Problems were, as I could see them when I bought a
laptop briefly with Vista Home Basic installed on it in 2007
when Vista emerged:-
• Initially and for some months, one could not make Vista
run any software that ran on Windows XP – apart of
course from Megabollox software. All software
manufacturers apart from supreme arrogant Megabollox
had to rapidly produce new ‘Vista compatible’ versions of
their packages, at vast expense.
• However hard I tried while I had my Vista machine, I
could not for the life of me perceive any real difference
technically in the internals from its predecessor XP that
I knew very well. Megabollox emphasised the ‘front end’
or ‘(hu)man-machine interface’ and indeed that seemed to
be where absolutely the only differences lay. What a let
down after waiting all of five years – just to get a
cosmetically slightly ‘sexier’ system.
• Yet the biggest problem with Vista, its downfall it was to
turn out, was that some of these ‘front end’ features
required vastly more sheer computing power and
resources than were available on most machines then and
even now – especially some of the more ludicrously
‘snazzier’ features like three dimensional graphics.
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• Overall then, with Vista, Megabollox were ‘flogging a dead
donkey’ by introducing this cosmetic, resource-flogging
successor to Windows XP falsely as an advance. The
marketing hype certainly led hundreds of thousands of
gullible punters to do what Megabollox coerced by claiming
they would be dropping all their support of XP once Vista
had been launched. They coughed up the large license fee
often only to feel stranded by the above three problems
and by the usual cynical Megabollox ploy of using the
public as guinea pigs to find most of the deeper and more
subtle ‘bugs’ or faults in the new Vista Operating System.
• Yet Megabollox are planning to flog the dead donkey even
further into its grave, as it were, by shortly bringing out
yet another new version of Windows beyond XP – called
‘Windows 7’. Yet the price/performance ratio for the
computers it would run on bottomed out at last to £300
for a complete computer vastly more powerful than one a
tiny fraction as fast and powerful and large – just 30 years
ago – when home computing was unthinkable due to the
cost and sheer size of machines then.
• Plus many computer pundits have pointed out that
computers are very near the limits of their design
capabilities – due to the limitations of physics itself – they
are rapidly approaching a point where ‘quantum effects’
prohibit them getting any smaller and more compact.
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• For all of 70 years, all world governments have given
computer designers a total free rein solely in the name of
‘Progress’ and ‘economic growth’ - whereas computers
now actually contain most of the world’s wealth. It is
surely time for computer people everywhere to admit it: -
“Come on lads and ladettes – the game is up – the world
governments have at last got wind that they have been
taken by surprise by us computer nerds for all of 70 years
now – so have let us get away with our blue murder of IT
technology. The game seems to be up – we have to admit
to them that everything possible that can be done with
conventional computers has already been done. No, we
have not succeeded by any stretch of the imagination in
creating a single conscious i.e. truly intelligent computer in
that 70 years… Our long term, vastly expensive game
seems to be up.’
• Conventional computer design, so its price to performance
ratio, have reached opposite peak and trough respectively
for some years now. A great time to reverse as much of
the damage as possible – for the Cool, Calm, Collected
Complete Computer Census or CCCCCC (C6) I mentioned
earlier – at the same time as laws are passed worldwide to
outlaw and criminalise money.
• Have computer systems really peaked? Or is it not rather
the case that they have gone way beyond any reasonable
such peak – especially in the vast wastelands of
cyberspace that constitute the newly arrived and already
nearly world dominant Internet? I speak as a retired
Chartered Computer and Instrument and Measurement
and Control Engineer, who from 1971 to 1997 regularly
used, where regularly millions of computer ‘bytes’ are
totally wastefully used today, a few hundreds or thousands
at most of such bytes of program – to achieve a perfectly
working, hand crafted not machine-butchered result.
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• In a nutshell, I have to work with the Internet to write and
promote my writings, but LOATHE it. I find it glitzy,
trashy, grossly inefficient and slow, unreliable – and very
often either sleazy (with invasions from pornography sites
and / or viruses etc.) or even sinister next to totally
respectable (Marks and Spencer are apparently on a par
with sites run by Al’Quaeda terrorists.) Above all there is
a total lack of central control by any government’s laws as
the Internet grandiosely transcends all International Law,
so totally frustrating the efforts of international
governments everywhere to regulate the Beast.
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• My own proposal is the CCCCCC, as we have seen. A
bottom-up grass roots approach of a global census of all
computer equipment would tackle the problem of the
Internet for world governments by taking out the lower
supporting ‘bricks’ of dangerous individual computers first.
Come on world, do yourself a favour – carry out just such
a CCCCCCC.
• As spending literally hours glued to a computer screen and
‘surfing the net’ has become commonplace in recent years
with the Internet, not just as once the domain solely of
‘computer nerds’, so we see, as this growth of ‘cyber
space’ has taken place, a parallel loss of interest in most
of society in ‘real’ not ‘cyber’ games, sports, shopping,
crafts and other recreation activities. Yet I have a derisive
term for much of the Internet as ‘tinsel town’ – unreliable
information, illegal drug sites, likewise extremely dodgy
pornographic sites that often attack you with viruses etc.
All totally unregulated of course. International laws on the
activities on the Internet, as we just said, are desperately
required. As I have found, perhaps the most annoying
thing that can happen is if your email address enters the
public domain. Then expect a torrent of emails for
‘guaranteed’ get rich quick on the Web schemes,
pornographic sites, and other spam clogging your email intray.
• The Millennium saw a new phenomenon, initially in richer
chains of shops, but now nearly everywhere. Where once
the only sound at cash desks in shops was the sound of
the cash till, now there is a cacophony of new sounds.
The multiple electronic ‘peeps’ as laser armed cash till
computers salute all the ‘666’ based UPC barcodes on all
the items of merchandise as they ‘scan’ the codes.
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• Money could be described as “the world’s oldest and most
fiendish weapon for controlling resources and people and
all living creatures”. Since 1939, exactly 70 years ago,
with the first computer, it has been joined in what has
nearly been perfected as what I term the ‘computermoney
complex’. I studied computer science at
Cambridge University 1978-79 and our then Professor
Maurice Wilkes had worked on the first Enigma computer
in that terrible war. One day he told us a totally
apocryphal tale. He and a senior colleague on the project
took a walk together near the computer at Bletchley, then
the only one in the world still remember, just after the
War ended. “We might need another one of these by the
year 2000” was the incredibly lacking in foresight remark
they made – just look at the uncontrolled supernova
explosion of computers since, now in every walk of life.
That first computer led a wave of such computer ‘weapons’
into a ‘computer-money complex’ with the ancient
ultimate weapon of money, into whole undreamt of ways
of controlling resources and people and animals now. Yet
like all weapons of war and military methods, both are
almost unbearably clunky, awkward and stiff, middle men
only – both inanimate servants that would dominate, with
absolutely zero inherent intelligence. They threaten to
throttle humanity once and for all as they have caused the
current Second Great Depression. My own views are
radical – we need to Abolish All Money and put its ally the
genie of computers firmly back in the bottle – all before it
is all too late. The rewards if we do that are huge.
• That is the end of rather a ‘diatribe’ in some places against
money and computers – now with their “computer-money
complex” having caused directly the Second Great
Depression of 2009. In the next 20 sections or so, I will
be necessarily a lot briefer – because I will trying to
imagine what the world would be like (dare I say will be
like one day?) when money has been abolished – and the
genie of computers put back in the bottle. Nobody can
fully imagine this, so I will be sensible and confine myself
to what the initial changes might be. As a young boy, I
thoroughly enjoyed the Narnia Books of C. S. Lewis, and
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will paraphrase a ‘shout of joy’ in the final book of the
series – The Last Battle. He greatly reassures us that
when the world finally ends, a New World will absolutely
immediately appear, ready-made, and as the heroes of the
story enter this New World they cry out for joy. In a world
with money gone and computers shrunk back to their own
original size in importance, would the shout be, ‘Higher
and Further.’ then become ‘Ever Higher and Ever
Further.’?
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4. Resources and possessions. No more force of
economics. No more “haves and have not’s” –
everybody happy.
In most of the rest of this Manifesto I look at how the world
would at least maybe start to be should we as a species,
probably initially in small pockets, abolish all money, i.e.
abolish all cash and abolish all credit. That is right: - a world
with no money, no cash, no credit, I say again, zero money,
zero cash and zero credit. A money-free, cash-free, credit-free
world.
Would resources and possessions just disappear in this New
World? Of course not – but they would simply have no financial
or monetary value associated with them or price tag. They
would instead revert to their essential ‘intrinsic value’ which
Karl Marx called their ‘use value’ in his essay ‘the fetishism of
commodities’ in his famous book ‘Das Kapital’.
A money-free world is the only way to achieve the great Noble
Aspirations of many of mankind to have a fair distribution of
wealth i.e. in That World, only resources and possessions, with
no financial strings attached any more. Neither Capitalist nor
Communist – but Utterly Liberal with capital U and capital L. It
would almost automatically apply two principles from the words
of Jesus in the New Testament in the Bible: -
• ‘Seek and you shall find’
• ‘Ask and you shall receive’
In our 21 st Century world it is possible to get hold of anything
you could possibly want in life – at a price. In a world where
‘money was no object’ – where indeed money no longer
existed. – all you would do was seek your heart’s desire till you
found it – in papers, magazines, books, TV, radio as now – and
whatever rump was left of the Internet after the CCCCCC I
keep advocating. With no money involved, nor indeed would
there be any primitive barter unless you absolutely wanted to
thank the person with whatever was your heart’s desire. For
you will simply ‘ask (for it – politely.) and you will receive - it
– totally free of charge.’ in Our Brave New World.
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Really it would be that easy. Fascinating is it not?
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5. Food, clothing, land, housing and furnishings,
comfortable environment (decent lighting,
temperatures, air, water and sanitation) – all our
essential basic needs would become free for all – even
in the undeveloped world – the very least that this
incredibly simple proposal offers after the abolition of
money
Forget “seeking and finding your heart’s desire, and receiving it
if you ask politely for it” for a moment. In our present 21 st
Century World there is an ever deeper growing global “Rich –
Poor Divide” and the vast majority of the world’s burgeoning
population is born into a planet where they do not even have
the very basics, even clean water – as in the title of this
section, as I see them.
Finding a way, as many leaders and politicians try fruitlessly to
do, to find ways round the stranglehold of the ‘computer-money
complex’ today to reach out and actually give the majority of
the world, these basics that some take for granted, is
impossible.
To Abolish All Money is to create a world where there would be
an immediate global rescue operation from West to East and
North to South – literally - to provide at least the above basics
to absolutely all of the world’s population. The Western and
Northern Hemisphere actually already have all the adequate
resources – it is only the money itself that is currently the only
obstacle to absolutely a global panacea.
Taking money itself out of the ‘equation of the world’s current
mess’ – gives you instantly, literally, a panacea to all of the
world’s problems. As we see in the sections that follow…
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6. Work, agriculture, shops and industry
In a world free of money so of the ‘money motive’, at first there
might appear to be no incentive for any at all of these.
However: -
• Work would become optional or part time or full time as
you wished – the majority actually enjoy the right sort of
work. It would be a golden opportunity to abolish not only
unethical money but unethical and onerous forms of work.
Also wages.
• Agriculture would of course remain essential – but would
be able to be cleaned up, with global ‘slash and burn’,
‘cash crops’, Genetically Modified Food and Factory
Farming, etc, abolished. All food would become free so
far more exotic and varied. Everybody could enjoy a
healthy balanced diet – free.
• Shops would only lose their cash tills and become ‘Ware
Houses’ – with everything in them again free.
• Industry would lose all money, cash, credit, and most
computers in this equation. A golden opportunity for it to
clean up its act – to become vastly ‘greener and cleaner’
overnight – as many politicians now are vainly trying to
achieve.
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7. Walking, road, rail, sea, air and space transport
Of these, all not just walking would become totally free.
Yippee. Imagine the drive there will have to be to put nongreen
cars, motorbikes and busses off the road, non-green
trains, ships, planes also out of action – and to stop everybody
taking off into space.
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8. No more need for banks, taxes, gambling, casinos or
Stock Markets – or charities or state benefits on the
other hand…
In a money-free world this would speak for itself.
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9. The Law – very little crime; so punishment; left
possible.
About all that would be left of The Law would be the Ten
Commandments of the Old Testament plus the Two Great
Commandments of the New. These are, to refresh your
memory, ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ and ‘Love the Lord
your God with all your soul, all your mind, all your spirit and all
your heart’.
There might well be two graded punishments, for people still
using money after it was abolished, as follows: -
• ‘Insane about money’. Sectioning in a mental hospital.
• ‘Violently insane about money’. Detention in the
psychiatric wing of a prison.
Both punishments to involve nasty, rough, toxic tablets and
injections administered as now By Law until the prisoner were
cured completely.
The basic precept of British Law according to legal practitioners
themselves, as The Law has been developed largely by the
Victorians and spread to most of the rest of the world, is:-
“Possession is nine tenths of The Law”
These days that might be better put as: -
“Possession is 99.9% of the Law”.
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In a cash-free society the only law related to possession
would be the Commandment ‘Do not steal’. The Law
would revert Centuries, Millennia, to an original precept of the
Ten Commandments of Moses on Mount Sinai:
“Personal crimes are Nine Tenths of The Law”
Finally the Ten (Twelve?) Commandments would be
supplemented by new ones – taken straight from Buddhism: -
• “Do not hurt, abuse, or even offend any living creature”
• “Believe only what you yourself know to be true”.
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10. Local, national and international Governments
As I said before, it is inevitable that the way to the first ‘Father
Christmas State’, the first of a World Union of such ‘Father
Christmas States’, would be very grass roots indeed. ‘Money
free zones’ would lead to money free villages and towns – then
finally money free states and counties, and ultimately the
money free country then countries. I will now take a tongue in
cheek look at what would happen to my own country’s
government here in Britain, when this finally happens.
Government, both local and national, would be elected but
unpaid and voluntary, completely no longer to do with money
and as we just saw, as a direct result, with far fewer laws to
worry about. It would drastically shrink to just deal with the
few remaining things that local and national government would
be left to do in a money-free world, of a Father Christmas
State:-
• The Treasury and the Bank of England, like all banks, would
vanish. They would be replaced by a Ministry of Joy,
Humour and Generosity.
• The Home Office and Scotland Yard and The Police would
have far fewer laws and crimes to deal with. They would
become the Ministry of Wisdom, Reason and DEEP
THOUGHT.
• Any Father Christmas State like that, especially eventually in
a World Union of Father Christmas States, would as we see
soon enjoy complete world peace, so the Ministry of
Defence would become the Ministry of Grace, Peace, Love
and Creativity (formerly known as hanky-panky.)
• The NHS would also now offer free hairdressing, chiropody
and beauty treatments – a Ministry of Health and Beauty.
• I am open to like humorous suggestions to my email address
simon@maam.org.uk for what to merge social services and
the Department of Work and Pensions into – something
along the lines of The Ministry of Silly Walks (as
immortalized by John Cleese of Monty Python’s Flying
89

Circus in the 1960’s) but thoroughly up to date and 21 st
Century, original – and topical. I may well offer an
appropriate prize for this.
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11. Multinational cultural and language differences
and Travel
The first money-free zones, then towns and villages, and finally
Father Christmas Regions or Counties, and finally the first
Father Christmas State, would obviously be tourist attractions.
They would have to turn away travelers who were would-be
immigrants – and tell them to travel back to their home town
and ‘spread the word’ and make that into a money free zone
too.
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12. Trade; the fair distribution of wealth once
money were abolished; the end of the Great
International Rich-Poor Divide
Money free zones would exchange goods free (not barter –
that would be very backward-looking) without any trade.
The first full Father Christmas State would probably indeed be a
very advanced country like my own country of Great Britain,
and give goods away and expect like treatment in return –
setting a dramatic example until the full World Union of Father
Christmas States were established. Once that happened there
would naturally, as I said earlier, be a free rescue operation,
from North to South Hemispheres, and West to East – fully
global – International Rescue. The International Rich-Poor
Divide would naturally vanish, almost certainly in months or
even less.
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13. Children and families
In any Father Christmas State, it would be Christmas every day
of the year – Without Price. Naturally, all families especially
children, would be over the moon.
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14. Poverty and debt obsolete – personal and
national
As each Father Christmas State got established, two things
would naturally happen: -
• A fair distribution of wealth as in resources and possessions
would take place – all poverty would be abolished
• All debt would be cancelled out – as there would be no
money.
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15. Teaching and Education
• With money no longer any object, the children, and as
necessary adults of the whole world would for the first time
all receive a decent education.
• Money would either be taught about as a history subject
only, like computer systems – or best forgotten about totally
as a Very Bad Thing?
• Everybody would enjoy their education, teachers and
children alike, totally unlike the present regime around the
world.
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16. Science and Technology, especially regarding
information
• With money no longer any object, again, a dream of many
scientists and engineers could be achieved very quickly –
Science, Engineering and Technology could be completed
and finished off - everything possible would have been
invented and put to good use.
• The big exception to this would be the CCCCCC I have
mentioned before – this global computer census would ‘put
the genie of computers back in the bottle’ and global laws
would be passed limiting the scope and size of computers
drastically.
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17. The Arts
• With money no longer an object, yet again, works of art
would lose all financial value so only retain their intrinsic or
‘aesthetic’ value as art.
• In the Age of Leisure that would come once work was done
in five day on five day off shifts, and even be purely optional
and voluntary, The Arts would flourish. Drawing, painting,
photography, cinema, pottery, textiles, graphic design,
architecture, etc, etc, would all flourish – a New
Renaissance?..
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18. Entertainment and communications: - post offices
and services, radio, TV, (mobile) telephones, papers,
magazines, books; information and computer
technology, and the Internet
All of these are grossly over developed and would come under
the auspices of the same CCCCCC as for computers – to
rationalize and simplify them, and change ‘300 channels of
crap’ on TV, for instance back to far fewer, far higher quality
output channels.
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19. Sport, Recreation Activities and Holidays
As for the Arts, in the Age of Leisure that would come these
would all become accessible to all, and to a large extent would
enjoy a Renaissance – especially with computer games and TV
drastically ‘having their respective genies put back in the bottle’
as discussed already several times.
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20. Health, Beauty, Hygiene, Safety, Medicine, Hospitals,
Legal and Illegal Drugs, Social Services, Welfare, and
Care For The Elderly
• The one really appalling thing here, illegal drugs, would
simply and naturally go out of business once the drug barons
lost their entire money motive.
• All the other things in this list would be free for all – under
the umbrella of a ‘Ministry of Health and Beauty’ as proposed
before.
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21. The Environment; Natural Resources; Environmental
Health. Global Warming, ‘carbon footprints’, pollution,
climate change all made too a ‘thing of the past’
The money motive, nearly everyone agrees, is the main reason
for the wholesale destruction of The Global Environment – for
centuries if not millennia. With that Money Motive abolished if
and when we abolish money, an Environmental Renaissance
would happen too.
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22. Nature and Wildlife
With money abolished, and a New Age of Leisure, we would all
have much more time, and the motive, to appreciate Nature
and Life in General, much more. Would we clean up the whole
planet?
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23. Politics replaced by true leadership
Politics could be aptly described as ‘electing leaders to act
mostly by consensus’ in the grim art, mostly, of ‘raising taxes
then working out how “best” (which political view
predominates, determines this) how to spend them’. In a world
without money everybody would much more ‘be their own
leader’ or ‘be their own Jesus’ and it would be a much more
mature, grown-up society all round.
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24. World Peace and Security replacing Permanent War
One major long term objective that nearly all politicians today
are agreed on is of course the cause of World Peace. World
Peace would indeed come as naturally as Day follows Night
were money abolished – money and to an extent religion cause
all wars.
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25. Sexism, sexuality, homophobia, ageism, racism, etc,
etc
Everybody would have enough of everything they needed –
initially the basics, worldwide, to be followed by luxuries of
course. Everybody would be recognized as ‘equal but unique
and different’ – and these isms and phobias would soon
vanish.
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26. Stresses and Strains, the Pace of Life and Mental
Health
Life would be far less full of stress and strain with no money to
worry about. If everybody lived comfortably and above all for
free, with no longer any ‘money motive’ to goad us all on,
especially with work optional, the Mental Health of The World
would drastically improve. Mental Illness might well even
vanish entirely.
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27. Human or spiritual values and freedom of choice.
Religion – is it affected at all?
• There are of course a huge number of religions, faiths,
churches, and sects and denominations within them in this
World today. They mostly exhibit huge differences between
each other to outsiders, and some have most peculiar
practices, especially in this supposedly modern 21 st Century.
• The Christian Churches, judging from their speeches back in
Easter 2009 and since as usual, do at least vaguely agree on
one thing – the ‘spiritual life’ is vastly more to be honoured
and sought after than money and material possessions. Yet
ask a cross section of faiths and churches what ‘spiritual’
actually means – and you get an infinite range of answers.
• Religion freed of money would contract and simplify itself,
quite naturally, and find a much simpler consensus between
faiths. It would go through a great peaceful revolution, in
fact.
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29. Any counter arguments to the abolition of
money are few and weak.
• I have presented a whole range of very strong arguments in
this Manifesto that we actually all act to Abolish All Money.
These arguments cover every aspect of world society in the
post ‘9/11’ 21 st Century World that we currently inhabit, and
how these would change for ever for the good once we
Abolish All Money.
• Only those rich people who actually enjoy and luxuriate in
their advantages over the poor, while doing nothing about
that Great Divide, surely, can raise any serious objections to
what I am proposing here.
• In every aspect of life that I have described, there are no
disadvantages, only vast advantages, to humanity acting as
a whole to Abolish All Money.
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Overall - a very simple and high Quality of Life for all.
The End of Money, then, would bring about a New World,
a Utopia, where everybody was respected for being the
individual they are, there would be no rich and poor apart from
people being as comfortably off as they needed and wanted to
be.
At the same time computers and computer-inspired
activities would be subject to a CCCCCC Census – and life
without this other half of the current ‘computer-money
complex’ being dominant any more, would get a lot simpler –
and Higher Quality.
Is it possible, then, that a World without Money would be
for all – the Paradise on Earth envisaged if not promised by
many religions?
The key to that great claim is simple really –
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Abolish All Money!!!
110

111

112

Manifesto: -
Abolish All Money
• Make everything in the world all FREE
• The Machine especially now tranSiStorS is ‘The
Beast 666’…
• Census all machines especially computers
• License all machines especially computers
FOURFold il Professori Emeritus
Simon Richard Lee
BA, MA (King’s College, Cambridge, England, in Physics, Maths,
Chemistry, Biology and Computer Science) CEng, MIEE, MIET,
MinstMC. Full Kensho Enlightenment 2014-2020 is The Cream
on the Cake!
Long career in computer, instrument and control system
bare-bones design and installation engineering; now book
writing & Website promotion.
Electric Zen Buddha (on Face Book)
Allah === JHWH God === ALpha&OmegAH!
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Part I
Saturday 7/7/7 was supposedly a lucky
day to get married – and my lucky day
too – for I started to get to know and
soon ‘love my neighbour’ Julie who had
moved in in May.
Our intimate love affair soon flourished
despite jealous threats from other less
intelligent ‘neighbours from Hell’ – while
the country underwent drastic events –
Gordon Brown became prime minister
instead of Tony Blair, and the continuing
torrential rain in the wettest July on
record, caused widespread serious
floods on a national scale. Meanwhile
the armed forces were reportedly at full
stretch in both Iraq and Afghanistan…
When the going got tough, us two went
shopping instead…
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7/7/7 was said on the radio that afternoon, to be a very
auspicious day for weddings! Mind you, the same report said
that 8/8/8 would be even more astrologically auspicious!
However it marked an important start to a fun-filled month for
me, for a total change – that day I bumped into Julie, the new
neighbour from number 26, on the way back from the shops,
and we chatted for a full ten minutes. It was a lovely day just
for once that Summer, and it was my first chance to talk to her
apart from the earlier embarrassment of the fire at my flat,
weeks earlier. She turned out to be 48, ‘just the right age’,
rather than the 35 or so she seemed when I had occasionally
glimpsed her out of the window, coming to and from her small
gold car – which I totally wrongly had assumed had meant she
must have a decent job and salary. She turned out later to
work part time for an absolute pittance, and got a third of my
own inadequate benefit! She was looking for another job quite
intensively as a result. I had been woken up that bright
morning by the sounds of the annual fete in the park opposite,
and went there later – without Julie – and it was all kids’ stuff!
I was very taken by Julie’s good looks, her elfin face with
puckered lower lip, set in collar length very naturally curly
reddish brown hair (I had never gone out with a redhead
before!) Above all her 5’6” frame, an ideal height for me at my
6’2”, contained a slim but curvaceous, perfectly sexy figure. So
the following day I pursued this first meeting and took round
my books to her flat to show her what I had been talking about,
and she looked at them in her doorway. She had had a couple
of drinks and was in her dressing gown. A couple of hours later
I pursued matters further and went round to her flat, told her I
was expecting to receive over two thousand pounds in the next
week or two – could she take me shopping in her car as I had
none? I was so surprised to be answered ‘yes, of course’
almost immediately that as I left, as the weekend was still
sunny, I asked her out for a drink that evening ‘in a pub with a
garden in Ware’. Again she said yes, and an hour or so later,
after finding the “Saracen’s Head” and the “Navigator” both had
full gardens, we found that the “Victoria” had a nearly empty
garden – so had two drinks there.
I write now over six weeks later on the night of
Wednesday 22 nd August. I have neglected this diary till now, as
Julie’s part time job that she desperately wants to replace by a
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full time one as the pay is so abysmal, means she finishes
every day around 12.30pm – just as I awake! – so nearly all
my waking hours for weeks have been taken up with seeing her
in an increasingly intimate and passionate affair. Also getting
my pension money at last – and spending it. Also renewed and
increasingly desperate attempts to promote my written work,
inspired to do so by Julie’s love for me and vice versa…
Monday 9 th July – Sunday 15 th July. Spent loads of time with
Julie. On Monday went shopping with her and we had tea in a
café. Tuesday I spent £10 on top up’s for our two mobile
phones; she came round to borrow some tea bags; I gave her a
box and while she looked at my PC screen – I stole a kiss. She
put her hands on the table and said ‘I was not ready for that!’
Wednesday she had a good look round my rather grimy kitchen
and bachelor’s bathroom and said not ‘clean these up before I
see you again!’ but the far kinder, typical of her quiet, gentle
nature, ‘buy some rubber gloves and I will help you clean these
up – tomorrow!’ She said she went to kiss me on the cheek as
she went out of the front door but we ended up having a quick
snog! On Thursday my father rang to say Mum was ill in
hospital in University College Hospital in London, so he would
stay in touch. Julie and I snogged at length that evening. The
next day, Friday 13 th we went to the job centre at Hertford at
the start of a concerted campaign by us both ever since to find
another job, and she bought the Hertfordshire Mercury. When
we got home we got on my PC and she applied for four jobs.
None of them came to anything over the next couple of weeks,
though. We did update her CV on my PC, though. I revised it
again this week from a ‘chronological CV’ to a
‘skills/chronological’ style CV, after she was strongly advised to
do that by the careers advice person at Ware college. On
Saturday my ‘pension’ cheque for all of £1212 arrived from the
Prudential, but I had to wait to cash it on the Monday. Then it
would be a matter of investigating just how fast Barclay’s bank
fast clearance was – or taking it to the cheque cashing shop in
Hertford – as I had very little money for the week that day,
having paid lots of bank charges at the end of this last week.
Julie cleaned half the kitchen that afternoon while I completely
cleaned up the bathroom. Then I finished off the kitchen. We
must have had about four drinks on a mini pub crawl that
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afternoon – ended up on her bed naked together, but I did not
take advantage, for she had requested we first have sex in a
hotel room! However I was so turned on by the sight and
touch of her exquisite body that she kindly brought me to a
dramatically urgent head; I did not succeed in ‘helping her to a
head’ however, despite trying. Like two teenagers pleasuring
each other – within a week of seeing each other! On Sunday a
clearly ill Paul came round and nearly wrecked my first
restaurant date with Julie, a lunchtime buffet at an Indian
restaurant, but as I write he is still in hospital, on leave, having
been put on yet another Section 3 later that week, so
disappearing out of my, and so Julie’s, life at just the right
moment for us to get on with our courtship with no coarse
interruptions from him! Then there was a serious disturbance
at the flats, with Nit drunk in the garden, threatening to Rachel,
Julie’s impressionable young daughter of 18, while holding her
8 month old baby Hayden in her arms, that he was going to
come and ‘beat my head in’ because of his sheer lie that ‘last
year Simon said to me, “I hope your baby dies!”’ I never said
any such thing – I am not that sort of person! Nit was later
threatening all sorts of people on his mobile phone, and drove
off while still drunk, apparently carrying a hammer. Eventually
I called the police control room, and the police arrived half an
hour later at 10pm, sirens blaring! However they were
thoroughly lied to that ‘nothing has happened at all, officer’ by
the neighbours, and went off again after giving Julie and I
strange looks! However I was so disturbed by all this that I
stayed up nearly all night and typed two two-page letters to the
Housing Association and East Herts District Council, asking that
they turn my housing application into an emergency case. I
wanted out!
Most important facts about Julie that I learned in that first week
of dating
1. I was mystified at first, and largely remain mystified after
her ‘explanations’, while grateful because it has caused our
meeting and love affair, why Julie had swapped her two
bedroom flat, albeit on the second floor in Hoddesdon, just
for this tiny bed-sit through the wall from mine on the first
floor in the adjacent set of four bed-sits. We have precisely
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the same layout in reverse to one another in the two flats.
Julie tried to explain that she had been extensively harassed
there in Hoddesdon, sometimes by violent acquaintances of
her 18 year old foster daughter Rachel. Her bright gold
coloured car got followed round the town by honking cars
with Hoddesdon youths in, she said!
2. Julie was divorced about 13 years ago, she says, similar to
me, while like me only having a couple of sexual
relationships since. She had an eptopic pregnancy but could
not have children, so adopted 18 year old Rachel, who now
has an 8 month old baby son Hayden of her own, so Julie is
now a grandmother, which she says has ‘put off other men’.
Rachel has been splitting her time between largely her
mother and her grandmother, Julie’s mum, as she and
Hayden are homeless; for the first two weeks of August she
has spent every night next door with her mother.
Hoddesdon social services won’t let her live with the baby’s
father for reasons they won’t tell Rachel the mother out of
respect for her feelings as a teenage mum. However Julie
has been told the reason – the young man was brought up in
a home, and abused other children, so cannot be trusted
with his own son! Rachel attends regular meetings about her
homeless plight with social services, and has turned down
two offers of hostels – I don’t blame her! Julie has not been
invited to such meetings till yesterday – to be told her
application recently for two bedroom accommodation in the
area – Sawbridgeworth? – for her, Rachel and Hayden, was
indeed being taken very seriously indeed!
3. When typing her CV, I commented to Julie, ‘You have put
your NVQ and other training – vocational – on the CV – what
about your O levels?’ Initially she ummed and erred about
this, then finally admitted – ‘I never got any. You and I are
like chalk and cheese. I have worked with no formal
qualifications for years, mostly in caring, whereas you cannot
work yet have massive formal qualifications!’ Finally she
came out with the reasons why she has no formal
qualifications, needs a calculator to do simple sums, and has
poor spelling and grammar, as far as I am concerned. At
age 11 her parents divorced, and on top of that her aunt
died, so she had an ‘awful time at school’ and left at 16 with
no qualifications. Once she went back to work after ten
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years with bringing up Rachel, she has had a succession of
low skill jobs, currently working as a ‘picker packer’ for the
local WRVS ‘meals on wheels’ in Hertford, after many years
and an NVQ Level 2 in Caring for the Elderly.
4. Julie went through the menopause at age 38, is now 48, and
takes hormone replacement therapy or HRT. As a result, to
my delight, there is no need for condoms, which she hates as
much as I do!
5. Julie detests smoking so it is a credit to her feelings that she
still continues now to put up with my own incessant smoking
– even in her kitchen! Her daughter Rachel smokes, which
might explain partly why this is and why Julie is so tolerant.
6. Julie went bankrupt in April this year – and moved here the
next month – partly she says, to lower her bills. As I write in
the evening of Thursday 23 rd August she has just had a job
interview and secured a second job for The Cheshire Homes
as a carer – hopefully becoming fulltime or nearly so very
quickly after she starts. Before that she has lived for a year
on £6,000 a year or under £500 a month – far below the
official poverty line in this country of £10,000 a year –
explaining why she got into quite so much debt that she had
to go bankrupt in April. Some good news, she today
received a letter saying the period of bankruptcy might end
in under a year rather than the normal six.
7. Above all, I immediately confessed about my history with
‘mentally ill’ labels, and she told me that my gossip
gargantuan neighbour downstairs, Terror, had in fact advised
her to have nothing to do with ‘him, that nutcase’. At the
end of the above first week she got out of the car saying and
smiling ‘illness what illness?’ and told me she was very glad
she had left it to her own feelings about me and my ‘illness’
rather than listen to Terror’s phoney ‘advice’. Indeed, she
says quite rightly that I am much better already for having
an affair with a ‘normal’ neighbour. She may have had a tiny
‘mini breakdown’ years ago but unlike myself is completely
‘outside the system’! My parents have both met her and
agree she is ‘absolutely lovely – look after that one, Simon!’
Julie and I are still going strong as I type, on Bank Holiday
Monday 27 th August 2007, which has been a great boon for me.
ALL the literary agents apart from Curtis Brown that I wrote to
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ecently have turned me down, and Julie has been my
inspiration to carry on with that single agent, and attempt to
get my writing featured in religious journals advertising on the
Internet. Above all my daughter has had some serious ups and
down – but Mum’s health has deteriorated dramatically to the
point that she passed away in hospital last Friday 24 th August.
A year earlier I had started my traumatic four months in mental
hospital following lies to the police by neigbours. It has been a
difficult twelve months, to say the least, and without meeting
Julie – and from Monday 16 th August having money to wine and
dine this very impoverished but lovely lady – my last six weeks
would have been much harder to take.
Monday 16 th – Sunday 22 nd July 2007
Like I said I was up all night typing letters to the housing
association and the council, and popped into Barclays first thing
that morning and enquired about clearing the cheque for £1212
that I had received on Saturday. Normal clearance was out of
the question – it would take till Friday, I did not have a date for
the other payment from Legal and General, and Julie and I had
only £20 to last. Express clearance, I learned to my surprise,
could take as long, and was ridden with complex rules. So I
cashed the cheque at the Cash Flow cheque shop in Hertford
before talking to the Council at their offices, who said talk to
the housing association, so I delivered their letter too by hand,
but could not get in to talk to anybody about it – the woman,
Sue Rider, of housing needs, was out till Wednesday. I went
home, paid all my overdue bills as well as, to my vast relief
paying off completely my two smallest credit card bills. I gave
Julie £100 - £70 because she was broke till next week – and
£30 to have her hair cut and styled and highlights put in as
arranged with the hairdresser for Tuesday – a good deal!
Tuesday was quiet but I met a married friend of Julie at hers,
who worked with her, she was sure fancied her despite going
through divorce at present, who chatted on about buying
several copies of my other book, but who to date has not. On
Wednesday morning I got a letter from Legal and General
saying my £1362 would have cleared today, which it had. After
paying bills and spending on Julie and I on Monday, that made
my bank balance a massive £1800+! My mother was still in
hospital in London, so I posted her, to me, an amusing card, at
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her home address, for my father to take her tomorrow when he
visited. Then after several hours on the Internet, I had got
through my list of items I got numbers for from an Argos
catalogue, and what I could not order from their Hoddesdon
store for collection by the next day, I had ordered from their
Harlow store, also to collect with Julie’s car to help, the next
day. One store each had one of the vital computer desk and
matching filing cabinet I had identified from the catalogues as
being the best for my room. The next day, Julie took me to
Hoddesdon Argos, went to the hairdresser in Ware, emerging
nearly two hours later looking very glamorous with highlights
and a haircut and style very similar but less dramatic than one
she had chosen, modelled in a magazine. The trip to Harlow
went as smoothly as the trip to Hoddesdon Argos. There we
also visited Curry’s where I bought a Hi-fi, Comet where I
bought a record deck to match, Homebase where I bought a
new chopping board and some leather table mats and coasters;
and finally I bought her a £19 power supply for her mobile,
which her daughter had given her without one. After a nice
meal and a drink or two Julie suddenly relented on her
apparent resolve that she would wait to have sex with me first
in a hotel or other ‘romantic setting’ as she put it! We have
been having regular sex every two or three nights since – with
her on top, occasionally coming like me, next on top of her.
When I described this as ‘Ladies First!’ we both laughed a lot! I
was up all night building the desk and rearranging the room
around it, and Julie was amazed at the transformation when
she came round, on Friday afternoon, for on the Wednesday I
had ordered a 21” TV, for under £100, that arrived that
morning. Friday afternoon, my mother and father came to a
CPA meeting when my father took over the role from my
mother of my next of kin, for although she was obviously now
back out of hospital, she was too frail to continue the role.
Little did we all know what would happen five weeks later,
when she died – once more back in hospital. Saturday Julie
found a standard lamp in a charity shop that she bought – and
also a nest of tables for me! We watched a good DVD called
‘Closer’ she owned and had an Indian meal at home. On the
Sunday she drove us into Enfield for lunch with her elderly
Father. This was at a local pub, for a lovely roast lunch, and
couple of drinks.
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Monday 23 rd – Sunday 29 th July 2007. My relationship with
Julie continued to flourish – but she blamed me for having bad
cystitis on Monday – and developing external thrush on
Wednesday! Like I told her, however, when she saw the doctor
that Friday, he told her it was common for new sexual partners!
I paid some bills on Monday, and posted a photo with a form
for a national bus pass due to be issued next year. Having
enquired about one last week, I put in a formal request for my
third ever £600 holiday grant from the IET Benevolent Fund. I
bought an electric screwdriver for a remarkably low £10 from a
hypermarket style DIY shop in Hertford. At midnight that night
my gargantuan female troublemaker from downstairs
incessantly rang my doorbell just because I was playing my
music a bit too loud – so I told her to ‘piss off!’ and waited till
she stopped. I complained to the Housing Officer next day
about her! The next day, Tuesday, I put some spare copies of
my other book into two local bookshops in Ware and Hertford
to try and sell them. That night I was up into the small hours
finally getting round to producing a rather oversized article for
Elsevier plc’s ‘Religion’ journal. I planned to print off four
copies to post to them, once the ink I needed arrived. That
happened on the Saturday, so I printed Elsevier’s four copies
then. Wednesday onwards was quiet. I saw the psychologist,
Eric, at Cygnet House down the road, for the third and last
time. I had got pissed off with how he just sat there typing
what I said on his computer, not saying much and yawning
rudely a lot! On the Thursday Julie had an interview at a job
agency in Stevenage for an unlikely job as a tele sales
operator. Indeed, the agent was candid with her, and told her
she was far too quiet and reserved for tele-sales, and indeed
she told me she lost her only previous part time job in it. ‘Find
a job in your main background, caring, it would suit you far
more!’ she was told. I took her out for a meal at an Italian
restaurant in Ware that night, partly as consolation. It poured
with rain all day. There had been floods in the North and
Midlands and East Anglia earlier in this wettest July on record –
now Gloucestershire and Worcestershire were experiencing bad
flooding. On Friday two men arrived with a huge machine, and
cleaned my carpets as arranged. I had a haircut. Elsevier
emailed to say, yes, please post us your article from your book.
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I had spaghetti with Julie at her place while as often, she
minded her daughter’s baby for her. On Saturday I had an
email from Tabitha my lawyer to say the police report was
imminent. Julie and I had a quiet evening watching TV –
yesterday she had taken me to Harlow to buy a vital lead long
enough for it to reach the socket. On the Sunday we had a
drink at the Victoria pub, site of our first date, and I used up all
my ink producing four papers for Elsevier, and one for New
Scientist and one for ‘Nature’ magazine.
Monday 30 th July – Sunday 5 th August. Three very quiet weeks
followed! On Monday 30 th July I had all six copies of my
article(s) bound in wiro and Perspex at the local graphics shop,
then posted four to Elsevier, one to New Scientist and one to
Nature magazines. Within some days I got a postcard from
Nature rejecting it – with no further discussion e.g. the obvious
‘why not?’ allowed by them. I saw my nurse Jackie that
afternoon. On Tuesday I ordered a £205 two seat, apparently
very strong, sofa-bed from Ikea’s web site. On Wednesday I
bought my Mum a couple of cards and a pot of unusual lilies
and Julie took me to the house at Hatfield to give them to her,
obviously now out of hospital again. She was frail, not strong
enough to have the full chemotherapy the doctors wanted as
some of her blood platelets were massively depleted from the
previous round last year, but chatted at length in the summer
house to Julie. Then she insisted on driving over to our two
flats with a metal garden table and chairs as a present for Julie,
with my Dad merely tagging along to help assemble and
reassemble them! We had a Chinese takeaway then Mum rang
and said that Julie was ‘absolutely gorgeous!’ After that on the
Thursday Julie and I shopped in Harlow, and I bought some
clothes in Matalan. I bought some bed linen in a hardware
shop, and as ever when in Harlow I made some useful
purchases in Poundland – for just £1 each! We ate a pizza and
then Julie had one of her rare ‘nights off’ during our affair. On
Friday my parents moved to Sussex – so the house that had
been so cluttered on our visit there on Wednesday was
suddenly emptied of absolutely everything in it, ready for the
new owners. Also I refused my depot from Josie, standing in
from Jackie, who was on holiday in Ireland. I also missed my
appointment with the psychologist. Julie had commented on
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my taste in underwear, so on the Saturday we shopped in
Harlow again, at Next for pants for me, and again at Matalan,
this time me helping Julie buy about half of £37 of clothes in
the sale for her. Sunday we had a quiet time – chicken salad in
the garden for late lunch – then Chris called round to see me.
Monday 6 th – Sunday 12 th August. The second of three quiet
weeks – little in my diary again as I was preoccupied with my
affair with Julie, which blossomed more with each week that
passed. On Monday had a long discussion by phone with Ian of
the CATT team, whom Josie in Jackie’s absence had asked to
give me my depot. He tried his best by rote to persuade me to
have it from him, but I felt fine without – so just refused. Had
about my only so far to date (trivial) argument with Julie about
some phone calls she left when I turned out to have gone out
to the shops when she came round expecting to find me at
home. Tuesday I followed up posting papers to New Scientist
and Elsevier. New Scientist said they only published papers
that had appeared first in peer-reviewed journals. Elsevier, just
such a journal, were more helpful when I rang their editor at
the University of Aberdeen, saying the papers were ‘too
philosophical’ for their social sciences oriented journal, but they
would return the papers and recommend suitable journals in
the area of the philosophy of religion in an accompanying letter.
Chris came round that afternoon, which had got to be a regular
occurrence, then the missing Paul rang – from hospital! Finally
as late as 10pm that night my daughter came round, and
confessed to having first had one row with her mother and
Rodney about one tattoo on her back being put on, then leaving
home that night after a second furious row over an equally
forbidden second tattoo. She cried and I held her hand as she
said she was being ‘all emotional at the moment’. I gave her
my phone number and my father’s mobile number, but she did
not phone for a couple of weeks, leaving me to worry about her
having run away from home – with no further news from her!
Wednesday the promised holiday grant of £600 appeared in my
bank account – but two shopping trips with Julie to Matalan in
first Harlow then Hertford, soon took care of £100 of it – and
the high drama of the next two weeks meant the holiday I
booked that night for three nights in a hotel in Brighton on the
24 th to 26 th August, I soon had to cancel. We had visited
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Homebase in Harlow on the Monday so I could replace the
curtain rail in my kitchen, long ago distorted by the fire there
two years ago, and I also bought a hacksaw to help put it up –
and a toolbox for my electrical tool kit. That evening I took
down the old curtain rail and washed the curtains. The sofa
from Ikea arrived on the Thursday in three parts – the
mattress/seat, dark blue cover and frame ready to be built up.
After going to Matalan, and having a meal with Julie as usual,
first I cut and put up the new rail, then curtains, then worked
to about 3am on the sofa frame, making only one small
mistake that took ten minutes to make good. Friday I had
several arguments on the phone with Josie and Cuthbert of the
Assertive Outreach Team, but in the end they did not give me
my depot. That evening after a nice meal, and Julie had
admired the new sofa-bed – we christened it with a sheet on it
and pillows from the other sofa-bed – ‘Ladies First!’ again for
the second time of four so far of that – to remind you, her
getting on top of me and coming, then rolling over so I came
too! On Saturday we planned to go to Clacton, but when she
rang to wake me up I felt unwell, then Jackie my nurse rang
then came round and gave me my depot. We ended up not
going to the seaside, but making not one but two trips to
Matalan that afternoon, buying some nice clothes for Julie, and
returning two other outfits she had bought in Harlow, one too
big and the other frayed. My diary only records that that night
and the whole of Sunday I had to do a drastic ‘de-tox’ from the
haldol depot – using lots of coffee, beer, Pepsi Max and orange
juice – I was so very agitated!
Monday 13 th – Sunday 19 th August. This third quiet week of
three saw very little happen, according to my handwritten
diary, but it set the scene for the high drama of the bank
holiday weekend coming in two weeks’ time. On Monday I
binned a load of brown cardboard boxes cluttering up my
landing. Julie and I then took a load of electrical equipment
piled up there, that I had now replaced as it was damaged
beyond repair and/or was too old, to Hoddesdon tip, which had
an electrical recycling facility. She failed to find a ‘spiritual’
shop further down the road in Cheshunt, to put some of my
books on sale or try to, and concluded it must have shut down
since her last visit last year. Finally at Hoddesdon Argos I
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eadily got a refund for the walkie-talkies that had been part of
my shop there on 19 th July – we had now tried them and one
failed to power on once taken off the charger. I slept for two
hours then talked to Jeni by phone – who had not bothered to
ring me but was still staying at friends, not yet back at home.
That was the first worry of several serious ones that week.
Tuesday saw Julie sending me a text message that I did not
understand that caused the second of only two
misunderstandings and so arguments we have had while
enjoying otherwise seven weeks to date of relative bliss! Then
the real problem started – my father called in the evening to
say Mum was back in hospital at University College Hospital in
London – having picked up a serious and very painful thrush
like infection due to the new second recent round of
chemotherapy – in her throat. However when I tried to ring
him back about this high drama, which he said was life
threatening, the phone number I had would not work. I had no
home number for him, doubted he was connected, none for my
sister either, who had recently moved too, nor any mobile
number for her; and Jem and Jane and family turned out to be
on holiday in Cyprus. So I had to wait till my father next
phoned, when I complained bitterly about these communication
problems at such a time of crisis. This was when he next
called, as late as Friday 17 th . On Wednesday, having phoned
them and got the information verbally, the letter arrived from
Elsevier’s Mr Segal at Aberdeen, with three journal titles in
‘philosophy of religion’ to write to, so I emailed them all as
requested on their web sites. I noticed there was an apparently
new second ‘International Journal for the Philosophy of Religion’
called ‘Sophia’ published by Springer Netherlands. However I
did not write to them as well, until all the first three I tried had
emailed back quick rejections by Monday 20 th August – ‘too
long and we do not provide illustrations in our journals!’ – ‘not
scholarly enough!’ – and ‘not philosophical enough language!’
were their surprising reasons! Also on Wednesday I sent a
finalised version of my ‘Scientific Proof’ book to literary agents
Curtis Brown, still deliberating on an earlier revision, I was told
– fully expecting their usual stylised, uninformative rejection…
Then on Thursday, following a phone call from my lawyer
Tabitha on Wednesday, came a further shock after Mum going
back into hospital on Tuesday – her letter arrived from Guile
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Nicholas with the final report from the police from their
investigation into my complaint about being cautioned. It
completely exonerated the police involved, to my complete
surprise – I (and Tabitha) had expected disciplinary action at
least over the fact that I was not allowed an ‘appropriate adult’.
PC Brimson had said in her statement that I never asked for
one, the report said, which was a complete lie, as when she
blocked Jacqui O’Riordan from coming to the station, she also
blocked my further request for anybody else suitable. I phoned
Tabitha about this and said I would email a statement to her
about this by Monday. I was also very agitated and concerned
that Rachel, Julie’s daughter, had repeatedly told her lies told
by Terror, my gargantuan neighbour below me, about me. The
latter fatso was not talking to me claiming she had been told
not to by police – but was gossiping lies to Rachel instead –
clearly intent on worrying Julie! Asshole Terror! Also on
Thursday I had at long last my final disappointment with my
mail-shot to publishers at the start of the year – a delayedaction
and apologetic rejection from Blackstaff Press of
Northern Ireland. Out of 30 publishing houses and 100 or so
agents, all had rejected my book or books, apart from just
Curtis Brown. Since July I had put this down to the main
prediction of Spiritual Experience Twenty-Nine – that my
‘mental hospital books’ – and Helen’s – included with ‘Scientific
Proof’ had caused the people I wrote to, to dismiss me as a
‘nutcase’! Finally on Friday came a pretty stroppy discussion
when my father finally rang up with more terrible news – my
mother’s throat infection was basically under control but
because the chemotherapy could not be given in anything like
the full dose the doctors wanted – the cancer was taking a hold
again. I carried on with plans formed with Julie to take my first
holiday in 15 years, and Julie’s first in four years, by booking
four nights at a good guest house in Worthing from next Friday
to Monday, for just £20 each a night. That way we would get a
longer holiday, which I could afford far more easily with the
£400 left of the original £600, much eroded by several
shopping trips with Julie. Julie walked out without saying ‘good
bye’ on Saturday night after I started working on my statement
about the police report, following a four page letter to our
Housing Officer about Terror’s vicious campaign of lies. I only
finished these at 6am, slept till 1pm, then Chris came round, as
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so often these days, I had chicken and chips at the local café,
then typed up part of this diary for the last eight weeks –
managing the first two weeks of it.
Monday 20 th – Bank Holiday Monday 27 th August 2007.
Monday. The window cleaner called as arranged the previous
week by phone. Faith and Philosophy Journal told me my
article was not philosophical enough! Off the trivia, Dad rang
again that evening saying Mum may well be dying, and he and
my sister Libby were planning to stay up there to be with her in
case it was indeed the end. Tuesday. Another journal emailed
a rejection. Julie listed her bills at my flat and seemed to still
be in dire trouble. However, she had an interview for a job
with Cheshire Homes at Welwyn Garden City on Thursday
afternoon, initially for a part time job at good rates for her,
which would solve that in due course, especially once as
planned she increased her hours in this extra caring job till it
became full time or nearly so, so she could at last quit her
current humdrum ‘picker packer’ job for WRVS ‘meals on
wheels’ service based at Hertford. That same day of Tuesday
she and Rachel had a meeting with Social Services at Port Vale,
Ware – returning with the great news that Social Services were
trying to find the pair of them and tiny Hayden a two bedroom
house or flat in the area rather than all three of them trying
impossibly to live as they do at present in Julie’s bed-sit. Then
in the evening Dad rang, starting what he said with the words
‘it is the worst possible news – Mum has days to live, at most!’
I immediately arranged that I would travel down by train on the
next afternoon, Wednesday. Wednesday. An unwelcome
interruption to my travelling down to be at Mum’s death bed
came when Paul came in first thing, clearly quite ill and quite
blind to all the changes since he last came here a month ago,
blithely saying ‘nothing has changed round here then’! I got
started on submitting all electronically my article(s) as I put
them to the Sophia journal I mentioned above, but this took
quite a while so it was only at 3.40pm when I caught the train
to Tottenham Hale, to catch the tube to Warren Street. The
hospital was bang opposite, but there were delays on both train
and tube, and the lift was jam-packed, so I only got to room 3
on the 16 th floor, normally a men’s ward except when
somebody had an infection like Mum, at 4.50pm. Obviously I
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had cancelled the holiday this weekend under the tragic
circumstances. At present it was blowing a gale, was very cold
and chucking it down with rain. The weather forecast was
correct though – by Friday a good bank holiday weekend was in
the offing – a real rarity in this country. So I was quite wet
when I got on the top floor ward in the tower, and saw my
father and daughter looking after my Mother in her last few
hours, with a stunning view out of the very well sound proofed
windows, to the West over central London, with Regent’s Park
then Wembley’s new stadium beyond the Euston Road below.
However Mum was never able to appreciate that view – they
got me to wash my hands with surgical soap provided in the
sink in the room, for risk of infection, then chat to them, and
her, even though she was barely conscious and breathing with
difficulty. She could only just open an eye sometimes, then
briefly. However, she nodded when first I, later my daughter
Jeni and then brother Jem turned up, the latter from as far
away as his holiday in Crete. Occasionally she asked for water
or a yoghurt drink, which my sister carefully gave her out of a
baby bottle – and her lips were very dry, so twice while I was
there my sister applied Vaseline to her lips. Also they said her
limbs were terribly swollen – her arms were visible, so that was
obvious – and skin was flaking off her knees and elbows. Her
immune system had broken down, for the liver cancer had
erupted fully at last, and now spread to her kidneys. When the
whole family was all present at once, including her eldest
grandchild, Jeni, in tears throughout, she seemed to realise it,
but by now was in some discomfort from the pain of the cancer,
as well as two bedsores, so drifted unconscious when an
Australian nurse came in and gave her first a painkilling
injection, then a long-term slow injection of morphine and other
drugs through a large syringe that would last hours. I had
actually popped out and had a chicken and ham baguette and a
coffee at a coffee down the Tottenham Court Road for half an
hour while Jeni was brought by train by her mother Helen and
Rodney, who only popped in briefly to say goodbye to my
Mother in her last hours, before leaving Jeni there in tears over
her beloved grandmother, and themselves grabbing a meal in
the hospital restaurant. Jeni was in the room sitting on the
couch there sobbing quietly at about 6.20pm when I got back.
Shortly after that Jem arrived from the airport, having as I said
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oken off his holiday in Crete and leaving his family there.
Shortly after that Mum had clearly lapsed into unconsciousness,
once the nurse gave her one injection and then administered
the slow injection of morphine etc. through a huge syringe.
Just before 7pm Helen and Rodney were waiting outside. There
was no point Jeni and I staying any further now that Mum had
been unconscious for ten minutes, so we went to catch the
Warren Street Tube back to Hertfordshire via Tottenham Hale
and the main line train, leaving Dad, Jem and Libby to stay the
night on the floor of Mum’s room, keeping vigil. Helen, Jeni
and Rodney got off at Cheshunt after a 20 minute break at the
tube station, where Jeni had a sandwich while we waited for the
train to Ware. Their car was parked at Cheshunt; I continued
on the train another few stops to Ware.
I was awoken at 10am the next day, Thursday, by my
daughter with some garbled but excited news. She had got her
GCSE results after going to her Presdales school in Ware, and
they were MUCH better than expected. She rattled off the
results so fast I could not take them in while still waking up,
but later gathered when my Father rang about them, that she
got all of four A grades, and an A* even, in English literature to
join A’s in English language, chemistry, biology, and business
studies. Then there were three B’s – and C grades in physics
and French, which I knew she did not like. Still she got ten
good grades, five of them excellent, at GCSE, I later learned
better than her cousin Karina, Jem’s daughter – excellent for
the daughter of divorced parents! More good news in the midst
of a tragedy with Mum came with Julie’s job interview in
Welwyn Garden City at 3.30pm. I welcomed her back coming
out of her car with the news that they had immediately offered
her 10 hours a week, and were very keen to raise this to 20
hours one-on-one work a week as soon as possible, followed by
full-time work. She had previously done several elapsed years
work in old people’s homes, and was very pleased at the offer
of one-on-one work. That same afternoon while she had been
at the interview I had sorted out a major electronic problem
with my submission with emails to and from Sophia magazine.
Then that evening the excitement was short-lived, when Dad
rang to say they had seen the Consultant that morning, and
she had said in her lengthy experience, Mum was in in the last
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stages, and while in no pain and unconscious, only had under
24 hours to live!
He rang again the following morning at 9.15 or so, with
some difficulty as my answerphone was left on while I slept,
and eventually managed to say she had stopped breathing at
4.55am that morning. They were all going back to the new
house in Sussex, and Jem’s house nearby, to make
arrangements for the funeral, which would be Monday week, in
nearby Crawley. When I rang Tabitha my lawyer, she said that
she was still very busy, but would prepare a report for me to
check for an appeal to the IPCC by early next week. To
celebrate Jeni and Julie’s good news, and commiserate with
me, Julie and I ate an expensive nearly £60 meal in the Sala
Thai Restaurant in Ware that night. Our holiday should have
started today, so this delicious food was some compensation.
Thoughtful caring loving Julie was very intent on
distracting me away from my otherwise solitary depressing flat
for the whole bank holiday weekend. On the Saturday she took
me for a walk in the suddenly lovely and sunny, yet cool,
weather, towards Hertford. About two miles out, under the A10
bridge, I spotted a gate leading onto the King’s Meads under
the flyover, and she readily agreed to explore and find a long
way back home. After a long meandering exploration we had
found a series of paths that led back to the towpath in Ware.
The next day we walked to Stanstead Abbotts – a town down
the river towpath about three miles away. My feet started to
get too sore to walk back, so we caught the train after enjoying
a pint of cider each in the ‘Fisherman’ pub while waiting half an
hour for it to arrive. Clearly she needed more entertainment,
for that Sunday evening she stripped down to her underpants
and I photographed her topless on the bed and sofa in my flat!
When I suggested that I might take some shots of her
completely starkers, she was however totally reluctant rather
than shocked!
On the Monday we had our final walk of the holiday
weekend, again once more in sunshine, along the towpath,
where fire spotter Julie had to ring 999 to report that a reed
bed was on fire in the King’s Meads! We had help from a
passing man cyclist and his wife in locating the fire for the Fire
Brigade. We walked on and heard their sirens later. My feet
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were still sore from yesterday, so we did not walk so far that
day.
Tuesday 28 th August – Sunday 2 nd September. Tuesday. I had
a general health check up at 11am at the Assertive Outreach
Team and an unknown factor – a visiting nurse. My BP was a
virtually perfect 120 over 81 and my pulse an impressively slow
56; and my weight at 13½ stone was ‘perfectly healthy’ for my
height which they measured at 6’2½” (1.89 metres) and when I
told Cuthbert I was smoking 60-80 cigarettes a day he was
incredibly impressed – any near chain smoker like me should
have blood pressure problems! I explained I took the original
brief government advice on little slips inside each packet -
rather than the current paranoia – and did not inhale and took
small puffs and left a long stub! When I got home Julie was
delighted at my excellent health, and made some phone calls
on my phone to save credit on her mobile. Then my lawyer
Tabitha rang at 3.40pm and asked me to get back to her with
my comments on her email with a letter to the IPCC of appeal
against the police investigation into my caution. My only
comment was ‘it is based on coming from the low ground of
being a vulnerable mere mental patient rather than my own
statement which tried to take the moral high ground last week’
otherwise it was sheer typical thorough hard work – Tabitha’s
excellence as ever, I put it. She warned me to wait a long time
for the outcome, and I replied after past experience even with
her original excellent statement, followed by this superlative
follow up, I would hold out no hope, especially of a magistrate’s
court eventually overturning the caution. She agreed a ‘zero
hope’ approach like that was prudent. There was also on my
computer a reply from ‘Sophia’ journal, to one I sent the day
before requesting timescales, for decision making by the editor
they had said they appointed last Friday, followed by possible
publication. They did not in reply offer any such timescales,
just that they would keep me closely informed. That evening
Julie and I dined on gammon steak, pineapple slices, chips and
salad – then I managed to make love to her passionately twice
not just once. More like my form with Helen Mark IV while we
were both erotomanic than to date every other day with Julie –
and her and I only having both come simultaneously once – last
week. Meanwhile I had printed out all the photographs we had
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picked out beween us – about 40 – of all the ones we had
taken, mostly me of her topless! Chris had taken a few of us
both on Monday as well, and we had snapped each other in the
Water Gardens in Harlow while shopping. Quite a selection
emerged on the very high quality gloss paper I had bought
earlier, but printing took five minutes per three 6”x4” pictures
per A4 sheet of such paper – as I chose highest quality.
Wednesday started badly, with two severe ‘mental health
intrusions’ – first Chris woke me up yet still came in for an hour
– then Jackie pestered me on the phone about ‘having my
depot tomorrow Thursday in case of stress due to the funeral’
when I had already accepted that my saintlike Mum is now in
Heaven! The final last straw that made me very grumpy and
irritable when Julie called to take me to Matalan at Hertford was
that my two copies of ‘Scientific Proof’ both arrived in the post
from Curtis Brown – with their usual non-commital rejection
notes! ‘Julie Cool’ as I often call her, soon calmed me down,
and I bought a black tie, black suit, cream shirt and a few other
things including a present of an iron for her – she had very
loyally done all my ironing for me since we started going out,
borrowing my own iron as hers was useless. She went home to
prepare spaghetti bolognese for us both for tea, and I shopped
at Tesco. When she phoned my mobile it was to say “supper is
ready!” while I was still there. I was up till three am typing up
the last three weeks of this diary.
Thursday I was supposed to be visited by Jackie at 3pm,
shortly after I woke up after a late night. Meanwhile next door
Julie was finishing off the rest of a large pile of my ironing with
her ‘excellent’ new iron, as she said. However when Jackie was
delayed I went shopping to pay a bill at Barclays, and Tesco,
got back at 4.30pm and rang her, to say I felt fine, and was
very keen to stretch out the dose frequency to four whole
weeks, ‘which always worked for 20 whole years’ I said – so I
wanted to have the depot as late as Friday week. However, I
would give her the invite and directions for the funeral this
Friday, when she came round, and could she take a depot kit
on Monday – just in case I got stressed out which as I said
earlier was extremely unlikely, as I just knew Mum is now
happy in Heaven at long last, after 76 years and counting… I
rang Julie and invited her round for a ‘cooked breakfast
supper’, and she said she would come round with my ironing at
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6.30pm for 7pm. Meanwhile, around 5.30pm I spent 20
minutes cleaning the inside windows for the first time in a year,
now the outside windows I had had cleaned on Monday for £20
for the first time also in a year. Then I started cleaning the
fridge, for Julie to arrive early at 6.20pm, carrying about half
my ironed shirts, as the pile was too heavy. She was hungry,
so we shared an avocado while I cooked the ‘breakfast supper’
with her somewhat alarmed as I wrecked the eggs on cracking
them, and burned my fried bread! Meanwhile I carried on
cleaning the fridge, finishing it after supper. We watched TV
and snogged. Then back to her flat as she put it for dessert –
first a banana split each – then undressing and five minutes of
sex. I took my remaining shirts home, finished off the work of
doing up the flat for the last seven weeks with massive loving
caring help from Julie, by cleaning the cupboards in the kitchen.
The bathroom and kitchen are immaculately clean compared to
before going out with her, and under her direction the kitchen
surfaces are far better arranged. The lounge is totally different
apart from the position of the bed (which does however have
completely new linen) and the two bookcases – there is a new
desk, filing cabinet by it, and the piece de resistance is my
bargain Ikea sofa-bed! It has been amazing what meeting a
loving beloved girlfriend to make ‘two heads – and hard
workers – better than one’ with a series of all of four
unexpected windfalls each of many hundred pounds – has done
to this flat and my life since I have been 50. Spiritual
Experience Thirty was right – year 50 has been golden indeed!
My first £693 of bank charges refund went on catching up on
lots of pressing bills. Then after waiting nearly three months I
got £2,500 or so pension money in a week. £500 or so has
gone on drinks, meals, purchases and some money for Julie.
£900 paid off the still lingering bills, and two small credit cards.
The remaining £1100 is all I have spent on refurbishing the flat
– with the sofa the biggest and best purchase. Since then I
have got another unexpected gift at the start of the year till
now from the IET Benevolent fund. £600 went on clothes etc
(£200) and phone credit (£30) until the holiday got cancelled
last week due to Mum’s demise. The rest has gone on:
computer ink (£70) a meal (£70) clothes for the funeral on
Monday (£80) and two mountain bikes (£150).
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I am ‘back to normal finances’ until the next unexpected
windfall, for Mum will have left a will and as her her eldest son I
can expect something decent from it, particularly if she had
time to revise it to include the proceeds of selling up the house
in Hatfield for a smaller one in Sussex. Top priority is to carpet
Julie’s flat – and to replace my cigarette burn coated one to
complete the flat renovation since July – with carpets on special
offer from a remarkably budget priced company I have found
advertised in the local paper. After that is seeing Julie OK until
she is fully established on a decent salary in her new job – not
just £10 a week after paying the bills! While denting my two
remaining £2300 Barclaycard and £1500 Citi card debts, both
on repayment arrangements at present, the former 6%
interest, the latter interest free. Mum was by no means rich,
but a poor pensioner. Only if there is a pot in the will from the
sale of their house at Hatfield just three weeks before her
passing away, can I possibly hope to achieve the above
priorities, then even possibly buy and run a car and drive again
for the first time since 1999… There is even another possibility
of a windfall beyond that last one, which only appeared at all,
last week. If ‘Sophia’ run my set of articles, will I at last get a
publisher for the whole book – or much more lucrative at all of
£5+ royalties a copy, use that advertising to launch it myself
from my web site???
It is nearly 3am on Friday morning 31 st August 2007 – a
week less two hours since Mum died. As it happens, my flat is
virtually immaculate just before I go to her funeral on Monday.
All I have to do tomorrow is iron three light coloured shirts to
take, and pack an overnight bag with them, my suit, black tie
and black shoes I bought partly with this strong possibility in
mind for £14 in Matalan, three weeks or so ago; and vacuum
the floor. Then on Saturday two mountain bikes that we
spotted (identical; unisex; mauve; dual suspension 18 gear but
only £70 each!) last Friday on the Web on www.tesco.com are
due to be delivered here, so after buying two padlocks we can
christen them, assuming the weather is adequate for a cycle
ride! I am not too tired yet and plan to spend another half hour
or so cutting out the pictures currently three to an A4 sheet
that I printed out – and putting them in a ‘Julie (and Simon)
photo album’. Apart from seeing Jackie tomorrow and fending
off any paranoia about my not taking my injection for yet
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another week, that is about all my plans till the funeral on
Monday in Crawley.
Friday. Announce to your psychiatric nurse that you
intend this time to go a full four weeks to next Friday not just
three weeks as last time without your injection – what
happens? You get a panic phone call at 12 o’clock saying the
Doctor’s in the office as ever – come and see (she) GOD
urgently! (In other words she suddenly got nervous about not
being seen to do her job and to ensure that I at least
approximated to the depot frequencies as on Dr Geraldine
O’Sullivan’s medication chart!) Finally the Doctor actually
condescended to talk to me on the phone and virtually insisted
I had the depot that day ‘in case of stress at the funeral’ was
her excuse… Last time she used that tone of voice it was last
year to say ‘ve sind sending you to mental hospital – at a time
of our choosing!!!’ So Jackie came round and injected me – a
concession I was to very much regret shortly, as we see in a
minute. Julie and I shopped for steak and salad for supper,
and were very much embarrassed when Paul appeared when
we sitting at a bench outside before walking home. For his
‘lambretta mod’ parka was all slashed – then he started
catcalling innocent passing women and girls until we set off
home, too embarrassed to endure any more. Apparently he
had secured a Tribunal so his Doctor ‘had been forced’ he
claimed to lift his Section 3 that day. As I write he has only
turned up here once, at 11pm at night on Saturday 8 th
September, so I told him where to get off – over my access
phone.
Saturday night the depot made me sleep from 10pm till
1pm the next day – only waking up when the delivery men
from www.tesco.com rang to say that they would arrive at 2pm
or thereabouts. They duly delivered our two mountain bikes,
and I got the parts out of the boxes on our two landings and we
put them together with little problem – brand new mauve and
silver mountain monsters. We needed to lock such brand new
expensive bikes – so first I tried the local bike shop – but got
there a minute after it closed at the most peculiar time of 5.15
on Saturdays. So I got back to the flats, and Julie and I drove
quickly to Halfords in Harlow retail park, where to save
travelling there too often I spent a lot of money – over £200 –
filling my only remaining credit card from nothing immediately
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– buying absolutely everything we needed without shopping
around – for there was some kind of sale there. To cut a long
story we have since replaced the locks and pumps with decent
ones at half the price today back at the local cycle shop – and
taken everything back to Halfords apart from two cheap cycle
covers. Virtually nothing was compatible with our mountain
bikes! We had stir fry followed by sex for supper! Overnight
after so much sleep, the depot injection had its usual toxic
effects – bad for a second time in a row! I did a massive detox
with 4 litres of canned beer, 4 litres of Pepsi Max, about 8
cups of coffee and 3 litres of fruit juice!!! I just did not have to
have to do this with the funeral the day after ‘today’ – or
whatever Sunday was after de-toxing all night!
Sunday I was light headed from lack of sleep – but packed
and caught the train about 4pm to Seven Sisters tube train,
had to buy a drink in a shop to get some change to buy my
ticket to King’s Cross, then when there had to get the bus to
Blackfriars as the King’s Cross Thameslink to Haywards Heath,
my destination to meet my Father, was closed for maintenance
work, and the train now left from Blackfriars instead. The
journey out from there was as easy as the journey into London
– the difficult bit had been the part in Central London. My
father turned up at just the right time to meet the train and
took me to my brother’s house at Cuckfield, where I admired
the 8 metre swimming pool and helped sweep round it and the
large marquee tent that had been borrowed from a friend for
the occasion by my brother and Jane. Jane cooked my sister,
father and I and her family a ready prepared curry. Then my
Father and sister and I went back to his new house, his not
‘Dawn’s and his’ now she had passed away just three weeks
after moving there. The house was only partly furnished and
they had lots of boxes left to unpack – far too many to fit the
contents from their old house at Hatfield into this new much
smaller 2½ bedroom house! I slept in till 12 Monday while they
left early to go to my brother’s house to finish the cooking etc.
Monday 3 rd September – Sunday 9 th September 2007 – Mum’s
FUNERAL ON THAT MONDAY – and the uneventful week that
followed – apart from serious totally unjustified accusations
against me the next day by both Libby – and Julie!
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My Father took my Sister and I later than planned to
Crawley’s Surrey and Sussex Crematorium, arriving at about
3pm to find about 70 other guests already there for the service
at 3.15-3.45. Various cousins on my Father’s side said hello
that I hardly recognised, I had not seen them since my cousin
Nick’s funeral about fifteen years earlier – so I had forgotten
some of the names, even. Family friends were there too –
mostly my Mum’s as my Father has no real friends of his own.
I circulated as best as I could before the service. ‘All things
bright and beautiful’ started it – which was at the request of
Jem’s kids, the minister said, a Baptist minister from their
village. Then Professor of Music at Hertfordshire University
Howard Burrell paid a five minute tribute to Mum. After a Dr
Chris Tye, also of the University, read Psalm 90, the minister
discussed it, the inevitable ‘The Lord is my Shepherd’ led to
closing prayers – and the curtain closed silently and
automatically around the coffin and family only flowers – the
guests had been asked to donate to cancer charities. The tears
especially among our families’ children peaked as the curtain
closed on Mum for the last time.
Then back to Jem’s house for what was billed as not a
sombre reception by the family who organised this – Dad, Jem
and Libby – but a ‘celebration of Mum’s life’ which Dad opened
by changing his black tie for a pale blue one and reciting a ten
minute speech. Then there was far too much food and drink as
ever for a Lee ‘party’ – even on this which should have been
and in fact generally turned out to be – a sombre occasion. In
the next two hours until all the guests had had a meal and a
drink and made their goodbyes, I was struck intensely by how
nobody apart from my daughter came up to talk to me. They
had all been told my parents’ version – how they got me
through ‘intense illness’ very bravely – and as a result I am
now the ‘black sheep’ of the family – the only possible reason
why I was totally shunned and ignored at this party!
My daughter Jeni was just about the only exception to this
‘outsider’ business and she had been dropped off by Rodney
and her mother that morning, who picked us up and took us
both home about 7pm that evening. They were discussing in
the fat Jaguar car the A Levels she should start studying the
next day, Tuesday. I was, as Jeni’s father, yet again left a total
‘outsider’ in this discussion, so important when as a potential
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medic she was best advised to take maths, chemistry and
biology, and they concluded she should take the awful mix of
English, business studies and biology and chemistry at AS level!
I saw Julie that evening, who could have come to the
funeral after all that – as when she got to the training session
at 9.15 that morning for her caring job, it had all been
cancelled without her being warned! That might explain why
she has been in a bad mood sometimes later this week!
For when I anxiously rang my father on the Tuesday
afternoon my sister answered, and after saying that they had
both been up half the night – tore me to shreds with the
remark ‘Mum lost her life trying to help you!!!’ which I
demanded she retract as totally untrue – then I slammed the
phone down on her. Julie compounded this inside two hours
with two vicious remarks, which continue to leave me with
serious doubts about our relationship. First she said ‘you are
randy (sic!) whereas I am passionate i.e. loving’. Then inside
one minute she had made me really very angry indeed to the
point I stormed home, for she casually asked ‘did you have a
fling while you were away?’ At Mum’s funeral, Julie?
The week has generally continued quietly, with my Nurse
Jackie consoling me on Wednesday for these two vicious sets of
remarks on Tuesday. Julie at least apologised on Thursday,
giving me a ‘sorry for what I said’ card. The total lack of
sympathetic sympathy cards or even just sympathetic phone
calls from family and friends was deafening by its sensation of
cold silence, which has continued until today, Sunday 9 th
September. Yesterday as I said Julie and I got pumps and
locks for our two bikes from our local bike shop, not Halfords,
and gave them a test ride in the evening after separate suppers
in our two flats, revealing that they basically work, apart from
the saddles being loose.
Sunday 9 th September 2007. An incredibly quiet day,
perhaps the quietest of the year, to end the quietest week of
the year apart from the funeral. Bought and ate a king prawn
salad for supper – in between phoning my daughter to confirm
Monday’s chats – she is taking biology, chemistry, English and
business studies – rather than maths as her papers were not
the harder ones needed to take A Level with just a B grade –
and aiming to take a degree in law or business, not medicine as
she originally hoped. No news of Julie all day – and I do not
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contact her as I am busy planning to finish this book. Is she in
another piqued huff like on Tuesday over some imagined
problem with me? If so it is the end!
Monday 10 th September 2007. Tomorrow is the exact
sixth Anniversary – even to the weekday – of Tuesday 11 th
September 2001 – ‘9/11’ in the USA. I reflect it has been an
increasingly cold, violent, war and famine ridden, paranoid
about global warming, increasingly resource depleted, so ever
more expensive world, being freed of my only joy of smoking(!)
full of tough personal stances, ever since then!
The precursor ‘Spiritual Energy’ to my now finished
replacement book for that, ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’,
appeared on sale in Ware on Friday six years ago, and the need
for it to help oppose all the above current negative trends could
not be higher now, and not to be underestimated!
On the Sixth Anniversary of the Eve of ‘9/11’, a concise
summary under more or less the usual headings of where I
stand now…
1. Now that Mum is no longer with us… my Father’s
speech at the funeral said that she was, to summarise, ‘the
centre of the family, a great mother and grandmother, and in
her time a great senior nursing sister, always fighting for the
disabled and students with special needs at the University of
Hertfordshire’. Now that the centre of the family has passed
away, the remainder are affected differently according to
how close they were, to the cornerstone being removed.
Judging by their terse comments, some extremely aggressive
and rude, when I rang my sister on Tuesday and my father
on Saturday night, these two closest members of the family,
who lived with her at Hatfield in the same house for so many
years, feel the loss the most, naturally, and have most
pieces to pick up. My father never had any friends of his
own at Hatfield and now finds himself with only my brother,
ten miles away, in Sussex. Meanwhile I commented to my
sister while staying there on Sunday night before the funeral,
‘this place resembles the blitz with all these boxes’. She is
now wingeing about the perfectly fair average £600/month
rent she is paying for her new one bed flat in Hertfordshire,
of which after two months nobody has yet told me the
address or landline number – typical Lee secrecy! Like him,
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she has become increasingly crusty and crotchety over the
years, and at 46 seems determined to become a
schoolma’am spinster – with no prospect of a boyfriend for
years now. My daughter Jeni said on the phone yesterday
that she has ‘got over the funeral and got on with sixth form
the next day’ similar to her cousin Karina. Like her, the
whole of Jem’s family seemed determined to be affected little
by Mum’s death except a few tears actually at the funeral.
Just like me, there have been zero phone calls to Jeni from
any of the many family and friends who were there since –
seemingly she counts for just as little post-funeral support,
with it especially lacking from the rest of the family, as her
‘mad’ dad – me. As for me, my grieving came and wholly
went last year – after I sat for half an hour with David the
Vicar of Ware Christchurch in his Church and handed her and
Jeni over to God. The results over a year later have been
terrific. Mum had litle pain, only intense irritability – and
total hair loss - from the chemotherapy throughout her
illness. Her deathbed was surrounded by well-wishing
friends and at one point the whole of her and my immediate
families! She had no pain at all throughout her death, and
died peacefully in her sleep surrounded by family members –
in a comfortable air conditioned sound proofed bedroom.
That is the way to go. Weeks before Jeni had run away from
home over two rows not just one with her Mother and
Rodney about two tattoos on her back – but the day before
Mum actually died on 24 th August she got very good exam
results – so made good just in time. She now seems to be
fully normalised after a holiday in Ibiza recently. My
problems with Mum were all divided loyalties, as we see in
(3) below – her role in my psychiatric history as a general
nursing sister.
2. More trouble with neighbours with criminal tendencies
who lie to the police – and ‘Julie, the loveable new kid
on the block’. On August 22 nd 2006 I was confronted by
the three troublemaker neighbours, by no coincidence the
ones of the three flats with noisy dogs, in the garden here.
Next thing I knew they had lied to the police who arrested
me on false charges – which obviously were never pressed.
In this Nit of number 20 carried out his threat to me the
previous day of ‘a police cell or hospital’ with BOTH of these
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– lasting a total of nearly four months after even though I
was fully well at the Hertford police station, I got a Section 3
– and the latest new diagnosis and so totally different
treatment of every single one of the ten or so admissions to
mental hospital since 1994! On July 15 th 2007 in turn I
called the police after he and Terror, my gargantuan
neighbour from down below, were clearly threatening each
other, other people – and above all me – while drunk in the
garden. I have hardly spoken to either since then, and they
are both they say ignoring me ‘because the police told them
to’ which is a pathetic attempt to make me feel in the wrong
when they were in the wrong! Of the other four occupied
flats apart from mine; I have had no such antagonism from
the three men; and one woman sharing a flat with Steve in
number 24 opposite Julie. As for Julie, she was not going to
call me yesterday because ‘I did not call her’! This
somewhat thick behaviour follows equally thick insensitive
remarks last Tuesday, two in a minute, following Mum’s
funeral. If it carries on, especially if I happen to meet
somebody else or she does, this may mean the end of the
relationship. I am starting to think Julie is just too thick and
so insensitive for me. I showed her how to take an IQ test
some weeks ago, shortly after we met, on the Internet. I
got 139 – virtually genius level, and previously at school I
got 142! Julie – and I – was piqued when she only scored 97
on the same test, so when she tried two other even harder
ones and only scored around 90 on each she was devastated
as much as I was that she is below normal (logical)
intelligence but I consoled her by saying she has high
emotional intelligence! Her income is lower than her
minimum outgoings by well over £100 a month at present so
she is taking a second job as a cleaner at a school for two
hours a day weekdays starting today – before taking up a
caring job once available next month full time –
demonstrating all this!
3. My health – both physical and mental. My biggest health
problem this year has been a corn that has recently started
to rapidly fall away from my left sole after three whole years
and four operations to cut it away – having been joined by a
smaller one just in front of my right heel. Not at all mental
problems of any sort – my mental health has been excellent
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for virtually a whole year and before that two! I am taking
up my so called ‘severe mental health problems’ with my
psychiatrist Dr Geraldine O’Sullivan on Friday afternoon – I
think I have felt light headed and lacking concentration so
little for the last whole three years that a thorough going
review and continued drastic reduction of my medication is
called for immediately! The last several depot injections I
have had to largely cancel out because of the toxic reaction
around the third day – of twitchy, restless, hot, prickly
feelings all over my body, making me pace up and down. I
have also reduced the lithium tablets from the maximum
1800 mg nocte to just 1200 mg nocte (at night) and actually
felt better with that combination. I feel my correct diagnosis
is ‘mild light headedness and lack of concentration
occasionally’ (‘mild hypomania’ to use the medical term)
interspersed with long deep depressions hence needing loads
of sleep. However, crucially and remarkably, these
depressions are caused by the very treatment and frequent
confinement to extremely stressful, sterile and depressing
psychiatric units!! Every single time I have been admitted –
usually I must say in the past with my own parents’
connivance – I have had a different diagnosis and wild new
treatment – with the WRONG DRUGS! I have been wrongly
diagnosed as: - affective disorder, mild schizophrenia, acute
schizophrenia, schizo-affective disorder, schizo-affective
disorder (mania), manic depression (bipolar affective
disorder); when I suffer a minor unipolar affective disorder –
compounded by distress and depression at all these wrong
diagnoses and so hideously, five years out of the past 14
suffering in awful psychiatric units. All this history makes it
virtually impossible to get a decent job – because of intense
stigma!
4. My two arrests by police 22 nd August and 21 st March
were due to lies to the police by criminals – first my
neighbours – then Barry, Helen’s ‘husband’. As soon as
feasible after my arrest, in November last year I found out
that the correct body to complain about it is the IPCC, and
complained – but sadly as I considered I had been tagged
illegally, and Tabitha could not possibly complain about that
on legal aid she said, she could not represent me. I lost the
complaint heavily, with a derisory dismissive report by the
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police. The second arrest was clearly due to malice and sly
attempts by Barry to lie to get me put in prison for harassing
Helen – even lying that I harassed him and his two sons,
which was totally untrue. Tabitha says that even though she
has been pursuing this case for me, she has to tread a thin
line in case the police turn nasty and actually arrest and
charge me for the full crime – going beyond the existing
mere caution which we have been trying to get revoked. The
report three weeks ago was another biassed police travesty
of justice, completely ignoring our joint carefully prepared
statement, but in her excellent appeal sent two weeks ago to
the IPCC she would not even attempt to argue my own case
that the person making the allegations was a criminal type!
I feel on past experience there is only a 10% chance that her
excellently worded appeal on my behalf will succeed in any
way, there is a possible delay of months before we get any
reply, so this is one outcome I am simply not wasting any
time holding my breath over – not an outcome worth waiting
for!
5. Finances and possible (menial) work. In June I got a
£693 windfall of refunded bank charges; in July a total of a
long awaited £2450 or so in tax free lump sums from two
pension funds; and started buying holiday clothes to spend
on a total £600 holiday funded by the IET for the third time
ever with Julie, when Mum’s demise meant I had to divert it
to funeral clothes. That money has mostly gone on bills and
debts (£1,500) and a nearly equal amount on refurbishing
my flat and wardrobe, with the best buy being a sofa bed -
and so far £200 on mountain bikes for Julie and I. At
present I am back to normal benefit income and awaiting
possible further windfalls from firstly, Mum’s will. Secondly
and probably vastly more lucrative as Mum was by no means
very wealthy, my book or books may yet yield some money
now I have renewed my efforts to launch ‘Scientific Proof’
having met Julie. The latter also keeps trying to persuade
me to do some menial work she keeps finding in the local
paper – but my benefits may suffer if I do anything like that
- the rules are complex.
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Monday 10 th – Sunday 16 th September 2007. E-mailed the
journal Sophia about timescales, and possibly putting my
lengthy article (set of articles?) in a separate special Christmas
issue. Yet, apart from an acknowledgment saying the Editor for
it would email me shortly , I have had no reply at all since, as I
write on Thursday 20 th . I printed off and proof-read the last 50
pages of “Doctor Police!” and put it on www.lulu.com. Saw
Julie who had started a cleaning job at a local secondary school
3.30-5.30pm. She desperately needs the extra cash as she is
now doing 27.5 hours a week of menial work and still getting ¼
of my own sick pay – as pay!
Tuesday was uneventful except I posted two sets of two
hardcopy papers with a copy on CD to two ‘philosophy of
religion’ journals in the USA and Canada.
Wednesday I rang the housing officer and complained about Nit
and Terror, my two troublemaker neighbours. That evening I
rang my Father, who was busy as ever with his ‘business’ –
mostly sorting out Mum’s affairs. I asked him about the will
but he was vague as ditchwater, and judging by the
conversation yesterday as I write, a week later, feigning blissful
ignorance of what it says! All he would be drawn to say was,
‘IF there is any bequest at all, it will be after the period of
probate (the solicitors ‘proving the will’) probably in several
months time!’
On the Thursday Chris woke me up from a deep sleep and
stayed about an hour. I saw to my horror out of the window
that the table and chairs of mine I had carefully positioned in
the garden next to Julie’s set my Mother had given her – had
been stacked up in the night back where they came from – no
doubt the work of the slimy Nit of number 20. So I complained
again on the phone to the Housing Officer, who promised
faithfully to visit the block and ask questions the following
Monday – but as far as I am still aware on the following
Thursday – never bothered, typical of him!
That afternoon about 3pm I got a surprise visit from my
daughter Jeni and a friend, who had no more classes that day!
After they went I had discovered a further category of Google
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search to yield sites to email, so posted the covers of my book
to the Zygon Center for Science and Religion in Chicago, USA;
then had enough money left from the week to spend $33.95 on
ordering a copy of “Doctor Police!” to date from www.lulu.com.
The Friday started traumatically at 2pm, when Dr Geraldine
O’Sullivan tore me apart, and said so many unfair, untrue
things about me that I said ‘I am refusing the haloperidol
depot’ whereupon she refused to prescribe anything in its place
– so I walked out of the meeting! I walked to the post office
and posted two copies of my book to the head of religion at the
White House – for they are producing a book called ‘Scientific
Proof of God’s Existence’! Then there was a surprise phone call
from a Bridget at the IET Benevolent Fund, firstly offering
condolences when I informed her Mum had died – then saying
‘the Case Committee are meeting Wednesday so I need to
know how much outstanding debt you have after your pension
money got spent’, so I told her - £4,200. Saw Julie again that
evening, but unlike the last night when we had a salad then it
got steamy, there no repeat tonight.
Saturday was incredibly quiet, then on Sunday I ironed 12
shirts so caught up on the horrible pile, finally attached the
very fiddly clips (with some swearing) for the pumps for our
bikes, and the far easier lock holders, and we cycled down river
for a while, with Julie taking a fairly bad fall on the way back.
Monday 17 th – Thursday 20 th September 2007. I had had
problems with the print quality in black and blue ink on my
printer when printing the letter with attachments to Zygon
Center last week. Rang a computer shop based in Harlow who
specialised in Epson printers, and they said ‘bring it in and we
will correct the problem for just £10’. I had to return a
chopping board that had cracked at Homebase in Harlow, so
Julie and I arranged she would take me there and the computer
shop the next day. Chris called as usual these days, then Julie
and I had supper together here. After she left I emailed two
journals in Philosophy of Science I found on the Web.
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Tuesday we firstly got four big candles in exchange for the
chopping board, for which no refund was on offer as I had
thought a chopping board had no moving parts, so could not go
wrong – so had not kept the receipt! The computer shop owner
tut-tutted at my cheap ink cartridges, and said that Epson ones
were the only ones to use, however expensive they were (at
three times the price!) However he duly fixed the printer for
the £10 agreed on the phone. Afterwards I rang my cartridge
supplier, who said ‘return your large supply of oil-based cheap
printer cartridges left, and we will send their value in more
expensive genuine Epson cartridges’. So I spent £5 at the Post
Office… Julie and I had a cooked breakfast for supper at her
place that night, and I gave her £7 for petrol on top of £40 for
a CRB police check for her carer’s job last week.
Wednesday my nurse Jackie came round, and having asked her
to give me the depot, I changed my mind – I felt fine! I
phoned the IET Benevolent Fund, to be told that the Case
Committee Meeting had decided to send round the local
representatives that I had been visited by months before,
before any final decision of any sort, either way. The
bureaucracy over this - will it ever end? I rang my lovely
lawyer Tabitha, who said she would chase up the IPCC for an
early decision in two weeks or so by phone. Her appeal had
been very good, so there was a good but not very good chance
of a positive decision – not to worry about the police
investigation; the police were always right even when they
were totally wrong – just like psychiatrists, but not most
solicitors I added! She pointed out that my Doctor might use
my refusing the depot any longer as actually ‘proof positive’,
however dubious, that I am ill – when perfectly well! I decided
to have the depot after all, the next day, today Thursday – I
have too much to lose if I go back ‘in’ again on a Section 3 – or
any Section, even a 2! I rang my Father that evening. He was
full of news, very unusual for him. My sister Libby was very ill,
had seen her Doctor and been told to take a further two
months off work, after a month already. She was wasting away
with a stress-related illness not dissimilar to my own – that had
plagued her entire teaching career for years now! She had
constant headaches, low energy and was virtually anorexic, he
said… So sorry for taking your name in vain a few pages back
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Libby, you obviously have your own serious health problems to
deal with – hence no social life!
He was also very open about Mum’s will – which turns out as is
usual to leave everything to him – till he passes on as well.
Then there is a complex arrangement where the approximately
£1/3 million estate will be divided between Jem, Libby and me
– but my third will be in a trust fund, administered by the other
two and solicitors! Oh no! More bureaucracy infinite-fold! I
told him there might be some vague help on offer from the IET,
and the Control Freak in him came out – ‘I may pay the rest if I
see black and white figures – and above all you give up
smoking in return! I need something in return!’ Just like Julie
and Jackie had been so astonished when I told them this might
happen in previous weeks – my Father specialises in Blackmail!
Desperate after receiving two offers of money that same day
that would almost certainly both be strongly conditional on my
giving up smoking, for the IET frown on that too, I got on the
Internet, and found rich rewards on one link under the Google
search ‘journal science religion’ – the ‘Faraday site’ listing very
usefully all the major websites and journal websites in the
science and religion field. Eventually I had emailed ten such
bodies and only had one email rejected due to the size of the
article I attached.
As I write on Thursday 20 th September 2007, I have had a very
quiet day apart from visits from Chris, Paul, my daughter like
last week this time with two friends not one; and my depot. I
am writing at 1am on Friday 21 st September, and am about to
email Revd Dr John Polkinghorne – famous in the field of
science and religion. I can truly tell him that I shared computer
science tutorials in 1978-79 with his son at Cambridge!
Friday 21 st September – Sunday 23 rd September 2007.
Autumnal Equinox & Autumn started! Friday was extremely
quiet. I just rang the ink supplier who said they would deliver
next Tuesday or so the two sets of Epson cartridges; emailed
the IET who informed me that they had in fact just emailed the
local representative so I should hear from him next week; and
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noted rather puzzled and worried, that whereas my emails to
four previous journals including ‘Sophia’ had resulted in
immediate responses – there had been nothing from the nine
journals I emailed on Wednesday nor from John Polkinghorne’s
representative last night. Over the next 24 hours I worried that
none of my emails had got through for some reason!
So Saturday I re-sent all eleven of this week’s emails that had
not received replies since Monday – using a different email host
address to send them. I bought some bits for a curry supper in
quite a hurry, and cooked a curry for Julie and I, before she
drove us to Harlow to watch the new film ‘Atonement’ – which I
found so moody and depressing, in my own such state, that I
was outside the cinema smoking and going to the toilet during
the only real action of this slow film! She stayed overnight for
the whole night back home, for the first time that night.
Sunday she treated me to a return meal of a chicken roast with
her daughter at her place, and then we went for a walk with
Hayden the baby in his pushchair. We both felt tired but back
at my flat that afternoon on the bed – something else overtook
us, after which we no longer felt at all tired, either of us… She
went home about 10pm after cheese and biscuits and listening
to music, and it is now 10.35, I have turned on the computer
and found three very encouraging received emails – the famous
Ian Ramsey Institute had passed my article on to two top
directors no less; and the representative of John Polkinghorne
said his practice was to review books and articles on John’s
behalf.
I had sent both my book and the very long article mostly
abstracted from Part IV of the book, with Appendix I of the
book also added on as an appendix; he will review both, for the
results of which I wait with bated breath. The only ‘no’ of the
three email replies came from the ‘Faraday Institute’ of St.
Edmund’s College at Cambridge – they explained they do not
accept unsolicited papers. Not bad for a Sunday of all days –
and very reassuring after my worries about lack of replies of
the last four days!
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Where my waiting for outcomes of long term plans
stands today.
1. Writing to journals etc. Sophia journal have had my
article with an editor for a whole month now, with no
change in that ‘status’ on their web site – so I emailed
again yesterday asking for a progress report after silence
from them for two whole weeks. Two other ‘philosophy of
religion’ journals have turned me down for being ‘not
scholarly enough’ and ‘not philosophical enough’ which is
astonishing. One of these does not include diagrams in
papers, so I have had to reject them instead… The
International Journal of Philosophy of Science emailed
back this week saying it was not ‘Philosophy of Science’.
It remains to see this week if the British Journal of
Philosophy of Science shares that view, rather dubious…!
As I just said, the Ian Ramsey Institute in Oxford have
sent it on to two directors, and John Polkinghorne’s
representative is reading and reviewing it, two pending
successes to add to my acceptance for review by Sophia!
Apart from the eight outstanding replies to emails this
week, I also sent parcels to two journals in North America
nearly two weeks ago, which should arrive soon if not
already, one of them the International Journal of
Philosophy of Religion - of Springer – who have two such
journals it seems, the other being Sophia! I also posted
on a long shot, two copies of my book to the White
House’s ‘Head of Religious Affairs’ – assuming there is
such a post. So I am awaiting all of eleven replies to
emails or parcels this week from journals or institutes with
a specific interest in ‘religion and science’ – a high hit rate
with three looking at it already. Much more specifically
targeted than any of my previous attempts to interest
publishers and agents - who all said they would find it very
difficult to market in this specific area. I have suddenly
cautious but high hopes of this most recent mailshot – at
long last getting at least one firm promise of publication.
Even publication of just a set of articles like mine would
definitely help market the book – and at last make money!
2. Finances. I finished my book ‘Scientific Proof that God
Exists’, to my entire satisfaction after over ten years of
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ewriting and refining it, with a Third Edition back in July,
around when I met Julie – tidied up and with a new
appendix about alternative existing ‘proofs that God
Exists’. So this current round of emailing and posting
parcels to Journals in Philosophy of Religion, Philosophy of
Science, Religious Studies and above all latterly, the rich
field of Science and Religion – at long last is of a finished
product I am totally happy with. Several of the latter
emails are to rich American Institutes who give huge
bequests for such research. Have I finally struck a rich
vein of gold in my vain so far search for those elusive
‘millions’ that the Martian Anthropologist, a chief
antagonist in fact for finalising my book and perfecting it
back in July, stated, which I agree with, should be my just
reward for my heroic endeavours in providing just such a
comprehensive proof by finishing this book against horrific
odds? I should know far better inside two weeks – or
even just one week! Also inside two weeks I should have
had a visit from the IET local representative Colin and
possibly his colleague Peter – and know where I stand
with them giving me a grant towards some or even all of
my outstanding £4,200 credit card debt. If they pay all of
it off, I will save about £70 a month – 8% of my income!
If they don’t pay any or just some, will my Father
seriously carry out of his threat of blackmail – making me
give up smoking, a vital part of my medication – in return
for financial help to complete what the IET start, or fail to
start?
3. Police matters – my ongoing appeal to the IPCC.
Tabitha is ringing the IPCC caseworker in ten days or so,
to chase up her and my appeal to them. There will be
some news then – even possibly an immediate decision,
judging by the time I rang the caseworker on my previous
appeal. This time they may just turn us down, which is
‘final’ though last time I asked their director to intervene –
at Tabitha’s suggestion. If they agree there is substance
to Tabitha’s – quite excellent I thought – statement of
appeal; she says they will most probably ask the police to
re-investigate the original case with the substance of our
original statement and now our appeal given much more
credence… If (after another three months – Christmas?)
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the police now find my case is to stand – Tabitha can start
civil action and also apply to a magistrate’s court for my
caution to be lifted as unsound…
4. Health. My battle with my toxic medication continues,
probably till up to the New Year. For six weeks I have
lowered my dose of lithium at night to two thirds, the
original dose of the last three years – back to the
consistent level of 1980-2004 – 25 whole years of feeling
better – as indeed I do again now! My haldol depot again
made me ‘far worse than before it on Wednesday’,
according to Julie, my new ‘witness’ to my health and
effects of toxic poisonous medication. I told nurse Jackie
to finally admit to my Consultant O’Sullivan that the last
four depots had been three weeks apart – and had no ill
effect, rather an improvement as a result. Can I drop to
100mg not 150mg every two weeks? I am seeing the GP
about my varicose veins in my legs on Thursday
afternoon…
Monday 24 th – Sunday 30 th September 2007.
Another quiet week. Monday got an email from the Zygon
Center referring me to the Zygon journal – my correct port of
call.
Tuesday got a letter from the International Journal of
Philosophy of Religion acknowledging receipt of my two copies
of papers. Also got an abrupt email from Miranda of Sophia
journal insisting I had been too persistent – about an email I
had sent all of six weeks earlier! Rang my old friend Rhonda,
left a voicemail and she rang back late and we had a long chat.
Have not heard from her since. Julie called in between 8pm
and 10pm.
Wednesday was extremely quiet apart from a few unimportant
phone calls and emails.
On Thursday my daughter Jeni called in after finishing school
early on a Thursday as usual and immediately told me my
‘friend’ Paul had walked past her outside and asked her for sex!
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A 32 year old drug addict and weirdo who asked every woman
he passed in the street for sex had now asked my daughter of
16 for sex! Several furious phone calls to him followed – with
some unrepeatable language from me to him – and in return!
Saw my GP Dr Harris at 4.10pm but all he could offer with help
for my appalling varicose veins, which prevented me going
swimming or attracting most women, was surgical stockings! I
thought about it that I had tried them before with absolutely no
effect and did not bother to pick up the prescription from the
chemist…
Friday was a significant day indeed as, as agreed with Julie – I
acquired Sammy, her moggy tortoiseshell cat, for good,
complete with litter tray to keep emptying and her need for dry
and meaty food and water. Apart from that, Sammy, whom I
soon christened ‘Wooss’ or ‘Sammy Woosskat’ has been a
totally clean, constant boon friend and companion since –
somebody to talk to when lonely, even if she cannot talk
back…!
Did a big shop, including of course for cat food on Saturday
when I got paid, and treated Julie and I to Lasagne with wine
that night, then joined her watching a good DVD she had
brought round, ‘What women want’. Julie stayed for the whole
of that night for the only time ever, and cooked us roast
chicken for lunch with a chicken I had bought the day before.
We went for a trial cycle ride, our last one since as the two
bikes have been locked up for the winter since then. I had had
an email from Zygon saying if I ‘drastically reduced’ my work to
three 8,000-10,000 word articles it would be much more
acceptable.
So I spent Sunday night doing just that rework.
Monday 1 st October – Sunday 7 th October 2007. Had been
chasing a vital delivery of ink for some days and confirmed with
the supplier by phone that it should arrive next day, when I
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ang Monday. Pizza for supper; could not pay credit card bills –
not enough money in the bank!
Tuesday telephoned Tabitha who said she would ring back
Wednesday about progress with my complaint about Essex
police to the IPCC. Two multipacks of ink arrived but the two
black cartridges that I had ordered in addition, failed to arrive.
I printed off and corrected the three papers I had developed
from the much larger set of material of nine papers from my
book, very pleased, especially that pointedly they now no
longer featured any religious quotations except my own
translations from the Bible, so needed no acknowledgement! I
submitted the papers to Sophia Journal and asked them to
replace the original papers with these. I also emailed them to
the Ian Ramsey centre in Oxford, various contacts including the
vital Zygon Centre, and replaced the entire original set of nine
papers in the middle of my current version of the book with
these three articles - as many had suggested – at the start not
the middle of the book. I uploaded it and ordered a copy from
www.lulu.com . About three versions later I had corrected all
the many layout problems and had a fully corrected final
version of the book in my hands by the second week in
December – the reason for all the corrections was that I
changed the main body of the text from ‘Baskerville Old Face’
to ‘Verdana’ typescript which is much bigger and more legible.
Next day Wednesday the Ian Ramsey centre replied to my
email of yesterday saying that they could not help me with
promoting my work. A Professor Neil Spurway childishly
threatened me! His email said he would post notices about me
everywhere he knew if I ever emailed him again! My nurse
Jackie called in for an hour, smug and know-all as ever. Like
that entire Aggressive Out-Retch team! I was £170 overdrawn
– way past my £100 overdraft limit – but my Father agreed to
put £200 in my account that afternoon to pay for my expenses
in shoes, suit, black tie and travel to and from Mum while dying
in London and at her funeral…! Ordered two copies of my book
from www.lulu.com which arrived a week later – they were a
week faster now they had a UK operation and printer in
Eastbourne on the South Coast!
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On Thursday Julie finished a three day training course with her
new employer-to-be, a dubious it soon turned out, private care
company, as a Care Worker, and arrived at my flat at 3.10pm.
We went shopping for ink in Harlow, but PC World were out of
stock of the Epson cartridges I needed, so it was a wild goose
chase. My father’s money had arrived – but I could not buy the
ink I needed to print out eight copies of my papers – for which I
needed 8 black cartridges – one per paper.
However, having asked advice with Jane, a nursing assistant at
the AOT, Julie took me to Harlow on Friday, and I bought the
eight cartridges, apparently scarce because Epson were
changing the packaging, at two different shops. We also
bought a simply horrible pizza at Tesco in Harlow, and I printed
off the eight papers that night. I also secured a £15.90 refund
from the Internet ink company for the two black cartridges that
they failed to supply on Tuesday as promised – to be in my
bank account next week.
I printed off two more papers on Saturday intending to send
one to Zygon Journal, two to the International Journal of
Philosophy of Religion, and four to national newspapers.
However there had been the latest and longest of a series of
national postal strikes since Thursday, going on till Tuesday, so
I was not to post these papers, the three to the USA costing a
fortune, till Tuesday evening, with the strike due to end the
next day.
Sunday was quiet – Julie cooked Sunday lunch of roast chicken
as so often happened, and I napped in the afternoon. I
remember feeling very depressed!
Monday 8 th October – Sunday 14 th October 2007. Monday
started innocently enough and ended in a financial panic of a
sort that I had never experienced before, that was to last till
the week that I type this, on Monday 17 th December, on an
alien computer in a very alien place – miles from home. We
come to that in due course in the next dramatic Part of this
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ook, covering November 2 nd 2007 into 2008. Sue Rider of the
Housing Association called and said she and the Housing Officer
would call in a week’s time, hinting there was at long last after
all of eight years on the housing list, a possible move to
another (better?) property – then mysteriously changing her
mind about that possible, only, offer!
My two years of ownership of the domain name
www.heartofherts.co.uk was about to expire, so I paid just over
£6 for another two years – peanuts! My many other domain
names were to expire soon too – but I only renewed a handful
of them – my plans to have multiple domains under that one
had long since evaporated as just a whimsy! My nurse Jackie
rang to book a time to see me the next day – 4pm.
Otherwise I had a very quiet day until I went to the bank at
5.20pm – I remember the time precisely for although I had as
ever been watching my bank balance like a hawk, always in and
out of my £100 overdraft, mostly in it after each weekend’s pay
day since the windfall of a £2,500 pension payout in July, I
suddenly realised that I was £50 exactly short of where my
balance should be. I immediately suspected fraud, and drove
my balance beyond the £70 or just under overdrawn, to the
maximum of £150 that the machine would let me go to – past
my official overdraft limit of just £100 by £50 - by drawing out
£80 – to prevent further fraudulent withdrawals! Then I rushed
home and rang the bank. Sure enough, there had been three
withdrawals that day or over the weekend that I did not
recognise – of £10, £20 and another £20. The operator said
they would alert the fraud department of the bank, and if I rang
tomorrow, only then would they be able to confirm who these
three card transactions had been made out to – not by me!
Further disappointments followed in the evening, when firstly I
got an email from the British Journal of the Philosophy of
Science, politely rejecting my papers. Then, much worse, the
attempt I made to publish on www.lulu.com my book revised
with the three papers at the front replacing a much bigger set
of nine papers, and with a much clearer, larger typeface of
Verdana, that I mentioned last week, failed to finish. I emailed
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Lulu but was to wait frantically for over a week, as we see now,
to try again before getting any response. It was to turn out
that their latest user interface had considerable teething
problems!
I was awoken on Tuesday by a phone call from Barclays, and it
was their fraud department quizzing me about a failed attempt
to draw out over £3,000 to a holiday company the other week,
and asking which recent transactions on my card were mine.
They gave me the phone number of the debit card department,
and I duly rang, cancelled my card and requested another one.
There was still a postal strike! Would my new card and PIN
number arrive by the weekend, so I had more than the mere
£80 I had on me in cash less groceries from last night? I spent
£20 of the precious £80 or less in posting off at last, with the
strike due to end the next day, my eight precious papers I had
produced over the last weekend – with the additional cost of
acetate and cardboard covers and binders adding to my
financial misery – my main topic of conversation with Jackie,
my nurse who arrived at 4pm…
So started two whole months, of financial misery and
devastating stress, only about to end this Wednesday 19 th
December with a substantial cash injection in the form of a
£2,000 loan. Possibly as we will be seeing in due course with
much more than that from a wholly unreliable source. With
many more periods of days relying on my own dog ends from
my bin in my lounge containing that vital reserve of my own
usually deliberately very long dog ends – than I have ever in
my whole life suffered – ever!
Wednesday started with another financial crisis in parallel with
that major one, even. I had an unexpected call from Green
Energy, who had been billing me for electricity since March,
without ever demanding payment, so the bill was now some
£200. We discussed the fact that Npower had been billing me
some £44 a month by direct debit in parallel to these six unpaid
Green Energy bills, or so, and I realised that many previous
conversations with meter readers, who always promised to
correct this problem but never actually did so, indicated that
the National Database for household power meters showed my
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meter and that of my neighbour opposite, to be reversed! I
rang Npower several times, then Powerwatch, then a quango
called MPAS, costing several pounds in long calls on hold.
Finally I made a final free phone call to Green Energy, who said
it was Powerwatch who were the responsible watchdog, and
they would call them for me. Finally that day I made several
calls to my PC supplier, and they finally promised to send a
missing driver disk for the DVD RW drive on my computer.
Thursday, despite the postal strike my new bank card arrived
on the wings of Mercury! Powerwatch called and asked a few
brief questions and left me with them with my wrong meter
case in hand. I had no money left so was amazed to get
through to the crisis loan telephone operator straight away. I
applied for a loan, and they rang back offering just £25.36, to
last possibly till Monday unless I got my PIN number for my
card, so I rang my Father for help – the first of about ten times
in the next three days – for him each time to wind me up
totally with wild lies about ‘you spending three quarters of your
£1500 a month income on smoking, Simon!’ So much so that
each time I generally ended up swearing at the silly old fool, as
I put it, and putting the phone down on him! I rang the police
about the fraud, because the crisis loan people needed me to,
before believing my true story – then Julie took me to Hertford
and I drew out the loan after a very long wait indeed, as usual
– for there was a long queue of other loan claimants… I tried
my card’s old PIN number at the bank ATM – it worked, I was
under £142 overdrawn – so deposited £2 of my crisis loan so I
could draw out £10 at the ATM – I was that desperate for cash!
That story has continued for the whole two months since…
On Friday Powerwatch called again to say that they had written
to Npower with a full description of my problem, asking them
for the full £308 refund of what I had paid them since March.
The paperwork for the fraud finally arrived from the bank, and I
signed and faxed it, rang to confirm it had had arrived, only to
be horrified to learn that it had to wait two working days to
reach the actual office dealing with the fraud from another
office with the fax machine. The utter lack of urgency appalled
me – such is red tape! I rang Npower and was told to ring the
billing department tomorrow – so could not progress my claim
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for all of a vital £308 - any further for now. Lots of phone calls
to and from Julie next door followed that evening, with her very
worried about her daughter Rachel. I did not sleep that night, I
was so worried about my finances – the fraud and the £308
lodged firmly with Npower.
I rang the latter on Saturday morning, but their ‘system was
down’ all day – a familiar answer to any phone call in this so
called super-advanced 21 st Century! Saturday passed fretfully,
with worries about Julie’s precarious finances as well as my
own, as if they were not enough. She only gets a ridiculously
measly £480 a month or so from her part time job at the
Women’s Royal Voluntary Service, and was starting a new job
instead soon, so leaving the WRVS job imminently…
I had a quiet frustrated Sunday, and having rung my father to
be stone-walled on any financial help, several times that week,
even though he was sitting on several hundred thousand
pounds having sold their house and moved to Sussex, tried in
vain to get help from my brother – then my daughter – who
both just rang my Father – to stonewall my desperate cash flow
crisis of the next two months completely – when he rang me
and tore me off a strip!
Monday 15 th – Sunday 21 st October 2007. Rang Barclays Fraud
Office and confirmed that the copy of their form that I posted
last Friday in desperation after the fax got delayed, had arrived
– and they confirmed they had refunded the total of £50 taken
fraudulently immediately they received the form. It was to
take a few more weeks for the dust to finally settle on this
fraud, however, and for all the legal payments to be passed by
the bank. I also spoke to Npower and Powerwatch, and
confirmed that Npower had received the letter from the latter,
and would now take up to an agonising eight whole weeks to
get through all their internal red tape – and actually issue me
my vital £308 refund – which I needed right that minute!
At 2.30 I went with Julie to a meeting I had been summoned
to, with Doctor Geraldine O’Sullivan and Jackie, my nurse.
O’Sullivan had at last got wind, after months, from Jackie,
actually at my own request, that I had been extending the
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interval between depot injections of the horrible ‘tranquillizer’
haloperidol, because I was in fact totally disturbed and made
very restless rather than tranquil by its awful side effects. Just
like last year, O’Sullivan gave me a lecture about ‘taking the
prescribed dose or you will definitely relapse with “your
mania”’. I took this on the chin, although as we will be seeing I
was under massive and increasing stress, and her consequent
threats of ‘hospital and yet another Section 3’ only served to
stress me out even more! After this 15 minute summary
meeting, Julie said how horrified she had been at how brutally
dominating that O’Sullivan had been – so she had kept quiet
out of astonishment throughout!
I had started to suspect that there might have been an attempt
at identity theft on top of the bank fraud last week, so had
changed all my passwords on the Internet – thinking to myself
– ‘back in July, did that “Paul the Arrogant” barefacedly hack
my Paypal password when he invaded my flat one Sunday?’
Indeed when I tried to log onto my Paypal account, I could not
clearly remember the last password I had put in, to this my
only money-based Internet account apart from www.lulu.com –
so sent them some explicit emails directly, none really
answered except to say ‘log in with your password’ even though
I kept saying in emails I could not remember what it was! I
must have worried them enough with emails mentioning fraud
squads and their and police reference numbers to absolutely
guarantee they marked my account as ‘fraud-positive’ so as
there was no money in it anyway I will never use it again. My
concern was somebody (‘Arrogant’?) had hacked the password
having got the account username from my machine? If they
got into my account it held all my bank account and card
details…!
On Tuesday I rang the Barclays fraud squad and corrected my
entry on their form about other people accessing my computer,
to say only Paul had had lots of time on it, whereas previously
unthinkingly I had put down ‘nobody’! I rang Tabitha and again
chased up the Essex police complaint; and rang the IET
Benevolent Fund, chasing up yet again my longstanding
request for help with my credit card bills. There was still no
news in response to either call!
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At 3pm Sue Rider and Gary Barlow of the Housing Association
made the briefest of calls, asked a few questions about why I
wanted to be re-housed to Hertford, and left me with a letter
offering a one bed flat. I immediately thought of eight
extremely solid reasons why I should turn down such an
isolated, remote flat in the bottom of a cul-de-sac on the very
edge of the bleakest part of town, with only a one hourly bus
service, and replied on both sides of the form rather than the
three lines allowed – actually accusing them of living in an Alice
in Wonderland world rather than me, accused as I in fact was,
not them, of a mental illness label.
Jackie my nurse called to arrange to meet me the next day,
and the tense day ended with a row with Julie - with me
accusing her of being ‘a sucker to employers’ which started with
a letter through her door as her phone was off, and continued
with letters the next day too, Wednesday.
Jackie called at 3pm that day, and we got on fine, despite
Monday’s meeting. I told her that despite whatever O’Sullivan
might have said, I would carry on regardless stretching out the
intervals between the dreaded poisonous injections! My diary
only records for Thursday and Friday, staying up all night and
drinking orange juice, coke, coffee and beer to detox from
Monday’s injection after the summary meeting with O’Sullivan –
as ever, on the third day after the injection the depot peaked
and I was overcome with feeling ill from it – supposed of course
to do quite the opposite, and make me feel better. Quite the
opposite was in fact the case!
My diary records nothing that Thursday, except falling asleep
exhausted from 5pm to 8.30pm, then sleeping from 9pm to
2pm the next day – exhausted by my previous night without
any sleep and a stressful detox on top of that!
On Friday, Rachel, Julie’s daughter came round as she
sometimes did to see the cat, and told me she had been given
a one-bedroom flat near Broxbourne. Julie and I had another
row that evening, and she stormed off, breaking off what had
been since just the Wednesday – a tentative engagement,
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even! The stress of bank fraud, possible identity theft and
Npower red tape on top, was obviously getting to me that
weekend, for apart from recording more friction with Julie; and
Dad – I cannot read my own handwriting!
Monday 22 nd October – Sunday 28 th October 2007.
My diary is very quiet for the next two weeks, leading up to
sudden catastrophe for the umpteenth time, as we will see, and
you can no doubt by now guess what it was! On Monday I tried
to suggest to my nurse Jackie that I wanted a different
Consultant to the very senior O’Sullivan, what with her seeming
absolute obsession with haloperidol injections at massive doses
being my only ‘salvation’ – in fact my doom, making me
constantly ill for over a week after each one! My father later
commented on the phone, quite rightly as it soon turned out,
that such a rebellion in the face of such a bully girl was a
certain prescription for her outrage - giving me yet another
Section 3…
On Tuesday I realised that I had no reply from the various
people I had sent my three articles to, assumed that they had
got lost in the post, and filed out both Inland and International
complaint form for ‘loss of mail in the post’ at the local Post
Office. I rang Barclays Insurance and amended my policy to
include legal expenses – partly because of ongoing cold
shoulder treatment from and friction with most of the
neighbours – and just in case I soon indeed got sectioned,
when conceivably it might be useful; or so I told myself. It did
not cost much extra premium, anyway. Probably useless as a
result!
I had placed some free adverts in Loot free-ads paper and on
Wednesday got a tentative reply about my computer monitor,
but when I told the Asian man it was 10 years old, he laughed
and rang off… I sorted out the attic for the first time in years,
as one of my last little chores in my six-month clear up of the
flat, that accelerated rapidly when Julie moved in and we
started courting, but there was another row instead of her
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eing impressed – reflecting that we were both under massive
long term financial strain.
On Thursday I lent her my CD radio, as her daughter had taken
her hi-fi and moved into her new flat, and also left my armchair
outside her flat, ready to be varnished before she installed it in
the flat. Within a few days she had cleaned the fabric and
given the wood two coats of dark varnish, and put it in the flat
– her only comfortable chair!
The rest of that week was stressful but very quiet indeed,
according to my diary, apart from the umpteenth row after
trying to get even a penny out of my Scrooge of a father, who
simply fails totally to understand that income is no remedy for
a very negative bank balance that will always remain so without
a reasonable cash injection – which he totally refused to
provide out of his thousands gathering interest in the bank! I
cursed the way he must have persuaded Mum to leave him
everything, and not a penny outright to any of us offspring!
Monday 29 th October – Friday 2 nd November 2007.
From financial crisis – to more financial crisis in the middle of a
nightmare!
The first four days of the week were quiet like the last week. I
had failed to sell anything in Loot newspaper so phoned them
again and put in fresh adverts for Wednesday. I was to get no
replies, yet again, despite lowering the prices drastically. I
telephoned Debra at Zygon Journal in Chicago, Illinois, USA,
but they had still not received my paper. I had no money and
no ink to print off and post off another copy at this moment!
The day was very quiet and I recorded in my diary cooking a
cooked breakfast for Julie and I that night, using up spare food
as I had very little in stock. Tuesday I tried at length but failed
to persuade Barclayloan to give me any sort of loan at all. I
was well past my overdraft limit at the bank, could not draw
any more money out, and was skint! So I had £5 all day on
Wednesday 31 st and was smoking dog ends for the umpteenth
time recently!
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At 2pm as arranged, the two newly appeared back in March,
local representatives from the IET benevolent fund, reappeared
– but only tut-tutted over my smoking, mainly, and partly my
level of spending on Julie back in July when I actually had some
spending money. I refused when they asked for a copy of the
spreadsheet I had carefully maintained of spending in July –
fearful it would jeopardise any lingering chance of any help with
my credit card debts. Indeed, in November the Case
Committee of the Benevolent Fund refused any help with these,
but did at least agree to keep up all existing grants. At 4.15pm
I kept an appointment to discuss a loan with my local Barclays
branch, but predictably got nowhere as with them over the
phone the day before. My bank balance was now £178.18
overdrawn – well past the overdraft limit of £100. I was well
browned off over the last several months with not ever having
a spare £200 to pay off the damned overdraft, which meant my
bank balance constantly got marked ‘OD’ – very damning, even
though the amounts were only tens or a hundred pounds or so
overdrawn! The massive stress of always being around my
overdraft limit, so constantly ringing up to persuade the bank
to refund charges, or simply having to accept £90 a month of
such charges, as happened horrifyingly for the next two months
in succession – a horrifying waste of money to me, and a lot to
me at that, even if not to most people in a job!
My diary for Thursday only records massive rows with my
Father yet again about his stubborn refusal to give me any vital
relief from my cash flow problems with for him a trivial £200
cash injection. This cash crisis was to persist for weeks, yet,
even after the events of the next day.
On Friday morning I went to my local bank branch and made
literally a terrific and very public row about how my overdraft
was very confusing – with apparently three overdraft limits.
The official figure was £100 overdrawn maximum, yet they
allowed it to reach £105 before any charges – and the bank
machines let it go to £150 and card transactions let it go even
higher. My overdraft was to peak at over £230 in ensuing
weeks!
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I had refused my depot injection that week yet again, saying I
would take it next week, as ever recently three weeks not two
from the previous time, and when I rang Julie the evening
before while she was at work – she broke off and came home
from work, to hand me a short note claiming at least that ‘the
relationship is over’ for I had warned her I fully expected to be
given a Section 3 and carted off to hospital this Friday – and
O’Sullivan had constantly threatened me with St Albans
Hospital. So I was at least partly prepared when O’Sullivan and
a strange Chinese Psychiatrist, and not one but two social
workers descended on my flat and rang the door bell early on
Friday afternoon, and came in and occupied ALL my seats,
leaving me to stand!
I suffer from claustrophobia, and such an invasion naturally
made me blow a fuse, cursing, swearing, and taking my night
time medication in front of them, all to no avail. Like I told the
female social worker later in a meeting with Julie at the hospital
where I was actually sent, Mymms Ward at the QEII hospital,
Welwyn Garden City, this ‘Gestapo raid’ was even more painful
than all previous ones. I was Sectioned as a matter of course
for refusing to bow down and worship the medication that I was
demanded to take by O’Sullivan, even though I was patently
strongly allergic to it and it made me feel very ill! I was
therefore taken to Mymms Ward by ambulance fully well, as my
RMO or Responsible Medical Officer there, Dr Ann Roberts, was
always readily to admit.
As I type this account of 24 th September 2007 to today,
Monday 17 th December 2007, it is on one of two strange
computers, far from my cosy home PC, in Mymms Ward, while
only now allowed four hours off the grounds a day while
Roberts is in France on holiday – rather neglecting the needs of
her patients for the sake of her own relaxation at this crucial
time of Christmas. These PC’s had been neglected and broken
down for all of six months, but with software and a screen and
scanner from home, £250 from my father, and tools, not
strictly allowed, I fixed them up to work slowly.
165

166

Part II
My Section 3
(Compulsory Medication
Order) to end all my
many Section 3’s…!
To quote the ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
Galaxy’ – “Don’t Panic!” (you may be fully
well and find yourself on a Section 3 despite
that for the umpteenth time, but that is
their bizarre logic – fear not!)
Or – the vehemently anti-smoking
psexistrick nurse who was trying to impose
the latest complete ban on smoking in
Psexistrick Unit smoking rooms, even
though the original Legal Act excluded these
from the Ban on Smoking in Public Places…
who nearly died in an explosion of excess air
freshener in that smoking room!
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November 2 nd 2007 – continued.
Once the two Doctors left my flat having finalised my Section 3
paperwork, the tension soon lifted with only me and the two
social workers left. I even laughed at the irony of it all. Colin,
the Approved Social Worker who had actually sectioned me,
Lindsay only being there as part of her training to be such a
social worker able to section people like that, started to give
me patronising advice about getting ready for hospital, but
soon realised as I dashed round that I needed no help, being
used to this situation many times over, swiftly packing a week’s
clothes and shoes, wash kit and shaver, mobile phone and
charger, dressing gown and slippers, and even some Nicorette
nicotine chewing gum. Paul the Arrogant had warned me that
smoking in mental hospital had got extremely awkward these
days – he had been back in yet again too recently…
I phoned Julie and she was rather surprised, but promised to
look after the cat and come over with anything I had forgotten
– as soon as her new job permitted. An ambulance arrived
soon afterwards and took me to the QEII at Welwyn Garden
City. That night, a bit dazed from the shock of the grisly
sectioning, I submitted to take 1800mg of lithium – on top of
the 1200mg I had already taken that afternoon – making a
very toxic dose – but I seemed to sleep it off till late Saturday
morning, when I immediately filled out and posted off a form
for a Mental Health Tribunal hearing.
After lunch, clearly stressed out by many weeks of fighting
financial disaster and constantly having no money for days each
week, I slept some more. I phoned the Barclays telephone
banking line and asked for a £200 not £100 overdraft but they
phoned back and said I had no ‘limits’ to allow this – privileges
from managing my account well enough during my brief time
with the bank. Whereas clearly I had been constantly
overdrawn, increasingly past my overdraft limit – even if it was
just an infuriatingly niggling £100!
That evening I wrote a long complaint about O’Sullivan forcing
me to take a prescribed 1800mg of lithium, having just been
regularly taking the normal dose of 1200mg. Also I had just
escaped as I was clearly well enough to, being given a depot of
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all of the 150mg haloperidol that O’Sullivan wanted me to have,
saying I needed to see my ward doctor first thing on Monday to
discuss this – or taking the tablet form instead. I wrote
another note and got it put on my clinical notes as well, listing
all the vast list of side effects that such a very high dose of
haldol depot normally gave me.
I also mentioned that the other week I had filled out a
Government ‘yellow card’ side effect card and posted it off;
which Julie had thoughtfully picked up for me at the chemist. I
got a copy of this form in the post at home a few weeks later,
but there has been absolutely no sign of any action taken by
this quango to stop me having to take haldol depots!
Monday 5 th November – Sunday 11 th November 2007.
Telephoned Npower after a letter Julie gave me from my post
indicated they accepted they owed me £308, and they agreed
to pay it ‘soon’. I saw a pleasant young senior house officer to
Dr Roberts, one Matt Angell (yes! Pronounced ‘angel’!) who
immediately prescribed 5mg haloperidol tablet twice a day
instead of the depot – to be reviewed by my RMO, Dr Ann
Roberts, on Wednesday morning. He also allowed me free time
on the grounds to smoke even though I had only been there
two days – there were some advantages to a near smoking ban
on the actual ward, after all – I could escape from the utter
straight line boredom and tedium and frustration onto the
grounds.
I had some money at least in the bank, having been paid on
Saturday, so sneaked off to the nearby bank machine and
bought some cigarettes and two bottles of coke. Charlene and
Tracy were still there from as long ago as a year ago, so we
soon reminisced and I commented how much better both of
them were – both waiting for re-housing, Tracy in a dreaded,
by me at least, ‘rehab unit’!
Tuesday I got up late again at 12 o’clock, and wasted yet more
long expensive minutes on my mobile phone, failing to get a
loan from my bank. I showed my final version of ‘Scientific
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Proof that God Exists’ to Eunice ‘Tubbs’, my nickname for her
after Una Stubbs, obviously, and gave her the copy after she
told me I had charged her £20 last year for the A4 predecessor
copy. However it was stolen by a nursing assistant, along with
my only copy of ‘Which Witch Doctor?’ – from the nursing
assistants’ office, if you please!
On Wednesday came the ward round, and I was given an hour
a day leave off the grounds, and told that Jackie my CPN would
review all my history of anti-psychotic medication by next week
to try and find one to replace haloperidol – while ignoring all
the many failures in the past with experiments by other
doctors. Julie and I dashed to Tesco at nearby Olding’s Corner
in Hatfield in her car in the rush hour, and I found some Dettol
surface air freshener, and bought five CD-R CR-ROMs in nearby
Comet – as I had started to work on the computers on the
ward. They were incredibly old, low capacity and slow, but I
planned to replace the operating systems of Windows 98 with
the familiar Windows XP, using my disc from home.
That Thursday I sprayed the smoking room walls thoroughly
not once but twice with surface air freshener – then watched in
horror as Pax, a dedicated anti-smoking nursing assistant,
terrified of smoke, turned on the electric fan in that room,
which immediately gave out ominous clicking sounds. Just
before the highly inflammable air freshener propellant ignited
and even exploded – I shouted to him from outside to turn it off
and shut the door and lock it! The nurse who nearly died in an
explosion of excess air freshener, indeed! I spent far longer
than my allotted hour at Argos and the library computer in
town, and got a phone call from an anxious ward staff member
just as the bus back hit a massive squall of freezing cold rain.
Better in the bus than outside in that torrential rain! My sister
Libby visited that afternoon, and Julie as requested brought
over all of my computer CD’s.
I installed Windows XP on one computer, but there was soon to
emerge a problem with the hard disk, for the normally fast file
copying process took all night long to take place. I finished off
that PC installation the next morning, Friday, which was Julie’s
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last day of work at the WRVS, so even though she could not
afford it she treated them to a snack lunch at work.
I was to be allowed home on leave for some hours next day,
Saturday, after I caught up with Dr Roberts at 5pm that Friday.
I slept from as late as 2am to 11am on Saturday 10 th , caught
the bus at 12.17pm, and downloaded drivers for the ward
computers, as well as for the scanner I now took back and
donated from home. In the time left till 6pm, when I was due
back, I put blonde highlights in Julie’s hair – and she brushed
all the grey in my hair with blonde, which I left on so long it
went gold! We shared a shower and made tentative love for
the last time since I was admitted, and the only time while I
have been in hospital. She said afterwards she would not
consider it again whilst I ‘was in there’…
I went home again the next day and she cooked lunch, I slept
in the afternoon, then sneaked some cables onto the ward
when I went back – in case they were confiscated as
‘dangerous’. I had already used my nail clippers to carefully
snip off loads of tie wraps round the cables behind the two PC’s
on the ward that week, done in a crazy fashion by some safety
freak, ready to work on the two computers. That evening I
tried to plan my finances with inadequate capital in the bank…
Monday 12 th – Sunday 18 th November 2007.
Unlike last week, with weeks of fireworks prior to Monday 5 th
November itself, and some afterwards, the evening sky was at
last quiet this week on my frequent trips outside to smoke in
the freezing cold, often wet shelter just outside the psexistrick
unit. I phoned Npower again and was promised ‘a cheque in
the post’. I ordered bits for the computers at Mymms Ward
from www.ebuyer.com and also ordered a software licence from
a Californian company called www.argentsolutions.com for a
package called Turbodial 6.0 that supposedly speeded up dial
up 19.6 times by use of a server and clever compression and
packet elimination software at both ends. Julie and I went to
Tesco at Hatfield Olding’s Corner and I bought instant coffee
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and fruit juice. While I ordered the above bits and pieces there
was a fraud alert but I soon phoned the bank and sorted that
out! I was now skint even though my father had given me
£200 for computer bits for the PCs on Mymms ward last week –
too much had been taken up by my large overdraft…
Tuesday Julie rang about 11am and said there was no cheque
in the morning post as promised by Npower… typical big power
corporation, I phoned about a dozen times, but as my mobile
credit soon rang out I tried various payphones, which either did
not work or my £2 change got wasted because they rang off
before I could put it in. Eventually I got through on a staff
office phone to be told the cheque would take ten whole days!
The Argent software had crashed when I installed it but when I
made a massively expensive mobile phone call to California the
sales guy briefly gave me misinformation. I only paid for credit
because I suddenly realised I had £20 on my only still working
credit card!
At 9.40am on Wednesday, unusually, which was a privilege, I
was first in the ward round. Where my CPN produced a long
list from a huge pile of notes of all the drug experiments I had
ever been subjected to – none of which had worked!!! I was to
be put on a ten-year old and very different tranquillizer instead
of 10 mg haloperidol tablets a day, i.e. 200mg amisulpride
twice a day morning and evening. Also from Thursday I was
given four hours’ leave a day. At 2pm Julie and I had a
meeting at the hospital for which Julie drove over, with Lindsay
the American trainee social worker who had been at the
sectioning, about which both of us, me in particular,
complained bitterly! Lindsay was very sympathetic...
In the afternoon perhaps the most attractive white nursing
assistant, called Anna, I had met for years was on duty, to be
so occasionally, even though she came from the Lister Hospital
as Stevenage - as she was half Italian, explaining her very
attractive features and gorgeous slim figure – even more
beautiful than my old combatant and friend ‘Diamond’ from my
book ‘Which Witch Doctor?’ That evening I tried downloading
Windows XP service pack 2 for PC #1 on the ward – and it
worked but only very slowly, but failed to complete overnight…
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This Anna was on duty next morning also, and escorted me for
a blood test, saying she was 37 and very much single – with no
boyfriend despite being so attractive! This obviously puzzled
me greatly… An old man ‘Ronald’ visited in response to a
phone call - from nearby Hatfield MIND, who turned out to be
their computer expert. He sat in the quiet room and told me it
was not worth doing up the two PCs there much, as they were
being replaced ‘in a month’ with all of six new computers from
Dell, with a central hub and broadband. Afterwards I thought
‘there is neither the power nor the room for people once there
are all of six not two PC’s in that small room! Who will pay for
Dell to maintain them, for that is a Dell requirement!’ I left a
voicemail for this Ronald and told him what I thought about his
plans, politely but firmly pointing out the many problems. Met
Julie by bus in Hertford as arranged, went on a wild goose
chase of a shop in PC World in Harlow, got back home in a
traffic jam, so saw the cat for the first time in two weeks, for
Julie had been looking after her for me. Got back to the (god)
helpusall and slept from 12.30pm to 12pm on Friday afternoon!
Between 1pm and 3pm I took the printer back to Comet, and
paid a £4 restocking fee on the refund of £36, but they would
not take back the cable I had bought there at the same time
last week - as I had thrown away the flimsy packaging! When I
got back to the ward someone had moved around the
computers - so I finally had somebody interested in one or both
over the next few weeks. Then I saw outside A&E my old
girlfriend Glenda, who had two eighteen year old twins she
said, one of whom was about to have a very painful labour -
she told me later that evening when I saw her outside again!
On Saturday at 9.10am I got the bus home, and ordered
another edition of my book from www.lulu.com - I emailed
Zygon, for Julie had sent off for me a paper for them two weeks
earlier by very expensive airmail costing over £7. They were to
call me back as requested the following week while I happened
to be on a bus in Hatfield! Yes, their Debra told me then, the
paper had arrived – but it would take nine whole MONTHS to
review – should Dr Hefner, their editor, approve the abstract! I
was getting nowhere with speedy responses from Journals –
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Sophia Journal had said 2009 at the earliest! Julie and I had
another wild goose chase shop in Harlow – but that left me with
hardly any money yet again!
I slept at 12am, got the bus home on Sunday and basically just
washed up. Julie cooked the joint of beef I had bought
yesterday afternoon for us in Tesco at Harlow. I got back to
the ward at 6pm, still noticing no side effects from the
amisulpuride, which was delightful for me. Had I finally ended
thirty whole years of toxic obnoxious injections of such
narcotix???
Monday 19 th - Sunday 25 th November 2007.
For the umpteenth time that morning I asked for a chiropodist
for my aching feet, both of them, and some doctor to look at
my varicose veins actually before discharge so that I could have
the latest laser surgery on them to remove the blockages
completely, that Dr Matt Angell had said was the latest
treatment he would ask my GP to refer me for on discharge
only. Last, a second opinion about my perennial absurd
diagnosis of ‘schizo-affective disorder’ of this (god) helpusall,
which Dr Ann Roberts, my consultant would not comment on.
For as she rightly said at ward rounds she had never seen me ill
last year or this, certainly not now. She confirmed reassuringly
my view that I was being detained not for any ‘mental illness’ –
but to impose the grey dismal string-pulling from far away
Ware by telephone of the most senior doctor in the whole NHS
Trust, my very own ‘I scream queen’ RMO in the community,
O’Sullivan. Firmly insisting that I simply be put back on the
maximum injection of the toxic poisonous narcotic haloperidol
as well as the equally toxic lithium tablets - again at the
maximum dose before toxicity set in! All this to reinforce
O’Sullivan’s’ crazily dogmatic view that ‘you suffer from MANIA
Simon’ when generally I had a small affective disorder, if
anything at all, aggravated by years of abuse of experiments by
a raft of fifth-rate failed GP’s – since elevated to be
psexistricksters - with drugs of the wildest variety imaginable.
After all these endlessly repeated requests for treatment
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urgently, fell on deaf ears, I resolved not to ask any more while
I was here, as it was pointless.
I went to the graphics shop in WGC town centre and left my
only two papers left to be bound (I had finished off printing
them on Sunday) and picked them up next day. I bought some
batteries for my portable radio/CD walkman, some coke and
tobacco, in Sainsbury’s. Finally I bought a cheap phone, under
£3, in Argos, but when it did not work when plugged in back at
the (god) helpusall, took it back next day when collecting the
binding and got a slightly more expensive replacement – which
did work, which eventually as we see when I got two weeks’
leave I was to take home – to give to Julie in case she ever
could afford to get a Virgin Media phone landline like mine.
Finally, in a long trip to the library in town, I looked up the
phone numbers, usernames and passwords of three free ISP
Internet companies, who gave a much faster and more reliable
service than currently used at the (god) helpusall ward. I
installed these phone dial up services, all about three times
faster than the original at 110 kilobaud, on my return to the
ward. Windows had stopped working on one PC, and using the
screwdriver and allen key I had just about managed to be
allowed to use with discretion on the ward, reseated all the
cables several times in each of the two PC’s – especially the
hard disk – and indeed Windows installed quickly off my disk
when I reinstalled it on the second PC. However it would not
activate on either – I had run out of activations by Microsoft –
so for several days after that a balloon kept popping up on both
saying ‘so many days left to activate’ – I worried about this, for
after the month was up without being activated in that time,
the Windows XP on each PC would self-destruct! A phone
message to MIND asking for a full copy of Windows XP fell on
deaf ears, with no reply, so I carried on worrying about how to
activate the PCs’ copies of Windows, but meanwhile the
machines both worked much faster, and more quietly and
reliably, for a quick easy cable service, not done before in years
at least! That evening one Jim appeared on the ward who I
had met in Abbey Ward in 2004!
On Tuesday as I just mentioned I picked up my bound papers
for £5 – a lot more than a better job with metal not plastic
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indings would have cost in Ware, there just £2.60 – and the
replacement phone from Argos. Back at the hospital I rang my
solicitors for the first time this Section 3, and spoke to a
paralegal called Matt, who was a good listener, at 2pm, then
rang him again at 4.30pm to press him to try to get a ‘second
opinion on diagnosis only’ from the very same Forensic i.e. very
senior Consultant Psychiatrist I had seen in Hackney for the
same reason last year, one Dr Warren Dunn. Dr Angell had
told me yesterday in passing, after my complaints about my
feet, that rather than wait endlessly for the chiropodist, who
never appeared from week to week, and whom the staff could
never get hold of on the phone, who was supposed to call in
every Friday afternoon but never did – it would be a lot easier
to buy some ‘professional freezing spray’ from any supermarket
and bypass the NHS and kill the verucca on the ball of my left
foot myself, which was so painful. So at 4.50pm I went to
catch the bus to Hatfield Tesco, and found a Scholl spray
readily on sale. Apparently, the permanent end according to Dr
Angell, of four whole years of an agonising left foot, so painful
that I could not run on it, could be bought for just under £12! I
was only just allowed to use my own treatment on the ward
when I got back – by just about the only really fully human
nurse who ever worked there, Terry! Four sprays later and I
felt no pain any more, and felt my foot was well on the way to
a healthy pain-free future. Maybe I could soon try running
again for the first time in four years! We had tried and failed to
get the two PC’s to network with the grey cable I had bought
from Comet in Hatfield, and the man there said I needed a
‘patch’ cable. I drained my bank account and ordered a new
patch cable and two cheap DVD-RW drives and two very cheap
sound cards from www.ebuyer.com – to be delivered to my
house – on the PC connected to the Internet at the ward.
Wednesday 21 st November there was a vital ward round, with
nice scenery too – Anna was on duty that morning! Julie
turned up half an hour too late, after traffic she said, looking a
bit shabby in her uniform for work, so did not hear me being
given leave from the next day, Thursday, till Sunday 25 th ! I
had been in that (god) helpusall three weeks and was getting
extensive leave already! WHAT a difference to previous Section
3’s where I had been poisoned for months with wildly
experimental narcotics, prior to being forced back onto
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haloperidol injections with lithium every time. Due to massive
interference to that end by my parents insisting ‘that is the only
combination that ever worked’ and leave coming only months
into my detention!
I got the bus to town on my daily leave that day, leaving only
£9 till Saturday after a small amount of shopping. I phoned
Julie. She had only been paid £227, which she had got at
Hertford from the bank on the way home – and the idiot had
spent every last pound on her bills, rather than paying only
part of them. She had nothing left to live on for ten whole days
till her new employers paid her on 30 th November! I took my
second leave of the day, and just went to Waitrose in WGC and
bought two BOGOF bottles of diet Pepsi. I was going home till
Sunday with just over £2 to last me till Saturday! My
acquaintance Jim turned out to be ‘tight Jim’ not ‘lucky Jim’
when I asked him for just £10 as he kept boasting how well off
he was – ‘I do not ever lend to older people, you should lend
me money!’ he scoffed! My leave home was due to start next
day, and I was so stressed out by many many weeks with a
cash flow crisis – that I only woke up at 10 to 2.
I phoned Npower to see if their vital £308 was coming, and now
they turned round and said it was being authorised tomorrow,
yet the endless red tape meant that I would not in fact receive
it then, but all of five days later. What bureaucratic twisters –
no wonder they have such low customer ratings in the whole of
the UK! I got home and to my surprise found a parcel from
www.ebuyer.com with two DVD-RW drives, two soundcards and
a very cheap network patch cable. I could take these back to
the ward and install them Sunday night. I had assumed that as
the payment took my bank account well over the overdraft
limit, it had been declined, but there was the parcel, so it could
not have been declined in fact. Ready to use the £308 from
Npower next week, I negotiated an expensive payment plan of
£59 a month for the next twelve months with Green Energy,
my original and only real supplier from March when Npower
failed to take over properly. I was supposed to pay the first
£59 over the phone in December. Julie and I had a furious
series of rows about her crassly spending every pound of her
£227 pay, low already, on bills, initially by phone, later even by
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note when she turned off her phone, so I never even saw her
till Sunday – even though she was next door through the wall
during my leave.
Finally on Thursday I had a letter saying ‘please prove the
value of the lost post you reported weeks ago’ so I wrote back
saying I couldn’t as they were hand crafted! Perhaps needless
to say, yesterday as I write, on Tuesday 18 th December they
finally closed my claim, saying they could not compensate for
lost mail – without shop receipts! More red tape bureaucratic
twisters just like Npower!
Friday was lonely and miserably impoverished on dog ends all
day and still feuding with Julie, otherwise waiting for pay time
at 1am on the Saturday morning! I got a taxi to Tesco in
Hertford, bought 100 cigarettes, cat food as the cat was
starving, and some fruit juice and soft drinks – and the round
trip by taxi starting outside the night club in Ware – where I
had found one - cost £16! However, when I got back, wide
awake and stressed out by a miserable so far two month cash
crisis, at least I could satisfy the poor cat’s starving hunger at
last and smoke all night long, once more unable to sleep. I had
a quiet day buying more cigarettes having been up all night,
and some food, and still not seeing Julie despite being on home
leave, till as late as Sunday night between 4pm and 5pm! I got
back to the QE2 (god) helpusall about 6pm, and installed the
above DVD drives, sound cards and cable – but one network
card seemed dodgy, so it looked like I needed to replace the
two network cards then decide if we actually had the right
network cable by a process of elimination. Ethernet was
something I was not familiar with, and the jargon as usual was
blinding. It turned out both the Comet and ebuyer cables I had
bought were ‘patch’ cables for talking between a computer and
a modem, in the end, so both were equally totally wrong!
Monday 26 th November – Sunday 2 nd December 2007.
Rang Npower first thing, to be reassured that with the usual
unfathomable delay I had experienced recently with them, my
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£308 cheque would arrive for certain on Friday. I had forgotten
in packing yesterday, my toothpaste, vital mobile phone and
some tools I needed for the work on the computers to finish
this week, but I made a quick phone call to Julie on the office
phone at the Ward and she brought these over and a few other
little things I needed. I failed to sell the cables I had bought to
Argos at WGC, as well as failing to return my now broken radio
CD walkman, as I turned out to have the wrong receipt, now
back on my daily two hour leave off the grounds of the hospital.
However their catalogue at the ward revealed that I did not
need a patch cable to directly link two computers, but another
piece of computer jargon, an ‘internet crossover cable’ – they
had one in stock for £9.99 so I bought it, and when I returned
to the ward with the broken walkman and the two useless for
my purpose patch cables, the crossover cable immediately
enabled me to network the two PC’s together! That evening I
took the remainder of my leave, and having bought a
replacement for the indoor TV aerial for the quiet room at the
ward that itself immediately got broken, now bought, again for
under £5, a far stronger one from Tesco. This immediately
worked far better in the ward that night, so patients who
watched TV there in the quiet room, were very pleased with the
far better picture and sound with no more buzz as before. I
again tried to download Service Pack 2 of Windows XP on the
right hand PC, as last week, but again it failed to work properly.
The www.microsoft.com site I had to use for this was as
abominably slow as a lumbering dinosaur, typical Microsoft
software – which hardly helped – it made trying to get updates
downloaded incredibly painful an operation!
On Tuesday I also worked on the PC’s rather than going out
and reinstalled Turbodial 6.0 – with many interruptions from
people wanting to use the room for meetings. However it failed
to install yet again!
After a quiet Tuesday there was a vital Care Programme
Approach (CPA) Meeting, where I was told, as I expected, that
the amisulpride seemed to really suit me. I left the meeting
feeling that I, my solicitor’s paralegal Matt, my father and sister
all there as well, had all been told I was getting a week’s whole
leave at home. To be followed by actual discharge next week,
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following whenever the hospital pharmacy gave me my
medicines for that trip, that evening. When eventually I was
given a taxi ride free of charge courtesy of the hospital on the
grounds that I had completely packed up everything – thinking
I was being discharged in a week – and so emptied my room!
My father gave me £10 and 100 cigarettes – my current new
favourite, the newly launched Pall Mall Red Superkings!
I slept from 11.30 that night till 1.30 Thursday, and started an
email correspondence with Argent Solutions about my problems
with their Turbodial 6.0 – which eventually resulted in a free
gift of a free account - for life?!
Friday saw yet more money worries, for although my cheque
for £308 at long last duly arrived in the post, so Julie and I took
it to the Cash Flow cheque cashing shop at the Stow in Harlow,
I opened an account and cashed it – and I got £148.86 on top
in IET grants – Julie had money problem by contrast. She had
been working for her new private Goldsborough Care Homes
firm, initially training, since as long ago as October, but they
had not paid her for the last six whole weeks of working for
them – they had kept back all of ‘six weeks in hand’ not just
four; charged her £34 rather than paid her £39.15 expenses for
her CRB police check; and charged her tax instead of giving her
a large tax refund as she was zero tax rated for a whole year
after her bankruptcy back in May. So her pay cheque from
them for December and Christmas was an absolutely appalling
£129 – and weeks later they still only agreed to pay her the
extra money they had deducted of over £230 – on 31 st
December, the next pay day, obviously after Christmas! So
when we went to Harlow I also put £20 petrol in her car and
bought her £10 top-up for her mobile, just so she could work
for a week or so, and bought us both £10 fish and chips for
supper that night. Without her car, so totally reliable as it
seemed to be, she could not keep working! That night I got an
email reliably informing me that Turbodial 6.0 should now work
on both my own fast broadband PC and the two dial-up slow
PC’s at the ward!
My benefit also got paid the next day, Saturday. Ravi from the
Aggressive Out-Retch SSS team had been quite polite, but the
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umptious, utterly self-opinionated with 1984, Big Brother
Attitude, Josie, totally upset me on Saturday afternoon, when
she reacted when I told her I had helped Julie with money
yesterday, with the bizarrely Nazi psexistricskter casual remark
‘you MUST never ever help your friends’. What, never give
them a birthday present even??? I paid the bills, leaving me
nearly nothing again, to my astonishment! I had received two
copies of ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ in the post a week or
so ago, and now corrected one final major page layout and two
small spacing problems – and ordered just one final proof copy
– causing yet more minor expense. I also treated myself to
two pipes and some lovely ‘black and brown’ pipe tobacco at
Gays’ newsagent in Hertford, and some shopping and more Pall
Mall red cigarettes at Tesco there. I had finally had enough of
months of being broke, and applied on the Internet for a
£5,000 loan – to be told on the phone that yes, it could be
considered! I took Julie for a meal that night too, and cancelled
out her £50 debt to me, so she got a total of £120 from me
that weekend – nearly a week’s benefit – so I was again broke
and past my overdraft limit thanks to helping even more broke
her, despite receiving £308+149+183 = £640 that weekend!
On Sunday Julie cooked us two chicken Kievs, and I ordered a
second account with Argent Solutions for the second PC in the
quiet room in the afternoon, then had difficulty with the buses
until I got to the QE2 at 7.15 and installed it. I left it
downloading Windows Service Pack 2 on the right hand PC,
with instructions to one particular fairly computer oriented
fellow patient that if that failed – to restart the download.
Eventually next week he told me he did just that the following
morning, Monday – and at long last it worked!
Monday 3 rd – Sunday 9 th December 2007. A quiet week ensued
entirely on leave apart from a trip back to the QEII for the ward
round on Wednesday to hear as expected it had been renewed.
I was rudely awoken at 2.30pm by my CPN Jackie, who had not
bothered to telephone first, typically arrogant of the Aggressive
Outreach Team – particularly while I was under a Section 3
Order! As I tried to wake up from a deep sleep and make
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coffee and drink a juice - and have a cigarette - she was sat on
my sofa, lecturing me! ‘Give me all your PRN medication –
now!’ to which I flatly refused, of course… ‘O’Sullivan wants to
see you next Monday before you are discharged!’ The lecture
continued as I went into the toilet and only half managed to
shut the door on her tirade before realising she had woken me
up so very rudely while I was seriously ill with a stomach bug
or even food poisoning – for I had a vicious attack of diaorrea.
So when I called out to her to ‘leave me alone you utter bitch, I
have got diaorrea’, she said in typically stuffy temperamental
‘CPN from Aggressive Out-retch team’ fashion - just like Josie
on Saturday, ‘nobody calls me a bitch!’ and left the flat abruptly
– with me still on the toilet with diarroea! I then promptly had
violent nausea and vomiting all over the kitchen floor, and felt
desperately ill, so returned to bed – for a further amazing 19
hours on top of my 14 hours since 10pm last night – only
waking up very groggily at 10am on Tuesday!
On top of that there were several unwanted harassments that
afternoon and night. Firstly the loan company I had found on
the Internet on Friday kept on and on sending me the same
repetitive text message, which I heard ringing but could not
reply to or even read until the next day – but the rings every
five minutes for an hour while I was trying to get some sleep
were a real harassing annoyance! Then Julie rang about four
pm, as ever going on and wingeing about money. When she
rang again I just had to tell her I was in bed very ill and put the
phone down. I had the whole evening, night and till 10am
Tuesday asleep – but the cat made my fitful slumbers very
stressful indeed by banging on the letterbox to go out louder
than she ever has – at the ungodly hour of 4am!
Tuesday and Wednesday I felt much drained, and went to the
ward on Tuesday evening as well as the ward round as usual
the next day – specifically to complain furiously about the
arrogance and harassment of the Aggressive Out-retch Team!
The next day, still feeling weak, at the ward round I was told
that contrary to what I had been told – so I thought - a week
ago at the CPA meeting, there was to be no discharge yet, but
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another week’s leave, starting today after I picked up my To
Take Away (TTA) medication. It was only to be ready at 6pm
or 7pm, and unwilling to wait so very long in the utter tedium
of the hospital, I caught the bus home, and slept for three
hours, before a three hour round trip back to hospital between
7.15pm and 10pm, to pick up the wretchedly slow in
preparation TTA – crashing out ill again after that. I was on
dog ends most of Wednesday…
I woke up at 2pm on Thursday, with deep black rings round my
eyes, and cracks in the base of my feet – and in my lips as
well. At the time I wrongly, and very tragically for the time
being, did not rightly put these symptoms of stress down to
acute lengthy financial difficulty and now the virus of the last
few days. No, without asking any advice of the ward, I decided
these effects were due to the amisulpride tablets, and decided
to go back to 5mg haloperidol tablets till the next ward round
next Tuesday, for Dr Roberts was giving a talk on Wednesday
that week, for which I had just enough left in my medicine
drawer. So I proceeded to take these instead, even though
they made me feel worse, totally wrongly convinced my fatigue
symptoms were due to tablets rather than my nasty recent
stomach virus! I ‘found’ £18 on my only remaining £200 credit
card that day, so could buy some vital milk, food and
cigarettes. That night now I had complained to the Ward about
the appalling Aggressive Out-retch Team, I lodged a complaint
with the NHS hotline, NHS Direct.
My cigarettes of Thursday soon ran out, so on Friday it was
nothing else for it but back to dog ends – only of my own -
again… At 1.30 pm my Father rang and I took the opportunity
to ask for a small cash injection of several hundreds of pounds
from his bank balance of many thousands – to be told ‘but you
get £1,000 a month’ so once again I swore at him and put the
phone down… Julie suggested I even spend Christmas Day
with the old, disabled, and tramps at the Age Concern Hall
down the road instead of with my comparatively lavishly rich
family in lavish living like them Sussex! Ravi from AOT rang
and I admit I was rather abusive about other members of his
team and their appalling behaviour to me last weekend and
Monday! I had thrown away yet another piece of literature
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from a loan company that morning that had been my only post,
then about 3pm retrieved it from the rubbish bag I had thrown
in the hall, and decided it was worth a long shot. I phoned
them, answered their brief set of criteria questions, at which
they seemed quite pleased, and they said they were sure they
could get me a loan of up to £5,000!
On Saturday I got paid my weekly benefit and got the bus to
Hertford and bought 4oz pipe tobacco in Gay’s newsagents and
my now usually to be sought for Pall Mall Red cigarettes in
Tesco, for Gay’s did not sell them. I got back and there was a
vital phone call from AA Loans, my new loans broker, saying
that overnight one of their lenders, Black Horse Finances
(Lloyds TSB bank) had agreed a loan to me in principle – I now
had to wait till Monday to finalise amounts, interest rates, etc!
I celebrated, with little money to last after my overdraft had cut
into my benefits today, with a £10 haircut at the nearby barber
in Ware – by a very quick but proficient Romanian woman
barber… Julie and I together spent most of the weekend,
looking at cars, a cottage for myself, and I even looked at
getting a decent personalised number plate without paying too
much for it – a lot depended on customising the plate surround
with certain words, for which there was a show-plate company
that let you design your own plates and have them made to
that exact specification by the next day! However, all of this
soon came to nothing the next day, Monday, when I actually
talked to Black Horse about the size and APR of loan they were
actually to be offering…
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Part III
I buy a car while ‘on Section’
ready for a nice family
Christmas which turns into a
first ever ‘Christmas from Hell’
for me…! A very ‘different’ New
Year’s Day both for myself and
the whole of Mymms Ward
turns into Drug Hell for the
umpteenth time in my last 16
years; with 6 years of that in
Hospital… Eventually that Drug
Hell leads to the inevitable long
spells in Limbo – of PICU Units
– not just one but two! So until
April it was Hell leading to
Limbo but eventually - with
some flukes – back out again…
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Sunday 20 th July 2008. So. Typing today’s date just then
ended a whole yawning month of sheer writer’s block about
continuing this manuscript. Then all I did in mid June 2008, a
month earlier to today, in a brief burst of the only activity on
this manuscript in six months, was limited. I changed the title
from what it had been since December – the provocative and
raunchy attempt to inspire myself ‘My Escape from The Black
Art of SPYCHUNTITRICKERY’ – too many people had enjoyed
dropping the ‘h’ as I had fully expected! First I changed from
‘SPYCHUNTITRICKERY’ to ‘PSEXISTRICKERY’ – closer to
‘psychiatry’. Then I sat back and reflected that patients in that
black art hardly ever escape from it – they are on ‘bungee
ropes’ that keep dragging them back into the system! So I
settled for the title of ‘Always Rise Above The Black Art of
PSEXISTRICKERY’ which instead is in fact achievable if you fight
to keep your dignity while countless nurses – and other
patients – try to strip you of it! Finally also a month ago, after
drawing the vital cover picture, I added the title page, above,
to this new section.
Then my writer’s juices completely dried up, for this whole
month, until now, when my life has reached such a level of
stability, i.e. sheer unmitigated boredom, that I can face at
long last, keeping a written account of all this to a minimum,
and resume my diary for 2007-2008. This is to be greatly
shortened by the fact that I actually got so fed up with my
normal detailed hand-written diary for 2008 (and 2007)
describing such awful events – that on February 6 th , now in a
hospital in London – I threw these diaries in the bin! So it will
not be until the point where I started keeping detailed entries
again in a new hand-written diary, at the start of April 2008;
that my account below is in any way daily or detailed… In
many ways I am pleased about that fact. I can eliminate a
whole load of painful details and stick to the main things that
happened in one of the worst periods ever of my life...!
As well as choosing a very cheeky title for my manuscript as I
left it overleaf, of ‘How I Escaped from the Black Art of
SPYCHUNITRICKERY’ – hoping to achieve just that by psyching
myself up through that choice of title? – I only managed one
other inspiring piece of writing in hospital – at the same time.
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Definitive Interpretation as of March 2008 (just before my 51 st
birthday) of Spiritual Experiences 29 and 30 as in my previous
book ‘Doctor Police!’ and described at the end of the first part
of the present book which merely reproduces the last part of
‘Doctor Police!’ itself…
I realised as my 51 st birthday went by, on March 30 th of this
year 2008, that whereas I had hoped for great things of
Spiritual Experiences 29 and 30 for that year just ended; as in
‘Doctor Police!’ a new, bleak and much more accurate Definitive
Interpretation had emerged once I chanced to draw the spooky
diagram on the front cover of the sequel to this book, originally
at another hospital, the PICU at St Albans, about then. For
Spiritual Experience 30 is clearly of a ‘pentagon of gold’ just as
in this diagram! Which I first thought of over a year later! As
for Spiritual Experience Twenty Nine, it clearly shows none of
these autobiographies ever selling a copy – and off sale in
2010. The original version of this image came in 2000, at the
end of a long labyrinthine journey through a steadily climbing
‘cybernetic cave’. Yet the bright sunrise that showed through
the cave opening in the original in 2000, did not feature at all
and was completely absent, in Spiritual Experience Twenty Nine
– my Mum, Maiden Name the poetical ‘Dawn Day’ died so was
absent indeed, at the very end of ‘Doctor Police!’ Hence these
two strong Spiritual Experiences were about one book closing –
‘Doctor Police!’ with Mum Dawn Day’s death – and another, this
one, starting.
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My diary from 10 th December 2007 vaguely resumes, in the
absence of detailed hand-written records, which I was soon to
destroy, desperate that they had got so terrible!
From Monday 10 th December I spent some time on the phone
to Black Horse, and eventually negotiated a loan of just £2,000
not the original £5,000, at a very high interest rate of 29.7%
APR and so high monthly repayments of £60+ a month!
However I had a backlog of bills over £1,000 to pay off, and
Julie had no money for Christmas at all otherwise, so I just
gave her £200 with no chance of repayment when the loan
came through to my bank account the following Wednesday
19 th December, after paying off my bills. That left £700 or so
for a car, which Julie had been looking for on the Internet on
www.autotrader.co.uk for me… More of that in a moment…
I returned to the Ward on Tuesday 11 th December to learn
three quite surprising things: -
1. Thanks to my stopping the amisulpride for fear of side
effects the previous week, I was to start haloperidol
depots again, and my leave was reduced to four hours a
day until December 24 th – Christmas Eve! My long periods
of weeks at home were over!
2. Roberts was away till then on leave, so my leave would be
reviewed by her SHO Dr Angell next Wednesday, 19 th
December, and approved by a Consultant as required
3. I was no longer under the ‘Aggressive Outretch Team’ –
Hurray!? – thanks to their recent ‘abuse leading to abuse
by me’ as I saw it at least…
The above ward round started a terrible run-in to definitely the
worst Christmas, 2007, of my life…
1. For the next two weeks, I just had to get home to have
some time there away from the mayhem of hospital, but
could only manage an hour a day at most on leave, with a
terrible all of three hours’ boring return journey by bus to
get there and back. The first day Julie kindly offered me a
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lift back to the hospital, so I could carry my heavy bags
with clothes, toiletries and cleaning kit…
2. I was now mostly back in the Ward, so used my mobile
phone a lot. I started to suffer from the tedium of hospital
life once more, and to go slowly under…
3. In particular a tiny little man of just 5’2” kept pestering
everybody with boasts about his fortune of nearly
£500,000, which for some reason he could not get access
to, so struggled financially like most of us. It turned out
he was extremely manic with compound manic depression
of some sort; and the money was mostly ‘ill gotten gains’
– from some kind of life of crime in the past! While ill, this
did not stop him offering me ever increasing sums of
money for some part of the rights to my books – even
though he never read them! Eventually, tempted while ill
myself by his latest offer of £20,000 cash for 20% of the
right to my books, I rang Julie and she picked him and me
up on Friday 14 th December, and took us to his bank in a
nearby town 15 miles away. He was so ill he screwed
everything up, and only managed to get out £1,200 for
himself. On the way there Julie had noticed a screeching
sound from the brakes, and was told by a Kwik Fit man
that he needed £140 to change the pads. She had been
running that car with no servicing for three years, and
could not possibly afford this bill on her miniscule £4,800 a
year salary. Then a garage back at Ware, after she drove
slowly and carefully back, said not to worry – it had just
been a stone! After THAT she had to go to work, in the
dark, so I got the bus back the hospital, totally let down
but luckily so, as it turned out. Meanwhile Paul got a taxi
with some of his £1,200, and only got back to the ward
after midnight – it turned out he had drunk a bottle of
brandy in a pub – and got blind drunk!
4. On the Thursday 20 th December Julie and I sat on my
computer yet again at home, trying to find me a car
around £500 to buy with my loan, now arrived. Suddenly
Julie found a 15 year old but very low mileage Rover
214GSi, in good condition, at a garage in Hitchin, 20 miles
north of the hospital by train. I rang and got directions,
returned to the hospital, caught the bus then the train to
the garage next day, tried the car out, liked it and bought
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it. It had no tax, and I had to insure it, so drove it home
gingerly, only finding a petrol station with no queue just
before the petrol ran out. I insured it in ten minutes with
the AA on the phone, and drove it back to the hospital that
night. I was not to use it for long. I drove home both
days that weekend, then on the Monday 24 th December,
Christmas Eve, Roberts saw me about Christmas leave –
and promptly banned me from driving while on my Section
3! I had to surrender my licence now, even. So much for
buying a car – even though I hung onto it for several more
months to let Julie drive it – I only drove it for three days!
5. POSITIVELY, DEFINITIVELY, MY WORST EVER
CHRISTMAS BY FAR – AN ‘Antichrist Christmas’ TO
FORGET ABOUT AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! Disastrously,
on Christmas Eve 2007 – Roberts had been on leave
herself for two weeks. Even though I had been anxiously
telling the staff on the Ward for days, that I needed to see
her as soon as possible on that Monday, as I might need
to take a two hour or more train journey South of London
to my family gathering for Christmas in Sussex, even
though I had bought a car, I only saw her at 2.15pm in
the Monday afternoon. She had been impossibly busy,
what with unwisely (selfishly as I saw it) taking her own
leave right up to the start of the Christmas holidays. She
duly gave me three days leave till ‘more leave’ as it was
put, on Friday 28 th December – over the New Year
Holiday? I was also banned from driving, as I said above,
at that meeting, so quickly drove the ‘new’ fated car home
and parked it. Then I got on the phone to my Father to
try to get a set of train times and a route out of him – my
terminus in London, Liverpool Street Station, was closed I
understood. Instead I got a mounting series of about
seven tirades of phone calls, amounting to ultimatums
from him, clearly not having planned today at all! Some
of them went: (3.30pm) The last train from London
Bridge to near here goes about 5.05pm! (Impossible for
me to catch – lack of time). (4pm) Just catch any train
south of London and we will pick you up – wherever you
get to! (6pm) The last train from London Bridge goes at
7.40pm! Catch it! (Still impossible for me to catch – not
enough time to get there from here just like the earlier
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‘last train’ at 5.05pm!) I was expected to just ‘leap on a
train’ into the unknown – after all of two months
languishing in mental hospital! In the end there was a
furious row about all these phone calls, they suddenly
stopped, and I heard nothing from any member of my
family, enjoying themselves down in Sussex, with me
meanwhile stuck back here at home all alone for only
Christmas like that ever – for the next three whole days…!
6. So started the worst three days of Christmas – 25 th to 27 th
December – that I had ever known – all by myself – only
seeing just one person, Julie, for half an hour on
Thursday! I had no drink for the first two days, mostly
lived on coffee and water to drink, and my only food on
Christmas Day – was a nearly stale bap, with margarine
and nearly off slices of ham! On Boxing day I went out
and found one shop open briefly, so did buy some more
food. I got a phone call from Nursing Sister Wrecker on
Thursday afternoon asking how Christmas had been, to
which she got a rather short reply! Then she said if I
came in the next afternoon, Friday, Roberts would give me
more leave – for hopefully a half decent New Year. I duly
got the bus – but instead of more leave – it was all
cancelled – even off the Ward – for New Year and the
duration. Then it turned out that that would be for a long
time – Roberts was taking even more leave herself from
Sunday 30 th – for yet another two week holiday – in
Bermuda if you please! At that I christened her ‘Dr Billie
Holidays’ – a white doctor who took loads and loads of
spare time, in which she presumably blacked up and sang
jazz songs! So a totally and utterly miserable Christmas
was compounded by a locked up New Year to follow,
rather than making up for the Christmas I had lost by
spending that New Year with my family in Sussex, as I had
hoped and Wrecker had let me believe yesterday!
A strangely exciting New Year’s Day follows all this! My
weekend had been quiet, apart from complaining about being
confined to the ward after lots of leave, to all and sundry; but
on the Monday I had a long chat with Dr Matt Angell about
medication, and he readily agreed to change my haldol depot
back again to 400mg amisulpride twice a day. There was no
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New Year’s Party at all that night, instead, very boringly, I was
the only patient still up at midnight, when I and the three black
night nurses shook hands as the chimes of Big Ben went on the
radio that they had brought in specially. I was not at all tired,
having slept in, and looked set for another all-nighter. So I was
still awake at 2am, when only ‘Moses’ of the original three
nurses was still up – but seemed to be under the influence of a
seasonal drink or two, for he was falling asleep in the Nursing
Assistants’ Office! I strolled past the kitchen to the actual
Nursing Office, and saw the door was unlocked and indeed wide
ajar. There on the desk was an open invitation to a patient,
unable to sleep and aggrieved at suddenly losing all his
freedom having lost an entire Festive Season for the first time
in his life. In the middle of a small pile of files on the desk in
that office sat the ‘crown jewels’ of the ward – the totally vital
and nearly irreplaceable ‘prescription charts’. To me they read
as Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland down the spine, not
‘prescription charts’ but ‘Take Me!’ Not at all a thief ever,
totally unrehearsed and unprepared for this – indeed I took
them!!!
I dashed round the corner toward the kitchen, hoping to find
somewhere to hide the vital notes – and dropped most of them.
As I scooped them up I could hear that the noise had woken up
Moses in the room beyond the kitchen off the corridor – so had
no time to lose. Then, as I got into the kitchen clutching the
invaluable file, fate took a hand and directly opposite me, I saw
the only place literally in the whole ward to hide an A4 file that
the patients had access to - under the sink was a false panel
with a 1” gap under it, so I slid the file under it – turned round
fast enough, so acted completely naturally as if making a drink
when Moses came in. My thoughts had been, in the three steps
before secreting the vital file: -
1. The police or the media for these?
2. Definitely not the media! The police!
3. Now here is a chance to have a go at ‘Professor’ Whore
from ‘Which Witch Doctor?’ – still running the building!
I was indeed up all night after that, so witnessed all of FOUR
searches of the entire ward, after the morning staff dimly
realised they could not dispense any drugs that morning – the
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vital ‘charts’ were missing! Finally, at 2pm, as the morning
nursing shift ended, Julie visited as arranged an earlier day,
and as she left half an hour later, I took her bag into the
kitchen, put the vital file in it, and whispered to her to take it to
the police. She honestly thought it was one of my own files, so
was surprised when the police called the next morning and got
it out of my car where she had left the file. The police returned
it to the ward and gave me a short sharp lecture about the
incident, but at least acknowledged the short letter I had
managed to type addressed to the Herts CID, which was with
the file - and the main point of the exercise. It informed CID
that ‘Professor’ Whore was in fact Iraqi – which is true – with a
made-up Professorship! It also implied he needed a detailed
investigation, especially over prescribing a heavy drinker, Sarah
Todd, fatal levels of benzo diazepam tranquillizers back in
1995! I got no reply ever from the police for this letter, so they
probably just ignored it!
‘Now is the Winter of my Drug Hell!’ – on Mymms ward,
QE2 Hospital in January 2008!
The ‘drug hell’ that I went through for the very umpteenth time
of my life, in the first few weeks of 2008, led directly to my
being transferred to a private medium-security PICU or
Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit, in the middle of the night in the
small hours of Thursday 7 th February 2008. Being taken to
Blackheath Hill in London - for the only time ever to date in my
life, in an ambulance in which I was confined in a small metal
box at the back, while it flashed, honked continuously, and
screeched the thirty miles through London in under half an
hour! We left just after midnight and arrived about half an
hour later – an experience which I remember even now, vividly!
I destroyed my diaries for 2007 and 2008 shortly after that,
only filling out a new diary some time later which Julie had
given me, then only initially in little detail. I have total
amnesia, near enough, then, thankfully, about events leading
up to this dramatic transfer from Mymms Ward to Cygnet Wing
at Blackheath!
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After the dramatic events of New Year’s Day and confessing
that the file was with Julie that same night to the staff, which
was the only reason the police called on her next morning,
naturally I was extensively grilled by several staff and groups of
staff. On Thursday 3 rd January my father and Sister made their
first real contact since Christmas, and brought a selection of
those presents that were not breakable to see me, just before a
ward round with Dr Angell, as Dr Billie Holidays sorry Dr
Roberts was on holiday for the umpteenth fortnight – or so it
seemed – in reality a second seasonal fortnight. Angell had
them into his ward round before I went in, ‘divide and conquer’
style, and upped my amisulpride from Monday’s level, now to
the maximum of three 200mg tablets at morning and night. He
was soon to ignore, nearly totally, me telling him that this
regime caused me tinnitus, very stiff muscles, the shakes
(badly) and blurred vision – and denied absolutely that this
drug had any sedative effect at all – so lying through his teeth.
For I was taking my 600mg at night, falling quickly asleep, only
waking up at 9am, well after morning medication time, so the
staff were bringing me my 600mg morning dose and virtually
force feeding me these ‘tablets in bed’ – which made me sleep
on well past lunch!
I could not tolerate this massive sedative effect for long, and
my limited diary does record that a week into it, on Thursday
10 th January, I started refusing one tablet at morning and one
at night – reducing the dose from 600 to 400 mg twice a day.
Roberts returned from the Bahamas on Monday 14 th January,
and a quick ward round, and put me back on the haldol depot I
had stopped in her two week absence! My diary – and memory
of the period – are completely blank up to 6 th February apart
from that! I had amnesia due to the amisulpride!? A CPA
Meeting was held that afternoon, at which unusually my
daughter Jeni was present. My father and sister were there
too. I remember first leaving the meeting because they
refused to produce the minutes of the last one, then coming in
to object that they were all holding a meeting organised for me
– without me as the main person! It turned out that I did not
need to be there, as they were merely arranging for my above
mentioned transfer to Blackheath Private PICU. Roberts’
reason was ‘non-compliance’ – I had indeed compounded two
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changes from haloperidol to amisulpride and back again – with
non-compliance with my lithium recently… So I was told to
pack having broken the meeting up somewhat, and did so,
went to sleep at 9.30pm, woke at 11.30 pm, then one ‘Mervyn’
arrived from Blackheath and told me to get ready for a ride to
Blackheath. Indeed it turned out to be quite a noisy, exciting
roller-coaster journey as I said…
My stay at Cygnet Wing, Blackheath Hill was only to last just
two weeks before my next transfer, back to Hertfordshire, so I
can summarise it briefly as follows: -
1. This was the only private psychiatric clinic I had ever been
a patient staying in, and soon realised just how plush and
expensive it was. There was the PICU on the second floor,
with a rehab unit on the first floor. However, very
unusually, the ground floor had a neurological damage
unit as well as a unit for brain damage injuries. It was a
medium secure unit, with quite a few criminal patients, so
there were all of four locked doors and a locked lift to get
through if anybody thought of trying to escape! The
fittings were much more expensive than your typical NHS
Ward. My room was immaculately furnished with fully
working undamaged furniture, and there was an en-suite
toilet as well as sink. The bed was comfortable – and staff
made it up for you! The carpet had a thick pile and the
room was above all meticulously clean and undamaged.
The unit had its own kitchen, with a fresh, very varied
menu, and if you chose carefully you could eat cordon bleu
– as I did throughout! The best feature was the massive
supply of fruit juice, which I thoroughly approved of as it
was a very healthy diet that I enjoyed at home too!
2. I absolutely trusted nobody on arrival – so was not too
surprised when one or more sneak thieves among the ten
patients in a 16 bed ward, went to my room at the end of
the corridor several times, and took a total of £80. Also
when I left after two weeks there, one patient owed me
£12 which obviously I never got back, so in total the stay
there cost me nearly £100 lost cash! Quite a few days of
income! The worst time, my entire wallet went missing,
which I obviously reported. That night about 3am I was
aware of a figure coming into my room, saying, ‘security!’
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and putting the wallet back in my coat. In the morning I
found it was intact apart from about £30 cash!
3. The first day there, I still believe I had a couple of
occasional ‘signs from above’ – of a housewife and
humorous nature – so were they from my recently
departed ‘mother in the heavens’? Firstly, which could not
possibly normally happen as patients obviously are not
allowed strong poisons in their possession – I found a
bottle of Domestos bleach in my locked up locker under
staff control! It was wrapped in a blue plastic bag to boot,
together with a belt that I also took as it was the right
size! I had soon emptied the entire bottle all over my sink
and lavatory bowl, and washed it down thoroughly after it
had cleaned the area. My small open window as a result
soon wafted strong fumes from the bleach – sodium
hypochlorite – reacting with the water to make a metro
like ozone and chlorine mix – all down the ward for several
days. Long enough for me to sense that an ‘amateur
Christian exorcism’ was overdue on this ward, and
thoroughly clean dirty areas as well as staying up all
Friday night, finally taking my tablets for the night at
exactly 3.30am, precisely the right moment to end the
exorcism. I could not have done that without the ‘mystery
bottle of Domestos’! That same day I did some washing,
and as part of my ‘clean up and exorcism’, fiddled with the
knobs on the ward tumble-drier and got it working. When
I got my dry washing back to my room, feeling extremely
tired after all the stress of three months in hospital,
especially most recently, to my utter exasperation, I found
two unpaired socks. Oh no, I have got to go all the way
back to the laundry room, ask for it to be unlocked all over
again, and rummage through piles of filthy laundry
belonging to less clean patients to find my two socks.
Then I put the other matched-up washing way, turned
back to the bed and, ‘Lo and behold! Another housewife’s
miracle! There on the bed were the two socks - but neatly
folded up with their matching socks that had mysteriously
materialised from the laundry room!’ Was Mum about,
having a laugh from beyond the grave?!
4. I met one super cool Irish doctor on arrival, and the other
‘big Mac’ (both their surnames started in ‘Mac’!) the
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Consultant, had a ten minute chat with me at the ward
round on Friday, left my medication at 100mg depot every
fortnight, due that same day, with the usual 1200 mg
lithium at night, and gave me half an hour of escorted
leave. A week later that amount of escorted leave was
doubled to one hour, and I was taken with another
patient, from the West Midlands, who like lots of the
patients was very manic, to admire the large local pet
shop. However, I only just scraped in twenty minutes of
my leave that evening after repeated requests to take it.
Until a kind black nurse called Felix took me to the bank
machine down Blackheath hill, and luckily I thought ‘leave
looks hard to take here!’ and as it turned out I got no
leave for several days after that. So I stocked up with a
large supply of tobacco and enough soft drinks for several
days. This lasted until I started getting properly given
leave as late as the next Tuesday, the next ward round,
and complained enough about my last several days with
no leave despite it being given on Friday. Every few days
we did art therapy, and that first Friday involved painting
designs on t-shirts. My own design, of my college chapel,
was on display as the ‘best effort’ in the meeting room
during the ward round that same first Friday afternoon,
and caught the doctors’ eyes. They thought I was a good
artist!
5. I had been made a Professor by Helen-Marie under an
Italian Law in the course of ‘Doctor Police!’ and later chose
‘Power Engineering’ as my subject! So for the first time, I
decided to make a nurse there a Professor too! I duly
called this black German charge nurse, Osric, ‘Professor’
or ‘Herrn Professor’ for twenty four hours – then told him
– “Jetzt bist du Herrn Professor von
Hauptkrankenbruderkeit”! (Now you are a Professor of
‘being a male charge nurse’!!!)
6. The smoking room seemed to be strangely placed – at the
far end of the long corridor comprising the ward from the
office and most nurses – until I soon guessed that the two
large convex mirrors at the top upper corners at the far
end from the door of the smoking room – must have
hidden cameras! I put this theory to the test in a blatant
way, and turning away from the cameras once alone in the
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smoking room, completely filled two ‘Fanta’ bottles – with
my own pee! I then left these prominently on one of the
benches in the smoking room, which incidentally was the
best designed such room I have ever been in! Sure
enough, a Mauritian nurse soon came in and said
accusingly, ‘looks like someone has peed in those two
bottles! Was it you?’ to which I replied, ‘Yes – and it looks
like those two cameras work up in the corners of the
room!’ to which he had to laugh! Later, now definitely
knowing for sure everybody going in that room was on
‘candid camera’, I pointed at it and said near the intercom
‘and I bet that intercom is the microphone’ – and it
immediately started flashing a little light that had never
been on before! Whoever was listening and watching to
this obviously thought I deserved a little joke by them for
being so smart as to detect both cameras and a
microphone. However, when I told most of the smoker
patients about this, they just scoffed! I turned to the
nursing assistant there after one of these patients left the
smoking room and said ‘you just can’t tell some people!’
and we both laughed quite hard! After I found that the
smoking room was heavily bugged in this way, between
Friday 14 th February and Monday 18 th February I talked a
load of crap in there, mostly fantasising, as a bit of a
laugh. That ended when I told Julie that I got her
Valentine card, in one of frequent phone calls to her
during my stay there, and confirmed she had got mine –
but that neither of us had got cards from anybody else!
She had already said she would not drive down and visit
me there as she was not used to driving in London!
7. A lot of the patients on this medium-security ward were
violent, or criminals, or both, but I only experienced one
incident of near violence that hurt – when I managed to
upset a tall young black patient from Nigeria, and he
shouted so near and so violently to me while I sat there
taking his abuse, that he spat all over my face! One
patient that everybody hated so much we called him ‘Ali
Baba’ was an all teeth Pakistani imported there from Leeds
– whose own delusions were typical of Asians at present.
According to him, he was second in command of
Al’Quaeda UK – knew several of their main Internet
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passwords – and that me, a disabled man on benefit, was
in fact very rich and their main target! So he called me
“Caesar’s Palace” and told me an unlikely tall tale that
Osama bin Laden is actually currently in Washington DC!
So when I told a few people including a policewoman
afterwards, a Pakistani nutter had told me the answer to
the riddle of bin Laden’s location, I said “Washington DC!
CCTV! EeZee PeZee! We have bin Laden! I don’t think!”
we all laughed!
8. Dad visited from Sussex on the Tuesday 19 th February,
then on Thursday 21 st it was a taxi to St Albans PICU –
after two weeks in the mad heat of London – via Tesco in
St Albans High Street so I could stock up on fags and pop!
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So, Saint Albans Abbey Ward PICU revisited four years
on from Spring 2004 and four whole months there then.
A mercifully short six weeks this time, with severe semi
serious attempts by the staff and I as a team, to at last
sort out my serious side effect problems – with my
haldol depot!
I arrived at Abbey ward at dusk at 6pm on Thursday 21 st
February, and soon settled in unlike Blackheath – as I knew the
ward routine, and most of the staff were old faithfuls whom I
knew well from last time. Ann, Cyril, the two Johns, Blessing,
Charles, and above all Maggie the witty, intelligent Ward
Manager all soon appeared when on shift. I noticed after just a
day on the ward several noticeable differences apart from
familiarity with Blackheath; and only several differences of note
from last time on this ward, which remained remarkably
unchanged since then. Obvious differences to Blackheath
were:
1. This was a lower grade of security of ward, so there was
only one troublesome (violent at all) patient the whole
time I was there, compared to about half previously
2. As a result, as well as the PICU only having eight beds not
sixteen as at Blackheath, the staff were totally in control,
especially as ever with a very over rigorous way of doing
things strictly to the minute, by the clock, still
3. It had been an early Spring in the London suburbs, with all
the Spring flowers blooming in the garden there that we
were often let out into for a smoke and a chat
4. Blackheath had been single sex, whereas this ward was
mixed and had two women most of the time
5. The food was back to appalling NHS standards, only
slightly better than on Mymms ward – and far from the
cordon bleu quality at the private Cygnet Wing!
Obvious differences to last time on this ward were: -
1. Above all, a very heavyweight rule for the smoking room –
these days only one person was allowed to smoke at once
- and what with nearly all eight patients smoking, there
was often quite a queue of smokers panting for a drag
while waiting for whoever was already in there to finish!
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2. By contrast the prior insistence that everybody was almost
forced to take part in morning and afternoon community
activities had been greatly relaxed – phew!
3. I was once more in the quietest, best, room 1 – which had
even more damage to the desk, which was now ruined.
Otherwise the fabric of the ward was remarkably intact
4. As ever the old phone was very unreliable, so a lot of the
time we had to beg the staff for limited just of just one
special room to use our mobile phones, which were
obviously more expensive. Once we got a brand new
phone towards the end of my six week stay, the usual
problem with the BT phone re-emerged – the staff often
unplugged it or put it away, so nobody could call in!
5. My named nurse was not this time the herself rather
abrasive Zulu, Blessings, but the self confessed ‘too
temperamental to get a boyfriend’ also black but much
more buxom, but extremely pleasant and lively, Sarata.
We basically got on fine throughout apart from a couple of
initial cross words on both sides.
My diary for the period again remains sketchy, as there was
even more a feeling of being ’locked up in limbo’ than at
Mymms then Blackheath, so there was not much to report.
What there is to describe of significant events over the next six
weeks, I give below: -
Thursday 21 st April-Wednesday 27th April 2008.
Had my 100mg depot of haldol on the Friday 22 nd , and took
some orphenadrine prn that morning. Saturday, hot on the
heels of all my bother with a young nutter with delusions that
he ran Al’Quaeda UK back at Blackheath, there appeared to be
once more fraud on my bank account! I admit I panicked
somewhat, and had an awkward time over the next couple of
months, first activating my ‘spare’ bank account; then finding it
was not fully functional for the first several months; then
transferring everything back! All with the greatest difficulty
while without full records in hospital! Monday. Ward round –
as expected, no leave yet…
Thursday 28 th February-Wednesday 5th March 2008.
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Thursday 28 th ward round – no leave still. Staff buy me things
from shops. Monday 3 rd March Ward round – start getting half
an hour escorted leave a day. Tuesday 4 th March – a second
opinion doctor has been brought in as it is past the three
months of my Section 3 – and gets me to agree readily to have
a 5mg PRN depot of procyclidine to have with my haldol depot.
I get quite excited as I have had the two together a long long
time ago – and feel ‘they’ may be onto some kind of answer to
the toxic effects I get once they raise the dose of haldol to the
full 150mg not 100mg a fortnight as planned!
Thursday 6 th March-Wednesday 12 th March 2008.
Event 1. Got to the Friday 7 th and got toxic withdrawal
symptoms from my 100mg depot given the Monday week
appearing to run out. Explained this to Dr Maslim, who came
up specially to see me about this, and he readily agreed to give
me next Monday’s scheduled 150 mg depot now – along with
the 5mg prn depot of procyclidine agreed earlier in the week,
two inches apart in my backside, just as I had taken it years
earlier. Very excited, I noticed no need for any de-tox from the
usual toxic surge that weekend, from that high a dose, my
usual dose in the community. As we see, there was only a tiny
toxic kick two weekends later after the next depot, explaining
why I was returned to Mymms Open Ward shortly after that.
That was not the end of the story – see concerning the events
of May later on! Event 2. Ward round Monday – given half an
hour unescorted leave by Dr Kurmani, now herself at last back
from leave the whole time I had been there. However, I had a
lot to catch up on while stuck on that ward for nearly three
weeks, so stayed up town all of three hours! The police
interviewed me as a ‘returned by myself – so low grade’
missing person – and naturally I lost my half hour leave till the
next ward round!
Thursday 13 th March-Wednesday 19 th March 2008. The next
ward round came on the Thursday. I explained I had had a lot
to do at the shops, and needed to do more still. Dr Kurmani
listened, reinstated my half hour unescorted leave – and gave
me two hours escorted for the next Saturday 15 th – to be taken
with Sarata, my named nurse. Indeed, on Saturday, I visited
so many shops so quickly with Sarata that Saturday after
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walking to town with her, that she complained about feeling
‘being dragged through a hedge backwards’! The shops were:
1. The bank
2. Opticians (to drop off glasses for small repair)
3. Argos
4. Tesco for cigarettes
5. Optician – to pick up my glasses again
6. Tobacconist for pipe tobacco
7. Café for a welcome cup of coffee!
Sarata was in fact so impressed by my excellent ‘performance’
on this walk to town and back, that on the Monday she got me
not just two hours escorted leave regularly from then on, but
three whole hours! That afternoon I went up town again, went
to Tesco, the library to take backups of my disks from home on
one of their computers. On Wednesday my sister visited, with
Easter eggs and 100 cigarettes - and I drew my ‘pentangle’
sketch as on the front of the sequel to this book, which Sarata
said that she found ‘scary’!
Thursday 20 th March–Wednesday 26 th March 2008.
I bought ‘crème eggs’ for all the patients and donated one of
the three eggs my sister bought yesterday to the staff – and
Blessing promptly dropped it and broke it! Had my two depots
again and just like last time had to have a lay-in on the Sunday
– but again with no toxic ‘side’ effects due to the high dose. At
that stage it still looked like the ‘double prn depot’ was
working! That weekend was Easter so Julie and Rachel called in
with eggs and I gave them theirs. I was told I was being
transferred back to Mymms Ward soon!
Thursday 27 th March-Wednesday 2 nd April 2008.
At the ward round on Thursday Dr Kurmani raised my leave
from three to six hours a day – with eight hours on Saturday
specially as Sunday was my 51 st birthday! My varicose veins
had seemed in the shower last night, to have erupted
somewhat, and I reported this. Eventually the next day,
Friday, a particularly pretty and sharp nurse called Jo, gave me
a bandage to put on my thigh, looked up that it helped reduce
swelling and so got aspirin prescribed, and advised me (also
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advice off the Web) to lie down for a while; feet higher than my
heart! All of these seemed to help, so I thanked her profusely.
On the previously planned out Saturday Julie drove over in my
car, which I still could not use on section 3, and donated some
money for me to buy a pipe. It was raining, so we went home
for three hours and I spent some time with her and the cat. I
went to her flat on the bus the next day, my actual birthday,
Sunday, and she served up a lovely chicken roast – beating
hospital food hands down! She gave me a lift back, and
reappeared yet again the next day, the Monday, for six hours
walking and snapping each other in the park and around the
Abbey with my camera. We had a drink in the Fighting Cocks
pub at the lakes, a light salad up town, and prawns on skewers,
another light meal, at the Three Horseshoes pub just outside St
Albans, having popped home in the car. Wednesday morning
saw my transfer back to Mymms ward, with ward manager
Maggie taking me in her space wagon. It was timed so I
arrived for the ward round there, where Dr Roberts was
obviously pleased I was back after eight weeks, and
immediately carried on my six hours a day of leave!
How the three (probably representative) Psychiatric
Wards I stayed in during 2008 responded to the
requirements of the Smoking in Public Places Act 2006
that all communal smoking rooms close by 1 st July 2008
in all Psychiatric Units (and prisons, I don’t know?)
Mymms Ward, QE2 Hopital, Welwyn Garden City initially
on my admission on 2 nd November had a wild, unpoliced lack of
policy, left largely to the arbitrary ‘discretion’ of Nursing Staff –
and whether they were vehement anti-smokers personally – or
more tolerant. Until myself and apparently several other more
well so more coherent patients kept commenting and
complaining to the Matron, as a result the smoking rooms on
the four wards were apparently opening and being locked at
random times. This all stopped in December, and the smoking
rooms were kept open at all reasonable times, once the Matron
secured a budget for an ancient plan – to have the hideously
barren concrete patio behind the Unit dug up and replaced by
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an enclosed and apparently to be made attractive and closed
garden for all patients – where everyone would have to go to
smoke. In the meantime, I was noted for often smoking in my
room, especially during the small hours when I could not sleep
in that very harsh, barren environment of a condemned wing!
Cygnet Wing, Blackheath Hill, London had a totally relaxed
policy by complete contrast – was it because they are a private
wing? I never needed to cheat on the smoking rules because
in my two weeks there, I never found the smoking room
locked. It was however the only such room I had ever been in
where I actively verified that because it was so remote from the
nursing office, there were cameras and a microphone there!
The Unit had no apparent plans to make all smokers go to the
enclosed garden to smoke – did they have any special
dispensation, being private?
Abbey Ward PICU, St Albans had the most well established
and rigid rules to stop communal smoking in place for many
months already – with one at a time smoking in the smoking
room. They were so rigid on rules that they even planned to
shut that room as well after 1 st July, and force all smokers to
quit or go occasionally into the garden at the back. I was again
disciplined – and my lighters and pipe confiscated – for
smoking in my room at St Albans!
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206

Part IV
Not so much fire and
brimstone came next.
More a diet of brass
tacks, maggots and
cyanide! In other
words, April and May
2008 were totally
diabolical for me!
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Wednesday 2 nd April-Tuesday 8 th April 2008.
The calm before the storm!
I went home on leave for six hours every day for the next
whole week. That Wednesday I phoned Julie – who had
finished her terribly badly paid part-time job with Goldsborough
Care Homes, but not yet started her new job as a ‘domiciliary
care worker’ i.e. living–in with her client. She had not even
asked her new employer, Allied Homecare, what the rate of pay
was, so I got her to phone them then call me. She rang back
delighted – she got two or three weeks work at a time, then a
week off, unpaid obviously, at a rate of paid work of as much
money in each paid week as her previous job had netted her in
a month! The price was that the living-in hours were 13 hours
a day, 7 days a week for two or three weeks at a time then the
week’s unpaid break – i.e. extremely demanding indeed!
I shopped in Hertford for a stock of fresh pipe tobacco on the
Thursday, my diary records.
On the Friday I had my full 150 mg double depot with the 5mg
PRN procyclidine depot, but had to de-tox with lots of fizzy
drinks that night and until 5pm the next day. As we see, this
de-toxing back on the full depot was to get worse and worse
just after each injection – so I soon stopped the 5mg prn depot
on top, as irrelevant, and started thinking about how to stop
this de-tox being needed each time. As we see in due course,
this meditation on the problem eventually yielded a full answer
– getting the Doctor to accept this from the ‘mere patient’ was
the problem!
The weekend I had a small row with Julie, then it was phone
contact only as she started work in a disabled male client’s
house in Chiswell Green, just south of St Albans, on the
Monday. On the Monday I also rang a Zoe Smith at the Richard
and Judy Book Club, who said my precious parcel of books
worth £60 back in January, must have been lost in the post as
it had gone to Channel 4 TV not Cactus TV, who make the
show. Even when I eventually sent her my last complete set of
the books, in ensuing weeks, she said that they were ‘only
doing Fiction’ this summer!
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Wednesday 9 th April-Friday 25 th April 2008.
A really stressful diet of slime, maggots, diarroea etc – the
most stressful two weeks of my life – leave out the multiple
back-stabbings by ‘friends’…!
Everything seemed swimmingly OK at the ward round on that
Wednesday 9 th April, after a totally easy, successful week of six
hours of leave home a day – when Dr Ann Roberts delighted
me by giving me a week’s leave all at home with a view to
discharge then, subject to good reports from two home visits
from Terence, my nursing coordinator at Cygnet House. She
told me to pack my bags! When they were so heavy that I
could not carry them, fortunately Sister Wrecker was kind
enough to order me a taxi. It was only when I walked through
the front door of my tiny flat that the troubles of the next few
days, weeks and months started. For there, with no permission
at all, sat in my flat, at my computer, playing some criminal
DVD called ‘Hit man’, sat Rachel, Julie’s daughter, saying it was
her son, Julie’s grandson Hayden, also there, who had made
such a mess on the floor with my CD’s! She begged a couple of
cigarettes then hurriedly went back to Julie’s flat - which must
have been where she got the keys to get into my own flat!
1. Massive stresses – and double back-stabbings – 1
and 2. I find Rachel has been given permission by
her mother Julie, multiply, to visit my flat on her
own ‘to see the cat’ – and made absolutely massive
illicit use of my telephone! I worked on the computer
that afternoon, on printing on photographic paper some
semi-clad pictures I had taken last year of Julie here! I
slept from 8pm to 9am, woke with a nasty thought, and
soon confirmed with a call to my phone company that my
phone bill for the last month was far from the average £50
a month it had been while I was away from home so very
long. It was a massive £125.00! Also without permission,
Julie had borrowed my shower head as hers was broken –
and was now far from home! I could not even get clean
with a shower until tomorrow, when I would get paid and
could go to the bathroom depot in the local industrial area
– and buy a new head! I had annoyed Julie by ringing her
at work at her spanking brand new job earlier in the week,
and could not get through now, so left some really angry
text messages Thursday and Friday.
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2. Massive stress 3 – rows with Julie about abuse of
my phone in MY flat – and with Rachel, who initially
lies about it all. Massive stress 4 – Julie is away
from home for the first time I have known her for all
this, so gets Rachel’s lies and my truthful protests in
both ears on her mobile phone – while working! I
had never had a serious row with Julie ever before – and
this one was compounded by not seeing her face to face to
talk to, only over the phone; and by the guilty party,
Rachel, making her own lies to her mother to wriggle out
of any blame – instead calling me ‘a nutter’, no doubt!
This row started on Thursday and abruptly peaked, as we
shall see, on the following Monday – after another big
stress! In the meantime on the Saturday I bought the
wretched shower head and had a shower at last! Also I
bought a £9.99 replacement for the main lock on my front
door, just in case. Then on the Sunday, to give myself a
boost, I took the penultimate version of ‘Scientific Proof…’,
changed the cover to be a memorial ‘New Gold Dawn
Version’ for my deceased Mum Dawn nee Day - and
published it on www.lulu.com/authormeuk.
3. Massive stress 5 and back-stabbing 3 – Paul
constantly, incessantly scrounges while around
here! Terence had just made his second and final,
laughing, satisfactory call here after Friday’s other visit, so
if I did not crack up completely I felt I could go to the
ward round at Mymms ward on Wednesday – guaranteed
a discharge off the section! Chris also popped in for his
customary dismissive five minutes flying visit, but at
1.30pm Paul had also called earlier – scrounging 5-6 fags
off me and having no other real reason to call! Then
unbelievably he called back again just an hour later with a
pint of milk he knew I needed, and when he started to
scrounge for fags incessantly, in a wheedling tone of
voice, I shouted at him to go! He would not – so I
reached for his blue bag on the floor to show him to the
door – instead of which his arm lashed out and he hit me
on the elbow – then he restrained my wrist! When I called
the police he even went to my fridge to retrieve his
pathetically precious to him, pint of milk – before going!
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4. Massive stress 6 and back-stabbing 4 – THE BIG
ONE. I was just recovering from the shock of all this half
an hour after Paul ran off, and reporting it all to the police
call centre, when JULIE rang up out of the blue, just said
the following, ‘you have made too many phone calls to me
at my work. I AM TAKING OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER
ON YOU!’ and put the phone down. Despite six or seven
phone calls to try to reason with her about this very
serious and totally unjustifiable action when Rachel had
caused all this upset on the phone, every day for the next
few days, Julie refused to answer a single one of these
calls by me! As we see below, at the end of this long list
of massive stresses on me during that elapsed week, this
was the final backstabbing that led me to backstab back –
at Julie – on the Thursday 17 th April!
5. Massive stress 7. The police initially fail to answer
my urgent request to attend here, about Rachel’s
and Paul’s ‘crimes’ against me – for days. I called the
police on that awful Monday night, and offloaded at great
length about the offences against me of firstly Rachel and
secondly Paul. They never turned out to see me that
Monday, nor the whole of Tuesday daytime or evening,
despite not one but two phone calls from them saying they
were trying hard to get to see me. In the end, frustrated
and angry I set off in the rain in a taxi – leaving me only
£34 till God alone knew when – to ‘the police station’ to
arrive to find it had moved – from Pinehurst Estate
outskirts to Central Hertford! So I walked the rest of the
way in the rain, to the new station, in a building in the
town centre which had previously been the HQ of
Lockheed Martin Solartron, my old employer from 1996-
97, after they moved from Pindar Road, Hoddesdon. The
Duty Inspector listened patiently to my complaints about
their failure to attend, pointed out they were busy with
high priority cases, and eventually told me if I did not
leave he would have me arrested - for being disorderly in
a police station! So I got the bus home. A young
policewoman called the next morning at 10.10am so
causing me to miss the bus to WGC for the Ward Round
and vital discharge, even though she only stayed long
enough to take a brief statement – enough to arrest Paul!
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She came back and took a full statement later that day,
while I was being visited by Clare, a social worker from
Cygnet House, after duly getting discharged.
6. Massive stress 8. Having very little money from
Monday 14 th April to Friday 25 th April. Any psychiatric
patient on typical benefits of about £180 a week gets
those halved after six weeks in hospital – and it takes a
big struggle while living the double life of hospital and
home, i.e. even more expensive than usual, while coming
out – to get them back to normal, normally after lots of
red tape. I had to pay a lot of bills so all my benefit
vanished as soon as I got paid on Friday 11 th April, so
having rung up and gone through the usual motions, on
Tuesday 15 th April I collected an £84 giro for a crisis loan.
However after a £4 taxi fare to the police station that
night and two much higher fares to and from the QE2 for
the discharge ward round the next day (total: £35!) and
buying food, I only had £4 left – with Saturday 26 th April –
next pay day – 17 whole days away. I immediately rang
up the DWP and got my income support reinstated – but
that would take three weeks they said – on the grounds
that I had left hospital and was back in the community.
Also I phoned the social fund for a community care grant
form, which arrived next day. I applied for every bill and
household item I could think of, expecting as actually
happened to get just over £1,000 - but that would take
two weeks to come! I had £1,000 of pressing bills to pay
with that money! So on Thursday 17 th I begged Terence
of Cygnet House to help, and his manager Jemima kindly
offered me £20 in Sainsbury vouchers, with just £10 cash,
and Terence took me to Sainsbury’s in nearby Hoddesdon.
By Saturday I was on dog ends, then on Sunday thought
to ring my daughter - and Rodney her step-father kindly
lent me £40. For the next five days, until my next pay
day on the Saturday, I made do with occasional further
hand-outs (all to be repaid as soon as possible) from
Cygnet House of £10, £10, £10 and finally £5 cash! We
come to the results of all this stress (we have not finished
with it yet – the worst comes last!) on the fateful Friday
25 th April 2008, in the next section.
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7. Massive Stress 9. Support comes too little too late
for my ‘fortnight horribilis’ of Wednesday 9 th April-
Friday 25 th April from social services – and my
family. Social services in the person of Terence only
called twice in the course of the first week of this
mounting stress – and as we see from point (8) below, I
had to try to pretend that all was well as I simply just had
to be discharged from hospital the next Wednesday 16 th .
My father and sister happened not to call at all by phone
the whole time in that week and for some time in the
horrible week that followed. I felt I could not call them as
they would cause yet another row about my lack of
money! That always happened especially with my Father,
who always exhibits total unwillingness to make any
allowances however difficult my finances are!
8. Massive stress 10. I had pressing financial need to
get out of hospital at all costs at the discharge
meeting on 16 th April. In order to be able to claim a
community care grant and full DLA and income support in
due course – especially the first, being so large by
comparison. For I needed to raise £1,000 at least to pay
off pressing bills that had built up in hospital! So during
that immensely stressful first week on leave at home I just
had to stay well despite all the above mounting stresses!
9. Massive stress 11. Caused by ALL the above huge
stresses combined; ESPECIALLY Julie first
thoughtlessly and casually threatening, no, more,
saying she WAS taking out a restraining order –
then ignoring 30 phone calls or so from me over the
next few days trying to say ‘did you mean it? WHY?’
– so in the end her phone abuse made me crack up!
I did at that point, eight days of mounting unfair stress
later, crack up, thinking to myself, ‘Julie you ARE taking
out a restraining order aren’t you? That is why you simply
ignore all my phone calls. I won’t be allowed 100 yards
from you! I will be evicted! What have I ever done wrong
to YOU?’ I took the indecent photos of her I had printed
the other week, found the only envelope I had that would
take them was one with a passport form, and was crazily
inspired to write on the form as if it contained self
confessions of rather nasty things about her – and posted
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it to her employers!!! As I walked to the post box, I said
out loud ‘vengeance is mine, saith the Lord’ but still
posted it – and I did experience vengeance! Julie cut me
off by changing her mobile phone a couple of weeks later,
and it has taken me several odd weeks when she has been
at home not at work away from home, to win her back as
a friend.
For a whole week after THAT, I vaguely remember constantly
and increasingly breaking down in tears, at home and even
sobbing uncontrollably at the Cygnet House Offices on my
latest trip there to beg for yet another snippet of financial help
while I had ZERO money for five days. Finally they got so
concerned that on the Friday 25 th April Jemima readily
persuaded me to re-admit myself – voluntarily – to Mymms.
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Part V
Another Section 3 - after my
Section 3 of Part One!
However this one is swiftly
over – with just under four
weeks in hospital, one week
on leave, and for the first
time in my life, I get home
by winning a Hospital
Managers’ Appeal!
Meanwhile I use the stay to
get over the massive
stresses described in Part IV
– then force the issue with
the Doctors - to get my
medication ‘ideal’ for the
first time in 16 years!
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Friday 25 th April –Friday 2 nd May 2008.
I was admitted voluntarily to Mymms Ward about 2pm Friday,
but it was not long before the sterile tedium of the place got me
asking to discharge myself and go home! Instead of that, I
found myself being seen by Dr Ann Roberts just before 5pm
when she went home for the weekend, and being placed on a
Section 5/2 – a holding Order so I could not leave – until I was
seen the Saturday afternoon by another psychiatrist and a
social worker, who backed her up and put me on a second
Section 3 inside ten days! That night I rebelled against all this
by smoking after 12pm in the main lounge – and getting a pair
of ’10 and 2’ injections to make me fall asleep – of 10mg
haloperidol and 2mg lorazepam!
I had a very big argument on the phone on Monday with Julie
in particular about my letter to her employers, which she said
had now arrived there – and been opened. Incensed that the
phone abuse by Rachel had caused all of this upset, on the
Tuesday I talked on the phone to the police control room. The
upshot was it was logged, with them saying that if as promised
Julie paid the phone bill back to me that would end the matter.
On Wednesday came my first ward round. I tried to discuss the
following logical line of reasoning, which infuriatingly Dr Roberts
totally failed to understand, so blocked:
1. I had been experiencing longer and longer spells of feeling
very ‘toxic’ immediately after each haldol depot since the
level raised from 100mg to 150mg a fortnight, at St
Albans PICU back in March. Clearly 150mg was too high a
dose. What was the correct dose?
2. The final lower dose of 100mg had definitely ‘run out’ in
my system after 11 days not the full 14, back then. So I
should have 14/11x100mg a fortnight ~ 130mg a
fortnight, neither 100mg (too low to provide full
therapeutic cover for the full 14 days) nor 150mg
(strongly toxic for the whole week after each injection!)
3. This incidentally was confirmed by remembering that back
in the ‘good old days’ 1983-1993 Dr Gander had given me
that same dose or very similar – 50mg haldol a fortnight
i.e. 100mg a month of the injection – plus a 5mg tablet
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every night. A total of 120mg a fortnight, very close to
what I was asking for now!
Roberts also said she was raising my lithium from the full
maximum dose of 1200mg at night, starting with 1600mg from
that night.
The first of several irrational random decisions by her during
this Section 3! I told her I would negotiate the dose of depot
with the nurse giving it in two days’ time, on Friday, which was
totally against their rules. She just ignored me, so I finished
the ward round on that note. I had my first fresh air since
Friday in a ten minute walk that afternoon. The following day,
Terence my new CPN fetched some books and my post and my
vital backup CD from home, of my computer. I tried it on the
two brand new computers in the quiet room, as supplied by the
local branch of MIND. These had at last been supplied but still
not been connected to the Internet. There was some ink in the
printer, however, which I soon got working.
That afternoon Terry, my named nurse, took me for a 20
minute walk on which I shouted a lot, then when I discovered
he was actually giving me my depot the next morning, instantly
calmed down, and soon persuaded him to give me 130mg not
150mg – which he duly carried out the next morning. Result as
expected – virtually zero toxic effects then, all weekend, and so
on into the week after! My reasoning ignored in the ward had
been proved right only by a friendly understanding nurse
breaking all the rules! I found on my disk an old patent
application from exactly two years ago, got the phone number
of the IPO (Intellectual Property Office) off the internet which
had just been installed that day on the Quiet Room computers,
and had a chat with them. They told me firstly that my old
patent application had been cancelled – and they would send
the right form to submit it instead for £60 for a Registered
Design – which this person on the phone thought more
appropriate! I had been told by the Social Fund to expect a
deposit of £1160 in my bank account on the following
Wednesday, so turned my patent application off my CD backup
into a Registered Design format instead, and when the form
arrived along with the £1160 AND £250.60 DLA the next
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Wednesday – was able to pay over £800 of bills as well as the
£60 Registered Design Application fee.
218

Saturday 3 rd May-Friday 9 th May 2008.
I had another huge row with Julie on the phone on the Friday.
It turned out that the evening I posted the fateful envelope of
indecent photos to her employers, coincided with the day she
was given a new female client after the first male one kept
making facetious and indiscrete remarks! She had come home
last Saturday and might change her phone number because of
me – and several other unwanted callers! Rachel was at Julie’s
flat too, and kept grabbing the phone off her Mother – and
roundly abusing me! Then on the Saturday I called Julie again
– and she actually said she was going to visit me at lunchtime –
but several calls to the answer of ‘this person’s phone is turned
off’ made me realise with a sickening jolt that instead she had
gone over to a different mobile phone – I could no longer call
her! I carried on crying increasingly less over the next few
days, however, despite this, after lots of tears over all the
preceding stress just after I was admitted to Mymms Ward.
On Tuesday I got banned from using the ward computers! For
Jemima, the social worker manager from Cygnet House, paid a
surprise visit – and caught me with my photos of partly clad
Julie on the screen of a PC – which I was promptly totally
falsely accused of broadcasting on the Web – which is totally
beneath me!
On Wednesday, like we just saw, my bank balance went up
over £1400 and I paid all my (£800+!) bills and sent off the
Registered Design form to the IPO. At the Ward Round, when I
told Roberts I had only had 130mg depot on the Q.T. on Friday,
she did not believe me! “It is not what it says on your chart!”
When she questioned Terry, the nurse who gave it, he claimed
the chart, not I, told the truth – for the sake of his job, no
doubt! She at last gave me an hour unescorted leave off the
grounds – with a reasonable number of fifteen minute smoking
breaks in the day on the hospital grounds.
So from then on in order to use any computer, I trudged
twenty minutes each way to the public library at local Woodhall
shops. As requested by Cygnet House, I rang Virgin Media and
ordered a set of six months’ itemised bills. A young manic
male patient, claiming to be an Intellectual Property Rights
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Agent in the City, but bankrupt through abusing cocaine and
other drugs, and very ill to boot, was very interested in my
books and my keyboard design. He showed me his uncle’s
patent broking website, but it was shut down later – he
admitted it illegally based trade on ‘pyramid selling’.
He himself seems to have been equally totally crooked – he
bought a set of books from me, read them, but never paid me
the £90 for them, despite many phone calls later, after I was
discharged; and I cannot contact him now as he himself was
discharged in July!
Apparently, I was told, there was a meeting on the Thursday at
Cygnet House, about my phone bill, with social services
meeting an officer from the police section for ‘abuse of
vulnerable adults’ as I was in this case. Also for just under
£100 of all the money from yesterday, I ordered two sets of my
books from www.lulu.com.
On Friday I got a surprise phone call from Julie’s daughter
Rachel, with her revealing her number at last, which led to a
large number of ‘wild goose chase’ calls by me and some by
her, over the next few weeks, in which I repeatedly but
frustratingly failed to try to get her to get Julie to ring me! In
the first phone call she eventually actually admitted then
apologised for her abusing my phone behind my back!
Saturday 10 th -Friday 16 th May.
I phoned Rachel three times on Saturday, but even when I
actually ‘broke the Section’ and bought her a £10 Vodafone PIN
number to give her £10 credit to call her Mum at the local
shops, she wasted it on calls to her friends!
My sister Libby visited me on the Sunday even though she was
busy preparing for a big interview cum presentation for a
Senior Lecturer Post at the University of Hertfordshire (teaching
future teachers!)
I was busy at the library on Monday and Tuesday on leave –
ordering two copies of Helen-Marie’s book on Tuesday to
complete my two sets of books from last week.
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On Wednesday came a crucial ward round, with both my sister
and the local advocate helping me. Roberts’ first comment was
there were re-housing issues but I was dischargeable; and then
to my sister ‘don’t you think he is the best you have seen him
for a long time?’ and then after what was becoming the usual
long argument, she eventually backed down to my claims that
this was because I was ‘unofficially’ on a different depot level to
the chart – and it was working superbly! To my vast relief I
was written up for the vital reduced dose for Friday coming of
130mg not 150mg haldol – and accepted the new additionally
raised 1800mg maximum dose of lithium tablets on the basis I
could always reduce them back to 1200mg in the community
once discharged.
I duly had the 130mg depot on the Friday, and there was
ZILCH bad reaction apart from lying in the next morning till
1pm! I had now had two ‘ideal’ depots with NO toxic ‘side
effects’ really due to overdosing on ‘too much depot at once’.
Everything was set fair for an early discharge in this second
follow-on section 3 – once I could persuade Roberts that living
next door to Julie while at loggerheads with her could be
overcome – or win my Appeal to the Hospital Managers instead
– scheduled for Friday 30 th May – two weeks’ time!
Saturday 17 th -Friday 23 rd May 2008.
The next few days were very quiet, according to my diary,
which merely records a few routine phone calls, apart from a
few unusual recorded messages I left for Jemima about healing
the rift with Julie so I could be discharged soon, on Cygnet
House voicemail.
Libby called again between 2pm and 4pm on the Sunday. On
Wednesday Dr Roberts had announced that there would be a
CPA meeting for me, and at it made a series of three
completely crazy suggestions! “We may decide to try clozaril
on you!” which my father, who had been invited of course as
next of kin, and I immediately shot down as a suggestion of
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legal imposition of the worst drug I had ever been given!
“What about rehab?” which met a similar shocked reaction…
Finally “You have refused the full 1800mg of lithium for the last
two days! If you don’t take the full dose from now on, I will
have to put the depot back up from 130mg to 150mg every two
weeks!” so obviously I immediately swore blind I would take
the full dose. Then I asked for ten days’ home leave until my
Appeal, which stubborn Roberts totally refused to contemplate
at first, until first my father made quite a long but very calm
speech saying it could no harm, and my CPN Terence clinched
the deal by suggesting a review this Friday back at the ward, to
be followed by a full week’s leave had the first three days gone
well.
Finally Roberts backed down and agreed, I packed my vital
toiletries and some clothes, and my father gave me a lift home
– on leave till at least Friday, almost certainly a further week
beyond that! I slept in that night, glad of my own bed for the
first night in months, then mid afternoon whom did I see out of
the window carrying shopping home from Tesco – but Julie!
A shiver literally ran through me, for I thought, “I can’t officially
speak to that woman who was last year my lover – but I have
to – for Dr Roberts has advised me to sell my car – and I think
Julie has the car file!” I did not have Julie’s phone number, of
course, so there was a flurry of notes about the car file, which
we eventually guessed had been stolen from my car where Julie
had somewhat carelessly left it! Finally I left a note “leaving all
these notes is silly and not adult – please please telephone
me!” and indeed she called - for ten minutes – at 8.30pm!
Finally she even let me into her flat reluctantly for half an hour,
where we discussed everything. She had just yesterday got
home from a second three week stint of work, and was going
back for three weeks next Wednesday – but her employers
would not let her say where to me!
I got the bus at 10.20am the next day, had a quick review, and
Roberts was surprised at my quick renewed contact with Julie,
but let me have the week’s leave. I got back at 5pm, and after
supper popped round to see Julie – who readily agreed to take
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me to a printer repair shop in Harlow in her car the next day,
Saturday!
Saturday 24 th -Friday 30 th May. At the printer shop the
manager tested the printer extensively, finally declaring it a
write off! I would now have to buy a new one, as it was out of
warranty! At a shoe warehouse in a retail park I helped Julie
choose two pairs of casual shoes, and then in the town centre I
discovered that the tobacconists sold my favourite ‘honey’
flavour pipe tobacco! Back home, I went out and bought not
one but two pot plants, not one but two bottles of rose wine
and a really, really profuse “Sorry… sorry… sorry…” card and
Julie was fully satisfied with this apology over sending indecent
pictures of her to her boss.
However, the next day she was entertaining her daughter
Rachel to lunch, which I declined an invitation to, because I still
smarted from what I saw as Rachel having destroyed Julie’s
and my close relationship. Instead I struggled for four hours
while it rained, on an eight-page note to Julie – explaining that
the phone abuse by Rachel had caused all the problems. Half
and hour after I left it through her door, Julie was outside my
door – livid and shouting at me – shrieking, almost! “Why did
you make me carry this heavy printer up here? (My note had
asked for ME to carry it!) I can’t read ANY of your note! (No
answer to that!) Why an EIGHT page letter when you only
apologised yesterday for your eventual part in all that?”
I failed to get her to answer her door on the Monday in the
continuing rain, and left two unanswered notes the next two
days.
When I delivered the last one on the Tuesday, Julie shouted
through her door at me! She threatened me with the police if
there were any more – then I was not to see her, and certainly
could not call her, for the next three weeks – she went back to
work!
I distracted myself from all this renewed upset this week with
Julie on Wednesday night. I reflected that my books now
seemed to be complete, and I had two copies each of the ‘new,
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fresh approach’ and ‘New Gold Dawn’ versions of ‘Scientific
Proof that God Exists’ at my flat. I had not written to any
publishers for years, so now decided to write with the whole
book to at least three Christian publishers – Christian Focus,
SPCK, and Authentic Media.
I typed the letters on the Wednesday and posted them on the
Thursday. I got the 5.45pm bus back to the Ward, rather than
get up really early the next day to get to the Appeal or well
ahead of it – to see my lawyer.
An historic moment for me, as I have tried several times in the
past, but never before won an appeal or tribunal in hospital…
I got the three reports – by the Doctor, Terry my named nurse,
and Terence my CPN, as ever only just before the actual
hearing, at 11.30pm on the Thursday. Dr Roberts had made
some major factual errors, claiming that on admission my
medication had previously been lowered drastically from when
she discharged me just ten days earlier, so she had had to
immediately raise it back again. Apart from that the report was
fairly OK – except that her diagnosis of ‘schizo-affective
disorder’ was as ever clearly plain wrong! My CPN Terence
hardly knew me, so his report was short and mostly OK, except
it repeated mindlessly, several of Josie Schafer’s, my previous
CPN, favourite viciously opinionated, judgemental comments!
Equally vaguely to the Doctor, he recommended ‘indefinite
leave’ on Section 3, until ‘some resolution’ to my problems over
Julie!
The Nursing Report by Terry, my named nurse, was by contrast
mostly a pack of lies – mostly petty snipes at me, collected
from anecdotes clearly by those staff who did not like me!
However he performed appallingly badly during the actual
hearing, which went on over an hour and a half, of a lot of talk,
and I think it fair to say, his report was thankfully largely
dismissed by the trio of three managers. My excellent young
lawyer John, argued successfully in the end, that I was well
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enough to go home, where I had explained there was no long
term problem in going back, I was compliant with my own
choice of medication – and above all Section 3 legislation was
never intended to ‘keep people on indefinite leave’ but actually
in hospital.
After ten anxious minutes waiting outside for the decision,
everybody apart from the Doctor, who had a ward round back
upstairs on Mymms ward, went in and when the Chairman just
said ‘we have reached a decision – to lift the section’ the room
exploded in thanks and hand-shakes! I went upstairs,
explained to the Doctor I was off section, and went shopping –
for a printer in Hatfield; a new phone in Harlow!
225

226

Part VI
I spend June and July into
August, recovering from
these last two Section 3
confinements (‘to end all
Section 3’s’) in psyche
wards which lasted seven
months.
Mostly I am very tired as
well as very sedated on top,
so this period is very quiet
indeed. As we see my
health is very strong, but I
turn out to have to do a lot
of sheer waiting for a lot of
things in these recovery
months…
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I write on Saturday 16 th August 2008. As the previous title
page says, it has been extremely quiet in my life since the
above momentous discharge from Section 3 on 30 th May 2008.
I choose to summarise the intervening 2½ months briefly under
headings, as this is quicker: -
1. My health continues as brilliant – but TIRED ALL THE
TIME!
2. Restoring a firm friendship, but no chance allowed by her
of a relationship, with Julie
3. My renewed efforts ‘after all that!’ to promote my books
4. My parallel efforts to secure a Registered Design (or
possibly a patent again?) for my keyboard
5. Selling my car – reluctantly, but I can’t drive for now for
an unknown time into the future…
6. Finances
7. Scattering Mum’s Ashes on top of the South Downs
• My health continues as brilliant – but TIRED ALL THE
TIME!
• Mental Health. This has continued as excellent, with
hardly any toxic ‘side’ effects from medication. There
have been, however, long spells, where I have felt
extremely tired, so I still don’t get up very early at all any
day, very bored or very frustrated and inadequate. The
last two were caused by ending an enforced massive
period of inactivity in hospital, with all practical things
done by the staff, not patients, cooking, cleaning, etc.
However yesterday I cleaned my flat thoroughly, which
felt good – and responsible. I have seen a new Doctor, Dr
Pathmanandam, a Sri Lankan, at Cygnet House three
times, once a month, but last Wednesday he was so
pleased with my steady progress towards a good constant
level of calm, that he told me to only come come back in
six weeks not four next time. I have had help from
Jemima, my social work team manager, who has been my
nursing coordinator for a month after Terence could not be
bothered to ring me up at all! The Doctor and she are
encouraging me to give up smoking, and I have had two
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sessions about budgeting, at which the social worker,
called Serena, was totally happy I was coping. See full
account of my financial progress in (6) below.
• Legs and feet. I have commented before that I suffer
from varicose veins. These are being helped with their
pain and swelling by just 75mg soluble aspirin in the
morning, since March, which has had a very good effect on
them. Also lots of dry skin on the soles of my feet has
flaked off after fairly frequently soaking my feet in the
shower. A terrible problem for nearly five whole years has
been a bad verucca on the sole of my left foot, which
treatments, repeatedly, with a Scholl freezing spray,
initially eased – then it came back as bad as ever, so I still
limped with pain. Then a week ago I bought a spray from
the rival, appropriately named Wartner, which seemed to
have a much more solid shape of foam spray applicator.
The long and the short of it is that after two 20 seconds
applications of the applicator full of extremely cold
freezing spray, the damned verucca no longer feels at all
painful – even when I squeezed the sides – the classic test
its fungus core is still alive! End of five years pain – for
just £11.89? We will have to wait and see… I have also
as a result of this apparent remarkable success, tried the
spray on an area of intermittently rough and painful skin
on my left thumb nail bed, that a Doctor once told me was
an ‘inverted wart’ - as well as two little verrucas on the
base of both little toes. Again I wait to see with bated
breath whether this miracle spray will fix these three other
unsightly painful growths too…
• Waistline. In hospital I drank loads of soft fizzy drinks
like coke and cream soda, because of the medication and
because it was simply so damned hot. I have carried on
at home because of the heat of the summer, and several
weeks ago realised I had put on a bit of a pot belly as a
direct result. Since then it has rained a lot so been cooler,
and I have made a conscious effort to drink less sugar –
so my pot belly has shrunk a lot!
• Breathing. I have noticed a lot of coughing and my
smoking has gone up now I live in my own small rooms,
without a separate smoking room as in hospital. Also, I
even produce quite a lot of phlegm, even in the morning!
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As we have just seen, Cygnet House and Jemima are now
encouraging ‘smoking cessation’ – stopping or greatly
reducing my smoking – but I would never cope with the
latter of those! My Doctor’s surgery offers 8-week giving
up courses, and I intend to go on one of those after Julie
and I both go on separate week’s holidays at the same
time in the beginning of September, me to my father, her
with her senior family to Penzance in Cornwall, with Rachel
barred because of the phone bill incident!
• Teeth! I had a check-up at the dentist with Mr Shah a
month ago, and as a follow-up had two fillings repaired,
one new filling, and my teeth cleaned, last Thursday.
• Nothing else wrong, so I am not due another MOT (e.g.
Mouth Open Taut like I told the dentist!) for a long time –
and hopefully I can avoid hospital for at least another 10
years!!!
• Restoring a firm friendship, but no chance allowed
by her of a relationship, with Julie. On winning my
Appeal and leaving hospital on Friday 30 th May, I had not
seen Julie at all since her outburst outside my flat on
Sunday 25 th May, after which she returned to work away
from home as a domiciliary care worker on Wednesday
28 th May, with no way I could contact her as I was
prevented at the time by her from knowing her address or
even her phone number. I remember feeling utterly
powerless, very hurt and isolated, and somewhat of a
eunuch as it were, because of this.
As a result I had quite a few tears of loss for the one time
flourishing love affair of July-October last year, in the next few
weeks. Until she returned and I could at least, I hoped,
salvage some kind of a friendship if not the original full
relationship. Since April 6 th Julie has been working for spells of
two or three weeks 24/7 in two private clients’ homes, mostly
recently a lady of her age called Caroline, who is very severely
disabled indeed and is in a wheelchair and has frequent dialysis
– and started off with bad bed sores till Julie started treating
them after half an hour of training in this.
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In between these spells of work Julie is busy at home having a
welcome unpaid break, seeing her family, getting some
welcome sleep, catching up on the housework, and luckily for
me, giving me increasing time with her the last three times at
home! I next caught sight of her outside her car offloading her
bags, when I was going for my first appointment with Dr
Pathmanandam at Cygnet House down the road on Wednesday
18 th June – but she seemed to totally ignore me, so I only went
round to see her on the Friday evening! Then I asked her out
for a drink to catch up on things and where our friendship now
stood! At first she said people might see us and report us to
her employers, but I pointed out that her employers were
based in Harlow, miles from here, and nobody here knew our
situation – or us! So we ended up having a pleasant two hour
two drink stint at the ‘Victoria’ pub – where our first drink had
been last year – once more mostly in the garden of the pub.
Julie spied a new Belgian cake shop, so while she was out with
her Mum the next day, Saturday, I bought some expensive
Belgian cakes for us both – and her father, who she was seeing
on Sunday – and took them round to her when she got back
from her mother’s about 10pm on Saturday. We had a brief
chat on Sunday evening. She had seen advertised in the East
Herts District Council’s ‘Home Options’ choice based lettings
newsletter a one-bedroom house in Little Amwell, a local
village, and been told for some complex reason it would
‘reappear in due course’. She hoped to move there.
There was a “scientists’ church” near her client’s house near
Berkhamsted in Buckinghamshire – could I give her a copy of
my book and she would drop it into them with a letter? Our
relationship was definitely off! I hardly saw her any more that
weekend – then she was back to work on Wednesday 25 th June
– still with no notion given to me of her address or telephone
number! Now that she and I were back in friendship mode, she
did ring while away. On Thursday 26 th June she rang to confirm
she had posted a letter at the Scientists’ Church.
On Monday 30 th June she called again to say the house at Little
Amwell temporarily at least, had been taken off the list of
houses for bidding by the Council, they had told her on the
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phone. Then she did not phone for a whole week, till Monday
7 th July, confirming she would be home on that Wednesday 9 th
July. We had first chatted amorously on 7/7/7 – 7 th July 2007,
a year ago now, so I made a large cold meal for us both here –
but put too much chilli in the mayonnaise in the king prawn
sauce for the avocado and prawn starter – so that ruined that
meal! Julie was out when I got up the next day, in the early
afternoon, under the influence of recovering from the stress of
the last year – and too much sedative drug, especially the
injection – even these days, after all of years of torture in
hospital! However she was out all night too, and I had
forgotten she had said the night before that she was babysitting
for her sister – who is called – wait for it… HELEN – so I
worried unnecessarily! Julie and I saw each other briefly on the
Friday but were both tired so went to our separate beds early
that night.
On the Saturday 12 th July I went to my bank ATM expecting to
find £137, but there was only £1 – there had been a
misunderstanding with the benefits agency – see section (6)
below on my finances during this 2½ months. However Julie
kindly gave me £46.27 early that was due as part of the
repayment of my phone bill totalling £185.04 that she was
paying off, four days early. It was due on Tuesday but she paid
it now. She had been gulled also by her daughter Rachel, not
just her sister Helen, into also baby-sitting her grandson
Hayden for Rachel over the weekend.
On the Monday I got a further £20 Sainsbury’s vouchers and
£10 cash as an emergency loan from Cygnet House, and Julie
took me to Hoddesdon and sat in the car while I shopped at
Sainsbury’s. I had been denied knowledge of her phone
number since Saturday 3 rd May – now at last on Tuesday 15 th
July, she readily gave me the new number and I phoned her
phone while we were both at my flat, to test it. My first phone
call to her in 2½ months! That after a good trip to the dentist
that afternoon for the check-up in the last section…
She was away for the next two weeks, no more regularly doing
any more long three week sessions away. I surprised her by
phoning every day she was away, leaving her no need to spend
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mobile credit phoning me, but far from minding this regularity
of phone calls, she seemed to enjoy the attention and our many
often quite long chats. Usually of the pattern, ‘How are you?
What’s the weather like there? Still nice? Good here too? How
is work? What is the latest on your books and our efforts by
both of us to find better housing through the Council?’ She got
back for the final week before she went away this last time
before her holiday in Cornwall starting Saturday 30 th August for
a week, on Wednesday 30 th July, going back now as I write on
Wednesday 6 th August, and due to return Tuesday 26 th August.
Nearly the whole time she was home last time, however, it was
‘business not pleasure’ – I helped her with the answers and
above all spelling and grammar in a work book she had to
complete on being a care worker in her induction to her present
job. My own English is far superior to her own, so she found
this very useful. On the Friday I prepared avocado vinaigrette
hors d’oeuvres with a main course of gammon steaks, a huge
salad mostly of organic vegetables, some given to me by my
brother the previous week; and finally stuffed fresh pasta.
We had another break from finishing off that damned workbook
only on the Sunday 3 rd August. Julie had found a barbecue in
the sale at Argos at Hoddesdon for just £11 – the last one she
said – but it had rained for several days – so we ate the BBQ
food indoors, cooked in the oven by her at her flat, with me
seeing Rachel there for the first time in months. Julie and I had
shopped for it on Saturday morning at Harlow Tesco’s, where
we also shopped for a pair of trainers each, and some printer
ink for me. I had ordered an absolutely beautiful bright blue
kaftan for her for the beach on holiday, and she really likes it.
Now on the Monday I ordered the swimsuit she liked, to go with
it, from the same Littlewoods catalogue, but it arrived on the
Wednesday, after she had just left to go off for work for nearly
three weeks! I have since surprised her by ordering a really
nice ‘Wonderbra’ in her size, due to arrive next Monday. I have
also let her off the last £46.27 due to repay the phone bill debt
as I reckon she has already paid me enough at £138.54…
We finished the damned workbook just in time before she went
to work again, and posted it off to get rid of it to her company
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osses, that same Tuesday evening. Main discussion by us on
my again regular phone calls to her since that Wednesday 6 th
August, have been that she finally realises that she almost
certainly does not have enough ‘housing points’ to bid for any
suitable new property via the Council Housing Options scheme.
Also she has continued to be my only and a staunch supporter
in my efforts to better myself and raise some decent money
with my books as below in (3). I don’t think she has mercenary
motives, knowing I would definitely give her some of the
money; as a loyal and very decent friend indeed – which I
would indeed – for she deserves it!
Finally we have discussed in detail the demise of last autumn’s
intimate and passionate love affair. She says she accepted at
the time that we were in love together, which allowed both of
us justification for such prolonged a sexual love affair as the
four months. However, as sad and unfair as I may find it, she
says the love she thought she had for me up to then, ended on
2 nd November and that dreadful admission to mental hospital
for the umpteenth time for me. On top of that, she says she is
‘far less intelligent than you, much more orthodox and
conventional, and you are too little concerned, for me, with
cleanliness and hygiene! You are a case like some of my
clients, in fact, of a lot of self neglect! Like SMOKING!’
My renewed efforts ‘after all that!’ to promote my books.
My efforts in these 3 months have followed a whole handful of
routes, one done by Julie solo off her own bat, the rest she has
often encouraged me in. I am waiting with baited breath for
the outcome of all 6 routes:-
• Julie’s effort, as we just said, was to post a letter at the
“Scientist’s Church” near Berkhamsted about six weeks
ago, followed by an actual copy of my “Scientific Proof”
about three weeks ago. There has not been a hint of any
response at all since… How rude of the Church – just like
the fate (into a black hole) of the four letters I posted in
Ware also about six weeks ago, asking them to display the
poster I included with the letter…! I am still waiting…!
• Around the weekend I was discharged from Hospital on
Friday 30 th May, I sent off my “Scientific Proof” book to
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four Christian publishers: - Christian Focus, Lion Hudson,
Authentic Media and SPCK. The last three of these all
returned the book with an immediate ‘no!’ but SPCK were
tempted, I could tell… After my initial chat to Ron Upton,
Resources Manager, in the next paragraph below, on
Monday 7 th July, on his advice I also sent the book to
SCM-Canterbury and Darton Longman Todd, the other two
main British Christian publishers. However they too
swiftly turned me down. That means I am only due to get
a decision from Christian Focus, who say that now I have
waited since 28 th May, they expect a decision from their
‘editorial meeting’ in two weeks or so. So I should know
by the time of my holiday at the same time Julie goes to
Cornwall, 30 th August. This is not the first time I have
written to all these publishers, who all seem very
traditional and conservative. I have as a result NO HOPE
for Christian Focus, the last I have to wait to hear from.
• The diocesan office of the Bishop of St Albans I
came to contact after chatting on the phone to Reverend
Simon Manley-Cooper, the Chaplain at the QE2 Hospital,
who I had given two copies of my book to read while
there, months earlier. After I emailed them several times
in the week of 30 th June – 4 th July and got no response, I
telephoned on Monday 7 th July, and spoke to a Ron Upton,
the Resources Manager, who recommended that I write to
the two publishers I mentioned just now in the last point.
At his request I sent a copy of “Scientific Proof that (God
The Holy) Spirit Exists” and a large number of posters on
photographic paper. Despite a couple of phone calls since,
and an email, he says he is still too busy, after all of five
weeks since 7 th July, to get around to looking at all the
stuff in my parcel!
• American websites found after Google searches On
22 nd July I emailed all my books to one Dorrance
Publishing Inc, who offer on their website to do a ‘free
review’ – however when I receive these reviews, due in ‘2-
3 weeks’ from then i.e. next week or so, I fully expect
them to be unfairly optimistic, favourable and uncritical –
as Dorrance’s aim is to take the books on and publish
them – for the usual fat fees from a ‘vanity’ or ‘subsidy’
publisher like them!
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• On Thursday 7 th August, last week, I did a search ‘proof
God exists $100000’ on Google which turned up a site
which made the obvious prize of $100,000 impossible to
win as their conditions even made any form of written
proof disallowed. They will NEVER hand out their
$100,000! However there was a second site offering a
prize belonging to the World Order of Agnostics – so I
posted my book with a letter and await as a very long
shot, the first instalment of their prize – but failing that as
is almost certain, some useful comment is very likely once
they have read my book in a few weeks or so…
• Finally, that same Thursday last week I did another search
on Google for ‘free publicist publicity books’ and did find
one publicist promoting books – www.substancebooks.com
– a lady called Hajni – obviously from Eastern Europe -
now in Canada. After some email discussion this week, I
am waiting for the results of applying for a maximum of
£1300 I have requested in a Community Care Grant from
the Social Fund. If I get at least £400 I can get Hajni to
set up publicity for all of books – Scientific Proof for two
years, my poems and Helen’s book for one – on both her
site AND a free website she will use her expertise to build
for me to promote them. I will need to pay her US$540 to
do this for me. Meanwhile I am retiring my existing two
books in this series to join this one as privately published
only – for me and family and friends, not the general
public.
• To summarise. British ventures: - Scientists’ Church. If
I am going to hear anything, I should hear in a few weeks,
I hope. Likewise from Ron Upton at the Bishop’s Office;
and Christian Focus, I am due to hear back their verdicts
on my book inside the next few weeks. American
ventures: Reviews from Dorrance Publishing – next week
or so. World Order of Agnostics – no idea – inside a
month? Hajni at Substance Books – as soon as I send her
$540!
4. My parallel efforts to secure a Registered Design (or
possibly a patent again?) for my keyboard. Since
being in hospital the last time, as well as one waiting
game since, still going on for Christian Focus, just one of
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the six Christian publishing houses I sent my book to,
there are still another five waiting games going on for me
– in all of five other ways I have set out to get promotion
or reviews at least of that book. Even before that in
hospital I had resurrected a two year old design of a
keyboard for which I learned that the patent application
had recently been cancelled, and took the advice of the
enquiry line at the Intellectual Property Office that I
should submit a Registered Design instead. Immediately
on leaving hospital I was effectively told by one Matthew
Botting of Trade Marks and Registered Designs that my
design could not be accepted. I immediately complained
to their Central Enquiries Office that I had first been told
by them in 2006 that applying for a patent was correct, in
May I had been told a Registered Design was more
appropriate; and now that had been stopped by them too.
I demanded a refund, and while the fee for a Registered
Design could not be refunded under the rules, two weeks
ago I did get a cheque for a full £30 refund of my 2006
Patent application fee! On Tuesday 10 th June when I
phoned, the Patent Office now advised me to apply for a
fresh patent, and see a patent attorney, and I had some
contact numbers from the Internet and from Business
Link, a local business advice organisation. So on Monday
16 th June I got the bus and spent an hour at Stevenage at
the offices of Herts Business Incubation Centre with a Bill
Collins, an expert there on patents. The upshot was, (1)
keyboards cost £10 and there were a lot of people trying
to capture the market in something so very cheap (2)
backlit lighting at about £100 was too expensive as in my
own design of keyboard (3) if I did a search on the
Internet I would probably find it had been done already
(4) I would need to raise £2,000 - £3,000 in Patent
Attorneys’ fees to ensure a really watertight application!
The last alone ruled a patent out, especially when a few
days later I received a letter from the patents office at the
IPO, one Gareth Davis sending me about half a dozen
sample keyboard patent applications already registered,
showing that a patent attorney was indeed vital. So now
both a patent and a registered design seemed out of the
question – until Matthew Botting at the design office there
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finally let me keep the vital text of the description of how
my design basically works ‘on file’ along with just my MS
Word sketch of the actual basic keyboard layout in ‘basic
mode’ (it can change to different languages and different
character sets, is the key feature – by being backlit not
hard-wired). I have accepted this final letter in a long
correspondence by phone, email and letter, so fully expect
to receive a registration document and see my design in
their magazine in about two months’ time. PHEW!
5. Selling my car – reluctantly, but I can’t drive for
now for an unknown time into the future… As we
saw a few pages back, my first contact for months with
Julie was a discussion about what had happened to the
documents for my car, which eventually turned out most
likely to have been stolen from my glove pocket in the car,
the last place she left them. So on Friday 20 th June, as I
needed to replace the registration document I ordered one
free from the DVLA; then rang the garage where I bought
the car about the MOT; I was told to take the registration
document to any MOT testing centre, and pay £10 for a
replacement MOT certificate, which I did the following
week – the MOT centre was 400 yards walk away in Ware.
I took out a two week advert on their website for £10 with
www.autotrader.co.uk on the Monday for the car at £500,
and got only one enquiry by Thursday. As a result two
cynical blokes from the motor trade test drove the car on
the Friday 27 th June, but only offered me £100 for the car
– which I obviously had to turn down. I took advice at the
same garage where I got the MOT, and as a result, with
only one enquiry in five days, and keen to sell the car, got
Auto Trader on the phone to drop the price to £275 from
£500! After that all the next week there were three or
four or more enquiries on my mobile phone each day; a
couple from Hoddesdon test drove it with me extensively
on Wednesday 2 nd July, and the young rather smart alec
‘expert’ chap said there were lots of problems that I could
not detect with the car myself; offered me £200 for it; but
then when it came to the crunch did not have the money
(‘on us’)! Finally a chap from a village near Cambridge,
took a short test drive – went to the bank nearby and
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drew out £250 and paid me it – so I sold the car on 4 th
July, American Independence Day, two weeks after
starting to sell it, just before the advert ran out!
6. Finances. Finances in hospital had been easy, what with
an £1140 community care grant coming midway, given
because I had only just been discharged from hospital –
only to be re-admitted. I rang Income Support on
Wednesday 4 th June, immediately I was discharged, and
asked for weekly payments of all my benefits. I was told
they would be ‘combined’ in this way after Monday 7 th
July. However after I waited all that time only two of
them had been combined, income support and incapacity
benefit, so I asked again for weekly payments, this time in
two letters, now having being told I had to write in, to DLA
at Preston, and Watford Job Centre. Indeed I have been
paid IS/IB on a Saturday and DLA on Wednesday, both
weekly, for weeks now. In the meantime all the confusion
over all this bureaucracy caused me my only real problem
with non-payment of benefit when I expected to be paid,
which happened on Saturday 12 th July. I had to survive
till the Friday, when I was due a small payment into my
account from a pension fund, and as we saw before Julie
helped with an early payment of £46.27 she owed me, on
the Saturday. Then Cygnet House lent me £30 on the
Monday. Finally Frank, an artist friend, paid me £10 for a
hardback copy of my poems at the MIND drop-in on
Wednesday! I am now cruising along with regular weekly
income; not most fortnightly, with DLA paid every four
weeks. The latter non-weekly and non–monthly
arrangement makes it much harder to budget! Now I am
waiting to hear about my application this week for a
Community Care Grant, which I am entitled to having
been in hospital again, having claimed a first CCG after
the first admission! I should hear the outcome and
receive any money out of the approx. £1300 I have
applied for, that I have actually been awarded, in two
weeks or so.
7. Scattering Mum’s Ashes on top of the South Downs
Mum died on Friday 24 th August 2007, and was cremated
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a week later in Sussex, but my father had waited nearly a
year to get the chaos of the new house they had just
bought down there, sorted out, and especially the garden
done ‘Mum’s way’ and the conservatory built she had
wanted – before scattering her ashes as she wanted – on
top of Ditchling Beacon on the nearby South Downs. Also
obviously my lengthy stay in various mental hospitals had
precluded scattering the ashes till now, and my daughter
Jeni had apparently had some big problems too while I
was put away for so long. Now the close family of us two,
my father and sister, and my brother’s family of five, were
invited to an informal ceremony on top of the local beauty
spot high up in the South Downs, which they said has
magnificent views right across the Weald to the North
Downs, on Sunday 27 th July 2008. My sister picked up
first my daughter then myself the day before, and we
drove the Heathrow way round the M25 heading south, as
the tunnel way was extremely congested according to
Libby’s traffic report on her mobile phone. It was very hot
and humid, but the weather report for the next day, the
planned important morning of Sunday, was clear and
sunny, and indeed the weather could not have turned out
to be more perfect for such an important informal
occasion. We had a late lunch at 4pm at my father’s
house of meat, cheese, and salad, then a late supper at
8pm of “tart’s spaghetti”! In the meantime, and
afterwards, my father and Libby in particular finalised the
choice of a poem celebrating victory of love over death,
and a small selection of the many choice accolades that
had been received about Mum after she passed away.
Jeni got a lift to my brother’s house to stay the night as
there were not enough beds here. We had hardly seen
each other and spoken hardly at all since this time last
year – and Mum’s demise. She was talking now about
doing law, not medicine, even though law is a very dry
subject, if and when she goes to University. My father
woke me at the ungodly hour, for me, of 8am with some
tea, and like the previous night I went into the garden for
a smoke and coffee to wake up followed by breakfast. We
set off to the beacon by car along the north foot of the
South Downs, and climbed up the steep road to the
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National Trust Car Park by the beacon. The others were
already there as arranged by phone that morning. It was
hot, with only hazy high cloud, and a thin mist lingered in
patches in the vale below – or was it a heat haze? A light
breeze cooled things off, and as planned as it was only
just 10am, most hikers and walkers were yet to arrive –
so while the ceremony took place we pretty well had the
Down to ourselves. We walked five minutes to a lone
windswept tree, its top flattened like a woman’s hair by
the constant exposure to the prevailing westerly wind. My
father explained what was about to happen for the benefit
mostly of the four children. Then he read his poem and
my sister read out her sheet of complimentary accolades –
and then burst into tears. Then my father opened the urn
of ashes, and scattered them by pouring them on the base
of the tree and around it, in a sweeping motion. We went
for a long walk until Jeni, who was wearing long black
tights for some reason, complained of the heat. Then we
drove back to my father’s house and had barbecued
sardines in the garden, preceded by artichokes from my
brother Jem’s allotment. Obviously this barbecue served
to greatly relax us after some very sombre moments
indeed while scattering Mum’s ashes. I brought a huge
bag of organic vegetables home for Julie and me to share,
all grown by my brother – new potatoes, artichokes,
courgettes, and a large Webb’s lettuce. Jem’s family went
home about three, and Libby, Jeni and I left about 4pm,
and got back here with far less traffic than when travelling
down the day before. All in all, an informal event to
remember with mixed feelings.
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242

PART VII
Disgusted almost by the
apathy shown about my
books with endless ‘not
quite right for our list’
standard replies from
publishers and since
them agents – I venture
into an attempt to selfpublish
– on the Internet
– as ever, on a ‘zero
budget’ operation…!
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A year or more of anxiously waiting for ‘things to happen
– hopefully good things’ now leaves me with all of
ELEVEN things I am anxiously waiting for
1. Julie will be back here on Tuesday week, and I look
forward to seeing her again and catching up on anything
we’ve not discussed when I have phoned her.
2. I am going to have my first decent holiday in SIXTEEN
YEARS, for a week with my Father, in about two weeks.
3. I plan to buy the return train ticket this Wednesday, when
I get some income, and immediately copy it by email to
the IET Benevolent Fund – who say they should then be
able to pay an extremely generous £600 holiday grant into
my account – by this Friday? If not they will pay it the
following week, before I actually go!
4. According to what they said, Dorrance Publishing should
send me the reviews of ALL my books and Helen’s
sometime next week, or a week afterwards if posted.
5. I should soon know the outcome of my application for a
Community Care Grant of ~ £1300 - within two weeks.
6. If that is over £400, then and only then will I be able to
afford the www.substancebooks.com publicity exercise I
am so desperate now to go ahead with. I suspect it might
be a huge breakthrough for all 3 books!
7. I should get a reply from Ron Upton of the diocesan office
any time from about now – it has been a month!
8. I have asked Julie to drop a note to the vicar of the
Scientists’ Church, to remind him to contact me, which she
will do this week, so I should hear something quite soon.
By the time I get back from holiday?
9. Also at the end of the holiday, I should hear from the
Christian publisher Christian Focus about “Scientific Proof”
– their verdict on publishing it.
10. Sometime in September I should get a response from
the ‘World Order of Atheists’ about their views on my book
– in particular, as is very unlikely indeed, whether it really
proves God exists so wins a $100,000 prize!
11. In October I should hear that my design for a
‘worldwide standard keyboard’ has been registered and
published in an Intellectual Property Office Magazine. Will
some company or companies get interested?
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I write again, in the evening of Wednesday 17 th September
2008, exactly one month after typing the above – and the vital
Appendix that follows in a little while. It has been a very quiet,
indeed boring and frustrating, first three and a half weeks in
that time; followed by quite a stressful but at the same time
enjoyable final week – since the 7 th Anniversary of ‘9/11’ – last
Thursday!
Monday 18 th August 2008 – Sunday 24 th August 2008.
Finished the previous page, and published this book as it stood
on www.lulu.com – as a private venture to me, at this stage, till
I could proof read it. That same day was good and bad news.
The good news was that my sister Libby heard she had indeed
got a job as a senior lecturer in teaching at Hertfordshire
University. She had been struggling to survive in a relatively
much worse paid and inappropriate job for her extremely high
level of skills.
The bad news was my phone bill! I had had it produced
itemised for £1 a month, following the phone abuse earlier in
the year, which now usefully showed every single call and its
cost, even below 50 pence a call as before, and this allowed me
to see why my phone bill, normally £60 a month, was double
that this month! There were a lot of calls to mobiles,
predominantly to Julie’s, that never got connected but got
charged 15p-19p dialling charge each! That has happened for
the first half of August on the latest bill, that arrived this
Monday, so I have been forced to call Julie a lot less often – as
she is working away from home in a remote area and either
calls don’t get through or she does not get to the phone after
the first five rings and the voicemail cuts in.
On Tuesday I had a quiet day apart from a worrying text from
my daughter saying she was in hospital – with a painful growth
round her tonsils apparently called a ‘quinzee’ which meant she
could not speak and was on lots of drugs. There was a long
interchange of texts till she was discharged on Friday, with me
making her laugh at first by texting ‘Which squadgee hospital
and ward are you in? You are obviously not smoking enough –
get the doctor to prescribe you 800 a day!’ (she is a vehement
anti-smoker!)
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On the Wednesday I finally heard from the IET Benevolent Fund
that they had approved me a £600 holiday grant, subject to
eventual proof I had gone on holiday, to be in my account on
Friday week, at the same time as their usual £150+
subsistence grant. I remembered that it had been a month
since Dorrance Publishing Inc. had promised 3-4 weeks to
produce a review of my ‘Scientific Proof’ book, so emailed them
about this.
On Thursday I had a very quiet day, apart from a couple of
phone calls and an important email in. The social fund told
me, after the usual 25 minutes waiting on the phone for a
receptionist, that the community care grant I had applied for
some weeks earlier would be decided on in the next two weeks.
I qualified to apply for this second such grant, having
succeeded with the first one, as I had been back in hospital
again afterwards, and my vacuum cleaner, printer, and various
other things I had found to be beyond repair!
Secondly, as discussed with Julie by phone, I looked in Yellow
Pages, for Ware-based window cleaners, and the first one I
found only asked for a remarkably low £10 for the outside
windows of both of our flats, to be done next Wednesday.
Naturally when that day came, he claimed rightly the windows
had been left over a year, so doubled the £10 to £20 – however
he only charged me £2 to do my inside windows as well, which
were also filthy, as I had been away a long time in hospital!
Finally that Thursday, Dorrance Publishers emailed
apologetically to say that there had been a mix-up. My book
review would only now be ready in another 3-4 weeks time!
On the Friday I had an email conversation with
www.substancebooks.com. For $540 I could have three book
entries on that site, put up 24 hours after payment, with
substantial extra web pages prepared inside 3-4 weeks! This
sounded excellent! I now resolved to have a budget break with
my father starting Saturday week, and quietly divert $540
(roughly £303) from my holiday grant into Substance Books
promotion of all my books. I ordered two copies of this book,
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as I had enough money, and they were small so quite cheap,
from www.lulu.com. They eventually arrived substandard – the
physical book size was too small – and were replaced by two
more, and I soon ordered a further two copies, all with minor
corrections to typos, that I found in the initial two substandard
copies. I gave a copy to my father so have three copies – all
with no ISBN number put on the back yet.
On Saturday I ordered for just the remarkable total of £14.98,
TWO pairs of ‘Dunlop’ shoes from a mail order company, for
Julie and I. I also took a trip to nearby Hertford on a hunt for
all of a dozen A4 photo frames to put some A4 photos in I had
collected over the past year, mostly of Julie. I eventually spent
£30 in a photo shop that stocked enough, and put up all twelve
photos, initially all of shots of Julie.
Sunday was totally quiet.
Monday 25 th August – Sunday 31 st August 2008.
Bank Holiday Monday, typical for me of a Bank Holiday
weekend, was very quiet and lonely, with one positive thought.
Julie would be home tomorrow, preparing for her holiday
starting Friday night, so I might have some time with her this
week. She duly saw me for two hours on Tuesday evening,
having asked to be left to have a sleep after finishing all of
three weeks gruelling 24/7 work, but not being able to sleep,
for worrying about her daughter and grandson coming the next
day to stay there until after she got back from her holiday.
Her daughter Rachel had just moved into a spacious new two
bedroom flat, complete with garden, which dwarfed the bedsits
of Julie and I here. However she still lacked a cooker and
fridge – hence camping at Julie’s flat for a few weeks.
Wednesday I got a bad news letter from the Social Fund,
completely turning down my application for a £1200 grant from
them – so I immediately appealed. Julie, Rachel and I had a
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arbecue in the communal garden on the Wednesday night, of
sausages and whole chicken sides.
Thursday was quite stressful, just two days before my holiday
was due to start that Saturday. I had been having a rather
intensive email conversation these last two weeks with Hajni of
Substance Books, which now she complained of as being ‘too
much pressure’ especially as I had not yet paid them! Then
more bad news when I rang Ron Upton, the Resources Manager
at the diocesan office at St Albans, who informed me after all
this waiting for a decision, that he had indeed now read my
book, but “it would not sell any copies in my resource centre”!
Likewise when I rang the Christian Publisher, Christian Focus,
they said it would take a further three weeks or so to get
around to reviewing my book. I had written to them back in
April, and been told as long ago as June that they would have
an editorial meeting including it in August. Now, apparently,
that editorial meeting had failed to include it after four whole
months of waiting! Finally that day, my daughter Jeni had
some good news – she had passed her driving test, and yes,
she could look after my cat ‘Woosskatt’ while I was away! I
duly stocked up with cat food and litter, and Jeni picked up my
spare keys on the Friday.
On Friday, I duly found £753+ in my bank account from the
IET, £600 of it intended for my holiday, but my bills were
£270+, so I spent £120 of the holiday money on them. Then,
with no Social Fund grant, there was nothing for it but to pay
Substance Books £303.22 ($540 after currency conversion) and
have a subdued few days away on just £180 spending money –
including £30 return train fare – out of £600! I was desperate
both to invest in my future and have my first decent break
away from home since 1992 – that is, in 16 years! Another
£20 of holiday money went on vital mobile top-up.
Then on Saturday, mid-afternoon, I took the train to Tottenham
Hale, had a cigarette, got the tube to Victoria station, another
cigarette or two, and finally got the 17:17 to Haywards Heath
in Sussex; all planned on the national rail web site; where my
Father duly met me. He took me straight to my brother’s
house for a barbecue with their family. We played with Jordan
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and Siobhain, the two youngest, in the garden, until darkness
fell and we ate barbecued pilchards, spare ribs and kebabs,
served with salad, all delicious, as they are expert cooks. Julie
had gone to stay with her mother and sister on Friday night
prior to the family, her mother, stepfather and her sister with
two children travelling between the ungodly hours of 2am and
9.30am to their log cabin in Penzance in Cornwall, 200 miles
away. When I rang her they had not been allowed to have
their cabin till 3pm, so had to spend the day at the beach!
Luckily for all of us, on both holidays, the heavy rain that had
lasted all summer was taking a brief break that day. However
there were to be heavy downpours in both Sussex and
Cornwall, culminating in floods in Devon near Julie’s holiday
site, all that week.
On Sunday morning, as I had warned my Father, I needed my
usual long sleep at present, stressed out by my awful year, so
only woke up at 12. I got on his computer, and ‘yes!’ there
was an email from Substance Books – who had got the money,
put up the books on their site – and were waiting for three 50
word summaries from me. I duly sent them, and they were put
in by Monday 1 st September. Progress at last! So I was very
relaxed while my Father drove me to Brighton and we strolled
on the pebble beach and one remaining East Pier (the West Pier
was burned down some years ago) and had an ice-cream each,
and a cup of coffee and tea respectively.
Monday 1 st September – Sunday 7 th September 2008.
I got up about 11am, to rain as threatened over the weekend
by the weather forecast. We were not going out that day!
Instead I set to and fixed all of the problems on my father’s PC,
and removed some dubious software. Alarmingly, the Norton
Security Software which he had installed a whole year ago, had
never worked despite six long useless ‘chats’ to their technical
support; as a result he had had no anti-virus protection for all
that time! I forced him to get them to download the entire
package afresh for him over the chat line, by uninstalling the
whole package! The tech support lady did this with a very
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clever software package, which enabled her to completely take
over control of my father’s PC – with her in the USA! It
stopped rain late afternoon, my father got on with wiring up
power to his new conservatory at the back of the lounge, we
had a light supper – then a trip to a pub down the road, and a
quick pint.
It was raining on Tuesday morning too. It eased off again late
afternoon, so we drove out to the famous Beachy Head
headland. We had a coffee, a long walk in a strong wind along
the very high cliff – and finally one of the first ice creams of the
day that the woman in the van said she had served – it had
been so wet! It was very moving and sad on the walk on the
cliff, to come across so many crosses and flowers on the low
fence – left for suicide cases who had jumped off the cliff – to
whom one strand of fence wire was obviously a pitifully
inadequate deterrent.
On the Wednesday my father took me to the local Marks and
Spencer store, where we found to our surprise that the shelves
with the men’s denim jeans he had offered to buy me, were a
completely hopeless disorganised mess – for that famously
‘neat’ chain store! However eventually he found two pairs
which fitted me, and paid £9.50+£25 for these. After that we
made the long drive to Battle Abbey, just north of Hastings, site
of the Battle of Hastings. We paid the entrance fees, bought a
book on the site, run by English Heritage, and got free
electronic loudspeaker tour guides, for a one hour tour of the
battlefield and Abbey. Two things astonished me in particular.
Nobody knew how King Harald really died – not necessarily an
arrow in the eye, as ‘1066 and all that’ said! Secondly, William
the Conqueror built the Abbey as penance - as the battle was
so viciously bloody, there were literally ‘rivers of blood’ from
the close range hand-to-hand fighting with swords, spears,
battleaxes, and bows and arrows. We went back to my father’s
house at Hurstpierpoint by a different, shorter route that I
found on the map – and discussed the fact that the weather
was supposed to be terrible from Friday, for the whole weekend
– it had generally been pretty wet to date already! Also the
fact that my depot was due on Friday settled it – I would go
home tomorrow afternoon.
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That evening my sister rang, saying she had been to a
conference in Ware, so I agreed she should check the cat. She
took food and even more litter, and commented that the cat
really needed new stainless food bowls – as hers were smelly
from ingrained stale food. I bought some from the local pet
shop shortly after my return home.
The journey home by train, starting 1.15pm Thursday was once
more uneventful, except that I nearly missed the train, having
not remembered the departure time quite right from my
Father’s Internet on his PC the previous night! I made one
phone call when I got home – to the Social Fund – to learn to
my dismay that they were only processing appeals against their
decisions of ‘no’ from as long ago as 16 th June – so I was
advised to wait till the end of November for a letter with the
result of my appeal! An email conversation with Hajni of
Substance Books confirmed that, yes, the results of her
promoting my books would be complete well before Christmas…
On Friday I had my injection, as usual these days with
absolutely no adverse reaction of toxic effects. I received a
useful phone call from Matthew Botting of the Intellectual
Property Office – my keyboard design would be in place and
registered by the end of November. I emailed Dorrance
Publishing in case my book review was ready – but was to get
no reply to this. I reflected I had thoroughly enjoyed my first
real break or vacation in sixteen whole long years, and had a
quiet weekend to celebrate.
On phoning Julie on Saturday, at 4.15pm, she was at Liverpool
Street Station in London, on the way to Hoddesdon to spend
the night with her mother.
The following day she was not available as she was getting
dizzy spells, which on seeing the Doctor that week, were
attributed to an inner ear problem, and she was given some
tablets.
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Monday 8 th September – Sunday 14 th September 2008.
The first three days of this week were as quiet as the previous
weekend had been. I was still doing a lot of waiting for things
to happen. Hajni had given me the email address of her admin
assistant, one Sarah, but when I emailed her on Monday there
was no reply.
On Tuesday at 4pm I met one Stuart from the mental health
charity Rethink, and had a brief chat about being seen once a
week by a ‘befriender’. Nothing has come of this as I write on
Thursday 18 th , over a week later – I was expecting a phone call
from him last Tuesday 16 th , but never got the call.
Rachel had been staying at Julie’s while Julie was on holiday,
having been banned from the holiday because of the massive
distress she had caused by abusing my phone in March and
April. She popped round to look at ‘face book’ on my computer
that evening. Then she explained she could not live at her own
new, huge by comparison, two bedroom flat at present as she
lacked a cooker and fridge/freezer. That evening a close male
friend had offered her the £255 she needed for the latter. She
asked about the Littlewoods catalogue account I had used to
buy clothes for her mother recently. Could I possibly buy a gas
cooker for her on that, and she would promise to pay me back
in regular instalments – via her mother? We went round and
discussed this with Julie. The upshot was, that evening, I
ordered the cooker on my account, then immediately thought
better of it! Was Rachel really trustworthy enough to repay her
mother, so me the required £5 a week?
I had enough minor headaches with increasing worries about
sporadic winges from Hajni of Substance Books about the
volume of emails it had already taken to discuss promotion of
my books!
Luckily, after Julie went off to work 40 miles away on
Wednesday 10 th September last week, leaving Rachel and the
infant Hayden ‘looking after’ her flat, I was scheduled to have a
meeting with Jemima, my social worker and nursing
coordinator at Cygnet House. She could tell I was a bit rattled,
and even stated there were early warning signs of a possible
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elapse brewing. I tried to explain I was sweating because I
had just done a heavy Tesco shop, after oversleeping the
correct time of 11am for our meeting as ever – because of the
perennial stress – and the room we were in had no ventilation!
As a result of the last point we discussed my two main stresses
– the oven and Substance Books being awkward – in the open
air, on a bench in the nearby little playground cum park.
The upshot was we agreed that Rachel was too unreliable, so I
would cancel the delivery this Friday of this oven, tell her, and
see Jemima again tomorrow at 2pm. I was to take her a set of
my books, to skim through at least. I got back to some good
news – Dorrance Publishing Inc. had responded to another
email that morning – with the long awaited review, which
turned out to be positively glowing!
I duly saw Jemima that Thursday, and she agreed I was far less
stressed after ringing Littlewoods and cancelling the oven the
previous day. I was well aware Thursday 11 th September 2008
was the 7 th Anniversary of ‘9/11’ in the USA, so was ready for
the worst that day. As a result when Hajni of Substance Books
emailed with a final pulling of the plug on the deal we had,
promising an immediate refund, I was upset but not surprised.
Her reasons were: -
• The sheer volume of emails had pressurised them (I
replied that email was not adequate to handle such
complex arrangements. There was no phone number!)
• Some of my emails were simply repeats of earlier ones (I
replied that I had already explained that the few repeat
emails were sent due to bugs in my webmail package
while I was away from home recently)
• I seemed to be trying to tell her how to do her job!
(There was no answer to that – except in hindsight there
was a bit of a language and culture problem with me being
English – her a Hungarian living in Canada).
• I was taking up the time of her assistant Sarah without
permission from Hajni (I replied simply ‘why did you invite
me to – by giving me her email address?’)
There was no reply except next day to say I had been duly
refunded $540 to my Paypal account on the Web! Meanwhile I
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had done a search on Google for the new to me keywords,
‘cheap book publicist’ and only turned up one really genuinely
‘cheap’ new contender – a British company based in Surbiton,
Surrey, vitally with a PHONE NUMBER, www.bookpromotion.com.
I studied their offer - £396, only 30% more
than I had paid Hajni, for vastly more! See their offering for
this below, even including them building my own seven-page
website for keeps! Had the seventh Anniversary of ‘9/11’ been
a blessing in disguise – procuring a far better, even local,
option, after my troubles with Hajni? I filled out their form on
the site, and sent them my main book, its covers and a photo
of me. Here is www.book-promotion.com’s offering for £396: -
• The author's own website - created by us and
optimized for marketing. This is the cornerstone.
• A review and synopsis, professionally written by
experts. A personal interview.
• Press release, distributed through preferential
channels.
• Google Adwords and Adsense, linked to your
website.
• Guaranteed placement of your book on the two most
important book-price comparison sites.
• Tag and keyword technology, used to find the right
people for your book.
• Details of your book on eight social websites,
reaching 500 milllion people.
• One-to-one marketing support for three months.
• Awareness guarantee, ensuring at least 5,000
visitors to your site.
On the Friday, after a small technical problem involving
emailing Paypal, I duly found $518.72 in my Paypal account – a
bit less than the $540 I had paid out to Substance Books two
weeks earlier, probably due to currency exchange rates. I
immediately spent $31.77 in that account on two copies of my
main book, as at present I only had the one copy to my name.
There was no email reply yet to my application form from
www.book-promotion.com, so I rang them, and at first was a
bit worried when I kept getting an extremely anonymous, bland
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voicemail prompt, saying nothing to confirm I had called the
right number, even! Eventually on the fourth call a genial man
called Peter answered, we had a chat, and he said he would get
‘Manuela’ to call back. After several more phone calls that
afternoon and early evening, indeed at 7pm I finally got a
phone call from a Spanish-sounding lady called Manuela – who
turned out to be no less than the Managing Director of this
firm, who seem to have several offices, in Surbiton and the
West End of London in particular.
She said yes, she had received my email with book attached,
and application form, with book covers, photo of me, and
synopsis, and that normally it would take four weeks to have
my book reviewed and the necessary book review, press
release, interview text and final synopsis prepared by the
reviewer. Only then could the web site be built incorporating
these – taking about another four weeks. On Monday I would
receive an invoice for the first half of the £396, i.e. £198, from
her accountant who had obviously gone home for the weekend.
I had to raise the remaining £198 in one lump sum, or pay
monthly over six months by bank standing order. So on
Saturday 13 th September, I consulted with Julie by phone about
selling her mountain bike as well as mine in ‘Loot’, a free ads
paper, then phoned them and took out a £10 advert for the
next week. Today is Saturday 20 th September, and even
though on Wednesday I went to the supermarket and looked up
rival prices in that day’s Loot, saw they were a lot lower than
mine, so got Loot by phone, and asked them to drop them a lot
for the Friday edition – I have had no responses to the advert
all week.
I have now decided to pay for the remainder of my www.bookpromotion.com
marketing bargain by standing order – and
hope that I get enough books sales to easily cover that cost.
As for the two bikes, I am hanging onto them, as I am not
prepared to lower the price well below what they cost just a
year ago, hardly using them yet since, what with the weather
having been very wet last summer and this summer, and Julie
having been away so much this summer. Sunday is normally a
‘day of rest’ but that Sunday 14 th September was quite frantic
for me! Peter of www.book-promotion.com had said on Friday
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that I could call any time within reason, and did not bat an
eyelid when I called him about 2pm with two important
questions: -
Their web site stated that it took ‘five to ten weeks’ for them to
do a proper professional job after the initial half payment. My
main book is about ‘Spirit’ – and it so happens that in just
under seven weeks is Friday 31 st October – Hallowe’en! Could
they possibly do the work for a launch date of Monday 27 th
October, just before, i.e. in six weeks from tomorrow, Monday?
He laughed and said that I should not tell them how to do their
job! However of course it was tight but probably feasible, he
would talk to Manuela about this.
I also wanted their site for me to feature all nine books at
www.lulu.com/AuthorMeUK not just ‘Scientific Proof that (God
The Holy) Spirit Exists’. What would they charge for this? He
said to email all nine book cover pdf’s to Manuela, and ask her
for a quote.
The only problem with this, I reflected, is that my three latest
books came out last year – and I don’t have ISBN numbers for
them (the unique barcode numbers on the back cover of a
book). After spending about £20 of my £285 left after the
refund from Substance Books on Friday, I only have £265 in my
Paypal account of any money at all – and ISBN’s usually cost
quite a lot in the past! Also £198 of that I have to keep back
for Book Promotion ltd up front payment! The last time I had
ordered ISBN numbers from www.lulu.com was about three
years earlier. I called up the site on my web browser on my
PC, and discovered that the ‘basic distribution package’ I had
paid, as I remembered, $49.95 for each of five books, had been
replaced by two different options. Firstly, a ‘self publish’ one
which bought you TEN ISBN numbers for about $130, with a
further $27 to impose them on each book after the first one.
Far too much money for my as ever tight as Tarzan’s loincloth
budget! If that was not enough, there were book layout
requirements that not all my books met, especially the
hardback version of my poetry book.
However, a quick glance down the ‘published by lulu’ check list,
currently astonishingly being offered entirely free not at
$99.95, which I was later told was the normal price, seemed to
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have no such technical problems either. The fact it was free
completely outweighed my small list of slight misgivings with
this ‘published by lulu’ option: -
1. It did cost some money – you had to buy a proof copy of
each book to approve. Then six weeks after you approved
it, Lulu will have checked it and issued it to book shops
and other retailers on the Internet, and book catalogues.
My Career History counts as a brochure, not a book, so is
not eligible. The present book will only be finished once
the book launch finally takes place, as the sort of hopefully
very positive ‘happy ending’ I have long sought for this set
of books. That is easy – I will not order and approve the
proof till then. That left seven books I needed to order
proofs of, because I decided that being free, having the
ever bigger and more well known Lulu behind them, with
all that ‘published by lulu’ supplies in distribution, made it
worthwhile having all the eight actual books, but not the
brochure, ‘published by Lulu’.
2. Once approved, it would cost a lot to change the books in
any way because they will have been ‘cast in stone’ at the
printers. However, apart from recent (final?) small
changes to both versions of ‘Scientific Proof that (God The
Holy) Spirit Exists’, I was happy with that, for none of the
other books had needed any revisions in a whole year.
So I went ahead and went through the motions, and first
selected ‘published by lulu’ for all eight actual books, but as I
said, not the brochure CV. I immediately was confronted with
eight prompts to order proof copies. Without thinking to double
check the check list for this, I ordered them – some £50!
Imagine my horror when I called up my email inbox – to find
eight identical email messages all saying ‘make sure you have
the ISBN number for ‘published by lulu’ inserted on the
copyright page of your book before ordering the proof’!
I immediately got back to the web browser and
www.lulu.com/uk and their ‘chat help line’. Having explained
this problem with poor prompting by their web site, I asked
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them to cancel my ‘proofs’ order if at all possible. They said it
was very unlikely – so could I have a refund? Also, quite
cheekily, I pointed out that their web site stated quite clearly,
that while the ‘published by lulu’ option was free, there would
be a refund of the ‘basic distribution package, as on all of five
of my books, at the checkout – but there had been no refunds,
in fact! After many delays, breaks in communication over the
chat line, and apparently much discussion at her end – the
operator merely gave me a ticket number and said their
‘distribution’ department would be in touch. They were to
email me the next day, offer huge apologies – but no actual
refunds - just what I had expected!
Going back to last Sunday, I then went through four hours’
unexpected work, half an hour per book, adding the wretched
ISBN number to each copyright page; and also a blank sheet at
the end of the books, another small requirement; and
publishing them on Lulu, rejecting the proofs already, even
though they had yet to be sent – faulty! I now lacked the
money to buy the full set of proofs, having bought a faulty set,
and still needed to pay www.book-promotion.com the first £198
instalment. I remembered they had a ‘pay now’ button on their
website, so paid them by Paypal. Then I went back to Lulu and
ordered as many proofs as I could for the small amount of
money I had left. After ordering proofs of both versions of
‘Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists’ and my
paperback of my poetry, my Paypal balance was a princely
$1.02! It was 10pm, and I had been busy since calling Peter at
1pm, and was finally, so I thought, able to email Manuela with
the vital book covers, all now with ISBN numbers. These I now
downloaded and gave my own title, with a sequence number at
the start for my desired order, from my lulu page.
They were large files, so I split them into two emails, also
discussing the Hallowe’en target date for launch in the first
email. The first email, however, caused repeated timeouts,
after trying about five times, after about fifteen minutes – five
megabytes or so – of sending. I eventually called 150 and
Virgin Media’s fault line there at the ungodly time of 2am on
Monday morning, only for the technician: -
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• To succeed in sabotaging my password, so completely
disabling both my email accounts
• Giving me an expensive phone number to call for help with
the ‘security’ issues he blamed for my problems – which
firstly did not work on Monday – and secondly it turned
out to be a message size problem.
Monday 15 th - Sunday 21 st September 2008.
I called 150 again on Monday, having woken late and tired,
having got to bed about 2am, and a different technician sorted
out a new password and assured me the email was now
working. However, the first email still timed out, so I decided it
must be its sheer size causing that, so took out half the eight
attachments and put them in a second email. At last, hours
later on now, that finally worked! I had a quiet day, resting
from my efforts of the day before, until I received an email
from Manuela, giving a phone number and email and work
address – but no reply to my earlier emails – whilst saying
Hallowe’en was ‘a tight deadline, but possible’. So I rang her,
and discussed my need to have all nine works featured on the
website, not just the one book, and how to buy them all. Also I
own the domain names www.silee.me.uk and
www.simonlee.me.uk and wanted the former used as the main
name of the new site, with the latter ‘parked on’ that as a
second alternative name. Manuela saw no problem with that.
So I forwarded all the emails I had sent her earlier – which
turned out to have gone to a general admin email address,
unmanned that day.
Tuesday was again very quiet. Manuela telephoned and
acknowledged yesterday’s emails – saying that Hallowe’en was
indeed tight, but still possible, and she had asked her reviewer
to prepare all of the following within the next 10 days if
possible, not the usual 30: -
• Press release
• Book review
• Book summary
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• Interview to be emailed to me and filled in.
All of this was to be approved by me before being built into the
web site from next week. Finally, when I asked her to quote
me for a blog page on my web site, she did not blanche!
There was no correspondence on Wednesday, and I had a quiet
day, so went to the Mind Club that had recently replaced the
defunct Rethink Club in the same building. However they
refused to buy a set of my books to start a client library!
Manuela emailed on Thursday to say that her IT Manager,
Kumar, would be in touch soon about the blog option. He
finally sent an email two days later, today, Saturday 20 th
September, which I have replied to, expecting further contact
on Monday.
Friday was also quiet. I looked on the Internet and found on
the council’s homes site that there was a one bedroom house in
a village Julie liked, told her on the phone, and she entrusted
me with her waiting list code number so that I could register an
interest in it for her. Meanwhile I registered myself, an interest
in a ground floor flat in the nearby town. There is a remote
chance that we may both be moving at the same time, to
become neighbours in a town and village next to each other,
not as now next door!
Today Saturday I have merely ordered enough books and CVs
from www.lulu.com to make up four sets – including one set of
proofs. I may be able to sell some of these books – and I plan
to give my daughter Jeni the only complete set I possess right
at this moment, if and when she calls in to visit me as planned
this weekend. I have also done nearly 5½ pages of typing! As
we just saw, last Sunday was frantic – but today, a week later,
is empty in my diary – apart from a possible visit from Jeni. I
feel rather like I am at a watershed – waiting for new and
different, unexpected, fewer things to happen, than my list of
eleven items of five weeks ago. Some with bated breath. So
below is a set of summary material for ‘where am I now?’
Eleven things I was waiting for five weeks ago
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1. Julie will be back home from work again on Wednesday.
Even though we are merely ‘just good friends’ now, I am
extremely fond of her and would like more time with her!
2. I had my first decent holiday in SIXTEEN YEARS, for five
days not a week with my Father, two weeks ago.
3. The IET Benevolent Fund paid an extremely generous
£600 holiday grant into my account the Friday before that.
I dare not tell them, but I had to divert £120 into paying
up all my outstanding bills – and signed up with Substance
Books for $540 (£303+) that day – leaving just £187!
4. Dorrance Books have indeed posted up on the Internet for
me, a glowing review of just the main one of my books –
the vital one! – ‘Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit
Exists’.
5. I should know the outcome of my appeal over a
Community Care Grant within two months or so.
6. www.substancebooks.com have fallen out with me and I
have immediately found www.book-promotion.com on
Google – 30% more expensive but still extremely
reasonably priced – with vastly more ‘bangs per buck’!
7. Ron Upton of the diocesan office was extremely negative
on the phone recently, saying he could not possibly sell
any copies of my book at his resource centre!
8. The vicar of the Scientists’ Church, that Julie was trying to
get a response from, has not done so in three whole
months. Much the same rude response by the Church as
when I circulated posters round four local chuches at
about the same time. Local Churches seem very
backward looking indeed – I will not ever bother again!
9. The Christian publisher Christian Focus has had my book
“Scientific Proof” since the start of May – nearly five whole
months – and I still now await their verdict on publishing
it, after promises of an editorial meeting in August were
false! I rate my chances of them accepting my books as
less than 1 in 1,000! I don’t care – I am going the self
publishing route with a budget launch by Book-Promotion!
10. The ‘World Order of Atheists’ still withhold their views
on my book – in particular, as is very unlikely indeed,
whether it really proves God exists so wins a $100,000
prize! Does that prize really exist? I am not going to
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worry about it at all any more – and forget about these
people unless a letter or email arrives from them…
11. In November I should hear that my design for a
‘worldwide standard keyboard’ has been registered and
published in an Intellectual Property Office Magazine. Will
some company or companies get interested?
The only things I am waiting for now
1. I have dealt with www.book-promotion.com intensively for
over a week now. I am expecting input from two
members of their team this week. From their book
reviewer, hopefully by this Friday, four vital documents,
that once I have approved, will allow the www.silee.me.uk
web site to be built: - book review, press release, book
synopsis (summary) and email interview for me to fill out
(quickly!) From that point, the web site can start, but
Kumar, their IT director, meanwhile has to engage with
me by email or preferably phone, to discuss my two
‘extras’ – a blog – on the review page is the best place, I
am about to email him – and the covers of the other seven
books and a brochure as at www.lulu.com/authormeuk -
which I am also about to email him, are best added to the
‘how to order’ page planned already for the main book. I
hope we can agree a budget comparably equally tiny as
the main budget, for these two items, that I know are not
technically difficult (I have supplied the text for the books
covers in nine pdf files, to Manuela – and the search ‘free
blog software’ on Google shows that one can download
scripts for blogs in any language totally free). Also, I need
to know that they are undertaking to carry out their
standard web site ‘offering’ as well as my extras – within
five weeks from now.
2. After all that, will I really achieve a full book launch of nine
publications, on the Internet, all self published so
relatively very lucrative, by Hallowe’en – end of October?
So far everything has gone absolutely swimmingly in
dealings with Manuela – but will something emerge to foul
the excellent relations – as before with Substance Books?
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3. I should know the outcome of my appeal over a
Community Care Grant within two months or so.
4. In November I should hear that my design for a
‘worldwide standard keyboard’ has been registered and
published in an Intellectual Property Office Magazine. Will
some company or companies get interested?
Summary of where all other not such business matters
stand in my life at present
1. My Health. Since my dramatic exit stage left after a
successful Appeal to the Hospital Managers, on 30 th May,
my health has been generally rock solid, apart from the
fact that all the stress of multiple hospital admissions has
made me very low in energy, and needing acres of sleep!
Just two weeks ago my social worker started to pay
attention to the fact that she found me more easily
flustered than usual, and has asked me to see her several
times briefly in the last two weeks. When I tried to blame
my injection for my abnormally long sleeps, sometimes
fourteen hours, she got my Doctor there to see me. He
was very reassuring, saying my health was excellent, but
my injection would not cause such fatigue, it is the stress
of the past few years. I have therefore concluded that he
is right, and that I am suffering from Post Traumatic
Terrible Treatment Stress Syndrome’ (PT3SS not just
PTSS for short)!
2. My finances. When I went on holiday, like I have said, I
had no outstanding bills, but all the books I bought
yesterday have meant I will have to pay a bill due then in
the next few weeks – and spread the, to me huge, £60 bill
over several weeks. That will mean £30 less to spend a
week – quite a sacrifice! However, that is my last major
expense outside budget I can foresee, so things should be
back to normal, after 31 st October, the planned date of the
book launch. Will I soon see income from all of nine
publications – to offset my usual poverty since my
daughter was born?
3. Julie has kept saying for some time, ‘I used to think I
loved you (during our torrid affair this time last year) but
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now I don’t love you. Please don’t love me.’ Indeed, this
week while she has been away, I have hardly rung her,
and have not had the same feelings for her, mostly
because I am so preoccupied with dealings with
www.book-promotion.com!
4. Jeni actually called round in her new Mini car tonight, for
a change. She has pleased everybody, after AS results of
B English, C Biology, C Business Studies – and failure in
chemistry. She is retaking some of the papers and trying
to get straight B’s – then go to Uni to study to be a vet
like her Mum. Quite a dynasty to inherit – my ex-wife
now runs six veterinary practices locally and an animal
hospital in Stevenage! Jeni made a big fuss of
www.oosskatt.com, my cat! (Actually she is not really a
dot com!)
5. My sister Libby is hard at work at her new job as a
Senior Lecturer at the University of Hertfordshire, and
according to my father, thoroughly enjoying herself! As a
result, I have heard nothing from her in several weeks.
6. My family down in Sussex. Whilst not a religious man
by any means, my father, in my two visits there this year,
has religiously spent money and carried out two of the
various plans my mother would have carried out had she
not tragically died within weeks of arriving at their new
retirement home at Hurstpierpoint. As a result, he has
built a conservatory, acting as navvy to the builder, calling
it the ‘hardest month of work of his life’. As a result he
has been able to transform the front and back gardens of
the semi-detached house – to a ‘Mum’ style. He is still
clearly in a state of slowly diminishing grief and mourning.
My brother’s family at Cuckfield are nearby by car, so
while always a fairly independent unit, never once calling
me or visiting me in seven months in hospital, they
interact with him all the time. However, clearly Mum was
the ‘kindly Matriarch of the family’. All feel her loss. On
24 th August, the first anniversary of her death, my sister
and father took flowers to the tree on Ditchling Beacon
where we had scattered her ashes…
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Curiously, a whole lot of Anniversaries are happening
this month – or last month…
1. August 24 th 2008 was the first Anniversary of Mum
passing away. With a traumatic year since, I was very
aware that she was no longer there as ever, to visit me in
hospital and tackle the psexistricksters on my behalf! As I
said earlier, my father and sister went to the tree where
we scattered her ashes, that day, and laid flowers.
2. In August too, all of 31 years ago, back in the dim mists of
time, in 1977, I had my first ever ‘psexistrick incident’ and
was prescribed a psexistrick drug, stelazine, for a month.
3. I did not really get over this incident and became very ill
indeed the following year, 1978, also at King’s College,
Cambridge. In August 1978, 30 years ago last month, I
was ‘taken away’ for my first time – and first taste of a
‘Psexistrick Unit’. It would not happen these days, but
then I was clearly so very unhappy about being there, that
they let me go after just three days!
4. 9 th September 2008 was of course as I said earlier, the
seventh Anniversary of the atrocities of ‘9/11’ in the USA.
5. That day I had a minor explosion too – Substance Books
said goodbye – but the much more comprehensive and
apparently better value for money, Book-Promotion ltd,
‘came out of the woodwork’ in a new Google search that
very same evening. More ‘bangs per buck’ by far!
6. Exactly a year before that, on the Eve of the Sixth
Anniversary, shortly after Mum’s death and funeral, I
finished ‘Doctor Police!’ my previous book in this series.
Soon after that I was thinking of doing this book on top.
7. This last weekend was the ninth Anniversary of my moving
into this bedsit, having been evicted from my tiny cottage
in Hertford back in August 1999.
8. It was 16 years exactly on 1 st September since that same
day in 1992 when I finally got made redundant from PA
Consulting Group – mostly from stigma, but that is not
what the ‘nice’ redundancy letter said. Julie’s comment on
my suffering in hospital since knowing me this last year or
so, was, ‘they keep on pissing on you!’ I have been
‘pissed on’ in similar fashion by Cunningstunt
Psexistricksters, above all, all this 16 years – about 50 of
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the bastards! However, now that I have battled like a
dervish and got my medication levels down to the same
sort of dosage as in 1992 and before, I stand a very good
chance of hardly ever, if never, revisiting a psexistrick
unit!
9. Only after I got www.book-promotion.com to agree to a
deadline of Friday 31 st October 2008 for my book launch,
did I realise one significant fact about that date. It is the
corresponding day of the week in the year as Friday 2 nd
November last year – the start of seven months or more
for me stuck in five separate stays in psexistrick units – till
just four months ago.
Hopefully I am now really ‘rising above the black art of
psexistrickery’ as in the title of the sequel of this book – and
moving on to a book launch of six books I have written, one
also in hardback, my career history to boot (which might be
thought to be cheeky!) and Helen-Marie’s book on top – from
‘Doctor Police!’ days!
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Monday 22 nd September – Sunday 28 th September 2008.
The next two weeks were quite quiet for me, with steady and
excellent progress with my book promotion, especially in the
second week. However, in the meantime Julie, my ex-girlfriend
and neighbour, now just a friend, had quite a few very serious
problems that I had to help her to deal with. On the Monday I
made some business phone calls then emailed www.lulu.com
about six books that had arrived substandard – two copies of
‘Scientific Proof…’; two copies of the ‘New Gold Dawn’ version of
that book; and two copies of ‘Doctor Police!’ However once
that complaint reached their print department, there has been
a long silence, followed by a firm denial on Friday 3 rd October
that the problems are their fault! As I write on Monday 6 th
October, this problem, worth some £60 in faulty books, does
not look like resulting easily in replacement books… Then when
I rang Julie that Monday afternoon, 22 nd September – she had
the first of several emergencies these last two weeks – her
client had been taken to hospital by ambulance with a chest
infection, having initially refused all treatment!
On the Tuesday, Manuela, the MD of www.bookpromotion.com,
emailed to say that my review, press release,
interview etc, would now be ready by next Wednesday 1 st
October not this Friday as originally planned. I spoke to Julie
by phone at length that evening, then for a change, under the
circumstances she called me. ‘My client is not at all well and
has been transferred to Hammersmith Hospital in London’! She
seemed to blame herself for not overriding her client and
getting a Doctor in at the weekend any earlier, but I reassured
Julie that it was not her fault.
She came back home the next day, Wednesday. Meanwhile I
had a series of emails to and fro with Kumar, with the
upshots:-
1. They would charge £80 for an extra ‘book covers’ page
2. It sounded like doing a ‘blog’ would be complex and
expensive, so I cancelled that notion.
Then it all went quiet from Thursday to Sunday. I treated Julie
to pizza and wine on the Thursday. On Friday, earlier than
expected by far, I got a photo holder in the post with my
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‘Certificate of Registered Design’ for my ‘Universal Standard
Keyboard’ – but they got my name wrong, so I sent off another
form on the Monday to have it changed on the certificate!
On Saturday, I got an invoice by email for the £80 work that
Kumar was going to do – but thought it over, and thought
better of the whole idea. I emailed him a long email saying
‘cancel the £80 order’ just point LINKS on each web site page
to www.lulu.com/content/230876 (the order page for the main
book) and www.lulu.com/AuthorMeUK (the order page for ALL
my books) and www.proofgodexists.blogspot.com – a free
‘blog’ I had found from Google under a simple ‘free blog’
search.
I had popped round to see Julie that Sunday night, and was
just leaving when she got a phone call from her daughter, who
was semi-hysterical. She had been beaten up by an ex
boyfriend very much older than her, whom her new boyfriend
could not stop from gashing her lip badly while he knocked out
two of her teeth with one punch – at the roots! Julie asked me
to go to Harlow Hospital with her to see Rachel arrive, but there
was high drama. This older man had a gun, and held police at
bay with it – and the ambulance could not leave for a long
time! Eventually after we stood and watched several
ambulances arrive, Rachel, Julie’s daughter finally arrived –
mostly bad mouthing this man. She had ten stitches in her cut
lip, the two teeth were cemented back in case they would take
again, and her bloody clothing was confiscated by police.
Eventually, apparently, after Julie and I had left her for the
night and come back home, her foster father, Julie’s ex, picked
her up and dropped her off with Julie after midnight – so Julie
lost all her sleep that night.
Monday 29 th September – Monday 6 th October 2008.
Monday phoned Manuela to good news – her reviewer would
probably email the interview for me as the author of the main
book today! Indeed he did – I supplied answers – and emailed
them back inside the hour! Only one caused me any problems
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– for the wording of the question implied he thought I was the
author of a long article I quoted off the Internet back in 1997 –
in Part 3 of my book! I asked him if he thought it in fact
needed a disclaimer at this point – and put one in the next day
in both versions of the book. At least a partial disclaimer –
saying I was not the author but that I agreed with the main
ideas!
That same day, Tuesday 30 th September, this Francesco
actually acted on my returning the interview filled in, by
sending an absolutely red hot press release, review, and
summary of the book, for my comments. I corrected his
English, for like Manuela, English was clearly a second language
to him! These documents so thrilled me at the time that I
reproduce them below: -
Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists
Press release
Describing the indescribable
A comprehensive and astonishing scientific description of
(God the Holy) Spirit
If you ever wondered how science could provide us help in
understanding Spirit and Soul, here you'll find a lot of questions
as well as a lot of strong answers. In a rigorous analysis that
includes science as well as holy literature, Simon Lee shares
with us his studies about the structure of the Spirit, the
structure of what doesn't seem to be visible.
Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists proves to be a
new milestone, crossing the borders of scientific and religious
taboos. It is a very personal way to approach Nature and Spirit.
New (truly spiritual) ways of approaching history, economics
and diseases are consequently drawn in this three-part book.
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A physicist and a computer scientist, the author supplies his
work in a clear, popular way. His studies and theories are
inspired by some personal visionary experiences, which add a
fresh taste to the book, making it a really unique read.
Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists is a book for
those who dare to open a new door to the yet unknown world
and are not closed to new theories and interpretations of both
scientific and religious issues.
Review
By a quick look to its title, this book could sound a little
pretentious indeed. However, definitely in the book, most of the
really interesting stuff comes with the author having high
ideals.
The way the author traces the divine in sciences is surely
innovative. Passionately, he analyses and decrypts the
structure of the Spirit, using a scientific method and referring to
a common scientific knowledge. Nevertheless, this rigorous
analysis is just one part of this very deep book. Going back to
basics, Simon Lee offers us his own very special translation of
some chapters of the Holy Books, commenting on them in a
stimulating and personal way.
His main point is how human history and society can be traced
in the words of the holy literature. From wars to capitalism,
from terrorism to the computer age, anything can be read
about in the holy literature. That easily leads us to recognize
who are (or have been) the enemies of the Spirit: some of
them are not just “fictional characters”, but a real presence in
our lives.
Written in a wise mixture of precise analysis and simple
discourse, Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists
warns us about the risks of present and future times. What is
interesting is that even this feature does not make its author a
scaremonger, for he provides at the same time problems and
solutions.
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This brilliant work proves to be a very stimulating read.
Whether you are a believer or not, it will offer you a lot of new
perspectives to consider.
Synopsis
Scientific Proof that (God the Holy) Spirit Exists is a brilliant
mixture of both religious and scientific writing. It is developed
in three parts, in a clear and discursive way.
In the first part, a fascinating theory about Spiritual Energy is
provided. The starting point is that Spiritual Energy =mc 2 , just
like physical energy. Its ‘sevenfold nature’ in the Bible and
other Holy Books, occurs in trees, fountains and cubes. The
Sevenfold ‘Holy’ Spirit of God exactly occupies the ‘extra seven
dimensions of the Universe’ of the latest “string theories” of
science.
In the second part, Simon Lee makes his own very special
translation of some chapters of the Holy Books, commenting on
them in a stimulating and personal way.
In the third part the problems related to the cashless system
are explained.
The very last part of the book handles a new theory of – and
cures for – all mental illnesses. In his fresh but rigorous style,
the author proposes two new non chemical therapies.
This book is a journey into different worlds, where science and
religion meet and walk side by side.
Wednesday was the funeral day in Georgia, USA, for my
Godfather’s Chinese wife Catherine Shen. It was too short
notice after she passed away the previous Wednesday, and
very expensive, for any of our family to attend.
The rest of the week was quiet with www.book-promotion.com
apart from a couple of emails to and fro agreeing everything;
with Manuela and Kumar assuring me that their web site they
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would be building for me before (well before?) Monday 27 th
October, the notional deadline before Hallowe’en on Friday 31 st
October 2008! After I accept the web site, the press release
will be sent out, and Kumar will start everything else – to do
with driving traffic to the web site.
On Thursday I went window shopping with Julie in Harlow for a
sofa bed she might eventually buy once she has enough
money. She had her grandson with her, and was to complain
this last week about her daughter going out every single night
and dumping the baby on poor Julie! Rachel in fact came in
about 5pm that night, just as Julie had finished ordering a
cheap carpet at her flat from a local visiting carpet company.
Julie still has not gone back to work as I write on Monday 6 th
October, having initially asked for two days of compassionate
leave after her daughter was hurt, but then from Friday her
client was still in hospital. She feared the worst for her job, as
a result, and hates working so far from home, so I helped her
do a new CV on my computer on Saturday.
On Sunday, when I popped round, she found my CAR FILE that
she had blamed the loss of on me, back in the summer, in a
wardrobe! She also found a valuable Pokemon set of Rachel’s
and various old photos – in the same wardrobe!
I saw my Doctor’s junior psychiatrist today Monday. Then
while helping Julie pack up furniture prior to her carpet being
fitted on Tuesday, she got the sad news that her client in
Berkhamsted had passed away from her chest infection in
hospital! It looks like she had the right intuition to look for a
new job then, and has found one in a nursing home about ten
miles away, and applied for it today. For her current employers
are showing little sign of giving her work with a new client,
meanwhile paying her nothing. Soon she will run out of money
to live on, unless she changes job?
Tuesday 7 th October – Monday 13 th October 2008.
I had a really quiet week, so at the end of this week’s diary is a
piece about my feelings of alienation, suffering in relative
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poverty, and being in and out of mental hospitals for an elapsed
total of five years in that time, causing that for the last sixteen
years. With the new venture with www.book-promotion.com
going so very well, is that at long, long last – all about to
change for the very much better in the near future?
Tuesday was very quiet indeed. Julie brought some red wine
around, and said two days later that was her only reason for
snogging me on my sofa about eight times that evening!
On Wednesday her carpet was due to be fitted at 1.30pm, only
the fitter and she had a misunderstanding, so instead it was
fitted on Thursday morning. Because of the misunderstanding,
I could not attend the second meeting of Ware U3A (University
of the Third Age) as planned. I had a chat over the ‘pond’
electronically with lulu staff about their continued failure to
reprint my books. I emailed Manuela having looked at their
example websites for other authors. Could I change my mind a
second and final time and ask for a ‘how to order’ page after all
– as I saw that the other websites gave a whole set of
bookshops and book price comparison websites on that same
page?
Julie’s pale blue carpet was fitted in due course on Thursday
morning and I helped her shove furniture around that morning
before feeling very tired and going to bed again, having got out
of bed at 9am when she phoned me with a wake-up call then.
Her flat at last had floor covering, and was transformed with a
pale colour carpet – much lighter! I had had the immersion
heater pump replaced that Monday, and now the plumbers
called again and replaced the bathroom sink taps – the hot tap
had a corroded washer, apparently, explaining why it gave out
a black messy discharge of oxide. That evening I emailed
Kumar, Manuela’s IT Director, asking him directly to confirm
about the ‘how to order’ page – and the fact that as a result
there would no longer be any need for a ‘how to order’ link at
the bottom of every single page of the planned web site. There
was at last a positive reply by email from Lulu, saying that they
would reprint all my books the way I had asked! Victory!
Agreement!
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Friday and Saturday have been very quiet indeed. On Friday I
just saw Jemima and the Doctor briefly, who urged me to try
again with the DVLA to reapply for a driving licence. Indeed it
turned out the advice I was given last month on the phone was
wrong. Now I am being sent a set of application and medical
forms. Then the DVLA will contact my GP and psychiatrist, and
might just in their infinite wisdom and above all absolute
powers of discretion, actually restore my driving licence. I
cannot afford a car right now, but who knows what might
happen in a couple of weeks when my press release hits the
desks or PCs of 14,000 publications worldwide? That evening I
had a glass of rose wine with Julie – who is very house-proud
about her new carpet – and insisted that I walk on it without
my shoes on!
Today Saturday has been so quiet! I got paid in the morning
and did a large Tesco supermarket shop – securing lots of
‘bargains’ – which obviously pleased me! I rang Julie and she
had good news at last – she had had a phone call to say she
has an interview with her nursing home on Monday 20 th
October! Finally more good news – an email from Kumar at
Book Promotion ltd agreeing everything and saying that the
web site was ‘in schedule’!
Sunday started quiet and boring, so I went round to see Julie –
and we were both glad I did – for soon I was rolling white
emulsion paint on her kitchen ceiling while she painted the
coving white too. She said she was desperate for help, so very
glad of mine, in sorting out her flat now that the new carpet
made it look like a new place since Thursday! After the
decorating we got an hour of fresh air and took a walk round
the local water meadows or ‘King’s meads’. However, over a
glass of rose wine at my flat, when I tried to snog her like on
Tuesday, she said huffily, ‘Please do not kiss me – we are not in
a relationship!’
Monday was even quieter than Sunday – we loaded up her car
and visited the local rubbish tip and recycled a load of stuff of
hers – and my printer and vacuum cleaner. I sent Kumar an
email asking him to actually phone me tomorrow to discuss
progress on the web site and advertising. Then there was the
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first of two phone calls that same evening, both of which turned
out to be distressing. The first really caught me out! I had
been fretting for weeks about my phone bill being extortionate
– over £110 for the month. I got a cold call from two Asian
mobile phone salesman, and got taken in that £35 a month for
£750 ‘free’ mobile talk minutes and unlimited texts; and a low
power £10 new broadband mobile would be a good deal. Soon
I had given them my bank account and debit card numbers,
had been told to sit and wait about a week for the goods to
arrive, and was sitting there wondering whether they ever
would, and whether I had done the right thing giving my
account and card details away to cold-calling strangers on the
telephone – who called me not vice versa!
Then in the evening about 9.45pm my daughter Jeni phoned –
and came round for a chat despite it being very late! She burst
into tears when I asked her what on Earth was wrong, and said
that she was working her guts out at present prior to retaking
her AS levels (or most of the papers at least) to get at least ‘B’
grades not the C’s she got in the Summer for biology and
business studies. She showed me a beautiful presentation for
her University application this Friday, saying she would love to
study Zoology so she could become a vet like her mother, who
had brought her up steeped in veterinary science and love of
animals. The reason she was in tears was that her ignorant
stepfather, Rodney had just bolloxed her for being ‘lazy and
useless’ – without even reading her brilliant 500 words about
her ambitions for University. I obviously consoled her by
saying ‘rise above him, that was the lecture of an ignorant
peasant’ and she went away much calmer – clutching the above
pieces by www.promotion/com and a copy of
www.promotion.com/bookpromology.php.
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Reflection on my last sixteen years of anguish under
psexistrickery – and my plans now approaching fruition
– indeed to earn enough money to rise above all that –
through my book promotion efforts
Thirty years ago last month I was falsely diagnosed ‘acutely
schizophrenic’ so lost all my friends at Cambridge University in
1978-79. The pendulum swung for the first time in 1980 under
Dr Gander to a less hideous and abusive label – ‘affective
disorder’. At least, he changed me from hideous injections of
low doses of the horrible drug modecate (chlorpromazine) to
the better drug haloperidol – with lithium tablets - after an
incident in November 1983 (see the first book in this series -
Which Witch Doctor?) That regime kept me nearly totally well
till 1993 – 10 whole blessed years out of psexistrick units!
Gander’s kind, wise, gentle description of my ‘illness’ was the
only decent so accurate explanation I have ever been allowed!
“You suffer from either an affective disorder by itself or a
schizo-affective disorder – I am not sure which but it does not
matter – the treatment is the same for both conditions. Ah,
you want a biochemical explanation! Well in my view the
receptors in your brain for the neuro-transmitter dopamine are
not working quite as well as they should – so you have too
much of it sloshing around in your brain!’
The effects of this I have neglected to really comment on in this
series of books, so here goes. When I am afflicted by this
‘illness’, I have sensations of being ‘light-headed, rough and
clumsy’. My speech speeds up so I am sometimes nearly
incoherent – so called ‘pressure of speech’! I am easily
irritated in the extreme, especially by fools around me, far from
my normally patient self, able to teach A level maths and
science to virtually any student willing to try to listen at least! I
get ‘over the top, lofty thinking’ – ‘grandiose thoughts’, the
Cunningstunt Psexistricksters call this, horribly. I NEVER get
feelings of irrational fears of being persecuted, and although I
used to ‘see things’ I have gone to the greatest lengths in these
books to PROVE they were part of my spiritual life NOT my
psexistrick life – they were premonitions from God Himself!
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So my correct diagnosis is either: - hypomania, bipolar (I)
affective disorder (essentially the same thing) or affective
disorder. So why have all of fifty ‘Doctors’ in the last sixteen
years viciously and totally incompetently BRANDED me with
one of the following rich hit list of abusive ‘labels’? Why do
they all allow themselves the prima donna luxury of totally
ignoring the past and Dr Gander’s near total success managing
my rather mild condition 1980-1993, and starting all over again
and BRANDING ME as below? As my Father and I hotly agreed
on the phone lately, I cannot have ALL these serious conditions
– so I cannot have any of them.
Labels I have wrongly been branded with 1992-2008
1. Acute chronic paranoid schizophrenia!
2. Mild schizophrenia
3. Schizophrenia AND manic depression
4. Schizo-affective disorder (similar to (2))
5. Manic depression
6. Bipolar affective disorder
7. Mania
8. Hypomania
I have lost count of my psexistrick admissions under
compulsory detention under Section 3 in the same time – each
averaging only, an horrendous 4 months. Five years of my
lovely daughter’s 17 years, nearly 18, I have spent ‘put away’.
Constantly suffering the double jeopardy of starting out quite
well, only to have the latest Cunningstunt Psexistrickster stick
his oar in, have his meddle with my mental testicles, and
having the wrong drugs entirely for one of the above madly
wrong diagnoses, so none of the right drugs for the right one of
mild affective disorder. I often got 10 times worse as a result,
so not being allowed home again for many months! Hopefully
now the medication is perfect, now after all of 16 years back on
‘Gander scientific dosages’, apart from making me very tired
and lacking energy, so sleeping a lot, I stand a good chance of
avoiding any more psexistrick ‘time’ in ‘God helpusalls’!
The heroic failures of the efforts of my family in the past
to overcome the great ‘conspiracy of incompetence’ of
the sundry Doctors and even self-styled Professors of
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Psexistrickery who have meddled with my mental
testicles all the time my daughter has been alive!
My Mother had to suffer the terrible torture of ‘serving two
masters at the same time’ until she passed away August 24 th
2007. On the one hand she was in charge of a monstrously
massive ‘ward of 40,000 clients’ at the University of
Hertfordshire Medical Centre, where she pioneered the
disabled, helped students with psexistrick problems – and even
appointed their Cunningstunt Psexistricksters there! One was
Dr Whore (now with a dodgy Visiting Professorship) whom she
even got to take over my ‘care’ – only to witness him totally
destroy my life with the wrong diagnoses and drugs – all brash.
She went to her grave cursing his memory for what he had
done to her eldest son – and my marriage and daughter. My
father and she were constantly involved in a huge campaign to
find me just one decent doctor to replace Dr Gander who
retired in 1992. They wrote thousands of letters over the
years, even saw MPs, but in the end it was after she passed
away that finally, this year, I have seemed to have at last
tamed all this ‘psexistrickery’ myself – with the family only
helping me.
Money, benefits and charity. My net income is not taxed, at
£48 a day total, but only £20 a day is left after paying rent,
council tax, and basic bills. I have to buy all my food, toiletries,
drink, tobacco, sundries, cat food, clothes and luxuries out of
that! I’ve been in that lowly near poverty line state for sixteen
years and am totally browned off about it! I am a highly
capable man barred from any full time job by stigma and
prejudice, over nothing. I have spent several thousand pounds
as a result, in these last 16 years, trying to start a career selfemployed
– as a first time author!
Am I on the brink of ‘my time coming’ through this
massive yet budget personal book promotion? I must
have sent out 1000 letters and parcels and thousands of emails
over the years - to publishers, publications, magazines and
latterly agents – and used up both my allowed attempts at a
‘PhD for published works’ from my old University. A lot of these
mail shots were to the same people several times over. Result?
Endless long waits for replies – usually ‘not quite our sort of
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thing’ or the even worse ‘not quite right for our list’! The book
market is saturated! Have I unearthed on Google a ‘pearl of
great worth’ in www.book-promotion.com? I shall see the
results of that, definitely, in under two weeks! I can’t wait!
Tuesday 13 th October – Sunday 19 th October 2008.
I type this up on the evening of Sunday 9 th November – four
weeks later. The dreary summer weather, mostly rain, has let
in a wild, wet winter full of blowing leaves. The Church bells
tolled a dirge most of the day – it is Remembrance Sunday
today. I have had one very quiet week and a half, followed by
two weeks of great often worried activity, followed by another
very quiet week.
On Tuesday I had an email from Kumar – the website would be
ready by next Monday – a week earlier than expected! Both
Julie and I were pestered by several phone calls from the T3
Direct phone company that sold me a contract for a mobile and
a broadband mobile last night – but without her having a bank
card, they fortunately said they could not sell her a contract! I
popped round to see her that evening and they even
persistently called my mobile there! She popped round to my
place later, and we bemoaned their harassing persistence! I
was really regretting having been talked into a contract, giving
all my bank details, by now.
On Wednesday all of three replacement parcels of books arrived
– two copies of ‘Doctor Police!’ and three each of both versions
of ‘Scientific Proof’. Both replacement copies of the former and
one of each of the latter were faulty, yet again, in some way!
So I emailed www.lulu.com about these replacement but still
faulty books. Julie complained and swore like mad so much
about being charged all of £146 for her first car service in four
whole years, that the ‘nervous type’ mechanic had the next day
off sick – and some days later she got an agreed £20 in the
post from that garage, after his boss rang up all apologetic the
next day.
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On Thursday Jeni rang to say she was having her tonsils out
privately at the local ‘Rivers’ Hospital the next day, after they
have bothered her for years. I took Julie to the bank, having
heard nothing more from T3 Direct, concerned about bank
fraud; but nothing showed up on either account! I emailed
Kumar reminding him to add the review from ‘Dorrance
Publishing’ on the reviews page of my new website before
Monday, when he was due to finish it off.
Friday I had my regular depot injection that yet again produced
a nasty painful lump on my rear – that lasted a week! This
time I was to complain, so we see in a fortnight that a female
nurse, Jill, gave me a painless injection instead! Jeni and I
exchanged texts while she was in hospital that evening, then
she was allowed to talk to me briefly.
On Saturday I had a haircut, and popped round to see Julie for
half an hour in the evening – cut short because she was ‘baby
minding’ her grandson Hayden.
On Sunday I had an email from Kumar with suggested
keywords and phrases, and wording for the two hyperlinks at
the bottom of each page of my website, which I replied to
accepting the latter, and refining the former. Otherwise I had
an incredibly quiet weekend!
Monday 20 th October – Sunday 26 th October 2008.
I resume typing this, after leaving the above after typing it last
Sunday, three days ago this Wednesday 12 th November 2008.
In the meantime I have faced up to, then failed to start typing
up, about 12 times, the last two stressful weeks described next.
Not for the usual reasons in this book and its prequels – of
stress due to appalling misdiagnoses by so called self styled
‘Doctors’ leading to appalling mistreatment in their ‘God
Helpusalls’… No, the stress of the next two weeks was pure
‘messy stress’ – from multiple messes at once! As a result, I
have resolved this is the last time, at least for a long time that I
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not only live through bad stress, but actually write about it!
These books – this one unfinished at present – I originally
wrote for my daughter Jeni to read, to get the true (my)
version of my life story, not from her damned Mother. I can
see that shortly the two lingering smaller stresses by far of
these two weeks will too have been resolved. As we see next,
the website and the book promotion caused me most problems
this next two weeks, but those problems are now all resolved
and in the past. A great point to end this book – on a high!
What with the book launch, with me suddenly with no real
ongoing headaches…! So I hope both remaining niggles get
resolved in the next week, so I can finish this book problem
free unless any new problems emerge. Then I will present
copies of all of these books to my daughter, sister and brother
for Christmas next month!
I woke up on Monday 20 th October about midday, to find that
Kumar had indeed as promised finished the web site and now
put it on the Internet. However, I also immediately realised
that there were problems with it and emailed him about these:-
• The colour scheme, a dismal grey on black, was hopeless
– please could he make it black on pale blue instead?
• The wording of the summary, press release and review
was all wrong – they were the original versions! – so I yet
again emailed him the final agreed versions. He had not
acted on my request of last week to include the second
review from Dorrance Publishing, either…
• The two links on each page were the same colour as the
rest – I asked him to make the first one yellow on pale
blue and the bottom one “Author’s blog” green on pale
blue
• Much harder to fix – when I clicked on his links on the
‘how to order’ page for ‘amazon.com’, ‘amazon.co.uk’, and
‘barnes&noble.com’ Internet bookshops, the wrong cover
AND title appeared on the pages for my books! Dating
back over two whole years, clearly with no updates by
them since of my book having changed several times!
He failed to reply to these emails, and Manuela was unavailable
for several attempts when I called her. Finally I got an email
from Kumar about 9pm, alarmingly with a sign off letter
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attached saying ‘all the work was done now – so your invoice
will arrive soon’ AND he had started the Google Adwords
campaign that was part of the deal. I emailed him back after
my earlier email with all the above problems seemed to have
been ignored, saying there were in fact a lot of problems – and
please STOP the Adwords immediately till they were all fixed. I
went to bed quite stressed out – with no answer yet!
The next day Kumar had taken the website off line and agreed
to fix all the problems – wording immediately and colour
scheme in about ‘1-2 days’ (it took 7 in fact!) However he
insisted that the bookshops were my problem and Lulu’s as
author and publisher! I agreed, and emailed
www.barnesandnoble.com and www.amazon.com, and when
Manuela phoned I was able to tell her everything was OK! Two
boxes arrived by post earlier that day – the long awaited mobile
phone and ‘dongle’ (broadband mobile).
I did not unpack them till the next day, Wednesday. Julie went
off to train for a job with a young man with emphysema who
lived in Hoddesdon, despite her having fainting spells on
Tuesday. I telephoned International Directory Enquiries so I
could give www.amazon.com a phone number for ‘Shauna’ at
Lulu – so I could supply them with write-up’s about my book. I
sent Barnes and Noble a copy of the front cover of my book –
and soon they had the title, cover and description up to date.
When I emailed them next week they equally promptly got the
book off the ‘out of print’ list and back on full sale.
On Thursday I went through the list of replies from search
engines that poured in on the new email address I had added
to my repertoire, following the web-site going live Monday.
Two of them offered cheap search engines submissions, and I
paid a total of £28 or so for both of these – one it claimed to
65,000 search engines! The website had gone back ‘live’
yesterday and Kumar had fixed the wrong wording; added the
second review; and removed the ‘book shop’ links for me while
I talked to the book shops about their entries for my book.
This was in fact nail breaking work with www.amazon.com –
plus I just assumed they would pass on the work to their sister
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site www.amazon.co.uk but they did not so I repeated it all just
last Sunday 9 th November!
By Friday I gave up having got 99% success with the more
amenable email-based Barnes and Noble updates – but only the
title changed with www.amazon.com. For ‘Shauna S.’ who I
had tried and failed to email all week at Lulu – finally emailed
me and told me she was ‘redistributing’ my book – which might
take 8 weeks! I emailed Lulu back about this – and an ongoing
long term issue by now – faulty books! My old friend Rhonda
and a friend of hers, Denise, visited me for an hour that night.
The mobile phone that I opened on Wednesday failed to charge
a second time and there appeared to be a broken wire in the
charger on Friday. I just could not get past the barrier of the
endless chant ‘you are fifth in the queue’, or a second
tantalising time, ‘you are first in the queue’ on an expensive
national 0871 number, whenever I tried to dial the customer
care department at T3 Direct, my mobile dealer. So I called 3
Mobile instead, many times in the next week. They said take it
to Harlow, to Carphone Warehouse there, who may be able to
handle it under warranty.
It turned out the next day, when I got the bus then walked a
mile, that they were not a 3 Mobile dealer, and had no spare
charger! When I called 3 Mobile three times about that that
same Saturday evening, again wasting phone money on a
national call each time, they said call back Monday and they
would call T3 Direct themselves.
Sunday was quiet. Kumar emailed to show off a photo of the
site in black on blue, and give me the keywords for the web
site. I approved both. Julie was back home for the weekend,
and firmly but politely told me that she and her daughter had
no intention of featuring in private but published diaries of
mine. So I came home from hers and took these three
volumes at www.lulu.com from public to private circulation
only… Finally that hectic week, as suggested by Kumar’s ‘final’
letter I had applied to Google for Adsense advertising of three
independent adverts on my site – but received an email saying
that my site was not suitable!
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Monday 27 th October – Sunday 2 nd November 2008
The website appeared in black on pale blue that day – and
stayed that way. Just right for such a ‘spiritual’ book! I
phoned 3 Mobile as requested after my abortive trip to Harlow
on Saturday, and they called me back and said, ‘Yes! We too
were “number one in the queue” – for all of 25 minutes – when
we called T3 Direct!’ They gave me an email address, but the
long email I composed to T Direct, not surprisingly with them
having an impenetrable phone number for customer care, just
bounced! Eventually, completely exasperated by this
anonymous company in the extreme, unable to ring them as
they insisted to get returns numbers, I posted back at great
expense - £6+ - the mobile phone and what they called the
expensive ‘dongle’. Then I went to the bank and cancelled all
direct debits that I did not recognise, that might have been
applied during the recent awful stress of this fiasco. There
were all of four such direct debits… In the mess, I left my
spectacles at the bank, but luckily they were handed in and I
collected them on Wednesday.
When I called Manuela three times on Tuesday, she was
starting the press releases that evening or on the Wednesday.
There was heavy snow when I went out that night, very
unusual in this part of the world as early as October, which
lingered to the next morning. Julie had not worked in three
weeks, and after her direct debits went out Saturday (brought
forward from Monday by the bank we share) she would be
broke – and glad to work for a week next week. I had
persuaded her, fortunately, not to pay all her rent the previous
week, but to keep some money back.
On Wednesday when I called Manuela, the press releases were
indeed being sent out by her, but my purpose in the call was to
point out some typos on the reviews and interview pages of the
web site. “Fix those and the web site will be perfect as far as I
am concerned until we can put the bookshop links back later” I
said. I rang 3 Mobile yet again but they said they could not
cancel the contracts for the two pieces of mobile equipment –
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only the dealer could do that. I was put through to their ‘Heart’
department the next day – who had no heart, refused to
terminate the contracts; and said the early termination of the
mobile contract would cost me £606! I had a letter or two from
T3 Direct in response to my parcel returns of Monday! The one
dated 28 th November (Tuesday) said my mobile was at their
offices – did I want a replacement – i.e. the contract was still
live! The other letter dated 29 th , terminated ‘the contract’
which I guessed had to mean the contract for the broadband
mobile only! I was still no nearer getting out of paying 3 Mobile
£600 for nothing – ghastly! I have since heard that these
mobile contracts are very hard to get out of once applied!
Kumar emailed saying the typos on the website were fixed, and
included the artwork for a postcard that was part of the deal,
with the words, taken from the corrected review, corrected as I
had asked on Monday last week, along with everything else
that had been done wrong. He also included the keywords for
the Google Adwords campaign he was about to launch, which I
actually approved of, and said so. However his ‘advert’ was: -
Scientific Proof that…
New book by Simon Richard Lee.
Religion&Spirituality Book.Review
Which to cut a long story short, as it said little, by about three
goes later, I got him to change it completely to : -
Proof: Holy Spirit Exists
New book: Scientific Proof That
(God The Holy) Spirit Exists
However, in the two weeks since (the planned length of the
Adwords campaign), despite putting in dozens and dozens of
searches on www.google.com for any of Kumar’s keywords, the
search ‘God’ alone only once produced the advert as above – so
a furious row broke out on Friday between him and me, as to
why the adverts were not visible.
Finally in an email on Saturday he mentioned the magic
keywords ‘bid values’ and ‘budget’ and as I should have
expected the whole thing came down to money!
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I watched the Google Analytics stats over the weekend –
showing just 6 visitors on Friday and Saturday – but had to
wait to complain about the very disappointing level of
investment revealed by this by www.book-promotion.com – till
talking to Manuela on Monday.
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Monday 3 rd – Sunday 9 th November 2008.
I had had no adverse reaction when given my depot by a
different nurse to my usual one, who always caused a huge
painful lump in my derriere lasting a week or so! Jemima came
round and we had a heated chat about this, but agreed to keep
to the depot – as being much more stable – with this nurse Jill
giving the injection for the foreseeable future! I rang the
Cambridge HQ about the long shot of my long overdue appeal
about my Community Care Grant of months ago, but they
turned me down again on Thursday when they rang back. As
too low priority a claim – everything on my list, while essential
to me, was ‘luxuries’; as far as the Social Fund were concerned.
I emailed Manuela about the Adwords campaign, saying either
to reduce the number of keywords and/or to raise the budget.
She rang back and we had a long chat – and she said if her
own current efforts with marketing the press release and
review did not produce results very soon (she started in earnest
last week) they would definitely think about both for the
Adwords campaign. I had yet another seeming ‘delaying tactic’
email from www.lulu.com – somebody new yet again – asking
for information like order number I had given them weeks ago
for the four faulty replacement books I had received.
For the next eight days my diary goes very quiet indeed. I had
waited, patiently but anxiously, for some sign of lots of visitors
on my Google stats for two weeks, and now that was just a day
away, for 68 visitors came on the Tuesday, as first appearing
on my Google stats next day, Wednesday 5 th November –
bonfire night’s day.
Tuesday 4 th November, the day my site first got real visitors in
numbers, then, was a significant day too – it was the day that
the first ever black president of the USA, Barack Obama, got
elected and memorably said ‘change has come to America!’ I
had emailed www.amazon.co.uk the previous day about their
wrong title for my book, but correct cover, and now they
emailed saying they had changed to the correct one. So I
emailed Kumar and asked him to put the links back on my ‘how
to order’ page for the bookshops taken off earlier. I tried to get
www.amazon.co.uk to copy all the descriptive material at their
sister site www.amazon.com in the USA but typical dinosaur
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Amazon refused – so I filled in all the same forms over again –
and just today they have put all my descriptive material on the
page for my book, at the UK Amazon site. So all bookshops –
both Amazon in the USA and UK – and Barnes and Noble – all
show the book perfectly at last! I went to the local library and
asked for a list of all local newspapers and radio stations in the
area, on Tuesday. This was strongly suggested by www.bookpromotion.com
in fact. Eventually after they put me onto the
Central Resource Library for the County based in Hatfield, they
simply directed me to a website the local librarian should have
thought of – www.hertsdirect.org – the Herts County Council
website. I emailed a 2MB package of material to 20 local
newspapers and the 10 local radio stations that actually gave
email addresses. However only one – that wanted to charge
me for an advert – has rung back in the week since – and there
have been no email replies.
On Wednesday I turned on my PC and that was the first news I
had that the previous day there had been 68 visitors to my web
site! I went down to the Mind club and showed off the site to
Trevis, an unusually named lady fellow member, and when I
showed her the graph for visitors suddenly lifting off after two
flat weeks of virtually no visitors, her reaction was to laugh –
and an unladylike ‘wallop’! All I did the rest of that day back
home, was print off 20 postcards from the artwork by Kumar’s
team, and post them to friends.
On Thursday the number of unique visitors was up dramatically
again to 97! I rang Manuela about: -
• The fact they had started getting vastly more than the
average 36 visitors/day to achieve their target of 5000
visitors in the first 150 days. Well done!
• Could I pay £33 a month for six months into their Nat
West bank account as cash rather than by standing order?
• When she had sewn up her marketing, could I have a
report?
• Could they hand over the web site soon?
A very quiet day in my diary. I just posted off a final 7
postcards!
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Friday the visitor count for the previous day was down to 49 –
but still well above the target of 36 – so nothing to worry
about. I had a letter from 3 Mobile cancelling the ‘dongle’
contract – but when I called them about this, the main, much
more expensive contract for the mobile phone itself was still
current.
I wrote T3 Direct a polite but firm letter asking them yet again
to cancel the contract, and posted it on Saturday with a copy of
my original email to them that had not been received. I
telephoned Jemima and she said she was going to arrange for
my first CPA meeting since coming out of hospital. That night,
many months after emailing them my three articles that start
my book – I finally got a firm but polite rejection of them by
the Zygon Center in Chicago. The next morning, strangely
enough, I got a final rejection too from Christian Focus Books –
who returned my book! That same Saturday I got my only
reply to date from anybody I had sent one of my postcards to –
my Aunt Pat – who said as usual she would send me a (small)
cheque for Christmas… I got on the Lulu help chat line, who
said that they would get their Stef of Support to email me on
Monday, which she did, asking yet again for my original order
numbers for the four offending books. Still no sign of a refund
– she was still talking in terms of reprinting the books!
Sunday was Remembrance Sunday – notable here near the
Church, for the dreary dirge of mournful bells most of the day…
I recorded a peak of 153 visitors to the website the previous
day!
Monday 10 th November – Sunday 16 th November 2008.
Monday saw just 45 unique visitors to my site, by contrast –
and that email, which I replied to, from Stef of www.lulu.com.
I had a long chat on the phone when Caroline of the IET
Benevolent Fund returned my message to her colleague. As a
result I visited www.cccs.co.uk the site of the Consumer Credit
Counselling Service, rang them, waited a long time in a queue,
they took my details, and sent a ‘debt relief’ pack that arrived
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today. They will call on the phone midday tomorrow week for
an hour to discuss my debts and budget, for which I plan to fill
out their forms in the meantime to enable this. I called Julie,
who it turned out had come home from starting work last
Tuesday, a day early. She had seen her Mum who was
stressed out with so many kids in her house at once, and taken
her out to lunch. It had taken her ¾ hour not ½ hour to drive
home in torrential rain! She got no sleep last night…
Tuesday was incredibly quiet. I got a useless call from the
offices of T3 Direct, and chatted to Lulu Inc about getting a
faster response from my email yesterday to their Stef, than last
week.
Wednesday I took four copies of my book to the Mind club,
hoping the pleasant, amusing Trevis was there – so I could lend
her and another club member a copy possibly with a view to
sales! However Trevis was not there today. Just before 2pm I
popped down the road to Leaside Church Hall, but it turns out
the U3A that I hoped to attend has been very popular and had
had to move to the sports hall a mile outside the town centre!
So back to the Mind Club, where I showed off the web site to
several members and helpers. I popped down for ten minutes
chat with Jemima after that. The cat was out, and followed me
when I popped round to see Julie – who was out. Half an hour
later the phone rang – it was Julie saying ‘I have a friend of
yours here with me!’ meaning Woosskat my cat! So I went
round and collected the cat! Julie came round later for three
quarters of an hour – and got me to open windows here
‘because of the smoke. I have just washed my hair!’ Finally
today I got another call from T3 Direct following on from
yesterday – but this seems to have been a quite independent
‘follow up call’ from the original Indian salesman. He promised
he would talk to his office and get the contract for the mobile
cancelled – but he has made a false promise like that before.
The usual problem of anonymous calls – or being totally unable
to call – his company happened this time again. Also when in
the past during harassing calls from him and his colleague, I
have asked for their number, they balked the issue! So the
long term very irritating issue of the mobile phone contract I
am hampered with, apparently even now, drags on. Likewise
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www.lulu.com are still talking cheap reprints of faulty books
that replaced faulty books, when it is high time they gave me a
refund at last.
The main – and excellent news – is that my website is
attracting many visitors and may yet yield sales soon – even
though I was surprised to see only FIVE visitors recorded today
for yesterday! That vast drop MUST reverse itself! I had
finished typing the above, or thought I had, when I checked my
emails. To my astonishment there was an invitation to be his
friend on ‘face book’ from the very same ‘David’ from Mymms
Ward back in May who still owed me £90 for a set of my books!
So I politely replied saying ‘call me on (home no.) or (mobile
no.)’ and repay my £90 first please’! Cheeky bastard!
Thursday. Only SIX visitors reported – is this a trend? Had a
letter from T3 Direct saying very directly, my contract was
definitely still in place, and if I wanted my phone back, or a
replacement phone, to pay the first instalment on that contract!
I did not know what to do – really I still wanted to get out of
the damn contract! I phoned Manuela, and discussed several
issues: -
• The Google Adwords Campaign had only attracted just 58
visitors in two weeks – costing www.book-promotion.com
a princely £10 or so! Some huge campaign, I don’t think!
• There had only been 5 or so visitors a day the last two
days
• The visits were very poor quality with a 92% ‘bounce rate’
(totally disinterested visitors)!
She agreed to discuss all this by email with Kumar, in the first
instance. Finally in the evening of yet another quiet day, I
‘chatted across the pond’ with a ‘Megan M’ at www.lulu.com
help chat line. I had a long winge at her about their Stef of
Print Support, saying she was dragging her heels in response to
many emails and chats about my refund for four faulty books,
preferring – Lulu Inc. preferred – policy? – to issue more duff
reprinted books! The poor Megan M listened but could do
nothing to help.
Suddenly on Friday morning was good news – visitors, all of 96
of them yesterday! I saw Jemima and a trainee social worker
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about my ongoing saga with the mobile phone contract, but
nothing got resolved really. After that Terence gave me my
injection, and I got him, to his surprise, to give it in my flank;
just as Jill’s injection two weeks ago, again there was no painful
lump for a whole week afterwards, often a problem with his
injections before. Having questioned his injection technique to
Jemima twice now, I now found myself questioning his method
of drawing up the 130mg liquid! I will raise this at the CPA
meeting on Monday week… I tried to fax T3 a letter asking for
a new contract, £24 compensation for phone calls wasted on
them, and a new charger, but had to send it off to their sales
email address. Their fax phone number did not work any more
than their ‘customer care’ call centre number ever had… I also
emailed Stef at Lulu, virtually demanding payment of a refund.
It is now Tuesday next week, with no reply to that email or my
email of Monday… Finally a man from T3 Direct ‘Feedback’
department rang about 8pm, and I gave him a one-minute
tirade about their call centre being the worst and most
expensive I had ever experienced; finally he agreed to send me
a replacement mobile phone, but I have heard nothing more on
that; it is now the following Tuesday evening.
There were 75 visitors on Friday recorded on Saturday
morning. The postman gave with one hand and took with the
other! – a £20 combined birthday and Christmas present of a
cheque arrived from my aunt Pat, who had been the only one of
the people I sent ‘website’ postcards to, to telephone in
response or show any response at all. However, there was also
a demand for a £25 late payment fee from Black Horse ltd as I
had not yet paid my loan instalment of £60.53 this month. The
cheque from my Aunt would enable me to pay the £60.53, but
the £25 would have to wait a few weeks…
That weekend I definitely had too much time on my hands, in
the short, bleak winter days! I sent Manuela two emails,
copied to Kumar, on Saturday, and one on Sunday, getting
more and more fierce! The first on Saturday was mild – asking
for her report on marketing that she kept promising; and about
at last handing over the website.
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The second complained bitterly about poor quality visitors –
Sunday’s figures reported 93 for Saturday – all at around, yet
again, a 92% bounce rate! Finally my email to them both on
Sunday threatened not to pay any more money unless the
visitor quality shot up – and they repeated the Google Adwords
campaign to boot! I had a calmer time on Sunday evening,
sending a shorter email with the press release much more
prominent this time, to the same 20 newspapers and 8 local
radio stations as two weeks ago, asking for a reply this time.
None had replied apart from one the first time around!
Monday 17 th November – Sunday 23 rd November 2008.
86 visitors reported on Monday from Sunday. A further letter
from Black Horse about arrears arrived inviting me to call them
if I was in financial difficulties – so I did, and at least got a
‘payment holiday’ for December, even if their ‘reduced payment
plan’ was nowhere near as generous as those of Barclaycard
and Citi Cards. I said I would think about it. Two local papers
outside my immediate area emailed to say just that – they
could not cover the story as a result. Then that evening, I just
wondered what the ‘full report’ on Google Analytics stats
package for their global map of visits showed. When I clicked
on ‘full report’ I got a shock. As the map showed, most visitors
came from the USA then the UK – then India. But the only
reasonable looking figures on the whole chart – lesser visitors
like Ireland included – were for India. The results for the USA
were patently ridiculous and basically WRONG. 99.3% bounce
rate! 2 second average visit time! Only one page visited - of
the website’s seven pages! I immediately concluded – either
the server is not reaching the USA at all and the UK and other
countries in patches – or FOR FOUR WEEKS THE STATS HAVE
ALL BEEN WRONG! Even though it was 11pm, I phoned
Manuela excitedly to tell her this – but she was eating prior to
going to bed, and said talk about it tomorrow.
Tuesday the visitor count has dropped to 56 recorded
yesterday. Another paper emailed to say I was outside their
area – from neighbouring Buckinghamshire, so that was no
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surprise! I posted yet another letter to T3 Direct, politely
asking for a replacement phone – and a new contract to go with
it – as agreed with their ‘feedback’ man on Friday night.
I finally found out from the ‘Google Anal Itch-Itch’ help page,
as I had now christened the package for seemingly having
caused me so many problems and probably to have offended
Manuela and Kumar to boot, how to email them, so emailed a
full report about their crap ‘bounce rates’, visit times, etc for
the USA on my website. Three mobile then rang up requesting
I pay them the £35 owed on my contract by now, even though
I had only had the phone for one day’s brief use! I explained
the whole story of my woeful experiences, their ‘Sophie’ was
very sympathetic but yet again said I could only break the
contract with T3 Direct’s permission! I typed up the last six
days since last Wednesday tonight.
I have a fair number of unresolved issues at present, mostly
financial, and once I can see clear light beyond these, I intend
to finish this book, hopefully in time to get copies printed as
presents for my family for Christmas. I wrote the books in this
series for my family, above all my daughter, who is 18 next
February, so old enough to both read and appreciate my hard
work.
These issues are: -
1. Google Anal Itch Itch – hopefully to be fixed this week – I
am waiting for a reply to my email to them today.
2. Hopefully once that is done they will revise ALL my figures
for visits and that will prove the website is in fact popular
and receiving long visits – the converse is true at present
if you believe the Google Anal Itch Itch figures…
3. If that is indeed the case then I should expect sales
sometime soon. The web site has been running for two
weeks at about 1000 visitors so by Christmas I should
have reached a total of about 4000 visitors. It is ‘the best
time’ of the year for sales at the run up to Christmas in
the next six weeks!
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4. T3 Direct and mobile phone. I hope to get a replacement
phone AND new contract as a result of my letter of
yesterday.
5. I have nearly given up all hope of getting my $80 or so
refund from the miserly lulu, who never reply any more to
my emails!
6. Black Horse Loan – I hope to pay them £60+ and get back
up to date for this month, with my payment holiday, on
Thursday.
On the Wednesday I got an email from Stef of www.lulu.com
and duly replied with the original order numbers of the four
books I was requesting a refund for. It is now Monday 1 st
December and despite another email and two ‘chats’ since
there has been no reply. How rude! I also emailed Google, on
their help page for Itch Itch. I went to the Mind Club between
2pm-3pm, but first took a ‘robot’ speaking machine phone call
from ‘National debt Line’ and had a long chat through them
with a debt management company – however after my planned
chat next day with the ‘CCCS’ I dropped that idea fast! For
‘Debbie’ of the CCCS went through my weekly budget and said
if I halved my smoking I could easily afford to live!
Also on Thursday I got an email back from Google Anal Itch
Itch Support making out my site was probably ‘down’ in the
USA – that would explain the massive ‘bounce rate’! I phoned
Manuela twice, expressing my dismay, and said she and Kumar
needed to fix the web site or the statistics – or both! I duly
paid Black Horse £60.53 – and they immediately cancelled two
£25 charges that had come on my account – as a ‘goodwill
gesture’! – not such a fierce company after all! Friday was a
real crisis day!
There were further bland emails from Google on Thursday then
Friday, which I answered, with them concluding wrongly in the
end that they had solved all my problems! I answered in email,
and sent increasingly frantic emails on the same issue to
Manuela and Kumar, who were notable for an absence of any
emails to me at all for the last two weeks of increasing doubts
about the Anal Itch Itch package at all! When I finally
telephoned Manuela, she merely repeated last Thursday week’s
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litany, a lame ‘wait for Kumar to email with a solution’ – which I
had been waiting for eight days for now! He did eventually
email, with no information at all, just insults! – ‘you are
desperate!’ and ‘you think you are the new Bill Gates’! he
sneered! I reflected that the basic problem with the Itch Itch
lying figures was non-reporting of non-home page ‘hits’. Were
those non-entry pages visits visible abroad – they were here? I
thought desperately of some USA company I could call who
would be able to easily check on a computer, nearly going crazy
(even more than usual) by now! Finally I remembered that I
had been able to phone the search engine Look Smart in the
old days. So I looked on the Internet, got their New York
Support Number, and soon ‘Charles’ there had verified that my
web site was fully operational in the USA – so the Google Anal
Itch Itch package WAS the villain of the piece!
Worn out by weeks of worry until this moment, I took drastic
action. I found out how to save my own website to disk from
the Internet Explorer browser – then took the drastic step of
pointing the name servers away from Kumar’s DNS server over
to www.author.me.uk – where I knew www.silee.me.uk was
already an alias. That would take some time to transfer across
– so I quickly copied the website HTML code files to the new
webspace – replacing www.author.me.uk with a new website,
aliased by www.silee.me.uk. So I gained complete control of
the website – having failed to have it transferred over to me
about five times previously – by polite requests to Manuela and
Kumar!
The weekend was very quiet, as the whole week since. I got
familiar for the first time with the statistics package I already
had on www.author.me.uk, which for the last week has
reported 31 visitors, and an average of 55 a day for the week
since. Just to check, I also installed a fresh set of Google Anal
Itch Itch Code – but soon dismissed it as it only reported 6-10
visitors a day compared to 50-60 by my other package! I had
no sales yet, so had a ‘lulu chat’ about that. It turned out that
the more expensive sales direct from Lulu, if any came, would
immediately appear on my sales page – but the more likely
sales from www.amazon.com, www.amazon.co.uk and
www.barnesandnoble.com via my own website would take 6-8
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weeks from now to be reported! I had a long wait till January
from now until any sales were reported by Lulu!
Monday 24 th November – Sunday 30 th November 2008.
By today I had got receive-only email set up on all of my three
aliases for www.author.me.uk – www.silee.me.uk ,
www.simonlee.me.uk and www.heartofherts.co.uk . I had two
meetings with Doctors – a CPA meeting at 1.30pm at Cygnet
House, with Dr Pathmanandam, Jemima, my Dad and Sister
coming a long way, present. It went very well, and the Doctor
said I was doing very well but there was further to go. At
4.40pm I saw my GP Dr Gibson about the wretched verucca on
my foot – who prescribed some ointment but said ‘see the
chiropodist at all costs first!’ I had some spare cash so booked
an appointment with the High Street chiropodist for 3.30pm
Thursday.
Tuesday was extremely quiet – my diary only records that I
emailed a seven point complaint to www.book-promotion.com
- and copied it to Paypal.
I was rudely awoken on Wednesday morning at 12pm or so by
not one but two phone calls about my ‘missing’ mobile phone.
I promptly shouted at the T3 Direct man who rang ‘cancel that
contract!’ and put the phone down, so when a minute later an
equally Asian woman rang from 3 Mobile, demanding £75
overdue, it is not surprising I accused them both of victimising
me – and put the phone down on her too! Indeed, when I then
opened the post there was a £75 bill from Three! I then
consoled myself between 2pm and 3pm with a quiet time at the
Mind Club – but for the third week running my only real friend
there, a woman called Trevis, had left early – so I missed her!
I saw Julie at 7pm and ordered her some boots from a
catalogue, for a combined 50 th birthday and Christmas present,
and some clothes for her daughter’s 20 th on Monday, and for
Christmas for her and her son.
Thursday was again quiet. I was about to set off for my
appointment with the chiropodist at 3.15pm when 3 Mobile
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Collections phoned. I reiterated the tedious tale yet again, and
he seemed to understand, until I had to cut him off at 3.30 to
go off to the chiropodist. The chiropodist cut off loads of dead
skin, and attributed it to the lithium tablets I take, whereas
both Doctors on Monday had rudely called this ‘self neglect’ –
who are they to blame their own medication? He said the only
answer to such a very deep verucca was surgery – at the same
Bishop’s Stortford Hospital I had been seen at years before –
and to ask my GP Dr Gibson for a referral. I filled out a two
sided note at the GP’s surgery to that effect shortly afterwards.
Back home, I emailed the errant Stef at www.lulu.com about
the delay in any refund, for the umpteenth time in months.
Like the saga of the mobile phone, and Google Anal Itch Itch
figures, this was getting very tiresome! I saw Julie that night
after supper. She was contemplating applying for a new part
time job, and leaving her present job, from which she had only
received one week’s money since 23 rd September – two
months! Could she claim Income Support – or jobseeker’s
allowance – she wondered? Could she borrow my phone in the
morning to call Housing Benefit as well?
On Friday morning she duly came round and called Housing
Benefit, who said she did not qualify! I thought after yesterday
with the call from 3 Mobile, to call T3 Direct later that afternoon
– and got straight through all of twice! They arranged to have
a ’John’ call to cancel my existing contract and take out a new
smaller one – for £25 a month for 500 free minutes on the
small model but a new phone. As of Monday 1 st December,
next week, he has still not called – and 3 Mobile have called
again on both the Sunday and the Monday! A parcel arrived
with Julie’s boots, Rachel’s hooded sweatshirt and Hayden’s
‘Thomas the tank engine’ jog suit. However the boots were not
as described over the phone – and Julie asked me to exchange
them for a ‘wedge’ pair.
The weekend was incredibly quiet again. The coat I had
ordered yesterday for Rachel at Julie’s request, was delivered.
Also on Saturday Julie said ‘have you seen this?’ when I called
in. There in the Thursday edition of the local Herald newspaper
was an article ‘God without the delusions’ about my book and I
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– and my picture. Again on Sunday, I called in to check that
Rachel liked her presents – but typical of her – she did not.
Monday 1 st December – Sunday 7 th December 2008.
I queued in the Post Office for all of half an hour today,
Monday, as a result, to post the boots and Rachel’s coat and
‘hoodie’ back to Littlewoods. Then as Julie’s 50 th birthday is on
the 13 th of this month – I bought her a ‘50’ card – to find it cost
over £3! Her boots arrived so she came round and collected
them tonight – as she actually liked them a lot! I had a dismal
realisation on top of the ongoing crisis of silence with
www.book-promotion.com – most of my apparent 45 a day on
average ‘visitors’ – 35 or so of them! – were not human but
software or ‘robots’ – leaving just 10 visits a day from ‘real’
visitors! To clarify the figures, I had turned off the worst
offender yesterday – Internet Seer – and the only other one I
could turn off I did so today as soon as I got its weekly report –
complete with ‘disable here’ link. I now expect to see 10-15
visits a day tomorrow onwards – far below the 34 average
required before www.book-promotion.com are forced by their
guarantee to offer a full refund even without the present
dispute. I had yet another phone call from 3 Mobile – their
debt collection agency this time – demanding money I would
not pay! I am getting fed up with explaining T3 Direct’s
problems over and over again every day! I now have all of
three ongoing financial irritations going on for months now, that
I wrote about two weeks ago but are still there: -
1. www.book-promotion.com and I are now involved in a
‘silent stand off’ and as there was mysteriously no reply to
my email to Paypal last week, I emailed them again,
hoping for some kind of swift resolution. I am in a strong
position but wish it was different. I have the web site
without them knowing how I got hold of it, and so have
not got to pay them any more money. They have my
original £198 payment and in principle, unless my visitor
figures improve drastically, owe me a refund of that too.
Currently, silence by them and Paypal = Stalemate!
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2. T3 Direct / 3 Mobile – extremely painful exercise for me
about my lack of wisdom in taking out any unsolicited
contract – which having failed on their part to fulfil,
nevertheless they are pressing me for money from this
with totally inflexible rigidity!
3. www.lulu.com and their Stef are conspicuous by contrast
to the constant phone calls demanding money from 3
Mobile, but like www.book-promotion.com, by a crude,
rude silence in response to all my increasingly frustrated
emails!
4. I made several emails to Paypal over the next few days
but they always repeated that their policy of a maximum
of 45 days to query any payment was final.
5. I had a phone call from 3 Mobile’s debt collection agency
on the Tuesday and a letter from them demanding £35 on
the Wednesday, so finally paid up then – by phone. I had
a large filling replaced in a back tooth at the dentist
Tuesday at 2.45pm. I emailed Manuela yet again
complaining about poor visitor figures of 5-10 per day – as
ever recently with no response. That evening I added to
my list of worries above: -
6. I had applied for a ground floor flat in a road called
Sanville Gardens in nearby Stanstead Abbotts on the last
Friday, and now realised there were four first floor flats on
offer there there as well, so applied for those as well.
Julie actually took me to see them on the Wednesday, and
they were indeed much bigger flats/maisonettes than our
present places. I then had a week of worry until the
results were posted for each – I ‘came 11 th -20 th ’ for each!
7. I toyed with the idea of taking out a much lower rate loan
from a company on the Internet claiming to offer ‘typical
rates of 12.9%’ – which in principle if I got one, would
allow me to pay off my Black Horse loan. However, after I
received several phone calls over the next couple of
weeks, on this subject from loan providers, several of
them just said no, and several even, much worse,
recommended the door collection loan sharks Provident –
who charge a massive 184%!
8. I still awaited my ITIN number that I had applied for from
the United States Internal Revenue Service weeks before,
to give to www.lulu.com to minimise deductions from 30%
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to 0% from any book sales to US residents. In fact they
sent a rejection letter a week or so after this, and I reapplied
with full advice from Lulu Press Inc. first.
9. Apart from the single article I had been given by Julie last
week, it was a big disappointment that there was no other
interest in my book launch from a total of 28 press and
radio station outlets!
10. I had applied for my driving licence back – back in
June – and was to be told that some forms were sent to
my Consultant at Cygnet House early in December, but
had not been received back by the DVLA by Christmas…
On Wednesday morning I got a nice little surprise – a credit of
£21.67 from the IET in my bank account. A phone call revealed
this was a ‘top up’ of £5 a week for November, and they would
be paying it every month from now on – bringing my total
pensions/grants from the IET to £175.00 a month from
November! I emailed Lulu Press Inc and finally accused them
of ignoring my requests for a refund – for several months! I
also had a letter from my Doctor – a copy of a letter referring
me to the head podiatrist at Harlow Hospital. As we will see,
they took swift action in response within weeks…
Thursday continued quiet but there was finally an immediate
response from Lulu. They acted as promised, had refunded
£16 to my bank account in days, and on Christmas Eve I finally
got a further £28+ from my Paypal account into my bank
account. The total refund of £44+ was about right, so ending
after months of wrangling and fishing out order numbers, issue
3 above! That evening, fed up with Book Promotion ltd and the
ongoing poor performance of my web site, I inspected ‘PhD for
published works’ on Google on my PC, and found that Bolton,
Sunderland, Hertfordshire and Northamptonshire Universities
all offered such a degree – but the fees were prohibitive!
The weekend was extremely quiet. I telephoned T3 Direct
having posted my letter with reference from 3 Mobile Debt
Collection Agency on Wednesday to them – but was told to ring
back on Monday.
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On Sunday after much reflection over the preceding months
and indeed year, I reintroduced the original first three papers
from 1979, 1980 and 1982 back into a new, finalised (so I
thought!) 4 th Edition of the ‘Scientific Proof’ book. Julie was
putting up her Christmas tree when I went around but I had no
money for one myself or any other decorations – and only got
just seven Christmas cards this year – one from Julie!
Monday 8 th – Sunday 14 th December 2008.
As for all my other efforts to transfer to a bigger flat, I realise
from the Council’s web site that I have failed again – I am ‘11 th
to 20 th ’ for all the eight maisonettes in Stanstead Abbotts. I
continue to receive occasional approaches about a loan – for
£2,500 or £3,000. I decide to add a piece from the letter I
wrote to the journalist from the Hertfordshire Herald recently at
the end of the first part of my book – as I feel it is very good
and helps polish off that part of the book. Julie resigned her
job today – she has only had one week’s pay out of the last six
weeks – as jobseeker’s allowance is more lucrative than such
zero level of pay, and she is actively looking for a more local
new job. Finally in a quiet day, I rang T3 Direct yet again and
asked for my original mobile with a new charger. I rang them
again to get a final answer on Tuesday, was supposed to get a
return call, but never did. I left a message for Simon Manley-
Cooper the QEII Chaplain saying could he get a copy of my
book to the Archbishop of Canterbury where I failed last year –
as a C of E Vicar!! He rang back and said try the more
Evangelical Churches instead – so I emailed the Alpha Course,
The Methodist Church website and the Baptist Church website.
I was fed up with leaving emails and phone messages all
unanswered for weeks by Mrs Fawlty – Manuela of Book
Promotion ltd. So I also phoned their Peter Leakey on their
general phone number – who promised she would ring back
‘shortly’ – but as ever she never did. Much more positive that
Tuesday, I received what seems to have been a vital email –
from a Liverpool based solicitor, Damian Allison of Allison and
Reilly. He offered a no win no fee application to recover for me
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hundreds of pounds in charges from any credit card companies
I was with or had been with – which I leapt at!
However Wednesday morning started in horrific fashion, with a
phone call at as early as quarter to SIX, with me fast asleep. It
was nutcase Paul, crazily demanding that I ‘chat’ to him on the
computer IMMEDIATELY – at that time of day? I tried to sleep,
but there were two one word abusive texts sent by him saying
‘prick’ and ‘cretin’ – that kept ‘peeping’ on my mobile phone till
I once again got out of bed and accepted them. What a
nightmare! That morning I rang the police, who it turned out
already had this Paul under arrest for another matter, but a
young policewoman came and took a detailed statement. I
spotted I had £16.61 refund from Lulu in my bank account that
morning – the rest £28+ came Christmas Eve. End of that long
drawn out matter! There were two conflicting phone calls from
T3 Direct that afternoon – a ‘Roger’ claimed they were sending
a new replacement mobile next week. Then a ‘John’ said no,
that was wrong, it would be my old mobile with a new charger!
The police kept ringing late that night to say could I be a
witness at court the next day should they persuade the Crown
Prosecution Service to prosecute this Paul as well as for his
other matter, for harassing me? The young policeman talking
to me finally called after midnight to say they had failed to
persuade the CPS and Paul had been formally warned about
harassment instead.
On Thursday I had an email from the Alpha Course saying they
did not review books – there was a similar email on the Friday
from the Baptist Church as well, saying the same – but never
any reply from the Methodist Church! I had a letter from T3
Direct saying the bill I had sent them last week, was not
adequate – they needed a more clearly marked bill! Julie had
an interview at Hertford Job Centre and signed on as
unemployed after leaving her job on Monday. Now she was
down to just housing and council tax benefit, but had to pay
some rent and tax still out of just £60 a week unemployment
benefit. She was obviously actively looking for a new job…
I had my depot on Friday – to be asked to have the next one
on Monday week, as it was due on Boxing Day, when Cygnet
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House would be closed! In the end I arranged to delay it
instead to the Monday 29 th December – three days late rather
than days early, which would have been disastrous! Mrs
Fawlty had again failed to respond to my calling Peter Leakey
on Tuesday – so I called him again and rather blew up him and
his company’s lousy customer support!
Results were dramatic – at that stage I still owed them £198
out of a total of £396 fee for their website and marketing – but
she emailed me that evening cancelling that second £198 – and
offering ‘as many visitors as possible’ starting in two weeks
time! I managed to pay the 3 Mobile bill, and posted a copy to
them – aware that the bank had not stamped it very clearly.
That weekend was very quiet. I had an email from the 33
year-old American female author of another ‘Book Promotion
ltd’ book. It turned out later that she had ordered a copy of my
poetry book that week from www.lulu.com!
On Sunday, having already made two significant additions to
my main book ‘Scientific Proof’ earlier, I finalised it now with a
final piece again ending the first Part of the book – about how it
will hopefully all be verified by the work on the Large Hadron
Accelerator at CERN, Geneva, Switzerland, this very New Year
of 2009.
Monday 15 th December – Sunday 21 st December (solstice)
2008.
At the same time as talking to Mrs Fawlty and her Peter on
Friday, I had noticed a sudden surge in visitors from the 5-10 a
day ‘real’ visitors of the previous five weeks since we fell out –
which must have been a coincidence. Anyway, for the next
week after that there were all of 1150 real visitors, 1000 the
week after that, then the week after Christmas only 500. All of
these figures were vastly increased over previous weeks and I
put it down to a ‘six week factor’ after the site started in early
November. As I write on Saturday 10 th January 2009, visitor
figures have been very low this week – under 10 visits some
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days – but there were over 200 visitors yesterday. I have
nobody, now in the absence of Mrs Fawlty and crew, to ask why
this should be – and she probably would not be able to answer
now, even if I was still talking to her. I had received a £50
MSN Adcenter voucher and a £25 Google Adwords voucher
from a special offer on the site of my ISP
www.streamlinenet.co.uk – and now used these up over the
next couple of weeks – throwing in a further £30 donated by
Microsoft after I called their help line after problems with the
Adcenter. However while helping the figures in terms of visits,
neither advertising venture caused any sales. I left a telephone
message for Mrs Fawlty but again as usual there was no reply.
I made a final change to fix a typo with my book ‘Scientific
Proof’ that night, and regretted having ordered a copy at the
weekend, before that very final change as I still hope it was.
On Tuesday to my astonishment a REFURBISHED mobile
arrived from T3 which I had not ordered by any stretch of the
imagination – yet when I called them they had indeed got me
on a contract for the damned thing – as well as the other
phone! It took two more phone calls and extreme pressure
before they reluctantly gave me a ‘returns’ number – then I
wasted over an hour in the Christmas queue at the Post Office
– and to me a huge £6.40 – posting the damned unwanted
unasked for phone back to them.
On Wednesday I had been paid £62.50 DLA, and was due to be
paid a small pension on Friday. So I ordered one proof copy of
the final version of ‘Scientific Proof’ – but immediately approved
it at the Lulu website to ensure any unlikely order secured the
right, totally finalised version. I also got a £28 Paypal refund
from Lulu as I said before, so started the transfer to my bank
account – which completed Christmas Eve, a week later. I
popped into the MIND club as usual. I phoned T3 Direct that
afternoon and told them they had no idea what they were doing
– especially to my sanity! – by sending me that oddball handset
yesterday!
On Thursday as I said before I finally got a letter from the USA
IRS rejecting my application for an ITIN number – but an email
to Lulu soon got the information I needed to immediately
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eapply, especially that the ITIN number is not absolutely vital
– it just prevents certain deductions from Lulu profits. On
Thursday I finalised arrangements at last to get back my mobile
phone from T3 Direct, starting with a further angry phone call
to them as they rejected the second bill I sent. My phone call
to 3 Mobile, however, was more useful, as they told me a new
bill was due to be sent out on Sunday 21 st that would reach me
in ‘about five days’ that vitally would show that I had indeed
paid 3 Mobile – and when I said.
There were several further angry calls to T3 Direct on the
Friday. Why did I have to go to all this trouble to send them 3
Mobile bills? – they were a 3 Mobile agent why could they not
confirm direct with 3 Mobile? The weak answer was they were
the ‘Level 5 Customer Services staff and only level 2 staff could
call 3 Mobile’! The whole affair had throughout been rigid,
mechanical and unyielding like this!
On Saturday I had already sent off cheques for £10 for my
solicitor to apply to Barclaycard and Citi Cards, along with a
vital letter of authority in each case. Now I phoned my other
old credit card supplier that I cancelled late last year, Capital
One, who said they would send a letter with my vital account
number, as I had destroyed all the paperwork. I did limited
Christmas shopping, as the affair of the mobile phone had quite
drained my resources! Julie had given me all she could afford
for Christmas, £10, so I used it to buy a bottle of malt whisky.
One for my father too, and two very big tins of sweets for
Jordan and Siobhain. Lots of bottles of wine finished off my
Christmas shop, but I had decided that as I had three spare
sets of my own books, they would make decent presents for
Jem and Jane; Libby; and Jeni. Finally I spent £18 on ‘3 for 2’
perfume / toiletry sets for Jeni, Karina and Siobhain in Boots.
That night I double checked the somewhat mysterious ‘sales
and revenue’ section on www.lulu.com – and realised I had sold
a hardback copy of my poems (to the American female author
also with ‘Book Promotion ltd’ who had emailed me once, it
turned out) as well as a download copy of ‘Scientific Proof’.
Sunday was very quiet, as the whole of my time since then to
now, early January, has been. I gave Julie a tin of sweets I had
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ought yesterday and a bottle of wine as extra presents as I
had already given her a pair of suede ankle boots that she
chose from the Littlewoods catalogue to make sure they fit –
before her birthday on 13 th December.
Monday 22 nd December – Sunday 28 th December 2008.
As I just said, these next three weeks into the New Year of
2009 have been very quiet indeed. On the Monday my
daughter Jeni confirmed that she would be driving me down to
Sussex in her mini, having earlier in the autumn passed her
driving test, and probably drive home the following morning of
Christmas Eve. This then would be a REAL Christmas, unlike
last year’s fiasco when I simply could not get down to Sussex
because idiot Dr Roberts did not give me leave on the same
Monday last year, Christmas Eve last year as it was, as there
was simply not enough time to get home to my flat and pack –
and vitally, catch the train. Monday saw little happen then,
except that Julie had reported there was a house advertised in
the council newsletter – so I applied for this. She has been
forced to give up looking for places as she now has rent arrears
and has to be clear of these for six months before applying for
a new home.
So Jeni and I left at 11am on the Tuesday, traffic was busy but
fast, and we got there by 1pm in time for lunch – remarkably
quick. We drove over with two cars to Jem and Jane’s between
2 and 8pm and Jeni gave and received her presents. All us
adults commented on how the presents now flowed out over
half the lounge, and that we had never seen so many under
one Christmas Tree! She debated driving home the same
night, but Libby my sister arrived late having found the
motorway closed on the West side of London, and Jeni felt tired
so eventually drove home on Christmas Eve morning. Her
mother is a slave driver to her own daughter – Jeni was
manning the phone at the office for all of twelve hours on
Christmas Day itself! However all of us including Jeni really
enjoyed the delicious game hot pot we were served for supper!
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Wednesday in the day my father and Libby wrapped presents.
I had wrapped up some SPARE ones my Father still had that I
had bought the previous year, the previous day and taken them
to Jem’s. For Jane and her two girls some really nice suede
handbags, as well as a scarf, hat and glove set each, in leopard
skin. Now Libby piped up – ‘you gave me that same handbag
set last year too. They are TOTALLY unsuitable for Jane and
her girls. You will simply HAVE to get them out from under the
Christmas tree when we go back over there for their party
tonight!’ Then she grimly added insult to injury – ‘do you want
me to shop for you for Christmas in future?’ There was
obviously quite a row over this! They cooked a microwave
curry for supper, then between 8-11pm we went back over to
Jem’s for a Christmas Eve party with his friends and
neighbours. I got a phone call from Julie on my mobile – my
front door lock was broken and my neighbours were guarding
my flat – she had discovered this that evening while looking
after Woosskat!
So came Christmas Day, we got there at 2pm and immediately
set off for a long brisk walk under the enthusiastic urgings to
‘go further’ of Nigel, Jane’s ever talkative Uncle who was
staying with them. There were LOADS of presents that late
afternoon before turkey dinner, and despite my sister’s scolding
all my presents went down well – even the handbags. I had
bought my 14 year old nephew Jordan, two real toolkits like my
own at home, and he was also delighted with these. Supper
was again delicious – except they had quite forgotten to cook
the langoustines in the first course – and of course muggins
here ate his raw prawn before they said!
Boxing Day dawned bright and cold whereas earlier this
Christmas it had been overcast and mild. So we went on a
small pilgrimage to the South Downs, to the tree where Mum’s
ashes are scattered, and said our respects, before taking a long
hill walk in the brisk wind. We had a cold meal with Libby
providing salads and gammon – Jane was having a day off from
cooking.
I had decided to catch the train home the next day, but my
father detoured via Brighton Asda on the way – and we
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swapped the two pairs of jeans with fly buttons he had given
me for – at the same value – three pairs with zips, which I
much prefer. I caught the 2.02pm train, changed this trip at
London Bridge, walked a long way and got the tube to Bank
station, and changed to the Central Line for a second one-stop
trip to Liverpool Street station. After a coffee and a cigarette
there I got to Ware at about 4.30pm. My neighbour appeared
and fixed my lock for me, using a part from a broken lock on
the communal back door! My father had given me £60 as a
final present, and £25 had been spent on the train fare and two
coffees on the journey. Now I spent £18.80 on a Chinese
takeaway for Julie and I, our only Christmas meal together
otherwise.
On Sunday I bought several bottles of wine ready for the New
Year during my regular weekend shop at Tesco’s in the town.
Otherwise it was a very quiet day!
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PART VIII
Into the New Year of
2009 with Julie out of
work and actively
looking for work – and
me still plugging away
with all my books STILL!
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311

Monday 29 th December 2008 – Sunday 4 th January 2009.
I write on Sunday 11 th January 2009. It took me five hours last
night, with long gaps of no writing, to face typing up the last
three weeks above; because the pain of writing up the T3
Direct Mobile Phone Company incident to date was so great.
However, these last two weeks after Christmas and into the
New Year have by comparison been incredibly quiet and pain
free, with the above problem and others, at least being partly
resolved. It has in fact been a cold bleak Christmas-New Year
Interregnum, followed by a typical cold bleak anticlimax after
all that hoo-hah, with a sterile start to the New Year! So
having said all that, it will come as no surprise that my diary for
29 th December-4 th January is often empty, and the first working
week of my new 2009 diary is fairly empty – mostly catching up
now that people like Allison & Reilly who were dealing with my
credit cards, and T3 Direct, have actually been at work this
week. However this last two weeks has generally gone far
better than the preceding two weeks, so I can hope to type
them up in one continuous hour or so, rather than the five
hours in fits and starts it took for the preceding three weeks,
what with the problems with the mobile phone(s).
Monday brought all of three invaluable items of post, in the first
such post since Christmas Eve. Firstly I had a podiatrist’s
appointment for the 8 th January to go to, luckily locally, 10
minutes down the road. Secondly the expected letter from
Capital One bank arrived with the vital missing credit card
account number, which I duly entered on Allison and Reilly’s
web site. Within two hours there was an email from Damian
Allison acknowledging this saying expect a letter of authority to
sign with again request for £10 cheque, in the post soon. I
tried to reply to this email with emails of my own with some
questions about the whole process, but got no reply for another
week – clearly he too was on holiday. Finally in the post was
the long expected bill from 3 Mobile dated 21 st December,
which I immediately faxed with a cover note to T3 Direct. It
would have cost me 60p at the Internet café to fax it, but they
too were closed for the long holiday, so it cost all of £4 at the
graphics shop for just the three sheets! (Even better than the
Internet café was the option of faxing it FREE from my own PC,
but I had found that my PC consistently reported the T3 Direct
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fax number – but not any others – for some reason
permanently in use!)
I left yet another to be unanswered phone message for Mrs
Fawlty! What a rude company they had proven! I had phoned
Reverend Simon Manley-Cooper twice last week, and left
another message today – again with no reply even now! How
rude the Church has consistently been to me to over the years!
I left him one final message on his answer-phone on the
Tuesday, and starting thinking once more as earlier this year of
publishing alternatives to a Church stubbornly resistant to my
new ideas!
On Tuesday I went round to Julie’s in the evening to watch TV
over a cup of coffee.
On Wednesday I popped into the MIND Club between 2-
2.40pm, shopped, and spent 9-10.30pm having a quiet New
Year’s Eve IN at Julie’s again – she was baby-sitting Hayden, so
we had a quiet glass of wine.
I woke up late on New Year’s Day, had no money to spend even
if the shops had been open, and it was bitterly cold all week, so
I had a day in doing nothing!
On the Friday I saw Jemima briefly at 4pm, at the end of an
exceptionally quiet week. ‘Crazy Paul’ tried to ring at the
ungodly hour of 12.15am to apologise to me – I just shouted
down the phone after he rudely awoke me in this way, ‘F*** off
Paul! Just f*** off!’
The incredibly quiet weekend finally brought the Seasonal
Holiday two weeks to an end. I helped Julie clear her landing of
two old chairs and some other junk and take them in her car to
the local tip. We had a drink together at my flat that evening
and both had hangovers the next day. She was entertaining
her daughter and Hayden. Nothing to report that day
otherwise in my diary.
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Monday 5 th January – Sunday 11 th January 2009.
Suddenly this week a lot more happened – by degrees! On
Monday I had an email from Damian Allison of Allison and Reilly
at last, apologising for the delay but answering my emails of
the previous Monday. Most clients got £200-£400 credit card
charges refunded, he said, under Office of Fair Trading Rules –
but some got as much as £1000! I thought to myself I could
expect some £200-£1000 in the several months time he quoted
as typical for the process to take. In addition he had sent a
letter with the now familiar letter of authority for Capital One
this time, to sign and date and return with £10 cheque made
out to them as possible fee for examining their files. I had my
depot that afternoon, and saw the trainee social worker James
who tried to interest me in some rudimentary ‘back to
(voluntary?) work’ five day course lasting five weeks held miles
away by bus. I have decided, since reading about it, that it is
too simple and will achieve nothing for me.
That evening I decided that Book Promotion ltd and I could now
part company and said good bye in an email saying: -
• Thank you for a very good web site
• Thank you for halving my fee from £396 to £198 in
December
• You have got me 5,000 visits to the site and two orders in
two months not the five months you yourselves expected
• As your own email of today says, ‘what more can you do
for me?’ My own answer is nothing, you have always done
your best despite problems so ‘Many thanks and good
bye’.
As ever there was no reply. So my days of worry with that
company Book Promotion ltd are over. I have had possession
of the website since end of November; simplified and also
extended the wording a bit – and now regard it as perfectly
presentable – and finished. As a result, over a period of four
stabs at this in December, I have merged back in the material
and bibliography taken out into a separate ‘New Gold Dawn’
version of my book ‘Scientific Proof’ after my Mother died in
August 2007. So now the situation is a lot cleaner and simpler.
There is just one version of the book on sale, with decisive
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conclusive paragraphs added at the end of the newly expanded
first part, with the old three papers now added in at the start in
the same ‘Verdana’ font as the rest of the book. Finally that
Monday I dug deep in my pocket, paid the 3 Mobile bill that was
due that week, and immediately went to the Internet café and
faxed it to T3 Direct. I had got the bank to make sure their
‘paid’ stamp was crystal clear this time around!
On Tuesday morning, the effect of that fax, and the one the
week before with the same bill unpaid, and above all the fact
that T3 Direct Returns Department were at last back at work
after taking the whole of Christmas off, at first seemed to have
done the trick. I signed for a parcel at the door which was
clearly from T3 Direct, and indeed turned out to contain a
brand new black Nokia Slide 6500 of the same model as before.
The big downer was there was no SIM card with it! – only a
letter saying ‘call 3 Mobile to obtain a SIM card’ which I
promptly did to find it cost £5 for a SIM card with the same
phone number, which would take ‘1-3 days’ by post! I had to
have one and so ordered one; being told the £5 would appear
on my next bill. So when Sarah from T3 Direct phoned, she
was surprised indeed that I had not been sent my own original
SIM Card by her Returns Department, when they sent the
phone. When I explained in tortured fashion that my dealings
with her company had cost me a princely £300 or so, not to
mention the mental distress probably matching that, she
suggested writing a letter of complaint. At first I told her it
would be too painful to write, but eventually the next day
Wednesday drafted 1½ pages of complaint, and faxed AND
posted it to them for good measure. Normally it takes them
about a week to reply, but I am not messing around – and am
going to see the local Citizens’ Advice Bureau tomorrow Monday
clutching all the paperwork!
Then that afternoon I had my first brainwave of 2009! I had
the book finished, and had finished with Book Promotion ltd last
night with just two sales under my belt in two months.
Although it remains just faintly possible that there are further
sales in a ‘6-8 week pipeline’ that Lulu had warned me of i.e. of
sales by the main Internet bookshops, that they are still due to
report only in due course, it is clear to me that this latest
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elaborate venture in Internet marketing, while yielding an
excellent website that was valuable in its own right, was never
going to launch the book like it would be launched by a
publisher in actual real bookshops! Yet at the suggestion of
Reverend Simon Manley-Cooper, in the course of the second
half of last year I had tried everything that he suggested –
waiting months for all six top UK Christian bookshops to reply –
to say an emphatic ‘no!’ in each case. Once that failed, his
second suggestion of emailing the Alpha Course, the Baptists
and Methodists websites has also all failed. Now he had
dismally failed to reply to several phone messages over
Christmas that I had left. Besides, my final thought two years
ago had been that approaching publishers was a waste of time
– so many wanted an approach only from a literary agent not
an author.
My brainwave was that my book was in its best ever shape, and
now I had a website, vitally containing not my own comments
on my book, as my entire previous website ventures had, but
the structured remarks of a completely independent third party
reviewer. At first I mentioned to Julie that I planned to wait
some months to buy a load of my own books to send off to
agents, but soon realised this was too vague – and wasteful
and expensive – for most of them would not be interested.
Soon I had composed the email letter below, and emailed all 46
agents in my new ‘Writer’s Handbook 2008’ that had email
addresses but vitally did not say they rejected email
attachments – for I attached the entire manuscript and my
career history: -
316

www.author.me.uk www.silee.me.uk
simon@author.me.uk
Tuesday 6 th January 2009
Dear Sir or Madam,
My ‘astonishing book’ (3 rd party independent reviewer’s
comment): -
“Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists”
(Acrobat 8.0 ‘pdf’ copies of this book as well as my full
CV attached)
This book contains a large number (over ten) of scientific
theories all integrated into one overall ‘super theory’ – with a
highly unusual subject you might think for science – the Holy
Spirit. These theories have taken me all of the last thirty years
since an undergraduate and Scholar at King’s College,
Cambridge, to develop and bring to maturity.
At long last, this very year of 2009, the ‘largest scientific
experiment ever’ otherwise known colloquially as the ‘End of
the World Machine’ may verify other scientific theories and so
incidentally my own. This is the ‘Large Hadron Accelerator’ at
CERN in Geneva, Switzerland, famously much in the news
recently for possibly being about to bring about the eating up of
the whole Earth by black holes, according to some scientists!
However on startup last autumn, it promptly had major
problems, and is still under repair.
One of the major experiments it aims to do is see if modern
physical cosmologists are right, and determine if at the very
most minute scale, there are more dimensions of space than
just the common sense three we see around us (x, y and z). If
it proves there are indeed seven or eight ‘hidden extra spatial
dimensions’ it would triumphantly vindicate my own 30 years’
completely original, independent work.
Despite this ‘high science’, my own book is completely written
in a popular, approachable style. The best place to get an
overview of it, before possibly tackling the attached documents,
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is my website www.silee.me.uk which is notable because all of
the critical comment comes not from me but from an
independent third party reviewer. I urge you to spend 10-20
minutes thoroughly inspecting this site first.
Please have the decency to REPLY BY RETURN to all of this, to
give me your honest opinion on whether you can secure this
book what it needs and deserves – a decent proactive publisher
and a high presence in bookshops and libraries…
Kind Regards
Simon Lee
There were all of 18 replies almost immediately that afternoon
and evening: -
Unknown email address 3
Rejected as ‘spam’ 2
‘Wait 4-6 weeks for a pro forma reply’ 1
Write by post instead 4
Absolute rejections 8
Surprisingly there was no further flood of replies on
Wednesday, only one further rejection. Wednesday was a quiet
day. I had a good laugh at the MIND club between 2-3 for a
complete change from the usually quite flat atmosphere there.
I telephoned Damian Allison, to completely clarify things with
him, then thought about it and emailed him about Julie’s
situation, having been made bankrupt having been charged a
Hell of a lot of charges partly causing that? However he replied
with what she had told me to expect – namely that the Trustee
for her bankruptcy would be the one to apply for any refund of
such charges.
On Thursday I had, it turned out, a very useful appointment
with a podiatrist in Ware arranged the previous week. She
tidied up the callouses on both little toes as well as the verucca
on my left foot, wrote to my Doctor asking for a referral to a
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dermatologist about these, and arranged to see me every four
weeks from then. I had a text message on my return from an
‘Express Finance’ and when I called them they were a free loan
broker so I applied for a £2,500 loan. They said I might hear
from lenders ‘in a few days’ i.e. next week. My SIM Card from
Monday had still not arrived but when I phoned 3 Mobile (yet
again, again!) it had been posted. There were still no replies
from literary agents so I separated off the existing replies with
original sent messages into a new folder, and retransmitted all
the ones left with a different subject line ‘Fw: Please reply’!
The next morning amid a lot of junk mail was the vital SIM card
from 3 Mobile – I tried it, having charged the mobile phone,
and everything worked! I called Julie and my father to test the
phone and tell them that at last I had good news – but was
seeing the Citizens’ Advice Bureau on Monday (it only opens
Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday) about the vast worry and
waste of time and money that T3 Direct had subjected me to.
Three emails from agencies just said ‘no’ in reply to my email of
yesterday, but a fourth email from Felicity Bryan’s agency said
‘please look at our website then write’ which I did for several of
Felicity Bryan’s own personal clients wrote on science and
religion – separately – so there is some chance she in particular
out of her team might consider my own book… The deadline
for my applying for my house in Bishop’s Stortford had passed
with none of the unlikely news that I had succeeded; which I
now saw on the Council’s web site was virtually impossible, as
all of 98 people had applied for the property. Another
newsletter with more properties comes out next Friday…
Finally that day, Julie had asked me earlier in the week to order
something from Littlewoods along with the jeans and two pairs
of jog pants she wanted herself – above £50 there was a £10
discount. My own letter from them had that, as well as a ‘buy
now pay February 2010’ offer over £100 of goods. Now that I
was extremely confident of a very good result from my credit
card charges, I decided to take advantage of that offer, which
turned out to have a catch, but was still worth it. If you did not
pay off the full amount of your ‘buy now pay later’ goods in that
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year, you were charged nearly 30% interest! My order was for
all of: -
• A pair of jeans and two pairs of jog pants for Julie
• A ’Harrington’ leather jacket, three T-shirts and a pair of
jeans
• A designer polyester dressing gown
• An Adidas track suit and two T shirts
• As a special offer, two duvet covers, two sheets, four
pillowcases in two matching sets.
It all came to over £500 including the credit mark up so unless
I can get my credit card charges refunded to what I need to
settle at the non-credit price – I will owe Littlewoods a lot of
money in 2010! Finally that day, that evening I printed off 1
2/3 copies – until the paper ran out - of chapters 4-6 of
‘Scientific Proof’ - to send to the four agencies that had
requested hard copy. The blue ink was running out, but I had
no money till tomorrow. I had also printed off four copies of a
letter similar, but different to, the email version, as it referred
to ‘enclosures’ not ‘attachments’; the synopsis as on the web
site; and my CV.
So on Saturday, in order to complete the small mail shot of four
envelopes each containing a self addressed stamped return
envelope, I got my remaining money out of an ATM, having
paid my Citi card bill of £22.11 over the phone, and proceeded
to stretch my budget up town! I bought: -
• 12 A4 envelopes at the graphics shop @ 10p each = £1.20
• 20 cigarettes and a jar of coffee (reduced) in the post
office for £8.30
• Two 500 sheet packs of A4 paper there also for £5.00
• Eight stamps @ 90p (there and back for 4 packages)
having made up just one and having it weighed before
posting it = £7.20
• A set of four compatible ink cartridges in the Internet café
£17.00
• Tesco shop £20.50
• 100 cigarettes, 2oz ‘Samson’ rolling tobacco and two
papers and two lottery scratchcards that lost! £33
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So I only have £20 cash left as I write on Sunday to last till I
get more money on Wednesday! I spent Saturday afternoon
printing off the remaining sets of papers and putting the sets
together and posting them – they should catch the Monday
morning post and arrive on Tuesday or Wednesday. Then there
may be responses in as long away as the next 6-8 weeks!
After that I popped round to see Julie, taking some bin liners.
Being unemployed, she had asked for these rather than fork
out on a whole roll! In return, when she said she was cooking
a whole chicken for Sunday lunch and had nobody else to share
it with, she did not mind when I invited myself along to that
too! For 1pm or so, she said. My sister Libby popped in after
phoning, and brought round my meagre set of Christmas
presents, as well as some chocolates she had bought ‘cheap’ in
Waitrose at New Year! That evening, after that, from 6pm to
11.30pm, as I said before I struggled with typing up this diary
for 8 th -28 th December 2008. I got rid of my frustration at that
typing, after that briefly, by rearranging much of the furniture
in my flat!
I had several goes at that today as well, in between Sunday
lunch skilfully prepared by Julie, and finishing off this diary
from 29 th December to Sunday 11 th January 2009 – today at
9.30pm! Finally today it has occurred to me that I have had no
reply from the Reverend Simon Manley-Cooper, chaplain at the
QE2 Hospital, so left a final message asking anybody there to
ring me about why he has failed to answer several phone
messages in the last few weeks. Now to summarise what
happened to the eight issues I listed on 3 rd December 2008 –
and my new set of issues this New Year of 2009, as it gets
under way: -
The set of eight issues that were bothering me on 2 nd
December 2008 – and how they have all been resolved
now
1. www.book-promotion.com and I have at last parted
company – only semi-amicably! It took a lot of emails,
expensive phone calls to Mrs Fawlty’s mobile, and
patience, but in the end: -
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• They produced very good promotional material – press
release, review and summary that read very well on the
web site – despite initial problems with the standard of
English language in these; and their losing the corrections!
• The website itself took some effort to ‘get right’ what with
communication being solely by email to and from their
programmer Kumar in India. However, once their
customer support fell apart late in November over the
faulty ‘Google Anal Itch Itch’ figures, I took control of the
website as was my perfect right, and had finished
perfecting it under my own control not theirs by six weeks
ago. They had already used a simple, clean, uncluttered
design template, and what I have now is hard to visualise
being improved.
• The promotional material must have been used by them to
very good effect, although I never saw any of the
mechanics of them doing their marketing – done in
London and India! For their promise is ‘5,000 visitors in
150 days’ and they have well exceeded that 5,000 figure
in two months…
• Once I complained bitterly enough about ‘lack of support’
for weeks in November and December, with no replies
ever to emails or phone messages, Mrs Fawlty had the
sense and good grace to take the advice of her English
colleague and write off the remaining £198 of the total of
double that which was the original bill – so I only paid half
the full £396 for a website and excellent marketing!
• That being said, I am naturally very disappointed only to
have achieved just two book sales not dozens or even
hundreds in the first two months. It is remotely possible,
but I doubt it, that there are still unreported sales from
the Main Internet bookshops, Amazon and Barnes &
Noble. The result as we just saw is that I am back in
desperation to trying as many AGENTS as possible, just
like in 2007 – which failed totally in the end, but never say
die…!
2. T3 Direct / 3 Mobile At last! For the last three days I have
had a new mobile phone with same number on the SIM
card, so ending MONTHS of vast expense, phone calls,
faxes and frustration. I have complained bitterly this
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week about all this, and am pursuing this with the local
Citizens’ Advice Bureau tomorrow, Monday.
3. www.lulu.com and their Stef finally refunded me £45 late
in December – after many, many emails, ‘chats’, and
months of frustration endlessly asserting ‘I should like a
refund – not more faulty Lulu books’!
4. Council Property Upgrade I have realised, especially
talking on the phone to East Herts Council, that I stand
little chance of rehousing to other Council-promoted
properties – through lack of points. They told me there
are lots of people with more points because they are
homeless – and there are so many applicants for so few
properties. I have to look to get hold of enough money
somehow to raise the deposit and rent privately with a
landlord who accepts housing benefit. Julie has all of 23
points less than me so has no chance. Besides she now
has rent arrears so cannot apply for six months after she
clears them. Her best bet likewise is rent privately – as a
‘key worker’ she can get subsidised rents in some areas.
5. Loans I have more or less given up on fruitlessly applying
for these only to be regularly turned down. Also my credit
card charge refunds would be my own money refunded, so
there is no comeback in interest or repayments with
those. However, I am giving one final chance to yet
another (free) loan broker who contacted me on Thursday,
and letting any loan providers they come up with phone
me in the next few days.
6. My ITIN number turns out not to be vital, and I reapplied
to the United States Internal Revenue Service weeks some
ago. This time I got advice from Lulu first, so this time
there should not be a problem…
7. Press coverage Apart from the single article I had been
given by Julie, then, there has been no other interest –
very disappointing!
8. My driving licence is currently having the paperwork
reviewed after my Consultant Dr Pathmanandam filled out
some forms in December, before the DVLA decide to
return my licence.
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The new smaller set of issues now outstanding in the
New Year 2009
1. Applications to Literary Agencies. As we just saw, my
dealings with Book Promotion ltd are at an end, after
many problems, mostly with English language and also
their failure often to respond to the simplest most polite
enquiry by email – or even phone message. The net
result is a half decent website with lots of visitors but a
very low interest level of about 5% of visits going beyond
the home page. So the net sales in two months of just
two books are pitiful compared to my initial hopes. Until
this week I have failed recently to contact my other main
channel for my book ‘Scientific Proof’, the chaplain at the
QE2 Hospital at WGC, the Revd Simon Manley-Cooper,
who called my book ‘brilliant’. He has made helpful
suggestions for the last six months, which I have followed
up with no success, namely writing to Christian publishers,
and contacting Churches on the Internet. I have left him
a final plea to contact me, or anybody in fact who picks up
the message there. In his absence, I have returned to the
last approach I had before this year, namely back in 2007
writing to literary agents – as many publishers insist on
only being approached by one, not mere authors, in a
book market overflowing with books. Email is free. Email
is instant. Post and telephone cost money. So I emailed
46 literary agents this week, attaching the book and my
CV, with a letter in the emails. Results to date have been
mixed – and basically poor and disappointing: -
a. No reply despite a reminder email 20
b. Absolute rejections 10
c. Agency list full up 6
d. ‘Wait 4-6 weeks for a pro forma reply’ 1
e. Unknown email address 3
f. Rejected as ‘spam’ 2
g. Write by post instead 4
Having written to them twice, I can only now sit and wait for
replies from the disappointingly large number of agents (a) –
who have failed to reply. I can do nothing about agents (b) (c)
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and (d). Agents (e) and (f) I will telephone tomorrow and ask
whether they have a different email address in the first
instance. If they turn out to want to receive hard copy not an
email, I will add them to a new list of agencies to be written to,
after splashing out £30 yesterday that really stretched my
budget, when I actually wrote to all four agents (g). I am
actually planning to phone quite a few literary agents that I find
suitable in my “Writer’s Handbook 2008” as well, that do not
have email addresses, but might be approachable. If they
sound interested, and are not full up with clients, I plan to write
to them too. But a parcel with SAE costs £1.80 for there and
back stamps, 20p for two envelopes, 50p for 100 sheets of
paper and about £3 for ink – a total of £5.50. My resources are
limited, so I will have to be very selective. I certainly cannot
afford any of this till I get paid on Wednesday – then only £60
and I have to live as well at the same time on that money!
2. T3 Direct / 3 Mobile At last! For the last three days I have
had a new mobile phone with same number on the SIM
card, so ending MONTHS of vast expense, phone calls,
faxes and frustration. I have complained bitterly this
week about all this, and am pursuing this with the local
Citizens’ Advice Bureau tomorrow, Monday.
3. Allison and Reilly solicitors recovery of my credit card
charges Everything is in place for this – I have registered
my Barclaycard, Citi card and old Capital One card with
Damian Allison with three letters of authority and three
cheques for £10 to cover any fees for examination of my
file with these credit card companies. I am told it will all
take some time – some months. I am crossing my fingers
he gets a result – a cheque - from at least one of these
three – for it is my daughter Jeni’s 18 th birthday in exactly
six weeks time and it would nice to be able to afford a
really nice and memorable present for her on such an
important occasion!
4. My daughter Jeni’s 18 th birthday on 22 nd February 2009
and her exam retakes this month. Jeni is about to re-sit
most of her AS level exam papers, having swotted for
these for months. She thoroughly deserves to do well –
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so an extra special present is obviously needed on top of
her 18 th birthday on 22 nd February – assuming I can afford
it. I cannot fully hope by any means for money from (3)
above in time as that is only another six weeks away. I
will have to put extra determination in following up my
letters and fax to T3 Direct demanding compensation of
£600 – with a visit to the Citizens’ Advice Bureau
tomorrow followed by a decisive interview with them.
5. My driving licence I hope the DVLA give me at least a one
year licence back. I hope they do so soon – this has gone
on since June!
Monday 12 th January – Monday 2 nd February. The bleak, cold,
grey midwinter reaches its peak in the second half of January
and my reaction as ever in the deep winter is to sleep a lot and
so quietly semi-hibernate. Several nice things have happened
in the latter half of this three week winter quiet time after
Christmas, however. My diary is so very quiet in this midwinter
lull that I will summarise the three weeks under headings
similar to those above.
1. My book and literary agents. On Monday 12 th January I
emailed three women at Capel Land, the Marsh Agency
Group and Blake Friedmann literary agencies. The latter
two have since replied politely ‘no’ giving different
standard reasons, but I have yet to get a reply from Capel
Land. The next day I trawled through my Writer’s
Handbook and found about ten agencies that I could not
email before for the simple reason that they gave no email
address – that might possibly be interested. So I phoned
round them all, but only a Dinah Wiener ltd asked for
anything in the post – a synopsis. So to add to the four
agencies I had sent A4 parcels to at the weekend, I sent
her a letter the next day with my CV and the summary off
the website – together with a parcel with three whole
chapters of the book to PFD ltd – my fifth agent like that
since the weekend to have been sent three chapters, my
CV and a synopsis. I finally got hold of Simon the chaplain
at the QE2 at length on the Monday 19 th , who said now
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(his latest change of tune, ever less helpful it seemed!)
that asking the Church to help was no good – perhaps I
should go to Waterstone’s bookshop and do some research
on which publishers if any, published books similar to
mine. I eventually did that that same Friday, catching the
bus to Hatfield’s Galleria and visiting Waterstone’s.
However most ‘religion’ or ‘religion/science’ publishers I
saw, I already knew required an agent. Only Piatkus, now
part of Watson, Little Book Group did not so I wrote to
them Saturday 24 th , recycling the three chapters
previously returned in the post that Wednesday by Felicity
Bryan’s agency, who said they were taking on hardly any
new clients! Hay and Company, a web-based mind body
and spirit publisher it seems, was the only new avenue I
found at Hatfield Waterstone’s - but yet again when I read
on their website – it said they were inundated and
required an agent like all the main religious publishers! It
is now as I just said, into February and I have Piatkus
publishers and just five agencies I have posted material to
– left to hear from by reply in the post. I expect not to
hear back from all of them for another three weeks or
more – into March – having waited three weeks already
with only a swift rejection by Felicity Bryan ten days or so
in.
2. My ‘new’ mobile phone and the CAB. I spent an hour at
the CAB on Monday 12 th January, as expected to be told
that I could possibly claim for several hundred pounds of
incidental costs and costs on top for stress and distress
caused against T3 Direct, but it turned out a week later
after I went back to the CAB with my reply from T3 Direct
saying it was their policy not to offer compensation, that
an even more stressful and possibly costly court
appearance would be involved. Eventually I decided to cut
my losses, not jeopardise the lucrative £210 total cashback
involved, and just try to keep the phone safe and
above all working. I have to that effect taken out a £5.99
a month insurance policy on it, against theft, damage or
water damage, am using it a great deal, and discovered
that only calls to ’08-‘ numbers are not free – they are
charged at full mobile rates – whereas on my landline they
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are free for 0800- calls, cheap for 084- calls and 10p a
minute for 087- calls. So I use that for those. End of
story?
3. Credit card charges – progress last week there – and other
financial news. Last week I had an email exchange with
Damian of Allison and Reilly and the upshot is that he has
agreed to send my three £10 cheques and letters of
authority to the three credit card companies to try to preempt
a swifter settlement than otherwise would have
happened had he continued to sit and wait for their reply
to his initial letter. I have meanwhile been anticipating
receiving around a thousand pounds or even more from
this, this month, to add to the clothing I bought for Julie at
Christmas from the Littlewoods catalogue company. This
January they have offered £10 discounts on orders over
£50, and furthermore ‘buy now pay starting February
2010’ offers on orders over £100, and I have made quite a
few strategic purchases free now, fully intending to pay
them off shortly once I get my credit card charge refunds.
So for the whole of January I have received lots of parcels
by delivery man; and sent a few back: -
• Two pairs jog pants and two sheets for Julie; and a skirt
and jeans she asked me to return as unsuitable. She
owes me for these.
• A designer ‘Harrington’ leather jacket (expensive) with
matching pair of jeans and three tee shirts
• A ‘Pierre Cardin’ designer dressing gown in polyester
• A designer ‘Adidas’ tracksuit with two matching tee shirts
• Two goes at buying a dark coloured duvet cover set – both
returned to Littlewoods but I kept the sheets and
pillowcases
• Finally I have gone a bit mad on refurnishing my bed and
getting matching curtains for both lounge windows in a
delightful blue, green and gold ‘ribbon’ pattern on mostly
white background. I have spent £250 on: - 2 duvets, 2
matching duvet covers with 4 pillowcases, 4 pillows, 2 blue
sheets with 2 pillowcases, a throw and 2 shams and 6
scatter cushions! The flat now looks luxurious – cool!
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In the bleak weather I have received an unprecedented two
cold weather payments of £25 in two weeks, and expect
another one this week now that there is a lot of snow on the
ground. Finally this week I had to reorder my bank card after
my very dodgy, immature and crazy neighbour Nit persuaded
me to give him the details ‘as the only way he could get his job
seeker’s allowance’. After that my other large neighbour
downstairs Terror, came up and accused him at length of owing
various people lots of money, including her and me, and even
of stealing all the goods of an Indian family after he let his flat
out to them, having previously let it to an African family! Then
on Saturday 24 th January, determined to gain some financial
flexibility to help honest Julie, also unemployed, and also to
save money on my loan, I applied for about five credit cards
with zero interest balance transfers for long periods. Finally
this Saturday 31 st January a Virgin Mastercard with £3,000
credit limit arrived! I have already used it in a small way for
several purchases – and also asked for £2,000 to at last pay off
my very heavily onerous loan!
4. Jeni. I have only just heard from Jeni today for the first
time since Christmas. She has been busily re-sitting her
AS exams and found them much harder than the initial set
of papers! She gets the results in March!
5. Julie and I – back in our original relationship again?! Two
weeks ago I helped Julie financially while waiting to start
her new job and so get decent income again, by paying
her £25 – for ironing a large pile of about 25 of my shirts!
On Wednesday 21 st I gave her £10 for helping me hang
my new curtains – and following weeks of kisses on the
cheek goodbye turning seductively into pecks on the lips
goodbye – finally she caved in and we snogged that night!
We had a meal at a French restaurant in Hertford for
which we had a £10 voucher from the local paper last
Thursday 29 th , and she is indulging in increasing snogging
and more and more passionate groping – while demanding
or seeming to – a dirty weekend before resuming our
original relationship in full! I have other, more immediate
plans involving her bed or mine – much sooner!
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Monday 2 nd – Monday 24 th February 2009. The coldest,
bleakest winter for years continued, with over three inches of
snow on the first night of this section of my diary, Sunday 1 st
February, followed by a further heavy fall of three inches on the
Monday. Reports said all airports were closed, no London
buses ran, and road and rail were disrupted across the whole
country by the snow. I have yet to print the pictures I took
from my flat that first white morning, with white buildings and
grass and trees – and youths having a vigorous snowball fight
in the park opposite! A cold rain or rather drizzle then set in,
causing slush with the resulting slow thaw. That is the
backdrop as again I summarise this three weeks in several
main headings below: -
My book ‘Scientific Proof’ – some sales on the web again!
Agents take a long time to reply to approaches! It has
been three months since the launch of my www.silee.me.uk site
on November 4 th 2008, which happened to be US Election Day,
so I will quickly now summarise its ups and downs to now. In
the first two weeks there were 1,000+ visits a week, which was
very promising, then for a devastating whole five weeks in
which I was totally unable to get any support from www.bookpromotion.com,
this suddenly plummeted to 100+ visits a
week. Just when Manuela of Book Promotion ltd got in touch
and lamely wrote off the second tranche of £198 I owed them
as a goodwill gesture, as Christmas approached I once more
saw 1,000+ visits a week – for just two weeks – meanwhile I
thanked her and said goodbye to her company, convinced this
trend was to be permanent.
As a result I was getting 50 very interested visitors a week –
my advertising campaign to an unknown audience having what
I was told was a classic direct marketing ‘bounce rate’ of 95%
or so – only 5% of viewers showing any interest, and looking
beyond the home page or staying more than one minute on the
site! After Christmas and for the whole of January this stayed
halved at 500 or so visitors a week – and Lulu first reported
then actually paid me for, sales of a hardback copy of my
poems and both one download and one paperback of the main
book. In January, realising that really this was no smash hit of
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a result, I approached no less than 60 agents by email (10 of
them by phone) but only six wanted to see extracts of my book
by post. I also sent extracts to Piatkus Submissions at Little,
Brown.
In February, the current period under consideration as I write,
visit figures have again halved to 200-250 a week. However,
Lulu have reported and paid me £9.53 for three sales of the
main book in January, through US distributors. Whether
Amazon, or Barnes and Noble, is not stated. I emailed my
female American fellow authorine about these books – had she
ordered any of the five copies of my ‘Scientific Proof’ book? ‘No
– I will be ordering one for my father-in-law for his birthday.
You have made five sales to strangers then? Good on you!’
Just this Tuesday, as the big thaw of the recent freezing
weather and snow concluded, I was feeling desperate about
various things, as we see below, especially Julie acting stressed
out so bizarre – ill? This feeling included the fact that I had
waited weeks, only to get one reply from one agent out of six
and a publisher I had written to – three weeks ago. Then on
Wednesday and today, the postman replied! Yesterday,
Wednesday came back my parcel sent to Piatkus, and a second
parcel from David Higham Associates – then today another
parcel from the Gunn Media Agency. All naturally politely said
‘no’. This afternoon, Thursday, having thought about it, I sent
this letter with my final book and poems – to the two chaplains
I knew at the QE2 who had been helpful: -
Dear Lorraine and Simon, especially Simon,
The enclosed finalised title of my book has been around for
some months but the contents I only finalised, merging the two
books I originally gave you in November 2007 – on 28 th
December 2009.
Simon, please realize that the reason that I write to YOU like
this is that I have shown previous versions of this book to local
vicars, especially at the two Church of England Churches in
Ware, Christchurch and St. Mary’s - they refused to take it at
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all seriously! You say you have actually read it - and your
comment was ‘brilliant!’ My next paragraphs clarify just what
the target market for this book actually is; you seem to have
changed your mind about that market several times in the past
eight months since I contacted you then.
“There is a large proportion of the ‘Science Technology Atheist’
Brigade increasingly claiming that Technology and Science have
now completely eclipsed and disenfranchised Religion – NB
Christianity! Certainly in the last ten years, we have seen
computers, communications especially the new mobile phones,
and so as a result of both of these, the Internet, mature and
above all become affordable to most – after decades of the
development of these. One offshoot of this is that many people
have become more preoccupied with such technology – ‘their
machine’ – than merely human interaction. Church
attendances have plummeted and have been at rock bottom for
some time as a result, as the majority of Western people have
come to prefer to spend time with their sterile, inhuman
technology – with the only human contact being cold, inhuman
typing of things like emails! Hand in hand with this came the
‘War on Terrorism’ of George Bush leading the West into a
strange game-like war after ‘9/11’ in 2001. This suddenly
abundant, cheap, now just fully mature technology has gone on
to play a huge part in a ‘Big Brother’ global security clampdown
by machines on humans ever since – getting ever harsher!
A good subtitle for my own book might be ‘Natural Intelligence
(comes about from) Cosmic Emotion (NICE)’ as it argues
strongly through such NICE arguments for firmly resisting our
letting ourselves increasingly be dominated by machines and
technologies – just because the very unpopular ex-President
said we just had to back then! My NICE arguments in my book,
then, are provided as a complete set of tools for People of
Faith, especially Christians, to overwhelm their current topical
disenfranchisement and eclipsing by machine and technology.
They achieve a completely seamless identification of precisely
where the Natural Intelligence and Cosmic Emotion of the HOLY
SPIRIT (God) integrates completely with the physical world –
which should be verified this year by the new ‘End of the World
Machine’ at CERN Geneva – the Large Hadron Accelerator. “
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Simon. I hope that clarifies where my book fits in. It AIMS AT
NO LESS THAN A REVIVAL COMING OUT OF THE PRESENT
PITIFUL STATE OF A CHURCH BESIEGED BY TECHNOLOGY AND
SECURITY – started by a debate started by YOU THE CHURCH
fuelled by my book of course!
I wasted two months waiting for Ron Upton to pompously at
last pronounce ‘no’ on having copies of my book in his Resource
Centre. I then waited another two months to likewise hear ‘no’
back from all six Christian publishers I wrote to suggested by
you. I saw in Waterstone’s at Hatfield only one publisher,
Piatkus Books, in the ‘Religion’ section, that did not require an
agent. I approached them and 60 agents – only six agents
wanted me to write to them, the rest rejecting me out of hand.
In the last two weeks I have heard back ‘no’ replies to my
letters to these six agents – from three of them – and Piatkus.
Only three agents in the entire market left to say NO – then I
will have exhausted my possibilities for conventional publishing
due to your own suggestions. On the other hand I HAVE sold
five copies of this book since December through my apparent
‘enemy’ – the Internet! Through www.lulu.com/authormeuk
www.amazon.com
www.amazon.co.uk
www.barnesandnoble.com through www.silee.me.uk and
www.author.me.uk ?
I NEED HELP PROMOTING WITHIN CHURCHES!!! CAN AND
WILL YOUR CHURCH AND ALL THE OTHERS HELP? Please CALL
me and discuss…
Kind Regards, Simon Lee
Of my credit arrangements – some spending on the
Virgin card; this last week, some major developments, to
recover card charges and even have whole balances
written off two of my cards.
The main objective of my having taken up their offer of a
£3,000 credit limit Virgin credit card was to transfer the balance
of my loan with Black horse to it – which was still at £2,000 – if
not higher! – after a year. There is a 16 month interest holiday
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on such balance transfers – and the interest is 17.9% on that
not the even more massive 29.7% charged by Black Horse. As
soon as my Virgin card PIN number arrived on Thursday 29 th
January, I asked for £2,000 to be transferred from Virgin to my
bank account, to pay off the loan as soon as it cleared. This
£2000 cleared on the Tuesday 3 rd February and I immediately
phoned Black Horse – who had previously quoted more than
the loan actual value to clear it – actually they wanted
£2,054.56! I complained bitterly that this was much higher
than the actual original £2,000 loan – and their woman
sympathised, and asked her manager, who immediately
dropped it substantially to £1,900! I promptly paid this by
debit card – so my bank balance shot up £2,000 and down
£1,900 within a couple of hours!
My card itself had arrived on the Saturday 31 st January, and
after activating it, I changed the PIN number up town at an
ATM. Then that week, as this last week (the latter because it
was Valentine’s Day on the Saturday 14 th ) cash demands on my
benefits were extremely high. So I bought some groceries and
cigarettes over the weekend at the supermarket. Since then,
like my Littlewoods account before this, tempted by all this
instant spending power, and possibly excessively hopeful about
my credit card charge refunds, still to come of course, I have
gone on to buy more at the supermarket, especially cigarettes.
However I have also spent quite a few hundreds on ‘capital
investments’ – things that I have something to show for. Total
spending in the first two weeks of having the card then, with
me having virtually stopped since for a week, was as follows: -
Purchases that left me nothing to show for them
• £54.21 in the first week and £24.75 in the second week at
the supermarket – total £78.86
• £8 (with £7 cash spend on top) on lottery scratch-cards in
the first week and £5 (£11) in the second week.
• £63.45 tobacco in the first week and £82.00 in the second
week.
• Meal at Italian restaurant with Julie - £33.00 – and lunch
£7 – in first week. Valentine’s day – £60 meal, £10 roses,
£11 lottery scratch cards – second week.
• TOTAL approximately £327
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Long term purchases with something to show for them
• Cash advance for loan (£2000 + 2.9% i.e. £59.60)
• Julie – cutlery and condiment set (£20)
• Mail order – a pair of boots £20 (mine had worn out); a
body warmer £15 (extremely well made - and warm); 24
handkerchiefs for £13; 2 £5 belts (I only had two – both
brown – before that) – total £58
• Jewelry (Half price in a jewellers’ sale at Hertford) as
birthday presents for my daughter and my sister for today
– Sunday 22 nd February. £109
• Books of my own / Helen’s to make up three sets as I had
given away loads at Christmas. £101.
• Four multipack black and colour ink; four black ink
cartridges at the ‘old’ pre-pound tumbling price mail order.
Got 200 sheets A4 photo paper for £11.20 and as a
massive give away bargain – TEN boxes of A4 office paper
for well under £1.00 in total! REAL bargains – total
£126.
• TOTAL – approximately £2,474. GRAND TOTAL: £2,801.
CREDIT LIMIT OF £3,000 NEARLY REACHED!
Obviously even in the first week of having this dangerous credit
card, I got very concerned about soon approaching my credit
limit. Unfortunately Damian Allison, my solicitor, turned out to
have recently had bereavement in the family, so I could not
contact him by phone or email. Eventually that first week he
answered my email suggesting he ask Barclaycard and Citi
Cards to actually write off my repayment debt arrangement, by
pointing out that was my job, not his. Eventually last Tuesday
17 th I did in fact write a two page letter to both of these card
companies, quite rightly pointing out that when I exceeded my
credit limit and so incurred all the charges (twice this happened
in a year with Barclaycard) (a) I was very ill with a serious
mental illness (b) my income being in hospital was greatly
reduced. After I c.c.’d these letters to Damian, he thought I no
longer needed his services, and offered to cancel these without
any charge! On Thursday, in fact, I downloaded some standard
letters for getting information about charges from credit card
companies (and the follow ups if a telephone call after I got the
answer did not secure a refund). I changed these surprisingly
short letters to point out that Damian had already posted my
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£10 cheque fee to see my list of charges. Then I posted off
three letters to Barclaycard, Citi Cards and Capital One. Then I
indeed emailed Damian and politely thanked him and took up
his offer to cancel his services at no charge to me! These
letters should arrive tomorrow and I have asked for an answer
inside a week. So I should get replies, also to my other two
letters requesting writing-off of my whole debt on
compassionate grounds, inside a week or so. Ideally the three
banks will not put up a lot of resistance!
Jeni’s and my sister’s birthdays this Sunday 22 nd
February – we plan to meet up with my father and I and
them a week later…
As I write it is the evening of the two birthdays. I rang my
daughter Jeni, wished her a happy birthday, and promised her
card and (‘expensive’) present for when we meet up in a week
with my father, hopefully Julie, and my sister (who was on
voicemail twice!)
Ups and downs with Julie – with a massive downer on
Valentine’s Night especially!
Nothing could quite have prepared either Julie or I for the ups
and downs of the next three weeks! Initially everything
seemed to be quite rosy and gradually re-establishing our old
relationship of 2007. On Monday 2 nd February we went out for
a light lunch at a café in Amwell End, and took my camera, but
there was just too much snow falling to take any decent
photos. That evening, after 6” of snow had fallen in 24 hours,
we had another snogging and petting session. Julie was busy
the next day as she rushed over to her daughter Rachel and
her grandson – who were both ill with flu. I busied myself
thoroughly cleaning most of my bathroom. The next day,
Wednesday 4 th February, I cleaned the kitchen as well quite
thoroughly. I saw Julie – she had received a worrying letter
from our housing association saying she had too many rent
arrears, and the first steps would be taken towards eviction
should she not start repaying these. Also, the job she had
apparently passed the interview for, way back in December,
was still taking aeons to finalise. The Government Agency
Manpower wrote to her, saying she had a clean Criminal Record
Bureau check – but only now they had finally received that two
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months on, were they now about to ask for references for the
whole of the last five years! On Thursday Julie took me to
Hertford and we found a jeweller with a sale on – so I bought a
nice pendant and earrings in white gold and diamonds with my
new credit card for my daughter Jeni’s 18 th birthday on the 22 nd
of the month. I was so taken by these being half price, i.e. well
under £100 for the set, that the following Tuesday I went back
alone by bus and bought some similar earrings for my sister’s
birthday – the same day as my daughter…
The first downer of the next two weeks for the friendship of
Julie and I came on Friday. I innocently spent the middle of the
day finishing off cleaning my bathroom and kitchen, as well as
the windows, had a sleep and a shower, then went shopping
(without my mobile) late afternoon. We had arranged the day
before I would take her to a local restaurant who were part of
an offer from the local paper, that meant Julie had collected
three tokens so enabling us to have a three course meal for
£10 a head there. However when I got back from the shops
there were no less than three irate phone messages from Julie
saying ‘where the hell are you?’ The last one said she had
cancelled her booking of a table for two at the local Italian
restaurant as a result of this! I rang her and apologised that I
had been out – she seemed to think I had been ‘strangely
distant’ the last couple of days – and already seemed strangely
suspicious. However we ended up walking to the restaurant at
the original early booked time of 6.30pm – so early that we
easily got a table. We had the same three very pleasant
courses each – excellent value at £10 a head – as well as a £13
bottle of wine – total £33. To start we had diced bacon, prawns
and croutons in a salad. The main course I called ‘Italian fish
and chips’! – sea bass fillet in batter, with sauté potatoes.
Finally a deliciously light tiramisu dessert… The pleasant
atmosphere continued as we walked back, until we entered my
flat. ‘Why have you taken down all the seven photos of me?’
Julie demanded after looking around. ‘Because you kept on
asking me to!’ I replied surprised, ‘I finally took them all down
weeks ago’. ‘It is what I thought’, she snapped back, ‘you had
a woman in your flat last week!’ ‘The only woman who has
been here in the last month – is you!’ I protested. However,
she had now got the offending photos out of their storage place
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on top of my LP collection, and had taken the one she hated
most out of its frame and torn it to shreds! Then she started
throwing the glass frames of the rest into a loose pile on my
bed, until the inevitable happened – one glass frame cracked in
two! ‘I think you had better go back to your own flat!’ I said
‘You have done enough damage now!’ I hardly saw her the
next day for she felt very unwell – the meal last night or the
wine? She did bring back a set of four settings of cutlery I had
bought her, still hissing about this mythical and mysterious
‘other woman’. However on the Sunday she came round and
apologised for breaking a picture of mine albeit featuring her.
Suddenly this first minor tiff of the two was over.
Next Saturday 14 th February was St. Valentine’s Day, so I had
booked a table at the Feathers Pub and Hotel at the nearby
hamlet of Wadesmill, for 7pm that night, on the Friday before
this first tiff. Julie and I got very passionate again on the
Monday at her place, kissing and petting. Then on the Tuesday
I bought her a Valentine card. On Wednesday 11 th I popped
into the MIND club, passed the local butcher’s on the way
home, and had a passing notion – so bought a pheasant and a
brace of pigeon. However Julie turned out to find the thought
of pigeon to be of ‘those dirty birds – might have bird flu’ when
she came round that night and did most of the cooking. So she
just about tolerated doing roast pheasant instead – but
complained about eating ‘beautiful birds’ at the dinner table
while eating! I saw her point and will probably never buy game
again! However that evening we got naked – in the ‘69’
position – and she brought me to a head beautifully while I just
failed to do the same for her! On Friday 13 th she took her turn
to cook a meal of steak at her place – and we both got naked
again! However nothing could prepare us for what that Friday
13 th seemed to do in terms in bad luck for our relationship for
the next week following the next day, our date on Valentine’s
Day. For I had now booked a double room at a local hotel she
said she had always wanted to stay at; as her main condition
for us making love for the first time in fourteen months was to
do so!
On the Saturday, Valentine’s Day, we exchanged cards and I
gave her a lovely pot of miniature red roses – cost – a fortune
338

at £10. Nobody else had sent either of us a card, just like last
year. I also gave her £11 worth of lottery scratch-cards but we
only won £6. The pattern at the meal that night was similar to
the previous week – the trouble flared up after we had finished
a pleasant three course meal and a drink – on Valentine’s
Night, with a romantic night at a hotel planned, of all nights.
Julie only had a small glass of rose wine, for as usual she was
the driver. I think it was the fact that the two pints of real ale
(Old Speckled Hen) that I drank were very strong was the key
to it all. For at the end of the evening I tried to compliment
Julie on her appearance, hair and clothing, for she had dressed
up very beautifully. I remembered seeing the famous and
beautiful actress Mia Farrow starring in the Agatha Christie film
‘Death on the Nile’ years ago, and thought just how like her in
that 1920’s setting Julie looked now. However, fatefully, I was
to mix my Agatha Christie characters up – and blurted out
instead ‘you look very beautiful with lovely clothes tonight –
you look just like MISS MARPLE!’ Julie was not impressed
driving home in the car, there first because I had forgotten my
camera, prior to the planned trip to the local hotel. Then once I
found the camera, she refused to have her picture taken at
home not the hotel. Finally as we were about to get into the
car the feelings of unease and feeling red-faced and prickly
since the meal, got the better of me, and I told her I felt too
unwell to go to the hotel! Such a scene ensued in the road
outside our flats! She was ‘f***ing’ and ‘blinding’ at shouting
pitch at me and yet again claiming I wanted to stay at my flat
and invite another woman round! The next day I failed to get a
response from her from either a note or a telephone message.
When I eventually went round to her flat as a result, she
frustratingly compounded last night’s slip of the tongue, which
would have been funny to most people! ‘You called me OLD
last night’ ‘You called me OLD Miss Marple!’ ‘You said you
hated my hair last night too!’ I draw a veil over the next few
days. Suffice it to say that she clung to repeating these wild
claims about me saying things that I simply had no recollection
of saying, at all. Unwisely, in return I suggested strongly that
she was having paranoid delusions about this – and that she
should see a Doctor – a Psychiatrist?! So by Wednesday she
had called the whole friendship off, and even threatened me
with the police if I ever contacted her again – a familiar story
339

from ex-girlfriends I had known! However by Sunday I had
turned her around, and she posted me a pleasant note pointing
out that her family had strong reservations about me – but
ended it ‘Love Julie xx’! Then on Sunday I had my biggest ever
win on the National Lottery - £80 – after buying two £2, and
one winning £5 scratch card at the supermarket. I rang her
while she was lunching with her father and told her that after
trying to win some more I had left all my remaining winnings of
£50 in an envelope at her flat! The next day she was delighted
when she came home from helping him for 24 hours through an
illness. All was back to fully on relationship that evening – with
full kissing resumed! Phew! What a topsy-turvy two weeks!
Other smaller matters along the way in that time…
Wednesday 4 th February 2009. At long last, after months, I got
my driving licence back – for just one year duration though!
Thursday 5 th February. My second visit to the local NHS
podiatry clinic. A young lady ‘Nicky’ was there - not the (usual
apparently) Margaret – so no more news on my operation on
my foot.
Wednesday 11 th February. Had my depot, having put the nurse
off for two days on Monday – rebellion on a small scale!
Thursday 12 th February. Check up at the dentist. As warned
by another dentist in hospital last year, the enamel on my front
teeth is going, and I book in for all of four gum line ‘buckle’
fillings soon!
Saturday 13 th February. Letter from the USA IRS about my
ITIN number - requesting original photo ID – so I sent them my
driving licence – just arrived!
Sunday 22 nd February. My daughter and sister share a
birthday!
Monday 23 rd February – Monday 16 th March 2009. These three
weeks started off quietly, and mostly reached quite a head over
the weekend of Sunday 1 st March, when my daughter and sister
and I were treated to a pleasant birthday meal for them both
by my father, at an Italian inspired restaurant in Hertford.
Today as I write, Friday 6 th March, the last two weeks have
seen dramatic developments with my ‘writings’ – and at long
last next Monday, after several months, possibly not one but
two job offers for poor unemployed Julie! Meanwhile I am now
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fully happy at last that ‘in due course’ I will get a response of
some sort very soon now, also after three whole months, to
requests to three old credit card companies to give me a full
assessment of past default charges in the last six years. So at
long last I will be shortly in a position to stop agitating about
how to summarise the more trivial aspects of this book so as
the reader can bear reading it; and actually finish this book.
Book Publishing – of Agents, and turning to try to get
better results on the Internet
My dismissal of ‘literary agents’ as they’ve dismissed me!
It was first some years ago, that after a large mail-shot to
publishers, their replies indicated that the main ones in the
broad ‘religion’ or ‘science and religion’ fields required a literary
agent’s services. I wrote two years ago, to about 80 agents,
but got a totally negative response from all of them, that took
weeks and months to arrive in the post.
So when this January I emailed about 50 relatively suitable
literary agents, and rang about ten other suitable agents with
no email address, it was with little hope. Especially when one
of the phone calls resulted in the lady at the other end
confiding in me: - “The whole book market has been totally
saturated and flat for some years now. For the last six months
it has been totally dead – publishers just are not taking on new
books. Just about your only hope is the Internet!” Indeed of
those 60+ agents, not one seemed initially at all interested. 15
emails and 5 phone calls got no reply at all. 35 politely
declined. Just 6 asked me to write to them instead, so in
desperation I did, also writing to just about the only main
publisher that publishes religious books without asking for an
agent – Piatkus Books. The latter and three agents replied ‘no’
some weeks ago. Curtis Brown answered with a similar pro
forma ‘no’ last Saturday as I write on Monday 16 th March 2009.
So just two more agents have still to reply – but these last
three weeks I have reached a firm conscious decision to hold
out absolutely zero hope! Instead, just as the agent I phoned
advised, I have been thinking of ways to re-launch my
www.silee.me.uk, which started out with 1,000 visits a week
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ack in November, but which had declined drastically over time
to about 500 a month at present. Then I got an email on
Tuesday 24 th February that helped me progress this by an
unlikely, indirect route!
‘SEO’ (Search Engine Optimisation) – a total re-launch,
getting my web site actually visible to interested visitors!
I had obviously come across this term, and vaguely knew it was
to do with choice of keywords for web sites (the words and
phrases each site supplies to summarise what it is about – of
most use to search engines and people using them). However
in these last three weeks I have come to find out a lot more
about it – and burned my fingers a bit, almost as badly it might
have turned out, as with my mobile contract, once I answered
an email from a leading UK SEO company, having seen that
their website promised to do SEO ‘at very reasonable prices’.
After that I got ‘inundated with phone calls and emails for the
next few days’ as I finally put them off in an email. Besides,
‘your services are so expensive. That is why according to your
own terms and conditions you can only deal with businesses
like yourself’. I just escaped getting embroiled in a very
expensive contract after their very camp sounding salesman
phoned for the umpteenth time that Friday morning, and
actually woke me up so I was in a befuddled state; with an
‘offer I could not refuse’ and indeed parted with a large deposit
till I soon cancelled everything as above. After a terse reply
from the technician I had received a ten minute phone call
from, I soon got ‘googling’ instead, after chatting to him, when
really he pumped for keywords, not them doing it even. I soon
started ‘googling’ – initially for ‘free SEO’ then ‘free SEO
software’ – after the first search yielded one unbelievably
simple piece of free advice as follows about what SEO really
involved. Despite all the claims of the above company to say
there were 280 techniques to it and they would use all 280 on
my website! This simple advice was that the crux of SEO is to:
• Optimise all pages for the keywords
• Add links to your web site!
• Add links to your web site!
• Add links to your web site!
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• … (You get the picture!)
First things first. I then googled, like I just said, for ‘free SEO
software’ and immediately found a suitable free software
package in ‘Web CEO’. I immediately fed in a typical key
phrase from my own web site of ‘proof god exists’ and as I had
come to expect, that gets hardly any visits a day! That
explained why my web site had been getting a falling and ever
lower number of visitors. The next step in the Web CEO
package was to look at what other keywords and key phrases
other web sites used, that also used that phrase. It told me of
about 30 keywords and keyphrases that they were also using.
I analysed these and closely related keywords that Web CEO
came up with, for popularity and competition (Web CEO tells
you the KEI index or Keyword Effectiveness Index, roughly a
measure of number of searches a day divided by number of
competing websites worldwide for that keyword). Overall this
‘solo brainstorming’ session yielded about 50 key words and
phrases, many of which I would never have thought of! I then
got these ‘effective’ on the main page or index page of my site
only, by adding a new “author’s comment” essay on the bottom
of that page, using all my new keywords at least once. I also
added the entire list of keywords in bold type at the start of this
new essay – you can see it at www.silee.me.uk . Finally I
submitted this newly revised search engine to lots of search
engines using ‘Web CEO’. The next day, Wednesday 4 th March,
one of these, www.websquash.com, emailed an offer to submit
to many more search engines – and directories – for USD 16.95
– or £12.44 – which I took up. Then they emailed to say there
would be a 3-4 business day delay – until Monday or Tuesday
next week!
So for the next few days, while (fruitlessly it turned out)
waiting for them to actually do this submission, I brainstormed
about a possible movement of people worldwide actually
abolishing money – like my web site now says – and so greatly
restricting the ever growing growth of technology – to be called
(MAAM for short) “Minimise automation! Abolish Money!”
Finally on Tuesday 10 th March I emailed www.websquash.com
because there was no flood of emails following any submission.
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The ‘submission report’ they now finally sent showed that
indeed many search engines had failed to acknowledge the
submission - so it was being repeated – in 15-17 days time
from then, I ascertained. However I have discussed this with
them by email, and they are resubmitting by tomorrow –
Tuesday 17 th March.
Their report also said my website was not fully optimised so I
sought help with optimising it by googling for ‘free website
analysis’ which yielded several useful tools. Most useful was
the online optimization tool of www.creatingonline.com which I
used many times around, until all my web pages were fully
optimized entirely for free! Especially the vital home page was
optimised. I got www.websquash.com to cross-verify that –
and now they were only going to re-submit this week starting
16 th March, I googled again for ‘cheap website search engine
submission’ and eventually ordered submission to another
9,000+ search engines and directories from
www.megawebpromotion.com . I got an email that same
night, Thursday 12 th March, saying the submission had already
been done.
Then in the small hours of Friday 13 th March, I used another
tool I came across at that very useful site
www.creatingonline.com to get absolutely all the errors and
warnings about the HTML code on all seven pages of my
website to disappear – now I had 100% correct code! So this
came after lots of work optimising my keywords, especially on
the index page of my site, according to both the online
optimisation tool, so simple to use, of www.creatingonline.com
– and the visual inspection of the techies at
www.websquash.com, so they said in an email. I had then
added a whole new essay to that index page, to enforce the
keywords as ‘relevant’ once scanned by search engines. Already
– just by adding this essay to my main index page – the
number of interested visitors has quadrupled – from 5% to
20%! The ‘bounce rate’ has fallen from 95% to 80%!
However the small hours of Friday 13 th March contained a small
horror story while I was on the Internet. An illegal ‘pop up
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window’ appeared for some package calling itself ‘AV 360’
which only on that Sunday 15 th March, my GENUINE AVG
package told me was a ‘fake anti-spyware package’ – that had
meanwhile terrified me by lying that my machine had been
invaded by viruses, spyware, Trojan Horses and worms – and
was in a critical state! I did not really believe this but got
stopped from changing from a page demanding $99.95 off a
credit card - £73+! At 2am I was not thinking clearly enough
to turn off my machine and get rid of this invader – and was
panicked into paying out the money – when it pretended to ‘fix’
all the viruses etc the package claimed were there! I rang
Virgin credit cards today, Monday, but they refused any refund
– saying I had been ‘sold’ something – even though it was all a
big scam!
Now to boost the visitor count dramatically by adding links from
other sites? I researched the subject of these ‘links’ or
‘backlinks’ as links to one’s site are often called, by googling for
‘free cheap website links’. Apparently Google had been the
ones, years ago, to first make such links even more important
than keywords. Links to your site from others, especially sites
with lots of links to them, are supposed, in some ‘black art’
way, to be a measure of your web site’s esteem by others!
This is quantified in the Page Rank (0-30, with 0 meaning “does
not have any significant links to it” and 30 being impossibly
high a ‘PR Index’ as it is called. PR 3 and PR 4 are enough to
get a site to the top of search engine listings, apparently! My
site is PR 1 at present, so I am told, so there is work to do!)
Reciprocal links (site ‘A’ links to site ‘B’ links back to site ‘A’)
are common but nowhere near as important to search engines
as ‘one way links’ which as their name suggests only go from
one site to yours, and you do not have to link back. There is a
whole marketplace in ‘free and cheap website links’ and as I
was totally broke at present I googled for ‘free one way website
links’ and found three not one, websites which I used, the first
two using the same automatic technique: -
• www.free1waylinks.com
• www.freerelevantlinks.com
• www.freetrafficsystem.com
The first two of these use the same incredibly simple – I think it
is crude! – technique to create one way links for all members of
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their ‘1 way linking club’! The ‘club’ is split into three ‘pools’ –
call them A, B and C. A members link to all B members, who
link to all C members; who link back to the A members.
Apparently – I have serious doubts about this ‘trinity of pools’
approach – the search engines accept all such links as being
the important ‘one way links’! Furthermore one’s links are
added slowly, allegedly – again, I have serious doubts – to
keep the search engines happy that your site is slowly building
up ‘popularity’ in this way. Such is that black art – which I am
going along with because the two systems are free! The third
site www.freetrafficsystem.com uses another ‘free one way
links’ approach – where one writes short articles that can
contain two links to your site, for up to 30 blogs and article
sites that you choose from a list, that their system slowly sends
the articles to! You are writing the articles, which can be as
many as you like - yourself – the main advantage of this site is
that at no charge they send out your article to a long list of
blogs and article sites, in a variety of subjects. By Sunday I
had written four such articles and requested they be sent to
30+30+30+17 = 107 blogs i.e.107x2=214 back links to my
own web site – as well as possibly attracting visitors by being
on blogs in the first place. Then I started getting fed up with
this ‘chore’ of inventing articles.
Three million visitors in months not tens of years?
Suddenly I thought to myself ‘I wonder if the price of paying for
visitors instead of this laborious method – has fallen at all since
several years ago when I last bought visitors – to a much
inferior website then?’ So I ‘googled’ for ‘cheap web site
traffic’. The first several entries in the search results were very
disappointing – very variable prices, typically $100 for 100,000
visitors to $1,470 for 500,000 visitors on another site. Not
‘cheap’ to me! Then suddenly, to my lasting astonishment and
delight, I looked to the right of the screen and there was an
advert saying amazingly, “3 million targeted visitors for $39”! I
looked at the website for this www.millionvisitorclub.com entry
and realised that this astonishingly cheap option was right up
my street - and limited budget! While the scan by AVG
antivirus on my system, following the ‘invasion by AV 360’ on
Friday, came to an end, I found to my delight I could pay the
$39 to www.millionvisitorclub.com for 3 million visitors by
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Paypal! Otherwise I could not afford it till Wednesday! Soon,
even though it was the small hours today Monday 16 th March –
I had paid by Paypal and an email arrived. My account was up!
As I write at 9pm on Monday 16 th March I still have no visitors
arriving but such a huge campaign must take some time to set
up – I remember it did some years ago. Soon I should be
getting not 30-40 but 3,000-4,000 visitors a day or so!
Financial Matters. As I was getting quite near my Virgin
credit card limit, I tried not to use the card much in this three
week period, but was forced to in some of the weeks. I chased
up the credit card companies by phone on Monday 2 nd to
Wednesday 4 th March – and re-sent my original letters where I
could not get the people at their Asian call centres to be able to
tell me whether my letters had arrived! Then on Saturday 7 th
March, at long last, I got my first reply to any letter about
credit card charges – from Citi, flatly refusing to refund any!
On Wednesday 11 th I also finally got a copy of a letter to
Damian Allison from Capital One – with 36 pages of
attachments including copies of all transactions. I sat down
and wrote down all the charges. However they had been
incredibly generous in refunding me already – so there were
only about net of TWO £12 charges – not enough to dispute! I
rang Barclaycard, as the only credit card company not to reply
yet, and they said they received my two letters on 4 th March
and would reply in 8-10 days – by Friday 20 th March?
Also on Monday 9 th March that same week I had a half hour
meeting with the two people from the IET whom I had last seen
two years ago – a routine meeting, hopefully to renew their
financial support for another year, at the Case Committee
Meeting that I had been told is scheduled for June. When I
phoned Citi Cards today, Monday 16 th March, they said they
were ‘considering their reply’ to my letter of 17 th February
about writing off my balance. Should the above 3,000,000
visitors be a real proposition, then I am literally guaranteed
loads of sales by the sheer ‘power of statistics’. I may even be
quite rich and able to pay off these two credit card companies’
outstanding balances in the likely event that they refuse to
write off these two balances! By May at the latest, when I am
due to get paid by www.lulu.com for sales in March and April!
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Health Matters. I had several medical appointments in this
time. Yet again on Monday 2 nd March I saw my third different
podiatrist. She once more told me a new story or fairy tale
about the ‘thing’ on my left foot – on the sole – that in fact it
was not a verucca as there was no such tissue when she carved
into it! It was in fact, as others had thought before her, a corn
– surrounded by scar tissue. Was the latter from so many
carvings, I thought? On Thursday 5 th , my other appointment
that week, because they were on the surface I had no
anaesthetic for all of four gum fillings at the dentist! Finally
today, Monday 16 th March, I saw my Doctor at Cygnet House (I
was late by ten minutes!) He was delighted with me, and now
only wants to see me every three months not every two as up
to now…
Julie – at long last, an end to her unemployment of five
months now and rising? - and so solvency again?
Julie has hardly worked for FIVE MONTHS and rising!
Julie had only had a handful of days working since 23 rd
September, exactly five months ago since the first day of this
period of the diary, since her client was taken ill then later died
in hospital. She lived off her meagre savings for two months or
so, until they finally ran out and she resigned from her job
where they still had not offered her locally based work despite
all their promises. Shortly after signing on for job seekers’
allowance in early December, she saw an advert in the local
paper from the Government ‘Manpower’ Agency, based at
County Hall in Hertford – and easily passed the interview. That
Monday 23 rd February 2009 she and I fumed lividly, over the
amount of time they had taken to get hold of her Police
Criminal Records Bureau – ‘CRB’ check. Now they had delayed
even longer; the weeks had really mounted up, in securing all
of FIVE YEARS worth of references from past employers. STILL
no sign of her being offered the job!
Finally on the Tuesday I rang her last employers, with the
number I had got from the phone book once before – to be told
they had not even received the letter from Manpower asking for
the reference! In the meantime, on the Monday 23 rd February,
Julie had rung up about another job entirely; she was so fed up
with the massive five month delay by Manpower. Again, she
easily passed the interview as a cook at a local old people’
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home near Hertford, ‘the Manor’ as I will call it. That Friday
she had to spend all her housing benefit just paying the bills!
The Housing Association had already threatened her with an
eviction letters some weeks earlier!
They promised to let her work even before getting the CRB, and
she went for training on the following Monday 2 nd March and
Saturday 7 th March. However as I write on Thursday 12 th
March, she signed on for about the tenth time every two weeks,
just yesterday, and after I bought her a drink and a sandwich
at the adjacent ‘Six Templars’ pub – she picked up a meagre
£25 crisis loan giro cheque that she had arranged using my
phone that morning! Yet STILL there is no news of either job,
so at the Jobcentre she was yet again looking on their
computer booth for more jobs!
Then on Saturday she heard that she had been unsuccessful in
getting a job at the ‘Manor’ near Hertford – despite training for
two days there last week. I tried to get her out of her resulting
gloom by buying the ingredients for a lovely supper for her to
cook, of avocado prawns, sirloin steak, courgettes cooked in
butter and garlic, and crème brulee to finish. She phoned the
agency Manpower today, at my request, after a nice walk up
the River Lee in the sunshine and back down the King’s Meads
– through some mud at the end. They just said there was still
no sign of the final reference from her last employer, but a
meeting about her was actually going on just then! She had
earlier at my flat called the CAB about this job and possibly
claiming backdated housing benefit, but had the wrong number.
However the Housing Association got a message through to
him, and he called just as we got to the mid point of our walk,
near a convenient bench, where Julie sat and arranged to meet
him again – with me – this Wednesday – in Hertford.
Julie and I at last resume being ‘an item’ again in a full
love affair relationship! Eating in and out…
On Sunday 22 nd March I had given Julie all that was left after
gambling it a bit longer unsuccessfully of my £71 winnings – as
she needed a battery prior to her car’s MOT on Friday - £50.
She did a lot of cleaning in my flat on the next day, Monday,
when we bought the battery, as a result. Then on Tuesday she
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handed me a sweet little ‘thank you’ card that said ‘Thank you.
For all that you do for me. Love Julie xxx.’ She cooked both
savoury and sweet pancakes that night at her flat as it was
Shrove Tuesday. Love making was abortive and rushed, a
failure, as she was very reluctant. Then she got a water
infection that has lasted two weeks - as a result?
The following night I cooked in turn, and used the left over
lemons to cook Italian style ‘lemon chicken breasts’ at my own
flat for us both. The MOT was only £29.95 on the Friday and
luckily the car passed so it only cost an extra £10 for them to
fit the battery. I won £22.40 on one of all of eight Euro Millions
lucky dips that night! The following Wednesday was our next
meal together – pizza - and (rather better) love making
followed! On the Sunday I bought us a remarkably cheap
roast Sunday dinner after Julie drove us to the Feathers pub
and back at nearby Wadesmill. The slight dispute that followed
when I made the fatal mistake of calling her black outfit with
fawn cardigan ‘smart’ – not ‘gorgeous’ as she said she
preferred – led to me walking out of her flat and going home –
but was soon forgotten! The following day, Monday, she went
to a Citizens’ Advice Bureau appointment in Bengeo in Hertford.
On Wednesday was the lunch at the ‘Six Templars’ as above.
That evening she again cooked pizza and chips at her flat and
served it with coleslaw. The love making was much improved
this third time around, but again foreshortened – we would
both have preferred longer duration.
Finishing this book SOON! I hope that I can finish this book
by the same time as the following things have happened –
hopefully by the end of March. My 52 nd birthday is 30 th March!
• I may just have heard from one or both of the two literary
agents left to reply – as well as from Simon Manley-
Cooper at the QEII hospital. However, my website is as
fully search engine optimised as can be, and is being given
hundreds of thousands of links on top, so should gain a
high search engine presence. Plus I now expect all of
THREE MILLION VISITORS in the coming months! So the
replies from these three are totally irrelevant to my
finishing this book as soon as the other things below that I
now eagerly await, actually happen.
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• Barring accidents, I am waiting for a submission of my
web-site to search engines and directories tomorrow at
the latest, as promised by www.websquash.com. I expect
a massive rise in number of visitors to, as I just said, a
fully SEO-optimised site, from 40 a day to 4,000 a day –
in just days – thanks to my latest venture with
www.millionvisitorclub.com !!!
• Hopefully Citi cards will reply to my request that they write
off my balance; and Barclaycard may offer the same or a
refund.
• Jeni, my daughter, will have got her AS level retake
results, so I can discuss her options for University with her
then.
• Hopefully Julie will start work after hearing good news – a
verdict of some sort is promised by the Manpower Agency
this week!
• The weekend and this Monday 16 th March have seen
gorgeous spring-like weather, the daffodils are all out in
full bloom, and the days are warming and lengthening.
The clocks going forward for the start of British Summer
Time on Sunday 29 th March 2009 – will hopefully really
mark the end of this long, coldest winter for years – and
my birthday next day see sunset at 8pm or later, and the
immediate full start of spring leading into a hopefully
lovely summer!
• A great time of hope and renewal it is proving to look to
be!
• I intend as I said, once I know all the above outcomes of
things happening now, to bring this book to an end soon –
and give all the several endings! However I am putting
the text as it stands right now, on www.lulu.com, as this
book has actually doubled in size since I last updated it
last year there! So anybody who happens, out of my
3,000,000 visitors, to buy a copy, can read up to date to
this Monday 16 th March 2009 – which happens to be the
15 th Anniversary of my Baptism of the Holy Spirit…
Tuesday 17 th March – Monday 23 rd March 2009.
I resume writing a narrative diary style account of this week, as
it was quite quiet, as we see largely very stressful due to
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discovering the dark side of the dodgy ‘cheap website traffic’
market. Many suppliers turn out to be plain rogue traders!
First on Tuesday, I had a reply from my old credit card
company, Capital One, saying to return the enclosed credit card
agreement signed. I had phoned them last Thursday, and
applied for a new card, as (a) my Virgin credit was used up (b)
I needed a credit card, even though this Classic card from
Capital One was twice the interest rate of my Virgin one – for
emergencies and any remaining Internet purchases from next
week – even though I could not think of any at present!
I eventually posted it on Wednesday night, so they should give
me a new card in ‘7-10 days’ from Friday – hopefully the card
and PIN will be here next week. There was lots of email due to
a fresh submission of my site to search engines and directories
by www.websquash.com – but notably, no reply at all to
several emails to www.millionvisitorclub.com. I spent my
fourth purchase in March on software services by paying $29 –
UK£22.16 – to www.pageranksubmit.com to submit my site to
100+ ‘top’ directories, with high (PR 4 to PR 7) ‘Google Page
Ranking’ indices i.e. themselves with hundreds of thousands of
links to them in turn. The $29 (£22.16) came out of my
account on the Friday – but mysteriously to date, got refunded
the same day! Have I got all the 101 high PR links in the
submission report that they sent on the Saturday – completely
for free?! Good news if I had, meanwhile I was fretting all day
Monday and even more on the Tuesday – about the total lack of
traffic, or replies to emails about that sad fact from seemingly
really ‘bargain basement’ Adam Hudson of
www.millionvisitorclub.com !
I told my two ‘girl’ platonic friends at the MIND club of my
anxieties about possibly having been scammed that night. ‘The
website is totally convincing – but why no traffic and why won’t
he reply to emails?’ I told them. They said all I could do was to
wait, but at 8.15pm when I got back home from the club, I had
already decided to check up on this site by googling for it. Two
minutes later I had seen several ‘scam reports’ on Google
indicating the whole thing, as one might expect at that peanuts
price for millions of visitors – was indeed complete rubbish, a
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total scam. Luckily I had paid by Paypal, so a short exchange
with them resulted in a refund next day and a big thank you for
reporting some fraudster abusing their service! Another
fraudster seems to have got away with it! I had two emails
from the ‘people’ who ‘supplied’ me with the hideously
loathsome and unwanted ‘AV 360’ virus – charging me using
blackmail and panic, $99.95 for this. They have emailed twice
in reply to emails from me, I have emailed back each time
asking for a refund – but now they have gone totally quiet –
while Virgin cards say it is my problem for authorising the
$99.95 payment!
On a good note, I noticed that my strenuous efforts to boost
visitor count to my web site seemed to be paying off. I was
getting only 15-20 genuine visitors a day at the start of March
– now it was 35-40 – double i.e. 1200/month not 500/month.
More good news I found on my statistics that week was that my
bounce rate had fallen from 95-96% to 80% - i.e. the level of
interest in the site had risen 4-5 fold – just by adding the new
60% of text as “author’s comment” on the second half of my
home page! All I needed was a LOT more visitors - having
found that the first attempt to buy some was from a fraudster
outfit, as above.
On Wednesday at 10.45 Julie got me and her by car to Sele
Farm Estate Office with difficulty, and we had to phone the CAB
man John for directions as the office was so hard to find and
Julie had not taken down clear directions. Both items she
discussed with him were bad news. He phoned her Manpower
Agency about the job she had an interview for as long ago as
11 th December last year! It had gone – and they were still
seeking permission from their management even to consider
her for alternative temporary jobs in the absence of just one
reference – from Allied – her last employer. There was further
bad news from the CAB man John to a question I had
suggested she ask him, namely was there any possibility of
backdating her housing benefit, started in December, to when
she stopped a regular salary on 23 rd September, and Allied
could not or would not offer her any suitable local work. It
turned out she had received two weeks’ pay plus holiday
payments in those two months of October and November – so it
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would be very messy and difficult to backdate the claim – which
action requires a ‘very good specific reason’. We got back
home and I was so knackered by my experiences with
www.millionvisitorclub.com that I slept all of 4½ hours that
afternoon. Julie woke me up with a phone call, we had a row,
over her objecting to me sleeping rather than having gone for a
walk with her that afternoon, and did not speak to each other
for a day or so after that!
Thursday was very quiet – but I paid www.hitscheap.com for
25,000 untargeted visitors for $17.95 then found somebody
else much more value for money it seemed, so cancelled the
order. The latter was www.trafficprovision.com . However, I
cancelled their order too, and also got a full refund from Paypal,
after googling their URL revealed that they were a bit dodgy if
not very dodgy – and I had remembered their very faulty web
site from when they were called www.immensehits.com years
ago – when they also caused me problems. This time around,
this Thursday the problems were threefold. Once I had paid
them via Paypal, instead of taking me to their order screen the
web site crashed and said that page was not available. Then
their email page failed to send them several emails! Even
when I got their email address from the Paypal receipt that was
emailed to me – there was no reply! No wonder they
immediately refunded me when I registered a claim with
Paypal! Initially that evening, once I finally found the actual
website traffic supplier I have ended up with,
www.somehits.com, I was horrified when once I paid them my
$39.95, their order page too crashed. However, Shannon Neal,
the owner of the service, immediately emailed so I withdrew
my immediate horrified Paypal claim about her now too, as I
saw it, realising Shannon’s operation was no scam.
Indeed, on Friday after several emails from me, she finally got
back to me (is she on the west coast of America so eight hours
behind the UK?) Traffic started according to my stats package
around 8pm on Friday, even though Shannon is still sorting out
the problems with her site that I reported to her with the order
page – the other is currently I cannot log in to check my own
statistics with hers. Also on a quiet Friday – I rang both of the
credit companies I am still asking for help with my balance
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from – and in the case of Barclaycard whether if that is not
possible they can still refund my charges from 2004 (was it that
long ago?) On Saturday at midday I picked up an email sent
yesterday by Shannon, saying she would be away at the
weekend but back Monday. I helped Julie with filling out an
application form for a new ‘round the houses’ job then sent
Shannon the following email. Then I typed up this account
since Tuesday, hoping for more targeted traffic from Monday, in
lesser, more effective quantities?
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From: Simon Lee
To: Some Hits
Sent: Saturday, March 21, 2009 5:32 PM
Subject: Poor performing traffic - alternative suggestions
please!!??
Hi Shannon
Hope you had a good weekend. The weather here in England
has been very 'Spring-ey' for a whole week early and the clocks
go forward an hour in a week so the flowers and cherry
blossom will soon see daylight till 8pm not 5pm till recently!
You only replied to my several emails yesterday evening GMT
so I would hazard a guess you are Western America based.
Please tell me if that is the case so I know only to email you
after 5pm here i.e. 9am your time zone!
I AM NOT HAPPY AT ALL with the analysis from my Matrixstats
1.1 statistics package of the 2,000 visitors you have generated
in the first nearly 24 hours: -
The 'bounce rate' (fraction only glancing at the web site for a
few seconds before leaving it) is an incredibly HIGH 98% -
previously I was only experiencing 75%-80% on a sample for
March alone of 500 visitors 1st-20th March before I started
your traffic!!!
You 'confessed' the traffic is 'worldwide' i.e. multilingual and
clearly from my own figures most visitors in far-flung countries
in Asia, Africa, China and South America do not even have
English as a second language!!! That is the major reason for
(1).
The VISITOR QUALITY of visitors who do look at the site for
over two minutes is ABYSMAL - most only look at one or two
other pages. I count a 'QUALITY VISIT' as one that looks at 10
pages upwards and/or stays on the site for over 15 minutes!!!
From 1-3 above CLEARLY THE VISITORS ARE NOT AT ALL
TARGETED LIKE YOU CLAIM.
I EXPECT (NEARLY) ZERO SALES IF THIS IS ALLOWED TO
CONTINUE...
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Your only proposed solution on Friday to these problems of all
of: - MASSIVE bounce rate; and language; and ABYSMAL visitor
quality was to suggest you stop this campaign of 100,000
visitors.
Then replace it, for the money of $80 I have already paid
you, with a NEW campaign of just 30,000 ENGLISH speaking
visitors - not world wide but UK US and Canada.
Assuming those visitors are actually targeted as 50/50
interested in the categories 'christian' and 'books' - please
DO JUST THAT ON MONDAY.
IF THEY ARE NOT TARGETED PLEASE REFUND ME MY $80 by
Paypal AS I CAN BUY CHEAPER UNTARGETED TRAFFIC
ELSEWHERE!!!
Simon
Sunday was Mother’s Day and Julie had been out of full-time
work and so very broke for six months today. I had bought
nearly all of a cold buffet lunch she put out for her daughter
Rachel, also a Mother herself of course, me and her, but she
complained at the time ‘this is the worst Mother’s Day that I
can remember!’ I went home next door, and emailed Shannon
again: -
Dear Shannon
I am only seeing 3-4% of visitors from your campaign staying
on my site for 2 minutes or more. That is very low. My own
efforts get 15%-20% staying 20 mins at least, out of 40-60
visits/day not your 2000+!
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The only alternative you have offered to my current campaign
of 100,000 worldwide visitors is 30,000 US/UK/CAN ie English
speaking visitors for the same $80.
I can accept this on a trial basis as follows. If you agree with
my ideas below please email agreement when you get back
from the weekend and DO THEM : -
Suspend the present campaign for at least two days
For two days switch to sending me 30,000 /30 days rate ie
1,000 / day visitors only from US UK and Canada targetted on
'christian' and 'books' categories 50/50
Let me analyse the figures and tell you by email which
campaign I want to complete and which to stop altogether of
the two. I will than have had a chance to try them both out,
for two days each at least.
I had a sleep for two hours late afternoon, a bit exhausted by a
week of in’s and out’s with mostly dodgy traffic suppliers! Then
some very good news – I got the following email from
www.wwssscc.com the even nasty sounding supplier of that ‘AV
360’ virus I paid $100 for the previous week :
Dear customer,
You will be refunded within 5 working days. Please check your
balance. Feel free to contact us if you have any problems or
requests.
Julia Smith
Customer Support Specialist
I thought about it and just before going to bed sent Shannon a
final email: -
No Shannon
My final thoughts on my stats: -
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I am getting 9%+ (9,000/100,000) of visitors look at >1 page
of the site. Of these 4.5% (4,500/100,000) spend >2 (2-30)
minutes on the site.
The %ages would not increase drastically enough with 30,000
US/CAN/UK visitors instead to justify changing.
So I will leave the campaign going as is and hope for enough
sales (ROI) to posssibly try another campaign with you with
US/CAN/UK visitors next time?
I have only had 4500 visitors in 28 hours - PLEASE INCREASE
THE RATE FROM 2,000 to 3,400 A DAY TO GET THEM ALL IN 30
DAYS!!!
Today Monday 23 rd March, I suddenly realised that the start of
the month was approaching when previously in January and
February I had been notified by www.lulu.com of the sales
figures from the big online retail bookshops, and had my
royalties taxed over there in the USA at 30% - because I still
had to receive my USA IRS ITIN number after over six months
waiting! I had risked sending them, abroad even, my original
driving licence, nearly two whole months ago. So I emailed
Lulu and got a swift email back with help with the form I
needed to send back to Lulu once the IRS finally send me my
ITIN number and return my driving licence. It turns out there
is absolutely no tax once I tell Lulu my ITIN number, not the
previous 30% - but they will not be able to refund the 30% tax
already deducted.
I tried to ring the ITIN department but the first very expensive
international call lasted 30 whole minutes on hold with piped
classical music without me getting an answer. A later call got
the useless response, again after 30 minutes of waiting, that
the number the IRS had given me was in Philadelphia, and they
had no way of contacting the ITIN Centre in Austin TX – their
system merely reported that the latter were ‘still handling my
request’!
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In the end I had to write to the ITIN Centre at Austin Texas
asking them to telephone me – to ensure they had my driving
licence and hopefully to give me my ITIN over the phone, which
was now urgent, I wrote.
Earlier that afternoon I made a brief phone call to Reverend
Simon Manley-Cooper at the Chapel at the QE2 Hospital. He
had indeed received both the final copy of my main book
‘Scientific Proof’ and my poetry. He had read about half of the
former but his brief comment was, ‘it is very interesting – but it
is hard to see where it fits in!’ Typical of the reaction I had
previously got from the Church – I think they are afraid,
especially Vicars, that had I really proven that God or the Holy
Spirit exists, there is no more need for their concept of ‘faith’ –
so no more need for them or their jobs!!!
The only news I got from my two credit card companies with
whom I have repayment arrangements, when I phoned them,
Barclaycard and Citi cards, was the same as all last week – ‘the
letters I wrote had been with the relevant customer service or
other team for some time, still awaiting a decision’. Banks
seem to take money from you instantly – and when you ask for
some of your money owed back – they take months, for I was
first approached by Damian the solicitor back at the start of
December! Some news from Capital One credit card company
when I phoned – they had received my credit agreement but
were only giving me what I regard as a tiny credit limit of £100!
So as of Monday 23 rd March 2009 I await the following – really
this must all happen in April at the latest, I hope! – so I can
end this book with no loose ends – and hopefully with some
good sales figures from Lulu – to be received next week I hope!
1. After my initial horror with the ‘AV 360’ package in its
illegal pop-up window, I took the advice of my credit card
company over the £73+ I had apparently paid out for
nothing over this, and very diplomatically emailed them at
cs@wwssscc.com like it said on the transaction. Now to
my total relief and delight – as above they have promised
to refund my credit card in full by this Friday! I wait till
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then to actually see it appear online as a finished
transaction - then that stressful incident is over!
2. Shannon Neal of www.somehits.com has replied to my
emails now the weekend is over. She told me she had
pinpointed the problems to her server – and the URL
where the website was now working. I soon logged on to
find that her visitor figures were 12%-15% higher than
mine and emailed her about this. She said her supplier of
adverts for websites generally supplies ‘10%-20% more
visitors than bought’ – and they would all be supplied as
promised in the original 30 days specified! That is the
traffic should all be delivered by Sunday 19 th April – or so.
In the meantime I really hope to see some sales figures in
real time on the Lulu site www.lulu.com for ‘real time’
results for sales direct from that site resulting from the
100,000 visitors. As I said before, at the start of January
and February there were sales figures available for
December and January respectively – but no report in
March, so no sales in February. I will hope to see another
report in early April for the month past of March, when I
really am hopeful – especially now I am getting 2,500
visitors a day or more via www.somehits.com – of sales in
March.
3. Meanwhile the ITIN department should get my letter.
Hopefully: -
• They have no rules saying they cannot phone me as
requested
• They phone with the good news that they got my driving
licence
• Hopefully they can give me my ITIN number over the
phone at last, or post it immediately with my driving
licence
• That way if there are indeed any book sales this month, I
will be able to send Lulu the right US IRS form and avoid
any US Tax of 30%!
4. My letters to Citi cards about a possible balance write off,
and a similar letter to Barclaycard with another about
refunding default charges that were unfair, were dated
17 th February – so sent five whole weeks ago. The banks
normally luxuriantly allow themselves 40 days to reply to
such ‘technical’ letters, I have been reliably informed – so
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hopefully I will get replies some time at the end of this
week or next week. I wait with bated breath…
5. My daughter Jeni is waiting for her AS level exam retake
results this month, so by next Wednesday 1 st April she will
find out if they are as bad as she believes. We can chat
about where she goes from here, which will involve further
retakes this summer, she said in bed when I phoned her
tonight!
6. Julie has now been out of work and so penniless, with me
helping as I can, for six whole months. I helped her fill
out an application form for a ‘round the houses’ care job
on Saturday. I saw her tonight and she is taking several
copies of her CV to a seminar next Thursday on ‘care for
dementia patients’ – obviously hoping to find this talk
useful and to network with employers present – and give
them her CV. Really she cannot afford to carry on waiting
much longer for a new job…!
Tuesday 24 th March – Monday 20 th April 2009.
A really very quiet four weeks, even with my 52 nd birthday on
the second Monday March 30 th ! My diary up to Friday records
continually 2,500 or so visitors a day to www.silee.me.uk of
absolutely appalling quality – as they were mostly from Russia,
Ukraine and China! - due to the efforts of Shannon Neal of
www.somehits.com. On my birthday she finally agreed to stop
these visits and refund me partially for what she had not sent!
Meanwhile I paid up via Paypal for several other sources of
traffic – only to get a refund from all four out of four such
websites – as their site was corrupt or they failed to answer any
emails. On top of that my bank did not recognise any Paypal
direct debits from my bank account – so all in all, my Paypal
and bank accounts for that week look very messy! In the end
the only money that left my bank account, via my debit card in
the end, went to www.somehits.com and
www.pageranksubmit.com, whom I paid $29 on the Friday to
submit www.silee.me.uk to 100 high Page Rank directories…
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Meanwhile my father telephoned on the Wednesday and said he
would catch the train up Sunday morning to meet my sister,
Jeni and I on Sunday here for lunch at a local pub (I again
chose the Feathers at Wadesmill as for Valentine’s Day with
Julie).
On Saturday I merely posted my actual real passport to the US
Embassy in London along with a form W7 for an ITIN, having
talked to them in the week and been to their website, following
being given the phone number of the ITIN HQ in Texas by
people at www.lulu.com who supplied a colour, signed letter
to go with these! The passport was returned ten days later –
with a letter saying everything had been copied and ‘US
notarised’ at the IRS base at the US Embassy – and forwarded
to the ITIN people in the USA who should give me an ITIN – at
last! – within three months or so! That Saturday night the
clocks went forward for the start of Summer Time, and at my
meal the next day, my sister brought my father over and took
me to meet Jeni there. We had a nice pub lunch. I had steak
and chips with a mustard sauce; Jeni had gammon egg and
chips; and the other two had scampi and chips. Not only did
my father pay for the meal and drinks – he gave me a card
with £50 in it as promised; my sister gave me a card with
another £30 – and Jeni followed up with all that she could
afford, bless her, forty Pall Mall cigarettes!
On the Monday of my birthday itself, it was Julie’s turn to take
me out. She had found a voucher for ‘buy one get one free’ on
cream teas at the local Van Hage garden centre, so we walked
the two miles plus there and I bought us a scone and cream
and jam and pot of tea each for £4.25 total, not a huge pricey
£8.50 otherwise! Julie really was broke and could only afford to
buy me a book on hedgehogs that she spotted, greatly reduced
to £1.99 from £12.99, as her birthday present! She served me
a supper of avocado prawns, mackerel and salad and new
potatoes finished off with apple pie – most of which I had to
buy. However, as a special birthday treat afterwards she let
me get my leg over! This happened again on the Sunday.
The next seven days was absolutely incredibly quiet! I popped
into the MIND club for an hour that evening – and re-drafted
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the cover, copyright page and contents of my ‘Manifesto:
Abolish All Money!’ that I had started all of three weeks earlier.
This week I just could not overcome a rare ‘writer’s block’ over
this writing, and only finished off the above pages on the
Thursday. I only overcame my writer’s block on Monday 6 th
April, as we see next.
Apart from deciding to do a special offer on my ‘Scientific Proof’
book on the Friday, and drastically lowering the paperback price
to $20.90 from $35 and halving the download price to $5, my
diary is virtually empty.
Oh, except on the Sunday I gave Julie some frozen casserole
beef and some vegetables which she used to make a delicious
beef bourguignone! We drank 2½ bottles of wine!
Monday 6 th April, as previously discussed last week by phone, I
arranged to travel to stay with my Dad, and my sister who was
already there, for a few days over Easter – coming up that
weekend. That was the incentive I needed to break my
“writer’s block” over my “maam” manuscript of last week – I
told him on the phone I would be working on this till Good
Friday 10 th April, and would get the train to Sussex on the
Easter Saturday 11 th April.
Indeed my writer’s block lifted for the vital next ten days – I
wrote all of three pages of the introductory section one of my
‘maam’ that night. For the next two weeks I was mostly quietly
working on that Manifesto, but certain other significant things
also happened, as we see now.
On the Tuesday 7 th April I checked and noticed big jumps up in
my rankings for my key search terms – on both Google and
Yahoo search engines. That night I wrote just two pages of the
section 2 of the Manifesto.
On Wednesday Julie and I caught the bus to Hertford at midday
and she attended at the Job Centre as usual. We walked back
– she cooked chicken Kiev, cauliflower and new potatoes – then
we made love – very successfully – but probably for the last
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time ever in view of the events of Sunday 19 th April - last week
as I write on Sunday 26 th April. That night I stayed up late and
wrote all six pages of section 3 of the manuscript.
The next day, Thursday, I wrote three pages surrounding eight
pages lifted direct from my ‘Scientific Proof’ book that went
together to form all of eleven pages of section 28 of the
manuscript – ‘the biblical background’. It got easier from now
on – all the other 30+ sections of the manuscript I planned to
be a page long, or well under that! On Good Friday, indeed, I
wrote sections 4-8 of the manuscript – and had a bit of luck,
winning £16.90 on a lottery lucky dip I had bought!
On the Saturday I caught the 3.18pm train and got to
Haywards Heath at 5.30pm. My sister had one of her frequent
attacks of a virus but still cooked a roast turkey dinner for my
father, myself and her. I reported feeling extremely depressed
and tearful that day and the next – and slept from 11pm to
12.20 pm the next day!
That day, Easter Sunday, we set off for another roast dinner at
Jem and Jane’s home, but first at 2pm they held their
traditional Easter Egg hunt in their large garden for the two
younger children. We ate roast lamb with all the trimmings and
then my father, sister and I took Siobhain, their handicapped
daughter, for a long walk round the village. I still felt
depressed but slept for two hours that evening back at my
father’s house – and the feeling had thankfully totally gone.
Instead after so much sleep that day I could not sleep all night.
Thankfully it was still warm and overcast, as all weekend, so I
was able to sit out all night in the garden – and smoke!
Easter Monday 13 th April 2009, then, found me in the kitchen
when my Father was very surprised to find me up and about at
8.30am, late for him, when he came downstairs! I explained I
had got so much sleep yesterday that I could not sleep last
night apart from lying down for just two hours! Furthermore,
overnight I had used up all the milk and fruit juice in the fridge
– so had just been to the Co-op in the local High Street and
bought LARGE replacement supplies as he was expecting Jem’s
entire family that afternoon. I bought all of eight pints of milk
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and three litres of fruit juice! I felt my normal self again having
felt very depressed and weepy, mostly with memories of Mum
in that last home of hers for just a few weeks two years ago… I
needed to get home to finish off my Manifesto, and my father
readily offered to give me a lift to catch the 11.18am train from
nearby Haywards Heath, quarter of an hour’s drive away. Soon
my sister joined us downstairs, we had breakfast, I quickly
packed my bag, and we set off, my father and I, to the railway
station in plenty of time.
I changed from the Victoria bound train to the London Bridge
bound train at Gatwick Airport, which was comparatively full, so
I had to stand. I duly caught the Northern Underground train
one stop to Bank tube station. Then for the first time in all of
four journeys to date to my father’s place in two years, things
got eventful. The train just stood there, with more and more
passengers crowding on, getting hotter and more and more
crowded, for nearly quarter of an hour. Then at length the
driver announced that there was a breakdown of a train down
the line. Eventually I left the train and the station, asked
directions and walked for a mile or so through the City until I
found Liverpool Street station. The train left in fifteen minutes,
so I had a smoke and got home with no further problems.
I write in the late evening – nearly midnight – on Monday 27 th
April, two weeks later. My sister had a virus while cooking a
turkey roast for my father, her and me on Easter Saturday. My
sister in law said she had a really heavy cold which she had
given to my brother, stopping him working even for several
days, for several weeks. They had cooked on Easter Sunday.
Now it turned out I had definitely caught the latter heavy cold,
and possibly the virus on top! For I woke up on Tuesday,
having slept all of thirteen hours from 11pm Monday to midday
Tuesday – coughing badly and my nose streaming yellow
phlegm!
My life since 1994 – 15 years ago – has been a series of awful
admissions to germ ridden mental wards, so the last serious
infection at all I have known since 1995 was a weekend in bed
in hospital with a nasty flu infection in that year of 1995 - when
I was so upset at the terrible destruction happening to my life
366

and the end of my marriage - that I cried all weekend non-stop!
I went to the Mind club between 7-8.30 pm and really struggled
between coughing bouts to finish just six short sections of my
Manifesto that Tuesday night 14 th April 2009. Then when I
went to bed I was suddenly violently sick with a horrible black
slime – that completely ruined my rug by the bed, so I threw it
out next day!
Despite feeling so ill, I was these days so averse to seeing any
more Doctors that I refused to heed Julie’s concerned advice to
go see one – she could hear my terrible coughing right through
the thick dividing wall between our two bedsits! Exhausted,
after sitting in the garden with her the next day, Wednesday, I
slept from 3-6pm, then had enough energy, just, to spend
9pm-1am completely finishing off the Manifesto! The bug I
have had has just seemed to end today, all of two weeks on. I
have at last had enough energy to vacuum the flat and clean
the surfaces just today. In the meantime it has felt like
‘spiritual cum infection warfare’ with this continual coughing
and nose-blowing really getting in the way of my work on my
Manifesto these last three weeks, now nearly finished as we
now see – with two fully search engine optimised websites,
http://maam.org.uk now joining http://silee.me.uk, to promote
my new 40 page, fully published Manifesto. Quite a three week
effort, what with a really massive infection to cope with for the
first time in years of a glorious infection free time!
On Wednesday I got a letter from the US IRS ITIN section at
Austin Texas claiming I ‘never replied’ to their rejection of my
third application, all of three months ago. I immediately
realised that my vital driving licence, which I had sent in
immediate response in fact then, had gone missing and needed
to be replaced!
On Thursday it cost me a cheque for £20 and a form and a
stamp to apply for a replacement – with £10 on passport
photos, £5 of that wasted on rubbish pictures – to boot! I put
up with printing off all of twelve copies of the Manifesto that
afternoon and evening, ready to send six of the copies to the
agents I had written to back in January who required hard copy
– about my earlier book ‘Scientific Proof…’
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That happened on Friday, after I also emailed eleven agents
that had not indicated they were full up, also in January. I
emailed a twelfth yesterday, Sunday 26 th April. Only three
have replied ‘no!’ outright to date. Encouragingly, a fourth, a
Rupert Heath ltd, said in reply over that weekend, ‘we cannot
represent this ourselves but you are bound to find a lot of
interest elsewhere’. Certainly, nearly two weeks from that
Thursday, I am still waiting to hear from all of eight agents
contacted by email and five out of the six that I wrote to – just
one returned my writing on Saturday in the post. It has been
quite a long enough delay for them to have been seriously
considering my Manifesto – so I am getting quietly increasingly
excited! I had a bit of trouble publishing the Manifesto on
Thursday 16 th April because, it turned out, this 40-page booklet
was too short by all of 28 pages to be ‘published by lulu’ – and
thence bookshops on the Internet – at www.lulu.com .
I managed it on Friday – publishing it only in the ‘Lulu
Marketplace’ not in bookshops, means that if and when I get
any sales, they will be reported on my home page on
www.lulu.com as they happen, in ‘real time’ – not weeks
later. Much better than waiting for reports from the Internet
bookshops, weeks on, as hitherto with my other book. Also
that Friday I posted the six copies to agencies, one copy to my
father and one to the Reverend Simon Manley-Cooper, QEII
Chaplain.
In near despair at ever getting a reply I posted off a third copy
of my letters asking Barclaycard and Citi Cards to write off my
debts to them! Juli had mixed news about her job applications
to care work agencies – one she liked turned her down – but
she had in fact been accepted for a job ‘caring round the
houses’ some ten miles from home!
That weekend I built a second, brand new, website for my
Manifesto at http://maam.org.uk and got it uploaded and live
too – surprising with it being at the weekend! I copied my
existing website HTML to a new directory and turned it from
seven pages to just three – a home page with the entire text of
the Manifesto, with a copy of the second ‘how to order’ page
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top and bottom of that text. The third page was a near copy of
my “author’s info” page as already at www.silee.me.uk . I did
a free submission to nearly 100 search engines – of course
including Google worldwide - using the facility for that built into
the ‘Web CEO’ package I had obtained free before. Then I paid
for an ostensibly much larger submission from
www.websquash.com as before – this was supposed to be to all
of 36,000 search engines and directories – to start early next
week. Finally I added links between each web site
http://silee.me.uk and http://maam.org.uk to the other, to
encourage cross-fertilisation of visitors! All this looked great –
then Julie called me to say at length that we were ‘totally
incompatible’ and the relationship was finally over! What a
downer after struggling with a monster infection to achieve so
very much this last two weeks!
Monday 20 th April – Bank Holiday Sunday 3 rd May 2009.
Another quite quiet two weeks followed. I was awoken on
Monday 20 th by a phone call from my Internet Service Provider
telling me what I already knew – my renewal of my
http://silee.me.uk domain following actually paying for starting
up http://maam.org.uk , the latter on a promotional basis for
three months, that weekend, still needed paying for. I told the
guy on the phone to re-charge my card that Wednesday, which
he duly did. I emailed www.websquash.com with no reply at all
several times that day, and eventually emailed their cashier
World Bank about this ‘deafening silence’ as I called it. Apart
from ten minutes with James, my social worker, that afternoon,
it was a very quiet day according to my diary.
Tuesday by contrast turned out to be a busy day for medical
affairs. I saw my podiatrist at 2.40pm, started coughing so
much on the way home that I nearly vomited, and realised I
had put up with a really vicious infection of a cold for a whole
week without seeing a Doctor – so managed to get in to see
one half an hour later when I called in at the surgery. First I
had made a dental appointment for Tuesday 5 th May as I had
lost a large filling a second time in the same tooth. At the
Doctor’s the Lady Doctor examined my chest and said it was
completely clear, but prescribed a week of amoxicillin
antibiotics for a probable sinus infection. Even once my week
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of regularly taking these was up, the cold or sinus infection or
whatever has lingered about a third week! That Tuesday I also
telephoned support at my Internet Service Provider (ISP) and
got the free statistics started on http://maam.org.uk.
The Mind club was shut that night over a muddle with the keys,
so I went next day as usual (it opens 1pm – 3pm) got there at
two pm and had Reiki healing from ‘Sue’ who runs that. I got
back from the Mind club to find that Julie had had to walk there
and back from the Job Centre at Hertford. She had found a job
opening that sounded ideal – at an old people’s home, very
locally in Ware, work she was familiar with – finally working
with dementia sufferers, an area she wants to get into! She
drove up to the home to collect an application form – and was
offered an interview for that very Friday morning! We filled out
the form that same evening – as usual I had to give her a
lesson in basic spelling…
On the Thursday www.websquash.com had finally answered my
emails and ‘done the work’ but I told them I was not happy that
their submission was supposed to be to ‘36,000 search engines
and directories’ yet their report only listed several hundred of
these! Whereupon they offered to refund both their
www.maam.org.uk and the previous www.silee.me.uk
submission of weeks earlier – for the same reason! A partial
refund indeed arrived in my account last Tuesday 28 th April –
with $3 deducted in each case. I had emailed Dorrance
Publishing at the weekend asking for another free review like
for my ‘Scientific Proof’ book – but they emailed back, and
while accepting the Manifesto for publication (if I just paid them
£5,300 for the privilege!!!) there was no second review – they
now claimed it was ‘one per author’. On my umpteenth phone
call to Barclaycard credit card company today, asking yet again
for a reply to my letter about writing off the balance on
compassionate grounds, they now bluntly told me they did not
have the time to reply to all letters – and anyway, their policy
was not to write off balances! Why not say so ten phone calls
earlier costing me about £15-£20? I then asked Citi cards for
their fax number and faxed them the damn letter, again with
no hope at all of any compassion! Indeed there is still no reply
at all from them either!
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Julie had her interview that Friday at the local home based in
Ware, but they texted her later and turned her down for the
job. I asked my father to put £30 in the bank for me to draw
out here as I had no money; I bought some groceries and a £5
scratch card – and promptly won £40!
On the Saturday I had a parcel of my own writing returned by
one of the six agents I had written to the previous week. I
discovered that on the Google search engine I was right up at
#2 for ‘abolish all money’ but only bottom of page 7 (#69) for
the much more popular search ‘abolish money’… I decided over
the weekend I needed to take steps to improve on the latter
search position… That same day, for instance, I ordered for
£17.50 exactly per website, 1000 directory entries for both,
from another Indian company, www.cheap-directorysubmission.com
.
Finally that Saturday, Julie received and filled in an application
form for a ‘care – round the houses’ job like one she had
already been given the job for – but based here in Ware, not
ten or fifteen miles away in Cheshunt and Waltham Cross!
Sunday I emailed an eighth agent yet to respond, and pottered
around doing some SEO work on both web sites – on titles,
keywords, and descriptions. This is just being reflected on the
search engine results this weekend a week later, as we see. In
particular I changed the title of the http://maam.org.uk site to
be effectively ‘spammed’ on the words ‘abolish money’ to
“Abolish Money! Abolish All Money! Manifesto”.
A very quiet week indeed followed, notable for hundreds of
emails from directories on the Web that had
http://maam.org.uk submitted to them. Doubtless it will be
the turn of http://silee.me.uk next week! I posted off the
application form for a new driving licence with a cheque for
£20, with a new photo as I had been advised their photo of me
was nearly the maximum 10 years old – and if I sent that I
would not be charged £20 again for a new photo-licence in
January 2010.
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I fixed the above spamming by changing the title of my
http://maam.org.uk to ‘Abolish Money! Census Computers!
Manifesto’ and that was duly absorbed and used by the Google
search engine some days later – yesterday Saturday 2 nd May as
I write. As a result of that simple but important change my
web site jumped from page 6 to bottom of page 1 of Google
search results for the search ‘abolish money’.
I had a quiet Tuesday and arranged to see my daughter Jeni
the next day at midday to discuss her career options – but had
to cancel on the Wednesday itself as I felt too bunged up with
my infection of the last two weeks.
I saw my Social Worker James at 3.45pm on the Wednesday
for a meeting with Christine, a leader of Broxbourne Volunteers’
Bureau. She promised to send information in the post, which
arrived yesterday Saturday – but one sheet was the wrong one,
and the other one says the work is ‘suitable best for 16-25 year
olds’! I need to phone her about this very urgently!
Thursday there is little recorded in my diary. I had a trip down
the road to the Age Concern Hall here, as arranged with
Christine the day before, to offer my services as a volunteer,
but they said come back Tuesday morning. I will – if I can get
up in time! Julie was upset that evening – her foster daughter
Rachel has discovered where her real family live by looking on
the Internet – and has got in touch with them!
On Friday I got Julie and her little 19 year old friend (really of
Rachel!) Sammy to come round to my flat so we could call the
Tax Office. Julie had talked to the Job Centre on Wednesday
week about her tax rebate of many hundred pounds due to her
– but typically Julie had let it ride from there. I called County
Hall to get their number and Julie spoke to them – they gave
her an address of another tax office up North to write to with
P45’s etc. This was important – I did her a one page ‘urgent
tax rebate please’ letter and posted it for her by recorded
delivery – as she could not even afford that and it was vital it
gets there Tuesday. I popped back round that evening to find
young Sammy curled up on Julie’s floor with acute stomach
pain which we both thought might be her appendix. Eventually
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Sammy recovered enough to slowly walk with us to the train
station, promising, but failing as it turned out, typical teenager,
to see a Doctor about such acute pain once she got home. The
train turned up as we walked on the platform, so she got on
that instant, rather than waiting for the next train half an hour
or so later – which was lucky, there were young yobs about the
station on a Friday night, and it was unmanned then…
Then on Saturday I got a nice surprise - a cheque for £52.50
from T3 Direct the mobile phone company. Yet also again – a
disappointment – a parcel returned from a second literary
agent like last week! Unfortunately Monday was a bank
holiday, and anyhow I was very short indeed of cash, and
needed to help Julie, otherwise she would be flat broke for a
whole week. So I found a cheque cashing shop in Harlow in
yellow pages, which was open even on a Saturday, and Julie
drove me to Sainsbury’s there on very little petrol. So my first
action was to put £7 petrol in her petrol tank. The cheque shop
photocopied my passport and bank statement, but only gave
me £45.45 for the cheque because there was a fee for signing
up! I gave Julie all of £15 extra when we shopped for that
night and next day’s food back at Sainsbury’s – but we got the
‘inside two hours free’ parking!
Sunday was a typical bank holiday Sunday at home for me –
very boring, even depressing! I rang my daughter Jeni who
agreed to come here at 5pm on the Bank Holiday Monday to
discuss her options and preference of taking English as a
degree – and what career options would follow. I saw Julie for
half an hour Sunday evening who is actually going to throw in
the job offer she has secured working as a ‘carer round the
houses in Waltham Cross, Cheshunt and Broxbourne’ because
she might finish work so late at night in such dodgy areas! She
has a similar job in the offing but here in Ware to hear about
interview for; and a possible other job with a company who
have already turned her down several times… Also on Sunday
evening I sent an ‘it has been some weeks – please reply’ email
to the all of eight agents left to reply to my previous email shot.
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Bank Holiday Monday 4 th May – Bank Holiday Monday 25 th May.
There is very little recorded in my hand written diary for these
three weeks between the two May bank holidays. They are
mostly memorable for me mostly getting very bored and
frustrated for ten days, which probably helped no end to spark
two stressful incidents, one with social services and one with a
very obnoxious neighbour, the following week. I am typing up
this account of this period late in the evening on Saturday 30 th
May 2009. It is a significant Anniversary – a year ago exactly,
on the Friday 30 th May 2008, I won my Appeal and was
discharged from hospital. I am anxious to celebrate a whole
year ‘out’ with never a mere hint of going ‘in’ again, by quickly
typing up this last three weeks or so up to today.
The future of all my books, not just this one, hangs in the
balance right now, so one of my infrequent ‘summary’ sections
will follow – probably typed on Sunday or more likely Monday.
I intend, for instance, to finish off the present book, one way or
the other, either as seems very likely, all avenues possible to
promote my books dry up – or by some fluke, I make a
dramatic breakthrough with them! Probably involving a literary
agent…
Monday 4 th May was wet and was spent bored at home. Jeni
was due to call round to visit at 5pm but called off sick.
Tuesday I found all of four replies to the eight emails I had sent
to agents, on my PC. Two said ‘no’ and two said ‘send your
books by post’, which I duly did the same day. A third said ‘no’
to both books in two separate emails a week and two weeks
later – the other three have not replied at all. One of the two
parcels I sent once invited to was returned in the SAE I had
sent, on Friday 15 th May. I had a hunch and phoned the other
supposed recipient of a parcel the following Monday, and indeed
they had not received it – it had cost me £25+ in contents and
postage and SAE! The replacement they swiftly returned with
an abrupt two line pro forma rejection two weeks later on
Monday 1 st June! That means I have failed to interest all
twelve literary agents whom I approached originally by email,
even when I sent two of them copies of both books. That
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leaves two that are definitely looking at the Manifesto, and two
to ring to confirm that fact tomorrow. Four out of 18 total
approached left that might just possibly take on the Manifesto –
so I plan as an absolute last ditch measure before giving up on
conventional publishers and literary agents forever – writing a
really red-hot cover letter tomorrow and sending off three
copies I had of ‘Scientific Proof’ to three of these last four.
Also on Tuesday I saw the dentist and had one filling replaced
with a different material rather than him extract the tooth. The
filling had come out a second time and was a large filling. A
piece of tooth had come away from a wisdom tooth so I had a
second filling on that. Another boring day passed, alleviated by
going to the Mind Club 6.30-8.30 that evening.
I was back at the Mind Club the next day between 2pm-3pm,
and when I saw Julie she was so broke that she could not afford
petrol. Luckily it was a dry day, so she was able to walk 6
miles total return to sign on at the Job Centre at Hertford. The
next day she had a job interview for a job ‘going round the
houses’, later that day heard she had got the job, which was
great news as it is based in Ware and Hertford, not miles away
in Waltham Cross like the similar job she already had an offer
for, so within days she had rejected the latter and accepted the
new Ware based local job. Another desolate day ended with
Jeni finally driving up and spending half an hour at my flat.
After she protested, I did not press her about having careers
advice after her A Level exams are over in June at the local
college – she regards her careers teacher at school as ‘stupid’!
We agree to repeat this rare and enjoyable meeting also in
June after the high and intense exam pressure has completely
stopped for her. That depressing, utterly boring and frustrating
week ended in four empty days, with my hand diary recording
very little of note.
On the Friday 8 th May, for instance, my diary only records two
things. Firstly, most important, I finally got a brief email from
the very last publisher yet to reply to sending them extracts of
my main book ‘Scientific Proof’ back in January. Yet they did
not reply at all to two emails asking about the ‘Manifesto’ I had
also sent them a few weeks ago. I plan to telephone this
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authorine of this email tomorrow, along with an agent I sent
my Manifesto to by recorded post, who has not acknowledged
that being received.
The lesser event was wasting £9 on lottery lucky dips – there
was a huge rollover on the ‘Euro Millions’ lottery that night but I
won nothing!
On the Saturday Julie was informed by her new employer that
she was due to attend training in Welwyn Garden City on the
three mornings of 26 th and 27 th May and tomorrow, 3 rd June,
and start work immediately at that time – ‘shadowing’ another
care worker until the usual delay of receiving a CRB check and
references was over. At least she would be getting a wage as
well as her last two weeks of job seeker allowance on top –
with the ludicrous Manpower Agency everything had been held
up so long waiting for a CRB and references before she ever
even started months later – that the job opportunity itself went
past by the board. I wasted a further £2 on losing tickets for
the lottery that second night in a row, but am well ahead since
starting spending £10-£20 a week on lottery lucky dips and
scratch-cards, so am continuing while my ‘luck is in’ like this!
There were £50 of bills to pay by direct debit that day, as
happened this last Saturday – I am getting a bit annoyed by
having no money on quite a lot of days this month of May.
Finally that night of Saturday 9 th May her daughter Rachel
phoned her mother Julie with a bombshell – she had tracked
down her real non-foster family on the Internet! Julie confided
in me that this terrfified her – and indeed Rachel has not visited
her mother once since, and even been to Hemel Hempstead
and spent the day with her real mother and her family.
Apparently Rachel is the spitting image of her real mother!
On the Sunday my diary only records that Julie and I had a
drink in the garden here – the boredom had I recall become
diabolically devastating! On the Monday I had my annual eye
test, and the optician agreed the medication had again changed
my vision. Once more I could not have bifocals, but told him I
did a lot of work on my PC – so needed to pay for a third pair of
screen spectacles, as well as getting new lenses for my distance
376

glasses – and using the wide plastic frames of my original
reading glasses for new screen lenses – I chose a bronze frame
identical in design to the gold distance glasses for my new
reading glasses – which cost £89. I could reclaim 50% of that -
£44.50 – from a ‘medical expenses’ insurance policy. However
my IET Grant was late in May, arriving on 1 st June, so I only
collected the reading glasses and paid the £74 balance after the
£15 deposit today Tuesday 2 nd June. The only other event
recorded in my diary for Monday 11 th May is walking round the
local King’s Meads with Julie.
We did that same walk the other way around, about two miles
or half an hour clockwise instead on the Tuesday afternoon.
That evening I went to the Mind Club between 6.30 and 8.30,
as I did again Wednesday afternoon 2pm-3pm.
We got through two strong bottles of Rose wine that night,
which was probably why she let us bring each other off like
teenagers on her bed.
I saw James my trainee social worker at 4.30pm on Thursday,
and complained that the way that Terence, my black psychiatric
nurse, used two different concentration of bottles of haldol to
draw up my depot, had probably been wrong all year! Julie and
I had been for all of a six mile walk over the meads, by a
different route to Monday and Tuesday, and gone past the
various lakes to Hertford then back by the river. She finally
gave way after several weeks, and we made love; only for her
to rabbit on about not really enjoying it with a ‘my excess
speed and too big a size for her’ problem that has since turned
out not to exist; and to be looking either for a non-sexual male
‘companion’ – preferably rich! – or even a lesbian relationship
to end her days!
After that my injection was due on the Friday, and over two
weeks of boredom, tedium and frustration, smoking my life and
money away as a result, boiled over suddenly – once Cygnet
House phoned to say my regular psyche nurse Terence was out
377

till late on an urgent call out, and the other black nurse, Doubt,
would administer the depot there that afternoon when I should
call in. This was unfortunate indeed – for Terence had been the
only nurse to give me injections all year since leaving hospital,
apart from just once months before, when a Scottish nurse
called Jill had shown him the correct site to give it in my flank,
after I also complained then.
I duly trooped down to Cygnet House, ready for the lengthy
involved discussions that would surely follow; as they indeed
did! Firstly I spoke to Jemima, who typically pleaded ignorance
as she was a social worker not a nurse – she would try to get
me ten minutes with my Doctor, who luckily was there – could I
explain the problem to Doubt, appropriate very strange African
Christian name(!) and have my depot as usual first. After that
five minutes came ten minutes with Doubt with me drawing a
diagram to explain the problem as I saw it. He followed my
request to draw up the injection just as Terence had
consistently been doing – and I duly had the injection. Then
there was a heated discussion with Dr Pathmanandam who only
partially understood – for he alarmed me by saying ‘the dose is
ABOUT right!’ Finally I went away having persuaded nobody
about my views about the dose I was actually getting being less
than the prescribed dose, and having had to shoot myself in the
foot - with a strange nurse over this – about two hours later.
Even ten minutes with Terence on the Monday failed to clear
things up. For Terence was away on holiday last Friday 29 th
May when I had my next injection. Doubt drew it up the
correct and accurate way – I got given the full 130mg not
110mg or 120mg the ‘Terence (incorrect) way’ – and have
noticed side effects – restlessness and twitchy leg muscles –
while slight, ever since! Julie and I have long seriously doubted
that I really need any injections or lithium tablets at all now, I
think I ‘grew out of my hypomania or slight affective disorder’
about five years ago, for ‘Helen Marie you made a man out of
me’ (you were such a nutcase!) I am going to do the necessary
this coming Monday 8 th June when I am due to have a routine
three months appointment with Pathmanandam – and very
politely demand a full medication review, making my point by
exerting my rights as a patient to only take medication in the
378

community with my full agreement. I am going to request I try
NONE AT ALL for months under close supervision! I am going
to argue, ‘after all Doctor, you have never seen me display a
single symptom!’
That Friday also found my Father paying a small loan of £60
into my account to help me pay for my reading glasses – and
indeed I paid a £15 deposit at the optician that afternoon when
I collected my first two pairs of glasses. Not before Julie had
previously that week been bullied by her mobile phone debt
collectors for just under £30, which I now paid for her. She is
expecting at least around £700 tax rebate from last year some
time soon once she sorts out all the final red tape tomorrow,
getting a Statement of Earnings of Job Seekers Allowance from
the Job Centre to send to the Tax Office. She has promised to
repay me at least some of the £280+ I have been steadily
feeding her since March once she gets that and her first pay
packet. Also I bought 40 cigarettes and a £5 lottery ticket
(which was a loser) so there was only £15 of Dad’s £60 actually
spent on my glasses – other essential things took the rest. I
could not let Julie suffer any more from her phone company!
Saturday to Monday was very quiet apart from an incident with
a neighbour. I come to that and my first ever real discussions
of my neighbours in this rather seedy being very poor block of
bedsits in a moment. Apart from the start of that incident with
a neighbour, which was definitely provoked by all the sudden
stress about something as incendiary as depot injections on
Friday, only one notable thing happened on the Saturday. An
SAE arrived from a second agent I had sent my Manifesto to,
with another pro forma rejection.
Again Sunday I was treated by Julie to roast chicken lunch, and
apart from that my diary records nothing to lift the tedium, now
still mixed with the unresolved angst about depots.
On the Monday I took a decisive step in the evening; decided
my Manifesto at forty pages was too short to be published as a
book in its own right by publishers through the four agents I
still had ‘live’; and merged it into the back of my main book.
379

Ongoing nuisance from certain neighbours in 2009 NB
MAY!
Only one of my seven neighbours in this pair of blocks of four
bedsits on two floors has featured at all in this book, to date, as
I recall. That is of course, by contrast to my exceptional
intelligence by all accounts, the average intelligence but bright,
wise, mature companion, best ever friend, and not frequent
enough lover Julie (the latter especially for seven months last
year while I was in hospital, of course!) She is totally loyal, as
honest as the day is long as far as I know, still often visited me
in hospital whenever she had the money for petrol and the time
off work, and is pretty and has a buxom, sexy figure - packed
into her 5’6” body with long legs to boot!
Julie moved in two years ago in May 2007, and ended eight
years where I hardly got to know the other neighbours at all
apart from the obese woman Terror below me, mostly to
complain about the noise, late night music, and constant visits
from strange men to her bedsit. That went on until a few years
ago, when she got a steady long-term boyfriend. Some of the
other neighbours here have been here nearly or all the full ten
years that this block has been open since renovation in 1999.
Doug downstairs has too, like Terror and I. Mark, and Nit who
featured heavily as a blasted nuisance to me this year, have
been here some years. An alcoholic moved in opposite Julie
about a year ago, but is no problem to her, partly because he
has a girlfriend – a schizophrenic whom Julie says knows me!
The flat with mine on the first floor of this block has been
empty because the occupier lived with his parents at Bishop’s
Stortford, for three years nearly. So it was lovely and peaceful
up here, until the Winter, when a quiet young man moved in, or
started to for a month or less, was taken by ambulance to
hospital, where he died a few days later of some long-term
illness – at 21 or so! About six weeks later his family had
finished emptying the flat, and to my horror an 18-year old
youth, who is OK, but has a very demanding scrounger of a 25
year old brother virtually sharing his bedsit, moved in – in
March. I met their mother, who turns out I happen to know,
380

for she used to be a barmaid at the Brewery Tap pub before it
became the Tap Bar after massive renovation – the only bar in
town or anywhere I am banned from!
These two latest new and young neighbours are only a problem
because of the almost daily ringing of my doorbell and
wheedling for something that I almost always give him – by the
elder one. I drew the line firmly when he went too far in the
garden last Sunday, and insisted it would come to no harm if he
borrowed one of our two nearly brand new mountain bikes for a
mere four mile round trip ‘to visit his father’ – I told him he
could easily walk it! However before that it was the obese
depressive Terror from downstairs, asking for cigarettes and
occasional phone calls on my phone for mere handfuls of
copper coins.
Then before her, for two months back in the Winter until he
went too far whilst borrowing ‘ten minutes’ that turned into well
over an hour on my computer, Nit from the other block was the
real pest, frequently harassing me with offers of loose change
for cigarettes, phone calls, and time on my computer. The
above ‘ten minutes’ incident caused me to throw him off the
computer, he said “don’t get all ‘lairy’ with me!” went to go,
then abused and threatened me. Him with his panic attacks so
often that he readily admits to, and lonesome, chaotic
existence, called a ‘nutcase’ by his ex girlfriend Debbie he made
pregnant so who bars him from seeing his young son at all,
who swapped flats with Julie, is a fine one to call me a ‘nutcase’
as he often does. I firmly believe from my long experiences
surrounded by them in hospitals, that he is a paranoid
schizophrenic of the worst and most dangerous sort –
untreated, so thinks he is normal, so abuses people like me
with an established ‘label’.
It was always Nit and Terror, sometimes aided and abetted by
Debbie his lover until she left in May 2007, that were the only
problem on this block, the whole time that I have been here
since September 1999. Four years ago, in 2005, when I
learned that my mother had developed breast cancer, I had
also tried to come off my medication, obviously against the
wishes of Geraldine O’Sullivan, my Doctor. One Sunday I had
381

een sitting in the garden and finally taken exception to a
hideous, dangerous looking structure of a large board
supported by a tripod of three wooden legs driven into the
ground, supposedly the best that the Housing Association could
do to support some loose bricks on the top corner of a wall. I
had resented this hideous structure as taking up a huge area of
garden and destroying my view from my kitchen, for years!
As described in the previous book in this series, ‘Doctor Police!’,
I destroyed the structure and piled it up, then took out the
loose bricks from both already ruined walls at that corner. The
three neighbours called the police twice, but they took no
action; not until that same evening, when I was sitting quietly
in the garden having a beer. These three ‘witches of Macbeth’
confronted me then a second time. They started accusing me
of ‘criminal damage’ just for making safe dangerous bricks!
When I said to the young Debbie, some months pregnant with
her neighbour Nit’s baby, “I hope your baby does well!” she
misheard in paranoid fashion and said alarmingly, “What did he
say? ‘I hope your baby dies!’?” and at that point Nit lunged at
me, I threw the remains of my beer up in the air between us to
stop him attacking me, and darted inside. I am not sure what
the three witches did next. They must have concocted a story
that I attacked Nit and committed criminal damage previously
on top! For near midnight there was knocking at my door while
I carried on drinking ready for bed, which I thought was more
nonsense from the three witches – but they had got three
police out, a small bloke and two WPC’s, who were asking to
‘talk to me’. In reality if the police had told the truth they had
come to arrest me for the first time ever in my life, based on
pure hearsay and lies from those three witches!
Indeed when I opened the door eventually after five minutes,
having seen police uniforms through the door, the totally
paranoid PC started screaming ‘resisting arrest’ into his radio
and other nonsense, meanwhile rugby tackling me to the
ground and handcuffing me behind my back, in the process
causing severe lacerations through friction burns of my right
upper arm on my hall carpet, which is still scarred.
382

Barefoot, and dressed only in a dressing gown and trousers,
with keys and 100 cigarettes I asked the man PC to bring,
expecting the worse, that I had happened to buy that
afternoon, I was roughly manhandled into a police car and
taken to nearby Hertford police station. The ensuing nightmare
dragged on for over eight months:-
• I spent 14 hours in a grim, enclosed, police cell with only
very occasional trips to a barred outside area for one
cigarette. The food at breakfast was diabolical! Luckily it
was nearly empty as it was a very quiet Sunday night in
the cells.
• Doctor O’Sullivan’s deputy, a Doctor Adume, a Nigerian,
and one of the GP’s from my local practice in Ware came
with an unknown social worker and sectioned me after a
female police doctor had inspected my extremely painful
upper right arm. They immediately gave me about my
tenth Section 3 of the Mental Health Act – and I was
taken to Shannon House at Harlow for the umpteenth time
as well.
• I was to spend four whole months there, including
Christmas, heavily drugged up with all the wrong drugs
yet again by the sinister, totally incompetent yet
extremely arrogant Doctor George and his sidekick, the
misleadingly pretty Ward Manager Jeni.
• I was transferred to Saint Albans Abbey Ward and left to
languish in that highly onerous environment and regime
for five months till August 2006, forever waiting endlessly
all that time for a dreaded incarceration that their Doctor
Kurmani absolutely insisted on despite all my protests –
even my tears did not move her one inch. This
incarceration finally happened – I was ‘dumped’ in a socalled
Therapeutic Community where I fitted in as well as
might a sore thumb – a place in remotest parts of North
Norfolk fit only for rehab of drug addicts and chronic
mental patients, mostly stuck there as they had long since
become homeless otherwise.
• The Section 3 ended a week after I had been resting up
from all this terrible nine month ordeal, and inside half an
hour I had packed and was in a taxi to the local station
and the train home via Norwich and then Cambridge.
383

Thank God my parents had left me a present of £50 so I
could afford the train home – and freedom from a
nightmare caused by lies by utterly vicious neighbours!
• I complained later both to the IPCC and even my MP about
this arrest. During the subsequent investigation by the
IPCC I had sight of a large pile of lengthy statements by at
least one of the three witches to police, but was never
allowed to read them and so have a chance to denounce
all the inevitable lies!
Meanwhile back at the flats it seemed everything was ‘normal’
so, terrified of further ‘incidents causing massively unjust
incarceration for months’ with the three witches, I just kept my
head down and slowly recovered from that terrible recent
ordeal. Nit continued his incestuous relationships of continually
causing rows, and fierce swearing matches, with both his lover
Debbie, and his obese love-hate relationship friend Terror,
dominating the block of flats with their screaming and shouting,
and sometimes loud music. Then in the winter in January 2007
Debbie surprised everybody by saying she had managed the
impossible. She had actually found somebody in Hoddesdon
who wanted to swap her two bedroom second floor flat for
Debbie’s humble bedsit just like mine – so Debbie would have a
decent home for her baby. I was pleased – that might break
up that dreaded ‘Unholy Trinity of the three witches’.
So Julie moved in and Debbie moved out on the same day, very
stressful Julie later said, in May 2007. The story of our meeting
and immediately starting a relationship fills the present book.
Obviously one of my first questions to her was ‘what on Earth
possessed you to swap a two bedroom flat for a mere bedsit?’
to which her reply was bristling with defence: ‘I was being
harassed beyond belief by juvenile delinquent friends of my
juvenile delinquent foster daughter. They even joy-rode my
car!’ She has indeed had to throw lots out and constantly
rearrange her tiny bedsit to fit everything in, especially all her
clothes, now all neatly put away these days in drawers, with a
cheap but decent carpet fitted last year. So at last we come to
discuss the recent problems with Nit and partly Terror, and to
an extent also harassment too from my new neighbours
opposite.
384

Nit was unemployed on and off for years until Debbie moved in
and he started a relationship with her. However, she had
business connections, enabling him to get a series of
increasingly good jobs. However they always argued, and after
she moved out to Julie’s old flat and he had decorated it and
equipped it for her, last year she cut off all contact with her and
their baby son. Nit lost his job through self confessed ‘panic
attacks’ last autumn at about the same time that Julie lost
hers. However he did small bits of piece work as well as
borrowing money from friends and family, and the first of these
might explain why he never got paid any job seeker’s allowance
until recently, unlike Julie, so got no benefits – absolutely no
money for months. Also he showed me late last year a
statement from the Housing Association showing well over
£3,000 of rent arrears. He gambles on the horses. Had he
simply gambled away over £3,000 of rent money in the four
years on the statement? I will probably never find out now!
Anyhow, as a direct result of this vast amount of rent arrears
that he had built up, apparently with little question from the
Housing Association, they had now issued eviction threats
against him!
Nit pestered me constantly from shortly after starting to have
no money apart from piece work, certainly no JSA unlike Julie,
who unlike him would never ‘cheat the system’ – which I am
certain now looking back, was the suspicion in the minds of the
JSA or Job Seeker’s Allowance Department at Hertford and
Watford. Mostly for cigarettes or to spend ages on his
‘Facebook’ Internet page – rather childishly for a thirtysomething
– or to phone up yet again for information about his
backdated JSA, which must have reached well over £1,000 by
May. In January he did not ask me to my face, but strangely
left me a note through my door asking for my bank details,
saying that was now the only way left he could get paid his
lump sum of backdated JSA. Foolishly, I gave him the details,
but after several days there was no large sum of money
appearing in my account, very strangely no contact at all from
Nit; and finally a very strange phone call from a man with an
Asian accent falsely claiming to be from Barclays Bank, with
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apparently some of my details and trying to confirm them with
me!
I cursed Nit as a likely con man, and changed my debit card,
which was inconvenient for a few days till the new one arrived.
About three weeks after that bailiffs came and evicted him, but
he was too attached to his flat to go far away, and moved in
with Terror below me and allegedly ‘slept on her floor’… They
constantly argued and played loud music for some weeks, and
she had the police evict him and his belongings one day.
However soon he squirmed his way back into her flat! In the
meantime there was some peculiar arrangement he had made
with the young couple and their baby who now replaced him in
his flat, and he often slept there too!
Terror used to often appear at my door and harass me on his
behalf for cigarettes in return for a few copper coins. She
confided that when their childish shouting and swearing
matches ended, he wept profusely or had a panic attack to gain
her sympathy. Also his grandmother had had a terrible
accident in the old people’s home, and as a result had had a
life-threatening stroke – almost certainly due to gross
negligence when she was dropped from a height and broke
both legs, Nit said. He asked to borrow a pair of black trousers
from me via Terror to attend her funeral. However I had
already had enough of his harassment – feeling sorry for a 32+
year old, penniless, homeless juvenile delinquent, with such
massive rent arrears he had lost his home, with an emotional
age of about 12; had been ended when he finally turned nasty
in my flat.
The previous day to this incident he had borrowed my phone to
call both Hertford and Watford Job Centres – for an hour and a
half on hold! – then walked out when he failed to get through
at all, without a word to me – even though he had just cost me
an hour and half in phone calls! Then the last day ever he
called round, he appeared as ever grinning with his inane grin
at my door, and asked to use the Internet on my PC ‘for ten
minutes’. I watched over his shoulder – after an hour of
hacking he had failed with every password he tried, even one
he had written down, to access his EBay Account. It transpired
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from email messages to his email account that he now finally
picked up, that all of four or five EBay advertisements he had
set up at the library had mysteriously to him, been cancelled by
EBay. The reason came out as FRAUD by him when he
confessed he had had no decent EBay account of his own to sell
things on – had remembered the account name and password
of the account belonging to his EX estranged lover Debbie –
and at the library yesterday he had changed its username,
password and email address to try to make it belong to HIM
instead! Straight fraud which EBay seemed to have not easily
been fooled by!
To compound this, having hogged my PC for well over an hour,
he now arrogantly seemed to think that I, vastly more
intelligent than superior dimwit Nit, was born yesterday. For he
started downloading some large package onto my – not his –
PC – without in his utter arrogance even thinking to ask
permission! This was the last straw – so I walked up to him at
the PC and politely said ‘time is up, Nit! You said ten minutes
and you have had an hour and a half on my PC!’ However the
real Nit came out, he said “don’t get all ‘lairy’ with me!”
(whatever that means) and thoroughly abused me and even
lunged at me threateningly as he left my flat. “Nutcase!
Nutcase! You said ‘I hope your baby dies!’” came out the utter
smears and lies from him! I vowed never to help him or let him
in here again.
Several times since that incident back in February or early
March, I have no record in my diary, Nit looked sincere when
he promised to repay me £20 or even £30 for using my phone
and abusing my PC. This continued even after astonishingly he
came to some dubious arrangement with the Housing
Association and has been since allowed back into his flat ‘for
the time being’ – I expect on medical grounds, but it is
obviously all confidential. The incident I described much earlier
with Cygnet House staff about my medication regime was one
prompt to at last drop him a note - he never answers the door,
he has so many enemies!
The second was that the day after that incident with Cygnet
House, Saturday 16 th May, Julie confided that Nit had told her
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that he had “spent £400 on solicitors’ letters to secure some
contact with his young son from Debbie”. On one side of my
note, I accused him of emotionally blackmailing Terror and I by
being a “big girl’s blouse” as I put it – a big soft tit crying
endless crocodile tears, of which I had actually witnessed ten
minutes after he asked to borrow my phone. On the other side
I told him I knew he had the money to pay me the £30 or £20
he had often promised recently – so “pay up now”.
Naturally the slime-bag did not pay up – but did not have the
guts to discuss it with me face to face, man to little girlie like
him! Instead I found a return note, on a narrow piece of cheap
note paper with the same incredibly low quality as toilet paper,
shoved through my door. He has never taken the trouble to
get to know me all the years we have been neighbours, out of
sheer prejudice about ‘mental illness’ – even though I am now
99.9% certain that he himself is an untreated paranoid
schizophrenic, what with his aggression, panic attacks, and
chaotic, petty criminal lifestyle, unable to hold down a job, and
as Terror told me, unable to keep any friends. His own
relationships on the block with her and Debbie had been always
very aggressive – for he is very threatening and arrogant with
it. His note was typical – just a stream of wild, totally
misinformed advice about ‘my illness’ – talking down to me
heavily – even though he himself is far from ‘normal’.
Nit’s mockery and insults were obviously intended to really be
hurtful, but were so ill-informed as like I said earlier he has
never really got to know me, that really 90% were truly
laughable. Nevertheless his aggressive stance rankled with me.
I took advice from my trainee social worker James on Thursday
21 st May – who just said ‘do not bother even to respond’.
However on Saturday 23 rd May I did drop Nit a short note
saying his aggression and panic attacks were so bad he ought
to seek treatment from a psychiatrist for his untreated paranoid
schizophrenia! – and by the way I had written off his bad debt.
I got in that night to find another note full of aggressive abuse
that I won’t bore you with the details of, from him, on my
doormat inside the flat. He had not even thanked me, just
gruffly admitted ‘I am glad you have written off the bad debt’.
I have seen him a few times since but he dare not look me in
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the eye! His two notes and the photocopy of my second one
that accompanied his second note through my door, I could not
stand the sight of so they are lodged with social services after I
gave them to James when I had my injection last Friday 29 th
May.
So much for an utterly obnoxious neighbour from Hell to have
to live near – at least I do not share a doorway with the
creature as Julie has to!
So at length I have got that off my chest after years of putting
up with such utter rubbish! Now to finish my account from my
diary of the few events it records for the three weeks between
the two May Bank Holidays – then bring this diary right up to
date to today, Thursday 4 th June, when there are County
Council and European Parliament Elections taking place
nationally including here.
My brief diary entries for Tuesday 19 th May – Bank Holiday
Monday 25 th May 2009.
Tuesday I phoned three agencies and two said they had
received my Manifesto – the third said ring Thursday when the
right person will be in – I did and they had not received it so I
sent it again by recorded delivery. I raged all day because as
above, Nit’s first vulgar rude note arrived. I was still angry at
the Mind Club that night – so worried the helper, Angie, and
some of my acquaintances there, but finally calmed down when
I got home.
Certainly when I got back there 2-3pm the next day and had
some Reiki healing there for the first time, I was much calmer.
I slept that afternoon then popped in to see Julie – but she had
Rachel staying with Hayden overnight, so was busy. I ordered
three copies of my new finished ‘Scientific Proof + Manifesto’
from Lulu as I had £30 cash to spare – just!
Thursday my diary only records seeing my trainee social worker
James with Jemima for a coffee at a café for an assessment by
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her of him with me, as a final part of his training stint there,
which ends soon.
Friday Julie and I slaved over a letter to the DWP at Watford –
the Tax Office at Stockport had replied to her vital letter of
weeks ago, to say that they just needed proof of her earnings
of JSA ending 5 th April 2009 – then they could give her a (large)
tax rebate.
Saturday was a nice day and Julie drove me at 5pm to
Broxbourne to have a barbecue with Rachel and Hayden and so
to meet Chris, Rachel’s boyfriend. He was glad to be taught
how to barbecue – even with limited fuel – by Julie and I. That
night the second note from Nit arrived, but I printed off some
very good pictures we had taken at the barbecue on my digital
camera (the best picture I took then of Julie features on the
front cover of this book!) and was partly expecting such further
outright abuse from Nit, so was not too upset. I won £74 on
the lottery that night too, with four numbers right, so that was
a good end to the week!
Sunday and Monday of that bank Holiday were so very quiet
that I have nothing recorded in my diary!
Tuesday 26 th May – Monday 4 th June 2009.
These two weeks were not quite, but nearly as quiet, as the last
three incredibly quiet weeks! Terror had confided in me some
weeks before, with the ‘harassment by Nit of both of us
especially her’ going on, that he had made a terrible confession
to her, involving stealing about £400 from a charity shop while
working there. This had borne on my mind in the intervening
weeks, until now, with all his very abusive notes, I decided that
I needed to report the confession to the police. I duly rang the
police shortly after midnight on Tuesday morning and made a
full report. I have rung them three times since but gather ‘they
are not pursuing the matter unless that charity shop reports
losing £400’ so they can identify the charity shop, so establish
whether this petty crook ever worked there – so possibly stole
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from a charity shop of all places! It seems that because I
happened to mention ‘mental illness’ of mine, they do no
appear to be taking the matter seriously, such is police
prejudice about the mentally ill!
Julie at last started the training for her new job on Tuesday and
Wednesday, and the following Wednesday, 3 rd June, and did
some junior ‘shadowing’ work because her references and CRB
form had not arrived yet, over that period. I saw the podiatrist
for a regular check-up of my feet 1pm-1.30pm. A special offer
catalogue arrived from Littlewoods and as I had no black
training shoes, ordered a pair by Adidas at nearly half off. I
was at the Mind Club as usual from 6.45-8.30 and complained
to Angie, the helper there, quite bitterly, that it was nearly the
end of the line for publishing any of my books. I intended to
send off a copy of my book with the Manifesto bound in at the
back, to Piatkus, a publishing arm of Little;Brown the
publishers, as well as to the only three agents still active out of
18 I had written to about six week ago.
On the Wednesday 27 th May I popped into Mind again just for
the last half hour till 2pm. I realised that my usual £175
monthly grant from the IET was overdue, and a series of phone
calls and emails ensued with Maureen the caseworker at the
IET.
She emailed on Thursday in reply to say that the payment
would be impossibly delayed till next Thursday at the very
earliest! After a long phone conversation she actually asked
me to email a complaint, which I duly most certainly did. Then
we had another phone conversation in which it emerged that
this email of complaint was very useful, as the problem was
with the same Barclays Bank that I use. Eventually, after they
were supposed to pay my money as a special favour by same
day CHAPS payment on the Friday – Barclays eventually got it
right and the money arrived on Monday 1 st June. Also two
direct debits were returned by my bank this week due to this
problem, and the same thing happened last month with one of
them for the same problem of very late payment by Barclays of
the IET Grant. So Maureen generously credited my account
with £24 for the three £8 bank charges on Thursday 4 th June.
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On Thursday 28 th May I had yet another filling replaced – but
my normal dentist (I think he owns the practice) was getting
most clients to see other dentists there, as he was solidly
booked up. So a strange dentist replaced my filling – quite a
few by the main one had now fallen out over the past few
years, I told him! Julie and I had a walk after that. She was
owed a tax rebate, the tax office had asked for proof of
earnings of her job seeker’s allowance, but she remembered
that the job centre had taken the relevant virtually
irreplaceable P60U form from her some weeks ago, shortly
after it arrived by post, ostensibly to sort out the same tax
rebate for her. So I drafted a letter for her to Watford Job
Centre, as instructed by Hertford Job Centre when I phoned
them, asking for a replacement P60U. A long saga was to
ensue about getting evidence of her earnings from them, to last
another week. A lot of returned tax, probably £700+, was at
stake, and the fact it was proving very difficult to get hold of
probably caused us to argue on another walk that afternoon
round the Meads, causing her to walk off alone back home!
However we soon made up when I called round. We had had
sex on Tuesday which she vowed ‘was the very last time we
make love’ – but we made up so well, that she actually gave
me one of her magnificent lips, tongue and hand jobs on my
bed that Friday night 29 th May 2009!
The next four days on the trot, Saturday 30 th May to Tuesday
2 nd June, were gloriously bright and warm, and before Julie
worked 3pm-9pm again that week, we drank some wine in the
garden. Childish Nit was playing some teenager radio station
loudly nearby while sunbathing, but there was no clash
between him and me, and the whole ‘debt notes’ incident since
seems to have blown over, with no friction when I have since
bumped into him several times.
On Sunday Julie and I were extremely daring indeed. She got
me to pack a sleeping bag into my rucksack after I asked to
borrow a blanket from her, and we walked to the Meads nearby
and found a very secluded spot in the long grass indeed, and
stripped off on the sleeping bag. Initially we just sunbathed,
then nature or temptation again that week took its course – out
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in the open! Fortunately immediately after the brief
togetherness, I said ‘I feel exposed’ and we quickly got dressed
– fortunately, because 30 seconds after we had got dressed – a
helicopter flew low and directly overhead, missing catching us
at it by two minutes! We had sex again at her place that
evening - making it a record four times in five days - a record
for the last whole two years!
On the Monday the Job Centre at Watford refused to comment
on what were now a letter and two faxes asking for a
replacement P60U form for Julie. We telephoned her tax Office
and they could not advise her any further – so I called my
contact at Benefits HQ in Cambridge and asked for a call from
the exact Section that we had written to at Watford. However,
when I repeated this request in another phone call to this Colin
at Cambridge on the Wednesday, and again got no phone call
to either Julie or me from Watford Job Centre by Thursday,
again I looked at the letter from the Tax Office, we called them
again, and they said ask Watford Job Centre not for an
awkward to obtain P60U, but a ‘Statement of earnings’. We
persevered with phone calls to Watford Job Centre – for nine
times out of ten the answer-phone voice says ‘try again later’ –
and after the usual long delay on hold – Julie was told quite
quickly they would send it out ‘as soon as possible’! I
immediately prepared an envelope with typed address to the
Tax Office, Julie put everything inside it, like clockwork the vital
document arrived on the Saturday 6 th June, I photocopied it,
put the original in the envelope with the other papers, and
posted it off for her. Give it another week, and she should
receive a tax rebate of £700+ which she has waited for, for
weeks, desperately poor and frustrated at the problems with
Watford Jobcentre!
Other events that week were once more few and far between
according to my hand written diary. Julie borrowed my phone
on Tuesday, but was advised that the bees’ nest on the eaves
outside her flat was best left alone. I typed up one month’s
worth of this diary plus the gripe about neighbours above that
night.
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Wednesday was quiet – preoccupied as above we were, with
chasing up Julie’s Proof of Earnings!
Thursday there were local county council and European
Elections, counted on Sunday, resulting in a huge swing from
the ruling Labour Party, but away to many parties, not just the
main opposition Tories – the Green party gained many votes.
That afternoon, before we voted, Julie took me to Harlow to
buy some vital ink for my printer – just the cyan cartridge was
needed so it would work at all – costing a massive £10.87 –
which had risen 50% over last year’s price, I had been told
thanks to the high value of the Euro against the pound in these
days of the global recession – Epson cartridges are made in
Europe, apparently.
Friday was notable only for my biggest ever win on the lottery -
£100 on a Monopoly scratch-card. Julie at first thought I was
pulling her leg when I started scratching off £5, 10 or even £15
prizes on all 15 sections of this scratch-card, having taken it
with my last £5 spent on it, round to hers! Also to do with
money – she was extremely pleased to receive her first pay
packet from her new employer that day, only £100+ as it was –
what with £126 JSA also arriving the next day, finally she is
earning decent money. From her weekly pay packet next
Friday, she will be able to pay rent and council tax in full – back
to normal working and pay at last for the first time since the
end of September – struggling, and with lots of help from me
and partly her mother in the meantime…
Saturday 6 th June 2009 was incredibly quiet – Julie and I both
lost £3 in lottery entries – I had wasted all of £12 on Friday’s
Euro Millions, egged on by my £100 win that day!
Sunday I typed what I regard as a great long letter to three
agencies and the publisher Piatkus, that I posted with copies of
my main book ‘Scientific Proof’ and my poetry after the former
books arrived just in time today Monday 8 th June, to allow me
to post them off today.
Also today, first I spent half an hour with my Doctor and my
social worker Jemima. Despite my fears that the injection is
394

causing me to sleep over twelve hours a day, their views were
that it is in fact lack of anything to get up for that is causing
this; and the view of the Doctor was, that if I lowered any of
my medication at all, I would end up back in hospital – which
obviously is my least favourite sort of place on Earth! Nit had
been seen by the police a week earlier because at least he
alleged his flat had been very thoroughly burgled at the unlikely
time while he was out walking the neighbour’s dog, of 8.30am-
9.30am on the previous Sunday. Now I understood he had
been arrested for not turning up for probation, for a crime he
had been convicted for recently, and was to be in the cells
overnight then appear in court tomorrow, Tuesday!
Finally on Tuesday I saw Julie twice before she worked in the
evening at the start of a heavy work schedule this week, and in
between fitted in half an hour sitting in the local park with
Jemima and James, who is about to finish his assignment here
this week and so qualify as a social worker.
Posting off those books and letters, whether they are brilliant
letters or not, is quite a watershed. I will get all the replies by
about twelve weeks – the end of August, the second
Anniversary of Mum’s death. As I said a long time ago, earlier
this year on the telephone one literary agent confided in me
that the whole book market had been ‘stagnant for five years,
especially because of the Internet – and dead for a whole year
since the “credit crunch” started’. This small mail shot is the
very last I am doing – at least unless the ‘credit crunch’ ends
and the global economy picks up at last. This diary and this
book, therefore, will end by the end of August – either with a
glorious success as a total long shot, of securing an agent for
my book and books, or as an heroic failure in not achieving
that, if as expected they all say ‘no’! Before giving one of my
periodic summaries below, of where I am at the moment in my
God Forsaken Life, I give the text of the letter I sent them: -
My extremely topical, radical, and brief (40pp)
“Manifesto: Abolish All Money!” as now incorporated at
the end of my much larger and very remarkable book
that inspired it “Scientific Proof that (God The Holy)
Spirit Exists” (386pp) and other very interesting
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iographical books I have written that you might in due
course also like to represent to publishers
You are currently considering with a view to representation the
above ‘Manifesto!’ I sent this to you over a month ago, but
have since decided to incorporate it as a sort of appendix into
the end of the body of my earlier and much larger book
‘Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists’ for several
reasons: -
1. At just 40 pages, the ‘Manifesto!’ is only just a booklet and
probably too short to be a full book in its own right
2. The two larger and new smaller ‘Manifesto!’ pieces go
together very much hand in glove to form an ‘anti-political
anti-money complete statement’ that “Spirit precedes
everything else”…
3. With the two together, I believe I have a complete selfcontained
statement – if one presupposes the two great
bodies of science and faith already exist and are regarded
also as complete.
I now ‘sell’ this overall book as enclosed - with a copy of my
poetry up to the year 2000 - to you, only through the
comments of others who have read the book thoroughly. I
wholeheartedly recommend you read the whole book too, for
mere extracts totally fail to do it justice: -
“I have received many comments and pieces of writing about
my book, but your own writing shows by far the deepest
understanding of any of these of what I was talking about”
The famous author Robert M Pirsig who wrote
‘Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance’,
who kindly replied when I sent just the first two
articles or pieces in my own book – back in the early 1980’s
“Describing the indescribable
A comprehensive and astonishing scientific description of
(God the Holy) Spirit
If you ever wondered how science could provide us help in
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understanding Spirit and Soul, here you’ll find a lot of questions
as well as a lot of strong answers. In a rigorous analysis that
includes science as well as holy literature, Simon Lee shares
with us his studies about the structure of the Spirit, the
structure of what doesn’t seem to be visible.
“Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists proves to be a
new milestone, crossing the borders of scientific and religious
taboos. It is a very personal way to approach Nature and Spirit.
New (truly spiritual) ways of approaching history, economics
and diseases are consequently drawn in this three-part book. “
Book Review Department, www.book-promotion.com, Book
Promotion ltd
"Scientific Proof that God the Holy Spirit Exists" is an
interesting piece by Simon Lee that combines the spiritual with
the scientific and mathematical. This combination has been one
that has fascinated Lee for many years of his life, since his days
as an undergraduate student. A man who loves both theology
and science, Lee purports that he “...has made the astonishing
scientific discovery that Spiritual Energy ‘=mc2’ just like
physical energy. Its ‘sevenfold nature’ in the Bible and other
Holy Books, occurs in trees, fountains and cubes. The Sevenfold
‘Holy’ Spirit of God exactly occupies the ‘extra seven
dimensions of the Universe‘ of the latest "string theories" of
science!”
Lee takes a look at time; both through its description in various
Biblical and Apocryphal books, and through its accepted view
according to String Theory in modern cosmological physics. He
also explores what he sees as the seven basic facets of the
human spirit and relates them to the ‘sevenfold’ nature found
throughout the Bible and Apocrypha, as well as the seven basic
facets of the nature of the universe.
Katherine Smith, Editorial Coordinator, Dorrance Publishing Inc.
397

“Your book is a work of genius – a complete philosophical
rather than just scientific Proof that God Exists, in my view. I
fully intend to plagiarise it to get the PhD I want in philosophy,
politics and economics from my old University for that subject,
Lancaster!” (sic-k?)
An acquaintance, David Steward,
BA (PPE), Lancaster University
“I read a lot of books but yours is quite simply the best book
that I have ever read! Your profound yet simple analysis of
how physical and spiritual dimensions coexist is breathtaking
genius!”
Paul de Aragon, professional musician with many websites
“A totally brilliant book! Yet as a Chaplain I don’t quite see
where it ‘fits in’. I think it would be of great appeal to that vast
majority of the population who are at least on the fringes of
faith – especially atheists”
Reverend Simon Manley-Cooper, Chaplain, Queen Elizabeth II
Hospital, Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire
I approached the seven principal famous publishers below with
this masterpiece that took thirty years to conceive and write,
years ago, but as an author was rejected only because they all
insisted on only being approached via an agent. The purpose of
this present letter is obviously to ask you to be enthusiastic
enough about the enclosed book to take it on and represent it
to these and any other publishers you feel might publish it. If
feel sure that if you did, one of these pre-eminent publishers
would publish my book or books:
1. Penguin
2. Hay House
3. HarperCollins
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4. Random House
5. Transworld
6. Macmillan
7. Hodder and Stoughton (Headline)
A visit to my sales site www.lulu.com/authormeuk will finally
also let you preview in full all of four inspiring volumes of
fascinating autobiography. I edited and typeset ‘The Tender
Years’ for my ex girlfriend QT Saunders, and the following three
by me form a trilogy: -
1. Which Witch Doctor?
2. Doctor Police!
3. Always Rise above the Black Art of PSEXISTRICKERY!
I feel sure that if you choose to represent my book or books as
enclosed to publishers, you will want to represent these
biographies too, and I can readily post you copies of them all
upon your request.
Kind Regards
Simon Lee
399

Tuesday 9 th June – Wednesday 10 th June 2009.
Julie has been training and since working increasingly long,
hard hours early morning and late at night, all anti-social hours
with no social hours in between – for two weeks now, after a
long period unemployed since the end of September. I think
that explains why she has changed to being very stand-offish to
my advances these last two days, after a whole week of this,
preceded by our most intensive five days sexually ever. As a
result when I have been to the Mind Club as usual, this
Tuesday evening and again between 1.30pm-2pm, I was
distracted away from ‘frigid suddenly’ Julie by an attractive
blonde woman on the Tuesday. Whether she is a client or a
helper from Mind, so untouchable – I could not tell. She was
not there on Wednesday. The other was there both days – a
slim, short-haired, quiet and serious, yet pretty young woman.
Watch out Julie! Also on Tuesday night Littlewoods picked up a
camera from me and a dress from Julie; and on Wednesday
delivered a much cheaper camera - that I gave to Julie to
congratulate her on getting her job.
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Another SUMMARY of where things stand – Wednesday
10 th June 2009 – in most important respects in my
private life
1. Book publishing efforts continue as usual – websites.
Book Promotion Ltd first got substantial visitors to
www.silee.me.uk (aka www.author.me.uk ) on 10 th
November 2008, and this went for 2,000 visitors in
November and 1,000 in December, then 600 in January and
February, and onwards. I was initially very heartened by
three book sales in December, and three in January.
So heartened in fact was I, that I tried to stop paying USA
Tax on the then likely further sales I predicted, by applying
for a USA Internal Revenue Service ITIN Number for that
reason. However, that process has resulted in two rejections
months later of forms I sent, by the ITIN department at
Austin, Texas. I spent £15 on two long international phone
calls to them, before discovering in a third call that the best
way to finally secure this ITIN Number, was via the US
embassy in London. That proved easy – they returned my
passport having ‘notarized’ it special delivery – and assured
me I should hear from the ITIN department in Austin, Texas,
with my ITIN number ‘within 12 weeks’ that is in July now.
However in the meantime my original driving licence never
reached the ITIN department, so to replace it as lost in the
post has cost me a further £20, and I understand from a
woman I spoke to at the ITIN department that only my
passport would have done – which was too valuable to send.
To summarise – I have done a nearly zero budget launch of
www.silee.me.uk costing £198 to Book Promotion ltd and
under £100 other expenses. However I have spent more
than the resulting proceeds from just six books, on the ITIN
number I would have needed had there been more sales – to
avoid paying 30% US tax ‘withholding’. In particular, while
trying to get this ITIN number – it has cost £20 to replace
my driving licence which got lost in the post on the way to
the ITIN department in Austin, Texas.
The very recent launch just weeks ago of my second website
www.maam.org.uk (aka www.simonlee.me.uk ) really was
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zero budget. I spent then had mostly refunded, just $26.99
on a ‘massive’ submission process to ‘26,000 search engines
and directories’ that never went off. I also spent just £35 on
a submission of both websites to 1,000+ directories each.
Unless I hear from Lulu in reply to my email just now asking
whether they are actually concealing actual sales as part of
the ‘payment hold’ I have had put in place on my account
with them since March, as part of the ITIN problem ongoing
– I will have had no sales from www.silee.me.uk since
February, and nothing at all to date from www.maam.org.uk
– hardly surprising, the latter website gives away the whole
text of that booklet it is selling! In THAT case I might as well
give up both websites as failures – unless I can somehow
publicise them. The only way THAT might happen is if my
continuing investment of £10-£20 a week in lottery scratchcards
and lottery tickets did the near impossible and I got a
large win – hence could ASK the lottery organisers to
publicise these two websites! See (3) Finances.
2. Publishing efforts with my books – literary agents. I
have long considered that the above haphazard method of
promoting my books on relatively obscure websites, even if
they are also shown on Amazon, and Barnes and Noble, and
other Internet book-shops’ sites, is vastly an inferior option
to what I would much prefer. Namely that I would much
prefer to see my books with a mainstream publisher(s)
selling in actual book shops – at a much lower price than the
‘print on demand’ which I once endured with
www.authorsonline.co.uk and which now causes a very high
price during a deep recession; after Lulu, the bookshops and
I all take a cut; on an already enormous production price.
The result years ago of not once but about four times, going
round and posting extracts to all the main publishers was
that I discovered that the seven main ones that I wanted to
target, as in my letter just above recently – all require to be
approached by an agent – not just the mere author!
As a result, two years ago I tried and failed to secure an
agent. I tried again six months ago, again without success.
All six agents I wrote to with extracts of ‘Scientific Proof…’
returned the extracts with a bland pro forma rejection. Then
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about two months ago I wrote my ‘Manifesto: Abolish All
Money!’ and launched www.maam.org.uk to promote it – as I
just said, on a zero budget, and the site gives the whole text
of it anyway, so sales of my Manifesto are very unlikely! I
chose 12 agents to email out of 60 last autumn about this
Manifesto – who had not rejected my ‘Scientific Proof…’
simply because they were full or not taking on new authors,
or similar good reasons. As a result, I sent the Manifesto to
two of these as well as the six and just one publisher, the
Piatkus Imprint of Little Brown Publishers. Only Piatkus and
the following three agents have not rejected the Manifesto
outright in the last six weeks and want four weeks more to
consider it: -
• David Higham Associates
• Curtis Brown
• PFD
I have since decided it is best to merge the Manifesto into
the back end of ‘Scientific Proof…’ as the former is only 40
pages long and needs to form an appendix in this much
bigger book. It is make or break time for both of these now.
As an absolutely last-ditch effort before abandoning all hope
of conventional bookshop presence for either book, I have
sent three copies that I ordered three weeks ago and got on
Monday – to all four of the above three agents and one
publisher.
I should have heard back from all of them by the end of
August – and 28 th August is the second Anniversary of Mum
passing away. By then everything else that follows in this
summary that should happen by then, will have happened. I
can then finish this endurance test of constantly typing up
trivial events in a long diary and end this book. Either as
ever and as usual for me, as a dismal yet heroic failure – like
95% of budding authors in a book market that has been
dead for years and finished off completely by the current
global recession. Or, by some remote chance, celebrating at
last publication success for the new expanded ‘Scientific
Proof…’ and possibly others of my books, even this?
3. My rickety Finances – will I never end feeling very
poor? Julie came straight out with it today and asked me
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what I spent on smoking a week! When I told her it was
£90+ out of a disposable income of £150-160 a week after
all the bills - for that, food, clothes, etc – she was horrified –
even though she has always known that I am a heavy
60+/day smoker and that tobacco has got extremely
expensive. After all her own daughter smokes! “That is a lot
of money to spend on yourself” she said – denying the fact
that while her own income has been £60+/week for months,
for food, bills AND ludicrously perhaps a car – I have heavily
subsidised her by £300+ in the last few months - £25 a
week, to which her mother has added some! Her being back
in a job again – if she has not lost it tonight or at least
brought herself under heavy scrutiny while still in a three
month initial trial – a client’s wife picked on her for no good
reason – should give me that much average extra a week to
spend, so ending often being short of any money some days
a week...
In fact I have been diverting about £25 a week on average
since March to buying lottery tickets and (mostly £5) scratch
cards – continuing because I am actually ahead on that by
some margin. My winning £70 on a scratch card in March
got Julie a battery and MOT for her car – she might have had
to scrap it otherwise! When I later won £16.70 on Euro
Millions I gave her £14 of that. She has had other smaller
amounts of lottery wins from me, mostly on scratch cards as
the odds of winning per card are so much higher than the
national lotteries themselves. On scratch cards, since March
I have won £100 + £80 + 3x£40 + 10x£20 and numerous
£10 and £5 prizes - that usually vanish, the latter, back into
buying more cards! I have also won £10 and all of £74 on
the Saturday lottery – and £16.70 and £22.40 on the Euro
Millions lottery. More invested in a lower rate of return by
far… I will continue to buy at least one £5 scratch card each
of my two days a week that I get paid, and a couple of ‘lucky
dips’ for each of the three lotteries themselves each week;
until either my books sell, I get a big lottery win by some
fluke; or something unexpected brings a lot of money my
way.
404

Two things are certain – I cannot earn more than £20 a week
without the extra income being deducted from my benefit,
according to the rules for my case, I have been told several
times by the benefits people.
Secondly, even if I was not as I am rendered totally unfit for
work by ten major admissions since 1995 totalling about six
years put away; I have lost ALL of my last five jobs through
my ‘label’. I was actually ill on an assignment once, so made
redundant at PA Consulting Group in 1992, precipitating all
my problems since; lost two short contracting jobs in the
recession then through illness; lost my last full time job at
Lockheed Martin by constructive dismissal after no illness at
all – just the company doctor finding out that ‘I had a label’;
and even lost a lucrative part time tutoring job after I
confessed to the owner I have a ‘label’! So it comes down to
making more money: - by my current mail round with three
agents and a publisher actually succeeding by a remote
chance; a big lottery win; or something totally unexpected
and out of the blue besides!
4. My relationship with (ever loyal but not always
sexy) Julie! Julie has ended seven months
unemployment with two weeks’ full time work to date now
– preceded by three days of training and a bit of initial
work she was glad for, to refresh herself on caring
techniques. She has been stressed out and so sexless
during those two weeks – particularly worried that her first
two Friday wage packets have been quite a bit less than
£200 each. Julie always dreams of: - owning a decent
house so she can do more foster caring as a career;
owning a Ford Galaxy ‘people carrier’; never having
anything like enough for those two main ambitions, so
frankly admits she wants to meet a richer man than I – or
even a rich lesbian! Hopefully once she gets over the
shock of a stressful new job with its anti-social early
morning and late night hours, she will find time for more
of a love life with me like just two weeks ago! Julie is also
owed a tax rebate for last year of approaching £1,000 and
I hope this gets sorted out next week. I have paid her
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over £300 in the last three months and hope for at least
£60 back as I owe my father that much…
5. Jeni at ‘school end’ and her Uni and career prospects
I remain horrified to death, now that Jeni’s time at
secondary school is virtually over, that I have never met
or even been spoken to by any of her teachers at her
Presdales school in Ware. I have been totally excluded by
a ‘conspiracy of prejudice’ by her mother and her school –
whereas at the primary school at Dane End, I was kept
fully informed – probably because it was a small village, so
the school knew who I was. Apparently Presdales have
been told some wild story! Jeni should get her A level
results next month, July, and I look forward to lengthy
discussions with her that she has promised for then.
These will be about what she should study at University
and do as a career afterwards. We have very much drifted
apart since my mother developed, then died from breast
cancer two years ago. I am alarmed that recently Jeni has
been excluding me even more by referring to Helen and
Rodney, not me, as ‘her family’. I really must influence
her once she gets her A level results soon, when me meet,
to remind her that I deserve friendship and respect as her
real father!
6. Health Issues – winter infections, my mental health
- and some temporary obesity! I had not really had
any colds or flu, immunised by multiple lengthy
admissions to germ ridden mental hospitals, since my
admission when I had flu back in 1995. However, on my
trip to Sussex at Easter I contracted a massive cold – a
sinus infection it turned out – at my brother and sister-inlaw’s
house. Julie caught a cold off me for a while as a
result too, and has had various small “ladies’ problems”
over the winter too – all almost certainly from the stress
of being unemployed so long till now. However my mental
health has remained rock solid for over a year and two
weeks now – and Julie has no complaints in that
department! However, I have not mentioned that in the
winter, for the first time ever I got quite fat, in stomach
and sides – until my dentist commented on the effect on
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my rather decayed teeth, of excess sugary drinks. On his
advice I switched to ‘diet’ cola and other soft drinks – and
that change has taken the weight off again – no doubt
along with the frequent walks Julie and I took up to a
couple of weeks ago, in the fine weather then. Julie was
commenting on my paunch until inactivity at home from
unemployment led her to develop a spare tyre round her
stomach too – along with becoming a bra size bigger and
even more buxom than usual! With working hard, long
anti-social hours, she has probably lost half a stone in two
weeks so her own weight problem is also under control
again!
7. Friends and Family. It has been very, very quiet with
my immediate family since Easter two months ago. As
ever I never hear from Jem and Jane, who remain
oblivious and prefer to remain oblivious to all my
problems. That is, my own brother has only ever paid me
one solitary visit of just five minutes while I have spent
years literally in hospital – claiming ‘I live too far away
ever to visit you and as you know have a young family’!
My father and sister always seem to keep themselves
deliberately too ‘busy’ – my father with DIY in his new
house and my sister with her lecturing job – ever to ring
me up for even a short social chat. Of my only two
acquaintances until recently left in the area in ‘mental
health’; both appear to have been ‘taken away’ recently!
Young Chris the Sri Lankan vanished from Ware end of
last year – and Jemima, who works with him, says his
whereabouts now are ‘confidential’ – a mental hospital and
now a Therapeutic Community like I have been threatened
with twice now? My other wacky acquaintance, Paul,
arrived on my doorstep at 10am yesterday, Thursday 11 th
June – and admitted he had just emerged from nine
hideous weeks in Woodhill jail near Milton Keynes – for
assaulting a young girl in the street! Meanwhile I have
made some new friends at the Mind Club.
8. My flat and being here 10 whole years this
September. I am really rather shocked to realise that I
moved to this bedsit homeless in early September 1999,
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and have been largely festering here apart from writing,
for the whole ten years since, apart from frequent hospital
admissions. I have tried to move, through the Housing
Association and Council, for over five years without
success. If only the only real nuisance neighbour as
above, Nit, finally got thrown out for good, and Julie and I
continue a generally extremely warm relationship, life here
would in fact be very tolerable – to continue life here!
9. The future of this and all of my books. 28 th August
marks the significant second anniversary of my Mother’s
death. Meanwhile I am getting fed up with typing up this
account of seemingly mostly trivial events in my personal
life, and am really both hoping and determined to bring
the whole thing to a climax around that date. The
following should have happened to enable me to end this
book around then: -
• I should have heard back from the three agents and a
publisher that I sent a final climactic letter to with my
book this Monday. Chances are 99%+ they will all turn
me down. There is still a tiny chance I may get a ‘yes’ as
a reward for all my tireless efforts in the past to get a
conventional publisher for my book or books, with or
without an agent. This book will then end with either last
minute success or an heroic failure…
• Jeni should have got her A level results, we should have
had several chats at least about her future, and I should
have persuaded her again, to see the careers advisor at
the local college. Hopefully we can re-establish our
relationship as daughter and (real) father in the process!
• Julie ends a three month trial period then with her new
job, so hopefully in the meantime she will have got over
the stress she feels at present, and our (sexual)
relationship will be more back to normal too.
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Thursday 11 th June – Monday 15 th June 2009.
I described the few events of Tuesday 9 th and Wednesday 10 th
June above before this summary I just gave; and my diary
continues to be very quiet and nearly empty, in fact, until all of
three very frustrating events today, Monday 15 th June. In the
post first thing on the Thursday 11 th June was yet another
returned manuscript – the ‘Manifesto!’ had bounced back from
David Higham Associates, whence I had sent it about six weeks
earlier. In fact it must have crossed in the post with the parcel
containing my poetry book and ‘Scientific Proof…’ on the
Monday 8 th .
I saw James, my trainee social worker for the last time on his
assignment to Cygnet House. He got me to help him fill out a
tedious and enormous form to apply to the mental health
charity locally, Rethink, to get me a ‘befriender’ or ‘official
friend’. I am not sure I need one, and this was started nearly a
year ago then fell through when the befriender, one Stewart,
left the job a week later!
While I was doing this Julie had gone also for 2pm to her
company HQ in Welwyn Garden City, and faced a mild
disciplinary ‘chat’ about some bitchy remarks from fellow care
workers that she was not carrying out ‘lifting and handling’ of
clients correctly. Julie replied she was doing that by the book,
the way they had trained her, so these fellow Carers were the
ones doing it wrong! Her interviewer heard her version of the
‘abuse by her client’s wife’ the previous night – and Julie was
able to admit that she had made a slight mistake that did not
warrant being torn apart like that – and her boss agreed!
I had a very quiet afternoon and then it occurred to me that I
had had three sales in December and January, especially from
my www.silee.me.uk web site, then nothing since despite 600
visitors a month, some clearly interested according to the
statistics I had. Did the ‘payment hold’ my Lulu account had
been under since March while I sorted out my ITIN number,
which I still await, actually mean that sales still accrued but
were not reported by Lulu, I asked Lulu in a ‘ticket’ – a new
system they had? Still no answer by today, Monday, so I
409

epeated the email to a ‘lulu help’ address they had emailed me
on in turn.
On Friday I had my depot and lost £3 on ‘lucky dips’ in the
Friday Euro Millions lottery.
On Saturday it was warm and sunny so Julie and I had a coffee
in a café nearby, a rare treat for us, then sat in the garden with
a fruit juice – until we commented on the forest of borage at
the other end of the adjacent flower bed that she had already
weeded one end of. She brought me her limited garden tools
and I dug up the borage – deep roots and all – and levelled the
soil – nearly filling a ‘wheelie-bin’!
Sunday was again warm, so we relayed the food and drink
down to the green metal table in the shade, but I was left to
cook the chicken breasts and then sausages by myself for
nearly an hour whilst Julie made a potato salad! In the end,
even while nearly black, Julie and Rachel declared that their
chicken breasts were not cooked in the middle – so back they
went on the barbecue! As a result of this, exaggerating
somewhat (rather rough Beaujolais wine at fault?) Julie said
this was the worst barbecue of her life!
Today, Monday, ended this ‘quiet patch’ with several very
frustrating phone calls – and a frank confession from Julie that
no, she had ‘gone right off sex’ since the four times in five days
of two weeks ago! Firstly I phoned Stamford Tax Office from
Julie’s place – yet when I put her through they said all their
systems, every single one, were down ‘for essential
maintenance’ for all of two weeks – and to ring back then,
Monday 29 th June! This saga had been going on for two whole
months already, and it does not look like poor Julie will get her
tax rebate till July. So she will not be able to repay me any of
her planned partial repayment of the £300+ which I have
spoon fed her over the past three months or so, while she has
been even more devastatingly poor than usual! Even worse,
she goes on holiday in mid July, and without the tax rebate
may have to cancel this holiday! Back home I telephoned all
four people I had sent parcels of books to a week before, and
got a very mixed and once more very frustrating response: -
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• The publishing imprint Piatkus HAD indeed got the parcel –
I should hear their verdict ‘inside two weeks’!
• My contact at PFD ltd is out till tomorrow so I will phone
her if she does not phone me first
• HOWEVER neither Curtis Brown nor David Higham
Associates had any record of receiving their parcels –
worth £25+ each in postage and contents! Had they been
lost in the post?
I had some dry but not very stale bread and Julie had some
very hard green apples. We went for a walk round the Meads
and fed the ducks and swans by the weir but could not find any
horses to give apples to in the usual fields… I typed this diary
up to today from Thursday 11 th June 2009 – and as this book
has got quite a lot bigger since my last revision – published it
on www.lulu.com .
Tuesday 16 th June – Monday 22 nd June 2009.
When I rang PFD on Tuesday they had indeed got the parcel.
However there was a Manifesto returned in the post too – by
Curtis Brown. I rarely complain about shop produce but had
written on Saturday to Nestle pet foods with the last few
pouches of a box of twelve that my cat had completely turned
her nose up at, I told them. They now replied, saying that they
had sent these pouches to the Quality Inspector at the factory,
and I would hear back when he made his report. I had a letter
from the IET about my benefits, pointing out that I should
declare my couple of small pensions to the DWP or might get
into trouble, recommending I go to see the local Citizens’
Advice Service, now in Hertford.
Julie had been advised that her rear car number plate was
nearly illegal, as it was cracked and stained, so I ordered her a
replacement costing just £8.45 that evening, from a web site,
promising next day free delivery. Indeed she got it the very
next day, so I drilled two holes in it using the old one as a
template for the holes, and fitted it for her. Then I went to the
Mind Club 1.30pm-2.40pm.
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I felt very depressed about all of: - ongoing long term (16
years now!!!) lack of a publishing breakthrough; my daughter’s
future; Julie’s frustration and appallingly low pay at work; my
own frustration over years of never having any cash either,
which I was why I still persevered at trying to start a career as
an author. So I had a short sleep that afternoon – and felt
better.
On Thursday it was ever so quiet. I had an email from David
Higham Associates saying my books were indeed there, after
all. So I telephoned Curtis Brown again, but they still had no
record of my books on their log.
On Friday I had yet another parcel of books returned with a
bland pro forma letter – this time my Manifesto was returned
by the publisher Piatkus. I had had no reply from Lulu to my
email of over a week ago – so faxed them. I checked my web
site visitor figures for the first time in ages. http://silee.me.uk
had had about 1,000 human visitors last month and
http://maam.org.uk had had about 500. I needed to know
quite urgently whether my account being on ‘payment hold’
meant that the Lulu page on the web actually showed sales.
The fax got no response, so next day, Saturday, I emailed lulu
support. I also ordered three copies of my poetry and two
copies of ‘Scientific Proof’ as my stocks of both were low.
On Sunday three police cars appeared outside in the morning,
and there was a drugs raid on my new neighbours next door,
who were out! Jeni called in as arranged, as agreed we just
chatted without discussing her A level exams or career plans –
then for the first time in years she let me take a couple of
photos of her outside in the garden!
Monday was very quiet indeed – I just recorded in my diary
having a regular meeting with Jemima my social worker –
resumed now that James had qualified and left that office…
412

Tuesday 23 rd June – Tuesday 7 th July 2009.
I had reached a bleak low point in my doldrums of seemingly
endlessly waiting for replies from literary agents, this first
Tuesday 23 rd June. However, the next ten days saw a veritable
whirlwind of activity all prompted by a chance discovery of a
Google Adword advert – that may well yet totally transform my
book publishing activities!
The week started off in typically ordinary fashion, with a
podiatry appointment at 2pm, where I was told that the
buildings there were to be refurbished soon, so my next several
appointments would be at the main clinic in Hertford, a bus ride
away.
Then the doldrums started when I went on a recently very rare
walk with Julie – now that she had finally started her new job.
She was not at all happy with the pay and the sloppy carryingon
of their office over the phone, she said, for one thing they
rarely got her out a rota of people to visit to care for, in the
post, in time. Then suddenly, the ‘demanding little madam’ in
Julie came out in a sudden attack on me! ‘I need to meet a
rich man. You are far from rich. All the other men in my life
had cars. You don’t even have a car to take me out’. This
demanding side sometimes came out in her; this time I was too
hurt by it to point out that I had saved her bacon many times
by giving her just enough money to get out of a pickle. First,
and the most money was involved, back in March when I gave
her all my lottery winnings and more of £60 – enough to buy
and have a battery fitted; and get her car through its MOT.
This ‘demanding little madam’ side of her seems to have been
the reason she was bankrupt when I met her – she says she
took out large loans that she could not afford in the usual
impossibly low paid job she seems to have taken a long series
of. It was back in the last week of May that we last made love
– three times in five days. Now the relationship had definitely
been put on frigid ice by her!
I returned home really very depressed – so missed going to the
Mind Club that evening. Julie like me had been poor ever since
413

her own divorce, like me previously living in a decent large
house, with decent car, etc. We both yearn to have a decent
income again now single, even though for me, I have written
my ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money!’ which is probably a pipedream
that would be fiercely resisted by the rich especially!
Julie has recently ended seven months of very low income
indeed on the dole. She has offered to repay out of a tax
rebate, once that finally comes through in some weeks, at least
some of the several hundred pounds I have given her in the
last few months, keen she should not starve at some points,
even! As for me, employed work has fallen apart through
mental illness, the last two times with Lockheed Martin and A1
Personal Tutors just through the rumour of that, all of five
times in the last 16 years. I did get a flyer through my door
advertising training to become a plumber or electrician on the
Monday 22 nd June – the day before this – and the bullet point
‘be your own boss’ caught my eye as one might expect! See
later – I have contacted them and am awaiting a reply by
telephone, as I write on Saturday 11 th July…
That leaves my books – which that night seemed to be just a
rapidly fading dream! After my website only got me six units of
sales in December and January, I had redoubled my efforts to
persuade British literary agents to represent my book(s?) to
publishers. However, with each of the resulting three waves of
approaches by email and parcel, in the Autumn after launching
the website, in January and now; the number of agents left
worth approaching, as we have seen, has diminished to just
two left to reply now. Possibly three, if Curtis Brown in fact do
have the parcel I sent – which is not their report on the
telephone. So – virtually certainly, an absolute nil chance of
ever getting a UK literary agent left, it struck me very forcibly
that Tuesday night 23 rd June. Then again – Lulu Press Inc. had
failed to reply at all to one email two weeks earlier, several
reminder emails and even a fax last weekend. I started to
think from the nature of their merely robot email replies, with
most email channels cut off now, that they had gone bust or
been taken over! If that happened, with no agent in sight for
my book, I really would be up a gum tree! Slightly desperate
and anxious about all this, I even sought an alternative to Lulu
by googling for ‘free publishers’ late that evening.
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Suddenly I seemed to have had an immense slice of good luck.
For there was only one much smaller alternative to Lulu Press
Inc, it turned out, which would be very hard to change to.
However there was a Google Adword Advert on the very top of
the page that I would very much have liked to find if I was
looking for such a thing – for the Large American Literary
Agency www.wlwritersagency.com or Writers’ Literary Agency.
I explored their website and it seemed right up my street –
they were currently recruiting new authors like me and also had
both ‘Christian’ and ‘non-fiction – religion and spirituality’
categories. I left it too depressed to think about filling in the
brief questionnaire and then waiting ‘2-3 days’ to see whether
my book ‘Scientific Proof’ might interest them and they ask me
to send the manuscript. The first part of the next day,
Wednesday 24 th June, soon got me riled up enough and out of
my depression to do all that, after sleeping on it, exhausted
with stress!
Two negative things happened on Wednesday morning 24 th
June, followed by a brief very positive hour 12.30pm-1.30pm at
the Mind Club, where I got pepped up by several helpers and
friends there. The first negative thing was the sound of my
books that only just the previous Thursday, I had confirmed
had arrived at the agent David Higham Associates, thumping to
the floor of my hall – once more returned with just an unsigned
standard note! Then I faxed Lulu a second time after faxing
them at the weekend. At the Mind Club that followed, Lena,
one of the care workers, commented I was very tense – so I
explained some of my problems and feelings – and with her
encouragement, left early, got home and at length filled out a
submission questionnaire for ‘Christian’ books on the Writers
Literary Agency site. There was no way to submit my
autobiographical books, including this one, so I emailed Sherry,
their acquisitions director, attaching them. Then I waited in
tenterhooks to see if they really would reply by Saturday – their
promised ‘2-3 days’. Meanwhile at very long last there was a
one-line email from Lulu – saying just ‘thank you for your
patience. Your account is on payment hold but sales are still
reported – but there have been no sales for you since January’!
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Late on Thursday, I heard on the radio, the world famous pop
singer Michael Jackson was found dead. I had a quiet day. A
parcel arrived very soon after ordering the five books it
contained, from Lulu. I confirmed that my IET Grant would
indeed arrive the next day in the bank in a series of calls to and
from the IET. Julie and I took her grandson to the park
opposite, which was empty most of that time, so he charged
round all the playground fixings at will!
On Friday an angry Julie called saying she had been given a
£70 fine for parking overnight on a nearby yellow line - which
she thought was clearly fake! After some discussion I emailed
the parking people with a complete explanation and photos
proving this – then when they did not come out properly on my
copy of the email – posted a copy by mail. I paid my bill at
Barclays bank for my Barclaycard and had a chat to the client
manager first about the minimum charge; and above all the
fact that they had failed to reply at all to no less than three
copies of the same letter, months before, requesting them to
write off the balance on medical grounds. She got on the
phone to them, paid them a new minimum charge that was £4
lower, and at long last after minutes, they told her to tell me to
write yet again, this time with a supporting medical letter. I
duly rang Jemima when I got home, but she was out till
Monday. That Monday I was to take my own letters to
Barclaycard as well as Citi Cards to her, but she was busy all
week, agreeing on Wednesday in a message via one of the
secretaries to produce a supporting letter for me – but only
asking me down to approve and post it off with the other letters
on Friday – all of a week after Barclays requested it, so I
thought to send one to Citi as well. There were various tribute
shows to Michael Jackson on TV that evening.
On Saturday I emailed Sherry at Writers Literary Agency,
having heard nothing in three days, to remind her that their
deadline of three days was up! That day the Glastonbury
Festival was apparently beset by storms, which were eventually
to come up this way too. Later that day, I duly got my first
email from Sherry, the Acquisitions Director of Writers’ Literary
Agency. Basically it was very long, containing many answers to
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Frequently Asked Questions, and said if I wanted to carry on
being self published, here was another very helpful web-site. If
I wanted conventional publishing and to be treated like any
other of their authors, I should reply so to this email. There
was no mention of other emails I had sent – seemingly all
emails they sent out were very long and standard like this –
containing a FAQ to answer nearly all Frequently Asked
Questions. I immediately replied indicating absolutely I wanted
to be represented to conventional publishers as I found selfpublishing
to be like ‘banging my head against a brick wall’!
My diary records a totally quiet Sunday, when I commented
bluntly to Julie that for the last four weeks with her working, we
had had ‘no sex and no relationship’ to which her retort was
again shrew-like as on Tuesday! “You have no money, no car;
and you never take me out as a result!” I went home realising
that the relationship with a very poor single woman who
aspired to great riches – was probably over. Then she even
texted me – ‘find a woman who fancies you – for sex!’
Monday 29 th June to Thursday 2 nd July was extremely hot and
humid, and then there were thunderstorms, almost inevitably.
On the Saturday there were several absolutely torrential
downpours here. On the Monday 29 th June again I looked at
the postcard I had received about two weeks earlier, with
details of training courses to ‘be your own boss’ as a very
practical plumber or electrician. ‘Great for the long term’ I
thought so rang them. They were supposed to have an expert
ring back within seven working days but I had to phone again
last Wednesday 8 th July and restart that process! That does not
exactly speak volumes for their efficiency! Likewise Julie
borrowed my land line handset ‘through the wall’ at her flat
next door, and got nowhere again with the Stamford Tax Office.
She was told that as she wrote to them three weeks earlier, as
they had a six week backlog with their post room, a manual
process, she should ring again no earlier than another three
weeks – Monday 20 th July!
On the Tuesday, I had a phone call from the Citizens Advice
Bureau, in Hertford, about 9.30am, asking me to attend at
11am not 2.30pm as I had arranged the previous week. I duly
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had breakfast and caught the bus to Tesco in Hertford, but the
directions they had given were wrong, so I only found the
building after about ten minutes, so was a bit late. The
meeting was about disclosing my small pensions to the benefits
service in such a way that my existing awards in the past were
not penalised, and they clawed them back - once I told the
benefits service once more that I had three small pensions,
when they would reduce my income support benefit as a result.
The advice after ten minutes was to keep it simple and ring the
benefits service and just say I wanted to declare some
occupational pensions which I now understood counted as
income that should have been taken off my income support up
till now – as in the past before last year’s hospitalisation. I got
the bus back home again, rang them just like that and they
sent a paid envelope that arrived on Wednesday 1 st July. I sent
the required original details of pension payments in that
envelope, together with a detailed covering letter. However I
was quite worried that they might try to claw back about
£1,000 as ‘benefit overpayment’. However, yesterday as I
write, Saturday, 11 th July, there was merely a simple letter
saying that my benefits had been reduced from now on with no
mention of overpayment – and indeed my benefit payment for
that day was some £15+ down on previous payments.
Finally on Tuesday I got another vital email from Writers
Literary Agency – saying they were pleased with my answer in
my email of Saturday, attaching my manuscript, that my
manuscript needed some ‘polishing’ – they would review it now
taking ‘5-10 days’ i.e. until about Friday 10 th July – and if they
accepted my ‘Scientific Proof’ book to represent it to publishers,
tell me about the next step – getting an editorial critique done
for it.
I was on tenterhooks that night and the next day, Wednesday,
over this, but could not tell anybody at the Mind Club about it
because other news very much overshadowed this. A male
member of the club, a very affable young man, had died – and
nobody yet knew how! On that Thursday 2 nd July I was still on
tenterhooks, all day in otherwise a totally quiet uneventful day,
so my diary says.
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Friday only brought good news. Two weeks earlier I had
written to Nestle pet foods complaining that my cat had refused
to eat nearly every sachet of food from a box of ‘Felix in Jelly’ –
enclosing the remaining four untouched sachets and the box.
They had immediately acknowledged this – and now sent a £5
postal order, a £5 Purina voucher – with a long letter saying
that their Quality Inspector had reported nothing wrong with
the cat food – but some cats were fussier than others! The
other envelope in the post that morning was even more
valuable – just a cheque for £52.50 from my mobile phone
company – cash-back that was very timely to pay for my book
critique soon – that I had been told I would only be paid after
18 th August, when I phoned them a few weeks earlier.
Finally I turned on the computer and checked my email as
usual. There was only one email in the inbox – but it was a
vital one. I knew immediately it was fantastic news for the title
said WL positive review! Indeed when I read it, Writers Literary
Agency had agreed to take me on and represent ‘Scientific
Proof’ – and told me of their decision in this email just three
days not all of 5-10 days after they said they would make a
decision and inform me!
That Friday Julie had only got under £140 in her pay packet,
and was disgusted with both this and her lousy new job, after
months of searching for one! As she was so broke I bought her
a copy of the Hertfordshire Mercury local paper at the
supermarket – so she could find any possible new job. Indeed
there were two – but one was not suitable as it required ‘a high
standard of literacy and numeracy’ – not one of Julie’s great
strengths, it must be said. However the other offered two
suitable types of work. Firstly ‘caring round the houses by car’
as at present – but both better paid and also offering about
‘four times the national average’ time at clients’ homes – again
increasing pay, for these care companies never pay for travel
time! Secondly there was live-in care at all of £400-£500+ a
week – which she did until September 2008 but for far less
money!
On Saturday I was on tenterhooks about my other books,
including this one – and how to pay for any critiques required
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once I discussed these with the agent, which the Agency’s
Aquisitions Director Sherry had told me by email would happen
once the critique for the first book had been received by both
them and I. Indeed I was supposed at that point to actually
meet the agent, which will be interesting to achieve as they are
5,000+ miles away in the USA! To try to provide flexibility, I
found another credit card to apply for – but they said at the
end they would let me know the outcome in ‘five days’. There
has been no letter to date as I write on Sunday 12 th July – so I
will phone them on Monday 13 th if there is still no news by post
then. Julie and I had some wine at my place that night, took
off our clothes, and she helped me out, I helped her out – then
she helped me out a second time!
On Sunday Julie’s Dad cancelled a lunch date at the last minute
so she gave me a cold chicken salad instead of him! She
anguished all afternoon, filling out the application form for the
above two care jobs that I had printed off the Internet. Where
it said tick one box to apply for care worker or live-in carer – I
told her to tick both boxes to keep her options open at
interview!
I had accepted the offer from the Agency on Friday almost
immediately, and on Monday an email arrived with a contract to
fill in and sign electronically. The contract seemed short and
perfectly reasonable so I filled it in and emailed it back. I was
only to email it also to my father the next day – who promptly
phoned back saying there was nothing wrong with it. There
was an email address special to Writers Literary Agency given
in Sherry’s email, at www.writersliterary.com their chosen
Editorial Critique Company, and as requested I sent them a
short email asking for information as how to obtain a critique
for ‘Scientific Proof’. Later a Kate replied saying a critique cost
$89 with details of how to pay, when they would email me a
critique form and instructions. I had to wait for the cheque for
£52.50 from Friday to clear on Thursday, which was worrying
till it actually finally cleared at midnight on the Thursday
morning. Up till midnight, then, to wait for it to clear, I
immediately paid www.writersliterary.com their $89. (£57.12 it
worked out to).
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That evening Julie announced she wanted us to go on holiday
at the end of the August, by which time she would have been in
her job twelve weeks so qualifying for holiday pay – and by
then would also have received her tax rebate. So we scoured
the brochures she had on both Cornwall and Dorset self
catering and bed and breakfast. We soon chose Dorset as
being nearer and quite a lot cheaper on the whole – and Julie
soon said she had chosen to stay near Beaminster, a small
market town about 7 miles inland and north of Lyme Regis, the
famous resort on the Jurassic Coast, famed for its abundance of
fossils. I telephoned the most likely place, who were full but
gave me the phone number of a neighbour, who turned out to
have a vacancy then. She gave me their website address – the
only problems were possibly that it was one big room like a
hotel room; and there was no washing machine in the separate
kitchen. Otherwise fine.
There was an email conversation with the lady owner of this
sort of flat the next day, Tuesday, and she confirmed the
booking. However, she still had not produced any sort of
invoice by email then or the next day, that I explained I needed
in order to prove to my ‘fund’ (the IET) that I wanted £600
holiday grant for valid reasons! A local unisex hair salon was
offering free haircuts by a trained but not fully qualified
hairdresser. I inquired about this, was immediately given a
free haircut, and it was perfectly OK! At the Mind Club the
evening 6.45pm-8.30pm all my friends among both clients and
helpers were delighted at my news that finally, at long last,
after 16 whole years of trying – I had been taken on by an
agent so might well soon get published by a top publisher – so
in the bookshops at long last after 16 years wait!
So ended 15 dramatic days!
Wednesday 8 th July – Sunday 12 th July 2009.
I knew I might need money to get critiques for quite a few
books in the end. I also had some college courses in mind for
the autumn. Jemima had mentioned ‘Direct Payments’ from
the benefits agencies for such things, so I first rang her then
she agreed to see me immediately. However, money for my
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ooks was out of the question, and she said I was only well
enough to take a guitar course and possibly a year’s training
only at the local college, as an electrician! Certainly there was
no way that benefits would stretch to paying for the distance
learning about how to become a plumber or electrician for
which I still await a phone call even now, Sunday 12 th July.
Disappointed, I reflected on an earlier very belated success that
came in the post earlier that day. My damned ITIN number
had finally been assigned. I emailed the W8BEN form with this
to Lulu, and then posted them a copy. Much good it may do I
thought, they are making no sales reports, for months now, but
an ITIN may now become vital now I may get a US publisher
through Writers Literary Agency! I had a massive four hour
sleep that afternoon in the heat!
Then there was a bombshell from Julie, after asking me round
as she had ‘something to say’. It was an outburst of female
‘logic’, as follows: - “If I go on holiday with you, we will have
sex, then none when we get back!” (i.e. she would make sure
of that!) In other words, she was backing out of any holiday
with me – so I went home, and emailed a cancellation to
Dorset…
After that outburst, Thursday was again very quiet. At
midnight I paid for my critique on ‘Scientific Proof’, as soon as
the £52.50 cheque cleared, with some money already left in the
account from yesterday to easily cover the full cost. I rang the
IET and asked for my £600 holiday grant – I now planned to
spend some days with my father like last year. They got me to
confirm that I needed the full £600 in an email. The reply
email said it would be paid by next Wednesday.
Friday too was quiet apart from my depot – but
www.writersliterary.com acknowledged my payment and sent
the critique form for me to fill in. There was one possibly
awkward problem – they wanted the manuscript in such a form
that I would literally have to dismember and mangle my
existing pristinely presented (for self publishing) version. In
the end I sent it as it was, as a pdf file, and told them to
convert it into ‘their’ form themselves if it was not a fully legible
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and clear copy! I also emailed their Kate of administration
about this and also asked her to quote for more critiques on
other books.
On the Saturday I woke up at about 7.30am, very early for me,
with a nasty cough, that just would not stop until I retched
somewhat after some minutes. The letter I mentioned before
from the DWP said my benefits had been lowered by about
£15+ a week from today, and I checked on my internet
banking and verified that. However, the letter failed to mention
any clawing back of any ‘overpayment of benefit’ to my
enormous relief. Finally I emailed Vicki from
www.writersliterary.com to ask her to confirm (a) that my pdf
file I had sent would be workable (b) to quote for critiques for
up to 6 other manuscripts.
On Sunday Kate replied briefly by email that it was a fixed $89
that was already discounted fully, for each critique. I wait on
Monday to see the reply from Vicki – I am anxious not to carve
out especially for this firm, with a lot of hard work, an ‘editor
only’ version of what I have sent them. From Saturday night to
Sunday I typed up the last three weeks of this diary, starting
on Tuesday 23 rd June.
So, after approaching Writers Literary Agency after finding their
advert for new authors by chance on Tuesday night 23 rd June,
they had signed me up the following Friday 3 rd July; and I had a
critique on the way barring problems with the manuscript
format, just a week later. All going well, the critique should be
ready by about Friday 24 th July, be sent to me and the Agent
for my book at Writer Literary Agency, who should then start
talking to me. How as they claim I am to meet this Agent,
when I live 5,000 miles away from the USA across the Atlantic,
at this stage remains unclear!
Ever since signing up last week, I have been pondering my
other books. I am told by the Agency that I can only discuss
these with them once the Agent for the first book ‘Scientific
Proof’ has got in touch. Firstly, do I want to keep the present
texts? Some people in the psyche trade have told me they are
probably libellous! A review by the Agency as to whether they
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are worthy for them to represent, would be an opportunity to
get wise comment on that. Secondly, I am now aware of a new
objection in the critique form to the sheer size of ‘Doctor
Police!’ at 700 pages and a massive 390,000 words. It is
literally three times bigger than what the critique company
recommend in that form, as a maximum for a novel, or such an
autobiography that resembles a novel! A far older objection of
mine that I have never had the time, inclination or money to
correct, is the ‘Baskerville Old Face’ font in 12 point in A4, that
looks a bit, well, pokey in the final reduced Royal published
size. The present book is, in A4, laid out in the far clearer and
bigger Verdana 14 point, which reduces to about 11 point in
Royal – far easier to read. I would now like to standardise on
making ‘Doctor Police!’ in its present massive, cumbersome
form into not one, but three roughly 300+ page books. A quick
reminder skim told me yesterday that it will readily break down
into ‘Disabled by Doctors’ – an account of 2002-2004; ‘The Four
Helens of the Apocalypse’ – about Helen-Marie; and finally the
last third kept as ‘Doctor Police!’ Particularly as it holds most
references to the police! In fact I will be standardising on
Verdana as in this book and ‘Scientific Proof’ as the chosen font
for all my books. My final change will be one I have introduced
these last two days in this diary. Previously in this book and
‘Doctor Police!’ in these diary sections, I had one great long
paragraph per whole week – or even two! Now I will have
white space paragraph breaks, at least one, for each day.
So, for the next few days or a week or so, I will be carrying out
a large scale revision of all the five (was three) books in this
series. To the font and layout at least – I will leave most of the
criticism of the content to my new agent in a couple of weeks.
Also, for the first time in a long time, I have quite a few dates
of note to look forward to in the next few weeks: -
Monday 13 th July. Hopefully hear from Vicki of
www.writersliterary.com accepting my ‘Scientific Proof’
manuscript in its present published form – otherwise there may
be problems! Ring up the new credit card company if they
have not written and the letter does not arrive in the post.
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From that day, start converting my three autobiography books
into five, with editing on a large scale as above. Then obtain
printed copies from Lulu, to check, which obviously may have
to be repeated.
Wednesday 15 th July – by now have £600 holiday grant in the
bank from the IET.
Thursday 16 th July – my father and sister and I are attending
my CPA meeting at Cygnet House. Repay my father £60 from
the above £600 holiday grant until Julie pays me money back!
Monday 20 th July. Julie and I to ring her tax office about when
and how much tax rebate she is to be paid. Replies from Citi
and Barclaycard about then?
Friday 24 th July. Critique ready?
Monday 27 th July. Send my other books to the agent, who
should be introducing themselves about now by email.
Friday 31 st July – Sunday 9 th August. Plan to have a holiday at
my father’s in Sussex about then.
August. Jeni’s A Level Results. Discuss. Agent active finding
publisher for ‘Scientific Proof’.
24 th August. Second Anniversary of Mum’s sad demise.
Monday 13 th July – Sunday 19 th July 2009.
This week was once again extremely quiet, indeed boring and
frustrating, as I waited much longer for the critique on my
book, than the mere ten days it had taken for Writers’ Literary
Agency to take it on! There were however busy periods for me
on the Monday and Tuesday and then again the weekend.
On the Monday a letter came from the Post Office, like so many
similar letters in the last few months from similar credit card
companies, rejecting my application on the grounds of
borderline credit score. My Virgin account probably came easy
because I already had an internal credit rating there with my
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Virgin Media account! Much more annoying there was a parcel
from the Agency PFD, swiftly returned with the usual intensely
irritating photocopied standard rejection letter, of all the books
I had only just confirmed they had received that I had sent
them. The day was empty and the flat was grubby so I spent a
very satisfying afternoon thoroughly cleaning all the floors and
surfaces.
Tuesday I was quite busy only with emails and phone calls.
There were two emails from Vicki of www.writersliterary.com .
The first just confirmed that they charged a discounted $89 per
critique per book I might ask for one – down by $10 from their
standard $99 because of an arrangement with Writers Literary
Agency. However the second was irritating – she had emailed
me just last Thursday 9 th July saying the critique would take
two weeks – now she corrected herself saying ‘at this time of
year it will take three weeks or so – but it is with our editor for
this project’. There was a surprise email from Lulu – I had sold
a download copy of my main book just yesterday. I ticketed
them back saying I was still awaiting my ITIN number any day,
so should be able to post them a W8BEN form to avoid US tax
on that soon. A little idiotic female friend of Julie’s daughter
constantly pestered her ‘to be my second mother’ and some
months earlier I had let her have my old mobile phone from
last year on the grounds she would soon pay me £30 for it.
The result? Endless wriggling and squirming by this Sammy
NOT to pay up! I wound myself up for the first of several times
recently, by sending her texts asking politely for the money for
the umpteenth time, but only got abusive texts back. More
recently, I have got abusive in turn in texts to her, in words
that the little prat does not seem to have in her vocabulary!
There were several other routine phone calls to make that day,
all business, to the IET, Income Support about my pensions
letter I got from them at the weekend, asking for my original
documents back, etc.
On Wednesday 15 th July I got a nice surprise in the post – my
ITIN number had arrived – all of nine months after I first
applied for one! I went to the Post Office and posted to Lulu a
completed W8BEN or tax exemption form for my royalties.
Then I went to the Mind Club between 2.00-2.50. I had a fish
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and chip supper as the £600 from the IET Grant had arrived –
to celebrate such a lot of money! I saw Julie that night. We
telephoned her tax office yet again, but they just said it would
take ‘some weeks to sort out your tax rebate’.
On Thursday at 1pm my father and sister appeared, her
clutching a box of 200 Marlboro ultra light duty free cigarettes
she had kindly bought for me from a trip to India, not knowing
they are far too light for me! The reason they had driven all
the way to see me was there was a CPA Meeting, at which
there was the usual ritual witch hunt and tearing me to pieces
by everybody in the room. Geraldine ‘sharkbite’ O’Sullivan had
kept threatening me with hospital if I did not take exactly the
prescribed medication. Now this doctor repeated exactly the
same dire threat! Jemima had been called home with one of
her children sick. I think she might have moderated the
ferocity of the witch hunt had she been there! I was very
depressed after that CPA, and felt lifeless for the rest of that
day.
Friday in the post was a letter from Barclaycard actually
acknowledging my complaints that they had ignored several
letters from me requesting that they write off or drastically
reduce my credit card balance with them; they promised to
write again by Monday 3 rd August, but I write this on that day,
and they have typically failed to write! I started breaking down
the text in the file for this book on my PC, into at least one
paragraph per day, and finished that work over the next three
days, on the Sunday 19 th July.
On Saturday 18 th July I ticketed Lulu about taking various of my
books off the Google book search system as I now made all my
autobiographical books ‘privately published’. I did ask instead
that they added my ‘Scientific Proof’ book to the Google book
search system – for some reason they had not already done
that! Julie down at the Mind Club had organised a barbecue
there so I had a nice time drinking coke, eating a burger and
salad and generally chatting from about 3.30pm to the very
close at 6.30pm. I got back to see Julie after that, who had the
weekend off and said she had drunk two glasses of wine and
fancied some Pimm’s and lemonade. So I bought her and I a
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ound of that with fruit at the Victoria pub, then we went to
Tesco and I found a litre bottle more for £14 – with fruit and
diet lemonade. The upshot was we both got quite merry at my
flat on that, had a lot of foreplay then sex – with Julie
complaining next day of a bad hangover and dry throat and
mouth!
Sunday after that was very busy with work on my
autobiography. I split the massive 700 page 360,000 word
second volume ‘Doctor Police!’ into books: - ‘Disabled – by
Doctors…!’ – ‘The Fourth Helen of the Apocalypse!’ and the last
third complete with final list of spiritual experiences kept the
‘Doctor Police!’ title. Then I converted all the old and tiny
‘Baskerville Old Face’ font usage to the same ‘Verdana’ as in
this book, throughout those four new books. Finally I published
them on Lulu, the cheapest way I know to print off such a 1500
pages of work to check the layout – and ordered a copy of each
of the five books in the new set, for $66.11.
Monday 20 th July – Sunday 26 th July 2009.
This week really was very quiet indeed, and characterised by
only two themes really. Firstly, continuing and mounting
anxiety as I continued to wait for the damned critique for my
book. What would it say? Would it ever arrive by Friday week
as promised? Until it arrived, I had been told the promised
massive contact with the assigned Agent from Writers Literary
Agency was absolutely banned – and I had a total of nine books
to discuss with him or her, not just the one already accepted!
Secondly, as I organised a few days holiday with my father that
week, for next week, I was aware I had been tempted to eat
into the holiday grant rather too much for comfort rather than
spend it on the holiday…
First thing Monday Julie texted me twice each time whingeing
rather that I had ‘taken advantage of her drinking’ when we
had sex on the Saturday just gone! I soon went round and
sorted this out amicably enough with her. Then I texted
Sammy – who duly promised to pay up the £30 she owed me
by Friday – yet another false promise, this turned out. Then I
was sorely tempted by some very cheap shoes in a mail order
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catalogue, and for just £93.67 including postage ordered: - a
pair of suede work boots; two for the price of one slip-on
shoes; two for a low price training shoes; and two reduced
price sandals. Then I spent an hour in Tesco that evening, that
length of time because their stock of digital cameras was in
total chaos! However I came out with a Panasonic camera at
£90 and an Agfa at £50 – the latter far better value as it was
ten megapixels. Julie was very pleased when I took the cheap
and nasty Praktica I had already given her to return to
Littlewoods, and gave her the choice of the two cameras I had
just bought instead, choosing the better but cheaper Agfa. Nit
was in the garden that night, and finally at last repaid the rest
of his debt to me – with interest, giving me £20 on top of the
£25 he had previously repaid me, making £15 ‘interest’ on the
debt.
On Tuesday having the previous night discovered that the vital
software CD’s were missing for the Panasonic camera I had just
bought, I managed to get Tesco to unearth another cellophane
wrapped Agfa, so did an exchange and netted £40 refund. I
had emailed Vicki of www.writersliterary.com late on Monday
and she now replied to clarify that indeed it would take three
weeks not just two, from order for them to produce my critique
for ‘Scientific Proof’. I took the bus to Hertford for my regular
podiatry session at 4pm as the building in Ware was being
refurbished, getting back at about 5.30pm. I managed to buy
two SD cards for the now two matching Agfa cameras of Julie
and I, for under £10 in Tesco, as well as a set of four ink
cartridges for my printer, which I saw that they now actually
stocked. I had sold nine of the ten packs of Marlboro to an
Angie at the Mind Club barbecue on the Saturday, and she duly
paid me £27, the going rate, tonight there. Finally that evening
I telephoned my Father who would he said be with my sister
next Monday night and would pick me up to stay at his place
next Tuesday about 11am.
Wednesday and Thursday were nearly devoid of events! I went
to the Mind Club at 2pm on Wednesday but it was incredibly
quiet, so I only managed to stay half an hour. I also felt tired
so had a sleep, and shortly after that the collection man picked
up the Praktica camera to return to Littlewoods. Thursday got
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even quieter, apart from worry about how little money I had
left for the holiday next week, and the usual waiting around
helplessly for my book critique.
On Friday – the post, seven pairs of shoes; and a parcel from
Lulu of five books all arrived within minutes! I tried to try on
the shoes but: -
• The boots would not go on without untying the laces
completely! Clearly they had a design fault!
• One pair of sandals were a size too big but in the right size
box
• The other pair were too tight in the toes
• The two pairs of shoes had such tight heels I could not get
them on
• I only decided not to return the training shoes, as
although imperfect in the tongues, they did fit.
• So I arranged a return collection for Tuesday onwards of
five of the seven pairs of shoes!
The books were far better, as all I needed to do was to go
through each page by page and check the layout – assuming
the text had not been corrupted by changing font to Verdana
last weekend. Soon I had corrected the layout on all five, and
uploaded them to the Lulu web site. I had a statement in the
post from Citi cards, but despite telephoning them several
times in the next week, they refused to write off any of my
balance - they did however say they would consider an offer to
settle the balance with money I would have to borrow from my
father.
On Saturday a collection man tried to collect my shoes – even
though they had had said they would only collect them from
Tuesday. Meanwhile I had given them instructions to collect
them from Julie then, as I would be away, and taken the
parcels round to her. Naturally the collection man got a bit
peeved when he tried to collect the shoes from her and she was
out working that weekend… I typed up the cover and three
pages of a planned Article Seven to be added when finished to
a new final version of ‘Scientific Proof’. This new Article will
show how all spiritual energies are like light and music, all
occurring strictly and naturally (by design by God) in Octaves
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and Spectrums of eights. I went round to see Julie that night
but when we watched the National Lottery; as usual we lost!
Sunday was noisy till 7.30pm with a raucous Rock in the Priory
concert going on nearby. We made a barbecue with a
disposable barbecue pack that Julie had, and enjoyed sausages,
chicken and salad and potato salad while trying to ignore the
raucous screeching from the Priory in the background. She was
‘in the mood’ for once so we made head-on love for once that
night.
Monday 27 th July – Sunday 2 nd August 2009.
I had worried all weekend that if the five pairs of shoes plus
free gift that were due to go back to the mail order company
did not go back this Monday, my holiday plans might be upset.
Lo and behold, on Monday morning the collection man returned
of his own volition, just as I was phoning the mail order
company – having just found Julie in, this time, so able for her
to tell him I had the precious parcels of shoes. I thanked him
profusely for taking the initiative like that, as it had saved me a
lot of trouble. I agreed with him that the people on the
switchboard at the mail order company talked a load of rubbish!
Julie took me again to Harlow to buy a net curtain rail. We had
been late yesterday afternoon on a fool’s errand as first
Homebase then Paul Simon were shut – but now she bought a
pole at Paul Simon for about £7 half price and I put up her
curtains in her kitchen when we got back. I took Julie out for a
£40 Indian meal that night, using up even more holiday money.
I packed ready for the trip to my father’s in the morning, that
evening.
Tuesday morning I got up about 10am, expecting a short wait
till 11am when my father was supposed to pick me up. Instead
I experienced two hours of nearly constant sheer hassle just at
the start of a few days or a week’s possible holiday! I
mentioned a while back that a blissful ten years with no drugs
in these eight flats had ended recently, when an 18 year old
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youth complete with homeless ex-convict 25-year old equally
drug-taking brother had moved in opposite me. They
constantly harass me for ‘small favours’! The 25-year old had
broken his foot while climbing through a window when a friend
locked himself out, he explained when I had seen him at the
weekend in the town, in crutches, a plaster on his foot and
wearing pyjamas in the street!
Now, this vital Tuesday morning, when I was all set to go away,
he appeared at my door on his crutches, asking to ‘use my
phone for a few minutes’! Pity got the better of me. Once
inside my flat, he took it over! He sat on my bed sheets, with
his plaster on my pillows, so making them dirty so I changed all
the linen after he finally went! He demanded two cups of tea,
and cigarettes, arrogantly as ever, then left after all of an hour
and a half, having pleaded poverty and being in agony to
secure a crisis loan of £50 over the phone; luckily for him it
was a free hour and half call! Now it was 11.30pm, and I was
wondering what on Earth had happened to my father? Phone
calls to his mobile, and my sister’s, got no reply. I got dressed
and was finally having a very late brunch of cereal at 12.05pm
– when out of my window I finally saw him arriving.
The hassle continued unabated even after my father finally
turned up very late. For he insisted that the sink I had just
cleaned the day before, and my carpet, which I had also
vacuumed until the cleaner cut out that same day, needed
more cleaning. The sink only took five minutes. However he
needed a lot of instruction with the vacuum cleaner, which
again soon cut out – it turned out it needed emptying and the
main filter cleaning, then leaving for over an hour, and we did
not have that long until the ticket on his car in the car park ran
out! So he brushed the carpet with my yard brush – and we
made it to his car with a minute to spare. Traffic was light, we
got to his house round the M25 with only one hold up, leaving
the car park at 1.10pm and getting there at 2.50pm. We had a
late lunch and he cooked savoury omelettes to a Delia Smith
recipe that night, and soon I had got over the stress of all the
hassle of the start of that day.
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We went round the local sights all that week. He drove us to
Lewes on the Wednesday, then on through the sea port of
Newhaven to nearby Seaford, where he knew of a local walk to
a superb view of the Seven Sisters cliffs. It was lovely weather.
That evening he cooked lamb chump chops he had bought in
the butcher in his village that day, while I had a haircut nearby.
On the Thursday heavy showers initially kept us in. When they
stopped we drove to the nearby famous Bluebell railway, a
railway built by enthusiasts in the middle of nowhere, with Olde
Worlde steam trains and carriages. We had not checked the
times so were very lucky to arrive with just ten minutes to go
before the last train to start the return journey between just
their three stations, at 4pm. The train chugged up and down
for nearly two hours and we changed at the middle station for
the last leg back. I took some nice pictures of the locomotive
at the far end, when it swapped ends of the train, on my new
budget but excellent value Agfa camera.
On the Friday afternoon we drove to Brighton, and wandered
round ‘The Lanes’ – a popular area of shops and in particular,
dozens of competing so cheap restaurants. I bought two £2.50
scarves from a stall in one road, as well as some rock for Jeni,
and Julie and family. As throughout my time with him, my
Father refused to let me pay for anything at all, so he paid for a
two course meal and a drink for us at ‘il Bistro’ – I had fish and
chips and he had a cheese lasagne, both started by home made
pate. Julie had kindly been feeding my cat and looking after
my flat generally, and a similar thing to last year had
happened. This time she texted to say she thought she had
locked my spare keys inside the flat! The weather forecast was
not too good for the next few days, and even though when I
phoned Julie she had found the keys in her car, I set off for
Hertford North on the train at 8.45pm, as the normal Liverpool
Street Station option was off – there was a strike on, according
to the Internet. The ticket office was closed so I could not buy
a ticket in advance. So I got all the way to London without
paying - for the ticket collector let me through at London Bridge
– so saving about £10! I got to King’s Cross and then on to
Hertford North, where fortunately there was a bus in 12
minutes, so avoiding an expensive taxi – I’ve a free bus pass.
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Saturday was quiet – and Julie was off work all that weekend.
However, typical of many women, she can take kind gestures
the wrong way, and there was a furious discussion about my
presents, and she told me to go back to my own flat! She
finally calmed down after I went back round an hour later, gave
her £10 when she said she was nearly broke, and bought us
both a Chinese takeaway that night!
Sunday was even quieter. My critique was now overdue, so I
emailed both the Agency and www.writersliterary.com . I
blasted Sammy so much in a couple of rude texts about
endless lies about paying for my mobile phone after all of six
months – that she threatened back to call the police!
Monday 3 rd August - Sunday 9 th August 2009.
My quiet weekend following my few days away with my Father
continued into a quiet start to the week, which looked set to
continue all week.
On Monday I had a very quiet day. Lulu confirmed in an email
in reply to mine of the day before, to say yes, they had got my
W8BEN form; so, no, there would be no 30% tax withholding
when they paid me later in the month for my one sale in July. I
had another email from Sherry, the acquisitions director at
Writers Literary Agency, also a reply, merely saying she would
contact www.writersliterary.com for me. I cooked chilli con
carne round at Julie’s tonight, but unfortunately the kidney
beans turned out to contain chilli sauce as well as the basic
chilli sauce I made myself, so the chilli con carne, while not
actually burning our mouths, was extremely hot – too hot for
Julie, so I threw away what was left in the pan! I typed up the
first of the last three weeks in this diary in this book.
Tuesday was quiet too. I phoned Barclaycard who had missed
their promise to reply to my complaints by Monday. They got
back to me and said yes they could consider a reduction or
write off of my credit card balance, but needed a letter from my
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Doctor himself, not just from Jemima as team leader like I had
sent them. He is away for two weeks. I had a real old go for
the first time ever that afternoon at Cygnet House. The
Doctor’s letter I needed was mentioned, but mostly I said I was
absolutely fed up with being asleep and de-motivated all the
time, and having no energy, which I blamed on my injection.
Jemima promised to pass on my request to once more try a low
dose of amisulpride tablets as twice a year ago in hospital; she
was away from next week for two weeks, but the Doctor was
back in ten days time and she would arrange for me to see him
with her or otherwise, then. I went to the Mind Club from 7.00-
8.30 and we went on to a pub for a change, for a drink
afterwards, where the Doctor of Julie from the club was leading
a guitar and singing session. I was up till 1pm typing up the
last two weeks of this diary.
On Wednesday I finally got the vital feedback I had been
waiting for, from Vicki of www.writersliterary.com, claiming that
they were inundated and apologising that there would be
further delay, while they worked long hours to clear a backlog
of critiques like mine. The Mind Club was nearly empty when I
popped in at 1.30pm, so I did not stay long. I actually slept
from 3pm to 7pm – evidence of the effects of my injection
being a very strong sedative?! I shopped at the supermarket
for a snack supper and lots of fruit juice and cola and milk –
cold food and drinks were vital as it was a really hot and humid
day, which looks set to continue for several days, according to
the weather forecast. I typed up the last three days of this
diary to ‘clear the decks’ – so tomorrow onwards I will feel able
to write unfettered, my ‘Article Seven’ of ‘Scientific Proof’.
So my diary only records my working for about five hours in the
late afternoon and evening on the first five sections of that
Article Seven. I was at last delighted with what I produced.
On Friday at 2pm, for half an hour or so a Matthew called from
a company called train 4 skills ltd, and we chatted about a
possibility that I might work as an electrician after training from
them, but it proved very speculative, and was left open. I went
and reluctantly had my depot from Jill at Cygnet House – I
really wanted to talk to my Doctor about changing to
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amisulpride tablets, but he was on holiday for that week and
the next week. I completed sections 6-10 of Article Seven that
evening – and was delighted to be able to lift most of what I
needed to say about primary colours, together with an ideal
diagram in my view, for that, from a web site on that subject. I
then built a pdf file from this new version of the ‘Scientific
Proof’ book, uploaded it to www.lulu.com and emailed it to Vicki
and Andrea at the critique company and Writers Literary
Agency respectively.
On Saturday Julie had one of her frequent financial shortfalls,
her family were too poor to help, she had nobody else to help,
so muggins here lent her all of £30 – followed by a further £20
once I had a couple of £20 wins on £5 scratch cards that
evening when I went out and bought a takeaway kebab! I had
lost count of the number of times I had luck in the lottery just
when Julie needed financial help! Was it because she had
prayed over blue candles, some kind of magic spell out of a
magazine, for money earlier this year??? As a result she was in
a good mood with me, although working that weekend she had
some wine, and we got naked and pleasured each other that
night.
On Sunday Julie again treated me, to a salad with chicken
breast, followed by fruit sundaes. We actually had head-on sex
in the afternoon, allowed by her for once in a blue moon, then
went for our usual short walk round the edge of the Meads.
Monday 10 th August – Wednesday 12 th August 2009.
On the Monday I found numerous small typos in the Article
Seven that I had finished on the Friday, so uploaded the
corrected version to www.lulu.com and sent a copy to Andrea
and Vicki at Writers Literary Agency and
www.writersliterary.com . I got £12 of Tesco vouchers in the
post, doubled up £10 of those there to £20 of wine vouchers,
and the entire shop, including bread, milk and something else
small only came to 36p down by £22!
Julie had had a peculiar tax coding notice apparently from two
different tax offices on two sides of one sheet of paper! Lunatic
economies in paper? She reluctantly borrowed my land line
436

and called Stockport tax office about this and her tax rebate –
but there was a further delay even though they had returned all
her paperwork for this at the weekend. Yet again they said call
back in two weeks if you have not received notice in the post of
the amount of the tax rebate – to be followed shortly
afterwards by an actual cheque!
Julie was frantic on Tuesday as she had received a £20 default
charge from her car insurance company, as well as two £8 bank
charges for last month’s payment bouncing not once but twice.
Then I went round there that afternoon and who was there but
little waif Sammy – so she got a bollocking from yours truly!
Finally I lost my temper after nearly five weeks of waiting for
my book critique from www.writersliterary.com – so threatened
them by email with sacking them if it was not finally ready by
Friday! Meanwhile I had got an answer from Andrea that they
were in fact sister companies, ‘who worked totally separately’.
Previously their acquisitions team had told a blatant lie – that
they were 100% independent – and that as a result Writers
Literary Agency got no money from the critiques! They had
gone on with these lies at length in emails! Finally I did one
obvious thing that I should have done at the outset weeks ago.
When I googled for ‘writers literary agency’ several web sites
reported this same scam – and that they were a bogus ‘literary
agency’ in fact, who had never made a single sale. They make
money by mass advertising their web site, full of lies,
www.wlwritersagency.com to recruit gullible authors solely to
hard sell them these damned critiques, third-rate apparently,
via their sister company, lying it was 100% independent!
On the Wednesday at the Mind Club, having been very agitated
there the previous evening, they were a bit horrified at this
latest scam – about the fifth or sixth that I had reported to
Paypal as fraud this year! A motorcycle fan, Martin, paid me
£15 for a copy of ‘Scientific Proof’ in advance, as he had raved
on Tuesday evening about the new Article Seven I had shown
him and Angie, a helper. I hope to order copies this week, for I
have been told that my refund from the mail order company
has been processed from two weeks ago. Finally Vicki had the
cheek to respond to my own email complaining in capital letters
about the ‘intolerable delays’ with my critique – by promising a
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efund and terminating the contract. I emailed Paypal later
that day to make sure they pressurised her to actually make
the refund real – without their usual delays.
Meanwhile I had some heartening news from Cygnet House.
When I saw their Jeni, standing in for Jemima who was on
holiday, they had surprised themselves by getting all the
£11+£11 money not only for the guitar and SLR camera
courses I wanted to take this autumn; but on top, £55 for the
guitar I needed, with case; and above all, £345 for a brand new
SLR camera! That Wednesday evening I thought I might have
had a breakthrough – I googled for ‘cheap book publicity’ and
found an advert at the top for www.resultspr.co.uk – a PR
company that seemed to only ask for money for PR (public
relations) once they got you actual financial results. I called
them, as it was late they arranged to phone me the next day;
and when I checked out THEIR credentials on Google by
searching for ‘results pr’ found out that they seemed
completely clean of any reports of similar scams to Writers
Literary Agency.
The rest of that week was very quiet. I was in a kind of
numbed shock over yet another scam – this time, very close to
home, a bogus ‘literary agency’. Yet again in the USA! Results
PR failed to phone by mid afternoon on Thursday, so I phoned
them in London – but it was as I expected – there was for me a
prohibitively high ‘communications fee’ of £240 a month to find!
I chased Vicki of www.writersliterary.com as they had still not
paid me since yesterday as promised, and as they were a scam
outfit they might not pay! However they replied they were
indeed planning to pay – and the money went on my bank card
via Paypal the next day, in fact… I again cooked a mince dish
for us both round at Julie’s that night, this time Pasta
Bolognese, which we both much enjoyed…
The next day the above refund arrived like I said, with an email
from Paypal to let me know. However, there was no sign of the
refund from the mail order company, which I had been told on
Monday had been made then. I had a long phone call to an
‘Alison’ there, who eventually rang back to say she had been
438

physically to accounts. It had not in fact been made on Monday
but was logged as made on their computer, she said. It had
been done now so I should get the money by about Tuesday.
Indeed as I write on Tuesday 18 th August I just got both
refunds - £57.12 from the literary scam people and £64.97
from the mail order company…
I was like I said still reeling from having been scammed yet
again by a USA Internet outfit – this time a bogus ‘literary
agency’ which really was a bit close to the knuckle! In the last
eight weeks of dealing with them, however, believing I really
had a genuine agent had spurred me on to make substantial
improvements to several books. “Doctor Police!” was now all of
three different books not one. On top of that, several people
down at the Mind Club last week, had thought the new 22
pages of ‘Scientific Proof’ of its Article Seven were ‘brilliant’.
So I recoiled from one bogus ‘literary agent’ and emailed 24
REAL literary agents I found email addresses for, on a useful
website www.ebookcrossroads.com/agents.html that gave their
interests too, with a one pager covering letter, and a copy of
the Article Seven, with the press release and synopsis off my
web site www.silee.me.uk also as an attachment. Finally, that
evening, after making all my autobiographies ‘privately
published’ while revising them recently, I now made them once
more publicly published ‘by Lulu’. I had a really quiet weekend.
I resolved to find email addresses of yet more US or British
literary agents on the Internet on the Monday, and also to
continue spending a little bit on the lottery, just in case of a
substantial prize. US literary agents were my last shot –
beyond them I would need MONEY to self-publicise my books!
439

Monday 17 th August – Sunday 23 rd August 2009.
On the Monday I again googled for ‘literary agents’, and as
once before, found invaluable the site of the Writers’ and
Artists’ Yearbook. This time, having emailed about 25 literary
agents (presumed genuine this time!) on the Friday before, I
now emailed 38 more US agents that I found on that web site
who had email addresses and had relevant interest areas listed
there.
Also on Monday I had an appointment with my optician as I was
unhappy about my vision with the no less than three pairs of
glasses I had bought there two months earlier. However, he
found that the problem was not the glasses – but a weakness
had emerged in my left eye that could not be corrected even
with spectacles!
On Tuesday I got the two refunds in my bank account totalling
over £100, so shopped at Tesco, and also ordered for the first
time, copies of ‘Scientific Proof’ actually containing the new
Article Seven – three copies in fact.
So back to my email shot to a total of over 60 mainly USA
literary agents. All of six emails ‘bounced’ – mostly with
unknown addresses, so they were wrong or the agent had gone
out of business; with just one bounced as ‘spam’! Just nine
have replied ‘no!’ so far – but a further six have replied ‘we will
reply in a few weeks’ – mostly auto replies, those.
Only one has been tantalisingly ‘near but yet so far’ to a ‘yes’!
Jessica of Sarah Jane Freymann literary agency of New York
basically emailed me: -
Dear Simon,
Thank you for sending your query. This is a great concept, but
I'm afraid it's not quite right for us.
Still, I hope you will continue writing and sending out your
work. If you haven't done so already, you may wish to look at
The Jeff Herman Guide to Editors, Publishers, and Literary
440

Agents - there, you should be able to find someone who's a
better fit for your work.
Best of luck with this and future projects.
I sent several emails in reply, but when I telephoned on the
Wednesday, the next day, international call of course, she had
not read them, and said my ‘spiritual book’ was not their
normal sort of ‘spiritual’ – which was Californian!
Meanwhile I went to the Mind Club on the Tuesday night, full of
anticipation as well as tension about the above. When I got
home again, I proceeded to look up email addresses for all
relevant BRITISH agents I could find on the web site of the
Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook – and emailed the ones I knew
were relevant. Again I included in the email the press release,
synopsis and the same Article Seven. I got emails through to
all of 47 UK agents – on top of 60+ USA agents previously.
Now I was really trawling in deep seas! All it would take was
one of these 107 to like my book!
Tuesday I was up till late at night very anxious about all this,
and woke up so late on the Wednesday that I missed the Mind
Club. There were all of eleven email ‘NO’s’ from UK agents that
afternoon on my PC! I also phoned the US and Jessica in New
York as above, but got nowhere. I paid £2.65 for a month’s
subscription to the UK agent and publisher database at
www.firstwriter.com which resulted in sending copies of earlier
emails to agents to seven agents and 15 publishers (all mostly
in the USA – but some UK). However of these only two
publishers replied to say they were not appropriate by the
Friday – so I cancelled my subscription to this particular web
site www.firstwriter.com.
On Thursday at last, Jeni got her A Level Results, of BBB, which
she was told by the Examiners could easily have been AAA if
she had done better in the previous year, her first year in the
Sixth Form. Still – her results were enough to get her into Uni
– Queen Mary’s College, London, no less to take zoology,
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possibly taking a further four years to study medicine or
veterinary science like her mother.
No replies at all from agents or publishers that day. This was
devastating – I had only got replies to 20% of my emails! More
annoyance – a text that evening from Julie’s little prat friend
Sammy – ‘you horrible man’ it said – clearly more wind-up!
On the Friday the three copies of ‘Scientific Proof’ that I had
ordered on Tuesday arrived by courier – very quick! I realized
that I had had a massive problem with not being able to log on
to my Lulu web account even with the right password; and was
not getting any response from their support section, despite
four or so emails and two faxes, no less, this week. So now in
desperation I created a totally brand new second Lulu account.
That way I was able to send them reliably a detailed email
account of my problem – and vitally establish a reliable ‘ticket’
and so at last get inside their system. However they are
claiming to be incredibly busy these days – in the old days it
used to take no more than 48 hours to get a reply – now it
takes two whole weeks! As I type this on the next Sunday
23 rd August – there is still no reply; so I will just have to wait
extremely patiently, maybe for weeks!
That afternoon I paid the £11 ‘benefits’ rate and luckily
managed to secure one of the last couple of or few places on
two college courses for guitar and SLR camera beginners.
When Jill rang about my depot and asked whether I was
refusing to come to see her at Cygnet House for it, I said, no,
but I had waited long enough and wanted to see the Doctor
first. There was a further disturbance when young idiot Sammy
texted me ‘call me’ after which I left a series of rude voicemails
interspersed with rubbish texts from her. Eventually Julie
texted me and warned that Sammy had texted her several
times warning she had got her Father involved. This 20 year
old prat was deliberately texting me nasty things then blaming
me! If they involved the police I would be on my back foot – I
already had one totally unfair Caution for Harassment!
By Friday too, I had waited all week for the actual precious few
replies to agents and publishers I received. So I made an email
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enquiry to Manuela of www.book-promotion.com, asking her to
telephone urgently, thinking of using them for more work if I
could raise the money somehow. A ‘Sapna’ emailed saying
they would be ‘delighted to work for me again’ but Manuela no
longer worked there. As for possible funding to use them,
thinking it had not been impossibly bad at all the first time, I
had enquired at the college about Arts Grants but their library
had just closed so I am going there as well as the Town Library
tomorrow Monday. Also I have left a message for Mind
Publications section of that charity in London, to ring me then
too, having got the helpline number at the Mind Club on the
way home from the college on Friday. Then again, Social
Services at Cygnet House may have some actual contacts! So,
here is what Sapna and I said to each other in our emails: -
Hi Manuela,
Long time no hear!
I have modified the web site www.silee.me.uk you built for me
and produced a new one to go with it www.maam.org.uk -
sales £30 on 7 copies of books in 9 months on 14,000 and
5,000 human visitors respectively.
Want you to build a third website to feature all of my other
books (TEN of them) - very pleased basically with what you did
for me before.
Also want to discuss big marketing effort for all three web sites
- to get visitors up to 50,000 a month on each not just the
present 16,000 a year. One thing is I have extremely poor
representation on smaller search engines despite very high
rankings on Google and Yahoo!
We have a lot to discuss that is best done by PHONE
PLEASE Call me urgently on …………..
Kind Regards and Many Thanks Again for what you have
already achieved - a great start that I now want to enhance
443

Simon Lee
Hi Simon,
Thanks for contacting us at Book Promotion Limited. This is
Sapna from Book promotion, Manuela is no longer working with
us.
We would be most interested in working for you again.
Kindly give us more details about the website that you want us
to
build.
Hope I have been to some help.
Kind Regards
Sapna
Dear Sapna
As Manuela is no longer there I would appreciate initially a
PHONE CALL from you to ……………………………………………….. as I
have a LOT of work to discuss that either you might handle or
you can recommend me to other firms for. This at least covers
1. Doing a book promology for all of 8 (EIGHT) related BOOKS
on ONE new web site
2. Doing a book promology on an existing web site
www.maam.org.uk - preferably discounted as the work is partly
done - needs review, interview, press release, synopsis adding
to site code by you
3. Recommending best and best value editorial service for 8
(EIGHT) books to produce first class English with totally
consistent texts. (800,000 WORDS TOTAL)
4. Marketing to get up visitors DRASTICALLY from current
20/day on existing site www.silee.me.uk and 10/day on
www.maam.org.uk - by a FACTOR OF FIFTY-ONE
HUNDRED targeted VISITORS???
5. Advice on finance - I am on state benefit!!! Can you come
up with a list of arts organisations and charities (preferably in
mental health) who offer grants preferably or zero/low interest
loans to INDIVIDUALS not ORGANISATIONS like me - I can
444

then make up any shortfall with a loan from my bank (or
possibly family) if I can match it with other funding, the bank
have said in the past (before the credit crunch).
5. I need firm answers and guarantees to various questions
about several very serious mistakes made by your team last
time last year.
Please, I have a lot to discuss ONLY ON THE
TELEPHONE. PLEASE CALL ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE - like
your website promises.
Kind Regards
Simon Lee
So on Monday I am now expecting phone calls from: -
• Sapna of www.book-promotion.com
• Mind Publications
• Jemima to say ‘why refuse your depot?’
• A company called www.bpath.com from whom on Friday I
ordered two of their most basic packages – to have my
two existing web-sites submitted to the leading 100+
search engines in the world. I could not afford their more
lucrative offerings – all three more expensive ones submit
to all of 400 search engines – with various extras!
The whole weekend, aghast that seemingly the world recession
meant only 20% initial replies from 130+ agents and
publishers, with just a trickle since, I realized it was the very
end of the road for conventional publishing of my books! My
thoughts since Friday had increasingly turned to my usual
worries for both Julie and I, her on her miniscule, ridiculous pay
especially, to money! I had been lending/giving her about £25
a week for months on average, and we still awaited her tax
rebate and possibly holiday pay, both due in weeks or less,
before I could see any chance of her repaying any of that! She
might well complain that I never took her out – but she was
draining me of all my disposable cash – merely to survive!
445

There was more hope recently of reducing my substantial
£6,000 credit. My Doctor has been asked to compose a
medical report to send to Barclaycard this week, who have said
after they receive it they may be lenient and write off all or
drastically reduce the balance owed of about £1,800. That may
persuade my other credit card company with whom I have an
onerous repayment arrangement, Citi, to be more generous
than their previous best offer – that I offer them a settlement
of less than the existing balance. The first offer I made while
with my Dad a month ago was 50% - which they never got
back to me about! He has said he will make me an interest
free loan to cover the settlement figure, once agreed, which will
be some fraction of the total of £880 owed. That leaves
Littlewoods – whom I owe £520 starting to be repaid in
February – or just £300 without all that interest if I settle
before then. I await a letter with a settlement figure from them
and hopefully my dad can again loan me that amount interest
free. Also I owe Capital One £190, which is attracting £4
interest a month – will Dad see the logic of helping me with
that too? After all those four formal debts to creditors, which
would no longer appear on my credit status file, are replaced by
an informal £1,000 or so loan from Dad, I will be left with only
one bank as a creditor – owing Virgin cards £3,000, because I
am still yet to make a dent in the balance. Even so continuing
to pay them £25+ a month until this time next year, when my
interest holiday period ends, and say £55 a month to Dad for
eighteen months, is less than before – so I should be able to
get my Virgin balance down fairly soon.
That would mean I might be able to get a loan to finance a relaunch
now of three not one web sites – with the second
www.maam.org.uk only partly launched. That is, if I cannot
cover the costs, or only partly cover them, with charitable
and/or artistic grants for my book publishing efforts.
Meanwhile Julie’s needs are far more basic. She needed to pay
for the dental check up she has booked for Monday, with yet
again as usual, no money from her pitiful £125 pay for last
week, after the usual rent and council tax and other bills were
paid. So when I was round there she was very tired, but got
me to go in the loft for boxes, in case they contained anything
446

she could add to bric a brac she was selling today, Sunday 23 rd ,
at a local second hand shop her mother has found. They did
not, but the stuff she already had fetched £25 today, and she
got £15 for me for a three year old so obsolete digital camera.
I immediately gave her £5 of that to say thank you – and
mostly as currently she is even more poor than usual!
However today she may have got lucky! She had three or four
old pre-decimal 1950’s sixpences but when I went home and
checked on the web they were worn so worthless. However,
when I checked up on the 1975 Silver Jubilee Coin of hers, in
mint condition, it is worth up to £45 apparently! There turned
out on the Internet to be a coin dealer here in Ware, so we are
going there tomorrow.
Monday 24 th August – Bank Holiday Monday 31 st August 2009.
I rang the coin shop but Julie’s Coin is only worth under a
pound if cupro-nickel, and a fiver if silver, and he did not buy
coins anyway, so we never went there. Over the weekend, I
had figured out a rough ‘wish list’ of the maximum I needed to
ask as a grant from Mind or other charities on the Monday. It
was as follows: -
It might be useful to have a new website for my five
autobiographies, my poetry, my CV and ‘The Tender Years’
which I estimated would cost £1,000 from www.bookpromotion.com
. Double their cost for a website with just one
book? I had asked their Sapna for a quote for this.
I already had a website www.maam.org.uk for Manifesto:
Abolish All Money! But it would be nice to add: a synopsis and
review by them again (£89 for such a small piece of writing to
be reviewed); an interview with me about the piece (£39); and
the issue of a press release (£129 if written by me not them).
Also a fresh re-launch of my book ‘Scientific Proof’ with the
issue of a fresh press release (again £129).
The books had never been proof-read and it would cost about
£500-£700 per book for the total of about 900,000 words they
contain – about £4,000-£4,500! This is obviously quite
impossible for me without a grant!
447

So I would be looking for a grant of £5,000+ - and when MIND
publications failed to ring me despite a message left Friday, I
rang them. They passed me onto fund-raising who passed me
onto grants – who said there used to be grants available but
there were none now. However he gave me the website name
www.guidestar.org.uk for a database of all UK charities – which
sounded promising. Indeed two searches of it for ‘grant author’
and ‘grant writer’ turned up several large to very large
charities. For some reason the Royal Society of London came
up, which has huge assets, but neither their library nor
publications section would even do a review of my book
‘Scientific Proof’ – and explained that the Royal Society only
gave grants for scientific research – involving scientific
experiments – usually in laboratories. The ‘Logos Trust’ were
rather rude after that first let-down. Then two promising
sounding charities that actually give grants to individual
authors, the Book Trust and the Society of Authors, both told
me that I needed to be a ‘proper’ author to qualify for their
help, i.e. have a contract with a publisher for a book or books.
I had just about exhausted all possibilities on that web site for
‘writers’ charities, which was very disappointing, for every
phone call got a ‘no’! Then at 2.45pm I got a phone call
myself. It was Jill the nurse from Cygnet House, saying could I
come down at 3.45pm to see her, the Doctor and Jemima as I
had requested last Friday as a prerequisite to taking my depot?
So I duly abandoned my work on telephoning charities (there
were no more likely ones anyway) and went there for this
meeting.
The opening of the meeting was increasingly typical of modern
psychiatry as I have known it. The Doctor said, ‘unless you
take your depot now and from now on – you will have to be
returned to (the shower at) the Aggressive Outretch team’. I
tried to say that two years ago or less, I had nearly been
discharged by Dr Roberts from Mymms ward on a low dose of
amisulpride tablets instead, but again the Doctor was not
having this. ‘I have been carefully through your notes, which
clearly document that you suit no such medication in tablet
form – only haloperidol in injection form!’ Jill said that the
massive sedation I kept complaining about in the morning, and
448

strong ‘chemical hangover’ feeling, could be avoided by taking
my lithium tablets as early as 8.30pm. I was virtually
blackmailed in the end to have my usual depot injection, this
time a few days late!
Tuesday was very quiet by comparison. About 2pm I rang
Jemima and arranged a half hour chat at 4pm – in the nearby
park – to chat about how I could raise £5,000! She added
some mental health and other charities to my list: - Rethink,
the Mental Health Foundation, and Viewpoint, a Hertfordshire
mental health users’ charity she suggested. Also the Prince’s
Trust for ideas, even though you need to be under 30 to get a
grant from them, the University of Hertfordshire, and the local
Business Enterprise Board. I quickly went home before office
closing time at 5pm. Looking up most of these on the Internet
revealed that they did not do grants; but I made a note of the
number of the Prince’s Trust in London. Finally that night I
went to the Mind Club from 7pm to 8.30pm.
Wednesday was quiet too. I got my IET Grant, and was a bit
optimistic about using it – for I ordered two upgrades to
submission to 400 not just 100 search engines from
www.bpath.com for my two web sites. As we see, when it
came to paying all my bills next week, I had to let a £45 direct
debit bounce on Friday 4 th September to my power company.
I emailed Andrew at Chipmunka Publishing, asking him to call
me, which he did, minutes later. However, he was the bearer
of bad news. He told me that www.lulu.com had made half
their staff redundant! That must be why support queries had
been taking weeks to be answered not a day or two as always
previously. Even then, he refused to take my ‘nine books’ on to
publish if Lulu Press Inc went bust ‘as they would cost £100
each to set up again’! Julie phoned with a lead – a web site she
had come across in a magazine in a waiting room for a
company called www.bestbooksonline.com . Indeed I rang
them, then emailed my standard agency letter and attachments
within an email, but they emailed back that night to say it was
the usual thing, ‘not quite our sort of book’.
449

At 3.30pm that afternoon I had a regular podiatry appointment,
catching the 724 bus at 3.20pm to Hertford. That night I had
an idea, because I was not sure that my previous emails had
got through to Lulu Press last week. I created another Lulu
account with another email address I had, created a support
ticket all about my problem with not being able to log on, then
when they sent a robot email saying only pursue this matter if
necessary – I replied and did so – but with my
simon@author.me.uk email address as sender. Surely by then
they will have received and logged all this?
On Thursday I emailed a member of the Amazon bookselling
group of companies, called www.booksurge.com, as yesterday
Andrew had said they were free like Lulu, and would be a viable
alternative. They replied with a questionnaire, which I
completed and returned, but there was to be no reply to that
till next Monday. Julie phoned to say she had had a phone call
at last from Stamford tax office about her tax rebate – but it
was only a pitiful £44! I finally rang the Prince’s Trust, who
referred me to a website called www.prime.com, also one of the
Prince of Wales’ charities. They give loans to the over 50’s to
start businesses, and said they would send literature. They
also told me about the website of the Leonard Cheshire
Foundation, but it did not seem relevant. So I had spent
roughly four days phoning up charities and looking up websites
– and the only finance was possibly a loan via Prime!
So I finally abandoned all hope of getting £5,000 finance or so
mostly to have my book edited. However, I had more or less
expected that – so tried to turn a sour taste in my mouth into
an advantage, by saying to myself, ‘just what of those things I
wanted last week, do I really need or really cost money?’
Firstly, my Manifesto site www.maam.org.uk already contains
the full text of the Manifesto, given away free because of its
title! So a summary, review and interview are hardly
necessary! Also, I have seen an old list of press release outlets
that Manuela sent me last year – and they are all free! I can
send out as many press releases as I want, to generate interest
in both web sites, for nothing! Finally, the big one! The only
reason I need any sort of proof reading done on my books is
because it has never been done – not because the sarcastic
450

Doctor at Cygnet House recently said they ‘badly needed
editing’ or because my Father this week called my writing ‘very
verbose – using three sentences where one would do’. Such
attacks at the core of anybody’s pride and joy like this, always
reveal a desire by the attackers to dominate the other person!
No my books have excellent English and could just do with
thorough proof-reading! Now I have just got to find somebody
willing to do that – for no money that I cannot afford, just a
credit as ‘edited by…’ in each book they proof read!
Friday was quiet too. I had waited patiently since last week
when after a certain amount of discussion, the Doctor had
agreed to do the medical letter that Barclaycard wanted. It had
been ready to be typed on the Monday at that meeting. Now I
was finally allowed to see the typed version and approve it only
today. It gave several symptoms that I was supposed to have
– I only agreed with a third of them! However I could not
argue with the Doctor about that then and there – and
hopefully such a list of (erroneous) symptoms would only help
my case with the bank.
They posted the letter off, and gave me a copy to fax with a
cover letter to Vikki at Barclaycard, my contact there from a
previous long phone call which she had followed with a letter.
When my fax would not send, constantly saying the line was
engaged, I had to go back to Cygnet House and ask them to
send it! At the same time I picked up an identical letter
addressed to Citi cards, and went home and phoned them and
spoke to John, my previous contact from my holiday time at my
father’s house. He asked me to fax him with the same offer of
50% I had made then. However I thought that Barclaycard
would reply within several weeks, and if they made a
favourable offer to lower or write off my balance, I could use it
to influence Citi to get better than 50% off my balance with
Citi! So I only faxed a cover letter with the Doctor’s letter that
said please consider writing off the balance – as always like I
had said before. Again, my fax would not send, and I could not
keep on bothering Cygnet house secretaries, so I faxed it at the
Internet Café – just 60p for three sheets, highly competitive!
451

I risked a second rebuttal from the Vicar of Christchurch like
several years ago, and popped a copy of my ‘Scientific Proof’
and poetry books through his house door. I was concerned
that the garden was somewhat unkempt, and there was a dirty
small car outside. Was he in fact living there still?
The bank holiday weekend was devastatingly quiet. I just
assembled things to take to the junk shop in Julie’s car on the
Monday. However, phone calls by her sister and I to the shop
revealed that the woman buyer only worked there on a Sunday,
and Julie was seeing her Father this Sunday, the only day they
could both make it. So we are going a week later, on Sunday
6 th September, all going well.
I need the money now. For I first checked on line, found I had
gone just £1.08 over my credit limit, and because that meant
two special offer deals that I had long term on my credit card
had been terminated as a result, this month I need to pay
Virgin cards £107 not the normal £25 as up to now! I cleaned
my flat thoroughly on Saturday afternoon and managed to
forget some of the worry caused by this!
Jeni called Sunday evening for a brief chat on the phone,
otherwise Sunday was a nothing day! Monday may have been
a bank holiday here, but not the USA, so first I faxed Lulu a
third time – yet again with no response! I also emailed Book
Surge, who replied saying in fact they did charge fees, but
giving the web site of a sister company who did not for
publishing books – and music. I also emailed www.bpath.com
in view of my financial mini-crisis and cancelled Wednesday’s
upgrades of their search engine submission. I ordered a
classical guitar, case, pitch pipes and tuition DVD from
Littlewoods online. Finally late that day, I got a very belated
reply from www.book-promotion.com – but not from Sapna,
but from my old adversary there, Kumar in India, being
sarcastic at first as usual. Then however, he demanded half
the payment for the previous work which he claimed was
‘overdue’ before doing any more work. I replied very briefly
saying that I had several emails from his boss then, Manuela,
which wrote off that half payment! So much for dreaming of
ever working with that shower again!
452

Tuesday 1 st September – Sunday 6 th September 2009.
This week was really very quiet apart from odd phone calls and
emails. I was really very worried about finances, so on the
Tuesday emailed www.bpath.com and canceled both upgrades I
had ordered last Wednesday. They accepted that, and on the
Wednesday emailed to say that the refunds would go through
‘within 10 days’. I telephoned my contact Vikki at Barclaycard
who said that now I had faxed her and posted the medical
letter on top, it would take around two weeks for the medical
department to make their decision on whether to reduce my
balance on my account drastically or write it off – and to let me
know. After that I could approach Citi using any useful decision
from Barclaycard to leverage them into doing something as
positive and useful for me. Then I would know what funds I
needed to borrow from my father interest free to deal with any
balances left on either, as well as my Capital One and
Littlewoods accounts; and hopefully eliminate four creditors
from my credit status, replacing them with an informal debt to
my dad. I left a phone message for Maureen at the IET asking
her when the decision was being made by them on giving me a
grant to buy a carpet, promised since March – now it is
September.
Finally at the Mind Club that night I was reassured by Tawanda,
a helper originally from Zimbabwe, who was halfway through
reading a copy of my main book that he had bought. He said
that it read perfectly easily, so to ignore my father’s claim it
was ‘verbose’ and my Doctor’s claim the other month that it
needed ‘editing badly’ for ‘one sentence to follow the next’! I
asked another helper, Julie, to ask the creative writing
instructor on Friday week, which happens to be the eighth
anniversary of ‘9/11’, when she started back there, if she could
help me out by proof-reading the seven books for me, or ask
somebody else she might know to do that. In that way I could
get £4,000-£5,000 of work done free!
453

On the Wednesday I was a bit stunned to read an email from
Maureen from the IET, saying that the two local reps that I had
seen in March thought a carpet would cost only £200 – but I
told her it would cost over double that! She agreed, and told
me to get three quotes before the relevant ‘IET Case
Committee meeting’ at the end of the month. I went to the
Mind Club from 1.30pm-2.30pm. On my return there was a
very lame email from Kumar of www.book-promotion.com,
admitting that in fact I owed them no money, and ‘mistakes
like that must never happen again’. I no longer intended to do
any further work with that shower – so have not replied. Two
agencies in the UK, Sheil Land and Pollinger ltd, had requested
hard copy submissions in the post, so I spent £3.10 on posting
two envelopes with letter, CV, synopsis, and extracts to them.
On Thursday Julie my new social worker at Cygnet House, now
that Jemima had got promotion, replied by phone to a message
I had left, because she had said Direct Payments of the £407
they were paying me might take six weeks – well into my two,
guitar and SLR camera, courses. She agreed to chase them up.
Julie had been to see an eye specialist for the second time
about pain in her right eye several months ago. She appeared
at mine with her eyes all dilated so she could not see properly –
they had put special drops in her eyes. As a result she asked
me to read the response letter from Virgin about her application
for a credit card at the weekend – but it said ‘no’.
On Friday I got a letter from Direct Payments but I could not
understand what they were trying to say! I think they want
bank statements for the spare account where they are paying
my £407 grant, every quarter from October, but I am not sure,
and will have to ring them about it when I get the money. Also
my second guitar of two was delivered – days earlier than the
promised delivery date of Tuesday! My £45 direct debit
payment bounced to EdF Energy as I had withdrawn the money
due to poverty caused by paying www.bpath.com £60 last
week! Julie came round and persuaded me to telephone Argos,
where I wanted to buy the camera, and open an account, in
case the Direct Payments did take weeks. However, they would
not give me an account.
454

On the Saturday there was a letter from the local college saying
the guitar course had been postponed because the tutor had let
them down – and might be cancelled, with an £11 refund, if
they could not replace the tutor after interviews. There was a
letter from the bank notifying me of the usual £8 bank charge
due in several weeks, because the EdF payment had bounced.
The good news was financial – Direct Payments wrote to say
they had paid the £407 – and there it was in the bank – along
with a £60 refund already too, also earlier than expected by a
long way, from www.bpath.com. Because of the latter I was
able to settle my problems with Virgin Credit Cards over the
phone, pay them £107, and so get zero interest not £34 a
month restored on nearly £2,100 of my balance. So I am back
to paying them about £30 a month not over £60 – until this
offer ends next May. I hope to drastically reduce the balance
by then, somehow…
Sunday arrived; with at long last the delayed trip to the Junk
Shop out in the sticks. I made three trips to Julie’s car boot
with my own stuff. Golf clubs, a tent, ski boots, a car dent
repair set were all very heavy – and then there were two big
bags of sundry electrical and other stuff. Julie put a mirror,
some books and ornaments of hers – and an old car seat of her
grandson’s – in the back seat. We set off about 12.10pm, and
drove for twenty five minutes through about fifteen miles all
through country lanes, till we reached the shop, in a small
village, miles from anywhere.
I helped Julie carry her stuff in, but was very disappointed that
whereas Julie had told me ‘she takes anything’, it really was a
typical junk shop – mostly selling small and old ornaments. Yet
just two weeks ago Julie had sold here my camera for £15 and
some old ornaments of hers for £25. This time, no such
relative luck! Julie was asked to name a price for her stuff; and
the buyer nearly laughed when she said ‘£75’ – in the end
getting poor Julie to accept just £15! After that I was just not
prepared to even try selling my own stuff in that terrible shop –
so we drove home with it still in her boot, Julie vowing never to
waste petrol on that long journey again!
455

We got back, and retired hurt to our two different adjacent
flats, Julie saying she was hungry and needed lunch, so to
unpack my stuff later. Later that afternoon, feathers still
ruffled by this junk shop incident, I remembered that when I
played golf 20 years ago, golf shops were the place to buy and
sell clubs. However when I rang the local club and was put
onto the pro shop, he could not buy them – and in fact
suggested selling them on eBay on the Internet!
Luckily I remembered the username and password of my very
old eBay account that I had not used for years. Indeed, it
seemed possible to sell the clubs there, as well as certain of my
other items. A bronze statuette of a nude couple in an embrace
should also fetch a good price, as should my old ski boots, my
car dent repair kit, and finally least of all, a bracelet with old
Japanese coins on it! So I photographed them all later, and
plan to put adverts on eBay for them tomorrow evening, so
after a week of auction it will be Monday week evening when
the auctions end – time for people to decide over the weekend.
In the meantime, I had a tiny budget as of Saturday to buy a
camera – at a budget price of £329.99 based on the price in
Argos for the very cheapest Nikon or Olympus E420 camera in
the catalogue. Could I get a better deal on eBay? Indeed I
could and bought the following complete Olympus E450 KIT for
just under £6 more than my supposed budget at £335.90: -
• Olympus E450 with variable 18-42mm lens.
• Two other lenses – a fixed wide angle and a fixed X2
telephoto lens – not very useful but better than nothing till
I sold stuff on eBay next week and could buy a proper
telephoto lens for about £100 on eBay not £244 at Argos!
• An 8 GB flash card that costs about £35 each in the shops
• A spare battery – very expensive and very useful indeed.
I could keep a charged up spare battery with me all the
time in case the battery in the camera ran out
• A full size tripod and a portable tripod
• A flash gun
• Delivery with insurance
• Finally, a case
456

I went round to Julie’s to tell her I had ordered a real bargain
camera kit from eBay and could sell other stuff there. She was
going out to work that evening shortly, so I took her car keys
and unloaded my stuff from the car, and photographed some of
the things, as I mentioned. When she got back from work
about 7pm we had a typical meagre supper of a can of red
salmon with bread and butter, tomato and pepper salad.
I am waiting for a lot of things to happen right now…
1. Finances. On the Saturday I had received a week earlier
than expected my refund from www.bpath.com for £60, so
together with £128.99 benefit I got that day, was left £72
after clearing my problematic debt with Virgin credit cards.
Phew! I had also received £406.99 for a camera and
guitar kit from Direct Payments, which I transferred to my
main account so I could use it with my normal card – and
Paypal, to buy a good value camera kit for £335.90 that I
found on Sunday afternoon on eBay. I could justify
keeping the £72 left over and using some for groceries I
needed and tobacco, and the rest to pay another pressing
bill, £45 which I paid to my electricity company by phone
the next day, Monday. For I was owed £22 for having
already paid for the two guitar and camera courses out of
pocket. Also I was paying for the guitar kit over five
months via Littlewoods at about £12 a month. So, vitally
that weekend, I was able to keep both pressing creditors
happy, thanks to money arriving earlier than expected.
I will be very short of cash till Wednesday thanks to paying
these two such large bills, but then I will get my smaller benefit
payment of each week. In the meantime I can and will have to
get by, by smoking roll up tobacco instead of tailor-mades.
From then I will be waiting till early the week after, when from
Monday I am really hoping for dramatic good news from
Barclaycard, who should have reviewed all my two medical
letters, and my own letters, by then. Will they really write off
457

all, or nearly all my balance on my account as a result? I wait
to see – for if they do, once I have that in writing I can use that
letter to leverage the other credit card company that I have a
repayment arrangement with, Citi, to do something similar. I
am on tenterhooks till then, now that I have beaten off a small
crisis by virtue of money arriving early!
Once the dust finally settles on whatever happens to these two
credit card accounts, each after all of nine months of asking for
something to be done and getting no response at all, there is
better news still. My father has said he is prepared to make me
an interest free loan for over £500 to pay off Capital One, to
whom I pay about £8 interest a month on £200 credit at its
limit, and Littlewoods, who will start charging interest from next
February unless I pay off the interest free Buy Now Pay Later
sum before then.
In the meantime before negotiating with these two aggressive
credit card companies, I am trying my luck and hoping to raise
some money by advertising the following on eBay: -
• Thirteen golf clubs
• My once prized bronze and resin statuette of a nude
couple kissing – I have got fed up with it, it only reminds
me of the identical one I gave to Diamond, my alcoholic
former girlfriend!
• A pair of (size 12!) ski boots
• A car bodywork dent repair kit
• A Japanese bracelet I was given in the hospital in London
last year!
Previous experience of eBay years ago was bad – there were no
bids – so that may well be repeated this time, particularly as I
have put realistic minimum bid prices, and there is as we all
know a massive recession on; so the bargain hunters who
haunt eBay may well ignore my adverts! However if I cannot
raise some money this way; I will find it hard to buy the zoom
telephoto lens that I really need for my new camera; or to
order six proof books I need from Lulu (see the next section).
2. Book Publishing Efforts and The Recession.
458

I have again been facing an indefinite wait over a support
issue with www.lulu.com never replying to emails on this or
even faxes! The previous time, some months ago, was just
about my ITIN tax number; but the current deafening silence
from www.lulu.com concerns my support issue that I cannot
log onto my Lulu account – even with the correct password.
A conversation with Andrew of rival Chipmunka Publishing a
week ago revealed that Lulu Press Inc have made half their
staff redundant no doubt because of the recession,
explaining the drastic escalation of support response times
from originally in the old days just a day or two; to at least
several whole weeks now! At this rate I may have to turn to
a new printer, part of the Amazon group, recommended by
the woman who emailed me recently from Book Surge,
another Amazon Company. The name of the allegedly free
publishing sister Amazon Group company is
www.createspace.com; I write on Tuesday 8 th September
2009 and intend to try publishing a single book at first there
– to see if there are any problems!
Two weeks ago I had two submission reports for my two web
sites saying they had been submitted by www.bpath.com, an
allegedly reliable Israeli company, to 100 leading worldwide
search engines. They will submit them again in another two
weeks then every month for a year. In six weeks, then, all
these search engines that are going to, should include my two
web sites, as it takes a total of eight weeks for all search
engines in any submission like this to respond, I am reliably
informed.
In the meantime, apart from waiting a huge amount of time for
any response from www.lulu.com, and the above search
engines also related to my publishing efforts on two web sites;
I have also been waiting a long time for results from the other
current string to my bow – my emailing literary agents three
weeks ago. Replies have only trickled in this time around,
compared to a year ago. I still await replies from nearly 80 of
120 agents I emailed and 10 of 15 publishers! Again, I think
the Great Recession has now really hit the industry a year on,
and I may never get many replies at all!
459

Proof reading or ideally editing of all my books has been a real
problem because done by a professional editing company it
would cost over £500 for each of seven books! However I write
on the evening of Tuesday 8 th September 2009, have got down
to the Mind Club, and Angie the helper has now informed me
that a girl called Emma who used to come there, is actually a
professional proof reader! So if I can afford a copy each of my
seven books for her to proof read – will she do it free or nearly
free? I will be there again tomorrow and ask the day staff to
phone her and ask her to phone me to discuss this. A copy of
‘Scientific Proof’, my five autobiographies, and Helen’s
autobiography, will cost an amount finalised with
www.createspace.com that I am about to find out.
3. The Recession, Big Science – and Press Releases
For Lulu Press Inc may well turn out to be a big victim of the
recession, and having waited all of three weeks a second time
around with no reply at all apart from robots to major support
issues, it is time to dump this sinking ship, it seems, and move
on – to www.createspace.com, if all goes well, and I believe
there are alternatives. I am going to try to publish my
‘Scientific Proof’ book on www.createspace.com tonight,
Tuesday.
Then I can at last have a major, being Amazon-backed, the
biggest bookshop in the world after all, so secure alternative to
Lulu, who seem doomed by all accounts. Then and only then
can I issue some press releases for both web sites – free –
having altered the web sites in line with having a new publisher
– Amazon not Lulu, I expect.
My press releases for www.maam.org.uk can focus on the
abolition of cash as ‘the only way to beat the recession – and all
recessions’. My press releases for www.silee.me.uk however,
largely await yet something else beyond my control. A year
ago the Large Hadron Accelerator at CERN, Geneva, started up
in a blaze of publicity – heralded as a possible ‘end of the world
machine that might devour the planet with black holes’!
This huge and very expensive machine soon broke down, but at
length is due to restart this very month! It has a strong
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elevance to my own writings in ‘Scientific Proof’ for as well as
simulating the Big Bang and the start of everything, it aims to
see if there are more than just the obvious three (x y and z)
dimensions of space – which would if verified also verify all my
own ideas! BIG Scientific Proof – via a huge experiment - of
my own ‘Scientific Proof’ book!
4. Will the Church be indifferent and apathetic as ever?
I posted my ‘Scientific Proof’ and poetry books at what I took to
still be where the Vicar of Christchurch Ware lives. I have no
phone number for him and his church’s website gives neither
address nor phone number away these days. So will I ever
hear back from him? I very much doubt it – so may have
wasted posting two expensive books for nothing at all!
5. When will I ever meet a new girlfriend?
For Julie said last week ‘you do not love me and I do not love
you’ so writing off any possibility of any more love making
bouts! We remain good friends though. My problem in
meeting a replacement to the great friend that Julie has been,
as well as occasional and reluctant lover, is getting out to meet
them. This is due to lack of money, pure and simple!
FOOTNOTE – that is not the end of the story though! It is
Friday 20 th December 2010 as I type this footnote…
This book originally carried on from this point into a further
200+ pages, which have now been split off into a separate
book; a sequel called ‘Always Rise Above the Black Art of
PSEXISTRICKERY’. Looking back from nearly Christmas 2010, I
can for the first time fully appreciate that my relationship with
Julie really did end just short of 9/9/9 like it says above, having
started on 7/7/7; and being really passionate until my
admission to hospital for all of eight months on 2 nd November
2008. After that date there was a massive 16 month long
interlude, lasting the whole of 2008 and two months either
side, then the more off than on relationship had a second very
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patchy phase with far less sex of six months – March 8 th –
September 9 th 2009. The last sexual act happened on 9/8/9!
I have produced this book and its sequel from one book that
was getting too long at over 500 pages. Also there are really
two stories to tell – us two ‘Loving Our Neighbour’ (bang next
door!) in a very fitful way; and the very traumatic events that
have happened, especially this year of 2010, as we continued
to live next door to each other, soon despite vast animosity.
To find out about the latter I refer you to the sequel to this
book, and that book is the sixth in this long series.
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NO more relationships
with ‘girls next door’ –
after TWO in the ‘Priory
Street Posse’
‘True Love Reigns’ after another break lasting many
years. With a truly slow, dreamy, so ROMANTIC love affair
with “ma (Menopausal) Grandma Julia Conyard next
door”…
With her equally unmissable and unforgettable
wayward foster daughter Rachel Conyard-Whorewould!
From 7/7/7 – with a whole sixteen month timeout
surrounding all of 2008 - right up to about 9/9/9…
The fifth part of his autobiography, covering
2007 into 2009 with the theme “With Doctors
like these, who needs Enemies?”
FOURFold il Professori Emeritus sed moltissimo
Modestus Mr Simon Richard ‘Pilchard’ Day Lee
BA MA (Cambridge) CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC
Electric Zen Buddha
(as on Face Book)