The Link Early Spring 2020

1. 23rd April
2. Red
3. Jess
4. Terrier
5. 20/20
6. Joan of Arc
7. 22
8. Newcastle United
9. Cassius Clay
10. The Tardis
(page 33)
7 8 2 5 1 4 6 9 3
6 5 9 3 7 2 8 1 4
1 3 4 6 9 8 2 7 5
3 6 7 1 8 5 9 4 2
9 4 5 2 3 7 1 6 5
2 1 8 9 4 6 5 3 7
8 2 3 4 6 9 7 5 1
4 7 6 8 5 1 3 2 9
5 9 1 7 2 3 4 8 6
P A R A S O L C C
A E A B H O R
P E R H A P S A U
E E M T E R M S
R E P E A T L T
R N C A
S I S H U T U P
C O M E T A A O
A A I N N I N G S
R U N U P G E
F D S C E N T E D
The farmer & the yuppie ...
A farmer named Sid is overseeing his stock in a
remote area of North Yorkshire when suddenly a
brand-new BMW skids to a halt next to him.
The driver, a yuppie in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes,
RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the
window and says: "If I tell you exactly how
many cows and calves you have in your herd,
will you give me a calf?"
Sid looks at the man, then looks at his peacefully
grazing stock and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell laptop
computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell
phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet,
where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact
fix on his location which he then feeds to another
NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-highresolution
photo. He then opens the digital photo
in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image
processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm
Pilot that the image has been processed and the
data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database
through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet
with email on his iPhone 11 and, after a few
minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints
out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says,
"You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of
my calves," says Sid.
He watches the young man select one of the
animals and looks on with amusement as he stuffs
it into the back of his car.
Then Sid says to the young man, "Hey, if I can
tell you exactly what your business is, will you
give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and
then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Member of Parliament", says Sid.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how
did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answers the farmer. "You
showed up here uninvited; you want payment for
an answer I already knew, to a question I never
asked. You used millions of pounds of equipment
trying to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about how
working people make a living - or about cows,
for that matter ... because this is a flock of sheep!
Now give me back my bloody dog!"
38
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