Koans- My Story Of Anorexia
KOANS is the story of Janet Gilmore's six decade struggle with anorexia/bulimia as told through her essay and "mood" poetry that she used to express her state of being and yearning for health and peace. Her son arranged and edited KOANS from Janet's poetry, letters, and journaling and at 15-years old, Janet's granddaughter was moved to create illustrations to poems that particularly spoke to her. Janet's writings about her lifelong struggle with anorexia from the 1940's through her loss with this battle in 2002 represents an incredibly raw and sincere look at an individual's experience with an eating disorder. It is our hope that by sharing these poems and illustrations, Janet's expression may provide some insight, empathy and understanding for those suffering from an eating disorder.
KOANS is the story of Janet Gilmore's six decade struggle with anorexia/bulimia as told through her essay and "mood" poetry that she used to express her state of being and yearning for health and peace. Her son arranged and edited KOANS from Janet's poetry, letters, and journaling and at 15-years old, Janet's granddaughter was moved to create illustrations to poems that particularly spoke to her.
Janet's writings about her lifelong struggle with anorexia from the 1940's through her loss with this battle in 2002 represents an incredibly raw and sincere look at an individual's experience with an eating disorder. It is our hope that by sharing these poems and illustrations, Janet's expression may provide some insight, empathy and understanding for those suffering from an eating disorder.
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It began when I was 15
and felt my lithe, boy-like
shape rounding out into that
of a woman. I didn’t recognize
that it meant I was normal,
becoming an adult, but I was
frightened at what was
happening to me beyond my
control. I wanted to go
back in time, where there
were no expectations and
responsibilities. So, I dieted
my way back 20 pounds,
relishing the comments by
those who loved me that I
looked sick and too thin.
It escalated when I found a
way I could eat and still
lose weight, bulimia.
Still in control, I thought,
but of course I wasn’t. It
had me! For 6 years, I felt
euphoria, superiority, ultimate
control. Then my previously
strong body began to fall apart.
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