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Issue 01 - Loneliness

The Loneliness issue of HopeIRL deals with issues like social anxiety, transitioning from high school to college, awkward romantic moments, and feeling left out and lonely.

The Loneliness issue of HopeIRL deals with issues like social anxiety, transitioning from high school to college, awkward romantic moments, and feeling left out and lonely.

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SOCIAL MEDIA MAKES ME<br />

ANXIOUS<br />

P7<br />

THE<br />

LONELINESS<br />

ISSUE<br />

IRL<br />

IRL<br />

IRL<br />

VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1


@HOPE_IRL


A ZINE BY YOUNG PEOPLE,<br />

FOR YOUNG PEOPLE.


TABLE OF CONTENTS<br />

My <strong>Loneliness</strong> Experience and<br />

Awakening<br />

.......................Page 1<br />

Reflections of a First Year College<br />

Student<br />

..................Page 5<br />

Social Media Makes Me Anxious ....................Page 7<br />

Poem: The Kiss<br />

.............................................Page 11<br />

Struggling with Social Connections in<br />

College<br />

..........Page 12<br />

Lonely AF.......................................................Page 13


LETTER FROM THE EDITOR: ROBIN RASKOB<br />

Welcome to HopeIRL’s first issue. We are so excited that<br />

you’ve found us. This magazine is a project of Hopelab,<br />

a small nonprofit social innovation lab based in San<br />

Francisco that works with young people to co-create<br />

technology products that improve health and happiness.<br />

It’s a pretty rad place. Every day, we get to build cool<br />

products and work with amazing young people like you.<br />

And every day we’re hearing your stories. The<br />

experiences you’re having are incredible. We’re<br />

fascinated by what’s going on in your lives.<br />

HopeIRL is a place to share those stories.<br />

When our editorial team first sat down to talk about what<br />

HopeIRL would look like, we all agreed on our vision:<br />

create a magazine by young people, for young people.<br />

It’s a no-brainer; your voices are so strong and<br />

meaningful. We want to hold close to our core values for<br />

this magazine, and will try our best to embrace your<br />

authentic voices, promote a community built on trust,<br />

and make it stylish AF.<br />

This magazine is for you—the rebels, the changemakers,<br />

the peacekeepers, the entrepreneurs, the extroverts, the<br />

quiet ones, he, her, they, and everyone in between. It’s a<br />

digital and print collection of stories about the things that<br />

make us human and give us hope. Join us in this<br />

experiment we’re calling HopeIRL.<br />

Robin Raskob<br />

Editor-in-Chief<br />

HopeIRL<br />

Share your story; email editor@hopeirl.org


LONELINESS<br />

AWAKENING


My sophomore year of college I lived in a<br />

Berkeley duplex with my four best friends. To<br />

an outsider, or maybe an Instagram follower,<br />

our day-to-day lives looked a lot like any<br />

college movie. All four of them were in<br />

sororities, which made it easy to find<br />

something to do on a Saturday night. As the<br />

year progressed, a strained relationship with<br />

one of the “best friends” led me to spend more<br />

and more time in my room, away from the<br />

kitchen or living room where the others would<br />

hang out. I felt anxious about spending time<br />

with my housemates and often doubted<br />

myself and their feelings towards me. I told<br />

myself they didn’t really want me to join them<br />

for dinner, or movie night. My self-confidence<br />

reached an all-time low.<br />

It took a big blow-up between two of the other<br />

girls for me to recognize and accept that I was<br />

unhappy and that I had pulled away from my<br />

community and also myself. To this day I still<br />

consider each of these women close friends,<br />

but in that house, at that time, I didn’t feel<br />

understood, heard, or supported. I felt alone.<br />

Really alone.<br />

My<br />

self-co<br />

nfiden<br />

ce<br />

reache<br />

d an<br />

all-tim<br />

e low.<br />

02<br />

I simply<br />

didn’t<br />

know<br />

what<br />

loneline<br />

ss was<br />

or that<br />

people<br />

my age<br />

could<br />

experie<br />

nce it.<br />

Not only did I feel this way, but I also felt<br />

embarrassed about the fact that I felt alone. I<br />

didn’t think anyone else ever felt alone, and<br />

tapping through snapchat stories seemed to<br />

confirm that thought. Even within my hippie<br />

liberal Berkeley bubble I felt ashamed and<br />

discouraged. I didn’t know what I was<br />

experiencing or that those around me were<br />

feeling it too.<br />

I am a public health student who speaks<br />

openly and honestly with classmates, friends,<br />

and family about mental health. I take pride in<br />

my awareness and understanding of mental<br />

health and the impacts it has on everyday life.<br />

But somehow, I had never spoken with<br />

anyone about loneliness as something that<br />

affected people my age. I simply didn’t know<br />

what loneliness was or that people my age<br />

could experience it.


Thanks to incredibly supportive high school<br />

friends and family, I was able to confront my<br />

feelings. I worked hard to find new friendships<br />

and work on existing ones to make sure they<br />

were healthy and supportive. Throughout this<br />

process, I still never realized how impactful<br />

loneliness could be on our health and<br />

well-being.<br />

It wasn’t until Margaret Laws, Hopelab’s CEO,<br />

came and spoke at The Fung Fellowship, a<br />

tech and wellness fellowship I am a part of,<br />

that I learned what loneliness is. <strong>Loneliness</strong><br />

is a painful feeling that acts as an “alarm<br />

bell,” signaling that our fundamental need<br />

for connection and belonging isn’t being<br />

adequately met, and it’s a real problem among<br />

college students.<br />

I proceeded to apply for an internship at<br />

Hopelab, and began to work on the very<br />

project that introduced me to loneliness. Over<br />

the course of my time here, I’ve dug into the<br />

rich dataset from Hopelab’s 2<strong>01</strong>8 National<br />

Survey, where we measured loneliness and<br />

social media use in over 1,300 young people,<br />

ages 14-22. I’m now turning my focus<br />

outwards, looking at loneliness, not only from<br />

a research lens, but also as a student who has<br />

recently experienced and is surrounded by<br />

these emotions.<br />

Written by Lena Bertozzi<br />

Photography feat. Lena Bertozzi<br />

03


LONELINESS<br />

ALARM<br />

CONNECTION<br />

LEM<br />

PROB-<br />

04


R efle ctio n s of a First Year Colleg e S t u d e nt<br />

“We’ll call every weekend.”<br />

“Promise.”<br />

“And every free night.”<br />

“Yes.”<br />

We stayed there hugging in the driveway, a<br />

small knot of four people, no one wanting to<br />

let go first. Such were the friendships I made<br />

in high school; I spent my time mingling<br />

between and within small groups, forming<br />

bonds catered to specific niches.<br />

Going into college, I expected the same. I<br />

was rooming with two of my close friends<br />

from high school, and looking back on it now,<br />

I think we all assumed we’d add a few people<br />

into our group and settle down quickly.<br />

As it turned out, my social experience at<br />

college was distinctly different from those<br />

early expectations. Coming from a relatively<br />

large graduating class, we looked forward<br />

to meeting people from a more diverse<br />

population and finding our niche. In practice,<br />

this goal proved difficult. I trooped through<br />

orientations, computer science residential<br />

programs, club meetings, tutoring sessions,<br />

and day-to-day classrooms, searching for<br />

the people that I could call my day-ones,<br />

my go-tos, my ride-or-dies. I shared many<br />

similarities and interests with other students,<br />

but I didn’t experience the magic click with<br />

a single group like I expected to. In a crowd<br />

of tens of thousands of students, there were<br />

times when I still felt alone.<br />

WHO KNEW THAT<br />

FLOATING IN A<br />

SEA OF PEOPLE<br />

COULD FEEL SO<br />

IMPERSONAL?<br />

05


Bumping into people I knew meant lots of<br />

heys and hellos and how are yous, always<br />

parting on “We should catch up sometime”<br />

and “I’ll see you soon,” promises that would<br />

rarely be fulfilled. Everyone was always going<br />

somewhere, running on their own ticking<br />

timeline—“I wish I could talk more but I’m<br />

late to class!”—like invisible stopwatches<br />

that were always just a few seconds apart.<br />

Friendships that seemed obvious (“I share<br />

three classes with her; we’ll probably end<br />

up close”) never seemed to blossom in the<br />

right way, and the ones that were random<br />

and utterly spontaneous seemed to take off<br />

more than the obvious choices. Was I doing<br />

something wrong?<br />

Through the ups and downs of my freshman<br />

semesters, I realized little by little that a<br />

college experience was never going to fit my<br />

high school expectations.<br />

SO I AM LIFTING<br />

THE COOKIE<br />

CUTTER THIS<br />

YEAR.<br />

I don’t have a friend type. I don’t have one<br />

group. I freely engage in multiple circles and<br />

still other shapes, aiming to diversify, aiming<br />

to build a kaleidoscope of personalities<br />

whose experiences I can learn from and<br />

dance among. College is still a sea of people,<br />

but I’m finding my way through.<br />

My college social experience so far was not<br />

fitting into the mold that I had brought from<br />

high school.<br />

Written by Trevina Tran<br />

Photography feat. Monique Nguyen<br />

06


SOCIAL MEDIA<br />

MAKES ME<br />

ANXIOUS<br />

“What you’re describing is grief.”<br />

Those words were spoken by a middle-aged female psychologist who proceeded to<br />

recline back into her chair and cross her fingers. I recall this specific detail because the<br />

time before I was appointed to a male therapist (against my preference) with only three<br />

fingers on each hand. He had said the same thing. Grief; an apparent explanation for the<br />

nauseating pain in my lower stomach, the same pain that drove me to prematurely leave<br />

my Chinese lecture, walk three blocks down Bancroft Way and check myself into student<br />

mental health services. “There’s no point,” I would say to myself in class “being physically<br />

present but mentally unavailable.”<br />

This was the prevailing mindset for my first semester at Berkeley. I began to operate in<br />

insecurity, triggered by the prospect of taking responsibility for my own choices. The<br />

negative beliefs I once held to be true started to materialize through unrighteous anger and<br />

were only exacerbated by a tendency to surround myself with people who were objectively<br />

important by virtue of inherited looks and money. Selfies were staged, alcohol was in<br />

abundance, and as a teenager I somehow fancied myself a socialite by the likes of Zelda<br />

Fitzgerald, determined to be seen with the “right people” at the “right parties.” In short, I<br />

was a severely unhappy and superficial person.<br />

07


Photography feat.Christopher Lloyd Chang<br />

It is a way of functioning that does not presently strike me as foreign. As a great deal of<br />

curious children do, throughout childhood I held onto little snippets of my parents’ dialogue<br />

which unnerved me and tasked myself with rationalizing those words. Over time, I came to<br />

suspect a genetic component; that they too suffered from obsessive thoughts, despair, and<br />

possibly, that same immobilizing grief. I began to take note of such symptoms as they came<br />

to hamper even my most basic endeavors, such as getting out of bed or eating. In January<br />

of the next year I sought treatment from a psychiatrist in San Francisco and was formally<br />

diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, an affliction that annually affects roughly 3%<br />

of the US population.<br />

I tell you this not as an aimless revelation but because visibility is important, particularly<br />

among an audience that suppresses each perceptible sign of weakness. Pathophysiological<br />

research suggests that “GAD” is linked to disrupted functional connectivity of the<br />

amygdala, a set of neurons in the brain’s medial temporal lobe integral for processing<br />

human emotion. To disregard this diagnosis with the common notion that teenagers<br />

nowadays are entirely too fragile would be to miss the point entirely. More than anything, the<br />

news indicated to me that more introspective work was necessary.<br />

08


“WE CAPTURE A CONTEXTUALIZING,<br />

AFFECTIVE MOMENT THROUGH<br />

TRUST IN TECHNOLOGY,”<br />

Although now, some time later, I’m scarcely able to pinpoint all of the non-biological stressors<br />

that contributed to my anxiety, in the moment I was certain about one thing: limiting<br />

social media use. Before even arriving on campus, I had already gained hundreds of mutual<br />

followers on Instagram via the class page on Facebook. Excited by the idea of meeting<br />

people unlike those from my rural hometown, these online connections did not appear<br />

unusual to me. Upon walking to class, however, I was taken aback by the multiple people I<br />

would run into who referred to me by my username. Friendships would develop through<br />

real life interactions, only to have it later revealed that those same people already had an<br />

idea of me through social media. “I didn’t want it to be weird,” one girl later conceded. All<br />

judgment suspended, it still felt weird.<br />

These awkward situations are symptomatic of my generation, “Generation Z.” The age<br />

group which market research suggests has a preference for emojis over text, and entertains<br />

the impulse to consume information as quickly as possible. Patience and rumination are<br />

characteristics which, although approved in the abstract, lose ground to more instantly<br />

negotiable gratifications. To swiftly navigate the digital era is potentially to have everything:<br />

the world at your fingertips; validation at a whim.<br />

“We capture a contextualizing, affective moment through trust in technology,” contends<br />

digital rhetoric professor, Aaron Hess. “The intersection of body and machine, of analog<br />

and digital, enables users to generate new perceptions of both the self and the device.” But<br />

what happens when the digital mindset is imposed onto the physical world? What happens<br />

when young adults become preoccupied with manipulating photographs to fit an unobtainable<br />

image? We begin to neglect the people we are in real life.<br />

This was the case for me, and thus I adopted the philosophy that if I had only spoken to<br />

someone a handful of times or no longer saw them on a regular basis, then I was not<br />

obligated to follow them. Being informed about these people’s lives from social media<br />

posts as opposed to in-person interaction felt ingenuine, especially considering most of<br />

them lived within a five block vicinity. By the end of the school year, I had unfollowed over<br />

200 students.<br />

09


It was a relief to no longer be constantly confronted with visuals of white teeth and Gucci belts<br />

and vacations to remote Grecian islands. It was a relief to accept myself without Facetune or<br />

filters, to not conceal the cystic acne scars which remind me that I am indeed still a teenager.<br />

It was a relief to be exempt from the calculated portrayals which innately disagree with who I<br />

am as a writer. No longer did I have to sacrifice authenticity for digital approval, or even<br />

subdue my healthy sense of self-deprecation. Documenting each tragic mistake and act of<br />

charming naivety allows for reflection, a virtue which does not currently appear to be resonant<br />

with social media use. Take for example, Hopelab’s sponsored national survey of more than<br />

1,300 U.S. teens and young adults which found that, “social media users are somewhat more<br />

likely to agree than disagree that they feel like they always have to show the best version of<br />

themselves on social media, with 53% agreeing. A majority (57%) reported feeling like other<br />

people are doing better than they are (15% often feel that way when using social media).”<br />

The aim here is not to point out all of Generation Z’s shortcomings, nor to suggest that I’m by<br />

any means absolved from contemporary technological culture. It is simply to draw attention to<br />

the increasing importance of social media in young adults’ identity formation and the means<br />

by which different age groups utilize it differently. Is “social media” indeed being used for<br />

social purposes, or is this a term that masks the behavior of teenagers obsessed with self<br />

image? Should we reevaluate the perceived legitimacy behind modern online interactions?<br />

Are social media’s benefits fleeting or long-term? These are the types of questions we at<br />

Hopelab are asking. It is my hope that older generations, particularly those individuals who<br />

build technologies to be disseminated across young audiences, confront these uncertainties<br />

head on.<br />

FEATURED ARTIST:<br />

CHRISTOPHER LLOYD CHANG<br />

Christopher is 20 years old and lives in San Francisco, CA. He spends much of his time<br />

arranging words and fulfilling dog dad responsibilities. On the weekends he is likely to be<br />

found reviving dead houseplants or scouting for new thrift spots in the city.<br />

10


A KISS<br />

WRITTEN BY TREVINA TRAN<br />

Was it right?<br />

Had I sacrificed my emotional timeline<br />

in favor of the movie scene<br />

first kiss?<br />

A stone bench in Yerba Buena park,<br />

overlooking the city and the<br />

sunset.<br />

It was picture perfect.<br />

Yet, emotionally blurred.<br />

The night sky, speckled with stars<br />

-- my cheek, speckled with your<br />

kisses.<br />

There are small candle flames, but<br />

no fireworks today.<br />

The air feels a little too tense.<br />

Was it me?<br />

Intimacy, admittedly slightly damp,<br />

with a hint of resolve to make it a<br />

memorable night.<br />

I wander home eventually.<br />

“Are you judging me”<br />

I ask my best friend.<br />

“Not really … just<br />

When did you grow up”<br />

I didn’t know. Did I?<br />

Unless I didn’t grow up. Unless<br />

this wasn’t really me.<br />

Did I choose the pretty memory over<br />

the rightful timing?<br />

The pattern continues.<br />

11


STRUGGLING WITH SOCIAL CONNECTIONS IN COLLEGE<br />

Prior to attending college, I would say my<br />

experience with social connections was<br />

easier. Growing up and attending schools<br />

in Oakland, I was surrounded by those<br />

that came from similar socioeconomic<br />

backgrounds. We just wanted to make it out<br />

and eventually give back either to ourselves<br />

or to our families and our community. The<br />

stories of how our parents immigrated to<br />

the U.S. for a better life resonated with most<br />

of us. Even as someone reclusive as I am,<br />

I was still able to make connections that,<br />

so far, I haven’t been able to make at UC<br />

Berkeley. Maybe it’s because I’d known my<br />

friends from home for years, or because we<br />

can all relate to each other; whatever it is,<br />

these connections I’d made prior to college<br />

had a really positive impact on me.<br />

came true.” For the rest of the time I’ve<br />

been at Berkeley, I haven’t been able to<br />

make as strong connections. Sure, I made<br />

some good friends and got along well with<br />

my first-year roommates, but it wasn’t the<br />

same. I couldn’t talk about the struggles<br />

of being a low-income first-generation Indian-Lao<br />

American cisgender male because<br />

I was mostly surrounded by individuals that<br />

did not come from these backgrounds.<br />

I got diagnosed with depression and an<br />

eating disorder in the Fall of my first year<br />

of college, which probably contributed to<br />

my not socializing as much as I had prior to<br />

college. Things just seemed to get worse<br />

socially; the only person that I really hung<br />

out with most of the time was my girlfriend,<br />

whom I’d also met in Summer Bridge.<br />

I had high expectations for social connections<br />

in college. I expected to make way<br />

more friends in college since everyone is<br />

supposed to be more open-minded and<br />

we’re all on the same path of attaining a<br />

higher education.<br />

Part of my expectation came true while<br />

attending Summer Bridge, which is the<br />

summer program available to incoming<br />

freshmen at UC Berkeley. It’s an opportunity<br />

for scholars to take Berkeley classes while<br />

staying in one of the on-campus dorms, and<br />

to meet other incoming Berkeley freshmen,<br />

potentially making long-lasting friendships.<br />

I’m now in my sophomore year of college,<br />

and I will still say that most of the friends<br />

that I’ve made at Berkeley were from<br />

Summer Bridge. I felt super connected to<br />

my dorm floor, as if they were family.<br />

That’s why I say “part of my expectation<br />

12<br />

That is why I’ve made it my mission to “go<br />

out more”—literally out of my dorm—and<br />

make new friends during my second year of<br />

college. From my first year, I learned that I<br />

can’t wait for potential connections to come<br />

to me like I did prior to college; I have to<br />

go out and search for them. Colleges are<br />

full of students from various backgrounds.<br />

It’s not like it’s one school where you’re<br />

surrounded by people who look like you and<br />

were raised like you. I’ve recently joined the<br />

Southeast Asian Student Coalition (partly<br />

because I’m half-Laotian and I wanted to<br />

be in a community where I’m surrounded by<br />

familiarity) so that I can increase my social<br />

connections. And so far… it’s been looking<br />

pretty good, and I have hope for myself this<br />

year.<br />

WRITTEN BY<br />

HITESH KUMAR KHILWANI


What does loneliness look like to you?<br />

<strong>Loneliness</strong>, unlike other health<br />

paradigms, doesn’t have the most<br />

obvious symptoms. A person can be<br />

highly functional and lonely. A person<br />

can be social, have a wide network of<br />

friends and colleagues, and still be<br />

lonely. Lonely people don’t always<br />

“look” lonely.<br />

If we’re being honest, I don’t look like<br />

loneliness.<br />

From the outside, I seem like a friendly,<br />

“normal” person. I have a large social<br />

network. I am naturally extroverted<br />

and outgoing, and I always have<br />

been. Even as a kid, I used to put<br />

on “shows” for literally anyone and<br />

everyone, and would PERFORM,<br />

even when my audience seemed to<br />

have way better things to do (Cough<br />

cough, mom and dad). What I didn’t<br />

realize is that just because I was all of<br />

these things—outgoing, eccentric, an<br />

audience seeker—didn’t mean I was<br />

immune to loneliness. Which is such<br />

a relief to now know, because I have<br />

always felt a disconnect between my<br />

environment and the way I felt in it.<br />

By definition, this all makes sense<br />

now. <strong>Loneliness</strong> can be defined as<br />

the gap between relationships you<br />

want and those you have, which<br />

causes emotional pain. 1 <strong>Loneliness</strong><br />

is subjective, because there isn’t a<br />

specific criteria for loneliness; you just<br />

feel it when you do. And I feel it, in<br />

various ways and to varying amounts,<br />

every. Single. Day.<br />

So when asked to listen to our newest<br />

Hopelab project dedicated to building<br />

social connection and reducing<br />

loneliness in young adults, I shrank into<br />

myself a little bit. I have many emotions<br />

surrounding this project—I would be<br />

lying if I didn’t say it hits a little too close<br />

to my inner world. Why didn’t I have this<br />

information when I was in school? Why<br />

did no one tell me that you could be a<br />

social butterfly and still feel so lonely<br />

inside?<br />

“Why didn’t I have this information<br />

when I was in school? Why did no<br />

one tell me that you could be a<br />

social butterfly and still feel so<br />

lonely inside?”<br />

When I reminisce about my early<br />

college years, especially my first<br />

year, it was one of the loneliest points<br />

in my life. Leaving high school was<br />

exciting—a new opportunity to be this<br />

person I had mentally built up in my<br />

mind—a new identity, new friends, a<br />

new place. But it was wildly different<br />

than what I was expecting. My thought<br />

process progressed from being<br />

extremely excited, to “it’s going to be<br />

okay, trust the process,” to “wait, how<br />

are other people already so acquainted<br />

with each other,” to “maybe I will just<br />

14


felt like everyone had friends, while I<br />

was just floating from group to group.<br />

I felt not only disconnected from my<br />

outer world, but from my inner world<br />

as well. I didn’t understand how I, such<br />

an outgoing person who was talking to<br />

people and making “friends,” still felt<br />

completely and utterly alone. Not only<br />

that, I didn’t even have the language to<br />

describe what was happening to me. I<br />

was exhausted by constantly reaching<br />

out to people to try to garner some sort<br />

of social connection, especially when it<br />

seemed like I was the only one who was<br />

really having to try.<br />

“I felt not only disconnected from<br />

my outer world, but from my inner<br />

world as well. I didn’t understand<br />

how I, such an outgoing person who<br />

was talking to people and making<br />

“friends,” still felt completely and<br />

utterly alone. “<br />

How did everyone already have<br />

friends? Was everyone just<br />

automatically best friends with their<br />

roommate? Was I missing something?<br />

Did I just peak in high school? Maybe<br />

I’m not as social as I thought I was. I<br />

had all of these people around me but<br />

no idea how to connect with them. And<br />

even if I did—how was I going to know<br />

if they actually liked me?<br />

Like I mentioned, I’m an extrovert, so<br />

making friends should be easy for me,<br />

right? Wrong. While I do enjoy getting<br />

to know people, I have a hard time<br />

making deep connections with people<br />

past a surface level. I have a guarded<br />

approach to social connection, even<br />

when it doesn’t seem like I do when a<br />

person is talking to me. I won’t lie—I<br />

have been burned in the past by close<br />

friends. I have plenty of trauma from<br />

my middle school years (I was severely<br />

bullied), and that accounts for the way<br />

I approach social connection. While I<br />

believe these experiences made me<br />

a stronger, more empathetic person,<br />

those years still affect me (trauma, am I<br />

right?). Even after joining a sorority—a<br />

supposed network of women with<br />

whom I was to feel immediately<br />

connected—everything still felt forced. I<br />

was intensely uncomfortable, paranoid<br />

that I wasn’t doing enough, that no one<br />

really liked me, that I was a weirdo. For<br />

at least six months it felt like I had the<br />

word desperate tattooed across my<br />

forehead.<br />

The thing about loneliness is it can<br />

trigger a cycle of connection or<br />

disconnection, depending on our<br />

perception of making friends and<br />

reaching out to people. People who are<br />

lonely generally have fixed beliefs about<br />

themselves and their ability to form<br />

friendships in general; this could be in<br />

part related to the fact that society has<br />

ingrained in us this idea that friendship<br />

should be “easy and effortless,” that if<br />

you have to try at a friendship it<br />

probably isn’t worth it or going to work<br />

15


16


awkward moments as a society, but the<br />

truth is that any attempt at connection<br />

runs the risk of awkwardness.<br />

The Hopelab project I was hearing<br />

about, Nod, is actively attempting<br />

to shift these beliefs and disrupt the<br />

cycle of disconnection. While I’m still<br />

a tad bitter that this information wasn’t<br />

available to me when I was starting<br />

out in school, I still managed to find a<br />

way to overcome intense feelings of<br />

loneliness on my own, with time and my<br />

own strategies, not surprisingly similar<br />

to the ones presented in the share out.<br />

“Everyone is lonely. So why is no one<br />

talking about it? ”<br />

Drake raps about it on his newest<br />

album in the song Emotionless. We<br />

explore it on television shows like<br />

13 Reasons Why. We hear about<br />

tragedies like suicides without any prior<br />

knowledge of mental health issues or<br />

depression. Thirty percent of college<br />

students reported feeling very lonely in<br />

the recent past; 2 even though I didn’t<br />

realize it in college, my peers were<br />

struggling with their own loneliness<br />

battles. But still, no one was making an<br />

active effort to change the narrative of<br />

what it means to be lonely.<br />

on campus. We can meet people 6,000<br />

miles away through a direct message<br />

on Instagram. Connecting isn’t the<br />

problem. It’s the depth of connection<br />

that is lacking. The challenge is being<br />

able to talk about that loneliness<br />

and express it in a way that makes<br />

ourselves feel heard.<br />

What Hopelab is trying to do is<br />

change the way we think about social<br />

interactions, and the social norms<br />

surrounding them. Friendships aren’t<br />

as easy to build as people say they are,<br />

the best years of your life don’t just end<br />

in college, and even the most social<br />

of butterflies are sometimes secretly<br />

hiding in their cocoons. <strong>Loneliness</strong><br />

will always have a bit of a hold over us<br />

because it’s our individual perception.<br />

But learning strategies to overcome our<br />

own perceptions and ideations of self is<br />

how we can conquer it.<br />

We have the tools to connect to<br />

each other. Facebook (or, back in the<br />

day, “The Facebook”) was originally<br />

created to connect college freshman<br />

1.<br />

Peplau & Perlman, 1982<br />

2.<br />

ACHA National College Health Assessment, 2<strong>01</strong>9<br />

17


A personal perspective on<br />

loneliness in college<br />

LONELY<br />

AF<br />

Written by<br />

Maria Santana<br />

18


CLOSING NOTE: CAROLINE FITZGERALD<br />

As my understanding of loneliness and its impact on our health<br />

and well-being has deepened over the past three years, so has<br />

my appreciation of the gravity of psychologist Chris Peterson’s<br />

simple but powerful statement, “other people matter.” Other people<br />

matter, not only to our survival, but as irreplaceable contributors<br />

to the precious, joyful experiences in life. Alongside learning to live<br />

in harmony with our natural environment, there is nothing more<br />

important right now than learning how to connect with our fellow<br />

humans in a rapidly changing social and cultural world. Adding<br />

urgency to the call is the troubling trend of increasing levels of<br />

loneliness among teens and young adults in the U.S. As the stories<br />

in this zine evidence, loneliness is not the same as being alone.<br />

Gen Z students suffer more loneliness than any other generation<br />

that we know of, but Gen Z students are not to blame. <strong>Loneliness</strong> is<br />

a state that cannot be explained by one root cause, andthe fact that<br />

it is on the rise across the entire population points to the influence<br />

of social, cultural,and environmental factors. Personally, I think<br />

bringing youth and experts together to work on and test solutions<br />

that address loneliness is the way forward. By learning what works,<br />

we can not only improve the health and quality of life for people who<br />

experience loneliness, but we can also contribute new knowledge<br />

to better understand its psychological and behavioral drivers.<br />

At Hopelab, we’re working with students to design a mobile app<br />

that empowers them to build the social connections they want<br />

and need to be successful in college. You can check it out at<br />

www.heynod.com. It’s not quite ready yet, but you can sign up, and<br />

when it is, you can use it and tell us what you think.<br />

In the meantime, you can take the enhanced awareness you have<br />

around loneliness and turn it into motivation to invest in your own<br />

social connections. I’m certain if you do, you’ll find that, indeed,<br />

other people matter.<br />

Caroline Fitzgerald<br />

Project Lead, Strategy and Design<br />

Hopelab


COMING SOON: ISSUE 2, THE QUEER ISSUE<br />

FOCUSED ON THE STORIES OF LGBTQIA+ YOUTH<br />

Get featured!<br />

Email us: editor@hopeirl.org<br />

DM us: @hope_irl


EDITOR<br />

IN CHIEF:<br />

ROBIN<br />

RASKOB<br />

CREATIVE<br />

DIRECTOR:<br />

DENISE HO<br />

ART<br />

DIRECTOR:<br />

KADY<br />

BARNFIELD<br />

MANAGING<br />

EDITOR:<br />

MARIA<br />

SANTANA<br />

COPY<br />

EDITOR:<br />

LISSA<br />

MORAN


DIGGING IT?<br />

FOLLOW US ON INSTA:<br />

@HOPE_IRL<br />

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UPCOMING HOPEIRL ZINE?<br />

SEND US A DM<br />

OR EMAIL EDITOR@HOPEIRL.ORG<br />

CHECK OUR SITE FOR<br />

DEVELOPING CONTENT:<br />

WWW.HOPEIRL.ORG/ISSUE1<br />

HopeIRL is produced with generous support from Hopelab, a social<br />

innovation lab based in San Francisco, CA that creates<br />

behavior-change tech to help teens and young adults live happier<br />

healthier lives. To learn more about how the organization works with<br />

young people to co-create products to improve health and<br />

well-being visit hopelab.org.


VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1:<br />

THE LONELINESS ISSUE<br />

SPRING 2020<br />

My <strong>Loneliness</strong> Experience<br />

and Awakening<br />

Reflections of a First Year<br />

College Student<br />

Social Media Makes Me<br />

Anxious<br />

Poem: The Kiss<br />

Struggling with Social<br />

Connections in College<br />

Lonely AF

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