Parenta Magazine April 2020

How our inner child
affects us
(as parents, practitioners & teachers)
I talk a lot about early childhood programming and how a child’s consistent
experiences form subconscious belief systems that then silently guide them
throughout life. There’s always a big focus on how our actions as parents,
practitioners and teachers impact children, but what about our own childhood
programming and how that is now impacting us?
We are all walking around, looking at the
world through a lens that is influenced
by the internal programming we received
in our formative years and in order to be
the best that we can be, both personally
and professionally, it is important to
understand this programming and how it completely subconscious. This means that
How our inner child affects us (as
affects us on a daily basis.
most of the time we are on autopilot with
our subconscious mind in the driving seat.
How we consistently felt as children, the
parents, messages that were given to us practitioners by the & teachers)
One of its main jobs is also to keep us
‘safe’. Now, safe to you and me would be
actions and words of those around us
and any major incidents that we went
through will have likely created beliefs
within us that now subconsciously impact
our actions, reactions and decisions. If we
grew up feeling valued and empowered,
there’s a good chance that we will look
at the world through a lens influenced
by this belief and feel (more often than
not) this way. However, if we grew up
feeling like we weren’t good enough or
unimportant, we will most likely view the
world and ourselves in the same light or
find ourselves in situations that reaffirm
this belief.
Example
I always give the example of two people
seeing a larger than life character who
is dominating the room. One person
might think they are inspirational and
admire how they are commanding their
audience. However, the other person
might think they are ‘too big for their
boots’ and be convinced that they were
looking down their nose at them.
Both people entered the same
room but viewed it through a
completely different lens. This is
because each and every one of us has
our own set of beliefs that almost put a
filter over how we see the world.
Neuroscientists have done studies
showing that up to 95% of what we do is
to make good decisions, to react well and
to surround ourselves with good people.
However, ‘safe’ to our subconscious mind
means keeping us in alignment with
our beliefs no matter if they are good or
bad. If we have a belief that we are ‘not
good enough’, it is more than likely that
the world around us will reflect this. We
might be surrounded by critical people or
feel that others look down their nose at
us. Either way, what we experience will
probably link to this belief in some way,
shape or form because that is what we
are programmed to see or feel.
Although what we experience is our
truth, it is also important to realise that
it is not necessarily the actual truth or
the truth of others because we are all
seeing the world through our own unique
lens. It’s like one person saying that 5 +
5 = 10 and being adamant that they are
right. However, another person argues
that they are wrong because 6 + 4 =
10. Both are correct, each of them is just
seeing it from a different perspective. Just
because we are right does not mean that
someone else is wrong, which is why it is
important to try to view the world through
other people’s lenses as well as our own.
Beliefs are created over time. However,
two people who experience the same
circumstances might react differently to
the same belief. People who were put
down a lot as children might get the
belief that they are not good enough.
However, one person might learn that
they have to do as they are told and to
acquiesce in order to get by, yet another
person might learn that they have to
be a bully in order to be heard. In my
experience, in adulthood, we either mirror
the main influencers that were in our life
as children, or we rebel against them.
If we grew up feeling less than we might
make a vow to never make anyone else
feel that way and therefore conduct
ourselves with kindness at all times.
However, someone else might mirror
what they experienced and become
forceful and brash in a subconscious
attempt to be someone powerful and
significant. Either way, it’s important to try
to understand our inner programming
and to gain an understanding of how this
can impact us as a parent, practitioner or
teacher.
“ ”
If we have a belief that we are ‘not good enough’, it is more
than likely that the world around us will reflect this.
If we felt inadequate growing up and
rebelled against what we experienced
making a subconscious vow to never
make anyone else feel this way, we
might:
- Struggle to assert ourselves and set
boundaries because we subconsciously
don’t want to see children feeling sad
- Struggle to allow children to fail because
we subconsciously don’t want them to
feel like they aren’t good enough
- Struggle to follow through with
consequences because we don’t want
to make children feel bad
With or without this vow, we can still
also be personally impacted by a ‘not
good enough’ belief. We might:
- Struggle to accept criticism of any kind
because it hooks into this inner feeling
of not being good enough
- Have a default setting that makes us
feel that people don’t like us or judge us
in some way
- Doubt ourselves a lot
- Put ourselves down
Either way, our childhood can impact us a lot. If we are struggling with anything
personally or professionally, it can help to look at what belief might be linked to the
scenario and where this came from in our own childhood. Self-awareness is crucial in
life and by looking inwardly at our own programming, we can not only gain a better
understanding of who we are and what drives us, but also avoid any of our own
negative beliefs from being passed down to the little ones that look up to us so much.
Stacey Kelly
Stacey Kelly is a former
teacher, a parent to 2
beautiful babies and the
founder of Early Years Story
Box, which is a subscription
website providing children’s
storybooks and early years
resources. She is passionate
about building children’s
imagination, creativity and
self-belief and about creating
awareness of the impact
that the early years have
on a child’s future. Stacey
loves her role as a writer,
illustrator and public speaker
and believes in the power of
personal development. She is
also on a mission to empower
children to live a life full of
happiness and fulfilment,
which is why she launched
the #ThankYouOaky Gratitude
Movement.
Sign up to Stacey’s premium
membership and use the
code PARENTA20 to get 20%
off or contact Stacey for an
online demo.
Website:
www.earlyyearsstorybox.com
Email:
stacey@earlyyearsstorybox.com
Facebook:
facebook.com/earlyyearsstorybox
Twitter:
twitter.com/eystorybox
Instagram:
instagram.com/earlyyearsstorybox
LinkedIn:
linkedin.com/in/stacey-kellya84534b2/
14 April 2020 | parenta.com
parenta.com | April 2020 15