John Henty @2020

JOHN HENTY @2020
FOREWORD
John Henty is the only person alive to have asked me to provide the voice
for a sofa! The fact that I agreed speaks volumes for our friendship. Now
I look forward to reading this ‘Ultimate Selfie’ and I hope it raises lots
of dosh for Friends of Lewes Victoria hospital. Enjoy! I know you will!
MICHAEL ASPEL OBE
3

INTRODUCTION
It was ten years ago this year that
I wrote a letter to the editor of Viva
Lewes with the suggestion that an
occasional feature on the hobby of
collecting might be of interest to his
growing band of readers. Lewes, with
its eclectic mix of antiques centres,
auction houses and charity shops, was
the perfect place to live for people
like me, I argued – people who collect
“stuff”.
Happily, Alex agreed and “Henty’s
Twenty” was born and I became “our
man in the bargain basement” and
later, “our man in the antique shop
who scores every time”! It was fun
and over the years, I was able to write
about fellow collectors, stall holders
and other Lewes characters on my
page which eventually became “Lewes
Out Loud” or L.O.L.
And it is those monthly musings that I
am celebrating with this self-financed
publication which could, I suppose, be
described as the Ultimate Selfie! There
is another purpose though and that
is to say – if you derive any pleasure
from these merry magazine moments
(and I hope you will) then a donation
(could I suggest £5?) to my chosen
charity Friends of Lewes Victoria
Hospital would be greatly appreciated
– especially at this very difficult time.
Equipment at the hospital worth over
half a million pounds has been funded
by the Friends in the last five years.
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JOHN HENTY @2020
They also funded half of the cost of
enhancing the Minor Injuries Unit
into an Urgent Treatment Centre.
Donations by bank transfer to Halifax
savings account 11280961 11-15-24
will ensure that every penny reaches
the designated charity or please send
a cheque direct to The Treasurer,
Friends of Lewes Victoria Hospital,
Lewes Victoria Hospital, Neville
Road, Lewes, BN7 1PE, East Sussex.
Thank You!!!
Thanks also to Everyone at Viva
Magazines, My Art Director, Rebecca
Cunningham, Artist, Leslie Norah
Hills for the cover, Edward Reeves,
159 High Street, Lewes and Gemini
Print in Shoreham-by-Sea.
5

A SECOND HAND TYPEWRITER
It was an unusual gift for a nine year
old boy but then my Grandfather, Fred
Henty, was an unusual man. For a job, he
travelled the South of England on behalf
of the North British Rubber Company
and, being a bit of an eccentric in his black
beret, he was very good at it. Everyone
knew and liked Fred Henty.
It’s true a second hand typewriter may not
have appealed to most kids of my age but I
was delighted and immediately bashed out
a note of thanks to Grandpa which I still
have today.
Even then I liked working with words
and later at school in Croydon, I was
advised by one teacher to “try a soapbox
in Hyde Park” after he read a particularly
outspoken and bombastic essay of mine.
I was 13.
A caption writing job for the Shell
Photographic Unit followed and it was
here at No. 1 Kingsway in London, that
I learned the importance of meeting
deadlines and telling the whole story in a
limited number of words.
This certainly served me well on joining
a local newspaper as a feature writer in
South London. It also helped to have a
good sense of humour and crucially, to like
and appreciate all sorts of people.
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JOHN HENTY @2020
In writing a page for Viva Lewes over
the past ten years, I have again enjoyed
the discipline of following the monthly
themes and confining myself to 500
words precisely.
It’s been a great pleasure too being part
of such a proactive publication and in
so lively (and lovely) a town. And... I
like to think (in fact I happen to know)
that “Plenty More Henty” has made
people smile over the years perhaps
with contributions like this one from
June 2011:
Hello Hello…. Anyone out there
in Laidback Lewes Land who can
tell me – in words of one syllable
– what a ‘dongle’ is. Wrong
answer I’m afraid madam – good
try though. No – the reason I
ask is because I was thumbing
through a John Lewis technology
catalogue recently and noted that
the majority of their L.E.D.
televisions on offer have ‘dongles’
sold separately. This worried me
– well it would do – wouldn’t it?
In July 2018 adhering to the monthly
theme for Viva caused me a tricky
moment or two:
I must admit it was a big relief
to be told that the Viva theme for
July was botany and not lobotomy
as I originally misheard the
editor’s briefing. Five hundred
words linking Lewes with a
surgical operation involving
incision into the prefrontal lobe
of the brain was going to be a
challenge I feared.
7

A SECOND HAND TYPEWRITER
When you reach my age (don’t
ask!) reminiscing is often preferable
to recalling more recent events
– schooldays for example from
October 2011:
MY HERO MAX MILLER AND HIS
FAMOUS HAT!
At school I was involved in two
societies. One I formed myself
with a friend called Colin and
it only lasted one lunchtime.
At least 100 boys turned up
for the inaugural meeting of
the Conjuror’s Club and while
Colin pretended to cut off people’s
fingers with one of his tricks, I
proceeded to make money vanish
by asking for subscriptions to join
the club. When the headmaster
heard about this the following
day from the master whose room
we had invaded, he was not
wildly amused and threatened to
cut us both in half using a cane
rather than a saw. I hasten to
add, officer, that all the money
was recovered.
Just as well eh? In April 2017,
reflecting again on the past, I asked
readers:
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JOHN HENTY @2020
Would you like to know what
I had for dinner on Thursday,
April 24, 1947? I heard
that madam – quite uncalled
for! Corned beef and mashed
potato is the unexciting answer
I’m afraid and then I went
shopping because my mum
was ‘very ill’ in the night with
what I described as a bilious
attack. A typical entry in my
Lett’s Schoolboy’s diary.
Getting out and about in the town
has provided me with numerous
opportunities to meet new people
but it started unpromisingly, as I
reported, in November 2015:
My promise to share more
than a polite ‘Good Morning’
with people in the High Street
got off to a rather wobbly start.
Walking down School Hill, I
spotted a couple on the other
side of the road. We waved
at each other. I crossed over,
explained that my wife was
at home, to which a bemused
but smiling Philip responded
“I don’t think we actually
know each other!” Well – we
do now!
Then there was this chance
encounter from August 2018 when:
In Eastport Lane I checked out
the well-being of a woman who
was crouched at the foot of the
flint wall to Grange Gardens.
Chirpy local resident, Ali,
reassured me that she was
only sewing wild poppy seeds.
Silly Me!
Indeed! Writing for Viva Lewes has
its benefits too as I discovered in an
early piece from August 2010:
Such is the popularity of Viva
in the town that I now know
what it must be like for Piers
Morgan to stroll into his
favourite Newick pub for a
quiet pint or two. Difficult!
It’s true I haven’t received any
begging letters yet but I have
noticed the Big Issue woman
outside Waitrose is becoming
increasingly friendly with her
“Good Mornings!”
9

A SECOND HAND TYPEWRITER
Ever conscious of the fact that
I might be too parochial in my
monthly outpourings, occasionally
I have indulged in a blatant bit of
celebrity name dropping – like this
in July 2012:
So I said to Esther Rantzen
– I do hope you had better
weather for your presentation
in the festival village than I
did. It was wet, misty and unseasonally
cold. She fixed me
with those perceptive eyes of
hers, shrugged nonchalantly
and said “John – that’s life!”
Great idea for a TV show I
thought to myself – perhaps this
is the moment to mention my
projected antiques programme
‘Up Your Attic’? Too late.
She’d vanished into the murk
– shouting that someone had
spotted a Cornish pasty which
bore an uncanny resemblance
to John Prescott...
As a proud owner of Lewes Football
Club, occasional mentions of
the mighty Rooks were almost
guaranteed from time to time. This
from June 2015:
I suppose one way of achieving
a day by the seaside in landlocked
Lewes would be to hire,
for that day, one of the beach
huts recently established at the
Dripping Pan. You could then
pretend that the pitch was the
English Channel – or perhaps
Mediterranean, if you have
a vivid enough imagination.
Local seagulls could add to the
illusion and, as the inevitable
rain thunders down onto the
wooden roof, you could eat the
packed cheese sandwiches and
maybe contemplate a paddle in
one of the puddles outside.
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JOHN HENTY @2020
And in February 2018:
MY TRIBUTE TO THE POSTCARD ARTIST
DONALD Mc GILL
Hats off to the nameless
gentleman in scarf and cap
who spent the entire second
half of a recent Lewes FC
fixture wandering the terraces
whilst slowly drinking from
a pint glass of beer which
never seemed to empty. Three
points for the Rooks, three
pints for our friend, I suspect.
Everyone happy!
11

A SECOND HAND TYPEWRITER
And that’s what we want isn’t it?
Everyone going home happy! I
hope these extracts from ten years
of Henty’s happenings – humorous
and otherwise – will have given you
a few smiles in retrospect. A random
selection to end with...
# If you want a brilliant
example of regeneration, you
could do a lot worse than look
through my weary wardrobe –
please ask me first though!
# When I told the editor I
was planning to feature clocks
in my monthly article, she
commented “About time” to
which I replied “Yes – and
about other things too!”
# Christmas presents. This
year I’m thinking about a
Deer Deterrent (£7.99) which,
when fitted to a car, emits a
sound (not audible to humans)
to warn the deer. Obviously
works. When did you last see
a deer in the High Street.
Serious consideration too for
a pure Outer Hebridean wool
collar which, according to the
advertisement, ‘Gives Urban
dogs just a hint of wildness’ for
£39. Wild? I’d be furious at
that price!
# Then there’s the hazard of
negotiating the ‘weak bridge’
at Lewes railway station.
The warning sign is hardly
re-assuring and what do the
letters MGW mean? When I
suggested ‘Might Give Way’ to
a local taxi man, he grinned
and said it actually stood for
‘Maximum Gross Weight’!
12

JOHN HENTY @2020
And finally:
Let’s be clear – when I reach the
Queen’s age, I will not be inviting
Frank Skinner to play the ukulele
at my 92nd birthday bash. No –
on March 25, 2028, I shall hire
Lewes Town Hall and invite
my favourite band from San
Francisco, Fee Waybill and The
Tubes to perform for me. Fee will
be 77 years of age himself that
year but he is still touring and,
if anything, age has improved his
outrageous performances. Make a
note of the date!
FEE WAYBILL AND THE TUBES IN BRIGHTON
13

MY ULTIMATE CROSSWORD
Here’s a crossword I’ve devised with a local theme! Me? I love codewords and in April
2018 commented in Viva: It amazes me that codeword compilers are able to produce
such teasers unendingly, using all letters of the alphabet. Who are these people, I
wonder, and could they be part of a cottage industry here in our own town, hidden
perhaps behind curtained windows in out of the way twittens?
ACROSS
1. Beef variety best for chips at the Pan
5. Tailless amphibian beloved of Viva’s
Michael Blencowe
8. Wise not to drink unless desperate
9. Of Cleves? Yes – but not Lewes
11. Rather shocking route
12. Wilmington’s tall guy
13. Sounds like a thoroughfare close to
Ditchling
15. Viva magazines deserve these surely?
18. A Saint twix Lewes High Street and
Southover Road
19. Former nationwide cinema in Lewes
21. Prayer ending
22. Stand-up needs one at the Con Club
23. Think over this answer
24. The practice of severe self-discipline
DOWN
1. Lewes cinema gets involved with
oppressive rulers
2. Unsuitable answer
3. Sounds a quiet place for refuge on
the coast
4. Makes a pointed venue in Lewes
6. There’s a Potato Lane in this
village, East of Lewes
7. In 6 Down, you’ll also find Rushy...
10. Runny nose? O Blows mine to
clear the white stuff
14. Bloomsbury group gathered here
16. Best viewed on the downs to the
West
17. Month by month Viva highlights
these locally
18. Set this for an early call
20. Bored?
Answers on page 36!
14

JOHN HENTY @2020
15

FINDING
FAIRWARP
The audition to be accepted by
East Sussex Federation of Women’s
Institutes for inclusion in their list of
speakers for the years 2007/2008 was
daunting enough.
Ovingdean village hall was full of W.I.
members from all over the county
and I was one of at least ten potential
orators who were required to speak
on their chosen subjects for no more
than ten minutes.
I was on immediately after lunch
which bothered me because I
reckoned the audience was bound to
have had a decent W.I. type spread
and forty winks might have been
preferable to my chuntering on about
Mabel Lucie Attwell!
However, it all went very well to
such an extent that the next day I
received a phone call at home from
one talks secretary who wanted to
book me for one of their meetings
the following week.
“I haven’t heard the result of my
audition yet” I pointed out, “Oh
we don’t worry about that” she told
me “Our representative thought
you were jolly good and would go
down well with our older members!”
Blimey!
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JOHN HENTY @2020
And so it proved. The audition was
successful and now, thirteen years
on, I am about to reach my 200th
talk. The subjects are varied and
so too are the audiences and they
extend into West Sussex as well.
Selsey, perhaps, the longest journey
to the west and Tunbridge Wells to
the east.
Much of the time I travel to the
venues by car, relying very heavily
on a modest sat/nav device to seek
out the various village halls and,
believe me, they take some finding!
How I reached Rudgwick (which
is close to Horsham) in June
2013, I will never know. It was
a warm day and I was on a busy
dual carriageway when the voice
of ‘Melanie’, as I called her, ceased
abruptly. Battery dead! I was lost
and only just made my engagement
with seconds to spare. No one knew
where renegade Rudgwick was –
apart from the oft-quoted fact that
it was “Near Horsham”. Phew!!
17

FINDING FAIRWARP
And then there was Fairwarp
or was there? The night of
Valentine’s Day 2017 was
unromantically dark, little or no
moon and rain threatened as I set
off for what should have been a
fairly straightforward journey.
‘Melanie’ was in good voice as I
approached the Ashdown Forest
area on what she assured me was a
minor road – a mere five minutes
from my destination. And then –
the instruction to turn abruptly
right onto what appeared to be
an unmade up road. Really? “In
500 yards you will have reached
your destination” she chirruped.
Oh no I won’t – thought I as the
road narrowed to a single track
and meandered off menacingly
into a dense part of the forest.
Ahead, after a bumpy few seconds,
I spotted a white building to my
left which showed no sign of life
but at least had a courtyard which
allowed me to cautiously turn
round in the intense dark.
As I did so... a figure emerged
from out of the murk and
approached slowly along the
full beam of light from my
18

JOHN HENTY @2020
headlamps. “I’m looking for
Fairwarp village hall” I shouted,
“Giving a talk there at half past
seven”. The man stared vacantly
at me and in broken English said
that I would have to return the
way I had come. “No village hall
here” he grunted.
“Where am I then?” I foolishly
asked – somewhat in desperation.
“You’re in the middle of the
forest!” he offered and shuffled
back from whence he had come
into the darkness.
That was enough for me. My
presentation was due in less than
fifteen minutes, the rain was
coming down and by now, even
‘Melanie’ had lost her bearings.
Take me home I commanded as
we reached the road again – this
is one talk I won’t be making!
The only time I failed to appear,
I hasten to add, in those thirteen
years on the road. I have not
returned to Fairwarp either but
should you venture that way,
here’s the postcode to watch out
for. TN22 3DB. You have been
warned. I’m told Fairwarp is a
lovely village – once you find it!
19

JOHN HENTY @2020
RE-COLLECTIONS
PHOTO: EDWARD REEVES PHOTOGRAPHY,
LEWES. WWW.EDWARDREEVES.COM
First – a question. What do blow
lamps, Black Forest cuckoo clocks,
baked bean tins, gnomes and airline
sick bags all have in common? Well,
according to writer Brian Jenner,
the correct answer is that they are all
objects collected by an eccentric bunch
of British blokes – prompting the
unambiguous title for his illustrated
2003 book “Men and Collections”
(New Holland Publishers).
And yes – as Brian observes – it is
predominantly a male thing. In his
editorial, he suggests collecting is
most likely a reflection of the male
urge to hunt and the need to focus on
one particular thing. “Since women
juggle tasks, they cannot understand
these singular obsessions.”
21

RE-COLLECTIONS
Well that’s one way of looking at it
I suppose Brian and, of course, you
would expect him to find many others.
He goes on “Collecting combines two
passions. A love of hoarding things and
the search for the unattainable.” Then
there are also social benefits to do with
collecting. It allows men to get together
and to understand each other.
Now all of this somewhat pretentious
logic is music to my ears because,
unashamedly, I am and always have been
an inveterate collector and an eccentric
British bloke to go with it. Beard,
glasses – the works! Unfortunately
though, I have never been satisfied with
one particular interest which means that
I have ended up with a truly eclectic
mix of manifold memorabilia with no
apparent theme.
However, I can argue (and frequently
do) that there is a logical underlying
lineage about my objects, some of which
appear on these pages. For whatever
reason, they are all iconic in one way or
another. Yet it all started so innocently...
As a schoolboy at a single sex school
in Croydon, just after the war, Dinky
toys were all the rage and a shop in the
High Street had an impressive window
display of all the latest models, ranging
from armoured vehicles to post war
saloon cars. Attractively boxed, the toys,
however, were in short supply and word
of a new delivery always prompted a
22

JOHN HENTY @2020
TYPICAL MABEL LUCIE ATTWELL CHARACTERS KNOWN AS “DIDDUMS”!
PHOTO: EDWARD REEVES PHOTOGRAPHY, LEWES. WWW.EDWARDREEVES.COM
dash down to Hunts after school and,
believe it or not, fairly disorderly queues
forming.
It was the same with fireworks which
were even harder to find in the buildup
to November 5. Penny bangers were
popular and just one rocket acquired for
sixpence was cause for much celebration.
Of course, the Dinky toys did not remain
in their boxes for long and a significant
fact today is that surviving models in
those original boxes are worth so much
more than their unboxed companions.
This is true of many other collectable
items too but packaging and condition
were not top of my priorities list back in
the late forties. Then it was a question
of road-testing the new model to the
accompaniment of realistic sounding
engine noises.
23

RE-COLLECTIONS
“WHAT THE BUTLER SAW” MACHINE, PALACE PIER, BRIGHTON
PHOTO: EDWARD REEVES PHOTOGRAPHY, LEWES. WWW.EDWARDREEVES.COM
24

JOHN HENTY @2020
A parapet in front of Big School
provided the ‘road’ and models vied
with each other in a spirited South
Croydon version of Le Mans. That
is until the headmaster banned
such activity with the threat of
confiscating the toys (probably to
add to his own prized collection?).
Train spotting was for grown-ups
and I can recall seeing groups of men
standing at the far end of a Clapham
Junction platform with notebooks
in hand, cameras at the ready and
the occasional stool to sit on. Steam
trains, sadly, were on the way out and
the romance associated with them.
Somehow, diesel trains just didn’t
do it for me and, for a brief spell, I
became a bus spotter, with visits to
various depots in South London
and I even owned a short-lived
collection of bus tickets! Imagine
the excitement too when I captured
on my box brownie camera a blurred
image of the very first Route Master
bus (green) belting past me on its
journey to Purley. I still have that
black and white photograph today
in one of many photograph albums.
I also have the autograph albums
that I started around the same time
and which prompted me to write
my first ever feature to appear in
print. A theatrical garden party at
the Kennington Oval got things off
to a good start but I do wish I had
carried a pen with me because the
pencilled contributions have faded
over the years and they include
Ivor Novello, Richard Dimbleby,
Michael Redgrave and Naunton
Wayne. It goes without saying that
celebrity autographs do have value
but condition is very important
and so too is provenance – how
the signature was obtained, where
it was signed and under what
circumstances.
25

RE-COLLECTIONS
In all honesty, I have never been overly
concerned at the long term value of any
item in my various collections and I
always encourage others to adopt a similar
approach. If you truly appreciate an item –
then acquire it because you like it and not
because it may have some greatly improved
value in years to come.
Evidence increasingly shows that this
is not always the case anyway. Another
thing to remember is that not everyone
will share your enthusiasm for whatever
it is you lovingly collect/hoard/stash
away. This probably explains why fellow
enthusiasts frequently congregate together
in draughty church halls, produce bizarre
newsletters and go on coach outing to
obscure exhibitions. Reassurance.
It certainly helps to have a partner who
understands the need to do these collective
things but, as Brian Jenner wisely adds
“A hobby is like one’s relationship with
money. It is good to be well-organised and
take care of your investments. It is mad to
hoard them and let them be an obstacle to
relationships.
Space is another serious issue and it needs
to be noted that some men are not allowed
to show off their collections. They are
confined to a loft or garden shed along
with their prized possessions. In my case, a
move to a four-storey house was the start of
some very eccentric behaviour on my part.
26

JOHN HENTY @2020
A GENUINE BRICK FROM THE CAVERN IN LIVERPOOL. IT WAS DELIVERED TO
ME BY SECURICOR AND WHEN HELD TO THE EAR, THE STRAINS
OF “SHE LOVES YOU” CAN JUST BE HEARD. IF ONLY EH?
PHOTO: EDWARD REEVES PHOTOGRAPHY, LEWES.
WWW.EDWARDREEVES.COM
27

RE-COLLECTIONS
THE MAGIC ROUNDABOUT
PHOTO: EDWARD REEVES PHOTOGRAPHY, LEWES. WWW.EDWARDREEVES.COM
28

JOHN HENTY @2020
A working juke box would not go
through the front door which had to be
removed. Two (yes – TWO) telephone
kiosks (each weighing three quarters of
a ton) were offered to a local museum.
A player piano was lowered into the
basement and remained there when we
eventually moved to another property.
And guess what! The new house was
a single-storey chalet style bungalow
which fortunately boasted a sizeable
loft and garage. You see, I write from
experience but have absolutely no
regrets about my jackdaw tendencies.
Our modest shop in Fowey, Cornwall,
celebrated them for several years. A book
followed and lecture tours continue to
this day. Final word comes from Brian
though because he sums it all up for
me by writing “A collection provides
meaning, structure and purpose to life”.
Who could ask for anything more?
Footnote from Viva in March 2012:
People often ask me why I collect things
and what I would recommend them to look
out for. For the sake of simplicity I usually
offer this answer “An elephant never tires
of carrying its own trunk”. Actually this
came from a pack of prawn curry which I
purchased in COOK but it sums things up
nicely for me.
29

LEWES OUT LOUD #118
Ironically, the April theme for Viva Lewes was VOICE. The Coranavirus has
temporarily silenced that voice but here is my contribution for the ill-fated edition.
I offer it in the firm belief that both Viva magazines will return and when they
do, their mindful messages will be louder than ever. Hear this!
When it comes to remembering
people from my chequered
broadcasting past, inevitably it is the
voice I recall rather than the visage. In
terms of recognition, my focal point
then is predominately vocal.
There was a good example on this
page in 2015 when I described a
brief encounter with BBC Radio 4
newsreader, Peter Donaldson, who
died earlier that year in the town. I
wrote ‘It was at a Rocket Radio party
in Lewes and I recognised Peter
immediately from his distinctive voice.
A voice which I’d last heard locally
at that years’ Remembrance Day
ceremony at the war memorial’.
How important the voice! It was
my mother who always urged me to
‘speak nicely’ as she put it and mum,
a telephonist at London’s prestigious
WHItehall exchange in the 1930s,
obviously knew the importance of
enunciating clearly. It served me well
I have to say.
Two school chums of mine in Croydon
went on to be vocal virtuosos – one in
broadcasting and the other on stage.
Tim Gudgeon, of course, became best
known for reading the football results
on Saturday afternoon’s TV sport
and continued in the job well into his
seventies.
Incidentally, he was matched only by
a Radio 2 colleague who will always
be remembered for churning out the
same results on radio’s Sports Report.
James Alexander Gordon was quite a
character with his prosthetic leg and
beguiling Scottish charm.
Martin Jarvis, whose home was in
South Norwood, was foremost a
stage actor but gained enormous
recognition in the audiobook world
reading, amongst other things, the
Just William stories.
And talking of audiobooks, a former
Radio Brighton colleague, Simon
Vance, now living in Southern
30

JOHN HENTY @2020
California, is much in demand these
days in America for his work in this
rapidly expanding field. According to a
recent study by the National Literacy
trust in this country, ‘audiobooks can
be the key to unlocking a child’s love of
reading’.
‘They enable children of all reading
abilities and interests to access and
explore the incredible world of stories
which are brought to life by a range
of exciting voices, different accents
and sound effects’. It is predicted that
the sale of audiobooks will overtake
e-books this year. No wonder Simon
has just built himself a new studio
outside Los Angeles enabling him to
work from home – lucky fellow.
Other voices I have encountered over
the years. Another Brighton friend
claimed to be the voice on the London
underground, warning people to “Mind
the gap!” When producing programmes
for hospital radio, I worked with Brian
Cobby who was for many years the
time-telling man for British Telecom.
Such a rich unmistakeable voice which
made him instantly recognisable. He
enjoyed that.
My only voice recognition of any note
was outside Brighton station a few years
ago when I offered to help a visually
impaired gentleman cross a busy road.
“I’m OK thank you John” he said, much
to my amazement. Reassuring though. I
had a listener!
31

VERSE
A literary friend once described a
collection of my cryptic poems as
‘certainly mind over doesn’t matter’. I
think it was meant as a compliment! Put
it this way, I didn’t object at the time
and even today, the five carefully chosen
words continue to resonate in my zany
approach to everyday life.
In fact, I’ve always had a penchant for
poetry and the rhythm of words expressed
in verse has frequently helped me to
justify my circumstances at important
times. For example when I decided to
hand in my notice to the BBC in 1978...
I’ve climbed down off my shelf
To discover myself
To shake hands with the man who
is me
Going out on a limb
To encourage the ‘him’
Who has never become BBC
For ten years in the South
I’ve been known as a mouth
The spokesman that everyone hears
Now it’s time to say “No”
To switch off and go
For a mouth read a pair of keen ears!
32

JOHN HENTY @2020
Or this dedication to a medication...
It’s clearly no joke
To suffer a stroke
And that’s why I’ve taken this pill
But it may cause a cough
So I’m going to leave off
ATENOLOL I wish you no ill!
Three stories in verse – mostly aimed at
children, proved popular over the years
and started with the story of a mouse
in Brighton who formed a gang in an
attempt to save the West Pier from
demolition. Marlborough The Mouse
or ‘Duke’ to his mates was chewing
a calendar – he was partial to dates!
“Olly – The Brolly” who hated getting
wet was next and then Cheshire The
Cheese-Loving Bear was born – as an
illustrated book and CD which received
praise from no less a person than
illustrator Raymond Briggs. He wrote
‘It was jolly funny and I’ve asked my
assistant to send a donation’. Happily,
Cheshire raised a fair amount of ‘dosh’
(as Raymond put it) for various Sussex
charities. More fun verse...
On a visit to friends on Orkney I met
RANDY THE RAM...
I’m Randy the Ram, that’s who I am
Not useless ewe or lolloping lamb
Alone in a field from morn to night
It’s greeting humans that’s my delight!
I dash across whenever they’re near
And make my motives perfectly clear
A friendly face, an offered hoof
Let no one say that I’m aloof
And when I lay me down to sleep
It’s humans I count not bloody sheep!!!
33

VERSE
And then this – following a tour of
Brighton’s sewers. BRAINDRAIN…
A tour of the sewer made me feel
insecure
All those tunnels and ladders and
grime
Yet hither and thither came the
sound of a zither
And the bloke in the front’s
name….was Lime!
Down below, don’t you know, it’s
an all-action show
And the workers are flushed with
success
And what floats in the gutter is
their bread and butter
A point they find hard to express!!!
34

AND FINALLY...
It would be strange if I did not mention,
albeit briefly, the circumstances under
which this pint-sized potboiler has been
produced. Difficult! All the more reason
then for another BIG THANK YOU to
Viva Magazines, Rebecca, Leslie, Tom,
Judy and Mark at Gemini Print for
being there!
THANK YOU also dear reader,
especially if you have been able to
contribute to the Friends of Lewes
Victoria Hospital at a most crucial time.
I really look forward to meeting some
of you when the ‘clouds’ have cleared
away. Grange Gardens for a cuppa?
JOHN HENTY
CROSSWORD ANSWERS
Across: 1. Dripping, 5. Frog, 8. Seawater,
9. Anne, 11. Outre, 12. Longman, 13. Streat,
15. Awards, 18. Andrews, 19. Odeon, 21. Amen,
22. Audience, 23. Mull, 24. Ascetics.
Down: 1. Despots, 2. Inapt, 3. Peacehaven,
4. Needle, 6. Ringmer, 7. Green, 10. Snowmobile,
14. Rodmell, 16. Sunsets, 17. Issues, 18. Alarm,
20. Ennui
ON THE COVER
Portrait by Lewes-based artist
Leslie Norah Hills