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without permission.
The opinions expressed in this book are those of the author only and
not those of York College of Pennsylvania.
This book is an experimental class project for purely
educational design purposes.
Design by Britney Dix
Printed through Barnes and Noble

Just as many artists leave their work untitled by choice.
The same rule follows here. Throughout this poetry book
there are some with titles and some without.
I have decided to include a timestamp but not if it is am
or pm. This allows the viewer to interpret the matter by
themselves and not focus on my extraneous factors and
social pressers.
I hope that this book helps many work through thoughts
that were left behind and create a comfort zone for being
expressive about feeling whether that be morrow, guilt,
love, or grace.

Poetic thoughs inside of my head.
Strangle me,
leave me out for death.
For those thoughts I wish to lay to bed.
Keep dancing and skipping within my head.
Wind me up,
put me down.
In my sorrows I may drown.
But if I break you shall trust.
Within these pages my soul has touched.

Abience - (n).
The strong urge to avoid someone or something.
1

Party of three,
I do not want this to be.
Til’ the day we part,
Disgruntled work of art.
I’m sorry to thee.
I really am,
This is an apology from me.
Party of three,
I need to focus on me.
Crowded and confused,
Drinking out all the blues.
Party of three,
I did not mean three.
Midst in my depreciation,
Might have been created.
Miscommunication,
Left me devastated.
Party of three,
I have parted from thee.
Although there was no procreation.
Mentally focused on my source of frustration.
I’m sorry I worried about your creation.
Party of three,
You deserve better than me.
Believe until the day I actually mean three.
Let’s focus less on you,
And more on me.
2

Kind of stressed.
To unrelaxed to emotionally depress.
Too depressed to elevate the rest.
What the fuck put me in this mess.
See the picture is crystal clear,
neither of us needs to be here.
I’m too fucked up,
we’re just running around with our luck up.
I don’t usually seem this stuck up.
3
Dear friend,
I don’t want to be your foe.
But I’m going to have to release,
and let go.
See this time has been coming,
and I’ve just been running.
And it’s tearing me apart,
dealing with your broken heart.
See it’s not that broken,
if you play with the pieces.
And your empty words can’t fill it,
because you neglect actually meaning it.

It is either you are with me, or against me.
That is my one conclusion, I am through.
You are probably wondering who the hell did this to you?
I’m sorry honey, it’s just what it has come to.
See I’ve been friends with too many that just use you.
That I would like to make it clear everyone’s intentions and points of view.
I can be very trusting, that is the downfall of me.
I will give way more than I get, this happens relentlessly.
The relationships have become one-sided and I don’t know what to do.
I do not want to cut them off, but do they really love you for you?
I went many miles for girls I thought were my friends.
In the end, they always said “it wasn’t me, it was them.”
Yet, now when I call all you do is hit reject.
Not even a text you will send.
I see you in public and you act like it is the first time we met.
I have all these pictures of wasted times.
Where I played right perfectly into your perfect little set.
A puppeteer working hard with the marionette.
I did what you wanted with no regrets.
I lost things for myself, during the time.
I wanted to believe that this would all be worth it, down the line.
I’m sorry about the time I gave you.
Realistically, I am talking to myself.
I just wanted to help, who knew it would end in this spell.
See your relationships taunted me, and not in the way you think it would be.
I always felt cast in to help and make amends between thee.
I wonder if I did not help.
Would we really be in this mess?
I have to tell myself it was not just the situation.
It would have been the same, a different day that would resemble the rest.
I hope the next one is honest and does not resemble the weakest.
4

5

You know they are going to use the things that you love against you.
Wait to see what you value, so you have weaknesses too.
The fight starts when someone strikes their first move.
So don’t bite the bullet, but don’t wait and plot a move.
See it would be so much easier if we just played fair.
Who would come on top and finally prevail?
Your opinions on me are already misconstrued.
I want to do this for me, not solely for you.
I’m not trying to attack you, because it is unnecessary to.
I just want the credit where I earned it.
I figured you would get that too.
6

7

I let the trees brush me,
because they aren’t going to hurt me.
I might not brush past you,
because I’ll have to stop and take a few.
See what little seem to know,
or acknowledge what you do.
It’s really condescending,
how you make your moves.
It’s not a mystery,
or a who’s who.
I know from the past,
that you will do you.
8

This changes nothing, I am still me without you.
That kiss, did you really mean it?
I’m not sure, I don’t really have a clue.
No one has to know about us, it can just be me and you.
No need to ruin, a beautiful taboo.
It could be our little secret.
A beauty not yet destroyed.
Are you messing with me?
Because I don’t play games, you will find out quickly, boy.
People will talk, but their words mean nothing to me.
They don’t know the things I know, the joy you bring.
See your company is comforting.
Your embrace is so tight.
That I finally feel at peace, curled up at the end of the night.
Don’t leave me now.
Just a minute or two more.
I just want to relax.
Why do you have to hit the floor?
I don’t expect you to change.
I do not want to develop new ways.
To keep you in my headspace.
You do not have to say you love me.
No one means it anyway.
I always tend to push them and lead them in different ways.
You wanted this for so long, please do not say much more.
So don’t be so invested, your heart could be torn.
Fighting tell a person’s true nature, and nobody knows me
better than you.
I know what you wanted.
But we have to move on.
The past is the past.
I know you wanted this to last, but we had a certain pact.
9

I used to wish I knew all about you.
But now I must know it all.
I’m ready to part ways,
but fearing the fall.
See I’m tired of thinking about us.
When all of this is past due.
But, somehow you don’t get tired
of rewinding back.
Never seeing what’s new.
The scenery is cloudy,
and I want to pull myself out of this haze.
Look back and be able to enjoy the thoughts of these days.
I know I’m destructive.
I have a tendency to be.
But trust me there’s a difference
between a hurricane,
and World War III.
I don’t want to fight with you
and I’ve said so many apologies
I don’t know what to do.
Except leave, and ignore you.
I didn’t wish it would be this way.
It wasn’t something I dreamed
but please stop poking at me
and taunting me.
Just let me be.
10

11

Can you please come and get me?
I do not want to be alone.
I feel so broken.
I don’t want to go home.
They said, “do not do that, you will hurt yourself.”
Sometimes walking on the dangerous side,
Boosts my adrenaline, oh well.
How long has it been since you slept?
It has been more than a few days.
See my mind is awoken from terrifying frames.
All these pictures keep playing, relaying in my head.
I can’t seem to sleep at night I just lay there in my bed.
You look sad, what is going on?
Why don’t tell me?
See it’s just going to hurt more if I have to keep repeating.
I’m already living out this story in my head.
It can’t stop replaying, replaying, replay- inside my head.
It haunts me every day and comes alive in my bed.
I want to wipe it clean from where it rests.
Please don’t leave me alone.
I don’t want to be left with this conceptualization in my head.
Please lay here with me until I find some zen.
I just want to rest, get out of this distress.
Hold my hand, you are going to be fine.
It will all go away in due time.
Stop telling me you are okay when it feels like a fight.
You can always confide here at the end of the night.
I could use a hug and little confidence too.
This morrow doesn’t look good on a pretty face like you.
12

You told me that you were okay.
You promised me that you would stay.
Even just one more day would help to
wash the pain away.
Why didn’t you tell me that we were in
this mess?
I could’ve made it better.
Worked up to my best.
How long have you been covering this?
I wonder how many days I missed.
The moments I missed out on because of
this hit.
Who did this to you?
It couldn’t have been me.
You would’ve stayed around if I didn’t
catch you lurking.
Are you serious?
What the fuck did I do?
I stayed by your side, faithful to every
move.
Cut the crap, tell me what happened.
How did it end up this way?
I’ll be sitting here questioning in silence.
Until I process all these thoughts through
my brain.
You have been trying to deal with this
yourself?
But did you even think about me?
Try to talk it outmaybe
workout, let us be.
You idiot!
I hate you!
13
How could you do this to us?
Why did you lie to me?
Call me unfaithful as you ran a muck.
We could have prevented this.
If you told me what was wrong.
Instead, you decided to work it all out.
Figure out how to get your riddance gone.
If you did not want to be a burden, you
should have treated it right.
Sat me down and spilled it all out before it
came out in the cracks of the night.
You did not think it was that bad?
You should see the other side (aka me).
Who did not have a clue of the destructive
upbringing.
Are you looking at it?
Are you regretting your moves?
I’m sorry honey, you handled it wrong
so you are just going have to-
Move on past me, past you.
You fucked up baby.
I’m not fine because of you

Please look at me.
Are they really just a friend?
I feel like I’m not as disappointed as I should have been.
See this is not the first.
Most likely not the last.
Here is the gist of it- you knew better than that.
Just give me my space.
I know you must think I have it all wrong.
That I must have misheard you when you were stating your “flaws.”
Do not do this here.
Are you even thinking straight?
You were not invited on my loner date.
Do not approach me.
You do not love thee.
See if you had you wouldn’t have invested in anyone,
Unmentionable thoughts that were consummated wouldn’t have led to us coming undone.
Do not say that you love me when you have hurt me so much.
It happened again just as I was starting to finally trust.
See your past can be your past.
If you just let it be.
But you cannot let it entangle itself in writing a new history.
I’m scared after this.
What I let you do to me.
You swore things would be different, but your actions speak true.
“Not everyone is going to hurt you.”
But I never thought it would be you.
I knew of all your history, but who am I to judge?
We all make mistakes, regret, and move on.
Maybe you didn’t leave your baggage on the other carline.
Ending carrying most of it, through most of our relationships time.
You ask how long this will go on for.
This is only just the start.
It would take a lot of work on your end, to lead back into my heart.
I know I said be honest, but maybe you should have kept the details to you.
All I can do is picture it, her body fixed as you move.
This is where we finally do it, cut it off and push on.
All the obstacles you gave me, I am going to have to hang onto.
Until I find someone trusting who is honest and true.
I know I should not be here, but I needed one last goodbye.
I had to look you one more time in the eyes.
Kiss that was planted was our last fair ado.
I hope you miss my lips because I’ll miss yours too.
It tasted a little different, had a bitter punch.
I guess that was my gut speaking to work out another hunch.
See the sooner I picture it, the easier it is for me.
14

I used to wrangle all the players but I decided to let you be.
I could have easily set you in line.
But I thought it would all reminisce in due time.
See all the hurting will settle, and it will only get worse as time passes by.
I hope you never settle because I was the top of the line.
My intentions are spread, soar, and finally fly.
I’ll rise to the top so you cannot hide.
You have to face it, all the regrets you confine.
I will be the talk, and you will hate to hear it as you walk.
You started a fire within, that has not been lit in a while, my friend.
15

16

Kalopsia - (n).
The disillusion of things being more beautiful than they really are.
17

See I lost my heart late last year.
Gave it to a man who was filled with fear.
I don’t know why I don’t know how.
How he managed to stick around for so long.
Until the other suitors were gone.
So look up, because honey I am moving on.
I met a boy late last year.
Gave him the time to settle my fears.
You better wrap me up and hold onto me tight.
Pray this gets us through the night.
Don’t cross me once.
You better check yourself twice.
You should’ve taken your friends damn advise.
So get out now where there is still time to run.
Or I will hold your heart until the beat is gone.
It’s good to know,
that through and through.
You’ll never see and respect the things I do.
Mixed up moods,
mixed up drinks.
My minds mixed up,
I think.
18

19
Do you ever share that energy with someone
that it heats up too fast,
and causes you to get burned?
You need to watch how long it goes,
or it doesn’t end well?
It fills me with sorrow to say
this is how I think of you.
Something that enthralls me,
but holds me captive too.

Yeah people come and go.
But there’s a reason you hold on tight,
or let people go.
I’m sorry because I’ll never truly know,
if I was a friend or a foe.
I hold on too tight to things
that I never know how to let go.
It all is pretty precomposed,
not in such a manner that which we flow.
I don’t know how to look together,
and not feel apart.
Serenade myself,
sing to my little broken heart.
20

Pick your poison.
Sometimes I just want to be picked.
Hopefully, I don’t get pricked,
by these roses I pick.
Don’t hold them too tight.
Don’t hold them a little too long.
Or something might prick you,
or go terribly wrong.
It’s quite astounding,
how deceitful they can be.
It takes a lot of guts,
to pull out all the thorns.
But what are the chances,
of us both being left scorn?
21

Am I setting myself up to be let down?
I sure hope I don’t see that smile,
Turn into a frown.
Dancing with dangers when you come around.
I don’t want to be a stranger.
I want to know,
Where all of your thoughts seem to go.
See you must be quite tired.
For you have been running around my head.
Alluring thoughts as I lay amongst my bed.
You meline me in your tone,
Pull me forward with your musk.
Navigate my body- soft or hard to the touch.
But somehow I would be fine,
If our bodies never came to meet.
We would never interlock more than fingers-
My heart still free.
So I will enjoy from a distance but hope to get close.
I want to know what I’m missing out on, all the places we could go.
I just want some time and company (that means you)
To help fill my silence and maybe finally push through.
I am hoping it is not just me,
Who thinks of these views.
Of what it could be like, me and you.
22

23

Give it to someone you care about,
or you’ll feel like you’re just giving it away.
You’ll never feel like you were good enough,
for any of them to want to stay.
See you’re the perfect girl,
a dream from above.
But all you dream of,
is someone to love.
I wish I could forget all the thoughts,
all the days.
We spent together,
drifting away.
I’d forget what you’d say,
to get me to stay.
Just a few more hours,
take me away.
:
24

I want to know how you talk.
Every quirk, quiver,
The way you walk.
I want to know if you have sinned.
All the places you have and have not been.
Just tell me,
Please open up to me.
You came out of nowhere,
A chance to finally feel free.
I might not get my hopes up,
Because my feelings are always depressed.
But I think you can attest,
I am way worth all the mess.
25
I don’t know how to look together,
and not feel apart.
Does it hurt more to see them stay,
or watch them go?
These are questions with answers
I do not seek to know.

26

Lacuna - (n.)
A blank, space, a missing part.
27

It has been two months,
yet feels like two days.
I’m wondering why these taunting thoughts
always seem to stay.
28

29
I just want to disappear.
Run away,
get far from here.
Seclude myself,
seclude my thoughts.
I feel so numb
but what could I do
do you really fall back
for those that ride with you?
Can you feel so numb,
with your heart beating out of your chest?
Please let me,
repent my sins,
and wipe them off of my chest.

If I would disappear
would you even notice that my
presence still lingers here?
Would I haunt you at night
Skip about in your head
or would you lay there
curled up in the comfort of your bed?
See the burns that you gave me
the scars lay on top of my skin
reminds me to forgive but
don’t forget all the places we’ve been
So I was wondering
what remind you of me?
As all these waves of
memories crash over my mind
and take me back out to see
See isn’t flustering
what our mind can do
It can paint a different picture
and turn gray skies into blue.
So let me feel like the hurricane
we’ve known I’ve always been.
And stir up all these
thoughts in your head.
30

31

:
Some days the white seems
heavier than the black.
It somehow always starts to pull me back.
32

33

34

When does it feel like it’ll all turn around?
I constantly feel like I’m starting to drown.
Pull myself down,
because I can’t let go.
Of all these thoughts that you don’t know.
I feel like a mess,
I feel so damn stressed.
I think you can attest,
that I don’t know what got me into this mess.
See the scale is tipped too far,
and there’s nothing left to weigh.
Maybe I’ll see myself as a good person,
in just a few days.
The paper and pages help me to get out of my head.
But what helps me want to get out of this bed.
I made it for myself,
so here I lay.
Thank myself for this doing,
and dream of a perfect day.
35

Can we just stay in bed?
I don’t want to go outside today, I want to wrap up instead.
I want our favorite movie, and all the food, please.
Brunch in bed, because we woke up late.
Don’t get dressed, we are having a comfy day little date.
Baby, you look so stressed why don’t you lay down and get the best rub down in town.
I’ll take my time because I know you love it so.
I really do not want you to let you go.
Trace my nails softy along your back, in lines or rows.
A little tender nudge along from side to side, up and down now here we go.
Along your shoulder blades into the creases of your skin.
Up and around your neckline every knot comes unhinged.
Put it all aside, we need some time.
The work will be fine, just an hour or two of a free life.
Anytime without you is far too long.
I’m always going to miss you when you are gone.
I’m not moving, you’ll have to push me away with care, or I’ll guilt you into my affairs.
Hold my hand for a moment before you go.
Never forget the kiss or I’ll be flustered, you know.
You know I will always be right here.
A friend not distant, but near.
A single call and I will always appear.
36

37

I like the way your hand fits in mine.
I want to hold it all the time.
It troubles me that I can not make you mine.
What I would do if you gave me your time.
Entwined in your bed, your voice is the first thought in my head.
Wide awake, but a few more minutes I’ll fake.
I always fall back and wake, a few hours late.
You are so warming and not just the touch of your skin.
Your voice pulls me under and lingers within.
Your subtle touches are enough to put me off, until my next thought I try to write off.
We fit just like puzzle pieces, go perfectly together.
I’d build you and help you conquer your endeavors.
We could be a power team if you would let us be.
I’d bring out a rockstar side in me.
Always be your cheerleader, never support another being.
Oh, what a wonderful envisioning.
Follow your move to every beat.
Sing beautiful melodies.
Oh, darling if only we tried to be.
You can call me whenever.
I’ll be there on the first ring.
Give you all my time, and take care of you endlessly.
Eager to answer, to hear the sound of your voice.
You bring me such comfort, could I be you rejoice?
38

39

40

Painted all over me.
Dripping wet,
Not in tears of glee.
I wish you weren’t torn away from me.
Something I have fantasized but will never see.
You bring my highs high,
But you don’t know how low I will go.
To understand the perspectives of things that are hard to outgrow.
I want to be entangled in these thoughts you are in.
Knew the cages that hold you back, locked up pens.
I am sorry my darling,
Things always seem to stray.
I wish I could forget because it was all still taken away.
Right out of my fingertips, rolls right off of my lips.
I am sorry that you missed out on how I am a special gift.
I don’t know why I’m saying sorry when I no need to.
Except for sinking it down deeper.
Hoping I’d lose interest, it is true.
For this happens too often,
The absent always captivate me.
Mistake signs in silent moments as we sit quietly.
41

I’m so scared of being alone.
I’d rather find love
in a broken home.
See I’m not that messed up,
if you are too.
And we could enjoy each other’s company,
instead of feeling blue.
:
42

43
I feel stripped down
to my core.
Ripping out of seams
I’ve never seen it before.
I feel so invaded.
I want to give
and to get.
Test out all these
possibilities.
I always thought I’d regret.
It was quite foolish,
how you played me along.
Belittled everything,
I had ever said or done.

44

Selcouth - (adj.)
Strange, unusual, rare; unfamiliar; marvellouse, wondrous.
45

Light from the street.
I know you can’t be me.
Same curtain strung,
hung from above.
Tumbling down the hall,
The first place I ever crawled.
Same door,
different room
You don’t know what pulling
back all the layers will do.
Tear down on my walls,
Somewhere I’ll be in the
hundred-acre woods.
You’d call out for supper
and I run as I should.
Sitting in the treetops
Swinging high up above.
Red Planes fly by
Fueled by someone I love.
Sometimes it was a warzone,
dodge, weave, or run.
Slide by quick, Splash,
and your super soaker was done.
Oh, the memories that lie there,
the memories we’ve made.
You were the first home I lived in,
and I won’t forget my stay.
46

47

I’ve been allured,
by thoughts in my own head.
A glimpse of dreams,
that stay awake outside of my bed.
Don’t fall too fast,
it won’t feel like fate.
Tumble over,
headfirst my future awaits.
:
48

It’s nearly two in the morning, why are you awake?
I’m not pulling an all-nighter, I can’t fake.
I should have gone to bed, oh wow.
But, I might as well make something now.
I am wide awake.
What will it take to put me down?
Writing of sorrows or read a book now?
Who am I kidding, I work best at night.
Might as well work through until light.
As soon as I am finished, my favorite moment approaches me.
Everything is prettier when everyone is asleep.
The silence creeps up and down the streets.
Lights illuminate the pavement in light shades of blue-green.
Sky is tinted with purple, and light waves going across the trees.
The world feels like it is at a stand still as time passes by.
Only thing to reference time it the sun sneaking up by.
The peace in the stillness brings delight at night.
As the sun rises and I set my night.
Lay in my bed and turn out the lights.
49

Sometimes when I close my eyes,
I see nothing.
The black weighs heavier than the white,
and they will all diffuse together at the end of the night.
Sometimes when I close my eyes,
Everything becomes in sight.
Crystal clear visions of power and might.
Daydreams that could potentially thrive at night.
It’s hard to steer clear when everything looks fuzzy.
The enticing moments crumble, and I start to feel funny.
50

Would it be weird to be blind?
Would I ever really have a sense of time?
Would I know who it was,
by how I hear them go?
Would I worry of a stranger
creeping up,
and getting close?
Would I see shades of dark,
or would it be bright instead?
Would I live fearfully of what’s coming next?
Would it feel tough to live outside of
my head?
51
Would it feel like you recognize
everyones weird quirks and quivers?
Would it be weird to be blind?
Would I look at my life and say
this is divine.

Have you ever let the music truly capture you in its embrace?
Melt into the cracks in the dimension and fly out into space.
Synchronize with my heartbeat, and start to entrap me.
Feel every note and the bass in the strings.
Turn up the beat and let it all out.
Sing every note without a trace of doubt.
Have no worries with my friends beside me.
Unwrap the night, press play, you’ll see.
I remember the night my thoughts have consumed the road.
Searching for myself in a vast unknown.
Blurry headlights ahead, while the road dances by.
The colorful vibes lit up the night sky.
Discomforting at first but the tone set in.
Unwind out all the cords playing within my head.
Rough notes start to fall in tune.
Winding nights turn straight after the blues.
Trailing behind a blue shadow in narrow views.
Headlights skip by as I focus on you.
There are some days were it awakens me.
Pulls me above the rough.
Pumps up my ambition and I focus for once.
Pounding like a drum in the back, my time is in.
5,4,3,2,1, thud. Do it again.
I wish I was in tune with the beat the world runs to.
My fluctuating frequencies never make for a solid mood.
How can it be so loud yet lack any sound?
I can’t hear much when you’re not around.
My head feels fuzzy and like static tv.
It mellows out into one frequency.
See no matter what I do.
The melody can’t depress thoughts of you.
Nothing seems to be as beautiful as our tune.
But you taught me all thoughts are recycled and reused.
52

53

I can recall the weird quirks and traits.
The way that your smile will look slightly out of place.
When you try to fib straight to my face.
How your hands are distressed looking for something to grip on to for stress.
Your posture typically describes your type of day.
Slouched over, tired and irritated written all over your face.
Perked shoulders with the world above you - Day drink with a shot on the side too.
To the rhythm, your body vibrates to the tune.
A wonderful day with an opportunity swoon.
Stiff as a board, silent enough to hear a rice drop.
A rough day was among us and finally, comes to a halt.
When others are around you. You are lively as can be.
Full of stories with action and romancing.
Arms swinging around, echoing laughter following.
I will never get tired of hearing your stories.
Always curious about what tomorrow will bring.
Music moves you differently.
The sound of your feet follows the bass drum.
Stomp around all night, the fake guitar you strum.
Sometimes I was the drum set for which you like to play.
Tap around on my body to the tempo, practice all day.
Nonverbally you greet me with kisses and waves.
When you want my attention, it is clear to me.
For you don’t take no for an answer and always caress up behind me.
I gentle nudge, stroke of my hair.
I know what you are thinking of, as I look back and you stare.
See I won’t always know you but I will know more than few.
Such as what makes you tick or motivates you.
54

When you think of your first love, I don’t you to say his name.
I want you to think of your beauty, the way the hair caresses your face.
See it started with yourself and how you came to be.
What hurt and changed you into a charismatic dream.
See it was a long road you ran, coming to love yourself.
Had to battle your inner demons to conquer and take back your mental health.
You weren’t picture perfect when he came to.
But he liked the upsides and didn’t know the other moods.
So you focused on the good, set aside the bad.
Let the negative tendencies depress instead of living in your head.
Don’t let yourself be fooled, it seemed like he brought out the good side in you.
But what if was your own initiation and you just displaced your recognition?
Baby girl, it was never one of his clear intentions.
I thought I needed you because everything grows under the light.
But then why is it dark, and I’m still shining bright?
So when you think of your first love,
I hope your head is ringing out your name.
Please don’t let these boys have a moment of your fame.
You deserve all the recognition, don’t be hung up and smitten.
55

See you are my partner but also my playmate.
Everything aroused the curiosity in me.
From the shine in the smile to the smirk on your cheek.
I’d be just fine with you drifting my days away.
Immersed in all of your love, I’d never fray.
Clung to your arms, I’d wrap up in a tether all day.
Sexual love
I feel a deep belonging between you and me.
It was always different from the rest you see.
It seems we are like soulmales our destiny to meet.
You bring out one of the best sides in me.
You are all quite different in many ways.
You all help me get through my worst days.
Kind of like family in similar ways.
Not blood related but the love remains.
Brother or sister, you are my friend.
Close, I hope we will be until the end.
Deep friendship
My partner in crime, who fits my personality best.
Seems like my other half, who knows me the deepest.
Finish the end of my sentences, and be there at the end of the line.
My playful soulmate, a friend is just divine.
Connect from a distance, our souls are intertwined.
We could both pull away but why would we ever cut the line?
Playful love
See I’ll never forget you, no matter what I try to do.
I’ll always have faith in you and try to encourage you no matter what are the
moves.
I’m sorry that I don’t tell you I love you, I just don’t want you to get confused.
See this has been long standing, but it is still at a standstill.
You excite my mental but sometimes we make each other mentally ill.
I’ll still check up just to see how are you.
But please don’t make me put you through all of this it has been too much to-
Take on I am still working out how to trust.
But please trust this, I am not in a rush.
Don’t you worry, I won’t forget about thee.
You filled a lot of my days which such glee.
Long Standing love
56

I wish I could give it back to you and many more.
I hope that the world is full of wide open doors.
For you should feel adored and floored by empowering friends and many more.
I am always open if you want to rest in my nest.
Hug under the wings until you feel at your best.
See we have all had our moments, a few past due.
So if you need to relax for a minute, I am here for you.
We should all feel connected, we share this world were in.
Sometimes it feels lonely when It shouldn’t have been.
So if you need to undress your thoughts, feel free to run free and get lost.
The world is confusing it has a tendency to be.
But why shouldn’t we feel confused?
We should never settle for the world or just be.
Love for everyone/ Selfless love
How couldn’t I love you when I am part of you?
You make up how I think and the way in which I move.
From the beginning, I knew you.
Your love way always ample and you knew how to make it through.
You always protected me from the harms of the rest.
To make sure I had the best chance at moving on past their tests.
See when everything changed, you always stayed the same.
I never wish to see you pass away, I love you always even way past that day.
Love between parents and children
I can’t get rid of you.
You are around every turn, every move.
I love and hate to see you.
Depends on the day, depends on the mood.
See there are a few things I like about you.
Your long soft hair after you stress play with it too.
The smile is kind of soft yet glows in a room.
Your teeth bottom are slightly crooked. It looks puggish, kind of cute.
Your eyes are gorgeous and always reel me out to sea.
Gray or blue- depths of curiosity.
You are like an open book, a few pages you keep.
Seem quite approachable, open, and friendly.
See I love how you are a mess, unattainable like your art.
A masterpiece in work.
Do not worry this is just the start.
Love of self
57

I haven’t met all of me yet.
There are so many things I wish I knew.
Why do I get consumed into the silence and drawn towards the blue.
I hope you are doing well, whether it be the day or under the moon.
I hope the night still excites you and you come alive with the tunes.
Please be more collected but stay the beautiful mess.
Art and life are messy to forget the rules of the rest.
Focus on yourself, do this for you and me.
I am sorry I’m so lazy, I’m trying to work on that factor. My b-
Your ocean eyes will always pull them out to sea.
Don’t think you’re lost in the blue, honey you are as vast as the sea.
Sometimes they are gray as the hurricane sets in.
Be wild like the storm, feel the rage within.
58

59

Good housekeeping requires a few ground rules-
Never give the time of day to men that are not more than tools.
Clean is more than just a characteristic it is a feeling or mood. Take time to relax and depress from outside news.
Take a few moments aside from daily tasks. Clean out your desk drawers, and tidy the racks.
Think of the home as a temple too. Take care of yourself- shower, sleep and eat food.
Never give up your space to an ungrateful tenant. Your mind will be flooded with worries and regret.
Clutter can be worse than a dirty space with a wrong friend.
Explore your mind, work towards your dreams. I know it could become a nightmare but what if it is your fantasy?
Work out your goals and shoot for the stars. Living in your mind can only take you so far.
Light all the candles, set the mood. Take time for a minute to reflect back on you.
Look through your phonebook and call all your friends. Tell them how much you miss them as if you will never see them again.
Don’t forget about your family. They are always thinking of you. Shoot a call, not a text, even a few minutes will do.
Curl up in your bed and find yourself with nothing to do. Just lay in the silence and enjoy the view.
Good housekeeping requires a good mind too. So clear up your head before you do- anything above this dotted line.
Did you forget it all? Why don’t you read it one more time?
60

61

62

Eunoia - (n.)
A pure and well-balanced mind, a good spirit.
63

She said,
the color of my hair
reminds her of her daughter.
I always think about that,
and tend to smile a little longer.
Strangers can be so comforting.
Yet, have no clue.
You never know how your actions affect,
someone else but you.
I hope she smiles longer,
and feels at home.
I know how the little things mean so much,
to think of someone you’ve known.
See your smile in return,
means so much to me too.
It helps to remind me,
no matter what.
I’m always close to you.
See you always taught me
that the kind souls always speak the truth.
Just a moment,
Just a glimpse.
Is just enough,
for me to reminisce.
64

65

Funny coincidences-
Twix bars remind me of you and your perfect little kitchen.
The walls were lined with your personal decor.
The cleaning ladies from when you worked as a maid.
The fridge covered with your glorious family whom you loved so much.
The little ducklings on your coffee table left of the candy bowl always sitting on top of white linen.
I remember the many days I spent in your basement where you taught me how to paint.
You really brought out the creative side in me.
I remember the countless meals we spend in your living room eating off of TV food trays.
You were always the best conversationalist.
I enjoy seeing that tacky green color your bathroom decor was plastered in.
I miss the smiley face clock that was placed on your garage door.
I miss you faux ducklings you had resting upon your bushline.
I miss you seeing you outside in your chair soaking up the sun rays.
I miss driving away and your waves, blowing kisses, and signing I love you.
I miss you but I know you are peaceful in rest.
I know you are not hurting anymore.
You taught me how to be a strong woman.
God I love you.
66

Moma dear, please hold me tight.
I want you to know I’m thankful for you at night.
I know I tend to fuss and fight.
But you are always there right by my side.
You help me get through thick and thin.
Showed me I should always love when I can.
Because you don’t know when it will be the end.
You don’t want any regrets when the times are spent.
I know I don’t say that I love you enough, especially when times get tough.
But moma dear please let me make it clear.
I love you even in your days of despair.
I will be your little girl, from beginning to end.
Never let you grow from me or I’d come to be saddened.
I know I pushed you away but we will pull back together again.
Work past it all to make our mends.
I’m sorry I troubled you for so many nights.
Let you live in such a fright.
I wasn’t clear with my intentions in hindsight.
But it’ll all make its way at the end of the night.
I hope that your troubles will come to an end and you finally find a place of zen.
Moma bear, you’ve protected me for so long.
Fought off all the boys when I tagged them along.
Helped me grow but let me show.
I’m so thankful for that, you’ll never know.
You told me to show it while you got it, be comfortable in your own skin.
Showing off doesn’t mean taking off but a little confidence.
Always tried to build me up and not throw me down.
Allowed me to struggle and really find myself.
I’m sorry I never appreciated the shelter you gave me.
It felt so enclosing and I wanted to run free.
I’m sorry it let it create a distance between you and me.
It was quite stupid and I’m sorry for all the apologies.
What I would do to be your little girl once again.
Running about the house, cartwheels, and annoying Brandon.
Worrying about dinner is my biggest conniption.
I’d become your custom folding table once again.
Slide side to side on the kitchen floor once more.
Resent eating all the candy as a pyramid forms.
I’d be your mini-me, not your sister or twin.
I’d wrap up in your arms again.
Lay on my tummy as you’d rub my back.
My secret kryptonite, little fact.
What I would do to let you know I care for you.
When you are old, I’ll tend to you too.
See the pages will have turned, and I finally get to-
Show you the women you made me into.
67

There’s a part of me that wants to be the damsel in distress
See if you are willing to rise up to get me out of this mess.
Something so intriguing about a mistress from afar.
Illude her from the mess, to open up your desires.
I transpire to be someone sought out to see.
A treasure waiting to be opened, but buried in the depths of the green.
An isolated castle is where I would be.
Stringing out the days, yearning for when we would meet.
Dancing and prancing to my own beat.
Counting the days as they wave past me.
See my prince better be charming, or he will be damned too.
Hoping the defenses would work out the weak and absent mindlessly and not just let them pursue.
Confined in all these walls, patiently, I wait.
To be saved from all my sins that I live within this cage.
See I must be so perfect,
To be locked up in this pen.
Or I must’ve done wrong,
And they do not wish to do it again.
They made it challenging to set me free
They even made it hard to even lure me.
All the suitors will never see how they finally captured me.
68

69

Don’t plunge,
don’t fall.
You could really have it all.
It’s much scarier than it looks
But I want to call it a wrap,
not make this one for the books.
70

People who start with the end in mind,
Never seem to make it past the finish line.
It could all be quite simple if you take it one step at a time.
Instead, you continue to run into the blind.
Sadly it’s not as black and white as I wish it could be.
I was full of color yet your grey tones felt lonely.
You wanted to blend together and get mixed up in this mess.
Tried to tone me done, wrap around the “damsel in distress.”
Little did you fool me, grey always brings you down.
You tried to tell me our color would be beautiful,
Not ugly tones of brown.
I never said I’d race you the finish line.
To get caught up by you would be a waste of my time.
All you do is make assumptions that since you like my color, I’d like our vibe.
But we will never get mixed up together at the end of the night.
71

See we are two different people.
You are like the water flowing and free.
While I am wood set on fire bursting from every seam.
Speeding up, the gust is growing heavy.
I hope you don’t feel too wavy.
Whether it be calm or stormy seas,
The pirate’s life is the life for me.
You are the rock that holds me down,
when push comes to pull.
Hold me back, do not let go of it all.
Stones skipping by,
On a tightrope above.
Rock me side to side,
lift me up, put me down.
Give me all of your love.
Shaken and stirred up,
Going down the ruff.
Sometimes I follow your flow.
Forget which way I should go.
I have no clue where we’ve gone,
but I am intrigued by the unknown.
Crashing into the blue.
Pink sunsets reflect off of thee,
And captivates me in you.
Sometimes you lift me up or,
let me let go of it all.
Deeps or shallow waters,
I’ll never know.
You are just like a mystery, black like the sea.
Depths so dark they never make their way to me.
But when you are feeling inane,
Never forget you are always in my mind frame.
The shallow days always drift away and take part of me.
It is crystal clear it’s not meant to be
See I’m not the only one you hold.
Wrap around all the damsels in distress,
Get out of your tide, away from this mess.
It is kind of foolish,
The deception you give and get.
Rise up to the occasion,
And drown me out with regret.
See this is quite troubling,
For someone like me.
Who goes with the flow,
But has polar tendencies.
See it also was tremendously different,
72
Before we came to meet.
I was bountiful, full of color, and tiered over everything.
Casted in my shadow,
Is where you would always be.
I never thought I’d see it,
The rough side in me.
I know when you look at me,
I seem rough inside and out.
With the growth of my roots,
The color of the leaves.
I’m not a fraction of what you make me out to be.
See I looked quite beautiful
Before I fell into the blue.
The sun was always shining,
And I admired the distance between me and you.
I know I make it rough but sometimes it all feels smooth,
Work out the edges and polish up my moves.
See I won’t call myself perfect
When I can see the beauties of the rest.
Rise up above this beautiful dainty mess.
We all have our scars.
Mine are just on the surface for you.
You see all the lines and paths of history that we can’t fix
or move.
See there is all of these roots, the family, and the nest.
I never felt out of place,
Among the rest.
Until the day where I fell into the blue,
The tide pulled me over and I found you.

73

74

It took a break.
For me to finally break.
Sometimes silence,
Is all it takes.
Watching from afar,
You don’t know.
Of all these pages,
that I can’t seem to let go.
See it has been so many times that I’ve let you in.
Always was your secret sin.
Well truth be told, I’m not keeping to myself.
Always thought I should share my bountiful wealth.
I’m sorry it bit you,
Came back so hard.
But I always guessed you left me little more than just scarred.
See I’m quite untrusting,
Because of people like you and me.
Who love to consume attention,
And do not let people be.
I’ll never apologize for finally seeing it through.
Tearing off the pages.
Pushing on, past you.
75

Midwest baby.
So wild and crazy.
Staying up, them long nights.
Putting up a hard fight.
See I don’t know who hurt you.
But I know that you’ll push through.
Giving up it just won’t do.
Trying to make a man out of you.
See moma told me, these boys ain’t worthy.
Gotta make them work for me,
violins and symphonies.
So midwest baby.
Don’t feel crazy.
Everything will be alright.
Even after them hard nights.
So I’ll I’m going to ask of you, is hold on.
Baby you’ll push through.
Going to make momma proud of you.
I cannot wait until my world is consumed by one.
Suddenly not worried about the thoughts that constantly
run.
Unlock the doors,
My guard can be done.
Focus on our future,
Not the capturing of many suitors.
76

77

When I wear your clothes, I feel your embrace.
It is just a taste, but it feels great.
The smell of you still traces the lining.
Reminding factors always catch me smiling.
Holding your hand is very thrilling.
Intimacy with without sex is a different type of feeling.
Holding on tight, together we go into the unknown.
Squeezes of comfort to ensure that I know.
There’s always the moments where I lay comfortably in your lap.
Doze off for a nice nap.
But you just let me lay there and rub my back or my hair.
Sweet moments like that I treasure more.
Sharing a bed is different with someone you love.
It doesn’t matter if they are near or far.
There love radiates throughout the doors.
Cuddled up or tossed about.
Your presence is enough to let me sleep sound.
You always share your dessert.
Even if I got one too.
Yours looked better, and I wanted to taste it too.
But you always offer the last bite.
There’s something to say about that.
You try to put myself first, and I am thankful for that.
I love how you push me up to always try and do my best.
Help me study or paint, even just some company if I need it before I rest.
I want to help you too, we could both grow from anew.
Thank you for tending to me when I am ill.
Whether it be sick or mentally still.
Patching up my wounds, my little handyman.
I’m scared of blood but doesn’t hurt that bad.
It always weird after the first cry, but you looked me dead in my eyes.
Told me everything will be alright.
That you will make it all better by the end of the night.
It was weird like you had this sixth sense.
Knew when I was feeling down and had to help make amends.
Always were my support system, my biggest fan.
Knew when I really needed a backup plan.
I want to go to the last dance.
Replay that song one more time.
Dance even without music, until the dawn of night.
I want to thank you one last time.
For the kisses on my forehead, they truly were divine.
I could feel the gentle touch late in the dark of night.
Bring me into a slumber before you turn out the last light.
78

You make me anxious,
I can not deny.
I love the way you look in my eyes.
Voice so calming.
Hands that always seem to stray.
Wrap me up,
and hold me in your arms all day.
Kind of different,
kind of distant.
This seems alien to me.
But all I know is your attention,
fills me with such glee.
79
I’m kind of nervous about how far I’ll fall.
But the idea of being wrapped up in you,
doesn’t bother me at all.

Little wood carving on the tree,
We will write our name and let it be.
Through wear and tear we will live to see.
All this growth and prosperity.
See we might fall down but we will always reach for the
top.
See this wonderful world from above the treetops.
There will be a lot of company along our way,
Some will feel like they get too close or always seem to
stray.
See it felt like a family being among trees,
The leaves always felt so close to me.
The breeze kept me cool as things start to stir up.
The waves of leaves run in a funk.
The wind was howling like the back of your throat
Cuts out in waves as you start to choke.
The appearance is misty just like your eyes.
Dark blue like the night skies.
I remember the night we pitched up here
Laid about under the stars
Counted our blessings and danced by the fire.
Pitched out all our regrets
A fresh morning rose and we started a new
Smiled as we walked along the shoreline and shared our I
love you’s.
We sat on the trunk and worked it all out.
Talked until it was nightfall or silence was the only sound.
We’d leave to the horses pulling back then letting it out
loud
Clanking noises above the whistling sound.
The wind would speed up as the pavement ran free.
Pull back all my hair, gusts ran along me.
See it felt so good to finally run loose,
Let back from the stiffness.
Cut back to different views.
I remember the first time we got entangled
It was between all the trees.
Tan fields of leather ripped up at the seams.
Distant voices stand behind me.
Shadows tower over thee.
Rotten fields of lilies and distant lilac dreams.
See it was never what I pictured, right from the start.
But who your happiness could help me not feel so apart.
See it was so arbitrary how we came to be.
A familiar face that never seemed to enthrall me.
See it was your consistency that never changed for me
Especially through all the cycles, I overcame in thee.
You stood tall in the Fall,
In hopes that we wouldn’t tumble and crawl.
I’m sorry it came to be true, that I had done unjust to
you.
We tried to stuff it back together as thanksgiving came.
But we were rotting out as the seasons changed.
You used to spin me around right next to the sea.
Let out shouts and sing with glee.
A little drunken thought but don’t mistake me.
Those nights fit us perfectly.
We branched out to more than just our perfect view.
Shared all our colors and a friend or two.
Oh, what I would do to have a glimpse of that mood.
Rewind the pages for just a minute or two.
As I stand here in the gust, all these illusions run from
the brush.
Calm like the light waves in the distant seas.
It never got too deep for me.
As we’ve branched out so far from the very start,
Maybe it was natural the way we part.
80

81

82

I want you to love me in every form,
In every phase, even the way I mourn.
Because with your love I wouldn’t feel as scorn.
Transform my hate,
Into wide open doors.
Rebuild myself into the person I want to be
Unwrap the soulful life in thee.
See I built up these walls but I want to tip them on in.
Shatter down it all, break down what has been.
See I’ve juggled the pieces.
Cut myself through thick and thin.
I had torn it apart all in an attempt to reassemble it again.
Stitched it all up, tucked away all my fears,
Remind me to forgive myself
And our future will dawn near.
Please don’t take this too personal, they always tend to run amuck.
You see life gets kind of messy, especially with me.
Just don’t try to get down and dirty,
And we’ll be just fine in the end you’ll see.
See I’ve felt quite testing among these past years.
Pushed them to the limit to see who held back their tears.
I’m not really really sorry for all the damage I’ve done here.
Boys will be boys but don’t you dare.
It wasn’t that wrong, I just set them straight.
I’ve been patiently waiting for someone who doesn’t always take the bait.
So I won’t keep searching, maybe I’ll let you find me.
Get in tune with myself, and it will all come naturally.
83

Colophon
Created in Wolf Hall YCP
A4 paper
Printmaking methods used: linocut, reductive.