Mardaangi’s resource on Navigating Online Safety and Sexual Abuse.

CoverIlustrationby:DiptiJain

Given the current scenario of sexual harassment on Instagram and other
social media platforms, we wanted to work to create an amalgamation of
resources for teenagers between thirteen to eighteen years of age. These
conversations are long overdue and are the need of the hour.
We have created a resource booklet that is interactive, interesting, easy
and comprehensive. It covers various areas within sex-ed and gives people
avenues to continue studying about these issues.
We think it is imperative that young Indian teenagers have a resource like
this to access when needed. This will be a first stop of sorts for individuals
to learn how to navigate sexual abuse, consent and similar topics especially
in online environments. It also emphasises the importance of practicing
empathetic and consensual behaviour in day to day life.
Aamiya Dhillon (@aamiyadhillon,aamiyadhillon@gmail.com)
Arun Chauhan (@milkcake_, archauhan9984@gmail.com)
Ateen Das (@ekdoateen, ateendas15@gmail.com)
Jailekha Zutshi (@jzutshi, jzutshi@gmail.com)
Shreyashee Roy (@ro.y.flmao, royshreyashee@gmail.com)

Ayushi Gaur (@_ayushi_gaur_, ayushi.gaur@nift.ac.in)
Dipti Jain (@boqwaas, boqwaas@gmail.com)
Freya Gupta (@lovefr3ya, freya.gupta@tufts.edu)
Megha Sharma (@bewakoofladki, sharmamegha103@gmail.com)
Radhika Chauhan (@emptystomachvoiceeruption,
radhika.chauhan1717@gmail.com)
Aamiya Dhillon (@aamiyadhillon, aamiyadhillon@gmail.com)
Ateen Das (@ekdoateen, ateendas15@gmail.com)
Nandini Nalam (@nandini_nalam, nandininalam410@gmail.com)
Shreyashee Roy (@ro.y.flmao, royshreyashee@gmail.com)
Paavani Ojha (@paavaniojha)
Siddhant Talwar (@realsidt)
Co-founders, Mardaangi (mardaangiteam@gmail.com)

1
INTRODUCTION
PG 1-6
2
3
4
COMPREHENSIVE
SEXUAL EDUCATION
PG 7-12
NAVIGATING
SEXUAL ABUSE
PG 7-12
NAVIGATING
ONLINE SPACES
PG 23-28

5
LAWS AGAINST
CYBERBULLYING
PG 29-38
6
RESPECTFUL
ENVIRONMENT
PG 23-28
7
8
PREVENTION OF
ABUSE
PG 51-64
CREATING
ACCOUNTABILITY
PG 65-72

1
Hello! If you’re a teenager, you’ve probably grappled with and
thought about ideas revolving around consent, sexuality and
sexual assault. There is a lot of information both online and
offline about these subjects. However, it can be complicated
and hard to understand. So, we’ve compiled this booklet to
deliver this information in a digestible manner. It can help you
navigate sexual abuse, especially when encountered in online
spaces. It also includes illustrations, comics and activities to
help you engage with and understand the content. This is
intended to be an introduction to the subjects mentioned above
but it is by no means exhaustive. It should be a starting point
for further education and research.
00

1
WHO ARE WE?
Mardaangi is an annual project
that highlights different issues that
male-identifying individuals face in
an effort to address toxic
masculinity and help male victims
of sexual assault who have no
legal provisions in India.
Since then, Mardaangi has also
expanded into an organization
helping people with sex education,
resource collation and
documentation.
BASIC CONCEPTS
Sexual Maturity
On reaching your teenage years, you naturally
become more aware of your sexuality. It is
important to remember that it is normal to feel
this way! Your body is undergoing many
changes- ranging from physical and hormonal
to psychological and emotional. There is no
reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed.
You’re growing up, and over the years you will
become more comfortable and in tune with
your sexual self. The following sections will try
and help you find ways to figure out confusing
experiences in a safe way.
00

1
What is Biological Sex?
It is a label given to a person based on their
genes, hormones, body parts at birth (genitalia).
Usually it is either male or female. Some people’s
sex doesn’t fit into male or female, because of
biological traits like anatomy, chromosomes or
hormones and they are labelled as intersex.
This is due to hormonal or genetic variations and
is not a medical problem.
Then What is Gender?
Gender is a set of beliefs and expectations regarding what it means to be a girl
or a boy. Growing up, we are told to act and dress in certain ways.
For example, if your sister wears a dress and you are supposed to wear pants
it is because your gender is supposed to dress a certain way.
Gender Identity is how you feel inside, from a young age.
Gender Expression is how you choose to communicate gender identity in
terms of behaviour, dressing or even interests based on societal norms
regarding gender.
00

1
With some people their gender identity matches with their sex assigned at
birth, they are then cisgender.
But maybe your gender identity doesn’t match your sex assigned at birth.
Then, the person falls under the broader category of transgender.
Terms you may have heard:
Genderqueer: A genderqueer person may not adhere to the strict binary of
male and female, and may identify as neither/both or a combination of male
and female genders
Agender: They don’t identify with a gender identity
Gender Non-conforming: Their gender expression doesn’t fit inside
traditional male/female categories
THE HIJRA OR KINNAR COMMUNITY:
The above definitions given for different gender identities focus more on
gender and sex. The Hijra identity does not have a fixed definition.
The hijra community in India is an indigenous trans* community, which
includes individuals who identify as transgender, eunuchs, and intersex
persons. In India, the Supreme Court in April 2014 recognised hijras,
transgender people, eunuchs, and intersex people as a 'third gender' in law.
The community has a complex religious, cultural, and social history shaped by
lived experiences and occupies a position with specific caste and class
dimensions.
While scrolling through your social media, have you noticed that some people
have their pronouns in their bio?
Using they/them pronouns helps make a more respectful environment around
you as you don't presume somebody's gender. They/them is both gender
neutral and can be used as a singular pronoun. Misidentifying someone’s
gender can contribute to an existing conflict between their physical sex and
gender identity, known as Gender Dysphoria. This can be a very
distressing experience.
00

1
Thus, it is always polite to respectfully ask
someone’s pronouns. Cisgender people
specifying their pronouns in conversation
also helps normalise the practice.
Furthermore, it is very rude to continue
using pronouns associated with someone’s
sex assigned at birth if they identify
differently. Calling a transwoman ‘he’ for
instance, is disrespectful.
In this handbook, any usage of he or she is
with reference to male-identifying or
female-identifying individuals.
SEXUALITY
Your sexuality is not tied to your gender or sex.
A common misconception is that if an individual is transitioning from male to
female, it is because they are attracted to men or vice-versa.
An easier way to understand sexuality is to think of the attraction an individual
feels towards others in terms of sexual attraction and romantic attraction.
Some people don’t experience sexual attraction and hence call themselves
Asexual.
Some may not experience romantic attraction and are known as Aromantic.
Some people are attracted to the same gender as themselves. They are
broadly known as gay.
If a woman is attracted to another woman, it is also referred to as lesbian
attraction.
Bisexual people experience attraction towards multiple genders, typically,
their own and genders beyond that.
Pansexual people don’t see gender as a criteria when they experience
attraction.
00

1
With gender and sexuality, however, it is important to keep in mind that labels
mean different things to different people.
You don’t HAVE to find a label that matches your experience.
Hence, a lot of people feel more comfortable using the term Queer.
INTERSECTIONALITY
Intersectionality can be easily understood as a venn diagram of various social
identities. It is the theory of overlapping identity markers like gender, sexuality,
caste, class, place of origin, ability, etc. which contributes to oppression and/or
discrimination faced by an individual. One cannot fight for equality without
considering intersectionality as an organising principle.
00

2
What is it?
Comprehensive Sexual Education (CSE),
is curriculum-based education that
focuses on helping children and
adolescents develop a healthy
relationship with their sexuality providing
them with resources, knowledge and
skills to help them develop attitudes and
values that forward their emotional and
social development.
07

2
It promotes a rights-based, gender-focused method of sexual education. Sexual
rights basically mean that
Everyone has the right to have the best
possible sexual health, free from
experiences of coercion, violence, and
any kind of discrimination.
That everyone has the right to be in control of
the decisions regarding their sexuality,
reproduction, choice of partner, gender
identity, and bodily integrity, as long as it
doesn’t rob anyone else of their autonomy.
It means that everyone has the right to access
the sexual health services, education, and
information that is required to understand and
implement the aforementioned.
08

2
IMPORTANCE
There is a two-fold approach to understanding why CSE is so important.
The first is a rights-based approach. It helps young people make
informed decisions about their sexuality, bodies, and health. It helps
them negotiate relationships in everyday life by providing them with
scientific, non-judgemental information.
The second is the preventive approach. It makes clear how children
and adolescents (those beginning to navigate their sexuality) can avoid
health problems and better deal with sensitive issues including sexual
and gender based violence and HIV.
Both of these approaches place the individual at the centre, helping them
develop a better understanding of age-appropriate behaviours as well as
strengthening their relationship with their own body. The curriculum
serves to heighten one's ability to communicate with, and strengthen
bonds with their family family and community as a whole.
CSE encourages students to ask for information, helps them understand
their legal rights, and seek help and support whenever they feel it’s
necessary, without being afraid of being shamed or discriminated against.
Comprehensive Sexual Education helps children determine and enjoy their
sexuality, physically and emotionally, by themselves and in relationships. It
helps bring sex and gender out of the male/female binary, removes the
taboo around pleasure, and recognises that information alone is not
enough and that those in their formative years require the chance to form
positive attitudes while acquiring essential life skills.
09

2
PROGRAMMES IN INDIA
Adolescent Education Programme
Reproductive, Maternal, Newborn, Child & Adolescent
Health (RMNCH+A) & Rashtriya Kishor Swasthya
Karyakram (RKSK)
School Health Programme, Ayushman Bharat
ADOLESCENT EDUCATION PROGRAMME
AEP focuses on developing life skills and aims to
make information available to young children that
helps them understand the changes they go
through during adolescence, thereby covering
certain elements of CSE.
!!
AEP aims to help adolescents establish and
maintain positive relationships, challenge
stereotypes and discrimination, and identify and
report these violations. It explores how gender
equality and Sexual and Reproductive Health
Rights (SRHR) determine risk of substance
abuse, sociocultural norms, alongside the
agency, mobility and rights of young people.
10

2
PROBLEMS WITH AEP
!!
It reinforces the idea that there are two
genders, perpetuating harmful stereotypes. It is
only written from the perspective of people
who identify as heterosexual. For example: the
curriculum has limited conversations on the
rights of young people to not marry, or even
choose their own partners.
While gender inequality is challenged by
highlighting nutritional discrimination
against girls, marriage or reproduction is
not described as optional for young women
The exploration of reproductive rights is limited, the curriculum identifies the role
of condoms in preventing pregnancies and STIs, there is no mention of the
Medical Termination of Pregnancy (MTP) Act and the provisions under which
women and girls have the legal right to access safe abortion services.
REPRODUCTIVE, MATERNAL, NEWBORN,
CHILD AND ADOLESCENT HEALTH
(RMNCH+A) AND RASHTRIYA KISHOR
SWASTHYA KARYAKRAM (RKSK)
Both programmes concentrate on promoting healthy behaviour amongst
adolescents, addressing nutrition, SRHR, injuries and violence, substance
misuse, non-communicable diseases (NCDs) and mental health.
RKSK details a converged approach to comprehensively addressing adolescent
health, by linking peer educators to the adolescent friendly health clinics (AFHCs)
Collaboratively, AFHCs and RKSK (through its peer education programme) have
the potential for a powerful health system that enables adolescents to access
SRH information and services.
11

2
Homosexuality is addressed as a health ‘risk’ for individuals on page 34 of the
RKSK Strategy Handbook 2014, with no clarifications or explanations.
Given that RKSK is presently being designed for implementation, there is great
potential to integrate CSE within its current efforts to operationalise services
RMNCH+A emphasises on giving equal focus to every life stage. It makes
compulsory AFHCs across urban and rural communities that provide
counseling, curative services and commodities, and access to contraceptives
for young people.
The clinics deliver counseling on puberty, sex, delaying marriage and
first pregnancies.
SCHOOL HEALTH PROGRAMME,
AYUSHMAN BHARAT
Developed in alignment with RKSK, its objectives are similar to AEP, with a focus
on increasing knowledge, inculcating positive attitudes and enhancing life skills,
in an effort to promote informed, responsible behaviors among adolescents.
The curriculum thematically addresses physical and mental well-being, gender
equality, interpersonal relationships, nutrition, sanitation and health, substance
abuse, preventing noncommunicable diseases, SRH, safety and security against
injuries and violence, value education and the promotion of cybersecurity, by
integrating teaching relevant laws and policies within each section.
The programme intends to treat the subject of sex ‘as a natural desire’ instead of
a disorder -- adopting a healthier and more constructive approach to the matter.
Ayushman Bharat presents the opportunity to create a new public narrative on
CSE, and could be supported with a national campaign led by the central
government, to demystify myths and stereotypes related to the same in the
public domain
Sources:
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5837d4b3725e25680b8b758e/t/5b6056700e2
e72e41d094f14/1533040281142/CSE+Policy+Brief-Final+web.pdf
12

3
What is Child Sexual Abuse?
Abuse: It is when someone harms or injures
another person to control them.
Victim: This term is used to refer to
somebody who has faced sexual abuse.
Survivor: This term is preferred by some
individuals who have faced sexual abuse, as
it places emphasis on their strength and
recovery process.
Perpetrator: This term refers to an individual
who causes harm to another person.
13

3
KINDS OF ABUSE
This list goes beyond sexual abuse but does not include all possible forms of
abuse, and if your experience is not listed here it doesn’t mean that it isn’t valid.
Financial Abuse: When adults who control your access to money refuse
to buy essentials like food unless you do what they say
Physical Abuse: Any kind of physical sexual contact by an adult
Any persistent sexual contact by someone under 18 even when you say no
Any violent non-sexual contact
Using Adult Privilege: This is when an adult thinks they can harm or hurt
you because they are ‘older’ and ‘they know better’.
Digital Abuse: Hacking into survivors’ accounts, sharing explicit images or
messages, recording or circulating child pornography
Emotional and Psychological Abuse:
This is when someone who harms or injures you blames you for it
For Example: I hit you because you don’t listen to me
Or when after harming you they start apologising and blaming themselves
but harm you again when they get angry
Verbal Abuse: Using slurs related to survivors’ gender, sex, or sexual
orientation; abusing survivors when they do not comply
Isolation: Preventing survivors from seeing other people, taking away
devices, controlling survivors’ online communication
For example: They don’t let you have friends, get angry when you speak to
other people
Threats and Intimidation: When someone who causes you harm makes
you do what they say by saying that if you don’t they will take action like
causing harm to a loved one, or committing suicide.
14

3
CYCLE OF ABUSE
Understanding this cycle is important because it helps one realise that even in
an abusive relationship there are ‘calm phases’ when everything feels normal.
Seeing them as a part of the cycle of abuse helps us realise that
Tensions Building
Fighting increases, victim feels
scared and feels the need to calm
their abuser down.
Calm
Incident is “forgotten”, no abuse
is taking place.
The “honeymoon” phase.
Incident
Verbal, emotional & physical
abuse. Anger, blaming, arguing.
Threats. Intimidation.
Reconciliation
Abuser apologizes, gives excuse,
blames the victim, denies the
abuse occured, or says that it
wasn’t as bad as the victim claims.
15

3
DEBUNKING MYTHS
“It is not wrong if someone older, or someone in your family does
this to you because they are supposed to look after you.”
Adults who sexually abuse children often tell them that what they are doing is
normal and they can do it because they are older. This is not true. It doesn’t
matter how young you are, you have a right to choose how somebody touches
you or speaks to you and if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
“Your abuse wasn’t physical, so it’s not really abuse.”
“At least the abuse wasn’t physical, so it can’t be that bad, right?”
Wrong. Non-physical abuse is as bad as physical abuse. It is insensitive to
compare different forms of abuse as though one is more harmful than the
other. All survivors have their own experiences with abuse, and all are valid.
“This is shameful for me as an individual.”
Survivors may also develop shame due to their experiences with CSA, feeling
as though this makes them unclean, and/or undeserving of healthy, loving
relationships. While it is natural to feel these emotions, it is important to know
that none of this is your fault. You must be given respect and love.
“Your only option is to let this happen.”
There are ways to get out of and deal with the
situation you are in, and some of these are listed
below. For example, reaching out to friends,
teachers or relatives you can trust can help you
physically escape the situation (live with someone
else) or have a support system that can listen to
you and provide emotional comfort. If you need
help in a crisis 1098 is a 24x7 child helpline number.
16

3
“It is your fault”
By saying this, people blame the victim instead of punishing the perpetrator.
There are four ways of responding to trauma: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
Fight responses imply resisting a threat, perhaps in the form of physically
retaliating against your abuser.
Flight responses imply leaving a situation; removing yourself from a room if
you are alone with the abuser.
Freeze responses result in being unable to react to a threat because the body
shuts down.
Fawn responses are when the victim follows the abuser’s orders, does not
complain or resist to reduce the severity of the abuse.
To someone else, it may seem like the survivor was letting the abuse happen.
This is an unfair judgement because in traumatising situations we don’t react
in logical, well-thought out ways.
WHY IT IS NOT AND CAN NEVER
BE YOUR FAULT
You might have heard of victim-blaming. It is when people say that the survivor’s
behaviour caused the abuse to happen.
One example of this is slut shaming, where people raise questions about what a
survivor was wearing in the false belief that wearing clothes that expose more skin
leads to abuse. Another is to question the behavior of the survivor, as though they
must have said or done something that indicated they wanted to engage in sexual
activity.
By shifting the blame for abuse from the perpetrator to the survivor, victim blaming
leads to more trauma for the survivor and allows the abuser to harm those around
them.
As a result, survivors start asking themselves if they did something to encourage
the abuse or they just remember what happened incorrectly. This silences the
survivor and allows the abuser to keep abusing
17

3
UNDERSTANDING THE EMOTIONS DUE
TO PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS OF ANY
FORM OF ABUSE:
Anxiety: Survivors may try to ignore the people or experiences that remind
them of their abuse experiences. They may look like they are fearful of strangers
or intimate situations. As a result, anxiety may lead to sudden disassociation,
improper sleep and panic attacks.
Anger: Survivors may come across as angry. Anger is a natural response to
abuse. This is usually because they constantly relive the abuse in their mental
space and using anger as a defence mechanism helps them cope by avoiding
being vulnerable amongst peers.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: PTSD symptoms include but are not limited to
nightmares, flashbacks, hypervigilance and difficulty in building intimate
relationships.
Irritability: Mood swings and irritated behaviour are common in the survivors
of abuse.
Depression: Abuse survivors may seem to struggle in enjoying the activities
they used to before and can be in perpetual state of sadness especially if the
activities around serve as a reminder of their experience.
ASKING FOR HELP
HOW TO ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP
!!
Decide on who you want to trust with your experience of abuse.
If they agree to be there for you, try to set up a time to meet in person, or ideally
such that you can both see each other.
CSA is a traumatic experience. It can be difficult to talk about with someone
else, even if you trust this person. Try to have a plan of what you would like to
share with your chosen person. It is up to you to decide how much you are
comfortable sharing.
18

3
If you feel that it will be too difficult for you to share certain parts verbally, one
option is to write a letter to your chosen person and be with them when they
read it.
Know that all your feelings are valid. You have experienced or are experiencing
something no one should have to go through, and you have made the incredibly
brave decision to tell someone about your experience. It is okay now to let
yourself be taken care of by this person.
*As terrible as this possibility is, it is necessary to mention that the person you
choose to disclose your story to may react negatively. They may victim blame,
invalidate, or be otherwise unsupportive and traumatizing. Their response is not
your fault. While it is incredibly unfair that this person reacted this way, know that
you are not alone, that there are people who can and will support you however they
can and however you feel is best.
KNOWING YOUR OPTIONS
Therapy: A trained professional can help us identify what triggers traumatising
memories, how we can manage our trauma and move towards healing.
Institutional and/or legal avenues: If your perpetrator and you belong to the
same institution, it is possible that there are policies that can protect you from
them and punish them, if this is something you want. You could also choose to
pursue legal action. There is an entire section on legal options further in this
booklet.
Why it is a valid choice to not report your abuser: As a survivor, you get to
choose what healing means to you. This may mean reporting your abuser,
perhaps so they can be punished; or can also mean not reporting your abuser.
You could choose to do this for various reasons: the process of reporting them
may be too tiring right now, you may want to focus on yourself in your healing
process, you may live with them and so don’t see this as a valid option. What
matters is for you to do what feels best for you.
Finding and creating sustainable support systems: This could include having
a group of trusted people you can talk to about your experiences, finding
websites or accounts on social media that provide virtual support or chat
rooms, reading or watching media that can help you understand how to heal,
and so on. It also includes making sure you are eating, drinking water, sleeping,
and doing other necessary activities, as well as things that you enjoy doing so
you can work towards healing.
19

3
If you are a survivor, you can look at the following as a checklist and take
required help:
THESE QUESTIONS ARE TO HELP
YOU IDENTIFY WHO MAY BE HELPFUL,
BUT IT IS OKAY IF YOU CANNOT THINK OF
ANSWERS RIGHT NOW.
Who are the people you usually find helpful in difficult times?
Out of them, is there anyone you can approach regarding your situation
of abuse?
What do you feel you need from these people?
For example: Do you want them to provide emotional support? Physically take
you out of the situation by giving you shelter?
If you cannot think of anybody right now, what are some types of people you
could look for who might be able to help?
For example: School counsellor, a friend’s parent
HOW TO HELP YOUR PEERS WHO MAY
HAVE FACED SEXUAL ABUSE?
Validate their feelings: It’s normal to feel nervous or scared listening to your
peers talk about abuse. It takes a lot of courage to speak up, and supporting
them, believing them and not gossiping about it to others is crucial. Use the
phrases such as “I am here for you”, “Let me know if you would like me
to do something”.
Be a good listener: It takes time to open up. Do not ask too many questions
immediately, let them decide how they want the conversation to go.
Also, try to avoid the following reactions:
• Don’t give reasons to justify the abuse (“you must have not said no clearly”)
• React strongly as it may overwhelm the survivor, be calm even if you feel very
angry towards the abuser
• Making it seem like the abuse was normal (“this happens in relationships”)
20

3
• Compare the abuse to minimise the psychological effect on the survivor (“I heard
this happened to xyz as well”)
• Having a hopeless behaviour towards the abuse and mindful of public reaction,
saying things like “It will go away with time.”; “What will people think?”
Do not impose: Try to not impose your opinions on the survivor. You can
definitely tell them what you think in an unbiased manner but remember that
your role is to help them think of ways to make the situation better for
themselves, not take decisions for them.
It is possible to support a person who has harmed but it's not an obligation:
If someone close to you has harmed somebody else and confesses to it, it is
possible for you to hold them accountable (see section on accountability) and
help them change their behaviour and thought patterns. Do not justify their
actions to them (saying things like “it happens, don’t worry”).
If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe around them, you don’t have to continue to
be their friend.
Seeking Intervention: It is important to involve people you trust who can help
ensure the survivor’s physical security and help them overcome trauma. Don’t
push the survivor to take a decision immediately, but figure out which adults (for
example, parents or teachers you trust) can be approached when the survivor
feels ready to report.
WHAT IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE
SURVIVOR PERSONALLY?
It is unfair to expect survivors to be perfect. The process of coping with trauma may
make one act in an inconsistent way (say one thing to one person and another thing
to another). Also, your own personal conflict with the survivor does not mean that
they are not worthy of being heard out.
21

3
Sources:
http://coparentingwithanarcissist.com/2012/10/power-control-wheel
-abuse-of-children-by-narcissistic-personality-disordered-parents/
http://pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm
#:~:text=This%20model%20elaborates%20four%20basic,referred%
20to%20as%20the%204Fs).
https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbt/orientation
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childabuseandneglect/con
sequences.html
http://www.creative-interventions.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/
Section-4E_FINAL.pdf
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/abuse
http://www.peacefoundations.org/cycle-of-domestic-violence/#stha
sh.Ywm3iq7T.S307wktN.dpbs
https://www.thehotline.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2014/06/pow
er-and-control-wheel-updated.png
22

4
Online Sexual Harassment
Digital spaces have resulted in sharing of
information on a mass scale. Most of us are
on more than one social media platform.
Chances are that you have found this
handbook on one such platform.
While this allows us to connect with
like-minded people, it also exposes us to
some dangers.
23

4
Online Sexual Harassment is different from cyberbullying, as it is unwanted sexual
conduct like sharing of pictures, messages, comments over social media.
It is of Four Broad Types:
• Taking and Sharing Sexual Videos/Images Without Consent
• For example: If somebody leaks intimate pictures of another person, or
takes such pictures without them knowing
• Sending sexual pictures to another person without them agreeing to it.
• Blackmail and Threats of Violence
• If someone threatens to leak pictures or spread rumors if you don’t do
what they say
• If they put pressure to participate in sexual behaviour online
• Threatening sexual violence
• Sexualised Bullying
• Bullying somebody because of their perceived or actual gender or
sexual orientation
- For example: using slurs against their gender or sexual orientation
• Body shaming
• ‘Outing’ i.e. revealing the identity of an LGBTQ+ person without them
agreeing to it.
• Unwanted Sexualisation
• Unwanted sexual comments, jokes
• Altering images to make them sexual
24

4
SEXUALISATION AND ABUSE
Sexualisation refers to the process of making something that is not
sexual, sexual. This is closely linked to objectification, which refers to
viewing a person as a sexual object instead of a human being who
deserves certain rights and has feelings. Together, these processes
create an environment where people can be viewed as sexual objects to
be consumed by an audience, often without the former’s consent. For
example, when girls are treated differently because their uniform skirts
are ‘too short,’ they are being made into sexual objects, even though
there is nothing inherently sexual about their legs and it is likely
happening without their consent.
Sexualisation and objectification is
widespread in the media, helping to
spread certain ideas about sexual
activity, gender, and consent. The
presence of features like item numbers
and female characters who exist only to
sell sex onscreen spreads the idea that
women’s bodies are inherently sexual,
and exist only to please a largely male
audience, whether it is men onscreen or
in our daily lives. As a result, women
come to be seen not as human being
deserving of key rights, freedoms, and
dignities, but as objects for male
consumption. This can also help spread
ideas related to child sexual abuse. For
example, if women are seen as inherently
sexual, a perpetrator may justify their
actions by saying the survivor (if female)
was tempting them by her very existence.
In general, since sexualisation and
objectification lead to an environment
where men are seen as superior to
people of all other genders, they create
an environment where sexual abuse is
easier to carry out and justify.
25

4
HOW TROLLING CENSORS
We are all so used to seeing trolls in comment sections, we probably
don’t notice them. These are those deliberately offensive comments that
some people find funny, as they lead to a lot of arguments.
Trolling may seem irrelevant to some people, but it has lasting effects on
not just the person being trolled but the social media platform in general.
How?
Firstly, when you attack somebody’s identity and not their ideas it makes
it very difficult to have any conversation.
For Example: If a woman posts about climate change, and if someone
says ‘oh women shouldn’t have opinions’; even if it was meant to be a
joke, it doesn’t add to the debate in any way.
Many people are threatened with physical harm (for example: rape
threats) and are made to fear for their safety.
It also impacts their mental health as they have to face attacks on their
identity, appearance and safety. As a result, many times people are forced
to leave social media platforms.
Frequently, it is people from marginalised groups like women, minority
religions, scheduled castes or the LGBTQ community who face the worst
in terms of online harassment.
When they leave social media platforms like Twitter or are afraid to voice
their opinions, their unequal status in society is reinforced.
For example: If in our drawing rooms we are used to seeing the men talk
while the women listen, the same thing begins to happen online.
Social media is where our generation is coming up with ideas and
solutions for the future we want. If the voices that have been suppressed
for generations are not given a platform on social media, we will continue
to live in an unequal world.
26

4
HOW TO MAKE THE INTERNET SAFER
Here are a few ways through which you can make the internet safer
In Debates:
- Focus on the Argument!
Don’t name call or attack the person you are arguing with. It doesn’t help
prove your point and just makes it seem like you don’t have any way to
defeat their argument.
Focus on what the person has to say and find faults in their logic.
- Not Everything is Open to Debate to Everyone!
Just because someone is posting about it doesn’t mean that they want to
debate you on it. For Example: If a trans person is posting about trans
rights, they may not feel comfortable explaining their identity to you. If you
have questions, respectfully ask them if they can talk to you about them.
Don’t force your opinions on anyone!
Check Your Privilege
If you are an English-speaking person from a middle-class family, chances
are you are already at an advantage online.
Stop Body Shaming!
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it. Your humor shouldn’t
come at the cost of someone else’s self-esteem. Even if it is about a celebrity
who wouldn’t be reading your comments, it still might harm other people
reading your comments.
Block+Report Predators
If you are a minor being approached by an adult/
another minor with unwanted sexual comments or
photographs, block and report them using social
media tools. You can also refer to the Legal section
for other options.
Sometimes people don’t make very obvious sexual
advances, but keep messaging you or using other
ways to contact you even when you have made it
clear that you are not interested. It is okay to block
them. You don’t have to be polite at the price of
your safety or comfort.
27

4
Know Who You Are Talking To
Catfishing is when someone uses a fake identity and pictures to get to know you.
A 43 year old man can pretend to be a 15 year old girl with no way to immediately
verify who they are. If you choose to make online friends, be sure that the person
is who they say are.
CANCEL CULTURE
Cancel Culture is a form of online public
shaming, when someone (usually a
celebrity) is boycotted for their
controversial opinions/past.
If you find out that somebody whose music
or movies you loved is racist or
misogynistic it is natural for you to not
want to support them anymore.
However, cancel culture is when on social
media, for a couple of days everybody talks
about boycotting a celebrity. After a few
weeks, all is forgotten and forgiven.
We cancel people because they have said
something abusive and harmful but they
are too powerful and distant to really hold
them accountable in any other way.
There are however questions we should ask ourselves:
• Does cancel culture assume that there is no room for growth?
- That is, if someone said something offensive a while back, does the
culture assume that they could not have educated themselves on the issue.
- If they have just made harmful comments, does cancel culture encourage
them to fix their ways and be a positive example for others?
• When somebody we like is offensive, do we give them more benefit of the
doubt than when it is someone we don’t like?
- Is our judgement and participation unbiased?
• If not boycott, how can we hold our celebrities accountable? Does public
shaming of others prevent people from saying abusive and harmful things?
28

5
The Rise of Cyberbullies
At some point or the other we have all seen
the good, the bad and the ugly of social media
platforms. They often act as breeding grounds
of bad behaviour due to anonymous identities
and lack of responsibility. Since people from
every age group interact on the same platform,
young users often fall prey to inappropriate
content. This exposure can not only influence
someone’s behaviour but (unknowingly) trickle
into their social relationships thus forming a
bubble of incorrect information generated
without care. The misinformation,
misjudgement and ill-motivated behaviour
eventually snowball into cyberbullying.
29

5
DECODING CYBERBULLYING
What is Cyberbullying
The law defines cyberbullying as an “aggressive, intentional act carried out
by a group or individual, using electronic forms of contact, repeatedly and
over time against a victim who cannot easily defend themselves.”
It contains these 3 core ingredients:
Imbalance of power (They have control)
Repetition of the act (They keep coming back)
Intent to harm (There is motivation)
30

5
Cyberbullying includes and is not limited to throwing insulting remarks, teasing,
threatening, through online spaces by the use of digital devices such as mobile
phones, laptops, etc. It can be done either through personal messages or open
forums targeting one’s social identity markers like gender, sexual orientation,
place of birth, etc. One’s body, personal habits, family, background and any
other element can get targeted. Cyberbullying has the power to be more harmful
than in-person bullying, since online spaces enable bullies to harass or
intimidate without physical limits and give them the tool of anonymity.
YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE
Statistics
India has been ranked as the country facing the highest cyberbullying in the
Asia Pacific region, more than Australia and Japan. Close to 52% of Indian
children have hinted at being bullied on social media — again the highest of
the four countries surveyed. As many as 65% have witnessed cruel behaviour
online. Two-thirds of teenagers who face online harassment have also
witnessed others joining in. More than one-fifth of the teens report to have
joined the harassment themselves.
31

5
IT’S LAWFULLY AWFUL SOMETIMES
Despite the alarming statistics on cyberbullying and harassment, there is no
specific law which protects you against cyber abuse. In the eyes of law, there
are no serious consequences for teenage or underage persons displaying
abusive behaviour. This lack of accountability calls for the urgent need to
have a comprehensive law in India. Non-legal and reformative approaches
(instead of punishments) can make the much-needed difference. Civic spaces
and organisations can step in with their well-studied methods to address the
reformations of pre-teen and teens.
For instance: Government has a dedicated email address for
women and children to file complaints related to abusive
behaviour, harassment and hateful conduct on social media.
Such complaints may be sent to complaint-mwcd@gov.in.
LAWS
Cyberbullying is a broad umbrella covering cyber harassment, cyber stalking,
revenge, defamation and hacking. Although there is no specific law fighting
against it, not all hope is lost! There are laws which do govern the harassment
you face on the internet. Here are some of those laws which may come handy -
Under the Indian Penal Code, 1860
Section 354D; Stalking:
Following or spying on someone
via electronic communication
(social media) with the intention to
establish a personal connection
despite clear lack of consent.
*refer to QR code for link
32

5
Section 354C; Voyeurism:
Capturing image(s) or video(s) of
someone engaging in a private act
and publishing it without consent.
Section 66 E of the Information and
Technology Act, 2000 (IT Act)
forbids intentional and
non-consensual violation of one’s
privacy via electronic medium.
Section 499; Defamation:
If something published online is
harmful to their reputation, they can
lodge a complaint. Section 67 of the
IT Act prohibits the publication or
transmitting of obscene material in
electronic form. While 67A
emphasises on sexually-charged
materials, 67B focuses on sexually
explicit materials displaying children.
Section 509:
Verbal abuse or using sexually
charged comments is unlawful.
33

5
Section 507:
Threatening someone anonymously
is barred under the law. Section 66C
of the IT Act protects against Identity
Theft (stealing one’s identity).
The Protection of Children from
Sexual Offences Act, 2012 (POCSO
Act)
If you are a minor i.e. less than 18
years of age, this Act provides
blanket protection from any form of
sexual harassment, sexual assault or
sexual abuse both offline and online.
YOU’VE GOT THE POWER
How to report CyberBullying
If you are/have been a victim of bullying, take the following steps without any
hesitation or worries about any consequences under the law:
Record:
Save the contact details of the bully as evidence and block the number to
prevent any further communication.
34

5
Screenshot/
Screen-Recording:
It is always useful to keep
screenshots or recordings to
present as legitimate proof against
the abuser.
Conversation:
Talk about your experience can be of
help. Preferably, someone older like
your parents or teachers. If they’re not
a safe point of contact please
approach some other adult!
ONE STEP AT A TIME
You did nothing wrong
Report the account using the tools on social media platforms. If you
face bullying through phone calls, you can report the number to the
service provider.
35

5
Next, a complaint can be lodged at the cybercrime cell of the local
police. You can register a complaint against a cybercrime with any of
the cyber cells in India, irrespective of the place where it was originally
committed. (You will find the details at the end of this chapter)
While filing the complaint, you will need to provide your name, contact
details, and mail address which is used to keep you updated with the
case. You also need to address the written complaint to the Head of the
Cyber Crime Cell of the respective city.
If you have faced online harassment, you should approach a legal
counsel who will help you in registering the complaint to avoid
difficulties. There are legal collectives listed later that you can refer
to for free legal aid.
If you are unable to reach cyber cells, you can register a First
Information Report (FIR) at the nearest Police Station. They cannot
refuse you under the law.
36

5
REGISTERING AN ONLINE CYBERCRIME
COMPLAINT
“National Cyber Crime Reporting Portal” was recently launched as a one-stop
centre for reporting any cybercrime in India. Although the portal is specifically
meant for cyber-crimes, you can easily access and register your complaints
online.
Complaints reported on these portals are dealt by law enforcement agencies/
police based on the information available in the complaints.
Always provide correct
and accurate details
while filing a complaint
for swift action.
*refer to QR code for link
You can choose
to report
anonymously!
37

5
CHECKLIST OF A CYBER-HERO
What is required while registering a cyber complaint?
I have typed out a brief of the incident already
I have copies of the original e-mails/messages (screenshots or
otherwise)
I have also registered a complaint on the digital platform (e.g.
Instagram or Facebook) where the alleged content was posted.
I have informed one or more adult individual(s) and kept them informed
DID YOU KNOW:
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and YouTube have a strict
and clear mechanism for redressal of complaints.
38

6
A respectful environment can be
thought of as a place (or space) where
you feel recognised and valued. It is
important because it gives you a sense
of dignity. If people feel included and are
treated with dignity, it can help reduce
conflict. In online spaces there is no
authority which makes it easier for
trolling and cyberbullying to take place.
Here, it is important to take on the
responsibility ourselves.
39

6
What Does It Mean To Be Respectful?
Different cultures and people have different criteria for respect. ‘Being
respectful’ changes with different social environments. Hugging a
co-worker at office can be inappropriate and even seen as harassment as
compared to a wedding, where it would be acceptable. Hence, it is important
to pay attention to what others feel comfortable with and mostly, what you
feel comfortable with!
Who Stands To Benefit?
A respectful environment is ideally one of equals. Everybody is deserving of
equal amounts of respect and basic dignity. In society however, some
people are more powerful than others. Sometimes being ‘disrespectful’
(maybe calling out an abusive elder) can also mean moving towards a more
respectful environment (protection from abusive actions and words).
Demanding Respect
In a respectful environment we respect others and they respect us.
However, this is not always true in the real world.
Firstly, it is important that you feel worthy of respect
Our environment sometimes makes us believe that unless we get certain
grades, look a certain way or maybe are of a certain age, it is okay for
others to make fun of us and push us around.
This is not true. Everybody needs to be accorded dignity.
What does that mean?
Here are some examples:
If somebody disagrees with your opinions, you
should not be attacked for it personally.
However, this is a tricky area, because your
opinion sometimes may deny someone else
their dignity. In such a situation, it is important
to assert your demand for respect while also
Activity: ensuring What that are you some don’t jokes make or someone stereotypes else that create an unsafe or
unequal feel ‘small’ environment or like they for don’t women? deserve respect.
40

6
If you are speaking, you
deserve to be heard out.
Your identity (eg:
religious/gender/sexuality/caste)
should not be mocked.
ACTIVITY: Think of 3 more examples of what it means for you to be treated
with dignity.
Secondly, it is okay to remove yourself from environments that are disrespectful.
For example, if a friend makes fun of your weight or complexion, cutting ties with
them doesn’t make you a bad person. If you choose to continue to be friends,
you are not a ‘softie’ or ‘too sensitive’ by asking them to stop. You know your
worth and you are demanding it!
It is not always possible to cut ties immediately or have a confrontation.
Sometimes it may be somebody who is more powerful- a teacher, parent or an
employer. Here, it is okay to reach out for help from other authorities. There may
be times when you feel unsafe, such as experiencing or being threatened with
physical violence. Reaching out for help doesn’t make you a betrayer or bad
person.
CONSENT AND BOUNDARIES
Conversations around consent usually focus more on sexual consent, that is,
engaging in sexual acts only when the parties involved give active and
enthusiastic permission to do so.
41

6
Sexual consent is freely
given (i.e without coercion
or force);
reversible (people can
change their mind and
withdraw consent any time
they wish to);
informed; being honest
enthusiastic (when it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT
to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do) and;
specific (consenting to one thing does not mean consenting to another).
Sexual interactions without consent is considered rape or sexual assault,
both of which are punishable by law.
On the other hand, non-sexual consent goes beyond sexual behaviour and
interactions. It can be something as simple as asking if you can sit next to
someone on the bus or asking a friend if they are comfortable getting a hug.
The basic idea is to be kind, empathetic and respectful.
Let us look at some examples of Non-sexual Consent
Non-sexual Touch
It can be difficult to say no to physical contact like hugging and kissing in a
non-sexual context, as these actions are considered 'culturally polite'. Hugging
someone without consent just to be polite can have unintended
consequences. People can be unwilling towards physical touch due to
personal reasons like past trauma or their defined personal boundaries.
Therefore, the touch can induce stress or discomfort. Another common
manifestation of disregard for consent surrounding touch is tickling. It is
considered funny and friendly although it might be violating someone’s
personal space. The automatic laughter produced while being tickled does
not necessarily mean comfort or joy. The easiest way to ensure that you are
not crossing any boundaries is to ask.
If you are on the receiving end of a non-sexual touch that makes you
uncomfortable, it is important to voice this discomfort in a safe environment
so that people can change their behaviour of interaction. Clear communication
is key here.
42

6
Sharing of Information/ Photographs
Clicking or sharing photographs of someone without their knowledge is another
violation of non-sexual consent. Not everybody wants to appear in an image,
especially one that could be widely circulated. It is natural for people to want to
protect their privacy. For those with body image issues, seeing their pictures
being taken or circulated could potentially unsettle them. Just like you require
consent to touch someone, you also need it to photograph them. Even if you
know the person you are photographing, they should have total control over
where their picture is shared.
The same logic can be applied to information. If
someone reveals personal information about
themselves, it is imperative that you keep that
information to yourself. People protect sensitive
information for a variety of reasons and
respecting their wishes is basic decency.
Forcing Discussions
Pressuring someone to discuss something also violates the other person’s
comfort zone. It is important to let people know that they are under no
obligation to talk about things if they do not wish to because and can leave
leave the conversation if they feel the need to.
Forcing someone to share information is a
common violation of non-sexual consent.
People must feel safe and comfortable
before you engage in sensitive and personal
conversations.
ACTIVITY: Think of 3 examples from
everyday life that could be possible
violations of non-sexual consent. Then,
think of simple steps you could take to
prevent this from happening among your
family and peer groups. Start the
conversation!
43

6
What Does It Mean To Draw Your Boundaries?
Understanding personal boundaries can be
slightly challenging. However, Drawing -
Setting - Communicating (DSC) boundaries
is essential for our health, well-being, and
safety. Boundaries give us a sense of
control over our physical space, body and
feelings. They are indicative of our limits in
various settings - personal space, sexuality,
emotions and thoughts. They can be
shaped by our rights, values and needs.
While setting boundaries, it is good to go
with your gut. If something doesn't feel right
to you, it probably isn't good for you.
Key steps to help establish boundaries-
Be assertive- your personal boundaries are non-negotiable.
No bargains!
Learn to say no- refuse to indulge in any activity that affects your
personal comfort zone
Get assistance or support- reach out to mental health professionals or
a responsible adult if someone crosses your boundaries, provoking a
negative response
How To Identify Someone Else’s Boundaries and Not Be Intrusive
Being aware and communicative always helps in respecting someone else's
boundaries. These steps should be your general guide-
44

6
Read social and physical cues- people often communicate/indicate
their discomfort through visible cues.
For example, if raising your voice at someone makes them jump, flinch
or avoid eye contact, you are probably crossing a boundary.
Ask! If you think your actions could be potential stressors to someone,
ask them.
NAVIGATING HUMOR
While humour is a very common part of our interactions, it can often be
insensitive and hurt feelings. While your intentions matter, they do not reduce
the damage a harmful joke can do. So, before you make a joke that could be
potentially harmful, take a minute to ask yourself the following questions:
Does my joke make fun of somebody’s appearance/identity/beliefs/
experiences?
A person’s appearance, identity, beliefs and experiences are always significant
and can often be sensitive topics to talk about.
People are usually conscious about their appearance. Before saying something
about someone’s appearance, ask yourself if you are pointing out something
that they can change in the next few minutes, and if they cannot, you probably
shouldn’t say anything. For example, if someone has food stuck in their teeth,
tell them! They can easily fix that. But if someone has acne on their face,
pointing it out would only make them feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.
Personal identity and beliefs are established over time and are subjective
experiences. They can be both positive and negative. This can make humour
around identity seem insensitive to many people.
45

6
Remember, context matters! Everyone is entitled to a safe space where they
can speak freely, but make sure you know your audience. Your humour cannot
come at the cost of someone’s discomfort.
Do I personally find their appearance/identity/beliefs/experiences wrong or
unappealing?
YES: Is it my place to ridicule them/ does that contribute to my environment?
NO: Am I normalising ridiculing them for others?
Would I consider this bullying?
If roles were reversed and you were on the receiving end of the joke, how
would you feel? Ask yourself this and you will immediately know whether or
not your joke was appropriate.
Is the person participating in this joke or is it hurtful?
Are you joking with someone or at the expense of someone? Just introspect!
You can always take the extra step and make sure you do not make the people
in your life uncomfortable by:
APOLOGISING
When to Apologise?
So you said something mean or did something bad. You are feeling guilty.
Maybe you have lost friends because of it. Should you apologise?
46

6
47

Sometimes you do something you believe in. For example, maybe you called out
an abuser. In such situations often people put pressure on you to feel guilty and
apologise. That doesn’t mean that you have to be sorry about what you did. In
other situations, you harm or hurt other people, intentionally or unintentionally. In
such situations, sometimes you feel guilty and want to apologise. Other times,
you are expected to but don’t feel the need to.
6
HOW TO APOLOGISE
Express Remorse:
“I am sorry”
Do not beat around the bush. Clearly state the fact that you recognise the
harm or hurt you may have caused.
It is very important to hold yourself accountable.
Phrases such as “I am sorry my words made you feel like..” should be
avoided as they tend to shift the blame onto the other person’s
interpretation of your words and actions.
Take Responsibility:
“It is my fault.. how can I make this better?”
Taking responsibility is not just admitting that you made a mistake but
making an active effort to improve.
This can include asking the person how you can gain back their trust or
make amends.
48

6
Don’t Demand Forgiveness
It is up to the person you hurt to accept your apology. It is important to
give them space to reflect on your words and make a decision. If they
refuse to accept your apology it is not fair to blame them for it.
Make A Change
Recognising your hurtful behavior is not just about the sole incident.
Reflect on your actions in general. Maybe you have a tendency to lose
your temper or say hurtful things as a joke. Use this as an opportunity to
work on yourself and even look for professional sources like therapy if
you feel your tendencies may be severely impacting your life.
BEING APOLOGISED TO
When being apologised to we often feel the pressure to move past the incident
and accept the apology. However, it is your decision. Some pointers that can help
make this decision are:
Are They Holding Themselves Accountable?
Is the person shifting blame onto you by saying you perceived things
incorrectly?
Do they repeatedly make the same mistake/ hurt people in a similar
manner and apologise later?
49

6
Do They Recognise How They Hurt You?
Is the person apologising just to fix the situation or do they
understand how and why their actions hurt you? For example, if a
sibling lashed out at you, are they apologising because they see
their mistake or because your parents scolded them?
Will Accepting The Apology Make You Feel Better?
Especially in severe cases, is the apology enough or would you
prefer legal action?
SOURCES
https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/11/practice-consent-beyond-sex/
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
https://www.google.co.in/amp/s/ewn.co.za/2018/10/05/listen-practice-consent-i
n-everyday-life-not-just-in-a-sexual-context/amp
https://theswaddle.com/how-to-ask-for-non-sexual-consent/
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/sexual-consent
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/set-boundaries#intro
50

7
The Prevention of Abuse, at an everyday
level, can be facilitated through:
Understanding consent;
Recognising abuse, and;
Taking action as a bystander.
However, it’s important to keep in mind
that while precautions can help prevent
abuse, sexual violence will only end
when abusers stop abusing.
51

7
EXERCISE
Try to split the following into ‘consensual’ and ‘non-consensual’:
Someone you’re attracted to sexually is in a state
where they are unable to respond to you asking for
their consent (say they are asleep, intoxicated, etc.),
you kiss them anyway.
You are dancing with someone and they seem to be
enjoying themselves, you touch them intimately.
You ask someone everytime you wish to engage in a
sexual activity.
Your sexual interest is unsure whether they want to
engage in that capacity with you, you continue to ask
them and they finally agree.
Everytime you engage in a sexual activity with a
particular partner you ask whether they’re comfortable
with the activity performed before continuing.
52

7
WHAT IS CONSENT?
An agreement between two (or more!) individuals to participate in sex is
consent. Consent and comfort in a sexual situation can be expressed in
many manners:
Verbal, where everything is expressed out loud via cues
such as ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘stop’, ‘continue’, etc.
no!
Non-verbal, through in-person actions and expressions such as moving
away, delaying the act, or looking uncertain
Simply, consent is not the absence of a ‘no’ but the presence of a ‘yes’
HOW DOES CONSENT WORK IN REAL LIFE?
Remember - consent is about communication. Always keep in mind your
partners comfort.
The giving of consent for one act does not imply consent for further
activities, or even a repeating of the same act. For example, agreeing to a
kiss does not mean your partner has permission to remove your clothes;
having sex with someone once does not qualify as permission for the same
to happen in the future. Never assume a ‘maybe’ to be a ‘yes’.
You can change your mind at any time.
Consent once given, can also be taken away. If you feel any kind of
discomfort you can withdraw it at any point.
It is always best to wait for a clear green signal and we should feel safe
enough to stop our partner at any point.
53

7
WHAT CONSENT LOOKS LIKE OVER
THE INTERNET?
Over the internet, never forget to maintain verbal communication;
no explicit images should be sent, saved or shared without prior permission
from the receiver or sender. Again, consent should never be assumed, if it is
once given an individual should never consider that as a ‘pass’ for any
future interactions.
WHAT POSITIVE CONSENT CAN LOOK LIKE:
Consent and comfort in a sexual situation can be expressed in many
manners:
When the nature or degree
of activity performed is
preceded by asking your
partner a simple ‘Is this
okay?’ or ‘Is it okay if I…?”
.
Using physical cues to
express comfort.
.
54

7
Agreement to participating in
particular, explicitly with a
‘yes’ or any other affirmative
statement, like ‘I’m open to
trying’.
.
While texting, asking ‘Can I
send you a picture of xyz?’
and waiting for permission
before engaging.
.
WHAT IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE:
Assuming that consent is
a given due to obtaining
it in the past.
.
55

7
Assuming that certain clothes,
flirting, or kissing is an
invitation for anything more.
.
Someone being unable to give
consent due to being too
intoxicated, asleep, or any
other state of being where
they are not fully conscious.
.
Trying to sexually engage
with someone who is under
the legal age of consent,
as defined by the state.
.
Refusing to acknowledge
“no”.
.
Coercing someone into
doing something they don’t
want to do.
.
56

7
CONSENT IS AS SIMPLE (READ: AS
DELICIOUS) AS FRIES!
Freely given. Doing something
sexual with someone is a decision
that should be made without
pressure, force, manipulation, or
while drunk or high.
Example: “We have been dating
for so long… why can’t we have
sex” puts pressure on the person
and them saying yes in response
may not qualify as freely given.
Reversible. Anyone can change
their mind about what they want to
do, at any time. Even if you’ve
done it before or are in the middle
of having sex.
Informed. Be honest.
example, if someone says they’ll
use a condom and then they don’t,
that’s not consent.
Enthusiastic. If someone isn’t
excited, or really into it, that’s
not consent.
Specific. Saying yes to one thing
(like going to the bedroom to make
out) doesn’t mean they’ve said yes
to others (like oral sex).
57

7
BYSTANDER INTERVENTION
Bystanders are people who see something happening but aren’t directly
involved in the action or event. Example, being witness to an arrest makes you
a bystander
Types of Bystanders
Everyone in the world is a potential bystander. There are however, different kinds
of bystanders.
Passive Bystander: Those that ignore the situation.
Active Bystanders: Those that try and make it stop.
Participants: Those that only worsen the situation.
BYSTANDER INTERVENTION - WHAT IS IT?
Being an active bystander, or directly engaging with the situation, is an important
factor in preventing sexual abuse and violence. It can involve :
.
Recognising, naming and stopping situations that could lead to
harassment.
Helping victims in high risk situations by speaking up, providing
distractions, causing disruptions or even calling out for external help.
Expressing empathy towards survivors, believing others when they feel
uncomfortable or hurt.
Aiding others in responding to problematic situations.
Speaking out and opposing remarks, behaviours, or actions that
strengthen a culture that promotes abuse as acceptable or eventual.
.
58

7
There are many, many goals that bystander intervention aspires to achieve.
Bystanders ought to know when (and why) to engage. There are usually four
stages one goes through before deciding whether to act or not:
Keeping personal safety in mind, as a bystander, you should:
. Approach everyone in a friendly manner.
Be as honest, empathetic and direct as possible.
Try to de-escalate the situation.
Use violence only when absolutely necessary.
Not use antagonizing language or make accusatory gestures.
Ask help from others.
Know when to call for professional assistance.
. 59

7
PRACTICAL INTERVENTION 101
Here are some strategies and actions one might find useful
.
General Strategies
.
Seperate them
.
Provide a distraction
.
Delay the situation
.
Directly Intervene
.
Make a Scene
.
Specific Actions
.
“You don’t look too great.”
“I’m concerned about what’s
happening here.”
.
“Hey we need to talk for a minute.”
“Did you get a chance to catch XYZ’s
episode last night?”
.
“Hey buddy your nose is bleeding.”
“There’s something weird on your
back…looks like paint.”
“What you said is . not acceptable.”
“You are being inappropriate and
need to watch your step.”
“Get away from my sister/brother!”
“That’s my girlfriend/boyfriend,
.
what are you doing?”
Call in the Professionals
.
Contact Helplines
.
60
.

7
EXERCISE
You are at a party. Everyone seems to be having a good time until you
see a friend talking to someone in a way that concerns you. Your friend is
holding this person by the wrist and they seem to be pulling away. Your
friend won’t let go. The person is laughing, but it appears to be out of
nervousness rather than enjoyment. Although you can’t hear what’s
being said, you think that your friend may be trying to push them into
hooking up. You can see that both people are pretty drunk. What can you
do? Make a list of possible actions you can take.
Right before being an active bystander, however, comes the recognition
of abuse by the individual. It must be understood that this major problem
of sexual violence is raised from the ground up, like a pyramid. There are
several factors that contribute to it and its prevalence in our society.
Here is what sexual abuse and violence can look like
Trigger Warning :
Rape jokes. Using ‘rape’ as a joke, desensitises and normalises
sexual assault. E.g. saying, “that chicken was so spicy, it raped
my colon”
Locker room talk. The objectification of people in exclusive spaces,
such as ‘locker rooms’. People are removed of all identity, they are
made to sound like mere objects for sex.
Slut-shaming. Judging someone for however regularly they engage in
sex does not help the taboo status of sex, which in turn facilitates
rape culture.
61

7
Victim-blaming. We should always hold the perpetrators accountable.
Telling victims that they should have done something differently or
worn something more ‘appropriate’ are just two examples of victim
blaming. No one should have to be blamed for suffering through the
trauma that is sexual harassment.
The above image shows how something as ‘small’ is a cog in the larger
scheme of things, contributing to the worst of implications.
Stage 1: Beliefs and Attitudes. Sexual violence rarely occurs out of the blue, it
starts with well-established beliefs about other people, including - objectificaiton,
transphobia, homophobia, sexism, castism and other such prejudices and
phobias. As these beliefs are internalised, individuals move up the pyramid.
62

7
Stage 2: Microaggressions are called so not because they are small, but
because they are so normalised in our culture. They represent the daily
inequalities faced by those who have less power in society. Such as,
someone from a lower caste being told that they are ‘lucky’ to be able to
benefit from reservation.
Stage 3: Verbal expression. People with prejudiced attitudes will eventually
get verbal with them, very often through jokes and stereotypes. This sense
of entitlement is internalised, causing them to become okay with the
dehumanisation of others.
Stage 4: Physical expression. This is where sexual violence happens. Due
to their perceived superiority, offenders begin to believe that it's well within
their rights to use sex as a means to exercise control over the people
‘below’ them, often justifying their assault by claiming the victim/ survivor
did something to deserve it. This is often accompanied with a lack of
responsibility for the crime, sometimes even failing to recognise their crime
as assault.
It is important to remember that as an active bystander one must engage in
all of the above mentioned activities, call out friends that are behaving in
inappropriate manners, engage with conversation with them so that they
recognise their mistake. Spread information regarding what one can do to
prevent sexual violence and abuse. Monitor your own activities, catch
yourself before you say something insensitive. We have all been raised in a
very particular environment where certain things have been normalised; no,
you are not being ‘too sensitive’, you are being the right amount of
sensitive! You are respecting others’ bodies, you are helping in breaking
down ideas and walls that have aided in hurting a great many people and
communities.
WHY DON’T PEOPLE HELP MORE OFTEN?
Being an active bystander is not always easy, even when one is aware that it is
the right thing to do, their hesitation is understandable. A few examples
highlighting why one might want to remain passive and on the sidelines are:
“I don’t want to cause a scene.” “I don’t want my friend to be mad at me.”
“It’s not my business.”
“I’m sure someone else will step in.”
“I don’t know what to do or what to say.”
63

7
These thoughts are perfectly valid, but one must understand that the individual's
actions can have a big impact. Small actions from your side could prevent
offences and crimes such as sexual abuse from happening in the first place
Remember - Your actions matter
By stepping in and actively engaging you are changing the way people think
about their responsibilities and roles in preventing sexual violence, irrespective
of whatever actions you take have a significant impact or not.
AGE GAPS:
Power Imbalance Manipulation Legal
Age gaps can be tricky to negotiate, it’s easy to get swept off your feet by some
one older praising you. It is, however, important to keep in mind that the larger
the age gap, the larger the potential imbalances in power. ‘Power’ here is meant
to signify the individuals freedom wrt bodily autonomy as well as their say in the
relationship; many times the younger is not respected as an equal partner, is not
able to participate in the relationship at an equal footing and is often belittled
and gaslit by the older. You see, since birth we are taught to respect authority
which, very often, is synonymous with an ‘elder’, someone older than you in
age. We internalise this as we grow, rendering its effects less visible in everyday
life. One may not know it but they are inherently extremely susceptible to
manipulation. Legal ages of consent are established as it is widely believed that
a certain age must be arrived at before an individual truly understands consent
in all of its entirety.
Sources
http://www.uwyo.edu/reportit/if-assault-happens/bystander-intervention.html
http://wiki.preventconnect.org/workshop-exercises-and-activities-on-violence-against-women-prevention/
https://students.ubc.ca/ubclife/you-can-prevent-sexual-violence-our-community
https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
https://www.bustle.com/p/10-things-that-are-not-consent-because-apparently-were-still-unclear-about-it-49282
https://www.rainn.org/articles/your-role-preventing-sexual-assault
https://socialsciences.exeter.ac.uk/media/universityofexeter/collegeofsocialsciencesandinternationalstudies/rese
arch/interventioninitiative/resources/PyramidDiscriminationViolence.pdf
https://amaze.org/video/personal-safety-what-is-sexual-harassment/
https://amaze.org/video/healthy-relationships-maybe-doesnt-mean-yes/
64

8
When somebody in your life harms
another, it is important that they (the
perpetrator) is made to acknowledge the
consequences of their actions. Helping
rectify the belief that it was okay to say
or do what they did is a part of holding
someone accountable.
65

8
1
INTENT VS IMPACT
INTENT
IMPACT
What someone meant to
communicate or do with a
statement or action.
The actual impact of that
statement or action. Often,
seemingly ‘harmless’ words or
actions can hurt someone
else.
Choosing intent over impact
justifies harmful actions as long
as they were well-intentioned.
Choosing impact over intent
means affording the person
who has been harmed with the
right to be upset, and affirms
that the mistake made has to
be corrected.
These statements prioritize
intent over impact;
“I didn’t mean it!” “You always
take everything so seriously, I
was just joking.” “I just meant
that …”
These statements prioritize
impact over intent;
“I realize what I said was
offensive to ____ and I’m
sorry.” “I know I didn’t mean it
that way, but I’m sorry that it
came across the way it did.”
Activity: What are some jokes or stereotypes that create an unsafe or
unequal environment for women?
66

8
2
CALLING IN VS. CALLING OUT
CALLING IN
CALLING OUT
This assumes it is possible
for people to change.
This assumes people can’t
change how they think and
act, or that they can, but you
don’t have the responsibility
to make them change.
You help someone realise that
their words or actions were
harmful and help them fix
their attitude over time.
This is often a short
conversation where you
briefly and clearly tell the
perpetrator that their actions
were wrong. Explanations are
not always given.
Dialogue:
“I’d like to talk to you about what
you said about ______ the other
day. I think this was harmful
because __________. Are you
open to talking through this with
me?”
Dialogue:
“This is really offensive to
__________. Maybe put
yourself in someone else’s
shoes before you say
something like that.
67

8
You must be in the right
frame of mind to have
difficult conversations
If the conversation upsets
you and is bad for your
mental health, you are not
obligated to have it
The perpetrator must be
willing to listen to you and
change their ways
This takes place when you are
not in the frame of mind to
have an elaborate discussion
The perpetrator doesn’t have
to be willing to listen
You point out what you feel is
wrong without taking the
responsibility of rectifying the
situation. This draws attention
to the matter and/or punishes
the perpetrator publicly
Activity: Who would you feel comfortable calling in? Why?
*Sometimes it may not be possible to call out or call in certain people
because they are positions of authority that directly affect you. For instance,
if you identify as trans and your parents are transphobic, it is valid that you
don't feel comfortable holding them accountable for their beliefs while you
are still dependent on them. Rather than endangering yourself, find or create
support systems to help you when they say something that is harmful or
triggering to you. Your safety is important.
How does calling people in or out differ based on the setting you’re in? The
following flowcharts guide you through various situations and how you can
step in. It is vital to remember that if you do not have the energy or headspace
to do so, or if you are triggered by something that has been said or done, you
do not have to educate the person responsible. In all of the following cases,
someone has just said or done something that offends another individual or
community, whether or not those parties are present in the room.
68

8
00

00
8

8
00

8(B)
8

SEX EDUCATION
Arpan
Arpan offers online courses to learn about sexual health
and navigation of abuse.
https://www.arpanelearn.com
Arpan FAQs for adolescents
This adolescent specific resource by Arpan has an easy to
understand sexual education course that talks about
gender and sexuality too!
https://www.arpanelearn.com/coursedetails.php?id=20
Agents of Ishq
Agents of Ishq is a multi-media project about sex, love
and desire. Or, to put it another way, They make videos,
beautiful images and great audio about sex, love and
desire in India.
http://agentsofishq.com
The YP Foundation
The YP Foundation is a youth run and led organisation
that supports and develops youth leadership to advance
rights of young women, girls and other marginalised
youth. Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights is their
primary focus area. Through this programmatic division,
they strengthen young people's understanding of SRHR
issues and build platforms for young people to advocate
for their rights at local and national level.
https://www.theypfoundation.org/srhr-programmes

MENTAL HEALTH
Sanjivini Society For Mental Health
Sanjivini has some adroit and skillful counsellors who give their
time and effort to the organisation in order to help people who
are going through some form of emotional distress. A registered
voluntary organisation, it addresses mental health issues and
has counselled many folks in the city going through depression,
anxiety or any other mental stress. Their counselling services
are free and completely confidential and the counsellors take
that extra step to follow up on appointments. (Delhi NCR)
http://sanjivinisociety.org
i-Call
A telephone and email based counselling service run by School
of Human Ecology, Tata Institute of Social Sciences, that offers
free telephone and email-based counseling services, to
individuals in emotional and psychological distress, across age,
language, gender, sexual orientation and issues, through a team
of qualified and trained mental health professionals.
Contact No. 022-25521111
The Mind Clan
TheMindClan is a mental health platform dedicated to giving
individuals access to a curated list of tools for mental health
care.
https://themindclan.com
PinkList Mental Health
A list of queer friendly mental health resources curated by Pink
List India. Pink List is an organisation that actively speaks out
on queer issues and pushes for more queer representation in
Indian politics.
https://www.pinklistindia.com/mentalhealth

ONLINE SAFETY
National Cyber Crime Reporting Portal
Government of India's official cyber crime helpline.
https://cybercrime.gov.in/Webform/Helpline.aspx
Social Media Matters
Team of young feminists working for Social change. True believers in
technology, they have been empowering diverse groups. They specialize
in all aspects of Online safety, from policy to capacity building. They
have done Internet safety workshops across India and the globe,
created innovative tech solutions for positive use of social media.
https://www.socialmediamatters.in/online-safety-hub/cyber-helpline
LEGAL
HRLN
"The Human Rights Law Network (HRLN) is a collective of lawyers and
social activists in 26 states in India, dedicated to the use of the legal
system to advance human rights, struggle against violations, and
ensure access to justice for all.
HRLN views the legal system as a limited but crucial instrument for
realising human rights. They believe that large scale struggles against
human rights violations have to be waged by social and political
movements, and that the legal system can play a significant supportive
role in these struggles.
https://hrln.org/who-we-are/
Lawyers Collective
The Lawyers Collective is a group of Lawyers with a mission to
empower and change the status of marginalised groups through the
effective use of law, and an engagement in human rights advocacy,
legal aid and litigation. The Lawyers Collective, actively uses the law as
a tool to address critical issues such as domestic violence, sexual
harassment at the workplace, matrimonial and family related matters,
crimes against women particularly sexual assault and reproductive
rights, rights of the LGBTQ community, access to medicine and health
care.
https://www.lawyerscollective.org/contact

Sources (Chapter 1)
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/transgender
https://transgenderindia.com/category/gender-dysphoria-en/
https://www.genderbread.org/
With Respect To Sex by Gayatri Reddy -
https://press.uchicago.edu/ucp/books/book/chicago/W/bo3534006.html
Sources (Chapter 4)
https://16days.thepixelproject.net/16-ways-you-can-make-online-spaces-safer-for-women/
https://brooklynworks.brooklaw.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=https://www.google.com/&httpsredir=1&arti
cle=1441&context=faculty
https://www.childnet.com/teachers-and-professionals/for-working-with-young-people/hot-topics/online-sexual
-harassment
Sources (Chapter 5)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5914259/
http://www.stopcyberbullying.org/what_is_cyberbullying_exactly.html
https://www.business-standard.com/article/specials/india-a-country-of-cyberbullies-115110501365_1.html
https://www.cry.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Online-Safety-and-Internet-Addiction-p.pdf
Sources (Chapter 8)
https://theconsentcrew.org/2016/05/29/calling-in/
https://www.calcasa.org/2017/04/what-does-transformative-justice-look-like-survivor-focused-trauma-info
rmed-community-accountability-to-ending-sexual-violence/
https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1RT9LeMpCer-esykOZoQMI9Ejx5cWzoBiSOUJLh2FFjI/edit?usp=
sharing

Given the current scenario of sexual harassment on Instagram and other
social media platforms, we wanted to work to create an amalgamation of
resources for teenagers between thirteen to eighteen years of age. These
conversations are long overdue and are the need of the hour.
We have created a resource booklet that is interactive, interesting, easy
and comprehensive. It covers various areas within sex-ed and gives people
avenues to continue studying about these issues.
We think it is imperative that young Indian teenagers have a resource like
this to access when needed. This will be a first stop of sorts for individuals
to learn how to navigate sexual abuse, consent and similar topics especially
in online environments. It also emphasises the importance of practicing
empathetic and consensual behaviour in day to day life.
Aamiya Dhillon (@aamiyadhillon,aamiyadhillon@gmail.com)
Arun Chauhan (@milkcake_, archauhan9984@gmail.com)
Ateen Das (@ekdoateen, ateendas15@gmail.com)
Jailekha Zutshi (@jzutshi, jzutshi@gmail.com)
Shreyashee Roy (@ro.y.flmao, royshreyashee@gmail.com)

Ayushi Gaur (@_ayushi_gaur_, ayushi.gaur@nift.ac.in)
Dipti Jain (@boqwaas, boqwaas@gmail.com)
Freya Gupta (@lovefr3ya, freya.gupta@tufts.edu)
Megha Sharma (@bewakoofladki, sharmamegha103@gmail.com)
Radhika Chauhan (@emptystomachvoiceeruption,
radhika.chauhan1717@gmail.com)
Aamiya Dhillon (@aamiyadhillon, aamiyadhillon@gmail.com)
Ateen Das (@ekdoateen, ateendas15@gmail.com)
Nandini Nalam (@nandini_nalam, nandininalam410@gmail.com)
Shreyashee Roy (@ro.y.flmao, royshreyashee@gmail.com)
Paavani Ojha (@paavaniojha)
Siddhant Talwar (@realsidt)
Co-founders, Mardaangi (mardaangiteam@gmail.com)

Mardaangiisanannualprojecthighlightingdiferent
issuesthatmaleidentifyingindividualsface.
Mardaangitriestoaddresstoxicmasculinityandhelp
malevictimsofsexualassaultwhohavenolegal
provisionsinIndia.Theorganisationhasalsopivoted
toanhelpingpeoplewithsexeducation,resource
colationanddocumentation.
FindusonInstagram @Mardaangi
FindusonInstagram @Mardaangi
Emailusat:mardaangiteam@gmail.com