Superb Collection of Funniest Adult Jokes by Mr. Joke - JokeBook

Superb Collection of Funniest
Adult Jokes by Mr. Joke
A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a
lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt
sorry for him.
"Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so
many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit
back and relax."
The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the
exact same lecture over and over again.
When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated
himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium
and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist
would.
At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are
there any questions?"
One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very
complicated and highly theoretical matter. The chauffeur was panicking silently but
finally managed to pull himself together.
"That, professor, is a very simple question," he answered, "in fact, it is so simple
even my chauffeur can answer it."
intelligent man
Paddy was the most intelligent man in Ireland. He was the president of the Irish
branch of Mensa and he had won a million pounds on Who wants to be a Millionaire,
and was Professor of astrophysics at the Paddy Institute of Technology.
One day, he was in the pub and his mates were telling him that he should appear on
Mastermind, the quiz where the most intelligent men on the planet, show their
superior brainpower. So he filled in the forms and sure enough was called up, and
over to London he went to appear on the show.
The moment came when he was called up to the chair, to be questioned.
"Paddy, what is your specialist subject?"
"Irish History."
"Paddy your minute starts now. Who was the leader of the Irish Revolution?"

"Pass."
"In what year was the revolution?"
"Pass."
"How many men died during the Easter Revolution?"
"Pass."
"What was the name of the British informer who helped the rebels?"
"Pass."
All of a sudden his friend stood up in the audience and roared, "Good man Paddy, tell
the fu**ing English nothing."
golfing priest..............
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches
and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to
let the second guy join him. Both are even after the first couple of holes.
The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five
bucks a hole?"
The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet, but agrees to
the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off
of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro
at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.
The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to
which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest
back his money.
The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.
You keep your winnings."
The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation.
Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."
Cola Posters!
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident
that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a

problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through
3 posters...
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and
fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally
refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that
Arabs read from right to left..."
packer fun
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his
binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what
a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers
fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you
didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
20 years
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She puts on
her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table
with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the
wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's
the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at
this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago When we were
dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car.............?""Yes, I
remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband
continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either
you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?".
"I remember that too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have been released today"
..............................................
Dark were those days, without your sight.

When I was in darkness, you gave me light.
You gave me strength 2 make life bright.
Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT ..
The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I
would be home by midnight ..promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30
a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo
clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was
really proud of myself, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to
escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her twelve o'clock.
She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me
that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last
night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit," cuckooed 4 more times,
cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
farted."
__________________
Hillary and Clinton..........
Old but it is good..
Hillary dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there
are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here.
St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a
person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one-second. St. Peter explains that the one clock
has never moved because it belonged to mother Theresa and she never told a lie her
whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two
lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked.
Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?"
St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is Jesus' office. He's using it as a fan."
__________________
Musharraf and Vajpaaee
> General Musharaf, Vajpayee, Aishwarya Rai and Margaret Thatcher are
> sitting in a train. The train suddenly goes through a tunnel and it gets
> completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The
> train comes out of the tunnel. Both women and Gen Musharraf are sitting
> there looking perplexed. Vajpayee is bent over holding his face, which
>is
> red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says
> anything.

> Thatcher is thinking:
>
> "These Indians are all crazy after Aishwarya. Vajpayee must have tried
>to
> kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."
>
> Aishwarya is thinking:
>
> "Vajpayee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Margaret instead and
>got
> slapped."
>
> Vajpayee is thinking:
>
> "Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss Aishwarya, she must have
> thought it was me and slapped my face. "
>
> Musharraf is thinking:
>
> "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and
slap Vajpayee again."
>
__________________
Colored or Not?
A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only
black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white
man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then
said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."

"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And you have the nerve to call me colored"
The black man then sat back down and the white man
walked away...
__________________
BLOOD TEST
Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying
like anything. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one
replied, "I came here for blood test". Second one asked, "So? Are you
afraid?" First one replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they
cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
.................................................. .....
Once a sardar called his girlfriend and said "Darling,
come home, no one's at my house." When his girlfriend reaches his
house,
she finds it locked
.......................
this one is old but good..
100 sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only
one sardar left alive.
The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?
Sardar: oh ji pucho mat.. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par

khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki
shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne
suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke
liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi.
Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin
koode. Sardar: oe nahin ji main to suicide karne ki iye
patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to
platform par chad gaya.
__________________
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married,
you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger.
Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any
more..."
"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
__________________
In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was
planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guesthouse owned by
the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guesthouse contained
a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC, which stands for "Water
Closet".
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the
meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and
concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the
house, a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the
following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house.
It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees,! surrounded by lovely grounds. It
is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.
As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive
early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an
unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was
there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event.
There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their
faces.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year
since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many
people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last
minute and arrive just in time!
I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday, as there is an
organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate
sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every
time a person enters.
We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it

is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating
you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
The woman never visited India!!!!
__________________
Exellent ones
1) The world's most avid hockey fan, a beautiful sardarni, had arrived early at the
stadium for the first game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that
she had left her ticket at home.
Not wanting to miss any of the match, she went to the ticket booth and got in a long
line for another seat. After an hour's wait she was just a few feet from the booth
when a voice called out, 'Hey, Jasmeet!'
She looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice - with no
success. Then she realized she had lost her place in the line, and had to go back to
the end of the line and wait all over again. Just as she got to the window, a voice
called out, 'Hey, jasmeet!' Again she tried to find the voice and got out of line as she
wandered looking for the owner of the voice.
But no luck. She was very upset as she got back in line for her ticket.
Finally she had her ticket and took her seat eager for the game to begin. As she
waited for it to start, she heard the voice calling, 'Hey, Jasmeet!' once more.
Furious, she stood up and yelled at the top of her lungs, 'My name isn't Jasmeet!'
---------------------------------------
2) How do Chinese parents name their kids?
The parents take a couple of dishes with them and head upstairs. They reach the top
of the stairs and throw the dishes downstairs.
"CHING!!! CHONG!!!"
-----------------------------
3) Tuan comes up to the border between Vietnam and China on his bicycle. He has
two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the
bags?"
"Rice," answered Tuan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the
bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but rice.
He detains Tuan overnight and has the rice analyzed, only to discover that there is
nothing but pure rice in the bags The guard releases Tuan, puts the sand into new
bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"
"Rice," says Tuan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain
nothing but rice. He gives the sand back to Tuan, and Tuan crosses the border on his
bicycle.
This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Tuan doesn't
show up one day and the guard meets him in a noodles restaurant in Vietnam.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me
crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you
smuggling?"
Tuan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."
-------------------------------------------
5) During the Japanese Occupation, 3 Singaporeans, Ah Meng, Ah Seng and Ah Beng
were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad.
That night, Ah Meng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were
afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the
confusion.
The next morning, Ah Meng was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and
the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Meng
shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Meng
made his escape.
Later, the soldiers took Ah Seng out and the firing squad were ready. The captain
commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Seng shouted. " Flood! Flood!!" Again,
the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Seng made his escape.
Observing all this, Ah Beng began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing
right."
Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. "Timing, that's the key.." Ah Beng kept saying to
himself. The soldiers lined up in front of him. The captain started, "Ready..."
"Timing," Ah Beng thought to himself
"Aim..."
"Okay," thought Ah Beng, and shouted, " FIRE!!! FIRE!!! "
-----------------------------
6) Two Negros see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10" . They
both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial
abuse.
As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the
other Negro $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour
or so, the Negro who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really
good and white.
The other Negro then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be
white as well".

His friend turns round and says "**** off you Negro" and walks off.
----------------
7) Three men are driving in a car when it breaks down on an abandoned road: A
Hindu man, a Jewish man, and a Polish man. After walking for a few miles, they
come across a farm with a barn. Desperately seeking a place to sleep for the night,
they knock on the door and ask the farmer if they can sleep in the barn.
The farmer says it's OK as long as they don't disturb his sleep or the animals, so the
three men go to sleep in the barn with all the animals.
Fifteen minutes later, the Hindu man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he can
sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with sacred cows next to
him. The farmer says it's OK and lets him in.
In another fifteen minutes, the Jewish man bangs on the farmer's door and asks if he
can sleep on the floor of his room, because he cannot sleep with pigs next to him,
and the farmer says this is OK. Now only the Polish man is outside.
Fifteen minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door, and by this time
is very annoyed. He opens it, and there stand the cows and the pigs...
-------------------
8) Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first time
in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar, Bombay, and
Calcutta.
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical
expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a
severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors
in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my
uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered
a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well
as two liters of milk everyday."
A Scientific Letter To GF
My Dear.........,
It has been a very long time since my senses have exchanged a message with my
brain to write a letter to you.
You are present in all four chambers of my heart and your beautiful image is
printed on the retina of my eyes. I want your beautiful voice to keep my
eardrums vibrating like a tuning fork. I have grown your favorite roses in my
garden so that their smell may keep entering my nasal passage and the beautiful
charming color of their corolla reminds me of you. The beautiful color of your
iris attracts me like an electron is attracted towards the nucleus but the fear
of your father repels me with the same force.
Yesterday your presence in the party made my heart beats @ 175 beats/sec. The

velocity of my blood increased from the rate of 15m/sec^2 to 80m/sec^2. Your
personality attracts me like a centripetal force but the medulla oblongata of my
brain compels me to convert this centripetal force and i revolve around your
house like an electron in its orbit.
Whenever i see your father a wave of fear having simple harmonic motion passes
through my vertebral column and my heart beats are reduce to one half of the
original. At the moment a covalent bond , love sigma orbital exists between us
but in future , I hope it will change into ionic bond.
As to every action their is an equal and opposite reaction, therefore i hope you
also love me with the same magnitude of that i love you.
In the end , i hope your affection is directly propotional to the product of our
love and inversely propotional to the square of your father's hate.
your love X my love
Your Affection= --------------------
(Your Father's hate)^2
__________________
Difference between a mosquito and a fly.
Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
----------
Mens NEver Listen ( 18 +)
On a flight to Singapore, a gentleman had made several
attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had
always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his
predicament. Sir, she said "You may use the ladies
room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on
the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he
noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each
button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a
red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched
them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW. Warm
water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice
feeling, he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice
things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he
pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water,
gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large
powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile
scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is
tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed
its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button
which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next

thing he knew he was in a hospital as he opened his eyes.
A nurse was staring down at him with a smile on her
face. "What happened?" he exclaimed.
"You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.
"The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon
Remover. Your balls are in the bucket under the bed"
Never Marry a Software Engineer
This is a warning for women planning to marry software engineers in the form of a
conversation between a husband (software engineer) and his wife. Look before you
leap!!!
SCENE: A wife is waiting for her husband who is a software engineer. After some
time, the husband arrives.
HUSBAND: (Opening the door and entering in) Hi dear! I am LOGGED IN.
WIFE: thanks god that you have arrived. Have u brought the saree?
HUSBAND: BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME.1
WIFE: But I told you about it in the morning.
HUSBAND: ERRONEOUS SYNTAX. ABORT, RETRY, CANCEL.
WIFE: O my God.... Ok forget it. Tell me where's your salary?
HUSBAND: FILE IN USE, READ ONLY,TRY AFTER SOME TIME.
WIFE: At least give me your credit card. So that I can do some
shopping.
HUSBAND: SHARING VIOLATION. ACCESS DENIED.
WIFE: I made a mistake in marrying you.
HUSBAND: DATA TYPE MISMATCH.
WIFE: You are useless.
HUSBAND: BY DEFAULT.
WIFE: Who was there in the car with you this morning?
HUSBAND: SYSTEM UNSTABLE. PRESS ANY KEY TO REBOOT.
WIFE: Ok. leave it. Would you like to have some snacks?
HUSBAND: HARD DISK FULL.
WIFE: What is the relation between you and your receptionist?
HUSBAND: THE ONLY USER WITH RIGHT PERMISSION.
WIFE: What is my value in your life?
HUSBAND: UNKNOWN VIRUS DETECTED!!!
WIFE: Do you love me or your computer?
HUSBAND: TOO MANY PARAMETERS.
WIFE: I will go to my dad’s house!!!
HUSBAND: PROGRAMME PERFORMED ILLEGAL OPERATION. IT WILL CLOSE.
WIFE: I will leave you for ever!!!
HUSBAND: CLOSE ALL PROGRAMMES AND LOG IN FOR ANOTHER USER.
WIFE: It is worthless talking to you husband. Shut down the computer. I am going.
HUSBAND: ITS NOW SAFE TO TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER
__________________

Sucess Story
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy pointed his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The
depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at
the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day
polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a
month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"And that's how you built an empire?" the boy asked.
"Heavens, no!" the man replied. "Then my wife's father died and left us two million
dollars."
Tutor to Santa: what is u r father's name.
Santa: BEAUTYFUL RED UNDERWEAR.
Tutor: R u joking?
Santa: NO SIR! MY FATHERS'S NAME IS "SUNDER LAL CHADDHA"
Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile.
Santa: Chal police ko de kar aate hain.
Banta: Agar koi bum raste main hi phat gaya to?
Santa: Jhoot bhol denge, ki 2 hi mile the.
SANTA going with his sister, Some shouts "Oye, ,mashoka le ker kahan
nikle"
SANTA gets furious & slap him & says" Oye. mashoka hogi teri. Meri to
behan hai"!
An American and a Sardar were walking down the street when the
American exclaimed-- look a dead bird.
The Sardar looks towards the sky and says -- where, where ??
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...
takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun
Santa Singh returned back from the cinema hall without watching the
cinema.what was the name of the cinema?
Ans:NO ENTRY

Santa dials a number, A girl receives the call
santa: who r u?
girl: sita
santa: maine to chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to
yeh to ayodhya mil gaya.
A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.
SANTA : car me battery lagwane gaya, Mechanic ne poocha "EXIDE" ki
lagaun?
SANTA bole: yaar, bar-bar kaun ayega DONO SIDE KI LAGADE!
Letter to Bill Gates
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our
home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we
fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest
of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password
field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no
problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to
check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check
this.
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto
Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by
sitting.
5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but
I own a scooter at my home.
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and
we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I
suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing
cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur
money.
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so
when u will provide that?
Best regards,
Banta Singh
What a Sales Men
Ek bar ek Shopping Mall ne ek naya gujarati salesman hire kiya. Sale badhne lagi-din
dugni, raat chauguni.
Malik ne socha is ladke se mujhe milna hai. Malik Mall par aaya, usne dekha ladka ek
customer ko fishing-rod bech raha tha. Woh door khada ho kar hi usko customer se
deal karte dekhne lagaa. Ladke ne fishing-rod bech di. Customer ne kaha kitne
rupaye, ladka bola Rs.800/-. Yeh kahkar ladke ne customer ke shoes dekhe aur bola,
itne mehange shoes pahankar fishing karne jayenge? Ek sport shoe bhi kharid lijiye,
customer ne sport shoes bhi kharid liye.
Ab ladke ne kaha talaab kinare dhoop mein baithna padega, ek cap bhi kharid lijiye
to theek rehega, customer ne cap bhi kharid li. Ab ladke ne kaha, machli pakadne
mein bahut intezar karna padega, kuchch eatables, wafer, biscuits, bhi le jayiye,
customer ne woh bhi kharid liye. Ladka bola machli pakdenge to rakhenge kahan ?
Yeh ek Rs.100/- ki basket bhi le lijiye, customer ne woh bhi kharid li.
Ab total bill bana Rs.2000/- ka.
Malik bahut khush hua. Usne ladke ko bulaya aur kaha, tum to kamal ke salesman
ho. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharidane ayaa . . aur tumane usey itna sara samaan
bech diya, very good.
Ladka bola, " Sir, woh aadmi to "Stayfree" napkin kharidane ayaa tha, maine kaha,
char din tu ghar par kya karega 'Jaa Machli Pakad' "
Customer care in 2020
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your
home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566.
Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and
even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National
Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that
cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit
and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the
late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash
before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on
machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it
gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and
collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"
Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration
number 1123..."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola
as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were
convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell
for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks,
"What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric
chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then
The German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.
Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the
same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed,
and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the
register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper..!!

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"Yes." the child whispered.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that
noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
"ME."!!

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no
transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing
any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and
after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked
at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days
do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14
days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise
that I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
LA LOO JOKES...
* What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo
* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs"
and moved on...
* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could
you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo
immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
* Laloos family planning policy..
"Don't have more than two children in one year"
* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
* After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of
buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for
the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS
THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"
* Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with
Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years
and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was
very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me
three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

* A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"
SHOCKING TELEGRAMS
TELEGRAM #1
A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing
B.Ed exams, which the father receives as :
"Father, your daughter has been successful in BED."
*********************
TELEGRAM #2
A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill
station sends a telegram to his wife :
"I wish you were here." The message received by wife:
"I wish you were her."
*************************************
TELEGRAM #3
A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway
station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter , while her turn came, it
was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next
to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady
and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:
"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave
birth to an old lady."
************************************
TELEGRAM #4
A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a
party .
So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him
what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let's put, "you are
not getting older you are getting better".
The salesman asks "how do you want me to put it?"
The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the
top and
"You are getting better" at the bottom.
The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the
entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, You are getting
better at the bottom".
************************************************
TELEGRAM #5
A man from Agra went to Ajmer . His wife was in her
parent's house in Delhi . When the man went to Ajmer , he asked his
servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer .
He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted. It was
written:
'sethji aaj mar gaye ! ( Sethji Ajmer gaye ).
Wash Basin
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands
but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him,
"Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board
lagaya hai "Wash Basin".
Three Engines
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is
nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we
still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more
engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ...
we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One
more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't
worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the
next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Detective Job
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one
was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one
question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for
his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man
answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he
left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same
question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the
man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the
same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time
to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the
Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied,
"Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.
Wrong Answer

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in
Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the
Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results
showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa
and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy".
Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This
being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the
correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how
would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the
question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer.
And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"
Salary Expected
Sardarji is filling up a job application. He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE,
ADDRESS, etc. Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he
writes: Yes.
Answering Machine
Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home. Two days later he disconnected it
because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin
hai."
Photocopies
What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies? He compares it with the original for
spelling mistakes.
Free Punjab
There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters. They were planning for a
free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how
would we develop it?" That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would become a
State of USA and develop automatically." All the surds became happy with this very
simple solution but an old surd was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY
CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"
Small TV
Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy
this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. He
hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the
salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman
replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time,
haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the
salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he
replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a
microwave," he replied.

Below 18 Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie? Because below 18 was not allowed.
Sardarji's Intelligence How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence? Stick a tire
pressure gauge in his ear.
Hand Grenade What do you do when Sardarji throws a hand grenade at you? Pull
the pin and throw it back.
Hand Grenade-2 What do you do when Sardarji throws a pin at you? Run like
crazy...he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Joke On Wednesday How do you make Sardarji laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke
on Wednesday.
Hands over ear What was Sardarji doing when he held his hands tightly over his
ears? He was trying to hold on to a thought.
Retrain Why does Sardarji work seven days a week? So you don't have to retrain
him on Monday.
Ice Cubes Why can't Sardarji make ice cubes? He always forget the recipe.
Kill The Bird How did Sardarji try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
A wind tunnel
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
Back Of Head
What do you see when you look into Sardarji's eyes?
The back of his head.
Lightning
Why does Sardarji always smile when a lightning blazes?
He thinks his picture is being shot.
Shoes
Why does Sardarji have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
Fax
How can you tell when Sardarji sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Second One
Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
He can't find the Second 1 on the dial.
Smart Sardars and UFOs
What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
Sardar Snowman
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
20 Rupees
Sardarji is travelling by train.
He feels sleepy, so he gives the guy opposite 20 rupees to wake him up when his
station comes.
This guy is a barber. He feels that for 20 rupees Sardarji deserves more.
So, when Sardarji falls asleep, the barber quietly shaves off his beard.
When the station arrives, he wakes up Sardarji and sends him home.
Reaching home, he goes to wash his face, and suddenly screams when he sees the
mirror.
Sardarni asks, "What's the matter?"
"The cheat on the train takes my 20 rupees and wakes up someone else!"
Donkey
Having lost his donkey Sardarji, got down
to his knees and thanked God.
A passerby saw this and asked,

"Your donkey is missing. What are you thanking God for?"
Sardarji replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that
I wasn't riding the donkey at that time,
otherwise I would have been missing too."
Rubi, Moti and Sardarji
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands, "Rubi!"
"Woof!" (barking sound ) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
Clock Tower
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone
asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand
and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken
for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and
the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get
a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says I am not a fool. This time, you wait
and I'll go get a ladder."
Driver
Santa and Banta Singhs landed up in Bombay and got into a double Decker.
Santa somehow managed to get a bottom seat in the bus. Unfortunate Banta got
pushed to the top. When the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to look up Banta,
found Banta in badly scared, clutching the seats in front with both hands.
Santa asked, "Arre Banta! What's going on? Why so scared?
I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Banta replied, "Yeah, but you've got a
*driver*."
Called Again
Santa with two red ears went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him what had
happened to his ears. "I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang. Instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happened to your other
ear?"
"The scoundrel called again."
31 Years Old
Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.
"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half
the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Sardar?"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
"Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from
1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
"No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
"Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I
was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"

The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old.
Oxygen Tube
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his friend Banta.
As Banta singh stood beside the bed, Santa Singh's frail condition grew worse, and
he motioned frantically for something to write on.
Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper,and Santa used his
last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.Banta singh thought
it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, Banta singh was visting Santa's family. He realized
that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know,"
he said, "Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but
knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.". He
unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
Thought
Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he had fared. He replied, "Exam was okay, except for the
past tense of 'think'. I thought, thought, thought and at last, I wrote 'thunk'!"
Bet On Highlights
Santa told Banta, "I bet that India would win against Pakistan and lost Rs 1,000."
Banta exclaimed: "Yaar, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Santa replied:
"Nahi yaar, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Banta asked: "So, what happened to the
other Rs 500?" Santa repied: "Chad yaar, I bet on the highlights too."
Train Driver
A train suddenly deviated from the tracks and ran onto the nearby fields before
returning on the tracks again. The passengers were horrified at this. At the
next railway station, the driver was caught and questioned. He was a sardar and
explained that a man was standing on the tracks and he refused to budge.
The authorities asked him, "Sardarji, are you mad? Just to save one person, you put
so many lives in danger. You should have overrun that person." The
sardar replied: "Exactly, that is what I was doing, but this idiot started running
towards the field when the train came very close."
House on Fire
Once a building caught fire and two guys and a sardar were trapped in the balcony.
On the ground, fire fighters caught hold of a net and asked them to jump.
The first one jumped but the fire fighters removed the net and he was killed. Then
the other guy was asked to jump and again they removed the net too soon and he
was dead. Seeing all this, the sardar was furious and said: "You keep the net on the
ground and get away from it. I don't trust you.
Secret Agents
Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world? Because even under
torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
Checkbook
Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one Else
could write in his checkbook other than him if he lost his checkbook?

Two Coats
Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
His friend Santa Singh asked him, "Why, are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because,” said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can said to put on two coats."
White Lines
A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less
than a mile.
Then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I
just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
Empty Bottles
Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
Lunch Box
Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming
home.
Think
A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have
to think-I'm sardar!"
Window
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert. They were driving
around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to
each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The japanese took the radiator, the britisher took the seat, and the sardar took the
door. After a while of walking the britisher asked the japanese "I'm confused,
why did you bring the radiator?" The japanese responded, "If I get thirsty,I can
drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the britisher "Why did you bring
the seat?" So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the
sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the japanese asked the sardar why
he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well,when I
shall feel the need to get some breeze in this summer all have to do is roll down the
window."
Magic Lamp
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were shipwrecked on a deserted
island. One day they came upon an old lamp buried in the sand.
As they brushed the sand from the lamp a Genie appeared and said I'll
give each of you one wish." The japanese said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and
he was gone! The britisher said "I wish I was home!" PUFF and he too
was gone. The sardar said "Boy is it lonely here! I wish my friends were
back!"
Sardar Tiger
Sardar Dhakaan Singh is big hunter. Once he went to a zoo. At that time a big tiger
escaped from its cage. The zoo officials sent everyone out of the zoo and closed the
main gate. Now the tiger is inside the zoo but wandering freely. Zoo people
requested sardar to go inside and trap the tiger in a cage. Scared but to avoid insult
he went into the zoo in his jeep carrying a big gun. While driving on one of the zoo's
roads, he noticed that the tiger is chasing him. Feeling scared he drove the jeep fast
but only to observe that the tiger is very near to the jeep. At that time the road
separated into

two paths ahead, one to the left and other to the right. Then cleverly dhakaal put the
left indicator on and turned the jeep to the road on right. The tiger runs into the left
path. With a sigh of relief, he drove forward. After some time the roads meet and the
same situation arises again. once more the road divides into two and this time our
sardar is smart enough to put the right indicator on and turned to left. This time the
tiger goes into the road on right side. After some time the roads meet again to our
sardar's misfortune and the tiger starts to chase him again. This time the road never
divides and our sardar thought the tiger would catch him. Then a brilliant idea struck
his mind. He slows down his jeep taking it to the left corner of the road. Then
he held his hand outside and a gives signal which is given for vehicles which want to
overtake. The tiger this time overtakes his jeep and runs forward.
Result :- There are Sardar Communities in Tigers too.
30000 kms
A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than
100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!
Rechecking Answers
A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers