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) Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child [read ebook]

) Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child [read ebook]
) Homecoming:
Reclaiming and
Championing Your
Inner Child [read
ebook]
Description
John Bradshaw was educated for the Roman Catholic priesthood and took advanced degrees in
psychology, philosophy, and theology before becoming a professional counselor. He is the author
of such major bestsellers as Family Secrets, Healing the Shame That Binds You, Homecoming
, and Creating Love. He lives in Houston, Texas, and gives lectures and workshops nationwide.
Read more Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. CHAPTER 1  HOW YOUR
WOUNDED INNER CHILD CONTAMINATES YOUR LIFE  The person … in the grip of an
old distress says things that are not pertinent, does things that donâ€t work, fails to cope with
the situation, and endures terrible feelings that have nothing to do with the present. —HARVEY
JACKINS  I couldnâ€t believe I could be so childish. I was 40 years old and I had raged and
screamed until everyone—my wife, my stepchildren, and my son—was terrified. Then I got in my
car and left them. There I was, sitting all alone in a motel in the middle of our vacation on Padre
Island. I felt very alone and ashamed. Â When I tried to trace the events that led up to my leaving,
I couldnâ€t figure out anything. I was confused. It was like waking up from a bad dream. More
than anything, I wanted my family life to be warm, loving, and intimate. But this was the third year I
had blown up on our vacation. I had gone away emotionally before—but I had never gone away
physically.  It was as if Iâ€d gone into an altered state of consciousness. God, I hated myself!
What was the matter with me? Â The incident on Padre Island occurred in 1976, the year after my
father died. Since then Iâ€ve learned the causes of my rage/withdrawal cycles. The major clue
came to me on the Padre Island runaway. While I sat alone and ashamed in that crummy motel
room, I began to have vivid memories of my childhood. I remembered one Christmas Eve when I
was about 11 years old, lying in my darkened room with the covers pulled up over my head and
refusing to speak to my father. He had come home late, mildly drunk. I wanted to punish him for
ruining our Christmas. I could not verbally express anger, since I had been taught that to do so
was one of the deadly sins, and especially deadly in regard to a parent. Over the years my anger
festered in the mildew of my soul. Like a hungry dog in the basement, it became ravenous and
turned into rage. Most of the time I guarded it vigilantly. I was a nice guy. I was the nicest daddy
youâ€ve ever seen—until I couldnâ€t take it anymore. Then I became Ivan the Terrible. Â
What I came to understand was that these vacation behaviors were spontaneous age regressions.
When I was raging and punishing my family with withdrawal, I was regressing to my childhood,
where I had swallowed my anger and expressed it the only way a child could—in punishing
withdrawal. Now, as an adult, when I was finished with an emotional or physical withdrawal bout, I
felt like the lonesome and shame-based little boy that I had been. What I now understand is that

when a childâ€s development is arrested, when feelings are repressed, especially the feelings
of anger and hurt, a person grows up to be an adult with an angry, hurt child inside of him. This
child will spontaneously contaminate the personâ€s adult behavior.  At first, it may seem
preposterous that a little child can continue to live in an adult body. But that is exactly what Iâ€m
suggesting. I believe that this neglected, wounded inner child of the past is the major source of
human misery. Until we reclaim and champion that child, he will continue to act out and
contaminate our adult lives.  I like mnemonic formulas, so Iâ€ll describe some of the ways the
wounded inner child contaminates our lives using the word contaminate. Each letter stands for a
significant way in which the inner child sabotages adult life. (At the end of this chapter youâ€ll
find a questionnaire to help you ascertain how badly your own inner child was wounded.) Â Co-
Dependence Offender Behaviors Narcissistic Disorders Trust Issues Acting Out/Acting In
Behaviors Magical Beliefs Intimacy Dysfunctions Nondisciplined Behaviors Addictive/Compulsive
Behaviors Thought Distortions Emptiness (Apathy, Depression) Â CO-DEPENDENCE Â I define
co-dependence as a dis-ease characterized by a loss of identity. To be co-dependent is to be out
of touch with oneâ€s feelings, needs, and desires. Consider the following examples: Pervilia
listens to her boyfriend talk about his distress at work. She cannot sleep that night because she is
fretting about his problem. She feels his feeling rather than her own. When Maxmillianâ€s
girlfriend ends their six-month relationship, he feels suicidal. He believes that his worth depends
on her loving him. Maxmillian truly has no self-worth, which is engendered from within; he has
others-worth, which depends on other people. Â Jolisha is asked by her