allure 20092020

with Adesuwa 07011289316 | adesuwaewoigbokhan@hotmail.com
Talk
SPOT
By - Rita Okoye
Q & A
...Continued from previous week
Dear Adesuwa,
Please, what should a lady do when her partner
hardly gets to the peak of sexual pleasure even
after she had told him what to do, and where to
touch? He is always in a hurry and says to me,
“do quick and let’s go.” .....Chichi, Benin
Dear Chichi,
Sex is give and take, it is a learned skill, so talk to
him and teach him how to be good in bed. Start with
telling him how to please you, tell him what you want
sexually. At the same time, ask him about his desires
as it is not supposed to be a guessing game.
Feel free to get sex instruction books and videos
for couples. Go through them and learn together, work
with him by communicating openly and honestly with
each other. Explore and experiment with each other,
try what interests either of you in the books or videos.
Do the above in a way that does not make him feel
less of a man or hurt his ego.
Dear Adesuwa,
How do I get my husband to make me
experience orgasm?
Even when I take his hand to touch me where I
want to be touched, it does not quite hit the spot. I
have to rely on a clitoral stimulating toy to hit the
spot. So if I can’t be bothered to get/charge the
toy, then I just go without after a while, one starts
feeling a bit frustrated. ...Bukky - United Kingdom.
Dear Bukky,
The best most natural way is to provide positive
commentary when he does something right – ‘’Right
there’’ or ‘’that feels incredible’’. You must also use
phrases like ‘’just a little to the right’’ or ‘’harder’’ or
more tongue right there.’’ It is easiest to modify the
actions if he is already performing the act. Stay
positive in the commentary but be sure to be honest
and don’t moan when something does not feel good
because, he won’t know what he’s doing is wrong.
Your tone matters a lot –moan/whisper instructions
and If your guy is very good with the tongue and
fingering, you might not need a vibrator. Very few
ladies can achieve orgasm through penetration.
Dear Adesuwa,
I am a plus sized woman, l find it difficult to
enjoy sex. Kindly tell which sex positions will
make me have a satisfying sex life. .....Princess,
Lagos.
Dear Princess,
6
/ September 20, 2020
Despite what you may have been led to believe,
sex is sexy at any size although you may come away
disappointed because of your extra weight when you
flip through a sex position book.
You or your partner may need to be creative in
order to find sex positions that allow for deep, intimate
penetration. You may feel like being lazy or you may
feel like giving it your all. Either way, some of these sex
positions should help the two of you achieve better
penetration without the acrobatic-like moves that many
sex position lists recommend. Below, you’ll find some
sex positions that are great for larger body types –The
seated position, doggy style, sexy spooning, reverse
cowgirl, butterfly etc.
Dear Adesuwa,
My wife to be was circumcised as a child. How
can I make sure she enjoys sex and reaches
orgasm? .....Wale, Kogi State.
Dear Wale,
People mistakenly believe that the entire clitoris is
removed during female circumcision. The truth is that,
the clitoris is actually an internal organ next to the
bladder. The clitoris extends from inside the body to
the outside of the vagina. That small tip of the clitoris
that is outside the body, in the vagina is called the
“glans clitoris.” During female circumcision, depending
on what type is performed, that visible/external tip of
the clitoris, the “glans clitoris” is what is removed. The
remaining internal structure of the clitoris is still there
and thus, a circumcised woman is still able to have
orgasms.
The people who are saying the entire clitoris is
removed are uninformed about how the female
anatomy works: and they don’t realize the clitoris is
actually way bigger than the little piece you can see in
the vagina. Most important for your wife to enjoy sex
with you, is for you to treat her feelings as well as her
body with respect. Talk to her about her sexual
feelings, learn about female sexuality and how to
arouse a woman sexually before even thinking of
having intercourse. Be gentle. Even if the tip of the
clitoris has been removed, a larger part may remain
beneath the surface and be capable of sexual
responsiveness. Orgasm is not the be-all and end-all
of sex.
On the other hand, if you are willing to keep an
open mind about what constitutes “sex”, there are lots
of other ways that the two of you can have sex that
don’t involve hurting her which both of you may find
very pleasurable. Here are a few that come to mind:
Deep, intense kissing, caressing and suckling her
boobs (some women can have orgasms just from this).
You stroking, caressing, and kissing her belly, buttocks,
hands, massaging her neck, shoulders, feet [some
ladies swear that a good foot massage feels as good
as sex to them ] including other sensitive areas, vice
versa with her performing oral sex on you (many
women really enjoy doing this).
If you try these kinds of activities with her, over
time, she may relax to the point where she is able to
take your manhood inside her vagina without pain/
may not. You need to be willing to accept whichever
possibility actually happens. She may eventually be
willing to accept your organ inside her with a small
amount of pain and may get indirect pleasure seeing
and feeling you enjoying her even if she doesn’t feel
direct pleasure of her own. But you absolutely must
stop immediately whenever she says “it hurts too
much!” And it is important that you reciprocate, by
giving her pleasure in lots of other ways such as the
ones I listed above. Know that you can seek further
help from a professional if need be.
There are always challenges to sexuality and that is
why it is important to talk about it, by getting your sex
questions answered by a Sex therapist/coach so as to
improve your sex life.
What some of your favourite
celebrities said and we listened.
“Be calm, pay attention and
listen. That might be what you
need now. Listen to the
frequency that is not easily
picked. The strength of who
you are connects to a
frequency. Your self
awareness is the strength of
who you are and remember
there are different levels of
frequencies. Therefore friends,
you can Be More,” Busola
Dakolo harps on self
awareness.
“It’s important to recognize that
everyone has their preferences
when it comes to kissing and
know that kissing isn’t for
everyone and that’s OK. For
me a kiss can make or break a
relationship everyone is
different, it’s about
communication and then just
being realistic with how much
your willing to compromise. I
tend to take control once I
realise I don’t like the style of
kiss,” Destiny Amaka on
the importance of kissing.
“Hard work and dedication to
your craft or the job at hand is
the price of SUCCESS.
There is no short cut to
SUCCESS!! It is the result of
preparation, hard work and
learning from failure,” Funke
Akindele says no shortcut
to success.
“People may destroy your
image, stain your personality
but they can’t take away
your good deeds because
no matter how they describe
you, you will still be admired
by those who really know
you better,” Rita Daniels’
word to rumour mongers.