Issue 02 Next Chapter

“What a perfect family!”
Growing up, I often heard this from friends and even strangers. I completely agreed
with them -- I had the best parents I could ask for and two younger siblings that kept
me company. We travelled the world together and made some of my most cherished
memories. People always saw us as content and happy. And though we were for many
years, they were oblivious to what was happening behind the facade of a “perfect”
family.
Though I wasn’t able to pinpoint what exactly had changed, I noticed a shift in our
family dynamic when I was 13.
I noticed my parents weren’t sleeping in the same room anymore.
I noticed my parents’ short temper.
I noticed less family outings.
I noticed a photo of another woman on my dad’s phone.
And yet, I still refused to believe that something was wrong. I cleared out any thoughts
of our family being anything other than “perfect.”
Over the next five years, I watched as my family, my very foundation, collapsed, leaving
me confused, betrayed, and in denial. After my parents separated, the “perfect”
family image was shattered. It was a sudden change I couldn’t keep up with. The relationship
between my dad and I crumbled; I struggled to hold a conversation with him
and couldn’t see him in the same light as before.
Without a father figure present in our lives, the everyday things I once took for granted
became difficult.
My little brother, doing warm-ups alone before soccer practice as other boys practiced
with their fathers.
My little sister, alone during her 5th grade project share-out since my mother was at
work.
My mother, now a single parent, juggling her full-time job with taking care of three
kids.
And me, often forcing myself to fake a smile to convince people that I was okay.
Slowly, I started realizing my life would never go back to the way things were before.
I had to take off my rose-tinted glasses, face the hardships, and stand strong.
I had to understand I couldn’t keep longing for what was already in the past.
I had to learn to accept the harsh reality and move on.
Years later, my relationship with my dad remains rocky. I still have pent-up feelings of
anger and disappointment. We are nowhere near close to how we were before. But
day by day, we’re working on slowly rebuilding the bond between us.
Sometimes I want to give up, and other times I’m determined to fix our relationship.
Many times, I think back to the happier days of a full family of five. Despite these
thoughts and feelings, I have learned and grown to understand the reality of it all - we
aren’t a perfect family, and that is okay. Things are still a work in progress - I take a
few steps forward and a few steps back, but eventually, I will get to where I need to be.