The briefest lull in my War against The Black Art of PSexIsTrickery and false hopes of a new life

The briefest lull in my 

‘war against the Black Art 

of PSexIsTrickery’ and 

false hopes of a ‘new life’ 

After our ‘love affair’ (in two parts) – 

and total betrayal by her two-timing me 

while I was utterly vulnerable! - from 

7/7/7 to 9/9/9 - came several vicious 

‘999’ calls to police by Julia Conyard- 

Whorewould 2009-2010 … … !!! 

The sixth part of his autobiography, 

from 2009 into 2011. With the theme 

‘With Doctors like these, who needs 

Enemies?’ 

FOURFold il Professori Emeritus sed 

Moltissimo Modestus Mr Simon Richard Lee BA 

MA (King’s College, Cambridge, England) CEng 

MIEE MIET MInstMC 

Electric Zen Buddha 

(as on Face Book)

There is really no such thing as scientific proof, 

only proof in maths (amounts) and logic 

(qualities). 

Rule ONE of both is that NOBODY CAN PROVE A 

NEGATIVE e.g. THAT GOD CANNOT EXIST! 

THEREFORE GOD DEFINITELY EXISTS - BY PROOF! 

Truth, trust, joy, peace and love follow the Still 

Small Voice of Calm as Day Follows Night!

TRAGICALLY SIMON RICHARD LEE HAS FINALLY PASSED 

ON A PAUPER… 

His work is being continued by: - 

daddiesforjustice@gmail.com 

www.yumpu.com for lovely FREE FULL 3D flip books 

Take a long hard look on Face Book at ‘Electric Zen 

Buddha’ (www.facebook.com/ElectricZenBuddha/ - ‘Si Li’ 

is Professor Lee’s main reviewer) 

Available at most AMAZON outlets especially 

www.amazon.com www.amazon.co.uk 

Copyright © Professor Simon Richard Lee 1999-2019 

ISBN 9798651568635 

The moral rights of the author have been asserted. 

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be 

reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted 

in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, 

photocopy, recording or otherwise, without prior 

permission of the copyright owner. 

This book is dedicated to my lovely daughter Jeni – and 

to its subject Julie my former neighbour and lover, of 

course! 

As in the first five books in this series, many of the 

names have been subtly changed – to ‘protect the 

guilty’!?

First Edition – Spring 2007 

Proofread for the first time properly and abridged 

December 2010 

Final proofreading – Easter 2012 

Fourth Edition – Amazon Version – September 2018 

Fifth Edition – January 2020 – with ‘Manifesto: 

Abolish all Money!’ as introductory ‘piece’…

Manifesto: - 

Abolish All 

Money 

Make everything in the world all FREE 

The Machine especially now tranSiStorS is ‘The 

Beast 666’… 

Census all machines especially computers 

License all machines especially computers 

FOURFold il Professori Emeritus Simon 

Richard Lee 

BA, MA (King’s College, Cambridge, England, in Physics, Maths, 

Chemistry, Biology and Computer Science) CEng, MIEE, MIET, 

MinstMC. Full Kensho Enlightenment 2014-2020 is The Cream 

on the Cake! 

Long career in computer, instrument and control system barebones 

design and installation engineering; now book writing 

& Website Promotion. 

Electric Zen Buddha (as on Face Book) 

Allah === JHWH God === ALpha&OmegAH!

There is really no such thing as scientific proof, 

only proof in maths (amounts) and logic 

(qualities). 

Rule ONE of both is that NOBODY CAN PROVE A 

NEGATIVE E.G. THAT GOD CANNOT EXIST! 

THEREFORE GOD DEFINITELY EXISTS - BY PROOF! 

Truth, trust, joy, peace and love follow the Still 

Small Voice of Calm as Day Follows Night!

ISBN 9798651552566 

Copyright © Mr il Professori Emeritus FOURFold 

Simon Richard Lee BA MA (King’s College Cambridge England) 

CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC 

Saint George’s Day, Tuesday 23 rd April 2019 

It has been exactly forty days and nights since the 26 th 

Anniversary of Simon Richard Lee’s Baptism of the Holy 

Spirit at 8.42pm 16 th March 1994. 

TRAGICALLY SIMON RICHARD LEE HAS NOW FINALLY 

PASSED ON A PAUPER… 

Simon Richard Lee’s work is being continued by 

daddiesforjustice@gmail.com 

Available to buy at a very good price at: - 

www.lulu.com/spotlight/authormeuk 

www.yumpu.com (FREE - IN FULL as a lovely 3D flip book!) 

Most Amazon sites: - www.amazon.com www.amazon.co.uk etc. 

etc. … …

INTRODUCTION 

11 th January 2019 

The Momentous Biblical ‘Sign of the Son of Man – the 

ARCHANGEL’ 1 st -2 nd January 2019 AD has led exactly 11 days 

after the Old Moon at the very Witching Hour on New Year’s 

Morning, to THE VERY POLAR SPIRITUALLY OPPOSITE DATE 

‘11/1/19’ or ‘1111/9’ ie ‘1111/3x3’ - to one of the most 

notorious dates in the whole of (mostly recent) history – ‘9/11’ 

or 11 th September 2001! 

Especially in terms of utter financial instability, yet more even 

worse global violence, aggressive posturing and equally ever 

mounting world warfare. Meanwhile a huge and very evil 

campaign at vast expense has been underway by very weird 

‘people’ to make The Notorious Beast 666 or The Machine 

totally dominant and supreme over us ‘mere’ humans! 

The interpretation of this incredible date is that it marks the 

beginning of the very rapid ‘twinkling of an eye’ imminent END 

of the very many abominable years since ‘9/11’ round the world 

in most respects, getting steadily ever worse. New Year 2019 

was the Start of the Age of Aquarius! 

Will an ideal world soon ‘in the twinkling of an eye suddenly 

emerge like the Utopia described in my own book ‘Manifesto : 

Abolish All Money!’ as at both sites 

www.maam.org.uk 

www.abolish-all-money.org 

5

Even more astonishing – will we be able to talk freely AND 

them talk back, to the ‘Elendila’ of this New Heavens and New 

Earth as predicted in the very last chapter of the Bible – Angels, 

other unseen Spirit Beings, and animals and even plants? 

The Jehovah’s Witnesses and some other spiritual groups 

actually fully anticipate and predict this miraculous Ideal New 

Word – like ‘Narnia’! 

The odds against an absolutely pristine perfectly formed for just 

once ever, Islamic Symbol in The Heavens AT JEWISH and 

CHRISTIAN NEW YEAR, as on 2 nd January 2019, as it is 

normally irregular even though always visible in the South 

Eastern sky apart from cloud cover, are absolutely infinite – 

this has NEVER happened ever before! 

The strange date that has immediately followed just 11 days 

later is equally stupendous as it is MASSIVELY symbolic that 

right this day is incredibly powerful spiritually. For it marks the 

imminent start of a really quite short sharp Global Spiritual 

Crisis – the BATTLE OF ARMAGEDDON. 

For thousands of years the world has been spiritually 

dominated by a brutally simplistic and misleading such battle of 

alleged only ‘Good versus Evil’. However BOTH ‘sides’ in this 

are based on the totally misleading notion that their basic 

principle is a so called ‘Trinity’ of three HEADS. Most adherents 

of Christian style sects and Churches are taught that the very 

‘Key Saving Phrase’ of their religion is ‘God the Father, God the 

Son and God the Holy Ghost’ even though the word ‘(Holy) 

Trinity’ they use to describe this really very weird all-male 

three-member ‘Godhead’ IS NOT MENTIONED once IN THEIR 

PRE-EMINENT HOLY BOOK, THE BIBLE! 

6

As also discussed at length in my book ‘This is the Dawning of 

the Time of the End’, the ‘godhead of the OPPOSING “Evil” 

SIDE’ is ALSO a Trinity – called Mephistopheles, with three 

daemonic heads called Satan, Lucifer and Be’Elzebub (or 

Be’Elzebabl). 

Yet the ‘Name of God’ as in the Old Testament of the Bible is 

‘JHWH’ or ‘I am (that) I am’; obviously with FOUR not THREE 

components – which my extensive research reveals very 

conclusively overleaf can be summarised by a DIAGRAM 

showing just what the prophet EZEKIEL saw in his incredible 

Vision of the Nature of God in chapter one of his book in the 

Old Testament in The Bible. 

This Vision can be seen indeed to show the CHRISTIAN ‘God the 

Father (the very Spirit of Good and His and Our Lady 

Goodness); God the Son (Jesus Christ – the very Meaning of 

Life) and God the Holy Ghost (FATHER TIME, especially THE 

PAST but with two other whole vast ‘dimensions’ – ‘THE 

PRESENT and THE FUTURE’. COMPLICATED BY AN OVERALL 

fourth DIMENSION OF TIME – ITS ‘SHELL OR COSMIC EGG’... 

!!!) 

However, IN ADDITION these three MALE DEITIES (the 

Christian Trinity, mysteriously that word ‘Trinity’ is NOT 

MENTIONED in ANY BIBLE or THE KORAN or ANY HOLY BOOK 

except Freemason ones … … !!!) hide, protect and shield at 

their centre… 

The EIGHT-FOLD (not TRIUNE AS THE Occult ONLY CLAIM 

WRONGLY … !) GODDESS of THE HOLY SPIRIT, the FEMALE 

Fourth Member of the Divine QUARTET TEAM!!! 

Comprised of the THREE Mary’s who were crucified at the foot 

of Jesus Christ’s Cross AFTER Him – the VERY MECHANISM of 

7

HOW ALL THREE ‘ASSUMED’ TO BE ‘Queens of Heaven’ AT 

ONCE, NOT JUST MARY JESUS’ MOTHER, TOTALLY UNLIKE THE 

ROUTINE RITUALISTIC CATHOLIC MYTH AGAIN ALSO NOT IN 

THE BIBLE OR THE KORAN!!! 

The EIGHT in the COMPLETE team (as in the book of Revelation 

at the very end of the Christian Bible) are: - 

The above THREE Mary’s (THE actual TRIUNE GODDESS of the 

OCCULT!); next Sophia (or Athena or Wisdom) - The Counsellor 

of the SUPREME LORD GOD ‘ALLAH’ OR ‘GOOD’ (the word ‘God’ 

in Anglo-Saxon ALSO means just ‘good’!) … 

WITH ALLAH-SHAH === OUR LADY === HIS LADY 

WIFE(s) === GOOD-NESS! 

{The Loch ‘-Ness’ Monster(s) gets a nod here!} 

Along with ‘twins’ Ariel, the Spirit of the Air and the Heavens; 

and Gaia the Earth Mother… Operative numerological numbers 

222-7 AND 222-2 – identities still hidden at present – to protect 

them till the very safe end!!! 

Myself, MICHAEL (ALSO given ALL these OTHER 

SPIRITUAL NAMES by OUR LADY(ies) === Stephen 

Nicholas ‘Pilchard’ ‘Wencheslad’ or SANTA CLAUS!!!) as in 

Revelation Chapter 10-14 … … !!! 

I was born at 1:06am on 30 th March 1957 … 

remember myself – so Mum told me! 

I still cannot 

Was it GMT or BST? I still don’t know myself, it was all rather 

confusing at 30/03/5+7=1+2=3 (3/3/3!!!) 

8

What with rock’n’roll emerging from LOVELY BLACK MUSIC – 

JAZZ AND R’n’B … AT THE SAME INSTANT … … !!!!!!! 

Typical Aries? Yes, head and brain so huge I fitted an adult 8½ 

size hat at birth, obviously needing surgery for unfortunate 

Mum – a very painful episiotomy! 

Head and body size comically equal in earliest portrait photos, 

HUGE head - made acceptable by a lovely baby’s smile. I was 

exactly three months old, on 30 th June, 1957; when I was 

baptized at DURSLEY Tabernacle in Gloucestershire. Yes, JK 

Rowling! 

MUM (1 st July 1931 – 26 th August 2007) – died from her star 

sign of cancer, or so the lies went. No, involuntary euthanasia 

is MURDER, especially by SIMPLY JEALOUS CUNNINGSTUNT 

DOCTOR-ER’s on the bleak TENTH floor of hideously clinical and 

cold Godhelpusall ‘University College Hospital, London’… 

With equally EVIL MACMILLAN CANCER NURSES as their 

INSTRUMENT IN INJECTING MUM WITH A vast SYRINGE OF 

UNDILUTED POISON… 

Before shooing the grieving, confused family, mostly from a 

vigil apart from me, recovering from hospital yet again myself; 

out of her death bed room – actually murder scene! 

9

So more weird numerology, JK Rowling, by Planny Plotter 

here – or is it REALLY just as comical ‘Life of Simon’??? 

Or is it as ALL numerology, my and my family’s weird story? 

For on the EVE of her 26 th BIRTHDAY ON 1 st July 1957, 

PRECISELY 26 weeks from the start AND the end of the year 

Mum and the family had me baptized… 

As her soon to become eldest son after first my brother Jeremy 

arrived to utterly torment me from day #1 (16 th January 1959 – 

as carefully ‘family planned by Mum’ as a top ward manager, 

since my birth specializing in birth control for the entire 

Welwyn-Hatfield area – specializing in HELPING ALL THE POOR 

CATHOLIC FATHERS ‘BYPASS THE ANCIENT DECREPIT 

POPES’!!!; as her final offspring, my sister Libby or Elisabeth. 

She was born 22 nd February 1961 – a typical ‘Cusp of Pisces’ 

type totally disorganized so domineering to compensate type!) 

My brother, who I have never really EVER even got to know at 

all, kept on ferocious abuse and torment in ‘very naughty a way 

indeed’ by systematically destroying all my beautiful creations 

in ‘lego’, ‘meccano’ and ‘plasticine’… 

I already showed incredible patience and forbearance (I think 

my brother actually TRAINED me in these attributes by his 

appalling behavior. For I just doggedly rebuilt everything he 

kept on smashing up giggling, only striking him in eventual 

anger after about the fifth or even eighth act of utter 

destruction by Jeremy the wicked vandal of all my endless hard 

work rebuilding my wonderful masterpieces over and over 

again. So I was up against sheer jealousy from age two or 

even younger in my life…!!!) 

As a DEFINITE VIRGIN AT THE ALTAR (Dad was her only ever 

boyfriend – they met while both school kids at DURSLEY 

10

Grammar school, Gloucestershire (JK Rowling!) and fell in love 

just after puberty! 

How romantic, compared to my own extremely patchy love life, 

yet typical of most men by my current age of about 62, of 

ABOUT EIGHT REAL LOVE AFFAIRS BEFORE AND AFTER one 

absolutely treacherous wife! 

Who was in a conspiracy with ALL THE FREEMASONS INVOLVED 

(INCLUDING MY OWN SOLICITOR AND HER OWN MASONIC 

FAMILY SIMPLY SAID TO HER ‘HE JUST HAS TO GO’ AND SHE 

FOLLOWED LIKE A SHEEP!) 

TO QUITE ILLEGALLY, DIVORCE ME WITHOUT ALLOWING ME 

ANY DEFENCE WHATSOEVER! 

ANY PERSON’S FIRST RIGHT UNDER THE LAW WAS TOTALLY 

AND UTTERLY DENIED TO ME BY THIS CONSPIRACY OF HER 

MASONIC FAMILY AND ALL THE EQUALLY MASONIC LAWYERS – 

AND IN MY CASE MASONIC DOCTOR-ERS! 

INVOLVED IN UTTERLY STRIPPING ME AND MAKING ME 

DESTITUTE OF ALL MY PREVIOUS CONSIDERABLE WEALTH, 

JUST SO SHE COULD GET A PARTNERSHIP SO MAKE HER 

SINCE INCREDIBLY MASSIVE FORTUNE BY BUYING A 

PARTNERSHIP AS A VET … !ALL WITH MY NOT HER OWN 

SAVINGS AS SHE HAD NOTHING ON JUST £6,000 A YEAR AS 

JUST A ‘MINION VET’! 

SHE EVEN MADE ME TOTALLY HOMELESS IN THIS TOTALLY 

ILLEGAL DIVORCE - SHE HATED ME SO MUCH OVER A PACK OF 

LIES AS CHARGES … !!! 

11

For at 6’2” I am the world’s gentlest giant, the world’s gentlest 

“womens’ and childrens’ man” EVER – for I have never 

seriously STRUCK anybody (after Jeremy my brother as a 

toddler – then in despair…) 

NO SENTIENT CREATURES EITHER only even - just a few 

harassing WASPS in my entire life! Despite spending most of 

that tormented time constantly being provoked by extremely 

violent people, especially of course men – almost always for 26 

years now, locked up in British Prison Godhelpusalls! 

I am as you can tell, a ‘simplistic not a Simple Simon type’… 

‘Pere Anglestein’! The Chief MALE Archangel (the ONLY – VERY 

alpha – male in the team otherwise of SEVEN as in the BOOK 

OF REVELATION!) and above all my ALSO assumed MUM, the 

Greatest NURSE EVER IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! 

Her unbelievably PERFECT MEMORY let her manage THE 

ENTIRE UNIVERSITY OF HERTFORDSHIRE MEDICAL CENTRE 

with no TYPING OR EVEN notes (SHE COULD NOT TYPE … !!!) 

YET SHE KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT A ‘tiny ward’ of about 

100,000 staff and students across a large county. AMAZINGLY, 

with utter INTEGRITY ALWAYS about their CONFIDENTIALITY!!! 

THE MACMILLAN CANCER DOCTORS AND NURSES murdered 

my MUM with INVOLUNTARY EUTHANASIA when she just had a 

VIRUS … !!! 

They KNEW her breast cancer was nearly over, just with tiny 

more treatment… THEY KILLED HER OUT OF THAT ANCIENT 

ULTIMATE FOE OF US BOTH WITH THESE ‘doctor-ers’ especially 

‘CUNNINGSTUNTS’ OR ‘CONSULTANTS’ … … !!! 

12

IN ONE WORD – JEALOUSY!!! 

13

This worst MURDER EVER by MACMILLAN DOCTORS AND 

NURSES of somebody ABOUT TO RECOVER FROM BREAST 

CANCER – merely secured MUM’s ASSUMPTION TO BECOME 

THE ARCHANGEL GABRIEL ON HER DEATH ON 24 th August 

2007! 

The female HERALD or SPOKES-PERSON of this INCREDIBLE 

team === GABRIEL, FAIRY GOD - MOTHER OF GOD - as men 

cannot give birth! 

The True Supreme God(dess)… a WOMAN! 

‘Vengeance is a sweet dish, best served up ICY COLD!’ – 

SPECIAL FORCES ROUND THE WORLD MOTTO, originally from 

the BRITISH SAS AND SBS! 

YET ‘VENGEANCE IS MINE, SAITH THE LORD!’ … 

… THE CREDIT CRUNCH HAPPENED immediately … 

In that SAME AUTUMN – WITHIN A WEEK OF HER MOST 

TREACHEROUS EVER AND MOST VICIOUS AND APPALLING 

MURDER – BY ‘PROFESSIONAL’ COLLEAGUES – HER OWN PEER 

GROUP!!! 

14

More weird ‘Numerology’ – 11 th January 2019 

So now I am in a position to explain the profoundly deep 

symbolism of today’s date 1111/9 i.e. 1111/3x3… 

It is the very date of the launch of Armageddon in which I hope 

to play a very large part indeed by working on my existing 

sixteen websites as listed on the next few pages, over the 

coming weekend, and re-launching them with completely 

revised titles, subtitle and keywords. 

For to my amazement shortly after I struggled manfully with 

the vast amount of sheer hard work of putting these sixteen 

many identical websites up on the Web, Mr Satan i.e. Big 

Brother actually instructed Google, Bing, AOL, and MSN, so all 

the major search engines, to DESTROY ALL my very many high 

ranking search entries! 

So the large amount of painstaking work in the next few pages 

of documenting all my many very high ranking (page one often 

#1 or #2) search entries is totally out of date as NONE of those 

high ranking search entries survive! 

I am really hoping that this second time around, I once more 

get highly successful search rankings that hopefully persist 

much longer this time! 

Also this weekend I am launching eight new websites giving the 

seven volumes of my own autobiography and the single volume 

(8 th ) of ‘The Tender Years’ by an ex-girlfriend, Mrs Queenie 

Tarquin Saunders Spike (‘QT Saunders’): - 

15

www.free-book-1-of-7-with-doctors-like-these-who-needsenemies.org 







www.free-book-8-by-qt-saunders-have-a-good-stare.org 

Finally, this edition of my book ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time 

of The End’ features some incredible new writing that, 

incredible as it may sound, provide a COMPLETE SCIENTIFIC 

PROOF OF JUST WHAT THE SECRET OF LIFE IS AND ALSO HOW 

IT RELATES TO THE WOMB. Hence I am also launching this 

weekend two final 24 th and 25 th sites:- 

www.womb-tardis.org 

16

www.tardis-womb.org 

The imminent Battle of ARMAGEDDON as according to 

everything you read in the Bible will not involve ‘the Messiah of 

this 21 st Century’ NOR INDEED ANY ‘Person of Faith’ LIFTING A 

FINGER! It is a Spiritual Battle about to be waged by the ‘four 

sticks’ (the ‘1111’ as above) traditionally always used in 

Spiritual Warfare to Defeat Pure Evil Forces, i.e. JHWH or ‘God 

the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost’ AND NOW AT 

LAST Gabriel or GOD THE HOLY SPIRIT (OR THE MOTHER OF 

GOD). 

A short sharp ‘twinkling of the eye’ to overturn the tables 

completely and eject cruelty, evil and violence from all the 

positions of power and authority it clings tenaciously, and 

arrogantly and even totally complacently to right now. 

With the aid of all the unseen Spirit Beings on the Side of the 

Almighty JHWH, to turn the tables and end all injustice and 

above all IMPRISONMENT by the Forces of Evil of most of the 

Earth’s population – as at present, at worst under false 

evidence, in mental hospital without trial, and above all in so 

called ‘care homes’ - cruelty centres for VICTIMS! 

To imprison and punish them INSTEAD until they are fully 

reformed – under a ‘totally reformed Lucifer in a Heavens and 

an Earth and no more HELL as it should HAVE BEEN BEFORE 

THE GREAT “FALL” IN THE BIBLE’. 

Their main ENEMIES are both FALSE RELIGION OF ANY SORT 

WHETHER FALSE EVANGELISM (just for money) AND SIMILAR 

FALSE ‘FAITHS’. Plus since the Witchcraft Act 1948 in the UK, 

increasing hordes of ‘Wicca’ or the increasing billions of 

modern witches have completely gone underground and claim 

not to exist! 

17

My own massive experience of the Evil sort of Wicca by 

comparison to ‘wicca with a small w’ i.e. ordinary people 

especially attractive young ‘lovely wicca’ who have never really 

done anything wrong; reveals that my own main enemies 

among Evil Wicca so the Main Enemies of JHWH AND Good 

Wicca are: - 

Bone cracker wicca 

Bald headed (heavily?) tattooed black AND white ‘Niggerwog’ 

thugs often in NHS and other less supposedly ‘caring’ (by 

such YOBS!) jobs – simply to take horrible revenge for their 

own justified rough times! 

Bomb making and weapon wielding and abusive and 

aggressive Wicca ABOVE ALL in the police, NHS-HS (National 

Horrible Stalin Hitler Service) again, and allegedly disciplined 

military 

Hard hearted Wicca 

The incredibly selfish, arrogant, and complacent Independent 

Wicca… 

18

Now is the Dawning of 

the Time of the End 

THE AGE OF AQUARIUS started on Friday 11 th January 2019 or ‘1111/9’ 

– the very Polar Opposite of ‘9/11’! 

“THE Revolution” Right Round the World along with the Age of 

Aquarius… To little me falls the unbelievable privilege from Gabriel, that is 

Lady Gabriel the WOMAN GOD, to announce full details of this in all of 

three books all launched today at www.lulu.com/spotlight/zenbuddha! Up 

on The Web high all over the search engines as September 2018 in a 

week? 

At 3:33 1/3 am - the ‘Witching Hour’ on New Year’s Morning 2019 (Jesus 

Christ seemingly died at precisely 3.33 1/3 pm 31 st March 33 AD) there 

was a complete Old Moon ‘somewhere’ on the Earth – almost certainly 

obscured by clouds. 

Then at 8am GMT on Tuesday 2 nd January 2019 briefly through the cloud 

appeared the BIBLICAL SIGN OF ‘THE SON OF MAN’ (the ARCHANGEL)! 

For an ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY POSITIONED AND PROPORTIONED Islamic 

Crescent Moon and Star (the planet Venus) appeared for the only time ever in 

history (usually irregular so far from perfect in its ever presence in the sky). 

The moon’s two horns were absolutely perfectly pointed towards the 

absolutely perfectly distanced star (planet) FOR THE ONLY TIME EVER! 

With the odds against this INCREDIBLE SIGN IN THE HEAVENS VASTLY MORE 

IMPORTANT EVEN THAN THE STAR OF BETHLEHEM starting to be made 

manifest on Christian and Jewish New Year’s Night being vastly higher than 

any lottery…! 

The Archangel Michael, In Person on behalf of 

The Archangel Gabriel In Person – The 

Mother of God Herself or GOD THE WOMAN! 

19

20

“The Pudding is in the PROOF” 

Sunday 16 th September 2018 

The ‘24½ th Anniversary’ of my Baptism of the Holy Spirit in 

Loughborough, Black Country, 8.42pm GMT on 16 th March 

1994. 

I am no longer just ‘Number One -#1- on Google’ (and most 

search engines in the world!) for ‘top of page one search 

results’ for years. Searches - abolish all money, abolish 

machines, abolish all cash, as over. 

As of today, I have gone much further – and may well be 

‘World #1 of #1 search entries’ – at least for being the 

Webmaster with most entries, many #1, for my sixteen web 

sites on page #1 of the search results. 

This is not only on Google, but also all the other four major 

search engines, Bing, MSN, Yahoo and AOL – so search 

engines of the World. 

Overleaf I show how this has suddenly become true! 

I list overleaf all sixteen websites I have launched by today; 

three of these mostly for Fraulein Doktor Ima Patience Whistle- 

Blower. 

With all the ‘page one, especially #1 on page #1’, search 

engine results for the ‘Big Five’ search engines in the world, as 

above, which most lesser engines copy. 

Achieving this on a ‘zero budget’ using experience, wisdom, and 

long hard work, NOT money, has cost me only well under 

£300 for my all of sixteen leading websites for a year! 

21

Simon Lee’s Micro Website Search Engine with Search 

Results – his 16 Websites 

I. My ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money’ Book – GIVEN IN FULL 

Abolish All Money/Cash. Census Machines! 

Machines NB computers and tranSiStorS are The Beast 666! 

Census or abolish them and all their Root of All Evil Money! 


Searches producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’ 

Google abolish all money #7 

#1 #2 #6 #8 Adverts on page #1! There is also an advert 

opposite entry #1 on page #1 for the book contained in these 

two websites on this page, by my supposed publisher, Lulu Inc., 

who have been selling dozens of book titles of mine for over 10 

years with hardly any royalties paid to me at all, not $1,000’s as 

should be! I have soon got an Almighty fraud case against them 

by actionfraud.police.uk ! 

abolish machines #5 abolish all machines #2 Bing – and other 

Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar 

abolish all money 

websites 

#2 #3 #4 - Adverts for the book of these two 

Manifesto: Abolish All Money/Cash and most machines! Machines 

nb computers and tranSiStorS are The Beast 666! Census or 

simply abolish them and all their Root of All Evil Money! 



Google abolish all money #4 

Advert opposite entry #1 on page #1 for the book contained in 

these two websites on this page, by my supposed publisher, Lulu 

Inc., who have been selling dozens of book titles of mine for over 

10 years with hardly any royalties paid to me at all, not $1,000’s 

22

as should be! I have soon got an Almighty fraud case against 

them by actionfraud.police.uk ! 

abolish machines #1 abolish all machines #1 

Bing – and other Bing-driven engines MSN Yahoo AOL are similar 

abolish all money #2 #3 #4 - Adverts for the book of these two 

websites 

abolish all machines #1 

My book ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End’ – scientific, 

and science and religion, searches all for the same book WHICH 

IS GIVEN IN FULL ON ALL THESE WEB SITES: - 

Full logical common sense scientific proof God exists! Space IS 8D 

NOT 3D... Beast 666=tranSiStorS=ALL MACHINES... 

JHWH=ALLAH=ALL(pha-Omeg)AH... Proof God, Real Science, 

Multi Faith, Religions! www.silee.me.uk 


Google 

Submitted as long ago as Wednesday 15 th August 2018 – but 

STILL not indexed so appears nowhere in Google search results! 

Come ON Google! 


Submitted 15 th August 2018 – but all their search entries soon 

vanished! 

My titles and whole website seem to indeed be TOO SUPERB A 

COMPLETE PROOF for Google and Bing – so MSN/Yahoo/AOL - to 

23

index - so advertise this website! This seems to clearly be 

MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and CENSORSHIP by Google 

and Bing – and so MSN, Yahoo, and AOL…!!! 

PROOF space EIGHT 8 not three 3 dimensional dimensions! 

Holy Spirit=TIME! 

TIME=MALE Holy Ghost! Lord/OUR LADY God=MAIN Spirit Beings 

Good and Goodness! Holy SPIRIT=8-in-4- 

in-1 FEMALE Triune Goddess! www.srlee.me.uk 


Google 

space EIGHT not three dimensions #2 proof space 8 dimensions 

not 3 #1 

space EIGHT dimensions not three #2 proof space 8 not 3 

dimensions #1 

proof space EIGHT not three dimensions #1 proof space 8 not 3 

dimensions #1 

proof space EIGHT not three dimensional #1 

space EIGHT not three dimensional #10 space 8 not 3 

dimensional #5 


space EIGHT not three dimensions #2 

#5 

space 8 not 3 dimensions 

space Eight dimensions not three #3 space 8 dimensions not 3 

#8 

space EIGHT not three dimensional #1 space 8 not 3 

dimensional #1 

24

space Eight dimensional not three #3 

3 #2 

space 8 dimensional not 

Census BEAST 666=THE MACHINE – 1948-2018=tranSiStorS 

Space IS 8D NOT 3D... Beast 666=tranSiStorS=ALL MACHINES... 


Multi Faith, Religions! 

www.beast-666-the-machine-1948-2018-transistors.org Searches 

producing page #1 results – rank on page #1 after ‘#’ 

Google 

census beast 666 the machine#1 beast 666 the machine #3 

beast 666 transistors #1 #3 


census beast 666 the machine#1 beast 666 transistors #1 

Charles Darwin DISPROVED HIS OWN Theory of evolution/ 

natural selection! 




www.charles-darwin-disproved-his-own-theory-evolution.org 


Google 

NOTHING in search results from Google despite allegedly indexing 

this site! Come ON Google! 


COMPLETE DISPROOF for Google to index - so advertise this 

website! This seems to clearly be MULTINATIONAL POWER 

POLITICS and CENSORSHIP AGAIN by Google…!!! 

25


charles darwin disproved his own theory natural selection #2 

charles darwin disproved his own theory evolution #1 charles 

darwin disproved theory natural selection #2 charles darwin 

disproved theory evolution #2 

Matter is a pure DELUSION - everything is WAVES! 

The late Professor Milo Wolff was a principal Founder of the New 

Physics Movement after 'impossibly' he COMPLETELY solved 

Schroedinger's Wave Equation in 1988 100 years after its 

invention! 

www.matter-pure-delusion-everything-is-waves.org 


Searches 

Google 

matter delusion everything waves #1 matter is pure delusion 

#1 


matter delusion everything waves #1 matter is pure delusion 

#1 

Matter and wave-particle duality ARE DELUSIONS! Only WAVE 

energy exists! 



26



www.matter-wave-particle-duality-delusions-only-waveenergy.org 


Google 

Wave particle duality delusion #3 

delusions #2 

matter wave particle duality 

matter delusion only wave energy #1 

wave particle duality delusion only wave energy 

wave particle duality delusions only wave energy 

#1 

#1 matter and 


Wave particle duality delusion #1 matter wave particle duality 

delusions #2 

matter delusion only wave energy #1 

wave particle duality delusion only wave energy 

wave particle duality delusions only wave energy 

#2 matter and 

#1 

Jesus Christ, ULTIMATE Meaning of Life, helps rule the Universe 

ALL Good Angels sing their 'Dawning of the Age of Aquarius' or 

Freedom Song:- of Love, Peace, Joy, Truth, Reason, Experience, 

Enlightenment! 

www.proof-jesus-christ-helps-rule-the-universe.org 


Google 

27

I am still awaiting indexing by Googlebot of this website. Come 

ON Google! 


Not indexed! Come ON Bing! 


COMPLETE PROOF for Google and Bing – so MSN/Yahoo/AOL - to 

index - so advertise this website! This seems to clearly be 

MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and CENSORSHIP by Google 

and Bing – and so MSN, Yahoo, and AOL…!!! 

PROOF of Karma Consciousness=matter a delusion! Hare Krishna! 





www.proof-karma-consciousness-matter-delusion-harekrishna.org 


Google 

proof karma consciousness #1 proof karma consciousness 

matter #1 

proof karma consciousness matter a delusion #1, #2 


Not indexed after several submissions! Come ON Bing! My titles 

and whole website seem to indeed be TOO 

SUPERB A COMPLETE DISPROOF for Bing, so MSN, Yahoo and 

AOL to index - so advertise this website! This seems to clearly be 

MULTINATIONAL POWER POLITICS and CENSORSHIP AGAIN by 

them all…!!! 

28

Proof Time=MALE Holy Ghost BUT Holy Spirit is 8-3-1 Triune 

GodDESS! 




www.time-male-holy-ghost-but-holy-spirit-is-female.org Searches 


Google 

proof male holy ghost #1 proof holy ghost male #1 


proof male holy ghost #1 

II. Related website with VERY different contents to the nine just 

above 

Avebury, Silbury, Glastonbury, Stonehenge Decoded! LOGICAL 

analysis of Avebury, Silbury, Glastonbury, Stonehenge:- Space, 

Holy Spirit, Holy Ghost, Godhead STRUCTURES:- Jesus Christ 

PREDICTED 2,500 years EARLIER! 

www.electriczenbuddha.one 


Google 

avebury silbury glastonbury stonehenge #1 avebury decoded #3 

avebury silbury decoded #1 #2! silbury decoded #1 

avebury glastonbury decoded #1 #2 #3! avebury stonehenge 

decoded #1 #2 #3! glastonbury stonehenge decoded 

#1 #3! silbury glastonbury decoded #1 #2! 


avebury silbury glastonbury stonehenge #2 

#3 

avebury decoded 

avebury silbury decoded #1 silbury decoded #1 

29

avebury glastonbury decoded #1 avebury stonehenge decoded 

#1 glastonbury stonehenge decoded #1 silbury 

glastonbury decoded #1 

30

Websites I have developed for 

Fraulein Docktor Ima Patience Whistle-Blower – with my 

‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money’ Appended 

neo-Nazi 2 nd Holocaust Injection-Switch Conspiracy! Far Right 

Wing Medics Medicine Medical fatal poison 

injection switching Plot and Conspiracy to End the World! 

www.hearinthenameofthelord.one 


Google 

neo nazi 2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 neo nazi injection 

switch #1#2 

2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 injection switch conspiracy 

#10 


neo nazi 2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 

switch #1 

neo nazi injection 

2 nd holocaust injection switch #1 injection switch conspiracy 

#1 

2nd holocaust conspiracy #2 

Tera Giga Mega Kilo Whistle-Blowing on Medicine The Beast 666 

sick sick sick World Conspiracy... The Beast 666 is THE MACHINE 

first built in AD 70! NOW Beast 666=tranSiStorS! 

www.simonlee.me.uk 


Google 

tera whistle blowing #1-#4! tera whistle blowing medicine #1- 

#4! 

31

giga whistle blowing medicine #1-#4! 

#1 

Beast 666 sick sick sick 

mega whistle blowing medicine #1-#5,#7! kilo whistle 

blowing #3-#7! 

kilo whistle blowing medicine #1-#5! 


tera whistle blowing #2 giga whistle blowing #2 

tera whistle blowing medicine #1 medicine #1 

mega whistle blowing medicine #3 

kilo whistle blowing medicine #1 

giga whistle blowing #1 

kilo whistle blowing #1 

BAN lethal money-making EUTHATAL: -ALL poison drugs and 

substances 

The Beast 666 sick sick sick World Conspiracy... The Beast 666 is 

THE MACHINE first built in AD 70! NOW Beast 666=tranSiStorS 

www.ban-money-making-euthatal-all-poison-drugssubstances.org 


Google 

ban euthatal #1 ban lethal euthatal #2 ban money making 

euthatal #1 ban all poison drugs #1 


ban euthatal #1 ban lethal euthatal #1 

ban money making euthatal 

poison substances #1 

#1 ban all poison drugs#1 ban all 

32

My spiritual poetry book “A Many Threaded Tapestry” GIVEN IN 

FULL - FREE 

Spiritual poems, poetry book by Simon Richard Lee Twenty two 

deeply spiritual poems in one poetry book spanning many moods 

- funny, sad, bittersweet, poignant etc etc, charting his life during 

the 20 th Century www.author.me.uk 


Very popular genre of search INDEED so I found NO page one 

search entries on the main five search engines as above… 

To contact me visit my Face Book pages or call my mobile 

- 

0044 7747 113 135: - 

www.facebook.com/ATrueSonOfJesusChrist ‘Simon Richard Lee’ 

www.facebook.com/ElectricZenBuddha ‘Electric Zen Buddha’ 

You can chat with me here at the ‘Electric Zen Buddha’ Face 

Book Group and ask any questions you like of Electric Zen 

Buddha… 

NOW taken up for Simon Richard Lee by 

daddiesforjustice@gmail.com – you probably have lots! 

33

Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End 

A whole new science with brand new i.e. ancient scientific 

principles 

behind all world faiths especially Christianity 

Has world faith and religion been something that has been at 

the forefront of your mind? 

Do you find that there are large chunks of information missing 

from your knowledge? 

This book aims to correct that for you! 

It is time to rethink religion and to bring it into line with 

scientific thinking so that we can all understand it better. This 

book, Now Is the Dawning of the Time of the End, has been 

described as 'a brand new so very ancient at the same time - 

philosophy and science of ALL world faiths not just one in 

particular' and within its pages you will uncover ideas that 

include: 

A new science and concepts regarding the Universe 

New and surprising commentary on the Book of Revelation 

approach to the Book of Daniel 

A radical new 

My Manifesto – Abolish all Money 

Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End provides a new 

science that completely explains great parts of all the world’s 

major religions, giving the reader a greater perspective of them 

and a far deeper understanding. 

It has been written to educate and enlighten and promises each 

in equal measure. 

Get a copy of Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End and 

open your eyes to a new examination of the Universe that binds 

us. 

34

This individually laser printed A4 book with many illustrations is 

available from retailers Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and 

Blackwell etc. 

The book is available in full as a FREE flip book at the following 

websites where you can read and preview this amazing book in 

full: - 

www.srlee.me.uk 

www.gender-holy-spirit-female-seven-sisters-holy-ghost-male-istime.org 

www.secret-of-life-full-scientific-proof-complete-science.org 

www.scientific-basis-and-proof-of-the-very-secret-of-life.org 


35

Manifesto: Abolish All Money! 

This book tells The World Just Why and How to Eliminate the 

Root of All Evil…!? 

Do you ever imagine a better world? 

Do you think it could be a better place without money? Are you 

ready to experience a ground-breaking idea? 

There is no doubt about it. Money has been the root of all evil 

since it was devised and spawned the greed that we see in 

today’s society. Now imagine that we could abolish it, along 

with the vast majority of computers, and basically start again. We 

can and in Manifesto: Abolish all Money, I will explain exactly 

how we can do it, with ideas and proposals that show you how: 

Computers and money carry most germs 

Money and computers underpin society 

We can increase happiness without either of these things 

The population would have every need catered for 

Crime would reduce 

We can have fair distribution of wealth 

A better quality of life 

And much, much more… 

Once you read the proposals in this stunning strategy for 

ridding the world of the evil that is consuming it, you will never 

think about money or computers in the same way again. 

Get a copy of Manifesto: Abolish all Money now and help to get 

the greatest movement of our time under way today! 

This individually laser printed A4 book is available from retailers 

Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Blackwell etc. 

36

The book is available in full FREE as a flip book at the following 

identical twin websites where you can read and preview this 

amazing book freely: - 



www.abolish-all-money-tame-the-beast-666-ie-all-machines.org 

37

World Medicine or ‘Pskiviatry’ – 

they 

“Doctor - No!” me well… 

This book is a spirited attack on medicine and medics! 

If you ever thought that the NHS was the kind of organisation you could 

trust to look after you when you need it most, think again. 

Step inside a world that will make you question all that you have ever 

been told, as author Simon Richard Lee describes the internal workings of 

an institution that continues to fail the people it is meant to help, while 

enduring enormous scandals, manifesting a frightening brand of sadism 

and developing a complete disregard for mental health patients. 

With striking echoes of Stalin’s USSR, Hitler’s Third Reich and George 

Orwell’s 1984, this is a book that exposes one of the most loved of British 

organisations with a wry and witty look at what really goes on behind 

closed doors. 

And with a nod to many of the past few decades’ greatest songs, it will 

leave an impression like no other as you are finally able to understand 

who and what really drives the NHS. 

This individually laser printed A4 book is available from retailers Amazon, 

Barnes and Noble, and Blackwell’s etc. The book is available in full FREE 

as a flip book at these websites where you can read and preview this 

amazing book freely: - 

www.hearinthenameofthelord.one www.simonlee.me.uk 

www.mega-whistleblowing-medicine.org 

www.ban-mental-health-law-care-homes-all-fake-evidence-doingtime.org 

www.racism-racist-migration-immigration-prejudice-stigma-evilhate.org 

38

www.the-revolution-and-so-the-age-of-aquarius-started-2nd-jan- 

2019.org 

www.the-revolution-idea-ideal-real-peaceful-non-violentpeacefare.org 

www.the-revolution-real-peaceful-peace-non-violentpeacefare.org 

39

A Many Threaded Tapestry 

A Set of Spiritual Poems from the 20 th Century tracing my life 

then – from early days till my awful divorce! 

One man’s journey set out against the tests and misfortunes of 

his adult life within the 20 th century, this collection of 22 poems 

is both insightful and filled with the seemingly mundane and 

everyday occurrences that we all encounter. But they are seen 

here with a fresh perspective and intellect that comes from a 

life well lived and seldom understood. 

A Many Threaded Tapestry will make you think about your own 

life and the experiences you have had along the way, while still 

entertaining as only the well written verse can. 

From the hard hitting Social and Security to the heartfelt 

New Desires, each verse has its own place and time and each 

one delivers a message that carries an underlying meaning and 

significance that we can all relate to, somewhere in our pasts. 

This individually laser printed A4 book is available from retailers 

Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Blackwell etc. 

The book is available in full FREE as a flip book at the following 

website where you can read and preview this amazing book 

freely: - 

www.author.me.uk 

40

The absolutely amazingly high performance 

VERY MANY web sites of Simon Richard 

‘Pilchard’ DAY LEE, BA, MA (King’s College, 

Cambridge); CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC 

(FOUR Professor Level Certificates!) 

Phase One – 2015 onwards 

www.scientific-proof-that-god-exists.com 


www.author.me.uk 


www.hearinthenameofthelord.one 


www.silee.me.uk 



41

Phase Two - big push 21/Feb/2019 


www.avebury-silbury-hill-stonehenge-glastonbury.org 

www.charles-darwin-evolution-natural-selection-all-total-cons.org 

www.beast-666-is-all-machines-from-1947-2019-have-beentransistors.org 


www.beast-666-is-all-machines-from-1947-2019-have-beentransistors.org 





42

www.free-book-8-the-Tender-Years-by-QT-Saunders.org 




www.tardis-womb.org 




www.gender-holy-spirit-female-SEVEN-sisters-holy-ghost-maleis-time.org 



2019.org 


43



44

FULL LIST OF 

WEBSITES 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ 

www.scientific-proof-that-god-exists.com 

Full complete scientific PROOF God exists - & the SECRET 

OF LIFE! 

 

 

45

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Manifesto : - Abolish All Money === SATAN’ 


Abolish All Money Cash Credit. TAME all MACHINES ie the 

Beast 666! 

 

ENTIRE FREE SPIRITUAL POETRY BOOK ‘A Many Threaded 

Tapestry’ www.author.me.uk 

Spiritual poems, poetry book by Simon Richard Lee 

 

 

46

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, 

Stonehenge – Decoded’ 


Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, Stonehenge 

Decoded! 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘THE Revolution AND The Age of Aquarius 

started on 2 nd January 2019’ www.hearinthenameofthelord.one 

mental health acts and '''care'''' homes are a free ticket to 

LIFE IN PRISON UNDER TORTURE! 

 

east 666 sick sick sick,666 sick sick sick, 

beast 666 machine,666 machine,beast 666 machine sick, beast 

666 machine sick sick sick, 

mega whistleblowing medicine,medic,medical,medicine, mega 

whistleblowing medicine,medic,medical,medicine, global 

medicine,world medicine,psychiatrist,psychiatry,consultant"/> 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money === SATAN’ 


Abolish All Money Cash Credit - TAME the Beast 666 ie ALL 

Machines! 

 

 



Full complete scientific PROOF of the SECRET OF LIFE ie 

ORGANIC GROWTH! 

content="INNER space is an infinite 4 dimension vast array of 

wombs or Tardis's VERY SLOWLY causing TIME by organic growth 

forever outward to 3 dimension OUTER space - this is the SECRET 

OF LIFE"/> 

 


started on 2 nd January 2019’ 


THE Revolution AND The Age of AQUARIUS started on 

Monday New Year’s Day 2019 

 

ig brother,beast 666,beast 666 machine,beast 666 

transistors,abolish money,abolish cash, 

abolish machines,census machines,utopia,paradise,world 

peace"/> 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’ 



OF LIFE! 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Manifesto : Abolish All Money === SATAN’ 


50

Abolish all Money TAME THE BEAST 666 ie ALL 

MACHINES! 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, 

Stonehenge - Decoded!’ 

www.avebury-silbury-hill-stonehenge-glastonbury.org 

Avebury, Silbury Hill, Glastonbury, Stonehenge 

Decoded! 

 

 

51


started on 2 nd January 2019’ 


BAN most drugs as they are ALL POISONOUS ESPECIALLY 

psychiatric narcotics! 

 

 

medicine,world 


www.charles-darwin-evolution-natural-selection-all-total-cons.org 

Charles Darwin, evolution and natural selection are all 

huge cons! 

 

52

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Which Witch Doctor?’ 


FREE book 1 'Which Witch Doctor?' of 7 in Series "With 

Doctor-ers like these who needs ENEMIES?" 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Disabled – by Doctors’ 


53

FREE book 2 'Disabled - by Doctors!' of 7 in Series "With 

Doctor-ers like these who needs ENEMIES?" 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘The Fourth Helen of the Apocalypse!’ 


FREE book 3 'The Fourth Helen of the Apocalypse!' of 7 in 

Series "With Doctor-ers like these who needs ENEMIES?" 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Doctor Police!’ 


54

FREE book 4 'Doctor Police!' of 7 in Series "With Doctorers 

like these who needs ENEMIES?" 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Love thy Neighbour, Julie next door!’ 


FREE book 5 'Love thy neighbour, Julie next door!' of 7 in 

Series "With Doctor-ers like these who needs ENEMIES?" 

 

 

55

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Always Rise above the Black Art of 

PSEXISTRICKERY!’ 


FREE book 6 'Always rise above the Black Art of 

PSEXISTRICKERY!' of 7 in Series "With Doctor-ers like these who 

needs ENEMIES?" 

 

 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘TEN YEARS HELL- Halfway, Huge Heavenly 

Help!’ 


FREE book 7 ‘TEN Years' Hell - Halfway Huge Heavenly 

Help' of 7 in Series "With Doctors like these who needs 

ENEMIES?" 

 

health,mad,crazy,insane,sanity,mental health act, 

murder,cruel,torture,rape,death"/> 

ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘The Tender Years’ 

www.free-book-8-by-qt-saunders-have-a-good-stare.org 

FREE Bonus Book 8 of 7 – by qt saunders – have a good 

stare!! 

 

 


www.gender-holy-spirit-female-EIGHT-sisters-holy-ghost-male-istime.org 

Now is the Dawning of the Time of the End 

Full complete scientific PROOF of the SECRET OF LIFE ie 

ORGANIC GROWTH! 

 

57


started on Monday 2nd January 2019’ 


Mega Whistleblowing:-Medicine!-Tera Giga Mega Kilo 

Whistleblowing Medicine! 

 

 

58


started on Monday 2nd January 2019’ 


Racism, racist view, provoked by migration and 

immigration, all prejudice, stigma, evil hate hatred crime 

 

 



The very SECRET OF LIFE, the scientific PROOF and origin 

of ALL ORGANIC GROWTH! 

content="INNER space is an infinite 4 dimension vast array of 

wombs or Tardis's VERY SLOWLY causing TIME by organic growth 

forever outward to 3 dimension OUTER space - this is the SECRET 

OF LIFE"/> 

census 

machines,utopia,paradise,world peace"/> 




OF LIFE! 

 

proof,scientific proof,full proof,complete 

proof,womb,tardis,time,space, 

8 EIGHT not 3 three dimensions space,4 four dimension time,4 

dimension space,inner space,outer space, 

big brother,beast 666,beast 666 machine,beast 666 

transistors,abolish money,abolish cash,abolish machines,census 


ENTIRE FREE BOOK ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ www.tardiswomb.org 


OF LIFE! 

 

 

61


started on 2nd January 2019’ 


2019.org 

Our Queen and Margaret Thatcher alone NOT The Lords 

signed Mental Health Acts - licenses to freely imprison 

billions 

 



THE Revolution: - GOD's idea for an ideal real peaceful 

world, with non-violent peacefare 

 

 





THE Revolution:- full real PEACE - all non violent 

'peacefare'! 

63

 



Full complete scientific PROOF God exists. The SECRET OF 

LIFE! 

 

proof,scientific proof,full proof,complete 

proof,womb,tardis,time,space, 

8 EIGHT not 3 three dimensions space,4 four dimension time,4 

dimension space,inner space,outer space, 

big brother,beast 666,beast 666 machine,beast 666 

transistors,abolish money,abolish cash,abolish machines,census 


65

66

Part One 

An incredible, entirely new approach to many key 

‘scientific’, as well as ‘spiritual’, aspects of the Universe. 

How, on passing right through the fabric or ‘curtains’ of Space, 

the extremely different, far greater ‘Kingdom of the Heavens’ is 

revealed and reached! 

1. The ‘void’ or space is not three-dimensional, as generally 

thought! Simple proof given here, which is so elegant that it 

is totally convincing, that space in our Universe is in fact EIGHTdimensional! 

2. The vital importance of space in many faiths, especially in the 

Far East, especially Buddhism and Zen, as an object of both 

meditation and veneration. The crucial word ‘mu’ in Zen 

Buddhism, and the closely related meditation, and reverence for, 

space or ‘the void’ in the East and Far East. 

3. The principal scientific view of how the Universe first came 

about, the ‘Big Bang’ theory. 

4. What is time? Where does it come from and where does it go 

to? 

5. Science is very different in its approach to gaining 

knowledge, to the faiths and religions of the world. It is wrong 

to believe that scientists ‘seek the truth’, which is instead the 

aim of every single faith in the world. Scientists aim to 

‘prove scientific facts’ about the world, starting with 

‘observations’ of Nature, or experiments. These usually strike 

the general public as being extremely cold and indeed ‘clinical’, 

with little emotion involved. Science is very different to world 

faiths in at least two other ways. Firstly, whereas all 

world faiths are concerned with receiving and also giving out 

67

‘messages’, astonishingly science nearly totally ignores 

languages in Nature. Secondly, scientists deliberately cultivate 

often very many ‘theories’ about aspects of science, to try to 

accurately predict all future observations in the same 

situation. Instead, all world faiths follow their own unique ‘Way’ 

(to God?), usually established by a spiritual 

leader. ‘To find the Truth, about life, and usually God’, in order 

to lead an increasingly ‘better life’. The most famous man 

ever, Jesus Christ, is so because so much of the world believes 

that he stood for the above ideals, shown in bold, far better 

than anyone else ever has. 

6. The quite astonishing way, in which the Hebrew ‘Name of 

God’, the four letters JHWH, is actually a totally accurate 

diagram of the Godhead in Heaven, showing precisely how 

interaction happens with our Physical Universe. 

7. A fuller picture is given, by adding to the JHWH diagram the 

Tree of Life, made of the two trees of the Holy Ghost (actions) 

and the Holy Spirit (words and feelings). 

8. How God created light on the first Day of Creation – 

which science tells us, starts with +/- charge, then 

electric and magnetic fields result, then finally these make light 

by combining together in a complex way. 

9. Proof that there is no such thing as ‘matter’! All particles 

have in fact been proven to be made of concentric nested 

spheres, of standing waves made of space, with their charge 

spread all around the surface of each particle. In this Section, 

we look at particles, atoms, molecules, macromolecules, and 

briefly, crystals. 

10. The “Seven Days of God’s Creation”, however long they 

actually lasted, witnessed very much Creation of stars, 

planets, then ‘biological life’ in several stages, as in the Book of 

Genesis in the Bible. We discuss all these phases in this 

Section. At the end of all this discussion, we will find that a 

whole radically new ‘Spiritual Science’ has emerged in the 

process! 

68

The LOGICAL BASIS of THE VERY 

SECRET OF LIFE 

Sensational 

Supernatural 

Stunningly New 

‘Spiritual Sciences’! 

With NO Equations in them at all! They are in 

fact as old as the hills... 

What follows in the next several dozen 

pages will definitely cause resounding 

changes to all of our views, especially 

scientific views, of space and time. 

Even more so, we prove that all ‘material’ 

objects are made solely of a Filigree Lattice of 

Space and Time – surrounded by electrical 

charge. There is no such thing as ‘matter’ – 

‘matter’ is a pure delusion. 

So we PROVE TOTALLY ‘karma’ consciousness in 

the first Part One of this book! 

69

70

Section 1 

The True Nature of ‘Space’ 

Space is actually an invisible ‘Filigree Lattice’, normally seen as 

‘three-dimensional’ – but complete proof is given below, from 

first principles, that space is really ‘eight dimensional’! 

Conventional mathematical, scientific and engineering views 

of space – as ‘three dimensional’ 

We usually start to learn about space (for instance at school) as 

‘containing three right angles at ninety degrees to each other’, 

in three ‘axes’, ‘directions’ or ‘dimensions’. 

To start considering objects within these invisible three 

dimensions, we are first taught to draw a picture of the three 

axes or directions as below, called in mathematics ‘Cartesian 

co-ordinates’: - 

71

For hundreds, indeed thousands of years, until about 100 years 

ago, science considered space to be an infinite ‘grid’ extending 

uniformly out from a base as above, in all three directions. 

At the start of the 20 th Century, as we saw earlier, Albert 

Einstein, in particular, totally challenged all the ancient notions 

of space as above, when he revolutionised ideas in science of 

time itself – in his two theories of Special Relativity and General 

Relativity. General Relativity theory even proposes that space 

can ‘curve’ – especially near very large, heavy, bodies - like stars. 

More recently, later scientists have tried to develop theories of 

the Universe that claim that space has more than three 

dimensions. Trying to see what space really looks like, if it is 

indeed ‘multi-dimensional’, even with powerful computer 

graphical methods, has, not surprisingly, proven impossible! 

72

Space has EIGHT dimensions – not three! 

Simple and complete proof! 

Firstly, the big problem with the above starting point, 

drawing three axes or ‘dimensions’ through an ‘area of empty 

space’ – is that according to every single science as well as 

every single world faith or religion – space is never ever empty. 

Space is always full of objects, even if so tiny they are invisible 

to the naked eye – fundamental particles, atoms, etc. Also – 

EVERYTHING is CURVED! 

An ‘object’ is obviously very easy indeed to define as “something 

with a volume of space containing an inside as well as an 

outside”. 

The outside of objects contained inside a relatively large 

volume of free space or empty space can readily indeed be 

seen to be three dimensional just as above. However, maths 

and science seem to have mostly totally overlooked a very 

curious fact about the inside of all objects – also known 

about in geometry for thousands of years. For the inside of all 

objects contains four not three axes at right angles i.e. is four 

dimensional not three dimensional! 

The very simplest, clearest example of this is a cube – often 

a very mystical object in many faiths and religions – almost 

certainly for the above or similar reasons: - 

73

1. So, a large volume of free space or empty space – space 

outside objects – has three axes – or is ‘three 

dimensional’. So Outer Space is Three Dimensional. 

2. As in the simplest example of the cube, space inside 

objects – has four axes – is ‘four dimensional’. So Inner Space is 

Four Dimensional. 

3. The simplest TWO dimensional view of four dimensional inner 

space is as given by the (UNBELIEVABLY tongue-in-cheek 

by whoever owns that website!) hyperlink below: - 

https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F% 

2Fthumbs.gfycat.com%2FMadeupNiceKawalasize_restricted.gif&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fgfycat.co 

m%2Fmadeupnicekawala&docid=IWHi3TUZqM5faM&tbnid 

=ARw1nc_WD- 

D1tM%3A&vet=1&w=256&h=256&bih=783&biw=1600&v 

ed=2ahUKEwj78ZemsdLfAhUGhxoKHaSwCGUQxiAoAXoEC 

AEQEg&iact=c&ictx=1 

4. Incredibly, the above hyperlink’s view of four dimensional 

INNER SPACE portrays the very SECRET OF (ORGANIC) LIFE 

ITSELF – the three dimensions of OUTER space are naturally 

slightly more stable in ENERGY terms so FOUR DIMENSIONAL 

INNER SPACE forms an infinite Cosmic Dance of points of 

four dimensional space slowly organically growing as LIFE 

ITSELF and its continual ORGANIC GROWTH outward bound - 

forever progressing from INNER space to OUTER space. It is 

JUST THIS rate of organic growth alone that COMPLETELY 

DETERMINES THE VERY RATE THAT TIME PASSES THROUGH 

AND SO SPEAKS TO US – generally GOD speaks to all people 

very slowly and with massive patience and loving-kindness at 

the rate of just one word or syllable a second! 

74

5. The normal or usual situation, throughout the entire 

Universe, is that Middle Space – Inner Space 

containing further objects within that space – is BOTH 3D 

AND 4D (3D to inner objects and 4D to the outer object). 

6. SO MOST SPACE CAN BE READILY SEEN TO BE EIGHT- 

DIMENSIONAL – in ‘octaves’! 

7. Likewise, the ‘thing’ which separates ‘inside’ of all objects 

from their ‘outside’ must simply be a likewise EXTRA ‘SHELL’ 

OR FINAL EIGHTH DIMENSION OF SPACE. THE ACTUAL 8D 

SURFACE MEMBRANE OF ALL OBJECTS! 

‘TREE STRUCTURE’ OF 8-DIMENSIONAL SPACE 

So every single point in the entire vast Universe is in fact a 

TARDIS as in Doctor Witch or fake Time Lords or scientists – 

TIME itself is LORD GOD so is the ONLY REAL TIME LORD in the 

entire Universe made up solely of Lord God Time and Lady God 

75

Space! Being a Tardis, every single point in the entire vast 

Universe is BIGGER ON THE INSIDE THAN ITS OUTSIDE! 

This simple yet INCREDIBLE fact is the full explanation of the 

Origins of the famous Second Law of Thermodynamics – that 

everything in the Universe is gradually getting more COMPLEX 

NOT MORE RANDOM as it GROWS – so ‘its entropy constantly 

TENDS to increase’ as that Law says. 

The above discussion of the interior four dimensions of all space 

being the very LONG SOUGHT AFTER SECRET OF LIFE ITSELF 

SO all ORGANIC GROWTH immediately yields all the bases of all 

the long term mysteries of just how the WOMB of all mammals 

contains babies BIGGER THAN THE WOMB ITSELF SO 

PROTECTED BY THE WOMB IN A TOTALLY MAGICAL EVER 

DYNAMIC WAY WHICH I HAVE JUST UNRAVELLED! 

Increasing numbers of us scientists have recognised in the last 

few years, especially, that if space is proven to be 8D (in 8D 

octaves of solid light, sound and music, with moving or nonstanding 

forms of these waves also flowing EVERYWHERE IN 

THE UNIVERSE all the time!) - not just ‘3D’… - an amazing 

thing will happen! 

Science and all its mathematics will be completed! Science will 

come to a final end, especially physics! 

The PAST keeps flowing steadily OUTWARDS from EVERY single 

point in space into space (the Kingdom of the Heavens)… The 

FUTURE keeps flowing steadily INWARDS from EVERY single 

point in space into space (the Kingdom of the Heavens)… This 

PRINCIPLE is called in ASTRONOMY – Mach’s Principle… 

Well, just my above four pages do exactly prove that space is 

indeed 8D – eightfold octaves not ‘3D’! 

QED 

76

TIME IS 3D (4D within a ‘shell’ or ‘cosmic egg’!) SO THE 

UNIVERSE OVERALL IS 8D+4D=12D !!! 

As my two diagrams overleaf show quite clearly, just as 

space is really EIGHT dimensional (NOT JUST ‘3D’!) solid music 

or light or sound, TIME is three dimensional (with a FOURTH 

dimension or ‘shell’ or ‘cosmic egg’). 

As far better understood already – its FOUR aspects are all 

equally important as well known in astronomy from the above 

Mach’s principle: - 

1. TIME, THE PAST, radiates outwards EVERYWHERE in TIME 

WAVES with the famous DE BROGLIE WAVELENGTH. At the 

speed of light as Albert Einstein was the first to investigate 

in his famous two Theories of Relativity. However, he 

thought space was 3D NOT 8D as I just elegantly proved on 

just 4 pages! 

2. LIKEWISE the FUTURE radiates into every point in the 

Universe from EVERY OTHER POINT IN THE UNIVERSE in TIME 

WAVES – with the very same de Broglie wavelength! 

3. The ENTIRE ENCAPSULATED MOST VITAL UNIVERSE OF ALL 

THE only THREE ‘real’ Universes is BY FAR THE MOST 

DESIRABLE … ! 

4. Above all it is by far the most physically and even 

spiritually HEALTHY UNIVERSE of all three above ‘real 

Universes’ …! Of common-sense or ZEN REALITY of ‘no 

mind’/’do not care – no TIME to!’ or ‘suchness’ – the 

PRESENT MOMENT or ‘MU / Tao / Dao / li / chi / Zen / 

Spiritual Energy everyday common-sense REALITY’ … … ! 

Overall then the UNIVERSE is 8D in SPACE and 4D in TIME – so 

overall the ‘Ultimate Answer’ is it is ‘12D’ overall – Douglas 

Adams! – just like any clock face! 

A nod to Richard Dawkins’ watchmaker is in order! 

However - God IS the watch! 

77

‘GOD’ (Anglo-Saxon ‘good’) IS THE WHOLE UNIVERSE – THE 

‘LIGHT’ NOT ‘SHADY’ PARTS AT LEAST! 

78

79

The above amazingly just four pages form a logical proof from 

first principles that: - 

As the inside of objects is four dimensional, and only the 

outside the traditional three dimensions, overall space is eight 

dimensional – ‘8D’ in octaves! 

As we will be seeing, this is a dream come true for most leading 

modern day scientists, engineers and mathematicians, who 

have long sought such a proof as mine above, that space is 

eight dimensional - 8D. 

For scientists have already absolutely proven that if space is 

really 8D not 3D as assumed for millennia hitherto, all the 

complex mathematics of science and engineering will suddenly 

start to ‘work properly’ within such a 8D foundation for space. 

They will become 100% entirely accurate not just as now a set 

of approximations. 

My introductory pages above were deliberately ‘slam dunk’, 

direct, bold, brief and terse. A similar proof of anything 

desirable in maths or science on one sheet of paper is normally 

an ‘ideal triumph’ and my above proof that space is 8D not 3D 

is a classic example! 

However, we now need to give more background of the history 

of mathematical science to show that! 

A potted history of the philosophy of space 

For millennia, all civilisations have observed that in the 

everyday size of the world, space indeed contains three right 

angles or ‘dimensions’ – so assumed that the whole of space in 

the Universe was a grid of such everyday space. 

80

So buildings and vehicles were made of grids of building blocks 

of such everyday space, especially the very familiar bricks as 

used in buildings. 

Around the start of the 17 th Century in the Western Middle 

Ages, quite a few philosophers and mathematicians worked out 

drawings and ‘coordinate systems’ for 2D planes and 3D 

objects. 

A paper published by the French philosopher Rene Descartes in 

1637 stole the show. So his notation for describing the two 

‘axes’ at right angles of 2D planes, and the three axes at right 

angles of 3D objects has ever since been termed the ‘Cartesian 

coordinate system’. 

In 1687, fifty years after that paper by Descartes, the book by 

fellow of the British Royal Society, Sir Isaac Newton, called 

‘Principles of Natural Philosophy’ took those ideas to a dramatic 

logical conclusion – so starting 200+ years of The Golden Age 

of Classical Physics. 

For in his book Newton single-handedly invented differential 

and integral calculus based on the Cartesian system. 

It was not until the start of the 20 th Century, that new 

discoveries in scientific observations, made ‘classical physics’ as 

started by Newton in 1687, need drastic revision. 

Notably ‘the ultraviolet catastrophe’ and the two Theories of 

Special and General Relativity of Albert Einstein. 

81

As a result the new science of quantum mechanics appeared 

about one hundred years ago. However, scientists have been 

trying to ‘get around’ the essential contradiction or duality at its 

heart ever since, the famous ‘wave particle duality’. 

The complete solution in 1988 of the famous Schroedinger 

Wave Equation by the late Professor Doctor Milo Wolff, 

discussed in Section 9 below, shows that in fact there is no 

‘wave particle duality’ – everything in the universe is made of 

waves of space. 

My own proof that space is 8D not 3D, as above, coupled to 

and derived from Milo Wolff’s proofs, in addition to those, 

should enable science to be completed! In a new finalised 

‘semi-classical approach’… 

For scientists have recast the many equations of science, only 

ever approximately true up to now in 3D space, into a ‘8D 

space model’ on computers. They found that all the equations 

are then 100% accurate not just partly so! 

Perhaps relying far too much on similar powerful computers, 

they had hopes that were seemingly not fulfilled, that the 

massively huge and expensive Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at 

CERN in Switzerland, would somehow prove space is 8D not 

3D… 

My own logical proof from first principles on just two sides of 

paper above in fact does the job perfectly instead! 

82

The Music of 8D Space 

The fact that I just proved that space is 8D not 3D from first 

principles, and music has seven notes or tones (doh, ray, mi, 

fa, so, la, ti) leads me to a perhaps astonishing claim: - 

Space is made of SOLID music! 

A simple diagram illustrates this: - 

Deeper notes (doh, ray, mi) correspond to the three dimensions 

of Outer Space, while the four higher notes, more compressed 

so higher frequency, correspond to the four axes of Inner 

Space. 

As in Far Eastern mysticism, space contains ‘towers within 

towers’ making symphonies out of the ‘tower objects’. Finally, 

the surfaces of objects are 8D, separating Outer 3D from Inner 

4D Space. It is surfaces that contain ‘towers within towers’ 

that is objects within objects. So surfaces complete all the 

octaves of the spatial music. 

83

84

CONTENTS 

1. Introduction. Imagine a world with ‘Money as a thing of 

the past’. With the clock wound back all of 70 years so 

there are only a few computers again. 

2. Money and computers are filthy – they carry most germs. 

“Filthy leukah”. “Filthy rich versus filthy poor”? 

3. Money and computers are just filthy dirty middlemen. 

Money and computers underpin our ‘modern 21 st 

Century World’ – but it is unbearably awkward, clunky and 

inhuman. The oil of human relations would run rich in a 

world freed of both. 

4. Resources and possessions. No more force of 

economics. No more “haves and have not’s” – everybody 

happy. 

5. Food, clothing, land, housing and furnishings, 

comfortable environment (decent lighting, temperatures, 

air, water and sanitation) – all our essential basic needs 

would become free for all – even in the undeveloped world – 

the very least that this proposal offers after the abolition of 

money 

6. Work, agriculture, shops and industry 

7. Walking, road, rail, sea, air and space transport 

85

8. No more need for banks, taxes, gambling, casinos or 

Stock Markets – or charities or state benefits on the other 

hand… 

9. The Law – very little crime; so punishment; left possible. 

10. Local, national and international Governments 

11. Multinational cultural and language differences and 

Travel 

12. Trade; the fair distribution of wealth once 

money were abolished; the end of the Great International 

Rich-Poor Divide 

13. Children and families 

14. Poverty and debt obsolete – personal and national 

15. Teaching and Education 

16. Science and Technology, especially regarding 

information 

17. The Arts 

18. Entertainment and communications: - post offices and 

services, radio, TV, (mobile) telephones, papers, 

magazines, books; information and computer technology, 

and the Internet 

86

19. Sport, Recreation Activities and Holidays 

20. Health, Beauty, Hygiene, Safety, Medicine, Hospitals, 

Legal and Illegal Drugs, Social Services, Welfare, and The 

Elderly 

21. The Environment; Natural Resources; Environmental 

Global Warming, ‘carbon footprints’, pollution, climate all 

made too a ‘thing of the past’ 

22. Health. Change 

23. Nature and Wildlife 

24. Politics replaced by true leadership 

25. World Peace and Security replacing Permanent War 

26. Sexism, sexuality, homophobia, ageism, racism, etc, 

etc 

27. Stresses and Strains, the Pace of Life and Mental Health 

28. Human or spiritual values and freedom of choice. 

Religion – is it affected at all? 

29. Any counter arguments to zero money are few and 

weak. 

30. Overall - a very simple and high Quality of Life for all. 

87

Introduction. Imagine a world with ‘Money as a thing of 

the past’. With the clock wound back all of 70 years so 

there are only a few computers again. 

The current worldwide recession (I share the increasing views 

of many commentators that it is a Second Great Depression 

that may last years if unchecked by a world government 

initiative) started life as the tritely and glibly misnamed ‘credit 

crunch’ back in September 2007. Banks stopped giving out 

vast amounts of cheap credit – around that time the long term 

bubble in massive and escalating property prices on both sides 

of the Atlantic, also burst. 

Since then world stock markets have collapsed in a series of 

drastic falls, notably in September 2008, a year after the start 

of this ‘credit crunch’ cum Second Great Depression. Now the 

world and its leaders are both apportioning blame as ever, 

often quite wildly, and grasping onto straws to find ways to get 

the apple cart of the world economy upright and working again. 

Was it all greedy bankers’ fault – or was it greedy 

homeowners? They ask. 

88

KEY EQUIVALENCES 

Conservative Party of Great Britain = NEO-NAZI PARTEI 

OF GREATER GERMANY IE UK BRITISH GOVERNMENT 

I.E. ‘CONSERVATIVE (NEO-NAZI) PARTEI’ 

Labour Party of Great Britain = plain NAZI PARTEI 

OF GREATER GERMANY IE UK BRITISH GOVERNMENT 

I.E. ‘LABOUR (NAZI) PARTEI’ 

NATIONAL HORRIBLE STALIN HITLER SYSTEM (NHS-HS) 

EXISTS globally IN BRITISH EX-EMPIRE REGIONS OR 

COUNTRIES ESPECIALLY. 

SPECIFICALLY TO CONTINUE AS A “SECOND (USUALLY 

COLOURED OR BLACK NOW) HOLOCAUST” THE NEO- 

NAZI DEATH CAMPS OR PRISON STIR PORRIDGE 

GODHELPUSALLS (“HOSPITALS”) … … 

… … OF ADOLF’S AND JOSEF’S ATROCIOUS SECOND 

WORLD WAR THAT NEVER ENDED – ANLAGEN 

ARCHIPELAGOS AND GULAG ARCHIPELAGOS!!! 

“OPERATIVE WORTER” ABOVE ALL “KONTROL – NACHT 

UND NEBEL” THE POLAR OPPOSITES OF LOVE, JOY, 

PEACE, TRUTH, HONESTY, DECENCY FOR INMATES. 

ABOVE ALL – freedom … … !!! 

Adolf’s body was never found in that bunker in Berlin in 

1945 and he / it persists as ‘Robo Adolf’ = BIG BROTHER – 

CONTROLLING THE WORLD THROUGH ALL HIS (NEO-) 

NAZI LEGACY OF NASTY NAZI LAWS IN BRITAIN, 

EUROPE, RUSSIA AND AMERICA!!! 

89

“Our Freedom Song” 

As composed by Our Lady The Holy Spirit with Her Elendila, 

with the tune and words inspired by the title of Simon Richard 

Lee’s main book: - 

‘Now is the Dawning of the Time of The End’. 

Now is The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Now is The Dawning 

of The Time of the End. 

Now is The Dawning of the Age of Enlightenment, Now is The 

Dawning of The End of Time. 

Now is The Dawning of the Age of Reason, Now is The Dawning of 

the Age of Truth. Now is The Dawning of the Age of Peace, Now is 

The Dawning of the Age of Love. 

FREEdom, FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we want… FREEdom, 

FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we need… 

Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our 

Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Free-ee-dom So-o-o-ong. 

90

Now is The Dawning of the Age of Aquarius, Now is The Dawning 

of The Time of the End. Now is The Dawning of the Age of 

Experience, Now is The Dawning of the Age of Merriment. Now is 

The Dawning of the Age of Laughter, 

Now is The Dawning of the Age of All Things New. Now is The 

Dawning of the Age of Joy, 

Now is The Dawning of the Age of LOVE. 

FREEdom, FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we want… FREEdom, 

FREEdom, FREEdom’s what we need… 


Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Free-ee-dom So-o-o-ong. 


Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our Freedom Song, Our 

Freedom Song, Our Freedom So-o-o-ong! 

91

My own answers are extremely radical and totally mindblowingly 

far-reaching: - 

A lot of the problem is the vast over-proliferation of a 

population of nearly totally uncontrolled, unregulated, 

computers, especially in this 21 st Century, way beyond in Size 

and Complexity, the ability of their designers to actually control 

their design. Above all the Internet. As a computer systems 

designer who first worked on them using paper tape and cards 

back in 1971, I find the current generation of systems (a) far 

too complex and BIG for anybody alive to understand let alone 

manage (b) since ‘9/11’ and the ensuing war on terrorism, 

involved in a global system of control and alleged so-called 

‘security’ that serves no human being any more – only the 

‘Great God of MONEY’. 

I propose here a ‘CCCCCC’ or ‘C6’ – a ‘cool, calm, collected 

complete computer census’. Computers were invented between 

1937 and 1939 as weapons – the first digital electronic 

computer was based at Bletchley in England throughout the 

Second World War. This ‘Colossus Machine’ enabled Britain and 

so the Allies to break the ‘Enigma Code’ of every single German 

military radio signal during the war – and had Prime Minister 

Winston Churchill taken this work much more seriously, it has 

been said that the result could have been a far quicker ending 

of that terrible conflict. The man who published the original 

design was one Alan Turing, a predecessor of mine at King’s 

College, Cambridge. He got into a lot of trouble with the 

homophobia of the then Government about his very precocious 

early blatancy about his homosexuality – and the resulting 

persecution eventually drove him to suicide. I am very glad 

even in this day and age, that I do not suffer from either his 

homosexual or suicidal tendencies… 

I claim in a future world where we ‘put the genie of these 

computers’ back in the bottle the only computers we would 

need are these limited forms: - 

(a) Calculation, measurement and control devices – but ONLY 

where humans cannot match the performance, accuracy, 

complexity or need for health and safety of these (b) Word 

92

processing and graphics (c) Music (d) CONTROLLED 

communications (e) MORE (much) control over stored 

information (data) 

The KEY to causing such a counter-revolution would seem 

Luddite and backward were it not for the radical, totally 

idealistic, crazy to some, nature of my own solution to the 

ever-worsening Second Great Depression of our 21 st Century, 

totally out of control and unregulated, ‘computer-money 

complex’. That is: - 

Problem – (the love of) Money is the Root of All Evil 

93

Only Logical Answer – ABOLISH ALL MONEY. 

The next two sections, (2) and (3), describe the main problems 

of this ‘computer-money complex’ as I see them. The first of 

these should be blindingly obvious from the very description of 

money by the slang phrase ‘filthy leukah’ - but may well shock 

and even scare some people. In remaining sections, firstly in 

most I describe the ‘Ideal money free world’ in all its aspects – 

and secondly confine my attentions to religion and even a 

biblical basis for all of this – to just a few sections at the very 

end. 

To summarise: - the ‘Root of all Evil’ was planted by The Devil 

right at the very start of things. Satan invented money. For 

the last 70 years, computer automation has rocketed in 

importance and fallen correspondingly massively in price to the 

point of the current Second Great Depression having been 

caused by a ‘computer-money complex’ that no longer serves 

people – only the Great Gods. The Original Great God of Money – 

Satan’s Offspring, the Root of All Evil, remember – and The 

New Second Upstart Great God of IT - Machines or Technology. It 

is time that humanity took this Second Great Depression as a 

golden opportunity to make a massive step in growing up - 

into a wonderful New World. As we see in this Manifesto, if we 

Abolish All Money, that is the only catalyst we need to provide, 

to create a world free of poverty and greed, yet full of 

opportunity for all on a truly equal basis. 

This Booklet is termed a Manifesto on the cover even though it 

transcends all political views, which are largely money-based. 

It is a Manifesto that seeks to Marshal a whole Movement of a 

Majority of Like-Minded Minds. (an MMMMMM??..) To do the 

following. To dig up the ancient, hoary, cobwebbed, part 

rotting, part fossilized, it is so old, Root of All Evil, Money Itself, 

dripping with oceans of the blood, sweat and tears of 

generations of the poverty-stricken, ironically most of them 

alive today. Do not burn it but completely destroy it in a very 

modern way indeed – recycle all the metal and paper of the 

coins and notes, and re-cycle the plastic of all debit and credit 

cards. Then computers could easily be re-bottled like the 

94

genies or Evil Spirits that they are – only to be let out again 

under extremely controlled circumstances. The ones that were 

scrapped would also provide a wealth of recycled materials – 

especially gold and other precious minerals and metals. 

Money and computers are filthy – they carry most germs. 

“Filthy leukah”. “Filthy rich versus filthy poor”? 

In the next two sections (2) and (3) I give my two principal, 

both devastating objections to the worlds of ‘cash’ and ‘the 

computer-money complex’. The first, in this section, will 

probably strike you as common sense, but nevertheless 

something you will almost certainly never have thought of – 

because society makes money so sacred a Sacred Cow – that is 

actually very shocking. Consider: - 

Whenever you give and take money in a shop, those notes and 

coins will have been handled by dozens and hundreds of people 

in their time, many with infectious diseases. The dirt on those 

notes and coins, built up increasingly with age, carries toxic, 

infectious, microbes, bacteria, viruses and other 

microscopic germs... 

Money is filthy. Your average wallet, purse, or pocket of money 

is absolutely riddled with disease and germs. Especially these 

days, with ‘chip and PIN’ keyboards replacing signatures, the 

same is only slightly less true of debit and credit cards – 20 

people an hour touch the same keyboard to enter their PIN, 

passing on infectious germs and so diseases. 

So what about the cash till operators? They typically do a two 

hour shift, handling not only the toxic infected money – but all 

of the goods being sold... Then their shift changes because 

operating a cash till is only allowed for a certain amount of time 

95

ecause it is intensive i.e. very stressful. Another cash till 

operator uses the very same cash till keyboard – spreading 

even more germs and disease. 

The same is true of computer keyboards worldwide, for the vast 

majority of these are shared between company employees and 

members of families and their friends at home. 

I am a quite ‘heavy’ smoker so am well aware of the current 

fierce coercion in my own country England, to initially ban all 

smoking in public places that started two years ago, obviously 

with the long term agenda being to outlaw smoking altogether. 

However I feel that the Government led health warnings on 

tobacco could be used even more urgently on money – notes, 

coins and cards. This would take place in a ‘grass roots way’, 

with at first families, then towns and villages, declaring 

themselves to be ‘money free / cash free / credit free zones’ 

which would be vastly more effective than such communities in 

the past rather ‘pissing in the wind’ by declaring themselves 

rather pointlessly to be ‘nuclear free zones’. Finally whole 

states and counties, then whole countries, would become ‘cash 

free zones’, in this New World. 

Bank notes, debit and credit cards, and keyboards would 

initially be marked with the chemical skull and crossbones 

symbol for ‘poison’, and be inscribed with the warning, “Contains 

toxic, poisonous dirt, microbes, bacteria and viruses” 

Coins are too small for such a warning message – but the ‘tails’ 

side could have stamped on it in yellow and black the same 

‘poison’ skull and crossbones warning… 

My own approach to dealing with the problems of money being 

dirty and unhygienic – it gets worse, see the next section – is 

96

the human, humane approach compared to the above ‘Beast 

666’ one… 

So – we would like to see this sort of desperately over-needed 

measure introduced first in my own country, the UK. So I 

address Her Majesty The Queen in Person : - 

“Ma’am. Message from MAAM. Read on for the rest gets better 

and better after this. Then get your current government of 

whatever slant to read this too – and all of you abolish all 

money starting here in the UK.” 

Money and computers are just filthy dirty middle-men. 

Money and computers underpin our ‘Modern 21 st Century 

World’ – but it is unbearably awkward, clunky and 

inhuman. The oil of human relations would run rich in a 

world freed of both. 

We have just seen one frighteningly real problem with both 

money and computers as they co-exist in their 21 st Century 

‘computer-money complex’. We now turn to look at how these 

two middle men, the terrible twins in this conspiratorial 

takeover of the world of the last 70 years, increasingly in the 

last ten years, seem to have brought it nearly to a diabolically 

awful conclusion since 11 th September 2001 – ‘9/11’ and 

George Bush Junior’s ensuing immediate launch the very next 

day of the infamous ‘war on terrorism’. So let us compare the 

world now with ten years or so ago, and see how in the Name 

of Progress a ruinous state of affairs has nearly finished 

emerging. 

Please do not think I am some kind of ‘Victor Meldrew’ 

character when you read the long list of severe gripes below 

97

with the ‘system’ as it has now emerged and seems likely to 

produce only even more of the same dire sort of world. It is 

just that I have long since lost any of my initial enthusiasm for 

computers, but it is they not I that are turncoats, for far from 

their initial, mostly for noble, purposes 70 years ago – now 

they only mostly serve the ‘computer-money complex’. My list 

of severe gripes is as follows: - 

Using the telephone to talk to representatives of more and 

more organizations, especially commercial ones, has become, 

and is becoming, increasingly fraught. You usually now get a 

ludicrously positive, beaming, robot humanoid voice, terribly 

terribly well-spoken, not a real person. You are asked to push a 

series of buttons supposed to home you in on the option you 

want to address when you deal with them. Then all too often 

one of two things happens: - (a) you discover to your horror 

that this phone call is being answered in a completely inhuman 

automated way – there is no possibility of actually talking to a 

human being not a robot humanoid voice interpretation 

machine that often mishears you or hangs up unexpectedly. 

(b) You wait ten or twenty minutes listening to that company’s 

taste in piped muzak ‘on hold’ – most irritating when they play 

the same (depressing?) muzak track over and over again. 

Then when you finally get through to a human voice, and ask a 

slightly difficult question not on their computer screen, they say 

‘do you mind if I put you on hold for a moment?’ which turns 

into a further ten or twenty minutes, far from ‘a moment’. 

They are really saying, were they honest about it ‘I do not mind 

putting you on hold for ten minutes when I say ‘a moment’. 

You are footing the phone bill and we ensure it is a premium 

rate number so we get a large payment from the phone 

company from your bill – for keeping you on hold.’ 

Another form of ‘computer-money complex’ phone abuse, also 

just keeps getting more and more common and intrusive. 

Increasingly when my phone rings, it is no friend, not even a 

real person on the far end. It is a recording of another robot 

98

humanoid, pleasantly inviting you to buy their service or pay 

for everything apart from the actual fare of the Mediterranean 

Cruise it claims you have won. Nobody likes con artist robots 

ringing you up like that. 

My third and final example of what I regard as phone abuse is 

the familiar phrase once you actually get through to customer 

services and real people. How often have you heard this, 

“Sorry please ring back in a few hours. Our system is down.” 

Whereas the first two problems above are really just symptoms 

of a now fully emerged “Culture of the computer-money 

complex” – the “system down.” problem speaks to me, as a 

Chartered Computer Systems Engineer with a long history of 

actually designing fully 100% working computer systems years 

ago, of a much deeper problem, as follows: - 

Probably even now, still the worst offender in this is the very 

market leader, whom I will ironically name by my affectionate 

term for them in this discussion: ‘Megabollox’. The above 

company will have been sold their computer system, either to 

replace a previous paper based system, or more likely these 

days, with the march of time and such ‘Progress’ – an upgrade 

from another earlier version of such a system. Megabollox 

have caused an entire sales culture of selling new computer 

systems by appealing to the buyer with the sheer quantity of 

‘bells, whistles, gadgets and gizmos’ that come with it – 

generally termed ‘features’. The trouble is testing all of these 

vast quantity of such ‘features’ on just one system so they all 

always work together or in unison, not just in isolation from 

each other. Again Megabollox have started another major 

notorious trend with their software – they release it to a naïve 

gullible Joe Bloggs public, barely tested beyond the preproduction 

‘beta’ testing phase – and let that public, already 

hard sold yet another ‘jazzy, exciting Megabollox product’ do 

most of the testing for Megabollox instead. Yet for Megabollox, 

have they already done everything technically feasible years 

ago in 2002 with their ‘Windows XP’ product? 

99

They were immediately assailed by a dodgy army of hackers, 

and had to spend the next five years introducing literally 

thousands of security features to stop Windows XP attracting 

viciously hostile ‘malware’ - viruses, Trojan horses, spyware, 

worms, and other assaults. That was five years that stopped 

Megabollox introducing Windows Vista as a ‘replacement’ for 

Windows XP – but it backfired. 

Problems were, as I could see them when I bought a laptop 

briefly with Vista Home Basic installed on it in 2007 when Vista 

emerged:- 

Initially and for some months, one could not make Vista run 

any software that ran on Windows XP – apart of course from 

Megabollox software. All software manufacturers apart from 

supreme arrogant Megabollox had to rapidly produce new ‘Vista 

compatible’ versions of their packages, at vast expense. However 

hard I tried while I had my Vista machine, I could not for the 

life of me perceive any real difference technically in the 

internals from its predecessor XP that I knew very well. 

Megabollox emphasised the ‘front end’ or ‘(hu)man-machine 

interface’ and indeed that seemed to be where absolutely the 

only differences lay. What a let down after waiting all of five 

years – just to get a cosmetically slightly ‘sexier’ system. 

Yet the biggest problem with Vista, its downfall it was to turn 

out, was that some of these ‘front end’ features required vastly 

more sheer computing power and resources than were available 

on most machines then and even now – especially some of the 

more ludicrously ‘snazzier’ features like three dimensional 

graphics. 

Overall then, with Vista, Megabollox were ‘flogging a dead 

donkey’ by introducing this cosmetic, resource-flogging 

successor to Windows XP falsely as an advance. The marketing 

hype certainly led hundreds of thousands of gullible punters to 

do what Megabollox coerced by claiming they would be 

100

dropping all their support of XP once Vista had been launched. 

They coughed up the large license fee often only to feel 

stranded by the above three problems and by the usual cynical 

Megabollox ploy of using the public as guinea pigs to find most 

of the deeper and more subtle ‘bugs’ or faults in the new Vista 

Operating System. 

Yet Megabollox are planning to flog the dead donkey even 

further into its grave, as it were, by shortly bringing out yet 

another new version of Windows beyond XP – called ‘Windows 

7’. Yet the price/performance ratio for the computers it would 

run on bottomed out at last to £300 for a complete computer 

vastly more powerful than one a tiny fraction as fast and 

powerful and large – just 30 years ago – when home computing 

was unthinkable due to the cost and sheer size of machines 

then. 

Plus many computer pundits have pointed out that computers 

are very near the limits of their design capabilities – due to the 

limitations of physics itself – they are rapidly approaching a 

point where ‘quantum effects’ prohibit them getting any smaller 

and more compact. 

For all of 70 years, all world governments have given computer 

designers a total free rein solely in the name of ‘Progress’ and 

‘economic growth’ - whereas computers now actually contain 

most of the world’s wealth. It is surely time for computer 

people everywhere to admit it: - “Come on lads and ladettes – 

the game is up – the world governments have at last got wind 

that they have been taken by surprise by us computer nerds for 

all of 70 years now – so have let us get away with our blue 

murder of IT technology. The game seems to be up – we have 

to admit to them that everything possible that can be done with 

conventional computers has already been done. No, we have 

not succeeded by any stretch of the imagination in creating a 

single conscious i.e. truly intelligent computer in that 70 years… 

101

Our long term, vastly expensive game seems to be up.’ 

Conventional computer design, so its price to performance 

ratio, have reached opposite peak and trough respectively for 

some years now. A great time to reverse as much of the 

damage as possible – for the Cool, Calm, Collected Complete 

Computer Census or CCCCCC (C6) I mentioned earlier – at the 

same time as laws are passed worldwide to outlaw and 

criminalise money. 

Have computer systems really peaked? Or is it not rather the 

case that they have gone way beyond any reasonable such 

peak – especially in the vast wastelands of cyberspace that 

constitute the newly arrived and already nearly world dominant 

Internet? I speak as a retired Chartered Computer and 

Instrument and Measurement and Control Engineer, who from 

1971 to 1997 regularly used, where regularly millions of 

computer ‘bytes’ are totally wastefully used today, a few 

hundreds or thousands at most of such bytes of program – to 

achieve a perfectly working, hand crafted not machinebutchered 

result. 

In a nutshell, I have to work with the Internet to write and 

promote my writings, but LOATHE it. I find it glitzy, trashy, 

grossly inefficient and slow, unreliable – and very often either 

sleazy (with invasions from pornography sites and / or viruses 

etc.) or even sinister next to totally respectable (Marks and 

Spencer are apparently on a par with sites run by Al’Quaeda 

terrorists.) Above all there is a total lack of central control by 

any government’s laws as the Internet grandiosely transcends 

all International Law, so totally frustrating the efforts of 

international governments everywhere to regulate the Beast. 

My own proposal is the CCCCCC, as we have seen. A bottomup 

grass roots approach of a global census of all computer 

equipment would tackle the problem of the Internet for world 

governments by taking out the lower supporting ‘bricks’ of 

102

dangerous individual computers first. Come on world, do 

yourself a favour – carry out just such a CCCCCCC. 

As spending literally hours glued to a computer screen and 

‘surfing the net’ has become commonplace in recent years with 

the Internet, not just as once the domain solely of ‘computer 

nerds’, so we see, as this growth of ‘cyber space’ has taken 

place, a parallel loss of interest in most of society in ‘real’ not 

‘cyber’ games, sports, shopping, crafts and other recreation 

activities. Yet I have a derisive term for much of the Internet 

as ‘tinsel town’ – unreliable information, illegal drug sites, 

likewise extremely dodgy pornographic sites that often attack 

you with viruses etc. All totally unregulated of course. 

International laws on the activities on the Internet, as we just 

said, are desperately required. As I have found, perhaps the 

most annoying thing that can happen is if your email address 

enters the public domain. Then expect a torrent of emails for 

‘guaranteed’ get rich quick on the Web schemes, pornographic 

sites, and other spam clogging your email in-tray. 

The Millennium saw a new phenomenon, initially in richer 

chains of shops, but now nearly everywhere. Where once the 

only sound at cash desks in shops was the sound of the cash 

till, now there is a cacophony of new sounds. The multiple 

electronic ‘peeps’ as laser armed cash till computers salute all 

the ‘666’ based UPC barcodes on all the items of merchandise 

as they ‘scan’ the codes. 

Money could be described as “the world’s oldest and most 

fiendish weapon for controlling resources and people and all 

living creatures”. Since 1939, exactly 70 years ago, with the 

first computer, it has been joined in what has nearly been 

perfected as what I term the ‘computer-money complex’. I 

studied computer science at Cambridge University 1978-79 and 

our then Professor Maurice Wilkes had worked on the first 

Enigma computer in that terrible war. One day he told us a 

103

totally apocryphal tale. He and a senior colleague on the 

project took a walk together near the computer at Bletchley, 

then the only one in the world still remember, just after the 

War ended. “We might need another one of these by the year 

2000” was the incredibly lacking in foresight remark they made – 

just look at the uncontrolled supernova explosion of 

computers since, now in every walk of life. That first computer 

led a wave of such computer ‘weapons’ into a ‘computer-money 

complex’ with the ancient ultimate weapon of money, into 

whole undreamt of ways of controlling resources and people 

and animals now. Yet like all weapons of war and military 

methods, both are almost unbearably clunky, awkward and 

stiff, middle men only – both inanimate servants that would 

dominate, with absolutely zero inherent intelligence. They 

threaten to throttle humanity once and for all as they have 

caused the current Second Great Depression. My own views 

are radical – we need to Abolish All Money and put its ally the 

genie of computers firmly back in the bottle – all before it is all 

too late. The rewards if we do that are huge. 

That is the end of rather a ‘diatribe’ in some places against 

money and computers – now with their “computer-money 

complex” having caused directly the Second Great Depression 

of 2009. In the next 20 sections or so, I will be necessarily a 

lot briefer – because I will trying to imagine what the world 

would be like (dare I say will be like one day?) when money has 

been abolished – and the genie of computers put back in the 

bottle. Nobody can fully imagine this, so I will be sensible and 

confine myself to what the initial changes might be. As a 

young boy, I thoroughly enjoyed the Narnia Books of C. S. 

Lewis, and will paraphrase a ‘shout of joy’ in the final book of 

the series – The Last Battle. He greatly reassures us that when 

the world finally ends, a New World will absolutely immediately 

appear, ready-made, and as the heroes of the story enter this 

New World they cry out for joy. In a world with money gone 

and computers shrunk back to their own original size in 

importance, would the shout be, ‘Higher and Further.’ then 

become ‘Ever Higher and Ever Further.’? 

104

Resources and Possessions. Everybody would have enough of 

everything they need – so be truly happy. 

In most of the rest of this Manifesto I look at how the world 

would at least maybe start to be should we as a species, 

probably initially in small pockets, abolish all money, i.e. 

abolish all cash and abolish all credit. That is right: - a world 

with no money, no cash, no credit, I say again, zero money, 

zero cash and zero credit. A money-free, cash-free, credit-free 

world. 

Would resources and possessions just disappear in this New 

World? Of course not – but they would simply have no financial 

or monetary value associated with them or price tag. They 

would instead revert to their essential ‘intrinsic value’ which 

Karl Marx called their ‘use value’ in his essay ‘the fetishism of 

commodities’ in his famous book ‘Das Kapital’. 

A money-free world is the only way to achieve the great Noble 

Aspirations of many of mankind to have a fair distribution of 

wealth i.e. in That World, only resources and possessions, with 

no financial strings attached any more. Neither Capitalist nor 

Communist – but Utterly Liberal with capital U and capital L. It 

would almost automatically apply two principles from the words 

of Jesus in the New Testament in the Bible: - 

‘Seek and you shall find’ 

‘Ask and you shall receive’ 

In our 21 st Century world it is possible to get hold of anything 

you could possibly want in life – at a price. In a world where 

‘money was no object’ – where indeed money no longer 

existed. – all you would do was seek your heart’s desire till you 

found it – in papers, magazines, books, TV, radio as now – and 

whatever rump was left of the Internet after the CCCCCC I 

keep advocating. With no money involved, nor indeed would 

there be any primitive barter unless you absolutely wanted to 

105

thank the person with whatever was your heart’s desire. For 

you will simply ‘ask (for it – politely.) and you will receive - it – 

totally free of charge.’ in Our Brave New World. 

Really it would be that easy. Fascinating is it not? 

Food, clothing, land, housing and furnishings, comfortable 

environment (decent lighting, temperatures, air, water and 

sanitation) – all our essential basic needs would become free 

for all – even in the undeveloped world – the very least 

that this incredibly simple proposal offers after the abolition of 

money 

Forget “seeking and finding your heart’s desire, and receiving it if 

you ask politely for it” for a moment. In our present 21 st 

Century World there is an ever deeper growing global “Rich – 

Poor Divide” and the vast majority of the world’s burgeoning 

population is born into a planet where they do not even have 

the very basics, even clean water – as in the title of this 

section, as I see them. 

Finding a way, as many leaders and politicians try fruitlessly to 

do, to find ways round the stranglehold of the ‘computer-money 

complex’ today to reach out and actually give the majority of 

the world, these basics that some take for granted, is 

impossible. 

To Abolish All Money is to create a world where there would be 

an immediate global rescue operation from West to East and 

North to South – literally - to provide at least the above basics 

to absolutely all of the world’s population. The Western and 

Northern Hemisphere actually already have all the adequate 

resources – it is only the money itself that is currently the only 

obstacle to absolutely a global panacea. 

106

Taking money itself out of the ‘equation of the world’s current 

mess’ – gives you instantly, literally, a panacea to all of the 

world’s problems. As we see in the sections that follow… 

Work, agriculture, shops and industry 

In a world free of money so of the ‘money motive’, at first there 

might appear to be no incentive for any at all of these. 

However: - 

Work would become optional or part time or full time as you 

wished – the majority actually enjoy the right sort of work. It 

would be a golden opportunity to abolish not only unethical 

money but unethical and onerous forms of work. Also wages. 

Agriculture would of course remain essential – but would be 

able to be cleaned up, with global ‘slash and burn’, ‘cash crops’, 

Genetically Modified Food and Factory Farming, etc, abolished. 

All food would become free so far more exotic and varied. 

Everybody could enjoy a healthy balanced diet – free. 

Shops would only lose their cash tills and become ‘Ware 

Houses’ – with everything in them again free. 

Industry would lose all money, cash, credit, and most 

computers in this equation. A golden opportunity for it to clean 

up its act – to become vastly ‘greener and cleaner’ overnight – 

as many politicians now are vainly trying to achieve. 

Walking, road, rail, sea, air and space transport 

Of these, all not just walking would become totally free. 

Yippee. Imagine the drive there will have to be to put non- 

107

green cars, motorbikes and busses off the road, non-green 

trains, ships, planes also out of action – and to stop everybody 

taking off into space. 

No more need for banks, taxes, gambling, casinos or Stock 

Markets – or charities or state benefits on the other hand… 

In a money-free world this would speak for itself. 

The Law – very little crime; so punishment; left possible. 

About all that would be left of The Law would be the Ten 

Commandments of the Old Testament plus the Two Great 

Commandments of the New. These are, to refresh your 

memory, ‘Love your neighbour as yourself’ and ‘Love the Lord 

your God with all your soul, all your mind, all your spirit and all 

your heart’. 

There might well be two graded punishments, for people still 

using money after it was abolished, as follows: - 

‘Insane about money’. Sectioning in a mental hospital. ‘Violently 

insane about money’. Detention in the psychiatric wing of a 

prison. 

Both punishments to involve nasty, rough, toxic tablets and 

injections administered as now By Law until the prisoner were 

cured completely. 

The basic precept of British Law according to legal practitioners 

themselves, as The Law has been developed largely by the 

Victorians and spread to most of the rest of the world, is:- 

108

“Possession is nine tenths of The Law” 

These days that might be better put as: - 

“Possession is 99.9% of the Law”. 

In a cash-free society the only law related to possession would 

be the Commandment ‘Do not steal’. The Law would revert 

Centuries, Millennia, to an original precept of the Ten 

Commandments of Moses on Mount Sinai: 

“Personal crimes are Nine Tenths of The Law” 

Finally the Ten (Twelve?) Commandments would be 

supplemented by new ones – taken straight from Buddhism: - 

“Do not hurt, abuse, or even offend any living creature” “Believe 

only what you yourself know to be true”. 

Local, national and international Governments 

As I said before, it is inevitable that the way to the first ‘Father 

Christmas State’, the first of a World Union of such ‘Father 

Christmas States’, would be very grass roots indeed. ‘Money 

free zones’ would lead to money free villages and towns – then 

finally money free states and counties, and ultimately the 

money free country then countries. I will now take a tongue in 

cheek look at what would happen to my own country’s 

government here in Britain, when this finally happens. 

109

Government, both local and national, would be elected but 

unpaid and voluntary, completely no longer to do with money 

and as we just saw, as a direct result, with far fewer laws to 

worry about. It would drastically shrink to just deal with the 

few remaining things that local and national government would 

be left to do in a money-free world, of a Father Christmas 

State:- 

The Treasury and the Bank of England, like all banks, would 

vanish. They would be replaced by a Ministry of Joy, 

Humour and Generosity. 

The Home Office and Scotland Yard and The Police would have 

far fewer laws and crimes to deal with. They would become the 

Ministry of Wisdom, Reason and DEEP THOUGHT. 

Any Father Christmas State like that, especially eventually in a 

World Union of Father Christmas States, would as we see soon 

enjoy complete world peace, so the Ministry of Defence 

would become the Ministry of Grace, Peace, Love and 

Creativity (formerly known as hanky-panky.) 

The NHS would also now offer free hairdressing, chiropody and 

beauty treatments – a Ministry of Health and Beauty. 

I am open to like humorous suggestions to my email address 

si@maam.org.uk for what to merge social services and the 

Department of Work and Pensions into – something along the 

lines of The Ministry of Silly Walks (as immortalized by John 

Cleese of Monty Python’s Flying Circus in the 1960’s) but 

thoroughly up to date and 21 st Century, original – and topical. I 

may well offer an appropriate prize for this. 

110

Multinational cultural and language differences and Travel 

The first money-free zones, then towns and villages, and finally 

Father Christmas Regions or Counties, and finally the first 

Father Christmas State, would obviously be tourist attractions. 

They would have to turn away travelers who were would-be 

immigrants – and tell them to travel back to their home town 

and ‘spread the word’ and make that into a money free zone 

too. 

Trade; the fair distribution of wealth once money were 

abolished; the end of the Great International Rich-Poor Divide 

Money free zones would exchange goods free (not barter – 

that would be very backward-looking) without any trade. The 

first full Father Christmas State would probably indeed be a very 

advanced country like my own country of Great Britain, and 

give goods away and expect like treatment in return – 

setting a dramatic example until the full World Union of Father 

Christmas States were established. Once that happened there 

would naturally, as I said earlier, be a free rescue operation, 

from North to South Hemispheres, and West to East – fully 

global – International Rescue. The International Rich-Poor 

Divide would naturally vanish, almost certainly in months or 

even less. 

Children and families 

In any Father Christmas State, it would be Christmas every day 

of the year – Without Price. Naturally, all families especially 

children, would be over the moon. 

111

Poverty and debt obsolete – personal and national 

As each Father Christmas State got established, two things 

would naturally happen: - 

A fair distribution of wealth as in resources and possessions 

would take place – all poverty would be abolished 

All debt would be cancelled out – as there would be no money. 

Teaching and Education 

With money no longer any object, the children, and as 

necessary adults of the whole world would for the first time all 

receive a decent education. 

Money would either be taught about as a history subject only, 

like computer systems – or best forgotten about totally as a 

Very Bad Thing? 

Everybody would enjoy their education, teachers and children 

alike, totally unlike the present regime around the world. 

Science and Technology, especially regarding information 

With money no longer any object, again, a dream of many 

scientists and engineers could be achieved very quickly – 

Science, Engineering and Technology could be completed and 

finished off - everything possible would have been invented 

and put to good use. 

The big exception to this would be the CCCCCC I have 

mentioned before – this global computer census would ‘put the 

112

genie of computers back in the bottle’ and global laws would be 

passed limiting the scope and size of computers drastically. 

The Arts 

With money no longer an object, yet again, works of art would 

lose all financial value so only retain their intrinsic or ‘aesthetic’ 

value as art. 

In the Age of Leisure that would come once work was done in 

five day on five day off shifts, and even be purely optional and 

voluntary, The Arts would flourish. Drawing, painting, 

photography, cinema, pottery, textiles, graphic design, 

architecture, etc, etc, would all flourish – a New Renaissance?.. 

Entertainment and communications: - post offices and 

services, radio, TV, (mobile) telephones, papers, 

magazines, books; information and computer technology, and the 

Internet 

All of these are grossly over developed and would come under 

the auspices of the same CCCCCC as for computers – to 

rationalize and simplify them, and change ‘300 channels of 

crap’ on TV, for instance back to far fewer, far higher quality 

output channels. 

Sport, Recreation Activities and Holidays 

As for the Arts, in the Age of Leisure that would come these 

would all become accessible to all, and to a large extent would 

enjoy a Renaissance – especially with computer games and TV 

113

drastically ‘having their respective genies put back in the bottle’ 

as discussed already several times. 

Health, Beauty, Hygiene, Safety, Medicine, Hospitals, Legal 

and Illegal Drugs, Social Services, Welfare, and Care For The 

Elderly 

The one really appalling thing here, illegal drugs, would simply 

and naturally go out of business once the drug barons lost their 

entire money motive. 

All the other things in this list would be free for all – under the 

umbrella of a ‘Ministry of Health and Beauty’ as proposed 

before. 

The Environment; Natural Resources; Environmental Health. 

Global Warming, ‘carbon footprints’, pollution, climate change 

all made too a ‘thing of the past’ 

The money motive, nearly everyone agrees, is the main reason 

for the wholesale destruction of The Global Environment – for 

centuries if not millennia. With that Money Motive abolished if 

and when we abolish money, an Environmental Renaissance 

would happen too. 

Nature and Wildlife 

With money abolished, and a New Age of Leisure, we would all 

have much more time, and the motive, to appreciate Nature 

and Life in General, much more. Would we clean up the whole 

planet? 

Politics replaced by true leadership 

114

Politics could be aptly described as ‘electing leaders to act 

mostly by consensus’ in the grim art, mostly, of ‘raising taxes 

then working out how “best” (which political view 

predominates, determines this) how to spend them’. In a world 

without money everybody would much more ‘be their own 

leader’ or ‘be their own Jesus’ and it would be a much more 

mature, grown-up society all round. 

World Peace and Security replacing Permanent War 

One major long term objective that nearly all politicians today 

are agreed on is of course the cause of World Peace. World 

Peace would indeed come as naturally as Day follows Night 

were money abolished – money and to an extent religion cause 

all wars. 

Sexism, sexuality, homophobia, ageism, racism, etc, etc 

Everybody would have enough of everything they needed – 

initially the basics, worldwide, to be followed by luxuries of 

course. Everybody would be recognized as ‘equal but unique 

and different’ – and these isms and phobias would soon 

vanish. 

Stresses and Strains, the Pace of Life and Mental Health 

Life would be far less full of stress and strain with no money to 

worry about. If everybody lived comfortably and above all for 

free, with no longer any ‘money motive’ to goad us all on, 

especially with work optional, the Mental Health of The World 

would drastically improve. Mental Illness might well even 

vanish entirely. 

115

Human or spiritual values and freedom of choice. 

Religion – is it affected at all? 

There are of course a huge number of religions, faiths, 

churches, and sects and denominations within them in this 

World today. They mostly exhibit huge differences between 

each other to outsiders, and some have most peculiar practices, 

especially in this supposedly modern 21 st Century. 

The Christian Churches, judging from their speeches back in 

Easter 2009 and since as usual, do at least vaguely agree on 

one thing – the ‘spiritual life’ is vastly more to be honoured and 

sought after than money and material possessions. Yet ask a 

cross section of faiths and churches what ‘spiritual’ actually 

means – and you get an infinite range of answers. 

Religion freed of money would contract and simplify itself, quite 

naturally, and find a much simpler consensus between faiths. 

It would go through a great peaceful revolution, in fact. 

Any counter arguments to the abolition of money are few and 

weak. 

I have presented a whole range of very strong arguments in 

this Manifesto that we actually all act to Abolish All Money. 

These arguments cover every aspect of world society in the 

post ‘9/11’ 21 st Century World that we currently inhabit, and 

how these would change for ever for the good once we Abolish 

All Money. 

Only those rich people who actually enjoy and luxuriate in their 

advantages over the poor, while doing nothing about that Great 

Divide, surely, can raise any serious objections to what I am 

proposing here. 

116

In every aspect of life that I have described, there are no 

disadvantages, only vast advantages, to humanity acting as a 

whole to Abolish All Money. 

Overall - a very simple and high Quality of Life for all. 

The End of Money, then, would bring about a New World, a 

Utopia, where everybody was respected for being the individual 

they are, there would be no rich and poor apart from people 

being as comfortably off as they needed and wanted to be. 

At the same time computers and computer-inspired activities 

would be subject to a CCCCCC Census – and life without this 

other half of the current ‘computer-money complex’ being 

dominant any more, would get a lot simpler – and Higher 

Quality. 

Is it possible, then, that a World without Money would be for all 

– the Paradise on Earth envisaged if not promised by many 

religions? 

The key to that great claim is simple really – 

Abolish 

All 

Money!!! 

117

118

119

Manifesto: - 

Abolish All 

Money 

Make everything in the world all FREE 

The Machine especially now tranSiStorS is ‘The 

Beast 666’… 

Census all machines especially computers 

License all machines especially computers 

FOURFold il Professori Emeritus 

Simon Richard Lee 

BA, MA (King’s College, Cambridge, England, in Physics, Maths, 

Chemistry, Biology and Computer Science) CEng, MIEE, MIET, 

MinstMC. Full Kensho Enlightenment 2014-2020 is The Cream 

on the Cake! 

Long career in computer, instrument and control system barebones 

design and installation engineering; now book writing & 

Website promotion. 

Electric Zen Buddha (on Face Book) 

Allah === JHWH God === ALpha&OmegAH! 

120

BACKGROUND. The ending of the prequel to this book. 

I am waiting for a lot of things to happen right now… 

1. Finances. On the Saturday I had received a week earlier than 

expected my refund from www.bpath.com for £60, so together 

with £128.99 benefit I got that day, was left £72 after clearing 

my problematic debt with Virgin credit cards. Phew! I had also 

received £406.99 for a camera and guitar kit from Direct 

Payments, which I transferred to my main account so I could use 

it with my normal card – and Paypal - to buy a good value 

camera kit for £335.90 that I found on Sunday afternoon on 

eBay. I could justify keeping the £72 left over and using 

some for groceries I needed and tobacco, and the rest to pay 

another pressing bill, £45 which I paid to my electricity 

company by phone the next day, Monday. For I was owed 

£22 for having already paid for the two guitar and camera 

courses out of pocket. Also I was paying for the guitar kit 

over five months via Littlewoods at about £12 a month. So, 

vitally that weekend, I was able to keep both pressing creditors 

happy, thanks to money arriving earlier than expected. 

I will be very short of cash till Wednesday thanks to paying 

these two such large bills, but then I will get my smaller benefit 

payment of each week. In the meantime I can and will have to 

get by, by smoking roll up tobacco instead of tailor-mades. 

From then I will be waiting till early the week after, when from 

Monday I am really hoping for dramatic good news from 

Barclaycard, who should have reviewed all my two medical 

letters, and my own letters, by then. Will they really write off 

all, or nearly all my balance on my account as a result? I wait 

to see – for if they do, once I have that in writing I can use that 

letter to leverage the other credit card company that I have a 

repayment arrangement with, Citi, to do something similar. I 

121

am on tenterhooks till then, now that I have beaten off a small 

crisis by virtue of money arriving early! 

Once the dust finally settles on whatever happens to these two 

credit card accounts, each after all of nine months of asking for 

something to be done and getting no response at all, there is 

better news still. My father has said he is prepared to make me 

an interest free loan for over £500 to pay off Capital One, to 

whom I pay about £5 interest a month on £200 credit at its 

limit, and Littlewoods, who will start charging interest from next 

February unless I pay off the interest free Buy Now Pay Later 

sum before then. 

In the meantime before negotiating with these two aggressive 

credit card companies, I am trying my luck and hoping to raise 

some money by advertising the following on eBay: - 

Thirteen golf clubs 

My once prized bronze and resin statuette of a nude 

couple kissing – I have got fed up with it, it only reminds 

me of the identical one I gave to Diamond, my alcoholic 

former girlfriend! 

A pair of (size 12!) ski boots 

A car bodywork dent repair kit 

A Japanese bracelet I was given in the hospital in London 

last year! 

Previous experience of eBay years ago was bad – there were no 

bids – so that may well be repeated this time, particularly as I 

have put realistic minimum bid prices, and there is as we all 

know a massive recession on; so the bargain hunters who 

haunt eBay may well ignore my adverts! However if I cannot 

raise some money this way; I will find it hard to buy the zoom 

telephoto lens that I really need for my new camera; or to 

order six proof books I need from Lulu (see the next section). 

122

2. Book Publishing Efforts and The Recession. 

I have again been facing an indefinite wait over a support 

issue with www.lulu.com never replying to emails on this or 

even faxes! The previous time, some months ago, was just 

about my ITIN tax number; but the current deafening silence 

from www.lulu.com concerns my support issue that I cannot log 

onto my Lulu account – even with the correct password. A 

conversation with Andrew of rival Chipmunka Publishing a week 

ago revealed that Lulu Press Inc have made half their staff 

redundant no doubt because of the recession, explaining 

the drastic escalation of support response times from originally 

in the old days just a day or two; to at least several whole 

weeks now! At this rate I may have to turn to a new printer, 

part of the Amazon group, recommended by the woman who 

emailed me recently from Book Surge, another Amazon 

Company. The name of the allegedly free publishing sister 

Amazon Group company is www.createspace.com; I 

write on Tuesday 8 th September 2009 and intend to try 

publishing a single book at first there – to see if there are any 

problems! 

Two weeks ago I had two submission reports for my two web 

sites saying they had been submitted by www.bpath.com, an 

allegedly reliable Israeli company, to 100 leading worldwide 

search engines. They will submit them again in another two 

weeks then every month for a year. In six weeks, then, all 

these search engines that are going to, should include my two 

web sites, as it takes a total of eight weeks for all search 

engines in any submission like this to respond, I am reliably 

informed. 

In the meantime, apart from waiting a huge amount of time for 

any response from www.lulu.com, and the above search 

engines also related to my publishing efforts on two web sites; I 

123

have also been waiting a long time for results from the other 

current string to my bow – my emailing literary agents three 

weeks ago. Replies have only trickled in this time around, 

compared to a year ago. I still await replies from nearly 80 of 

120 agents I emailed and 10 of 15 publishers! Again, I think 

the Great Recession has now really hit the industry a year on, 

and I may never get many replies at all! 

Proof reading or ideally editing of all my books has been a real 

problem because done by a professional editing company it 

would cost over £500 for each of seven books! However I write 

on the evening of Tuesday 8 th September 2009, have got down 

to the Mind Club, and Angie the helper has now informed me 

that a girl called Emma who used to come there, is actually a 

professional proof reader! So if I can afford a copy each of my 

seven books for her to proof read – will she do it free or nearly 

free? I will be there again tomorrow and ask the day staff to 

phone her and ask her to phone me to discuss this. A copy of 

‘Scientific Proof’, my five autobiographies, and Helen’s 

autobiography, will cost an amount finalised with 

www.createspace.com that I am about to find out. 

3. The Recession, Big Science – and Press Releases 

For Lulu Press Inc may well turn out to be a big victim of the 

recession, and having waited all of three weeks a second time 

around with no reply at all apart from robots to major support 

issues, it is time to dump this sinking ship, it seems, and move 

on – to www.createspace.com, if all goes well, and I believe 

there are alternatives. I am going to try to publish my 

‘Scientific Proof’ book on www.createspace.com tonight, 

Tuesday. 

Then I can at last have a major, being Amazon-backed, the 

biggest bookshop in the world after all, so secure alternative to 

Lulu, who seem doomed by all accounts. Then and only then 

124

can I issue some press releases for both web sites – free – 

having altered the web sites in line with having a new publisher – 

Amazon not Lulu, I expect. 

My press releases for www.maam.org.uk can focus on the 

abolition of cash as ‘the only way to beat the recession – and all 

recessions’. My press releases for www.silee.me.uk however, 

largely await yet something else beyond my control. A year 

ago the Large Hadron Accelerator at CERN, Geneva, started up 

in a blaze of publicity – heralded as a possible ‘end of the world 

machine that might devour the planet with black holes’! 

This huge and very expensive machine soon broke down, but at 

length is due to restart this very month! It has a strong 

relevance to my own writings in ‘Scientific Proof’ for as well as 

simulating the Big Bang and the start of everything, it aims to 

see if there are more than just the obvious three (x y and z) 

dimensions of space – which would if verified also verify all my 

own ideas! BIG Scientific Proof – via a huge experiment - of 

my own ‘Scientific Proof’ book! 

4. Will the Church be indifferent and apathetic as ever? 

I posted my ‘Scientific Proof’ and poetry books at what I took to 

still be where the Vicar of Christchurch Ware lives. I have no 

phone number for him and his church’s website gives neither 

address nor phone number away these days. So will I ever 

hear back from him? I very much doubt it – so may have 

wasted posting two expensive books for nothing at all! 

125

5. When will I ever meet a new girlfriend? 

For Julie said last week ‘you do not love me and I do not love 

you’ so writing off any possibility of any more love making 

bouts! We remain good friends though. My problem in 

meeting a replacement to the great friend that Julie has been, 

as well as occasional and reluctant lover, is getting out to meet 

them. This is due to lack of money, pure and simple! 

126

Monday 7 th September – Sunday 13 th September 2009. 

Monday and Tuesday this week were fairly busy, and Monday 

and Tuesday of the next week were even busier, as I proceeded 

to make great holes in the above long list of things I had to 

wait for; and several new things, and one or two good things, 

came up. Monday midday as usual I woke up late, and as soon 

as I got rid of the ‘drugged, hungover feeling’ I always got, 

rang up EdF Energy and paid them their £45 bill from the 

bounced direct debit on Friday. The woman took the money, 

but was surprised to tell me that the bank had not notified 

them of the direct debit bouncing, even though I told her I got a 

letter from them about the resulting £8 bank charge to be 

applied in a few weeks time from now. I was about to go out 

for a prearranged meeting at 2pm with my Doctor, the nurse 

Jill and Jemima my team leader at Cygnet House, when I got a 

surprise phone call from my father, saying my daughter Jeni 

had been in tears on the phone to him, fearful that her 

relationship with your truly had ended – for I never phoned her! I 

denied this, saying she never returned phone calls, and I 

could not leave messages for she had told me she never picks 

up phone messages! 

I rushed off to the meeting at Cygnet House after that. When I 

questioned the latest diagnosis of ‘schizo-affective disorder’ on 

me, I was shot down in flames. When I said the depot made 

me sleep in a lot – likewise – but afterwards when giving me 

my depot which was due, Jill did say it was the lithium tablets 

not the depot to blame. A lot of her patients found if they took 

these tablets as early as 8.30pm at night, rather than 11pm as 

in hospital, the ‘chemical drugged hangover effect’ would 

diminish in the morning. Indeed after I tried this since, it takes 

less coffee, cigarettes and orange juice to feel normal in the 

mid morning when I wake up. Yet I still require 11-12 hours of 

sleep – both drugs causing that? 

After that I felt beaten down as usual by that very arrogant 

overbearing Doctor - and to compensate put all of five adverts 

127

for auctions up on eBay, which took about an hour that Monday 

afternoon. I phoned Jeni that evening to get her answer-phone – 

but she rang back and had a long chat and agreed to meet up 

next week when she was not working but preparing to go to 

college on Saturday 20 th September. We said Wednesday 16 th 

September here at 2.30pm or so – and I would buy her a 

coffee. 

The camera I had ordered just on Sunday arrived as early as 

Tuesday morning by special delivery! When I unpacked it, the 

kit was all there and as promised brand new. The only query 

was over the pack of two lenses which did not seem to fit the 

camera. I emailed the supplier about this, and the reply said a 

manager was looking into it. I was still waiting anxiously to 

hear back from Lulu Press Inc after two whole weeks, and 

started fitfully to ‘google’ for ‘free publishing’ when for the 

second time in weeks I spotted an Advert (Google Adword) that 

greatly interested me – this time by a Whitmore Publishing 

Company – saying they were a genuine publishing company 

currently looking for authors to publish – free! So I emailed 

them, and when they replied, sent them the pdf file of my main 

‘Scientific Proof’ book. 

Meanwhile there was a letter from the college saying the guitar 

tutor had backed out, so the course was postponed which 

should have started next week, and might be cancelled. 

I went to the Mind Club, my only local source of contacts, and 

again asked around – this time Angie suggested help possibly 

from an Emma, who used to attend, who is actually a proof 

reader for a local publisher by profession! I decided to come to 

the club the next day and try to get the staff, not working in 

the office that evening, to contact her for me! Also I asked 

Tawanda, the helper from Zimbabwe who works there on a 

Tuesday evening once a fortnight, to actually proof read not 

just read the copy of my main book that he had previously 

128

ought – and he readily agreed! There was also a guitar course 

starting at the Mind Club in two weeks to last six weeks! 

I started in desperation to create a copy of my main book on 

www.createspace.com that night – got so far then it 

devastatingly told me that books had to be under 250 pages 

long – nearly all of mine as created on www.lulu.com were 

much longer than that – my main book is over 350 pages long! 

The rest of the week was quite quiet. On Wednesday I got a 

budgeting loan form in the post from the Social Fund. I w a s 

annoyed with Barclaycard – I had not paid my monthly amount 

because they had told me my account was frozen, but my 

statement showed a £12 late fee. They refused to withdraw it 

when I phoned up. I telephoned Littlewoods again a second 

time about possible settlement figures, and was told the figure 

was on my file, and what it was. At the Mind Club I went 

upstairs and Julie, attendee now turned paid helper, took my 

phone number and agreed to try to get this Emma the proof 

reader to contact me. The afternoon and next morning were 

spookily quiet apart from being quite broke as usual! 

On Thursday at 3pm I was deemed clear of problems at a 

regular six month check up at my dentist, who as usual cleaned 

my teeth for me. I filled out and posted off the very easy to 

complete budgeting loan form from yesterday. I thoroughly 

cleaned the flat, then popped round to see Julie but she had her 

hands full looking after her grandson for her daughter. 

I had tried to get in to see nurse Jill after the Mind Club but she 

had left, so it had been rearranged for Friday at 2.30pm – I was 

horrified at the long list of (mostly mythical, non-existent) 

‘symptoms’ on the letter from my Doctor to my two banks! I 

waited nearly half an hour at Cygnet House on the Friday from 

2.32pm-3pm but she did not have the grace to appear, so I left 

empty-handed. Then I emailed Lulu Press Inc for about the 7 th 

129

or 8 th time in over three weeks. However, half an hour later – 

Hallelujah! – they replied, acknowledging they had a general 

‘bug’ in their login program – and allowed me to sign in and 

change to a new confidential password. Three weeks and a 

half, I had waited without being able to log into my account 

there! 

On the Saturday I had an email from the camera shop, shortly 

afterwards followed by an actual phone call at about 6pm from 

them from an American woman. She agreed to refund me £20 if 

I posted back the two bad lenses. As usual these days, I lost in 

the lottery that night, as on the night before. My luck was not 

holding these days from months ago! Sunday was 

incredibly quiet. Julie reported feeling anxious and alarmingly 

getting heart palpitations – so had taken it on herself to stop 

drinking any drinks containing caffeine – and was going to see a 

Doctor next week. 

Monday 14 th September – Sunday 20 th September 2009. Monday 

and Tuesday were quite manic, but things quietened down 

from Wednesday onwards again – like last week! On Monday 

I had a second letter from the college after last week, saying 

that the guitar course had been cancelled and I would get a 

refund. It had been due to start on the Tuesday, next day. I 

telephoned Barclaycard to be told there was no way that they 

would cancel out my balance. I phoned Jill, who phoned back 

offering a meeting with the Doctor and Jemima for 

11.30am next Monday – while she herself was on holiday. I 

phoned the Social Fund – who said their limit for budgeting 

loans for single people like me was £348 – and I should get any 

offer early next week. I packed up the two lenses in an 

envelope and posted them back to the camera shop. I visited 

two carpet shops, got an estimate for carpet for my lounge and 

hall from the first; and as they were closing, a promise of an 

estimate from the second, for later in the week. That evening I 

got an offer of 60% of the balance to settle my debt to 

Barclaycard; and a long chat with Citi cards revealed that my 

case was still with their hardship unit. 

130

On Tuesday I waited in all afternoon but a third carpet supplier I 

had phoned never turned up to give a quotation, instead 

eventually phoning to rearrange for 12.30pm the next day. I 

phoned my two most recent credit card suppliers, Capital One 

and Virgin, but as I expected they were not open to any 

reduction at all if and when I finally settled the balances. I 

phoned my daughter Jeni to confirm the next day’s meeting 

was still on, then went to the Mind Club. Julie had not found a 

phone number to call Emma on, but help was at hand – Tracey 

had what she said was Emma’s email address. However I have 

had no reply to my polite email to Emma, sent when I got 

home of course, eight days later. I also confirmed my place on 

the six week introductory guitar course that started last 

Monday 21 st September at the club, at 2pm-3pm. I telephoned 

Citi cards again that night, but while not being given a clear 

explanation of the change since the day before, was now told 

that they were now considering my original offer of eight weeks 

or so ago, to settle for 50% of the balance. 

On Wednesday I had the carpet quote which only took 15 

minutes, then went to the Mind club, picking up the quote 

promised on Monday from the second carpet shop, on the way 

through. I had an enjoyable two hours having a coffee with 

Jeni, who was looking forward with some trepidation to a 

fresher’s week starting next Saturday as likely to be one of 

‘drunkenness and sex’! 

Thursday was also very quiet. I emailed the three quotes for 

carpets to Peter, my local IET Representative, as he had 

previously requested. The decision by their Case Committee is 

on Wednesday 30 th September, a week today as I write. I 

actually told him in my email that the lowest quote was the one I 

preferred – for carpet colour and the fact that it included them 

131

moving my heavy furniture! That evening I nodded off, so 

arrived late at the college for the SLR camera course first 

lesson. Luckily it was mostly pure introduction. 

On Friday morning Citi cards called and said they had accepted 

my offer of 50% to settle my account with them! So I filled in 

the final figures and posted them off on a spreadsheet of one 

A4 sheet to my father, as requested. I popped round to Julie, 

who firstly asked me to guess what she was roasting for dinner 

that night – beef? No. Chicken? No. Duck? No. Pork? No. 

Pheasant? YES! Once I finally guessed, she explained it was a 

gift from a client of hers, and after looking at the vegetables 

and potatoes in the oven, saw that she had in enough for two 

people, by some fluke, so invited me to stay to share it! 

On the Saturday it was the start of a new era for Jeni – who 

started life at Uni. I was quite depressed all day about how 

little I had been allowed to watch her grow up! I found 

cleaning the flat again very therapeutic, however. On Sunday I 

provided lamb chops from my freezer and vegetables I had 

bought yesterday at the supermarket which Julie proceeded to 

cook. However, no wonder the chops were reduced price – 

there was hardly any meat on them! We went for a walk and 

fed two loaves of bread to the water birds by the weir, and I 

tried out my camera properly for the first time. Unlike Friday 

night when we kissed three times, this time she stopped me: 

‘we are not girlfriend and boyfriend’ was her reason! 

That night I realised I had heard nothing from Whitmore 

Publishing for two weeks, so emailed to their submissions 

account both my poetry and Helen’s ‘The Tender Years’. Then I 

finally thought to Google for ‘Whitmore Publishing’ – revealing 

little adverse except that they seemed to be at the same 

address in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania as a well-known and 

expensive vanity publisher, Dorrance Publishing – who actually 

supplied a free review of my ‘Scientific Proof’ book last year. 

132

So I do not think that Whitmore Publishing is yet another scam 

like several that I have been fooled by, coming out of the USA – 

but if they suddenly turn round and demand any money at all, 

having claimed they are free, I will know otherwise… 

Monday 21 st September – Sunday 27 th September 2009. 

This week was quiet compared to the last two, especially at the 

start, which however got off with a big bang at 11.30am in my 

scheduled meeting in the Doctors’ Office with him and Jemima. I 

launched into an outright denial of the Doctor’s statements in his 

letters to Barclaycard and Citi cards, mostly about diagnosis and 

symptoms, which had been: - 

“Mr Lee’s diagnosis is Schizoaffective Disorder whereby when 

unwell he has mood symptoms as well as psychotic symptoms. 

The symptoms include irritability, insomnia, hostility, and 

increased psychomotor activity, pressure of speech and flight of 

ideas as well as becoming at times paranoid”. 

“The only one of these that is true is ‘pressure of speech’ due to 

stress” I said. “The rest have been invented – a lot of the (nignog 

like you, I failed to say) staff at the hospital had it in for 

me, and you are relying on their hearsay.” 

“The careful opinion of professionals in hospital is hardly to be 

called ‘hearsay’” he said rather piously and in crony defending 

fashion! I left it there totally disbelieving – clearly having 

prepared a breathtaking pack of lies for the Appeal Hearing it 

must have gutted him that I won, the least professional ‘nurse’ 

133

come gossip and ‘yes man’ in the whole world, Terry, must 

have really excelled himself in my discharge notes, I thought! 

Was he in fact under instruction to brand me in this way with 

sheer lies – from none other than my old vendetta adversary 

himself, the equally vicious, totally slimy ‘Professor’ Whore – 

now the Chief Psychiatrist there, in that worst mental 

godhelpusall in the country, by all accounts? 

The ‘Doctor’ continued the onslaught in steady tones, indicating 

he meant exactly every word of what he said next: - 

“Your diagnosis is paranoid schizophrenia… schizo-affective 

disorder”! 

At first I thought he just mistook the first part so commented “I 

am glad you corrected yourself”! However I write on 

Wednesday night 23 rd September and clearly he actually meant 

to say ‘paranoid schizophrenia’ and actually has swallowed 

parrot-fashion all that long list of totally false symptoms he has 

inherited from the discharge notes at the QEII Hospital! 

Jemima told me three weeks ago she is leaving her job next 

week for a new promoted job, so I simply must get hold of her 

first, and tell her the Doctor has put me in a totally impossible 

dilemma with crassly mistaken diagnosis that may well arise 

solely from QEII politicking by the staff. My previous diagnosis 

by Geraldine O’Sullivan was pure ‘mania’ or ‘bipolar(I) affective 

disorder’ which my family and I always said was spot on. I will 

tell Jemima she and the Doctor and the whole team have failed 

me, and I may have to relegate myself to the Aggressive 

Outretch Team just in order to get a safe and correct diagnosis! 

At 1pm a nurse I knew called Ian called into the flat after the 

above abortive meeting – Jill had arranged for him to give me 

my depot. After giving my first painless depot in six attempts 

134

in the last ten weeks, he spotted my guitar, and soon after 

claiming he started playing at 14, showed he could not tune it 

nor play it at all well! Soon I was down at the Mind Club for the 

first hour’s lesson, with a woman patient called Ursula leading 

it, helped by another good guitar player, Sean. We seemed to 

be tuning the guitars amongst the ten at the group for over half 

an hour – but for the second half hour learned some chords – E 

minor, E, D, G and A. I had a quiet afternoon and evening 

licking my wounds from the Doctor’s mauling, but buoyed up by 

the highly enjoyable guitar class – which only lasts six weeks, 

but has come along just in time to replace the college class. 

On the Tuesday, my online account revealed that I had got my 

£20 refund from the camera shop. I had more financial news in 

the post – if I repaid £7.23 a week out of Income Support for 

nearly a year, I could accept a £348 budgeting loan. I phoned 

Jeni who was happily settling into a flat with six other people, 

but said ‘the bathroom is dark and we all have to share it!’ I 

also phoned my Father who had now received my spreadsheet 

in the post and wanted time to think about it till the end of the 

week. I expect there may be some heavyweight conditions 

attached to any help – I just asked him for £5,200 interest free 

repayable over five years to pay off the whole lot! I went to 

the Mind Club but there were only a few people there. I helped a 

girl called Jo with introductory GCSE maths e.g. -2x-2 = 4! 

On Wednesday I went to the Mind Club but it was noisy indoors 

while redecoration takes place so I sat in the garden. Just 

before it closed, at 2.40 I had to go to catch the bus for my 

regular podiatry appointment at 3.10pm – still in Hertford while 

the usual centre is also refurbished. I netted £8 on lottery 

scratch-cards so risked at last ordering my vital 7 proof copies 

of books from www.lulu.com! Otherwise the quiet week 

continued as from Monday - after the stormy meeting with the 

Doctor and Jemima. 

135

Jemima had told me three weeks earlier she was leaving the 

job in a month from then as she had got promotion to a job in 

the main medical Trust. Jill my nurse I knew was on holiday in 

Mexico. The Doctor had totally the wrong medication regime 

for me, which meant I was only active for ten hours a day not 

sixteen hours. At Monday’s meeting he had categorically 

branded me with “paranoid schizophrenia… schizo-affective 

disorder” which is totally wrong but which he refused to admit 

was totally based on hearsay false accounts of my ‘symptoms’ 

in hospital, not now. Then he refused to have any more 

meetings for another three months till December, after the 

‘huge amount’ of two in two weeks recently. So Jemima, my 

team leader, had offered me a meeting with her this week, as I 

was still clearly very unhappy about the outcome of both 

meetings with her and the Doctor. 

However, when I phoned Cygnet House on Thursday – she was 

off sick – which the secretary said never happened with her! I 

needed urgently to discuss – changing Doctor at Cygnet House 

to one who accepted the true diagnosis of ‘bipolar (I) affective 

disorder’ – or in the extreme, demoting myself to the 

Aggressive Outretch team once more – fully expecting 

Geraldine O’Sullivan not to have moved from that very view. I 

went to my SLR Camera Course that night, where the lecturer 

gave us a slide show showing how to take landscape pictures, 

based on a holiday he had taken in Cornwall. At the back of my 

mind, on top of worries about my finances, I now had deep 

concerns indeed about my medical diagnosis and treatment and 

how distortedly wrong it all was! 

Jemima was still off sick on the Friday – and they confirmed her 

last day actually in that job was on Tuesday! Would she still be 

ill then – or too busy catching up from being off sick; and 

above all preparing to leave the job on Tuesday; to see me? 

My father had told me the previous week he could not receive 

email as he was decorating his office, but should finish early 

this week. So I mailed him the figures on my creditors that he 

136

insisted on, last Friday, and when I called him on this Tuesday 

he had got them in the post, but put me off from discussing 

them till now. However when I called him this Friday, his office 

was still not finished – and he had to do ‘some research on the 

Internet’ once he had re-installed his computer before all this 

endless procrastination ended, and he finally condescended to 

read my figures. Possibly a loan or even in the unlikely event, a 

free cash injection to me to help me reduce my debts? 

As a result of two weeks procrastination by my father, I posted 

off the acceptance of my budgeting loan – with no idea what 

my father might eventually actually offer me that was possibly 

better or worse! Finally that night Julie and I got quite drunk, 

as we got through two bottles of rose wine between us! 

The weekend was very quiet, with a mounting anxiety in my 

mind about all the unresolved things still current! I got a quote 

in the post on Saturday for renewal for a year of my cat 

insurance – but it had gone up 33% to over £6 a month! 

I Googled for ‘cat insurance’ and noted several phone numbers to 

call on Monday from likely cheaper competitors. 

On Saturday afternoon I joined Julie and her grandson in the 

park opposite and took pictures – but when I tried to print 

these I was low on ink in my printer. However when I did a 

slide show for Julie on the PC of them the next day, Sunday, 

she liked a lot of them. Meanwhile, the only other notable 

event of a quiet, as I said anxious weekend was cancelling my 

electricity direct debit due next Friday or so, temporarily, as 

buying the books among other things that happened that week, 

meant I could not afford to pay it this week. Now I had £45 

spare so lent Julie £20 till she gets paid next Friday! She only 

had about £15 to last all week otherwise! 

137

So as I write on this Sunday evening of 27 th September 2009, it 

is at the end of the quietest week for ages – but hanging over it 

have been two main worries about my Doctor having crazy 

ideas about me adopted purely from lies by hospital staff; and 

the endless delays still going on in resolving my situation with 

my creditors. I am also concerned that Julie and I as well as 

my daughter Jeni and I have both suffered rifts in the past few 

weeks. My diary for the next ten days is already full of notes! I 

summarise that below, then entries even later in my future 

diary, mostly to do with publishing efforts. 

It seems that I am waiting for a lot to happen in the next four 

or five weeks. For I sense that like never before in the bizarre 

history of my psychiatric treatment or abuse, as I see it, I now 

have to really exert myself to ‘rise above the Black Art of 

Psexistrickery’! Also if my present endeavours to get all my 

books published fails with Whitmore Publishing and all the other 

agents and publishers that I have approached, or by some 

vague stroke of massive good fortune, they are accepted, that 

really is going to be my last effort. 

138

Things I am waiting for to happen – As of Sunday 27 th 

September 

10 days = Monday 28 th September – Tuesday 6 th October 

Monday. Get several quotes for cat insurance. Attend 

guitar class again and if Tracey is again there, tell her that Emma 

the proof reader did not acknowledge my email with the 

address given by Tracey. 

Tuesday. Jemima still ill? Jemima can see me on last day 

before leaving? As above, this is absolutely vital! Mind Club 

6.30pm-8.30pm. My books from www.lulu.com may arrive any 

time now if they are as quick as last time. Then I can launch 

www.maam.org.uk for the first time and re-launch 

www.silee.me.uk with Press Releases (nearly or totally free 

with the list of PR people’s web-sites I have got from Manuela 

last year; as well as a few from Googling ‘press release 

distribution’!) Titles of my press releases are provisionally: - 

‘Abolish Money! – to end this recession - and all future 

recessions!’ 

‘Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists – by the 

Large Hadron Collider (LHC)?’ 

Wednesday. Decision by IET on new carpet. Mind Club. 

Thursday. Camera Course (theory part I). 

Friday. £52.50 cash-back cheque in post for mobile 

phone? Finally get some non-procrastinating actual help from 

my father on the phone - with my creditors? 

Monday. Hear I have got budgeting loan going into bank 

account and when? Guitar Course 2pm-3pm. 

Tuesday. Mind Club 6.30pm-8.30pm. Will Tawanda have 

got a move on and finished proof reading ‘Scientific Proof’ for 

me? 

139

To happen by 5 th November 2009 (Guy Fawkes)? 

The IET Case Committee will have determined whether 

indeed they are giving me a grant for a carpet, so I will be 

booking having it fitted. 

I emailed to Whitmore Publishing books over the last three 

weeks – Scientific Proof, my poems, and Helen’s The 

Tender Years. They should get back to me by ‘6-8 weeks’ they 

said i.e. about the start of November. 

If they say ‘no’ I will abandon all remaining tiny hope of 

any positive replies among the very slow trickle of replies from 

emails to agents and publishers since before that. That is, give 

up all hope of conventional publishing for any of my seven books. 

That leaves self publishing, the Large Hadron Collider and 

Press Releases. Will the LHC start up again by then after over 

a year broken down? – there is no news on the Internet! 

More Press Releases are possible then! 

Will I have found a free proof reader for the books by 

then? 

Will I have given up all hope, too, of hearing any response 

from Reverend David Proud of Christchurch? How rude! 

Whatever happens with all the above, I should be able to 

breathe a big sigh of relief and – end this book! 

140

Monday 28 th September – Sunday 4 th October. 

I had nearly as quiet a week this week. On Monday I arranged 

cat insurance to start from October 24 th with a new supplier – 

Argos Insurance – at £3.75 a month not £6.10 as Tesco had 

now demanded. Having cancelled my Electricity direct debit, I 

rang EdF and cleared this with them – and arranged to pay 

them the £45 needed in a week’s time. I went to the Mind 

guitar club, which was very sparsely attended this second 

session, and we tried to start the hardest part – changing 

chords. I wrote out a note for typesetter Emma’s somewhat 

wayward friend Tracey, who was there, to try to get to her 

somehow. She promptly lost it, so at the end of the session I 

asked her to wait while I wrote another note out. I turned 

round after writing it – no sign of this wacky Tracey – she had 

forgotten about it inside a minute, and gone home! So much 

for help getting free proofreading from her friend Emma! 

Tuesday I had been quite agitated by the prat Doctor saying a 

week earlier quite emphatically that ‘your diagnosis is paranoid 

schizophrenia … schizo-affective disorder’ and naturally very 

confused. Jemima was leaving to start another more senior job 

at Trust HQ just today – but at last squeezed in half an hour for 

me. She had been ill last week, and busy yesterday all day, 

not surprisingly, so I was very frustrated when I finally got in 

that day – she called it ‘pressured’. Fortunately the naughty 

Doctor Fat Man Mad Man turned up out of the blue from being 

out somewhere – and I quickly established with him that he 

had really meant to say just ‘schizo-affective disorder’ – and I 

vehemently and abhorrently disagree with the ‘schizo bit’! 

After all that nonsense, I calmed down, had a quiet day again, 

and just went to the Mind Club 6.30pm-8.30pm. Worried about 

how to clear my debts off with no clear response yet from my 

Father, I applied for a Halifax ‘Easy Charge’ 8.9% credit card on 

the Internet! 

Wednesday was quiet. I had my first email from a literary 

agent for some days – from Sheil Land, whom I had mailed 

141

extracts to – as ever, saying ‘no’. I went down to the Mind 

Club 2pm-2.40pm. I had an email from Lulu – my books had 

been dispatched! At last after weeks of waiting – first with my 

account dead, then with no money to order them! Julie 

poached some salmon steaks, in milk, water and herbs for us 

that night that I had previously bought and frozen – that were 

delicious with mixed vegetables and new potatoes! 

Thursday I had a terrifying diatribe of a four page letter from 

my father, unjustly slagging me off over four pages, that I 

reproduce with my comments in reply to much of it imbedded 

in the text, that in fact I was wise enough never to send, in a 

few pages from now – in two weeks, when after several phone 

calls and a further one page diatribe from him, again instead of 

just discussing my black and white figures I had sent. 

I telephoned the social fund – my £348 budgeting loan would 

be in my bank account by Saturday – that was quick – I only 

accepted their offer by post Friday! Finally on Thursday 

evening I attended the photography course and had what for 

me, by and large, was a refresher course on apertures and 

shutter speeds. 

Friday was quiet except that my Windows XP kept complaining 

that my copy of MS Office was not genuine – which I had 

realised years ago shortly after paying for a seemingly 

legitimate download on the Web. I investigated the cost of 

‘Office 2007 Home and student’ and found that a CD cost £54+ 

from www.amazon.co.uk compared to just a download for £99 

from Microsoft themselves! I would pay for it tomorrow when I 

got the budgeting loan in the bank, I thought… 

Indeed it did! I immediately paid all my creditors apart from 

Citi Cards above the odds for the monthly payment, ordered 

Office 2007 from Amazon, and did a large shop at Tesco – and 

bought not one but two four-colour inks packs which totalled a 

142

princely £60; out of the loan! Finally I exceeded the loan with 

my spending, for two of the books I had received that morning 

from Lulu in a parcel, ‘Scientific Proof’ and my Manifesto, both 

had the same irritating mistake in just one word! 

On Sunday I spent all day just issuing free press releases on 

the Web – for yesterday at last I had been able to verify all 

seven books I had ordered! Two weeks later – and these press 

releases have been issued and are appearing in many searches 

on the main search engine Google – but getting frustratingly 

little response, after much fiddly work issuing them on different 

forms each time, working from a working document. 

Two very different Spiritual Experiences 31 and 32 in 2009 at 

Easter Day and now – that makes 32 sporadically over 32 years 

I did not mention my Spiritual Experience 31 at the time I first 

wrote about that weird night of Easter Sunday, 12 th April 2009, 

in the prequel to this book, mostly because it was so ghastly. 

However, as I had a second Spiritual Experience 32 this year 

exactly 25 weeks later, on Sunday 4 th October, I now describe 

both. I had not seen a visionary Spiritual Experience for two 

years or more when I saw number 31 at Easter, but it had 

exactly the same quality – but a huge number, I counted 12, of 

very evil, frightening images. I stared out the first two or 

three, averted my gaze as the next few appeared, and thought 

nice thoughts to get rid of them; then for the last few spoke in 

tongues, silently. All of this worked. After that I was so 

shaken I was all night, out in the garden, or quietly carrying 

out a Simon Lee gentle exorcism (basically cleaning the only 

possible dirty things in an very clean, neat house, that people 

commonly touched, the sinks and taps, and a few other things 

143

in the house and garden). I only remember some of these 

nightmare images, as follows: - 

1. A rat, standing upright, with sabre teeth like a sabre 

toothed tiger! 

2. A white horse’s head, severed from its body, with great 

white, staring eyes! 

3. The Eye of Horus (a red pyramid on its head in the shape of 

an equilateral or equal sided triangle, inside another red pyramid 

on its base). Reproduced in my earlier book ‘Doctor Police!’ 

4. The face of the Devil, complete with beard and horns! 

5. My own pet cat at home, presumably asleep under Julie’s 

care, but with her eyes and tongue pulled out! 

6. Julie’s head – but hair shorn and tar all over her head! 

The second Spiritual Experience, however, was just one image, of 

a circle with a cross at its centre, coming outside the circle as an 

arrow 

Meaning One of Spiritual Experience 32 was: ‘I need to sidestep 

being a target for Father’s domineering, misguided wrath!’ 

I left my father’s letter for a whole week, until an innocent phone 

call from him ‘do you accept my deal?’ resulted in three short, 

viciously sharp phone calls between us the following weekend, 

resulting in me cutting him off the first two times, and him 

cutting me off the third! Finally I downloaded a simple free 

OCR software package from the Web on Wednesday 14 th 

October, scanned his paper letter into MS Word with it, and 

answered most points in a different, much bigger font – then 

showed it to Julie my social worker at Cygnet House, who just 

laughed at my sense of humour in it. I never sent it. The 

letter follows, for the record, complete with my replies: - 

144

28 Sept. 09 

Dear Simon, 

Thanks for the copy of Dr Pathmanandam’s letter to 

Barclaycard, which he sent on your behalf, received this week 

following your email last week which set out your various debts 

to five credit card and other creditors. You first asked me in a 

phone call, a couple of months ago, if I could help you to clear 

outstanding credit debts that you had, 

(1) because you were up to the limit with several providers, 

(2) and your credit record was so bad that you were unable to 

raise further credit elsewhere to fund things that you wanted to 

do. 

(3) You were aware that I was going to be helping Libby to buy 

property, and would like to be helped on a comparable basis. 

You said that you were in discussion with Barclays and the 

others, either to totally write of your debts with them. 

(4) because you are unable to pay, or to agree with them 

reduced payments that they would accept, in order for them to 

write off the remainder. I asked you to take those negotiations 

as far as you could get, and to come back to me when you had, 

with the final picture. 

1 In fact it is to do a bog standard consolidation of several 

creditors into one – for simpler accounting (one payment not 

several) and ideally, a lower payment overall. We see below you 

are unwilling to offer even a loan of £5,500 at 4% interest let 

alone interest free that would achieve both. 

2 Smear! Crap! I have quite enough creditors already – I am 

trying to get rid of as many as possible, you idiot! I neither 

want nor need any more credit. Do you understand? 

3 Unlike you I don’t gather information and spy on other 

family members – no I was not aware of this. My brother and 

145

sister never ever phone me as they prefer to remain oblivious 

to all of the illnesses I am wrongly alleged to have had in 

the past – and so any needs I might have. You are all 

however vastly wealthier than me, and all choose to 

squander many thousands a year - on your ‘lavish lifestyles’. 

I just smoke to console myself I am very human indeed! 

4 Lie again! I am quite able to pay – the creditors only total 

10% of my disposable income before the bills, and food. 

You phoned me again a couple of weeks ago to tell me that you 

had finished the discussions with the creditors. None of the 

providers was prepared to write off your debt to them totally, 

but Barclays were prepared to close your debt to them for a 

cash repayment of 60%, CitiCards for a cash repayment of 

50%, and Littlewoods store for a cash repayment of 80%. 

Neither Virgin (following your credit-balance transfer from Lloyds) 

nor Capital One were prepared to negotiate any 

settlement figure, and insisted on full repayment. You started 

to go through the details of each case verbally, but it became 

so complicated and confusing that I asked you to set out all the 

figures and email them to me, so that I could think about it all. 

(5) You emphasised that your first concern was to regain a 

clean credit record. 

Why lie yet again? My principal aim is consolidation in such a 

way as if possible to reduce my creditor outgoings and time to 

clear the whole debt – absolutely bog standard so why get all 

paranoid and seek ulterior motives that are not there? 

The Creditors Schedule that you posted to me showed total 

current outstanding debt to these five creditors to be 

£6,416.96, reducing to £5,151.96 if the substantial reductions 

agreed by Barclaycard, CitiCard and Littlewoods store for 

immediate cash - settlement were acted upon. In a handwritten 

note on the bottom of the sheet you asked if I could 

pay you the £5 ,200 to clear these debts completely, and that 

146

you would repay that to me, free of interest, over 5 years, at 

£20/week. Don’t forget that if we were to do that, I would lose 

interest at around 4% on that £5k of my savings, effectively 

adding a further £200 p.a. until I die to my initial £5.2k cost of 

bailing you out. 

Oh diddums, my heart bleeds, you are such a poor tight miser 

aren’t you! As above, instead of this four page diatribe of lies, 

distortions and smears – any decent, kind, generous father 

would have offered the loan – if he can actually afford it, which I 

rather doubt in your case – at 4% interest (still much lower 

than most of my creditors). Instead, as we see sadly and 

miserably below, you indulge yourself in only offering me a 

typically pitiful and miserable con troll freak you ‘Kontrol 

Programme’ and seriously expect social workers to actually 

impose it on me and so ‘discipline and control me’ while you 

pull their – and so my – strings!!! A real heavyweight ‘diktat 

dem Fuehrer Bill Gates entschuldigung LEE’!!! Sieg Heil, 

Farter!!! 

By contrast to a control freak like you, I myself am well known 

as kind and very generous, and spontaneous with it. Julie 

ended our relationship in the winter, but we remain close 

friends – being next door is ideal. Despite that I have spent 

the LAST SEVEN MONTHS GOING VERY SHORT ON 

EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY TOBACCO TO GIVE HER ALL OF SIX 

HUNDRED PLUS POUNDS IN THAT PERIOD – FOR HER SHEER 

SURVIVAL WITH HER PHONE AND ABOVE ALL CAR AND food. 

THE POOR WOMAN TYPICALLY TAKES HOME ONLY £150 

AVERAGE A WEEK – AND HER JOB DEMANDS A CAR. I was 

hoping vainly for a glimmer of similar generosity like mine, 

from you, Herrn Fuehrer Farter! Fat chance! 

147

You will remember that in 2005 I stepped in promptly to buy 

out a loan that you had unwisely taken out with a loan-shark 

operation called Citifinancial Europe plc. 

(7) because with your credit record then, no high street bank 

would advance you any further credit. The initial £1,000 loan 

had already risen quickly to £1,113.86, and without any capital 

repayments their (8) eye-watering interest rate of 50% p.a. 

compound would soon have overwhelmed you. 

Fortunately for me, I had copied to my MP, Grant Shapps, the 

very strongly worded letter that I sent with my bail-out cheque. I 

knew Grant well through the brilliant steer he had given me 

when I was driving the Residents’ Association’s ultimately 

successful battle with the University over the Students’ 

Residences that they had proposed to build along College Lane. 

He wrote to CitiFinancial too, and as a result they reimbursed 

me and wrote off their loss, leaving you with the £1k they had 

originally lent you. 

(9) That was a stroke of luck, unlikely to be repeated. 

Yet again, that was not the reason at all! 

Eye-watering? No, bog standard for an unsecured tenant loan! 

Real loan sharks can charge a real eye-watering 18,000% with 

violence, I saw on the news recently. Return to your own 

planet at once and learn about the harsh realities of life being 

poor unlike you and the rest of the family except of course 

me, always on the brink of poverty and quite unable to work 

my way out of by working except by my book writing. 

As usual you claim all the credit – but you never paid off the 

loan – money never left your bank account. The net result of 

doing the obvious - recruiting a friendly passing MP – was that I 

148

got the loan written off and received a cheque for £1,000 on 

top – so got £2,000 free in total. Such luck! 

I am very disappointed to see that you have learnt no lessons 

from that incident, and have done it all over again, but more 

so. (10) CitiCard, one of your present creditors, is even a 

member of the very same group as Citifinancial, who were 

burning you before. I see from your Creditor’s Schedule that 

Capital One are charging you 30%p.a. interest. 

(11) Virgin enticed you away from a (30%+) Lloyds loan with 

their low 5% first year interest rate. You told me when I asked 

you about it that their rate too will soon also jump to around 

30% (wrong! 20%) p.a. on their £3k loan, which represents 

about half of your total debt. You had left that highly relevant 

information off your Creditors schedule. 

In fact Citi Card have been my most kind considerate and 

understanding creditor ever! So, I deliberately got the Virgin 

card – and so have and will save a fortune over my prior 30% 

Lloyds loan. 

(12)-(20) I have to say that this whole dreadful story shows 

breathtaking irresponsibility on your part, Simon, and is a 

horrendous problem that you have brought upon yourself. 

Your total debt currently represents well over half of your 

annual income from all sources. 

Interest payments now take a significant proportion of your 

income, and you have nothing left over to repay any capital 

debt at all, let alone have any fun. It appears to me that in 

asking me to bail you out by settling all your outstanding credit 

accounts in full, and at the same telling me that your main aim 

149

is to regain a clean credit record, you want me to clear your 

decks for you so that you can continue to spend as you wish to 

do the things you choose to do by raising new credit lines, until 

you hit the buffers yet again and need to ask for another 

handout. 

That is both unacceptable and completely unrealistic, Simon. 

Your crippling debts are damage that you have brought upon 

yourself. 

They are the direct consequence of commitment that you 

consciously undertook and spending that you have chosen to 

make, and they are your responsibility to resolve. My paying off 

your debts completely, as you asked me to do, would be 

absolutely the worst possible thing I could do for you. It 

would give you the green light to continue unscathed along 

the aberrant and destructive path that you have been taking. 

You have to play your part. 

What a pile of Microfast sorry elephant droppings! You try 

living in very expensive areas like hospital plus pay all your 

home bills at the same time – on 40% of your normal income! 

Absolutely every mental patient on the same benefits as me 

knows this is true – and I was forced to take out credit cards to 

boost my capital whilst imprisoned in hospital. 

ENDLICH. DER GROSSE DIKTAT DEM ‘FUEHRER’ “VILLI” 

(KEIN ‘GATES’ ABER ‘LEE’) 21-40 

I will help you, but in a more constructive way. I am prepared 

to help you financially to pay off these debts, and in partnership 

with you and the Cygnet House team to help you move your 

way of life towards a sustainable situation in which you become 

150

much more self-reliant, realistic about and in full control of your 

finances, and much more able to go out and socialise 

successfully. Those were your mum’s wishes too. I’m 77 next 

month, and I want to see that before I go. 

You will have to take some very painful decisions, Simon. Doing it 

will be far from easy, but there is no gain without pain, and you 

have no alternative. I’ll tell you now what I propose. 

I am prepared to pay 50% overall of the interest and loan 

repayments to the creditors on the schedule that you sent me, 

according to a time and payments schedule that we will agree 

between us. You will agree to pay the other 50% overall, 

funded by your recognition of the failure of your book 

publishing project and your abandoning it completely, and by 

progressively reducing your smoking to nil or at least to a much 

lower and sustainable level, aided by a professional nicotine 

addiction programme that you will agree to undertake and to 

keep up. Because your smoking reduction programme is bound 

to take time, we will agree the payments schedule between us 

such that I will pay most of each scheduled payment at the 

beginning, moving progressively to you making most of each 

scheduled payment towards the end. It will be in your interest, 

and mine too, if these debts can be cleared in a couple of years if 

possible, to minimise the ongoing interest charges that will add 

to the costs. 

Finally, from the start of this repayments programme you will 

not draw any further 

credit from any of your existing providers. You will nominate 

one credit card only that you will use purely as a convenience, 

to be settled each month and not used as another medium 

term loan. Likewise, you will aim to keep your bank account in 

the black, and no longer use your £100 free overdraft 

allowance to the full as available money, as you have been 

doing. 

151

Now some comments on the actions that I propose that you 

take to fund your 50%. 

First the publishing project. After years of trying in one way or 

another, including much internet exposure in several frustrating 

attempts, there has only been a handful of sales, to a few 

fellow sufferers curious to compare their own experiences to 

yours. 

There has never been any prospect of a wide audience. Unlike 

Cuckoo’s Nest there’s no intriguing story to follow — it’s the 

highly tortuous and very personal journal of the internal 

perceptions and bad treatment experiences of a man with a 

baffling mental illness. Its title is a come-on — there’s no 

scientific proof of any god or spirit anywhere, and the 

references to multiple dimensions are just supposition. When it 

was a front pager on Google I saw a forum about it that tore 

your proof claim to pieces. Your long obsession with it isolates 

you socially, and together with your heavy smoking has 

isolated you from Jeni. It’s all a grandiose delusion, Simon, 

which has wasted much of your life and lots of money. It 

started with the passing clouds that you saw at Fulbourn which 

you interpreted as a message from on high, directed just at 

you. 

I rather think that your perception then was actually the direct 

consequence of the 2 months of heavy cannabis smoking you 

had just been through, that you told me about 3 or 4 years 

ago. You speak of my ‘obsession’ and ‘grandiose delusion’ of 

my merely highly fruitful and enjoyable hobby of writing 

interesting books, as a man who believes he is really Bill Gates 

not Bill Lee, and that a number spaghetti with a sham graphical 

interface at the level of your own obsessive ideas in your 

computer career – still may yet replace the mighty Windows 

interfaces of todays’ sophisticated computers, unlike your 

152

Babbage Engines Come 1850’s telephone exchanges – all 

boasted by you to be made of ‘rubber wires’!!! 

You are winging and carping on at me like Adolf Hitler right now 

about a mere £5,500. Mum told me before she died that the 

first time you lost Lee Micromatics ltd. - you took her to see the 

bank manager and tried to con and force her to 100% 

re-mortgage the jointly owned house so YOU would have got 

about £300,000! 

As for the rest of your crap here, you are again deluding 

yourself that I not you are the real con man. Here is a KOSHER 

copy of the BOOK IN QUESTION – there was just once a 

problem with books having the wrong covers put on at the 

printers in Eastbourne last year – I suspect that you could 

easily have realised there was some obvious simple mistake 

instead of launching into yet more of this massive diatribe 

The 80 to 100 cigarettes a day that you have told me you 

typically get through makes giving up or cutting down severely a 

financial no-brainer. At around £600 a month it uses up 

around 2/3 of your income from all sources. Have you 

considered what Julie must think when she sees you burn 

probably more than the net income she can make even when 

working full time, while she has to continue to pinch and 

scrape? It cannot be denied that giving up is hard, and you 

have told me that your drug treatments make it harder still. 

Nevertheless, the statistics from nicotine addiction centres 

show that it can be done. I smoked in the 6th form and into my 

second year at uni — up to 20 or 30 a day if I recollect 

correctly. 

I gave up to buy your mum her engagement ring, by smoking 

100 straight off until my mouth was sore and tasted like a 

153

sewer, and then bringing that back to mind every time 

thereafter when I felt tempted. It took 3 months for the craving 

to go. When you resent it so much when your doctors or I ever 

try to exert any kind of restraint or control over you in your 

own interest, it is amazing that you submit so meekly to total 

control by nicotine. At home, or in my garden, you light up the 

next cigarette straight away or within a minute of putting out 

the last. That level of dependence makes any social contact 

virtually impossible, and any light employment or even 

voluntary work quite out of the question. It even made it 

impossible for you to stay with Libs, Jem and I at your mum’s 

deathbed at UCH. 

My medication makes it absolutely mandatory that I smoke 40- 

60 a day – otherwise I feel totally lethargic, flat, depressed and 

drugged. Blame the Doctors that I smoke, not me! 

Finally, a few words about Dr Pathmanandam’s letter to 

Barclays on your behalf. I’m concerned that you feel so put 

out by it that you are thinking of asking to be switched to 

another doctor. Please don’t think that way — to do so would 

fully justify the letter’s reference to symptoms of hostility and 

paranoia. I think that he has been one of the most amenable 

and helpful doctors you have had. He gives us plenty of time at 

our meetings with him. He was willing to reduce your 

medication to levels with which you were comfortable, which 

most have not. Don’t forget that his letter was sent to Barclays 

at your request, to support your request to them to write off 

your debt. The letter was on Trust notepaper and was from the 

Trust. He would have had to quote from the Trust’s notes on 

154

you. The paragraph on diagnosis would have come from your 

notes, and is the work of others — he has never seen you ill 

himself. 

One thing that strikes me about the Trust’s recorded diagnostic 

opinion is that it does not mention the deep-seated grandiose 

delusion that persists even when you are well, as you are now. 

Furthermore, it makes no mention of mania, which 

overwhelmingly dominates your presentation when you are 

unwell. Regarding the symptoms that the Trust does list, the 

only psychomotor-type activity I ever see is your pacing, which 

also persists when you are well, and which lots of people do 

anyway. You do talk fast enough to make intelligibility difficult 

at times, but a pressure of speech label requires long strings of 

words non-stop, which you don’t do. I’ve never seen you switch 

topics in the middle of speaking about something, which IDC— 

l0 requires for flight of ideas. I don’t think that you meet either 

the DSM-IV-FM or ICD-10 requirements for Schizoaffective 

Disorder, and like you I think that ICD-10’s Mania with 

Psychotic Elements might be nearer the mark. 

I have a minor stress related mood swing illness. Return to 

Planet Grandiose Delusion, with your joint grandiose delusions 

that you are Bill Gates not Bill Lee, and that you are a 

Consultant Psychiatrist not Victor Meldrew Mark III, you old 

fart! 

When you have had time to digest all this you will first have to 

ask Cygnet House to get you on to a smoking reduction 

programme ASAP, and with them to propose a realistic target 

reduction programme. That will enable us to draw up and agree 

the repayments schedules for each creditor, and make them 

part of an agreement document that we can work to as the 

repayments programme proceeds. 

155

Oh jump in a lake ‘Gates’, you ‘Psychiatrist’ Kontrol Freak you! 

You single handedly destroyed my career not just yours at Lee 

Micromatics ltd. I had zero useful skills after 8 years of being a 

‘computer recluse’ thanks to you there – and could hardly ever 

get good jobs again! 

As you can see from the above, my moody, usually placid Pater 

launched a vicious, unanswerable three pronged assault on: - 

1. My supposed total lack of financial acumen 

2. My admittedly high level of smoking, which in fact I 

constantly try to reduce 

3. Above all, he lashed totally wrongly, my alleged ‘vast 

expense’ of writing my basically seven books! 

I followed the normal sensible advice and replied, without 

sending it, using another sensible technique to minimise words 

needed, by as above imbedding my main comments (that I 

could bring myself at least, to type out). Instead of sending 

that above annotated letter back to him, I shared it, as I just 

said above, with my social worker, who looked extremely 

serious when she carefully read the original from him, with 

several interruptions from myself. Then when she read the 

commented version above – she just roared with laughter! 

Another pithy summary of the first letter followed from my 

father, a one-pager, the following Saturday 17 th October. At 

that time we finally got down to some adult, sensible, lengthy, 

soon friendly phone calls, in which I explained at length: - 

156

1. My finances were fully under control – I would just 

appreciate a cash injection in the form of a loan – so I could 

pay off the main creditors who would give a substantially 

reduced early settlement figure for that – Barclaycard and 

Citi had bothered me for years, now Littlewoods. We would 

leave Virgin, the biggest creditor, until next May 2010 – when 

the interest holiday on over £2,000 of that ends. Finally it 

turned out my Father could not afford to lend me my entire 

original request for £5,200! Not surprising! 

2. I protested strongly that my concentration levels are 

severely damaged by years of occasional illness, and above 

all many years in the Hell of mental hospitals, and in particular 

the drugs I take as a result make the addiction ten times 

worse – nicotine is already ten times more addictive than 

heroin! 

3. As for my books – I took these six autobio’s back onto the 

‘privately published’ category of www.lulu.com, and was able 

to tell him quite correctly that I have never sold a copy – 

and nobody has read them! This weekend something 

incredible happened after my daughter rang up after an hour in 

tears, then came out by train to visit me for help with her 

chemistry from her college in London. They turn out, 

perhaps not surprisingly, to rely on computers far too 

much in education as in everything these days – and had 

given her a long Internet exercise to do – on ‘stoichiometric 

ratios’ in chemistry – ratios between molecular or molar 

masses, atomic masses, moles, Avogadro’s Number (particles 

per mole), grams per mole, etc. Difficult stuff, as I soon found 

it too, after 32 years or more of last using it, I was very rusty! 

We come to what happened next shortly, when I discuss Jeni’s 

visit and phone calls before and afterwards shortly. 

Finally, after all that long winded judgemental hot air from him – 

he meekly offered after these several long phone calls, to 

bank for me a cheque for £2,000 on Monday just gone, 19 th 

October! I will be able to pay off all my four most annoying 

creditors once it finally clears into my account this Friday 23 rd 

October! 

157

Meaning Three of Spiritual Experience 32 – finishing off my own 

ambitions and targets as recently bugging me – partly so I can 

fully enjoy my hobbies of book writing, fathoming the mysteries 

of getting my web sites high on the main search engines, so to 

have many visitors - and now guitar and digital photography 

1. By Friday 23 rd October 2009 my finances should be fully 

consolidated with (at last!) an informal £2,000 loan from Dad 

enabling me to pay off and shut down three debts, 

Barclaycard, Citi and Capital One, and also settle 

temporarily my Littlewoods account balance, also saving 

money but nowhere near as vast as the 40% off my 

Barclaycard bill and 50% off Citi. Things should be much easier 

now – especially as the standing order I have put into Barclays 

letterbox tonight, Tuesday 20 th October, is weekly like most of 

my income – so I will never have a chance to spend that 

money! 

2. The IET Case Committee finally wrote on Tuesday 6 th 

October offering a grant of £600 – and my lowest quote had 

been £630 – so last week I negotiated the carpet company 

concerned down by £30 – and the carpet company are 

fitting the underlay and carpet next Tuesday afternoon 27 th 

October. 

3. As these autobiographical books are now only to be 

privately published for the foreseeable future – I can forget 

the massive headache of getting them proof-read - free! 

Tawanda at the Mind Club should have the results in a week or 

two – by the first week in November, as half term is next week, 

the last week in October – of extremely carefully reading my 

main worry, my main ‘Scientific Proof’ book. 

4. Two of my press releases are on Google page two 

already for the search ‘scientific proof God exists’ and 

another is on page five. I now know that these three 

companies, out of about twenty that Manuela Mesco’s list 

supplied from www.book-promotion.com are the only ones I need 

to bother with in future! 

158

Julie has progressively very gently and ladylike, pointed out 

first she no longer wants any touch, now at last even any 

kissing between us! So my relationship with Julie, never ever 

very secure, seems to be over – now ‘just good friends’! 

6. This book and its composition have bugged me for two 

years. I really wrote all six books (originally three) for my 

daughter’s sake and possibly other members of my family. 

However, latterly the enormous hard work is getting 

unbearable. Of turning my notes – often scribbled so 

illegible even to me! – in my hand written diary, especially the 

typing with my two fingers as indoctrinated by an early 

teletype machine, in the 1970’s, so I cannot touch type(!) into 

a narrative that hopefully makes sense when it all finally gets 

read by Jeni or anybody else for that matter. I am bringing 

it all to a head with a quick summary overleaf of the 

lesser events that happened since Spiritual Experience 32 

on 4 th October 2009. Thereafter I am leaving this book at 

least partly finished, with a neat conclusion, until the final 

events I expect below actually happen IN THE WORLD! So I 

can hopefully just summarise the NEXT few months in a few 

months time – and give the aftermath of this first ending! 

7. My Office 2003 package on my computer turns out to be 

counterfeit, so Windows XP now tells me – even though I paid 

good money for it! I will replace it on my PC with the Office 

2007 package I have bought at reduced price from 

www.amazon.co.uk immediately after I finish this book and 

have printed off the last many pages to proof read. Then and 

only then will I risk the unknown of a new version of Office – and 

do what comes next! 

8. Relevant to my two websites - World Events that I calmly 

expect and await. A renewal of the ‘Abolish Money!’ 

campaign, and above all – wait for it! – the Large Hadron 

Collider (LHC) at long last is due to restart in November 

2009 – and produce valid results??? Either or both will quite 

definitely attract visitors to my two web sites. As we see in a 

minute, Jeni’s visit this Sunday 18 th October changed all that as 

if by chance – really she was Heaven sent! In the meantime I 

159

started ahead of the LHC restarting, to anticipate much more 

activity on my main www.silee.me.uk site then, by twice 

changing and refining first the descriptive text it has on 

search engines on Sunday 11 th October; then on this last 

Sunday 18 th October 2009 I finalised both that and the actual 

headline title. As you see when I give the before and after – 

the LHC at length features heavily – while retaining the title of 

the book! 

Old Version of search engine blurb for www.silee.me.uk was: - 

Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists 

New book Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists - other books by 

Simon Richard Lee. How to prove God does exist? Does God Exist? Proof of 

existence of God! 

New Version of search engine blurb for www.silee.me.uk is: - 

Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists : LHC CERN news 

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), CERN, Geneva, will provide such news if & 

when it finds 7 or 8 extra dimensions of space time exist i.e. it proves (God The 

Holy) Spirit Exists 

9. Agents/publishers. I give up! It has been two whole 

months with only a few mere sniffs from them! The last three 

weeks has only brought two replies from agents I posted the 

book to! After 16 years I finally give up the ghost! 

10. Reverend David Proud and the Church! I give up! Trying 

to get the Church to accept anything new is impossible! 

He probably never even got his copy of the book – he may 

well have moved house, by all the signs there – unkempt 

grass, dirty car outside, empty feeling to the place! The right 

160

place for a book like mine is the Internet – the front, firing 

line of the current huge religion science debate! 

Other Lesser Events and by contrast the dramatic visit by my 

daughter Jeni Monday 5 th October – Sunday 18 th October 2009 – 

and what happened next. 

We turn briefly before coming to what happened last Sunday 

when Jeni arrived having been in tears about her second 

chemistry assignment at college, having failed her AS chemistry 

miserably, so A level, to events of the last two weeks. These 

as usual are mundane and nothing strange. On Monday 5 th 

October, I had my depot. I had trouble getting my PC started, 

the disk was hogging the machine for tens of minutes, so once 

Paul the nuisance rang about some nonsense as usual, I 

abandoned all hope of getting to my guitar class. On Tuesday 

my little sealed box with Office 2007 arrived. I went to the 

Mind Club as usual. On Wednesday I bought some lovely 

wooden photo frames with gold inlay from the Landseer 

framing shop here – luckily they were half price at £2.75 each – 

very affordable. I framed some pictures of Julie. 

On Thursday after trying to use my Vax vacuum cleaner the 

day before, the belt had come off for the umpteenth time, so I 

arranged a repair yet again. It was collected next Monday, but 

despite a letter and phone call to them – they refused to 

replace it but returned it allegedly repaired on Friday 16 th 

October – whereupon it has worked at least the first time! I 

went to my camera course that night and had an introduction 

to film speed as on a digital SLR camera. On the Friday, I got a 

welcome £11 refund for my college rather than Mind Club 

guitar course. 

Another Julie drama over her acute perennial poverty started, 

once she had forked out for a £45 diagnostic check on her car, 

revealing that the reason the warning light came on all the time 

161

was some problem with her ‘EGR valve’ – and the mechanic 

quoted a for her impossible £170 repair bill to take it out and 

replace it. We scoured the Internet for cheap or even free 

solutions under ‘Corsa EGR valve’ – and discovered only one 

entry – briefly saying the guy had taken the valve out and 

apart; and then cleaned it with petrol and brake cleaner, after 

which his car worked fine. I took a look at the EGR valve in her 

car and told her frankly that it was a job for mechanics in a 

workshop; not me on the road outside our flats! In the end the 

problem seems to have gone away again since that Sunday 11 th 

and all that Julie reports is the engine chugging on cold 

starting. 

Monday 12 th October I went to my guitar lesson, which as ever 

went very slowly and I had not missed much. Not surprising at a 

mental health help club, perhaps! On the Tuesday I was 

again at the Mind Club – for the drop-in. On Wednesday like I 

said I took the previous published version of this book, and 

indeed all my autobiographical books, off the www.lulu.com site 

as published into ‘privately published’. On the Thursday that 

last week, I missed my photography class, as the guitar class 

the week before; but this time because I felt unwell for just a 

change for once. On Friday my Windows XP system was now 

no longer warning about my Office 2003 being counterfeit – it 

said it would deactivate it in 14 days! 

Finally a dramatic weekend that has totally revolutionised my 

thinking about the core chapters 12 and especially 13 of the 

Book of Revelation in the Bible! Starting with a phone call from 

my daughter Jeni that afternoon, saying she had woken up and 

cried for the last hour because her chemistry homework at 

college had been given out before any sort of lecture at all. 

She found it quite impossible! We arranged in a second phone 

call that she should go by tube three stops to Liverpool Street 

Station, and catch the train out here with her textbook. Her 

actual homework could be done on the Internet on my 

computer – even teaching is all done by computer these days! 

162

Jeni arrived about 4pm and stayed till 7pm. I struggled to 

remember the awkward subject of stoichiometry that I briefly 

mentioned earlier, and we slowly got through the first four or 

five sections of the test with 100% or even more – like 103%, 

when I managed to answer the several questions in a section 

more or less first time. After failing dismally to solve the first 

problem in the fifth section, she had had quite enough of three 

hours of sheer struggle, working side by side. That was the 

first time since primary school I had tried to help her with 

homework. For her entire secondary school education I had 

been forced to miss. The school seems to have been told a 

complete fairy story by my ex- - that I had moved away. At 

least now we seemed to have started again, Jeni and I, on 

working together on getting her a pass, even a good pass, even 

at the chemistry she hates, complete with horrible maths! 

I rang her twice on the Sunday, and she had persevered with 

the test, and would see her chemistry as well as personal tutors 

to complain that there had been no lecture or any other tuition 

prior to the exercise, in which she had just about scraped 53% 

with my help – hopefully a pass… 

Monday 19 th October – Sunday 25 th October 2009. Guitar 

lesson 2pm-3pm at Mind Monday. Depot on Tuesday a day 

late, with podiatry session monthly as usual 3.10pm in Ware. 

Wednesday and Thursday were uneventful, but my Father’s 

£2,000 loan hit my bank account on Friday, so at last I settled 

early my balances for my two main credit cards, Barclaycard 

and Citi cards, and paid my Capital One and Littlewoods bills. 

Ink was low on my printer so I bought two multipacks on 

Saturday. 

All in all it was a very quiet week. 

163

Nothing prepared me for the storm and maelstrom that was to 

follow in the next five or six months, as we see in brief next. In 

brief, because my diary tapers out as I could not keep it up 

during the complete nightmare times that followed. 

164

Starting out as what seemed 

initially to be a ‘magic carpet ride’ 

with my new free carpet; I am 

soon surrounded by genies, 

demons, hairy monsters and so on 

of a lengthy period of over three 

months of incarceration! 

“Wherefore, wherefore, art thou 

Juliet, correction Julie?” is a 

Shakespearean phrase often 

springing to mind for the next 

few months of incarceration. 

For however hard I tried to get a 

response by mobile phone 

conversation from Julie, she 

was determined not to talk to 

me at all, despite all my 

voicemails and texts. In the 

end this caused terrible trouble! 

165

I resume writing this account on Sunday 25 th April 2010 – as it 

so happens, exactly six months on. I have put off doing this 

typing for over a month in March and April – for quite simply, 

this has been an ordeal second only to ‘Doctor’ Whore 

specifically ruining my life and ending my marriage with his 

totally wild diagnosis then in 1995 of ‘among the worst cases of 

schizophrenia’ – see the first book in this series ‘Which Witch 

Doctor?’ 

So as ever, even more than usual – I expect a great deal of 

pain to come my way – to be followed by a cathartic discharge 

only a while after finishing typing up this last terrible six 

months of agony. One thing actually is in my favour in this. 

That is that my hand written diary never got filled in apart from a 

skeleton of the most important dates – between mid 

November and the end of February – which was when I first 

bought a 2010 desk diary and filled it in for the traumas of 

March, followed more by solutions to such problems now in 

April. 

Monday 26 th October – Sunday 1 st November 2009. I worked 

all Sunday night on converting my two year old full size ten 

page career history, rather chatty and long-winded – and so, 

fatefully for me, forgot to take my lithium tablets that night. I 

slept from 10am till 4pm and then as my new carpet was due 

to be fitted the next day, Tuesday 27 th October 2009, was up 

again well into the night – piling up all the many books and 

records in my two lounge bookcases – on the kitchen floor, as 

previously requested by Ideal Carpets. So again I missed 

taking my tablets! The fitter came at 1pm on the Tuesday, and I 

helped him work around the large quantity of my furniture in 

the lounge to fit the new powder blue so very smart carpet, 

first at one end then the other end of the lounge. He happened 

to point out gently that a spring clean was required – even 

though it was nearly Hallowe’en – so when I worked nearly all 

night tidying up the lounge from his mess – and again missed 

out my tablets as a direct result – I termed this big energetic 

166

effort a ‘Hallowe’en Clean’! I had asked www.amazon.co.uk to 

take back the copy of Office 2007 Home and Student Edition I 

had bought recently, as I realised I needed the full Pro version 

with all its commercial features such as pdf file and html file 

production from any Word document. The label and bag for 

this arrived from them on Wednesday 28 th October and DHL the 

courier picked it up on Thursday 29 th – I eventually got a full 

refund. Also on Wednesday I ordered half a dozen plastic 

collapsible crates from Viking Direct – which also arrived on the 

Thursday – so I packed my many photographs in these and put 

them up in the attic space. That evening I struggled for all of 

three hours to fit – and crucially to align properly – two catches 

on my loft door as friends of the drug addict opposite had the 

habit of climbing into a loft hatch in the first floor corridor 

outside to get access to his flat – and breaking the ceiling 

down! I did not want them to break into my own flat! Also on 

the Thursday 29 th October I ordered a copy of ‘Office 2007 Pro 

Plus’ for a tiny £34.95 from a site called not surprisingly 

www.cheapofficepro2007.com whereas full price for that was 

many hundreds of pounds. On Thursday 29 th -Friday 30 th 

October I did a full “Hallowe’en Clean” on my kitchen. By now I 

had stopped taking my lithium tablets altogether. Even though 

various Psychiatrists had described lithium to me as the ‘gold 

standard’ treatment for the manic side that I had of manic 

depression; I adopted a purely chemical view that lithium was a 

poison with many ‘side’ effects – notably the dry skin on my 

feet attributed to the drug by every podiatrist and chiropodist I 

had seen – lots – in the past six years of problems with my 

feet. Even Julie my social worker whispered ‘lithium is a 

poison!’ when I rang her on one occasion this month! ON 

Saturday 31 st October I cleaned the bathroom and floors and 

boxed up my photos into the attic using the crates that had 

arrived on the Thursday. By Sunday 1 st November 2009 I had 

mostly finished cleaning the flat – and now spent about two 

weeks getting everything organised so I could find it – this had 

not been the case for years, due to many chaos-inducing 

hospital admissions! 

167

Monday 2 nd November – Sunday 8 th November 2009. I can tell, 

looking at my handwritten diary for the next ten days until it 

virtually peters out altogether, by the number of crossings out, 

that I was getting increasingly ill – but thinking as people do 

with mania, that I was in fact very mentally healthy – as I had 

loads of manic energy off the lithium tablets! On the Monday, 

for instance, ‘guitar class Mind 2-3’ is crossed out as I was too 

busy with my manic cleaning of my flat – and also that class 

was going too slowly for comfort for me! I did go to the Mind 

drop-in club on the Tuesday, my diary says, with other things 

crossed out, so that I cannot remember what happened about 

these. So to the Friday, where I recorded I gave Julie money 

for the umpteenth time - £30 – and called my daughter Jeni. 

On that Saturday 7 th my diary records bidding for on Ebay and 

winning a dual core 2.6GHz AMD Athlon processor to replace 

the single core merely 1.3 GHz processor in this PC; as well as 

buying all of four one gigabyte RAM DIMM cards to go with it to 

replace the meagre 512MB of RAM it had. On Sunday I 

recorded having a roast chicken dinner with wine at Julie’s flat 

next door. 

Monday 9 th – Wednesday 11 th November 2009. This week’s 

entries are nearly all crossed out! I had my depot on the 

Tuesday not the Monday as it was originally scheduled, 

according to my diary. On the Wednesday, Remembrance Day, I 

finished over two weeks of what had been a ‘Hallowe’en 

Guy Fawkes Night Remembrance Day Clean’! I also paid for 

my CPU I had bid for and won on Ebay last Saturday, and 

ordered the cheap RAM it needed to work properly at only 

£13.50 a DIMM card including postage for four such DIMM 

cards. This all arrived on the Saturday that week, as I recall, 

so I installed it and had a much faster computer as a result. 

At this point my handwritten 2009 diary becomes completely 

empty apart from a few brief notes about that same month of 

November 2009 – and I only bought a 2010 desk diary last 

168

month, March 2010, so there are precious few entries up till 

then. After that, as we see in due course, I have kept my 

normal full diary for March 2010 onwards. So I will summarise 

the rest of what happened in November from memory only: - 

1. On top of the above CPU and RAM hardware upgrades, I 

eventually settled on some completely free software for 

registry and disk speedup and defragmentation – getting full 

refunds for other software I had actually bought to try. Now I 

had a very fast, completely optimised computer – which was 

great news. 

2. After finishing my ‘clean’ about 11 th November; I diverted my 

manic energy, by now peaking without me being aware of 

that, as manic people are rarely aware they are behaving in 

that way! Into finishing my ‘Scientific Proof’ book off 

completely and then upgrading the web site 

www.silee.me.uk that promotes it. I added the full 

anecdotal career history I finished end October as above to 

them both. I added my collection of 22 20 th century poems to 

the end of the book as ‘light relief’. I added my new press 

release about ‘Proof God Exists & the LHC’ to the press 

release already on the web site. Finally on Sunday 29 th 

November, under pressure of time as I realised I was about 

to be sectioned yet again and put in hospital, I had a random 

thought and Googled for ‘babel fish’ as in hitch hiker’s guide 

to the galaxy. Indeed, Yahoo! offer a plug in that translates 

any web page into any of 13 languages! Inside 20 minutes, I 

had installed this plug in with the trivially easy instructions from 

them, on all my web pages on both www.silee.me.uk and 

www.maam.org.uk ! A last throw of the dice that 

completed my book and my two websites. Apart from going 

back to charging $8 a download rather than offering free 

downloads of all my books, I have made no changes to either 

website nor the book since being home again in March and 

April. The work is done – and now that the LHC only did its 

first full power run on my birthday 30 th March 2010 – my 

press release from www.bignews.biz is suddenly number one 

169

on Google for the search ‘scientific proof god exists’! 

NOW might I start selling books via my web site 

www.silee.me.uk? 

3. That was the relatively good news – now two pieces of 

very bad news that arose that month of November 2009! 

Firstly, a characteristic side of my manic illness erupted about 

the second week of that month. Very much against her wishes 

or will once I told her about this, I ordered from Littlewoods 

a £400+ fridge freezer for Julie! In the end she reluctantly took 

it in when it arrived – and I found a ‘thank you’ card (‘for fridge 

freezer Julie x’) along with an equally simple Christmas card in 

January when briefly on leave from the hospital I had found 

myself confined to. Spurred on by my ‘Hallowe’en Clean’, I 

went very manic indeed and unwisely ordered for my own flat 

later that same month, first a £495 six seat table and chairs 

in a lovely oak finish – and then a £500 top of the range oven – 

adding a £45 cordless drill as a final flourish! Without ever 

working out that the repayments would be a massive £200 or so 

a month! As I write on Sunday 25 th April, Julie my social worker 

is still negotiating a payment plan at around £50 a month with 

Littlewoods for all this lovely but far too expensive stuff! 

4. Julie must have flipped too that month! At a meal she 

offered me at her place on the Sunday 22 nd November – for 

she alleged wildly that my advances then that she accepted 

enough to discuss having sex that same night over the 

meal, to no less than the police on the Wednesday 25 th 

November constituted ‘sexual harassment’. The 

police failed to come round to question me after seeing her that 

night; so clearly discounted her wild version as just that; and 

even when she successfully this time, called them in again in 

March 2010, no mention has ever been made to me about her 

wild allegations by police. Here is what I said to her in a letter 

in March that helped to provoke her successfully this time calling 

police: 

170

However I completely fail to understand your complete 

avoidance and apparent even loathing and hatred of me, so you 

do not seem to want even my friendship any more! This is 

really tragic considering just how close a pair of intimate friends 

we were before my recent admission to hospital, and I blame 

entirely the pack of lies and wild story you worked up to allege 

to the police on Wednesday 25 th November last year was 

‘sexual harassment by me of you’. They have done precisely 

NOTHING about your wild allegations, whatever they were, so 

clearly found your version of the previous Sunday night 

impossible to believe! A woman on the control room phone 

fully accepted it when I dictated the true, objective version to 

her about 6 weeks ago: - 

“Yes I did touch up your breasts and buttocks while you 

cooked us a meal. 

Having yourself half protested at these first sexual 

advances by me since August, like I said above, now 

feeling sex starved by you, while we ate the meal the whole 

conversation, by both of us, was about now making love! 

Prior to such fully mutually agreed love making, you sat down on 

the extreme right hand side of your sofa with me immediately to 

your left, with my right arm cuddling you prior to embracing 

and kissing. It was when I put my left hand on your stomach 

that your first serious panic attack of this incident happened. 

You cried out ‘that hand is filthy!’ Amazed, I lifted it up and 

showed you that it was perfectly clean! Nevertheless, the 

next thing you had thrown me out to go back to my own flat! 

You detest Nit, yet an amazingly deep second panic attack came 

a day or so later, when he came round specifically to see me and 

said literally “What the hell has got into Julie? She came round 

my flat shouting that she was going to get you ‘done’ – for 

sexual harassment!” Alarm bells immediately sounded in 

my mind about how very preposterous that was! 

Nevertheless, in a third panic attack in several days, you did 

tell your pack of lies to the police – who would have 

immediately come round to interview or even arrest me the 

same night – had in fact they believed you – which clearly 

171

they did not! In fact your presentation of the lies you must 

have told them (just what did you try to lie to them?) 

obviously made zero impression as credible. The police have 

not even bothered to trouble me by contacting me; but while 

annoyed about further obvious lies from you, about a totally 

non-existent ‘somebody in your life not me’ I did make the 

above phone call. 

I deserve a huge apology for you calling the police in and trying 

to make the mud of ‘sexual harassment’ stick about what was a 

mere failed seduction, only failed because of your immense 

obsession with hygiene!” 

As I was already known not to be taking all my 

medication, the mere fact that the police were alerted to 

‘anything – even falsely alleged like this’ immediately 

prompted the Sectioning trio to come round, a second time 

with the police, and Section 3 me yet again, the following 

Monday 30 th November. 

As an aside, the CAT Team (Crisis and Treatment Team) had 

got involved with looking after my care from that same 

Wednesday 25 th November till the Monday 30 th November when 

as just above I was admitted to hospital at Mymms Ward at the 

QEII Welwyn Garden City yet again, just inside two years of 

being discharged from there; when Julie, by total contrast to 

what happened next, was very loyal and in frequent contact. 

My table and chairs and oven both arrived at the end of that 

week, but due to a problem with the double wires in the oven 

cable, I stripped the thread on a bolt on the oven where the 

cable went in; this was only fixed after I took out an insurance 

policy on the oven this March and an engineer called in. 

As in the letter above, I was sectioned with a Section 3 initially 

as usual at Mymms Ward, QEII – but they took two attempts 

did the sectioning team! They arrived first at midday but I 

172

would not let them in. Then they arrived the same evening 

with at least five police as well! So the result was inevitable. 

As I have said before, I kept no diary till I bought a new 2010 

desk diary in March 2010. So the next few bullet points 

overleaf are merely a now rather dim memory and summary of 

my time in hospital from December till I got lots of leave finally 

in March. Events in March have paled this into insignificance! 

“Pilgrim’s Progress – correction – patient’s progress to 

the bottom then up and out again!” 

I am summarising the next three months of sheer 

torture as briefly as possible. 

My hand-written diary for this is virtually non-existent apart 

from a few vital dates and events associated with them 

purely in my memory, you see. The first two days back on 

Mymms Ward once more, I continued to refuse to take my 

lithium tablets, claiming they were poisonous, and prepared a 

side of A4 on the patients’ computers ready for the Ward 

Round with Dr Roberts that Wednesday 2 nd December, arguing 

a case for that – and got on my mobile to get my father to 

come all the way from Sussex, with my sister there as well, for 

that Ward Round. As a result, Roberts read my piece, my 

Father sort of agreed with me, but instead of overriding me by 

saying that lithium might well be a poison, but as a 

pharmaceutical drug was in fact the ‘gold standard’ for my manic 

type illness – Roberts switched from lithium to a far inferior drug 

– sodium depakote – that had failed dismally when tried on me 

before. As it was to now, in fact. As an aside, Libby my sister 

volunteered to pop round to my flat after the ward round to 

check on my cat, whose feeding etc had been left by social 

services to Julie my next door neighbour. Libby was alarmed 

to report that Friday that the cat had been left by Julie with no 

food – she told social services who immediately put the poor 

cat in a cattery until such time as I was fully well and home 

again. (Some weeks after that, after Christmas, I phoned social 

services down the road from my flat and got them to take my 

173

keys off Julie. I suspected something might happen otherwise 

like two years ago, when her daughter built up a huge phone 

bill?!) I got very ill very quickly on the depakote. For 

instance, less well patients were only allowed downstairs 

to smoke in the new garden surrounding the ground floor of 

that very bleak wing escorted by staff – every two hours. 

For most of my time until finally transferred to a PICU on 

28 th December, that included me! Christmas was approaching, 

so that was just one more bleak thing about being back in 

hospital to contend with! Extravagant as ever while so ill, I 

ordered a pair of very expensive - £155! – Versace designer 

sunglasses from the Littlewoods catalogue for an attractive 

female fellow patient. She in fact gave me a cheque for 

these at the time, but as she was ill there was a mistake on 

it so I never cashed this. In April I called her and reminded 

her she still owed me £155 that she had offered to pay at the 

time – but now she no longer had the money, so I wrote it off as 

yet another expensive Littlewoods purchase… A night nurse 

had complained she never got a present under the Christmas 

tree that arrived on the ward in the third week in December, 

so whimsical so again extravagant I bought her a £28 denim 

slouch bag in the same order from Littlewoods as the 

sunglasses. After Christmas I finally learned that she was not 

allowed to receive such a present from a patient in fact – 

and that some kind member of staff had stolen the bag! 

Just before Christmas I ‘did a runner’ to nearby Woodhall 

shops with snow and ice thick on the ground. The hardware 

store there had some red toboggans left on sale for £14, which 

struck me and afterwards several passers-by as excellent 

transport on the ice for the shopping for drinks and 

chocolates, etc, that I then also bought. Then for some 

inspired but bizarre reason I set off after asking directions and 

duly arrived at the YMCA nursery, that I had been told had been 

the Peartree Maternity Hospital where I had been born in 

1957, about a mile away, with a few things falling off as I 

struggled along with my toboggan. I was not allowed in, so left 

some sweets as a Christmas gift for the children – and knelt 

174

down and kissed the ground where I was born! Obviously I 

was in trouble back at the hospital when I got back. However 

my daughter Jeni paid her only visit the week before Christmas 

– and took away the toboggan loaded with things I no longer 

needed – which her stepfather recently dropped off to me 

once I was out of hospital. I had a miserable second 

Christmas ever in hospital – this time I took part whereas the 

other year in Shannon House at Harlow I boycotted the party as 

‘falsely jolly’! My speech deteriorated into a staccato 

stammer on the depakote and off the lithium, and I 

started getting abusive as I got very manic indeed so very 

irritable – and on 28 th December swore at the staff once too 

often. I was transferred that evening by ambulance to the newly 

opened Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit or PICU at Oak Ward, 

Harpersbury Hospital, near Radlett – miles from the nearest 

shop or town! To my delight most of the staff used to work at 

Abbey Ward in St Albans, from my last admission, so I already 

knew most of them as friends with a good sense of humour, 

even Dr Kurmani. She immediately talked to me on my first 

morning about going back on lithium, but as I recall did not 

actually start this change for two whole weeks, leaving me on 

the horrible depakote. Then, although she talked about getting 

me on lithium over one weekend up to the full projected dose, 

she and her house doctor, another female, in fact chose to 

‘titrate’ the lithium or introduce it gradually over two whole 

weeks. Only after that was I recommended to be returned to 

Mymms Ward – so I could have stayed a lot less long at the 

PICU than my actual five weeks had they stuck to their original 

plan and brought in lithium in just a few days not several 

weeks. Main features of my five week stay there were as 

follows:- 

The buildings were brand new, with the Oak Ward PICU 

with its pleasant large central garden on the ground floor, 

surrounded by four corridors – three of them containing 

bedrooms, the one on the south containing common rooms 

and the offices. On the first floor is the Beech rehabilitation 

ward. When I arrived the heating was off, but after a few 

days I spotted that the large set of 

175

thermostats had been opened and tampered with, so soon got 

the temperature up to a much more reasonable level by 

resetting all the thermostats – so the winter cold receded 

again indoors. Many patients including me complained that 

the showers in each en-suite bathroom (also with sink and 

WC) hardly worked at all. When one pressed on the button for 

water it only came out in a short spurt most of the time for 

about two seconds! The common male and disabled 

toilets often blocked up. Obviously the plumbing was 

generally of less than adequate quality! It seemed to be that 

it was because the buildings were so new… 

The rules were inherited by this Oak Ward direct from the 

old Abbey Ward at St Albans City Hospital, and if anything were 

even fiercer. For instance, just because I was typically 

generous, especially whilst seriously ill as I was then, I gave 

cigarettes away. The staff as a result called me vulnerable, and 

for much of my stay until I got better in the last week I was 

only allowed one cigarette every half hour. Time was God here 

as on Abbey Ward. During the times of the half hour periods 

for lunch and supper, 12-12.30 and 5-5.30, smoking stopped, 

as it did during ‘groups time’ 9.30-11.30 and 2.30-4.30 

during the weekdays. Smoking only in the large garden, 

was otherwise allowed from 6am-11.30pm, that is much more 

relaxed than Mymms Ward, and not requiring a lift journey as on 

Mymms. 

‘Groups’ or Occupational Therapy included the small but 

well-equipped gym room, games on the same pool table that 

had been at Abbey Ward and was now nearly totally broken, as 

well as table tennis; and art and karaoke and ‘drama’ therapy. 

I was enthusiastic about doing all of these, which went down 

well with the staff. Paula from Glasgow was groups leader 

and commented that her favourite comedian, Billy Connolly 

had described a man like me who spoke like a ‘typewriter’ so 

she nicknamed me that! This ‘pressure of speech’ was highly 

alarming as well as embarrassing but abruptly nearly entirely 

stopped once I was finally fully restored to taking lithium 

tablets, as above. The head of OT was Emma, and there was a 

176

sign on the gym door saying “Emma’s house of pain”! She also 

led art therapy effectively, and other OT activities. 

On Tuesday and Saturday takeaway meals were allowed, 

so there was a lot of sharing out of coca cola and food such 

as pizza as many patients bought excess. 

The books from Abbey Ward were all there, providing 

some distraction from the boredom, and the pool table was 

in constant use. There was also a patients’ PC, on which you 

could play hard disk or CD based music and even log onto the 

Internet for an hour a day. A lot of the patients learned to 

play the Abbey Ward standard card game, ‘shit head’, from the 

Staff. 

I was given two half an hour periods of escorted leave 

round the grounds almost immediately that I arrived, but the 

ice and snow in January 2010 was so bad I only took some of it 

once the thaw came about two weeks in. I was given half an 

hour of a supposed two hour leave to get to a bank ATM, and 

the local Tesco to buy fizzy drinks and some tobacco, very 

reluctantly by the very strict staff as there was still a lot of ice 

on the roads. We come to my only other leave off the grounds 

in a little while. 

Memorable patients included Carl, a real life psychopath 

with a genuine split personality, whose temper when 

offended at all, was so vast that his account that he was a real 

life serial killer was actually totally convincing – and backed up 

by his daughter who often visited. He clung to me like glue for 

some reason, possibly because I was relatively ‘straight’, and 

he eventually went off to an Open Ward at Watford, having 

calmed down a lot. Becky was the only girl patient, a very 

serious self- harmer whom I gave a lot of packets of cigarettes 

to once she dropped her New Year Resolution to quit smoking 

– and as she was totally skint, never repaid me. Once ‘Shrek’ 

appeared, a bald boor, he had a relationship with her climaxing 

on the floor of the disabled toilet! I refused to let this yobbo 

become my friend, even though he kept asking me to be his 

friend. For he was manic and intensely irritating with that, 

often laughing loudly while I made mobile phone calls in the 

177

central garden, which was the only place mobile calls were 

allowed. The payphone was broken, so as on Mymms ward, 

where the payphone was broken too, patients without mobiles, 

or credit for them, were allowed two short phone calls a day on 

the office phone. 

I discovered on arrival that nearly all my underwear was 

missing – it eventually turned up when Jeni’s stepfather 

returned the stuff I had given her at Mymms Ward. A few days 

later my sister responded to my desperate phone call, even 

though she was desperately tired, and shopped for me at 

Marks and Spencer for underwear and some warm clothes, 

and brought them in. Meanwhile my mobile phone had been 

disconnected by Three Mobile over a dispute I had with them 

with the huge bill for November, when I had been so ill in the 

community, of over £180! So I called her about 13 th January 

and even though she had just flown back from India and was 

jet lagged, she came and collected my bank card and bought 

me a £30 so very cheap mobile phone and loads of drinks 

and groceries from the nearby Sainsbury’s supermarket. 

That Virgin mobile cost me about £120 in calls in just a few 

days; including one to Julie, which led to a lot of phone calls 

getting through to her rather than being ignored for about six 

weeks; just because I called her from what at first was a new so 

unknown number on her phone! 

I had several calls and texts to Julie actually answered for 

the only time in this over three months in mental hospital up to 

Friday 15 th January – when I received the following desperate 

text from Julie: - “Simon my mum has been rush to hospital 

with a hart atack phone me” (sic). 

I immediately called a stricken Julie, and when I called 

again some time later – her Mum had died in hospital 

having not regained consciousness. The post mortem a month 

later revealed that she died of an aneurism – a failure of a 

major valve in the heart. Julie immediately reacted by saying 

to me rather unfairly “you were lucky – your Mum died slowly of 

her cancer so you had a chance to say goodbye while she was 

178

still alive!” Apart from that weekend, when Julie’s phone 

seemed to be answered by rather abusive family and friends 

and once her daughter Rachel, rather than Julie herself. 

However when I called Julie on the Monday 18 th January, I 

actually had a cordial series of calls with Julie herself. Also that 

Monday, I was very unusually granted four hours home leave 

with escorts in the Unit’s people carrier vehicle, for the 

Tuesday 19 th the next day. Unusual because it was strictly 

against ward rules, so Dr Kurmani risked herself being 

disciplined if found out! On the Tuesday male nurse Paolo drove 

myself and my named nurse, one Natalie, first to St Albans City 

Hospital on an errand, then shopping in the tobacconist where 

as I had a lot of money saved up, I bought not one but two 

Falcon pipes, which surprised Natalie. I also bought lots of 

pipe tobacco and cigarettes, and some drinks. Then they 

drove to Ware – but Julie was at her mother’s house, not next 

door as I had hoped, when I called. Typically, she was as 

ever short of money, ‘mentioning’ (hopefully, to her own 

personal Father Christmas – me!) she needed £50 for her 

car tax this Friday – and would still be short. Some people I 

have discussed what happened next found it very strange that 

the same woman who tried to set me up for false arrest for 

‘sexual harassment’ in November was still now as ever making 

strong hints that she wanted (a lot of) money off me. Luckily 

for her I still had £120 on me so told her on the phone that I 

had left £80 for her in the fruit bowl on the table in my flat 

– with Paolo and Natalie angrily shaking their heads in 

disbelief at this naivety of mine, saying ‘no!’ When I got 

back to the ward I continued texting and talking to Julie by 

phone, until on the Friday she informed me that out of my £80 

she had just enough left to actually afford to pay the car 

tax. No thanks, typically, nearly as always, just 

acknowledgement that yet again I had saved her financial bacon. 

That seemed to be that, for on the Saturday she was rude 

to me and slammed the phone down. Almost immediately her 

phone rang back, and I answered, expecting it to be her. 

However it was her stepfather, telling me she was in deep grief 

and shock over her Mother’s recent sudden death. “Stop this 

shit and harassment” was his next message, even. “Please 

179

can you leave it a month or so before calling again to give 

her a chance to get over her Mother’s death?” That was the 

only and last time I spoke to Julie while in hospital on Section 

3… 

There was a ward round on Wednesday 28 th January. My 

lithium had gone up 200mg to 1000mg at night on that 

Monday, and to 1200mg the next day, Tuesday, so that was 

the full dose, and I had a blood test. At the ward round, as 

a result of these final increases after all of two weeks very 

painstakingly slow ‘titration’ of the drug, I was now judged well 

enough to return to Mymms Ward as soon as it could be 

arranged. I was actually taken there in the afternoon of Tuesday 

2 nd March – a week later. So to a month of February on 

Mymms again, with leaves and occasional ‘runners’ as in the 

handwritten 2010 diary I finally bought in March. 

February back on Mymms Ward – mostly very bored as I 

was now very well and increasingly so. My scant notes 

of what happened that month follow. 

Wednesday 3 rd – Tuesday 9 th February 2010. I made some new 

friends amongst new patients and the visitor wife Caroline of 25 

year old Gavin. Charlotte was 19, rather beautiful, and 

because she had had open heart surgery there were delays in 

treating her with the usual drugs for her bipolar disorder. 

Angie, 30, was a self- harming New Zealander and very 

outspoken with it. 

At the ward round on the Wednesday I asked for home 

leave as I knew there should be an £1100 cheque for medical 

insurance from my stay in my post at home which I was anxious 

to collect from there. However Dr Roberts only allowed me a 

week of one hour unescorted leave to the local shops per day, 

also with just two 15 minute unescorted leave periods a day 

on the hospital grounds. With Valentine’s Day fast approaching 

on 14 th February, while with my new friends outside having a 

quiet smoke, I started what became a running joke till that 

180

14 th February. Lovely Charlotte was sitting there innocently 

on the bench opposite me in the smoking area of the 

‘garden’. Suddenly I said to her, ‘if all the patients and staff on 

Mymms ward sign a Valentine card for you – that would entitle 

us to a “loving gang bang”!’ Everyone there found this very 

funny – even Charlotte – and this joke ran for a whole week on 

that ward right up to the day itself the following week. I 

kept taking my daily one hour leave but finally found the 

frustration of there being a £1100 cheque lying on my mat at 

home too much. On Tuesday 9 th February I went on my leave 

but caught the bus to Ware, just over the hour of leave I was 

allowed, and immediately picked up the post including the 

vital cheque. Then I checked in at Cygnet House social services 

who were surprised, but Julie my social worker said ‘take half 

an hour to do what you need in the town including cashing 

the cheque – assuming I can trust you – then I will take you 

back to the hospital’. I managed not only to cash the cheque 

- but get broken bits taken out of the dial of my watch so it 

now worked again, completely free at Genesis jewellers where I 

had bought the watch – within the half hour; so Julie took me 

back to Mymms ward. 

Wednesday 10 th – Tuesday 16 th February 2010. The previous 

week Dr Roberts had indicated there would be a Care Plan 

Approach (CPA) Meeting this Wednesday 10 th February, so my 

father came all the way from Sussex for this. It turned out to 

be vital he was there. For she initially proposed to continue 

with exactly the same boring hour’s leave a day for me to local 

shops. So when I actually said I was ready for overnight leave 

right now, she asked my father – who actually agreed with me. 

So it was arranged that I should go home and come back for a 

review of my leave with Roberts’ house-woman Dr Ravi that 

Friday – then come back Monday again for more leave to be 

assigned. Yet as Rabbie Burns put it ‘so oft the plans of mice 

and men do gang astray!’ Also that day, even though they said 

181

they were not ready for this, Roberts discharged my new 

acquaintances on the ward Angie and Gavin. Angie needed to 

arrange temporary accommodation for herself for this still and 

said she would be staying partly in the Priory near me in Ware 

and partly in a hostel in Hoddesdon. As for Roberts, for the 

umpteenth time since I had ever been under her care, she now 

took one of her own many holiday leaves! Going to Normandy, 

apparently, to enjoy fine wine and food… I felt very 

disorientated in my flat overnight by myself for the first time in 

over two months. I resolved that I might contact Julie next 

door with a Valentine’s card and perhaps a present that 

Sunday, Valentine’s Day 14 th February; otherwise I ignored her 

for the next two days. I was too busy adjusting to being out of 

hospital, at home, so buying and cooking microwave food as 

my brand new main oven was still not wired in. So Thursday 

passed quietly, and I got the 10.20am 724 bus on the Friday to 

the hospital, for my review with Dr Ravi, who duly gave me 

more leave. She said ‘come back before 1pm on Monday and a 

Consultant who I cannot name yet, will renew your leave till 

Wednesday’. My TTA medications were ready from last time 

this time, so I got home mid afternoon, expecting a quiet 

weekend in and hoping to buy a Valentine card for Julie and 

some flowers tomorrow. I could not have been expected to 

anticipate what she would do that very Friday evening, 12 th 

February, and the consequences! 

About 7.30pm on Friday 12 th February I was in my kitchen 

when I started hearing loud banging noises from the kitchen 

through the wall in Julie’s, vaguely accompanied by shouting! 

I should explain that even though we live on the first floor and 

our flats are adjacent, we are actually in two separate blocks of 

four studio flats – we use the two different entrance doors. I 

immediately went outside and tried to call her intercom on the 

main entrance of her own block of flats. However it just 

peeped when I pressed it rather than ring for ten seconds or 

so; she had obviously taken the handset ‘off the hook’ from the 

phone base; as she often did, being a very private, quiet 

person. I went back to my own flat but the kicking of kitchen 

182

doors and shouting continued, so I went back outside, and this 

time she heard it when I repeatedly ‘peeped’ on her phone – 

when I told her it was me, not having seen her in three 

months, she actually let me into the lobby and thence into her 

flat and into the kitchen. She stood there a bit wobbly on her 

feet, gave me a feeble “woman’s handshake” and just said 

‘friends’ and smiled. She was a lot thinner than I remembered 

from several months ago – in face, breasts, body and legs – but 

obviously her hair had grown about an inch, and was now quite 

frizzy! We chatted and it was obvious all this banging about 

and shouting was a delayed action fit of sheer grief over her 

mother’s death exactly four weeks earlier. She pointed out an 

empty bottle of red wine on the kitchen sideboard, and said she 

had started drinking it that afternoon. Normally she cannot 

take two glasses – let alone the five in that full bottle! Then 

suddenly the fit of grief came over her again. She advanced on 

me with a strange expression on her face – both hands 

stretched out with fingers held out like talons! So I quickly left 

her flat. However within minutes there were two sounds of 

glass and something else smashing in her kitchen, followed by 

an eerie scream from her lounge! I knew she would never let 

me in a second time, so I called the police control room, and 

asked if they could send some kindly policewoman or two to 

calm her down? Instead, fifteen minutes later, all of three 

police cars screamed to a halt over the road, and about seven 

or eight police officers of both sexes got out – but could not get 

into her flat for about three quarters of an hour – she ignored 

all their pleas to let them in, and the people in the flat opposite 

her ignored the police – even though they were in, with the 

lights on! 

Eventually, having tried vainly to help let the police in, I spent 

about an hour back in my own flat, until I saw outside that the 

183

three police cars had now gone. I went back round to Julie’s 

flat for a third time, and this time the intercom rang properly 

and she readily let me in. We chatted, and I gave her several 

hugs – my last ever hugs of her, I can see now? – of 

reassurance, then left her to go to bed for the night, while I 

went back to my own flat. However, just past midnight I 

checked my bank balance on my computer, and the £1100 

cheque from Tuesday had cleared through, as well as my 

normal benefit payment. I went out to the nearest bank ATM 

and drew out the maximum allowed in one day of £300, as 

Angie had phoned that night and asked to borrow £250 – and I 

wanted to buy Julie some decent expensive Valentine presents 

on Saturday morning. Indeed I got out just after 9am on the 

Saturday and bought her a teddy bear with some ‘deep love’ 

slushy message on its T-shirt, a card; and rather than pay the 

ludicrous prices in flower shops in the town that I saw, bought 

some £11 chocolates in a bag and some roses and orchids in 

Tesco (£4 a bunch not £25-£30 as in the flower shops!) 

However when I took these presents round to Julie, she 

appeared livid with me – was she hung-over? It was as much 

as I could manage to make her accept these nice, thoughtful, 

even loving gifts! Then I paid my main bills – including £215 

for electricity! – with this money in the bank over the phone. 

Finally Angie arrived by car, by which time I needed to get out 

more cash to give her her £250 loan and leave me some. As I 

had already taken the ATM maximum, this meant cashback at 

Tesco – so we walked over there. As we waited at the pelican 

crossing, who should be waiting on the other side to cross the 

other way, but Julie. Then as we crossed she called out to me, a 

really bitchy, seemingly jealous remark: ‘why don’t you give the 

presents to your friend?’ Angie and I were both a bit 

shocked at this remark, but I paid for two packs of tobacco with 

£50 cash back – enough to give Angie her £250, which she said 

was to pay for eight weeks’ food and rent in her temporary 

homeless accommodation, and went off to be at the office to 

pay this money in by 12pm. In the event there were loads of 

problems getting this money repaid, but it eventually returned 

184

to my own bank account from hers a week later. However, 

when she again borrowed money from me about a month later, 

that relatively much smaller amount of £20 was never returned 

to my bank account, despite repeated texts, and as she started 

calling these texts ‘harassment’ I wrote the money off, and 

took her number and all the texts off my phone. 

As planned I saw Eric from the CAT (Crisis And Treatment) 

Team at about 12pm both Saturday and Sunday, with no 

problems, although I had to tell him I had called the police on 

Friday night as I was worried for Julie’s safety. I got no 

Valentine’s cards – certainly nothing from spiteful Julie! So I 

was very worried after I got the bus back to Mymms Ward on 

the Monday, arriving about 12pm as planned and arranged with 

Dr Ravi the previous Friday. For all my leave was cancelled and 

indeed both nurses Sylvie and then Moses said to me: “You 

called the police! You abused Eric of the CAT Team! You are 

going to a PICU!” I went outside half an hour later and had a 

cry over these threats, then thought to tell my father about 

them by phone. He rang the ward, spoke to them, then rang 

me and said they denied what they had just said to me – there 

was no question of me going back to any PICU! I knew that 

their claims I had abused Eric were totally false lies – and rang 

the CAT Team now and in fact abused them somewhat over 

their lies about me abusing Eric! No good, I had lost all my 

leave, most of my warmer clothes were at my flat as I had fully 

expected to be given more leave that Monday as promised, so 

had to wait to meet whispering Dr Thatcher at the ward round 

on the Wednesday, with Roberts away for another week! 

Wednesday 17 th – Tuesday 23 rd February 2010. An easy week 

to document – I cannot now remember anything interesting 

happening. The Ward Round with Thatcher only lasted two 

minutes. The fact that I had, quite rightly according to the 

Police themselves, called the Police to help Julie, was regarded 

by those at the Ward Round like some kind of terrible crime. 

When I was accused by the female there from the CAT Team of 

185

abusing Eric, I just said ‘you are lying madam!’ which prompted 

Thatcher to dismiss me until a short equally fruitless interview 

that Friday, with all leave cancelled till Roberts returned next 

week! I had a very boring week, occasionally doing runners to 

go to the bank ATM or buy tobacco, until the Tuesday 23 rd 

February, when I caught the bus and actually kept my 

outpatient appointment at 3.30pm with the podiatrist in Ware. 

My feet were killing me, so I felt justified in doing that. I also 

went to my flat and picked up some warm clothes. 

Wednesday 24 th February – Sunday 28 th February. I had got 

piqued with Roberts as a doctor, particularly her habit of taking 

inconvenient leaves as far as I was concerned, so actually did 

not attend her ward round on her return from leave on the 

Wednesday. As punishment for this, for the first time that 

month I was stopped from taking unescorted cigarette breaks, 

and had to go back to taking escorted cigarette breaks till that 

Friday, every two hours. I saw her on the Friday, and she said 

we all get angry sometimes, so she understood that I had not 

attended the ward round. She gave me two half hour 

unescorted leaves on the grounds and ¾ hour escorted leave to 

local shops, that is all. In the event I had the greatest difficulty 

in getting some of that leave that weekend, and missed out on 

some. However as we see overleaf, my gripes about that were 

to be eclipsed in March by firstly loads of home leave; leading 

to terrible events in my life after discharge soon into March! 

On Saturday 27 th February, meanwhile, all the men on Welwyn 

ward were transferred downstairs to Mymms ward, and all their 

places taken by the women from Mymms. By a weird stroke of 

government political correctness, for the reasons they gave 

were as weak as ditchwater in reality, all wards in the country 

had become single sex in February! Now both the men and 

women involved at that time at the hospital found it made the 

wards extremely boring, so hard to tolerate from now on! 

186

Other painful memories from that majority and first 

three months yet again back on Section 3 of the MHA and 

harshly confined in two mental wards… 

‘Now is the Winter of our Discontent’. 

It was a very cold wintry three months indeed, nearly as much 

cold and snow and ice and wind as in 1964, the previous worst 

winter on record. The last time I had been on Mymms ward 

the smoking room was still partially in use, but now all 

NHS buildings were definitely no smoking areas. This 

meant wrapping up extremely warm in the snug heat of the 

wards and environs that were very warm indeed, before 

venturing out to smoke or sometimes just for fresh air into the 

new garden at the mental health unit at the QE2. Even then, 

some of the nurses tried to tell me that Hertfordshire 

Partnership Trust was the only Trust in the country that still 

actually allowed smoking at all! 

Excruciating boredom and loneliness – hence the maximum use 

of about my only release, the mobile phone (all of five of them 

in the course of my stay!) Mental hospitals are definitely grim 

and very boring places. Apart from infrequent Occupational 

Therapy (OT) and games organized by the staff, usually word 

games at that which really tested patients’ ill wits, there are 

great long yawning hours to fill. My own remedy for this was 

extensive use of my mobile phone, mostly to fruitlessly send 

Julie texts and voicemails as below – and that meant all of five 

mobiles in the three months plus in hospital! I started in 

December with my Nokia 6500 slide on contract from Three 

Mobile. They demanded a £180+ bill for November which I 

disputed because their dealer T3 Direct had welched on £105 

cashback! As a result they cut me off in January – so my sister 

Libby went out to the shops and bought me a Virgin pay as you 

go phone. That proved hideously expensive, and cost me £140 

charges in a few days! I found an advert in the paper on Oak 

187

Ward for ‘HTC HD2’ mobiles on a good contract, seemingly, 

from Vodafone. Purely for sentimental reasons that I intended 

to let Julie or my father use the second one, Muggins here 

ordered TWO mobiles. These kept jumping screen of their own 

volition, which I complained about within the 7 day period 

allowed for complaints by the contract. In my first week at 

Mymms ward they were both due to be replaced by courier with 

Blackberry Bold mobiles, but they only had one in stock. When I 

cancelled the contract for the remaining HTC HD2 there was no 

mention by the Vodafone woman on the phone that I 

needed to return it. Instead I sold it by Internet for £140 – 

whereas new price is nearly £500! 

188

“Wherefore, wherefore art thou Juliet, correction Julie?” 

I had gone into hospital hot on the heels of clearly lying 

allegations to police by Julie of ‘sexual harassment’! My instinct 

was to ‘win her back’ rather than reject her over that as she 

had seemingly clearly rejected me! So over the next three 

months I must have sent her over 200, possibly 300, nearly 

totally unanswered texts and voicemails – especially the latter. 

Most of the answers were abusive, and told me to ‘FUCK OFF’. 

She seems to have tried to lie to me early on in December, with a 

particularly horrible message to send to somebody like me still 

with massive feelings for her even though I could not see her - 

as she did not in the last few months back home March to May 

seem to know any such man – ‘I HAVE MET SOMEBODY NEW!’ 

If THAT was indeed true not a lie as it clearly now was – would 

she not have given me the benefit of telling me 

personally, not in a text but actually calling me? That text 

backfired badly on me as well as her – for I sent five times at 

least as many messages to Julie after that! Apart from just 

once at the PICU the only week I recorded above in January 

where she actually let me talk to her – because her mother had 

died that week – when she called the office there then gave up 

because I was at supper – she never called me back once. 

Leaving me wide open to accusations of harassment later, in 

March, once I was discharged and home! 

189

I actually bought a 2010 desk diary early in March – so my 

diary is fully detailed from the start of March at last 

Monday 1 st – Sunday 7 th March 2010. Monday 1 st March was 

sunny all day – and certainly Dr Roberts was beaming when as 

arranged she saw me specially that morning. At first she just 

offered eight hours home leave for the next day Tuesday, and 

was surprised but yielded and gave me 6½ hours for the same 

day, the Monday, as well! I caught the 12.09pm bus home, 

had an uneventful but slightly stressed time due to the strange 

environment as last month at home, and the bus back was late 

so I only just got back in time at 6.30pm. Tuesday I went 

home between 9-5 and again was under instructions from 

Roberts not to contact Julie. Instead I Googled for ‘modeling 

agencies’ and actually signed Julie up – with pictures off the PC I 

had taken at various times, carefully selected – with ‘Models 1’, 

‘Models Direct’ and ‘Models Connect’! 

or I had talked to two young models on Mymms ward who 

said she could earn vastly more as a model (even a senior 

one, at her 51 years) than as a care worker as at present! 

However at about 2.30pm I was rudely interrupted by the front 

door bell ringing – and to my surprise it was young Sammy 

saying some of her usual weird stuff to me, even though I had 

not seen her for months. Apparently she had been visiting Julie 

next door, for she said just the following then scampered down 

the stairs from my flat again: - “Julie’s my mum! I am 

moving in with Julie soon! Leave Julie alone!” This was quite 

disturbing, but was offset by a phone call from AXA/PPP 

insurance saying the £308 they had agreed to pay me on top 

of £1100 they paid out last month should be posted as a 

cheque tomorrow, Wednesday. On that Wednesday I was now 

given overnight leave for a week, prior to very likely discharge 

next Wednesday onto a Section 17a Community Treatment 

Order. I had to come back on Friday morning for a review by 

Dr Roberts. Fed up with the last wait for TTA meds, I said I 

would catch the bus back and pick them up that evening. I got 

190

home – Models 1 had emailed ‘no’ but Models Direct wanted 

four outdoor pictures of Julie, so I emailed the four. I set 

off from home on the bus about 4.20pm to get my TTA’s but the 

road was closed – so in the end the CAT Team drove my 

meds over! Was it that night or some other night that week 

that I got one of Julie’s cryptic texts of just a handful while I 

was in hospital, as usual quite, quite cold – chilling in fact! – ‘I 

do not love you and do not need your help’!? 

On Thursday at home on leave, I had an email from Models 

Connect saying they would call Julie! I now had several emails 

about modeling, which I hoped Julie would find surprising and 

interesting – so I printed off all the emails to date to and from 

agencies and put them in an envelope through Julie’s door. I 

got an email from the mobile company I had sold my Nokia to 

saying £140 had just been paid into my account. So I bought 

about 30 cheap CD’s, replacing every single one I had ever had 

stolen in hospital, and others besides, mostly classical, on 

www.amazon.co.uk. I had an email from Lulu saying where to 

look on their website to see how many free downloads I had 

had from www.silee.me.uk or www.lulu.com/authormeuk - 65 

free downloads of ‘Scientific Proof’ and about 12 each of my 

autobiographies – so at last I changed downloads from free to 

$8 and updated my web site accordingly! On the Friday I went 

to the hospital, and duly got five days more leave overnight till 

the Wednesday – with Roberts seemingly still intent on 

discharging me from hospital then. This time the five days 

leave was conditional on me having absolutely no contact with 

Julie… Back home on the bus and I phoned Models Connect 

whose Head of Beauty said ‘I like Julie’s look’ but backed out of 

the deal as he found it ‘strange’ it was me not her who had 

arranged everything on her behalf without asking her first! On 

the Saturday I got a £308 insurance cheque for one week in the 

Abbey Ward PICU (qualifying for this on top of £1100 before as 

this new cheque was for intensive care). I cashed the cheque 

in Hertford for speed of getting hold of the cash – and bought a 

gold crucifix costing £89.90 and a lovely Casio analogue/digital 

watch at £45 there. Apart from a £15 Writers’ and Artists’ 

191

Yearbook 2010 and £8 on socks that I needed on the market 

that was all I bought in Hertford. On the Sunday I chatted to 

my neighbour Terror and to my relief, but disappointment 

about having been lied to by Julie, there was no ‘somebody 

new’ in her life – at least there had been no obvious boyfriend – 

or girlfriend call round there to see Julie for the entire three 

months just passed with me locked up unable to intervene if 

there was! I phoned Jeni my daughter and left a message 

asking her to ask her stepfather to drop off my Christmas 

toboggan and stuff. I passed Julie in her car as I walked down 

the street and it was chugging along badly, obviously in 

trouble, so I risked texting her, against Doctor’s orders, the 

phone number of Mick, a very reliable mechanic I used to know 

who would not rip her off! I do not know what happened after 

that but as I write in May she seems to have had the car fixed – 

the EGR valve? - at last. 

Monday 8 th – Sunday 14 th March 2010. I had ordered a shaver 

and anorak some weeks earlier, and last week, as my fridge 

freezer’s doors and shelves were damaged beyond repair, a 

new fridge freezer, from Littlewoods. The fridge freezer arrived 

at crack of dawn, 7am on Monday, and they found it only just 

fitted in my flat! However it is now installed in my kitchen and 

proving very good and robust. There was much peeping on her 

horn from Julie at 7.40am as they had blocked her car in! The 

razor and anorak arrived mid morning, and I immediately used 

both – they have since both been absolutely fine. Finally a 

service engineer arrived and managed at last to install my 

cooker, explaining the cable I had used was old-fashioned with 

two cores to each wire not the modern one-core, which was 

why they had stripped the block, which of course he now 

replaced. 

Again catching up on things at home, I made an appointment 

with both my dentist and my doctor. To see the latter about 

my varicose veins, wax in my ears, and the inverted wart on 

my left thumb! On Tuesday three CD’s arrived from my orders 

192

last week, and they continued to arrive in the post for about 

two weeks. Then at 6pm or so there was a further incident of 

harassment by Sammy – this time allied by Julie! I was 

standing by the window in my flat when Julie reversed her little 

gold Corsa car into a spot immediately below. First Sammy got 

out of the left hand seat then Julie out of the driver’s seat. 

Sammy immediately looked up at me in my flat, and started 

roaring with laughter at me, and said something to Julie – who 

started roaring with laughter at me too! After ten seconds of 

this mockery I had to back away from the window to spare my 

blushes! 

I went back to the hospital on the Wednesday about 11am, to 

be told I should have been told to get there by 9.30am, for the 

ward round had now finished and Dr Roberts had gone upstairs. 

I waited till 11.30am, and she signed the community treatment 

order, and said she had to get Muriel the social worker who had 

sectioned me back from Bishop’s Stortford where she had 

returned earlier. She arrived about 12pm and explained the 

Section 17a Community Medication Order to me, then signed it 

(in several places it seemed!) I now went on leave for two 

days in the full expectation of Roberts being able to sign the 

CTO tomorrow and so then discharge the Section 3. I started 

waiting patiently for the usual long wait for TTA (to take away) 

medication for my first two days – but had to wait an absolutely 

extraordinary length of time – between 12-6.30pm – so 

complained bitterly at the pharmacy. Then the staff on Mymms 

Ward took pity on me and arranged a taxi that got me home to 

Ware about 7.30pm. I saw Terror my neighbour briefly and 

told her of an ongoing fear I had about Julie in her seemingly 

intimate relationship with young Sammy, 30 years younger. 

Namely, were they involved in a lesbian relationship – which 

thought appalled me after my 2½ year or so time in a straight 

relationship with Julie!? 

193

That Thursday I saw my dentist and was given a clean bill of 

dental health – my teeth were fine. At about 12pm I got a 

phone call from the hospital – my CTO had been signed so Dr 

Roberts had lifted the Section 3 – so I was discharged on a CTO 

Section 17a for up to 6 months – but was still owed a Mental 

Health Tribunal. I left Julie a voicemail saying could we now 

meet up at last after all these months but she texted back to 

me, ‘I am not interested in you at all’, a typically cold and 

cutting message, especially being a text. 

On the Friday Julie my social worker took me to the cattery – 

and we picked up my cat Woosskat, who was as delighted to 

see me after 3½ months as I was to see her! My diary reports 

feeling ‘Bored. Very lonely. No Julie!’ that night… 

As a result my diary only records me sending Julie five 

voicemails that weekend, while I settled Woosskat in. 

Monday 15 th – Sunday 21 st March 2010. I resume typing from 

last night typing the above – on Wednesday 19 th May – having 

spent some weeks, on and off, more off than on, typing up 

events since last October’s final week. It has taken me all day 

to face typing up these next three days, as they are by far and 

away the worst three days in this last six month period! 

On Monday I telephoned my mental health lawyer John about 

the prospect of a Tribunal to try to end my Community 

Medication Order, and he said one was planned in ‘a few 

weeks’. In fact it is now only scheduled for Thursday 27 th May – 

seven months after I was admitted to hospital so alarmingly 

late! I had a bill from Vodafone for £707+ - saying I had ended 

my contract for my spare phone (which I had sold) so needed 

to pay off the rest of the contract! I saw two of the CAT Team 

194

at my flat and they proceeded to judge me to be fully fit – so 

discharged me back to the Community Mental Health Team. I 

saw Chris my friend between 3 and 4pm. After that I typed a 

whole three page letter to Julie for I had guessed she had 

almost certainly deleted my voicemails from the weekend as 

too expensive or annoying to listen to – so put the main points 

in this letter. I posted it through her door, and left a voicemail 

saying ‘please come round and apologise for the bad things you 

have done that this letter describes’: - 

Monday 15 th March 2010 

Dear Julie, 

I left you (again) several important voicemails on your work phone while 

you were obviously out yesterday with your family for Mother’s Day – 

sadly minus your own Mum for the first time on this occasion, in which I 

can fully commiserate obviously. 

You do not respond to any voicemails texts or notes except to say ‘I have 

no interest in you at all’ or now ‘I am not in love with you’ and generally 

seem to be hiding away like a recluse from me and avoiding all our old 

friendship – even though I’ve been home for all of two weeks and was 

fully discharged last week - as apart from one session of undressing and 

pleasuring each other in August we have had no sexual contact nor 

relationship since ‘the day of the long grass’ 2 nd June 2009, when we had 

sex that evening too – and you came ‘shaking like a jellyfish’! 

I have nearly entirely accepted in the meantime that the intense pressure 

of your job and its too low an income to be at all comfortably off, means 

that you have not wanted any sexual relationship - with me in particular. 

However I completely fail to understand your complete avoidance and 

apparent even loathing and hatred of me, so you do not seem to want 

even my friendship any more! This is really tragic considering just how 

close a pair of intimate friends we were before my recent admission to 

hospital, and I blame entirely the pack of lies and wild story you worked 

195

up to allege to the police on Wednesday 25 th November last year was 

‘sexual harassment by me of you’. They have done precisely NOTHING 

about your wild allegations, whatever they were, so clearly found your 

version of the previous Sunday night impossible to believe! A woman on 

the control room phone fully accepted it when I dictated the true, 

objective version to her about 6 weeks ago: - 

Yes I did touch up your breasts and buttocks while you cooked us a meal. 

Having yourself half protested at these first sexual advances by me since 

August, like I said above, now feeling sex starved by you, while we ate 

the meal the whole conversation, by both of us, was about now making 

love! 

Prior to such fully mutually agreed love making, you sat down on the 

extreme right hand side of your sofa with me immediately to your left, 

with my right arm cuddling you prior to embracing and kissing. It was 

when I put my left hand on your stomach that your first serious panic 

attack of this incident happened. You cried out ‘that hand is filthy!’ 

Amazed, I lifted it up and showed you that it was perfectly clean! 

Nevertheless, the next thing you had thrown me out to go back to my own 

flat! 

You detest Nit, yet an amazingly deep second panic attack came a day or 

so later, when he came round specifically to see me and said literally 

“What the hell has got into Julie? She came round my flat shouting that 

she was going to get you ‘done’ – for sexual harassment!” Alarm bells 

immediately sounded in my mind about how very preposterous that was! 

Nevertheless, in a third panic attack in several days, you did tell your pack 

of lies to the police – who would have immediately come round to 

interview or even arrest me the same night – had in fact they believed 

you – which clearly they did not! In fact your presentation of the lies you 

must have told them (just what did you try to lie to them?) obviously 

made zero impression as credible. The police have not even bothered to 

trouble me by contacting me; but while annoyed about further obvious lies 

from you, about a totally non-existent ‘somebody in your life not me’ I did 

make the above phone call. 

I deserve a huge apology for you calling the police in and trying to make 

the mud of ‘sexual harassment’ stick about what was a mere failed 

seduction, only failed because of your immense obsession with hygiene! As 

I was already known not to be taking all my medication, the mere fact that 

the police were alerted to ‘anything – even falsely alleged like this’ 

immediately prompted the Sectioning trio to come round, a second time 

196

with the police, and Section 3 me yet again, the following Monday 30 th 

November. 

THREE OTHER SERIOUS LAPSES BY YOU REQUIRING A HUGE APOLOGY 

TO ME NOW – OR TO MY CAT! 

Yet again, like when you threw her out, vicious abuse by you of my cat – 

this time starving her while supposedly looking after her in my flat with 

me away 

I was very worried about your previous abuse of Sammy Woosskat that 

led me to adopt her from you, and my sister checked her food twice at my 

request as soon as I arrived in hospital – driving over from her flat in 

Welwyn Garden City specifically to do so. Indeed, the first time she 

seemed starving so Libby had to give her at least some food which she 

gobbled up. Clearly you had not been coming round every day 

as promised, and letting the poor cat starve! The second time was 

even more serious, so social services were asked to put the poor cat in 

the horrible confines of a cage in a cattery – for the food had all run out 

now, and for whatever cruel reason you had not replaced it! I was taken to 

this cattery last Thursday by my social worker also called Julie and picked 

up poor Wooskat! She had a bed and a very bleak boring run – with just 

a scratching pole and no sign of anybody giving her affection, or even toys! 

No wonder she has taken the last four days to recover from her ordeal! 

She still hardly wants to explore outside – but girl was she pleased and 

relieved to be back home where she belongs not in a ‘prison’ cattery 

apparently even more bleak and boring than the two mental hospitals I 

have had a similar stay in – total sensory deprivation! What is the point, 

had you looked after Woosskat properly rather than neglecting her so she 

starved, all apparently because of sheer pride and pique that you totally 

failed to get me ‘put down for your falsely alleged sexual harassment’ that 

the police apparently just dismissed as your ravings – the cattery would 

not have been involved, and you could have looked after her (properly) at 

my comfortable flat that she is so used to now! 

You did not telephone me in hospital in ALL OF THREE MONTHS OF 

TORTURE FEELING EXTREMELY LOW, OPPRESSED AND ABOVE ALL – 

LONELY – EVEN JUST ONCE! You also only sent me five texts that firstly, 

one contained only tragedy as in your mother’s heart attack (that led to 

our only lengthy friendly discourse of the whole time I was in, but you 

197

stopped that again after just a few days) ; three saying just ‘fuck off!’ 

and bizarrely – see next point – a horrible thing to put in a text when it 

appears to have been just all a monstrous lie and wind up by you to me – ‘I 

have met somebody new’. 

APOLOGISE – GROVEL EVEN FOR YOUR BLATANT LYING TEXT ‘I have met 

somebody new’. If you did meet anybody, new, not me, where are they 

now? You called him a ‘companion’ so I called him or her a ‘cuntpinion’! 

As: 

I have asked Terror who knows all about these flats, and she has not seen 

any strange men with you going in or out! Nor have I! 

Strange relationship if it all takes place at his place! Or are you too 

ashamed to let him or her into yours? 

I asked you shortly after your Mother’s sad demise why he had not helped 

you like I was doing, even while locked up in the Secure Unit but well, as I 

was! You were totally silent on the other end of the phone! 

Why has he not intervened at all while you have been angry at this 

contact by me? Has he no guts? 

So was this ‘companion’ really another figment of your fevered 

imagination designed to torture me in the extreme – which it did – like 

your ‘sexual harassment’ rubbish? 

I went round to her entrance door to her block of flats, found it 

open, so climbed up the stairs and knocked on her door about 

1pm Tuesday. “Who is it?” came her call from behind her front 

door. “Simon. We need to have a chat!” “I can’t – I am 

seeing somebody else this afternoon.” “OK”. I went home and 

spent 45 minutes on the phone to Vodafone and negotiated a 

normal £30+VAT contract for the phone I had sold rather than 

their demand for £707+ that I could not possibly pay! I 

happened to see two police pass my window coming from the 

direction of Julie’s flat towards their car, parked on the corner 

here. Are they for me? I wondered but they did not call on 

me. About 6pm I went back to try to have a chat with Julie – 

but the main door was locked this time, but her intercom rang 

for once – usually she left it off the hook inside her flat. “Any 

chance we can have a chat now?” I asked. “I can’t chat to you. 

Go away!” was her reply. As I write, the last words I ever 

heard her say recently! 

198

For at 8.58pm the police called and arrested me on her 

allegations of ‘intentional harassment’. The SIXTEENTH 

Anniversary of my Baptism of the Holy Spirit happened to be 

that day, the SIXTEENTH of March 1994, at 8.42pm, ie 

SIXTEEN minutes later and 16 years on I was arrested! I had 

to stay overnight at Hoddesdon police station, for when a 

doctor saw me to judge my mental state was up to an 

interview, and supervise my taking my tablets that they had 

got me to bring, she said the fateful interview would be 

tomorrow sometime. I ate a curry there and must have gone 

to sleep about 12.30am, waking at 6.30am I was told, after a 

dreadful night in the cell; for my watch, belt, and all other 

sharp objects were confiscated on arrival. I had brought no 

cigarettes as I had been right out of money on arrest, so was 

grateful when a young warder gave me a cigarette and he 

smoked one outside too, in a barred yard area! That was about 

10am – and the only cigarette I was able to smoke the whole 

long time of many hours I was there. Otherwise I asked for a 

cup of coffee very frequently, partly to stave off the nicotine 

withdrawal symptoms with caffeine, a vaguely similar drug. I 

went back to solitary confinement in my cell till lunch time, 

when a male doctor saw me and as with the woman doctor at 

midnight last night, I burst into floods of tears over this being a 

fine way to end a relationship! He too clearly judged me fit 

enough to face an interview – but insisted that he called Julie 

my social worker to ask her to act as my ‘appropriate adult’. 

She was too busy but sent idiot nurse Terence along later 

instead. At about 2pm yet again I was let out of the cell, again 

given my shoes back, and met Terence and a trainee duty 

solicitor. We talked around the evidence for about five 

minutes, and he said I was clearly guilty of harassment, and to 

answer questions in the interview that came now, all honestly. 

The interviewer introduced himself, loaded the tape recorder, 

then gave me some very awkward questions about texts on my 

mobile phone that they had confiscated at the arrest, and some 

copies of emails I had posted to Julie. However, at the end, 

199

ecause I asked for no breaks, and basically parried all 

questions, even the hardest, quite well, both he and my 

solicitor said I had faced the interview very well – despite 

admitting harassing Julie at the end! So back to my cell for 

another smoking free confinement, by now desperate for a 

cigarette, till I was charged at 5.15pm and bailed on conditions 

that I would not contact Julie, directly or indirectly, or go 

anywhere near her flat. Finally I was bailed to appear at 

Hertford Magistrates Court the following Tuesday at 9.30am. 

To my astonishment my computer had been seized under 

search warrant, as the police thought there might be something 

‘sinister’ about my trying to improve Julie’s salary immensely 

with modelling work! Terence took me back to Ware in his car, 

winging that he was very late home! I got my day’s benefit out 

of the bank ATM and bought some cigarettes – and the first one 

gave me a real high after all that nicotine starvation! I saw 

Terror and told her about all this and she said ‘the police were 

very quiet when they arrested you! My dog never barked!’ 

I was in shell shock the next day, Thursday, so the trivial things 

that happened that day are a blur. I cried hard once, and often 

in April and even in May have cried over the events of this 

week, often thumping my bed cover in frustration and weeping 

as soon as I woke up. I called my housing officer, believing it 

would prove impossible emotionally to carry on living next door 

to Julie while totally unable to communicate with her! She 

could only advise me to talk to the local East Herts Council with 

the backing of my social worker and try to get more housing 

points because of the situation that had now arisen. For I 

expected the court next week to perpetuate the bail conditions 

i.e. absolutely no contact any more with Julie. The Housing 

Officer also told me that Julie had also rung her the previous 

day while I was in police custody – and sounded very stressed 

out and also anxious to move from these flats – to get away 

from me as I wanted to escape her! The next day, Friday, I 

spoke to Tariq, a solicitor at the duty solicitors firm 

HealeyColbon, but he only advised me to wait for the hearing 

next week – my question had been ‘how do I plead?’ I saw 

200

Julie my social worker at 1pm for half an hour. She described 

me as ‘not fully well yet – and “heartbroken”’ and promised to 

write supporting letters to East Herts and Mid Sussex Councils 

with regard to possible re-housing – Mid Sussex Council covers 

where my brother’s family and father now live – my brother for 

30 years, so I definitely qualified through that length of time 

there of his as having a ‘local interest’ – the minimum is a 

relative living there for five years. The weekend was quiet and 

very worried about the imminent court hearing on Tuesday. On 

Sunday Jeni’s stepfather finally dropped off the package of stuff 

plus toboggan that I had asked her to ask him to deliver. He 

gave me £20 as a nice gesture! 

Monday 22 nd – Sunday 28 th March 2010. Monday was totally 

quiet as I calmed and prepared myself for the court hearing the 

next day. I had telephoned my father on release from police 

custody, and after saying initially “You bloody idiot!” he had 

calmed down and promised to attend the hearing and give me a 

lift there after driving up and staying with my sister overnight. 

The only significant event for that day in my diary is seeing the 

local college and claiming an £11 refund for my photography 

course for the current term which I had paid for in advance. 

So Tuesday my father picked me up for the court at 9am, and 

we parked in the multi-storey car park in Hertford town centre 

and walked to the court house, arriving before 9.30am as 

required by my bail conditions. The solicitor from 

HealeyColbon, a partner called Ged, arrived shortly afterwards, 

went off upstairs to a private room to read up on the case, and 

called us in about twenty minutes later. He immediately said I 

was clearly guilty so had to plead guilty in court to harassing 

Julie – but had mitigating circumstances in that I was 99% 

confined in a mental hospital during that time. About 10.30am 

we were called into courtroom one of two where the previous 

case was concluding in a couple of minutes. I was ushered to a 

gated area on the left hand side while my father remained in 

the spectators’ area. The hearing was brief and to the point – 

201

about ten minutes. The prosecution (police) solicitor basically 

said I had ‘bombarded Julie with texts and voicemails which 

were fully documented by the police’ so this was a prima facie 

case of harassment. Then it was Ged’s turn. He asked first for 

no psychiatrist’s report to be taken as this would require a 

further court hearing. He said I was highly intelligent, but 

suffered from an acute mental illness, and had been in hospital, 

even in an intensive care PICU, throughout all the harassment. 

The three magistrates conferred – and gave me the lightest 

possible sentence – a twelve month conditional discharge and 

payment of a contribution to the prosecution costs of £85 but 

no fine nor compensation to Julie (I could not help thinking to 

myself ‘poetic justice!’ I have given her nearly £3,000 in the 

last three years already!) Finally the bail conditions reappeared 

in a restraining order that I had to sign. We thanked Ged the 

solicitor for getting me off so lightly, and my father gave me a 

lift home then went to his own home, both very relieved. I 

went to the Mind club that evening 7.00-8.15pm and the next 

incredibly quiet day of recovery again 1.30-2.45. I got some 

counselling from the helpers both days about the events of the 

last week. 

On Thursday I caught the bus to Hoddesdon and recovered my 

mobile phone and PC chassis from the police station. That 

evening I saw Sammy get out of Julie’s car with her and go into 

her flat – and Sammy was outside the next day Friday at 11am, 

so I can only assume from events on Saturday following, that 

she stayed the night. Also on Friday I saw Julie outside driving 

her car which was again chugging along. That has stopped 

since so she must have got the engine repaired. Was it the 

same problem as all year, the EGR valve? Anyway Julie drove 

off at 5.30 and stayed out all night – with Sammy? Saturday 

was quiet but when at 7.15pm I went out to Cygnet House to 

pop off a letter about housing to my social worker, I had a sixth 

sense of being stared at and sure enough there was a gap in 

the tightly closed blinds at Julie’s flat next door. There was 

somebody not Julie staring out at me – and as I walked down 

the road they were still staring at me when I looked. As I 

202

walked back from Cygnet House the lights had been turned out 

but the same pair of eyes stared out at me still. I discovered 

who this was at about 8.30pm when Sammy rang at the 

intercom – her latest bit of harassment. ‘Hello. It is me, 

Sammy. Can you let me in?’ “No I can’t”, I replied. She said 

‘Stop staring at me like that’ so I replied ‘I never saw you!’ to 

which she said, “I am staying at Julie’s tonight” (i.e. she not I 

now had a relationship with Julie!) “Stay out of Julie’s area”. (as 

if she had not been told there was a draconian, viciously strong 

order in place to stop that!) I later called the police control 

room, and the official who answered said he would confer with 

police colleagues, and after five minutes on hold said they had 

agreed to send officers to see me, then verbally caution 

Sammy. The police were very busy on the Sunday, so it was 

extremely late, 11.45pm when two police called. They seemed 

to enjoy laughing at me – then disappeared on an emergency 

call-out on their radio after just two minutes at my flat - saying 

‘if she rings the bell again, do not let her in – just tell her to go 

away! 

Monday 29 th –Wednesday 31 st March 2010. Monday was very 

quiet. I made four routine phone calls and saw my Doctor at 

5.50pm complaining about my varicose veins (again!) my corn 

on my foot (which he said just needed ongoing podiatry as 

now) and the inverted wart on my left thumb. He prescribed 

some ‘bazuka’ gel for this – and as I write late in May, daily 

application of this has indeed nearly got rid of the broken skin. 

Tuesday was my 53 rd birthday – and although my father sent a 

cheque for £50 and my aunt a cheque for £10, which of course I 

banked, I did not celebrate my birthday at all, and was very 

miserable at the MIND club that night. I had called the police 

and complained about the mere two minute visit last Sunday, 

and now at last at 6.30pm a PC McDonald called in. However 

he would not listen to my claims that Sammy had harassed me 

several times now – and in fact stated that ‘no crime had been 

committed’! To my horror my normal payment of £65.75 DLA 

benefit was not paid the next day Wednesday! I phoned up 

DLA headquarters, who said it had been suspended while my 

203

hospital admission dates were verified – for there had been a 

mix-up there over them. I should however receive two 

payments next Wednesday… I saw my doctor in the 

community at 10.40pm, Dr Pathmanandam, for my first 

outpatient appointment since hospital. I was a bit tearful when 

the court case was of course discussed. I saw my social worker 

Julie again at 2.30pm – she handed over two supporting letters 

to East Herts Council and Mid Sussex Council for possible rehousing 

applications, asking that my domestic situation with a 

restraining order against me be considered for extra priority for 

housing. 

April was incredibly quiet as I was subdued, lacked much sense 

of humour for a change, and generally felt inadequate 

after all the last five months’ events – to sum up, ‘rejected so 

dejected’… So flat and low… 

Thursday 1 st – Sunday 11 th April 2010. Julie my social worker 

had finally given me supporting one page letters to apply to 

East Hertfordshire District Council and Mid Sussex Council, and I 

now prepared my own bigger more substantial letters to send 

with these: - 

Housing Options Team East Herts Council Wallfields 

Pegs Lane Hertford Herts SG13 8EQ 

Dear Housing Team, 

I have been unhappy living in a mere studio flat, however nice the view, 

for over five years now, and have been on the housing transfer list for all 

that time without success – currently on 105 housing points so too low to 

‘win’ another flat or house by some margin in your ‘choice lettings 

scheme’. 

My former partner (next door block of four two storey studio flats – her 

flat is ‘through the wall’ from mine) has a major issue with me in that last 

week I was placed on a Restraining Order against contacting her in any 

way at Hertford Magistrates Court after she had me arrested and charged 

with Harassing her the previous week Tuesday 16 th March! As a result she 

will remain unaware that I talked to our mutual housing officer at 

204

Riversmead Housing Association, Leslie Hinkins, about my moving out 

from what has obviously now become an impossible situation for both of 

us. She advised me to obtain a letter from my social worker to support 

this current application for as many more housing points for myself as 

possible, so I can move to a new location without the current immense 

problem of seeing my former partner all the time out of my window – 

while absolutely not being able to communicate with her in any way 

whatsoever – without the risk of five years in prison and/or a £5,000 fine! 

Leslie Hinkins also confided in me that just the previous day that Julie had 

also telephoned her asking for help with rehousing out of sight of my flat 

and myself. To tell me any more was confidential, but while we were 

partners Julie had expressed a wish to move to some unnamed, different, 

more rural area, ideally with far better parking facilities for her car than 

overcrowded Priory Street here. Leslie referred me to your choice lettings 

scheme so no doubt that was all she could offer as help to my ex partner 

Julie also – but she has no medical points like me, so only has a tiny 85 

housing points or so. We BOTH need (lots?) more points to move because 

as we now see, we cause each other a severe problem that qualifies as a 

‘social factor’ problem under your housing points rules, what with being 

close neighbours - with myself under a Restraining Order not to contact 

her in any way although when both in we can be 2’ away through our wall! 

Strong Appeal for the maximum possible ‘social factor’ 50 housing points 

for BOTH Julie and myself so we can BOTH be able to move within East 

Hertfordshire – and get away from each other - and the memory of each 

other. 

Please refer to the third paragraph of the letter enclosed supporting what I 

say here – which accurately and succinctly summarises the truly awful 

social position that I – and of course Julie my ex-partner – have been in 

since the events of last week’s court case and a Restraining Order 

between such immediately adjacent neighbours. I keep seeing her when I 

glance out of the window – and no doubt she finds the same. We have 

passed outside in the street several times in the last few days, once both 

on foot, more often with her in her car – and not known where to look... 

Just my own flat reminds me acutely of our over two year relationship – 

no doubt she finds the same in her flat about me… 

If that were not enough, for the past three years I had no trouble with my 

neighbours in this half of our block – until the empty flat whose door is 

opposite mine, 18 to my 16, was suddenly occupied for the first time in 

that period, by a bullying, violent, heavy drinking, heavy drug taking 

young man – Sam – initially with his equally obnoxious brother Ryan. 

205

Sam was actually found not guilty last week of battery of my female 

neighbour at number 12, even though the police photographed evidence 

on her right arm of a vicious attack! There was until recently constant 

shouting and boozing and urinating in the corridor outside. The ceiling 

there has been ruined by ‘friends’ of Sam and Ryan climbing up into the 

loft space to climb into the hatch into that flat – and others… 

As for Julie, she is the only woman, with three males on her side of her 

block – opposite is an alcoholic drug addict, rather quieter and easier to 

tolerate than Sam at number 18 for me. The man at number 20 is a 

completely untrustworthy bully and rogue – who tried to assault me in 

2007 then actually lied to police that I had assaulted him – luckily they did 

not believe him…! 

PLEASE regard this as a VERY acute issue and give us BOTH the maximum 

50 ‘social factor’ points for it! Please copy this letter of mine to Julie and 

reply to this request to her also, to explain that I have asked for points for 

this acute issue – and sympathised also with her… 

Request for possibly more medical points than my current 15 – and 

definitely many points for being a ‘vulnerable person’. The 

harassment I wrought on Julie was in fact a desperate attempt to win her 

back, and restore our broken relationship, with not even any 

friendship from her by then except twice briefly; between 30 th November 

2009 to 16 th March 2010 – most of which time was spent by me 

languishing in an Acute Ward with five weeks in a Psychiatric Intensive 

Care Unit in the middle – under a Section 3 of the Mental Health Act. No 

wonder Julie rejected nearly all my approaches then as I sent dozens of 

texts and voicemails, to be ignored – and called the police when the 

impetus of this continued until March 16 th – after the section ended! 

I should like to request a review of my medical points AND ALSO to be 

allocated as many housing points as possible as a ‘vulnerable person’ – in 

particular having spent over seven years of the last 16 in hospital during 

about 12 admissions. My final point is that should I still live here and 

suffer even a small relapse of my bipolar II affective disorder i.e. 

hypomania with manic episodes – I might do something very silly and 

contact my next door neighbour – the penalty being prison or a vast fine! I 

look forward to your letters to both of us with many more housing points 

(enough to actually move!?) 

Yours sincerely 


206

The Common Housing Register Team Affinity Sutton 

Morris House Burrell Road Haywards Heath RH16 1YL 

Dear Housing Team, 

I have been unhappy living in a mere studio flat, however nice the view, 

for over ten years now, and have been on the housing transfer list for five 

years of that time without success. I recently completed a housing 

application form at www.midsussex.gov.uk/homemove to try to move 

near to my father at Hurstpierpoint and brother and family at Cuckfield – 

so also enclose the passport and bank statement you requested – 

obviously please return those. 

My former partner (next door block of four two storey studio flats – her 

flat is ‘through the wall’ from mine) has a major issue with me in that last 

week I was placed on a Restraining Order against contacting her in any 

way at Hertford Magistrates Court after she had me arrested and charged 

with Harassing her the previous week Tuesday 16 th March! As a result she 

will remain unaware that I talked to our mutual housing officer at 

Riversmead Housing Association, Leslie Hinkins, about my moving out 

from what has obviously now become an impossible situation for both of 

us. She advised me to obtain a letter from my social worker to support 

this current application for as much credit for ‘high priority’ housing band 

with you, for myself as possible, so I can move to a new location without 

the current immense problem of seeing my former partner all the time out 

of my window – while absolutely not being able to communicate with her 

in any way whatsoever – without the risk of five years in prison and/or a 

£5,000 fine! 

Strong Appeal for the maximum possible ‘social factor’ uplift of housing 

band so I can get away from here – and get away from Julie - and the 

memory of Julie. Please refer to the third paragraph of the letter enclosed 

supporting what I say here – which accurately and succinctly 

summarises the truly awful social position that I – and of course Julie my 

ex-partner – have been in since the events of last week’s court case and 

a Restraining Order between such immediately adjacent neighbours. 

I keep seeing her when I glance out of the window – and no doubt she 

finds the same. We have passed outside in the street several times in the 

last few days, once both on foot, more often with her in her car – and 

not known where to look... Just my own flat reminds me acutely of 

our over two year relationship – no doubt she finds the same in her flat 

about me… 

207

If that were not enough, for the past three years I had no trouble with my 

neighbours in this half of our block – until the empty flat whose door is 

opposite mine, 18 to my 16, was suddenly occupied for the first time in 

that period, by a bullying, violent, heavy drinking, heavy drug taking 

young man – Sam – initially with his equally obnoxious brother Ryan. 

Sam was actually found not guilty last week of battery of my female 

neighbour at number 12, even though the police photographed evidence 

on her right arm of a vicious attack! There was until recently constant 

shouting and boozing and urinating in the corridor outside. The ceiling 

there has been ruined by ‘friends’ of Sam and Ryan climbing up into the 

loft space to climb into the hatch into that flat – and others… 

The man at number 20 is a completely untrustworthy bully and rogue – 

who tried to assault me in 2007 then actually lied to police that I had 

assaulted him – luckily they did not believe him…! 

PLEASE regard this as a VERY acute issue and give me the maximum 

‘urgent priority band uplift’ for it! 

Request for high medical uplift – and definitely uplift for being a 

‘vulnerable person’. 

The harassment I wrought on Julie was in fact a desperate attempt to win 

her back, and restore our broken relationship, with not even any 

friendship from her by then except twice briefly; between 30 th November 

2009 to 16 th March 2010 – most of which time was spent by me 

languishing in an Acute Ward with five weeks in a Psychiatric Intensive 

Care Unit in the middle – under a Section 3 of the Mental Health Act. No 

wonder Julie rejected nearly all my approaches then as I sent dozens of 

texts and voicemails, to be ignored – and called the police when the 

impetus of this continued until March 16 th – after the section ended! 

I should like to request a high medical uplift of housing band AND ALSO to 

be allocated as much housing band uplift as possible as a ‘vulnerable 

person’ – in particular having spent over seven years of the last 16 in 

Hospital during about 12 admissions. My final point is that should I still 

live here and suffer even a small relapse of my bipolar II affective disorder 

i.e. hypomania with manic episodes – I might do something very silly and 

contact my next door neighbour – the penalty being prison or a vast fine! I 

look forward to your reply, ideally placing me in ‘housing band A’, 



208

I got on the bus and went to Hertford and hand delivered the 

two letters to East Herts Council. I planned to hand deliver the 

letters to Affinity Sutton next Tuesday when I would be in 

Sussex for a break at Easter with my father and sister. About 

3.15pm I walked out of my flat when who should I see outside 

the entrance to Julie’s block but Sammy – so I had a small go 

at her in such a way that it was in no way directed to reaching 

Julie – wherever she was, Sammy was clearly waiting for her: - 

“Leave my door bell alone! It is harassment! This is a very 

serious matter!” I said. She threatened me weirdly in reply: - 

“You called me a slut!” (Yes I did, after the earlier three 

incidents in March). “I am telling my mum and dad about you! I 

am getting my mum and dad to deal with you! Anyway, Julie is 

my mum!” 

Between Friday and Tuesday I had planned a short break away 

with Libby, my sister, driving me to see my father and brother 

and his family in Sussex. Easter Monday and Good Friday 

being bank holidays, I had been paid my weekly benefit of 

incapacity benefit and income support on the Thursday – but 

after paying various bills, buying groceries and several days 

worth of tobacco for the planned break over Easter – I had no 

money left! My sister arrived about 11am in her car on Good 

Friday ready for the trip, but the traffic news from her phone 

line on her mobile phone was not at all encouraging, with long 

jams at two places on both the Watford section and the Eastern 

Bridge section of the M25. Eventually we set off and she went 

by a non motorway route past the Watford tail-back – so we 

had an uneventful and average two hour length of car journey 

down to Sussex, doing 70mph most of the way in light traffic – 

despite all the dire warnings on her phone line. We had roast 

chicken for Easter that night and they gave out Easter Eggs 

while I just had small boxes of chocolates to give them. My 

father treated me to four ‘buy one get one free’ eggs in the 

local shop for Jem and family. 

209

On Saturday the holiday aspect of the weekend really started. 

We went to Waitrose at nearby Burgess Hill – and my sister and 

father had planned to cook a Thai chicken curry – so bought all 

the ingredients as well as general shopping. On the way back 

we visited some fantastic National Trust gardens – and lunched 

on very expensive sandwiches in the café there. The curry that 

night was superb – very tasty indeed! On Easter Sunday, as 

last year, we went to my brother’s family for their traditional 

Easter Egg hunt for the two younger children; followed by a 

delicious and as always lavish roast dinner of salmon or lamb (I 

had lamb). More Easter Eggs were dished out! On Monday we 

went up in the South Downs near Hurstpierpoint to Devil’s 

Dyke, another famous National Trust site – this time a 

fiendishly steep cleft in the hillside that was very triangular in 

shape – and apparently carved out by glaciation. We walked 

down the steep path at one side to the very bottom – and the 

walk back up the centre of the valley or dyke, with its very 

steep sides either side, got very hard work at the top! There 

was the debris of eggs everywhere where people had had 

Easter eggs rolling contests down the steep slopes! 

Tuesday I went home, but first went to the offices of Affinity 

Sutton conveniently near the railway station in Hayward’s 

Heath, and they accepted my two letters and photocopied my 

passport and a bank statement. The journey home was 

uneventful and as my father got me to the station, giving me 

£40 for the £20 fare and the journey, a train was due 

immediately going to London Bridge station; which was 

followed by very long walks to get through the tubes to 

Liverpool Street Mainline Station thence Ware. I went to the 

Mind drop-in between 6.30pm-7.30pm that night. My eyes 

were much better than before the break, and I felt quite 

relaxed, after I had initially shed more tears in front of my 

father and sister the first night there! 

On Wednesday 7 th April I had my regular depot injection, which I 

had to return for from the break. My DLA was not paid at all, far 

210

from twice over as promised last week, and when I phoned 

them I was given the horrifying news that it might not get paid 

for another eight weeks while they went through all their red 

tape motions of getting hospital dates verified – surely just a 5 

minute phone call to Mymms Ward? I had £46.46 birthday 

money left after an £11 standing order for the repayments of 

my loan from my father to last till Saturday! I really moaned 

about all this DLA nonsense to the helpers at the Mind Club. 

Thursday my diary records nothing – I had a quiet day in. 

On Friday 9 th April I saw my social worker, and she spoke to 

DLA, then as agree with them, faxed them the verification they 

needed of my recent hospital admission and discharge dates. 

She also rang Littlewoods and obtained agreement for a £50 

repayment a month plan for me after talking to their long term 

illness team. I went to the Mind Club briefly between 1.45pm- 

2.30pm. I saw Chris, and again Saturday and Sunday, as I did 

Terror from downstairs; I see both of them to chat to every 

day, basically, now, as I have since the court case. Otherwise 

my diary records nothing interesting for the weekend, which 

obviously was quiet and boring, as for the whole of April. I was 

getting my strength back after my long ordeals of the past few 

months – and licking my wounds! 

Monday 12 th – Sunday 18 th April 2010. On the Monday I made 

two important phone calls. I spoke to East Herts Council 

Housing Options, who said they were waiting to hear from my 

Riversmead Housing Association to see whether Riversmead 

were prepared to grant a management transfer – a special 

arrangement to find me a home without any need to apply to 

the Council as usual, under the circumstances detailed in my 

letter of last week. I mentioned to Julie my social worker on 

the phone that I was thinking about writing to the police about 

their lack of action so far about Sammy’s ‘counter harassment’. I 

also asked her to borrow £10 in food vouchers as I was really 

feeling the pinch without any DLA, with three weeks’ worth only 

coming this Thursday as far as I knew. I GAVE UP SMOKING 

211

temporarily as I only had 33 pence – and even saw my doctor 

and got some nicotine patches and chewing gum… 

On Tuesday I phoned the podiatry team and made an 

appointment for Tuesday 20 th , next week – which had to be in 

Hertford as the Ware side was so popular. I rang Ged at 

HealeyColbon solicitors and asked about my chances of 

changing the very strict terms and punishments outlined on my 

restraining order, or the last line that said ‘this order may be 

varied or discharged on application’ but he claimed that the 

latter did not apply to me – only Julie – whatever it may read 

as! I also phoned Leslie at Riversmead Housing Association, 

who said the decision on a management transfer would be 

made on Monday. Wednesday and Thursday were incredibly 

quiet and boring – I did go to the Mind club 1.30pm to 2.15pm 

on the Wednesday. My DLA got paid on the Thursday – over 

£190 to catch up for the last three weeks! So I started 

smoking again Thursday, having found wearing a patch for two 

days was very different to actually smoking! 

On the Friday I bid for a first floor and a ground floor flat in my 

father’s village, and a ground floor flat at Lingfield near 

Haywards Heath, on the brand new, and activated that day, 

Sussex Council web site. There was only one property for a 

disabled person and one for a key worker on the East Herts site – 

so I could not bid for those. I rang Leslie at Riversmead and 

mentioned these bids – and she now said that they had turned 

me down for a management transfer as it was not life 

threatening. However the Council were going to give me ‘social 

factor’ points as requested in my letter, so making my 

application to move top priority. I telephoned Vodafone and 

paid them my entire £93.55 bill, only then asking why my 

mobile phone was not working. It turned out I had been cut off 

for alleged ‘fraud’, and even though I explained I had never 

committed fraud on this account, they said they could not 

under any circumstances reconnect my mobile as a result of 

this wild and inaccurate smear! Saturday was another blank, 

212

oring day, but on Sunday I discovered again that I had typed 

up this diary to as late as 18 th October – way past August as I 

had mistakenly recalled – I had been manically busy on this 

diary back in November, I now recalled, while so ill! I had also 

got my main book ‘Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit 

Exists’ completely finished then to my total satisfaction; as well 

as both my web sites www.silee.me.uk and www.maam.org.uk. I 

did worry about the ‘fraud’ allegations all weekend! 

Monday 19 th – Sunday 25 th April 2010. Julie my social worker 

and I soon acted on the spurious ‘fraud’ allegations by 

Vodafone. She phoned them and had a long talk, and was 

asked to give me proof of hospital dates and ask me to take 

this to any Vodafone store. Afterwards she told me this proof 

should be ready by Wednesday, and I needed to retrieve the 

original of my own copy of the discharge form from erroneously 

having given it in to my Doctor (who already had their own 

copy). That afternoon I happened to check the web site run for 

East Herts Council etc www.homeoption.org – to discover that 

as promised my points score had been increased – by 25 points 

from 105 to 130 – very high indeed and easily enough to win a 

property on that web site – nearly any property of my choice! 

I had now written my letter to the police HQ that I had 

discussed with my social worker the previous week, so posted 

it: - 

Hertfordshire Constabulary Stanborough Road Welwyn Garden City 

Hertfordshire 

AL8 6XF 

Dear Sir or Madam, 

‘Counter’ harassment surrounding my arrest on 16 th March and 

appearance at Hertford Magistrates Court on 23 rd March and being 

given a 12 month conditional discharge and indefinite restraining 

order for harassment of my next door neighbour and partner until 

fairly recently. 

213

I am reliably told by police via my social worker, that the one act of mine 

that caused Julie to finally allege this harassment – the straw that broke 

the camel’s back – was a three page letter from me to her on Monday 15 th 

March which I hand posted, containing all of four strong points of 

criticism. This was the only letter I sent her during this episode. 

My point is that this letter (as well as some mostly innocuous voicemails 

and texts the previous day) was almost entirely an angry response to two 

severe acts of ‘counter’ harassment the previous two weeks by Julie (in 

the second act) with her 21 year old girlfriend, mocking me through my 

window from outside my flat; and the first almost certainly with Julie 

behind it, when her girlfriend ‘Sammy’ confronted me at my front door the 

previous week, on Tuesday 2 nd March - in a way more utterly weird than 

frightening! 

I enclose a written statement about these two incidents and two more 

since the court case. As ‘Sammy’ is not a neighbour but only an 

occasional visitor to her girlfriend Julie next door here, I was amazed and 

devastated when a PC MacDonald who called here and discussed these 

four incidents on Tuesday 30 th March, dismissed all my allegations of 

‘counter’ harassment by these two women, especially this ‘Sammy’, 

claiming they were ‘neighbour disputes’ even though ‘Sammy’ is NOT a 

neighbour. 

I have consulted my solicitor Ged Colbon, Partner at Healey Colbon of 

Stevenage, who said all four incidents definitely constituted harassment by 

Sammy or both women. 

Please therefore give Sammy, or them both, a verbal or formal caution, or 

more even, for winding one another up to; or actually personally ‘counter’ 

harassing me four times in 32 days now. 

Julie obviously knows her girlfriend Sammy’s full name and address – I do 

not – somewhere in Hoddesdon or Broxbourne, I believe. 

Yours Faithfully, Simon Richard Lee 

214

HARASSMENT INCIDENT ONE. Approx. 2.30pm Tuesday 2 nd March 2010. 

There was a ring at my front door bell - of two bells, the one 

immediate to my flat. It was young ‘Sammy’ – who I was very surprised 

to see there for the first time in many months – clearly visiting Julie next 

door. She said just three stock phrases that I had often heard her say in 

the last irritating two years of these: - “Julie is my MUM! I am coming to 

live with Julie SOON! Leave Julie alone!” Having made these profound 

utterances she ran off down the stairs – presumably back to Julie’s! I felt 

more pain at her apparent delusions here initially than the annoyance I 

soon felt about such a harassing intrusion into my privacy! 

Background to this. ‘Sammy’ appears about two years ago mid 2008 for 

the first time at Julie’s flat, starting to destroy Julie’s and my relationship 

even then, only a year after it started in May 2007. I was introduced to 

Sammy at Julie’s flat one night in mid 2008, where already she was raving 

on about how fantastic ‘my mum Julie’ was! In fact we might have 

become friends that night on, for I made her crease up mostly with some 

risqué jokes and innuendoes! Unfortunately for me, when she said she 

happened to need a mobile phone, I offered to sell her my spare pay as 

you go for £20 plus £10 for the roughly £10 credit left on it. First I took 

Julie to one side, as this was my first ever meeting with this young girl, to 

ask would she repay next week as promised – could I trust this girl? 

When Julie reassured me I could trust her, I duly went and got the mobile, 

charger and box and pamphlets from my own flat and handed them over. 

Two weeks not one week later there was still no sign of my £30, so I 

phoned Sammy on that phone – to be put off. This turned into a real saga 

by voice, voicemail and text message over many whole months. First she 

offered only £20 – then £10 – then nothing – claiming that after six 

months of having the phone it was now ‘out of date’ (due to her having it 

so long without paying!) – not even paying for the £10 credit I had given it 

to her with! This was all punctuated with many repetitions of her stock 

clichés ‘Julie is my MUM!’ and ‘I am coming to live with Julie SOON!’ but 

there was soon much more repetition of a new stock cliché that now really 

seems to have overwhelmed the relationship of Julie and I recently – 

‘LEAVE JULIE ALONE!!!’ 

Finally, nine months after completely cheating on the purchase of my 

mobile, she had the cheek to return the mobile without charger, box or 

leaflets – completely useless! Meanwhile while all this battle was going 

215

on, nearly every time I was round with Julie, she seemed to be engaged in 

frantic (cheap) text conversations with this Sammy, and seemed titillated 

by just how silly Sammy’s behaviour at the far end seemed to be. E.g. 

Sammy said once in a text ‘I have broken my arm!’ seemingly to gain 

sympathy but when Julie replied ‘go to hospital then’ the answer came 

back ‘Oh it is only bruised really’. This used to go on for hours, even 

though I constantly tried to explain to Julie just how dishonest Sammy 

had been with me, and was trying to split up Julie and I with her constant 

cries of ‘LEAVE JULIE ALONE’! 

HARASSMENT INCIDENT TWO. Approx 6pm Tuesday 9 th March. I 

happened to be standing near my computer near the window nearest 

Julie’s when Julie reversed her car in to the bay outside. Then to my 

horror young Sammy got out, looked up at me, and started roaring with 

laughter – at me! Then Julie got out, Sammy said something to her – and 

Julie started looking up at me and roaring with laughter too! The sight of 

these two roaring with laughter up at me was too much and I stepped 

back after about thirty seconds of this mocking pair below, to avoid the 

hideous sight of them and recover the privacy of my own flat – as before! 

HARASSMENT INCIDENT THREE. 8.30pm Saturday 27 th March 2010. 

I left my flat at about 7.15pm to post some information about East 

Hertfordshire Council Housing Points at Cygnet House CMHT – involving 

walking past Julie’s flat down the road. For some reason I had a sixth 

sense of being watched, looked up and there at Julie’s flat there was 

somebody staring out at me through a crack in the blinds! It did not 

seem to be Julie, who did that sometimes, so I wondered who this was in 

her flat. I turned round as I walked past her flat – and this pair of eyes 

were still staring straight at me! After I posted my letter at your office, I 

walked back, but now the lounge overhead lights were turned off, I 

noticed, at Julie’s flat, with the eyes staring at me again! Then about 

8.30pm came the explanation of just who this person was, when my 

intercom phone rang. “It is Sammy! Can you let me in?” (into the block 

of flats so she could walk up to my front door and confront me yet again!) 

216

“No I will not!” I replied firmly… She replied quite briefly and extremely 

intrusively and provocatively yet again, “Stop staring at me like that!” (in 

fact she had been staring out from Julie’s blinds at me, it was the other 

way around!) “I am staying at Julie’s tonight!” (Crowing in triumph that 

she, not I any more, was now involved in a relationship with Julie!) “Stay 

away from Julie’s area!” 

I counted this and harassment incident one as two incidents by this 

Sammy that were very intrusive and aggressive, so called the police and 

logged both incidents (but for some reason, I missed out incident two 

involving both of them!) under URN 1006/27/3/2010. The person logging 

this actually phoned back after conferring with colleagues and said ‘we will 

verbally caution her for harassment’ but they never did that – as we see 

next! 

Sunday 28 th – Wednesday 31 st March. Waited in all day from 10am for 

attendance by the police – who finally called as very late as 11.45pm, 

scoffed at my allegations of ‘harassment’ as ‘a neighbour dispute’ – and 

left after under two minutes of arriving upon a priority call out on their 

radio. Eventually a much calmer young PC Macdonald came round about 

6.30pm on the Tuesday – and again bafflingly agreed that there was 

‘nothing criminal’ in Sammy’s harassment of me – or Julie scoffing at me 

with her either! So much for the promise from the control room itself of 

an informal caution on young Sammy… 

(HARASSMENT?) INCIDENT FOUR. 2pm approx Thursday 1 st April. I walked 

out to go for a walk, and who should I see standing by the front door of 

Julie’s block next door – but Sammy – so at last I had a dig at her about 

her recent intrusive and harassing behaviour: - “Leave my door bell alone! 

It’s harassment! This is a serious matter!” Her reply was typically full of 

‘front’, threatening and vaguely menacing: - “You called me a slut!” (Yes, in 

two texts to Julie after harassment incident two when she got Julie also 

to laugh at me like drains!) “Watch out or I will get my mum and dad 

to see you! My mum and dad will sort you out!” Then 

immediately back to her main delusion: - “Anyway, Julie is my Mum!” I 

logged this incident again with the police on the phone as URN 

358/1/4/2010. 

217

On the Tuesday 20 th April, I bought some sunglasses at the 

chemist for £10.95. I went to my podiatry appointment at 1.30 

in Hertford. At 4.10pm I had an anti-smoking session with the 

nurse at my doctor’s. We agreed I should try to cut down my 

heavy smoking, for a few months, before I made any attempt 

to give up! I booked in to see a different dentist to usual and 

have a filling replaced, next Monday. Then at 5.30pm I 

happened to look out of the window and saw Sammy visiting 

Julie’s flat next door. Terror had reported seeing both of them 

in the high street over Easter while I was away, but as I write 

on Friday 21 st May this sighting of Sammy today was one of 

only two I have had personally in the whole of April and May. 

Have they split up after a row? Has it been indeed a lesbian 

liaison? Julie did once say to me ‘if ever you and I split up I will 

probably have a lesbian partner next!’ 

On the Wednesday 21 st April there was a swift but bog-standard 

reply from the police to my letter of Monday. I went to the 

Mind Club from 1-2pm, and only just caught the 724 bus at 

2.18pm and went to the Vodafone store at the Howard Centre, 

Welwyn Garden City, with my medical paperwork. They got on 

the phone and duly logged information about admission dates, 

doctor’s name etc on my file on their computer. A month later 

exactly on 21 st May I still await any outcome from that visit to 

their store! Thursday and Friday were incredibly quiet and 

boring. At 2pm I got a very last minute phone call from Lydia 

at the QE2 hospital, asking completely out of the blue whether I 

could be there in an hour at the latest – for the second opinion 

doctor for my Community Treatment Order was there and 

wanted to see me! I said ‘the bus goes in 15 minutes – if I 

leave now I can catch it!’ I only just managed to catch it – and 

indeed got to the hospital on the stroke of three! I had to wait 

well over an hour for the bus home after a very innocuous, 

‘rubber stamping as usual’ session with a tiny Indian doctor! 

218

That weekend was again extremely quiet and I was very 

subdued by all that had happened recently. I had a letter from 

East Herts Council on the Saturday, confirming that the 

management transfer had been turned down by Riversmead as 

the situation was not life threatening – but I had been given 25 

housing points. I bought two £2 scratch-cards – and one 

turned up a £100 prize! I saw Chris that afternoon as usual 

daily these days, or very nearly so! On the Sunday I cleaned 

my floors thoroughly and for the first time in six months started 

work on this diary – for 25 th October to 30 th November. Again 

Chris called round. 

Monday 26 th April – Sunday 2 nd May 2010. I discussed 

Vodafone, Littlewoods, the fact that the DVLA had stopped my 

licence, and my personal belongings still languishing at Oak 

Ward all these months on, with Julie my social worker at her 

offices. She said somebody from there should pick up the latter 

once they visited ‘very soon – by the end of the week?’ I saw a 

dentist who quickly replaced my lost filling – and commented 

that the tooth in question nearly all was filling – three of them! I 

tried ringing Ged at HealeyColbon again to try to see if there 

was any possible way the terms of the restraining order could 

be relaxed and changed – in court? He was not available but 

on Tuesday I got a return call from a solicitor at a law advisory 

company called Law Express with a free service yet again 

thanks to the IET Benevolent Fund – who said like Ged had, 

that such restraining orders were meant to be fierce, but 

otherwise could not help much. Finally after I tried Ged again 

at 4.30pm that Tuesday, in fact he rang back at 6.30pm, and 

basically made out there was no hope of changing the terms of 

the order. Yes, it was that fierce he claimed! 

On Wednesday I had a routine appointment with Dr Heman 

Pathmanandam at Cygnet House – then went to Hertford 

because the photo booth at Ware Post office was out of order, 

and made 6 photos and sent one to DVLA for my driving 

licence, even though the photos were only average quality of 

219

accuracy! In other words they did not show me off very well at 

all – with big frown lines on my forehead; and big eyes! 

On Thursday I saw Julie my social worker again at Cygnet 

House, who showed me then posted a letter to Vodafone. She 

promised to do a similar letter to Virgin credit cards as soon as 

possible, asking them to freeze the interest on my account 

completely; but was to take all of two weeks to achieve that! 

That evening I bid for a flat in my brother’s village very near 

where he lives; and a house in Hayward’s Heath (the latter was 

shortly withdrawn from bids). On the Friday the East Herts 

Council entry on their web site offered five flats on the Sele 

Farm Estate in Hertford, which I ruled out as very rough with a 

bad reputation; three studio flats, whereas I wanted a flat with a 

separate bedroom; and finally a one bedroom house in 

Buntingford, a large village some ten miles north of Ware or so. I 

bid for the last of these mostly to see how I got on! 

The next day was May Day, Saturday 1 st May – with a wet day 

to start a bank holiday with! I stayed in as a result all apart 

from shopping, feeling my usual miserable, inadequate failure 

of an unemployed man, crippled by an ‘invisible ill’ as my old 

friend Madeleine used to call it! On the Sunday it was chucking 

it down with rain but I rang my sister and asked if I could 

come over and see her flat in Welwyn Garden City in the 

Panshanger Estate area – the first time I had seen it in the 

entire three years she had lived there! This was to pick up the 

Easter Eggs she had brought back at the start of April, a month 

ago now, from my father’s in Sussex. I caught the bus and she 

picked me up by car from the bus stop as it was a long walk in 

the rain. Her flat was as tiny as she had described it – with the 

area about the same as my studio flat, but including a single 

bedroom in the same total space – so the lounge was much 

smaller than my own flat. She lent me £20 which as I write I 

am at last repaying next week ending Friday 28 th May – and 

kindly gave me a lift home about 1pm. 

220

Monday 3 rd – Sunday 9 th May 2010. Bank Holiday Monday 

came and as usual for a bank holiday – was very boring, if 

sunny. I reflected that just a year ago Julie and I would be 

enjoying a drink or even a meal at the table my mother had 

given her in the communal garden at the flats. Things had 

certainly changed big time this year! As it was I saw Julie drive 

off with Sammy and presumably drop her off at the local rail 

station – for she returned quarter of an hour later alone in her 

car without Sammy. As I write on Saturday afternoon, 22 nd 

May 2010, after all the fuss caused by Sammy between 2 nd 

March and 1 st April – I have only seen her round here just three 

times since then in April or May. 

Tuesday 10am I had an eye test which even then seemed not 

quite right – and ordered a pair of NHS reading glasses and a 

pair of NHS distance glasses – with frames I already had – so 

the cost was only £20 for lens fitting and checking, of which I 

could reclaim £10 on my health insurance policy. I had realised 

that I had written to police headquarters mostly about Sammy 

but partly Julie counter harassing me, as I put it, all of three 

weeks ago. I phoned their Professional Standards Department – 

and they phoned back inside ten minutes saying the file had 

been in a large pile but was now fished out, marked ‘high 

priority’, and put on the Detective Chief Inspector’s desk – he 

ran the entire department and would be in that afternoon. I 

had my left ear in particular syringed free of hardened wax that I 

had been softening with ear drops for five days, at the 

Doctor’s surgery – suddenly my hearing in my left ear was 

again crystal clear after a few days of muffled deafness! Again 

that afternoon I tried to persuade my lawyers HealeyColbon 

that I could in fact under the precise wording of my Restraining 

Order, vary the very strict wording or even apply for the Order 

to be discharged. However, Ged still insisted that ‘only Julie 

herself can do that – these orders are meant to be very strict’! 

After a heated discussion about all this with my father, he said 

221

‘your lawyer has finished the case and got his payment in legal 

aid – he is almost certainly just fobbing you off since closing his 

file and does not want to know any more!’ So I sent a letter to 

the Clerk to Hertford Magistrates Court that afternoon as 

follows: - 

R Davies 

Clerk to the Court Hertford Magistrates Court Shires Hall 

Town Centre HERTFORD, HERTS 

Dear R Davies, 

Please urgently clarify the points below about the Restraining Order 

overleaf which I was handed down at your Court on 23 rd March. For 

despite whatever it may say, the Court never explained this order to me 

then: - 

Who is the order basically to? Me as information while it is addressed to 

my former partner Julie in fact? Or addressed to me? 

If the latter, can I now as the last line of the text of the main order says, 

apply to the Court to vary or even discharge the Order? 

For I would dearly like the Order to be far less draconian in wording and 

effects of that wording, in particular to start by saying NOT JUST ‘Not 

contact directly or directly Julie X’ but append to that the phrase ‘except 

by mediation through solicitors, social services or equivalent professional 

personnel’. I should also dearly like the order to be discharged as soon as 

possible, NOT ‘for a period of until further order’. For I am now nearly 

fully recovered from the manic episode in a mental hospital including five 

weeks around last January in a Psychiatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU – i.e. 

Secure Unit). This caused this entire horrible episode of harassment 

caused by my feelings of strongly lingering deep affection for Julie – that 

were only occasionally echoed back in this time by her. Leading to this 

terribly restrictive Restraining Order that utterly prevents any contact! 

Yours Sincerely, 

Simon Richard Lee BA, MA (Cantab.) CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC 

222

Wednesday was very quiet by comparison. I went to the Mind 

Drop In just for 20 minutes 1.20-1.50pm. Thursday was quiet 

too, except I woke up very tearful over my very hard life – and 

cried on and off for an hour between 10am-11am! I had a 

reply from the Police Professional Standards Department that 

indicated that their actions on my behalf constituted a 

complaint against the young PC McDonald who had called on 

the Tuesday 30 th March. I had a long chat with them and tried 

to get them to change this personal issue to one of policy! 

On Friday I tried to get to see Julie my social worker for the 

first time since last week, about pressing business, but was told 

after my third phone call that morning by one ‘Clare’ a very 

bossy social worker, this was getting ridiculous and I was only 

to call twice a week and see Julie only twice a week from now 

on. When I did see Julie the following Monday she admitted 

Clare had gone too far – and mostly to ignore what she had set 

down as rules! 

On the Saturday I had a letter from Affinity Sutton in Sussex – 

actually offering me the first floor flat I had bid for three weeks 

ago, which got 31 bids! I decided I did not really want to move 

there but wanted ground floor premises. In the same post I 

got a letter from East Herts Council offering me a house in 

Buntingford I had bid for as an experiment, saying I was first 

on the shortlist! However also on Monday I rang them too, and 

said it was ‘too remote a village for me’. On Friday and 

Saturday I also emailed 38 British literary agents and 36 USA, 

Australian and New Zealand agents. I had some new agencies 

to include with the usual selection who accepted emails, from a 

copy of “The Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook 2010”. Sunday I 

typed up 2½ pages of my diary above for December – and got a 

few replies from agencies. 

Monday 10 th – Sunday 16 th May 2010. I turned down East 

Herts and Mid Sussex Councils’ offers of housing like I just said 

223

on Monday morning. As I had just emailed dozens of agents, I 

made an important change to my web site www.silee.me.uk 

which previously gave the entire text of the book it advertised. 

Now I shrank that web page so it only gave about 40 pages not 

488 of the entire book. Chris called round and let me have 100 

grams of Golden Virginia rolling tobacco which I paid him £16 

for as his mother had got it duty free on a trip to her native Sri 

Lanka. My glasses were blurred that I had picked up from the 

opticians on Saturday so I walked down the length of the 

High Street to take them back to complain. Who did I see 

walking a bit ahead of me, clearly from the Doctor’s surgery, on 

the other north side of the high street, but Julie, who went into 

the chemist’s so I walked on past to the opticians. I left my 

glasses there for the optician to examine for faults, and crossed 

the road to the north side and set off for Tesco – when who 

should I see yet again walking from the chemist – but Julie! 

We ignored each other, I went into Tesco and bought some 

coke and tobacco - then sat on a bench outside. When Julie 

again passed me and again ignored me. I set off myself in 

about a minute – and from behind saw her go into the library, 

so I walked on to my flat. As I unlocked the front door I saw 

her walk past, having caught up with me, and again looked 

straight ahead, ignoring me. Apart from bumping into her and 

neither of us knowing where to look back in April, this was the 

closest I had been to her outside the flats – three times as well! I 

did often see her outside setting off or arriving in her car, for 

she does three stints of work as a care worker a day in her little 

gold Corsa car – early morning, lunch and tea-time. She still 

seemed as I occasionally could not help noticing her 

movements, to take every Friday and every other weekend off. 

Tuesday 11 th May I saw Julie my social worker and told her 

thanks, Littlewoods had agreed to accept £50 a month as a 

payment plan from me. She was a bit horrified it had been two 

weeks since I asked her to write to Virgin cards for me; she 

finished the letter with comments from me that afternoon. I 

had waited a week and got no reply to my letter to Hertford 

Magistrates Court, so I tracked down their phone number via 

224

the County Council help line, with two attempts until they gave 

me the right number. I rang them to be told they had ‘no 

postal address’ officially so I ought to write to the Court Office 

instead at Stevenage. The black ink had run out on my printer 

some days earlier, but luckily I had a spare copy of the actual 

Restraining Order as well as that letter, so was able to post 

them off, along with a letter to the police that Julie had 

approved: - 

Detective Chief Inspector Shane O’Neill Bedfordshire and Hertfordshire 

Professional Standards Department Biggleswade Police Station 

Station Road Biggleswade Bedfordshire SG18 8AL 

Your Ref: 

Dear DCI O’Neill 

I refer to your letter of yesterday and my alarmed phone call of today to 

your office: - 

I originally wrote to Herts Police Headquarters hoping at last to get some 

attention and ACTION TAKEN about my allegations in my letter of four 

apparent incidents, of what I opened my letter by calling ‘counter’ 

harassment by ‘Sammy’ (Sammy - I do not know her surname or address 

but she often visits my neighbour and former partner), the girlfriend of my 

neighbour and former partner Julie. The latter also took active part in 

ridiculing me in the privacy of my own flat with this ‘Sammy’ in the second 

incident of these four; and possibly may have wound her up in some of 

the other incidents while playing no active direct part herself. PLEASE 

NOW GET OFFICERS TO DO WHAT YOUR PERSON ON THE PHONE AT THE 

CONTROL ROOM INITIALLY SAID THEY WOULD DEFINITELY DO. NAMELY 

TO INTERVIEW THIS PAIR ABOUT MY ALLEGATIONS (PARTLY TO 

ESTABLISH FROM JULIE THE SURNAME AND ADDRESS OF ‘SAMMY’ HER 

GIRLFRIEND) AND ALMOST CERTAINLY CAUTION AT LEAST THIS ‘SAMMY’ 

VERBALLY (AT LEAST) OVER THEIR ‘COUNTER’ HARASSMENT. The fact 

that I already stand convicted of harassment of Julie with a restraining 

order and a 12 month conditional discharge at Hertford Magistrates Court 

on 23 rd March will I hope and trust not deter nor prejudice police from 

dealing with this ‘counter’ harassment fully justly! 

Please note that I found PC McDonald when he visited me, to be friendly, 

polite, professional and very level headed. It is just that your policy on 

225

what constitutes harassment, seems to have made him say that ‘nothing 

criminal had been done’. This seems to dismiss a person ringing one’s 

doorbell and then intensively annoying one, in a very weird fashion with 

what they said, as NOT being such harassment! Please take note of the 

above and DISMISS any suggestion that poor PC McDonald, or any other 

officer in fact, is being accused by me of ‘neglect or failure in duty’. All I 

would like to see at long last is JUSTICE DONE to the two women as in 

Part 1 of this letter as above. 

I completely fail to see that this is a matter for your Professional 

Standards Department. My complaint is that your central control room 

conferred with officers and told me on the phone, after a wait, that 

officers would call to see me then caution verbally at least this ‘Sammy’ – 

but when two police officers called on the Sunday 28 th March 2010 they 

were totally cynical – and left on a further emergency call out after just 

two minutes of arriving as late as 11.45pm. As they left they actually 

laughed at me ‘do not let her in and if she does it again tell her to go 

away!’ I asked the control room that night for a decent length visit by 

police after that, and indeed it was followed by the visit by PC McDonald 

on the Tuesday 30 th March who denied anything criminal had happened 

i.e. in his view ‘Sammy’ TWICE harassing me with very weird remarks 

after ringing my own door bell was in his view NOT harassment!?? 

Please ask East Herts Police to review their actions to date. They have 

already called here twice. I now hope and pray that the next thing I will 

hear from them will AT LAST be a full report that they have interviewed 

both women and at least issued a verbal caution to ‘Sammy’ if not both of 

them about these all of four incidents of ‘counter’ harassment between 2 nd 

March and 1 st April. 


Simon Lee BA MA (Cambridge) CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC 

I telephoned the Courts Office on Wednesday who said they 

had my letter. At 1.15pm, as discussed last month, I walked 

226

up to the local sports hall a mile away where the University of 

the Third Age were holding their regular monthly meeting on 

the second Wednesday of the month. An elderly lady called 

Mary looked on the notice board and gave me about seven 

phone numbers for likely sounding activity groups that we both 

agreed were suitable for me. I walked back to town and went 

to the Mind Group from 2.30pm-3pm. As I walked back up to 

the entrance to the garden to my flat I had my second close 

encounter with Julie in three days – for she came out of her 

garden at the same time, and momentarily we just stood and 

stared at each other – until I went inside. That night I did this 

diary – for January – the last 40%. 

The rest of that week, and the next week that followed, were 

very quiet. I wrote in my diary that I was waiting for good 

news, ideally, in letters from the courts office, the police at 

Biggleswade about my ‘counter’ harassment allegations, 

Vodafone and Virgin. As well as hoping something ideal came 

up in the next two days on the two housing web sites. Finally 

bad news I expected from the DLA Office would be a letter 

demanding back about £600 overpaid benefit! That evening 

indeed a very nice property – a one bed ground floor flat – 

appeared on the Sussex council web site so I bid for that – but 

the East Herts web site that started showing new properties on 

that Friday only had flats in quiet villages – all unsuitable so I 

did not bid. I went to Eye Deal opticians at 11am on Friday and 

he agreed he had prescribed distance glasses that were much 

too strong – my vision was much better than he had thought 

when he first tested my eyes last week. I had letters 

announcing that on Thursday 27 th I would have my vital 

tribunal against my Community Treatment Order; and agreeing 

in writing my payment arrangement with Littlewoods. At 

1.40pm I went to the Mind Club and popped out to the 

opticians at 2pm as I wanted my reading glasses checked out 

too. They said come back later – he is out at lunch. I finally 

got those lenses agreed as needing changing too at 3.30pm. 

227

Over the weekend I had a very quiet, boring time indeed. My 

diary only records a bill from Vodafone – unilaterally 

terminating my two contracts for mobile phones and 

demanding a termination of contract figure for those of all of 

£1,240.50 – quite impossible, I needed to see Julie my social 

worker next week urgently to get that down – to zero was what 

she had tried to achieve. Sunday I typed up 10 th – 28 th 

February in this diary. 

Monday 17 th – Sunday 23 rd May 2010. As I said just now, this 

was a very quiet week – a lot of it spent typing up this diary. I 

rang the Courts Office to be told that the original legal adviser, 

Miss Davies, would be in the office on the Wednesday. I rang 

the organiser of the digital photography course for the U3A 

(University of the Third Age) but the course was off till 

September. Disappointed, I rang the organiser of the Spanish 

course but she said that eighteen months in, it was too late and 

advanced now for me to join it! I decided to think about 

ringing the other five course organisers whose phone numbers I 

had, in case of similar disappointment! Tuesday I typed this 

diary for 1 st to 14 th March. I saw helper Angie at the Mind Club 

and had a one to one session about the Court Order and my 

frustrations of the last two weeks in getting sensible advice on it 

from the solicitor and now the Courts Office. There was a 

new prospective member of the club that night, whom frankly I 

could only describe as gorgeous – both to look at and to talk to! 

On the Wednesday I typed this diary for 15 th -31 st March in the 

morning, then again went to the mind club. The gorgeous 

female was not there, nor again Friday – hope she turns up on 

Tuesday night 25 th May! When I spoke to my solicitor at Guile 

Nicholas, John, it turned out he was leaving the job for another 

branch of law this very week. He gave me the name Darryl 

Ingram and phone number of a different firm of criminal 

lawyers – hopefully if I got the good news I expected about 

being able to ask the court to discharge the Restraining Order, 

they would represent me – free on legal aid as I draw income 

228

support? Thursday at 1.30pm I had a podiatry appointment, 

this time in the usual office in Ware. John had sent the reports 

for the tribunal, and as he had told me Julie’s social 

circumstances report was dated January – so way out of date. 

They were only a bit less bleakly negative and inaccurate than 

the usual level of such reports for a legal hearing on a Section 

or Order of the Mental Health Act! I only managed April 1 st -11 th 

that night in continuing to type up this diary. Early on Friday – 

at long last! Two and half whole weeks on! – ‘R Davies’ called 

and it turned out that her first name was Rhiannon – vey 

Welsh. She immediately offered me a promise of a letter soon 

giving the date of a hearing at Hertford Magistrates’ Court when I 

could attempt to ‘vary or discharge’ my Restraining Order. So 

much for the advice three weeks ago, nearly, of Ged Colbon, to 

the contrary – namely that only Julie could do that! I would 

definitely not use his firm again in a hurry if they fobbed you off 

like that! In the post was good news and bad news – on 

Monday I had sent off a claim for £10 for the solitary £20 

payment I had had to make for my glasses on Tuesday – and 

here almost by return of post was the £10 cheque from 

AXA/PPP! The bad news was the expected letter from the DLA 

Office – asking for nearly £600 back in overpaid benefit for 

January and February. When I rang them at their debt office 

the man checked, and said he could only take £9.90 a week 

from my income support for about 63 weeks to pay for that. 

However I had suddenly remembered I was entitled to claim a 

Community Care Grant for time in hospital, so rang up and 

applied for that – which should offset some or all of that 

Overpaid DLA once granted – which is not guaranteed. I typed 

my diary from 12 th April to the 2 nd May that night. I brought it 

up to date completely, on Saturday 22 nd May, in the afternoon, 

and apart from shopping in the morning did little else all day. 

The police were called by Terror at 5pm as I was finishing off 

this week’s entry, to a suspected break-in to the other block of 

flats here, and two police cars and a minibus were parked 

outside for some time. On Sunday a taxi was sent by the 

hospital and picked me up at 9.30am for a meeting at 10am 

with Dr Rao, the Tribunal Psychiatrist. Good meeting! He 

asked all the right questions, and my main points were: - 

229

Frequent anonymous claims that I suffer from acute 

paranoia were all lies – so my diagnosis should be 

changed from schizo–affective disorder to BP1AD 

I had only been non-compliant sometimes since 2004 

because my dose of haldol was suddenly doubled then from 

what it had been for 20 years, to the maximum of 150 mg 

every two weeks, This was while I was at Shannon House, 

by Dr Mark van der Vyver. This had greatly increased the 

side effects of that rough drug, and I had been trying to adjust 

dosages to eliminate as much as possible these terrible side 

effects 

Now that for virtually the first time since as long ago as 

1993, 17 whole years, that I am being prescribed 

orphenadrine as a side-effect drug in the community, well blow 

me down I was getting no side-effects and am happy with the 

medication 

The Community Treatment Order is largely irrelevant yet 

onerous, with stiff penalties if I am non-compliant or 

become ill – I would carry on exactly the same way if it is lifted, 

without these stiff penalties as the only difference. 

Julie drove off and stayed out Saturday night – something she 

does most weeks, two nights sometimes on her weekends off. 

Where does she go? I wonder to myself. Her sister and 

stepfather? Her daughter Rachel and grandson Hayden? 

Sammy? Or was it all not really a lie in December – has she 

indeed ‘met somebody new’ and only sees him or her at their 

place – never here? 

Actually I have not seen any sign of her real daughter Rachel 

and her son visiting Julie at home all the time I have been 

home since March – i.e. three whole months. Terror has told 

me she has seen no sign of Rachel with or without Hayden 

230

around here since early December! Have Julie and her 

daughter fallen out and rowed big time? Is that why Sammy, 

who regards Julie as her real Mum, bizarrely indeed, now 

seems until April at least to have frequently visited – as Julie’s 

‘surrogate daughter’? 

Sunday 23 rd May 2010. ‘Pilgrim’s Progress’ sorry 

‘Patient’s Progress’ for the second part March to May of a simply 

dreadful seven months – the worst seven months of my life 

apart from 1995 – year of my terrifying awful confinement and 

divorce that has since left me permanently damaged if 

not ruined completely – here we went again – ‘Doctor Police’ 

Mark 2??? 

Today it is almost exactly seven months on from late October, 

when for various reasons I stopped my oral medication and so 

soon became unwell. Yesterday it is exactly six months since 

the night at Julie’s place after which she soon made totally false 

allegations of “sexual harassment” against me to the police. It 

is, finally, exactly two months ago since my only ever criminal 

court case at Hertford on Tuesday 23 rd March! 

The first eleven days in March saw extended leave become 

home leave leading to discharge from my inpatient Section 3 to a 

Community Treatment Order on Thursday 12 th March. Freed 

from the Section 3, on which during my leave I had not been 

allowed by Dr Roberts to contact Julie in any way, I reacted to 

Julie’s total indifference to me while I had been on leave, with 

about seven voicemails that weekend – summarised when she 

failed as ever in this six months to respond at all, with a fateful 

letter I posted through her door on the Monday night of 15 th 

March. Police apparently told my social worker Julie that was 

the decisive event in Julie at long last calling police after all my 

many dozens of voicemails and texts – and that was followed 

231

immediately by my arrest that night on Tuesday 16 th March. 

My nearly 24 hours in a police cell, and finally being charged 

and bailed to appear at Hertford Magistrates’ Court in a week’s 

time, was very arduous - as was that week waiting fearfully for 

the court hearing on Tuesday 23 rd March. In fact the outcome 

was an absolutely minimum sentence so big relief! 

I have seen Julie since then nearly every day out of the window 

at least once, as her little Corsa car pootles up and down, and 

she goes to and from work three times most days; and at least 

tries to find parking right outside. However, as I have recorded 

in this diary, mercifully I have only bumped into Julie outside 

the flats or in the town, on three occasions in the whole of 

these last two months since the court hearing. I think this is 

why I have had only about four ‘Julie moments’ as I describe 

them to Terror downstairs, who has become a confidant of mine 

ever since we compared notes when she was a witness against 

my immediate neighbour having assaulted her outside her front 

door, and his hearing was the day before mine. He got off the 

charge as ‘not guilty’ which she was in tears about – saying he 

really did attack her, but with no witnesses! 

My real frustrated feelings have come not from Julie, who I 

accept has abandoned me. They have come from being subject 

not only to the threat of mental hospital should I become ill 

again or mess up my medication. Far worse than that, the 

threat of months or even years in prison and/or a huge fine if I 

ever become so ill, or say drunk, that I violate the Restraining 

Order and contact Julie or go round to her place; God forbid, 

somebody might set me up like that if they were really nasty! 

Now I am trying to put the whole of the last seven months 

behind me, especially by typing up this diary, which has been 

extremely hard to face starting to type for every single section, 

but now it is complete I am starting to gain ‘cathartic discharge’ 

and so gaining immense benefit from having faced up to typing it 

232

all. For instance, as I type this, the fourth and final ‘Julie 

moment’ of this last four months has ended. It started as I 

described bumping into her twice in the week before last. 

However, time and deep sleep are great healers, and my odd 

tearful moments since the court case 23 rd March – 23 rd May 

have progressively eased – as have my rapidly diminishing 

feelings of ‘boredom, frustration, and feeling I am useless’. For I 

have a double dose of recovery to get through after this 

particular admission – that admission itself, followed by an 

ongoing continuation of my crisis over Julie during it. Now after 

waiting patiently for nearly three weeks to at length get a 

response, the Clerk of Hertford Court is booking in a hearing to 

‘vary or discharge’ my wretched Restraining Order. On top of 

that it is just possible but unlikely that the other Community 

Restraining Order may end this Thursday. 

233

Short term goals 

Now I can at last look forward and start to move on from the 

nightmare of the last seven months. In the immediate term, I 

am waiting for many things to happen as follows: - 

1. Julie my social worker to get Vodafone to cancel their 

huge final £1,200+ bill (next week for this and (2) below). 

2. Julie my social worker to get Virgin cards to agree with her 

letter – and freeze all interest on my account to zero. 

3. Mental Health Tribunal Thursday 27 th May 2010. 

4. Look again for any really ideal home on East Herts or Mid 

Sussex Council web sites at the end of next week – Friday 28 th 

May? 

5. Just one positive response from one of the 60 literary 

agencies left to reply out of 80+?! 

6. Police finally verbally cautioning Sammy or explaining why not 

7. ‘Action in Priory Street’ as confidentially promised by our 

Housing Officer to Terror some weeks ago – on all our duff 

neighbours – perhaps evicting the dodgy ones? 

8. Starting to have even more than the existing £23 

deducted a week from my benefits with DLA now charging me 

£9.90 a week? Things will get very tight unless... 

9. I fill out the Community Care Grant Form promised to be 

arriving in the post ‘within three working days’ from last 

Thursday – send it off and actually very unusually for 

them, they pay me most if not all of the many hundreds of 

pounds that I intend to claim! 

10. Letter to arrive giving date of hearing to vary or discharge 

Restraining Order – then the hearing itself. 

234

Monday 24 th – Sunday 30 th May 2010. It was the week when 

my Tribunal, long delayed from my time in hospital, was due on 

Thursday 27 th May. My father was coming, and I had two sets 

of reports for this Tribunal, from Dr Pathmanandam and Julie 

my social worker – so got her to post my father one of my two 

sets on Monday – which duly got there on the Tuesday. My 

toaster had broken down and my printer was out of black ink, 

but I managed to replace both for a total of £17 or so at Tesco 

Hertford. That Monday afternoon I typed up a six page reply to 

the official reports – with some capital letters at places where I 

got particularly angry! Then I emailed that reply to my father. I 

corrected eight pages of this diary making use of the new 

black ink cartridge I’d bought at Tesco that afternoon. On 

Tuesday morning I finished off proof reading and correcting this 

diary up till last week above. I rang the Court Office again, and 

to my delight was told a date had indeed been reserved for a 

hearing to ask the Magistrates to ‘vary or discharge’ the very 

heavy Restraining Order indeed; for 10am on Tuesday 15 th 

June again at Hertford. A letter arrived about 11am, the 

normal sort of time for our post these days, with written 

confirmation of that. In the same post was a letter from the 

police saying I would hear from their investigating officer within 

28 days about my complaint, which was definitely not now 

being handled by the police as a complaint against the 

individual police officers who came to my flat, especially PC 

McDonald. Instead it was being treated as a complaint about 

their ‘policies and procedures’ in my reporting of ‘counter’ 

harassment to the police. More useful post – a community care 

grant form, which I duly filled out and popped in the post the 

same day, asking for about £1500 of grant and expecting to 

actually get a fraction of that! I felt that Ged of HealeyColbon 

had misled me over applying to the court about the Restraining 

Order, so went elsewhere now. I had been recommended a 

local criminal solicitor in Hertford by my neighbor Terror, but 

when I rang them they confirmed there was no legal aid 

available for my hearing in three weeks time as there was no 

chance of jail from it! Instead they would charge all of £475 

including VAT to represent me! When I said that was a lot for a 

235

hearing of probably ten minutes, he agreed it was perfectly 

possible to represent myself, and to ‘have something on paper 

to give the magistrates’. I duly typed some notes about how I 

wanted the Court Restraining Order modified in three weeks 

time at the court hearing – and emailed them to my father. 

On Wednesday I saw Julie my social worker at 10.30am. Her 

report for the tribunal the next day was out of date, having 

been written in January – but she had an addendum, which she 

gave me my copy of now. It made a big meal of the fact that I 

had been in hospital every year except 2005 since 1999, mostly 

caused by coming off medication! A real ‘revolving door 

syndrome’ – and hard to counter at the Tribunal the next day, it 

would be for sure. On top of the equally hard to deny Doctor’s 

report. My Social worker Julie spent a further half hour on the 

phone to Vodafone after last week’s call. They had mislaid her 

vital letter and asked her to fax it again, when they could 

consider cancelling out and waiving the £1,250 contract 

cancellation fee they had demanded. Our time ran out with her 

about to fax the letter and hope for the best. I had various 

phone calls to and from my father, who had got my outraged 

reply to the two reports toned down, and down to four pages 

not six. However when he emailed the final version to me – 

there was some peculiar incompatibility between Vista and 

Outlook on his computer, and Windows XP and Outlook 

Express. I could see the file he attached to his email but it 

would not open when I clicked on it – so I had to ask him to 

print off 8 copies of the document and bring it tomorrow. Two 

copies were for us, one for Lisa O’Driscoll who was going to 

represent me as solicitor from Guile Nicholas, three for the 

Tribunal members and two for the Doctor and Julie. That 

evening I chatted to both Chris and Terror as ever, and after a 

five day gap in replies, got two more ‘no’ replies from literary 

agents by email. 

Thursday came all too soon – with the dreaded Tribunal 

postponed slightly to 2pm for 2.30pm, from 2pm, as the 

236

Tribunal Members had to come from a Tribunal in the morning 

at Luton. Dreaded, because I could see from the Doctor’s and 

Social Worker’s reports, especially her addendum, that I stood 

little if any chance of getting the Community Treatment Order 

lifted. I went to Tesco about 11am and bought two rounds of 

sandwiches for myself and my father to have for lunch – and he 

arrived about 12.25pm. We had lunch quickly and got to 

Cygnet house about 12.50pm, to be met by the wavy blonde 

haired Lisa O’Driscoll from Guile Nicholas, slim and buxom and 

wearing a suit which did not conceal quite all of her very 

adequate curves – and certainly not her very thickly applied 

eye makeup! However, despite her English middle class accent 

she certainly lived up to the gift of the gab of her Irish surname – 

and talked exhaustingly for nearly two hours to my father and 

myself. The only tribunal I had been to before was back in 

1995 – so her discussions about tactics went right over my 

head – and my father’s! Anyway, we finally got into the 

tribunal meeting room about 2.30pm, and there were lots of 

questions lasting a whole hour and a half about their reports to 

the doctor and social worker – from both the tribunal team and 

Miss O’Driscoll. Finally when I was asked why I wanted to have 

the Community Treatment Order lifted I realised that nobody 

had previously given me any information about this CTO – not 

the hospital on discharge, Cygnet House, nor even John 

Foley, who had left Guile Nicholas for greener pastures the 

previous week. Lisa immediately asked for an adjournment, 

told my father and I in private that there was no chance of 

winning, and as I had no information about the CTO to know 

why I wanted it lifted, I had better withdraw my appeal. This 

was allowed by the lady lawyer in charge of the tribunal, and 

we left about 4.40pm, tails a bit between our legs! The CTO 

remained in force, of course. The court hearing scheduled for 

10am on Tuesday 15 th June only involved one sheet of paper in 

the restraining order, rather than dozens as in this Tribunal, 

and hopefully I would get better results in ten minutes from 

that than the whole afternoon just effectively wasted for prior 

lack of information. Julie the social worker had had one piece 

of good news that she gave me as we arrived for the Tribunal – 

there had been a phone message left for her by Vodafone. ‘The 

237

alance of your account has been credited!’ she said. ‘How 

much? By the full cancellation charge?’ I replied, but she did 

not know the answer. 

It was too late to ring Vodafone on the Thursday, so I rang 

them on the Friday morning first thing, and yes, the 

cancellation charges of £1,240+ had indeed been waived! I 

immediately phoned my social worker and congratulated and 

thanked her! That day I also got my weekly income support 

and incapacity benefit, as the following Monday was the Spring 

Bank Holiday, as well as my £175 monthly IET grant. The 

latter however, and more, went on paying bills the same day! I 

distinctly had a very quiet day, finding I was ‘teetering’ 

between having got my diary of the last seven months of horror 

down on paper; and forgetting all about that diary and moving 

forward. I phoned my daughter Jeni that night and had a chat. 

She was only brief and promised to ring me back the next day. 

I had recently been asked by the DVLA to re-apply for my 

driving licence, which I had done. On the Saturday a letter 

arrived with a medical questionnaire, which I duly completed 

and posted back. I rang Vodafone who asked for the mobile 

phone back, and arranged for a courier to call Tuesday 1 st June. 

In fact I was out then, so they called again on the Thursday 3 rd 

June. I had not had many replies to emails to 80 agents, so 

sent a second email with the title ‘PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY…’ 

to those 61 who had not replied these last three weeks. After 

that in the afternoon, my diary records me feeling bored, lonely 

and frustrated. An email arrived from my father with his 2½ 

page effort at a presentation to the court in 2½ weeks time. It 

started off fine, with a good summary of the background. 

However his idea of what to ask from the court to ‘vary the 

order’ was so weak as ditchwater that it made me not sure 

whether to laugh or scream, for it plaintively only asked if I 

could have permission to say hello to Julie should we meet on 

the street outside the flats! I soon modified this effort of a 

document to be two pages as follows: - 

238

RESTRAINING ORDER 

S5 PROTECTION FROM HARASSMENT ACT 1997 

Simon Lee. Arrested 16 th March 2010 and sentenced 23 rd March 2010 

APPLICATION FOR VARIATION OR DISCHARGE OF THE ORDER 15 th June 

2010 

Background Circumstances 

I suffer from a recurring mental illness. Its initial brief florid episode 

occurred 32 years ago during my second year as a Natural Sciences 

Scholar at King’s College Cambridge, but I was able to go on to 

complete my Tripos. I entered a highly productive career in a high 

technology field, married, and had a daughter, now 19. Sadly, serious 

treatment errors 17 years ago precipitated the worst breakdown I had then 

experienced, which led directly to divorce. I continued in high-tech 

employment, but after four such jobs were promptly terminated when 

my serious illness was discovered by the firms concerned, about 12 years 

ago, I have obviously since not felt able to work at all. Recurrences of 

illness needing hospital treatment have become more frequent. When 

illness recurs I become ‘high’ and very driven. I lose much judgement, 

leading to large unwise financial commitments and to unwise actions, 

and become very irritable with other people. 

I have lived for 10 years in one of two adjoining blocks of Housing 

Association studio flats in Ware, close to the Ware Community Mental 

Health Unit. Julie, the subject of my recent unfortunate harassment, 

moved about 3 years ago to a flat in the block adjacent to mine. As two 

single people, both in straitened circumstances though in very different 

ways, we soon became friends. This developed into a close personal 

relationship, which I am quite sure was mutually beneficial, and which 

remained close for 2 years or more. 

As I was getting ill again in late 2009 I was aware that Julie seemed to 

be having mixed feelings towards me. I was admitted under Section 3 to 

QEII Hospital Welwyn Garden City. After treatment there proved difficult, I 

239

was moved on to a secure unit at Harperbury Hospital, near St. Albans, for 

my treatment and medication regime to be stabilised. It was my isolation 

there, frantic to contact Julie to try to rescue our failing relationship, which 

led to the flood of text and voicemail messages from me, of which she later 

complained. I was returned to QEII Hospital, and given spells of home 

leave before being discharged. 

The Court Hearing, 23 rd March 2010 

I pleaded guilty to the charge of harassment. I was given a 12 month 

Conditional Discharge, subject to the terms of a Restraining Order, 

without any fine being imposed. 

The Order forbids me not to contact Julie either directly or indirectly, or 

to attend either her flat or the communal area linked to it. I have met 

these conditions, to the letter, since police charged and bailed me on 17 th 

March. 

I have met Julie on several occasions in the street, since the Order was 

imposed, and have averted my eyes and not spoken to or acknowledged her 

I am now well, and discharged from hospital, and will continue to meet the 

conditions of the Order for the foreseeable future or until it is 

discharged. I now both fully recognise and fully accept, with regret, 

Julie’s wish that our previous relationship should cease. I now recognise 

fully the gravity of several text messages to that effect which she sent me 

in March before my arrest and court hearing then. I did not fully 

appreciate they were final until after I got fully over my relapse in April. 

I am very concerned at the severity and potentially indefinite nature of 

the terms of the Restraining Order. I am also extremely alarmed 

at my being open to exceptionally severe imprisonment and/or fine, 

should any trivial or accidental violation of the terms occur, or possibly 

somebody ‘sets me up’ which could be feasible. I am particularly 

concerned at my vulnerability to this heavy risk, however good my 

intentions, because of the nature of my recurring mental illness. 

I am therefore seriously investigating moving from my home because of its 

proximity to Julie, with high risk of ‘any Contact’ should I become 

unwell again. I have registered for a move with Housing Associations in 

240

this area, and also in Sussex, where my father lives. The two Councils 

have given me high priority for such a move, specifically because of the 

awful situation I find myself in under such a draconian Order forbidding 

any Contact at all with such a close neighbour. 

Requested Variations to the Order 

1. I ask you to change the contact restriction from its present wording to 

read: -“Not to say, send, or do anything to Julie which legally constitutes 

harassment” and to remove all restrictions on attending her flat communal 

area linked to it (the ground and first floors of her block). 

2. Please amend the period of the Order to end extremely soon 

now, or discharge it, as it has served its purpose, and I have no further 

motivation at all nor intention while now fully well, again to harass Julie. 

Certainly being under this heavyweight Order for three months has curbed 

all this ferociously! 

3. The penalties of fine and/or prison for any infringement of this 

Order are draconian, especially given that Julie and I are far from 

strangers or enemies, and were until fairly recently involved in an intense 

relationship. Above all we are close neighbours. Please vary the wording 

drastically in this respect. 

Signed: 

Date: 

Simon Richard Lee, dob 30/3/1957 

241

Jeni did ring back that night and said she had been to a pyjama 

party the previous night till 6am in the morning, so had slept all 

day and was only ringing now! She thought all her exams had 

gone well – even her dreaded chemistry! 

I was extremely bored, lonely and frustrated again on the 

Sunday – and thinking ‘a year ago today Julie and I were in the 

middle of making love five times in four days – including in a 

field in the long grass!’ I decided to try to get some social life 

and at last rang some of the people organising activities in the 

U3A – but most of them were out so I left messages. Only 

Mark who leads the singing group at his house was in, so I 

gave him my email address and he emailed details of the last 

group of the spring session, next Wednesday. Only the digital 

photography and transport organisers replied of the others to 

my phone messages – to say everything had stopped for the 

summer till September! I had chosen a bad time to try to join 

U3A classes, for sure! 

Bank Holiday Monday 31 st May – Sunday 6 th June 2010. The 

next two weeks were very quiet – often with me fretting about 

how far away the court hearing was on 15 th June! Bank Holiday 

Monday was overcast and very, very boring for me. However 

one significant event did happen. I realised I had not heard 

back at all from one particular literary agent, called Robin 

Jones, from either recent mail-shot, who was of particular 

interest to me - for his entry was the most appropriate I had 

seen in the Handbook – just saying ‘journalism, philosophy, 

spirituality and religion’. On the Monday evening I rang what I 

took from the Handbook was his office number, intending to 

leave a message. However, it turned out that he worked from 

home, and got a bit curt about me ringing him at home on a 

Bank Holiday Monday. 

That was all sorted out with a few emails and phone calls the 

next day – so I emailed him on the correct email address of 

robijones@gmail.com not as previously I had sent the pdf of 

242

my book to – the more obvious but totally wrong 

robinjones@gmail.com . I also posted him a paper copy of the 

book, which took two days to arrive, on Thursday. I was very 

short of money till the next day so borrowed £20 from Cygnet 

House. There were four other ‘no’ replies from agents in those 

first two days of that week, but now I was totally focused on 

winning over Robin Jones with both pdf and paper copies of the 

book. It rained heavily most of that day so I was glad of a 

break at the Mind Club that night. Angie the worker was still 

off sick, so Tawanda an African worker was standing in for her. 

On the Wednesday I followed up my application for a 

Community Care Grant from the Social Fund and telephoned 

them, to wait a long time as usual on hold. They just said the 

decision would be ‘next week – call back then’. I went to the 

mind Club between 1pm and 1.30pm, then attended a U3A 

‘learn to sing’ class for an hour, which I enjoyed very much. I 

telephoned Robin Jones about the following email I had sent, 

which he much enjoyed, he said: - 

Dear Robin 

Trust you will now agree to short circuit matters and review my book in a week not a whole 

month! (see my last email) 

Key pith argument to the book, which keeps recurring throughout its many sections, is: - 

1. Science says there must be 7 or perhaps 8 'extra dimensions' to be added to the 4 of 

space and time for science to be made complete and make sense. The Large Hadron 

Collider aims to find these 7/8 'extra dimensions' in a vast, very expensive experiment - the 

largest ever. 

2. The Spiritual World deals in 7 (the West) or 8 (Buddhism and the East) 'aspects of 

spirit'. 3. Are these the same thing, my book asks? 

4. 'Yes', it answers, with dozens of emphatic arguments to that effect, drawn from many 

diverse areas of human life!!! 

243

I trust this email whets your appetite to read my book thoroughly, cover to cover (the 

printed version will hopefully arrive with you tomorrow). 

Si 

On a very sad note, in the national news, a gunman in Cumbria 

went berserk that day, killed twelve people and injured two 

dozen more, then turned the gun on himself. 

Thursday was extremely quiet indeed. As arranged at the 

weekend, a courier sent by Vodafone collected my ‘Blackberry 

Bold’ mobile now that the contracts had been annulled. I had 

my depot down at Cygnet House for a change. While walking 

back from Tesco I turned into my entrance to the block for my 

flat just as Julie came out of the entrance to her own adjacent 

block – 15 feet away. We just paused and stared at each other 

for a moment before we both walked on. Sad, very sad 

Nothing could be said at all – by law! I telephoned Robin Jones 

that day, and he said he had given the paper copy of my book 

to a ‘reader who just loves science’ and given him a month to 

read it and make comments. Robin later emailed me and said 

after that he could read the book on-line ‘overnight’ once there 

was any positive response from this ‘reader’. 

On Friday my £600 holiday grant arrived but I was forced to 

use most of it for debts - £170 off my Virgin card and £200 off 

my Capital One card – and £130 for a printer ink multipack and 

groceries in Tesco. I saw Julie my social worker and showed 

her my restraining order for the first time, as well as the 

submission to the Court that my father and I had worked up. 

She did not comment on the latter at all, so presumably 

thought it was OK. I filled out a means and outgoings form for 

244

Virgin cards, and left Julie to write that afternoon to Virgin 

cards and Littlewoods about charges and repayment 

arrangements I had or was setting up with them. 

On Saturday I nearly bumped into (my ex) Julie a second time 

in three days. At 11.45am or so, I was walking on the high 

street back from Tesco, approaching the traffic lights by the 

library, when I noticed her walking toward me. When she saw 

me she did a double take and literally dived to her left and 

pushed the request button for those pedestrian lights. These 

are slow to respond normally, but someone else must have 

pressed earlier, for the lights changed immediately and she 

swept over the crossing out of my way. 

Between 1pm and 3pm I went to the Mind Club, then went to 

try to get my spare Nokia mobile unlocked at Hertford. 

However the Carphone Warehouse there said try ‘Funky Phone’ a 

stall in Harlow – so at 4.10pm I caught the 524 bus to Harlow 

and found the stall who took ten minutes to unlock my mobile – 

only charging £8.00 which is cheap for that service! However 

some cola had spilled in my carrier bag which I did not notice 

when I put the mobile phone in there. The phone was ruined 

by the liquid! 

That evening Terror met somebody who has since become her 

boyfriend. I had tinnitus from anxiety about the following 

things: - 

1. My Community Care Grant – would I get one? 

2. Nine days to go and counting - to my application to the 

Court to vary or hopefully and in an ideal world, discharge my 

Restraining Order 

3. After that, some kind of minimal renewed contact with my ex 

Julie? Almost certainly a ‘sorry’ card – about all the 

harassment! 

245

4. The decision planned for a month on my book by Robin 

Jones and first his reader. 

Finally that Sunday Terror came and cleaned my kitchen – or 

most of it in two hours, with another hour here planned for next 

Sunday. She seems to be fanatically clean about her own flat 

and appears to have OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder – in 

that respect. She is always cleaning her flat! 

I had an incredibly quiet Sunday otherwise, and while the 

above tinnitus had stopped, I had the same four anxieties very 

much on my mind… 

Monday 7 th – Sunday 13 th June 2010. Another quiet week. 

Monday I rang the Social Fund as requested last week, who 

confirmed I would receive a letter but I had been awarded a 

Community Care Grant of £500 that was being paid this 

Wednesday into my bank account and would clear then. I had a 

surprise visit from my daughter Jeni, with the first year at 

college now over, about 12.30pm. I could not talk to her for 

long as I had an appointment with my Doctor Pathmanandam 

at 1pm and this was vital not to miss what with the Community 

Treatment Order being so fierce if I missed it. She basically 

confided that her boyfriend of 18 months had jilted her, so she 

was not eating or sleeping properly! I could wholly personally 

sympathise what with my recent personal experiences with 

Julie, with her ‘rejected – so dejected’ feelings. She drove off 

and left me to see the Doctor, who thought I was very well 

indeed. 

I phoned my ‘friend’ Chris at about 10pm but he just said 

disarmingly ‘you are not a very nice person. Leave me alone!’ 

and he put the phone down on me! I have obviously been a bit 

246

miffed about all the coffee and coke he has freeloaded off me 

for months then gone and done such a thing! 

On Tuesday I duly got the above letter confirming my Grant 

would be paid tomorrow. Jo, a befriender, popped in at 2pm as 

arranged, but did not stay long as he was hot and flushed with a 

virus, and was going home early after seeing me. He left 

some information on befriending and signed me up. I was 

pissed off – having typed up the 24 th -26 th May yesterday of this 

diary, I now had writer’s block. I went to the Mind Club 

6.30pm-8.30pm. 

Wednesday I got my £500 and paid Littlewoods £226 to pay off 

all the buy now pay later – interest bearing – goods I had 

bought. Including the embarrassing £155 sunglasses! I rang 

Vodafone who confirmed they had received my mobile by 

courier. I paid my £81.73 electric bill too. I went to the Mind 

Club 1.10pm-2.20pm. This document had most of the 

formatting – fonts, italics, bold and numbering – corrupted 

when I came to look at it that night! Disaster! 

Thursday I felt especially weak, listless, totally inadequate, and 

so depressed. I went to Hertford and bought some black ink 

for my printer, which had nearly run out, at Tesco. Then I 

bought a £33 Nokia mobile phone from the Car-phone 

Warehouse in the town centre – with a mandatory £20 credit 

on top which was a necessary part of the deal. I felt lousy and 

for the first time ever asked Cygnet House to see the duty 

worker – who turned out to be the useless Terence. However 

he kept me waiting and waiting, for twenty minutes, so when 

Julie came through I asked to see her instead on the Friday – at 

9.15am. I had a kebab from the kebab shop that night in an 

attempt to cheer myself up, which partly worked. So I faced 

editing the formatting back to correct, working from a printed 

copy, of the first 130 pages of this book. 

247

On Friday I saw Julie my social worker at 9.15am as arranged, 

and we did not discuss my feelings much but mostly the court 

hearing coming up on Tuesday 15 th . Very importantly, I typed up 

a third and final page of my submission to the Court next 

Tuesday. I emailed this to my father. I checked the web site 

listings for housing options in both East Hertfordshire and Mid 

Sussex for about the sixth fortnight but as usual there was 

nothing better than where I was now, that was actually 

available for me to bid on. I went to the Mind Club between 

1.45pm and 3.30pm and as so often these last few months – 

sat in the garden with Terror – and her new boyfriend, again a 

neighbour. I finished editing back to correctness, this book 

that night! 

Saturday was extremely quiet indeed. I had a letter from 

Vodafone confirming that the balance on my account was now a 

big fat ZERO! Later that morning a Sergeant Wise rang from 

the police, and arranged to meet me at 10.30pm the next 

Monday to discuss face to face my complaint about ‘counter 

harassment’. I rang my father, who apparently had tried and 

failed yesterday and today several times to phone me. He had 

two small but important changes to the third page of my 

submission to the Court, so the final version appears below: - 

248

RESTRAINING ORDER 

S5 PROTECTION FROM HARASSMENT ACT 1997 

Simon Lee. Arrested 16 th March 2010 and sentenced 23 rd March 2010 

Part 2. Reasons for Hertford Magistrates Court to discharge this Order 

1. I was seriously mentally ill and locked up in one of two mental hospitals 

for the first 99% of the harassment I caused. I suffer from a manic 

depressive type of mental illness and was incredibly bored in hospital for 

three months with lots of time on my hands, with my relationship with Julie 

Smithson over according to her, but not to me. With a mobile phone that I 

used to send her frequent texts and voicemails. Early on she replied in a 

very cold and bleak text ‘I have met somebody new’. This backfired on 

both of us as my volume of messages shot up from then on. 

2. I am very well indeed now – fully ‘normal’ for me according to my Doctor 

and care coordinator (Julie Phipps). A first extremely good reason for 

not now feeling any urge any more at all to repeat anything at all like the 

three months in question of harassing Julie Smithson. I do not wish to 

contact her at all in fact. 

3. Having been under this Restraining Order for all of three months now 

with its draconian punishments for any breach is a second equally 

compelling reason why I have been completely and fiercely cured of 

any temptation to contact Julie Smithson. 

4. Julie Smithson and I are extremely close neighbours who use the two 

different front entrance doors and lobbies of the same small block of 

studio flats. The Restraining Order is very unfair on me because of this 

and is impelling me to look for alternative accommodation even though I am 

happy where I live and settled; and moving would be extremely stressful. 

Especially 

because it would be solely to avoid the threat of prison and/or a hefty fine 

even if I just said ‘hello’ to Julie Smithson – whom I must bump into in the 

street on average once a week, and frequently see from my window outside 

the flats. 

5. Finally there is a strong argument that the Restraining Order is now 

completely irrelevant. Should I contact Julie Smithson at all either directly 

or indirectly at present, with the Order in place, she will call the police and 

I may well end up in prison and/or with a huge fine. If the Order is lifted 

249

and I contact her, likewise almost certainly, with her record in this respect, 

she will also call the Police and the penalty would be the same in Court. 

The Order is now irrelevant. 

6. Please DISCHARGE THE RESTRAINING ORDER. 

Signed: 

Date: 

Simon Richard Lee, dob 30/3/1957 

On the Sunday morning I realised that Sergeant Wise had 

‘caught me on the hop’ and really I wanted our meeting to be 

after the Court Hearing on the Tuesday – with Julie my social 

worker present following that hearing as well, to support me. 

This was a bit tricky to arrange at the weekend! I rang the 

Police Control Room but Sgt Wise was not available. So I left a 

message asking her to ring me to confirm that 11.30am on the 

Tuesday was OK for her too – she had said on the phone on 

Saturday that she would be at Hertford on Monday and 

Tuesday. Then I left a phone message at Cygnet House for 

Julie my social worker, humbly requesting that should this 

second appointment indeed happen next Tuesday, she added 

time on to come to it with me as well as the Court Hearing – so 

taking up her whole morning! Terror came and did a final hour 

of cleaning so making up the full £20 I had paid her last week. I 

took out feelings of anxiety and inadequacy that I had that 

afternoon, by attacking a huge pile of ironing that had sat there 

since I came out of hospital, untouched except to pick out 

creased shirts to wear! That worked and I felt a real sense of 

250

achievement after ironing two pairs of trousers – and about 15 

shirts! I cooked two mini pizzas in the evening, sat in the 

communal garden to eat them – and left half the second one 

for the birds to eat. I had all my clothes and my shoes all 

ready clean and ironed for Tuesday coming. Monday loomed in 

between, seeming very empty! Finally on the computer was a 

devastating reply from one agent to my latest mail shot: - 

“I am afraid that we do not warm to your thesis and 

are quite unpersuaded by it.”!!! 

Would Robin Jones’ reader say exactly the same? I should find 

out in under three weeks’ anxious waiting from now! 

Monday 14 th – Sunday 20 th June 2010. Monday started with 

three phone calls before I even got out of bed at 10am – two 

from Julie my social worker and one from the podiatry centre. I 

spent the day being highly anxious initially about the court 

hearing the next day, but soon I relaxed and chilled out – as 

ever this summer spending a lot of time in the garden with a 

cold fizzy drink and a smoke. I also rang the police control 

room three times to try to speak to their Sgt Wise – getting 

through on her radio the third time and arranging to be at the 

Hertford police station at 11.30am, court hearing permitting. 

Julie rang late that afternoon and at long last confessed that 

she supported the order against me, and that she was only 

coming to the courtroom tomorrow ‘to support me, not my 

application for the order to be moderated somewhat or even 

discharged’. That made me feel let down! 

The day I had awaited with very mixed feelings came on 

Tuesday. My alarm clock radio went off at 8am and I got 

dressed very smart casual and had breakfast – thence down to 

251

Cygnet House to get my lift over from Julie. We got there at 

9.30am just as the doors were opening. Then a long two hour 

wait as my hearing was scheduled second to last – being lower 

priority not being about charges but an appeal? I anxiously 

popped outside to smoke several times and bought a couple of 

coffees as well, from the vending machine there. At length 

after that massive two hour wait, I got into the courtroom and 

the previous hearing finished about 11.40am. The Clerk gave 

the three magistrates a copy of the letter that I had sent to the 

Court Office weeks ago, so I pitched in with my four copies of 

my three pages in total of 1000 words roughly of arguments for 

either varying or discharging the Restraining Order. This took 

them and the same blonde solicitor from the Crown Prosecution 

Service, about five minutes to read. Then the latter pitched in 

with a summary of the case three months earlier, nearly, and 

said fatefully, ‘I spoke to her yesterday and she is adamant that 

“she wants no contact”’. There were no questions after that, 

and after waiting three weeks, I had seen my entire 1,000 word 

case vanish in the face of just four words from Julie: I want no 

contact! The entire hearing lasted about ten minutes as before, 

and made absolutely no difference whatsoever because of those 

four words, to the outcome of the previous 10 minute hearing 

on 23 rd March 2010! So I trudged off to the police station, very 

disheartened, hoping to fare better there! 

I got there at 12.10pm, but Sgt Wise fully understood I had 

been in court so that was why I was 40 minutes later than 

planned. We chatted for about ten minutes in an interview 

room. She congratulated me in ‘getting through a hornet’s 

nest’ in the past six months or so and said ‘you have behaved 

in a very adult fashion to have put up with a Restraining Order 

from your own neighbour who was once your partner!’ She 

was glad that as I put it I wanted to ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ now 

that there had been no sign of Sammy in or around Julie’s flat 

since Easter – 4 th April Terror said she spotted them both in the 

High Street. She kept saying ‘two minutes more!’ for about a 

whole hour while typing the resulting report, while I popped out 

twice for cigarettes in the car park. The report had dates 

252

wrong, so she actually invited me into the main police station 

reception office to correct them on the computer. It was a 

‘local resolution’ report closing the case. She would speak to all 

three policemen who had come to my flat, the first two for 

being dismissive and cynical, PC McDonald for not taking my 

allegations of harassment seriously. Finally after I had waited 

outside for her for all of half an hour, she did give me a lift 

home to Ware. There was an amusing call on the police car 

radio – a large swan was blocking the A10! Also, Sgt Wise 

commented that a lot of my problems were due to Julie’s 

female hormones! When I pointed out that she had been 

menopausal for 14 years, since age 37, she said, Sgt Wise 

thought ‘that explains a great deal’! As I got out of the police 

car front seat, who came out of her own flat main entrance but 

Julie, and we had our latest frosty, totally silent, frowning 

encounter walking past each other outside the flats. These 

encounters have got ridiculous I thought, for she craned her 

head 90 degrees to the right while approaching me – so as not 

to have to look at me! I consoled myself at the Mind drop in 

that night by sitting on a bench in the garden chatting to Kelly, a 

thirty something woman with a lovely face and figure - so 

partner, naturally! She unfortunately hates smoking! 

On Wednesday morning, as I was going to Sussex the next day 

to stay for a long weekend or even a week with my father, I 

was not quite sure, I caught the bus to and from Hertford and 

bought a hold-all at Matalan there. I have long since given up 

as lost or stolen my original hold-all, CD-tape-radio and some 

CD’s left behind at Abbey Ward when I returned from there to 

Mymms Ward on 2 nd February. I have phoned there nearly 30 

times and had endless promises but no action. After that I 

went to the Mind Drop In and chatted to Kelly who had also 

turned up for once on a Wednesday. On the way home I 

passed Julie - for a chilly freeze-out look from her again! 

On the Thursday my father, who had been to a tragic funeral of 

the relatively young son, at 55, of a school friend of my 

253

mother, picked me up to go down to Sussex – we went via the 

eastern bridge side of the M25 and the journey was fast and 

uneventful. We had a Thai chicken curry for supper which was 

delicious. Then my father started going on about how he could 

often hear the next door neighbours in the other half of his 

semi-detached, talking loudly even though I could hear nothing 

and nor could my brother and sister when they stayed. I told 

him that modern houses like that have very good 

soundproofing indeed, which he could not answer. He produced a 

bizarre log book of things he alleged to have heard the couple 

next door saying – including that they had a variety of mental 

afflictions including severe autism, Asberger’s syndrome, and 

schizophrenia! 

According to their conversations as recorded by my father in his 

log book, they lived off the man’s father’s firm giving them 

pensions ‘at the front door there – in brown envelopes’! When I 

had been down at Easter with my sister, there had been no 

mention of all this. However when I spoke to her later she said 

my father knew she did not believe a word of his hearing the 

neighbours talking through thick dividing walls. I advised him 

to tape these conversations – if you could hear nothing, one 

could conclude he was ‘hearing voices’. Indeed he had been 

seen by a psychiatrist at the insistence of the police after telling 

them of what he heard – who prescribed olanzapine, an antischizophrenic 

drug, for my father, which he had clearly now 

long since stopped taking. 

On Friday we drove to my brother’s village to a walk near his 

first house there, and walked about half a mile through woods 

to where abundant elderflowers grew. In half an hour we had 

picked about 200 heads, enough for many bottles of elderflower 

cordial. We shopped at Burgess Hill Waitrose, and had a long 

walk round his own village of Hurstpierpoint in the afternoon, 

with a supper of lamb chops with vegetables and new potatoes. 

254

On the Saturday my father soaked the elderflower heads – 

enough for twelve 75cl bottles. My daughter Jeni rang him with 

the great news that she had got 6 A and 2 B grades and 

obviously an overall First in her first year exams – even an A in 

chemistry, after all her problems! That afternoon we went to a 

beauty spot at Seaford near Newhaven, with spectacular views 

of the famous Seven Sisters cliffs, and walked quite a way. We 

ate on sausages in cider, a Delia Smith recipe, that night. 

Sunday was Father’s Day so I bought him a card and some 

chocolates. The elderflower cordial was too sweet now steeped 

and ready, but my father had some citric acid which rescued it. 

We went on another long walk, around his village, that 

afternoon, and he got a bit lost! At 5.30pm we went over to 

my brother’s at Cuckfield for a barbecue. Starters were 

seafood, and main course was either spitted chicken or lamb, 

with salad and homemade Panini bread. I soon gathered more 

on the quiet from my brother and sister in law about my father 

and his health problems, all due to being too stubborn to take 

the olanzapine – ‘because it makes me sleep till 10.30am’! 

They had not realised he was still refusing his olanzapine 

medication, and Jem agreed to talk to his psychiatrist, GP and 

CPN about all this. In the meantime, after this entire new 

problem on top of my own existing problems, I decided to go 

home the next day, Monday, rather than Wednesday or 

Thursday as originally planned. 

Monday 21 st – Sunday 27 th June. I had a haircut in the village 

costing £10 at 12pm on Monday, then we had a quick lunch and I 

packed up before my father took me in his car to catch the 

2.18pm train. After changing at Farringdon station onto the 

circle line, I had the rest of an uneventful journey home by 

5pm. Then came the first problem of an eventful week to 

come. I sent the following I thought innocuous email to Robin 

Jones, which I later realised was prompted by my father’s 

health and senility problems: - 

255

Robin 

1. On Friday week it will have been 'a month or so' since 

you gave my paperback book to your reader. 

Do you have any clearer idea now of when you will have 

made your decisions on my book, both of you??? 

2. As for my list of eight potential publishers, I forgot to 

add Simon and Schuster as the ninth. 

To produce that list I actually did some practical research 

and visited the 'science and religion' 'religion' and 'spiritual' 

section of several large libraries and bookshops e.g. Waterstones 

at Hatfield Galleria. 

Those nine publishers kept on coming up as household name 

leaders in those fields. 

Hay House's web site says they only work through an agent 

and the others all said the same when I approached them 

directly either by post or email. 

3. Your entry in "Writers' and Artists' Handbook 2010" 

says you will recommend revisions as required. I should 

actually welcome any absolutely necessary. 

As my book has very much been a solo life's work since I was 

20 to now when I am 53 - with very little help apart from a very 

few comments from just a few friends 

4. If you do finally accept my book, how long will it 

typically take you to find a suitable publisher? One of the 

names in my list of nine or a mind, body, spirit, religious or 

spiritual or science and religion specialist - of whom there are 

many as you know? 

256

Please these are serious questions to which answers are 

important to me - this email is definitely not more rather 

pestilent stuff! 

Please answer this email by return. 

Simon 

The catastrophic answer, with five different ways of saying ‘you 

are pressurising me!’ but I felt was an unjustified way of saying 

good bye, was typed by Robin very early the next morning; 

that is:- 

I expect absolutely nothing more from you except possibly one 

more e-mail from you which will only contain a mailing address 

for return of your copy unless you correctly intuit to leave me 

well alone from here on in. 

I tried hard to accommodate you and you just carried on 

pushing. Agents are supposed to be allies not enemies. I can 

only hope you learn a better way of dealing with them for the 

future if that is your life's work. 

On 22 June 2010 06:35, Robin Jones 

wrote: I'm afraid your behaviour is too much for me. No one I 

have known as a potential author is so ridiculously demanding 

and I wouldn't for that reason represent you even if your book 

was to be the next Bible. As far as I am concerned you need to 

learn some delicacy and tact of dealing. I feel immensely 

pressured, chastised, chastened, hounded and essentially 

257

despairing that I ever heard from you. None of these things 

are why I work unpaid for authors thank you very much. I am 

requesting the book back from my reader who hasn't had it as 

long as you say and if you tell me what to do with it I will. That 

will be our last contact. 

Over and out (unless you continue to hound me...) 

I was very worried about the state of my father’s health, 

especially as he was clearly mentally ill like me – with a far 

worse set of symptoms, of voices, paranoia and delusions! I 

got down to Cygnet House and had a talk to Jill Currey, the 

blonde Scots nurse who was on duty. Her reaction was to 

usher me in to see my Doctor, who proceeded to take my 

account of my father hearing things and voices with a pinch of 

salt, at least until it could be verified – and gave me a full 

psychiatric examination myself! Later Jill finally got my sister 

on the telephone, she said when I went down and saw her 

again, who verified my whole story about my father, so she was 

much more relaxed and helpful about the whole thing. 

Back at my flat I found on the computer the latest email from 

EMAG (Equitable Members Action Group) saying my writing a 

letter to my MP based on their downloadable template was 

critical, as granting of up to £5 billion compensation to EMAG 

members was about to happen – but the Treasury only wanted 

to pay about a fifth of that figure. So as requested I drafted a 

letter based on the template provided by EMAG, with my own 

first paragraph about my own history with the abominable 

Equitable Life ltd: - 

258

Mr Mark Prisk MP 

Hertford and Stortford Conservatives Unit 4, Swains Mill, 

Crane Mead Ware 

SG12 9PY 

22 nd June, 2010 Dear Mr Prisk, 

Equitable Life Compensation 

Gulled by the wild, never substantiated promises of Equitable 

Life salesmen based at Saint Albans, I lost 10% of my Lee 

Micromatics ltd personal pension transferring it all to Equitable 

Life, led to expect great performance, but lost heavily further 

with misappropriation by Equitable Life as widely known as the 

basis of this major scandal. Very aIarmed, I lost a further 10% 

of whatever was left by then in my much diminished pension 

fund with Equitable Life when I bailed it out into a Virgin 

stakeholder pension fund. My losses must be many thousands 

at least! 

Hence I am delighted that the new coalition government has 

promised: “We agree to implement the Parliamentary and 

Health Ombudsman’s recommendation to make fair and 

transparent payments to Equitable Life policy holders, through 

an independent payment scheme, for their relative loss as a 

consequence of regulatory failure.” 

However I am deeply disturbed by the gulf between the 

expectations raised by that promise and what appears to be 

actually going on at the Treasury. 

EMAG (of which I am a member), fears that the work of Sir 

John Chadwick and the actuaries Towers Watson is all intended 

by the Treasury, under instruction from the last Labour 

government, to use every means possible to reduce the amount 

of compensation. EMAG’s (unchallenged) estimate of losses 

published by the Parliamentary Ombudsman in her 2008 report 

was £4.7 billion. This figure is further confirmed by Sir Howard 

Davies’ comment to the Treasury and the Bank of England in 

late July 2001 that a bailout of Equitable Life would cost 

259

etween £3 billion and £5 billion. Lord Penrose also found that 

Equitable had taken £4.9 billion from policies in 2001. 

But the figure floated in the press is much less - £1 billion. After 

10 years of waiting for justice, if the new government reneges 

on its fine words and offers victims 20p in the pound – there 

will be outrage and the issue will become an equally hot potato 

for the NEW government. 

Given the Treasury’s original toxic terms of reference, its 

continuing refusal to make public the calculations of Towers 

Watson, and the many unrealistic assumptions they have been 

briefed to make, EMAG’s suspicion is that the work they are 

doing is nothing more than a work of impressive-looking fiction 

designed to come up with the smallest number the Treasury 

thinks it can get away with as the apparent measure of our 

apparent comparative losses. 

Asking the victims of this scandal to fight over a few crumbs 

instead of receiving proper compensation would reveal that the 

new government had simply rebranded the discredited “exgratia” 

payment scheme of the last government as 

“compensation”, with no change to the amount involved. 

The fact that the new Treasury minister responsible, Mark 

Hoban, has allowed Sir John Chadwick to continue with exactly 

the same discredited terms of reference, including 

“disproportionate impact” and “apportionment of blame”, raises 

alarm. So too does the creation of a fictional “what if” version 

of how Equitable Life might have operated if it had been 

properly regulated, to justify a contention that it would have 

made little difference to the outcome - the loss of £5 billion 

from the savings and pensions of the victims. 

In the current dire economic climate, many will question 

whether the country can afford to pay us proper compensation. 

Our response is that in July 2001 when the government 

contemplated a £5 billion bail out of Equitable Life, it was very 

affordable and the delays are not of our making. We have 

260

suffered death by a thousand cuts and tens of thousands of us 

have literally died waiting. 

If cuts have to be made to government spending now, it should 

be a percentage across the board of all government spending. 

Equitable Life victims should not be expected to suffer a larger 

percentage cut in what they are entitled to than say those 

applied to public sector pensions. And the cut should apply to 

an honest estimate of our losses compared with how we would 

have fared elsewhere, established independently and 

transparently – not by the Treasury or its hired advisers behind 

closed doors. 

Proper compensation is what justice demands. If health, 

education, civil service pensions, local government salaries etc 

are to be subject to cuts then one might expect us to shoulder 

part of the burden by accepting the same percentage cut as 

other spending commitments, but robbing 80% from the 

compensation due to one million elderly and increasingly infirm 

Equitable Life victims would be an outrage. 

There can be no doubt that a failure to do the fair and honest 

thing now would be the final nail in the coffin for UK citizens' 

trust in pension security. 

No scheme designed in secret by the Treasury, one of the 

departments found guilty of maladministration by the 

Parliamentary Ombudsman’s report, can possibly be considered 

fair and proper. 

We have waited 10 years for justice. The new government has 

promised us much. Please do not let the Treasury prevail, 

causing the coalition to renege on its promise to us. I am sure 

you would not wish your Equitable Life constituents to be 

betrayed. 


Simon Lee MA (Cambridge) CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC 

PS: See www.emag.org.uk/documents/ Press16Jun10.pdf 

As of Tuesday 29 th June 2010 I still await a reply to this letter. 

261

At the Mind Drop In that Tuesday evening I had a private chat 

with member now full time worker Julie – who usefully 

suggested a care package with a care worker giving my father 

his medication twice a day. My brother and sister agreed when I 

called them later – we were in constant contact all week, until on 

Monday 28 th June my brother called and told me that he was 

attending a crucial care meeting at my father’s house at 

4.30pm on Wednesday 30 th June, with my father and his 

appointed Community Psychiatric Nurse, who would quietly 

assess my father to see if he actually required to be admitted 

to psychiatric hospital… 

On Wednesday 23 rd June I went to the Mind Group 1.30pm- 

2.50pm and chatted to Kelly – she had not been there the 

previous evening. At 3.15pm I again chatted about my father’s 

problems with Julie my social worker – in the park. 

Incidentally, she said that my Doctor had said I needed a clear 

run of six months good health from my discharge back in March 

before he could recommend and support me getting my driving 

licence back from the DVLA. Out of an original 81 literary 

agents I had yet to receive replies from 48 – 24 UK and 24 US – 

so I sent them all yet again a pdf copy of my book with the 

following email : - 

Proof God Exists & the LHC 

Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists 

– by the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN, 

Geneva? 

The LHC started up September 2008, but within days there was a 

major incident, and it only just restarted experiments in 

March 2010 - with these two major objectives: - 

262

1. To collide beams of lead particles with massive energy, to 

simulate cosmic conditions in the split second after the 

Universe is supposed by scientists to have started, 14 billion 

years ago or so in the ‘Big Bang’ 

2. So to investigate whether there are (seven or eight, 

according to the best known ‘string theories’) extra dimensions 

of space concealing a vast proportion of the total mass or 

energy of the Universe. 

Cambridge trained scientist and Chartered Instrument 

Engineer, Simon Richard Lee, believes that he knows already 

what these extra dimensions contain, and also fully how they 

are structured. 

His 400+ page book Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit 

Exists as at www.silee.me.uk gives a startling but strangely 

familiar hypothesis – that these 7 or 8 dimensions comprise 

nothing less than (God the Holy) Spirit! 

The final part of this book is called ‘Manifesto: Abolish All 

Money!’ as at www.maam.org.uk and gives an ideal utopian 

world political view based on all his many scientific and spiritual 

findings in his main book as above. 

Six months ago, finally, to my complete satisfaction, I 

completed the attached book "Scientific Proof that (God the 

Holy) Spirit Exists" after many, many years of infrequent but 

intensive graft. 

Currently it is effectively self published on the Internet by just 

about the only free publisher there is, at www.lulu.com/authormeuk 

263

My own popular website www.silee.me.uk promotes this book, and 

features a full summary on the home page, and other pages 

feature two independent reviews, and two press releases. 

Please refer to this latter website in the first instance for 

summary informatioon on the book, which is totally current and 

topical as it fully involves the famous 'largest scientific 

experiment ever' as likely to prove or disprove what my book 

claims in its core arguments. 

This is the Large Hadron Collider, CERN, Geneva, 

Switzerland, which only went fully live just recently, as it 

happens on my 53rd birthday, 30th March 2010, whose results 

will take many months or even years to be analysed using a 

vast network of large computers! 

I now seek mainstream rather than self publication for this 

radical and important 'milestone' of a book; but every single 

one of the main mainstream publishers in this 'science and 

religion' genre do require to be approached by an agent for the 

author; not the author myself. 

These eight main mainstream publishers are: Penguin 

HarperCollins Macmillan Transworld Random House Hay House 

Hodder and Stoughton Routledge 

Simon and Schuster 

The book might also appeal to innumerable publishers in 

spiritual, religious, Christian, and mind/body/spirit areas. 

264

After suitable reflection on the above and the attached 

manuscript and my website; can you take on the job of being 

my agent? 

265

On Thursday workmen started replacing gutters at the back of 

these flats that had been taken down as damaged. However at 

the front of my flat there was a wasp nest and at the back of 

my flat and another flat – two nests of white tailed bumble bees – 

or white bummed table bees as I christened them! The work on 

the drains was thwarted to an extent by these nests. Most 

residents were in fact horrified when a pest control man 

destroyed not just the wasp nest but both bumble bee nests 

that Friday! 

I was tearful several times that day about all my problems at 

present. I rang Julie at the Mind Club; and saw Julie the social 

worker between 4.45pm and 5pm that afternoon; all of which 

helped get me into a more optimistic frame of mind. 

There were just two unsuitable properties on the Sussex 

housing web site that night, so I could not bid for either of 

them. I tried to ring my former friend Chris and asked why ‘he 

thought I was not a very nice person’, but he was evasive 

about it and sniggered before he hung up! As so often that 

week, I called my brother Jem but there was still no news of 

any medical help for my father’s serious problems. 

On Friday when I looked on the www.homeoption.org website 

for East Herts there were a number of flats and studio flats – 

but only one in a location I liked – in Ware itself. However 

when I looked around that street it seemed bleakly ‘council 

estate’ compared to my present flat – so I withdrew my bid. I 

went to the Mind Drop In 1.45pm-3.30pm. That afternoon I 

noticed that Julie next door had both big windows open. Since 

Monday I had been itching to say ‘Hello Julie. How are you?’ 

when we next bumped into each other on the street, but had 

not had any opportunity as we had not met. So now I shouted 

out “Julie I am very sorry about the last eight months. I have 

had a terrible time too” but there was no way to know whether 

she was in her lounge so heard this – and naturally I could not 

266

expect a response from Julie. I was ticked off for this by Julie 

my social worker when I saw her that afternoon at 3.30! 

I posted a copy of my EMAG letter of that Tuesday to their HQ, 

as I had had an encouraging response to an email with it to an 

EMAG organiser. 

That weekend was incredibly quiet, especially the Saturday. 

That day I had a definite rest day. I chatted on the phone to 

my brother yet again; and had a two hour sleep in the 

afternoon in between sitting in the garden as I did so often this 

Spring and Summer. It was noticeable that Julie never 

appeared there once in that time – presumably just to avoid 

meeting yours truly! She must take her rubbish to the bin area 

first thing in the morning, I wondered… That night Nit and I 

were in the garden when suddenly he pointed out a light in the 

sky, coming up above the High street from the East, which was 

silent, yellow and not blinking. Once it spattered to nothing 

just to the north of us, about 400 feet up, I was prepared to 

agree with him – it was a UFO! Then he was out later and 

called up to me in my flat – and yes, we saw three more! One 

came from the south west and two again from the east. On the 

Sunday I watched the England match against Germany in which 

England were trounced 4-1 – their worst ever world cup which 

saw them fly home in disgrace. I decided it was worth going 

through my ‘Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook’ for publishers to 

email – and emailed a slight variation on the email a few 

pages back – again with a pdf copy of the book. I saw a fifth 

and final UFO that night, which after a sultry day was an 

incredibly hot night – so I only fell asleep at 3.30am – not 

before traumatic events that Monday in the small hours. 

267

Monday 28 th June – Sunday 4 th July 2010. That terrible night, 

sweltering in the heat, thirsty as anything so I drank a lot of 

beer – 2 litres – after midnight, I did something unlike me and 

very dangerous. I typed the poem below and posted it to Julie 

in the post box in town in the middle of the night, so breaking 

the conditions of the Restraining Order which was a very 

dangerous thing to do – very rash. I must have been beside 

myself: - 

Deeper and Deepest Love Ode - and ‘Peom’! 

With your gorgeous form and lovely face Your Super Spirit is full 

of Grace. 

You rarely complain – you are Julie my Star… You’re just the best 

- that’s what I think you are! 

We loved so deeply once, it fell apart, Nothing will mend my 

broken heart… We were so close, now so near so far, 

You’ve lost your Mum, now I’ve a senile Papa… 

Your bereavement reinforced your job, Of us both our love to rob. 

We had true love once, that is for sure… 

So whatever happened to your heart so pure? 

Blackest Law at your disposal, should we meet Soon near here or 

in Ware High Street 

‘Hello Julie. How are you?’ I intend to say 

Even if for years – for just that - I get put away! 

For some things conquer even unjust Law Love is one; of that I 

am quite sure. 

268

Love as we once had conquers all. Made you and I both walk 

quite tall! 

Our lovely love went deep – and deeper. I will not ever fear 

prison’s ‘grim reaper’. 

So please release me from my chains so soon. 

When I next meet you on the street – chat don’t swoon! 

269

That Monday Jem called at 12.20pm and said that the meeting 

for my father with him and his CPN was definitely on for 

4.30pm on Wednesday. I was shitting bricks about going to 

prison or being heavily fined for writing to Julie! At 2pm my 

new ‘befriender’, Jo, came for ¾ hour, played my guitar for me 

and we discussed going swimming next week. At 3.30pm I had 

typed and posted this SECOND initially apologetic letter to 

Julie: - 

It was very hot last night and I drank four cans of Fosters after 

midnight and only got to bed at 3am! So apologies for the 

rather slushy poem in the other letter – I was on cola and far 

more beer than my normal intake! 

NOW that I have posted THAT – it is IN FOR A PENNY IN FOR A 

POUND on two things I have wanted to say to you for 

MONTHS… 

How to get FIFTY (50) EXTRA HOUSING POINTS and so 

be able to move anywhere in East Hertfordshire. 

Very easy! 

Ring East Herts Council and ask for Housing Options Team. 

01279 655261 

Explain every last problem in detail you have with the 

neighbours especially about your restraining order of course. 

Say you are desperate to move as a result. 

Ask for 50 (FIFTY) ‘social factor’ housing points for these 

problems. SAY: ONLY 50 EXTRA SUCH POINTS IS ENOUGH FOR 

YOU TO MOVE ANYWHERE YOU WANT! YOU NEED 130 

POINTS IN TOTAL AT LEAST TO WIN ANY PROPERTY YOU CARE 

TO BID FOR. 

270

They will ask the manager and write to you with 10, 25 or 50 

extra ‘social factor’ points for housing on top of all your existing 

points. 

Simon Lee got 25 points so now has a very high 130 points just 

for having your Restraining Order against him – so can win any 

property he chooses! 

Fashion and catalogue modelling is totally respectable and 

just involves something you JUST LOVE DOING ALREADY - 

wearing lovely clothes and smiling / posing 

for a (professional’s) camera: 

It could pay you a fortune compared to care work at £7 an hour 

or so. Modelling can fetch UP TO TWO HUNDRED POUNDS AN 

HOUR BY COMPARISON! You could work part time as a 

model… 

The Head of Beauty himself, Martin Cook, at leading agency 

Models Connect said ‘I like her look’ and Models Direct also 

have high demand for beautiful senior models just like yourself! 

Finally I compounded the whole problem with a handwritten 

letter that I posted under the door of her block which was 

locked. This urged and begged her on no account to call the 

police about these letters. 

She showed no sign of acknowledging any of these letters on 

the Tuesday, when they would all have or should have arrived. 

So it is likely I will be arrested for breaking the Order as soon 

as she tells the police about these letters! Also on Tuesday – 

naturally Julie my social worker gave me a severe talking to 

and dressing down about my breaches of the Contact Order – 

especially as there had been three and she had strictly charged 

me on the telephone on Monday not to make things any worse 

by sending any more after the first one – yet Muggins here had 

done just that. On Monday to Wednesday that week I was 

271

terrified of being arrested again – and sent to prison for a few 

weeks probably, this time around! So on the Tuesday I typed 

up the last week of this diary, up to Monday. I distracted 

myself from my fears of nearly certain arrest and possibly 

prison that evening by going to the Mind Club for its whole time 

6.30pm-8.30pm. My friend the former member turned worker 

there Julie reassured me I would probably only get a Caution – 

which helped calm me down. 

On Wednesday I finally remembered a good free ‘Acrobat pdf’ 

handling package was called pdfill – so downloaded it. It 

immediately worked free, where other packages I had recently 

downloaded required paying a license fee so were not free at 

all. With this package, I created Royal size pdf files of my 

‘Scientific Proof’ and this present book, and jpeg photos of the 

covers. I put both books up on Lulu like that – so if in the 

extreme I ended up in prison this week, everything on 

www.lulu.com of mine was hunky dory. I went to the Mind 

Club 1-3pm, and had Reiki healing, which really calmed me 

down. Especially as the healer had heard my tale of woe about 

probable arrest this week – even that day – so ‘put a gold 

bubble of protection against the police’ around me! I rang Jem 

my brother about 7pm – who had had his meeting with my 

father and the CPN or Community Psychiatric Nurse – who had 

told my father there would be two weeks till another meeting in 

which he must take his drugs or he would be put in a mental 

hospital! Between 7.20-8.05pm there was a police car outside 

Julie’s block next door, and I saw a PC go in and come out, as I 

walked to and fro from my flat to the park opposite, supping a 

diet pepsi. So – now it seemed I just had to wait for the 

imminent knock on the door by the police – which duly came at 

about 10pm, and I was arrested and taken to Hoddesdon police 

station. I was checked in very late indeed, stripped of 

everything valuable or dangerous including my belt, yet again. I 

was seen by a nurse at the weird time of 2am Wednesday 

morning, having been awoken from a sweaty sleep. I slept 

272

fitfully in a very hot, airless cell till as early as 6.30am, when 

Steve the warder awoke me to get washed and ready for the 

journey in the ‘meat wagon’ or prison van to Hatfield police 

station thence the adjacent Magistrates Court leaving for there 

from Hoddesdon nick about 7.30am. 

At about 7.30am, hard to tell without a watch, both my wrists 

were handcuffed, then again to a female warder, and I was 

methodically taken onto a prison bus in the police station yard, 

where the handcuffs were removed once I was seated in a 

small cubicle with two small windows. I could hear the warders 

bring about four other prisoners into other cubicles in the bus. 

It took about three quarters of an hour in the rush hour to 

travel to nearby Hatfield, then again one by one, us prisoners 

were handcuffed and taken to our cells in the police station 

ready to see solicitors and go to the nearby magistrates court 

in the same building for the hearing. The next seven hours till I 

was the last to be seen at about 3.30pm, again hard to tell 

without a watch, were both tedious and nerve racking. The 

warders here wore weird ‘Butlins’ coloured ties and were very 

bad at answering the bell inside the cell – often turning it off 

instead of answering it. I did manage to get several cups of 

coffee and water, for I felt very dehydrated after the previous 

night, in that time, and went to the toilet twice. However, in 

the afternoon, the third time I wanted to go to the toilet, no 

amount of banging on the door and pleading to ‘go’ had any 

effect. So I urinated in two used plastic coffee cups in the cell 

and left them neatly on the floor as a salutary reminder to the 

far too young and brash ‘Butlins’ to be a lot kinder in future! 

I actually had Spiritual Experience Thirty-Three in the cell! The 

day before the Reiki healer at the Mind Drop-In Club had ended 

the session by ‘placing me in a gold bubble of protection – 

against the police!’ after I told her about my plight. As I lay 

down on the stone ‘couch’ in the cell at Hatfield – yes, sure 

enough on the wall next to me was a visionary image – the 

273

lack silhouette of my own head – sure enough, with an oval 

gold bubble round it! 

At about 2.30pm I would guess, I was told that the reason for 

the delay in seeing the magistrates was that the police had had 

trouble finding my file at Hoddesdon, but now at last I could 

see my solicitor. It turned out that after I had been talking to 

my devoted sister late last night and rung off after I told her 

the police had arrived to arrest me, she had today done some 

detective work of her own. She had chased the police on the 

phone and found out I was now at Hatfield, and then come over 

and met the solicitor – who had been there since as early as 

8.30am, not ‘after 10.30 sometime’ like the warders had 

misinformed me. She had thoroughly briefed him on the 

existing case against me, my family and background, and 

above all my mental illness. So the briefing I had one on one 

now with him was only quite short as Libby had already filled 

him in on much of what he needed to know. He got my own 

version, with an outbreak of tears by me at one point, then 

referred to a section of a legal manual of Magistrates 

sentences, and said that for ‘minor contact’ like this I would 

probably get a fine, or at most community service. 

Shortly after that we went into court, and the prosecuting 

solicitor seemed to be very stumbling in his speech, and did not 

say much except that there were two charges that I had 

breached my Court Order, so breaching the terms of my twelve 

months Conditional Discharge also. I pleaded guilty to all of 

this. My defence solicitor by comparison gave an erudite fluent 

speech in my defence, giving every single mitigating 

circumstance possible, and urged the Magistrates to be as 

lenient as possible as a result. Indeed, after some discussion, 

the central main Magistrate let me off lightly, just as the warder 

who took me in and out of the dock commented. My 

Conditional Discharge was extended from March 2011 to 

September 2011, eighteen months not twelve; and I was fined 

£65 for each of the two charges (for two days, Monday and 

274

Tuesday, of a total of three notes being posted and arriving at 

Julie’s flat); with a £15 fine tax and £85 costs to the 

prosecution. That totals £230 which I understand that I can 

pay off at £5 a week or less out of my benefit. To join a whole 

raft of other repayments I am currently or about to start paying 

in the same way. About £7.60 a week for a budgeting loan 

from last year; £9.90 a week for DLA overpayment; and £19.10 a 

fortnight for six payments - for a £110 loan due to me this 

week, to help budget while income support goes over from 

weekly to fortnightly payments this month. Finally I was given 

all my property back and allowed to join the solicitor outside 

the locked part of the police station, to debrief. This merely 

consisted of me greatly thanking him for his fluent, 

comprehensive speech in my defence, and him telling me that 

Libby would meet me outside to give me a lift home. I had my 

watch back, and saw that it was 4pm, so the whole ghastly 

ordeal had lasted eighteen hours – slightly less than my first 

arrest back in March. I had not been allowed to smoke for 18 

whole hours and as a result of that and the heat and lack of 

liquids in the two cells, I was very tongue tied and dehydrated. 

Libby and I had a job meeting up as her mobile phone was 

turned off when I rang her, but we finally met up outside the 

front of the nearby Hatfield Galleria, and she drove me home. 

She wanted to complain about the rush of all this, and my 

treatment as a sufferer of mental illness by the police. She had 

also chatted to Jem on the phone after yesterday’s meeting and 

he had told her that the CPN had said Dad’s diagnosis was 

‘psychotic dreams’ – a new one on me! She is worried that he 

is developing Alzheimer’s Syndrome, and this is part of that! 

That night I had a light supper, then at 8.30pm set off walking 

to the John Gilpin pub in Ware, having rung the organiser of 

‘Club Amigos’ a social and singles club that was meeting there. 

However there was nobody there from the club by 8.50pm, and 

after half a pint of bitter, exhaustion from the last 24 hours 

275

came over me, so I went home without facing meeting any new 

friends while so tired – and soon went to bed. 

The next three or four days or so were incredibly quiet – I was 

still shell-shocked by my arrest again and second court hearing 

in four months. 

On the Friday my depot was overdue as Terence had neglected 

to remind me it was due on Wednesday, so he came to my flat 

and gave it to me. Julie my social worker came too, and kept 

cackling ‘You are a criminal!’ which was totally unnecessary! I 

went to the Mind Club 1.30pm – 2.30pm, emailed some 

questions to a Chris at EMAG about my Equitable Life pension, 

but as for most of that weekend had a very quiet time of it, 

often sitting in the communal garden behind our flats with a 

drink and a smoke – just licking my wounds emotionally again! 

On Saturday I got two parcels in the post of the two books I 

had updated on Wednesday. Virgin cards had issued an e- 

statement showing nil interest and a minimum payment of £25 – 

which I duly paid online. The carnival in Ware was on while I 

was at the Mind Club as it was the first Saturday of the month. I 

broke down in tears at the Mind Club, but Julie the worker 

‘talked me up’, having taken me to a private room first. 

On the Sunday I decided to sell at least one of the three bikes I 

currently had just sitting out in the back garden quietly rusting 

and rotting away – so advertised it on Ebay. I had received my 

U3A membership card and bulletin for June the day before, and 

now rang around yet more course organisers. I tentatively 

arranged to do Art the next morning – but in the end still 

stressed out by last Thursday – I woke up too late. There is 

another session in two weeks on the Tuesday also at 10.30 am. I 

also arranged to go on a cycle ride at 10am Wednesday, but am 

busy selling bikes so will not go. Tai chi classes are over for the 

summer, like so many U3A activities, but resume 

276

September 3 rd . At 5.20pm I caught the bus and my sister Libby 

picked me up from the bus stop in Panshanger, Welwyn Garden 

City and drove us about 2 miles to her flat for a lovely roast 

chicken dinner, before driving me home again. I spoke to my 

Father on the phone and mentioned one vital question. Just 

why had Julie kept her options open, especially in getting yet 

more money out of my as necessary with me never demanding it 

back, and not just dumped me last autumn, when judging by her 

calling the police in November with ‘sexual harassment’ 

allegations that they never questioned me about, everything 

really ended? Had she chucked me in the autumn, and blanked 

me out thereafter, it is possible I could well have avoided 

becoming ill in November, and definitely avoided the 

harassment charges etc that that led to! It was a case of her 

PSEXISTRICKERY as the title of this book puts it – in two ways: 

Pseudo EX is trickery (she did not have the decency to chuck 

me in the autumn, but kept her options open – especially 

about getting yet more money out of me) 

Poverty stricken EX is trickery – similar! 

277

Short term goals and activities in my life 

1. Go swimming with my new weekly visitor, the ‘befriender’ or 

charity friend from Rethink – Jo (Jonathan). 

2. Try and meet new friends at ‘Club Amigos’ at John Gilpin pub 

this Thursday night. Definitely female friends? 

3. Positive response in the next three months including 

September after the midsummer ‘silly season’ - from any one of 

40 literary agents and 20 publishers whom I may well hear 

from – revision of point (5) of list of 23 rd May. 

4. ‘Action in Priory Street’ (7) of that same list – has started 

with Nit having been told he is being evicted! 

5. The rest of that list has all happened or been dealt with… 

6. In two weeks’ time, ten whole yawning years on, Parliament 

will decide how much compensation will be given to myself and 

fellow victims of the Equitable Life Pension fiasco – a total of 

five billion pounds; NOTHING; or most likely a small portion of 

the full five billion pounds. 

7. On Wednesday 21 st July the U3A ‘learn to sing’ class 

resumes. I can also join the art class on Tuesday in two 

weeks. Once bikes are sorted out (do I buy a 20” frame 

mountain bike with some of the money from my three 

bikes?) I can go cycling with the U3A 

8. In September lots more U3A courses should be available and 

active – as should be courses at the local college. I hope to 

study guitar and digital photography again after all my 

problems from November 2009 onwards. 

9. My Psychiatrist has said that only if – touch wood – I have 

stable mental health for the whole six months to September, will 

he recommend to the DVLA that I get my driving licence back. 

Should I get enough money should my EMAG people win their 

battle with the Treasury in (6), I may be able at last to afford 

a second hand car. 

278

10. Possibly at long last identify a new flat or other property 

on one of my two Council web sites by autumn? 

11. Make some new friends – mostly by the above set of 

activities – to replace Chris but far more importantly Julie – it is 

long enough since our ‘on off’ relationship became just 

platonic for the last time in early August 2009 – for me to 

look for a new girlfriend. Mind you, she tolerated my heavy 

smoking, bad varicose veins and bad feet, and rather 

‘dysfunctional’ life style; and most of the time, until 

November 2009, my ‘label’; until I stopped taking my 

tablets. Will any other woman tolerate these as much? 

12. Wait for the off chance that the 50-person lottery 

syndicate I paid £7 last month to join at European Lottery 

Guild – wins a (substantial?) prize! Entries run May to 

November in the Spanish lottery. 

279

Monday 5 th – Sunday 11 th July 2010. The next two weeks, as 

expected, started a period of about ten weeks that I anticipated 

rightly would be very quiet – so very boring! The weather this 

first week of those two was consistently hot and sunny. April 

had been very hot, May and June mostly sunny, and now July 

was very summery indeed – hot and sunny. 

On the Monday I rang East Herts Council Housing Options Team 

about the ‘rent deposit scheme’ that Nit had told me about. 

Basically the Council will lend you the deposit for a privately 

rented property, which was worth bearing in mind as a 

backstop. I also noticed that the property I had bid for in 

Burgess Hill in Sussex had mysteriously been let according to 

their web site by Affinity Sutton to somebody with less housing 

priority than me. When I rang them they explained it was a 

property designed primarily for disabled people but they had 

lacked the experience to spell that out in the advert in the web 

site! Then I rang a Chris Harlow at EMAG to whom I had copied 

the letter I had sent to my MP. He explained at great length 

that the new Government would form a commission with just 

three possible alternative outcomes – the best part of £5 billion 

would be distributed among Equitable Life Members; some 

much smaller sum; or even NOTHING – they would be blamed 

for trusting a disreputable company that had dished out about 

£5 billion of its pension fund, in huge bonuses to employees. 

Finally that day Nit informed me that Julie had actually knocked 

on his door earlier (he not me now seems to be the only person 

in the block of eight flats that she will talk to!) She apparently 

said ‘did you know, Simon was arrested?’ to which he said ‘no’ 

even though I had told him at the weekend. She went on to 

him, ‘Simon needs to move on and find someone on his own 

wavelength! 

On Tuesday at about midday I took Nit’s advice and advertised 

my 50 year old, clapped out Claud Butler racing bike on Ebay. 

At 1.30pm I attended a long and very effective podiatry session 

at the local clinic for my feet. 6.30pm-7.30pm I went to the 

280

Mind Club and finally lost my interest in Kelly – she turns out to 

have a partner so is ‘untouchable’. I got the bus at 11.30pm to 

Hertford Tesco, which opens 24/7 in the week, took some 

money out at 12.10pm when it cleared from that new day of 

Wednesday, and bought some milk, orange juice, Pepsi Cola 

and cigarettes. As I checked out young Chris suddenly walked 

past and called out in friendly fashion – so our 

acquaintanceship resumed. I got the last 724 bus home at 

12.31am! 

The last five days of this week were really very quiet and boring 

indeed. I was still eagerly waiting for September when as we 

just saw a lot should happen to make life interesting. Yet now 

was mid July – with two months or so to go till then! At 11am 

on Wednesday 7 th July I had yet another filling replaced by my 

dentist. I went to the Mind Club 1pm-2.30pm – and told the 

Reiki Healer just what awful arrest etc had happened since my 

last session last Wednesday so she did more ‘protection’ 

healing on me. She is away next week but I hope to reinforce 

these two sessions with what Julie there told me was a ‘vital 

third session’ this week on Wednesday 21 st July. My mountain 

bike I had put on eBay on Sunday only sold for just £37.05, 

and the girl and her boyfriend collected it at 6pm that evening 

having paid for it first by Paypal. I could only find one bike 

pump valve of my two that evening, which had blocked so I 

could not pump the tyres up, which were completely flat after 

being outside for three whole years not being used; Julie was 

not very keen on cycling, even after I bought her a bike! 

At 12am on the Thursday I borrowed £20 from Social Services, 

which they gave me in cash, but I had previously phoned 

Sainsbury’s and learned that firstly Hoddesdon was now my 

home store, and secondly I could cash my ‘Nectar points’ there 

for £5 – so I got on the bus to Sainsbury’s Hoddesdon. There 

was a hold up by the bus stop at the clock tower there so I got 

off – and who should I see by the bus stop but Rachel, Julie’s 

foster daughter, whom I had not seen for about a year. I tried 

281

eing friendly and said ‘well, well, well!’ Just like her Mother 

had been doing to me for months now, she just stone-walled 

me and looked past me with lips tightly pursed! So I walked on 

to Sainsbury’s thinking to myself that both her and her Mother, 

who must have given her the information, had completely the 

wrong set of ideas about me – now I was fully well! I got home 

and at 4pm looked up the Sussex housing web site – there 

were many more options than the last two times, but as ever, 

nothing totally suitable or in the right sort of location. Then in 

the garden that night, Nit produced the home option magazine 

for bidding starting the next day, Friday. At long last there was 

actually a choice of two flats in Ware to bid on – one at a road 

called Trinity Road and one in a very new development called 

Fusion Court - right next to the other side of the river in a road 

called Broadmeads. 

At 10am next day I rang East Herts Council Housing Options 

Team, but they were uncertain whereabouts in the new 

complex of flats the Broadmeads flat was – was it just by the 

riverside walk like the advert claimed, I asked? Likewise they 

were unsure whether pets were allowed – even though the 

advert did not say explicitly ‘no pets’. So I put in bids on 

www.homeoption.org for both this and the Trinity Road flats 

(for there were two flats there, both ground floor like the 

Fusion Court one also was – a big advantage when I had a cat!) 

At 12.30pm I had a second hourly session with Jo my new 

Rethink befriender – but although he had his swimming stuff 

with him it was rather cold and overcast to swim at the 

adjacent open air Ware Lido pool. So we just chatted for the 

hour and he tried to suggest places we could visit and things 

like voluntary work I could do, looking on the computer. From 

2.30pm to 3.30pm I went to the Mind Club, and then walked on 

up the hill it was on and found this Trinity Road – with the L- 

shaped block of flats at the top end, on a corner, notable for 

having only small windows on the front. When I asked my 

social worker Julie about this, she explained that the kitchens 

and bathrooms faced the front of the flats. I sold the Claud 

Butler racing bike for a surprisingly high £50 that afternoon, 

282

and wheeled it to the railway station where the winner of the 

bidding was delighted with it and readily gave me the £50 cash. 

I distinctly remember that weekend was notably boring, and I 

was fed up completely and felt small and inadequate, so often 

in tears again over my last nine months of mounting hell. On 

the Saturday morning there was a letter in the post from the 

Courts Office, demanding their £230 total in fines and costs. I 

had often wondered about Julie’s statement to the police – 

describing three letters – which had never been produced in 

court. Had she cost me nearly £80 each and a load of pain in 

police custody – to just destroy the letters without reading 

them – only then telling the police she had received them? I 

will never know now! That did not exactly please me, but there 

was a ray of hope in another glowing letter from my MP, Mark 

Prisk, basically propaganda saying ‘trust the new coalition 

government to sort out the Equitable Life scandal very quickly 

now; where the last administration kept using endless delaying 

tactics’. I was so bored and fed up I slept between 3.30-5pm; 

then did a huge £57 shop at Tesco, especially for cold meats 

and salad things to eat in the hot weather – and fizzy drinks 

and orange juice. I had a hugely BORING AND FRUSTRATED 

evening!!! 

The next day, Sunday, I went to a special event for men only at 

the Mind Club 12.30-3pm and either watched the British Grand 

Prix on TV with the others some of the time, or drank coffee 

and smoked in the garden. At about 4pm I was back in the 

garden at home, as always since April, having a coffee and 

smoke, when something unprecedented in those three or so 

months happened – Julie came out with her bin bag to put in 

the wheelie bin! I had not seen her dare come out in the 

garden during normal hours all year! I assumed she took her 

bin bags out first thing in the morning before going to work – 

before I had any chance of meeting her out there. Anyway, I 

glanced at her frowning as I had been told to by my solicitor, 

she just frowned back so I just had to look away – too sad! 

283

I cheered myself up. The publisher SPCK had been the only of 

the 21 publishers I had emailed two weeks ago to reply, last 

Monday week 28 th July in fact – so now I re-forwarded to all the 

others who had not replied, the same email with a new title – of 

‘Amazing book for you to publish’ – blunt as hell? That evening I 

managed to endure watching most of a very slow and torrid 

world cup final, in which the score was Holland 0 – Spain 1 – 

after extra time. After that I pondered as I sometimes did that 

while she had lost lots of weight and gained some streaks of 

grey hair, during the three years or so that I had known Julie, 

my own eligibility for the opposite sex had gone down 

somewhat in most respects: - 

I remained divorced rather than possibly having married Julie 

after knowing her so long 

I had gone ‘salt and pepper’ grey on top, with grey 

sideboards – which some called ‘distinguished’! 

My varicose veins on my legs were worse than ever – very 

ugly – but my feet now received treatment every month from a 

podiatrist 

My ‘illness’ – initially stopping treatment – seemed to have 

made Julie fall out of love with me one last time – 

permanently this time! Due to her family’s stigma? 

I was now chain smoking as a result of losing her and 

gaining a Restraining Order from her! 

I was unemployed, probably unemployable after about 17 

years of that since 1992! 

Some people encouraged me by saying I looked 38-44 not 

53; and still quite handsome despite all the above! 

284

Monday 12 th – Sunday 18 th July 2010. The weather had been 

mostly ‘set fair’ for most of the Spring and Summer since April, 

but was overcast and there was light rain from Monday to 

Thursday this week, so much cooler. The hot set fair weather 

turned on the Friday, however. This week was even quieter 

than ‘school holidays’ last week! On Monday I tried and failed 

five times to ring the West Herts Courts Office about their letter 

about fines of Saturday. It was engaged each time, so 

eventually I rang the North and East Herts Office, who got West 

Herts Courts Office to ring me. I soon arranged not to pay the 

£230 all at once now, that I could not afford, but yet more 

money out of my benefits - £5 a week or so they said. Next I 

phoned East Herts Council and got the phone number of South 

Anglia Housing Association, who were advertising the 

Broadmeads flat on www.homeoption.org. I rang them and left a 

message for the appropriate housing officer to email me, but she 

did not by the next day, Tuesday. I had an email from 

Cambridge University Press on the Monday, too, but did not act 

on it till the weekend. That was only the second response to 

my emails from publishers – SPCK had replied ‘no’ the day after I 

send the first one, on 28 th June that is. A publisher called 

Kyle Cathie and IVP Press also replied ‘No’ this week! I had 

advertised my old fridge freezer on Ebay and it went for a top 

bid of £83 to a young Polish couple from Bishop’s Stortford that 

evening – they emailed me so we arranged that they should 

pick it up the next day, Tuesday, around midday. 

They came on the Tuesday about 12.20pm but failed to buy the 

fridge freezer, complaining about a damaged seal of all things… I 

rang one Natalie, the housing officer for that Broadmeads flat, 

who disappointed me by saying that it was not as advertised, 

and faced out from the opposite side of the blocks of flats from 

the river, in fact overlooking far from glamorously, the railway – 

and a scout hut! Suddenly and for no real reason, it occurred to 

me that I had written a million words – so could I be a 

technical author part time or full time? I Googled for ‘technical 

author’ and even applied for a job on the web site of a company 

called Academic Knowledge, thinking my degrees and 

285

Chartered Engineer status might secure me a job with them. 

However this Monday just been 19 th July they turned me down. I 

went to the Mind Club 7pm-8.20pm and at 10pm relisted the 

fridge freezer on Ebay, to wait till Friday at 10pm for results. 

On Wednesday at 11.30am Jo came from Rethink but it was too 

overcast and cold to swim as planned. 1pm-3pm I went to the 

Mind Club again. I had an empty afternoon and evening mostly 

full of doubt and confusion about all sorts of issues – and until 

these are all resolved somehow, I cannot finish this book as I 

would like to, for recently writing it has become a chore: - 

1. I have only had 40 – all ‘no’ - replies from 80 agents in many 

weeks now – and likewise only three ‘no’ replies from 21 

publishers in three weeks. Will I ever get a ‘yes’ reply from 

either an agent or a publisher? If I do not I will just have to 

give up the ghost on publishing my book! 

2. Will I ever find property locally to move to that is as good as 

or even better than my present studio flat? 

3. Is it really worth trying to get a job after effectively 18 years 

out of work? Even working from home as a Technical Author 

may be too much! 

4. My Equitable Life pension compensation may come ‘soon’ – 

and could be as low as several thousand pounds; or as high as 

£35,000! Which will it be – and when? 

5. Apart from her Restraining Order, I am 99.9% certain that as 

in January and February, if I could only chat to Julie for just five 

minutes – we could be friends again instead of this current 

horrendous icy standoff by her! 

6. Jem had rung – Dad was still refusing his tablets and there 

was another meeting in two weeks with him, Jem, and the 

Community Psychiatric Nurse. 

286

Thursday it rained quite a lot so I did not manage to do much. I 

saw Julie my social worker at 10.30am. I had a bad back which I 

thought was due to a water infection in my kidneys so 

cancelled a planned outing to Hatfield House with the Mind Club 

for Friday, and got a £13 refund from them. A chap called 

Terry phoned from Ware U3A to ask me to play at their chess 

club in two weeks’ time at a nearby pub. 

On Friday I got a letter from the Council saying I had come first 

in the bidding for a flat (there were two, both on the ground 

floor) at Trinity Road in Ware! I immediately rang the South 

Anglia H.A. Housing Officer – but I had only come second for 

the Broadmeads flat – and she said the woman who had come 

first had indicated that she was ‘almost certain’ to take it on… I 

had my depot at 1pm and Terence had been to Oak Ward while 

training at Harpersbury Hospital that morning - so at very long 

last I got back my hold-all and radio! The Mind Club only made 

me feel miserable so I only stayed 2.20pm-3.10pm. I had a 

quiet afternoon and evening – as usual sitting in our communal 

garden with a soft drink and a smoke. At 10.12pm my fridge 

freezer sold on Ebay a second time – for more - £92 this time. 

I did not get to sleep that night till dawn, 5am. I was mostly 

reminiscing about my former life, seemingly all over now, with 

Julie asleep next door. It struck me that the one thing that 

might ever attract her to me again was lots of money. There 

were in fact a number of possible ways I might expect to make 

lots of money while unemployed: - 

My Equitable Life compensation – possibly to come this 

same year! 

My book might just still yet get a ‘yes’ answer from an 

agent – or now a publisher approached direct. 

I had paid just £7 to join a ‘European Lottery Guild’ 

lottery syndicate making thousands of entries over the next 

6 months in three European lotteries. What if I got lucky? 

287

I was very unlikely in the extreme ever to get 

sufficiently highly paid work to come off the ‘benefits trap’. 

I slept from 5am to 10am and awoke from a horrifying 

nightmare. Somebody had murdered Julie and just because I 

had her restraining order against me I got the blame and got 

life in prison! I was very upset and agitated about this for a 

couple of hours on Saturday morning! At one stage I burst into 

tears saying to myself, ‘I have 99.9999% certainly lost Julie – 

because my ‘magic carpet ride’ at the end of October made me 

stop my tablets – and revealed the ugly side of my illness – 

which her family shunned so much that I never met her 

mother!’ Then I cut up some photos of her that were four to an 

A4 sheet – and burst into tears again! Looking through all 

these many pictures, some very good indeed and really 

capturing her good looks, made me very nostalgic indeed! I 

shopped after that tearful photo session for glue to fix the seal 

on the door of the fridge which I was selling, and at the 

supermarket, and left my three heavy bags outside the flats 

while I had a smoke. Julie drove past, parked round the corner 

as the bay outside the flats had no spaces, and walked into her 

own flat front door, doing a double take at me finishing off my 

cigarette outside my own flats’ entrance. 

Also on Saturday, I finally read properly the email of Monday 

from Cambridge University Press, and looked on the web site 

they gave and found no less than SIX departments I then sent 

my book pdf file to: - 

Literature, philosophy, history of ideas, religious 

studies 

under their ‘humanities’ umbrella 

Physics and core structure of physics under ‘science’ 

288

Julie and I had never had any mutual friends – it was very one 

to one, a relationship that she often dismissed as a ‘bedsit 

relationship’. Hence even if ‘indirect contact’ were actually 

allowed by the wording of the Restraining Order, there was 

absolutely nobody who could mediate between us. With the 

possible exception of her own foster daughter Rachel, who used 

to visit all the time, but now according to Terror had not visited 

Julie here since December 2009! She had also fallen out with 

young Sammy, apparently, who last visited her at Easter – the 

start of April, over three and a half months ago! Really from 

what I could see, since then, possibly still grieving over her 

mother’s unfortunate demise in January, Julie had become 

somewhat of a recluse. She only occasionally went away for 

the night, otherwise her life was: - car; long, early starting, 

awkward hours at work; Tesco’s; flat then solely ‘Emmerdale’ 

and other TV soap operas all evening – every single night! She 

did not seem to have had anybody call at her door or even visit 

at all, apart from the postman and Littlewoods delivery men, 

since Sammy used to call in March! This was tragic – she was 

in my humble opinion ‘wasting good laughter, drinks and 

barbecues in the garden, and above all love-making time’ this 

spring and summer – instead she had kept on getting me into 

trouble with the police, so that I had to shun her as she 

shunned me. I did think that weekend that there would be no 

harm in a new policy on odd occasions when I bump into her in 

the street from now on – if I SMILE at her! 

There was in fact a series of emails to and from CUP that day 

and the next – in which they declined to consider publishing my 

book – as ‘too general and possibly too ambitious’. 

289

Monday 17 th – Sunday 25 th July 2010. I had sold the fridge 

freezer on Ebay for a last minute bid of £92 beating one of £90 – 

just. However I had no reply over the weekend to an invoice 

and an email to the £92 ‘winner’ so had given up and offered 

the fridge freezer to the people who bid second - £90 – called 

Mark and Debbie – who promptly offered me £80 for it which I 

accepted. Now on Monday morning – first the original ‘winner’ 

at £92 finally replied and offered to pick up the fridge freezer 

for £92 about 8pm that night, which I agreed to, because Mark 

and Debbie also emailed saying they could only collect it on 

Thursday or Friday. It was now a matter of who actually 

collected the fridge freezer first – ‘Andrew’ at £92 or ‘Mark and 

Debbie’ at an offer of only £80. Finally that morning there was 

an email from a Richard Fisher of Cambridge University Press – 

finally turning down my application for publication over the 

weekend; but saying ‘as a long shot’ try IB Tauris ltd a London 

publisher. I decided I would possibly email them later in the 

week – as they appeared, complete with email address, in my 

Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook. 

I saw my psychiatrist at 1pm along with Julie my Social Worker 

for a routine appointment – he thought I was doing very well 

indeed despite everything – my Restraining Order and now my 

Father’s health problems. I had a phone call from the Housing 

Association confirming that I had come first on the short list, so 

could I view the flat at Trinity Road tomorrow afternoon about 

3.10pm? I got a turn down for Technical Author job from 

Academic Knowledge without any reason given, by email that 

afternoon. Then ‘Andrew’ rang with the strange and alarming 

news that his van had been stolen or otherwise gone missing so 

he could not come that evening for the fridge freezer – and the 

next ten days were awkward so he was forced to pull out! I 

typed up this diary 5 th -15 th July. 

On Tuesday at 11.30am I phoned the Housing Officer for South 

Anglia Housing Association, who confirmed that the flat at 

Broadmeads had indeed gone to the top person on the short list 

290

to whom I had come second on points. So at 3.10pm I had the 

briefest of conducted tours round ‘xx’ Trinity Road from Leslie, 

my Riversmead Housing Association Housing Officer. I was left 

with several main objections: - 

1. Both kitchen and bathroom were much smaller than my 

present flat; even though the flat had a big bedroom which 

mine lacked, and the lounge was bigger. 

2. The windows were tiny meaning it was not dark now but 

would be through the whole Winter 

3. For spurious reasons my only access to the large back 

garden, which was reserved for first floor residents, would be to 

hang washing. I was only allowed to use the front garden, with 

no privacy so useless! 

4. There was no view apart from parked cars out the front, and 

washing drying out the back! 

5. So I posted a turn down note that night to them! 

I told the Mind Club folk all about this that evening 6.40pm- 

8.30pm and they agreed I had best stay where I was as it is 

better! 

Wednesday, the next day, I was due to go to the Mind Club 

1pm-1.45pm then to the U3A singing class 2pm-3pm – but for 

some reason went back to bed 12.30pm-2.30pm so missed 

both! I once more rang Chris Harlow at EMAG who referred me 

for news to their web site www.emag.org.uk – and when I rang 

Leslie at Riversmead Housing Association about yesterday’s 

abortive attempt by her to ‘sell’ me the flat – she just said 

‘keep on looking every other Friday – including this one!’ I 

brought my diary up to date up to the end of last week. 

291

On Thursday morning it was as ever these days very quiet. I 

found myself wondering ‘did Julie actually ever read those three 

letters that got me into so much trouble?’ I do believe that she 

did not even bother!’ As arranged, that afternoon Jo took me 

and his colleague Carol (who drove the car) for an hour’s visit 

to Mill Green near Hatfield, where we saw the museum and 

working water mill. I bought some stone-ground flour and 

yeast as souvenirs, and we had a very inexpensive tea there in 

the café. I had emailed IB Tauris with my book before this trip 

out, but on our return found a message in my email inbox – 

rejecting the message as ‘spam’! At 4pm I found nothing of 

any use or interest on the www.homemove.org website in the 

way of housing in Mid Sussex. I turned up briefly but could 

only afford one drink at Club Amigos 9.20pm – 9.40pm held at 

the John Gilpin pub in Ware. 

On Friday 23 rd July I realised it was exactly four whole months 

that my Restraining Order had been in place. There were only 

two undesirable properties listed available to me on 

www.homeoption.org.uk, the East Herts housing web site! I 

went to the Mind Club just from 1.45pm to 2.50pm, then went 

home to await ‘Mark’ coming for the fridge freezer as arranged 

last night. He arrived at 3.15pm, and although he pointed out a 

problem with a seal and nicotine stains on the paint, as well as 

the fact that as advertised, the fridge door shelves were 

missing (!) still parted with £80 cash as arranged and I helped 

him lug it out to his estate car outside the flat. The £80 was 

heaven sent as I had got through my two weeks’ money inside a 

week after a very heavy week! 

I had been on the IB Tauris website and now followed their 

posted submission instructions to the letter, bought an A4 

envelope pack in the Graphics Shop and went to the Post Office 

and posted off the parcel. I got back, went to the back garden 

at the flats as usual that Spring and Summer – and for the first 

time in months saw Julie appearing from the bin area having 

just emptied a bag of rubbish into the bin! We just stared at 

292

the ground silently as usual as she walked past me and inside. 

Then my brother rang later saying my Father was now 

collecting improvised weapons and had had the locks changed 

on his front door – would the authorities put him in mental 

hospital as a result? 

The weekend as usual these days was extremely quiet – far too 

quiet for my liking! As often happened I woke up Saturday in 

tears - and anguished – late, about 11am. All that happened 

that afternoon was that I went to Tesco, made an appointment 

with the optician mainly because I felt that I no longer needed 

to wear glasses (because I was now taking tablets of 

orphenadrine, which I believed were relaxing my eye muscles?) – 

and then Chris called in as often, for about an hour. I noted 

that Terror from downstairs had basically been living with her 

boyfriend Roo in his new flat nearby – for a month now, for fear 

of Nit – so I had lost her as somebody to talk to, except 

whenever I caught her in feeding her dog and two cats. 

Sunday it was, I noted, exactly three years since Julie and I 

first started our full sexual relationship – and also exactly eight 

months since she called the police on me for her ludicrous 

‘sexual harassment’ allegations that I still so much resent – for 

ending the relationship at that point very fiercely. Now I was 

waiting, waiting and waiting until September at least – for more 

action in my life! 

My sister had asked me over for supper that Sunday night so at 

4.55pm I left the flat to feed the ducks and geese first then 

catch the bus. I had made some bread with the flour and yeast 

from the Mill trip on Thursday but it had gone wrong – so I was 

giving it to the birds! Just in front of me walking towards town – 

but I immediately noted, past her parked Corsa car - as I 

walked out of the flat – was Julie. I proceeded to catch up with 

her and cross the road as I passed her, innocently going my 

own way. I could not help notice that she turned left out of our 

293

oad and went away from the High Street. Then I remembered 

that she had once told me that she has a client there – and she 

was clearly working, for she was wearing her pinafore uniform 

and badge. My sister picked me up later than planned, for the 

bus was late due to a bridge on this side of Harlow being 

closed, a fellow passenger told me, but we enjoyed chicken 

breasts cooked in sage, runner beans, carrots and new 

potatoes before she gave me a lift home that night. 

Monday 26 th July – Sunday 1 st August 2010. We were now 

finally into the first full week of the school summer holidays, so I 

had the quietest week I can remember – bored and listless for 

the most part, and itching for more things to do in the day 

time. I knew meanwhile that this would only happen back in 

the autumn term, mid September or so – six whole weeks 

away! So I can probably summarise this empty week in around 

just two pages of typing! 

Monday I felt extremely screwed up and tearful indeed by all 

the ‘anniversaries’ I had picked up on over the weekend, so had a 

very useful session with Julie my social worker that really 

helped boost my morale. Meanwhile a letter had arrived from 

the European Lottery Guild – very disappointingly, I had only 

won 66p along with my syndicate in a major lottery in July! 

Terribly quiet and boring day. Got on the Equitable Members 

Action Group web site www.emag.org.uk as advised by their 

Chris last week – to be devastated by the news that the 

compensation fund would only be around £500 million or less 

not the originally promised ten times as much - £5 billion! The 

Treasury were issuing a further statement in October, this 

report quoted from the ‘New Statesman’ said, with payouts 

possibly by January to the victims of the scandal. 

It rained quite heavily Tuesday. Saw young Chris between 

12pm-1.10pm here. Had a surprise phone call from a 

Psychiatric Nurse (Approved Medical Personnel or AMP) from 

my father’s house saying he was being admitted to a mental 

294

hospital in Worthing near Brighton on a Section 2 of the Mental 

Health Act. She was ringing to confirm that I was concerned 

about his mental health as his next of kin, which I said I was. I 

was relieved when my brother called later and said my father 

had now agreed to be admitted voluntarily. I was obviously 

very worried about all this on top of everything else happening – 

and had half an hour in private with Angie at the Mind group 

6.30pm-8.30pm – who helped relax me from all my current 

fears. 

Wednesday I woke in tears from all of this thinking ‘where is 

my ex girlfriend Julie to help me now?’ I had a quizzical phone 

call about my father from my daughter Jeni – then a more 

supportive one from Julie my social worker. I was drawing out 

some money from the HSBC ATM in town about 1pm when who 

should walk past then look away – but this time Julie my ex! 

That was not to be the only time I was to pass her that day. In 

the meantime I walked on to the Mind Club between 1.15pm- 

2.50pm. I kept my appointment made Saturday at the optician – 

who verified that basically my glasses no longer worked 

because due to the orphenadrine medication I had taken since 

November – my eyesight was OK without now – I could read 

the second line below the main one on his chart without 

glasses! 

I sat in the nearby park with a glass of diet Pepsi, when just 

before 4.10pm I witnessed Julie come out of her flat and walk 

down the road to her car and drive off to work. Later I had to 

do some shopping, and at 5.40pm was standing outside Tesco 

having just come out, when I witnessed her drive past me 

going back home after work. I smiled but do not know whether 

she noticed me smiling. Ten minutes later I had walked home 

with my shopping – to witness her, a fourth time that day – this 

time walking towards me from her car. I smiled again and 

believe she may have noticed that time around! 

295

The next day, Thursday, I had a tearful meeting at 10am with 

Alistair, a local AMP who was assessing whether as planned 

indeed, my Community Treatment Order should be renewed. 

At 1.30pm-2.45pm Jo my befriender took me on a visit to the 

Lowewood Museum in Hoddesdon, which was quite interesting. 

That afternoon after telephoning to see if my parcel had 

arrived, I was given an email address by IB Tauris, so emailed 

for a progress report instead. 

On Friday I woke from a bizarre dream about getting married to 

Julie, which under the circumstances was very upsetting. I got 

in to see Julie (my social worker) about this, who calmed me 

down. I went to the Mind Club 2.20-3.30pm, and then had to 

walk back down from the flat to the Parcel Office as they had 

left a card to collect a parcel – which turned out to be an earlier 

than expected arrival of a pair of sandals. I received an email 

from IB Tauris and replied to it as follows: - 

Dear Alice 

I am rather confused by this 

1. You are reviewing my material 

2. You cannot publish it for at least two years 

Please clarify what you will do when your editor reviews my work - let me have a copy? 

Kind Regards 

Simon Lee 

----- Original Message -----From: Alice Orton 

296

To: 'Simon Lee' 

Sent: Friday, July 30, 2010 5:15 PM Subject: RE: Book proposal of last friday 

Dear Mr Lee, 

Thank you for your email of 29 July and the submission of your copy of ‘Scientific 

Proof that (God the Holy) Spirit Exists’. I have since passed this on for review by 

our commissioning religion editor. Unfortunately we are unable to publish this 

particular work as we are fully committed for the next couple of years. I am afraid 

we cannot return your manuscript as it is not company policy to do so. 

I wish you the best with your project. 

Kind regards 

Alice Orton 

Alice Orton 

PA to Iradj Bagherzade 

I.B. Tauris 

6 Salem Road LONDON 

W2 4BU 

02072431225 

297

From: Simon Lee [mailto:simon@author.me.uk] Sent: 29 July 2010 11:32 

To: Iradj Bagherzade 

Subject: my book proposal of last Friday 

Dear Iradje 

I was recommended to send you a book proposal last Friday as per your website in the 

post following an email discussion with Richard Fisher of Cambridge University Press who 

declined my book as 'too general and ambitious'. 

Please therefore confirm: - 

1. You received my brown envelope this week with my submission 2. The right person in 

IB Tauris is processing my submission 

3. Roughly how long it will take to process? 



I telephoned Jeni, Jem, then Dad who turned out to be home 

for the weekend on leave! Saturday was so quiet that my diary 

records nothing about it! At 11am on Sunday Nit called in to try 

– and fail – to use my wireless modem for Internet access on 

his wireless laptop PC. He had promised the day before to give 

derogatory views of his own about my Restraining Order when he 

next saw Julie. I now primed him yet again that I could not 

‘contact her directly or indirectly’ so any views he expressed 

must be his own. He came and tried again later, after lunch 

– and has seen and talked to Julie about all her own 

problems – and the Order. “She might start to consider lifting 

it in about a month, she said” he commented, “but don’t hold 

your hopes out”! Her Mum’s death had affected her very 

298

adly, and she was still grieving – on tablets from the GP, 

she said! Her foster daughter had suspected breast cancer! 

She was struggling at the moment (financially?) and was 

having to work every Sunday at present. Her only good 

news as far as I was concerned was that due to the grieving 

there was no boyfriend in the picture – so all her trips out on 

evenings and nights off were indeed to her daughter or other 

family – as I had hoped – not to some lover! I would feel 

betrayed and very small if indeed she took one now! I left Nit 

with the task of persuading Julie to have ‘ten minutes to talk to 

me soon so that I could try to sort her out’ without risking it 

being ‘indirect contact’ via him to her from me. I could not stand 

a further fine or even prison just for trying to talk to my ex 

girlfriend. 

On a more mundane note - I saw Chris again here 12pm- 

12.45pm after he called round; typed up these last two weeks 

of this diary; and learned when I called my Father that he was 

driving himself back to the hospital after his leave ended that 

evening. 

In case I could still find a publisher for my book, where only 

five out of 22 British publishers had replied to my emails inside 

four weeks – I now spent three hours of Sunday evening until 

10pm emailing 24 USA, Australian, New Zealand and South 

African presses. I have in the meantime given up on the 

roughly 40 out of 80 UK and USA literary agents I have now 

emailed three times in two months yet heard nothing back 

from. Either they have rejected my emails as spam or they are 

very rude indeed!For 

Julie may be struggling (almost certainly she meant 

‘financially’ when she said that to Nit earlier) but so am I! My 

income for the next 12 days is only £170 - £14 a day rather 

than my usual minimum of £20+. I am going to hope that Nit 

persuades Julie to come and have a talk to me so that I can 

299

calm down my cigarette intake from my enforced separation 

while so agonisingly close to her – and save money that way! 

An hour with her and a promise resulting from that of the Court 

Order being lifted would definitely lower my nicotine 

requirements by quite a lot – enough to save a lot of money! I 

have no other way to save money – I cannot go without food! 

Monday 2 nd – Sunday 22 nd August 2010. These next three 

weeks of August were so suddenly very empty that I can deal 

with them in one section here. Including the self-inflicted 

terror I brought on myself in parallel to acute boredom, after 

the first Wednesday in these three weeks. To save typing 

below, I will just say that I went to the Mind Drop In Club all 

three weeks for all three sessions per week in this period – 

Tuesday 6.30pm-7.30pm; Wednesday 1pm-3pm; Friday 

1.30pm-3.30pm. Also I have been quite busy answering emails 

on www.cupid.com from potential girlfriends – who mostly then 

cease the email exchange – which is obviously very frustrating. I 

have spoken to three women on the phone in these three 

weeks – but they dropped it out of lack of interest at that point! 

It was quite wet this month after a lovely dry spring and early 

summer – April, June and July in particular had been 

exceptionally dry. 

Monday 2 nd . Saw my Psychiatrist for an excellent report at 

1.30pm. He reminded me that my Community Treatment 

Order had run for six months mid September. He had written a 

report for the Hospital Managers’ Meeting due to be held to 

renew that Order for a further six months, due early 

September, i.e. in advance of the renewal date. There were 

two ‘no’ emails from last night’s mail shot to foreign publishers. 

As I type this on Sunday 22 nd August there have been just 17 

replies – all ‘no’ to emails to 42 publishers in total, from two 

mail shots, the first repeated - to British publishers in that case. 

That with just 42 all ‘no’ replies from 80 agents is dismal – and 

rude by them! That evening in the garden Nit corrected 

300

himself, which only served to completely wind me up over the 

next couple of days! ‘Julie said she may possibly talk to you 

(NOT lift the restraining order) in the next few weeks’ he 

claimed now! Her little friend Sammie slept at her place for the 

first time in four months that night, to add insult to injury… My 

membership of www.cupid.com dating site was only due to 

expire on Saturday 28 th August, due to the fact I could by no 

means get them to cancel my month’s membership. I was to 

have a frustrating four weeks, getting flirted with by women 

from all over the place apart from locally; who rarely started an 

email conversation when I replied to their opening line by email – 

or even bothered to reply at all. Most disappointing! 

Tuesday 3 rd . Found no better jobs than two weeks ago when I 

went to Hertford Job Centre again. Mind Club that evening. 

Wednesday 4 th . Thunder and heavy rain! Borrowed £20 from 

Cygnet House. Mind Club after lunch. Skint! £43 to last to 

Wednesday week! Big wind up Monday by Nit peaked at 

midnight – left a VOICEMAIL on Julie’s mobile! Contact again! 

Thursday 5 th . Had coffee with Jo, visited Ware museum. 5pm 

checked the www.homemove.org.uk website for properties in 

Sussex to move to but as ever there was nothing suitable. 

Rang Dad – he had a week’s home leave prior to likely 

discharge with the problem wholly unresolved by the idiot 

psychiatric staff handling him! 10.45pm risked further massive 

problems by leaving Julie a second voicemail apologising for 

disturbing her with the first! 

These two voicemails quite obviously, just as my letters to Julie 

the month before, totally breached the Restraining Order! For 

the next week I was to suffer agonies of worry and terror about 

Julie reporting me to the police, followed by yet another 

overnight incarceration in a police cell – followed by the Court 

the next day. To face what – a massive fine this time or even 

imprisonment in the worst case scenario? For the course of last 

301

week it seemed increasingly unlikely that Julie would indeed tell 

the police about these two calls, so my worries gradually 

abated. As I write on Monday 23 rd August it has been nearly 

three weeks since I made them, so chances are slim I will be in 

trouble over them now. I cannot begin to tell you what a huge 

relief that is! So why did she not report these two voicemails to 

the Police, in fact? Possible reasons are: - 

1. She has in fact heard them, but dismissed them as my 

harmless ramblings about Nit winding me up about her 

possibly getting the Court Order discharged – then a second 

voicemail mostly apologising for the first one. 

2. Her voicemail may not work! 

3. She may have swapped or sold her mobile or the SIM card. 

Friday 6 th August. Two decent properties on 

www.homeoption.org for a change – a bungalow right up north 

10 miles from here near Stevenage in the attractive village of 

Walkern – and a maisonette in Stanstead Abbotts, a much 

larger village near here. I was not sure about either of them, 

the first representing a ‘fresh start completely’ and both being 

in villages not with the facilities of towns like Ware. So I 

removed my bids a couple of times before reinstating them on 

the Wednesday next – just before deadline time 1pm to make 

bids. When I was offered the Walkern bungalow next Monday 

16 th August I turned it down as too isolated. 

Also that Friday 6 th . Spent over an hour on the telephone just 

to secure a £35.05 crisis loan. Mind Drop In Club 1.40-3.30pm. 

On the way back saw Julie with her back to me outside the flats 

nattering to Terror – so I called out a general ‘Hiya!’ Julie 

turned round as I entered my main flat entrance door, so again I 

called a general ‘Hi there!’ to both of them. Like the voice 

mails this so far has gone unpunished as ‘contact’ with Julie. 

On advice from Angie at the Mind Club, made a totally tearful 

statement to the Police Control Room about the two voicemails. I 

expected to be told I would be arrested – but the WPC on the 

302

phone said ‘I will log that – but she has to make the complaint 

before we arrest you!’ Big let off. 

Saturday 7 th August. Mind barbecue stayed dry until all the 

food had been cooked between 1pm and 2pm, by some 

Providence, then it rained heavily. Very quiet day otherwise. 

Sunday 8 th August. Note in my hand written diary – one year 

Anniversary of last act of love making with Julie! VERY quiet 

day apart from leaving at 4.55pm and catching the bus again to 

Panshanger, Welwyn Garden City for supper with my sister – 

who has now exchanged contracts on the flat in Welwyn she is 

trading up her rented flat for very imminently now. She 

listened a bit incredulous to my woeful tale of ‘getting wound 

up and phoning Julie – twice – last week’ but said ‘I just do not 

know what to say!’ afterwards. Not surprisingly? 

Note in my diary that only six out of all of 42 publishers have 

bothered to reply to my emails, which is obviously very 

disappointing. However by Monday 23 rd August, this figure had 

reached 17 out of 42 – a more respectable nearly half – but 

inevitably all were polite ‘no’ replies, even though most 

expressed at least some interest. 

The two weeks that followed, as described below, were (a) in 

the depths of the school and college summer holiday period, so 

the most quiet and boring weeks of the year to date! (b) 

Incredibly worrying, because of the voicemails I had sent to 

Julie last week, however friendly they might have been, in a 

totally wound up funk. I cried virtually every day in these two 

weeks over the possibility of her reporting them to the police, 

although the longer that time passed, the less, slowly, my fear 

became. I could not countenance another overnight stay in a 

police cell, followed by court and possibly prison and/or large 

fine the next day! 

303

Monday 9 th August. Telephoned Nick Staples at my criminal 

lawyer Healey Colbon, but as expected he and they could do 

nothing until such time as Julie reported my ‘contact’, however 

minor, of two voicemails. Saw Julie my social worker who in 

the course of the conversation said ‘do not on any account bid 

for the bungalow at Walkern’ so I went home and removed not 

just that but both bids on www.homeoption.org . Had a letter 

from Dad’s social worker to sign – making my brother not I his 

next of kin – that I can revoke any time. So I duly signed it 

and posted it back. Terror had been living at her new 

boyfriend’s for three months roughly now, so I hardly ever saw 

her except when she popped in about 6.30pm to feed her dog 

and two cats. I caught her in that night and she discussed 

three interesting things she said that Julie had told her when I 

saw them chatting in front of the flats the previous Friday. 

Firstly Julie was trying hard to move out, saying that moving 

here had been a mistake! Secondly she was financially better 

off than when I used to subsidise her last year and before. She 

was still getting over her mother’s death, obviously. 

Tuesday 10 th August. Did the rounds of all four private 

property letting agents in Ware but only one ever had landlords 

who could consider tenants on housing benefit. No hope there! 

Nit contradicted Terror in one respect by saying that when he 

himself had chatted to Julie she was on the housing list and 

looking on the web every fortnight like me – but getting 

nowhere! Quiet day – went to Mind Club as usual 6.30-8.30. 

Wednesday 11 th August. For some reason rebid for both the 

bungalow and the maisonette just before bids stopped at 1pm. 

Mind Club 1pm-1.40pm then U3A singing class near Chauncy 

school 2pm-3.30pm. 11.15pm was skint so went on the bus to 

Tesco 24 hours Hertford, drew out some cash after having to 

wait till 12.10am, and bought some cigarettes. 

304

Friday 13 th August 2010. Mind Club 1.30pm-3.30pm. Skint! – 

on recycled dog end tobacco yet again from my bin! Had to go 

to Hertford around midnight for the second time that week as 

well as Tuesday night to get cash out so tobacco! 

Saturday 14 th August. Letter from East Herts Council – I had 

come first for the bungalow at Walkern but since the winning 

bid on Wednesday had decided it was too small and remote a 

village where I knew nobody and there were no facilities for 

anything apart from nearby Stevenage. I had an incredibly 

boring day. 

Sunday 15 th August. My golf clubs and trolley and body shaver 

finished their auction started on Tuesday. The golf stuff only 

got a bid of £1.25 and when I refused to part with it at that 

ridiculously low price, the potential buyer got very stroppy, 

threatened to raise an Ebay dispute over such peanuts; but 

fortunately neglected to in the end. Foolishly, as it turned out, 

as Nit had once more been banned from Ebay, I kindly let him 

advertise two large lots of Sony Play-station games and some 

retro fog lamps that he had found in a charity shop – on my 

Ebay account – on my computer! I really did have too much 

time on my hands that incredibly boring weekend to do that! 

Monday 16 th August. Phoned East Herts Council Housing Team 

and actually once more backed out of my top bid for the 

bungalow at Walkern! Had my injection three days late! Went 

to Herford Job Centre on the bus but there were no new good 

jobs like the one two weeks ago! The 17 th of 42 publishers 

replied who had done so – interested but still a ‘no’. Got the 

bus to Panshanger Welwyn Garden City and my sister cooked a 

chicken supper for us both. Chicken yet again! She was 

moving to a flat she actually owns from her existing rented one 

over the next couple of weeks starting tomorrow, helped by my 

father, who was discharged the previous Thursday from 

hospital. Finally Nit told me the axe had finally fallen on him 

305

after threatening noises from the Housing Association – and 

they had said he was definitely being taken to Court and 

evicted. My immediate neighbours, two young drug addicts, 

had recently been made to spend 12 weeks at the (in)famous 

Priory rehab, so the council really was ‘cleaning up Priory 

Street’ as promised! 

Tuesday 17 th August. Very quiet day. At the Mind Club that 

night I may have yet got a big break; I should find out when I 

go to Waterstone’s Hatfield next Tuesday 31 st August as I write 

on Saturday 28 th August 2010. Angie, the helper, said she had 

watched a TV programme about the current rise of self 

publishing like mine. She went on about me changing from 

www.lulu.com that the programme slated – to the ‘Grosvenor 

House Publishing ltd’ featured on the programme – claiming the 

programme had a man on it from that company, saying they 

would produce several copies of a book for about £10. When I 

checked on the Internet at the club it turned out they actually 

demanded over £800 to produce a book – typical vanity 

publisher pricing, like their rival in the USA, Dorrance 

Publishing. However, I was to follow up her reporting that the 

leading bookshop chain in the country, Waterstone’s, had no 

central buying policy, and a woman had walked in with a copy 

of her book to one of their stores, got them to read it then start 

selling it – and within weeks was number one at that store! 

She also commented that the text on my own website was hard 

to read due to technical problems – which I fixed that night! 

306

Wednesday 18 th August. Mind Club 1.50pm-3pm. Made the 

outdoor table of people in the garden laugh for ages! 

Sold Neil a copy of ‘Scientific Proof’ for him to give to his 

friend Lesley having gone home to get a copy when at last he 

was both at the club, and had £15 to pay for it. He had 

offered to buy a copy months before. Got home, looked up 

Waterstone’s Hatfield on my PC and phoned them. They 

checked their web site and informed me there were only six of 

my ten titles as at www.lulu.com/authormeuk featured there - 

and gave me the number of their HQ. When I dialled them, 

they said they relied on the Nielsen Book Data database – 

which showed the same books – so gave me their number in 

turn. I phoned Nielsen’s and spoke to a Katy in their database 

section, and was asked to email a note to her, which I did, 

giving the above vital www.lulu.com/authormeuk link. That 

night at around 6.30pm Nit’s auctions on my EBay site not his 

ended, with much lower top bids than he wanted or expected for 

his three lots. So the trouble started after he emailed the three 

top bid winners and asked them to call his mobile to discuss cash 

on collection. 

Thursday 19 th August. The week ended very quietly. I got an 

email from Katy of Nielsen’s confirming that their database now 

matched the Lulu Inc books of mine – and should filter through 

on the distribution networks to Waterstone’s in no more than 

‘3-5 days’. I looked at the www.homemove.org site just after it 

opened at 4pm. Yes, there was a ground floor flat in my 

father’s village – but I was disinclined to bid for it as I was 

disillusioned with the prospect of the vast stress of any house 

move now. There was nothing suitable either, in the home 

option leaflet at the local library that day. 

Friday 20 th August. Ordered some cheap business cards for my 

‘business’ as an author on the web. Went to Mind Club 2- 

3.30pm. 

307

Saturday 21 st August. Nothing day. Three weeks ago Nit had 

claimed he talked to Julie who said good things would happen 

for me in ‘a few weeks’. Predictable, him being such a 

compulsive liar, nothing happened. I was so utterly bored that I 

slept twice that afternoon, not just once! 

Sunday 22 nd August. Another nothing day – weekends are the 

worst on Benefit pay – nothing happens at all! Went to the 

Museum and gave them my details to apply for a voluntary as a 

Steward. Skint! Borrowed £10 off Chris and bought 40 Pall 

Mall Cigarettes! My father confirmed my new thoughts about 

not wanting to move on the phone, commenting that my sister’s 

ongoing move of house that he was helping with – was 

unmitigated stress and hassle! 

In a few weeks most of my long list of things I was waiting for 

should have all come about. If several new hopes happened I 

could be able to finish this book soon, which will be a relief for it 

is something of a chore to type up every few weeks. These 

hopes are: - 

1. Julie may have actually had the Restraining Order lifted or 

simply be talking to me, if roguish Nit is to be believed! 

2. I may have my driving license back. 

3. My books may be on sale at Waterstone’s – at least Hatfield! 

Monday 23 rd – Bank Holiday Monday 30 th August 2010. Still the 

depths of the Summer holiday period so yet another quiet week 

happened. I was eagerly awaiting September when a list I 

made above weeks ago indicated a lot more things happening 

in my life from that month. Today I was once more skint on 

the Monday so had to borrow £20 from Cygnet House, who 

knew I was reliable and always repaid my debts to them, so 

happily obliged. I had emailed the DVLA Drivers’ Medical Group 

at the weekend, and they promptly replied by email that day, 

308

saying yes they had received my application form and had sent 

the usual brief medical questionnaire last Thursday. That duly 

arrived on the Tuesday – so I filled it in and sent it back by 

return of post. I emailed Katy at Nielsen that night, thinking 

Waterstone’s lead would be great if anything came of it at all – 

as my email shots to agents and publishers seemed to have 

just about finished getting any replies last week! 

Tuesday I got my second very quick email response from this 

Katy, answering my questions and in particular giving me an 

email address at Nielsen to which to send correct format 

images of covers – I had asked her why some were missing 

from the web at Waterstone’s web site and she answered that 

they were not of a suitable format for Nielsen’s to use, at 

www.lulu.com/authormeuk ! I sweated for two hours after 

lunch and finally prepared a set of image files with titles giving 

the ISBN numbers and titles of the books, and emailed them 

Nielsen at the ‘image’ email address she had given. I was 

amazed to get a response from one Alex there within a couple 

of hours saying they were already incorporated in the database! 

At about 6.15pm I bumped into Terror downstairs, and it was a 

case of ‘now she tells me - at last‘ rather than two weeks or 

more earlier! That then on the Friday two weeks ago Julie had 

told her that she had indeed received my two voicemails. Had I 

known that two weeks ago (‘none of my business’ was Terror’s 

excuse for not telling me this!) I could far earlier have greatly 

relaxed, knowing it was becoming increasingly unlikely with 

every day that passed, that Julie would report these messages 

as ‘two contacts’ to the police! Certainly I went on to the Mind 

Drop In Club and laughed with people in the know about this 

latest ‘contact’ problem, that now it was almost 99.9% 

definitely over! 

Wednesday 25 th August. Went to Mind Club 1pm-3pm, then 

went to the college to find out about part time courses next 

academic term in September, to be appalled that due to the big 

cut backs in the Government’s Emergency Budget recently 

309

there were hardly any subsidies for people on benefit any more. I 

decided to make my five autobiographies and ‘the Tender 

Years’ private publications on Lulu from now on, partly as I 

intended to proof read them soon, which would also serve 

another purpose. Since the events of the winter, culminating in 

the Restraining Order – I seem to have suffered a severe loss 

of memory about my life up to those times! 

Thursday 26 th August. As arranged with U3A chess group 

leader Terry, at 2pm I played two games of chess (with him) in 

the back room of the Rose and Crown pub. I lost both out of 

lack of practice – and we both agreed after I explained about it – 

this was mostly due to my illness which I said ‘made me too 

quick’! Got home and rang Waterstone’s – and their Robin 

arranged for me to see him between 4.20pm and 5.15pm next 

Tuesday – times to suit the 724 bus journeys involved. 

Dropped a note into Nit’s flat, for he seemed to be out all week, 

pointing out that he had messed up the deals he had done on 

EBay on MY account so much that MY Paypal account had been 

‘limited’! 

Friday 27 th August. Nit dropped round a note that replied to my 

own totally polite one with a stream of insults, swearing, and 

downright lying that ‘many people wish you would fuck off and 

get out’ – even though he was the one about to be evicted! I 

decided to ignore it, and after emailing his customer for the 

play-station games and initiating a refund of his mere £5.50 on 

Paypal – indeed he rang me as requested and I explained what 

was going on. I had already telephoned Paypal so this Tim was 

very nice to offer to give me positive feedback to EBay for the 

deal after he got his refund which would probably be in his 

account next Wednesday 1 st September. This is all Paypal want 

to see happening to normalise my account again from limited. I 

removed my www.cupid.com profile that night as the 

membership period was due to expire next day, Saturday. I 

310

was very disillusioned that nobody local enough had appeared 

on the scene in the five weeks I had been a member. I had 

had similar experiences in the past with other match sites like 

this one, so put it down to experience again – hours of my time 

on my computer totally wasted! Talking of female friends, my 

friend from my hospital stay, Lucy is currently between 

boyfriends. I sent her a three page text that night at 1pm. 

She rang back immediately, not bothered that I had 

inadvertently woken her up, and we had a long chat and she 

agreed to meet up some time soon. 

Saturday 28 th August. Chris called round at 1pm and stayed 

over an hour, apologising for having woken me up by calling on 

the phone at just after 9am. At 3pm I had to leave for an 

interview for the voluntary job of warden at the nearby 

museum, arranged with a woman who also happens to run the 

U3A craft group there. However, I immediately mentioned that I 

have a police record involving harassment that would come up on 

the CRB check they intended to carry out on all such 

volunteers. She said that almost certainly totally limited my 

future career at the museum – to nothing! Typed up the last 

three weeks of this diary which took about three hours… 

Sunday 29 th August. It had been overcast and ‘damp’ on the 

Saturday but the next few days were to be sunny starting this 

afternoon. I had a very quiet Bank Holiday Sunday and 

Monday indeed! Sunday at midday I dropped off my repeat 

request for tablets etc at the Doctor’s surgery – and met young 

Chris, on his way to my flat, in the street there. So he stayed 

about an hour as usual at my flat, smoking and drinking coffee 

and cola and chatting about nothing in particular as ever. I had a 

nap that afternoon for an hour – then as planned started 

proof reading the first volume of my memoirs – ‘Which Witch 

Doctor?’ (‘WWD?’ for short) – which was hard going so I did not 

get very far. 

311

Bank Holiday Monday 30 th August 2010. Carried on proof 

reading WWD? up to page 67. Again, more sleep, two hours 

this time. Saw Chris again here at about 8.30pm-9.30pm. It 

has been a month and I realise I am no longer worried about 

arrest by the police for voice-mailing Julie several weeks ago! 

Tuesday 31 st August – Sunday 5 th September 2010. Tuesday 

had a phone call at 12pm from Robin at Waterstone’s of 

Hatfield to say he had not got hold of his manager – one Jean 

Evans – yet. My podiatry session had been cancelled a month 

ago – so when I was seen at 1.30pm the new podiatrist was 

horrified that my feet had been neglected so long! She asked if I 

had yet been seen by a dermatologist – and when I said no, 

she offered to write to my GP to have a referral to one. After 

that more medicine – my depot a day late due to the Bank 

Holiday, given by Jill Currey at Cygnet House. Followed by a 

fairly short session with Julie my social worker, mostly 

celebrating the fact that I had not been arrested and most 

likely would not now! Went to the Mind Drop In club that night. 

Wednesday 1 st September. Had gone to bed very late so only 

woke at 11.30am! Went to the Mind Club 1.50pm-3pm. Then 

called Robin at Waterstone’s who liked my web site but said 

that publishing reps had a hard enough job getting in to see his 

boss, so held out little hope for me a mere local author! Lisa 

my solicitor rang and confirmed that neither she nor I would be 

attending the Hospital Manager’s Meeting at Cygnet House the 

next day, so I would not be opposing the six months’ renewal 

of my Community Treatment Order. I proof-read pp67 – pp101 

of WWD? 

Thursday 2 nd September. Saw my befriender Jo at 1pm after 

his cycling holiday in France for a coffee in a café. Picked up 

312

the www.homeoption.org magazine but there was no property 

appropriate for me. Rang the social fund at length and for the 

second time in a month, arranged a crisis loan – of £32.05 this 

time. Heard on the grapevine from Terror that Nit, whom I was 

not on speaking terms with after he had my Paypal account 

‘limited’ recently, was being evicted on Wednesday week! 

Friday 3 rd September. Picked up and cashed crisis loan giro 

cheque from Hertford job centre plus. Also got £21 for a mixed 

white gold and yellow gold crucifix and chain from a jeweller in 

Ware – scrap value only – it originally cost £90! Proof read 

WWD? pages 101 through 110. Found it very hard going – so 

very extremely painful! 

Saturday 4 th September. I experienced lots of tears in grieving 

my Mother, Julie next door having destroyed our once lovely 

relationship; and finally the death in January of Julie’s mum, 

who had never wanted to meet me at all – out of stigma? 

1pm-3pm went to the Mind Drop In for its first Saturday of the 

month special meeting. At 5.30pm caught the 724 to Welwyn 

Garden City bus station, to be met by my sister and taken to 

her new flat for a roast chicken dinner. It is substantially 

bigger than her previous, rented, flat, so feels far less 

overcrowded and less cluttered – especially the lounge and 

kitchen. There is no communal garden, however, and it faces 

onto the motorway at the back! 

Sunday 5 th September. Very quiet day indeed, spent cleaning 

for two hours, then proof reading ‘WWD?’ up to page 201. I 

really was regretting starting this task – and loathed the 

thought of getting through another four similar sized books in 

the series. I may have totally lost my memory of the past 

twelve years or so – but that might be for the best rather than 

the agony of trawling through my memoirs! 

313

Monday 6 th – Sunday 12 th September 2010. The agonising lack 

of things happening and so total boredom had persevered 

throughout August and into the first week of September the 

previous week – and entered new dizzy lows this week. 

Monday 6 th . Got some ointment from my GP for a very 

inflamed left eye – putting it on cured this inside a week. I had 

tried at the weekend to get Mymms Ward to give my phone 

number to a very attractive and likeable fellow patient there 

back in December 2009, called Martina. They said call Joy the 

Ward Clerk the next day, Monday. However she refused to 

help, as did Julie my social worker when I called her after that. 

Proof read ‘Which Witch Doctor?’ up to page 260 – and gave up 

as it was too painful to read so remember such torture in 1994- 

1997 at the hands of supposedly caring Doctors! 

Tuesday 7 th . Saw Julie my social worker not about the above 

but a government grant for me of around all of £3,000 to assist 

with my main stated problem – ‘social inclusion’. I went to the 

Mind group briefly that evening just from 6.30-7.10pm – 

because I found it very boring that night. 

Wednesday 8 th . Saw Julie my social worker again about social 

funding. Went to the Mind club for an hour 2pm-3pm but left 

early as there was only one other member or ‘client’ there! 

Thursday 9 th . 1pm had a coffee with Jo the befriender. 3pm 

got the all clear from a six month check-up at my dentist. 

Phoned Robin of Waterstone’s for what seemed the umpteenth 

time in four weeks and he advised calling Gardner’s the Lulu 

Inc distributor to ask them to stock my books. However when I 

was asked to email Gardner’s Small Publisher Helpline the next 

day after I finally got the right number off the Web – the reply 

was ‘we do not stock Print On Demand books’! That left the 

single copy of ‘Scientific Proof’ that Waterstone’s had actually 

314

ordered – and hoping wildly from that - that ‘from little oaks 

mighty acorns grow’ or whatever! 

Friday 10 th . Again that week – found the Mind Club too boring 

so only stayed from 1.30-2.30pm not 3.30pm. I had vaguely 

kept in touch with ‘Juicy Lucy’ from Bishop’s Stortford who I 

had met in hospital. I had last phoned her two weeks earlier – 

and she had a long story she did not want to go into to tell 

about splitting with her South American boyfriend. Then more 

recently she had briefly taken home another boyfriend after 

meeting him at a rehab several months ago. It seemed that 

now she was between boyfriends – so bored and listless after 

the most empty, boring week all year – I tried to call her and 

ended up leaving two voicemails and a text. 

Realised that it has been exactly five weeks without Julie 

reporting me, bless her, to the police, for leaving her a 

voicemail followed by a second voicemail basically apologising 

for the first! Nor have I bumped into her in the street in those 

five weeks – even though I normally do so once or twice a 

week on average! Some law of averages! 

Saturday 11 th . Get paid but have £100 bills going out! Skint! 

Have had no emails back from agents or publishers in weeks so 

have just about abandoned hope – so come on Waterstone’s, 

show me whatever great things you can do – from starting by 

ordering just one copy of my book! Got hold of Lucy on the 

phone who advises me that she neglected to tell me two weeks 

ago when I last phoned her – about the new boyfriend she met 

in a pub three weeks earlier – so I agree not to call her again in a 

hurry! Shame, I had hoped to ask her out for a coffee or 

even a drink! Briefly contact my daughter Jeni after endlessly 

trying and failing – but fail to get an answer to my request that 

she call round – I have some presents here for her for her 

birthday back in February; and her exam results more recently 

of course – two CD’s and two rings respectively. 

315

Sunday 12 th . Wake up with a start at 1.30am with a BIG 

nightmare. From what I have noticed from a distance over the 

last six months – are Sammy and Julie actually to my horror 

and loathing, involved in a lesbian sexual relationship – 

presumably taking place in both of their beds? Worry and 

ponder this till finally sleeping again at 4.30pm… My Dad 

turned up late from fixing furniture at my sister’s new flat at 

2pm or so – and bought him and me a sandwich and drink at 

the new subway café – then we sat in the park to eat these, 

and I explained just how skint I was – and he gave me not just 

lent me all of £30! 

Monday 13 th – Sunday 19 th September. The weeks just keep 

getting quieter and quieter! Waterstone’s had promised that 

Robin would call today when I phoned on Saturday – but he 

had not called by 1pm so I called him, keen to finally actually 

go over to Hatfield with books to show them. However, he put 

me off – saying their staff were so overstretched they were 

even putting off reps from the mighty Penguin! He was actually 

keen to see the one copy of ‘Scientific Proof’ arrive this week to 

read it, he said. “Much bigger things may come after that” he 

left the conversation! Nit’s ever-faithful (for whatever reason 

with a lout like him) girlfriend Dawn had told me on the Sunday 

his court appearance about his imminent eviction was today. I 

await the outcome of that – will the noisy pest go soon please? 

Julie my social worker called after I left a message for her to do 

so – and said that the money from any grant would be 

announced in ‘weeks and weeks’ rather than now. I have 

college courses I want to book up but can’t afford to without 

that money! Very bad timing and planning by her – indeed! 

That evening was interesting. I got an email from one Angela, 

who had introduced herself to me on www.cupid.com about a 

month earlier with no information on her page to be seen, 

316

except she is 31 and from somewhere in the UK. Only that had 

turned out to be untrue – she is really a senior American nurse 

who has been in Africa for many years! She had emailed me 

with a phone number I could call her on the previous week, 

which I had requested about three weeks earlier. Then it had 

taken her weeks to reply and supply the number – which did 

not work when I tried it! The number in this evening’s email 

did work however, but the line was bad – so we resorted to 

sending texts, of which we each sent several. 

Tuesday 14 th September. Very quiet day indeed, this was! Had 

my depot, and remained extremely bored until 6.30pm came, 

when I went to the Mind Drop In Club. When I showed around 

pictures of Angela there was a mixed up reaction: - “she is a 

real cracker!” said some; yet other more cynical types said “she 

is from Nigeria! There are loads of scams in the papers where 

Nigerian women marry British men, just to get a British 

passport – then vanish!” So when I got home I texted Angela 

with various fierce questions especially asking her to email a 

copy of her passport photo/ID page! 

Wednesday 15 th September. Another very quiet day – where I 

went to Mind just from 2pm-3pm, then slept from 3.30pm- 

6.30pm! Had a plaintive text of protest from Angela to my 

request for a passport photo/ID picture, so briefly repeated my 

request for this in an email. 

Thursday 16 th September. Pleased to find out on the Lottery 

website that my lucky dip ticket had won £10 – as I was and 

remain skint on this Sunday following! Bought a ticket for that 

Saturday at £1 and for that Friday’s Euro Millions at £2. Read 

the latter which said ‘the jackpot for Friday October 1 st is an 

estimated £82 million!’ 

Went to the College to find out that all of one type of digital 

photography course are full up all year – but 11 places remain 

317

for the one next January in Broxbourne. Also, the guitar course 

is not starting this term either – but at £203 a term not £20 as 

for photography – I will definitely need my Personal Budget 

Grant for the former. Still, I can do both next year, almost 

certainly, which is a far better result than I had expected! 

Rang ‘John’ at the music shop, but cannot start guitar or 

keyboard classes there instead till I pay for them up front – 

which would cost £11 per 45 minute lesson times 13 lessons 

left i.e. £143 for a class that has just started up. I cannot 

afford that, again, till I get my Grant in many weeks. However, 

this John assured me that ‘there are always suitable lessons’. 

Saw Nit in the garden, who said he won a fourth ever stay on 

his eviction at Court on Monday, so is no longer under threat of 

that! He said the prosecuting solicitor got all his facts wrong! 

Nothing was at all suitable in the home option magazine at the 

library nor on the www.homemove.org.uk web site for Sussex – 

as ever! Had some post that day – I really must attack the 

care plan I was sent as totally inaccurate and indeed libellous 

about me at one point – when I see the Psychiatrist in a routine 

appointment next Monday! 

Enjoyed myself so stayed for all of two and a half pints with the 

Club Amigos crowd at the John Gilpin pub that night. 

Friday 17 th September. Rang Guile Nicholas my legal aid 

solicitors, and a Steven later rang back. He advised seeing my 

Doctor as planned on Monday about my grievances, especially 

about possible libel – then report back – for it definitely 

sounded to him like a libellous ‘alert’ on my care plan! Jo took 

me for a cheap coffee at Esem’s café, for I was now too skint to 

afford anything else, when he came 1pm-2pm. I found the 

Mind Club boring again at 2.10pm, so left at just 2.25pm! 

Slept 4.30-6.30pm! 

318

Saturday 18 th September. It is exactly seven whole weeks – 

how time had flown! – since Nit may have as often lied fluently - 

about Julie telling him various things. In particular he claimed 

she said she might be ‘lifting the restraining order in a few 

weeks’ moderated viciously by him adding ‘but don’t hold your 

hopes out!’ It was because he wound me up so much by 

altering this ‘quotation’ to ‘she said, “she would talk to you in a 

few weeks”’ that I risked prison and left her two exasperated 

voicemails asking her to clarify this confusion by phoning me 

back. Luckily, she has so far nearly two months later continued 

to ignore these voicemails and not report them to the police! 

My stress levels over that possibility in that two month time 

frame have been massive – and I have been sleeping in a lot 

later – to 10.30am even to as late as 12.30pm sometimes! 

I had a quiet – very quiet - day otherwise apart from the above 

reflection. I was given a roast chicken supper by my sister at 

her flat, with my father who was once more staying while he 

decorated her new flat, putting up shelves in her ‘glory hole’ 

cupboard this time. 

Sunday 19 th September. Incredibly quiet, boring day. I reflect 

that this book started with just the covers and the appendix, 

and has since grown to nearly 400 pages – in search of a 

suitable ending all of the time. Currently the only possible 

‘suitable endings’ are as follows: - 

1. I might at last find an advert on the web for somewhere 

better than my present flat to move to – and finally abandon all 

hope of ever seeing Julie again. 

2. She might succeed in moving out instead. She has told both 

Nit and Terror she is trying via the Council website like me. 

However I strongly expect she has totally ignored my very 

sound advice in one of my letters that led to my conviction of 

breaching a Court Order – and is still struggling hopelessly to 

319

move out on just 90 housing points or so – when my advice 

might get her 140 points! 

3. She might just possibly lift the restraining order some time 

(soon?) like Nit’s lies said! 

Monday 20 th – Sunday 26 th September 2010. Monday between 

about 12 and 1pm, just after I had got up, my acquaintance 

Paul appeared, only scrounged one dog-end which was 

unusually restrained for him, and proceeded to talk his usual 

rubbish, especially displaying pig ignorance about history! I 

suffered him being here because I had not seen him for a year. I 

then went to my regular six weekly outpatient appointment 

with my Doctor at Cygnet House. For the first twenty minutes I 

was very angry with him about the wording of the ‘care plan’ 

that Julie my social worker had sent me the previous week. It 

was very defamatory about me, but after twenty minutes of 

outburst I left it that my solicitors Guile Nicholas would be 

writing to him shortly, and we moved on. He agreed to get a 

second opinion on my diagnosis and treatment from Dr 

Geraldine O’Sullivan at the Assertive Outreach team, even 

though he pointed out that she had been my Doctor for a long 

time. I asked him had he heard from the DVLA about my 

driving licence, now cancelled since as long ago as January? 

Yes he had, and had written back to them and said I had been 

well for six months, so I should get some kind of length of time 

of licence back quite soon! I got home much calmer having let 

off a lot of steam about the care plan. First I telephoned 

Steven at Guile Nicholas, who actually promised to write to Dr 

Pathmanadnam about the dratted care plan for free for me! 

Also that evening I emailed Lulu again about the fact that I 

could not revise any books at present; and soon got an 

apologetic reply. Otherwise the late afternoon and evening 

were extremely quiet. 

320

Tuesday 21 st September was the official start of autumn – 

suitably, with extremely wet weather. I had a very quiet day 

except I called Steven of Guile Nicholas, who confirmed he was 

writing to my Consultant about the care plan fiasco, this week. I 

went to the Mind Drop In Club for about an hour at 6.30pm. I 

was in the garden that evening when Nit came out from his flat 

on the ground floor, all excited, and said ‘Google for “solar 

flares” Simon! Apparently all computers and satellites are in 

danger of being wiped out by them in the next few years, 

according to the TV!’ I did go and ‘Google’ for ‘solar flares’ and 

found that there had been a pair on 2 nd August that reached out 

and struck the Earth directly; hence all the excitement. They 

come in a roughly 150 year cycle, apparently, and in 1857, the 

last time, all the primitive telegraph systems stopped working! 

Wednesday 22 nd September marked the start of an 

exceptionally quiet two weeks till I write today on Wednesday 

6 th October. I popped into a Mind Drop In that was really quiet, 

so only stayed half an hour. I decided I could now claim 

hopefully a Community Care Grant (non repayable) rather than a 

Budgeting Loan for some big items: - decorating my whole flat 

(if they did not pay enough for the professional quote I rang 

up the previous decorators for who decorated four years ago 

nearly, I could do it myself I thought); a mountain bike; a new 

mobile phone (mine does not have a very good keyboard); and a 

microwave oven (mine was an insurance replacement that I 

want to replace). When I rang the Social Fund they said the 

forms for a Grant and a Loan would arrive here in three 

working days – or so. They actually arrived on Monday 27 th 

September as promised. 

Thursday 23 rd September. The Restraining Order had been in 

place exactly six months today! Skint! 6p to my name! Jo had 

to buy me a coffee when I saw him today! I saw Julie my social 

worker after that at 3pm, who reluctantly agreed I could have 

£10 Sainsbury vouchers, which they all said would not be able 

to purchase tobacco. However when I got to Hoddesdon 

321

Sainsbury’s I bought milk, coke, biscuits – and 30 cigarettes 

with no problem! I now owed Cygnet House £30, and a 

neighbour £10 – but got paid my fortnightly benefit on 

Saturday. 

Friday 24 th September. Mind Club 2.30-3.30pm. 4pm the 

painter and decorator called and took quick notes for a quote 

which he said I should get in the post early next week. 

Reheated my chile con carne to feed Chris and myself that 

night. He lent me £10 till I got to the ATM at midnight to repay 

him £10 in an envelope through his door – and I bought some 

cigarettes. That was a total of £50 in debts I needed to repay 

that night after going to the ATM – Chris, my neighbour, and 

Cygnet House! 

Saturday 25 th September. Went and did a big grocery shop at 

Tesco, bought two days worth of tobacco and two lottery tickets 

for that night, Wednesday and the big one, the £82 million 

jackpot on the Friday – and had just £18 left from £209 in the 

ATM that same morning, having paid about £50 in bills on top 

of my debts to friends. Paid two weeks money – skint 

immediately! 

Sunday 26 th September. 2pm-3pm saw the second half of the 

Singapore Night Grand Prix at the Mind Drop In Men Matter 

Group. Put the heating on overnight as it was really very cold – 

but got warmer this last week or so. 

322

323

The previous two months. My ongoing email, sometimes 

phone contact with my last contact www.cupid.com, one 

Angela… from Nigeria…! 

This Angela first contacted me on cupid.com, obviously liking 

my photo but apparently not having read my page there, on 

Wednesday 11 th August, supplying her email address at 

www.yahoo.com . Her own page, as I soon discovered, had no 

information on it apart from saying she was 30 and came from 

the United Kingdom. Yet the latter soon turned out to be untrue 

after she finally replied to my immediate email back – she is of 

mixed US-British origin, with an American father and Mother 

from Norwich – both passed away and she had no siblings, she 

said. 

I emailed her again asking for photos and a phone number 

on Wednesday 18 th August – as her photo on 

cupid.com was hardly flattering, as it just showed a white head 

lying down – with eyes closed even! Two stunningly beautiful 

pictures and her phone number arrived by email only nearly a 

month later on Tuesday 7 th September – with the comment that 

she ‘works incredibly long hours’! The phone number did not 

work so I emailed asking her to check it! Our correspondence 

finally picked up a week later when she emailed on Monday 13 th 

September with a corrected phone number – international in 

Nigeria of course. I called it and got through to a voice I did 

not expect – deep, with a mixed USA and African accent. She 

has since explained that she has been in Africa for some years. 

The line was bad so we texted each other – and I thanked her 

for sending a third photo with her email. I took all three 

pictures she had sent to the Mind Drop In Club Tuesday night 

on 14 th September – but Angie and Julie the helpers raised 

alarm bells that ‘the pictures were too good and beautiful to be 

true’ of someone I had met that particular way – i.e. Angela 

was ‘too beautiful to meet on the Internet’ so the pictures were 

of some beautiful model not of her! Horrified, after the club 

324

finished, back home I texted Angela virtually demanding to see a 

copy of her passport ID and photo page! She replied on the 

Wednesday with a plaintive text starting ‘I beg of you what do 

you think I am?’ and we had quite a text correspondence about 

it. Finally she has promised to send a copy of the ID page of 

her passport this Monday 11 th October, a bit delayed indeed! 

For that Thursday 16 th September I gave her an ultimatum 

about the photo ID – nothing else would satisfy me as proof of 

what she actually looks like! We had a conversation the 

following Monday 20 th and Tuesday 21 st September, but the 

phone calls all had bad reception each end, so we resorted to 

texts. 

I tried to telephone her again on Thursday 23 rd 

September but there was again a bad line so I emailed instead. 

There was another text conversation on Saturday but Julie my 

social worker was also convinced that the pictures of Angela I 

showed her on Thursday were fake and not of her but some 

beautiful model – and warned me of a scam. That Sunday as a 

result of all this pressure I effectively wrote Angela off as a 

‘born again liar’ in a text meant to be final. However either she 

did not receive that text or never read it - for yesterday as I 

write on Sunday 10 th October (10/10/10 in fact!) she emailed 

very friendly indeed, and her texts said she was very keen to 

come and visit to stay with me as soon as possible! Like I said 

earlier, she promised then to send her photo ID by email today. 

Monday 27 th September – Sunday 3 rd October 2010. The two 

quietest weeks all year now happened! As I write on Monday 

11 th October 2010, this may well be a very quiet third week in a 

row to follow! Monday 27 th September I talked to a woman by 

phone at Waterstone’s in Hatfield as Robin was not available. 

No the book had not arrived and they were ‘inundated’ as it 

325

was the start of college year that week. I received letters from 

the Social Fund as promised last week with forms for a 

community care grant and a budgeting loan. I decided to fill 

out the former as free (!) - and more relevant as I had fairly 

recently been in hospital. So I telephoned the painter who had 

been to estimate for decorating and he said he had posted the 

estimate today. I wanted that to accompany the form in the 

post… 

Tuesday 28 th September. I had my depot, then saw the 

podiatrist at 2.10pm. Robin said when I phoned that the book 

had not yet arrived, and there was a complication in that they 

had had a policy change and now got books via the distributor 

Bertram’s rather than Gardner’s. I went to the Mind Drop In 

Club between 7.20pm-8.30pm. I had a whole bunch of 

anxieties and had a private chat with Angie the helper there 

about these. 

Wednesday 29 th September. Went to Mind between 2pm-3pm. 

Rang Julie my social worker who disarmingly now said my grant 

application would take months and months rather than weeks 

and weeks – and I went along and signed the form. Saw Chris 

as usual for about an hour. There was a £10.2 Million double 

rollover in the lottery that night – with a massive £82 Million 

estimated jackpot due on the Friday. 

Thursday 30 th September. The estimate arrived from the 

decorators so I posted it off with my Community Care Grant 

form. On www.homemove.org that evening there appeared a 

bungalow in my father’s village – so I bid for it and should hear 

in a few weeks. Finally after months I got her to answer when I 

phoned my daughter Jeni, who had only seen me once in the 

vacation from Uni. She had nearly got killed when something 

went wrong with the wheels of the van she was driving too fast – 

at 85 mph – which hit both barriers on the motorway! Apart 

from that she was not enjoying being back at college and found 

326

the work ‘boring’ – so I will just have to give her her presents 

of two CD’s and two rings this Christmas – assuming she 

bothers to visit. She is after all 20 next February explaining all 

her independence now… 

Friday 1 st October. It rained hard nearly all day! I had a letter 

from the DVLA – with a new driving licence at last! However it 

only lasted for a year so I wrote back and appealed for one 

lasting at least five years and preferably for life. Between 1pm- 

2.20pm Jo took me to Hadham Forge Museum which was 

notable for some Elizabethan wall paintings. I went to the Mind 

Drop In Club 2.20pm-2.50pm but found it boring so left early. 

Saturday 2 nd October. Only now got a letter from the DVLA 

saying any appeal about a driving licence meant appealing at 

the Magistrate’s Court. Mind 1.30pm-2.30pm. Saw Chris for 

yet another hour. 

Sunday 3 rd October. Cleaned the flat 4.30-6.30pm. Emailed 

Lulu to ask for speed in solving my problem on their website as it 

must affect many of their authors! Added notes about solar 

flares possibly destroying all computers and satellites to my 

translation of Revelation 15 and 16. Actually emailed Lulu 

again asking Lulu to revise my Scientific Proof book contents 

with the new pdf file I had made of it. Cheek! Noted that there 

had been no replies from agencies or publishers to my many 

emails until I received three ‘no’ replies this last week. Heard 

my ex Helen on local Jack 106 FM Radio that night in an advert 

for the multi-million pound chain of Veterinary Surgeries she 

runs. Gritted my teeth when I heard her familiar voice and still 

slight Northern accent! 

327

Monday 4 th – Sunday 10 th October 2010. Monday rang Steven 

at my Mental Health Solicitor Guile Nicholas and he rang back 

once out of his meeting. Yes, a letter had been sent to Cygnet 

House requesting that the word ‘care’ replace the draconian 

‘control’! Above all that the existing false ‘alarm’ be totally 

revised that currently read ‘females not to visit as he has been 

‘inappropriate’ towards them in the past’!!! I also had a return 

phone call from a message left for Elaine at Cygnet House, to 

say that a letter had been sent the same day I saw Dr 

Pathmanandam to Dr Geraldine O’Sullivan at the Assertive 

Outreach Team in Ware. I immediately raised this issue by 

ringing the AOT to confirm they had received the letter and 

were acting on it; and was promised a return phone call. 

Finally I telephoned Littlewoods’ Illness Support Team to 

request a big reduction in minimum payment and was advised 

to write to them with a fresh financial statement – so did just 

that. It was dark at 6.30pm these days! At 8.15pm I was 

alarmed to see two policemen go into Julie’s block – but it later 

turned out it was not her they saw – I was obviously worried, 

about me. 

Tuesday 5 th October. Got my return call from the AOT from 

yesterday, confirming that the second opinion letter was with 

Geraldine O’Sullivan, but she only worked there on Mondays. 

Saw Julie my social worker at 4pm, who wrote a letter to BT to 

explain that I was short of money so could I pay £75 this 

month end, and £75 next month end? Also she was acting on 

the Guile Nicholas letter about the care plan, taking it very 

seriously now that a lawyer had written to them! I went to 

Mind at about 6.40pm and stayed the whole time for a change. I 

was actually hypo-manic there for about half an hour, but 

chatting helped and I calmed down again. I went home and 

wrote down about 20 separate anxieties that had caused this 

hypo state. We discuss this list in due course on Sunday 

10/10/10 when I also look at my list from July of things I was 

awaiting – in order to produce a fresh ‘10/10/10 list’ of things I 

am waiting for still, mostly patiently. 

328

Wednesday 6 th October. While I was still fast asleep at 9.10am 

(I had been getting up at 11am or even 11.30am for months, 

for various reasons, i.e. the medication, boredom and 

frustration, and having nothing to do when I got up) the phone 

rang and I had to heave myself out of bed from a deep sleep! 

It was Julie my social worker, who was busy that day as they 

all were on a World Mental Health Day event, held early, next 

door at Age UK. She got me to ‘throw some clothes on’ and 

come down and sign various letters including a letter of 

authority for the letter to BT and my grant form, now finalised 

with all corrections made. I stayed up. Then Chris came round 

and we popped over to the Age UK hall, watched two talented 

Indian female dancers, then had a free lunch of sandwiches and 

biscuits. I picked up some leaflets on voluntary work, even 

though I had doubts about any CRB check with my harassment 

conviction and older caution. 1pm-1.30pm I went to the Mind 

Drop In Club. The afternoon and evening were empty! 

Thursday 7 th October. The rest of that week was even more 

empty and so boring! I just noted two things in my diary for 

this day. Jo brought his ‘lurcher cross poodle’ dog Pip at 2pm 

and we went for a walk up then down the river past the Weir, 

then had a coffee in Amwell End. At 3pm, I showed Julie my 

social worker at Cygnet House my list of anxieties, which she 

did not really comment on – except that writing it down must 

help get them out of my system! She gave me a form for an 

Advance Directive, and said the personal budget plan people 

now wanted a breakdown of where the money would go each 

week. I prepared both items that evening and posted them 

through their door. 

Friday 8 th October. Once more Julie my social worker woke me 

up – twice this time! – with queries about the Advance 

Directive form. This time I went back to bed till 11am or so. I 

got to the Mind Drop In Club for about an hour from 1.40pm, 

and after that Chris called round to see me. I was desperate to 

get my money the next day, as I was on a patch and nicotine 

329

chewing gum, totally out of cash! Nit said he saw Julie my 

neighbour as he went out, and briefly claimed she now said to 

him, far from talking to me with his variation that she might 

even drop the restraining order ‘in a month or a few weeks’ 

nine weeks ago, she was now ‘not interested. She was over 

me!’ 

Saturday 9 th October. Phoned Robin at Waterstone’s who had 

not read the book but it was now there and on display at least. 

If it sold inside four weeks, their books’ standard shelf-life, they 

should buy more copies, he said! Chris called at 12pm and I 

went round at 3pm for diet coke and bread and (very thinly 

spread) jam! Very rudely, he watched television and ignored 

me for the first twenty minutes, until I complained about that 

and he turned off the TV and finally started talking to me! Nit 

came out into the garden back at the flats where I was supping 

cola and decided to amplify what he said yesterday about what 

he claimed Julie had said then. He said apparently said to her 

‘Simon is asking after you. I think it’s lurve…!’ Her reply: - 

‘I’m not in love with him. I’ve moved on – I’ve found someone 

new!’ Back in my flat that night, and on waking the next 

morning, I did shed tears, mostly confused over the difference 

between the versions he gave nine weeks ago and now! 

However, there was absolutely no repeat this time of any urge 

to contact her directly myself to verify his version. I just knew 

he was just a big kid, totally unreliable and untrustworthy. 

Either or both sets of statements might be a total pack of lies! 

Sunday 10 th October 2010 (10/10/10). Totally boring apart 

from the total surprise of an email followed by a conversation in 

text messages from and to Angela! I choose this day as 7/7/7 

was the day we first had a date, to suggest that all of Nit’s 

claims, lies or no, of nine weeks ago and the previous 

afternoon, indicated all my suspicions are correct. My 

suspicions that Julie has had a new intimate male – or possibly 

female - friend ever since before I came out of hospital in 

March, hence her vanishing at least every other Saturday 

330

overnight on her weekend off, are now 99.9% certain. The 

thought of somebody else pawing or even penetrating her body 

does not bother me too much any more – I have cried out the 

pain often enough! So does this day 10/10/10 mark the final 

bitter recognition by me of the end of the relationship of Julie 

and I as 7/7/7 started it all up 3¼ years earlier? I feel a 

summary coming on. I will firstly extract from my list in July of 

things I was waiting for, those things still left to happen. Then I 

will give my list of anxieties that I drew up on Tuesday, to 

give a ‘10/10/10 list’ of unresolved outcomes, or things I am 

still waiting for to happen… 

331

State of my life on Sunday 10 th October 2010 (10/10/10) 

Firstly it is a very good time to review my list from July of 

things I was looking forward to happening or waiting for 

apprehensively, rather. Outcomes in italics in each point below 

1. Go swimming with my new weekly visitor, the ‘befriender’ or 

charity friend from Rethink – Jo (Jonathan). Jo and 

I have not been swimming once since in fact – but have 

visited Mill Green working water mill and museum near Hatfield, 

and Hoddesdon, Ware and Hadham Forge Museums, and had 

numerous walks and coffees – two walks with his lurcher 

crossed poodle or ‘loodle’ male dog, Pip. Enjoyable/ ongoing. 

2. Try and meet new friends at ‘Club Amigos’ at John Gilpin pub 

this Thursday night. Definitely female friends? 

Due to severe financial belt-tightening since going from 

weekly to fortnightly payment of most of my benefits; 

repaying a £120 loan for that at £9.90 a week; repaying 

overpaid DLA at the same time for much further into the 

future; and repaying my fine at £5 a week for a lot longer; and 

finally repaying two crisis loans at £7.50 a week; I have only 

been able to actually afford to go to this club about once a month 

for the past four months. It is nice to socialise with relatively 

‘normal’ people; but as a lot of the men there complain, 

there is a distinct lack of attractive female ‘talent’! Ongoing – 

should greatly be helped if I can wait that long when I get 

my Personal Budget in some months time designed to pay 

for this. 

3. Positive response in the next three months including 

September after the midsummer ‘silly season’ - from any one of 

40 literary agents and 20 publishers whom I may well hear 

from – revision of point (5) of list of 23 rd May. 

I heard nothing from any agent or publisher during 

September – and three ‘no’ replies the week before last. 

Have given up the ghost with these people. In the meantime am 

slowly getting somewhere with Waterstone’s of Hatfield, a big 

bookshop, part of the biggest chain in the country. 

332

4. ‘Action in Priory Street’ (7) of that same list – has started 

with Nit having been told he is being evicted! 

Well despite lots of noises from the housing officer saying 

that, Nit has been taken to Court – and given his fourth ‘stay of 

eviction’ – providing he pays £25 a week rent arrears 

regularly. He say the Housing Association are furious with 

their poor solicitor in Court for failing to get him evicted! 

Meanwhile my immediate neighbour has apparently been got off 

drug-taking with twelve whole weeks in the famous Priory 

Rehab in Surrey – and his mother lives in his flat now to 

keep other drug addicts away! 

5. In two weeks time, ten whole yawning years on, Parliament 

will decide how much compensation will be given to myself and 

fellow victims of the Equitable Life Pension fiasco – a total of 

five billion pounds; NOTHING; or most likely a small portion of 

the full five billion pounds. 

It looks like there will be a decision on this in October, likely as 

expected to be derisory and insultingly low for the victims like 

me. It should start to be paid out next year 2011, 

according to the latest news from the Government. 

6. On Wednesday 21 st July the U3A ‘learn to sing’ class 

resumes. I can also join the art class on Tuesday in two 

weeks. Once bikes are sorted out (do I buy a 20” frame 

mountain bike with some of the money from my three 

bikes?) I can go cycling with the U3A 

I have only since been to two or three ‘singing’ classes. I 

would have attended more of the roughly seven there have 

been over the summer, but the Wednesday time of 2pm-3pm 

often does clash with Mind Drop In Club. I have started to 

need a lot of sleep so have not attended any art classes – 

besides they seemed to expect an art portfolio, and I have 

none. I only have Julie’s mountain bike left and am guilty 

about using it – because I only made £87 on the other two 

bikes, not enough for a new one. 

7. In September lots more U3A courses should be available and 

active – as should be courses at the local college – I hope to 

333

study guitar and digital photography again after all my 

problems from November 2009 onwards. 

September has been and gone and the £203 guitar course has 

been cancelled for this term and all the digital 

photography courses at Ware are filled – but there is one 

next year in the winter of 2011 at Broxbourne. I can also 

take guitar lessons at the music shop round the corner for £11 

for ¾ hour. All of this is thwarted by my current lack of money 

– and it will be months before I have any money from my 

Community Care Grant if any is actually granted (early 

December) or my Personal Budget Allowance or my Equitable 

pension compensation (both next year of 2011 at the 

earliest!) 

8. My Psychiatrist has said that only if – touch wood – I have 

stable mental health for the whole six months to September, will 

he recommend to the DVLA that I get my driving licence back. 

Should I get enough money should my EMAG people win their 

battle with the Treasury in (5), I may be able at last to afford 

a second hand car. 

I got my driving licence back recently – for one year! 

9. Possibly at long last identify a new flat or other property on 

one of my two Council web sites by autumn? This has 

been a painful search limited by a disappointingly dismally bad 

choice! As my social worker says ‘you can expect to wait 

months more before you find somewhere suitable – or better 

than your present bedsit flat (with its spectacular views!)’ 

10. Make some new friends – mostly by the above set of 

activities – to replace Chris but far more importantly Julie – it is 

long enough since our ‘on off’ relationship became just 

platonic for the last time in early August 2009 – for me to 

look for a new girlfriend. Mind you, she tolerated my heavy 

smoking, bad varicose veins and bad feet, and rather 

334

‘dysfunctional’ life style; and most of the time, until 

November 2009, my mania; until I stopped taking my 

tablets. Will any other woman tolerate these as much? 

Chris and I are friends again, I have made some contacts at 

Club Amigos but again desperately need higher income 

(mostly, fewer deductions) to afford it – that will not come for 

months yet! 

11. Wait for the off chance that the 50-person lottery 

syndicate I paid £7 last month to join at European Lottery 

Guild – wins a (substantial?) prize! Entries run May to 

November in the Spanish lottery. Still waiting. Will probably have 

to wait a long time. A very long time indeed. If ever… Fat 

chance! 

To summarise the above list, all that I was waiting for there 

that is left to happen hinges on getting long term income; even 

changing accommodation, which is always expensive: - 

December 2010. Possible small Community Care Grant? 

Early 2011. Equitable Life pension payout??? Up to £57+ a 

week from Personal Budget Allowance??? Finally I have just 

heard on Tuesday 12 th October from my new local rep at the 

IET that he is visiting Sunday week at 2pm, and this time they 

may possibly with any luck be able to help with my debts!!! 

335

The list of anxieties that I wrote down last Tuesday 5 th 

October, updated on Sunday 10 th October – my 

‘10/10/10 List’. 

1. Personal finances I. Due to overpaid benefit while in 

hospital this year; my fine from 1 st July; two crisis loans and a 

£110 bridging loan when my benefit went fortnightly not weekly 

recently; my benefits are £27+ a week down at present – 

plus I now pay my father a standing order of £11 per week to 

repay his £2,000 loan to me last year. 

Solution. Patience – my benefits will rise by £9.90/week from 

Saturday 23 rd October and by a further £7+ in November. 

Avoid any more crisis loans to keep it that way! 

2. Personal Finances II. Due to the above, I keep 

borrowing £20 from Cygnet House, repaying it, then 

immediately having to borrow it again! Also I have taken out 

several mini-loans from neighbours and my family in the last few 

months. 

Solution. Cope till 23 rd October. Indefinitely – cut down on 

smoking, inflation on which has been over 12% in the last year, 

whereas benefits have only gone up 2%! 

3. Personal Finances III. Due to II above, I repaid £70 to 

creditors two weeks ago – so could not pay my energy and 

phone direct debits. 

Solution. Catch up over the month on a tight budget – easier 

after 23 rd October as we saw above. Ask Julie my social worker 

to write to my phone company BT. 

4. Grants. My personal budget allowance may take months to be 

processed, Julie my social worker has told me. However my 

community care grant should only take them a few weeks to 

decide upon – and to give me any money they feel I qualify for. 

Patience and no worrying are required. ‘Che sera, sera’! 

5. My books I. Waterstone’s have one copy of my main book 

‘Scientific Proof’ on sale – will they ever sell it? If and when they 

336

do, according to their Robin yesterday they will buy more 

copies to sell! Then ‘mighty acorns from tiny oak trees 

grow’ I assume they will spread the news to other branches 

and/or their headquarters. All this success hinges on the shop 

selling their only copy now first! 

Cheat and ask my sister, who works nearby, to buy the first 

copy! 

6. My books II. Angie the Mind helper who volunteered 

weeks ago to proof read my five volumes of autobiography 

including this book, was not at the club last Tuesday. For she 

had a tragedy – her Mother died that morning. 

Gently and very tactfully get Mind club office to contact her 

and get the books back so that somebody else can proof read 

them. There is a member of the club who is an avid reader of 

such books, who I am friendly with – hope she will take on the 

job! 

7. My books III. I have reported problems with their web site 

to www.lulu.com – in that I cannot revise the content of any 

books nor other operations besides! This problem has existed 

for three whole weeks already without a fix! While worried 

about this long list of anxieties I got a bit impatient in one email 

– and Lulu Support have stopped replying to my emails, it 

seems! 

WAIT patiently for them to fix the problems and email me when 

their specialist team has done this! 

8. The Restraining order and Community Treatment Order 

on my head at present. I seem powerless to end either of 

them. Whenever will they end? 

Ask for Manager’s Meeting to consider ending the CTO in March 

on the grounds it will have been a whole year in place. Nit 

spread a rumour that Julie was ending the Restraining Order 

two months ago, that nearly got me into hot water – but that is 

all it was, a rumour! 

9. Will I ever move to a bigger and better property – on the 

ground floor? 

337

A good chance was to come on Friday 15 th October! 

10. Until all these anxieties are resolved and anything else 

disastrous like these that comes up – I cannot finish this 

book. Also I mentioned before a couple of months back that 

I can also only really finish the book when one of the following 

happens: - I move to a new property; Julie moves and / or gets 

the Restraining Order discharged. There are two pressing 

reasons for finishing the book. It is getting near being too big 

at over 500 pages now. Also I am aware it is getting so long 

that you are probably getting bored of my diary – and I have 

yearned for some months in fact that a suitable ending may 

emerge to avoid the tedium of typing up what often amount to 

maudlin trivia every two weeks or so! 

The good news is that many of my anxieties in this list have 

disappeared or seem likely to in the next week or so as I type 

this on Sunday 17 th October 2010, a week later. Also as in my 

last point above – I may possibly at last be moving flat to a 

brand new, huge, ‘lovely’ flat according to South Anglia 

Housing Association – who own it. At least it came up on 

Thursday 14 th October in the newsletter of available housing at 

the library – and I put my bid in for it! 

11. Second Opinion by Dr Geraldine O’Sullivan. I have waited 

to hear about this for some weeks since asking for it, hoping 

against hope that this much more eminent Doctor (who 

actually reports to the Board of the Trust) can and has the guts 

to challenge the views of Dr’s Roberts and Pathmanandam 

about my diagnosis and treatment. Hopefully when we 

meet as now arranged for 3.15pm on Monday 18 th October 

2010, I can at last get her to replace the long term, wrong 

diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder by the correct ‘bipolar (I) 

affective disorder’ – after all she once said to me ‘Simon, you 

suffer from mania!’ rather emphatically! Hopefully I can ask 

her to back my lithium dose being lowered to what it always 

used to be, whereas Roberts raised it with no tests to see 

whether it worked better or worse, the very day she 

slammed on my Community Treatment Order! 

338

12. Care Plan. The terrible slur of the alert in this, ‘Females not 

to visit as has been inappropriate to them in the past’ and 

especially the even worse slur in a letter to my solicitor, implying 

viciously and totally wrongly that I am a sexual monster!: - 

‘As Mr Lee has been sexually inappropriate to females in the 

past, it has been deemed…’ 

As I write on Sunday 17 th October, my solicitors at Guile 

Nicholas have advised this is not libel as it is not public! I am 

due to discuss all this completely barbarically wrongly alleged 

nonsense with Julie my social worker this week. 

13. Criminal Records Bureau Check (CRB). As I said at the 

time, when I applied for a job at the local museum a month 

or so ago, I was horrified to learn that my CRB of any crime 

at all – even harassment of two ex girlfriends as it would show 

up – prevented any chance of a job. I lost my last five jobs 

through the stigma of mental illness, which are much harder to 

apply for than the above voluntary work! The CRB makes 

everything much harder – I even got barred from taking out a 

cheaper home insurance policy because of it recently! 

As you will now recall, my Conditional Discharge was 

extended by six months to 23 rd September 2011, in the 

Court Hearing on 1 st July 2010. The clear message on the 

Internet when I Googled ‘Conditional Discharge’ was: wait until 

it elapses when this greatly helps your case with either paid or 

voluntary employers with your CRB. 

14. My health; memory; intelligence; and revived need for 

sleep. My mental health since I left hospital on 12 th March 

2010 remains basically excellent, apart from the obvious 

deep sorrows peaking in occasional deep but short-term 

depressions over Julie’s immediate Restraining Order; and now 

this list of worries. Likewise my physical health; apart from 

monthly visits to the podiatrist; and a solitary recent eye 

infection! With the reintroduction again at last of the side-effect 

drug orphenadrine – I no longer need to wear distance 

glasses – only reading glasses which I am told I need at my 

age! My intelligence however has not been being stimulated 

enough in the last year to be fully all there. My memory of 

339

the last 17 years before this last hospital admission is 

atrocious; which may well be a blessing in disguise; 

meanwhile I can look up any particular horrible year of these 

18 in total, since 1992 and my redundancy on 1 st September 

onwards, in these six books. One reason I had for writing 

them, however painful that process was… I note I am once 

more sleeping eleven hours or more a night, and attribute this 

to all the stress that these books describe – ‘absolutely 

massive’ stresses! 

As I said above, I aim to finish this book once all the 

present list of stresses peters out over the next few weeks – 

when I may well be moving to a nearly new, state of the art, 

flat in a PRIVATE block i.e. not ‘special needs’ like this block i.e. 

with a better ‘class of resident’! I will above all in that case soon 

forget all about Julie and her Court Order! 

15. Angela from Nigeria lied on www.cupid.com that she was 

from the United Kingdom, not Nigeria as was the case; had cost 

me over £30 in phone calls, and recently been very aggressively 

rude – never once showing any sense of humour. I am 

determined to rid myself of her soon. 

I did just that on Thursday 14 th October – in an email. 

16. My daughter Jeni has been disappointing this last year, for 

hardly ever ringing me from Uni in London, and only briefly 

seeing me this vacation just once, right back in July. She is 

obviously relishing her independence at nearly 20… 

I will have to wait now and hopefully see her at Christmas… 17. 

My Father Bill worried me intensely the other month 

when he was needlessly forced to go to mental hospital for his 

paranoid delusions caused by ‘psychotic dreams’ with no result 

except he is still living them out – at his home, which seems to 

be the only place he can and does have these. He continues to 

demand dogmatically every time we speak, that I give up 

smoking at all costs – my only luxury and my solace, largely 

caused by the haloperidol I take, in fact! 

My sister and I are pressing on my brother, now my 

Father’s next of kin after I filled out a form to that effect, that 

340

the 5mg olanzapine he takes at night needs to be raised – 

with strong attention paid that he actually takes it. 

18. My brother Jem, fiancee Jane – and family continue to take 

the main burden of the problem of my Father’s ‘voices’ – which 

problem has been the cause of much more telephone 

communication between us than for many years! About all I can 

do at this long range with a licence now but no car to drive it 

with, is stay in close touch with Jem and developments with my 

Father’s mental health. 

19. My sister Libby has invited me to numerous meals – 

always chicken in the last few months, recently two at her new 

flat, which she owns not rents like the last one. She has 

worried me for years with her limited social life, and no 

boyfriends – caused in turn by intense working all hours 

with no overtime paid, that results in frequent stress-related 

viruses and other stress-related illness, and time off work. 

Continue to strongly encourage her to look around and find far 

less stressful and intensive work – even if it means moving 

again; preferably to Sussex with most of the family. 

20. ‘Julie said, said Nit’ – who is totally untrustworthy and the 

opposite of a born again Christian, he’s a born again liar! 

Nearly three months ago as I write he said she said, ‘she would 

talk to me again in a few weeks’ and confusingly he had a 

different earlier version of this rubbish as it has turned out, 

‘she said she would lift the restraining order in a few weeks’ 

which has proven equally totally untrue! The confusion in my 

mind over these conflicts, together with then worry about 

my Father, led to the two phone messages I left her then 

- after what amounted to a wind-up and set-up by Nit! He 

added then that she said she had no partner at present. This 

had apparently changed just ten weeks later, according to Nit’s 

reporting of her words on 9 th October 2010: ‘she has met 

somebody new. She is not interested in you, Simon, at all’. 

I intend not to repeat my mistake of contacting Julie again at 

all in any way, but let all he says she says go through one ear 

and out of the other from now on, and never again let him wind 

341

me up – which was probably the intention of the nasty piece of 

work! However all of this has left some questions I really would 

like answers to – from Julie direct! 

Questions I could really appreciate true honest answers to – 

from Julie herself – not indirectly e.g. via liar Nit! 

1. I very much doubt it, but will you ever have the Restraining 

Order on me Discharged in Court? (Only if she does can I get 

answers to ANY of these questions without prison!) 

2. Have you really ‘met someone new’ – a boyfriend or 

possibly – a girlfriend? (While we were partners she once said 

she might try a lesbian relationship if she split with me. 

The question begs, has she already got one with Sammy? Is 

Sammy the ‘somebody new’ - whom she started seeing a lot two 

years ago in fact?) 

3. What is his or her name? Where and how far away do they 

live? Is that where you drive, bags packed, and stay 

overnight, occasionally longer, once a fortnight, on your 

weekends off? 

4. Why don’t they ever come here then? For none of your 

close neighbours in your block, or I, have seen any friends 

calling at your flat this year – except occasionally Sammy, of 

course – and you have seen she is my chief suspect as being 

your ‘partner’ – a 20 year old nutcase! 

5. So – getting down to the rub – is Sammy your lesbian 

partner now? 

6. On 12 th February my only time in your flat since 22 nd 

November you said ‘I am in love with nobody right now’. So is it 

love for this new partner or just for the money as seemingly 

it all was in the end with me? 

7. You have told both Terror and Nit (so it is likely to be true) 

that you are trying to move out of these ‘special needs’ flats – via 

the Council’s website – obviously with no success, like me. 

Were you so dim that you ignored my giving you the secret of 

up to 50 (FIFTY) extra housing points in a letter you reported 

342

to the police that led to my arrest, Court appearance, and 

£230 fines for breach of your Court Order? 

8. Why are you so keen to endlessly endure your current 

menial dead end job? You drudge on as a very lowly paid care 

worker when you could have a vastly higher paid job, even 

part-time, as a senior fashion and /or catalogue model! I 

approached several agencies on your behalf which you had me 

damned for in Court in March. However the very Head of 

Beauty of one agency, Models Connect, told me on the phone 

‘I like her look!’ so you could have been and still could be ‘in’ 

with them at least! Any decent modelling agency would 

value your looks so much that they would fix for free all the 

various things about your body that you told me freely that 

you absolutely loathe. Just think, if you did some lucrative 

modelling, any decent agency would pay to have these all 

fixed for you – free. They are all impossible problems for you 

to fix yourself on under £10,000 a year as a care worker! 

343

My diary now resumes the day after 10/10/10 when I mostly 

completed the above lists. The next week got quite a lot busier 

after the recent quiet spell: - 

Monday 11 th – Sunday 17 th October 2010. Monday 11 th October I 

firstly phoned Littlewoods Illness Support Team to try to get my 

minimum payment of £50 a month reduced to £20 – as £50 was 

my biggest bill in the month, representing 5% of my 

income. They said write with a statement of finances currently, 

which I did, and I heard back by phone on the Friday that week 

that they had readily agreed! I borrowed back the £20 I had 

returned to Cygnet House, which £20 seems to live forever on 

bungee ropes! I had rung Littlewoods when paid that Saturday, 

and had been reluctantly forced to pay them the usual £50 – 

which left me short, hence retrieving my £20 just now! I went 

to the shops, then Chris called round. I typed up this diary in 

this book about Angela and the last two empty weeks that 

evening. I also telephoned Robin at Waterstone’s who said the 

book had three more weeks of a four week shelf life to be sold 

to somebody, and if it was sold by them in that time, they 

would definitely order more copies – definitely plural. I started 

to worry now about whether that copy would sell – or might I 

have to cheat slightly and get it bought for or by myself, as this 

sale of just one copy was so vital. There was no email with 

passport ID as promised by Angela that night, so at 10.40pm I 

phoned her and she promised now to definitely send it the next 

day! 

Tuesday 12 th October. I got a letter offering me a time to see 

Dr Geraldine O’Sullivan - at 3.15pm next Monday 18 th October. 

Julie my social worker called and said we would discuss the 

care plan in all its horrible glory next week as she was busy till 

tomorrow, then on a course Thursday and Friday. She also said 

BT had called her – but when I rang them they had raised their 

initial demands from £38 two weeks ago, to £72, now to £157 

by 11 th November – or my service would be ‘restricted’! They 

claimed she had agreed this on my behalf, which made me 

furious – so then I juggled my bill payment timing to make it 

344

possible – just! I retrieved a telephone message after I got in 

from the Mind Drop In Club that night, from Steven of Guile 

Nicholas, so was to call him the next day. Rang my sister and 

persuaded her to ‘cheat’ for me and go into Waterstone’s 

Hatfield near where she works and buy my own book for me! 

Finally hit on a workaround on the faulty www.lulu.com website 

and by hitting the ‘shopping cart’ button after going back from 

the blank page that I had reported to them weeks before, found 

that that action brought up the correct ‘create revision’ actions. I 

was able to change the contents of my ‘Scientific Proof’ and 

‘Fourth Helen’ books and order a copy of the former! So in one 

evening I had seemingly found a way by trial and error to 

achieve the seemingly impossible with the latter; and to start to 

get sales of my book at last underway at the country’s leading 

bookshop, Waterstone’s – I hoped other branches would follow, 

then the other two big chains that I had tried and failed with 

before because of their ‘central buying policies’ – WH Smith and 

Methvens! There was still no email from Angela… 

Wednesday 13 th October. Telephoned Steven of Guile Nicholas 

who turned out to have phoned last night about a letter from 

my social worker about my care plan, and asked him to email a 

scanned copy. I went to the Mind Drop In Club. Outside I 

bumped into a female member just leaving early, who I knew 

was an avid reader, so I asked her to proof read my books 

instead of the very disadvantaged helper Angie, whose mother 

had just passed away – and she immediately agreed. Pretty 

soon after I was inside I went upstairs to the office, who readily 

promised to email Angie and ask her to bring in my two books 

that I had given her, as convenient under the tragic 

circumstances. The vital email from Steven had arrived and to 

my horror I saw the vital word ‘sexual’ now appear in a 

sentence starting, libelously if it had instead been public I later 

gathered from Steven’s enquiries amongst his colleagues, ‘As 

Mr Lee has been sexually inappropriate with females in the 

past, it has been deemed…’!!! I wrote a letter to Julie and the 

nurse standing in for her now this week, Jill, saying this was 

indeed libelous. Also that my neighbour Julie’s false allegations 

345

of ‘sexual harassment’ to the police no less on 24 th November 

2010, who had taken absolutely no action except ‘gossip to 

Cygnet House’ with absolutely no hint of even questioning me, 

had been the molehill that had since caused a mountain! For 

the accursed alert was dated the very next day! I telephoned 

both my Father and my sister that night and discussed with 

some emotion, all this ‘libellous’ recording of fiction in the NHS 

records; my copy of my book at Waterstone’s; and how I had 

worked around the awful problems this last month at 

www.lulu.com, and published a version of ‘Scientific Proof’ I 

was happy with at long last; so the way was paved for us 

cheating and buying Waterstone’s single copy might just pave 

the way for sales taking off at long last after many years of 

trying – ‘from mighty acorns little oak trees grow’! I cover the 

next day, below, the latest appallingly rude email from Angela 

from Nigeria arriving at last; still without the long-awaited 

photo ID! 

Thursday 14 th October. I telephoned the Social Fund about my 

Community Care Grant application, which had indeed now been 

accepted – there should be a decision within a few weeks or 

less, which was less time than I had been told previously. I 

finally decided enough nonsense with Angela was qute enough, 

and blew her out of the water in a short sharp reply to her own 

email of last night: - 

Angela 

1. You are on a decent salary (you must be as a Nursing Director) and know I am on 

state benefit only, with vague grants that may or may not ever come, allocated for 

specific things. Hence there is no way I can afford to pay for the air fare and a week of you 

being here and you have a DAMN CHEEK to assume that! 

2.. Your text at the weekend was extremely offensive and rude, firstly probing me about 

my personal financial affairs. You ended 'dont lie to me' which is INCREDIBLY RUDE AND 

VULGAR - the remark of a complete money grabbing BITCH! 

3. Your previous text was two weeks earlier and equally offensive and rude. Because 

you are unwilling and unable to prove that the pictures you sent really are of you, my 

friends have told me you are a FRAUD only intent on marrying me to get the British 

passport then leaving me! Only YOU can prove that the pictures you sent really are of 

346

you yet you refuse to say - or still not prove it despite promises Sunday and Monday this 

week to send a copy of the photo page of your passport. SO THE PICTURES ARE NOT OF 

YOU BUT OF A BEAUTIFUL MODEL INSTEAD. I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU REALLY 

LOOK LIKE. Because I keep on asking for proof of this till I am red in the face and YOU 

ARE CLEARLY A FRAUD IN FAILING TO BE ABLE TO VERIFY YOUR FACE - YOU 

slammed ME repeatedly as 'not a real man' for YOUR problem. Fucking BITCH! 

4. Because of these last two texts and your repeated failed promises and because 

phone calls to Nigeria cost a ghastly £2 a MINUTE - IT IS ALL OVER BETWEEN US 

ANGELA. GOODBYE AND GETTING YOURSELF JUST A BIT OF A SENSE OF HUMOUR 

MIGHT HELP YOU FIND A MORE SUITABLE 30 OR 31 YEAR OLD PARTNER!!! 

YOURS 

SIMON 

----- Original Message -----From: angela 

To: Simon Lee 

Sent: Wednesday, October 13, 2010 8:27 PM Subject: hello 

How are u doing today Simon, hope ur day as been good. I fancy u not only because i saw 

ur pics but because i think u are a good man to be with. I love to be with a man who is 

older than me and a man who as been married before cos i believe u will know how to deal 

with a lady much more younger than u. if actually u want me to arrive by 6th November it 

is okay by me. how soon will u get the money for the flight for me to start the processing 

of my traveling documents,i will love to be with u soon if we are to stay together for a 

week and we will know where this we lead us too. hope to read back from u soon... 

Angela 

My printer swallowed an envelope destined for the Watford 

Benefits Office after they phoned and so I then typed a letter 

asking to be returned to weekly payment of all my benefits not 

fortnightly for most of the money; which had been forced on 

me but was proving impossible to work with. First I then Nit 

spent a whole hour in total trying to get into the printer to get 

at the wretched envelope, which was totally swallowed and 

hidden even with the lid off. Finally I got a quote of ‘say £20’ 

from a local PC specialist from Ware I found in yellow pages, to 

fix the problem at my flat. It looks like I will only be able to get 

this done and avoid buying a new, unfamiliar printer two weeks 

347

afterwards – money as usual this year is critically short. In fact I 

left a phone message for my father asking to borrow this £20 

and £40 on top, as this day I only had £30 to last to next 

Wednesday – not enough obviously! That day I also went to 

the library for the home option newsletter, and at last found a 

property in Ware with all its mental health facilities that I 

needed to retain rather than move to Sussex which was by all 

accounts far inferior. Two months ago I had come second on a 

similar property in Ware – a ground floor flat in a development 

that was mostly private with several such housing association 

flats, it sounded like. Nit tells me he has been inside one – 

they are ‘much larger than our bedsits – and “state of the art”’! 

Friday 15 th October. I duly put in a bid for this flat, then at last 

received a phone call from Jill at Cygnet House, promised two 

whole days earlier, saying I could discuss the whole care plan in 

detail with Julie early next week, especially the false allegations 

of sexual harassment I told her it contained. I telephoned my 

father and had a row because clearly his paranoia had 

resurfaced. He was having extensive, no doubt expensive, 

engineering work done to his computer and wireless modem 

‘because the next door neighbour had said through the wall he 

had hacked dad’s computer’! I went to the Mind Drop In Club. 

Outside I bumped into a female member just leaving early, who I 

knew was an avid reader, so I asked her to proof read my 

books instead of the very disadvantaged helper Angie, whose 

mother had just passed away – and she immediately agreed. 

Pretty soon after I was inside I went upstairs to the office, who 

readily promised to email Angie and ask her to bring in my two 

books that I had given her, as convenient under the tragic 

circumstances. I might be moving so might need help with 

removal expenses and a carpet - so telephoned the Social Fund 

for yet another form for a Community Care Grant – my third 

such form in months! I had an email from Lulu Inc, containing 

an apology for not responding to earlier polite emails from me 

following just one rather irate, impatient one that I sent. There 

was another email from EMAG saying that the Government 

348

planned to announce its final decision on Equitable Life 

Members’ compensation levels next Wednesday at the end of 

the planned spending review in Parliament. 

Saturday 16 th October. Had a parcel with the copy of my 

‘Scientific Proof’ book from the last Tuesday, very quickly 

delivered and looking 100% OK – so my long term plans to 

market it direct by self publishing through Waterstone’s were 

on track – any further copies ordered would be like this copy. 

My father phoned and said that after I called my sister 

yesterday, she had called him and explained she had absolutely 

no time to get the £40 to me that I had asked one of them to 

supply – he would put £40 cash in the bank on Monday instead. I 

then had a remarkable conversation on the phone with my 

sister in which she showed total ignorance – claiming my 

£18/day disposable income after all fixed bills was ‘three times 

that of Dad’ – which would mean he lives on £6 a day after bills – 

just £2,000 a year – about 1/10 of what he had just admitted to 

me he gets in total after tax! I typed up the first half, 

roughly, of my above ‘10/10/10 list of anxieties’. 

Sunday 17 th October was even quieter than Saturday! I e- 

mailed the person at Lulu Inc who e-mailed me on Friday, 

asking for regular updates with their efforts to correct all the 

problems on their website. I had a long chat with my brother 

about our father’s recurring illness and said (a) he needed a 

higher dose of his olanzapine medication (b) the medical team 

somehow needed to make sure he took it regularly. I finished 

my above ‘10/10/10 list of anxieties’ and brought the diary up 

to date to this day that evening. 

Monday 18 th – Sunday 24 th October 2010. This week followed a 

similar pattern to the previous week, with five busy weekdays 

349

followed by a quiet weekend – as usual for me with few friends 

indeed! 

Monday 18 th October. Rang Robin at Waterstones who said 

their one copy of ‘Scientific Proof’ had not sold yet – and no 

they did not sell poetry so could not sell mine! My father rang 

and confirmed he had put £40 cash in the bank for me – as a 

short term loan which I plan to repay next month – also I have 

had to stop his Wednesday payments of £11 which I will catch 

up on next month as well as restart. I had a phone call about 

Direct Payments from Julie my social worker at 11.30am. 

These were now finalised, but she could not say when they 

would start being paid still! At 3.15pm I had nearly an hour 

with Dr Geraldine O’Sullivan at her office near my bank, but all 

the discussion of treatment with haloperidol being replaced by 

amisulpride as three years ago, lithium dosage being too high 

now, and my refusing to accept the diagnosis of schizo-affective 

disorder, all led her to rubber-stamp the views of Doctors 

Roberts and Pathmanandam on these issues. At least that is 

what her letter said that arrived on the Tuesday of the next 

week, 26 th October. I telephoned my sister that evening but 

she had not been able to find my book on the shelves during a 

trip to Waterstones that afternoon. 

Tuesday 19 th October. Telephoned Mind Ware and discovered 

that helper Angie would be there that night. 11.30am had a 

meeting with Julie my social worker, about the wretched Care 

Plan, who said it had to be discussed with the whole team at a 

meeting before the damned ‘sexually inappropriate’ alert slur 

on my good name could be removed or altered. I also told her 

about resolving all of my 20 anxieties recently apart from those 

about my father, sister and daughter – which were ongoing. I 

went to the Mind Drop In Club and chatted to Tawanda, the 

helper from Zimbabwe there. He thought my so called delusion 

according to O’Sullivan, that the banks in the UK nearly all have 

350

logos symbolizing the Satanic number 666, was actually the 

truth! Phoned my father twice to discuss the false allegations 

of Pathmanandam, Roberts, O’Sullivan et al that I suffer from 

paranoia, disjointed thinking, and delusions! Mud sticks! 

These Doctors and above all Psychiatrists love slinging mud! 

Wednesday 20 th October. Had not seen Angie at the Mind Club, 

so ordered copies of ‘Which Witch Doctor?’, ‘The Fourth Helen 

of the Apocalypse!’ and ‘Scientific Proof’ so if she still was not 

there next week – I could ask my acquaintance Kim from the 

Mind Club to proof read them instead – and ordered ‘Scientific 

Proof’ as I still only had one up to date copy. I had planned 

this since yesterday – I caught the 2.20pm 724 bus to the 

Galleria at Hatfield and visited Waterstones, where 

unfortunately it was Robin’s day off. They did not seem very 

busy now, whereas weeks ago he had said they were choc a 

bloc! Like my sister had said on her own trip on Monday, the 

book appeared to have been sold, for it was not on the ‘religion’ 

shelves, despite a close search. I had a nightmare that evening 

when I shopped in Ware Tesco. My card was rejected and I 

was told to go to an ATM and check the balance then draw 

money out to pay for my goods, now on reserve hold at Tesco. 

Flustered, I got the balance which showed that in fact Tesco’s 

card machine had indeed taken my money. I walked off down 

towards my own bank Barclays, to see if that showed the 

transaction – only to realise that I had left my card at the other 

ATM, which had swallowed it after a time delay! So, no money, 

no card, and no groceries! Back at Tesco they called the young 

manageress, who stayed calm and got me to ring my bank 

from their desk, who promptly confirmed that Tesco’s card 

machine had taken the money. So I got my groceries back, 

and ordered a new card the next day, which arrived on the 

Saturday 23 rd . 

Thursday 21 st October. Had a letter from Income Support at 

Watford turning down my request to return to weekly 

payments, saying fortnightly was now a policy standard! Also 

had my Community Care Grant rejected in a letter from the 

Social Fund, equally not a surprise. Rang Robin at 

351

Waterstones, who confirmed on his computer that the one copy 

of ‘Scientific Proof’ had been sold and another ordered to 

replace it as stock. In the afternoon had a phone call from the 

housing officer for the flat at Fusion Court. I had won the 

bidding and she was asking me and my social worker to view 

the flat at 3.30pm next Monday. Finally a long saga started – 

for I had noticed that there were only two of my white garden 

chairs left where there should be a table and total of four chairs 

in our communal back garden. Advice from the police when I 

rang them was to ask the neighbours if they had them; which 

was difficult as I could not ask anybody in the next block by 

going there, because of my Restraining Order! Otherwise I had a 

very quiet day. 

Friday 22 nd October. Had a red demand letter from EdF my 

electricity company for the whole quarter’s bill - £87.94! 

However, also had a letter from Hertfordshire County Council 

saying Direct Payments had started on ‘(date)’ not the actual 

words of the date. I could not call them on my landline as it 

had been barred from making outgoing calls as BT were 

insisting I pay them £157+! I eventually borrowed the mobile 

of a friend once I got to the Mind Drop In Club that afternoon, 

as mine had no signal there – and confirmed they had paid me 

all of £342.86 initial payment the day before, which might well 

clear the next day – Saturday! I could as an emergency use 

that money and the money in my payment due then of Income 

Support and Incapacity Benefit, to catch up on all my bills – 

including the above two! The money was going into my spare 

account so I was to wait anxiously to see if two not just one 

large payment reached both my accounts just after midnight… 

My copies of two of the books I had ordered also arrived very 

quickly in the post that morning – and ‘Scientific Proof’ was to 

follow the next day. That afternoon Nit called round and asked 

to borrow my spare telephone handset – and admitted he had 

put my table and two chairs from the garden crazily to use as 

indoor furniture in his own flat. That midnight, now on 

cigarette dog ends, indeed the money arrived in both accounts. I 

immediately dialed 150 and paid the BT bill, and indeed my 

352

phone service restriction was lifted overnight, I found next 

morning. I also ordered a zoom lens for only £79.99 from 

Curry’s web site – and paid Capital One £10 to keep them 

happy. 

Saturday 23 rd October. The Restraining Order had now been in 

place for seven months – and counting! So much for Nit’s 

claims three whole months ago that Julie had told him she 

would get it discharged ‘in weeks’; but he has been more 

difficult and awkward a fluent liar than ever this last week to 

come, as we now see. I caught sight of him downstairs and 

asked him for my phone and table and chairs back. When he 

sarcastically said, ‘right this minute?’ foolishly I said ‘no’! Just 

before 6pm (it turned out they close at 6pm) I telephoned 

Robin at Waterstone’s and said their having only one book on 

sale, or on order, at once, was a big disappointment. However, 

he just said ‘we have to work that way because of the 

recession’. 

Sunday 24 th October. Another quiet day, notable mainly for a 

Gerry visiting as the new local rep from the IET Benevolent 

Fund, some two years after I last saw Peter from them, who 

has since moved to Sussex, I understand. He told me there 

was a case committee meeting next month, November – I 

asked could he try and get some financial help with my debts in 

case the rules had changed since Peter tried and failed? After 

that I had had enough of two whole days of waiting for Nit to 

return my phone and furniture, but when I knocked at his 

kitchen window and he was obviously there, he saw me there 

and pretended he was out. So reluctantly I called the police 

control room, at 5pm roughly, and a single PC, a Neil 

Shoebridge, finally appeared about 8pm. I explained the 

situation, he went off and retrieved the phone from Nit, but 

said that the table and chairs he had allowed Nit ‘a day or two’ 

to put back outside. As we see in the course of the next week 

there was a whole rumpus and saga over the way he kept 

353

taking the piss out of the police, not doing what they told him, 

and keeping my table and chairs as long as possible. 

Monday 25 th – Sunday 31 st October 2010. A second quite busy 

week in a row followed! 

Monday 25 th October. Tried to ring a Peter North, Independent 

Publishers Coordinator at Waterstones HQ, having decided over 

the weekend to contact ALL Waterstones bookshops, hopefully 

saving myself effort by getting ‘Scientific Proof’ and hopefully 

my other books into their Central Buying Stock, as on their web 

site. However, he was not there, so I left a voicemail with my 

phone number. He did not call back that day nor the next, 

Tuesday. Telephoned round computer repair people most of 

whom did not deal with printers. However, the one I had dealt 

with in the Stow, Harlow, years before, said on the phone to 

look at the ends of the rail behind the print head. Sure enough, 

the entire envelope turned up – jammed on the left-hand side 

behind the print head – so there was no need for any cost of 

repair! At 3.20pm I picked up Julie my social worker from 

Cygnet House and we turned up at 3.30pm at Fusion Court, 

Broadmeads, to view the flat. We spent twenty minutes inside, 

and Julie thought I should take it. It was only when I drew up a 

list of one pro and many con’s that evening (see below) that I 

knew I needed to telephone and reject it the next day. In the 

mean time I even filled out and posted a new Community Care 

Grant form that I had ordered the previous week, asking for 

removals costs, wardrobes and blinds! Then I sat down more 

relaxed; and listed the two pro’s of the flat – it had a (smallish) 

double bedroom; and was close to town. The list of con’s was 

huge: - 

1. My cat would only have access to the world outside, a 

prime aim of going for a ground floor property, by leaping out of 

the two windows in the kitchen/diner and bedroom – which 

faced onto a road after only a tiny verge in between! The 

flat ran off a dark corridor, and to get to the garden that way 

354

there would be the front door, a fire door, and another 

locked communal front door. Impossible for her! 

2. The kitchen was at the inside end, away from the window, of 

the kitchen/diner – and was half the size or less of my present 

kitchen. Also, what about cooking fumes? 

3. The corridor running one side of the flat obviously had no 

windows unlike my present kitchen and bathroom. So where 

would my smoke – and kitchen fumes – escape? 

4. The windows would have to be closed at night for security – 

making the whole flat airless and stuffy. 

5. My present view is of green trees and the Priory, a lovely 14 th 

Century building – but the view here if you could keep the blinds 

open and so get no privacy – was of a scout hut! 

6. Again the bathroom would get steamed up – no window! 7. I 

am used to having just 8 people in my block that I 

recognize all of – not 100-200 as in these blocks! 

8. It is relaxed here and the cat and I would never get used to 

the high security at Fusion Court! 

9. I would feel isolated not seeing people pass outside as I do 

in my present flat. 

10. The flat would be very dark all the time with blinds for 

vital privacy – needing lots of artificial lights whereas my 

present flat has four big windows and no blinds, being on the 

first floor! 

11. The garden is far more formal than our present one and 

there would be absolutely no privacy there. 

I sat down and resolved that I would only now leave this bedsit 

flat for a self-contained property with its own garden. All that 

would satisfy me now was a house or bungalow in a large town 

in East Hertfordshire, near the centre, with decent mental 

health facilities. Preferably Ware, then Hertford then Bishop’s 

Stortford seem like the only possibilities! I immediately put an 

advert on EBay for my sofa bed, thinking to advertise my Ercol 

355

table, much more valuable, tomorrow – both on 5 day auctions 

which would end at the weekend. For I can foresee having to 

stay here not having found anywhere much better like that, for a 

very long time indeed – and wanted to create space in my 

lounge as a result. 

Tuesday 26 th October. Rang Natalie, the housing officer from 

South Anglia Housing Association who had shown us round the 

day before; gave some of the main reasons as above; and 

turned down the flat at Fusion Court. I advertised my (spare) 

Ercol table, and nearly matching four elm and wicker chairs, on 

Ebay. At 1.50pm I turned up for my regular podiatry 

appointment. Meanwhile I had a letter from Dr O’Sullivan 

about last Monday’s second opinion – which just rubber 

stamped everything said at present about my diagnosis being 

‘schizo-affective disorder’ when I just know that is plain wrong – 

I am no schizophrenic and really suffer from bipolar (I) 

affective disorder – manic depression with hardly any 

depression! Also, a parcel arrived with my zoom lens from 

Curry’s – but turned out to be missing the lens cap and 

manual! I rang up and complained. I was told they would 

collect it on Thursday and soon replace it with a new one. 

Peter North of Waterstones had still been remiss in not 

returning my call, so I called him that afternoon. The outcome 

was that he recommended for ‘print on demand’ books like 

mine, sending a written letter to all 320 Waterstones stores, 

saying that they were listed on their website. I went to the 

Mind Drop In Club that night. The bereaved Angie the helper 

was finally back on the job, but understandably refused to take 

any more books from me to add to the two she already had, 

intending to criticize and proofread for me! 

Wednesday 27 th October. I went to the Mind Drop In Club 

between 1-2pm, then left early. Back at the flats, I saw that 

the ‘one or two days’ specified by PC Shoebridge on Sunday 

had not been met by Nit – he had not returned my table and 

two chairs by today. However, now one of the two chairs, with 

356

the other two from the garden, stood outside his flat! At about 

2.30pm I called the police again, obtained a URN number and 

was told police would attend. The florid male PC and female 

Community Support Officer must have been very close by, for 

they arrived in minutes, had a word with Nit and when I went 

outside after they had gone the table had joined the three 

chairs outside Nit’s flat in the back garden – but not the final 

fourth chair. I immediately called the police again to be told 

the case has been dropped over ‘lacking proof of ownership’ for 

apparently Nit had lied to them that the furniture 

‘communal’! I then had an email conversation with Peter 

North, who, seemingly rather reluctantly, finally emailed me the 

directory I needed of addresses of Waterstones stores, which 

was not on their website like he had claimed. Indeed the 

website directed me to HIM for the directory, which at last he 

now sent. I now thought if I made enough money on EBay 

from the Ercol table and / or sofa bed, I could afford the £130+ 

mail shot! I left all of four voicemails that night for PC 

Shoebridge on the control room number: - 

1. Telling him there was still a chair left to be returned by Nit - 

who was clearly taking the piss out of the police! 

2. He had come into the garden several times and boasted 

about two techniques he used for fraudulent shoplifting (a) 

taking steak and other expensive provender to the self-service 

checkouts at Tesco and not scanning the barcode but 

weighing it and telling the machine he was weighing potatoes. 

He usually bought some potatoes as well as some crazy kind of 

cover in case he was then stopped and searched! (b) 

damaging goods or packaging in shops when he wanted to 

buy it – then demanding it at a fraction of full list price at the 

till! 

3. He had boasted that on 21 st August 2006 he had cut his own 

hand or wrist then lied blatantly to police that I instead did 

that by ‘assaulting’ him – which indeed caused my arrest – 

followed by over four months in mental hospital! 

357

4. As for ‘communal ownership’ of my garden furniture there 

were five neighbours here including Nit who know that the 

furniture is mine as they use the garden - and I named them! 

Thursday 28 th October. I actually spoke to PC Shoebridge on the 

phone after being connected by the control room. He was ‘on a 

job’ he said but said he would try to get round to see me that 

day or the next; but never actually managed to. Now that I 

had turned down the flat at Fusion Court, I rang the Social 

Fund and cancelled my Community Care Grant application. 

DHL picked up my parcel with my lens to return to Curry’s 

about 4pm – not until after I had just phoned them and 

complained about having to stay in all day for that! There was a 

disappointingly small and poor selection of just two flats on 

Sele Farm in the home options magazine – and only three 

properties, likewise not my sort of thing, on the Home Move 

website that evening. So no bids this time – as usual – my 

need for a house or bungalow with garden in Ware, Hertford or 

Bishop’s Stortford, near the town centre, was still eluding me! 

Friday 29 th October. Chris called in at 11.45am but had to 

leave quite soon as Jo from Rethink turned up and we went for a 

walk and a coffee at Gladstone Road Drop In that I had not 

been to in years. I went to the Mind Club between 1.40- 

2.30pm – then outside the flats who did I bump into but Nit! I 

said politely ‘Nit, give my chair back please’ but was treated to a 

stream of invective: - ‘F*** off you pr**k! You b*****d! You 

c**t!’ then when I felt obliged to reply somehow and said quite 

mildly by comparison, ‘Nit, you are an arsehole!’ – he said 

‘what did you call me?’ and walked off shouting threats that he 

would put me in mental hospital, get Julie to put me in prison, 

or put me in prison himself – quite laughably, for ‘harassment’! I 

rang the police about this – then walked down to Cygnet 

House and offloaded for ten minutes about my week of Nit 

picking to a social worker, Angie, who promised to report it all 

to Julie, my social worker. As I walked back to my flat Nit 

stood in his window of his flat and made a hand gesture in the 

358

shape of a gun being pointed – with his finger. I suddenly 

remembered that this Nit had also boasted in the summer, as 

well as about shoplifting – of owning a working gun! So I told 

the police on the phone that I was worried about him having 

threatened me and him having a gun! My week just got worse 

and worse with him around, the crazy pathological liar and 

crook! Then Julie rang and said I had been doing the right 

thing all week with police involvement, but if Nit ever 

threatened me again, to dial 999 not the control room. Later 

there was a phone call from a Jason at police control, and I told 

him about all Nit’s self-confessed shoplifting – but he just said 

‘that is hearsay to us – we need the shops to report it to us!’ 

About two hours later I went to the pile of chairs and the 

adjacent table where I had left them on Wednesday by a wall – 

and lo and behold, the fourth chair was there too! I quickly 

stored the table in my locker and the chairs in my loft – to stop 

any more thefts by Nit – and rang the police control room for 

the very last time of many that week – and told them. 

Saturday 30 th October. Had a phone call about 11am from a 

Rachel at Ware Neighbourhood Police Station, who asked a few 

questions then said she would pop round and ‘have a word’ 

with this Nit. At 3.30pm I went to the Hallowe’en party at the 

Mind Club – dressed in khaki as either the ‘green man’ or the 

‘jolly green giant’! My sofa bed auction ended without a sale at 

about 8pm – predictable because EBay is saturated with sofa 

beds! I had three phone calls instead about the Ercol table 

from two people, a man and a woman, the latter made two 

calls. Almost immediately after she called and I agreed a week 

to collect the table was OK, she met the minimum bid of £79 

for the table on the EBay web site, I noticed! Suddenly it was 

definite the table and chairs would sell! Wait for tomorrow’s 

climax to the auction at 11.52am, I thought! 

Sunday 31 st October. Hallowe’en and the first day out of British 

Summer Time, so I woke up earlier than usual due to the clocks 

going back an hour overnight. The light was gloomy, and the 

359

trees outside were all gold, yellow and red now, with lots of 

fallen leaves on the ground. Four or five months of cold 

WINTER now! The auction stayed to the last few seconds with 

the asking price of £79 being the only bid, then I watched on 

my PC as there was a sudden flurry of three bids and the same 

Cathy won with a bid of all of £176.17! I emailed her with an 

ever so slightly cheeky message with the invoice; and she 

called back and said her brother would pick up the table in a 

hired van in a day or two – for cash. So I was surprised later 

to get an email from Paypal saying she had paid that way – but I 

could not access the funds for 21 days until she told them I 

had handed over the goods – so I phoned her and asked her to 

do just that! All in all, another very quiet weekend after a very 

hectic – and aggravating, annoying, worried week! 

Monday 1 st – Sunday 7 th November 2010. A hectic, fraught ten 

days now led this week to a very quiet week indeed. On 

Monday I had a phone call from Alan, brother of Cathy of the 

Ercol table from the day before, and we arranged he would pick it 

up on Friday about 11 am. I saw my Psychiatrist and for 

umpteenth time this year, tried to argue with him with no effect 

about non-existent symptoms he and Julie my social worker 

claimed I have; and the appallingly wrong drug treatments he 

still adhered to for me, and stubbornly absolutely refused to 

change. The only other point of note, that very quiet Monday 

was that I emailed Lulu and for the umpteenth time again, 

asked about sales and royalties for my books. In particular I 

told them I knew damn well that Waterstones had ordered a 

book, in fact two, in the last eight weeks. Why had not Lulu 

reported the sales and paid royalties yet? There has been no 

reply from Lulu now, nearly a week later! 

Tuesday 2 nd November. I borrowed £20 from Louise at Cygnet 

House. I took a floppy disk with a letter to Waterstones 

bookshops to go in my mailshot and the spreadsheet with their 

360

318 addresses. I got a quote at the graphics shop to print out 

320 monochrome copies of the letter; print off address labels 

from the spreadsheet; and provide enough envelopes. This 

came to £73+ so I left it that I would collect it Friday. The 

letter – obviously with my details at the top – was as follows: - 

Friday 5 th November 2010 Dear Sir or Madam, 

This letter is part of a mail-shot to all Waterstones 

bookshops to try to publicise and repeat my success as an 

independent author and publisher with my books in persuading 

Waterstones Hatfield (the Galleria – 01707 270161) to look 

at my website www.silee.me.uk then buy stock. 

The books are all ‘published by Lulu Inc’ as at my 

www.lulu.com/authormeuk ‘Lulu shop front’ which is promoted 

on the web by my two websites www.silee.me.uk and 

www.maam.org.uk . They have full ISBN and EAN barcodes 

and are readily available from Gardner’s and Bertram’s as well 

as your own www.waterstones.com (search for ‘simon richard 

lee’ there). 

I approached their Robin of Waterstones Hatfield some weeks 

ago by telephone to try to make an appointment with the 

manager, but have only ever dealt with them by phone as they 

are not even seeing representatives from Penguin Books at 

present, they are so busy! In brief, the following has happened 

since: - 

1. They were very impressed by my website www.silee.me.uk 

which promotes my main book ‘Scientific Proof that (God The 

361

Holy) Spirit Exists : Book of Life 2010’ (ISBN 978-1-4116-7829- 

1) 

2. They eventually received the copy they ordered from their 

current distributor, Gardner’s or Bertram’s, and were 

equally very impressed when they read this my main book. 

They have ordered more as stock after this first sample copy 

sold quickly (well inside two weeks). 

3. However, they say they are an academic branch of 

Waterstones mostly aimed at the University of 

Hertfordshire and as such are not able to sell my 

’manifesto: abolish all money!’ or my hardback or soft-back 

poetry as at www.lulu.com/authormeuk / 

www.waterstones.com Can you indeed instead? 

Please repeat at least the first two steps above with a view to 

stocking all four of my books as at www.lulu.com/authormeuk 

especially the main one as in (1) above. 

Please reply in due course by one of the methods above to tell 

me how you have progressed the requests in this letter, and 

what the outcome was. 

I typed and posted another letter, to my medical ‘judges’: - 

Dear Doctor Pathmanandam, 

The true nature and diagnosis of my illness – not as totally 

misconstrued in my history so notes 

1. I totally reject and deny any wild, fanciful, deluded opinion of any of you 

that I suffer from paranoia. I am about as un-paranoid as a person can be, 

even when unwell! 

2. I totally reject and deny any wild, fanciful, deluded opinion of any of you 

that I suffer from delusions rather than having an acute and often very dry 

and witty sense of humour. I seem to detect strongly that most hospital 

staff that have delusions and so accused me of having delusions instead 

myself (!) invariably have no sense of humour themselves and cannot 

362

distinguish the two! Certainly 99% of the staff at Mymms Ward QEII 

Hospital recently seemed to have been recruited specifically as they had zero 

sense of humour! 

3. I totally reject any wild, fanciful, deluded notion of any of you that I 

suffer from ‘disjointed thinking’ (in parts of my writing – sic – Geraldine). 

She admired my main book when I saw her two weeks ago, so must mean 

the autobiographical writing of mine. I should just point out that nobody 

else had ever read those books not even me – I just wrote them in cathartic 

discharge to free myself of the very considerable suffering that they describe 

– and put them on the shelf. As I write they are currently just starting to be 

proof read and criticized for the very first time – by a qualified Mind 

therapist and helper at their centre on New Road (the Ware House). 

4. So I have absolutely no schizophrenic symptoms despite all your smears. 

5. My correct diagnosis is ‘bipolar (1) affective disorder’ (BP1AD) of which 

when (only ever mildly and harmlessly) ‘ill’ I have all the classic symptoms: 

- elated mood; so spending money recklessly; initially flight of ideas; and 

always very obvious pressure of speech. I never display the schizoid 

symptoms above that you smear me with – with your wild allegations that I 

suffer from ‘schizo-affective disorder’. 

6. Above all I remain a Cambridge gentleman and Scholar; and triple 

Chartered Engineer – and deeply resent the smears on my ‘care plan’ and in 

a letter from Julie to Guile Nicholas, my firm of solicitors, that (sic - sick!) 

“Mr Lee has been sexually inappropriate to females in the past…” 

Yours sincerely, 

Simon Richard Lee BA/MA (Cambridge) CEng MIEE MIET MInstMC 

That evening I went to the Mind Drop In Club for the whole two 

hours for once, 6.30pm-8.30pm. Cathy only wanted the table 

and not my wicker and elm chairs, so I advertised the latter on 

EBay again, for a five day auction, at a minimum bid specified 

of £20. I was nearly out of tobacco so went to Tesco’s Herford 

by bus and back at midnight, until I got paid at about 12.10am, 

and bought some cigarettes and tobacco. 

Wednesday 3 rd November. A very quiet day indeed – most of 

the action being at the Mind Club 2.30-3pm, a very short stay. 

363

Also I had had a brown anorak repaired in its pockets the other 

week and had since discovered a hole in one of the pockets, so 

took it back to the same dry cleaners for a final repair – which 

they warned might break down in weeks or months. Chris 

came round here that evening, then I popped round to him and 

bought some duty free tobacco from him like the other week. 

His mother had been abroad and bought it on the plane or at 

the airport - £24.80 worth of Golden Virginia for £18 to him. 

Thursday 4 th November. An incredibly quiet day. Made a 

couple of phone calls; a message for Gerry the local rep at the 

IET Benevolent Fund to call me, which he still has not (did they 

give him the message?); and a quick chat with Robin at 

Waterstones Hatfield. £16.48 had come back onto my Paypal 

account from my bank account to pay for two books I had 

ordered of my own, so I decided to refund Cathy in full her 

payment by Paypal of last Sunday – and ask her brother Alan 

to bring the cash the following day when he was due to collect. 

He rang back to say that was OK, but I had been asked to have a 

fasting blood test on Monday and the blood test centre at 

Bowling Road was open the following morning. So when he 

rang I got him to agree to come at 12pm not 11am. 

Friday 5 th November. Duly had my blood test then an hour 

later, at 12.10pm, Alan phoned to say he was outside in the car 

park belonging to the next door mews – so I took the table out 

there, light and small enough for one person to carry, and he 

gave me £176 cash. At 1.10pm I paid for and picked up a box 

containing my precious £73 worth of envelopes, letters and 

labels from the graphics shop, then on to the Mind Club 1.30- 

3.10pm. I was somewhat mystified to be handed back the two 

first books of my autobiography that I had given to Angie the 

helper - without any word of explanation. Presumably she was 

not going to proof read them after all? Back at my flat I stuffed 

with letters, stuck on labels and stamps of about half the 318 

mail shot letters by 6.15pm and Chris came round about 6pm, 

so we walked down to the post box and caught the 6.30pm last 

364

post. After he had gone I finished the envelope stuffing and 

labeling between 6.30 and 9.45pm and posted those too. Just 

in time for Christmas? It was pouring with rain so even though it 

was Bonfire night there were few fireworks. As I write on the 

evening of the next day, it is dry here so there are fireworks 

outside aplenty! 

Saturday 6 th November. Really very quiet. About 12pm went 

to the Post Office and mailed all the foreign Waterstones letters 

that I could not last night - to Ireland, especially Dublin, and 

Brussels and Amsterdam. Then I did a bit of shopping and took it 

home. 1.10pm to 2.30pm I was at the Mind Club where Julie the 

helper finally explained the mystery of Angie returning my 

books without a word so far. Poor woman, she lost her mother a 

few weeks ago, and now she was in hospital for a serious 

operation herself! I wanted all the Waterstones book shops to 

be aware from my Lulu ‘shop front’ www.lulu.com/authormeuk 

that I have ten books not just four, so I went on to the 

www.lulu.com site and brought all these autobiographies as 

well as Helen’s ‘the Tender Years’ back from ‘out of print’ to 

‘generally available’. I typed up this diary for these last six 

days tonight, Saturday 6 th November 2010. 

Sunday 7 th November – Monday 13 th December 2010. I type 

this, some five weeks after last typing up this diary on Saturday 

6 th November. I have decided that the best way to describe the 

last five weeks plus a bit, is under a set of headings in 

descending priority, rather than as a literal diary account, my 

more normal style: - 

365

1. Proof reading of my autobiographies these five weeks. I 

had finally despaired that week of ever getting anybody else 

that I knew to undertake the arduous task of proofreading 

these million or so words of autobiography! Angie had offered 

but first her mother had died then she had her gall bladder 

removed after developing agonizing gall stones – so she 

returned the two books I had given her earlier that week. 

A member of the same club had offered to proofread them 

instead of Angie – but promptly stopped coming to the Club – 

is she in hospital? 

For these last five weeks I have been proofreading the five 

books to the neglect of typing up any diary - and turning them 

into six books after some reorganisation. There is a new fifth 

book before this sixth one – entitled “Love Thy Neighbour, 

Julie next door!” I will only proofread this sixth book once I 

have edited it into this form on the Lulu site and also received 

a draft copy of it. 

There are severe problems with recent upgrades to the 

Lulu website preventing that, as we see in a while. Also I 

have turned chapter two of the second book, “Disabled – by 

Doctors!” into the appendix to that book – to stop a lot of 

repetition in the main text – as in fact it is a report to a lawyer! 

Proofreading the first five out of six books over the last five 

weeks has been an ordeal, to say the least. The material 

is very painful as it was originally cathartic discharge of 

the agony, often, of the events it describes. Hence in the last 

five weeks I have often put these books down, overwhelmed 

with sorrow at the agonies they have reminded me of very 

acutely! The only consolation is that nobody else could qualify 

for this job – and even if they did, they would charge £400-800 

to proof read each of the six books. Even then I would still 

have to work on them afterwards as well, as the only 

person who can fully understand all the detail that my 

father sometimes calls a ‘ramble’ in these books! 

2. Ongoing problems as Lulu Inc have been upgrading their 

website www.lulu.com these last few months. There have 

appeared to be communication problems these last few weeks 

366

and months with the team responsible for the upgrade, and 

fixing problems that also occurred two years ago when Lulu last 

upgraded their website. For this team seems to be made up of 

Indians, and possibly based in India! They appear to have 

fixed about 30% of the problems so far that I have reported. 

So last night I sat in front of the projects display on their 

website, and listed the non-functional ‘buttons’ – either to 

‘revise’ or ‘order a proof’ – which turned out not to work for 

four of my six books. I emailed this list to them last night, and 

the reply this morning Saturday 11 th December indicated they 

had again passed these problems onto their top technical 

team. So in days or at most a couple of weeks I will be able 

to finish revising my books and moreover order proof copies. 

This is timely as I will only be able to afford the £36+ required 

then! 

3. I patch up my old row with Julie’s young 21 year old friend 

Sammie, who promises to pay me £30 for the mobile she 

purloined from me in 2007, as soon as possible. However, 

through her I have at last rather than the unreliable Nit, 

dramatic news of Julie! JULIE IS MOVING OUT FROM HER 

FLAT! I had in fact seen this Sammy outside my front door 

some weeks before, when I walked out and she was talking to 

(male) Sam, my young new neighbour. I had not talked to her 

in eighteen months, after she refused to pay for a mobile 

phone she had from me worth £30; we had chatted and she 

now promised to pay up. 

Sunday 7 th November 2010. She actually called on me, at 

4.50pm – where was Julie, she asked? I said it was Julie’s 

weekend on and she had gone off to work and was 

normally back about 5.30-6pm. Sammy came in from the cold 

air, and we had our first real chat in months. I noticed out 

of the window at 5.30pm, midway through this chat, that Julie 

had arrived back from work in her little gold Corsa car, 

which I had christened recently ‘the Noddy-mobile’; 

because of Julie’s very alert forward posture when driving 

it! When I told Sammy about this nickname for Julie’s car, 

367

she hooted with laughter! She went round to see Julie at 

5.50pm. In the meantime, the main points of conversation, as 

I recall, were as follows: Sammy had lost her job last Thursday, 

so was looking for a new job. I urged her to take out 

jobseeker’s allowance because she wanted to live on her 

slim savings – apparently her mother disapproved of her 

drawing benefits! However, the last time I saw her five weeks 

on, last week, she was in fact claiming jobseeker’s allowance; 

had had her first interview; but not got the job. She 

sympathised a lot when I discussed the horrors of Julie’s 

Restraining Order, and that Julie and I had not spoken in ten 

months, even though she was my ex-partner and lived next 

door! 

As for Julie, we both bemoaned the fact that since her 

mother’s death in January she had become a recluse; going 

out to work then eating, sleeping, showering or bathing; 

and above all watching TV – mostly ‘Emmerdale’ and other soap 

operas when at home, never going out anywhere! Sammy, still 

actually allowed to talk to Julie unlike me, confirmed all this for 

me now at last. 

She also confirmed that no, definitely not, neither Julie nor she 

were lesbian! She went round to see Julie at 5.50pm like I said, 

after this chat, promising to come back with all Julie’s news! 

She came back very quickly, at 6.25pm, as Julie said she had 

to go as she was preparing to cook supper and have a bath. 

The main bits of news were dramatic: - 

Julie’s stepfather had died just recently – months after 

his wife, her mother! 

Her daughter Rachel had nearly stopped talking to Julie 

for over a year since unearthing the whereabouts of 

her real mother two years ago! 

Julie was not having much luck this year! 

Julie had all sorts of adverts for places to move to live, 

open in her flat – and told Sammy she might be moving to 

Cornwall, as far away as that – which appalled Sammy! 

368

Like with Nit, Julie claimed to Sammy to have ‘moved on’ and 

got a new boyfriend. Sammy however, said she knew when 

Julie was lying – and thought this was a lie intended to boost 

Julie’s ego! 

Julie had not reacted at all when I was mentioned, not 

even when as Sammy and I had in fact discussed at my flat 

earlier, Sammy suggested to her that the three of us go out for 

a meal before Christmas… 

Monday 15 th and Tuesday 16 th November 2010. I noticed Julie 

was out both nights, but on the Tuesday at 3.30pm Sammy 

again appeared at the door, asking where Julie was. She 

wanted to get Julie round to see me, for the three of us to still 

discuss going out for a meal before Christmas. I told her to 

ring Julie, as she was obviously out, but she had no credit being 

unemployed. So eventually I let Sammy call Julie 141 on my 

own mobile phone! She got through, and Julie was with her 

sister having been at their Stepfather’s funeral… After that 

Sammy went home to Stanstead Abbotts on the train; but was 

hungry, so I bought a saveloy sausage for us both at the fish 

and chip shop! Like I said, Julie only returned the next day. 

Monday 22 nd November 2010 happened to be the exact 

Anniversary of the awful Sunday last year, when Julie really 

finally ended our own relationship – by alleging afterwards to 

the police totally falsely that I sexually harassed her! Today 

was marked by me seeing her walking down the path towards 

her flat – carrying about ten cardboard boxes ready to be made 

up. I immediately thought to myself, “She is starting to move 

out then! Is she moving out to live with her sister; after all 

that has happened tragic to that family this year?” I phoned 

Sammy and told her of my suspicions, and she called me on the 

phone the next day with the answers. ‘Yes’ to both questions – 

Julie was moving out to move in to live with her sister Helen 

(yet another Helen that I had encountered over the years!) 

Also at the moment, Julie’s foster daughter Rachel was blocking 

all Julie’s phone calls to her! 

369

Friday 3 rd December. Julie’s weekend off. Saw her by chance, 

coming and going to her new home twice that afternoon, filling 

the car each time with stuff from her flat. The first time she 

had bought some flowers. The second time – I was devastated 

to see two blokes take away her fridge-freezer, nearly new, in 

an estate car. For I had paid nearly £400 for her to have it as a 

present, that she never really wanted, a year earlier. I had 

been well brought up not to sell presents – clearly she had not! 

Saturday 4 th December. At 3.10pm got back from the monthly 

session on the first Saturday of the month, of Mind. Saw Julie’s 

car outside the flats and a half sized container lorry parked on 

the corner by her flat. Clearly as Terror had said on 

Wednesday 1 st – today was moving day. Sammy turned up ‘to 

help’ and afterwards told me the whole move was abortive. 

Because ‘it was raining heavily’ only the washing machine and 

cooker were taken in the lorry. There is loads of heavy stuff 

left, she said! It was a peculiar time to move house anyway – 

dusk on a rainy day! Had the lorry come at midday, it had not 

been raining then. 

Sunday 5 th December. Julie appeared, I noticed, about 

10.10am, with a companion vehicle and driver – a white van! 

This driver turned out to be a man with black hair and big 

sideburns, who seemed from whatever glimpses I got of him, 

tobe really quite ugly! He helped Julie for about an hour or so, 

to fit her bed into his white van; and lots of bags and boxes 

into both vehicles. Then she seemed to be a bit reluctant when 

he walked up to her just before they set off – and gave her a 

big kiss on the lips! So was this her new boyfriend, indeed, 

I wondered? So very ugly, indeed, when everyone says that I 

am handsome! Certainly - by comparison to this fella! Julie 

returned by herself this time, at 3pm for 25 minutes, packing 

yet more stuff in her car. 

370

Monday 6 th December. Julie made apparently only, one last trip 

here to load up her car. 

Saturday 11 th December. Julie has not stayed at her flat since 

Thursday week, and I thought she might have gone for good. I 

actually cried a bit, because she seemed to have gone without 

saying goodbye, several times that week. After all that I had 

done for her 2007-2009 at least! I happened to be looking out 

of the window at 2pm on Saturday when I saw her car flash in 

from the right- hand side of the window, unusual direction for 

her to arrive and park down the road. Sammy came here at 

4.30pm after I called her. She said she had been round to 

Julie’s since 2pm or so, and there was still a lot of packing of 

stuff to be done – including some heavy stuff. 

Sunday 12 th December. I rang young Sammy yet again, who 

had some news of Julie. Her 52 nd birthday was the next day, 

Monday, and she planned to do some more removals on the 

Tuesday 14 th December. Julie has been complaining that 

nobody will help her move, apparently! The lorry came two 

weeks ago, leaving behind (because it was raining!) not only 

her bed, but her other large and or bulky furniture – wardrobe, 

leather sofa and dining chairs… Also the move to her sister’s 

was only an interim step - until Julie finds her own but better 

place than these bedsits to live in again, apparently! 

4. After Julie seems about to move out, I apply to East and 

North Hertfordshire Courts Office to try at least to get Julie’s 

Restraining Order on me discharged. 

371

Friday 3 rd December 2010. I rang the above Courts Office. I 

was told firstly that the Clerk to the Court who signed my 

Restraining Order, one Rhiannon Davies, is on leave till 

Monday 13 th December. Secondly the rather sourpuss 

woman on the phone claimed that Restraining Orders were never 

discharged! 

Wednesday 8 th December 2010. Phoned the Courts Office again, 

and a far breezier woman told me to write in – not that it was 

hopeless at all, unlike last Friday! Drafted a letter that night – 

two sides! 

Thursday 9 th December 2010. When I showed this letter to my 

social worker Julie Phipps at Cygnet House, she immediately 

said there was far too much reference to Julie my departing 

neighbour, which might seem obsessive, and to come back with it 

all taken out. I managed to grab five minutes with her again, 

and she approved the final version which I will phone Rhiannon 

Davies about on Monday as follows: - 

372

Thursday 9 th December 2010 Rhiannon Davies or other Clerks 

to Hertford Magistrates Court Bayley House 

Sish Lane Stevenage SG1 3SS 

Dear Clerk to Hertford Magistrates Court, 

Application to Hertford Magistrates Court to definitely vary the terms of my 

Restraining Order imposed there on 23 rd March 2010; and 

furthermore, almost certainly to discharge that Order completely. 

Both of these should be on the grounds that the original terms of the Order are 

now totally irrelevant, as my former very ‘on and off’ lover and partner Mrs Julie 

Smithson, whom this Order is in favour of, has moved to a new, to me unknown, 

address with an equally unknowable home phone number. I want to ‘move on 

too’, and forget all about her. So I have absolutely no means – and above all no 

reason at all - to ever contact her again. 

I have just ended a period of nearly nine months of the initially unenviable task of 

‘not contacting her directly or indirectly’ under the Restraining Order. This was 

all while we shared a common dividing wall between our two bedsit flats in two 

adjacent blocks of four. Very fortunately under the circumstances, we had two 

different entrance doors to our two adjacent blocks of flats. 

Since March 16 th , when I was bailed with the same bail conditions precisely as 

the Restraining Order terms a week later, I have increasingly got totally used to 

putting up with such an awkward situation. 

Now she has ‘moved on’, even to a new unknown address. We had no mutual 

friends at all, so I cannot possibly find out where she lives or what her phone 

number is, even if I wanted to, which is the last thing I want right now. So in 

the first instance, all references in this Restraining Order to her old flat here next 

door, or ‘communal area adjacent to it’ are now irrelevant. 

Far more far-reaching, her now being completely removed to an unknown new 

address, has seen me rapidly and increasingly relax a lot, no longer bothered by 

her presence or even happening to see her quite often outside. I have totally 

accepted that she has moved on to a new life entirely with a new boyfriend even. 

For well over a year now, not ‘with me’ at all in any way. So now I can move on 

too. 

373

The Restraining Order as a whole, then, is now completely irrelevant – I urge 

Hertford Magistrates Court to discharge it completely. 

I have the support in this of Julie, my social worker, of Cygnet House… 

Monday 13 th December (Julie’s 52 nd birthday). I rang the 

Courts Office who confirmed that they had received the above 

letter which had been given to a legal adviser – who should 

reply inside a week. 

5. Efforts to market my books and websites. My mail shot to 

all Waterstone’s bookshops went off in the post at the start of 

this five- week period; and at the end of the five weeks has 

been noteworthy for absolutely ZERO replies! Even when I 

rang several local branches, the managers were hard to get 

hold of; and none could even remember receiving my letter! 

Some did say that their branches get most mail all year, 

before Christmas, and may well have binned my letter as 

‘junk mail’! What a waste of time, effort and above all a 

whole £175! As for the websites, advertising them through not 

just one but two routes has been equally a total failure! On 

Tuesday 23 rd November I got all of £75 free Google 

Adwords advertising which I immediately used. It required 

two things that they did not actively point out; spending £15 

on setup charges; and that it had to be a new account, on a 

previously unadvertised website – I got round this by using 

Julie’s still active email address, and the alias I have for my 

main website. I also now googled for ‘cheap websitevisitors’ 

and indeed found that www.visitorboost.com had a trial offer of 

just $1.95 for 1,000 visitors – so I bought five such trials 

for £6+. Nearly three weeks have passed into these two 

Google ‘Adwords’ and Visitor Boost marketing campaigns – 

with results just as disappointing as for my Waterstone’s mail 

374

shot – with zero sales despite 350 ‘worldwide’ visitors per day to 

www.silee.me.uk ! Finally two weeks ago I made moves to 

minimise website rental costs – and am nearing the end of the 

process of transferring my websites and their two aliases 

from www.streamline.net to www.one.com. Who are very 

much cheaper – and the first year’s fees are zero apart from 

£27+VAT setup fee for my two sites between them. 

6. A varied financial picture. My income has risen some tens 

of pounds a fortnight over the last month or so by dint of 

having finished paying off some quite small loans from the 

benefits people. I have also applied two weeks ago for a 

budgeting loan from the Social Fund, so I can decorate my flat 

– a letter arrived offering me £348, more than enough, so I 

accepted this by return letter in the envelope provided. I 

can divert some of the money to other things, while paying 

for the decorating materials. My father said he would help 

decorate my flat, quicker than the four weeks it took last 

time he helped, eight years ago! The IET Benevolent Fund 

remains a godsend – I received a letter from them early in 

December saying they were maintaining their payment to me 

of £175 a month as well as my £600 a year holiday grant. 

After several phone calls, I did speak to a knowledgeable lady, 

one ‘Georgine’, who established that I could no longer these 

days expect any help paying off my debts – such help had 

been discontinued by the IET years before. This spurred me to 

write to my MP Mark Prisk on Thursday 18 th 

November about 

my specific case for compensation concerning the Equitable 

Life scandal. Parliament had the previous month agreed to pay 

£1.5 billion to policyholders – whereas their original total losses 

were £5 billion plus! His reply arrived Monday 29 th 

November, and was so ‘party political broadcast’ that I left 

a message on his phone at the House of Commons that 

same Friday 3 rd December. I had no response by the 

Monday 6 th December, so called again and spoke to his 

personal assistant, who promised action. I left another message 

on the Wednesday 8 th December, and finally a lady personal 

375

assistant phoned the next day and said a letter was on its way – 

the person responsible for Equitable Life matters was Mark 

Hoban, Secretary to the Treasury, and Mark Prisk had 

written to him, forwarding my own letter. Indeed, a note to 

me to that effect with a copy of the short letter to Mark Hoban 

arrived on the Friday. In due course (middle of next year?) 

I should finally receive compensation and attack my debts 

with that? I won’t be able to do it, from selling the four chairs 

I had not sold with my Ercol table previously on EBay! I have 

put them up for auction all of four times and they have always 

failed to sell! I am about to auction them over just three 

days, ‘buyer collects’ so free postage, starting at just £0.99p… 

Finally my accounts for the quarter are due next month to go to 

Herts County Council for my Direct payments of 

£40/week, which will require a little creative accounting as not all 

the money went on ‘social life’ per se. Some went on my £157 

phone bill – ‘social inclusion’? They may not see it that way at 

their accounting office…! 

7. (Mental) Health Matters. MIND continues to be the 

cornerstone of my social life – I go there for up to two hours 

at a time on Tuesdays between 6.30pm-8.30pm, Wednesdays 

1pm-3pm, and Fridays 1.30pm-3.30pm. Also, there are 

sessions on the first Saturday of the month 1pm-3pm and 

for men only on the second Sunday 1pm-3pm. My only criticism 

is that there is a huge gap between midday Friday and 

Tuesday evening, most weeks. These are purely social events – 

and I either chat in the warm interior or spend (most of my) 

time in the garden, smoking and drinking a coffee, chatting to 

all the people, most of whom I know quite well as 

acquaintances. Sometimes, especially during the recent fiasco 

over Julie, I askedd to chat to one of the helpers about my 

problems, especially with her, in a side room. Beyond the Mind 

Club, I have attended Thursday meetings in the John Gilpin pub 

of ‘Club Amigos’ about six times since the summer; have made 

some acquaintances but no friends and certainly no new 

girlfriend – indeed some of the men there grumbled once 

376

openly about the ‘lack of talent’ in the club! Now I have got 

the Direct Payments in place, I can afford to go there more 

often in future – weather permitting at this time of year! 

On a medical note, I have written two strong letters to 

my Consultant, disputing both the diagnosis, saying it 

should be ‘bipolar I affective disorder not schizo-affective 

disorder’ – and the treatment, asking once more for amisulpride 

tablets not the haldol depot. I also had two meetings with my 

Consultant about the fact that my depot has been causing large, 

hot, sore bumps on my backside for some months – and he, 

reluctantly, has been persuaded they are real - so to take 

action. He is even talking about me going onto amisulpride 

tablets in the New Year. It is past Christmas then, so I can get 

the daily supervision that he thinks is required, from the CAT 

Team, far less busy then, instead of the CMHT team, for a while. 

I had an appointment with my GP today Monday 13 th 

December – who examined the latest large ‘injection lump’ on 

my backside – and said it was both bruised and infected, so 

gave me a week’s supply of antibiotics for it! Then just when I 

needed Julie my social worker the most ever, when dealing 

with the stress of Julie next door 

moving out, her daughter had an abscess on her 

appendix, so my social worker took over two weeks’ 

compassionate leave to look after her daughter! 

8. Family matters. I often chat to my father on the phone, who 

seems much better these days after splashing out money to 

have the Internet connection to his computer free of wireless 

and so any chance of his ‘problem’ neighbour hacking into 

his computer! I have not spoken to my brother about him 

since about eight weeks ago, when the latest news was 

good news – the local psychiatric staff were leaving him in 

peace as he was ‘no threat to himself or others’. I finally got 

through to Jeni’s mother’s partner Rodney and he got her to 

text a big apology to me, then phone me a week ago on 

377

Saturday 4 th December – she had ignored all my many 

messages and texts for weeks – ‘because she was so very busy 

and this year the work had got very much harder at college’ 

she said. My sister was busy with moving flat for many 

weeks in the autumn. Then in November she went again to 

India as part of her job. Midway through this trip she spent 

some time on a tiger reserve, and very rarely a huge male 

wild tiger strolled out of the bush ahead of the safari truck – 

enabling her and a male acquaintance to take loads of great 

close-up photos! She came to my flat two weeks ago, on 

Saturday 27 th November, and showed off these photos on her 

work notebook PC. She also had her usual present for me from 

these trips to India – 200 cigarettes, only this time full strength 

Benson and Hedges. Previously I had asked her not to buy any 

more Marlboro lights but full-strength cigarettes instead! She 

also asked me to have a meal of chicken breasts with four roast 

style vegetables of sprouts, carrots, roast parsnips, and potatoes 

on Saturday last, 11 th December 2010. I saw the even better 

pictures off the Internet of her tiger – taken on a better 

camera by her male acquaintance on the tiger reserve 

lorry. She also offered to do some Christmas shopping for 

me, then for me to pay for it, as she has a car and I do not, for 

which I was of course very grateful. 

9. Finally, don’t laugh! After I get bitten twice - I have to take 

strong action with the fleas on Woosskat! 

I was down at the Mind Drop In on Friday 12 th November, and in 

the garden having a smoke and a coffee. Suddenly I had 

excruciating ‘pricks’ of pain and a large burning area around 

them, on my right flank, and left shoulder blade. I asked the 

advice of Julie the helper, who said it could be shingles, which 

is very serious – or more likely, my cat had fleas which had 

got on my body warmer recently after she used it as a bed! I 

immediately left the Club for the day; and asked the advice of 

somebody at the nearby pet shop who I knew, from meeting this 

Cheryl at Club Amigos recently. I ended up taking her advice 

378

and buying a ‘fog’ anti flea spray and a small pack of flea 

shedding tablets for the cat. I already had a vial of antiworming 

liquid to put behind the cat’s head left over from 

buying a pack of two, I remembered, sparing yet more expense 

in the pet shop. I got home and squeezed the plastic vial of 

anti-wormer on the nape of Wooskat’s neck, to which she 

objected - so I had to catch her to give her one of the three 

anti-flea pills in the pack. She objected and meowed fiercely 

again, but I stroked her throat and so she swallowed the 

pill – the way my ex-wife had taught me years before. Then 

she wanted to go outside, which I let her, as it was all part of 

the procedure – to let the fleas jump off her under the 

influence of the tablet. I stripped the bed and put the linen in 

the washing machine, then put all the pillows and cushions on 

end next to the bed and sofa, to let them get the air. 

Finally I dressed up warm as it was damp and cold outside, 

and put the fog spray on a chair in my lounge door, which is 

central to the flat, with all the doors open and the windows 

closed. As instructed, I started the fog spray by pushing its 

button – and immediately left the flat. The cat and I 

were supposed to be out of there for two hours, which turned 

out to be a cold, miserable time in the garden and the park 

opposite alternately. Finally, after often looking at my watch, 

for two hours is a long time to be stuck out in such miserable 

weather, again as per instructions from Cheryl I re-entered 

the flat, and opened all the windows for a while to fill the flat 

with fresh air. The final part of the operation was to vacuum 

clean thoroughly. Result, the cat has stopped scratching – 

and I’ve had no more bites from fleas either! 

379

My diary resumes. Tuesday 14 th – Monday 27 th December 

2010. (Bank holiday in lieu of Boxing Day). The quietest four 

not just two weeks for ages followed. In the deep midwinter… 

Tuesday 14 th December. I was pleased I had finished five 

weeks converting five books of autobiography into six, and 

thoroughly proofread the first five, waiting for www.lulu.com 

web site fixes before I can order a copy so proof read this sixth 

book. I had also just finished the last five weeks and two days 

of this diary. Christmas Eve is just ten days away! To pay for 

that, I am expecting lots of separate funds: - budgeting loan, 

my IET grant, my Direct Payment, benefit tomorrow, next 

Wednesday and the main part on this Saturday; and Pension of 

just £50.53 along with that. Otherwise I had a quiet day. 

www.one.com emailed with the good news that my two new 

transferred web-spaces www.silee.me.uk 

and 

www.maam.org.uk would be set up inside 24 hours. I 

happened to see Julie park her car outside here at two, 

doubtless to shift more stuff from her flat, but had a regular 

podiatry appointment at 3.10pm so did not see her leave again. I 

went to the Mind Club between 6.50pm and 8.25pm. 

Wednesday 15 th December. Got a £25 Cold Weather Payment 

into my bank account because the last seven days had 

averaged sub-zero. Went to the Mind Club just between 

1.20pm and 2.15pm. Telephoned Virgin pensions who 

promised to send a brief history of my time with them 2001- 

2004. Texted Sammy: - The thought of Julie’s new bloke 

kissing pawing licking and of course f***ing Julie what with her 

being a world authority on blow jobs as well as loving being on 

top of men leaves me sick cold and old. Puke, puke! She 

replied, “I know what you mean exactly!” 

Thursday 16 th December. Woke up with a nasty chesty cough 

and panicked – had I developed emphysema? Had a letter 

from the Court Service saying attend Court on Tuesday 4 th 

January at Hertford. Rang Equitable Life as above about 

getting details for my time with their pension plan – but was 

380

told to write in. Julie was parked outside again from 1.45pm to 

about 3pm. I uploaded the websites www.silee.me.uk and 

www.maam.org.uk into their now set up www.one.com spaces. 

At four went to the nurse at the doctors’ surgery as arranged 

that midday, who measured my carbon monoxide level as 

‘moderate smoker’ only, which surprised heavy smoker me! 

She prescribed some patches and gum, containing nicotine, but 

as of Monday 10 th January 2011 I have still to use either of 

them. She allayed my fears about emphysema by saying I did 

not have it and would suddenly develop acute short breath if I 

did develop it. 

Friday 17 th December. Midday had a phone call with Julie my 

social worker in which I complained about my medication 

having made me feel lousy all year, which she instead said was 

all caused by my neighbour and ex lover Julie! Went to Mind 

Club at 1pm, and onto the Navigator Pub for our Christmas 

meal at 2pm, having gone home and picked up my camera – 

luckily as it turned out. For before, during and after a nice 

meal of pate starter, traditional turkey dinner and Christmas 

pudding (rather than the lemon tart I had ordered as the pub 

had run out) I took six good photos of people who actually 

wanted to be photographed. Especially the three female 

helpers, including Julie, Angie and a strange helper I had never 

met before. As often, in case of any fresh news about Julie my 

ex, I phoned her friend Sammy but got a text back asking me 

not to call her for a while for she was laid up ill. 

Saturday afternoon, 18 th December. THREE INCHES of 

snow this over much of the country including here! Icy 

conditions everywhere… Placed an order for a Virgin set-top TV 

box to be delivered on Tuesday (free, after I objected to paying 

£20 for delivery!) costing £11.99 a month with £35 up front as 

my credit history is far from perfect. I also paid www.one.com 

£9+VAT the setup fee for www.author.me.uk . I got £290 in 

the bank today but had £105 bills and spent £140 so had only 

£45 left to last till Wednesday! 

381

Sunday 19 th December. This was equally quiet. I called the 

repair line as my lounge electric radiator had not come on 

under ‘Economy 7’ between 12am-7am but after the repair man 

finally came at 4.30pm it still failed to work Sunday night. 

Bought lots of chocolate at the supermarket for Jem’s kids for 

Christmas – and some pickles in the ‘Polish delicacies’ section. 

Monday 20 th December. Rang the Housing Association repairs 

department about my failed radiator repair yesterday, and this 

time that afternoon a black repair man came round and indeed 

fixed it properly this time. He even hooked up the daytime 

supply to the adjacent Economy 7 supply on the wall by the 

radiator and demonstrated the radiator now worked. He told 

me there had been dust in the controls, but there was no way 

to prevent this. Also phoned my housing officer Lesley at the 

Housing Association who had sent a letter saying the Benefits 

from the Council had been stopped. She said I had to ring the 

Council, who in turn said that somebody unknown had phoned 

them after I viewed the flat at Broadmeads weeks earlier – and 

claimed I had moved there! Once I had corrected this 

misinformation about having moved, the Council soon wrote 

and confirmed my benefit had been fully reinstated for this flat. 

Had an email from www.one.com saying my third website 

www.author.me.uk would be available in 24 hours. Otherwise 

an incredibly quiet, boring day. 

Tuesday 21 st December. Telephoned Julie my social worker, 

worried about the Court Hearing on 4 th January, when she was 

expecting me just to discuss us writing a statement for her to 

give the Court. For one thing Julie was still clearly in the 

process of moving; and might not have finished by then. Also, if 

the prosecution telephoned her for her opinion, as they were 

certain to do like last time, they might be extremely nasty 

complications should Julie complain about the couple of times 

382

that I had contacted her since last breaching the Court Order! I 

noticed she was still moving, for she was parked down the road 

to the left looking out from my flat, at 2pm that day. I still had 

her email set up for some good reason, and received a delivery 

note on it from Littlewoods, for a warranty on her fridge 

freezer. The delivery address seemed to be her sister’s address 

in Hoddesdon also Julie’s address now too! Aaaaghh! Too 

much information! I did not want to know that! Set up the 

email on www.author.me.uk and its alias to www.silee.me.uk. 

Otherwise this was another quiet day… 

Wednesday 22 nd December. Yesterday was Yule, the shortest 

day of the year, so from now the days would get ever so 

slightly longer each morning. I could look forward three 

months to my birthday and summertime – when the days 

would suddenly get longer by an hour and a half in the 

evenings! I had done most of my Christmas shopping for Jem’s 

kids – chocolates and nice pens – in Ware. My sister arrived at 

11.30am from her new flat in Welwyn, with the shopping she 

had done for me for the adults – a variety of ground coffees for 

Dad, and Jem and Jane, and tea for Jane’s Mum. We planned 

to drive to Sussex going via the Bridge at Dartford, and in fact it 

was a remarkably clear journey and we got there in two 

hours – despite there still being lots of snow on the ground! 

Libby planned to stay till the Sunday of New Year, but I did not 

want to leave the cat long, who was being fed and looked after 

by my neighbour Terror while I was away. So I told my father 

and Libby I would catch the train home next Monday. He had 

now continued his paranoid hate campaign against his next 

door neighbour – who he now claimed he heard ranting at night 

about having ‘got control of my father’s computer by remote 

control’ – through a thick wall, clearly impossible. So now my 

father had completely disconnected his computer from the 

Internet, and he only let Libby and I use the Internet on it very 

reluctantly, disconnecting the cables afterwards… We offloaded 

Libby’s car, quite a task as she had filled the back seat and 

boot so full, with her own stuff, that there had barely been room 

for my own single bag and Christmas bags of presents. They 

383

went to Waitrose to buy groceries and things for a Christmas 

party my father planned for the neighbours on Christmas Eve, 

the Friday 24 th of course. So as ever I drank coffee and fruit 

juice and smoked in the garden, which was bitterly cold as it 

was sub-zero. That morning I had received my second £25 

cold weather payment of four consecutive payments over four 

freezing weeks, from Benefits. I got the number of the Courts 

Service from ‘ 118118’, and rang them to be told to write 

cancelling my Court Hearing, so I handwrote a note and posted it 

to them. 

Thursday 23 rd December. Dad and Libby went to Waitrose at 

Burgess Hill twice to buy things for the party the next day. 

There was only room in the kitchen for the two of them, to 

prepare the food, so again as yesterday I went out into the 

garden much of the time. We went for a walk through white 

snow covered fields, in the afternoon. Then Libby took me in 

her car to Haywards Heath. I bought some socks for Siobhain 

in Marks and Spencer, her requested present, as well as some 

snacks, my contribution to the party next day. Then in 

Waterstones, I bought a student cook-book for Karina and a 

joke book for Jordan; again presents requested via their mother 

Jane. 

Friday 24 th December, Christmas Eve. In the morning, while 

Libby and Dad finished preparations for the party that 

afternoon, I bought us all presents. A lucky dip each for the 

lottery that evening, and two each for the lottery on Christmas 

Day the next day – at the small supermarket, the Co-op in the 

village. About a dozen adults and four little girls came to the 

party, which they and we judged a huge success, with most 

people staying from about 1.30pm to 5pm. The Waitrose 

mulled wine and hot snacks from M+S, and filo pastry stuffed 

with anchovies my father had made, went down particularly 

well, but the minced pies were hardly touched. Everybody 

seemed already full of mince pies! That evening Libs and Dad 

384

cooked a glazed gammon ham to eat cold for Christmas Day 

breakfast – a Lee family tradition. 

Saturday 25 th December, Christmas Day. Woke to eat delicious 

gammon and toast for breakfast! Libby bossed my father 

around as she is rather the schoolmarm after her career in 

teaching. Also as a result of extremely demanding working 

conditions for teachers, she has not had a relationship in many 

years, so is rather the spinster schoolmarm even! For he had 

ordered a medium (12-14 pound) turkey for the three of us, 

but when he went to the butchers the previous night, had been 

handed a 17½ pound monster turkey – and of course had to 

pay the full price for it - £50! The vast size of this bird meant it 

would only be cooked by 7pm or so, not 3pm as usual for our 

family on Christmas Day. The two of them cooked in the 

kitchen, again with no room for me, with carols playing on 

Classic FM radio in the lounge. We went for another walk in the 

afternoon leaving the turkey to cook. The meal when it finally 

arrived was superb – Libby had done a ‘ Pru Leith’ cordon bleu 

cookery course years before so is an excellent cook! 

We opened our presents to each other after the meal as 

usual. Libby had made several trips to India this year so many 

of her presents were beautifully carved elephants and inlaid 

boxes. Finally that night, I won £10 on the Christmas Day 

lottery – so very nearly covered my costs on the tickets I bought 

on Friday. 

Sunday 26 th December, Boxing Day. We went for a half hour 

walk in the fields outside the village at midday, then drove over 

to my brother’s house at Cuckfield arriving about 2.30pm. 

There was the usual warm welcome, and the usual huge tree in 

the lounge, with all their presents from yesterday open 

underneath it, with some for us today. There was a cold buffet 

lunch, thankfully as they had cooked a goose the day before, 

with no cold turkey! There was salmon that my brother had 

385

smoked himself, and a large gammon, and loads of salads to go 

with them, along with pies – including duck pie! All delicious as 

usual. While the others chatted, as ever I spent quite a lot of 

time in the freezing cold outside on the verandah, smoking and 

supping beer from a can or several cans. We swapped presents 

around 5pm, and the kids were delighted that I had bought 

them substantial quantities of chocolate – that they had missed 

out on so far this Christmas! Jem and Jane gave me a rather 

formal grey shirt, and a small hamper of goodies – including six 

“Simon’s free range eggs” – good joke but I gave them to my 

father as they would not travel well the next day going home… 

When Jane said rather lamely “the kids have not bought you 

any presents, any of you, they have no cash” I could see that 

the recession had struck even this well-off family! 

Bank Holiday Monday 27 th December. I packed in the morning, 

which did not take long, and arranged for Libby to bring my 

presents back in the car as they were too heavy and bulky to 

carry in my bag. We went to Haywards Heath Marks and 

Spencer after lunch so I could find some decent semi-casual 

cords and other trousers in the sale. I had the receipt for £25 

for my shirt from Jem and Jane, and indeed traded it in for £9 

extra to pay, for a pair of green cords and a pair of chinos. 

Then I caught the 2.15pm train, and apart from the train being 

standing room only after Gatwick and Croydon, where many 

people joined it each time, had an uneventful journey home via 

Victoria and Tottenham Hale on the tube, getting in about 5pm. 

It was now raining, so a slight thaw occurred overnight. I was 

up till 3am doing a two- page colour ‘sales flyer’ letter that I 

planned to send to Waterstones as the previous November 5 th 

effort had had absolutely no responses! I needed to work out 

how to finance such a mail-shot which for such a two page flyer 

would cost over £200 even if I bought ink and printed off the 

flyers on my own computer rather than pay the graphics shop 

50p a sheet – which for 320x2 sheets would have cost £320! 

386

Tuesday 28 th December 2010 – Monday 3 rd January 2011. As 

usual at this time of year, many businesses and a few shops 

were closed for the holidays; making it very quiet indeed! 

Tuesday 28 th December. As we see in a moment, while I had 

very high income, over this week and the previous Christmas 

week, this was largely offset by nearly as high unusual 

outgoings. On the Monday night when I prepared to do a 

second mail shot to Waterstones bookshops – it looked like I 

had the money left over. So on Tuesday when I rang British 

Telecom innocently enough to reinstate my direct debit, I got a 

really terrible shock when before allowing that, they took nearly 

£160 from me on the phone, to settle the bill bang up to date! 

Now I needed some more finance to do the mail shot at all! 

For my cash flow had seen the highest income, all now having 

gone out again, of any two weeks ever while on benefit. I 

received my normal total of £375.76 in benefits for the two 

weeks, plus £175 IET grant and £50.53 pension (on the 20 th ). 

However, there were some unusual items of income as well – 

two £25 cold weather payments; direct payments of £160; and 

all of £348 of budgeting loan. Total of £1,157+. Against this 

was £563 of bills including BT as above; £225 on Christmas (at 

least); £245 on tobacco in two weeks, which increase of a third 

over average for two similar weeks, I can only put down to 

angst over Julie moving out, and her having a new lover, not 

me! Finally there was the usual £100 in two weeks on 

supermarket shopping. I was therefore horrified to see my 

direct payments as well as my budgeting loan, soaked up in 

these two Christmas weeks. Although Christmas shopping 

could be argued to be ‘instruments for social contact’ – I would 

now be repaying the budgeting loan at over £7 a week for 

nearly a year – with nothing to show for the money! Certainly 

the £100 of it I had targeted to decorating the flat in the spring 

was gone in a puff of smoke! 

387

Desperate to finance my mail-shot despite getting through all 

that money, that afternoon I went on the Internet and firstly 

Googled for ‘credit card poor credit rating’ and found myself 

applying for a very expensive Vanquis Granite card – with a 

‘typical APR’ quoted at 33.9% and so no doubt a very low credit 

limit once I got the card. I also signed up under ‘loans poor 

credit rating’ for a loans search by a company called Forward 

Finance, which has since resulted in several emails and phone 

calls – and as we will be seeing, eventually I was to be offered a 

£1,000-£10,000 loan at a relatively very low APR of 7.9%! 

At long last that afternoon, evening, and night came heavy rain 

and a thaw of the mainly ice and slush on the roads and 

pavements, and snow on the fields nearby. It has been a lot 

warmer, well above zero, up till today as I type, Tuesday 18 th 

January, when it has been cold yet bright sun all day! 

Wednesday 29 th December. The rest of the week, indeed the 

next two or three weeks, were very quiet, and will take far less 

typing than the day before, as above. I went to the Mind club 

1pm-3pm. A neighbour had brought round not one but two set 

top boxes from Virgin Media, that had been delivered to them 

while I was out all of two weeks ago – but they or I had been 

away before or over Christmas since. I had realised that I had 

already had a far cheaper offer than Virgin at £11.99 a month – 

of £16 to OWN a ‘free sat’ box and satellite dish – from the 

BBC. When I had to endure talking for nearly an hour to all of 

five people on the phone at Virgin, when the fifth person there 

was finally the right one to talk to about cancelling, she offered 

to do so as a result on the basis of ‘poor service on the phone 

today from Virgin’; the promised refund of a £35 down 

payment I had made came a week later. I then phoned the 

BBC changeover assistance scheme, and was asked to pay £16, 

when they arranged for the dish and box to be installed in a 

couple of weeks, and asked me to clear this first with my 

housing officer. 

388

Thursday 30 th December 2010. Wrote to Lesley, my housing 

officer, confirming that the benefits people had written to say 

my benefit had been restored complete with arrears, and 

asking permission to have a satellite dish outside my flat. 

Terror and Nit already had one, I had noticed. When there 

was no reply two weeks later, I rang Lesley, who said she had 

not received my letter; but would not grant permission for any 

aerial on one of the Association flats, even though she 

recognized they had been illegally erected on some flats, even 

those of Nit and Terror. So I cancelled that set top box and 

aerial with the BBC on the phone, and in days got the £16 

refunded into my bank account. 

I emailed two tickets to lulu about two previous tickets asking 

anxiously whenever they would fix the long standing problems 

on their web site?; and why I had got no notice of sales for the 

two books that Waterstones at Hatfield had ordered? At 

3.10pm I had to admit to Wendy the nurse at the doctors’ 

surgery that because I was still even now after months still 

waiting to change medication, I had not even tried to give up 

smoking. She lamely asked me to mix gum with cigarettes in 

between; and make another appointment for two weeks. I did 

neither as my appointment to see my psychiatrist is not till 

tomorrow, Wednesday 19 th January 2011, as I type this. Only 

then will he even consider changing my awful painful depots of 

haldol to amisulpride tablets. 

I saw Julie my social worker for an appointment at Cygnet 

House supposedly for about 20 minutes to half an hour. I said 

we had a good Christmas. Dad was still ill because he refused 

to take his medication, which my brother would be trying to 

sort out. Then I lashed out. My diagnosis was crap, and I was 

heavily overdosed with haldol which had gone on for 7 years! 

The alert on the care plan was still there and equally was crap – I 

said there were people with sick minds at that office! – and 

stormed out after just five minutes talking! 

389

Friday 31 st December 2010. New Year’s Eve. Grey, dull and 

miserable all day and evening. Won £20 on a £2 scratch card, 

bought a £2 lucky dip for that night with the money – as well as a 

£5 scratch card – that also won £20! Needless to say I spent 

more than that £31 winnings on more losing cards in the next 

week! I was applauded for my two consecutive wins on the 

lottery cards at Mind when I went there 1.30-3.30pm. After 

that an empty evening beckoned, for New Year’s Eve, and when 

I rang Jill a fellow member of the Mind Club she was 

otherwise engaged that evening – entertaining two female 

friends at her flat. So, I had a boring, very depressed, and a bit 

tearful, I admit, tail end of a really awful year. I went to bed in 

desperation about 10.45pm, only to be awoken between 

12am and 12.30am by loud fireworks and even louder peals 

from the bells of the nearby church of St Mary. 

Saturday 1 st January 2011. New Year’s Day. Very cold and 

grey and overcast again like yesterday. So miserable that I 

had a nothing day. Called a few people I knew best early on 

and wished them Happy New Year – my father (and sister, 

about to come home); Chris; nutcase Paul; and finally, there 

were several calls to and fro, with Jill. I basically felt lonely and 

depressed all day. This was the fourth out of four Christmas 

periods that I had spent no time at all with Julie, and this one 

was definitely final! I needed money to cover paying Viking 

Direct for stamps and ink for my mail-shot; and to pay the 

graphics shop for the labels and envelopes; and to buy some 

copies of my books of which stocks at my flat were now down 

to nothing. All very depressing! 

Sunday 2 nd January 2011. Rang Jill who gratefully accepted my 

offer to come round about 5.30pm for a supper of gammon 

from my father’s at Christmas, w i t h egg and chips. I 

shopped in Tesco at 2pm, then Julie and somebody with two 

young boys who could only be her sister, driving a black 

Mercedes separate from Julie in her Corsa, appeared at 3pm for 

under a quarter of an hour, merely picking up from her flat a 

390

small table – which Julie only just got into her boot, securing 

the boot to the chassis with her own white scarf! “She will 

fill the car with exhaust fumes with the boot open that much!” I 

thought, “It is a good job she is not driving far; or she will 

asphyxiate herself!” Jill turned up early and stayed till 9pm, 

drinking wine mixed with orange juice while I drank beer, 

enjoyed the food, and we chatted properly for the first time. 

It turned out she was a drug addict, who also experimented 

with medication as a result – and vitally, she was quite open 

about being a carrier of the fatal disease hepatitis B – meaning 

she could not honestly have sex without infecting any partner; 

and had had no relationships as a result for nine whole years! 

“Poor woman!” I thought, “But at the same time, any thought 

at all of a relationship with her is out of the question after such a 

dire confession!” 

Monday 3 rd January 2011. This was a bank holiday in lieu of 

New Year’s Day falling on the Saturday before; which for a 

person ‘on the sick’ like me was incredibly quiet and boring. 

Hardly anything happened all day in fact – except Chris called 

round between 1.45pm and 2.40pm. 

Tuesday 4 th January – Monday 11 th January 2011. 

Tuesday 4 th January 2011. Had a phone call about 9.30am 

from Jill, advising me that there was an open day at Mind at 

10.30am all day about forthcoming courses. I went down and 

complained to Julie there that nobody had told me this open 

day was on! I plan to do the art course at £21 starting this 

month, and the writing for fun course in March for £4 – paid for 

by direct payments. Ex- girlfriend Julie (I know three care 

workers called Julie!) appeared yet again at 2.45pm, but I don’t 

know what time she had gone for at 3.45pm I went to Harlow 

and shopped for some correct size 34” waist jeans as all the 

391

ones I had were 36” waist and had fallen down without a belt in 

police custody both times last year! I also bought some sports 

socks for 50p a pair for 10 pairs in a sports shop, which I noted 

had up to 70% off everything, including jackets and training 

shoes that I might want to buy soon. Shopping in Harlow did 

remind me poignantly of big shopping sprees in Harlow with 

Julie, buying stuff for Julie and I back in 2007, when we first 

met and I indulged her with a lot of money (over £500 in total!) 

from the windfall of a pension cash lump sum. After shopping 

and spending only £22+ on three pairs of decent but half price 

George jeans from Asda, and the socks at £5, I took it all 

home, and went to the Mind Club as usual, between 6.30pm- 

8.30pm. 

Wednesday 5 th January. Had had a phone call from a Pauline 

from Ware U3A advising me that T’ai ch’i was starting this 

Friday at the local sports hall at £4 a session. I noticed from 

the U3A ‘Link’ Magazine that Pauline also organized Aquafit at 

the local pool on Thursdays 2.30-3.30pm. I rang her and she 

said it started next Thursday 13 th January at £3 per hourly 

session. I said I would try to turn up to both T’ai ch’i and 

Aquafit. Had a letter from Mark Prisk MP with a letter to him 

from the Treasury Minister Mark Hoban. It was really another 

Party Political Broadcast from an MP, but at least from it I do 

know now that the new Equitable Life Commission will 

announce the guidelines it will use to pay victims of the scandal 

very soon now – at the end of January. At 1.10pm noticed 

Julie’s car was parked outside – her fourth trip to her flat in 

four days. This was getting to be a ridiculous joke! Had my 

depot. Met Terror on the way back, who said that she thought, 

Julie was due to end moving and hand her keys over to the 

Housing Association next Monday 10 th . I had hoped I would be 

rid of her and her ever presence without actually living here, by 

New Year – it looked like I would have a delay in that after all! 

Thursday 6 th January. Heavy rain kept me in for most of a 

very quiet day. Jo called at 12.30pm and we braved the rain 

392

for a quick coffee in a café. When I got back there was a phone 

call from Vanquis Bank, offering me a credit card, and they 

were I thought very crafty. For first they enticed me to accept a 

£100 cash advance on this card, and only then told me that 

the interest rate was nearly FIFTY percent a year for that – 

before saying goodbye. I put the phone down reflecting that I 

now really needed a cheap affordable loan from somewhere, in 

order to get rid of that new debt! At 2pm I briefly chatted to Julie 

my social worker about the usual concerns, on the phone. I 

then had an email exchange in tickets with Lulu staff – having 

not heard back from earlier emails three weeks before. They 

would fix the problems with the website quickly now, they said, 

and let me know when that was done. Another second reply 

said no, there had been no reported retail sales of my books 

recently! I answered with concern about that immediately. The 

day before I had ordered on credit, two parcels containing 

enough ink I thought, for my new Waterstones mail shot, and 

cheap photo paper – as I had run out of the latter. It all arrived 

apart from the paper, so I rang up and got them to deliver that 

the next day. 

Friday 7 th January 2011. Saw more rain. Picked up two emails 

from Lulu again. One announced that at last, after several 

months of complaints, I should find that their web site worked 

perfectly for all my books! I verified a few days later that that 

was completely true! I could revise contents and covers of 

books at will, and go through the process of ordering proof 

copies. I went to the Mind Club between 1.30-3.30pm as 

usual, and had a session with Barry, who it turned out used to 

be a salesman before retiring through illness. Brilliant! He said 

about my new letter to Waterstones, it was a vast improvement 

on the old, and suggested a couple of final tweaks I should do. I 

got back to the flat at 3.30pm just in time to catch the Virgin 

Media man arriving to collect my two boxes of theirs, after 

cancelling the deal the other week. I printed off more than the 

necessary 320 x 2 sheets of flyers/letters that night. When I 

ran out of colour ink, I bought two sets of three colour 

393

compatible inks from Tesco, which to my horror were hardly 

cheaper than Epson originals – which were out of stock! 

Saturday 8 th January. Cold and grey all day. Had a letter from 

Equitable Life with a short questionnaire and a request for a 

£10 cheque before they could establish my identity under the 

Data Protection Act, and release my copy of my file that I had 

requested in writing earlier. So, I immediately filled in the 

questions and sent the cheque back with them the same day. 

The Mind Club was open for the first non-holiday ‘normal’ 

Saturday of the month and so I went there 1.15pm-2.45pm. I 

left early via Tesco as I was being picked up at about 3pm by 

Jeni my daughter, to give each other our Christmas presents. 

Her present comprised a steak lunch in the Boot pub at Dane 

End where she grew up, of which she confided in me her 

mother and Rodney now owned the lease, to add to a string of 

veterinary practices! Julie’s car, irritatingly, was outside yet 

again I noticed while I waited at the flat for Jeni. Jeni arrived 

at 3.20pm, 20 minutes later than planned as ever, and the there 

and back took till about 5pm. She liked her presents, even 

though the two rings I had bought her as thumb rings were 

too big even for her thumbs! We had starters of delicious 

prawns, but the ‘medium rare’ steaks were nearly RAW so had 

to go back to be cooked properly! This rather detracted from 

an otherwise very enjoyable hour or more – the only time I had 

seen her in a year apart from once last July! For some reason I 

felt exhausted after that, so slept from 5.15-7.30pm – awoken 

twice by the phone at 6pm and 7.30pm but too tired to answer it 

the first time. Both calls turned out to be from Chris. So he 

came round and we chatted over several diet cokes as usual. 

Sunday 9 th January. Sun and Frost for a change! This must 

really, have been a very quiet day indeed, for my diary records 

very little. I phoned Virgin media and they promised they 

would refund my £35 deposit for the two boxes I had returned 

on Friday ‘within 48 hours’ into my bank account. I took one of 

the sets of ink back to Tesco and got a £19.97 refund for it. As 

394

I recall, I spent most of that cold day indoors pondering the end 

of an era – according to Terror, Julie was finally going the very 

next day, after nearly four whole years of being my next door 

neighbour, friend for three years of that – and lover for four 

months in 2007 and five months in 2009! 

Monday 10 th January. I must have been very up- tight about 

the prospect of Julie leaving today, and whether as I thought 

very unlikely indeed, she would bother to say goodbye. For I 

cannot read my diary very well for this day, it is a scrawl. I will 

suffice to give the points that I can make out, at least! Saw 

Terence my CPN at Cygnet House and showed him the huge, 

hot, painful bump at the site of the previous week’s injection. 

Booked an urgent appointment to see Dr Williams a GP, who 

later reassured me that this time around it was not infected 

again! Rang Lesley the housing officer, who had not received 

my letter of many days earlier, but said she always refused 

requests like mine to erect satellite dishes on their flats. So I 

phoned the BBC scheme, cancelled my order, and the 

appointment to install the dish and box, and they arranged a 

refund of my mere £16 for the end of that week. Pity, I had 

now cancelled two extensive television services and was stuck 

with the four terrestrial channels. I watch hardly any TV 

anyway! I rang the Court Office about my correspondence with 

them recently, but they said that any change to my Restraining 

Order, or discharge of it, required a court appearance. I went 

to the graphics shop and ordered two sets of labels for about 

£45 – one set actual labels, and the other on A4 paper, so I 

could photocopy these any number of times onto labels paper. 

That would save a £25 mail merge fee from them if I did 

happen to send any more mail shots to Waterstones. At 

11.10am I happened to notice Julie pull into the adjacent lane 

to park. I noted in my diary significantly that about midday I 

saw her from my kitchen, close up, walking back from the bin 

area in the garden at the back. Her face was lined and ‘cold, 

hard and mean’, confirming how I thought her last very tragic 

year had left her. With the deaths of her mother as well as 

later on her stepfather; near disownment by her foster 

395

daughter Rachel in favour of her real mother; and of course the 

problems she had with me and vice versa. I said ‘significantly’ 

because I have not seen her since that, and as I write the 

following week, she has been moved out for over a week. Julie 

and I were not the only ones going through traumas – of her 

moving out. I met Terror, who said she had been given some 

£3,000 gold and diamond earrings by her parents, which she 

very unwisely had sold for nearly full price - £2,400 cash which 

she had hidden in her flat. Even more unwisely, she still left 

the ground floor windows to her kitchen open – so was wide 

open when she had a burglary and lost the lot – also trivially by 

comparison, some alcohol from her fridge by the same burglar. I 

persuaded her to call the police, but she was reluctant; they 

eventually called on all these flats that Saturday, asking if 

anybody had seen or heard anything. After that I passed Mark, 

Julie’s neighbour below her flat, who said he believed she was 

picking up her last little bits and pieces from her flat the next 

day, Tuesday, and finally going. 

Tuesday 11 th – Monday 17 th January 2011. 

Tuesday 11 th January. Chris came unusually early, 10.30am- 

11.30am. I had a quiet day. I caught the 3.18pm bus to 

Harlow, revisited the 70% off sports shop and bought some 

Dunlop trainers half price for £14.99 and a waterproof Kangol 

bomber jacket at £40 off at £24.99. Excellent value! Back in 

Ware, I went to the Mind Club 6.30pm-8.40pm (it ran 10 

minutes late) where there was a ‘forum’ or open meeting about 

the Club. Rang Julie my social worker’s office and left a 

message asking for a memory test. Querying yet again their 

assertion that I suffer from paranoid delusions. 

Wednesday 12 th January. Went to the Mind Club 1.20-2.50pm 

and got a lot of agreement when I told several people there 

that this recession was being maintained by most money being 

in property, technology, and the banks. 

396

Thursday 13 th January. Jo came 12.30-3.30pm then Aquafit 

2.30-3.30pm turned to be exercise in water at the pool, rather 

than lengths, and everybody else was female! I was due to 

start my photography class but happened to read the schedule 

for the first term a year ago. It showed I had missed half the 

lessons, throughout November, while I was ill, especially all of 

six hours on night photography. I chickened out, asked for a 

refund and was told to go to their information centre in the 

same lobby in the daytime. I eventually went there on the 

following Monday; and was asked to email a lady called Janice – 

who eventually emailed back saying that my refund was being 

processed. From 9.45pm to 11pm I went to the Club Amigos 

singles club in the John Gilpin pub just outside Ware. 

Friday 14 th January. Mail shot stuffing day! Stuffed 63 

envelopes i.e. three sheets of labels in the morning. Went to 

the Mind Club 1.30-3.30pm and back home carried on stuffing 

envelopes. Rang the Court Office and discussed getting a fresh 

date for a hearing – and was told once more to write in. Rang 

WH Smith plc and got the name and address of their relevant 

buyer. Had a phone call, another from a loan company, but 

turned down their offer of a £1500 loan. I thought I could 

manage to pay for the mail shot without this. By 6.30pm was 

fed up of the hard work of stuffing envelopes and rang Chris, 

who reluctantly agreed to come round and help me with the 

arduous task. We only finished about 11.50pm, and I cooked 

him a microwave curry to say thanks for his hard work. Then 

we posted all the letters in the centre of the town. 

Saturday 15 th January. Phoned back the loan company as I had 

realised that in fact I did need a £1000 loan! Got one offered 

at just 7.9% APR too! Went to the post office and posted the 

mail shot letters abroad i.e. Ireland. Bought suitable birthday 

cards, both funny, for my brother and his disabled daughter 

Siobhain, and sent them off in one envelope to save a stamp – 

with £10 in each card as a present. Chatted to young Sammy 

397

on my mobile for about ten minutes and when I told her Julie 

had not even bothered to say goodbye, Sammy swore 

restrainedly ‘flip!’ 

Sunday 16 th January. Sunday was just as quiet. I typed a 

letter to the WH Smith buyer, ready to post on Monday. 

Continued to fret and fume about ‘Julie with another man’ – 

especially almost certainly by now, in bed with him instead of 

me! Typed up this diary for the 21 st to the 27 th December. 

Monday 17 th January. I posted my letter to Jessica Steele the 

WH Smith buyer, with my main ‘Scientific Proof’ book, my 

poetry and my manifesto: abolish all money; together with the 

letter I typed at the weekend and two copies of the 

Waterstones flyer. Eventually got hold of Julie my social worker 

after my third phone call, who said all my three letters to date 

would finally be answered at my CPA meeting. How soon can 

that be? I asked. She asked somebody there and said to me 

‘This Wednesday!’ I said that gave no notice! Clearly it was her 

period or something, for she said wildly ‘You are never happy! 

We will offer a later date then in due course!’ I went to bed 

early at 9.15pm only for Chris to wake me up at the front door 

at 9.45pm – so I let him in for a brief chat. 

Tuesday 18 th – Thursday 20 th January 2011. 

Tuesday 18 th January. Jill phoned and said she was seriously ill 

with a chest infection and said when she was better, she would 

arrange for her social worker to pick up two of my wicker and 

wooden chairs. I phoned Julie my social worker, who again 

agreed to back me attempting to discharge my Restraining 

Order in Court. We discussed any possible pay-out from 

Equitable Life scandal compensation, and she informed me that 

398

the Income Support people only let one have £3,000 savings 

and still claim! When I said I had never in my life been 

paranoid she insisted I had been throughout my last admission! 

For the first time I Googled for First Money Direct and was 

appalled to see that their website was full of errors in spelling 

and grammar! Typed this diary from 27 th December 2010 to 3 rd 

January 2011. Typed and posted a letter to the Court Office 

again asking for a hearing and explaining that I pulled out last 

time because Julie was still obviously in the middle of moving. 

Went to the Mind Club from 6.55pm to 8.30pm, had one of my 

private chats with helper Angie, and told her it was good news – 

at long last Julie had gone away and left me alone! 

Wednesday 19 th January 2011. Had a long and heated meeting 

with my Consultant and Terence, the CPN nurse who gives me 

injections. The Doctor argued strongly that I would almost 

certainly end up in hospital with my record on oral medication 

rather than depots of haldol, and also I would need 

constant supervision and would be totally transferred to the 

Crisis and Treatment (CAT) Team, which in itself was a major 

further risk. Eventually I agreed to try a depot in my deltoid 

muscle at the top of my arm instead of the problematic 

buttock depot, and indeed the next day there was no bump or 

pain at all! After that from 1.30pm to 3pm I went to the Mind 

Club, but only one other service user was there! I got home, 

and as even now there was no sign of the papers promised 

on Saturday from First Money Direct, tried to phone them – but 

whichever of their three options I chose, it kept on ringing 

without being answered! This happened both before and after 

I had a sleep from 3.15-4.30pm, was immensely frustrating, 

and must have cost £5-£10 as their 0844-number cost 10p a 

minute to call. Finally, I had some good news – an email from 

Herts Regional College saying that I should get a £20 

refund for the photography course I had cancelled in about 10 

days’ time. 

399

Thursday 20 th January 2011. Saw Jo at 12.30pm, and we went 

to the nearest bank ATM, both drew out some money, and did 

some shopping. I complained of feeling very off colour and 

‘jaded’ so he curtailed the session at 1.10pm and I went back 

to the flat. I decided I could not face the Aquafit class feeling 

unwell like this – had I had a bad reaction to the depot? Chris 

called round between 3.20pm to 4.15pm. I found that FMD had 

an email facility on their web site, but like the many phone calls 

of yesterday, my email complaining bitterly about those and 

asking for my fee back and the paperwork, was not answered – 

that day at least. I confirmed by ringing Robin Jones of 

Waterstones Hatfield that the mail shot letter had arrived there 

on Tuesday – so presumably all the inland letters would have 

arrived by now, two days later. No responses yet, but it is 

early days! I really do not wish to countenance the thought 

that this £260 mail shot will have absolutely zero reaction like 

the first one of November 5 th had! 

Friday 21 st January – Wednesday 26 th January 2011. Two 

scams not one in a short space of time! 

Friday 21 st January. I had phoned First Money Direct, who had 

apparently offered me a loan on the Saturday before, quite a 

few times all week, but it just rang and rang – very expensive 

on such an ‘0844’ number. I had also googled for their web 

site – and found it was only 90% spelling and grammar correct. 

So I suspected a scam – when some paperwork promised 

allegedly and impossibly for Monday, by their man last 

Saturday on the phone, finally arrived on the Friday. The print 

was faint and the letter and form, to be returned filled in as 

necessary and signed, both again had lots of errors – as if 

written by somebody to whom English was not their first 

language. Again, when I had checked my on-line bank 

account, the £49.95 I had paid them on Saturday had been 

international – to Denmark! I filled out and signed their form 

400

and sent it off, with comments on it about them never 

answering my calls, and about it being a pre-approved 

application, not the promised loan agreement, but was very 

worried about it. How could I get my £49.95 back if indeed it 

was a scam, I wondered? 

Also on Friday I again noticed bad pain and a lump where my 

injection had been in my arm on Wednesday – so I phoned 

Cygnet House on the Monday and asked Terence to arrange to 

transfer me to the CAT team to change from injection to 

tablets. Then 1.30pm-23.30pm I went to the Mind Club. 

I got back, checked my emails and noticed there was 

apparently an email for me on the www.datingforparents.com 

web site, which I had signed up on for just a week at £6.99 

nearly a week before, so my time had nearly run out. I 

checked it – an apparently beautiful 33- year old girl from 

Scotland was apparently keen on my ‘profile’, i.e. the details I 

had given about myself – and even gave an email address! 

Friday night 21 st February – Tuesday mid-afternoon 25 th 

January – too much time on my hands – get involved in SCAM 

#2 inside a few days. 

This is quite galling to type about, so I will summarise. 

‘The girl’ proceeded to send me two emails making herself 

sound wonderful, taking up a total of four pages of A4, no less! 

‘She’ said she was looking for a long-term relationship or 

marriage, I gave some information she asked for about myself, 

then once she got me to admit her photo on the web site and 

her words were ‘lovely’ – even if far from perfect English – sent 

me three more photos even more attractive than the first one! 

Only then did she mention suddenly she was in fact in Nigeria – 

and had a ‘box with £1.5 million from a contract of her late 

401

father’ safe in a nearby security office! Years before I used to 

get loads of emails like this from Nigeria, so my hackles 

immediately rose! I knew that my sort code and account 

number are useless to anybody except to deposit into my 

account – so I gave her those – saying put the money in there 

at a branch of Barclays Bank there if you want to get the 

money safe to the UK! She ignored me and said she had lost 

her phone on the way there just two days ago – so what was 

she doing on a dating agency web site while in Africa on 

business – making out she had fallen for an old codger like me? 

Also, breath-taking lie, wait for it – she had £1.5 million in a 

safe deposit box but had no money on her. Could I Money 

Gram her £150 for a mobile phone so ‘she could hear my lovely 

voice’ and also – wait for it too! – a hairdo as her ‘hair was shit 

and I would not like her with hair in that state!!! At that I 

finally realised that this whole approach was an amateurish 

attempt to simply get money out of me by some Nigerians, and 

that this girl’s pictures were probably taken off face-book or a 

similar site. I finally got them off my back by sending an email 

saying ‘I suffer from a nasty mental illness. Everything I say or 

type is a lie. Or is it?’ As I type this on the evening of 

Wednesday 26 th January, ‘she’ has not bothered me again, as a 

result of that decisive solitary bit of dishonesty by me! 

Throughout all this lengthy and elaborate emailing, especially 

by ‘her’, I phoned her or rather the ‘hotel manager’ several 

times briefly to try to verify her story verbally, but he was 

always conveniently ‘away from the hotel’! All in all, four days 

when I had time on my hands, that were a total waste of my 

time and energy! I went to the Mind Club after all this was 

over, 6.30pm on Tuesday 25 th , where various people expressed 

concern then relief I had parted with no money! 

Wednesday 26 th January 2011. Got through on the phone to 

First Money Direct at 11.30am(!) and arranged a call back from 

the ‘correct loan arranger’ at 3.30pm. Go to the Mind Club 

from 1.10pm – 2pm, but it is so boring and quiet even with 

quite a few people there, I did not stay till 3pm as usual. There 

402

was no phone call as expected at 3.30pm, so after failing to get 

an answer from them as usual when I phoned, I called Barclays 

my bank and told them the whole story. They spent ages 

talking to their fraud team, and cancelled my debit card, 

promising a new one in a couple of days in the post, and also 

promised a form to ‘send back by return’ alleging fraud by FMD 

and requesting a refund of my £49.95 fee from Saturday week. 

I had a strange pair of dreams the previous night. In the first, 

Julie was walking down the road, looking to the right from my 

flat, wearing high heels (strange for her); black trousers; 

purple ribbed jumper revealing her superb figure (again strange 

for her) and a weird black translucent sort of top hat! Then she 

drove off to the left in this strange garb. The second dream 

was about my ex-wife, whom I never dream about, and was 

even weirder! I realised that it was two weeks exactly since 

Julie finally left here – and events of the last few days with two 

scams not one – had completely driven her out of my mind. 

Also, I had stopped being ‘petulant and tearful’ over her days 

earlier – no doubt helped by thinking I was possibly chatting by 

email to a ’much younger model’ far more beautiful than her! 

Back to business. I rang Equitable Life and found that the form 

and cheque I sent two weeks earlier had not arrived – so they 

agreed to send another form. I also rang the buyer at WH 

Smith and confirmed she had my books – and would be looking 

at them in the next week! Without the loan I was expecting, I 

owed a stationery company three invoices worth of ink and 

stamps, coming to £200. I should get £49.95 from FMD; and 

rang the stationery company and arranged collection of two 

surplus packs of ink, worth about £50 on one invoice. That left 

£100 to find to pay them, so I advertised my one remaining 

mountain bike for sale on Ebay for a three day auction starting 

at £40. 

403

Thursday 27 th January 2011. A very quiet day, indeed. Jo came 

round at 12.30pm but I was still in my dressing gown as I had 

quite forgotten he was coming, so he only stayed 10 minutes! I 

was still tired in the afternoon so slept instead of attending my 

new Aquafit class. I had rung my sister the previous night who 

complained bitterly; but seemed unwilling to do anything about 

this by talking to the right boss – about working 14 hours a day 

seven days a week! I rang my father early evening this day 

and he agreed that she winges a lot, but does nothing to help 

herself get out of an awful situation that might well cause her a 

nervous breakdown should she let it continue! 

Friday 28 th January 2011. I got up at 10am having gone to bed 

at 9pm, so was still dopey with too much sleep when I got a 

phone call from Julie my social worker, saying ‘come and see 

the Doctor right now!’ When I got there my confession earlier 

in the week that I had tried dropping half a tablet (200mg) of 

my lithium to see what happened now at the previous fully 

established dose of 1200mg not 1400mg, to Julie, led to a big 

argument and I was threatened with immediate admission to 

hospital – under Section 3! I was told that I would be seen by 

the CAT Team (Crisis and Treatment Team) over the coming 

weekend, at least, and unless I was compliant with the full 

dose, it would be hospital next week! I went to the Mind Club 

at 1.30pm and complained bitterly about this abusive threat to 

Julie the care worker there. I rang Steven at Guile Nicholas my 

mental health solicitors and cancelled a meeting on Monday 

when I had been due to travel into North London to see him. 

Suzanne from the CAT Team rang about 6pm, but I explained I 

had already taken the lithium, so they would not call that night, 

but next evening instead, and Sunday. They work 9am-9pm 

seven days a week… 

Saturday 29 th – Sunday 30 th January 2011. Looked up ‘haldol 

side effects’ on the Internet and found the useful one pager 

below, with my own annotations. Has my illness for 27 years 

been being given haldol injections – supposedly to cure an 

404

‘illness’ that does not in fact exist? Copied the sheet overleaf to 

my entire team at Cygnet House, and the Doctor and all the 

nurses at the CAT Team whom I spoke to that weekend. Saw 

Suzanne and Joyce (I remembered her from Mymms Ward) on 

Saturday, and Ian on the Sunday evening – who all left happy. 

405

Monday 31 st January 2011. My storage heater in the lounge 

had again not worked overnight and was cold, so I called the 

Repair Department at the Housing Association, who booked me a 

call straightaway for the same afternoon. The engineer who 

came promptly at 1.30pm, vacuumed out the heater, did some 

tests at the fuse box – and finally said he would book me in for a 

brand new storage heater – the element seemed to have 

gone on this one! Made a couple of routine calls – then phoned 

Terence at Cygnet House and said that on the basis of what I 

had sent round as a circular to Cygnet House and the CAT 

Team, as on the previous page – I was refusing my depot on 

Wednesday. Also called Barclays Debit Card Services about the 

First Money Direct payment they aimed to claw back. They 

eventually said call the government agency Consumer Direct, 

so I phoned them. Apparently under Section 155 of the 

Consumer Credit Act I could write to this nasty company and 

ask for a full refund less £5 administrative fee. They actually 

emailed me a template letter which I filled out and sent off, by 

recorded delivery as they said, to First Money Direct ltd. 

Otherwise Monday was again a very quiet day, like the 

weekend before. 

Tuesday 1 st February 2011. I was just about awake at 10am 

when Julie my social worker phoned and asked me to a meeting 

at 12 noon with the Doctor. I eventually got dressed and went 

down to Cygnet House. He explained that the CAT team, as I 

knew, had been asked to supervise me taking my lithium 

tablets that weekend because I had told Julie that I had tried 

taking only 1200mg instead of the full 1400mg to see which 

was better. This only slight change was apparently a heinous 

crime for anybody like me, on a Community Treatment Order 

(CTO) and had the CAT team put in a bad report I would now 

be in a mental hospital on section 3 – even while fully well!!! 

In view of this ‘serious’ non-compliance he would not consider 

changing my injection of haldol to oral medication of tablets – 

at least till my next outpatient appointment on 31 st March! I 

counted that there would be five injections in the meantime, so 

five hot, painful injection site lesions or even abscesses to 

406

endure till then! My plans hit rock bottom! I passed the time 

that afternoon by going to Bowling Road Clinic to ask why I had 

been given no outpatient appointment since mid-December? I 

was just given the number of the answering machine at the 

main clinic in Hertford, so went home and left a detailed 

message requesting an urgent appointment as my feet were 

quite bad. I had ordered a set of the first five books in this 

series, ‘Scientific Proof’ and my Manifesto from www.lulu.com 

at the weekend – at a cost of £48+. I had an email on my 

return from the clinic from Lulu. They were already in the post 

having been printed remarkably quickly. I telephoned my 

Father about the meeting in the morning, and he said there 

was supposed to be a Care Planning Approach (CPA) meeting 

arranged soon – he would phone Julie about this. If one 

happens this month I would see the Doctor well before the next 

outpatient appointment on 31 st March – and might be able to 

get changed to tablets not haldol depot a lot earlier, if Dad and I 

both argued for that fiercely enough. I went to the Mind Club 

from 6.40pm to 8.15pm and had a private 10 minutes with 

Angie the helper. I told her that I was amazed that not just the 

first but the much better second letter to all 315 Waterstones 

stores had had no response – and cost over £500 that I could 

only just afford by diverting my Direct Payment of £160 into 

paying the invoices for stamps and ink that I still had to pay 

up. All because Waterstones Central Stocking Policy did not 

include print on demand books like mine! So she said, ‘why not 

raise enough money for a print run, possibly approaching your 

bank, for enough books for Waterstones, WH Smith if their 

policy is similar, and Tesco, Asda and Sainsbury supermarkets?’ I 

typed up this diary for the last six days since last Thursday. 

Wednesday 2 nd February 2011. I only got up at 11am; and had a 

letter from the Courts Office, acknowledging my 

cancellation of the Hearing in Court on the 15 th . Received a 

parcel from Lulu with all seven books I had ordered as recently 

as Sunday: - the first five volumes of my autobiography; 

‘Scientific Proof’; and my ‘Manifesto!’ (I had sent my last copies 

of these to the buyer Jessica Steele at WH Smith plc two weeks 

407

earlier). Had my depot at 1.45pm so only got to the Mind Club 

2pm – 3 pm. Found errors once back at home, in the layout of 

‘Doctor Police!’ and the brand new ‘Love Thy Neighbour, Julie 

Next Door!’ Fixed the problems in both in Word and generated 

new pdf files, but had to send Lulu support a ticket when there 

was an ‘unrecoverable error’ with the final stage of updating 

the former on the Lulu website, whereas the latter had gone 

through OK. 

408

It is timely and appropriate to summarise what I am 

expecting to happen next and my situation now generally: - 

1. Having spent £200 gained mostly from the sale of an Ercol 

table on EBay, on a mail shot on 5 th November 2010 to all 315 

Waterstones stores, it was followed by a deafening silence. 

Undeterred by this, I sent out a second ‘new, much 

improved’ mail shot to the same address list two weeks ago. 

Again, in the last two weeks, there have been zero replies! I 

intend to get hold of Peter North, Independent Publishers 

Co-ordinator at Waterstones, on the phone tomorrow or as soon 

as possible, to discuss why and how this happened – and also 

if I could somehow finance a relatively cheap print run of my 

main book or books – would Waterstones stock it or them 

centrally? 

2. Also tomorrow or as soon as possible, I will talk on the 

phone to Jessica Steele, buyer at WH Smith plc, about 

whether she has looked at the parcel of my books she said she 

would this week when I talked to her last week. Does the same 

final question as above apply? If so should I also discuss a print 

run with Tesco, Sainsbury and Asda supermarkets as 

suggested by Angie on Tuesday at Mind? This would require me 

taking out a business loan, because of being on benefits and so 

not having any money for it. 

3. In the short term – I am expecting a phone call followed by 

an engineering visit about my intercom for the front door of 

the flats here, shortly. I already had a call today saying a visit 

to replace my lounge storage heater is booked for a week’s 

time - next Wednesday. I hope against hope that First 

Money Direct are honest enough to refund me £44.95 out of the 

£49.95 that I paid them – by next week? I also expect a £20 

refund soon in a cheque in the post from the local college, 

after cancelling my photography course there. I should be 

given my date for a Care Programme Approach meeting 

shortly – by Julie tomorrow? I am ringing the QE2 Hospital 

tomorrow and cancelling my Managers’ Meeting for renewal of 

my CTO, as I cannot see any way I can oppose the damning 

409

eport on me by the Doctor for that Meeting, that I have been 

sent. I had my depot today and anxiously await the lesion to 

erupt at the injection site in the next day or two! 

4. I have been following with difficulty the forest of words 

especially on the EMAG web site www.emag.org.uk about the 

actual scale and date of compensation I can expect from the 

Commission for the Equitable Life Scandal – the Commission 

reported two weeks ago in fact. I think my actual direct 

losses from ever getting involved with that company amount 

to £25,000-£30,000 – but I can only now expect a tiny 

fraction of compensation for that. Also I will have to be very 

patient - till the year 2014! - to actually get any money at 

all – as I count as a ‘younger’ member of the scheme so am 

nearly last in the queue for an actual cheque for compensation! 

5. I keep being double booked for U3A groups – tomorrow 

having not been treated since mid-December, I am taking up a 

double cancelled appointment for podiatry at 3.10pm, which 

clashes with my Aquafit class with U3A. I went to the first of 

these, but now will have missed three of six sessions! 

Likewise, today my CPN was only able to give me my depot 

injection at 1.50pm – so as usual I missed my 2pm U3A 

singing class – usually it clashes with Mind! I plan to start 

quite a few new classes with both the U3A and Mind, quite soon 

now. 

6. Life without Julie is going on apace, as you can see above, 

with quite a few recent events conspiring to help me 

having nearly entirely forgotten about her since she ended her 

epic multi-trip house move three weeks ago! This large set 

of distressing events were: - (a) the failed mail shot of two 

weeks ago (b) the apparent scam by First 

Money Direct that same weekend (c) the bizarre ‘Lonely Nina’ 

scam in Nigeria a week later (d) panic measures by my Doctor 

over me dropping just half a tablet of lithium this weekend just 

passed. All of these in turn have driven all thoughts of Julie, 

especially sentimental ones, far away! 

410

Thursday 3 rd February – Sunday 6 th February 2011. 

Thursday 3 rd February. Jo came at 12.30pm as usual, 

borrowed my little stepladder, and we had coffee and he had 

some chips for lunch, at the “Saracen’s Head” pub. He is due 

to call round on Monday to drop off the stepladder, which he 

wanted to use as ‘ideal for the job’ in his office. Had a reply 

from Lulu saying simply ‘try to rebuild the two books you have 

problems with’ so I tried that, but the same error banner 

appeared. I ticketed them and they apologized profusely and 

said they would work on this problem as a matter of urgency. 

When I checked with the post office their web site said that my 

letter to FMD requesting a full refund had indeed arrived today – 

so they have the seven days I gave them to respond. The 

podiatry head office had rung yesterday with an appointment at 

3.10pm today, so I went along, for the first time since 14 th 

December. The podiatrist ‘did’ my feet, then agreed nearly two 

months was too long between visits in my case, and as their 

computer system was now working, booked me in for four 

weeks’ time. She explained that three of them had left for other 

jobs! Limped rather than walked, as a result of this 

appointment to Club Amigos at 9pm at the pub, but did not 

stay more than half an hour because my feet were hurting. I 

started spring cleaning my flat, and finished on the Saturday, 

and ironed on the Sunday. 

Friday 4 th February. Chatted on the phone to my bank about 

the supposed fraud by First Money Direct, and they said they 

were actively investigating and would get back to me. I got the 

name of ‘Andrew Lake’ as the buyer to contact when I called 

Waterstones head office. My dad rang – as I had asked him on 

the phone last night, he had put £50 in the bank for me to 

borrow. As it turned out I needed it immediately. I had a 

phone call from a woman called Leah from a company whose 

email I had replied to on Tuesday by applying for a £1,000 loan 

on their web site. I quickly did a telephone application with her 

resulting in her offering a £1,000 loan over four years. £27.78 

a month repayment totalling £1,333.46 over four years – 

411

about 16.2% APR. I went to the Mind Club, but helper Julie was 

a bit shocked when I said I had applied to a second loan 

company after my problems with FMD! 

Saturday 5 th February. A letter came with the simple 

paperwork from Leah’s company Easy Finance ltd, so I filled out 

the rather ancient and scrappy formal application form, signed 

the terms and conditions, took the package to the graphics 

shop and got photocopies of my passport and last three bank 

statements as proof of my ID and address, and posted it. Leah 

had said in that case they should get it back by Monday, and I 

should get my money inside five days. More money arrived in 

the post – a cheque for £20 refund for my photography course. 

Also a very large parcel came with the entire Equitable Life file 

on my personal pension plan. 1.10-2.20 pm I went to the Mind 

Club. Back home, I watched as my auction ended at 4.55pm 

for Julie’s mountain bike, which I had started yet again on 

Wednesday. This time an actual bid had come for £40 that I 

had seen at Mind, and by 4.55pm bids for £42 and £44 had 

gone in, and finally the same person called Anne from nearby 

Sawbridgeworth had bid £46! I invoiced her with a request for a 

phone call, and she duly rang that evening and arranged to 

pick the bike up at 11am next day. I had no money, so was a 

bit on tenterhooks, for her to actually turn up. 

Sunday 6 th February. She actually turned up with another 

woman – her mother? – in a pickup truck at 11.15am, and 

thought the bike was ‘lovely – and superb value what with all 

the extras of pump, lights, lock, and cover’ so actually gave me 

£50 not the agreed £46! I rang my sister to make sure she 

knew I had a Care Programme Approach (CPA) Meeting on 31 st 

March, the day after my 54 th birthday – and we agreed to leave 

the table and chairs in the garden here that Julie had left 

behind that were a present to her from my parents – until one 

of us in the family had somewhere to retrieve and keep them. 

Had a phone call from my ex helper at Connect 3, Rhonda, 

apologising for ringing me up as early as 8.40am last Sunday 

412

and then not being available to ring back. She plans to meet 

me sometime soon to discuss my books and life in general. 

I had a very boring Sunday; and realised that next week Julie 

will have been moved out for a month. Sunday is my main day 

for sometimes still thinking about her, as years ago it was a 

special day for us, as she would cook us roast chicken lunch! 

As a result, I tried to ring Julie’s friend Sammy, but as usual her 

phone was on voicemail. I wanted to explain to Sammy that 

Julie made a huge mistake calling the police about ‘sexual 

harassment’ by me that never happened, which was why they 

took no action at all after that fateful night of Sunday 22 nd 

November 2009. That alone killed our relationship forever! 

Monday 7 th – Tuesday 15 th February 2011. 

Monday 7 th February. Telephoned Steven at Guile Nicholas 

solicitors about the CTO managers meeting in two weeks’ time 

on 22 nd February, which was Libby’s and Jeni’s birthday. Ended 

up emailing him a copy of the report for this meeting by my 

Doctor. Rang Leah at Easy Finance who quoted me attractive 

figures for a £1,000 loan over three years not four years as I 

had originally specified. Rang Andrew Lake at Waterstones and 

ended up posting him a copy of ‘Scientific Proof’ that afternoon. 

As I was out of black and magenta ink I added a cartridge of 

each colour to my order from Viking Direct – coming tomorrow 

they said on the phone. Took the £20 cheque from Saturday to 

the cheque shop at Hertford by bus and cashed it for £16.88 – I 

needed the money now. Got back home and there was a phone 

call from Jo from Rethink about my stepladder. He then 

brought my stepladder round. I had got £15.50 cash vouchers 

and some money off vouchers for Tesco so about £18 of 

shopping only cost me £1.44! Had a phone call from Viking 

Direct Credit Control that evening saying that I was over my 

£150 credit limit so the above parcel of ink and paper was on 

hold till I paid them £150 in the next five days – and I got paid 

on Saturday both my benefits and £160 direct payments; so 

413

could indeed pay off the existing £170 in invoices completely. 

There were two vans outside that afternoon appearing to clear 

out the last of the rubbish that Julie had left behind! 

Tuesday 8 th February. Paul came round about 1.40pm and we 

had a chat about our joint interest in promoting our creative 

work on the Internet. Rang Leah and again got apparently 

attractive figures for a three year loan of £1000 - £33.17 a 

month at 11.9% APR making total repayable £1,194… Got an 

email from a John Lewis, a colleague of Andrew Lake but in 

‘non-fiction’ rather than ‘academic science’ – an incredibly quick 

response to my letter of yesterday. We proceeded to have an 

email conversation around the time I was at the Mind Club 

6.40pm-8.30pm mostly discussing what he saw as failings in 

the title and cover of my ‘Scientific Proof’ book. In particular he 

felt I should call the book ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ and 

have done with it – for publishers rarely published titles 

containing brackets, he informed me! 

Wednesday 9 th February. The rest of the week was even 

quieter. Luckily, I woke up early for me at 8.30pm, just in time 

to let in a man from the estate management company to 

dismantle and replace my storage heater in my lounge. He 

took over an hour to do this – took it away, then a second man 

appeared with him and the new radiator to fit it instead of him. 

Full of heavy bricks – heavy work to carry! He was finished 

installing the new heater about 12.30pm. I set off to the Mind 

Club from just 2.10pm to 3pm. I made some changes to 

‘Scientific Proof’ and emailed the whole pdf to this John Lewis – 

without changing the title as that was a momentous change 

and would mean losing my current ISBN number at Lulu and an 

entire re-launch! 

Thursday 10 th February. Jo called round at 12.30pm as usual, 

but it was pouring with rain all day, so we just sat and chatted 

not going anywhere outside. I rang John Lewis who had indeed 

414

eceived my email with the revised book; but had some more 

criticism about the career history at the front. He finished the 

conversation by saying his mind was unchanged, and curtly 

said he would not be buying my book for Waterstones central 

stock. I now started to pay more attention to Jessica Steele of 

WH Smith, but she was out of the office when I called, so I 

emailed her saying what Waterstones’ criticism had been 

without saying they had actually rejected the book, of course. 

Friday 11 th February. I had over the last few months 

repeatedly asked Julie, my social worker, to test my memory, 

and at 11 am today finally she did. However the test was a 

psychiatric ‘mental state’ test rather than emphasising memory – 

and I found it very easy to score 30 out of 30 on the test – 

which Julie admitted was even better than she scored at it 

when she had taken it previously! Went to the Mind Club 1.30- 

3.30pm. Realised Valentine’s Day was next Monday, so today 

was a year since the Friday when Julie had kicked off in her flat 

next door and I called the police to help her, which had caused 

so many ructions. Really that evening we had had our last 

civilised chat. 

Saturday 12 th February. Rang Easy Finance and asked them to 

increase the loan amount from £1,000 to £2,000 as that way I 

could clear off loads of short-term debts – consolidate them. 

Got paid that day, so ordered copies from Lulu of: - 

Scientific Proof… 

Julie next door! 

PSEXISTRICKERY 

Doctor Police! 

Manifesto 

Also, I ordered a copy of the revised version of ‘Scientific 

Proof…’ for Jessica Steele, to be mailed to her direct. Rang 

Viking Direct and paid off two invoices totalling £170+, so now 

ordered the load of ink and one packet of paper that had been 

held back until I paid that much. Got the bus at 5.33 that night 

415

to Welwyn Garden City, met my sister outside Waitrose, and 

she took me to her flat again for the first time in ages – she 

had been overworking! We had a very tasty roast chicken 

dinner, and I finally collected my Christmas presents which she 

had brought back from Sussex for me. 

Sunday 13 th February. VERY quiet day! Reflected mostly on 

the following list of things I was waiting to happen: - 

The Viking ink to arrive – so I could print off loads of 

tasteful, artistic pictures of NUDES I had downloaded! 

Getting my £2,000 loan next week? 

Libby and Jeni had birthdays Tuesday week 22 nd February 

That same day was the Manager’s Meeting about the 

renewal for a further year of my community treatment order 

I had arranged to visit Guile Nicholas in Finchley to sign 

the papers for this next Monday – a long train journey! 

News from my MP’s office about my Equitable Life claim 

The bank acting for me over First Money Direct? 

Finally getting over JULIE – and then ending this book! 

416

Monday 14 th February (Valentine’s Day) – Sunday 20 th 

February 

Monday 14 th February. As usual - got no Valentine’s cards! I 

left a voicemail at the MP’s office about how to find out how 

much money I could expect from the Equitable Life 

compensation, and when. They actually rang back, and said 

nobody knew the answers yet, but I was on their list to 

contact when they were told. Rang the Courts Office yet 

again to ask for another hearing about the terms of my 

Restraining Order, and again was told to write, which I did on 

the Tuesday. After trying and failing several times to call Leah 

at Easy Finance ltd, rang Steven at Guile Nicholas and said I 

had made quite a few phone calls – could I rearrange the 

meeting from 2pm as arranged to 4pm? He was in the office 

all afternoon, he said, so that was quite all right. So I bought a 

£15.20 travel-card, and caught the 2.13pm train to Tottenham 

Hale, changed to King’s Cross, and caught the Northern Line 

East Barnet branch as instructed at the Ware ticket office. I 

had directions from Steven from last Friday and walked up to 

his office in about 10 minutes, getting there just before 4pm. 

The meeting was very short - at 20 minutes – considering the 

journey. He just got me to sign some papers for legal aid 

and took down my views on various questions he asked about 

my Community Treatment Order (CTO). Then back to the 

Woodside Park tube station, catching a train about 4.25pm. I 

got home at 6.45pm using my travel-card even though one is 

not supposed to be able to use one between 4.30pm and 

6.30pm – rush hour! I heard arguing and shouting from next 

door and realised that 

the new neighbour must have moved in, and was very loud 

indeed compared to her predecessor Julie, who by 

comparison had always been as quiet as a mouse! 

Tuesday 15 th February. I confirmed with Easy Finance ltd on 

the phone that I was now applying for a £2,000 loan over four 

years, which would cost £52.57 a month totaling £2,523.24. A 

parcel was delivered with my ink and paper, so I was soon 

417

printing out all of 17 montages of 8 photos per A4 page of 

tasteful, mostly ‘artistic’ shots of nude women! I had a strange 

text from Chris – ‘send any more texts and I will call police’. 

Now not only several girlfriends had threatened this and done it – 

now a male black friend had too! Too much! Went to the 

Mind Club 6.30pm to 8.30pm, and Julie the helper there most 

strongly advised me to back out of the £2,000 loan! So I went 

home and typed a letter cancelling the loan and asking for my 

£49.99 back – fat chance of that I thought. I emailed it to them 

as well. I got two emails from Lulu saying all the books from 

Saturday’s order had been posted, so emailed Jessica Steele to 

tell her that the book for her should be with her tomorrow. 

Wednesday 16 th February. Received my parcel of books in the 

post. Went to the Mind Club, where a member asked me to 

crop a photo I had taken of him with several female helpers at 

the Christmas meal a certain way – so I went home and did 

that for him on the computer, and took three prints of the 

photo. Rang Jessica Steele’s office, where a girl with a 

European accent confirmed the book had arrived for it was on 

Jessica’s desk. Julie has been completely gone forever five 

weeks today, I realised. 

Thursday 17 th February. Telephone call from Jo – no visit 

today! Telephone call from Dad, saying he is arranging with 

the two girls to have a meal out on their joint birthday next 

Tuesday – when he will drive up in the morning for my CTO 

meeting. Had an email from Jessica Steele saying mysteriously 

to contact Bertrams their wholesaler and get them to ‘present 

my books as a new line’. Proofread up to page 64 of ‘Always 

rise above the Black Art of PSEXISTRICKERY’ that arrived the 

day before. 

418

Friday 18 th February. Telephoned the bank about First Money 

Direct, and the bank said they were dealing with it and I could 

expect a letter. 2pm-3.30pm went to the Mind Club. Jessica 

had said in her email she would give contact details at 

Bertrams, but when I rang her she was out all afternoon. Got 

Bertrams phone number from their web site, and was put 

through to a Paul Taylor, and we chatted. Then I sent him a 

revised pdf file by email, of the Waterstones ‘flyer’ with the 

changes I had made to the ‘Scientific Proof’ book included. He 

emailed back saying he needed to get me to talk to a ‘Julia’ a 

colleague (yet another one!?) I managed to do a bit of 

proofreading - up to page 82 of PSEXISTRICKERY - that night. 

Saturday 19 th February. I got a letter from the Office of Fair 

Trading that I had contacted before. They had actually recently 

applied, to have the license revoked for First Money Direct – and 

wanted me to make a ‘statement of truth’ – as soon as possible 

about my dealings with FMD. A letter came from Barclays 

saying that FMD was an issue for me and them, not Barclays to 

sort out! I had a sleep then proof read PSEXISTRICKERY right 

up to page 196. I had an argument yet again with my father 

on the phone. 

Sunday 20 th February. Empty Day. SKINT again. Need a 

solution to that by tomorrow, urgently! I filled in the empty 

day by finishing proof reading ‘PSEXISTRICKERY’ and putting it 

up on Lulu. 

419

Monday 21 st February – Sunday 27 th February. This was a quiet 

week apart from Tuesday. 

Monday 21 st February. Rang Jessica Steele who promised to 

email back by Wednesday with contact details at Bertrams – 

but never did. Rang Lydia Graham at the hospital to ask 

whether the meeting tomorrow could possibly be postponed. 

She replied no, but further meetings could be arranged every 

28 days during my next year on Community Treatment Order. 

Persevered and got a crisis loan arranged for a bit of money for 

the next two days. However, the wait on hold and the actual 

call took so long that the battery in my landline handset died! 

Waited for it to charge up enough, called back, waited a long 

time on hold again; then confirmed quite quickly that the loan 

was arranged after I got cut off. I went to Hertford by bus to 

be at the Job Centre at 4pm. Princely sum of £14.02! However, 

luckily I passed Terror my neighbour once I got back, who lent 

me a further £10 till I got paid on Wednesday. Typed and 

posted off the Office of ‘Fair Trading’ statement that night. 

Tuesday 22 nd February. Dad arrived at 11.30pm for the CTO 

meeting, and we were called on my phone by Steven from 

Cygnet House just after 12, worried I was not attending, so we 

went there for a short meeting first with him. The meeting 

itself was a talking shop from 12.30-1.40pm, and the outcome, 

fairly inevitably, was that principally because I would be 

changing medication soon, the CTO remained in place for 

another year. We sat at my flat between 2-6 pm, dad reading 

magazines, when he decided to take his luggage to my sister’s 

where he was spending the night. We got a call on my mobile 

from Jeni while he was on the landline to Libby, so were able to 

carry out a three-way conversation – arranging to meet in 

Hertford at Luffman’s restaurant at 7.30pm. He went off to my 

sister; and offloaded his car entirely – apart from the vital 

presents and my two cards, which got left behind in the general 

mayhem going on. 

420

Jeni texted me twice, saying she was delayed in a big traffic 

jam right outside her house in London, and then that she was 

on her way but would be half an hour late – getting to Hertford 

at 8pm. Which was where we all met after my sister picked me 

up from the flat. It is a fish and grill restaurant, and the food 

was very pleasant – except my own fish stew or bouillabaisse 

contained hardly any actual fish! I should have complained 

but the others thought it would upset their enjoyment of the 

evening. My sister gave Jeni some lovely jewelry she had got 

from India, and Jeni gave her some flowers, but Dad and I had 

nothing to give them both – thanks to the parcel being left in 

his car at my sister’s! I had no presents for them anyway… 

Wednesday 23 rd February. Had an email from Lulu dramatically 

announcing up to 50% reduction in costs of printing most sizes 

of book – but later investigation showed this did not apply to 

my ‘Royal’ size for my books – and changing size might well be a 

nightmare. Went to Mind 1.30pm till 2.40pm. Rewrote the 

‘blurb’ on the front cover of ‘Scientific Proof’; entirely and 

emailed the pdf file of the revision of the whole book to both 

Jessica and Paul. 

Thursday 24 th February. I rang Easy Finance ltd one last time. 

For when I asked for my refund, yet again, they said they had 

actually already found me a lender. ‘FLM loans’, who I now saw 

on my mobile had texted me. However, they require a 

‘guarantor’ for their loans – so I saw this had got quite hopeless 

and told Easy Finance I was just writing off the £49.99 I had 

paid them, and not taking out a loan on such a terrible basis as 

FLM loans insisted on. After that at 12.30pm Jo took me and 

his dog Pip for a walk round Glaxo’s grounds. Spoke to Jessica 

Steele at 2.45pm, who was ‘looking at my books the next day 

(at last! After six weeks with having them unopened!) 3pm 

rang Paul Taylor about an email he had sent overnight, warning 

me (as ‘the bearer of bad news’ that like Waterstones – WH 

Smith would want books to be on a sale or return basis from 

suppliers – ruling out Lulu’ s ‘print on demand’!) I felt very 

421

mixed up and downright depressed all evening about all that 

was happening – especially with contact with Jessica of WH 

Smith getting nowhere fast after nearly seven weeks. I finally 

changed my book’s title to ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ that 

night – and so the ISBN number, a drastic change! 

Friday 25 th February. I found lots of errors with ‘meta’ tags in 

both www.silee.me.uk and www.maam.org.uk when I went to 

revise them to take account of the new title of my book as just 

above. The title was missing from the index page of both web 

sites! How had that sort of corruption happened – was it my 

free HTML editor that I now had stopped using for other 

reasons? That would explain why my web site 

www.silee.me.uk did not appear at all in the vital search results 

for ‘scientific proof god exists’ on BOTH Google and ask.com! 

Hopefully now I have put the correct titles and descriptions 

back in both web sites – they will shoot up to the top of the 

search engine rankings – in about a week! 

Saturday 26 th February. A very quiet day. Went shopping at 

Tesco, staggered home under the weight of TWELVE litres of 

their very good value cola – and added the reviews from my 

website to my new page on www.lulu.com for the revised 

book i.e. www.lulu.com/content/10234001 - then had an 

hour’s sleep. Ordered proof copies of my ‘Scientific Proof that 

God Exists’, ‘Doctor Police!’ and ‘Manifesto: Abolish All Money!’ 

books. That evening I typed up the previous three weeks of 

diary. 

Sunday 27 th February. Realised the reason why ‘Scientific 

Proof’ had an ODD number of pages – was that a blank page 

should follow the title page – but had got dropped off during 

editing of that cover page! Changed that on www.lulu.com – 

ordered a proof copy – then realised that it had the ‘Jessica 

Steele’ delivery address as did yesterday’s parcel therefore! 

Sent her the following email as a result: - 

422

Jessica, 

1. Postal mix up - delivery to you not me. I ordered a paper copy 

of the new book to be delivered to you by about Wednesday - 

Scientific Proof that God Exists - new ISBN 978-1-4466-2216-2. 

2. HOWEVER (and it is trivially easy to do this on the Lulu website 

order page!) I wrongly sent a parcel of three books for me - to 

YOU not ME - please forward them: - 

Scientific Proof that God Exists/Doctor Police!/Manifesto: Abolish 

All Money! 

3. My web sites www.silee.me.uk and www.maam.org.uk have 

had a facelift this weekend and I thoroughly recommend you take 

a hard look at them now finished. To my horror I found various 

corruptions especially to the home pages - title and description as 

below! - but they should now be found (in under a fortnight from 

now) very near the top of searches on the only four search 

engines that matter - Google, Bing, Yahoo! and Ask Jeeves 

(ask.com) for searches for 'Scientific Proof God Exists', 'Proof of 

God', 'Proof God Exists' and 'abolish money'. Look for the 

following sort of entry near the top of the above searches in 

about one or two weeks' time once the search engine robots 

catch up with the websites!: - 

Scientific Proof that God Exists by Simon Richard Lee 

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC), CERN, Geneva, will provide 

Scientific Proof that God Exists if & when it finds 7 or 8 extra 

dimensions of space time exist i.e. Scientific Proof that (God 

The Holy) Spirit Exists 

silee.me.uk 

Abolish Money! Abolish All Money! Manifesto 

This Manifesto examines in detail what the world would be like 

should Mankind Abolish Money - Abolish ALL Money. That is, a 

Utopia or Paradise that is money free, cash free, and credit 

423

free. With no money, no cash and no credit in any form! 

maam.org.uk 

I think you and Paul Taylor of Bertrams are both telling me you 

will only buy books from them on a sale or return basis - but all 

my books are print on demand which intrinsically cannot be 

returned once bought. 

The only solution is that I take out a loan and buy a substantial 

stock of books to supply Bertrams with. This is very awkward 

and difficult as I only draw very limited disability benefits, 

pensions, grants etc - I would need a hard and fast guarantee 

of sales enough to meet the loan repayments each month at 

least - FROM BOTH OF YOU!!! 


Simon Lee 

424

That evening I had been busy solving the problem that an ISBN 

number had been no longer allowed on my Manifesto when I 

recently republished it – which I now got round by changing the 

size of the document from Royal to US letter. This worked, 

allowing sales in bookshops, so I emailed Jessica again about 

this piece of news: - 

Jessica, 

Good news! 

I have converted Manifesto: Abolish All Money! to US letter size which IS ALLOWED an ISBN 

whereas a Royal size pamphlet apparently is not. The new ISBN is : - 

978-1-4466-2691-7 

Look forward to hearing from you soon with actual decisions on all we have said in over 7 

weeks! 

Kind Regards, Simon 

425

Things I am waiting to happen as of end February 2011 

The next week or fortnight. As in the email above, 

Jessica Steele now has all the material she needs – her copy 

of ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ should arrive by Wednesday 

– to decide whether she wants to sell that and my other books. 

She will decide very soon now. 

The next week or fortnight totally regardless of any 

decisions by her and WH Smith, the impact of my major 

improvements to silee.me.uk and maam.org.uk should be 

reflected on all four major search engines as in the above email 

– causing a large upsurge in traffic to those sites – and so very 

likely I will see sales coming in! 

Independently of that, in the same time frame she may 

just conceivably ask me to take out a large loan to supply ‘sale 

or return’ books to Bertrams to feed on to WH Smith. I have 

learned my lesson since FMD and Easy Finance ltd, and 

googled for ‘no fee loans poor credit history’ and found many 

suppliers of loans like that. I am skint again this weekend and 

may need to take a personal loan out anyway for £2,500 to 

consolidate debts to many creditors into one much lower 

monthly payment. Then on top, to buy books as birthday 

presents for Libby and Jeni – and replace the mountain bike I 

sold with one with a much bigger frame which is actually the right 

size for me! 

End of March. My Care Programme Approach Meeting is 

set for Thursday 31 st March 2011 and my father and sister are 

both coming. Hopefully at long last I can overcome the 

Doctor’s endless procrastinations and get off the haldol depot 

that causes such problems with both lesions and making me 

sleep too much! Onto oral medication, under the supervision 

of the CAT team, preferably 200mg amisulpride twice a day! 

Much longer term – Equitable Life Compensation. I just 

have to wait for the office of Mark Prisk MP to contact me when 

they in turn get news of how I can find out how much money I 

have been earmarked in compensation and when it will be paid! 

426

Monday 28 th February – Sunday 6 th March 2011 

Monday 28 th February. I rang the IET twice to clear up the fact 

that my grant had not appeared in my bank account – even 

though it is their practice to pay it by the end of each month. 

The lady I spoke to said this had happened to several people in 

fact – but to wait overnight to see it be paid. If it does not get 

paid there is now no money in my account so all of seven direct 

debits will fail to get paid – causing lots of charges! Spoke on 

the phone to Leslie at the Housing Association about frequent 

noise, often late at night, from both of my immediate 

neighbours – Sam opposite me - and the new neighbour 

especially, again called Debs just like Julie’s predecessor in that 

same flat! I offered to fill out a nuisance log if necessary about 

the noise and shouting and swearing from this Debs in Julie’s 

old flat, for which Leslie was very grateful and will post one, as 

others in the block have complained about Debs but nobody 

actually has volunteered to fill out a formal nuisance log! I 

rang Jessica Steele, but she was out all day. Her usual 

colleague to answer the phone, with a European accent, said 

she even thought that Jessica had already decided to say no! I 

tried changing the size of my Manifesto to 9”x6” using my pdfill 

writer. However, the lulu book creation page would not let me 

have staples for it rather than perfect binding – so back to US 

letter size for the book, a new content ID of 10250739 and new 

ISBN of 978-1-4466-2796-1! Then I took backup CDs of all my 

books, websites, and photos except the ‘clean’ ones of Julie! 

Rang up Easy Finance because my finances were so poor – and 

apparently, they had not registered that I had cancelled my loan 

application on Thursday, fortunately – for I now needed the 

loan, I had decided. Not one but two lenders, possibly with 

others in the side-lines, were going to make me offers, 

they said – Everyday Loans and TFS Loans. I checked these 

out on the Internet and while the former was clear of scam 

entries, the latter was not – there was even a registered search 

on Google for ‘TFS loans scam’! I will be very wary when TFS 

contact me… For I am really on my uppers again financially 

427

again, and have paid so many bills, and bought five books 

again, that I only managed to buy a vital £10.85 of rolling 

tobacco by draining the last £7.40 off my Capital One card and 

paying the rest out of the mere £5.05 left on my bank account 

debit card. If the IET grant again fails to get paid tonight I 

will be in terrible trouble with the bank like I said earlier – for 

all seven direct debits will bounce! If it is paid, after they get 

paid I will only have left £10 in my account to last till I get paid 

my £65.75 and small £16.79 pension in a day’s time – not 

enough to last a whole week. Hence ringing Easy Finance, 

and luckily, easily establishing that my loan application had 

not in fact been cancelled. So now I am on tenterhooks, 

hoping that the post in the morning brings paperwork from at 

least Everyday loans, preferably both them and TFS loans, so 

there is immediate competition in the figures. 

I am also waiting for the next week or so to see big changes in 

my entries for my two websites and their ranking for the 

following searches on the four big search engines – Google, 

Bing, Yahoo! and Ask Jeeves: - 

abolish money 

scientific proof (that) god exists 

scientific proof (of) god 

proof (of) god 

proof (that) god exists 

I believe the corruption to both web sites that I have just spent 

most of the weekend exhaustively correcting, has been there 

over a year! Ever since I was ill as long ago as November 

2009! I vaguely remember downloading various free web 

editing and checking packages then – which almost certainly 

caused the corruption. All my work this weekend has been 

using paid for packages – Word 2007 and Windows XP Notepad 

text editor for HTML tweaks. Search me why I have not 

428

spotted this corruption in my year home since last March after 

leaving hospital! My father tore me off a strip for even daring 

to imagine that my changes this weekend would make the vast 

improvements that I just know they will – so I shouted ‘bigot!’ 

at him and put the phone down on him tonight. For I am 

quietly extremely excited that the extremely high search 

entries, hence loads of visitors and hence decent sales at long 

last, I should have been having for 16 months, are now at long 

last about to – guaranteed to even – happen! 

So, I am waiting for three things to happen, one overnight, the 

other two ideally as early as this same week: 

1. I really do very desperately now at last need to get my IET 

grant paid overnight tonight! All hell to pay with creditors if 

seven direct debits crash! 

2. I should get a first result – a £2,000 loan – and 

immediately consolidate both my small credit cards, and cut 

them up they are so expensive, and all my benefit reductions 

should vanish once I pay off the debts. These credit cards cost 

£11 interest a month at present. I will also be very relieved 

to see my benefit rise by £35 a fortnight - £77 a month – 

once I pay off those benefit-funded debts! 

3. I should soon see a dramatic impact on the search engine 

rankings of my two websites, resulting from a lot of hard 

work this last weekend! I even aspire to top of first page 

or near the top, for all four search engines, for all the 

above five searches. 

Tuesday 1 st March. I woke to find on my PC Internet banking 

that indeed the IET Grant had been paid overnight – so all the 7 

direct debits had been paid – leaving about £10 out of the 

grant as expected! Phew that had been nail-biting! Saw early 

afternoon that I had several high rankings, including number 

one, for searches with variations of ‘scientific proof that god 

exists’ – on http://uk.yahoo.com – yahoo.co.uk in other words! 

Went to the Mind Club that afternoon, full of excitement about 

429

this, expecting nearly as high rankings on page one on other 

search engines in due course! Stayed up late till 3.30am so 

only got up at 2.40pm on Wednesday and so missed Mind! 

Wednesday 2 nd March. Mostly frustrated, waiting for the search 

engines’ robots to analyse my newly revised websites! Quiet 

day therefore – smoked a lot! It has happened again but by 

the same Nit?! For I passed Doug downstairs who reported 

that the lovely green wrought iron table and chairs my mother 

had given Julie and I when we were partners – had vanished 

overnight on Tuesday! 

Thursday 3 rd March. I had a bit of fun at a Writing for Fun 

Group at Mind between 2-4pm, although I left 20 minutes early 

as I had to make a phone call to Jessica Steele. As I had 

predicted and in fact been tipped the wink by a colleague of 

hers, Jessica had said ‘no!’ in an email the previous night and 

now explained on the phone that WH Smith could not take on 

central stocked Print on Demand books as sale or return was 

impossible with them. However she had ‘no criticism’ of my 

own book or books, and indeed would post them back at her 

own cost. ‘Slow robots!’ I cursed all evening long! 

Friday 4 th March. Still #2 on bing.com with the revised website 

for the search – Scientific Proof That God Exists – and #5 for 

both ‘proof god exists’ and ‘scientific proof god’. The site was 

#8 on page 1 of the main yahoo.com for the main search 

above. That just leaves google.com google.co.uk and ask.com 

to yield search results – nowhere at present! We are slowly 

getting there now! Told Julie my social worker about all this 

success but then pitched in about my haldol injection being 

either two times or even three times what it used to be – and 

that it caused most of my ‘symptoms’ which were caused by 

the treatment for illness - not by any actual illness. We had a big 

argument about this subject, and she said rightly the doctor was 

the better person than her to argue about it with. Went to the 

430

Mind Club 2-3.30pm. Rang Easy Finance and complained I had 

been told I had two loan providers to choose from last Friday – 

why had they not contacted me by now, a week later? Their 

Leah gave me their phone numbers but TFS loans had finished 

for the week. Everyday Loans ended the mystery of their not 

having contacted me this week – by informing me that they do 

not have any dealings with Easy Finance ltd! 

Saturday 5 th March. Incredibly quiet day – soon spent the £8 I 

had left to last till Wednesday i.e. SKINT! The Mind Club in fact 

was open 1-3pm as it was the first Saturday of the month – but I 

lapsed back so much into depression, loneliness and boredom 

afterwards I slept 4-5pm! I was very depressed about the 

dramatic events surrounding Julie these last 18 months; the 

fact that I never saw Jeni any more; and that my website efforts 

were now last ditch – I had failed over the years to get into 

hundreds of publishers and agents, and now the two 

biggest booksellers, Waterstones and WH Smiths! 

Sunday 6 th March. Rang my bank to complain about Easy 

Finance and their constant misleading lies (especially by their 

woman Leah = liar?) who told me to ring Consumer Direct the 

government watchdog yet again, the next day when they were 

open. Smoking dog ends. A prisoner of haldol who sleeps too 

much and takes so much lithium purely because the haldol 

makes me sleep a lot and above all irritable, and lithium seems 

to counteract that irritability! Had great news that night – 

somebody in South Bay Area of San Francisco was trying to 

help me! He had copied my index page onto a blog page in his 

blog and made it into a web page – getting higher up on 

yahoo.com that my own site was. Reflected that this was 

because his own title and description were short yet contained 

the words ‘scientific proof that god exists’ in capitals all of 

THREE times – 1 time in the title and 2 times in the description. 

So changed my OWN description accordingly so the site entry 

on search engines will shortly read: - 

431

Scientific Proof that God Exists by Simon Richard Lee 

Large Hadron Collider (LHC) to give Scientific Proof that God Exists if it finds 7/8 

extra dimensions of space time - Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) Spirit Exists 

silee.me.uk 

That is without everything after the ‘-’ being ignored! 

This change will take place across uk.yahoo.com, yahoo.com, 

bing.com in a few days, but Google and Ask Jeeves still are not 

even indexing my web site on page 1 or 2 even! 

Monday 7 th March – Sunday 13 th March 2011. The next two 

weeks were unusually quiet – so unusually boring even for my 

own boring life recently! 

Monday 7 th March. Telephoned TFS Loans ltd who were as 

blissfully ignorant of any connection with Easy Finance ltd, as 

Everyday Loans had been on Friday! Immediately telephoned 

Consumer Direct yet again – who gave me bum advice - in view 

of the fact that Easy Finance ltd were liars who ignored my 

letters! Consumer Direct’s lady advised me to write to EFL and 

ask for transcripts of phone conversations, especially the first 

one where their Leah lied to get £49.99 out of me! Pissing in 

the wind, I thought to myself as I put the phone down! I 

phoned Debit Card Services at Barclays Bank, who said they 

would again send a form as for my previous similar case with 

First Money Direct, which I appeared to have won – for I had 

been refunded! The copy of the text of my website at the 

purely mocking craigslist.org had been deleted, I was pleased 

to see on my PC! Incidentally, I removed a lot of my 

‘detail’/’extracts’ page today. Rang the police crime centre but 

the case of my stolen (again!) garden furniture had been 

assigned to the local PC, PC Bill Clark, who was away all week 

so would only look at my case on Monday at the earliest… The 

rest of that Monday was really very boring! 

432

Tuesday 8 th March. 2.10pm – podiatry session. After I got 

home from that found that Consumer Direct had been busy 

since yesterday – for I got a phone call from a lady called 

Loretta at Trading Standards at Welwyn Garden City. Typed 

out a two-page letter giving much detail about all my dealings 

with Easy Finance ltd and posted it to her that evening with 

copies of all correspondence I had with that firm. Quiet day 

otherwise again – went to Mind 6.30pm, and as I was out of 

money and tobacco went to Hertford Tesco on the 11.31pm bus – 

drew money out of the ATM at 12.10am and bought tobacco! 

Wednesday 9 th March. Had a surprise phone call from a rather 

peeved Vicky of First Money Direct asking why I had got a Visa 

chargeback refund on the £49.95 I had paid them. We chatted 

about all the lies and my inability to phone them at all, and in 

the end I emailed her a copy of my letter I had sent recorded 

delivery, to explain why I had asked for the money back. She 

said they never received that letter! Anyhow, I have heard 

nothing more from them and it is now Sunday 20 th March, so 

that is probably that! I went to the Mind Club at 1pm. Got 

back and drafted all of a five page letter to my Psychiatrist, to 

be copied to Julie, my social worker, but posted a copy to my 

father to review first, as what with his delusions about his 

neighbour he had now changed the entire Operating System on 

his computer to Windows 7, and my email never arrived! 

Thursday 10 th March. Had not heard back from writing to the 

Courts Office, and when I phoned at first the woman that I 

spoke to, could not find my letter. Five minutes later she 

phoned to say she had now found it and passed it to the Clerks’ 

Office, who would reply soon. It was a year to the day of my 

discharge from hospital, I noted. I had a dentist’s check-up at 

2.45pm, which was all clear, then attended the second half of 

my Creative Writing Class at the Mind Club. Had the letter with 

one-page form from Debit Card Services at Barclays Bank – so 

send it back filled out and signed, with copies of everything I 

had sent Trading Standards about Easy Finance ltd on Tuesday. 

433

My father phoned and said he had received my 5- page letter 

aimed at the Doctor, which needed shortening and drastic 

revision – he would email the result of his editing. 

Friday 11 th March. Today was the terrible day of a huge 

earthquake and tsunami in Japan! The terrible day also came 

now when my Community Treatment Order (CTO) was renewed 

for a further year – it was imposed a year ago today! More bad 

news – Google was now showing my entry for my silee.me.uk 

website in searches – but only as low as page seven! Got to 

Mind at 1.50pm but only stayed an hour – as I had a 

prearranged meeting with Steven the trainee solicitor from 

Guile Nicholas at Cygnet House at 2pm. He duly got me to sign 

some legal aid forms just in case I decided to appeal against 

the CTO in the future. Like my father, he said my letter to the 

Doctor was too sheer angry! However, he offered to redraft one 

from him to the Doctor for me – and took mine away to base 

his own letter on. Got back to the flat – and an email from my 

father with a redrafted letter that, with some meat re-added to it 

by me, that he had taken off, I soon happily printed off and 

posted to him, the Doctor and my social worker. I emailed a 

copy to Steven the solicitor. The letter was as follows: - 

434

Dr Pathmanandam Cygnet House Old College Court Priory Street 

Ware, SG12 0DE 

cc: Julie, my Care Coordinator 

Dear Dr Pathmanandam, 

Following the recent Managers’ Meeting at Cygnet House, which 

was also attended by my father and my legal advisor, there are 

two particular matters that I would be grateful if you would 

further consider, and discuss with Julie, my Care Coordinator. 

1. Introducing Amisulpride 

At the Managers’ meeting, you agreed to attempt a carefully 

tapered transfer from my present antipsychotic, Haldol, to 

Amisulpride, whilst retaining my Lithium, but only when you 

were satisfied that I am sufficiently stable for this to be tried. I 

am pleased that you are in principle prepared to try 

Amisulpride, but am very concerned at your open-ended 

proviso, for the following reasons: 

1.1. On my admission to the Shannon House PICU (Harlow) in 

2004, my Haldol level was doubled at a stroke, due to a huge 

mistake by the house doctor there, Dr Mark van der Vyver. 

Despite the known dangers of this drug, and my frequent 

requests for its level to be reduced, because of its severe side 

effects, it has been maintained at or near the normal 

maximum permitted level of 300mg 4/52 ever since. 

1.2. I totally firmly believe that the very high Haldol levels at 

which I have been maintained for the past seven years have 

been the major contributors to the over-rapid speech when ill 

to which I am prone, and my irritability, and sometimes 

abusive behaviour, to my carers and others, when speaking 

435

with them. Haldol has caused these – the treatment, not any 

illness. These are the main symptoms that you say constitute 

my ‘illness’. Until the accidental doubling back in 2004 - I 

never experienced these! My ‘illness’ like I keep forever saying, 

is all actually caused by your ENFORCED medication! 

1.3. The huge, painful abscesses at injection sites are no 

longer tolerable. 

In view of the extremely bad effects that the current high 

level of Haldol is having on me, I ask you to start the change to 

Amisulpride 200mg bd under the CAT team, just as soon as 

possible – a week or so - rather than months as you warned at 

the Manager’s Meeting. 

2. The Alert in my medical notes since 25 th November 2009 

prohibiting female staff visiting me at my flat: -“…– has been 

inappropriate to them in the past.” 

I take great exception to this, as it quite wrongly smears me 

as a molester of any woman who may visit me. It 

presumably derives from the advances I attempted to make to a 

close neighbour with whom I had been in a close 

relationship for over two years, who went along with the idea 

of sex with me that night, 22 nd November 2009. However, 

as we were about to kiss on the sofa, she suddenly took 

exception totally bizarrely to my perfectly clean left hand, said 

‘that hand is filthy’ and threw me out! She called the police, 

who obviously also found her story bizarre, and took no action 

at all ever against me. The police apparently did gossip to 

staff at Cygnet House. 

I have never made “inappropriate approaches” to any care staff. 

There was one occasion several years ago when I was very short 

with a female nurse, who persisted in talking to me through a 

436

crack in the toilet door, when I was sitting there dealing with 

medication-induced diarrea. 

I ask you to discuss this with Julie, with a view to 

immediate removal of this Alert from my care notes, as 

inaccurate, inappropriate, unnecessary, and insulting. 

Yours sincerely, 

Simon Lee 

Saturday 12 th March. At last! I got paid - £237 benefits plus 

£160 direct payments – but it had mostly gone very soon 

paying bills and debts – including £20 to a neighbour, £40 to 

Cygnet House, and all of £107+ to a mail order company for a 

quantity of ink I had bought last month to replace what I used 

on the Waterstones mail shot. £50 left out of £397 after I 

finished paying everything and done a small shop at Tesco! I 

had payments of about £50 coming on Wednesday, Friday and 

again Wednesday week till my next £237 benefit payment in 

two weeks time – but this meant a miserable eking out of funds 

till then! I proceeded to have a quiet, miserable weekend as a 

result! I left a message at my MP’s office to call back to say 

when they had any news – they rang back on Monday to say 

there was none, but they would let me know as soon as they 

heard anything at all about the Equitable Life case. I ordered 

two copies each of ‘Scientific Proof’ and my ‘Manifesto’ from 

www.lulu.com which I could not exactly afford – but stocks 

were too low at home for comfort. 

437

Sunday 13 th March. Changed the pages all to read : - 

Scientific Proof that God Exists – Holy Spirit (- page name) 

Large Hadron Collider: Scientific Proof that God Exists ie Scientific Proof that (God The Holy) 

Spirit Exists if 7/8 extra dimensions of space found 


I knew I would have to wait nearly a week for this to be 

reflected on most search engine searches. Apart from that I had 

a fraught weekend, worrying about money even more than usual! 

Monday 14 th March – Sunday 20 th March. Had an exceptionally quiet 

week! 

Monday 14 th March. Got up about 11am as usual – drugged up. Got 

the return phone call I mentioned for Saturday last, from my MP’s 

personal assistant Joan Hunter, saying there was no news as yet 

but they would let me know about Equitable Life as soon as there 

was any news. Rang Julie my social worker and arranged to meet 

her the next day at 3.30pm. Ordered a magenta and a 

multipack ink on invoice from Viking Direct ltd. Rang Barclays Bank 

Debit Card Services once more, again to see if they had received 

my form and parcel of information, but they said it would take a 

few more days before it was processed – so I still did not even 

know if it had arrived safely! Rang the police crime department who 

said that their PC on the job, a Bill Clark, was on the case and would 

be in touch. Added the book contents to my www.silee.me.uk 

index page, along with my ‘Tree of Life’ diagram. Also added the 

books contents list to the ‘extracts’ page. Finished the work of 

yesterday by changing all page titles not to start ‘Scientific Proof 

that God Exists by Simon Richard Lee’ then the page title e.g. ‘ – 

extracts’ but with a new better finalised title ‘Scientific Proof that

God Exists – Holy Spirit ( - page title; except on the index page). 

Then had a quiet day very worried about finances… 

Tuesday 15 th March. My kitchen light fitting with three 

spotlights had broken – one spotlight fitting was hanging down – so 

I rang the ‘repairs’ number at the Housing Association. An electrician 

inspected the lights the next day and returned and replaced them 

with different fittings, similar to the single energy saving bulb in 

my bathroom, on the Thursday. I got very bored now – so 

downloaded a further 32 rather ‘artistic’ again photos of nude 

women – from a free site called www.freexcafe.com or a few 

photos from sites that linked to it. However I had awful problems 

printing these photos out – the printer just kept stopping without 

any details on its little lcd screen of what the error was. I realised 

that my four-year old printer had serious problems. However there 

on eBay was one advertised as ‘working fine, two years old, 99p 

minimum bid, collect from Ashford Kent, no bids yet, auction 

finishes 11.20am tomorrow’. I bid 99p thinking I would Google for 

a cheap courier if I won. I put £20 maximum bid but while 

another person bid twice, I was to win the bidding the next 

morning at just £8.10! Saw Julie at 3.30pm as arranged the day 

before; but stormed out of the meeting after she admitted that the 

really super-cautious Doctor now demanded ‘six months of 

stability’ before changing me to tablets from depot! I thought that 

was a really enormous time to wait – I had expected a week or two 

in my letter to him of the weekend. Went to the Mind Club at 

6.50pm that night and stayed most of the time it was open – till 

8.30pm. 

Wednesday 16 th March. The 17 th Anniversary of my Baptism of the 

Holy Spirit on 16 th March 1994 – so the first Anniversary of my 

arrest - accused by Julie next door of Harassment! Her last words 

ever to me then were, after I tried to see her in her flat at the 

intercom, “No we can’t have a chat! Go away!” Turned the 

computer on when I awoke at 10.40pm – won the Epson DX8400 

printer for just £8.10 whereas my own identical model had cost £60 

new special offer reduced from £80 – 3 or 4 years earlier! As I said

the man came at 12.50pm and said he would fit a new kitchen light 

the next day. Went to the Mind Club 1.30pm-2.30pm. Got in 

later, and saw that again, as the day before, my errant young 

neighbour’s door was ajar, and off the chain – but no sign of him! 

Got worried he was inside, so called the police, and so met PC Bill 

Clark for the first time. He spent several hours breaking in, which 

involved kicking the door so breaking the security chain that 

indeed provided the only security for that flat; then calling out a 

locksmith to repair the main lock. Finally that night, got a reply to 

my emails to ‘Sarah’ – owner of the Epson printer I had now paid for 

– being very helpful to me in asking for courier collection from her. 

Thursday 17 th March. Morning – light fitting finally installed. Much 

better – white not dim yellow light! 2pm – Writing for Fun Class. 

Broke off from this at 3pm as I had a ‘medication review’ with my 

GP Dr Gibson – who did not seem to know hardly what to do 

for this! Got home and called Welwyn Garden Trading 

Standards. Loretta rang back a while later and confirmed that she 

had sent my file to the local office for Trading Standards nearest 

Easy Finance ltd. I should hear in a week or two. Otherwise a very 

quiet day indeed that started a very quiet weekend – the boredom 

indeed made me dwell on just how awful my past twenty years 

have been, and to get very depressed about all that… 

Friday 18 th March. Got a letter from the Courts Service again, 

offering 2pm on Tuesday 19 th April for a hearing, and ‘as there had 

been several cancellations already (in fact it was two) I must 

attend or the Court may not be able to consider another hearing’. 

Hoped Julie my social worker was free that afternoon, so took a 

copy of the letter to Cygnet House reception that afternoon. 

Before that went to the Mind Club just from 2.00pm – 2.50pm as I 

felt lonely, isolated, and depressed. Telephoned Barclays Debit 

Card Services, who confirmed that my set of letters and form had 

just finished being processed so accepted the day before, so to 

leave it 2 to 4 weeks for a decision on whether to charge Easy 

Finance ltd back my £49.99 for me. I had had a reply from

‘Sarah’ in Ashford, Kent, so answered that. She wanted the printer 

picked up on Monday, but I simply did not have the money in 

the bank to pay any courier! Borrowed £20 from Cygnet House 

when I dropped off the letter that afternoon. Totally unusually for 

me, was so low and depressed that night, that I actually 

phoned the NHS Mental health helpline for the first time ever. 

They said why not turn on the TV and cheer yourself up with 

‘comic relief’ – which I could not really face – and look forward 

to your Diamond Wedding party you say you are going to 

tomorrow? For several weeks earlier I had received an invitation in 

the post, with a card asking me to attend Roy and Julie 

Wallers’ Diamond Wedding Anniversary party the next day! 

Saturday 19 th March. The party seemed to produce cloud-free, 

sunny skies all day long – really it was the first day of spring. The 

£20 from yesterday soon went on groceries and tobacco, but I 

could survive till I got £60 benefit next Wednesday, I reckoned, 

and pay the £6 courier fee on Monday, if I borrowed a further £20 

from somebody kind – and luckily Terror’s boyfriend Richard 

kindly lent me the money, around midday. So, my sister picked 

me up at 1.40pm for a party due to start 10 miles away in the 

outskirts of Stevenage at 2pm, so we were only slightly late 

getting to the Recreation Hall. The entire Waller extended family 

was there in force, as well as lots of elderly people whom I did 

not know. I had somehow missed out on breakfast, so was 

pleased to make up for that on the multitude of canapés and 

sandwiches – swilled down with wine, becoming fizzy wine for the 

toast at the end. My father and brother and Jane, with their 

two youngest, Jordan and Siobhain, were there already. 

However, I just could not get out of feeling low and depressed, just 

passing the time of day with the few people there that I knew, 

not really sparking any conversation or laughter! In fact, a lot of 

the time I was outside smoking… The party wound up about 

4.30pm, and when Libby dropped me off home, I checked on my PC. 

Sure enough, Bing and yahoo.com had adopted my changes from 

a week ago. However, bing.co.uk and Google had yet to. Ask 

Jeeves simply had not visited my site silee.me.uk in two months,

so zero chance of them adopting the changes! Had a very quiet 

and depressed evening. 

Sunday 19 th March. Typed this diary on the computer for just the 

week before this last one – but was so lacking energy through 

feeling depressed that I took very frequent breaks indeed – so 

took all of six hours on that simple job, that would normally take an 

hour or so! After that I had a knock on the door. Earlier I had 

told Terror after bumping into her and walking back with her 

from Tesco, that I thought Nit had stolen my garden furniture, 

because ‘he had definitely before’. He had not been speaking to me 

since that earlier incident, but now it was him at the door 

vehemently denying this and said that the new girl in Julie’s old flat 

had been seen taking the metal table and chairs into her flat, and 

refusing a request from Mark not to. So I left a message on the 

phone, for the Police Crime Unit telling them this.

What I am waiting for now – Sunday 20 th March 2011 

1. The dust to settle on all the above web site activity – 

preferably climaxing with some actual sales! For 

google.com, yahoo.co.uk and especially ask.com to finally feature 

my new blurb, title and description in their search results – several 

days? Months for ask.com??? 

2. To phone trainee solicitor Steven tomorrow about him writing 

to my Doctor as I have done. He must pick up points that my 

father took out of my original draft – especially about the nonexistence 

of alleged ‘paranoid delusions’ I have never had! 

3. To get my secondhand printer past all problems and delivered 

here still working 100% as claimed by ‘Sarah’ – this week or at the 

latest the Tuesday after next 

4. As ever I really am looking forward to the End of Winter in just 

one week’s time – British Summer Time starts - and the clocks all go 

forward next Sunday 27 th March! 

5. My birthday is three days after that on Wednesday 30 th March 

– and I do not look forward with any relish to reaching 54! In 

the last year particularly, whether it is from the medication or 

‘stress over Julie’ I am not sure, I have developed rings round my 

eyes in addition to the existing and worsening varicose veins 

and ‘salt and pepper’ grey hair! 

6. For between them, Trading Standards and Barclays Bank to 

hopefully eventually get my £49.99 refunded by Easy Finance ltd – 

within 2-4 weeks 

7. To have a really fruitful CPA meeting on Thursday 31 st March 

(the day after my birthday) and actually at long last after months get 

off haloperidol injections onto tablets! 

8. I would love to see Jeni again soon – or at least talk to her on the 

phone – she is elusive but in her case it is work! 

9. I would love a resolution sooner rather than later to the mental 

health problems of my father rather than me 

10. I hope my sister Libby works out solutions to her absurdly 

long working hours as expected this month.

11. Hopefully at last to hear some – good - news from my MP’s 

Office about Equitable Life payouts and timescales! 

12. To hopefully get my Restraining Order lifted at Court on 

Tuesday 19 th April, but if not, I will still finish this book at that point, 

as the ‘Julie next door’ saga will finish then, either way, for good 

and forever! She will have gone forever for four whole months 

then, and I am succeeding very quickly, in forgetting that I ever 

knew her!

Monday 21 st March – Sunday 27 th March. 

Monday 21 st March. I was awoken at 10.30am by a knock at the 

door. It was PC Bill Clark again, with a woman PC with him, 

once more looking at the open door of my errant neighbour 

opposite. He must have picked up his keys from the police station 

at the weekend, said PC Clark – but why is his door open again? 

He told me he had got my message from last night, and they had 

gone round to see the new occupant ‘Debs’ at Julie’s old flat – but 

she was not in so they would be trying again. Rang Julie my social 

worker just after 12am – she had got my message about the Court 

Hearing on the 19 th April but was busy with a CPA Meeting that 

afternoon. She could see me at 3.30pm the next day, Tuesday 

22 nd , to hear about my feelings of being very low this last week, 

and obviously try to help. I left a message for Steven at Guile 

Nicholas to call me; then saw he had left an email message saying 

he really hoped that the Doctor would reply to my letter very 

soon, when he would write his own letter to the doctor. Had a long 

time at my bank, just to pay in £6 to raise my bank balance from 

£1.98 overdrawn so I could pay the courier with my card; the 

delay was in a task that should have been simple, to get a statement 

on my backup account for direct payments purposes, for all of three 

months, when both her computer and mine would only go back two 

months. It was eventually agreed I would be posted the two copies 

I needed of the last three months’ statement, with the usual £5 

charge being waived. I got back home after literally half an hour at 

the bank counter discussing all this red tape, when Steven called 

back. He said call him on Friday if there had still been no reply 

from the Doctor – and he was at a Tribunal next week that would 

probably be adjourned, so he could attend my CPA Thursday week. 

If he could not, somebody else from his firm definitely would. I 

now booked the courier for the next day online, now I had just 

about got the £5.99 in the bank to do so! I immediately emailed 

Sarah the parcel label with barcode they sent by email, as well 

as leaving a voicemail, just after 2pm. Between 4-6pm I typed up 

this diary for last week. At 7pm Sarah phoned and said there had 

been no email, but she got my phone message OK; so I resent the 

email to her personal email address that she now gave me, 

which she acknowledged by email within minutes. I rang her back

about half an hour later, and thanked her profusely for being so 

very helpful, about handling bubble wrapping the printer, 

printing off the label I sent, and so on! Finally, that night at 

about 9pm I rang my father – who fortunately was all too willing to 

attend Court with me on the 19 th April, as well as the CPA Meeting 

next week. 

Tuesday 22 nd March. Noted when I turned on the computer 

about midday, that uk.yahoo.com had joined yahoo.com and 

bing.com and adopted my new ‘- Holy Spirit’ title and 

description for silee.me.uk! No change in top rankings resulted 

either! Julie rang at 1pm and said she could not make it at 

3.30pm today – could I come down in a few minutes instead? As 

we just saw, yesterday had been quite busy, so I did not feel 

quite so low as last week, despite today being the same Tuesday 

of the year as the Court Hearing last year, and last Tuesday being 

the same Tuesday as my arrest preceding that last year. We had 

a general chat, about anti-smoking tactics among other things – 

but I maintained strongly still that my smoking is strongly linked 

to the prescribed drugs I am being forced to take for at least 

another year! Having got back home, I took the decision to put 

my plastic chairs and table back outside in the garden – now it 

had seemed to be revealed by this Nit that ‘Debs’ not him had the 

metal set in her flat. At 3.25pm I picked up an email from Sarah 

sent 12.12pm saying that the printer parcel had been picked up 

with no problem about there being no box. My existing printer had 

printed out 11 pages with no problems on copier paper last night – 

was the entire problem after all, printing photo of nudes on thick 

175 g/m 2 photo paper? The printer did seem to be having physical 

problems - feeding the paper? I would soon find out assuming the 

new printer worked OK when it arrived in a few days. I emailed 

Sarah back saying she deserved 120% feedback for being so 

obliging – she had after all expected not courier but local personal 

collection by the printer buyer! I then went on eBay and gave her 

just that – 120%! I wanted something useful to do at 3.30pm 

this day, so typed up my extensive notes for yesterday and today, 

ending at 4.05pm. Hopefully I will be finishing this entire book off 

in about four weeks from now, for in four weeks is the Court

Hearing about discharging the Restraining Order! Or will the worst 

possible scenario come up – the several very minor times of contact 

get raised by the prosecution, that took place last year, after she or 

he talks to Julie? I dread the thought of another fine – or even 

prison! I continued to have a microwaved lasagne for tea, then 

went to the Mind Club at 6.30pm-8.15pm – highly amusing my 

young friend Janet there – by raucously insulting her, especially 

her weight! I showed my search engine positions to helper Angie, 

but noticed that the title ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists – Holy 

Spirit’ had been changed on one search on uk.yahoo.com to 

‘Scientific Proof that God the Holy Spirit Exists’ – by Yahoo! I 

thought about this, got home and changed both title and 

description on all my web pages for silee.me.uk as follows – for what 

I sincerely hope is the very last change in March! 

Scientific Proof that God the Holy Spirit Exists 

Large Hadron Collider: Scientific Proof that God the Holy Spirit Exists if 7 or 8 extra 

dimensions of space are found to exist 

So now I had to wait another week or ten days to see this 

change appear on searches on all the main search engines. I 

expect with the glaring exception of Ask Jeeves, ie askholes.com 

who still had not visited my site silee.me.uk for two 

months whereas every other major search engine’s robot was 

visiting every few days! I finished that short piece of work 

about 9pm. I had had 5p to my name all day – so at 11.15pm 

walked out and caught the last 395 bus to Hertford at 11.31pm from 

the college, to draw out £60 once available around 12.10am, 

and shop for 40 relatively cheap ‘Pall Mall’ cigarettes (‘cheap’ I say 

ironically at nearly £5 a packet!) Also some milk, orange juice and 

cereal, none of which I currently had ready for breakfast in the 

morning! I was to walk for ten minutes 

towards Ware to the Fairfax Road bus stop to catch the last 724 bus 

home. If it did not come, I was a quarter of the way home…

Wednesday 23 rd March. The bus did indeed pass Fairfax Road at 

12.32am – but the driver completely ignored my frantic waving 

and sped past! So, my first ever walk home from a Hertford 

midnight ‘Tesco raid’! I got home lugging my nearly too heavy 

shopping bag at 1.10am instead of 12.50am as a result. I slept 

from 2am to 11am, waking to face a very quiet, so very boring 

end of the week indeed… However, initially there was light relief 

– my daughter Jeni phoned up out of the blue for once. I already 

knew she had problems with her studies this year, and listened to 

her talk about these problems, and advised her to study all the 

lecture notes carefully, even lectures she had missed; then at 

least try to pass all eight papers. I went to the Mind Club 

1.40pm to 3.10pm; then I spent an hour downloading 160 

further pictures of nude women, mostly full frontal nudes, from 

the same site that was full of these pictures, www.freexcafe.com. 

I bought a 50g pouch of rolling tobacco and a 50g pouch of 

pipe tobacco intended to last till Friday night when I got paid again. 

Inside a day of getting my DLA that day, I was skint again – but 

stocked up with tobacco at least! I printed off all 20 sheets of 

new nudes, 8 to a sheet, with no problem. The two secrets to this 

turned out to be (a) the cleaning of the main rail inside the 

printer the previous week; and (b) only having about 5 sheets of 

the very thick photo paper in the feeder at a time. So I need not 

have paid out for a new printer at all! I nearly ran out of magenta 

ink at the end of all this printing, so ordered a magenta ink 

cartridge and a multipack from Viking Direct – my second identical 

order in a few days. 

Thursday 24 th March. While in the kitchen, late that morning, saw 

outside that my errant neighbour ‘Debs’ had put my metal table and 

chairs back out in the back garden. I had later learned that her 

neighbour opposite Julie’s old flat, Simon, had had a stern word 

with her about having somebody else’s stuff in her flat. The ink I 

ordered yesterday arrived. Between 2pm-4pm I went to the Mind 

Writing for Fun class, and after the break we sat outside in the 

garden for the second half. Telephoned the Vax care line as my 

Vax vacuum cleaner was cutting out and not sucking up dirt – as a

esult I cleaned the very filthy main foam filter in the kitchen sink. 

It still had no suck! 

Friday 25 th March. The printer parcel arrived – after three days in 

transit. I left it still unpacked while I saw Jo at 12.30pm, then 

went to the Mind Club at 1.40pm-3.30pm. When I got back and 

unpacked the printer it had clearly been dropped or taken a large 

knock in transit – the area round the rear left, the USB port, was 

cracked in two places, badly. I rang the courier company, but they 

refused to pay any compensation as it was not packed in a box! 

When I tried connecting the computer to this printer, the computer 

software could not find the printer! Thank God I fixed my own 

printer yesterday, I thought! I went on the www.homeoption.org 

web site and to my surprise there was a house advertised in central 

Bishop’s Stortford – so I put in a bid for this one bedroom 

property. I was almost out of tobacco so caught the 12.06am 

310 bus to Hertford, to be greeted outside Tesco by the totally 

unreliable Chris, who was also shopping for tobacco – who 

seemed to have forgotten threatening me with the police! I bought 

a litre of orange juice and two litres of Value Cola, and 40 

cigarettes. Then another disaster – the bus never came into the bus 

station by 12.45pm so I had to get a taxi to Ware College costing 

£8.80! 

Saturday 26 th March. Saw that Bing and ‘Yahoo!’ and ‘UK 

Yahoo!’ had all adopted my title for my web site as above – 

‘Scientific Proof that God the Holy Spirit Exists’ but as a result my 

‘Yahoo.com’ rankings had dropped about four places from the 

previous title. So I changed the title on all pages on 

silee.me.uk to ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists: the Holy Spirit’. Rang 

Vax again, who this time said wash the other – bottom – filter. 

Also, to check the hose for blockages. So I washed the filter, which 

was only slightly dirty, but found when I pulled out the hose from its 

socket – indeed it was blocked up with bits of newspaper, which 

must have come from vacuuming round the paper under the cat’s 

litter tray in the kitchen! Now the Vax worked fine! Basically, I 

had another extremely boring day!

Sunday 27 th March. Googled for ‘silee.me.uk’ and indeed the 

Google search engine now had my new title in place with the colon 

after ‘Exists’. However, Google did not seem to have included 

my site in searches for ‘scientific proof that God exists’ – for even 

though I trawled through all of the first twenty pages of that search 

the website was not directly featured, even though there were 

two press releases and a www.lulu.com entry for the old version 

of my book within those 20 pages! I spent a useful hour that 

afternoon, with the clocks having gone forward an hour that 

morning – in cleaning the kitchen and bathroom floors and lower 

walls with a bucket of ‘Flash’ and a brush – on my hands and 

knees. I was particularly pleased with the walls and the bathroom 

floor – previously the former had had streaks down them of brown 

condensation mixed with 8 years of nicotine! 

Monday 28 th March – Sunday 3 rd April. Exceptionally quiet 

week, containing my birthday on Wednesday 30 th March, 

enjoyment of which was rather marred in the extreme, by my 

dread of the CPA Meeting the next day, which dread turned out to be 

justified! 

Monday 28 th March. Rang Steven at my solicitors Guile 

Nicholas, who unfortunately could not make the meeting on 

Thursday, but his colleague Emma would attend instead. Rang ‘Ask 

Jeeves’ on the number they gave on their web site to ask why my 

web site silee.me.uk had not been visited by their ‘robot’ in 

several months. Somebody was due to ring back about this but 

failed to all that day. I filled out my census form and posted it 

back, a legal requirement in fact. Finally, that evening at 

5.30pm a technician called and at last, actually replaced my 

intercom phone, which I had complained about several times in 

the past six months, to the Housing Association.

Tuesday 29 th March. Good news – a £49.99 ‘charge back’ 

refund had been made from Easy Finance ltd to my account by my 

bank! I rang Ask Jeeves again after failing to get called back 

yesterday. A man did ring back within minutes – but 

mysteriously their ‘robot’ is apparently so totally automatic there 

is absolutely no way they could manually override it to get it to 

look at my web site specially! Ask hole robot! Tried and failed to 

phone then text my daughter Jeni about possibly coming to my 

birthday the next day – my father and sister and I planned to go 

out for a meal. I finally got hold of her after going to Mind 6.30- 

8.30pm – she could not make it the following evening – end of 

term project to finish! I planned to present her with a set of my 

books as a late birthday present – so ordered a replacement 

set for all of those from www.lulu.com. Started working on 

some notes for the CPA Meeting in two days’ time. 

Wednesday 30 th March. Fifty-four today! Judging by the state of 

my varicose veins on my legs, and my poor feet, I really am an old 

man now! Good thing my face looks 44, people say – I have some 

chance of a girlfriend still! A card came in the post with a £10 

cheque from my Aunt Pat – so I rang and thanked her on the 

Friday. Then a card and hamper came from the IET Benevolent 

Fund as usual – with coffee, tea, wine, preserved jam and meat, 

and so on. I rang them and thanked them immediately. I was 

so preoccupied with my birthday that I only popped into Mind briefly 

2.30-3pm. My father arrived from Sussex about 4pm, and we 

had several goes at toning down some abrasive use of language in 

my notes for the CPA meeting the next day; then emailing these 

versions to Steven at Guile Nicholas. Then we drove to Welwyn, 

picked up my sister, and drove to the High Street there, where we 

chose to eat in the Aqua Italian restaurant not the more expensive 

Wellington, a former pub. The food was delicious – my sister had 

no starter while my father had a huge bowl of mussels in a cream 

sauce, and they both had a pasta main course, which was so 

huge neither of them could finish it. I chose Parma ham with melon, 

and unusually, mango puree on the melon; followed by sea bass 

served with sauté potatoes and side salad. We all found the food to 

be delicious, with loads of contrasting flavours.

For the record, I give the set of notes below that I slaved over that 

afternoon, rather ruining an otherwise pleasant birthday, even 

though they were totally ignored when I handed them out at the 

actual meeting the next day! 

Notes for my Care Programme Approach (CPA) Meeting – Simon Lee 

31 st March 2011 Cygnet House, Priory Street WARE SG12 0DE 1. Current 

diagnosis of ‘schizo-affective disorder’ is plainly wrong and needs changing to 

‘bipolar 1 affective disorder’ or just plain ‘hypomania’. The ‘schizo’ part is only 

claimed because of f a l s e l y alleged ‘paranoia and paranoid delusions’ I am 

supposed to have had in hospital! 

Last year 2010. In fact I told people that ‘Professor Hawley’ was in fact Osama bin 

Laden, and so MI5/MI6 were after him, out of a deep sense of utterly outraged ironic 

black humour, at being in the same building at this man who acted like a monster to 

me whilst my Doctor 1993-1995. He changed my diagnosis and treatment brashly 

and drastically, three times, causing me to be ill for all of that two years – culminating 

in a divorce and being made homeless by my wife which he wrote letters to her 

approving of, so making me a homeless man on benefit rather than as hitherto 

working for a living, losing all my savings, home and lovely daughter while she grew up 

for the last 16 years. No wonder I sneered so at that ‘Doctor’ with a phoney 

professorship – a visiting one only from the University of Hertfordshire, which is not 

allowed to even train Doctors – he destroyed my life in 1993-95! 

2. The drugs I am forced to take right now are all wrong, like I keep saying and yet 

keep being ignored by my current Doctor. I am utterly appalled that Dr 

Pathmanadnam has completely ignored and failed to reply to all of four typed letters 

from me, taking hard work to type, in all of the last whole five months! To summarise 

these letters now: - 

3. Haldol is a very strange ‘tranquilliser’! As Ian at the CAT team fully agrees, its 

principal effects are: - high irritability; (at least verbal) hostility and abusiveness; and 

severe muscle stiffness. To deal with the last one first, only for the last year or 

so since 1995 have I regularly been prescribed orphenadrine, a muscle relaxing 

drug, and immediately noticed my eyesight improved so I no longer need distance 

glasses, only still reading glasses! The first three effects (major effects not side 

effects note) Doctor Pathmanandam quite wrongly always describes as ‘symptoms of 

your illness, Simon’. When in fact these gross effects are all caused by the treatment! 

4. My current level of haldol ls far too high. I required no hospital treatment at 

all during the eleven years between 1983, when haldol started at 100mg 4/52, and

1994. Dr Schapira, at Princess Alexandra Hospital, Harlow, arbitrarily raised that level 

to 150% of the correct dose in 1997. A further terrible mistake was made in 2004 

by another Harlow based Doctor, Mark van der Vyver, who arbitrarily ignored my 

telling him the correct dose was 150mg 4/52 (he had no notes so asked the patient!) 

and randomly doubled the dose to what I have literally had to endure for the last 

seven long whole years as 300mg 4/52 i.e. the usual maximum dose without acute 

risk of heart attacks – which I had to force down early on to 150mg 2/52 – the full 

dose was unbearable to have to take in one go! 

5. My injections of haldol have caused injection site abscesses for many, many months 

now yet my Doctor has totally ignored all of FOUR letters from me complaining about 

these. I have been ever so patient for the last five months of writing letters to be 

cruelly ignored by the Doctor. Repeatedly being promised by Julie Phipps, my care 

co-ordinator, that ‘the Doctor has said you will start tablets, not these dreadful depot 

injections, after the CPA meeting’. Which has been endlessly delayed for all of five 

whole months till 31 st March 2011 – only for Julie to change the Doctor’s reported tune 

to say ‘he is now demanding a further massive ‘six months period of stability’ 

before changing my depot injection to amisulpride tablets 200mg bd!! 

Aaaaaaaggghhh!’ 

6. Lithium like haldol causes extreme sleepiness. I regularly have a drugged 

dreamless sleep of 12 hours or more, all very unhealthy. 

7. Lithium counteracts the above nasty unwanted effects of the haldol. i.e. 

aggressive, hostile, abusive speech and irritability. 

8. Lithium dose. The dose only jumped up at the mere whim of Dr Roberts from 

1200mg nocte to 1400mg nocte on my last day in hospital – 10 th March 2010 – i.e. 

was completely clinically untested. I have been on similar, very high, levels and 

worse of this drug, explaining why I used to sleep in till 2.30pm on a regular basis. 

Now that the dose has been lowered a tad from the 1800mg then, I sleep less – till 

11.30am or 12pm – still intolerable and due to the drugs – both in extraordinary 

overdosage still due to pig-headedness. No less than 30 chiropodists and podiatrists 

have told me that the thick recurring dry skin on my feet is caused by lithium – it 

requires monthly cutting off by podiatrists! 

9. I deeply and utterly resent the fact that for 18 months I have been branded 

by certain Cygnet House staff with very dirty minds, as a ‘sex pervert’ in my care 

plan. ‘Sexually inappropriate to many females in the past’ it wildly claims! Apparently 

based just on wildly false allegations by Julie, my ex-girlfriend and former next- door 

neighbour here of ‘sexual harassment’ to the police which they took no action on!

Thursday 31 st March. Emma from Guile Nicholas was there at 

12.05pm at Cygnet House, and we talked about the meeting 

ahead at 12.30pm, and my father and sister arrived about 

12.20pm. The CPA Meeting was dominated by the Doctor, as one 

might expect, but nobody else said hardly anything, so he really 

held a monologue with occasional comments from me for 45 

minutes! According to the letter that arrived from Emma on the 

following Saturday, the main points I would say were: - 

1. The Doctor had zero confidence I would be compliant with any 

oral replacements for my haldol depot. He even felt I would be 

aggressive to my GP and CPN about this – clearly he was talking 

nonsense! 

2. He explained that amisulpride has serious side effects as bad 

but different to haldol, including diabetes! I immediately said 

there had been several injections now with no injection site 

abscess at a higher site, so I would accept a lower dose of haldol 

instead – which statement totally gobsmacked him! 

3. He did insist before any changes at all were tried, on a six-month 

period first of full compliance by me; as well as enhanced social 

activities and a more structured day. 

4. He insisted that my inability to get out of bed before 11am was 

not due to the two types of tranquillizer I take but what he called 

‘lack of motivation due to my illness’. My own thoughts afterwards 

are that that is not true at all, my need for 12 hours sleep is 

mostly due to the drugs – but also having no structure to my 

mornings. Anything to actually get up for! 

I write in the evening a week later, on Wednesday 6 th April, 

having felt terrible, at times ill even, about all this. I face 

missing all the mornings in this spring and summer, due to 

drugs, that I have a reputation for non- compliance with, because I 

have complained to every Doctor I have had, since van der 

Vyver’s horrendous error in doubling my haldol dose, so causing 

massive sedation and sleeping in, in 2004. My eighth spring

and summer in a row faces ruin, unless Steven Elliott and I come 

up with some plan tomorrow on the phone, Thursday 7 th April. I 

was given months to fester before finally being given a date for 

the CPA meeting, and five important documents I have given the 

Doctor in that five months of endless waiting for the meeting that 

never came, have all been ignored. He never replied to any of 

them – how utterly rude and insensitive! I only finally calmed 

down after talking to Angie last night, Tuesday, at Mind, and the 

reiki healer and then my case worker at the IET today. I need 

legal help now! Roll on tomorrow and a plan of campaign to form with 

Steven! 

Friday 1 st April. Got a letter from Barclays Debit Card Services, 

saying they would re-debit the First Money Direct £49.95 unless I 

challenged this inside ten days in writing. I rang back to clarify, 

then sent them copies of the statement of truth and letter 

requesting it from the Office of Fair Trading; by recorded delivery to 

make sure they got my letter. Had a letter from the East Herts 

council – I was second on the list for a house I had bid for in 

Bishop’s Stortford last week! Had a haircut, overdue, that 

afternoon. My father told me I had often been 

‘argumentative’ with my Doctors when I rang about the CPA 

Meeting yesterday, which only made me feel even more 

depressed about the ‘medication prison’ I am still trapped in! 

Saturday 2 nd April. Ended a mostly very quiet week with a very quiet 

weekend indeed. Had the letter from Emma of Guile Nicholas 

that I mentioned earlier. My statistics on both web sites had 

fallen to nearly zero visitors for several days now, but they refused 

to admit there was any problem with the stats when I chatted to 

one.com on the Internet chat line on their web site! There are still 

problems as I write on Wednesday 6 th April. Festered most of that 

day – about the CPA Meeting, feeling I had nobody to talk to. 

Even when I went to the monthly meeting of Mind – there had

een no session the day before because of training – between 

2pm-3pm there was nobody I could offload to! 

Sunday 3 rd April. Had an inspired moment and made what 

seems to be the final change to my silee.me.uk meta stuff that 

causes the search engines’ entries for my site: - 

Scientific Proof that God Exists : the Holy Spirit 

Radically different, major new book. Scientific Proof that God Exists: unique systems analysis of 

structure and mechanisms of God the Holy Spirit! 


Had sent Julie my social worker two ‘envelope notes’ yesterday and 

posted a final third one today through the door at Cygnet House – 

basically saying that the Alert on my care plan had been wrong 

and all lies for months – she had better get it right now, as agreed 

at the CPA Meeting. I had been expecting Jeni that afternoon, to 

give her birthday presents from Libby and I – but she rang up and 

was busy at the Boot pub her step parents 

own – but would see me next week. Probably best she did not see 

me so soon after a CPA meeting that made me feel ill… Rang my 

Aunt Pat and thanked her for my £10 cheque and card on 

Wednesday, as well as those at Christmas. She sounded well, as 

did my Uncle John. The clock change had been a week earlier – 

now it gets dark at 8pm (BST) rather than 6.30pm (GMT)! 

Monday 4 th – Sunday 10 th April 2011. Initially a very stressed 

week… Yet another very quiet week though…

Monday 4 th April. Rang Steven at Guile Nicholas but he was not there 

– had wanted to discuss the Alert, and the six months condition 

now on me. Had an argument instead with Julie on the phone 

when she called from Cygnet House, about the Alert. Had thought 

over the weekend to try the Church again as a last resort to promote 

my book(s). Rang Christchurch, Ware Office and was given the 

number of their Director of Operations, Martin, so left him a 

message. Rang Dad about going to his place for Easter after the 

Court Hearing in two weeks time. Otherwise had a bored, fed up, 

totally quiet day! 

Tuesday 5 th April. My books from www.lulu.com arrived OK – now 

I had a full set for Jeni and a full set for me. I rang Steven again – 

but he had not heard from the hospital about being allowed to 

read my notes – and could not progress anything at all untilhe had 

done that. Spoke to a Chris at the IET about my £600 holiday grant 

from the IET, confirmed that request by email and got an email 

back from her saying it would be paid into my account this week! 

Saw Terence as after several weeks without now had another 

injection site abscess on my lower back – the new revised 

injection site. Went to Mind that evening and had half an hour 

with Angie, discussing my feelings of being a bit ill – caused by 

the CPA Meeting and the strict requirement to go six months 

before any changes in medication. 

Wednesday 6 th April. Awoken by a phone call from Martin from 

Christchurch, who just took my silee.me.uk web site name, and then 

said the two new clergy would look at it after Easter now. New 

because he said David Proud had moved to Hampshire last 

autumn. Later decided to drop copies of the ‘Scientific Proof’, 

Manifesto and poems round to Christchurch, but their Tina said on 

the phone to come round before 1pm tomorrow – she was with 

somebody then was finishing today – it was 12.40pm. Went to 

Mind at 2pm and Sue the Reiki healer could tell I was in trouble 

emotionally so specially stayed afterwards to give me a full session. 

I found this very calming – and went and sat in our garden and the 

park afterwards to ‘absorb birdsong and Mother Nature’ just like

she suggested. I also offloaded to Cathy at the IET before 

confirming the Grant would be paid this Friday – she strongly 

suggested a session with Julie down at Cygnet House would help. 

Noticed that the new description of www.silee.me.uk from Sunday 

now appeared on Bing and Yahoo! – I was very pleased, and felt it 

was now finalised. 

Thursday 7 th April. Quietest day for ages. Took the three 

books to Christchurch at 12pm. Just before 12.45pm got a 

phone call from Julie, and we sat in the park opposite and 

chatted for half an hour. She did reassure me that this ‘six 

months of an eighth spring and summer being lost to the 

injection having been doubled in 2004’ could almost certainly be 

flexible – almost certainly being shorter! I just slept 2pm-4pm! 

Typed up these last four days of diary – hope to get the £600 IET 

Grant through tomorrow morning as I am skint. Otherwise I will 

need to borrow £20 from Cygnet House to last until Saturday, when 

I am due both two weeks benefits and £160 Direct Payment! 

Friday 8 th April. The fine warm weather of the past few days 

continued. Duly got my £600 grant! Paid Capital One £216.52, 

Vanquis £150.11 and Viking Direct £83.69 – so only had £150 left 

almost immediately! Drew it out and paid £50 into my father’s 

Lloyds account that I still owed him several weeks ago. Posted a 

cheque for £24 to National Geographic to renew my magazine 

subscription for another year. Went to Mind 2pm-3.15pm then 

did my shopping. Phoned Steven at Guile Nicholas and 

talked about my “ six months’ probation”, him seeing my 

medical records, and my falsely alleged ‘paranoia’. Rang my 

Father and told him about the £50 deposit. We agreed he 

would help decorate my lounge in due course once I decorated the 

bathroom, kitchen, and hall; with nothing heavy to lift; starting next 

week? I put an entry on the help forum at the Google search 

engine, complaining that my site silee.me.uk should be highly 

ranked for searches – but was appearing nowhere! Had noticed 

the obvious – many references still appeared on the web to the 

original title of my main book ‘Scientific Proof that (God the Holy)

Spirit Exists’. So I clicked on one reference which gave me a 

lulu.com page enabling me to release the book as ‘general release’ 

from its current ‘retired status’ – so I did just that. My father had 

also told me that my Godfather in the USA, John, had had an enquiry 

about my book – could I ring him and tell him how to order a printed 

copy from my website? So - I did just that. 

Saturday 9 th April. Got paid more money! My two weeks 

benefit as well as four weeks direct payment at £160! 

However, after paying yet more bills due – I only had £320 left out 

of over £1,000, that I’d got since Wednesday… Texted Jeni my 

daughter as last weekend she had promised to visit this 

weekend. Otherwise a quiet, empty, depressed day. Popped out 

to the pub for half an hour like I had on Friday to relieve the 

tedium. 

Sunday 10 th April. This was unremitting tedium again apart from 

Jeni first texting me, then arriving and staying 5pm-6pm. She had 

mostly caught up on her college work she had missed out earlier in 

the year, had had another tattoo, on her wrist this time with her 

grandma’s name ‘Dawn’, and was hoping to shed one and half stone 

in weight or so. I had bought nine Easter Eggs in Tesco at £2 

each for decent ones, and her some daffodils, and gave her an 

egg, and a set of my own books as a late birthday present, and 

gave her my father’s late birthday presents too. Typed this diary 

since last Friday to today.

What I am waiting for now – Sunday 10 th April sees 

many items gone from my earlier list of 20 th March 2011 

1. Web site activity – preferably climaxing with some actual sales! 

I am waiting for (a) google.com, yahoo.com, uk.yahoo.com 

and bing.com to finally complete the incorporation of my 

(now fully finalised) title and description for silee.me.uk – a 

couple more days? (b) for one.com to correct the statistics 

packages for silee.me.uk and maam.org.uk (c) google.com hopefully 

to pick up my help page message and act on it and so put 

silee.me.uk high in their search results - ditto (d) ask.com to 

finally feature my new blurb, title and description in their search 

results – months? 

2. To get feedback about my books from Christchurch, Ware, and its 

two ministers – which their Martin said would probably be after 

Easter (Sunday 24 th April). 

3. To get feedback from the Council about a house in 

Bishop’s Stortford for which I am in second place on the shortlist 

(within a week or two?) 

4. To actually get off, at long last after three to six months, 

haloperidol injections onto tablets – or failing that a lower dose of 

depot injection! Hopefully avoiding the extreme risk of a hospital 

admission to achieve this! 


health problems of my father rather than me 

6. To hear some good news at last about Libby’s workload! 

7. Hopefully at last on 28 th April to hear some – good - news from 

my MP’s Office about Equitable Life payouts and timescales – 

there is an announcement by the Treasury scheduled for that day! 


Tuesday 19 th April, but if not, I will still possibly finish this book at 

that point i.e. just after Easter that weekend, as the ‘Julie next 

door’ saga will finish then, either way, for good and forever! She 

will have gone forever for four

whole months then, and I am succeeding very quickly in 

forgetting that I ever knew her! 

Monday 11 th – Monday 18 th April 2011. Very much the quietest most 

event-free week I can recall for years, with so much empty 

time on my hands I got very bored – and latterly, especially 

over the weekend, got quite anguished about the possible 

outcomes of the Court Hearing in Hertford, tomorrow as I type – on 

Tuesday 19 th April at 2pm. 

Monday 11 th April. Checked the statistics on my computer – now 

that one.com had indeed finally agreed there were problems. 

The last three days of March up to the 3 rd April showed hardly 

any visitors to either site silee.me.uk or maam.org.uk, which 

was clearly wrong as there had been a steady 27+ to silee.me.uk 

and 20+ to maam.org.uk in March! Figures from 4 th April to Sunday 

10 th April were so erratic they could not be trusted, and as I type 

on Monday 18 th April, all statistics figures have been flat zeroes 

for this last week. Presumably one.com are fixing bugs… 

Also saw on the computer that the house in Bishop’s Stortford still 

had not been let, but when I rang East Herts Council about this, 

they said it might be being repaired still prior to letting. I ventured 

out, did some shopping after posting a letter air mail to an 

advertising company in Utah, USA, who had been spamming 

me for months with loads of mostly USA email adverts – asking 

them to stop this – had they not heard of the Can Spam Act? It 

clouded over at 3pm then rained briefly in the evening – the only 

interruption in two weeks of unseasonably warm, sunny weather in 

the UK! 

Tuesday 12 th April. Rang the Office at Christchurch, Ware, who said 

the books I had left last week were now with the new Minister.

Went for my podiatry appointment at 2.10pm but the woman 

running it that afternoon was off sick – and they had not had the 

right telephone number for me when they called that morning! Jo 

from Rethink rang. He could only see me again at the start of 

May; when I offered to volunteer for them he was quite pleased, 

and said he would ask his boss Alison. Spent £7.60 on having two 

keys cut for the front door of this block for the two young kids 

opposite; they kept ringing my bell when they could not get in late 

at night – as the younger one has the crazy habit of getting drunk in 

a pub and giving his house keys away to total strangers! As I 

write the following Monday, Ryan, the elder, was arrested on 

Thursday at 6am, so is only able to claim his Jobseeker’s 

Allowance this coming Wednesday – after at least two failed 

promises to pay me £10 for the two keys. Made Angie the helper 

blush to the roots with a risqué joke at Mind – or does she fancy 

me? There at Mind 6.40-8.35pm. 

Wednesday 13 th April. Went to Mind Club 2.30-3pm. Now had two 

titles for the same book, so made sure the contents really were the 

same apart from several occurrences of the different titles – then 

ordered one copy of ‘Scientific Proof that (God the Holy) Spirit 

Exists’ and one of ‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’. Yet again 

chatted to Lulu Support staff on the chat line about why it was not 

possible to rename the former into the latter while retaining the 

same ISBN number. Apparently they were were now rigidly 

applying a new rule; that a title with an ISBN number could not be 

changed without a new ISBN number – as I had discovered. Years 

ago I had changed the title of this ISBN number several times 

freely – but that was no longer allowed. Finally realised that my 

‘home’ or ‘index’ page on the web site would be better with the 

introduction of the book added – so copied it in – but had to do so 

from the pdf file; for some reason Word 2007 would not accept 

the text from the Word file being copied in. 

Thursday 14 th April. Won £45 on lottery scratch-cards! Chris 

called in 5-6.30pm and we had a walk round the Priory 

grounds. Read Articles 1 and 2 of the book as part of scanning all of

it – several people had called the book ‘brilliant’ recently but the 

only review on www.amazon.com only gave it two stars out of five 

and said it ‘went too far’! Gave up walking to the pub for my ‘Club 

Amigos’ session – my feet hurt too much having missed Tuesday’s 

session of podiatry – and left their HQ in Hertford a message 

urgently asking for a new appointment as soon as possible. 

Friday 15 th April. Got a letter in the post giving me a podiatry 

appointment in Ware next Thursday. I had planned to go to my 

father’s next Tuesday – now I rearranged that for Thursday 

evening, still travelling by train. I had a £10 voucher from 

Viking Direct in the post too, so spent £87.82 on three packs of 

printer ink from them including the £10 + £2 VAT off. I went to Mind 

1.40-3.20pm, then got in to see a GP at 4.50pm that same 

afternoon, to ask if anything could be done about my varicose 

veins. All he could suggest was a private operation at the nearby 

Rivers Clinic, costing over £1700! I spotted an article on the 

Web about my writings by ‘Mrs Fawlty’ – Manuela Mesco – so added 

it to my ‘Reviews page’ on my web site. Read my main books 

articles 3 and 4 of Part One that night. Still found nothing ‘going 

too far’ like my critical reviewer said! 

Saturday 16 th April. Read the main books articles 5, 6, and 7. I 

realised that I found that ‘spiritual thoughts’ in Article 6 made no 

sense to me now – the only thing in reading my own book that had 

not in fact made perfect sense. Scanned the rest of the book 

quickly but found nothing else I wanted to criticise! Had a very 

boring day indeed otherwise – smoking and drinking cola! 

Sunday 17 th April. Telephoned my Godfather John International in 

Georgia, USA, and ended up ordering the first of two copies of my 

book for him that week. One was for a friend of his, a Minister 

and a ‘bit of a prophet’ according to John, who was apparently 

interested primarily in my interpretation of the Book of Revelation. 

Only then did I start to correct problems in the first part of my 

book(s) – in Articles 4, 5 and 6, which had originally been at the

end of the previous version of the book, and still retained a few 

continuity problems from that; I copied my notes for Revelation 15 

and 16 from Part I of Volume B of my book(s) to the Manifesto at 

the end, which quotes them; and so into the separate Manifesto 

itself and so also the copy of it on my maam.org.uk website. The 

main change however, seems to have invoked Spiritual Warfare, for 

it took me a very inefficient three or four goes to get it right, 

overconfidently getting copies of the supposedly ‘finalised’ book(s) 

printed each time that week till I finally got it right that Thursday – 

so using up nearly all my only £200 credit card on what now 

became ‘second’ copies! This change which took several ‘bites’ not 

just one or two to get right – came from realizing that ‘spiritual, 

icosahedral’ thoughts were in fact too complex to be feasible – 

actually these ‘spiritual thoughts’ were already covered by my 

discussion of ‘hypercube thoughts’! 

Monday 18 th April. Got the three multipacks of ink I had 

ordered. I printed off a second set of the second lot of twenty 

sheets of ‘nude’ photos- so now I had two sets of each picture – one 

set was proving very effective in making me forget all about 

Julie – and now I had a spare set I could conceivably even sell 

off! Spoke to Julie my social worker on the phone, but she could 

do nothing about debts owed to me of £20 by that Kiwi Angie last 

year, and £63 from then for his trumpet I bought for one Gavin. 

Also, she actually refused point-blank, to dilute the wording of the 

revised alert on their files to say, ‘verbally uninhibited’! 

Tuesday 19 th April – Easter Monday 25 th April 2011. An even 

quieter week now occurred than the previous one! With the 

bonus of a long weekend holiday with my Father and Sister in 

Sussex at my Father’s house. 

Tuesday 19 th April. Today was the long-awaited (they wrote 

advising the date five weeks earlier!) day of my Court Hearing 

about my Restraining Order at Hertford. My father arrived early 

as promised from dropping my sister off at the train station to 

go to London for medical tests – he dropped her off from staying 

there at 8.45pm and got to my flat easily arriving about 10.20am –

and waking me up! We planned to get the bus to Hertford at 

1.20pm, ready for the appointed time of 2pm In the meantime he 

and partly me did a lot of cleaning – of the kitchen sink and 

windowsill – but the Vax carpet cleaner he had lugged with him only 

stirred the dirt on my carpets; for the suction was not working at 

all for some reason! The previous night I had gone to sleep 

thinking about the next day – “this will be a foregone conclusion 

like the same attempt to lift the Order by me last year! The 

prosecution solicitor will already have contacted Julie about her 

views on discharging the Order or varying the terms. Whatever 

she has told them the Court will just rubber stamp like last year. 

Is this all just a waste of time?” Just so. Like last year with Julie 

my social worker – my father sat and waited in the central reception 

area of the court house from 2pm to 4pm, with me taking just 

one protracted smoking break. Then half an hour in Court, 

standing up and sitting down a lot like puppets, while the three 

magistrates came in, read and heard my submission, but as soon 

as they heard Julie reportedly asking for ‘no contact still’ they 

only lifted irrelevant terms of the Order – so I can now go to the 

block and flat where she only used to live! The revised Order now 

says just ‘not to contact Julie X directly or indirectly’! Even when at 

the very end of the Hearing I asked if a time limit could be put 

on this revised order – I was flatly refused by the Court! A 1% 

victory only for me – an extremely hollow one! A bus was just 

leaving the bus station at about 4.45pm and on the way home I 

commented to my father, “Never again! That is twice two often for 

that sort of long wait for a circus act!” “Yes, it was all just a 

rubber-stamping job!” agreed Dad. Back at the flat he packed up 

the Vax carpet cleaner, he agreed he needed a new cleaner judging 

by the shuffled dirt on the now dry carpet; and headed off in his 

car to Sussex. I went to the Mind Club. Two parcels of my partly 

edited books had arrived in the post that morning, and two more 

parcels were due the next day according to emails from Lulu. So, I 

handed out three ‘seconds’ copies free of charge, only asking for 

comments – to church goers Barry and Tracey (via her boyfriend 

Shaun) and helper Angie. The rest of my week was to be very quiet 

indeed.

Wednesday 20 th April. Two more parcels of expensive ‘seconds’ 

arrived as expected. So, at Mind when I went 2pm-3.15pm I gave 

copies to Nick and John on the staff; Sue the Reiki Healer; and Neil a 

fellow service user. Otherwise a nothing day. 

Thursday 21 st April. I had my delayed half hour podiatry 

session at last at 3.10pm. My feet were pain free after that! As I 

packed back at the flat, ready to catch the 5.44pm train to Haywards 

Heath via Liverpool Street and Faringdon, a debt advice company 

rang, I talked to them, and they promised to ring back next 

Tuesday after Easter – but never did. Shame, they said they could 

eliminate most of my debts! Soon I was on the train, got the 

underground to Faringdon; and the Brighton train arrived just five 

minutes later. So, an uneventful journey with my father picking me 

up at Haywards Heath, and back to his village where my sister 

had stayed at his house already for a week. As we arrived 

Libby was cooking a delicious risotto, unusually made with mostly 

butternut squash and some bacon as token meat (Libby eats no red 

meat). She served it about 9.30pm with side salad, and it went 

down extremely well with wine! They discussed getting up early to 

pay homage at the tree at Ditchling Beacon where mother’s ashes 

were scattered, but I pleaded that my medication might make me 

sleep longer than they wanted! 

Good Friday 22 nd April. I actually got up, at 9.30am, very early for 

me, and we drove off at about 11am and parked at the twin 

windmills locally in the hills, called ‘Jack and Jill’. They 

explained they used to be able to park at Ditchling Beacon itself, 

but now parking had been stopped on the roads, so the only car 

park there would be full by now. So we walked, me with my feet 

still sore from the podiatry the day before, for about two miles 

each way, wondering often how amazing the sunny weather had 

been for all of three weeks now – in April, normally showery! We 

passed sheep with lambs, cows with calves, cyclists, and lots of 

other walkers. We finally got to the tree itself to pay homage to 

mother’s memory, stayed for ten minutes, and took a slightly lower 

route back before re-joining the same path back to the car park.

That night Libby used a Delia Smith recipe for lemon chicken, but 

served it with leeks, carrots, and spinach as a roast, not as 

suggested with a side salad. 

Easter Saturday 23 rd April. Another long walk, this time around 

beautiful bluebell woods and a lake and water gardens at 

Wakehurst Place, which is managed by Kew Gardens from 

London. I had taken loads of photos yesterday and Libby and I took 

even more in these exquisite bluebell-saturated environs today. 

We were there about three hours, then home for a barbecue 

which unfortunately my father had to clean with a wire brush 

first. He cooked marinated pork chops, sausages, and chicken 

kebabs for my semi-vegetarian sister. 

Easter Sunday 24 th April. I only woke up at 11.30pm or so. We 

all said, ‘Happy Easter’ and swapped Easter Eggs. At 1.30pm 

we went for a walk for over an hour round the village, again seeing 

some bluebells. We were due at my brother and sister-in-law’s 

house at 4pm. We were nearly on time – for another barbecue. 

First thing we saw was a bright yellow sports car parked outside 

– which turned out to be my brother’s new £2000 car with low 

mileage, off the Internet. He had sold his old 4x4 Shogun for a 

good price and bought this! A potential problem had arisen over 

the phone in that Siobhain, their disabled daughter, has a heart 

problem and had been advised she could not eat chocolate 

because of it. That came after we had all bought the 

traditional Easter eggs for everybody! However there now 

seemed to be no such problem in all of us exchanging Easter eggs. 

The weather was yet again bright and hot even, so we sat in the 

garden while Jem finished off barbecuing a whole de-boned leg of 

lamb, to be served with Moroccan style vegetables. First – a 

smoked salmon salad. Highly unconventional Easter fare, mostly! 

Dessert was highly unconventional indeed – an egg box full of 

open boiled eggs; served with sugary bread? Until it turned out 

to be a joke (yolk?) by their son Jordan – the ‘eggs’ were made of 

ice cream with mango puree for the yolks!

Back to my Dad’s about 10pm, I drank a lot of coke – and after the 

other two had long since gone to bed, must confess it made me sick 

it all up in the garden! About 11.30pm I tried to sleep, but 

something incredible happened. Two years ago on Easter Sunday I 

had seen an absolutely hideous Spiritual Experience Thirty One in 

the other bedroom at night, which I won’t dwell on. In fact before 

coming down there this time, I had briefly wondered whether I 

might possibly see another Spiritual Experience this Easter – 

after an intervening two positive ones in the last two years. Indeed 

I did – seeing perhaps my most positive set of three visionary 

images, in total in fact, ever!

Spiritual Experience Thirty Four. Easter Sunday night 2011 

1. I was suddenly aware in the air above the single bed, of a 

visionary image of a brown wooden cross – but only its centre, 

where the head of a crucified Christ would be. The extremities of the 

cross were not visible, where most pain would be experienced. 

Suddenly my view changed, and I saw the same centre of this 

wooden cross from the side – but the two arms were coming 

out, revealing a hole through the vertical arm that they had been 

jointed into when the whole edifice was first shown to me. A 

cross dismantling…! 

2. Now I saw lots of brown chocolate Easter Eggs – with the last 

one the only one wrapped, in gold foil with Chinese dragons all 

over it! 

3. Finally whoever ‘they’ were sending this Spiritual 

Experience, made the outcome ‘after this Easter’ appear to be highly 

dramatic; and spiritual! For I saw loads of light bulbs, emitting very 

bright light, even though they were not plugged or screwed in! 

Golden yellow or silvery white light came from them all – which I 

understand are the most positive spiritual colours there are! 

I immediately thought ‘my books are with the Church’ and/or I 

might just win the Lottery very soon, like I keep fervently 

hoping! Or it might be something soon - wholly unexpected! I was 

still quite high on diet coke and now excited by visionary 

experiences on top – too awake to sleep till about 3am! 

Easter Monday 25 th April 2011. As planned all weekend, Libby and I 

packed up and she drove me home to Ware – a wholly easy, 

uneventful journey – but north of the Dartford bridge there were 

long hold ups going south the other way round. She popped in to say 

hello to my cat, who she thinks is a great cat, as most people do. I 

caught up on last night’s missed sleep between three and four 

o’clock. I printed off a set of holiday pictures, four to an A4 sheet, 

had supper and that was about it – the long weekend was over!

Easter Tuesday 26 th April – Bank Holiday Monday 2 nd May 2011. Yes! 

Not one but two more bank holidays followed a week after Easter! 

The Monday was May Day – but the Friday was a special extra 

Bank Holiday for the Royal Wedding – of Prince William to Kate 

Middleton… So, eight days off with three working days in the 

middle of that this long week! The mostly sunny weather was to 

continue mostly throughout – with the sun coming out on the 

Friday just as Kate Middleton was at a crucial phase of the Royal 

Wedding that Friday morning! 

Tuesday 26 th April. Telephoned my contact Tina at Christchurch 

Office, who said call again next week – her boss Martin was away 

till next Tuesday. I had another, very quiet, and boring, day 

otherwise. Typed up this diary from Wednesday 13 th – 

Saturday 16 th April, when at 5.36pm there was a power cut. So, I 

went down to the Mind Club 6.35pm-8.15pm and when I got back 

power was back on. 

Wednesday 27 th April. I went to the Mind Club 1.30-3pm and had 

Reiki healing from the Reiki healer, Sue, as I often did. First we 

discussed my Vision of Easter Sunday – she asked what colour 

the lights were at the end, and was delighted when I said ‘gold and 

white’ – those are the most spiritual colours for light, apparently – 

the colours of the Vatican flag! 

Thursday 28 th April. Had an email from one.com saying my 

statistics were now working again. Noted that they now 

showed 13 not 30 visitors a day as in February and March, so do 

not trust them still! I had a rare phone call from Stephen of Guile 

Nicholas. He reported that the medical notes were being gathered 

together, from various places, and he hoped to see them soon. 

No, the Doctor had not replied to Stephen’s letter – just like four of 

mine since November and my document and agenda for the CPA 

Meeting on 31 st March – how extremely arrogant and rude of 

the Doctor! I was low on cash, so borrowed £20 from Cygnet 

House before the bank holiday. Young Sammy, Julie’s friend,

called in for about an hour at 6.30pm and I showed her all my 

pictures of Julie. She thought they were ‘great’ and that the topless 

set were ‘not at all rude’ – merely showed off Julie’s great figure! 

Bank Holiday and Royal Wedding Friday 29 th April. I woke just 

before 10am, remembered it was Royal Wedding Day, and 

turned on the TV – just in time for the start of the Great Event, 

which I watched on and off till 2.30pm, when they all went into 

Buckingham palace for the reception. Along with two billion 

others at least, I watched on TV a flawless example of British Royal 

Pageantry! Fleets of cars took the main guests and the couple – 

Prince William and then Kate Middleton – to Westminster 

Abbey for an hour- long service, then carriage procession to 

Buckingham Palace and two kisses on the balcony. However, 

many (males?) thought Pippa Middleton, Maid of Honour and 

Kate’s only and younger sister, stole the show. Her stunning white 

dress showed off her beautiful face and figure – especially what 

many called ‘her perfect bottom’! Now she has a large fan club 

after the Wedding! My own viewing of this superbly entertaining 

event was however slightly marred – because my intercom kept 

ringing without the button being pushed by anybody downstairs; 

and kept occasionally ‘peeping’ once I took the handset off the 

hook! After all that big occasion, also came the mundane task of 

borrowing £20 from Terror’s boyfriend Roo, as I was skint – which 

he parted with readily enough! From 3pm onwards, and for that 

whole weekend, I was very lonely, bored, fed up – and often 

tearful, for the worst time since the Court Hearing two weeks earlier 

– remembering grimly awful times gone by – especially the last 

two years! 

Saturday 30 th April. Got a parcel of copies of ‘Spiritual Proof’ as well 

as the ‘(God the Holy)’ version – and soon found firstly a spelling 

mistake in a change I had made to produce both of these – and 

then two small ways I needed to revise these, which I had 

thought were finalised before they arrived in the post! However I 

could not order copies of the resulting now presumed definitive 

revisions – my Capital One credit card was at its £200 limit! I

would have to wait a week… I made ‘Scientific Proof that (God 

The Holy) Spirit Exists’ privately published only at this point. I 

bought two days’ supply of tobacco in Tesco, leaving me 6p to 

last till Wednesday! Chris had money when I called him, but when 

he said he could not lend me anything at all of it, as he was 

‘saving’, I called him ‘mean’ and hung up on him! 

Sunday 1 st May. The evening of Saturday and the whole of the 

Sunday I was bored, lonely, listless, and again tearful at times. It 

was sunny all weekend again – but I had no money at all to get out 

there and enjoy the warm weather… 

Monday 2 nd May. Phoned Robin Jones at Waterstones Hatfield for 

the first time in ages and told him the book title had changed 

– so he took down the ISBN number and said he would order a 

copy. When I turned on the computer there was dramatic news. US 

Navy Seals in helicopters had attacked the $1M compound in 

Pakistan where Osama bin Laden was hiding – and shot him dead! 

Al Qu’aeda confirmed this news to be the truth, not just propaganda, 

later in the week. I had emailed www.one.com and asked them 

to eliminate my address from my website information or WHOIS 

at the weekend but now they said that I was trading so had to 

reveal my address. So I emailed them back and they agreed to 

make the address my ‘work address’ ie that of the Mind Club! 

End of yet another very quiet and frustrating week! 

Tuesday 3 rd May – Sunday 8 th May 2011. Yet another quiet and often 

frustrating week followed! 

Tuesday 3 rd May. Telephoned Christchurch to be answered by 

Tina’s boss, Martin. He said stay in touch, the Minister had the 

books and would give his verdict soon – but had been on 

holiday after Easter till today or tomorrow. Telephoned 

Riversmead Housing Association repairs about my intercom

‘peeping’ at the weekend - and the fact that there were plants and 

grass growing in the gutters on the roof! Went to the Mind Club at 

3.30pm-5pm, for as I was having a nap, I suddenly remembered 

it was now open 10am-8.30pm on a Tuesday. I ate loads of 

cakes as there was a free opening tea party. Several weeks ago 

I had kindly had a copy of my front door key cut for both the two 

unemployed lads opposite me, partly because they kept annoying 

me by ringing on my intercom doorbell to get in, late at night 

when I was asleep. I now firmly asked Ryan, the older lad, for my 

£7 that last Monday he had promised to give me last Wednesday. 

I got a mouthful of abuse instead of the £7, culminating in the 

threat, ‘if you do not shut up I will post you through your letterbox’! 

I borrowed a further £20 from Cygnet House. I went back to the 

Mind Club 6.30-8.30pm; and spoke again to my friend Emma about 

this Ryan, and my frustration over an act of kindness having turned 

sour, as I had spoken to her before about it. It now turned out that 

she was the girlfriend of Ryan’s father, and Ryan and Sam have the 

same mother Alison but are half-brothers – with two different 

fathers. She tried to call Ryan on her phone without success, then 

called her boyfriend, Ryan’s father, who arrived, spoke to me and 

her, and she drove him round to see Ryan – again getting no 

answer. Also that day I decided that having paid off my Vanquis 

£150 credit limit card the other week, to reinstate the card and 

get a new one - not as previously arranged, to cancel the 

account after I cut up the card. The new card I was told, would 

take ’7-10 days’ in the post. Finally, and very dramatically, my ‘last’ 

depot injection had been either on Friday or Monday two weeks ago 

– and now Cygnet House seemed to have forgotten all about it! 

So, I spent this week waiting for a call to have the depot there 

that never came! Great, I thought, the level is two or three times 

too high – like I have told the Doctor till I am blue in the face! This 

will teach him! Maybe I can see him soon to prove I am perfectly 

fine on a lower interval (lower frequency of depots) and negotiate 

this change permanently? 

Wednesday 4 th May. I telephoned my housing officer who 

strongly advised me to call 999 and the police over Ryan’s 

behaviour and his threat – so I did. I went to Mind Club

1.30pm-3pm, got back home, and a PC Phipps called in at 

6.10pm. He soon dismissed Ryan’s threat as ‘low level’, 

advised me to log any further incidents, and left, promising to log 

our conversation. I was downstairs later chatting to Terror, when 

Ryan came in, and shouted abuse at me, when going upstairs 

to his own flat. He made out he and Sam were only keeping one 

key. They would give me £3 on top of the existing £2.80 for the 

other one. All without discussion with me! I was skint again so 

telephoned my father and asked to borrow £30 – which resulted 

in an argument and me hanging up! 

Thursday 5 th May. April had been highly unusual indeed, in 

seeing an ‘early summer’ for most of the last four weeks – 

nearly continual sunshine, no rain at all, which is remarkable for 

April in Britain, normally noted for ‘April showers’! Is this yet more 

‘climate change’ happening all around us? The end of April and start 

of May, also unprecedentedly, saw a late Easter four- day weekend 

– immediately followed by an extra bank holiday weekend – for 

the Royal Wedding and May Day. For these next two days of 

Thursday 5 th and Friday 6 th May there was an only temporary 

change to cloud with bits of rain, and as I type this on the Monday 

9 th May, the sun has kept out behind cloud for these last three days 

over the weekend too. 

I had a nice surprise that morning. My father rang after all the 

argument last night, to say he had put £30 cash in my bank 

account! So, I went out and bought 2oz pipe tobacco and 2oz 

rolling tobacco – enough to last till I got paid on Saturday! 

The last seven weeks, culminating in the Court Hearing on 

Tuesday 19 th April, had been a serious interruption to getting over 

“Julie and my last 18 months of problems with her” – so incidents 

of tears brimming over had gone up from twice weekly to twice 

daily at times! This Thursday 5 th May now saw two incidents, not 

one, concerning Julie, which temporarily reinforced all my feelings 

of being chewed up, rejected, and so useless!

At about 12.30pm I got to the Mind Club – which was supposed to be 

open all day for the first time ever – but seemed totally empty. I 

wanted anyway to call into Christchurch Office down the road before 

they shut at 1pm, but when I got there Martin, the Director Of 

Operations who was handling my books with their Minister, was 

seeing somebody else. I got back to Mind, to see Julie the helper 

closing the blind – clearly shutting up, which I established with 

her by signalling through the window was the case in fact. 

Disappointed, I turned down the road to go home. Then, the 

unmistakable Corsa or ‘Noddy mobile’ of my ex- Julie turned out of 

the lane next to Mind and passed me – without apparently, the 

sunglass-shielded Julie noticing me! She was wearing her uniform 

and had told me previously she had one client at the end of her 

round, in Ware, which time was about now. So, clearly, she still had 

the same appalling job with the same appalling hours – with the 

same appalling low pay -as for the last two years. Also, clearly, she 

could still not afford, as a result, the new car she wanted to replace 

her ‘R’ reg. one! 

Then again, that evening, I let young Sammy her friend into the 

flats to see her friend Sam opposite me. She showed me on her 

mobile she got frequent texts from Julie and sent her loads. She 

was even meeting up with Julie tomorrow for coffee at a café in 

Hoddesdon but was not allowed to Julie’s house as its owner Julie’ 

sister would not let her. “Better not give Julie my regards. I am 

under a Court Order!” I quipped bitterly. “You are mad!” replied 

Sammy weirdly… 

Friday 6 th – Sunday 8 th May. Friday went to Mind 1.45-3pm. 

Bumped into Sam my neighbour several times over the 

weekend, but he was broke as he had not been paid his 

benefits properly at all on Wednesday – otherwise he promised he 

would have paid me my £7 by now, he was as fed up with the 

whole deal as I was by now. On Friday I called up the 

www.emag.org.uk website, where there was a ‘quote of the 

week’ – the statement I expected from Mark Hoban of the

Treasury, as quoted in Hansard for Wednesday 4 th May. The 

interesting points for me were that he confirmed what the 

Commission had said before. There would be a three-year cycle of 

payments to spread the load, with youngest recipients being paid in 

2013 and 2014, amounts determined by the Treasury. So as one of 

the youngest of the Equitable pensioners, I could expect to receive 

a tiny proportion of the total I had lost – probably in about three 

years’ time! 

On Saturday I got both £237 benefits and £160 direct payment but 

had bills of £57 and owed all of £90 cash (£20 Roo, £40 Cygnet 

House, £30 dad) and had to spend £33 on books I had waited to 

proof all week from Lulu. So, after I drew out a lot of cash, my 

£87.32 payment I made on the phone to Viking Direct for three 

packs of ink I bought last month – failed to get paid. I am waiting 

for a replacement credit card before I can pay it this week or 

next... I only managed to type up three days of this diary 26 th -28 th 

April on the Saturday, and 29 th April–4 th May on the Sunday. 

Otherwise had a terribly quiet, boring, lethargic weekend; sometimes 

petulant, even tearful!

Monday 9 th May – Sunday 16 th May. 

Monday 9 th May. Basically, just another very quiet day! Made two 

important phone calls and received two. Christchurch Office’s 

Martin, the Director of Operations, took my call, and said the 

temporary Minister there had read about a third of my main book I 

had left them, and to leave him to contact me when he had 

anything to say about my three books. As often, when I rang 

Steven at Guile Nicholas, he was left to ring back, and I phoned 

back that afternoon to his message left while I was out shopping. 

He had given up on endless phone calls to Lydia Graham, the 

Mental Health Administrator at the QEII Psyche Wing – and now 

gone further and faxed to her an urgent letter – virtually 

demanding prompt action about my medical notes – as well as a 

reply! 

Then I had a phone call from Terence my CPN, who had finally 

woken up to the fact that my depot injection was a whole week late! 

I had deliberately refrained from reminding him about that all last 

week, because of my unmovable position that the dose of depot 

injection ie frequency is two or three times too high! I went 

down at 1.30pm for this depot, saw that my Doctor was in, and 

demanded to Terence that I had a word with the Doctor before the 

depot. I was in about five minutes. Firstly, he established with 

Terence, his excuse for forgetting my depot for a whole week, which 

was that Terence was ’busy all week’. A likely story indeed - I 

don’t think! Basically, the rest of the meeting was taken up by 

the Doctor moving the goalposts yet again. I had been kept 

waiting to hear the date of the CPA meeting on March 31 st for 

all of five months, with endless promises that my depot 

injection would be changed to amisulpride tablets immediately 

after that. However, at the Managers’ Meeting the previous 

month, the goalposts had drastically shifted – with the Doctor 

demanding a ‘six- month period of stability before any changes at 

all’. Now, today, he moved the goalposts again, saying he now 

demanded ‘six months at least’ of that stability!! I just sat in the 

meeting, shook my head, and said, ‘this is all wrong!’ before

extremely reluctantly going off for the injection by Terence – which 

was completely painless in fact. 

Finally that s a m e day, Viking Direct rang saying their debit 

card payment from me for £87.32 had been declined by my bank – 

could I ring the bank and ring Viking back? I did so, after 

realizing that all these payments at the weekend had confused me, 

and I had drawn out the money in cash – and anyhow, could not 

afford to make the payment and leave any money to live on for the 

next two weeks! My Vanquis credit card was on its way after I 

reinstated the account last week, having cut up the original card 

thinking to close the account, so I promised I would pay Viking this 

week with that once it arrives. 

Since 10 th April, quite a lot of the things of my list of things I was 

waiting for have been resolved or are in the hands of others, to 

be resolved hopefully in the middle or even distant future. I give 

that list again below – with resolutions in italics – then a revised list 

for today 9 th May – which contains very few items indeed by 

comparison after the first list is pruned of resolved items.

What I am waiting for now – Sunday 10 th April sees 

many items gone from my earlier list of 20 th March 2011 

1. Web site activity – preferably climaxing with some actual sales! 

I am waiting for (a) google.com, yahoo.com, uk.yahoo.com 

and bing.com to finally complete the incorporation of my 

(now fully finalised) title and description for silee.me.uk – a 

couple more days? Indeed this happened – inside the week. (b) 

for one.com to correct the statistics packages for silee.me.uk 

and maam.org.uk. Happened mid- April – but figures for the vital 

‘visits’ are just over half for April and May what they were for 

February and March. I very much doubt this is due to my changes 

ending end of April – so I do not trust the figures – I never trust 

statistics packages on web sites anyway! (c) google.com hopefully 

to pick up my help page message and act on it and so put 

silee.me.uk high in their search results - ditto WELL! Silee.me.uk 

has finally appeared in Google search results with the right blurb – 

title and description – but for the main search ‘scientific proof that 

God exists’ it is on PAGE ELEVEN!!! (d) ask.com to finally 

feature my new blurb, title and description in their search 

results – months? If Google is bad enough, ask.com features the 

correct blurb in a search for ‘silee.me.uk’ – but it does not even 

register in a search for ‘scientific proof that god exists’!!! What a 

strange contrast to yahoo.com and bing.com, which feature 

silee.me.uk on page one or so for the main searches it 

features on – and uk.yahoo.com, which often features silee.me.uk 

as NUMBER ONE ON PAGE ONE!!! 

2. To get feedback about my books from Christchurch, Ware, and its 

two ministers – which their Martin said would probably be after 

Easter (Sunday 24 th April). Still ongoing – meet them to discuss the 

book(s) by end of May? 

3. To get feedback from the Council about a house in 

Bishop’s Stortford for which I am in second place on the shortlist 

(within a week or two?) Finally saw on the Internet it had 

been let (to the first on the shortlist) last week. 

4. To actually, get off at long last, after three to six months 

haloperidol injections onto tablets – or failing that a lower dose of 

depot injection! Hopefully avoiding the extreme risk of a hospital

admission to achieve this! See today’s confrontation with the 

Doctor – and ongoing efforts by Steven of Guile Nicholas just to 

read my medical notes! 


health problems of my father rather than me. Over Easter at my 

father’s house one night, he denied he had paranoid delusions at 

all, and my sister did not contradict him. For he said, ‘when I 

left hospital they crossed out those words and put ‘neighbour 

problems’!! I am so far away I will just have to leave all these 

huge issues to him, his psychiatric team there, and my brother, 

whom at least in the interim I made next of kin instead of me last 

year. 

6. To hear some good news at last about Libby’s workload! Also 

while down with them at Easter, my sister said she had been 

offered an escape from the unbelievable hours of drudgery by her 

own Department. By offering her full payment to take a research 

PhD – on top of the BA and two MA she already has – as the best 

way they can see to get her into research from the demands of 

teaching, by comparison. 

7. Hopefully at last on 28 th April to hear some – good - news from 

my MP’s Office about Equitable Life payouts and timescales – 

there is an announcement by the Treasury scheduled for that 

day! Actually as we saw the news came from the EMAG 

website last Friday 6 th May, and reflects what I already thought – 

I may have to wait all of three years till 2014 to get a minimal 

payout! 


Tuesday 19 th April, but if not, I will still possibly finish this book at 

that point i.e. just after Easter that weekend, as the ‘Julie next 

door’ saga will finish then, either way, for good and forever! She 

will have gone forever for four whole months then, and I am 

succeeding very fast in forgetting that I ever knew her! 

Restraining Order still in place now! I can only finish this book once 

the list below of things still outstanding, has all been dealt with!

Outstanding list of things I expect or hope to happen soon 

(some of the above are long term or in others’ hands) as 

of Monday 9 th April 2011. 

1. Hopefully Christchurch’s Minister will ‘get my meaning’ – and 

‘light up’ over my book(s)! What can they do to help me – email 

loads of contacts as they have a web site – at least – will at last 

make me substantial money from my web sites and book(s)? Is 

that indeed the short term meaning of ‘just after Easter spiritual 

gold and white lights will light up for you!’ of my Spiritual 

Experience 34 of Easter Sunday 2011? 

2. Just tomorrow night there is a vast £85 million jackpot for the first 

Euro-millions draw to be held on Tuesdays – and I have invested in 

two lucky dip tickets – just in case I win a prize despite the heavy 

odds against that! 

3. After ending full time work in 1992 after redundancy through 

‘stigma over mental illness’, I lost three more attempts to work 

in that decade for the same reason, and even a part-time job as a 

tutor in 2002. In 2011, at 54, there is ageism on top! Why try to 

work? It is a totally hopeless lost cause! Really, (1) and (2) 

above are my only rather long-shot ways to earn enough money – 

and own my own home in a decent area, free of the sort of 

lowlife in most of the flats here – that Julie was clearly so delighted 

to get away from! The 27-year old girl who has replaced her here 

has increased the lowlife count of this block – and has loads of 

lowlife boyfriends! They make so much noise – even in the middle of 

the night! 

4. Medication changes get longer and longer to come – what can 

Steven of Guile Nicholas do after reading my notes – almost 

certainly this month of May? 

Tuesday 10 th May. Had an ‘e chat’ with Lulu about three books that 

I had ordered a week earlier – could I have a refund? They said 

wait another week then contact them again – it might be slow post! 

Went to the Mind Club 12.45pm to 1.45pm – it opened at 10am

these days on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Got home there was a 

knock on my door, it was young Sammy, 

Julie’s friend, asking anxiously about her friend Sam next door – but 

who gave me at long last after two years - £10 of the £30 she owed 

me! Back to the Mind Club again 5pm-8.25pm. Phoned my 

godfather John, who confirmed he had received both copies of my 

‘Scientific Proof’ book that I had ordered for him weeks before. His 

‘prophet’ and evangelical friend, whom one of the books was for, was 

off away travelling… 

Wednesday 11 th May. Went to Mind 1.45pm-3pm – then slept 

3.30pm-5pm. I was bored and lonely all day for the umpteenth time 

since September. As ever I was appalled at the thought of Julie in 

bed with the boyfriend she acquired, then doing the same things 

to him with her mouth and legs as she used to do to me! Whenever 

I think these awful thoughts, which is often these days – tears well 

up in my eyes and often overflow! I had no less than all of four 

abscesses from the depot on my left buttock this time around! 

Thursday 12 th May. Had a phone call from Steven at Guile 

Nicholas. Lydia James the MHA at the QEII had now, at last told 

him in reply to his fax of Monday that the correct people to get my 

notes from, are the Medical Records Department at the QEII! What a 

palaver! 

My books had been at Christchurch office with the Minister for five 

whole weeks now! Went to Mind 2.45pm-4pm. Roo paid me £20 - 

£5 loan and £15 for a (flawed) copy of my ‘Scientific Proof book’. 

(That weekend he lent me a further £15 and I gave him a copy 

of my poetry and my ‘ Manifesto: Abolish all Money!’ in return). I 

could not help noticing that he was now chain smoking both heroin 

and crack cocaine in his flat! 

Friday 13 th . Possibly an unlucky day for some passed quietly for 

me! Saw Julie at Cygnet House at 12pm for twenty minutes.

Went to Mind 1.30pm-3.30pm after that. The agonising wait, all 

week, for Christchurch to at least give some feedback on my book, 

continued. I am getting old now! ‘Salt and pepper’ grey hair on 

dark; a very wrinkled forehead; varicose veins; the first two partly 

due to my ex- Julie! 

Saturday 14 th – Sunday 15 th May. On the Web, noticed that 

bidding on the next round of properties started next Friday. 

Otherwise had a totally bleak, boring, aimless, weekend in! 

Monday 16 th – Sunday 22 nd May 2011. Another quiet week. 

Monday 16 th May. I discussed the no less than four abscesses after 

my last depot on the phone very angrily with my CPN Terence. 

Then I went round to Cygnet House at 4pm to find somebody to 

show them to. The Doctor, Terence and Julie were all out of the 

office – and Nurse Jill refused to look, saying to come back tomorrow. 

Otherwise another non-day! 

Tuesday 17 th May. I went to the Mind Club 2pm-3.10pm, 

where just for once I had a serious incident – a tenminute 

argument with young Chris. I came in from the garden to 

where he was making a coffee, and could not help noticing his 

trousers and rucksack were filthy – it turned out he was going to 

his plastering class, so I joked, completely deadpan, ‘you look 

very smart today, Chris’! Then when we both went into the 

garden, a second minor remark on top of that made him blow his 

top at me! For he commented, ‘every pack of tobacco I buy, I think 

is going to be my last!’ to which, knowing his hot and cold efforts 

continually to give up, I replied, ‘That is a bit grandiose, Chris!’ 

again totally deadpan, again intending a joke. There followed a tenminute 

tirade against me and in particular my main target in life 

right now, success with my books! He then said viciously about 

what had just been deadpan jokes from me, ‘you can give it - 

but you can’t take it!’ Finally, he crazily wrote off with yet more 

insults, about four times, the £20 I had borrowed from him that

weekend, ending with ‘you are not worth £20’! What a drama 

queen! He went off to his plastering course, and I went to the 

doctor to see the nurse to have my ears syringed, which indeed were 

full of wax, so I was glad to see her. As usual, as instructed I 

had been putting olive oil in my ears since making that appointment 

on Friday. After that I went to see Terence, my CPN, and showed 

him the four abscesses on my bum, that I had wanted to yesterday, 

for indeed the swelling was now a lot a less. However he agreed 

this was serious – he would discuss it with my Doctor. 

I went back to the Mind Club 6pm-8.30pm and it was pointed out 

to me that I was ‘hypomanic’ and talking quickly – no doubt stressed 

out by the neurotic tirade by Chris there earlier… Then when I 

got home, he even phoned me to prolong the argument even 

further. However, he phoned me all of four times in under ten 

minutes – so like I threatened him in the very first of these four 

calls, I logged a complaint about this harassment with the police on 

the phone. 

Wednesday 18 th May. A quiet day; went to Mind Club 2pm-3pm. 

Got home and did quite a lot of cleaning so my flat no longer 

seemed grubby – especially the kitchen sink! I remember 

again being in waiting mode that evening. To hear back some kind 

of feedback from the Minister at Christchurch; to see what I could 

bid for as housing this Friday; and for my depot next Monday. 

Thursday 19 th May. Rang Emma at Guile Nicholas as her 

colleague Steven was out. She strongly advised me not to write 

to the Doctor again, this time, actually refusing my depot, but to 

speak to Steven on Monday about requesting a Mental Health 

Tribunal about my CTO (Community Treatment Order). 

At 2pm went to a Creative Writing Class of six weeks duration that 

I had signed up and paid for some week earlier. However, it only

lasted 45 minutes, this session, as it was only form filling, so not 

the full two hours. 

After that I was in pain in three places, so I got a ‘sit and wait’ 

appointment with my GP Dr Gibson at 4.40pm, which was 

nearly on time. He declared the pains in my groin walking up the 

street earlier was not a hernia; the pain of many weeks now on 

the top of my foot was a twisted ankle; and above all, the pain in 

my backside was better than hospital would be if I stopped the 

depot! 

Friday 20 th May. At last! On the www.homeoption.org web site – a 

bungalow actually in Ware – which I promptly bid for. Now to wait a 

week to see if I could possibly have won it with my 130 housing 

points! Got a parcel from lulu with proofs of both title of my 

book ‘Scientific Proof’; my manifesto; and a hardback copy of 

my poetry book, which the Lulu website had for whatever spurious 

reason, requested I also order a proof of, although it had been out in 

production for years! 

Saw Jo at 12pm for an hour for the first time in many weeks. He 

explained he is only visiting me once a month not once a week, 

due to cutbacks affecting his charity Rethink. After that went to 

Mind 2pm-3.30pm, then popped into Cygnet House and briefly told 

Julie my social worker about the bungalow. I got a small £53 

monthly pension that day, so finished repaying Terror’s 

boyfriend Roo with £15. 

Saturday 21 st May. Had a letter from Barclays about my 

complaint a month ago that they had first refunded me, then 

taken back the £49.95 that First Money Direct got out of me by lying 

on the phone when I first called me. There would be a final 

resolution of my complaint by 21 st June, said Barclays. On Tuesday I 

had had an ‘e-chat’ with Lulu saying that my parcel from two 

weeks earlier still had not arrived, and they readily reordered it.

Now the original parcel and the replacement one both arrived 

together on this Saturday! 

6pm came and there was no earthquake so no ‘Judgement Day’ as 

predicted by one Harold, an evangelist based in New York. Instead 

I was on the bus going to my sister’s for chicken, carrots, 

asparagus, spinach, and Jersey Royal new potatoes! That was 

delicious (she had trained in cordon bleu cookery before) and 

also, she is off dairy products, so gave me a milk chocolate egg, a 

milk chocolate rabbit, and some chocolate to take home. Finally, 

she had been to India possibly for the last time – so gave me 

200 duty free Benson and Hedges cigarettes! 

Sunday 22 nd May. It seems a lot longer after all my tears, 

boredom and frustration over Julie – but today really was the 

eighteen month anniversary of our last real time together – after 

which she totally falsely alleged my genuine advances were 

‘sexual harassment’ to police! Got over my rueful feelings about this 

by looking to the future and moving forward, and making the ten 

minute walk from the town centre (Tesco) to the bungalows of 

which my bid must be one, even though I did not know the number – 

the housing website keeps them back. 

Monday 23 rd May – Bank Holiday Monday 30 th May. 

Monday 23 rd May. I had emailed Mark Kirby, groups 

coordinator of Ware U3A – who also taught me a few times to 

‘learn to sing’ last year – last week. Now he phoned back but said 

no, there were no U3A groups at the weekend. Also had a phone 

call from Steven Elliott of Guile Nicholas saying he had already 

heard back from the medical records unit at the QEII hospital – 

they needed ID, so I emailed scans of my passport, driving licence 

and a utility bill back to Steven. He later phoned to confirm that he 

was sending these prints with a cheque for £10 to the medical 

records unit. Finally, o n a very quiet day, phoned the debt 

management unit for benefits as a letter had arrived confirming

some good news. I would have finished paying off my £220 fine 

from 1 st July last year by this Saturday 4 th June! So, I arranged 

to increase my repayment on my overpaid DLA by that £5 a 

week – so all my deductions from fortnightly benefits of about 

£35 a fortnight should end in November! Finally, just in case I 

did get the pole position in the bidding and so an offer of the 

bungalow, I phoned the social fund for a community care grant 

form – which arrived very quickly, on the Thursday that week, not 

‘5 working days’! 

Tuesday 24 th May. Rang Riversmead Housing Association to 

speak to my housing officer Leslie, but instead was put onto 

Heather her boss; who immediately made an appointment with me 

for 3.30pm on Thursday, which I rearranged for 3.30pm on Friday – 

to be assessed for ‘an hour or so’ as suitable for the bungalow. 

She explained this assessment would be valid for six months – 

and I do have very high points - so stood a very good chance of 

coming first in the bidding and being nominated! 

I dropped off the latest copies I had of my book to 

Christchurch. I went to Mind 12.30pm-2pm, then spent two 

hours or so, in the afternoon, revising about six pages of 

‘Scientific Proof that God Exists’ – on top of earlier changes – so I 

added ‘May 2011 Edition’ at the bottom of the copyright page. Then I 

went back to Mind between 6.30pm-8.30pm. When I uploaded 

that book, everything went fine but for love nor money the vital 

preview would not get made – or finish making. 

Wednesday 25 th May. Terence had asked me for my depot, again 

late, one day late this time, the day before. I had been asked to 

ring back to talk to the doctor today when I said I needed to talk 

to him first, but there was no way I could get in to see him today 

when I telephoned.

I dropped off three sets of A4 revisions to my Scientific Proof book 

at Christchurch – then went to Mind at 1-3 – and had a session of 

Reiki healing. On the computer there, I saw that there were all 

of 67 bids including mine at the end of bidding for the bungalow 

(bidding ended 1pm). My day ended anxiously waiting till 

Friday for my interview with Heather – by when hopefully they 

would have got the nomination for the bungalow. 

Thursday 26 th May. A quiet day, anxiously waiting. Telephoned 

Leslie, my housing officer, and had a chat about the bungalow – 

and the neighbours here. When I told her most of next door’s 

windows were wide open even though they were both in prison – she 

immediately drove over to shut them – having had the lock changed 

when Sam was imprisoned as well as Ryan. Got to my Creative 

Writing Class at Mind about 3pm not 2pm, as a result of all this, 

but there were only two other classmates, both female, and they 

had not done much. Borrowed £20 from Cygnet House, as well as 

£20 from Roo. 

Friday 27 th May. I finally had a talk to the Doctor at Cygnet 

House – my first ever telephone call with him – and agreed to go in 

for my depot injection at 10 to 3 after they balked at only offering 

3pm, for some reason. However - great news! He has dropped his 

‘six month plus deadline’ and after talking to Terence about all 

my lesions, especially last week, is arranging this week, for Terence 

to discuss with the CAT Team, them supervising my change to 

tablets NOW! 

Then I got the 3.20pm bus from the college to Riversmead HQ, Ware 

Road, Hertford. Immediately I arrived there was drama – Heather 

and I sat cramped in the fax office (they were redecorating) 

– but she had great news – I had won the bidding and been 

nominated by East Herts Council for the bungalow! After that the 

acceptance test only took under 40 minutes instead of the ‘hour 

to 1½ hours’ Heather had predicted on the phone – and I seemed to 

pass it easily! I got home and rang my friend from hospital

Looseat; and told her my good news. I ordered two copies of 

Scientific Proof that God Exists and three of the equally revised 

Manifesto – there was an offer on from Lulu of 25% off the books 

but not the postage. I felt daring enough to risk being called a 

‘pest’ by Christchurch Office, and left a message with my good 

news, saying I now did not know what was happening for the next 

few weeks – so could they urgently give me some feedback on 

reviewing my three books and the web sites – this week coming? 

Bank Holiday Weekend Saturday 28 th May – Monday 30 th May. Felt 

distinctly ‘off colour’ for the Saturday and Sunday but the feeling 

passed on the Monday so it may well have been (almost certainly) 

the depot on Friday. So had an incredibly quiet boring, upset 

and petulant (about Julie), weekend. The only excitement was a 

bus ride Sunday to Welwyn Garden City 5.13pm from Ware, 

when my sister gave me a lift to her flat and gave us a roast 

chicken dinner. Again, she gave me some milk chocolate – including 

a chocolate Lindt rabbit – she cannot eat! 

I had two great pieces of news on Friday afternoon: - 

1. At long last my Doctor has changed his mind, agreed with me, 

that my abscesses from depot injections are very serious, and 

will change them to tablets soon! 

2. As well, I am starting a new life, almost certainly, a long way 

away from what started as these nice quiet flats but increasingly 

over the years have been ruined by new tenants – criminals, 

alcoholics and drug addicts. To a bungalow, with its own space 

and even its own garden!

Monday 30 th May – Sunday 5 th June. A basically very quiet week 

followed; with high spots concerning the move to the bungalow. 

Monday. Only point noted in my diary in between feeling 

drugged so unwell – my friend Looseat called at the strange hour 

of 12.20am Tuesday. I had been chatting with her on and off since 

we were in hospital together eighteen months earlier. 

Tuesday. As instructed at the meeting on Friday afternoon at 

Riversmead, phoned the East Herts Council, but was told I 

needed not a whole new application form HB1 but simply a 

change of address form, which they would send. As I type on 

Saturday 23 rd July, they have just written to say my housing 

benefit and council tax benefit have indeed been transferred. Had 

my regular podiatry session at 2.10pm. Borrowed £20 as often 

from Cygnet House. I noted it was the second anniversary 

of ‘sex in the long grass in a field with Julie’ – shortly before the 

relationship abruptly ended after she got her new job while 

unemployed – so terribly overworked and underpaid, as she may 

well still be now for all I know! 

Wednesday. I had a 2.30pm appointment to view the 

bungalow, and went to Mind, and had reiki healing to stay calm first. 

When I asked Emma, a friend and fellow service user at Mind, to 

give me a lift in her car to help view the bungalow, she was more 

than delighted – she was very excited indeed to be asked! The 

large front and rear garden were mostly grass, and quite overgrown 

at that. There were workmen installing a new kitchen - so we had 

to wait till the very attractive indeed housing officer arrived in her 

own car ten minutes late, to look around. It had a slightly 

larger kitchen than my bedsit, a lounge slightly smaller than my 

present one, compensated by a large double bedroom. Emma and 

the housing officer even, both called it a lovely bungalow, with 

huge garden and large, light, airy windows! I immediately 

accepted the offer to move in; and was given a choice of three or

wood veneer finishes for the front doors of the units in the 

kitchen. Then excitedly back to Mind club to discuss this great 

news with helper Julie etc… 

Thursday. Rang the IET and asked for whatever financial help they 

could offer – which just the following week arrived as a huge 

£1000 grant. Saw my ex Julie in her gold Corsa ‘Noddy Mobile’ 

car at 2pm just outside the Mind club – still obviously in the same 

rut of a hideously low paid job with appalling conditions. Have 

not seen her since and am very unlikely to, so goodbye and good 

riddance that day? Went on into the Mind club for the first real 

session of my creative writing class. 

Friday. Chased up Sally at the IET as well as the social fund 

about the possible funding for my house move. At 2pm arrived at 

Riversmead for the formal acceptance of the tenancy 

agreement for the bungalow, and to receive the keys, which took 

as long as half an hour, as there was so much red tape! Went to 

the bungalow that evening and measured up the lounge, hall, and 

bedroom for carpets. 

Saturday. Had been informed by the benefits people when I 

called them that my £220 fine was due to be paid off at last 

today – so had rung the benefits overpayments office to 

transfer that weekly payment and some more to repaying my DLA 

overpayment, now 18 months old. That and my budgeting loan are 

now due to finish being paid off in November, I understand. 

That will release £35+ a fortnight of extra benefit into my 

possession! Went to the monthly Mind session of the first Saturday 

of the month, then after several phone calls at Focus Carpet Right 

in Hertford, my father paid to order a substantially reduced 

special offer woolen carpet for me! Got back to the bedsit to 

learn that Terror and her boyfriend’s extremely on off volatile 

relationship, with both being alcoholics, was over for good! 

Partly because he was once more getting through tons of heroin 

and crack cocaine to smoke – and partly because they were so 

gullible that they actually believed vicious rumours about each

other’s alleged sex lives apart from their so-called partner in the 

relationship! 

Sunday. Now waiting a lot. A week for the carpet fitter to call me 

to fit the carpets. At least two weeks to hear about my two social 

fund and IET grants. Two weeks to actually move. Next week 

finally after all of two months wait, to hear the verdict on my book 

from Paul Weston, the minister at Christchurch? In July, after the 

move to probably have my last ever depot injection and change 

to tablets… 

Monday 6 th – Sunday 12 th June. Quiet before the stress 

started? 

Monday. Rang Christchurch office having left several 

unanswered messages last week – to be summoned in to ‘pick up 

your books and a letter from Paul Weston’. Did so and was appalled 

at the blunt rudeness of the letter, reproduced below.

So that afternoon, somewhat rejected by the vehemence and spite 

of this rejection by another minister, when Simon Manley-Cooper at 

the QE2 Hospital had called my book brilliant, led me even to 

suspect that the latter had just been humouring me! I returned 

to the mundane business of house moving, feeling very upset. I 

posted an application for address re-direction; and received £150 

cash in the bank as requested from my Father, to pay for the carpet 

fitting soon. That night I spoke to Looseat as most days on the 

phone; then phoned my Godfather John in Atlamta, Georgia, USA, 

spirits somewhat recovered, to tell him of the total contrast of the 

views of my book now by two

different Church of England ministers. However, his American 

minister friend was out travelling till 21 st July, so I would have to 

wait till after then (some weeks?) before getting a USA slant on the 

book from an American padre! 

Tuesday. Got two sets of keys cut and bought coloured key fobs, 

and key rings, for these. Went to Mind 5.30-7.30. Rang Looseat, 

who was having a pee! Rang Jeni and arranged to see her 2.15pm 

the next day, Wednesday – to see the bungalow. 

Wednesday. Rang Sally at the IET who said they were paying 

£1000 into my bank account this Friday! Jeni drove me up to the 

bungalow, we looked around and she enthusiastically described 

it as ‘a billion times better than your flat!’ 

Thursday. Negotiated on the phone with Carpet Right head office 

at Stevenage and arranged for the carpet to be fitted Monday 

afternoon. Went to my creative writing class 2-4pm that 

afternoon. Looseat rang that evening with one high drama last night 

now followed by another today. Last night when I called at 

9.35pm she was being taken to hospital in an ambulance 

accused of being manic, but when I called that morning she had 

been turned away – judged fully well. Now she rang, very upset, 

to say her brother and sister in law had abducted her niece – and 

they had been recorded on CCTV in Bishop’s Stortford repeatedly 

hitting her as she walked down the street! Her parents died some 

years ago, and she is now she since told me, taking her sister to 

court for fiddling the accounts on her inheritance to deprive poor 

Looseat of all the interest! So, she may well take all her siblings to 

court soon! 

Friday was quiet apart from several phone calls, one to Looseat who 

was getting alcoholic cravings… Went to the bungalow and measured 

up for curtains, in the lounge and bedroom.

Sunday. Took on the very first ‘man with a (large) van’ I 

phoned from numbers for ‘removals’ as he only charged £250 

including about £20 for boxes to do the removal. I found these 

numbers in an old local newspaper dating from last year. When he 

rang back and suggested Wednesday next week to do the move, I 

agreed to that as being very sensible. Then rang 150 at BT and 

arranged the same phone number and computer broadband 

service as the flat, to be transferred to the new bungalow. They 

texted back to say it would only be installed in a few weeks! 

Monday 13 th – Sunday 19 th June. The week of moving in! 

Monday. Made some important phone calls to do with the 

move, then at 12.40pm got a call from the carpet fitter and 

arranged to meet him at the bungalow with the keys. He 

expertly fitted the three sections of carpet in just over two 

hours. Luckily it was sunny so he could cut out three big 

sections of carpet on the verge by the road outside. This was 

auspicious – my daughter Jeni texted me to say she had got her 

exam results – 65% or B grade. 

Tuesday. My father arrived in his car from Sussex about 

midday, and we loaded up his car with all my electronic 

equipment – computer, TV, hi-fi – and took it to the new house. I had 

asked him to bring his circular saw and bench to join my bench – as 

the bedroom doors needed the bottoms sawing off. He did that in 

about an hour on the terrace at the house. Then we tried to buy 

curtains in Hertford, but Matalan had none, and Focus next door, 

said try the haberdasher’s in town proper. They did expensive 

made to measure curtains but said try the replacement for 

Woolworth’s in the town – Poundstretcher. Indeed, there we did 

indeed find both three sets of curtains – admittedly synthetic – for a 

mere very surprising £9.99 a pair – as well as three poles with rings 

for just £11.99 each. (Later that week I saw similar poles in

Homebase Harlow at twice that price!) I had packed up all the books 

in my two bookcases the day before, and now packed the kitchen 

stuff and one box from the bathroom that night. All was ready to 

move home next day by 10pm! 

Wednesday. For the next five days my diary is nearly blank 

during the move and for days afterwards. So, the rest of this 

week’s diary is largely from memory. My father was staying at my 

sister’s flat for the next few days – and arrived in his car about the 

same time, 11.30am, as the removals man Nick, with his van and 

mate Graham. The move took about five hours, and there were 

only two real problems. The first arose as these two carted down all 

the boxes I had piled up on the landing of the first floor flat. I had 

reflected that it was timely that the two youths opposite were in 

prison right now, so that they and their many ‘hoodie’ and likewise 

thief friends were not about! Graham commented that I had not 

sealed the base of many cardboard boxes with plastic tape – so 

they now had to. The second problem was worse. When they got 

round to taking out my huge bookcase, of two my father had built 

for me years before, it would not go through the lounge door! My 

father had to dismantle it, and after an hour or so of offloading the 

boxes and furniture at the bungalow, we left a big space on 

the lounge floor, in which he took several goes at reassembling it 

before we finally got the huge monstrosity up in the corner. Only 

after that did I unpack the boxes in the lounge and kitchen in the 

next two days. 

Thursday. My father arrived from my sister’s and put up a 

curtain rail in the bedroom and we hung the curtains for that 

room, which were 9 inches too long and obviously needed 

professional shortening. Now I had curtains, so privacy in a 

bedroom that faces the front of the bungalow, unlike the 

previous night. 

Friday to Sunday. A blur of trips to Focus and Homebase, 

mixed with sorting out the flat. Among the things we bought: -

A replacement micro hi-fi for my broken mini hi-fi and a 

CD/radio/tape boom box replacing two broken ones 

A bathroom mirror, toilet roll holder and rugs. 

A six-coat coatrack for the hall 

A loft ladder (whereupon I put loads of stuff in the loft – which 

was indeed boarded near the hatch) 

Two side lamps for the lounge 

A power block 

Picture hooks 

Etc, etc. 

I was awake all night on Saturday 18 th June out of the stress of 

facing finishing all this next day. Also, there were several jobs I 

desperately needed Dad’s help with but he had said he was 

spending Sunday with my sister Libby before going back home to 

Sussex. However, once I explained on the phone to him on the 

Sunday that there were about five things I needed help with – he 

stopped by for about two hours on the Sunday, very kindly, and put 

up the curtain rails in the lounge, and fixed the hooks in the 

wardrobe ad kitchen utensils rails, for both of which I had put in 

the only rawlplugs I had, which were far too big! 

Monday 20 th – Sunday 26 th June 2011. 

Monday. Went to bed Sunday night at 10pm and only got up at 

12.30pm Monday having been up all Saturday night! Had a ‘day 

off’ after a week of hard work moving in! As arranged when I 

called him Saturday, Nick the removals man came in his van and 

took away loads of now empty boxes and a veritable pyramid of 

black bags of rubbish from the back terrace. I gave my new address 

on a form at the bank and got a statement at the same time. I left

the curtains at a local dry cleaner but was horrified later, on the 

phone to be quoted £12.50 a metre to shorten them – well over 

£100! They only cost £9.99 a pair in the first place! I got back 

home and phoned the Co-op Insurance company and got a 

contents insurance quote – and took it as it was good. However, 

when I rang the AA to cancel my existing insurance there were 

two, not j u s t one penalties for cancelling - totalling about £75! 

Tuesday. Saw from Barclays statement yesterday that as I 

suspected I had missed being paid benefit on Saturday. Rang the 

people at the benefits office, who confirmed that, said it was 

because they had been told I had moved house, took my new 

address, and paid the money owed that same afternoon into my 

bank account. Made several other calls that afternoon, about my 

new address. Then got a call from the laundry which had my 

curtains, to give a quote to shorten them. It was £100 – 

extortionate I thought! 

Wednesday. An electrician from Riversmead’s property service 

company MCP called and put in a screw in a socket in the hall 

where the screw was missing, making it dangerous. The 

haberdashers in Hertford gave me a far cheaper quote of £40 to 

shorten the curtains on the phone, so I retrieved the curtains from a 

van driver at the laundry apparently about to drive off with them. 

I took them to the haberdashers on the bus to Hertford - and 

was told to collect them next day. Good, as I was about to 

spend my second night in a row in a bedroom facing the road, 

with no curtains! Popped into Mind 2.30-3pm. Needed a filing 

cabinet so ordered one from Viking Direct on an invoice. 

Thursday. Rang the social fund who said there was a letter in the 

post refusing me a community care grant! The letter arrived 

Friday, in fact. Picked up the curtains from Hart’s the haberdashers 

in Hertford and left a jacket and pair of trousers for invisible 

mending, again overnight. Had yet more keys to the bungalow

cut; and bought some odd bits from two hardware stores – 

including a new kettle for £12.99. 

Friday. My keyboard was not being recognized on my 

computer, after I tried to set it up for the first time at the 

bungalow. I took the PC chassis on the bus to the local 

Internet café where he identified it as a faulty keyboard socket. The 

only remedy, he reckoned, was a new motherboard! I decided 

that was too drastic and expensive and took the PC home. Then 

I went to Hertford on the bus yet again - and picked up my 

jacket and trousers from the day before from Hart’s of Hertford. I 

went to the job centre, and the social fund said on the phone that 

I needed to send them a letter of appeal. Not easy with my 

computer broken down! 

Saturday. Spoke to a local PC ‘doctor’ who said I could repair my 

computer most cheaply with a card costing £5 I could order on the 

Internet - a PCI card with PS/2 keyboard and mouse adapter. I 

had bought some filler putty and a putty knife in the week, and now 

filled and touched up with paint, holes left in the bedroom wardrobe 

and the kitchen following repairs by my father to my own 

efforts. I had also bought a fine soldering iron the day before but 

my attempts to fix any dry joints on the keyboard socket on my PC 

motherboard only ruined the socket completely… I sorted out my 

files and put them in the filing cabinet that arrived the day before, 

and threw out loads of old papers from those files. 

Sunday. An even more ‘day off’ than last Monday!

Monday 27 th June – Sunday 3 rd July 2011. The first two days were 

quite busy but the rest of this week was very quiet! 

Monday. Just after 12pm a man called in as promised from MC 

Property Services on behalf of Riversmead and extremely 

quickly (too quickly for me) set up and said how easy it was to set 

up the hot water and heating. Sent EdF a cheque for £265+ 

out of £600 my father had given me last week to pay three big 

bills. I gave my new address on the phone to Capital One. I had 

realised the previous week that I had mislaid the manual for my 

new hi-fi, and when I called the number on the Comet receipt, it 

turned out to be central – the operator said go back to the store and 

they will print off a manual from the Web. So, I caught the 724 bus 

to Harlow that afternoon – but after a long talk at the store the 

assistant could not print off any such manual – and said try the 

Hitachi website. Neither PC World nor Maplins nearby had a 

PS/2 PCI card on sale; but the assistant at Maplins said buy a 

USB interface keyboard and mouse! So, when I got the 724 back 

to Ware, I did indeed buy these at the Internet café there – which 

seemed to work when I tried them that night! 

Tuesday. A parcel from BT arrived with a ‘hub 3’ and starter kit – 

they had promised these today, and to install the phone line the 

next day Wednesday, two weeks earlier. I got onto the Hitachi 

UK website, but when I phoned the support number it gave, they 

could not help, saying Comet (and Dixons) had bought this 

model of hi-fi direct from the Far East! I rang Stephen Elliott at 

Guile Nicholas about my new address – there was still no news 

about him being allowed to read my notes – from March! With 

great difficulty I typed a one page letter to the social fund 

appealing against their decision of last week to refuse me a grant – 

such difficulty because the new keyboard I bought the day before 

had all the keys crammed together far too close – several times I 

put the computer to sleep when I simply intended a backspace! I 

did some quick shopping, and then went to Mind just for 20 minutes 

4.40pm-5pm. I went up into the attic that night – and found the 

missing hi-fi manual at the bottom of its box!

Wednesday. I was woken at 10am by the man from BT arriving to 

install my phone line, which took him over two hours – 

including testing the broadband connection to my PC. It was a day 

of visits – next at 12pm a man from MCP came and said I needed 

to have my central heating pump changed – and finally at as late as 

4.30pm another man from MCP came, partly fixed my bathroom 

door catch but said the kitchen door needed plane-ing and 

somebody from MCP would do that tomorrow. In the evening as 

the instructions on the paint can said I roughly sanded the table 

and chairs I wanted to paint out in the back garden. 

Thursday was very quiet. The next man from MCP fixed the 

bathroom and kitchen doors so badly that the catches stuck down 

when you pressed the handle! Also he left me to touch up the 

kitchen door with white gloss paint where he had planed it… At 3pm, 

went to Tesco to shop. Very quiet otherwise. 

Friday. Gary, the same man who had given me a too quick once 

over the gas system Monday, arrived, tried the heating and said 

somebody would change the pump on Monday next week. Went 

to Mind for a change these days, 2.30-3.30pm. Terence rang at 

1pm to offer me my depot a whole week late, saying he had a 

prescription for me for 100mg amisulpride twice a day to collect 

after that – then I would be under the CAT Team for 2-4 weeks! 

After that I did indeed turn up at Cygnet House at 2.20pm having 

caught the bus. However, with no justification he kept saying I 

would soon be on a ‘high dose’ of amisulpride – so I left the 

building with no depot given! Back at the ranch sorry bungalow I 

soon got through a can of paint on one side of three of the four 

chairs, and not the table, outside in the back garden – and realised I 

needed at least four more cans of paint the same colour. It 

took a while, and discussion with my father on the phone, till I 

realised the paint had come from Harlow Homebase – a difficult 

journey without Dad’s car, involving about four miles of walking! 

Finally, that night I remembered it would have been Mum’s 80 th

irthday today had she lived – so the first Anniversary of my arrest 

and appearance at Hatfield Magistrates’ Court last year. 

Saturday was again, very quiet. I rang round Hertford Focus, 

Hatfield Homebase at my father’s suggestion, and finally 

Harlow Homebase confirmed they had it in stock, so I ordered four 

cans of paint to collect the next day, Sunday. I spent all of £54 on 

ink and photo paper for my computer printer that day – mostly in 

Tesco using a £5 voucher! I rang John my Godfather that night and 

two copies of the final version of my book SPTGE had indeed arrived 

that I had ordered for him about two weeks earlier – but he again 

said that his minister friend would only be back from travelling on 

21 st – 22 nd July. 

Sunday. Had an eventful trip to Harlow on the 724 bus, which came 

late, so throwing all my plans to walk to Homebase at a leisurely 

pace, pick up and pay for the four cans of paint, walk back slowly 

and catch the bus home – all timed from the timetable. As a 

result of the bus there being 15 minutes late, I walked very quickly 

to Homebase, queued for over five minutes till I indeed got and paid 

for the four cans of paint, and walked quickly back to the bus stop. 

I was late – but so was the bus! I ran for it despite my bad feet, 

but it sailed past as I got 20 feet from the stop, arm clearly 

waving to request it stopped. “Bastard!” I called after the bus 

driver – to go to the nearby train station to find the trains were 

all disrupted. I could not wait over two hours for the next bus – so 

forked out £15 on a taxi from the train station! That night I used 

1½ cans of the paint painting chairs – and Joy, my blonde next door 

neighbour was in her garden, having been away for several weeks, 

so I met her for the first time.

Monday 4 th – Sunday 10 th July 2011. Quiet week apart from 

Monday! 

Monday. Looseat rang at the ungodly hour of 6am, later saying she 

thought I might be awake, apologized and hung up! I was woken up 

again at 10.30am by the MCP man, who replaced the pump; and 

got the heating all working, apart from just one radiator in the 

lounge. Rang up and gave my new address to the Herts County 

Council Direct Payments team – who said the next date statements 

were due was 17 th July. I collected a prescription for lithium and 

heel balm conditioner for my feet, then took back the jacket that 

had been repaired by them, and another jacket that needed a 

new side pocket to Hart’s of Hertford, on the bus. When I 

complained the repair in the first, black, jacket had broken down as 

soon as I first put in my wallet, Margaret the owner said she 

would redo it free on her sewing machine this time. That afternoon, 

back at the bungalow, got a call from my CPN Terence 

again, like Friday – saying could I see Dr Pathmanandam at the 

ludicrously early time of 9am next day, ludicrous for me on my 

medication who struggled to get up at 10.30am!? So, I turned him 

down. The weather was good for a change that July, so I sprayed 

the table and chairs – but got through all four cans of paint I had 

bought the day before – and needed up to another can more to 

finish off! I rang Harlow Homebase to check their stock level, but 

they never replied to two calls… 

Tuesday. Had my monthly podiatry session at 2.10pm. I had not 

been thorough in putting on the heel balm cream due to all the 

stress of moving etc, but Nicky seemed to feel my feet were better 

than usual - as a result? Went all the way to Harlow Homebase 

to find they had no cans of my ‘meadow green gloss’ paint! So, I 

ordered another can and went home getting increasingly fed up 

with long walks to the bus stop in Ware then to and from Homebase 

Harlow! What a sage this painting was!

Wednesday. Telephoned Stephen at Guile Nicholas about my 

concerns with Terence’s calls, for Terence my CPN had now 

called to ask could I see the Doctor, who had not seen me since as 

long ago as 31 st March at my CPA Meeting, at 12pm on Friday? 

At the end of our talk, Stephen offered to call the Doctor on 

Friday morning. Went to the Mind Drop-In 2-3pm. Rang the 

Housing Association and complained about the bathroom and 

kitchen door latches and the faulty radiator in the lounge. Also 

rang EdF Energy and closed my account at the old flat. They said 

there might be a small credit, and indeed a closing account with a 

promise of a tiny cheque to be sent in due course, arrived some 

days later! 

Thursday. Phoned the social fund yet again, who said they had 

received my letter of appeal, and to wait 2-3 weeks for their 

decision on it. Had a form to fill in from the local council, which I 

sent back return of post. Two weeks later I have now got the actual 

confirmation that I am still on full housing and council tax benefits 

for the bungalow not the flat now. Got the bus to Tesco and got a 

vital £36.97 refund on an Epson multipack of ink. Chris came 

around to see my new home for the first time. He had been 

working as usual at the Oxfam bookshop in Hertford voluntarily 

that morning, and informed me that they had sold at least one copy 

of my SPTGE book, out of four copies I had left in the Oxfam bin in 

Ware some months before! I was very bored all evening that day! 

Friday. Phoned Homebase Harlow hoping my paint was in 

stock, like the assistant had thought on Tuesday when I 

ordered and paid for it – but it was still ‘in transit’. I saw Dr 

Pathmanandam as arranged at 12pm – who at first insisted I now 

have a 150mg depot as usual despite starting another drug on 

top next week. Five minutes later he had changed his mind at my 

own suggestion, so I was given just a 100mg depot injection by 

Terence. I was told the CAT Team were being given a 

prescription for 100mg amisulpride to give to me on Monday, and 

they would be seeing me very regularly for 2-4 weeks. I filled out 

the forms from the DVLA that had arrived, and sent them back by

eturn, to renew my driving license soon – complete with this latest 

medication change reported in full! Went to the Mind Club 1.30- 

3.30pm. 

Saturday. Had a familiar chicken meal with my sister Libby after 

catching the 724 bus at 5.34pm, breaking up another very boring day 

with her lovely cooking (she is cordon bleu trained!) 

Sunday. Another wet day spent in all day, so again very bored. I was 

waiting for: 

Starting amisulpride with the CAT team in the morning 

My incredibly slim chance in Tuesday’s Euro-millions lottery draw, 

in which the jackpot was an estimated £166 million and staying 

there, the maximum, till won! 

The reply from the social fund to my appeal 

Dad being here the first week in August, to buy my shed etc 

I had a substantial misunderstanding on the telephone with my 

female friend Looseat that night, after which she kept hanging up, 

until we resolved the problem about five days to a week later! 

Monday 11 th – Sunday 17 th July 2011. I start on amisulpride! 

Monday. Had a phone call to 9.30am which woke me up. It was 

Kusam, my care co-ordinator while I was with the CATT for the next 

few weeks. She arranged to call in around 11am with her colleague 

Joyce to give me my tablets for the week, supervise my taking 

the first dose, and to give me my care plan. I had various 

concerns once I had woken up and Joyce and she called in, so she 

offered a review with the Doctor in a couple of days. Mainly I 

nearly insisted on only having a low dose, no more than 400 mg 

of amisulpride a day, to avoid being made ill by falling asleep all

day on a higher dose – as at the QE2 hospital three years or so ago. 

In the afternoon Gary from MC Gas came back yet again, and 

eventually traced the fact that the radiator in the lounge was cold 

– to a wrongly positioned valve in the attic! Two other nurses 

called round that evening and supervised me taking my tablet. 

Tuesday. Ian and Alan called round in the morning from the CATT 

and supervised me taking my tablet. I found them to be 

unnecessarily sarcastic to me about my behaviour in hospital 

according to their notes. I found a cheap petrol lawnmower and 

strimmer set at the Argos website for just over £133 – so reserved 

a set at Hoddesdon to collect on the Thursday. I rang the Housing 

Association for about the third time concerning the key-safes here, 

and the two door catches in bathroom and kitchen. Two 

female nurses called in that evening – Natalie and Suzanne. 

Wednesday. Dad arrived mid-morning to stay a few days with me, 

as arranged the previous night, to sort out buying a 

lawnmower, a strimmer with it, and the shed. He stayed out of the 

way while a very dominant Dr Kieran from the CATT team stayed 

for ten minutes and gave me a bit of a lecture about ‘leaving it to 

us – you rarely do according to your notes’! Dad and I bought a 

hose with tools on offer at Harlow Homebase, but no lawnmower – 

and there were no actual sheds on display from the extensive range 

on both their website and in their catalogue, apart from a 

couple of very old and battered specimens! Two nurses from 

CATT again called that night – and I looked at the much 

cheaper sheds on their website, compared to the Homebase 

catalogue at the store that afternoon. I cooked lemon chicken 

with pasta, which my father much enjoyed. 

Thursday. Ian a nurse called in the morning, but when my old 

friend the nursing assistant Tracey from my days at Harlow 

hospital called in the evening with nurse Clare, she said two 

things. All the nurses who called had been largely different so far 

that week - simply because they all wanted to see my much 

improved housing - in the bungalow! Secondly, they would only

e calling in the evening from now on, as I was so very well, and 

they had absolutely no problems with me being non-compliant! 

In the meantime my father and I had a very productive time. 

We drove to Harlow Homebase, where the paint had luckily 

arrived that morning; and he also bought me loads of garden and 

barbecue tools I needed. Then on to Hoddesdon, planning to 

pay for and pick up the mower and strimmer from Argos that I 

had reserved Tuesday evening. However, there was a much 

cheaper, much reduced Qualcast set of electric powered rather 

than petrol powered mower and strimmer at just £74.99 

discontinued, so Dad bought me that as well as a large kettle 

barbecue reduced to £34.99 opposite in the store. We picked up the 

two jackets from Hart’s of Hertford that I had left there Monday 

the previous week. Dad assembled some ‘new toys’ for him to 

‘play with’ back at the bungalow – the strimmer and mower! He 

first strimmed then mowed the front lawn, then strimmed most of 

the back until the strimmer ran out of line. Meanwhile I cooked 

chili con carne for supper. 

Friday. Dad drove to the hardware store I had taken him to in the 

town; and came back with some strimmer line; 15 metres for 

£2.25, which we thought was expensive. He then fiddled with the 

strimmer with my help for half an hour, until finally getting the 

line properly wound on and the strimmer working. He then 

finished strimming; and mowed the back lawn. Meanwhile I 

had a devastating letter from the social fund turning down my 

appeal letter for a grant; but giving a form for a third and final 

decision on the matter – from their independent review 

service – which I filled out and sent off by return. I had been 

asked to write to Riversmead about permission to erect a shed 

on the foundations where clearly there had been one before – 

and we actually dropped that letter off with them that afternoon. 

I bought black olives and anchovies among other things at the 

supermarket, to embellish a Margherita pizza that night. Finally, we 

bought a 7 foot by 2” by 1” piece of wood, making sure it was 

straight, for my father to use his spirit level to see how much the 

shed base would need levelling. Eventually when he did so,

he said the foundations did not slope as badly as they looked… I 

felt off colour – due to the change of medication? – all afternoon 

– which only wore off once I forced myself to use the paint from 

yesterday at Harlow to finish off the job of painting the table and 

chairs – which unexpectedly required nearly the whole can. Natalie 

and Suzanne the nurses called again that night from CATT team 

HQ. 

Saturday. Dad actually woke me up - at 10.30am - to say he was 

just setting off home to Sussex! Did some shopping by 395 bus 

at 2pm-3pm, including buying a pair, not just the one I had planned, 

of 1mm wood drills, to replace the one that had broken years 

before, so completing my two sets of wood and masonry drills… 

The same two nurses called as last night – saying that the CAT 

team were only going to call every other day from now on. 

Sunday. My eyes were patently far clearer rather than the black 

rings they had up to a week before – no more excess haldol 

depot injection? Walked to Tesco and bought some soft drinks, ice 

creams, biscuits, chocolate and nuts, at 2pm or so, and got the bus 

back at 3.10pm. I noticed that recent rain had made some paint 

chip off very expensively from the chairs and table in the garden! 

Otherwise that weekend was far quieter than the week before…

Monday 18 th – Sunday 24 th July 2011. 

Monday. Phoned an Epson printer shop I knew about at 

Harlow, who said the repeated ‘general printer errors’ and 

shutting down of my printer meant the four year old printer had 

reached the end of its life, or very nearly! I have since looked on 

www.amazon.co.uk and found several viable HP and one Epson 

replacements for about £30 to £40 which I regard as cheap – my 

original printer was on special offer back in 2007 in Comet Hatfield 

for £80! Had found my handkerchiefs were mostly filthy, so had 

thrown them out and now bought ten new ones in Peacock in Ware 

for £9. Also had a £10 haircut from my acquaintance Leslie at the 

barber shop I went to. Noticed again, that my eyes were free of 

black rings round them, and very white and bright, and the lines in 

my face had softened, in the mirror there. Coming off the haldol, 

almost certainly had caused that! Shopped for a few little things 

in Tesco, and Alison my former neighbour, who like her two 

sons had constantly scrounged from me, came up and had the cheek 

and hypocrisy to complain that my replacement at my old flat next 

door, ‘was an idiot who constantly scrounged off us’! My 

amisulpride dose had been changed that morning – from 

100mg to 200mg in the evening; still 100mg in the morning. 

Tuesday. First that morning I was woken at 10am by a man from 

MCP Property Services, who examined the two door catches in 

the kitchen and bathroom; then went back to the depot to collect 

a correct fitting catch for the kitchen. About half an hour after 

that he had fixed both catches. About midday, he was followed 

by the man about the key-safes. He cut off the broken one, of 

the two, and showed me how to change the combination on the 

remaining one. Then at 2.40pm a further MCP Property Services 

man replaced a socket in my lounge where I had reported a buzzing 

sound. That completed all the last few weeks of calling out 

Riversmead to the bungalow. I rang my housing officer Leslie 

about my letter of last Friday; who gave verbal permission for 

such a shed as I proposed on the foundations of the original one; 

with a formal letter to follow. I found a sloping roof shed for £349

with £119 for a base on the Homebase website. Then I went to the 

Mind Club from 7pm-8.15pm. 

Wednesday. Very short of money! After TIME magazine 

unexpectedly claimed £26.99 for their subscription from my 

account! That was on top of various only partly expected bills this 

week… Went to the Mind Club 1.00pm to 2.10pm. Got a phone 

call from Dad, who had tried to order the shed I had chosen 

from Homebase, but ‘something went wrong with the order’! 

Nurse Natalie again called that night, and said Terence my CPN was 

due to telephone me next day about a depot on Friday. 

Thursday. Went to the shops in the town centre again. Got a 

phone call as promised from Terence, asking me in the next day 

for a ‘very last ever’ depot injection of just 150mg not the previous 

100mg from a fortnight ago. Telephoned the CATT team to 

confirm that was acceptable, who said they were planning to 

discharge me back to Cygnet House in about a week! 

Friday. Had my ‘last ever’ depot injection – but trust my luck, it 

was quite painful initially! Got a letter from the Social Fund’s 

Independent Review Service, which said they got my 

application form for a review that Tuesday, and would process it 

within three weeks or less, which was what I expected from the 

brochure about them sent by the social fund the previous week. 

My website domain name www.simonlee.me.uk had expired so I 

turned it into a full domain with web space at www.one.com. 

Cygnet House lent me £20 and Dad put £60 into my account today 

as I was so short of cash… 

Saturday. Opened the mail; and was astonished to read a handwritten 

diatribe from Dad about the £60! It was so little based on 

fact that it only served to confirm the opinions that had been 

voiced by his local psychiatric team about ‘paranoid delusions’ last 

year and this! I won’t go into any more detail - to spare his blushes 

– suffice it to say it was the sort of letter one writes in wild anger

– then destroys without sending it! Wondered, along with 

Suzanne of CATT when I called her, what dose of amisulpride I would 

be taking as of next Monday? As I type this on the Tuesday 26 th 

July, I have typed up a daunting and massive whole eight weeks’ 

plus of diary since last Saturday – starting that day with the 

first quite light three weeks 30 th May – 19 th June. 

Sunday. Very quiet day – with massive writer’s block so only one 

week of the diary typed up from 20 th -26 th June. Used Yahoo! 

UK search engine not Google this time as weeks before and finally 

found a ‘PS/2 PCI card’ for sale on EBay at £6.60 so ordered one. 

I have had an email saying it has been dispatched, but I 

am yet to see a direct debit from Paypal go through my bank 

account – a good thing too, as it would probably have bounced 

– I am slightly overdrawn. When I get 

my DLA of £68.75 tomorrow Wednesday as I type, I will allow for 

that £6.60 as well as my usual Wednesday loan repayment of £11 to 

Dad - and only draw out £50 cash!

Monday 25 th – Sunday 31 st July 2011. Suddenly, in the last few 

weeks, my life and so this book has reached various turning-points 

all at once. Sufficient to finish the book? 

Monday. Eric from the CATT week delivered not one but two 

weeks supply of amisulpride tablets 200mg twice a day, which he 

assured me that the entire team of nurses had impressed on the 

CATT Doctor was definitely to be the final and maximum dose. I 

took a tablet with him watching, as was usual. While he was there, 

I got a phone call from Jo of Rethink Befriending, saying he would 

visit me here on Friday at 11.30am. I vacuumed and 

cleaned the kitchen and bathroom floors, then went to Tesco by 

bus and back while the floors dried out. Between 5pm-9pm I 

typed up my diary for the two weeks 27 th June – 10 th July. Rang 

my Godfather John about 9pm but got cut off after he informed me 

he still had yet to meet up with his minister friend back from his 

travels and give him the copy of SPTGE that I had given him. 

Tuesday. Had terrible writer’s block yet again, mostly from 

writing such usually humdrum stuff as my diary; but caught up in 

the afternoon and evening eventually to today Tuesday 26 th July 

from Monday 11 th July. Took a much- needed break from that from 

6.30pm to 8.15pm at the Mind Club, and Julie the helper 

sympathized with my writer’s block! 

Now, so much is about to, definitely - or nearly so, happen in my life 

in the next few weeks, that the very last such list of ‘things I am 

awaiting’ in this book follows!

Things I am awaiting as at Tuesday 26 th July 2011. 

1. The CATT team have assured me, and everything seems to 

be flowing towards this, that they will discharge me back to 

Cygnet House next week from their supervision of my change 

of drugs from depot injection of haldol to amisulpride 

tablets. In fact, it is only when the haldol starts to leave 

my fatty deposits in about two weeks that the final 

conclusions as to the ultimate success of this operation can 

be assessed. Based on previous experience of taking the same 

dose of amisulpride with no haldol left at all; three and a 

half years ago, I am extremely confident the operation will 

end in 100% success. Since jotting down a pithy title for 

this book four or five years ago, and just starting with its 

present appendix section, I have continued it having split off a 

whole new book at the front. Now that book ‘Love thy 

neighbour, Julie next door!’ is complete and this book also 

seems, thank God, at last, to be drawing to an end! For due 

to accidents and massive delays in response by the Doctor 

at Cygnet House, namely injection site abscesses he 

refused to acknowledge for so very many months too long – 

now in July 2011 I really am ‘rising above the Black Art 

of PSEXISTRICKERY’! 

2. Also next week, the first week in August, my Dad has told me he 

plans to come up from Sussex and stay about ten days with my 

sister Libby – and help finish the bungalow, for which there are 

only now a small list of ‘desirables’ left: - 

Libby found a wardrobe already in her flat which she recently 

bought; and thinks the flat-pack in her attic may also contain a 

wardrobe – in which case she says Dad can bring it over for me 

to join the built-in wardrobe in my bedroom, which is too small for 

all my clothes and shoes. 

Maybe Dad will buy me a blind for the kitchen?

Will he also change his mind, and buy me some prints (at 

least five) and a clock for the currently bare walls in the lounge? 

He is very unlikely to change his mind and splash out £250+ on 

an HD ready TV! 

The main item is the shed with its base. Now he ordered 

this over the Internet at my brother’s house (there for his peculiar 

‘security reasons’ solely due to paranoia about his own next door 

neighbour!) last Wednesday; but Homebase said the order 

never arrived. Since then we have had a row on the phone about 

his paranoid letter last Saturday, and not spoken since. So I do 

not yet know what the state of play of him ordering the shed I chose 

now is. 

He should certainly buy me a wild bird feeding system as 

he has got one! 

This weekend I can afford to replace the dying or now dead 

printer as a recent top HP replacement for my Epson only costs 

about £40 these days. 

3. I should hear the outcome, most likely to again be 

negative, of the independent review of my community care 

grant, in three weeks from now at most, as they received my 

application form a week ago. 

4. Based on past experience, the length of time it will take my 

Godfather John’s minister friend to read and react to my SPTGE 

book from whenever he actually sees John to be given it, could be 

months rather than weeks. Hopefully it will only take him into 

August this year to digest enough of it to comment on it and even 

perhaps offer to promote it in the USA for me! 

5. Finally, as we saw early in this book, its title of 

PSEXISTRICKERY has come to mean not just psychiatry, but 

‘Poverty Stricken ex’s trickery’ – Julie’s, since November 22 nd 

2009, in paranoid fashion calling the police against me all of three 

times. Our joint neighbour Mark,

elow her at the old flats we have both now since left, described 

my moving to the bungalow quite rightly, as a ‘fresh start’ – from 

the flats and her both! Since then, what with the injections 

seeming to have now been permanently stopped, everybody I 

know, especially at the Mind Club where they were astonished at 

the change in me, says I am much more relaxed – especially in my 

face, and in having lost weight! The black rings under my eyes have 

nearly entirely faded away as the injections were stopped in the 

last month; and the lines in my face have softened a lot; so I 

appear to be years younger in a few weeks. I have known for the 

whole time of the last two years’ traumatic experiences that the 

ultimate solution to the problem of finally getting over Julie – I 

was quite tearful a lot last week – is to get another girlfriend. My 

recent short haircut has certainly helped make me believe that may 

soon happen. Last Wednesday in Tesco an attractive young 

woman of about 35 ‘gave me the eye’ or rather stared at me 

intently, then looked down, then could not resist another long stare 

as she passed me! Then again on the Thursday at the bus stop, a 

pretty young girl, of about 30, spent about five minutes really 

ogling me! Finally, on the Friday I was about to go into Tesco 

again, when another attractive young female stared at me in a 

certain way twice as she passed!

It all may have looked optimistic and ‘always rising above the Black 

Art of PSEXISTRICKERY’ indeed at this point. 

Nothing then could have prepared me for the horrendous 

‘Devilish Roller Coaster Ride – beyond Hell and Beyond High 

Water’ that came next, through Autumn and Winter 2011, well into 

Spring 2012 – then seemingly on forever! 

I will almost certainly give another account of those horrible, 

terrible many years 2 0 1 1 - 2 0 1 0 in a new Book Seven of these 

personal tales of life under PSEXISTRICKERY’s Gothic Iron Heel!

The briefest lull in my ‘war 

against the Black Art of 

PSexIsTrickery’ and false 

hopes of a ‘new life’ 

After our ‘love affair’ (in two parts) – and 

total betrayal by her two-timing me while I 

was utterly vulnerable! - from 7/7/7 to 

9/9/9 - came several vicious ‘999’ calls to 

police by Julia Conyard-Whorewould 2009- 

2010 … … !!! 

The sixth part of his autobiography, from 

2009 into 2011. With the theme ‘With 

Doctors like these, who needs Enemies?’ 

FOURFold il Professori Emeritus sed Moltissimo 

Modestus Mr Simon Richard Lee BA MA (King’s 

College, Cambridge, England) CEng MIEE MIET 

MInstMC 

Electric Zen Buddha (as on Face Book)

The briefest lull in my War against The Black Art of PSexIsTrickery and false hopes of a new life

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?