Tickled Squirrel March 2021

Your local magazine for Gretna, Gretna
Green, Springfield, Longtown, Carlisle,
Lockerbie, Langholm, Moffat, Annan and all
the beautiful towns and villages in our area.

March has arrived, and with it, hopefully a
touch of spring. Vaccinations have been
rolling out well and with it hopefully will
come a rapid reduction in infections. But
we must all continue to social distance
and wear face masks for the time being to
help stop us spreading the virus should
we have it and cough or sneeze.
With us all having to spend longer at
home, we have tried to include more for
you to do or read, and included a story for
the younger ones, and us older ones who
are still children at heart.
All advertising remains completely free of
any charges and we are working on
keeping it this way while businesses are
still struggling to remain profitable. So
should you or someone you know have
any need of completely free advertising
that is now reaching more and more
people every month, please get them to
email us.
We hope you enjoy this month’s issue
and we would love to hear from you if you
have any ideas for articles or would like to
contribute yourself. Just send us an
email, or a WhatAapp message.
Email: editor@tickledsquirrel.com
WhatsApp: +44 7964 262 288
2

Our Thanks
As every month, our thanks go out to
all the contributors to the magazine
for their interesting and informative
articles. Your hard work is always very
much appreciated
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Tickled Squirrel Magazine accepts no
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or work provided by any advertiser.
Although we do our best to ensure
that contents is correct we accept no
liability for any errors or omissions. No
part of this magazine, in part or whole,
may be reproduced without prior
written permission.
3

In This Month’s Magazine
Help Free The Bears 6
A Local Gretna Hero 7
Stay On Top Of Your Finances 8
Stay Safe 12
The Devil’s Porridge 17
Calling All Veterans and Serving
Members of the Armed Forces 20
A Military Themed Quiz 22
Do You Know A Local Hero? 24
The Great University Trick 26
Flavours and Spices of India 28
Puzzle Pages 30
Puzzles For Children 32
A Day At The Seaside 36
A Fun Quiz 42
Gretna FC 2008 46
Comfortably Numb 51
Democracy Is Fragile 56
How to Make a Magazine 58
Did you know that life rewards
action? 60
Book Review 63
Puzzle Solutions 65
With Thanks To Our Contributors,
without you the magazine
would not exist.
Al Docherty Stay Safe, a Military Quiz and Local Hero
Iain Martin Gretna FC 2008
Judith Hewitt The Devil’s Porridge
Paul Cowan Comfortably Numb
Violet King Life Rewards Action
4

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The fragrances are all made from the same fragrance
notes as your designer brands,
minus the price tags!!
NOTE - These are NOT fakes or copies - curious?
FB:
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Shop: https://shop-uk.fmworld.com/partner/9252594
5

Help Free The Bears
There are many ways you can
contribute to saving these majestic
creatures. The first thing to do is to
visit their website at https://
freethebears.org/
There you will see the many ways
in which you can help them. At the
time of writing, most of the world is
limiting travel so going along to
volunteer is not an option unless
you are already living near to a
sanctuary, but you can sponsor a
bear, make a purchase for yourself
or as a gift (Christmas is not the
only time for a present). You can
become a bear carer with a small
subscription each month.
https://www.facebook.com/freethebearsfund
Keep your business in the public eye.
Things may be slow, people may be worried, but
you need to keep your business visible right now.
You can advertise here for absolutely no charge
and no commitment. Just email us and we will
design an advertisement and place it in the
magazine. No Charges of Any Kind
6

A Local Gretna Hero
We are here today to interview Mark McQueeen, our local council
employee as he was nominated as a local hero.
Welcome Mark, thank you for being interviewed for our local community
magazine The Tickled Squirrel. We wanted to say thank you for being an
amazing guy, keeping our village clean and tidy not just in hot weather
but we see you out and about in all weather - rain, wind and snow.
Al: So in true Deacon Blue style, Mark how
long have you been a worker for the
Council?
Mark: I’ve worked for the Council for 13
years mainly in Gretna but other areas when
needed. I don’t mind helping out anywhere.
Al: You have a big village to keep clean and
it’s a never ending task and now the big job
of cleaning up after dogs too. What keeps
you motivated and what are you proud of?
Mark: I like to keep it tidy for the public and
I like to try and keep everyone happy.
Al: Your name was put forward by quite a
few people because of how friendly, hard
working and always polite you are, how
does that make you feel?
Mark: I’m proud and happy that people like what I’m doing.
Al: 13 years is a long time do you see yourself retiring or moving on to
another job in the Council?
Mark: I hope to keep doing this job as long as possible and keep
everywhere as tidy as possible for people.
Al: Well we hope that someone at the Council will read this and
recognise you for all your work on behalf of everyone in Gretna.
By Al Docherty
Thank you so much Mark on behalf of every resident in Gretna for your
hard work and time. You will see Mark walking around Gretna cleaning
our streets, he’s always polite and says hello to everyone that passes by
and he also says hello to the dogs out and about. So if you see Mark say
hello he loves chatting to people.
Editor: People like Mark are the backbone of our society, please let us
know if you know someone else who deserves a mention here.
7

Stay On Top Of Your Finances
Would you like to know how much money you will have at the end of next
week? If so, then read on.
Keeping track of your money is
important, perhaps even more so
nowadays. But how do you keep
an eye on your credit and debit
cards, perhaps two bank accounts,
standing orders, direct debits?
Mellow Media Budget is the
answer. Developed as a tool for
our own use, and then enhanced
for general use, it is completely
free to use. No charges ever.
It might be convenient when apps
like this connect directly to your
bank account but I, for one, do not
like this type of risk, so Mellow
Media Budget is completely stand
alone. And no personal information
is needed apart from your email
address for logging in.
Based on a calendar that shows
you one month at a time, you see
the whole month on a PC and a
scrolling list of dates on a small
screen.
You can enter regular incomes
such as wages or pensions and
regular payments such as
mortgage, rent, insurance, as well
as one off purchases you might
make such as groceries or petrol
for example.
You can have multiple bank
accounts and credit cards and also
transfer money between them with
ease. You can even have accounts
in different currencies.
And best of all, once you have all
8

Keep Track Of Your Money
We all have bank accounts and bank
cards, and keeping track of our money
can be difficult at times. Budget can help.
It is a completely free, online budgeting
program that is easy to use.
You can enter regular incomes and
outgoings as well as individual amounts.
You can have multiple bank accounts. No
personal or bank details need be entered.
Why not give it a try?
your regular ins and outs recorded
you will be able to see where you
will be into the future, and how
much you can afford to spend at
any given time.
You can also see how much you
have spent or received in the
month on individual classifications
(such as groceries or petrol) or you
can compare spending over the 12
months up to the current month
with the previous 12 months so you
can see how your financial position
is changing.
Mellow Media Budget runs online
so you can access it from your
phone, tablet or computer,
anywhere you have internet
access. It is constantly being
upgraded as new features are
added and each new version will
be automatically available to you at
no cost.
Why not give it a try, it’s completely
free?
https://mellow-media.com/budget
9

Would You Like To Lose Weight?
Then NOW is the time to start
on the path to your healthy weight
There really has never been a more important time to take
control of our weight and wellbeing. Obesity and type 2
diabetes are linked and both increase the risk of
complications from Covid-19.
Celebrate Valentine’s With A
New Transformation!
10
Find me on Facebook at
121DietCumbria
Or call me on 07970 614763
(During lockdown I work from Home)
Unit 5 Market Arcade
Scotch Street, Carlisle

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Email: darran70@yahoo.co.uk 11

Stay Safe
Kindly written by Al Docherty
In December we wrote about a couple of effective marking tools we
can use to get our property back in case they were stolen this
month we will look deeper into these products.
UV Marker pen
So what is a UV marker made of?
The body of a UV marker is made of plastic similar to a normal
marker. The ink used in UV markers has been made from various
things in the past such as lemon juice, vinegar, diluted blood or
even urine. Modern UV-invisible ink is mainly made using
fluorescing chemicals derived from things in nature that glow when
exposed to an ultraviolet light. The main components include dilute
laundry detergent, body fluids, tonic water and vitamin B-12
dissolved in vinegar.
So what are they used for?
You will have seen these markers used on a daily basis such as
when your notes are checked in a shop with a swipe of a pen this is
a UV marker pen. UV markers are used to mark things for security
purpose, such as to check for counterfeit money and mark property
in the event of theft for the purpose of identifying ownership
The downfall of a UV marker?
When writing with a UV marker on very smooth and glossy surfaces,
the ink will only show an unclear outline of what is written and may
be rubbed off easily. This is because the ink is prevented from being
deeply absorbed into the surface like it would on a piece of normal
material.
Make sure you choose a UV permanent security marker pen with
high quality UV ink that doesn't fade like a standard UV pen.
The ink from UV pens dries leaving a glossy mark which can be
seen under certain light conditions due to the contrast differences
between the ink and substrate being marked. This is easily resolved
by dabbing the fresh markings with a tissue to remove excess ink,
12

waiting a few seconds to let It dry A little and then rub it until the
mark is no longer distinguishable. Testing it with a UV light will
reveal the mark. It's recommended to practice the procedure a few
times on something you don't intend to security mark first to learn
how much pressure to use to gain best results. All you need to do is
put your postcode and then door number and this will easily be
traced back to you. So if you live at number 1 Station Road, London
EE13 5RS your security code would be EE135RS1. They are fully
water proof but in heavy rain areas you may need to reapply.
How much are the pens and where to buy?
They are as little as 99p to £3-£4 and available from most stationers
or shops.
Smart water
Smart Water is a transparent liquid which contains a unique forensic
code. Once applied to possessions, such as smartphones and
jewellery, an irrefutable link to the owner is made in the event of
theft. It is a brand that is feared by criminals and uses revolutionary
forensic technology to provide robust traceability for your valuables
and assets. This forensic traceable liquid assigns your possessions
with their own unique forensic code, allowing them to be traced
back to you and criminals back to the crime.
The invisible liquid can transfer onto anything it comes into contact
with – including skin and clothing. It is only visible under an ultraviolet
light meaning those who come into contact with it could be
unaware that it has left a mark on them. It stays on the skin for
weeks, even up to 5 years later it can be detected. Smart Water
scientists only require a trace the size of a speck of dust to be able
to forensically determine where it has a come from
Smart Water has never lost a contested case in the UK Criminal
Courts
How much is Smart water?
It is a little more expensive than the pens at around £18 to mark up
to 30 items but as you will see it is worth every penny. There is a
cost to keep your details of the forensic code at around £42 per
13

year.
Some police regions and councils do give away the UV marker pens
and smart water kits for free its always best to ask your local council
or police officer or PCSO.
And just a final word. As the nights are getting lighter and some
folks are now out in the gardens trimming back trees and bushes,
and planting bulbs, please don’t forget to put those tools back away
securely it so easy to leave them out, and you know what happens
then.
Regards
Al Docherty
I’ve not been out of the house for a while, does anyone know if C&A,
Woolworths and Blockbusters still have the same opening hours?
14

You will find two free ebooks you can download from my site at
https://jeremy-smith.co.uk
Binary Magic (ePub and Kindle)
This short novel revolves around a man who inadvertently
gets caught up in a crime syndicate. Almost getting killed
he manages to escape but is pursued across the south
east corner of the UK. It is a simple to read and hopefully
enjoyable "yarn" of the old school. It is the first in a series
of books which will be added as they are completed.
Call Me James (ePub)
A children’s book for all ages is how someone described
this book. It tells the story of a young girl’s teddy bear and how he tries to
make sense of the world of humans. His very literal
understanding of our language leads to some amusing
misunderstandings.
https://jeremy-smith.co.uk
jeremy@jeremy-smith.co.uk
15

Free Online Talks & Events Program
For tickets: Go to www.eventbrite.co.uk and search for
Devil’s Porridge Museum
March 22nd 7pm
Scottish Engineering
Building boilers,
cars, ships
and Female Engineers
April 26th 7pm
Mossband Farewell! Worker’s
Writings and the Mossband
Farewell Magazine
A look at a document written by the
workers of HM Facotry Gretna
June 21st 7pm: Political Activists and Professional Women:
An exploration of pioneering female barristers and Suffragettes.
July 26th 7pm: Great War Huts:
An accidental First World War Herit-age Project
August 23rd 7pm: Fur Coats and Overalls:
Clothing and munition workers in World War One
16 Email: info@devilsporridge.org.uk Phone: 01461 700021

The Devil’s Porridge
Museum Staff & Volunteers Promoting the Museum Before Lockdown
The Devil’s Porridge Museum is
currently entering an exciting
new phase in its history. It has
already gone through several
incarnations and
transformations in the 25 years
since it started in St John’s
Church, Eastriggs. It took
another big bold step in 2014
when it moved into its current
building and the next step is to
get its World War One
collection recognised as being
of significance to the nation.
“There are only 50 Recognised
Collections in Scotland”
explained Judith Hewitt,
Museum Manager, “and we
hope to become number 51!”
This prestigious accolade will
help to further safeguard of the
Museum and its collection of
historic objects and it should
also help to share the story of
HM Factory Gretna with more
people.
“Applying for Recognised
Collection status is quite a
lengthy process but we are well
underway with letters of support
17

Unique objects such as the fireless locomotive from wwi will, it is hoped,
become part of the nationally recognised collection
flying in.” continued Judith. “I also
have to speak with other
museums to see what objects they
have that relate to Gretna and the
vital war work done near here in
munitions. At the moment, I
haven’t been able to find much in
collections such as those at the
Imperial War Museum. This
makes our argument easier to
make – we have a unique
collection which must be protected
for the future.”
We will keep you posted on the
Museum’s progress towards this
prestigious award. The outcome
The team at the museum can’t
wait to reopen and welcome
visitors back when it is possible
will be public knowledge by
October 2021.
18

So called porridge pots used to make munitions will also be part of the
collection recognised as important to the history of Scotland
The Pandemic may have meant that the museum has had to close
temporarily, but they have a range of fascinating talks and events
arranged that you can view online - and it’s all free of charge.
Details of their upcoming programme can be found on their
advertisement on page 16. All you need do is go to
www.eventbrite.co.uk
and then search for Devil’s Porridge Museum to
get your free tickets.
19

Calling All Veterans
and Serving Members
of the Armed Forces
Do you miss the forces’ banter
and camaraderie?
Well look no further, we are
planning to make a breakfast
group of veterans & serving
members local to Gretna. We
are hoping to have this set up
in Gretna once we are able to
mix again.
Service people have a special
humour and outlook on life
and a get together each week
will give us the chance to
continue this, like in our
service days.
Pop in for a brew or a bit of
scran but most of all stay for
the banter. I’ll guarantee you’ll
love the
breakfast
club.
If you’re
interested
let us
know or
please pass this
on to someone you know
who’s a veteran or maybe still
serving.
If there’s a business in Gretna
that would like to host this
please get in touch.
Email me or contact me
aldocherty@ymail.com or
07828 990 508
20

Are your carpets looking a little tired? Your chairs in need of a
spruce up? Then get in touch and we can bring them back to life
again.
We pride ourselves on our workmanship, here are just a few of the
comments we have received from our many happy customers.
“Brilliant job, sofas came out like new, would definitely recommend“
“Done a brilliant job on our hand me down couch, looks brand new!
Definitely recommend 5*”
“Mark made an amazing job of our carpets today 100%
recommended carpets are spotless & smell great!! thanks again
much appreciated.“
“Absolutely delighted, my suite is like new. Very prompt service and
great price, thanks again.”
21

A Military Themed Quiz
Kindly supplied by Al Docherty
1 What branches make up the British Armed Forces (BAF)?
A. Royal Navy, Royal Marines, Royal Army and Royal Air Force
B. Royal Navy and Royal Air Force
C. Royal Air Force, Royal Navy, Royal Army
2 Her Majesty's Coast Guard operates under what branch?
A. Air Force
B. none
C. Navy
3 Who is the Commander-In-Chief of the BAF?
A. The Prime Minister
B. The monarch
C. Parliament
4 Who is the head of the Armed Forces?
A. The Prime Minister
B. The Defense Secretary
C. The monarch
5 What power does the monarch hold as commander and head
of the BAF?
A. The monarch can declare war.
B. The monarch controls how the BAF is used.
C. Both
6 So who is in charge of the BAF in a more practical sense?
A. Parliament
B. The Secretary of the Defence
c. The Prime Minister
7 Although the Prime Minister is charged with managing
military decisions, the PM would act in accordance with:
A. The House of Lords
B. The Cabinet
c. The Prince or Princess of Wales
8 The United Kingdom:
A. Has nuclear weapons.
22

B. Does NOT have nuclear weapons.
C. Is borrowing nuclear weapons.
9 What roles are women NOT allowed to have in the BAF?
A. All roles are open to women.
B. All combat duty
c. Some front-line combat roles
10 What is another unusual Armed Forces job only available to
men?
A. The Royal Swim Instructors
B. The Queen's Gardeners
C. The Household Calvary
11 What is the real name of a position within the Royal Navy?
A. Sea Lord
B. Ocean Matey
C. Water Captain
12 Who is the professional head of the British Army?
A. Army Sergeant Major
B. Chief of the General Staff
C. Chief of the Armed Guard
13 When did a standing British Army form?
A. The 18th century
B. The 14th century
C. The 17th century
14 Does Britain have a draft (or conscription) policy?
A. Yes
B. No
C. Only for men
15 There were how many full-time members of the BAF in
2015?
A. 145,690
B. 1.3 million
C. 89,450
1A, 2B, 3B, 4C, 5C, 6C, 7B, 8A, 9C, 10C, 11A, 12B, 13C, 14B, 15A
23

Do You Know A Local Hero?
Over the last few months we have all experienced
difficulties and hardships in one way or another due to
lockdowns and the virus. There are many tales of people
who have supported and helped the more
vulnerable in our society and we would like to
include some of these exceptional people in our
pages.
It might be someone who has been helping a
vulnerable person get their shopping. Or perhaps
someone who has been working tirelessly for our
overworked NHS. Maybe you know someone who is
delivering medicines for people who are self isolating.
They, themselves will not think they are special, but
the people they are helping know how much these
people are making a difference to their lives.
If there is someone you think deserves a
mention then please let us know about
them and how we can contact them.
Anyone put forward will be contacted
by us before we published anything but we think it
might be a nice way to give these people some of
the recognition they deserve.
Please send any recommendations to
editor@tickledsquirrel.com
24

THE
For All Your Sewing Needs
Ann Corrie 07525280975
Trousers and skirts shortened, curtains made and adjusted,
cushions covered, special occassions such as
bride’s maid dresses, wedding dresses
altered, zips replaced, roman
blinds made up,
49 Halcrow Crescent, Gretna DG165F
Phone 07525280975
Facebook ann.corrie
Email: anncorrie@icloud.com
25

The Great University Trick
By Jeremy Smith
This short article is my own opinion. It is based on my own research and
also on my own experiences when I was a university lecturer in the 1980s
and 90s. I would like to stress that I would encourage anyone to go to
university as long as they are keen to study and improve themselves
academically.
Also, in Scotland, university fees are paid for by the Scottish government
as you will know, so this article is specifically about English universities
and the government in Westminster.
I consider myself to have been
fortunate in that I was able to go to
university as a mature student. I
thoroughly enjoyed my experience
and would recommend it to
anyone who has the desire to
learn.
But when I went, universities were
paid by the government, and
grants, albeit small, were available
to help support the students that
went. I had to work in the holidays
to help me pay my way, but there
was no student debt.
But in 1990s Britain, there was
high unemployment, and it was an
embarrassment to the
government. Most of the heavy
industries had been closed down
by the Thatcher government in the
previous years. The reason for
their closure was said to be poor
profitability, but I am sure it was
because the government of her
old friend Ted Heath had been
brought to its knees by the miners’
strike in the 70s and she was
determined to get rid of the power
of the unions by getting rid of the
industries that supported them.
26
So what to do with this very high
unemployment rate, now there
were few factory or mining jobs?
Send more people to study at
university. I was a university
lecturer at the time and my small
university (previously a
polytechnic) was expected to
almost double its number of
students, with no increase in
funding. Remember, universities
were funded by the government
then.
So successive autumns saw
student numbers increase across
Britain to the tune of several
million people. And there was a
subsequent annual drop in the
unemployment figures - school
levers could go to university
instead.
But a problem was brewing,
universities could not sustain
these increased numbers without
more money, and the government
were not prepared to pay. So
student fees were introduced -
relatively small at first, around
£1,000 per year. This figure has
grown as you know and is now

around £9,000 per year of course.
So, by a clever trick,
unemployment was reduced (and
is still reduced) by the several
million students who now go to
university but who would not have
been able to back before the
1990s. And the students are
paying for it themselves by having
to borrow the money, rather than
needing to claim unemployment
as they would have done before. A
very clever trick by the UK
government of the time, and sadly
one that has been continued by
successive governments on both
sides of the house.
But there has been another
unfortunate side effect of the
increase in the number of
university degrees being earned.
We now have almost every
employer wanting applicants to
have a degree, where they used
to ask for GCSEs. And jobs that
used to need a degree are now
wanting a masters degree.
I would like to repeat that I truly
think everyone should have the
opportunity to better themselves,
but university is not the answer for
all young people.
And sadly, unless businesses
realise that a university degree is
not an essential requirement for
every job, we will continue in this
crazy situation that we have
nowadays, with young people with
great degrees, working in a burger
bar. This is not what they went to
university for, and not what they
racked up such a huge debt for
either.
I have believed for a long time that
all degrees should include a
thorough grounding in how to start
and run a business. In other
words, how to be an entrepreneur.
And there should be grants - not
loans - available to people who
want to do this, perhaps on the
proviso they employ at least one
other person, or take on an
apprentice. Maybe the UK could
become a nation of entrepreneurs,
seeing as how our high streets
have been priced out of most
small businesses’ reach.
27

Flavours and Spices of India
Chicken Sukka Recipe
Recipe Servings: 2
Prep Time: 15 mins
Cook Time: 1 hr
About Chicken Sukka Recipe:
A Mangalorean special chicken
recipe, made using fresh chicken,
host of masalas and grated fresh
coconut cooked to perfection. it is
a dry dish that can make any
dinner party menu look exotic.
Ingredients Of Chicken Sukka
• 1 Kg Chicken (small pieces)
• 1 Onion (thin slices)
• 2 Cardamom (Elachi)
• 1 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp oil
For Coconut masala:
• 2 tbsp coriander
• 1/4 tsp cumin
• 1/4 tsp mustard
• 1/2 tsp pepper
• 4 Cloves
• 1 Cinnamon stick
• 10 Bedki chillies
• 6 Kashmiri chillies
• 1/4 tsp turmeric
• 1 Onion
• 4-5 Garlic flakes
• 1 small ginger
• 1 tsp salt
• Grated fresh coconut
Cooking method is on the next page
28

How to Make Chicken Sukka
1. Roast both chillies in a pan and keep aside.
2. In the same pan roast, coriander, cumin, mustard, pepper,
cloves, cinnamon, onion, ginger & garlic. Grind all the masala
items together (fried stuff, salt, tamarind & turmeric) with a
little water to make a smooth paste.
3. Now heat oil in a vessel and fry onions till golden brown.
4. Add chicken, salt and elachi (cardemom) to cook for 10
minutes.
5. Add ground masala and bring to the boil. Add grated coconut
and boil again.
6. Taste and check if you need to add more salt.
7. Serve hot. You may temper the dish with a small amount of
ghee.
With thanks to Anil from the Maharaja for this genuine Indian
recipe. If you are lucky enough to find yourself on the Costa
Blanca then take a trip to Villajoyosa, and pay him a visit on the
sea front, you will not be disappointed.
29

Puzzle Pages
Easy
Medium
Hard
Very Hard
Solutions are on the inside back cover. You can also print
these pages with a plain background if you go to our website
https://tickledsquirrel.com
30

Across
1. Capture
5. Declare
10. German title
14. Tramp
15. Weird
16. Albany's canal
17. Butter alternative
18. Slow down
20. Hideaway
22. Positive answers
23. Sports player
27. WNW's opposite
28. Give to charity
32. ____ setter
34. Avoid
35. Wheat ____
36. Ages
40. Symposium
42. Flightless bird
44. Leg part
45. Put up with
47. Cowboy show
48. Ordinary
50. Least daffy
51. Public notices
54. Dressed
56. Marathon runner
58. Constructed
63. Sure to happen
67. Insane
68. Pimples
69. One more time
70. Yours and mine
71. Beheld
72. Pastry
73. Accurate
Down
1. Norse thunder god
2. Part
3. Spur on
4. Needy
5. Placid
6. Fangs
7. ____ de Triomphe
8. Bind
9. Moray
10. Not there
11. Clear the blackboard
12. Ceremonial events
13. ____ Witherspoon of
"Legally Blonde"
19. Looks at
21. Corroded
24. False statement
25. Blooper
26. Robbins and Allen
28. School table
29. Baking chamber
30. Designate
31. Goodbye, in Paris
33. Long-legged bird
35. Terrific
37. Carousel, e.g.
38. Fighter pilots
39. Injection
41. Touch on
43. Exchange
46. Boxing great
49. Eastern garment
50. Tranquil
51. Opera tunes
52. Prom
53. Setting
55. Ignited again
57. Level
59. Thicken
60. Travel
61. Light tan
62. Medicinal portion
64. Tit for ____
65. Gone by
66. Watering hole
Solution can be
found inside
back cover
31

Puzzles For Children
An Animal Themed Crossword for the Children
Across
1. An animal with a trunk
4. American buffalo
5. Wild male pig
6. Leonardo is a ninja _ _ _ _ _ _
8. A type of constrictor snake
9. Fast running bird that can’t fly
10. The pied piper catches one of
these
11. A big cat that lives in a pride
12. Large grey animal with a horn
14. Flightless large bird related to
ostrich
15. Black and white striped animal
16. Australian animal that carries
young in a pouch
17. An animal with a hump
Down
2. A large spotted cat
3. A bird that can repeat words
4. A small flying night animal
6. Animal that lives a long time and
has its home on its back
7. A water animal that has big
teeth and rolls its prey
8. Polar and panda are both types
of this animal
13. Large cat and sports shoe make
14. Large North American member
of deer family
15. Where you can go to
visit animals
32

This is quite a hard maze, can you find your way through it?
33

A Wordsearch Puzzle For You To Try
Can you find these jobs in the grid? Then can be horizontal,
vertical or diagonal and can go in any direction.
Carpenter
Decorator
Doctor
Engineer
Gardener
Greengrocer
Judge
Lawyer
Nurse
Painter
Pilot
Plumber
Police
Programmer
Publisher
Sailor
Scientist
ShopOwner
Soldier
TaxiDriver
Teacher
Writer
34

Can you work out what each of
these pictures is saying? As an
example, the one on the right is
Somewhere Over The Rainbow
35

A Day At The Seaside
By Jay
Although Elizabeth had been able to
go back to school, her mum and dad
were still working from home and we
were not allowed to go out unless the
journey was essential.
A few of us teddies and toys had
been sitting on her bed and were
talking about some of the adventures
we had had in the past.
“Do you remember when we went to
the seaside and rescued Tom?” I
asked.
“Yes,” Tom replied. “I had been stuck
there for ages
before you all
came and
helped me get
back to safety
again.”
“It all started
when
Elizabeth
came home
from school
one day and told us that we were
going to the seaside for the day,” I
continued.
“I remember that we decided that
James should go with Francis and I,”
Pete said. “I hadn’t been with you
very long and I really wanted to go.
“I had wondered if everyone was
simply being kind and letting us go
because we so wanted to,” I added.
My mind drifted back to that time, it
seemed a long time ago. I
remembered it was sunny and quite
warm. . . . .
“Do we go in an aeroplane?” I asked
her.
“No,” she explained to me, “this
seaside is in England so we can drive
in the car to get there. It will take
about an hour to get there so we’re
going to leave quite early in the day
to give us longer when we get there.”
“Do we need
those cases
again?” I
asked again.
“No, we’re
only going for
the day so all I
need is my
bucket and
spade so I can
play in the
sand and make sand castles,” she
told me.
I knew what a castle was having
been to the one in Yand, but I was
interested to find out what a sand
castle was. I didn’t want to ask any
more questions so I decided to wait
and find out tomorrow. The rest of the
day seemed to pass very slowly, and
when Elizabeth went to sleep I was
36

too excited to do much, I just kept
asking the other teddies what this
seaside was
like.
“You
remember
when we went
in the
aeroplane?”
Francis asked
me.
“Of course,” I
replied. “I’m
never going to
forget something like that.”
“Well,” he continued. “Where we are
going will probably have a sandy
beach like there, but it won’t be as
hot, and the shops and cafés will be
quite different. But we will get to eat
ice cream,” he added at the end.
I spent the night remembering my
first taste of ice cream, it brought
back memories of the hot beach, and
also the adventures we had. At last,
morning came and Elizabeth picked
us up and took us downstairs where
her mum and dad were waiting for us.
At first we went along some quite
small roads with trees all around us,
but after a little while we went on a
great big road with smelly lorries and
it wasn’t so interesting then. But that
soon passed and it didn’t seem long
before Elizabeth pointed out of the
window.
“Look,” she said. “That’s the sea over
there.”
I looked really
hard and then
managed to
see where the
blue of the sky
met the sea. It
wasn’t as blue
as it had been
when we had
flown before,
but we were
nearly there.
After another
ten minutes or so, Elizabeth’s dad
drove the car into a car park and
parked it at the side where we could
look out at the sand which stretched
down to the sea.
“Come on,” Elizabeth said, getting out
of the car.
“I need a cup of tea before we go on
the sand,” Elizabeth’s dad said.
“That drive was quite long. Shall we
go to the café over there? I seem to
remember it was quite nice last time
we were here.”
“I don’t really want a drink,” Elizabeth
said. “Can I go and play while you
have one?”
“Ok,” he mum told her. “But stay
where we can see you.”
Elizabeth picked us up from the car
seat and took us onto the sand just a
little way from the café so her mum
37

and dad would be able to see us
easily through the window. I still
wanted to see what a sandcastle was
and asked Elizabeth to show me. She
smiled and started to put sand into
her bucket. When it was full she
patted it down firmly with her spade
and then quickly turned it upside
down. She smacked the bucket’s
bottom then with the spade which I
thought was a bit cruel but Francis
explained that it was to help the sand
come out easily and the bucket really
didn’t mind. She then carefully pulled
the bucket up in the air and left
behind a beautiful tower, just like the
ones that Jacob has on his castle.
She made some more towers and
then, with her hands, made the walls
to join them up. It really was
beginning to look like Jacob’s castle.
Her mum and dad came out of the
cafe then.
“That’s a splendid castle, “her dad
said. “Would you like to head down
nearer the sea and make some
where we can have a moat?”
Another word I hadn’t heard before.
Hopefully I’ll discover what it means
later, I don’t like to keep on asking all
the time. We walked across the
beach and Elizabeth’s mum and dad
put some towels on the sand for us
all to sit on so we wouldn’t get quite
so sandy. Elizabeth soon had
another castle made and then started
to dig a trench all around the outside.
She then went to the water, filled her
bucket up and then brought it back
and poured it onto the trench around
the castle. A lot of it soaked away into
the sand, but some stayed. Another
two buckets full and she had what
she then told me was a moat, all
around the castle.
“In the old days,” she told me,
“people made castles to keep them
safe from nasty people who wanted
to hurt them. Putting a moat round
the castle made it much harder for
the bad people to get to them and
hurt them.”
She put us inside the castle then and
we pretended for a while that we
were soldiers and lived there. It was
great fun. The day became hotter as
the sun climbed in the sky and when
it was as high as it could get,
Elizabeth’s mum suggested we went
onto the pier and got something to
eat there. Today was turning out to be
a day of new words for me. Her dad
agreed and they packed up their
things and stood up ready to leave.
“What about your castle?” I asked
Elizabeth.
“It’s ok,” she said. “Sand castles are
just for fun and we leave them and
the tide comes in and washes them
away, ready for someone else to
make another one.”
“Another word,” I thought to myself. “I
must ask what tide means as well
later.”
38

The pier turned out to be a big
platform that stuck out into the sea. It
was mainly made out of wood and
metal and there were shops and
cafés built on it. There was also a
noisy amusement place where
people were screaming around on
rides that looked far too scary for me.
As we walked along, I could see
cracks between the wooden planks
that made up the floor. Looking
carefully I then noticed I could see
the sea underneath. At first it was a
bit scary but soon I began to like it, it
was fun to see the waves coming in
and crash against the upright sticks
that held the pier up.
We walked all the way to the end of
the pier and Elizabeth’s dad told us
about how, a long time before, big
ships would have come and tied up at
the end where the sea was deep
enough for them. Then people would
have got on them and sailed off to
other countries. I remembered the
boat we had gone on and seen the
dolphins, that had been a very
special trip for me.
Along the middle of the pier were
shops and other buildings which we
looked into as we walked back on the
other side. It was sunnier on this side
and we stopped and sat on a seat for
a while in the sun. Looking down to
39

watch the sea crashing on the stick
things again, I noticed a small teddy
clinging on for all his life to one of
them. The waves were very close to
him and I could see he was very
frightened. I told Elizabeth who then
told her dad.
“He must have fallen down one of
these bigger cracks,” he said. “I
wonder if we could get him out, he
must be unhappy down there.”
I looked at Elizabeth, wondering if he
did know we were all alive. She
smiled at me, thinking the same
thing.
“Stay here,” he said. “I’ll be back in a
minute.” He hurried off towards a
shop we had passed when we had
come onto the pier. He was soon
back with a long length of string. “If
we lower this down perhaps he could
be pulled up?” he suggested.
“Tie a loop in the end first,”
Elizabeth’s mum suggested, “so you
can lasso him.”
The loop was soon
lowered down through
the crack towards the
teddy but the wind kept
blowing it away from
him. I could see him
looking up at us and
hoping for rescue, now
someone had at last
seen him.
“Could we tie a weight
to the bottom of the string to hold it
more steady?” Elizabeth said.
“Good idea,” her dad agreed and
looked around for something to tie
on. A rusty piece of metal was lying
beside one of the seats, and it was
quickly tied on. The string was
lowered a second time and this time
stayed closer to the teddy who was
growing more excited all the time. At
last it got close enough to him and he
reached out and grabbed the loop
with all his strength, which wasn’t
much after what he had been
through.
Elizabeth’s dad slowly pulled the
string up, with the teddy hanging on
tightly. Twice the metal weight got
caught on some metal parts of the
pier, but eventually the teddy’s head
appeared through the crack in the
pier. Elizabeth picked him up and
wrapped him in a towel to help him
get dry and warm him up.
“I wonder who he belongs to?”
Elizabeth’s mum said. “There doesn’t
40

seem to be anyone about who might
be missing him.”
“We’ll put a postcard in a shop
window before we go,” her dad said.
“If his owner sees it, he or she can
phone us and we can return him.”
“So can we take him home with us?”
Elizabeth asked.
“Of course we can,” her dad replied.
“We’re not going to leave him here
after such a dramatic rescue. I think
he’s one of us now, unless someone
calls us and tells us he belongs to
them. Perhaps you should ask him
what his name is Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth looked at her dad for a few
seconds, wondering, and hoping, that
he might have remembered that
teddies are alive. She looked down at
him and asked him.
“My name’s Tom,” he replied, “and
thank you for rescuing me.”
“Do you know where the people you
live with might be?”
“No, I fell down there ages ago and
they didn’t bother to even try to get
me back.”
“Well, we’ll still put a card in the shop
window,” Elizabeth’s dad said smiling.
“It’s the only fair thing to do, perhaps
the boy or girl who lost him might be
sad.”
“I don’t think he will be,” Tom replied.
“He wasn’t very nice and I’m glad to
be away from him.”
“In that case, welcome to our family,”
Elizabeth’s dad told him. “I don’t think
a postcard will be necessary.”
“Can you really hear him?” Elizabeth
asked her dad.
“Of course I can,” he replied. “But I
had forgotten how for so many years
that it’s taken me rather too long to
relearn how to. I think it was when I
saw the fairies by the tree that I
began to re-discover my childhood.
It’s really rather special isn’t it?”
“He picked up Tom, Francis, Bill and
Me and gave us all a hug then. A few
people looked on, surprised, but he
didn’t mind. He had discovered again
how very wonderful being a child can
be.
41

A Fun Quiz
?
1. What type of creature is a goldcrest?
2. What is the capital of Poland?
3. Who plays Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean
films?
4. Which song, originally released in 1975, was a posthumous no.1
single for John Lennon?
5. Which numerical system is based on tens?
6. A London terminus and Underground line are both named after
which monarch?
7. With which political group is the Fabian Society associated?
8. What is the collective name for a group of rhinoceroses?
9. Who wrote the stage show The Rocky Horror Show and played
Riff Raff in the film adaptation?
10.On a standard roulette wheel which numbers appear on the
black?
11. Which biblical character made a coat of many colours for his son
Joseph?
12.How many stripes does a police sergeant have on his arm?
13.Who wrote the 1968 novel Airport ?
14.Who played James Bond in The World Is Not Enough ?
15.Who starred in the 1987 film Over the Top ?
16.Which car company manufactures the Cayenne?
17.What is a young goat called?
18.Before the invention of the clock what was anticlockwise known
as?
19.On UK roads, what shape is the STOP sign that has white
writing on a red background?
20.What name was shared by all the kings from the House of
Lancaster?
42
Answers can be found inside the back cover

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43

Heather Marie Berry
After completing an Art and Design
Diploma and a B A Honours Degree in
photography in 2018 and gaining a
Bachelor of Arts Degree, I decided to
develop my passion for Art and acrylic
painting, I have spent a lot of time at home
during the lock down and Art has been
both a passion and an escape from the
madness of the world . I was also
diagnosed with breast cancer in 2019 so
my priorities in life shifted a bit.
I have always loved experimenting with
colour, both in my creative photography
and My painting and I gather inspiration
from Nature, Emotions and God.
I also have a keen interest in Caves and
Geology.
This collection of paintings is called 'Above and Below' and represents the
earth and the underground in various forms, the elements and the sky and
heavens above.
44

I also created a table as part of this collection.
My second collection that I have
been working on during the lock
down period is 'Utopia' and is a
fantasy theme based on dreams and
emotions. During my life I have
often had vivid and colourful
dreams and great imagination and
these paintings depict an ideal
place based on emotions we are
feeling and the feeling our dreams
convey.
My work is also influenced by Artists such as Monet and the colours he used .
My Work can currently be seen on Etsy.com, Facebook and Twitter and have
previously had work published in Writers Egg Magazine.
Facebook – Heather Marie Arts
Twitter – Heather Marie Arts
Etsy.com – heathermariearts17 Your Shop - Manage Listings - Etsy
45

Gretna FC 2008
LOCKDOWN
Well there has been no football for
Gretna FC 2008 in February and
the prospects of a resumption in
March do not look great at the time
of writing, even though the signs of
improvement are
being seen and road
maps for the end of
restrictions are
being drawn up.
Despite the lack of
action on the pitch
work off the pitch
continues as best it
can. Manager
Rowan Alexander
told us, "the players
have (fitness)
programmes which
revolves round the
one (for) pre-
46
season." The club have also been
working on recruitment with Rowan
saying that "some of the players
who left in January, plus some new
recruits are potentially at this
moment in time on our radar and
that contact and
initial arrangements
have been made to
bring them in".
Rowan also thought
that some
replacements and
new loan players
could arrive too to
bolster the squad
but that all hinges
on when the club
may return to
league action. The
manager offered us
some good news
concerning injured

players with Connor Liddell and
Bryan Gilfillan available to return
and that Dean Watson is making
steady progress but
still has a while to
go.
Like us all, Rowan
hope's that the
Scottish
Government reviews
and road map will
soon start to give us
"a clearer picture of
where we are and
where we are going
and when".
Thinking about how,
and if, the 2020-21
season could restart
is a hot topic...
should it be null and
voided, attempted to
be completed or can
some hybrid set of fixtures be
arranged to produce a competitive
few months of football. Gretna FC
2008 centre half, Joe Jackson,
acknowledged the tough decisions
ahead, "It's been really difficult to
decide what to do next. I think
about being safe first and
unfortunately sports doesn't meet
all the requirements for that". Like
all football fans though he is
"looking forward to when we can
all play again, whenever that is".
It is nice to see Gretna football can
still make the news with a full page
spread about Rowan Alexander's
roller coaster time as manager of
Gretna FC recently in the
Annandale Observer and
highlighting his story of "Stepping
into management".
One thing lockdown can do is give
you time to look out old
programmes and
how Gretna
played, now EFL
club, Harrogate
Town in February
1998. How things
can change in two
decades! We can
perhaps look at
more
programmes next
month if we have
no football to
report on!
Stay safe
everyone and we
hope to be back
at Raydale soon!
Iain Martin
47

Felsham Planning and Development is a U.K. wide property
consultancy that advises on the use and development of land and
provides a full range of planning and development services,
including:
• Site finding and acquisition
• Appraisal site suitability
• Appraisal of prospects of obtaining planning permission
• Negotiations with the planning authority and stake holders
• Development plan representations
• Public consultation
• Political strategy and consultation
• Preparation and submission of planning applications
• Preparation and submission of technical reports
• Expert Witness work
• Sale of development land
48
Email philip@felshampd.co.uk
Call: +44 (0) 131 337 96400
Web: https://felshampd.co.uk

Simply Relax
The ‘Simply Relax’ recording is now
Absolutely FREE
For All Readers
Over the last two months I have offered the Simply Relax
hypnotherapy download with a discount code to make it free of
charge. The response has been so good that I have decided to
keep the free offer on permanently. Use the code mellowrelax
So if you are finding these uncertain times are causing you
stress or worry, then give it a try, Go to the website shown
below, go to Downloads, scroll down to Simply Relax and click
on See More, then click on Purchase and enter the code shown
below. There will be no charge,
https://simply-relax.com
Use the code mellowrelax
49

Yes, you will go on
holiday again
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2020 has been a difficult
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people’s holidays ruined by
the pandemic. But we all
still need a break, and there are great
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50

Comfortably Numb
By Paul Cowan
So many of us I am sure will
recognise that title but not
everyone, it is of course
dependant on age. Like many
people during the lockdown,
and doesn’t that title just fit at
the moment, I have spent more
time online and I happened to
come across a series of films
on Youtube where young
people, mainly Americans,
watched and listened to music
tracks they have never heard
before and they react to them.
It shocked me that so many
people haven’t heard classic
tracks, or indeed heard of
important bands. What really
got to me though were the
wonderful reactions, the sheer
unadulterated joy on their faces
and, of course, sometimes
shock, especially in the case of
songs like
“God Save
The Queen”,
by the Sex
Pistols. I
started to
think about
how it must
feel to have
that kind of
experience,
but with
hindsight if you like. At some
point we must step into the
realms of science fiction and
time travel.
First though let me
explain where I am coming
from. I was a DJ for years on
and off. My favourite time for
this was in the early 90’s. We
were recovering from the worst
decade in the history of music,
with only a few exceptions to
redeem it, the 80’s were
shudderingly cringe worthy to a
huge music fan like me. Then
out of the sky landed a rough
American band called Nirvana
with a track called “Smells Like
Teen Spirit”, the world erupted.
At the time I was a mature
student at university, making a
bit of cash to help things along
by running a
rock night at
a local pub
and a few
gigs at the
Uni
nightclub,
where on
one night I
was the
backing for
a little
51

known band, (at the time the
Uni booked them), called
Suede. The Uni hadn’t set up a
backing band as the band only
rocketed a few weeks before
the gig. Lucky me. Anyway on
the DJ nights I would of course
play all the current stuff like
Nirvana but spice it up inbetween
with some proper
punk, to educate my mainly 20
year old audience, as to where
grunge rock came from. The
shock and joy on their faces is
what I saw on the reviewers
faces online. I saw it as
essential education and I was
thanked for it with massive
crowds at my gigs.
Now comes the science
fiction. I don’t just want to
experience these songs for the
first time ever, as I have already
done that. I was in my prime in
the greatest decade in musical
history, the 70’s. We had
everything, punk of course, ( I
still rock a Mohican haircut),
ska, reggae, glam rock, disco
and heavy rock, to name but a
few genres. What I want to do
is experience these songs for
the first time, yet still have the
experience drawn from my
thorough knowledge of the
music world, so that when I do
try them for the “first” time they
have an even greater impact on
me. If you see what I mean!
See the need for the Delorean
now?
When I was DJing there
were a few guaranteed floor
fillers, songs like “Jump Around”
by House Of Pain, “Firestarter
by The Prodigy, “Song 2” by
Blur, “Give It Away” by the Red
Hot Chilly Peppers and
“Basket Case” by Green Day.
Now just imagine never
having heard any of them…
EVER!
The thing that shocked
me the most though was the
lack of even having heard of ,
let alone listened to, bands
such as Queen, Pink Floyd,
Led Zeppelin and the Sex
52

Pistols. Where had they been
all their lives!
For the past few years I
have been educating my wee
lad Rory, who’s 12 years old,
and my partner Jana, who is 20
years younger than me, in the
joys of music and I love to
surprise them, my joy is
vicarious but very real.
On the same note,
imagine never having seen
“Jaws” before, let alone on the
big screen. With the prevalence
of small screens to watch films,
what are they all missing?
When “Jaws” first came out I
queued up to Annan High
Street to get in to watch it with
my wee brother. We were of
course shocked by the scene
where the head rolls out of the
hole in the boat under water.
Back then there were no
spoilers and no internet to
spread them. I went a few
nights later to see it again and
at the point where the head
popped out I watched the
crowd jump as one, what a
moment. I would love to
experience that again for the
first time. George wasn’t so
keen though and that night he
sleep talked, bending down and
screaming - “it’s under the bed,
it’s under the bed. Hilarious. I
have a huge film collection and
even taught film studies at
university. I have over 4,000
films and watch my top 200
over and over again, which can
be satisfying as sometimes little
subtle things can come forward
on a re-watch, but oh to be able
to experience some of them for
the first time again. I remember
when my favourite film “The Big
Lebowski” by the Coen
Brothers came out. I went to
the pictures 8 times in 2 weeks
to watch it as I knew it would
never be the same again, when
it came off the big screen.
Imagine hearing “Charlie don’t
surf” from “Apocalypse Now” for
the first time, now it’s on mugs
and t-shirts. Imagine seeing a
bloody horse head in a bed, or
53

the final scene of “Brazil”, a
scene that the director Terry
Gilliam, insisted on keeping in,
in defiance of the studio
bosses, who, being American,
wanted a happy ending. An
action that saw him snubbed by
all the studios for decades.
Imagine the freshness of all
these films, they should invent
a pill that gives the user
temporary amnesia once a
month. I’d buy it, as I am sure
many of you would.
So think about what I
have just written, take the pill
and experience it again and
again and again, for the first
time every time and let me
know how it feels.
With thanks to Paul Cowan for another interesting and thoughtful article
54

“From Works Of Art to a Log Burner,
A Seat In The Garden to a Fire Pit
Paul Cowan should be your First Call”
Facebook: Paul Thesculptor Cowan
Email: paulthesculptor@hotmail.co.uk Phone: 07581207988 55

Democracy Is Fragile
The events in Myanmar have
illustrated how suddenly and,
apparently easily, a democracy can
be removed.
And in the USA, for four years,
they suffered under a tyrant who
systematically removed processes
and laws which had served the
country well for many years,
steadily eroding the democratic
process. Even when he was
impeached, the cowardly
republican senators voted to
acquit, showing how they, too, did
not really believe in democracy and
are as guilty as he is.
And here, in the UK, we see a
similar undermining of the
democratic process as the current
government ignores the law and
gives out contracts based on the
‘chumocracy’ process.
Throughout the world,
governments tend to start building
vanity projects when they are out
of their depth.
PM: “Let’s build a bridge from
Ireland to Scotland”
Adviser: “But it would be very
expensive and we have more food
banks and charities helping the
poor than this country has ever
known.”
PM: “But this bridge would create
jobs.”
Adviser: “Maybe it would, but we
need to put money into the NHS,
schools, build better roads, help
the environment. There are so
many more important things than a
bridge.”
PM: Well, how about a tunnel then,
that would be cheaper?”
Adviser: “But what would it do for
the country? The transport links in
the south of Scotland were
destroyed back in the 60s and we
have never bothered to improve
them, so arriving in Stranraer
would not be of much use.”
PM: “But I like big projects, they
make me look good.”
And that about sums up the current
government. They don’t follow the
data because they don’t
understand it. And the small part
they do understand, they are at
least a year behind when they do
anything with it. When questioned
they either waffle or outright lie.
A recently leaked memo illustrates
how the government has
employed, at our expense, a
company to investigate how to stop
the Scottish independence
movement. Basically, their method
descends to “let’s destroy Nicola
Sturgeon”. And that is, I am sorry
to say, this Conservative party.
They have no policies, they just
want to rule, and they do it by
destroying any opposition -
spending our taxes to do it. So
when you see Nicola being
slagged off, just remember who is
really behind it.
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And then they wonder why a
rapidly growing majority of Scots
want independance. Being ruled by
total idiots who have no thought for
the wellbeing of the people is never
a nice thing.
But I have another question to ask.
Do we really have a democracy at
all? Does any country? Yes, we
elect an MP once every so many
years. But, contrary to popular
belief, they are not there to
represent us in parliament, they
are there to represent their political
party to us, to tell us what is going
to happen. True, we can go and
see them and express our feelings
and views, but that is it, nothing
happens apart from a party political
reply.
Politicians are allowed to lie with
complete impunity in order to be
elected. Entire political election
campaigns are built around
falsehoods and promises which are
never intended to be fulfilled. And,
of course, once in power, the lies
and corruption continue.
In the last election, just 44% of the
those who voted selected the
Conservatives, yet they end up
with 56% of the seats in
parliament.
The entire process is flawed and is
desperately in need of a major
overhaul. But while the system
suits the current government,
nothing will change of course.
Robert Heinlein sums up politics
very well and I have included some
of his quotes below:
“You can sway a thousand men by appealing to their prejudices
quicker than you can convince one man by logic.”
Robert A. Heinlein, Revolt in 2100/Methuselah's Children
“What are the facts? Again and again and again – what are the facts?
Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what “the stars
foretell,” avoid opinion, care not what the neighbours think, never mind
the unguessable “verdict of history” – what are the facts, and to how
many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts
are your single clue. Get the facts!”
Robert Heinlein
“Democracy is a poor system of government at best; the only thing that
can honestly be said in its favour is that it is eight times as good as any
other method the human race has ever tried.”
Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
“Government! Three fourths parasitic and the other fourth Stupid
fumbling.”
Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
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How to Make a Magazine
I am often asked what is involved
in producing an online magazine
and how it is different to a printed
version, so I thought this month I
would go over the processes that
we go through.
When we first started to produce a
magazine, back in 2006, we used
Adobe Indesign, but when Adobe
moved onto a subscription model
it became just too expensive and
we decided enough was enough.
Now, we use Affinity Publisher to
design and lay out the magazine,
and also use it to design most of
the advertisements, in conjunction
with Affinity Photo and Design.
When the finished product is to be
a printed magazine, it pays to
choose the number of pages that
suits the printing process. The
printer we used in Spain had
machines that fitted 8 pages to a
single sheet of paper so multiples
of 8 pages actually came out
cheaper for us.
With a magazine destined to only
be read online, then choosing to
have an even number of pages
gives you the best results, but
there is no difference in cost as
the size increases.
A major factor with an online
magazine is the font type and
size. People read this magazine
using smartphones, tablets and
computers. Viewing on a tablet
one page at a time is about the
same as viewing a two page
spread on the average computer
monitor, but a smartphone screen
is, of course, very much smaller.
So we need to choose fonts
carefully so they can be read on
all devices. Arial font is easily read
online, and a size of 12 points
seems to be the best compromise.
11 points is perhaps better on a
large screen, but a little too small
for a smartphone.
Eventually, the magazine, with its
advertisements and articles, is
ready and it is then exported as a
pdf format file.The choice of image
quality is important here because
whereas a printed copy will need a
high resolution, the larger file size
this produces will make download
times too long for an online
magazine so a slightly lower
resolution is used.
The pdf is then uploaded to Issuu
and Pubhtml5 ready to go live.
Issuu also offer a “stories” option
where each article can be turned
into a standalone story which you
can very easily read on a small
screen device. This process is
quite time consuming, but we feel
it is worth doing as it gives another
option for our readers.
Finally, our website gets changed
to include the links to the new
magazine, and we begin the
facebook posts, and the
newsletter sending.
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jeremy@bydesignwebsites.com
59

Did you know that life rewards
action?
I think it is worth us all realising
that nothing works if you have
thoughts without actions.
Talk is cheap. It's what you do
that determines the script of
your life. Translate your
thoughts into purposeful,
meaningful, constructive
actions. They are of no value
until then. Measure yourself
and others based on results —
not intentions or words.
Use any pain you have to
propel you out of the situation
you are in and to get you where
you want to be. The same pain
that burdens you now could be
turned to your advantage. It
may be the very motivation you
need to change your life…..
nobody likes pain!…….. learn
from it!!
Decide that YOU are worth the
risk of taking action, like
yourself enough to want better
results. Know that putting
yourself at risk may be scary,
but it will be worth it. You must
call upon yourself to leave
behind the comfortable and
familiar if you are to move
onward and upward. … any
progress is at first
uncomfortable!!
Realise that we all see things
differently and try to identify the
way in which you view the
60
world.
Acknowledge
your past
without being
controlled by
it…..
yesterday has
GONE!! Just learn
from it.
You have the ability to
choose how you see
any event in your life,
and you exercise this
power of choice in every
circumstance, every day of your
life. No matter what the
situation, you choose your
reaction, and give value to any
event in your life.
We all view the world through
different eyes, which influences
the interpretations we give
events, how we respond, and
how we are responded to. Be
aware of the factors that
influence the way you see the
world, so you can compensate
for them and react against
them. If you continue to view
the world through eyes
continuing to see things
created by past events, then
you are allowing your past to
control and dictate both your
present and your future.
Life is managed; it is not cured.
So why not learn to take charge

of your life and hold
on. This is a long
ride, and you
are the driver
every single
day.
You are
managing
your own
life, and
your
objective is to
actively
manage your life
in a way that
generates high-quality
results. You are your own most
important resource for making
your life work. Success is a
moving target that must be
tracked and continually
pursued.
Effective management of your
life means you need to require
more of yourself .You must
approach this task with the
most intense commitment,
direction and urgency you can
muster.
The key to managing your life is
to have a system. If you have a
clear-cut plan, and the courage,
commitment and energy to
execute that system, you can
flourish. If you don't have a
plan, you'll be a stepping stone
for those who do. If you don't
require much of yourself, your
life will be of poor quality... don’t
settle for anything less than the
best!
We teach people how to
treat us. Admit to,
rather than
complain about,
how people
treat you.
Learn to
improve your
relationships
to have what
you want…..
negotiate….
discuss!!!
You either teach
people to treat you
with dignity and respect,
or you don't. This means you
are partly responsible for the
mistreatment that you get at the
hands of someone else. You
shape others' behaviour when
you teach them what they can
get away with and what they
cannot.
If the people in your life treat
you in an undesirable way,
figure out what you are doing to
reinforce, elicit or allow that
treatment. Identify the payoffs
you may be giving someone in
response to any negative
behaviour. For example, when
people are aggressive, bossy
or controlling — and then they
get their way — you have
rewarded them for
unacceptable behaviour. Think
about this.
Till the next time…Take Care!
Violet King
You can contact Violet through the magazine email
61

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Your website is the first thing anyone sees when they are looking
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If your website is to be truly effective it needs:
• Its own domain eg https://mybusiness.com
• Email addresses that are myname@mybusiness.com
(a hotmail account just doesn’t look good in business)
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A website with all these features
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By Design Websites has been helping businesses of all sizes
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websites from the ground up as well as WordPress sites.
62
https://bydesignwebsites.com
info@bydesignwebsites.com

Book Review
Another of my reviews of some of the books I have read and loved.
They may not be “classics” but I think they are worth a read. In
general, I read using either a tablet or a Kindle or a Kobo reader, but
I have indicated in which formats the book is available.
I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did.
Stranger in a Strange Land
By Robert Heinlein
Robert Heinlein is well known as a
science fiction author, but his books
often include political insights and
this book is no exception. It deals
with a man who is brought back to
Earth after having been brought up
by Martians, ghostly creatures who
look after the baby after the death
of his parents.
On his arrival on Earth, he has a lot
to learn about the strange ways of
people on Earth. He also
possesses some abilities that
normal humans do not. As you
would expect, he is besieged by
politicians and religious leaders
trying to use him for their own
advantages as well as the press.
He is helped by the friends he
makes on Earth, including a very
wealthy lawyer, and the book
unfolds as it follows him as he
makes his way through the
labyrinth that is human existence.
This is available as a paperback from all good booksellers and on Kindle,
Kobo, Google Play Books and is also available as an audio book.
The image above is of an early paperback version, other covers are
found on ebook versions.
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Forget It
Ice Cube
Once Upon A
Time
First Aid One In A Million Read between
the lines
Blood is thicker
than water
Apple Pie
Back Door
64

Puzzle
Solutions
Easy
Medium
Fun Quiz Answers
1. A Bird
2. Warsaw
3. Johnny Depp
4. Imagine
5. Decimal
6. Victoria
7. The Labour Party
8. A Crash
9. Richard O’Brien
10.Even Numbers
Hard
Very hard
11. Jacob
12.Three
13.Arthur Hailey
14.Pierce Brosnan
15.Sylvester Stallone
16.Porsche
17.Kid
18.Widdershins
19.Octagonal
20.Henry
65