Mother Magazine

MOTHER
VOLUME 1
MOTHER
Interview with Mother of Six The Evolution of Motherhood
Five Tips for Rediscovering Your Lost Self A Letter To My Daughter
Mental Health in Motherhood Who Let Me Fly this Plane?

Table of
Contents
A note from the Editor-
Mother: it’s a term we all know whether it sparks positive or negative
emotions and connections in our mind. It’s a word that cultivates a very
distinct visual—again, one that could be positive or negative, or a
complex web of emotions in-between. We all have some connection to
the word, but what happens when you somehow stumble into embodying
the title? What happens when, suddenly, your whole being and entire
03 A Note From the Editor
10 Interview with Mother of Six
identity in this world changes? How do you wade through it? How do
you embrace it without losing the self you once were? That’s what I,
a 28-year-old mother of a 5-year-old, am in the midst of figuring out.
I am reasonably doubtful that I will ever have it all figured out, but I
nevertheless want to keep learning, and I want my learning and growing
to be an open conversation between mothers. Motherhood isn’t just a
16 The Evolution of Motherhood
18 Motherhood Mantra
season—it’s the rest of your life. You will be a mother until the day you
die. Each mother is intrinsically different, which is quite beautiful to me.
We may differ on how we mother, we may differ on how we came into
motherhood, we may differ on how naturally the title fits and fulfills us,
but we have this one core similarity that links us forever:
20 Five Tips For Rediscovering Yourself
22 “A Letter To My Daughter”
We are mothers.
24 “From Where I Nurse”
-Shauna Reiman
32 Mental Health in Motherhood
34 Interview with Micah Shumake
40 “Who Let Me Fly this Plane?”
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Motherhood
exhausts me,
overwhelms me,
and breaks me
and then it
awakens me.
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Cayla and Her Daughter Juni
Images by Shauna Reiman
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“My initiation into motherhood was harder than I expected-
physically, emotionally, everything. I guess I thought
that something I really wanted and I considered to be
“natural” wouldn’t be so difficult.”
6Shauna Image by
Reiman: So Tamra, you are a much more
Shauna Reiman experienced mother than I am, so I really wanted
to interview you and get some better perspective on
what motherhood is like throughout 20 years or so.
Can you tell us a bit about your kids and their ages?
How old were you when you had your first child?
Tamra Klaty: I have six kids, 3 girls and 3 boys, ages
22, 20, 17, 16, 14, and 11.
I turned 21 while pregnant with my first child, a boy.
SR: Is motherhood something you always dreamed
about growing up? Is it something you always wanted
to experience in your life?
TK: I thought about being a mother way more than
most girls fantasize about their wedding day, haha. I
looked forward to being a mom so much, and it was
my dream to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t want to
go to college, a fact my high school counselor did his
best to change. When my husband and I were dating
and talking about getting married, I let him know
right away that I planned on always staying home
with my kids. He was all for it, and now, 26 years
later, is still all for it. We married just a few months
after I graduated high school, and because my
parents strongly encouraged college and offered to
pay for it, I enrolled in a local business college and
graduated with a certification in accounting. I worked
until my first child was born, and then stayed home to
raise him.
A conversation with Tamra Klaty,
SR: Did you always desire to have a
Mother of
large family?
TK: Not really. I thought I would have two or three.
Four seemed crazy. It’s funny, because after our first
two- a boy and a girl- we thought we were done. I
felt done. Our lives at the time were set up to really
only accommodate two kids. We had a lot of debt,
and I drove a little sporty Camaro that I wasn’t ready
to give up. A second home in Florida was more appealing
than more kids. I’m not sure what ultimately
ended up changing our hearts. It started with deciding
to home-school and then that turned into a slow
move in the direction of less stuff and more…. Love?
Family? Contentment? That’s how it felt, anyway. I
was so scared and I didn’t know if we could afford
more kids. We really pushed to get out of debt, stuck
to a strict budget and started to change our spending.
That was the outward stuff. Inside, we were
letting go of a lot of expectations we felt from others
to prove we could be “successful” even though we
married young and he didn’t have a college degree.
It was part of a the process we went through to start
to find our own way. I remember coming downstairs
one morning, going to take my birth control, and
saw my husband had written a note on it. “Are you
sure?” With a little heart.
SR: What did giving birth to a child do for you mentally?
Was it a different feeling each time?
TK: It’s so amazing how your capacity for love just
grows and grows. Every now and then I’ll hear a
mom of many worry about giving each child enough
attention or worry about experiencing a change
in the dynamics of the relationship with their older
kids, but it just works. My initiation into motherhood
was harder than I expected- physically, emotionally,
everything. I guess I thought that something
I really wanted and I considered to be “natural”
wouldn’t be so difficult. I had spent my last year of
high school working part time at a day care center,
and spent the summer working as a nanny for 3
young ones. So I kinda had this idea I knew what I
was doing, ha! I think the hardest part was feeling
so detached from everyone. My friends were all in
college and we had lost touch. There wasn’t facebook
back then. My husband was so supportive of
everything, but he also worked 80+ hours a week.
My mom was a huge help in those days, and I don’t
know what I would have done without her. She did
everything- laundry, finishing taxes, helping me get
the hang of breastfeeding… but she had to go home
at some point, and that was an hour away. I felt so
lost. I adored being a mother, and must have taken
thousands of hours of videos of a baby doing absolutely
nothing. There was this pressing need to make
sure I was doing everything “right.” I read so many
books. So much of what I read didn’t sit well with
me, but I was a rule follower and so I tried. I tried
really, really hard. I wish I could go back and undo
a lot things that I did with my first two. I guess I had
to learn that there’s no “right” answer or method.
Baby number two was difficult, and for the first time
I felt deep within my soul that I wasn’t cut out for
motherhood. She was difficult and demanding. I
remember one time in particular, when they were
just barely 2 years old and around 3 months old I
was losing my patience because I was trying to get a
cute photo of them. They were both crying
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and I was crying and I felt like a failure. It sounds silly, but knowing
the struggle going on inside of me- I tear up every time I think
about that day. I hate those photos now, haha. She humbled
me, even more than the first baby. She taught me to let go of my
idealistic expectations of motherhood. I softened a lot and slowly
learned to just be in the process of it. To let my babies teach me.
To listen to them- I mean really listen. Once I stopped trying so
hard to “make” them behave a certain way and think I could
control everything, it’s like I melted into being a mother. It was
so much easier after that. Baby number three taught me to ask
for help. To stop trying to be super mom. Before, I felt like it was
some kind of badge of honor to “snap back” right away and do
everything I did before. Well, I overdid it and while it was hard, it
was a good lesson to learn. Every baby after that I stayed in bed
the first 3 days, around the bed for two weeks, and would not
leave the house for the first month. Bliss. My mothering changed
over the years. Younger mothers who have asked for advice seem
a little put out that I would usually shrug and smile and say I
really didn’t know. I mean, I have a lot of things I think are really
really important when it comes to raising little humans, but most of
what we THINK is important- how to get them to sleep through the
night, how to potty train, etc- are really not important at all.
SR: After your first child was born what kind of changed as far
as your identity goes? Did you feel this way after having each of
your children or just after the first?
TR: I was so ready to be a mom the first time, that even though
the transition was hard, I loved it. I battled loneliness and feelings
of inadequacy that stemmed from being surprised it was so difficult
(If I was a “good” mom, it wouldn’t be this hard, right??) but
overall, I embraced being a mom. The third and sixth baby were
actually the biggest identity shifts for me. Two kids is “normal”
and like I had mentioned earlier, we had initially planned on
stopping there, so three was a big step for me. I sold my cute little
sports car- which is so funny to think about now, but at the time it
was quite a thing. Honestly, I struggled with bodily changes.
Two kids is bearable, but carrying and breastfeeding more… I
knew it would bring bigger physical changes and that honestly
was really tough for me. I mourned a lot after each one, even as
a celebrated some aspects and tried to tell myself I was stronger.
Jumping ahead to baby six… I had a miscarriage at 22 weeks
between babies 5 and 6. I didn’t want any more. I was angry
and questioning a lot of things. I felt stretched way too thin as it
was. So getting pregnant right away after losing my previous one
was… tough. It’s a little too much to get into, but there were a
lot of changes in our marriage and life circumstances during that
time, and honestly the reality of his existence seemed too much.
It’s ironic that I ended up loving being pregnant with him, even
though his pregnancy, birth and postpartum was way more difficult-
being pregnant in your twenties is a lot different than in your
mid thirties. I can’t imagine life without my rainbow baby, though.
He’s special to us all in a way that it is hard to describe. Mentally,
I was all in when it came to motherhood. When things were hard,
I just pushed in and figured out what worked for us.
“Once I stopped trying so hard to “make” them behave a certain
way and think I could control everything, it’s like I melted
into being a mother. It was so much easier after that.”
Once I gained confidence, and learned a bunch of lessons that
I touched on above, being a mom was my favorite thing in the
world. I kinda lost myself in it- and I don’t say that as if it’s a bad
thing. It’s ok on some level, because that melting of self brings joy
in a time that its easy to get discouraged and really frustrated.
However, looking back I wish I had been aware of some of the
bad habits I was forming. When you ALWAYS conform to what
your family wants, choose everything based on what you know
they’d prefer, stop making time to enjoy the little things you
enjoyed as in individual, etc. Well, I wish I had been aware of
that. I think I would have done them a far greater service if I had
kept my “self” alive. I mean, I actually came to place - my youngest
was around 6- where I realized I had NO IDEA who I was.
That sounds cliche, but it really just came down to the fact that I
didn’t know what I liked, what I wanted, what I enjoyed, what my
preferences were. I had made a habit of deferring to my husband
and kids’ needs and wants so much, that I didn’t have a clue who
I was.
They thought I actually preferred the stuff they
did, because that’s what I had always chosen!
That was eye opening, scary and made me
very angry. And it was entirely my own fault.
SR: Can you kind of give us a brief summary
of how different it is to be in motherhood when
your children are little verses when they are
teenagers and adults?
TR: This one is tough… Simply because its hard
to find the words to describe the reality of
it. I’ll try. For me, being a mom of littles was
very rewarding. While babies and toddlers
can be frustrating, I can honestly look back
and say I was a damn good mom in those
seasons. I loved nurturing, training, playing…
But parenting teenagers humbled me all over
again. I think I’ve cried more through the
teenage years than ever before. The feelings
of being completely inadequate are intensified
to a whole new level. You want them to learn
how to make more and more of their own decisions.
You want them to know why you have
chosen to live a certain way while allowing
them to learn how they want to live. You want
to give them room to make mistakes. And they
make it all so damn hard. They will take something
simple and turn it into an exhausting 2
week ordeal. They hate you for existing, then
unexpectedly cuddle next to you while watching
a movie. Then they’ll ask you to drive them
somewhere. On one hand they’re such beautiful
humans turning into amazing adults, while
also being the most selfishly horrific monsters
you’ve ever met. It’s a breath of relief when
two things have happened- they turn 18 AND
moved out. I worry myself to death sometimes
(more about one than the other) but the fierce
struggle and tension between us is loosened.
They’re free to be as dumb as they choose,
and it’s on them now. I’m enjoying being on
more of the friend side of things than a ruleenforcer.
SR: How does your role or your identity
change as your children also change and
grow up and go through new phases of their
life?
TK: Caregiver/friend --> policeman/rule enforcer
--> back to friend/confidant/cheerleader
SR: How did motherhood change the way you
viewed the world and
yourself?
TK: I often joke that was I super patient person until
I had kids. But children are just character revealers.
They have so much to teach us.
Image by
Shauna reiman
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SR: So many moms I know really like to talk about mental health
within motherhood which I think is great that we are making
that less and less of a scary topic to bring out into the open.
Did you ever struggle with mental health issues as a postpartum
mom or as a mom of older kids? What are some ways you
coped with it or what are some things you wish you could have
done differently in that area?
TK: I experienced light depression after some of my births. I say
“light” because while it felt very heavy, it wasn’t debilitating or
as intense as some have felt. Thankfully, for those births I had
a very wise midwife who had very good advice - the main one
being to take it easy. By that she meant take it easy physically
and take it easy on the expectations I may put on myself. She’d
take my husband and family members aside and tell them how
important it was to “mother the mother.” She was very firm
about having helpers that knew the importance of being aware
of my needs and providing them. Good food, supplements and
aromatherapy worked wonders for me. Later, I learned about
placenta ingestion and now that I’m knowledgeable with how to
do it and have seen the amazing benefits for my clients, I really
wish I had known about it for my own births.
SR: Did you feel like you needed a lot of support from other
people as a mother? What about from other women? You know,
everyone loves to say “it takes a village” and “find your tribe”,
did you relate to these concepts?
TK: I didn’t. I was a lone wolf mother. I really didn’t know anyone
who parented like I did. I didn’t have close friends, didn’t
“go out” and didn’t do play dates. For one, no one my age was
having kids. And I really didn’t feel motivated to go out and
make an effort. Honestly, I was fine with it.
Now that I’m in my forties and my kids are older, I am more
connected with other moms. I make the time to be with other
women. I reach out and talk with other moms. I share my mess
ups and successes. It’s funny because while those connections
have been so good and have become an enjoyable necessity
for me, authenticity can also invite negativity. I’ve been harshly
judged and told I’m not a good mom. That would have wrecked
me 21 years ago. Now I quote them to my kids and we all
laugh.
SR: Did other people’s opinions of how you chose to mother deter
you from doing what you felt was best in your own journey
of motherhood?
TK: I’m realizing as I’m trying to answer this that as a young
new mother, I was often questioned for being too “into” being
a mom. Things like choosing to quit my job and stay home,
exclusively breastfeed, and home school. The worst decision was
to have more than the acceptable 3 kids, haha It didn’t change
my decisions, though. Naysayers came around eventually- or
at least eventually stopped making rude comments. But now, I
catch flak for not being “enough” of a mom. I go out too much,
we have too much fun, I’m not disciplining enough.
Listen to opinions only to use them as useful tools. Is it true?
Does it resonate with your life? If the opinion contains something
you need to hear, then use it to reset your compass and
keep going. If it doesn’t, let it go, internally thank the person
for reinforcing your choice and move on. Easier said than done,
but I’m getting pretty good at it. It’s interesting that my husband
doesn’t receive any of this scrutiny. No matter what I choose,
somebody will have something to say about it, while he gets applauded
for simply existing.
SR: Was/is motherhood fulfilling to you? Have you ever or do
you currently feel like there was something else you wanted to
pursue for yourself outside of motherhood?
TK: I don’t know that one thing can ever fulfill a person at all
times, and certainly not their whole lives. The whole idea of
being fulfilled by motherhood has the potential to fill us with so
much shame - no matter the choices we make in life. If we have
a career and interests outside of motherhood, we can invite
shame in for not being “more.” But if we did nothing but sit at
home with our babies, we’d invite shame in for not enjoying every
minute of it. Both are ridiculous and yet all too entirely real.
I’ve enjoyed learning about the 3 phases of a women’s life-
Maiden, Mother, Crone. We have the ability to experience each
phase even if we never marry or have children, but we can also
age and not really ever experience what each phase is meant to
teach us. It’s interesting that as my Crone phase is coming into
view, I am finding myself in the midst of lessons from Maiden
and Mother that I need to deal with. I think if we approached
the season we were in with an awareness of what each phase
can teach us as each does their work to mold us into our truth as
an individual, we’d be far more gentle with ourselves and have
greater empathy for other women.
SR: In motherhood, how were you able to balance taking
care of yourself and also being present and available for your
spouse and children?
Motherhood is often an exciting
experience. One that is
highly talked about. During
pregnancy many mothers are
given gifts and hear stories from
others about how wonderful it
is to be a mother. It is common
for new mothers to have baby
showers where they receive
positive and supportive messages
about raising their child,
“Each “pull” will have it’s ebb and flow.
Take notice of any demand, but let truth
and love dictate what you decide to pour
into, not guilt or expectations. Imbalance
is a perpetual reality of life, especially for
mothers. So instead of trying to constantly
fix it, allow yourself to learn how to
enjoy the tides.”
TR:I didnt take care of myself for the first 15 years of motherhood.
It seeped into our marital habits, too. Setting boundaries and laying
the groundwork for a more well-rounded life was one of the hardest
things I did. That blasted mom guilt would be strong some days! But
as a more whole, happy person, I am ultimately more available to
my kids and more interesting to my spouse.
But I caution against seeking balance, too. I know that sounds
strange! Sometimes, in the pursuit of trying to make everything even
and perfectly equal, we can just end up feeling resentful. I would put
it this way instead… Be intentional about the imbalances in your life.
Sometimes you need to melt into motherhood. Sometimes you need
to fully dive into your spouse. Sometimes you need to be alone and
discover new parts of your soul. You can’t do it all, all of the time.
Each “pull” will have it’s ebb and flow. Take notice of any demand,
but let truth and love dictate what you decide to pour into, not guilt
or expectations. Imbalance is a perpetual reality of life, especially
for mothers. So instead of trying to constantly fix it, allow yourself to
learn how to enjoy the tides.
Image By
Shauna Reiman
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The Evolution of a Mother
The Evolution of a Mother
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Motherhood
Mantra
Pause. Breathe. Repeat after me.
My motherhood journey will look different than everyone else’s. My mothe r h ood journey will
look different than everyone else’s. My motherhood journey will look differe nt than everyone
else’s. My motherhood journey will look different than everyone else’s. My motherhoodjourney
everyone
than motherhood
motherhood
different
different than
journey
My
than
motherhood
else’s.
will
look
everyone
everyone
look
different
will
My
journey
look
will
else’s.
My else’s.
journey will look different than everyone else’s. My motherhood journey will look different
than everyone else’s. My motherhood journey will look different than everyone else’s - and thats okay.
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Rediscover
Yourself
By: Christina Herr
In the late summer of 2013, I only had two names. As a mother to three children ages 4 and under, and my
career as a teacher, I was either Mommy or Mrs. Herr. I loved these titles immensely, but I was lost in them,
and I wasn’t Christina anymore. Who was she, anyways?
It took a tragedy to make me realize the need to reclaim her. One of my best friends died after being hit by
a drunk driver. It shocked and devastated our close-knit group of friends. I drove the 17 hours back to my
hometown for the funeral, and between the photos displayed and the stories we all shared, I was reminded
of how we used to spend our time, making memories, going to concerts, laughing until our sides hurt. That
same week, I found a box full of my old journals from childhood and beyond in the house I grew up in. Those
entries reminded me that community was my lifeline, writing was in my blood, and reading books was a balm
to my soul. But since motherhood and the working life had been my reality, I had not made time for community.
I hadn’t written for fun or therapy in years. And the last time I read a book just for entertainment? Far
too long. I had forgotten what brought me joy outside of my children. I saw the old Christina and realized I
missed her. I wanted her back, and eventually, yes, I found her.
Maybe you’re in this boat as well? The boat that says you love your role as a mother but that you also want to
enjoy personal pursuits and passions? The boat that carries you through choppy seas and uncharted territories
as you try to remember who you were when you first stepped into it? It’s possible to reclaim who you used to
be, if you miss that person like I did. Here are a few tips to help you do just that.
So often when we step into the role of a mother, we get lost in that title and lose the parts
of us that made us who we are. My friend, Christina, gives us five tips on how we can
find those parts of ourselves again.
1. Let go of guilt
The world places so much pressure on new moms.
Sometimes we feel like we have to be all-consumed
by the role and that we are bad mothers if we don’t
want to spend every waking (and sleeping) moment
thinking, analyzing, obsessing over some aspect of
our children’s lives. Don’t buy the lie.
2. Talk it out
Talk to someone who has known you through all of
life’s stages. Tell them you’re feeling a little lost.
Tell them you are having trouble remembering who
you were before you were called mama. Maybe it
is a parent, a sibling, or a close friend. They can
help you mine your history for golden nuggets of
you-ness and help you make a game plan for moving
forward.
3. Remember your passions
I had forgotten how much I loved to write. The
discovery of my old journals reawakened a fire inside
of me and it led me to pick up the hobby once
again. I encourage you to think back to what you
loved as a child. Were you always drawing in the
margins of your notebook? Did you used to love
baking but haven’t made time for it in years? Did
you run track in high school? Think about your former
passions and think about how to integrate them
into your current life.
4. Practice contentment
It’s okay to step back and say, “You know what, I
am feeling out of sorts. I’d like to reclaim my lost
sense of self by pursuing something about which I
am passionate.” It’s normal and appropriate. What
is harmful though, is if you just stew in discontent
and focus only on the negative. It is a blessing to
be called to raise a child, to mother, to pour into a
life. It is important to live and love with an air of
gratitude rather than bitterness, which leads me to
my last tip…
5. Remember it’s not either/or
It’s not an issue of “I can be a good mother OR I
can have personal hobbies and interests.” You don’t
have to pick one or the other. And when you pursue
your interests and develop them, you’re teaching
your children that it’s okay to do the same.
Just like a flight attendant would tell you during an
in-flight safety message, you must secure your own
oxygen mask before tending to your child’s mask.
Why? Because girlfriend, you can’t help someone
else if you aren’t breathing yourself. So grab a
mask and remember to breathe. You may just find
out a lot about yourself in the process.
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A Letter To My Daugheter:
I’m sorry that you were born into a world with impossible
beauty and body standards. I’m sorry if you even feel the pressure
or need to be beautiful. I’m sorry you may have to figh the urge
to compare yourself to every other woman you see. I’m sorry
if you ever feel self conscious of your arms, legs, belly, breasts,
nose, hair, etc. I’m sorry for if and when I ever complain about my
body, face, hair in front of you; I’m working on that.
I’m mostly sorry that you may grow up and forget this perfect girl that
I know who is not shaken or stirred by anyone’s standards of who they
think she should be. She embraces her own self. She thinks freely and
without hesitation. She has no notion of comparison, no desire for
conformity, no yearn for acceptance.
She is free.
I promise to remind you of this girl I know when you seem to
be forgetting her.
Love,
Your Mother
Image and words by
Shauna Reiman
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FROM
WHERE
I NURSE
“Celebrating woman’s ability to nurse in any given
location and in any given scenario.”
“I have had the privilege of breastfeeding at two very different stages of my life. Once when I was 24 and now at 32.
At 24, I didn’t want to offend others by nursing in public or ‘causing a scene’. I let myself be shamed into nursing my
baby in the bathroom stall. Today, at 32 I will proudly nurse wherever I need to in public to feed my baby.”
-Ashley Mothersell
A photo series by Shauna Reiman
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“What a reward it was to hear my milk pouring into my baby’s tiny tummy after several days of painful
breasts. The relief of this doesn’t hurt anymore coupled with the great joy that my baby was being fed by
me. It was worth it all. Breastfeeding has been such a precious time of bonding with my son that I will
miss greatly when he is done.”
-Megan Salazar
“While nursing came relatively easy and naturally to me when I nursed my first child, it truly was not
something I enjoyed doing. It was very suffocating to me and I often felt trapped by it. I was excited to
be done at 13 months. The second time around is a complete 180 in the way I feel about it and I feel so
blessed and thankful to be able to do this for her. “
-Jamie Hook
“My breastfeeding journey was much different this time around than it was 9 years ago with my first
child. This time, I went back to work 10 weeks after giving birth. This time, I worked full time (50+
hours a week with a 1 hour commute each way). It can get overwhelming at times. Like whenever the
now toddler gets upset, everyone just turns me to nurse. Or when I’m around, all my son sees me as is his
milk supply. I’ve had to learn how to pump and drive since I usually can’t find time at work, but there’s
just something I love about it.....which is probably why I’m not fighting him to quit anytime soon.”
-Heather Scheller
26
“When I found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to nurse my babe. I set small goals of one week,
one month, three months, etc. I never knew I would make it to 19 months with my first and currently at
19 months with my second. Thankful that I can be their source of comfort and love.”
-Katie Dodds
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“My first experience of breastfeeding was shockingly demanding. Now, breastfeeding my third child,
I cherish the hours spent nursing and I can willingly and lovingly give myself away to the demands of
nursing a little one, even with two other children underfoot. It turns out it’s not so demanding after all.”
-America Streeter
“It was the middle of the night. My daughter had just gone to sleep maybe 45 minutes earlier, then she
started crying. Again. My only solution was to nurse her. So I got her latched on but it was so painful.
I cried and told my husband I wanted to be done nursing forever. I needed to sleep and couldn’t go on
anymore. So he got up and started to get some formula. I suddenly changed my mind and kept going. I
closed my eyes and nursed her until she fell asleep.”
-Mary Piasecki
“It might be unpopular to say, but sometimes motherhood can feel like such an overwhelming sacrifice.
Breastfeeding is the ultimate reminder that we were created to do this, nature is at work. This amazing
design gifts you the opportunity to love your baby even more deeply than you already do. To heal them in
their time of sickness, to be healed in yours. To grow your baby right before your eyes and know that this
is only because of the sacrifice you chose to make.”
-Paige Pierce
“As a stay at home breastfeeding mother of two babies and a business owner, my life has never been
more full than it is now. When nap time is a success, amidst all the toys my couch becomes my office and
I edit photos, answer emails, and place orders. Breastfeeding my children and owning a successful business
are easily my proudest accomplisments.”
-Lauren Wiegand
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29 MOTHER

“I chose to breastfeed for the health benefits for my baby and I. We just took it one day at a time.
Returning to work after maternity leave was the hardest time in our journey. Finding the time to pump
at work was a constant struggle. I knew my patients needed me, but so did my newborn baby. It was
very powerful to think I could save lives at work and sustain one at home.”
-Jocelyn Clemens
Whether you chose to breastfeed
or bottlefeed your baby, or even
if you didn’t have a choice in the
matter - I think we can all agree
that the perseverance, dedication,
and versatility of a woman
is unmatched when caring for
the needs of a baby. I hope you
can read these stories and see
these photographs and feel
empowered and understood in
your own journey.
-Shauna
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31 MOTHER

Health
Mental
In Motherhood
Article by Amanda Carlson
Almost four years into motherhood I finally admitted my need for a professional counselor because
of the state of my mental health. The more I spoke up to my mom friends about my mental health
struggles, the more apparent it became to me that almost every mom I know goes through the same
type of things. So many of us seem to be riddled with guilt, anxiety, depression, stress, etc. and yet
no one likes to talk about it. My expectations of motherhood were almost completely opposite of my
reality as a mother. This led me into a deep darkness of isolation, inadaquecy, and depression. I want
mothers to know they are not alone in this and there are so many options that can help them. There
are people who will listen. I asked my friend and Licensed Professional Counselor, Amanda Carlson,
to give us some information on mental health within motherhood.
-Shauna Reiman
Motherhood is often an exciting experience. One that
is highly talked about. During pregnancy many mothers
are given gifts and hear stories from others about how
wonderful it is to be a mother. It is common for new mothers
to have baby showers where they receive positive and
supportive messages about raising their child, but what
about mental health within motherhood? More specifically,
what about mental illness?
Although awareness around mental health is rising, the
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that
only 43.3% of U.S. adults with mental illness receive treatment.
So, what is mental illness and who does it affect?
Mental illness is a medical condition that affects how a
person thinks,feels, and behaves both personally and
with others. Mental illness does not discriminate, rather
it affects all people, including mothers. According to the
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) the
reasons a mother may acquire a mental illness is not always
known, but often occurs as a result of factors including,
but not limited to, early adverse experiences, medical
conditions, genetics, substance use, and lack of healthy
interpersonal relationships.
The awareness around mental illness is rising, as well as
the occurrence. In a given year, 1 in 5 adults will experience
mental illness, per the CDC. Of those adults 10% of
pregnant women and 13% of women who have just given
birth experience mental illness according to the World
Health Organization (WHO). Although there are many
different types of mental illnesses the most common forms
are mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, and
bi-polar disorder. More specifically, mothers often experience
depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder,
and post-traumatic stress disorder (NAMI). Experiencing
mental illness does not make you a bad mother. Motherhood
can be a strange and even traumatic experience.
Remembering that mental illness is treatable is often helpful
for mothers to hear. One of the first things you can do
is acknowledge how you are feeling. Often times sharing
your feelings and thoughts with a trusted support person
is a positive step toward getting help. Just like taking
prenatal vitamins and going to your regular doctor’s visits
are important, so is taking care of your mental health.
Not only for you as a mother, but also for your child(ren).
Remember that you must put your oxygen mask on first
before you can take care of someone else. Putting on
your oxygen mask is another way of emphasizing the
importance of self-care. Self-care is a term used to describe
taking care of yourself. There are many self-care
activities, but some that may be most helpful in treating
mental illness include seeing a mental health professional,
going to your primary doctor for a wellness check, taking
medication if necessary, joining a support group, getting
adequate sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly,
and making time for pleasurable activities. Sometimes
mental illness includes the experience of thoughts of
hurting yourself or someone else. If you are having any
of these thoughts, immediately call the national suicide
hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or 9-1-1.
Mothers, you are important. Your mental health is important.
Mental illness is treatable and there are people who
want to help you. You are not alone.
References: CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/mentalhealth/
learn/index.htm
WHO: https://www.who.int/mental_health/maternalchild/maternal_mental_health/en/
NAMI: https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-healthby-the-numbers
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33 MOTHER

MOTHERHOOD
Where fashion, personality, and
edge can still exist.
Interview with Micah Shumake
It’s no secret that as mothers we can loose our sense of self which can include
our style. We so often get caught up in the “comfortable” and “practical”
mindset when it comes to clothes. I believe clothing and style has power
over our moods and confidence. I met up with Micah (and her adorable son,
Judah) for an interview, because I believe all mothers should own their style
the way that she does.
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-Shauna Reiman
35 MOTHER

My style definitely tells a story of who I am and where I
am going. Sometimes its super creative, complex, and experimental
and often times its edgey, loud, and unapologetic.
Which are characteristics, that you could say make
up my personality.
Any advice for mom’s who feel lost in their style
after having kids? Where should they start?
Start with Jeans, a basic white tee, and some sneakers—
now thats your canvas, and start building. You can do
a fun berry lip and some gold hoops or add a leather
jacket and a fedora. Let your personality bleed through
the canvas, like an oil based paint. Be bold and stay true
to what you like and who you are.
What do you think good style can do for a
woman?
Courage. Boldness. Bravery - a sense of style will boost
your confidence and will enhance your shine.
SR: Where do you draw your style inspiration
from?
MS: My style inspiration comes from street and skatewear.
However, If I want to be chic + Posh I typically
going on Pinterest or watch a whimsical movie and am
automatically ready to hit the runway.
What does your go-to functional outfit look like?
Oversized Denim Jacket, Over sized TSHIRT dress + Dr.
Martens
Any go-to everyday accessories?
Where does the confidence in yourself and your
style come from?
Gold chainz + Gold ringz+ Gold hoopz
My confidence has always been there. My parents have
always affirmed, motivated and instilled it in me. I think
confidence plays a huge part in style because it is apart
of what makes you who you are. It is the first impression,
and it is a greeting without words.
Be sure to check out Micah’s online shop
Mu + Ju at Muandju.com .....!
37 MOTHER

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39 MOTHER

Who Let Me Fly
This Plane?
An essay by Emily Germain
Have you ever flown a plane? Presuming you’re not a pilot,
it’s a terrifying thought.You would never attempt to take to
the skies without dedicated, thorough preparation. Can we
agree that becoming a parent for the first time evokes a
similar set of emotions? How will I do this? I can’t do this.
I’ve never done this. If I can do it, I won’t do it right. Every
parent I know can relate to this on some level, and I believe
mothers especially feel this in a unique and powerful way.
For those of us who have experienced the trauma of toxic
parental relationships, our emotions can easily take us on
a path less traveled. This is the path I stepped onto the
moment I learned I was pregnant. Of course, the moment
was full of joy. It was soaked in joy, but it also pushed me
to press the take-off button on plane I wasn’t ready to fly.
(That’s how planes work, right? With a simple take-off button?)
My thoughts spun into dark and twisty patterns- to places
that could be summed up in one fearful sentiment: My
children will be permanently, definitively scarred because
of the ways I am permanently, definitively scarred. This felt
so tangible, so real. I swear I could reach my hands out and
hold the heaviness of this burden.
As a mother, I naturally crave perfection for my kids. I crave
it within myself, believng it is the key to my children’s success.
I crave it in the world around me, and I ache when I
can’t see a path to achieving it. But if I let it, my parenting
journey teaches me something contrary: perfection is not the
greatest teacher.
Despite all the ways I’d anticipated damaging my daughter
and son with my imperfections- even through my overzealous
desire to right every wrong from my childhood - I have
not. They are not ruined because of who I am or who I am
not. They might be shaped, in part, by it. But it’s not a box
to which they are confined. My shortcomings are not the
voice of their future – and I know this because my mother’s
shortcomings are not my own. Your mother’s are not your
own.
I’m living in the thick of this tension – and I can only
share my journey, but this is it: My steps have been scattered.
Sometimes paralyzed. Often eager or too quick. But
releasing the expectation I had put on myself to right every
wrong is powerful. It chips away at the cloud of anxiety it
created.
Years have passed since the moment I learned of my first
pregnancy. The intensity of that sentiment has lightened.
Some days it doesn’t exist at all. My oldest child is 5 years
old, and she is living, breathing proof that we can overcome
the pain of our past and foster a brighter future for our children.
But sometimes we can’t.
It fills me with hope and daily prepares me for the wildest of
plane rides: motherhood.
Image By
Shauna Reiman
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41 MOTHER

What is a fistula?
An obstetric fistula occurs when a mother has a prolonged,
obstructed labor, but doesn’t have access to
emergency medical care, such as a C-section. She often
labors in excruciating pain for days. Tragically, her baby
usually dies.
During her prolonged labor, the mother’s contractions
continually push the baby’s head against her pelvis. Soft
tissues caught between the baby’s head and her pelvic
bone become compressed, restricting the normal flow of
blood.
Without adequate blood supply, sections of tissue soon
die, leaving holes—known as “fistulae” —between the
mother’s vagina and her bladder or rectum. It is these
holes that cause incontinence. If untreated, the woman
will uncontrollably leak urine, stool, or sometimes both,
for the rest of her life.
What effect does a fistula leave on
a woman?
Under these circumstances, a woman with fistula faces
devastating physical and psychological consequences.
Unable to control the leaking of her body’s waste, she
suffers with chronic infections and pain. Too often, her
smell drives away her husband, family and friends.
Organization
Spotlight
The Fistula Foundation
With little community understanding of fistula and its
causes, a woman is frequently blamed for her condition.
She too often lives in isolation, unaware that others share
her injury and that it is treatable. Because fistula usually
occurs during a woman’s first pregnancy—when she is
in her teens or early twenties—she will likely suffer for
decades, if it is not repaired.
What does the fistula foundation do?
The Fistula Foundation focuses exclusively on delivering
fistula repair surgery because of its enormous impact.
With each surgery they provide, they change one woman’s
life forever. The ripple effect that has on her restored
health, family, and community is profound.
Largely eradicated in the developed world, obstetric
fistula is still devastating the lives of women in the poorest
of countries. Since 2009, The Fistula Foundation has
provided surgeries in 32 countries in Africa and Asia.
How can you help and find out more?
There are many ways to make a gift to Fistula Foundation.
It costs just $586 to give a woman a life changing
operation.
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Find out more at www.fistulafoundation.org
Source- www.fistulafoundation.org
43 MOTHER

Book Size: Magazine 8.5x11
MOTHER
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