Off the Quill 2020-2021

answer. Yearning to clep out of the conversation, I backed up
bumping into a dining chair. Huffing, my Grandfather shook
his head and turned his back to me.
I stayed in the adjoining room, alone. A wave
washed over me. Emotions, pains I have no way of describing;
nor had I ever experienced the depth of these feelings before. I
attempted to pull out the chair next to me, right before I
blacked out. My mind was dark, but my sight distorted--
thoughts that were not mine floated through my head like
colors. Heartbreak screamed at me in crimson, bitterness and
insufficiency roared with a twinges of green, denial bit at me in
shades of burnt orange, and a purple so black washed over it all
as despair dragged me down a road towards guilt, resentment
and hatred. I battled each with my own conscience, completely
unaware of where this had come from.
My mind finally awoke, and I felt myself once more; I
opened my eyes to find my Aunt had gotten up off the couch
and my head now lay in her lap, her husband standing over her.
As I looked around, I found the entire family watching me,
including my Grandmother, but the atmosphere was not the
same: the intense emotions were gone, and horror showed on
their faces. Panicked, I stood. Swaying, I grasped the back of
the chair I had attempted to pull out.
“Careful!” my Aunt called looking up from where I left
her on the floor, “you were out for a while.”
My uncle stretched out a hand to steady me, but I shook
my head. Doing so I caught a glance of myself in the mirror
across the room. Instantly, my body went rigid in horror as
well. My hands flew to my face, hot tears streaming down, as I
stumbled to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I
hesitated to look up at my own reflection, and when I did--I
wished I hadn’t. I had lines of stress and crinkles from anguish;
I had streaks of grey in my hair--which was wild and untamed
as if I had been running my hands through it. My eyes were
puffy and bloodshot. I was 20 years old, yet my body looked
like a 70 year old who had the weight of the world on her back.
My mind went back to the serenity of the family when I woke.
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