senioritis 201 draft may29

SENIORITIS
Written by
Skye Anderson

COLD OPEN
INT. GREENER PASTURES RETIREMENT HOME LOBBY - DAY
Harper and Victor are at a table next to the front desk,
Victor reading from his phone and Harper typing on a laptop.
VICTOR
I’m not seeing an occupation listed
here. There’s barely anything about
her.
HARPER
Really? Man, it’s so unfair they
sprung this on us.
VICTOR
I know. I guess just read what we
already have.
HARPER
(reading off laptop
screen)
Having lived here for ten years,
Ethel brought joy and life to
Greener Pastures Retirement Home.
We are incredibly sad to see her
go.
Jo strolls in on her walker.
JO
What’s going on here?
HARPER
Oh, um, well... Victor and I are
planning a memorial service.
For whom?
JO
Harper and Victor look at each other quickly--’what do we
tell her?’
HARPER
(struggling)
For, er, a woman... well, a
resident... who has recently
passed. No biggie.

2.
JO
(confused)
‘No biggie’?
HARPER
(still struggling)
It’s...
Victor shakes his head at Harper comfortingly: ‘I’ll take it
from here.’
VICTOR
What Harper’s trying to get across
is, well... It’s the woman who
lived in your apartment, Jo.
Jo is speechless for a moment--everyone is silent.
Oh.
Yeah.
JO
VICTOR
HARPER
Normally we try to schedule the
memorial service before the
replacement, for lack of a better
word, moves in--
VICTOR
To avoid this sort of situation.
Jo is still processing it, confused.
JO
Well, there’s no situation.
(in denial)
Why would there be? I knew for a
vacancy slot to open, somebody
would’ve had to either move out or--
Die, yes.
HARPER
Victor shoots Harper a look.
JO (CONT'D)
So it’s entirely normal.

3.
VICTOR
We appreciate your understanding,
Jo, because while it may be normal,
death is a sensitive topic for
everyone. And I promise you that if
it were in our power, we would have
made sure the service had taken
place before your arrival.
JO
Thank you, Victor.
(beat)
I knew this was how it worked, I
suppose a memorial just made it
more clear to me.
Harper and Victor sigh as they listen, guilty.
JO (CONT'D)
The mortality. And, of course, the
inevitable fact that one day it
will be I who dies here, and is--
(gesturing to Harper)
As you put it, replaced.
We see Harper and Victor again: for a moment, they’re unsure
what to say.
HARPER
‘Replace’ was a poor choice of
words. You know I didn’t mean--
VICTOR
(matter-of-factly)
Every individual is valued here,
past and present.
HARPER
Right! Right. Exactly. And don’t
feel any obligation to come to the
memorial.
(forcing a laid-back tone)
We do them for everyone, it’s not a
big deal.
VICTOR
(sidebarring to Harper)
Ahem, every life is valued...
HARPER
Yes! It is a big deal! For
everyone. I just meant that...

4.
Jo is still visibly confused watching Harper contradict
herself.
VICTOR
What we mean to say, Jo, is that
your feelings towards all of this
are incredibly valid and
precedented.
HARPER
(finally getting it
together)
And we apologize for the timing.
VICTOR
Now, please relax and take it easy.
Schwartz over at the gym has group
physical therapy open to all
residents, there’s a vast selection
of books at our library, and it is
a beautiful day to take a stroll in
the courtyard. And if you need
anything at all,
(gesturing to the buzzer
around his neck)
Just press the button and we’ll be
there.
JO
(now calm and smiling)
Thank you, Victor.
Any time.
VICTOR
Jo walks away and Victor looks back at Harper.
VICTOR (CONT'D)
(sarcastically)
I think you handled that pretty
well.
Shut up.
HARPER
END OF COLD OPEN

5.
ACT ONE
INT. GREENER PASTURES RETIREMENT HOME HALLWAY - DAY
Jo is heading back to her apartment when an unfamiliar voice
greets her.
Cheryl sighs.
CHERYL (O.S.)
Are you going into 321?
JO
(taken by surprise)
Ah!
(beat)
Er, yes, I live there.
CHERYL
Thought so. I’m Cheryl. Do you have
anywhere to be?
JO
(unsure)
No, I’m clearly going into my
apartment... Why?
CHERYL
(sad)
Well, my good friend Ethel used to
live in your apartment.
JO
(under her breath)
So I’ve heard.
Jo opens the door to apartment 321 and begins walking in when
she is yet again stopped by Cheryl who gently pats her arm.
CHERYL
I need a new best friend. Coffee?
We zoom on Jo’s face: confused and alarmed.
CUT TO:

6.
INT. GREENER PASTURES LOBBY - LATER - DAY
VICTOR
This is so last minute, I don’t
know how we’ll pull it off.
HARPER
Right?! I love planning but not
under so much pressure.
(disgusted)
And she lived on the second floor!
VICTOR
(cringing)
The Fox News Floor.
HARPER
It’s all they watch. I’m glad 3A’s
the Animal Planet lovers.
VICTOR
Yeah, we lucked out in that
department.
Harper opens up her laptop to a PowerPoint presentation in
the works.
HARPER
So I’m working on the slide
transitions for the presentation.
(enthusiastically)
Do we want heart wipes...?
Harper hits play on the transition, and the audience can only
vaguely see the slides: dark and mournful, not at all
corresponding with the bright, creative transitions Harper
has picked out.
HARPER (CONT'D)
Or do we want venetian blinds?
She hits play on the venetian blinds transition.
VICTOR
It’s a memorial service, Harper.
(grinning)
Do the heart wipes.
HARPER
That’s what I was leaning towards!
I mean, it’s a heart, for love.
(rambling)
(MORE)

7.
HARPER (CONT'D)
We would really be in over our
heads if we did a whole zoom in,
zoom out type thing with a bunch of
effects.
VICTOR
Now that would be crazy.
Harper’s smile fades as she looks back at the screen.
HARPER
We should be taking this more
seriously. Like you said to Jo,
every life has value here.
VICTOR
Don’t listen to that crap! I was
just being charming.
HARPER
(rolling her eyes)
And to think I try so hard to
please these people.
VICTOR
(shrugging)
Lies work.
Harper shakes her head then moves on.
Harper sighs.
HARPER
I still feel like we’re doing this
wrong. What do memorial services
normally look like here anyways?
VICTOR
Hell if I know, I haven’t seen one.
You’ve worked here longer than me.
HARPER
This sucks.
VICTOR
Maybe we could ask a resident or
something.
HARPER
That’s perfect.
(smiling)
This is why we’re friends. Even
though I’m still kind of annoyed at
you.

8.
VICTOR
(teasing)
It’s not my fault old ladies love
me more than you.
HARPER
(rambling again)
See, that’s exactly what I’m
talking about, the disrespectful
terminology. ‘Elderly’ is so much
more polite, and yet they still
think you’re so--
VICTOR
Wait, Harper, look!
We zoom in on what Victor is pointing at--Bradshaw is across
the lobby, getting off the elevator. Harper smiles knowingly
at Victor, thinking the same thing as he is. She waves at
Bradshaw to get his attention as she and Victor walk over.
HARPER
(buttering him up)
Hi, Bradshaw! You look nice today!
CUT TO:
INT. GREENER PASTURES END HALLWAY - DAY
Cheryl, Jo, and Alexa are sitting at their floor’s puzzle
table. Cheryl and Jo are working on the Puzzle; Alexa is
observing.
ALEXA
Damn, Jo, you are terrible at
these.
JO
(to Cheryl)
Is your granddaughter always with
you?
ALEXA
We come as a package deal.
Cheryl nods, backing Alexa.
JO
Okay, but you do realize that’s not
legal, right? No one under the age
of 65 can live here.

9.
CHERYL
Who said she lived here?
ALEXA
Who said I was under the age of 65?
Not even acknowledging the obscurity of their comments, Jo
moves another puzzle piece.
Alexa laughs.
JO
I still don’t understand exactly
why I’m here.
CHERYL
To make a friend!
JO
Right, because your other one died.
ALEXA
(to Cheryl)
I like this one.
CHERYL
Jo, you’re new here and I hate to
overwhelm you but that’s just how
it works at Greener Pastures.
People move in, then they leave.
Or die.
JO
After a beat.
ALEXA
(to Cheryl)
She’s a keeper.
CHERYL (CONT'D)
Friendships here don’t always last
very long.
(beat)
But they’re still worth it.
JO
I suppose you’re right. I’ve just
never been very social, that was
always my spouse’s sort of thing,
who’s no longer here.

10.
CHERYL
Oh, I’m sorry, dear. What was your
husband like?
Or wife.
ALEXA
Alexa smiles.
JO
Wife, yes.
JO (CONT'D)
She was smart and very outgoing.
Headstrong.
(beat)
I miss her.
Jo begins to tear up.
ALEXA
Hell yeah! We’re about to have a
teary-eyed bonding session up in
this bitch!
CHERYL
(angrily)
Alexa!
Alexa puts her hands up in defense and begins to stand.
ALEXA
Sorry! I’ll go get tissues...
(smirking)
And popcorn.
Alexa begins sprinting away as we see Cheryl squeezing Jo’s
hand.
END OF ACT ONE